#i am an ashton girl til i die

[gothluke]

he is always and forever the loml ⭐️🧸🥹

[clumsyclifford]

sounds good feels good and so wrong it's right for the album ask!!

oh thank u mikey ur a star

sounds good feels good

the first song from this album I heard: based on very little memory, i am Pretty Sure it was she’s kinda hot. and i remember my older sister playing it for me and thinking that the part where ashton goes “just a little bit a little bit hot” was hot (to her)

do I own the album?: yeah i had (technically still have ig?) it on itunes and i have it on spotify but i don’t have it in any physical form

my favorite song: i think it’s a tie between vapor and.......well yeah it’s probably vapor tbh? because my other favorite tends to change a lot. at the moment it’s girl who cried wolf

my least favorite song: uhhh i think permanent vacation? but i actually love that song, it’s just probably the one i like least. or maybe invisible just because i tend to skip that song cos it’s sad in a really specific way

a song I didn’t like at first, but now do: probably hey everybody! songs slaps

a song I used to like, but now don’t: .....im literally going to get cut up and killed for saying this. jet black heart but i don’t DISLIKE it now i just know for sure i used to like it more. and now it just. doesn’t really do it for me emotionally, which i think is like its main intended effect

my favorite lyric: oh my god i can’t believe that i actually have a decisive answer to this but i DO!!!! this has been one of my favorite lyrics like....since i heard it, i think, which is: “drove into infinity, i held you ‘til you fell asleep” honestly mainly the first half. DROVE INTO INFINITY???? punch me in the face

overall rating out of 10: 8.5/10!! don’t ask me to defend that

so wrong it’s right

UNDERRATED BANGER ALBUM

the first song from this album I heard: oh god so i don’t like......okay. i don’t remember. i want to say dear maria because that would make sense, but. but. it might have been the beach. OR SHAMELESS. one of those, praying the latter

do I own the album?: i think i owned like half of it on itunes and again i have it on spotify duh but no i don’t have a cd or anything like that

my favorite song: VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS. dear maria and holly tied for close second. mmmmmm what a good album truly

my least favorite song: THE BEACH i’m sorry i honestly don’t even think i dislike the beach that much but god comparatively yes i do 

a song I didn’t like at first, but now do: oh hmmmm well. hmm. maybe let it roll? honestly i don’t remember initially disliking any songs. OH i guess dear maria, just because it used to be like That One Overplayed Pop Punk Song to me, a banger but i didn’t feel anything about it, and then randomly about a week ago my entire genetic makeup changed and now my lifeblood is dear maria

a song I used to like, but now don’t: ....the beach. lmao

my favorite lyric: ?!?!?!?!? you expect me to choose one????? no, but i will give you some favorites. “i know i’ll never die alone because of all of you” (let it roll); “come one, come all, you’re just in time to witness my first breakdown” (come one come all); “i would’ve married you in vegas had you given me the chance to say i do” (vegas); “too much of you is never enough” (holly)

overall rating out of 10: 11/10!!! 500000/10!!!! yes even with the beach. maybe i’m overcompensating for the fact that swir is criminally underrated but that’s my final answer

send an album and i’ll answer these questions!!

[simplylove101]

Influential TV Shows

Okay this is kinda random and why I prob won’t tag the shows I list cuz this is more just something I wanted to get out of my head after watching J&J’s latest podcast where they were talking about this topic. They kept it to 7 shows each and while that would certainly be interesting to try, that’s kinda hard. lol I went about grouping some of them - shows that shaped me growing up, shows that impacted me/stuck with me, comfort shows/watch with the family, taught me about fandoms, etc. And saying something about each of them. Anyway, this is stupid but here we go lol:

The Shows Growing Up:

Sailor Moon: Okay, nobody make fun of me. lol This is the first show I remember really watching as a kid that wasn't Barney or whatever, something I decided to watch by myself and it actually had an ongoing story. And ofc it took time for me to realize that this was just an English dubbed version that they would play on Cartoon Network. Looking back on it, it’s a little cringey (the voice readings, Serena being a bit of a crybaby) but seeing girls, even if it was animated, kicking ass over evil as a group made an impression on me so it’s no wonder I would watch it religiously after school and was sad when they stopped airing it. And ofc I watched all the movies too. I was a shameless fan. lmao I also eventually read the manga and appreciated it.

