#i am also writing about vox spying on everyone else in the hotel

[chrismerle]

further ideas for the combo-AU, otherwise known as the Hot Potato With an Infant AU:

it's all basically the same up until the cyclops cave, just with the addition of Odysseus periodically going 'here, hold this' and handing a baby to Polites or Eurylochus

(minor change: Polites' concern on the island of the lotus eaters would be more based on Odysseus's paranoia about directly defying THE KING OF THE GODS, rather than guilt over Child Murder)

bigger changes set in during the cyclops saga, because Polites doesn't die; he's outside on the beach still, because he was the one who Odysseus went 'here, hold this' to before leading the rest of the group into the cave

the confrontation with the cyclops goes otherwise the same, but Odysseus is (while still distraught) more emotionally stable afterwards because he didn't just watch his best friend's brains get bashed in, so he doesn't name drop himself to the cyclops when Athena confronts him; he just goes 'no, the fight's done, we're leaving' and they do so, with the addition of a worrying number of sheep, so Athena's annoyed but not Righteously Pissed

and then shit gets DIFFERENT

Odysseus wakes up in the middle of the night like five days later to see Hermes just, like, standing in the middle of the captain's cabin holding and cooing at the baby, before putting the baby back in his empty crate crib and informing Odysseus that he's been sent to say that Zeus is angry, but will give Odysseus one more chance to do as he was told

granted, Hermes himself has no opinions on the child and isn't there to enact any of Zeus's actual will, so he guesses that Odysseus has no plans to throw the sprout overboard and wishes Odysseus luck and leaves, with his horse laugh echoing into the distance

and then there's the STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORM (STOOOOOOOOOORM), which in this case was not sent by Poseidon but instead by Zeus

Odysseus's ship gets crippled when lightning utterly obliterates the main mast, so Odysseus does a kind of Hail Mary and desperately pleads to Poseidon for help because Zeus is stepping into his realm to torment them

nothing gets a sibling to react faster than going 'HEY YOUR BROTHER IS TOUCHING YOUR SHIT' so Poseidon does, actually, help, and basically rip currents all 12 ships out of there

Odysseus's ship crashes on Circe's island, the others much more neatly drop anchor in the shallows

Athena confronts Odysseus on him being irrational and how he should just shot put the baby, and Odysseus demands to know if she'd be that cavalier about it if it was Telemachus, and she can't really answer (she's fond of Telemachus, yes, but a man is still just a man, regardless of blood, and if it came to it, shouldn't changing the world take precedence over a single life? even a beloved one?) so they part on much more bitter terms.

Poseidon shows up to ask what the fuck Odysseus did to piss off Zeus, because he figures he helped, he's owed whatever gossip he wants. he's very Off-Puttingly Gruff Surfer Bro when he's not actively angry.

Odysseus just kinda word vomits at him and Poseidon thinks it's Very Funny, and basically goes 'sucks to be you, deuces' and leaves

(he doesn't figure out the cyclops connection. Polyphemus didn't get Odysseus's name this time. it's not even, like, a secret, Odysseus probably drops some variation of 'and then we fought a cyclops' during his word vomit, but we know there are MULTIPLE cyclopses in this universe, and Poseidon probably didn't father ALL of them, so he's just like 'lol. lmao. violence at other peoples' expense is funny')

the Circe stuff happens. Hermes shows up to be helpful. Circe is once again swayed by Odysseus's ability to not think with his dick, but rather than sending them to the Underworld to talk to a prophet, she gives Odysseus an amulet for the baby that will basically make it so the gods can't perceive him if they aren't, like, within normal eye sight of him. the kid will never be able to ask for their help, but he also won't attract any of their wrath.

but Zeus still knows Odysseus didn't kill the kid, so

SPLIT THE PARTY!

the flag ship is toast, they take everything worthwhile from it and leave it as a shipwreck, and divvy the rest of the slightly-less-than-600 men up across the remaining 11 ships. 10 of those ships get sent home, while the ship Odysseus & Friends are on goes in a completely different direction so they can find a way to convincingly make it look like either Odysseus died or he gave up and killed the baby

and then I ran out of ideas because I haven't read the Odyssey and don't know where the musical is gonna go next, other than it taking like another 10 years, which the Hot Potato AU probably wouldn't

have i actually read the odyssey? no. but am i currently obsessed enough with epic: the musical that i'm contemplating AUs? yes.

at first it was 'what if they just bring the baby with them, zeus be damned, zeus is a fucker anyway' and 'what if polites DOESN'T die terribly,' and then it was like 'what if they are the same AU'

will i actually write any of it? probably not unless prompted, because hazbin hotel still owns my soul