#i always want everyone to be safe while they explore my blog and my work

[inkykeiji]

YOUR DABI NII-SAN ONE-SHOT WITH NATSUO?!?! OH MY IT WAS SO GOOD AND I WAS GRIPPING MY PHONE READING IT 💦💦💦💦💦

it was so good and I saw your m.list and lost it jdjsjjd I am a sucker for nii-san’s 😫😫 I do have a question to read the series in order which do I start with?!

I’m going to binge read them as soon as I can because they’re so good and well written plus the emotions you add is chefs kiss, thank you for doing the work 🙏🏻

AH HELLO!!!!! <333 aw thank you so much!!! i’m super glad to hear that you enjoyed it! (´∀｀)♡

OKAY a very good question since there is a LOT of pieces set within my touya-nii AU so i will lay them all out here for you, in order!!

main series:

part one | part two | part three (or 2.2 hehehe)

oneshots in chronological order + how long after the main series they take place:

you told me that you love me, that’s not easy to do - takes place in between part one and part two

at least i have the memory (keigo!) - takes place in between part one and part two

i’m about to show you the beginning is the end - takes place directly after part three

the clock is ticking, running out of time (tomura, hypothetical situation and NOT canon) - takes place after the full events of the main series

i take my pills and i’m happy all the time - takes place about a year and a half after the full events of the main series

my snowman and me - a five part christmas series that takes place two years after the full events of the main series

i don’t know where but she sends me there - takes place after my snowman and me

i love you - i know - takes place after my snowman and me

touya-nii summer collection - takes place after my snowman and me

getting naughty with natsuo: part one (what u read!) | part two - takes place after my snowman and me

for further reading, if you’re ever interested, i have a compilation of all of my touya-nii AU asks up until march 2022 which you can find under my scribbles + sketches masterlist (sorely needs to be updated waaaah >.<), which i’d link but tumblr has decided it will not allow me to do that SO!!! you can also find all touya-nii AU asks with the ‘#touya nii universe’ tag!

thank you so much for your kind words, genuinely, they mean the world to me <3 i hope you enjoy going through the touya-nii universe, and promise me you’ll heed the warnings and stay safe!!! <33

[comical-wheelchairs]

How I Work with Pre-K Kids as a Wheelchair User

I've given these tips to enough other wheelchair users that I figured I could make a post about it, and this blog is aligned enough with it that I figured I could post it here.

I've spent time as an administrator for a pre-K and school age programs, and I am also in my final year to be dual certified as a special education/general education elementary school teacher in America. I am also an ambulatory wheelchair user, but cannot safely move without a mobility aid, even when I am standing/walking. SO. Here's a guide/rundown of how I personally talk about disability with the kids I work with!

When First Meeting a Class

You do not need to explain/justify your wheelchair, and any adult who believes you do is probably doing it for their own curiosity and not an interest in the kids.

My personal recommendation is to say you are always happy to answer questions about yourself, and leave it open ended.

If the class had to be rearranged for your wheelchair and you feel comfortable saying so, I will sometimes say "I'm really grateful that you moved the furniture so I could get around. I can't wait to meet everyone!" It makes it clear why the need is there, and if a kid accidentally blocks you you can always ask them to move so you can get through and remind them.

When They Ask Questions

"Why do you use that?"

I respond by asking them what is 'that' - being careful to speak with a curious tone. For young kids, they might not know the word, and will probably point. From there you can say "oh! this is my wheelchair! have you heard that word before? i use it to get around since walking is [very hard/impossible/not something my body does]."

"Why don't you walk?"

I respond by telling them walking is something I can do for a little while, but it really hurts. Link it to a concrete example. "Have you ever gone into a super hot car, and you could do it for a little, but you wouldn't want to be in there all day?" "Have you ever tried to hold snow (or an ice cube) without gloves, and you could do it for a little but then it started to hurt your hands because it was so cold?" Make it personal, specific, and simple - developmentally they may still need support understanding that other people have different experiences (or might be totally unable to yet).

"How'd you get into that?"

I typically respond silly - "Well, I sat down!" If you want to, and you do not need to, you can make this into a (short, keep it short, their brains are so interested in everything and switch very quickly) lesson on transfers/how people get in/around with their wheelchairs.

"What happened?"

I respond by asking them what they mean. This typically leads to another question which I mentioned above. Alternatively I sometimes say "I realize a wheelchair helps me get around safely!"

"How do you use the bathroom?"

My strategy that's worked best is being calm and friendly while saying "I don't like talking about how I use the bathroom." If you can redirect after that (point out something for them to do, change the subject to something they'll find more interesting) it'll make it easier. If they ask why, you can say that everyone has stuff they don't like talking about and for you it's the bathroom.