Hey Arnold: As a kid, I would watch Cartoon Network & Nickelodeon (& eventually Disney when I got a little bit older), and I think one of the Nickelodeon shows that really stuck with me as a kid, like Rugrats, was this one. It had a wide range of really distinct characters. It was genuinely funny. And I did love the dynamic between Arnold & Helga (who was interesting & sometimes they would let her be the protagonist of an ep instead of him, like the therapist one which is a def fave) even if her crush was kinda as stalkerish as you can get why maintaining innocence. lol And you know what? I did totally watch the recent movie they did where it tied up loose ends like getting these two together and allowing her to grow as a character. Gotta say it was rewarding after all this time. lol  

All That: I feel like I gotta put this here because I watched this show all the time as a kid. And I think it’s something that really taught me about comedy. I had seen things from Saturday Night Live growing up cuz of my parents but this was my Nickelodeon version with people that weren’t much older than me at the time so I could really get what was going on/enjoy it. It’s also the first place where we saw people like Amanda Bynes & Kenan Thompson & Kel Mitchell (which is partly why I later watched things like The Amanda Show and Kenan & Kel) What can I say? As a young person, it was just really cool seeing kids being funny. Yeah, there was some cheese but I didn’t care. It stayed with me.

Boy Meets World/Sister, Sister/Lizzie McGuire/Even Stevens: I kinda cheated here and bundled these shows because these are four of the shows I watched on Disney growing up (Disney showed reruns of Boy Meets World & Sister, Sister for the record) There were others like That’s So Raven, Suite Life, Wizards of Waverly sort of, Proud Family to name a few but these shows I picked have such iconic episodes that I still remember well and love. Like Even Stevens - musical episode hands down Idc. Boy Meets World - Scream-inspired Halloween ep for sure. Yes, there was cheesiness with all these shows. Sometimes very after-school special, but they shaped me I think. Also gotta mention, I remember thinking of Hilary Duff as my idol. lol

The Ones I Watched With the Fam:

That 70′s Show: Now the thing with my family is that we were one where for a time we would watch tv while eating dinner and my dad would have control of what channel we watched. It was always this way, which meant it would either be Law & Order or Seinfeld (the second one I was cool with and I almost included it on here cuz it’s such a staple comedy but eh,,, I appreciated it more later on. It felt more forced on me at the time) This is probably one of the only shows I can say my whole family truly agreed on watching all together tho, including my sister who generally watches trashy reality shows. This show will always remain one of my faves, because it was hilarious. It got a little weaker towards the end (We do NOT speak about Season 8) but I loved how it was a true ensemble sitcom where everyone brought something to the table and enjoyed the different dynamics between the group. The funny running gags, Jackie & Hyde still remain one of my all-time otps, and Kelso is probably the funniest & lovable dumb character I can think of (If nothing else, Ashton Kutcher was meant to play this part ok) It was nice to have something my whole family could enjoy together. It was a rarity so this show has a special place in my heart for that alone.

