#i am GLAD i vented today because it has been relieving. self care or whatever

[nothingbutwordsstuff]

Just need to vent a little something.

Today has just been a trainwreck for me in general. I will be talking about sensitive topics here so I’ll leave it under the cut.

As a lot of you who regularly follow the news probably know by now, Chester Bennington, the lead singer of the band Linkin Park was found dead this morning in his home from possible suicide by hanging. He was 41, and he’s survived by his wife and six children. Hearing this news was bad enough for me on top of everything else that has happened to me last night, seeing as how Linkin Park is my favorite band (and by extension, Chester my favorite singer) of all time, so I’ve been taking a bit of time to honoring Chester’s memory by listening to the older songs and reading up on the various articles that reported on his death. It was a good way to reflect, a good way to remember the face of the band that I loved so much and grew up with since the Meteora days, before I even really understood what bands and musicians in America actually were because I was still relatively new to American media at the time. It was heartwarming to see that so many people shared in my sentiments and miss him dearly, paid their respects, and shared their experiences and fond memories of the band in their lives, how they’ve touched so many hearts and saved so many souls.

And then I read those other comments. The ones who say they are glad that Chester killed himself because his voice/music/band was shit, that his band had become a corporate sellout. The ones who say that they don’t understand why a man who apparently had it all just ended everything. The ones who call this icon of rock music selfish, stupid, idiotic for killing himself and leaving his family behind to grieve for him. To those people, I would like to say something. I can’t promise I won’t get upset, but I will promise that I will not stand for this kind of behavior no matter how much you dislike a person/what that person does/did.

You people don’t know what he was going through when he made the decision to end himself. Chester suffered from and struggled with drug and alcohol addiction for much of his early life. He was sexually abused by a male friend as a teenager for six years. That kind of shit doesn’t leave you no matter how old you get. That will leave lifelong scars. That probably contributed a lot to his depression. 

Since I don’t have depression, I can’t claim to understand what Chester was going through, either. I don’t know what dark thoughts he was hiding behind his laughter and smiles and overall boisterous attitude. I don’t know how much he was hurting to the point that he felt that suicide was the best and only way. But for you detractors out there...I don’t care what you think of Chester. I don’t care what you think about his voice. I don’t care what you think about his band’s music. That’s your opinion and I won’t say that my opinion is the right one because it isn’t, and it never will be, so believe what you will about that, but please...is normal human decency so far gone now that we can’t even set aside that petty dislike and hate for just one moment to honor this man’s legacy? Is that so hard? And to the people who called his act of suicide “selfish” because he left his family alone and hurting - do you, honestly and truly, believe that he wanted to leave them? Do you think that he made the choice to escape his pain because he was a coward? Mental illnesses like depression don’t operate on such a rational level. Depression is an illness of the brain, and it ultimately won its battle against Chester. Would you say it’s “selfish” of a person who has cancer to die on their family and leave them alone because of something that they ultimately couldn’t help? Do you really think that, given a choice, either of them would have chosen to battle depression, to battle cancer, and decide to throw in the towel because it was easy? If your answer to any of those questions is yes, then your understanding of mental illnesses need some serious reevaluation. Chester probably didn’t want to leave them. He probably agonized over this decision for so long because he has a family that he loves so much, but those inner demons’ voices were just so persistent and strong. His depression could have honest-to-goodness made him believe that his family and his friends would be better off without him “ruining” it. He probably felt like a burden and wanted to relieve his loved ones of that perceived “burden”. That wasn’t him “taking the easy way out”. That was not him being “selfish”. He likely thought he was doing the best for them by taking himself out of their lives. He may have been a successful and influential artist, but none of that means shit when it comes to depression. It has no bias and it will attack anyone.

Depression makes it so that a person’s thoughts aren’t rational to the everyday citizen. Having depression is a Goddamned brutal battle, and I have nothing but the utmost respect to any and every person out there who lives with and battles this illness every day, to struggle to get up in the morning and live life even with their inner demons constantly whispering into their ears and nipping at their heels with every step. That takes immeasurable strength and conviction. It sticks with a person their entire lives and to live every day in spite of that, I...I just can’t imagine how much strength that would take.

So to those of you who shame Chester for being a coward for committing suicide, shame on you. To those of you who snip at him for being selfish for “taking the easy way out”, shame on you. To those of you who basically celebrated a man killing himself because of your self-aggrandizing attitude and need to uphold your opinion toward this man who, regardless of reception, gave his life to his music for whatever reason, I don’t even have anymore words for you. Just please; think about what you’re saying. You have no right to decide what Chester was thinking in his final moments. It is not your place.

Then again, I don’t know what you were thinking either when you said those things. I don’t know why you said what you said. I could be completely wrong and maybe you have your reasons that I shouldn’t condemn you for. But in the wake of Chester’s death, disrespecting him the way you are, no matter where it’s coming from, is cruel.

Don’t talk down on this man for his manner of death. Celebrate the life that this man lived with all his strength until he just couldn’t go on any longer.

I could say so much more, and I’m sorry for this being so disorganized, but I’m just such a mess after hearing this news that seeing those detractors’ comments just pushed me past the boiling point. I am probably misunderstanding what depression is because only people who have it can truly describe how hard it is. I probably even sound like a hypocrite since I don’t know if I worded this well or not, so to you people, I deeply apologize for any mistake or misunderstanding that I’ve displayed here in my fit of emotion and hope you know that I have no ill will.

To end this off, I would just like to pay my respects to Chester Bennington, the voice behind one of the greatest rock acts of this age, send out prayers to his family and the band and all his loved ones, that they would push through these difficult times and remember him for the inspirational, kind, and caring man he was. Suicide wasn’t the answer, but that was the only solution that he was able to see, and for that we grieve. I will always hold you in my heart, Chester, and I’ll miss you dearly.

God bless.