Physical Interactions With Your Chair

They touch your chair

We had a big thing about this in my pre-K rooms - what we would do is if a kid tried to touch my chair (or did) I would tell them "It's so cool that you want to explore my wheelchair, but I want to make sure you're safe, because there's a lot of moving parts that can pinch you! Can I give you words for when you want to touch my wheelchair?" If no, then let them know you can't let people who can't be safe touch your wheelchair. If yes, give them a script to ask for permission - you will have to repeat it. A lot. Gentle repetition is your friend and within two months my kiddos were asking everyone permission to touch them at school. My script went "Teacher Pecan, can I touch your wheelchair?" "No, now it's a safe time, because [I am moving a lot/I am tired/I need a break/you have a task to do]. We can check in again [when it is a break time/when I feel better/when you finish your task." "Yes, it is safe to touch my wheelchair right now. Can you point to where you want to touch?"

They kick your chair

Every time a kid kicks/hurts your chair, say "ouch! that hurt! my wheelchair is part of my body, it helps me get around!" Repetition and speaking clearly are your friends. If a kid keeps kicking your chair, finding another thing for them to kick (for example, a ball) can help divert the kicking need into something safer for everyone :)

They (try to) sit in your lap

Gently use your hands to get them off or keep them off. Calmly say "Oops! My wheelchair isn't big enough for the two of us!" If they complain/protest, validate and then explain. My script is "I know it looks like a cool place to sit, but my wheelchair is just for me."

They (try to) push your wheelchair.

My last two chairs had no push handles, but my second one did! It can make sense to panic when I kiddo pushes you - I've had them try to push me into walls (by accident). Here's what I did that worked great: Immediately lock my breaks/grab my pushrims, and calmly say "oops! We don't push wheelchairs without permission!" If they stuck around/didn't immediately run away, I would ask them if they remember a time an adult picked them up and took them somewhere they didn't want to go (typically a car). If they say yes, and even if they say no, I explained that pushing my wheelchair feels just like that, and makes me scared. Most children never pushed it again, and everyone stopped after the second try.

Miscellaneous Tips

"Isn't that cool?" is your friend. Any time a kid is first learning about your wheelchair, end the sentence with it. Any time a kid is nervous about your wheelchair and you explain something, end the explanation with it. "It helps me get around, isn't that cool?" "These are called spokes. Aren't they cool?"

Wheelchairs can be grounding tools when you have a good handle on the class and boundaries! Only if you would like to. My spokes on my last chair were rainbow, and I would use my chair to physically get between them and the emotional trigger, and ask them questions about my spokes. "What colors are next to green?" "Can you point to which one is your favorite?" "Hmmm which color do I get if I mix red with blue?"

"Why doesn't [limb(s)] work?" My left foot is (mostly) paralyzed due to nerve damage, and my script is "My brain can't talk to my foot and tell it to move." You can say whatever you'd like, just try and keep it to basic body parts unless the kiddo is super into anatomy.

If they imply/say wheelchairs are bad, or you might be sad for being in one, you can correct them by telling them how cool your wheelchair is! Get them to compliment it too, if their attention span allows. "I don't feel sad about my wheelchair, I love it! I love the color! Do you? What color do you think I should get next?"

In conclusion - talking calmly, positively, and using repetition of the same words/scripts is a great way to not just exist in a classroom hassle free, but to get kids comfortable with disability/mobility aids at a young age. I have had kids get pinched by my chair (he grabbed my axle from behind), and luckily I had my higher ups on my side and they agreed that I made every effort to keep the kids safe (plus he learned his lesson lol, he always asked permission after that). Your mileage may vary based on admin and their attitudes, so play it by ear, and change any of my tips as needed. Feel free to send questions to this blog too. :)

[ask-spiderpool]

Ngl ,i love your work,but it rubs me wrong how Peter's discomfort w venom doing sexual things without Peter's consent or knowledge is treated as a joke,or just generally kind of dismissed. Also- I'm autistic and love love love autistic peter parker hc,but the fact he was called 'on the spectrum' soley because he got upset at venom for this and 'couldn't put himself in venoms shoes' also kind of felt really bad.

ough, bless you anon! I really appreciate you vocalising your thoughts and concerns in a really sincere respectful way. I want to respond so you don't feel unheard!

I'd also like to take this chance to say that the actions of one Wade W. Wilson do not reflect the thoughts of the ask-spiderpool moderator. The ask-spiderpool moderator does not condone his words or actions. He is a bad man. The words he's saying are bad.

Deadpool is definitely playing the role of a villain here, and he's kind of intentionally choosing his words with the intention of punishing Peter and invalidating him. He knows what he's doing. And Spider-man knows it too.

I know it's something a lot of people don't like to see from Wade – but it's a part of his character that I find interesting to explore and to see him eventually overcome. His ability to weaponise everything, and his instinct of self-sabotage. It becomes dangerous territory to write sometimes because people generally want to side with Deadpool and believe he'll do no wrong, but - I don't know, to strip him of all his ugliness would be untrue to him. Similarly with Peter – I guess I'm just really interested in parts of Wade and Peter that you don't really get to see explored in fanon very often.

It's kind of a problem though that yeah - when you write this sort of a thing there's the risk of people who don't look at it critically - so you get people idolising or siding with Deadpool when what he's doing is really bad actually. It's kind of a miracle, the sorts of things Wade gets away with, while Peter's attacked for it - and that's something I kind of like to examine, too.