Joan of Arcadia: Another show that has a place in my heart, despite it only lasting 2 seasons and it ending on a bad note (major cliffhanger, still never fully making things right w/ Adam after destroying his character, ultimately S2 was problematic but still) because this is a show that I watched religiously (pun not actually intended here lol) with my mom every Friday it was on. What I loved about it was that the concept is centered around Joan talking to God yet it generally wasn’t being preachy. Joan wasn’t always willing to do what God wanted her to do, and things didn’t always turn out how she wanted. It was a kinda perfect blend for me and my mom to watch together. After this we were more willing to watch stuff as a pair cuz we were close but this started all that. I remember always being curious how God would appear to Joan cuz it was always changing, but there were some fave recurring ones like Cute Guy God, Goth God & Old Lady God to name a few. heh Joan was played wonderfully by the awesome Amber Tamblyn who could always make me cry (naturally she played my fave Tibby in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movies too lol) and she had awesome friends in Adam & Grace (who were my faves) and family. I rewatched this show and you know, I’d say S1 holds up and even the first half of S2. Heck, the episode where Joan & Adam break up towards the end of it, while totally heartbreaking and PISSES me off cuz bad writing for Adam, was solid simply for the acting so there’s that. lol

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Putting this show under this category because this was a show that I mostly got into because my sister loved it growing up. I was really young when it came out so I mostly remembered bits & pieces when I later watched it when I got a little older. It stuck with me tho cuz ofc the awesome Sarah Michelle Gellar playing badass Buffy (she was my sister’s idol) and it was a genuinely funny and smart show. It also got dark too. It wasn’t always solid towards the end, but I think it mostly nailed the actual ending (why Anya had to die tho... Spike I got but ugh) Anyway, this was kinda a big deal cuz it was the only thing my sister and I really watched together that wasn’t bad reality television or me barely paying attention to Dawson’s Creek at the time lol This showed that my sister could have taste when she wanted to (lmao sorry)

The Carol Burnett Show: I had to mention this show because this is one that got me, really my family, through dealing with my mom’s dementia. We chose to care for her at home instead of putting her in a nursing home. We did this for 2 years until her death. And the one thing we (excluding my sister cuz her & old stuff don’t mix) could always count on cheering us up was this show. My dad told me that my mom loved this show growing up and that’s why we turned on for her. So luckily memory or no memory, she still had a sense of humor and she knew when to laugh. And with good reason. This show is hilarious. So iconic. Carol Burnett was/is rightfully loved dearly for this show. I wish I had more I could say, but this was truly a comfort show when I desperately needed it so I am forever grateful that it existed.

Honorable Mention: Young & Hungry - another show that got us through that dark period, my dad actually really enjoyed this, despite seeming skeptical, and eventually started calling it the “Josh & Gaby Show” lmao Only thing is we never finished it together so oops. Not so much influential maybe but worth mentioning it felt like since it was underrated, got me thru a tough time, was hilarious and I loved that cast a lot. Emily Osment deserved to be the lead of her own show. Comedy queen.

The Ones That Brought Out the Fangirl In Me AKA The Teen Years:

The O.C/One Tree Hill/Gossip Girl/The Vampire Diaries: Another category where I’m just grouping them up together cuz ultimately it wasn’t about high art with these shows. They were the staple teen shows that everyone was watching and well, I was one of those people. lol It all started with The O.C. It was one of those ‘at the right time’ kinda things cuz I just went into the 6th grade when S1 started and it was such a big hit that everyone was always talking about it and there were even shirts involved (I never went that far lol) but this is where my need to explore YouTube came and then I was making fanvids. Gossip Girl is the one where I actually inserted myself into a fandom for the first time. My goodness the cringe that came with it but it gave me two of the longest online friendships I’ve ever had so I don’t regret it. (Shoutout to @backtothestart02 here as one of them) And well, three of these shows taught me the toxicity that can come from fandom. So I’ve been less vocal/more aware with other shows because of it. There’s problematic stuff in all of these but they were entertaining most of the time despite frustration (lol) 

Honorable Mention: Teen Wolf - Had to mention this one cuz this was a show where I had a group of friends who all watched this together and we talked about it til the end (even when we weren’t happy with it lol) I was never really vocal in the fandom cuz by this point I was wary of them (fandoms I mean), but it was nice to share a show with people who felt similarly about it. As a show, I truly loved it up to 3B. Some of my favorite episodes were the ones that almost felt standalone-ish (3x06 AKA Motel California still remains my fave to this day) Lastly, it’s because of this show I was introduced to Dylan O’Brien who I always refer to as my ‘always & forever’ guy so yeah lol

