#i am 24 in 2 days and i just wish i was 3m under dirt. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

honeyed-disgraceful · 8 months ago

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My grief at this point is just anger because I'm in a cage made for me by others and I either kill myself or keep going. But people need me so I'm gonna be fucking angry about it. Then one day I Will kill myself

#i fucking hate this family and their inherent need of me #i fucking hate all the trauma and health issues they caused me #everyone had a hand in my undoing here and i am pissed about it.#imagine i had a healthy relationship with literally anything instead of having to cope like a little bitch #because NO MATTER how much i help and no matter how much i fucking do #they still have the same self awareness and ability to change as a fucking floor tile.#i am the only fucking person here doing anything to try and remove the fucking dysfunctionality piece by fucking piece all on my own #and i hate all of them for making me fo it #every day i am more angry at them for not changing their toxic behaviour ingrained in them #and every day i am pissed at myself for having pity and hope and help to fucking give #i should become like my brother. i should take from them and leave them for dead. especially my brother. every day i hope he perishes #at his own fucking hand #he is the catalyst of all problems right now and ngl i am fucking tired of him #every single day he does his best to worsen everything for everyone #and no this is not a 'omg they were mean to me' rant #this is 'fuck they are dependent on me financially emotionally and physically and im forced to help because #even though they have never helped me with anything and beaten me down in a hole; i still have my own morals that i cannot seem to let go of #type thing.#i would be so well off if i didnt have to deal with this fucking bullshit #every single day i regret not killing myself at 19 actually #because now i have not only my burdens that THEY put over my head but also theirs because they cannot fucking regulate themselves. adults.#i am bone deep tired #i am 24 in 2 days and i just wish i was 3m under dirt.#misc

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