Maybe Superhero Shows Are Worth Watching lol:

The Flash/Daredevil/Cloak & Dagger/Runaways: So I’m someone who growing up, beyond Spider-Man and Batman, never really jumped at superhero movies. I still don’t to an extent but I’m more willing to watch stuff now. I think because when it comes to TV, I’m willing to check out at least an ep. I got into The Flash because my friend Lauren was really into it (and still very much is now) and wanted me to check it out so I did. I sorta watched Arrow before it until a point so I’d seen Barry’s appearances on it and remembered thinking he was precious so I wasn’t surprised that I liked him as a main character. I do think these later seasons have lost some quality but I think the earlier ones were very solid and Grant is perfect in the role. Daredevil... R.I.P. That show was so high quality so the fact that Netflix cancelled it is just rude. Now... Cloak & Dagger has been one of those surprises for me cuz it was such a slow burn that when it really got going it left me wanting more. That S1 finale was so solid. Cannot wait for S2. Love the dynamic between Ty & Tandy. Now Runaways isn’t perfect but it’s my biggest fandom right now and I’m proud of that fact. It’s a show that highlights diversity with 4 PoC leads & 4 kickass ladies (Nico & Gert are my bb girls), healthy ships including an LGBTQ couple currently as the main one (tho it is Gertchase that owns my heart), and overall a pretty great cast that meshes well like the thrown together family they portray. It even got me back into writing fanfic again. A miracle tbh. lol

Overall Just Amazing:

This Is Us: I just think that this show pulled me in the second they revealed that first plot twist in the pilot. It surprised me and then they kept doing that a bit after. Now it’s more about how it has the ability to make me cry every ep and feel things. It doesn’t always touch me the same it did in that first season (it was an emotional year for me tbh) but it does have a class act cast who can always pull at my heart strings.

Boardwalk Empire: This technically could have went under something I sort of watched with my dad, but it is kinda a weird show to share I guess. We didn’t usually watch it together (saved some awkward convos sometimes lol) but always talked about each episode weekly and it was kinda fun cuz it was usually in-depth. My dad still quotes things from it to this day. He also once said that he considers S1 the best TV season he’s ever watched. I agree that it was great. For me, the first 3 seasons are solid while the last 2 felt different but still pretty good. There was such quality to it. Great acting headed by Steve Buscemi. What can I say? I have a thing for gangster stories. I could say more but I’ll stop. lol

Stranger Things: The show that really turned me into a binge-watcher. I had just gotten Netflix and what show did I decide to watch on my birthday? This show. I had seen things in the media about the kids from it and I was like, they’re adorable!! And ofc I got hooked when I actually watched the show. It just has everything in it that I like: mystery, thrills, humor, hint of romance, awesome acting, music moments, nostalgia. This was my obsession for a while until I got into some other things but if you don’t think I’m totally pumped for S3, then you best believe I’m watching it all in a day if I can. lol

Community: This is a show that reminded me how a show can think totally outside of the box and still have a lot of heart with its comedy. I love situations where a group of misfits come together and become a family. I love that this show celebrates being different. Troy Barnes remains one of my favorite TV characters ever (& omg his friendship with Abed is pure goals!!) and Donald Glover played him perfectly. And Alison Brie is just adorable as Annie. Love this group of weirdos. The quality was different after S3 but I still adore it.

Into the Badlands: Have to mention this show because what it has been doing action-wise is just incredible. The fighting sequences are out of this world. I’m always excited to see how they top it. Also, an Asian male lead? Go dude! The whole cast is wonderful and everything is just high quality, ok? Also, that cinematography!! Can’t believe it’s ending when it comes back. Sadness.

One Day at a Time: This is more of a recent discovery for me (had friends who watched it and knew it was good but only decided to check it out not too long ago) but it’s already made its impact on me. This show has so much heart to it. The writers put so much care into their work when they bring up these controversial issues in the episodes. All while being totally hilarious (but also trust me, I manage to cry at least 1 or twice an ep lol) A show centered on a Cuban family, plenty of good rep for LGBTQ/non-binary people while also handling things like depression/anxiety, addiction, immigration, etc. It’s definitely making its mark on TV. Also, Rita Moreno is a living legend who I adore. I love this cast so much.

12 Monkeys: I. loved. this. show! I still think it had the best series finale that I have seen in a while. It wrapped up things so well that I was smiling for a while after watching it. I couldn’t believe that of all shows this one gave me a happy ending. lol Casserole remains one of my all-time ships because they were truly epic and pulled at my heart strings so many times. Jennifer Goines was my queen. But seriously, a show about time travel that managed to make sense? So impressed. And the visuals? gahhh

Friday Night Lights: Last, but most definitely not least, this show is just up there as one of the all-time bests IDC. The fact that at first glance the show seems centered only about football and it got me to keep watching definitely says something. lol This show had so much heart, the cast was excellent, an ending that was pretty much perfect. Coach & Tami Taylor were relationship goals. Honestly one of the best portrayals of a married couple I’ve ever seen because they were very much a team (while yes there was the occasional bickering that you gotta love) and it just felt real, you know? Also, it’s a show that proved that you can come back from a sophomore slump (yeah S2 was the worst season) and continue to be great.I can’t decide if it’s my favorite show of all-time but it’s certainly one of the first ones to come to mind. So glad I decided to give it a chance.

There’s probably a couple other shows I could list here but some I haven’t finished yet and don’t feel ready to put them on here yet. This is just what I could come up with.

[thisisanxietycalling-blog]

The Forgotten Rose

It all started a few years ago when I went to a one direction concert in New York. 5 Seconds Of Summer were opening for them. At the end of the 1D concert, I had backstage passes. 5SOS were back there with 1D. I walked in, and then, there he was. Luke Hemmings. I felt something for him.  The way he looked at me, I was thinking maybe he felt something too. 

-What are you thinking Jasmine? he’s so great and big in this world, like he would fall for someone like you- I got to talk to them for a bit and they were all so sweet. The next day I got to go to a 5SOS meet and greet. I was asking Ashton to sign a picture I drew of him when Luke came up to me.

Luke:  Hello beautiful! weren't you at the concert backstage a few hours ago?

Jasmine: yes, yes I was -oh god, wait did he just call me beautiful? nah it’s probably something he says to all his fans, why would YOU be so special?- Luke: What’s your name? I’m sorry I didn’t catch it earlier. Jasmine: Oh, no it’s okay. My name is Jasmine. Luke: Well Jasmine, I have some free time after these meet and greets, and I don’t know this area very well, but it seems quite beautiful, could you show me around? Jasmine: I would love too. -Keeping it cool, don’t get too awkward and scare him away like every other guy you talk to- Luke: Great! I will meet you outside at 5?

Jasmine: Great! 

                                              *Two Hours Later*

Luke: Whoa, Jasmine, you look..whoa.

Jasmine: Heh thank you...I think.

Luke: *Pulls out a rose* I got this for you, it matches your beauty. 

Jasmine: *speechless* wow this is beautiful!

Luke: Just like you my love.

Jasmine: Awe -this..seems a little cliché, me, an awkward weird girl, with such a handsome popular guy. I guess we will see where this ends up?-

I end up showing Luke around the city, trying to hold myself together. He got stopped quite a bit, I kinda wish I could just show him around and we could just talk about stuff. I guess I shouldn’t be so selfish. He’s in a popular band of course this will happen.

He said he wanted to go check out Central Park, sense we were so close, and he heard a lot about it. We decide to go there. He took my hand and led me to some bush, behind it was a blanket and a picnic basket.

Jasmine: You’re slick. You told me you didn’t know this area! *laughs*

Luke: hah, ya caught me, I planned this ahead of time, so i had an excuse to hang out with you, privately

Jasmine: You didn’t have to go through this trouble Luke, this looks great bu-

Luke: its nothing Jas haha, I bring food anywhere, but i'm willing to share it. *wink*

Jasmine: well....ok, food is food haha.

Luke: you're cute, I brought pizza, grapes, and cupcakes. Weird combination but I hope it works

Jasmine: It totally does!

So we ate dinner and it was time for me to go home. Luke had an interview with the rest of the boys tomorrow so he needed sleep. but he gave me his number so we can stay in touch. I put the rose in a flower pot, I’ll look at it everyday.

Days have passed

-Hi Luke, this is Jasmine, how did the interview go? sorry I am only texting you now. -Hey, it went ok...some fans saw us holding hands. I got a question asking if I have a girlfriend. -...and what happened? -check twitter with the hashtag #LukeAndMisteryGirl it’s trending. -oh ok, i will.

Jasmine: wow i'm getting so much hate, calling me a slut, saying I don’t deserve him, I’m ugly, death threats, and so on. it was only one date. Was it a date? I mean, it would be amazing if we could go on another one, but. what would happen?

-I saw all the hate...I don't know how to take it. It hurts. I don't understand... -i know Jas, i feel terrible but i can't really do anything about it. They’re my  fans. -well..... -Jasmine, I really like you, don't just leave me. -I don't know luke, I feel dumb, a lot of them are right, I’m ugly and I don’t deserve you. I love you and I hope you know that.                                         -No! No please don’t think that. You are so so beautiful, I can’t even put it into words.                                                                                                      -                                                                                                                     -jasmine don't you leave me!                                                                           -bye Luke, consider it a little break.

                                     *Luke talking to the boys* Luke: I really wanted her to be mine, she was perfect.

Calum: Don't worry mate, you will see her again.

Michael: Yeah, I mean, your Luke Hemmings, she will be coming running back to you in no time.

Luke: No she sounded like she meant it, I wish the fans would accept her.

Ashton: They are jelly lukey, they want you to be single so they can try to win your eye.

Luke: Well that's sweet but the only one I want romantically is Jasmine.

Ashton: It’s late, you should go to sleep and take a rest ok?

Luke: yeah sure. -Jasmine, i'm going to bed but I just want to let you know I love you, and I only want you, I love all my fans but I want you to be mine, you're beautiful. In more ways than one. forever and always, Luke.

but Jasmine never got the message.

Jasmine: I can't believe Luke never texted me, he always tells me goodnight.

Mom: well honey he is probably just stressed, why don't you go to sleep and forget this ever happened. ok?

Jasmine: I can't, I love him!

Mom: Then why did you guys split?

Jasmine: I broke up with him because of so much hate on twitter and getting letters and messages saying to kill myself and others I don't want to talk about.

Mom: I’m sure you guys will find a way to figure things out, besides you’re good at that. For now just get some rest, you really need it.

Jasmine: *crying* I want to see him. I want to tell him how I feel! -Luke I’m sorry-

Jasmine: *falls asleep from crying*

In her dream, she remembers a moment when her and Luke were walking. She clearly hears Luke, like she was in that moment, back in time. He was saying “This sounds straight out of a chick flick but, Jas, I like you, you’re an amazing girl, and the rose I gave you, just look at it, when you feel down, when you feel that I don’t love you as much as I used to, whatever it is, use the Rose as a symbol, of my love for you.”

In Jasmine's room, the rose that Luke gave her, still there, slowly dieing. Til her dream, she forgot all about it. In her mind, She is the forgotten rose. -Luke, could we talk? I miss you, could you forgive me in anyway? Please answer. -Im playing for a crowd at my concert right now, don't text me. -Luke...I love you.

5 months later they are back together and are engaged, if you go in Jasmine's old room, you can still see the rose, as long as their love is alive, so is the rose. The Forgotten Rose.

[gothluke]

i am an ashton girl til i die