I think I do have a responsibility to make this blog feel safe, but also challenging and interesting - and I think I'll be working hard to kind of find a balance between the two. I'm still trying to figure it out - to write what I find interesting, knowing my own intentions but knowing it probably will be misinterpreted – or writing something else that is easy and pleasing to everyone (not really my bag, and also near impossible!), or just not write at all (also impossible for me! Got a brain-itch to scratch...)

I really appreciate when people read my writing and see what I'm getting at – but it doesn't always happen, and it isn't really anyone's fault. I kind of like to offer explanations and further meta, and the fics, because I love to be understood - and the server where I love to have discussions with people about how they receive these posts. The reason I love running this blog is the discussions I have with people about it. The back-and-forth, and so I really do love people to look at Wade and Peter a little deeper.

I have a genuine interest in autistic Peter and it's something I want to explore further in a sincere light, this is kind of just the first tease of something I want to explore more later, if the asks permit. I think every Peter Parker is autistic-coded - I've written a little bit about it here! I'm no expert on diagnosis - but as fantastical as ask-spiderpool can get sometimes - I kind of always want what Wade and Peter are going through in their heads to feel real and tangible and understandable, and come from a place of sincerity.

The consent issue is a complicated one – (as is the way with applying real-world-logic to the realm of alien sex with what you thought was just a slick space-age onesie...) Peter's relationship with the symbiote occupies more of a realm of metaphor than anything - and I don't think there's any sort of 1-to-1 comparison to the real world. (Has your sex-toy ever gained sentience and passed judgement upon you? Peter Parker's worst nightmare!)

There is a running theme of Peter kind of having his boundaries crossed - and the symbiote is sort of tied to that theme. The symbiote was entirely responsive to Peter's thoughts and didn't do anything Peter didn't will it to do - the real issue is the mortifying ordeal of being perceived. And it's a running theme with Peter - he hides so much and very often his privacy is violated.

It's often played for laughs, because Deadpool doesn't always take Spider-man's boundaries seriously and likes to push him – but it's something that will come to a head, and Peter will be laying down the law very soon.

I'm really thankful for your message anon, and I really hope this response reaches you with similar sincerity that you reached out to me with and that I'm understood! - I love you so much anon! My DMs over on @sciderman are also open if you'd like to talk to me more!

[shining-gem34]

SHIPPING INFO. Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

What’s your OTP for your Muse(s)?

Hm! I won't say it here, because I don't want to give the wrong impression. I will say I do have a few OTPs! My close friends/besties already know my bias!

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

Excluding the big NO-NO (r*pe, non-con, underage sex, and etc.), I'm pretty open and willing to try a variety of things for shipping. It can go from fluffy/playful to angsty next. On that note, I am also open to exploring toxic ships/red flags as well. :3

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

As someone who RP's muses who are either in the three digits or immortals, I can safely say as long as they are both ADULTS who are consenting, all is good. I will say NO if our muses have a parent/child bond like Muse A has raised Muse B since they were a kid, or anything similar to that.

Are you selective when shipping?

In general, it's a yes.

Mostly because I don't get home until the evening and by then my energy is pretty low. It takes time for me to sit down and focus on tumblr replies. Too many things happening can feel overwhelming for me, especially if I think about making sure shipping with the same muses are different/varied. It hasn't happened yet as my activity levels here are random! But I am thinking it about now and rjrbrjrhrje Y e a h. That is why I made the shipping rule for new people who are following me the first time.

Otherwise, if we're already friends, chances are we already went feral about the characters/ship. I don't mind going straight into pre-established ship or RPing (plotting) how they got together. I'm not picky in that regard.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

I don't think I have reached that point on this site. If I do, I would say the moment they start stripping while kissing and getting handsy with each other. Maybe there's touching the private parts. At that point, as I try to follow my own rules, I would probably move the full NSFW into DMs/IMs.

Who are other muses you ship your muse with?

Uh. For reasons, I'll keep this short and sweet:

For everyone who saw read my ramblings in DM's or I drop something and leave like a rat, thank you so much for indulging me. <3 I had so much fun coming up with fluffy, silly, and angsty stuff for our muses together!

And it doesn't have to be just romantic too! It applies to platonic/familial muses too!

I do hope we can continue this and watch out muses get into shenanigans together. <3

Does one have to ask to ship with you?

Preferably, yes! If you don't tell me, then I won't know!

How often do you like to ship?

I'm thinking hard on this, because both outside and inside here? Not alot honestly. I do think about shipping however it usually ends up being brief and passing entertainment. So I don't really have alot of ships I am committed to.

Are you multiship?

Yes! It's surprisingly refreshing thinking of each ship being it's own thing and not a bunch of connected events. <3 I definitely enjoy the dynamics of each ship too!

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

I say ship more-or-less than ship-obsessed. I don't actively seek out people to ship. Also it's too much for me to handle checking too many things happening at once. So, I'm usually committed to a few ships and if something develops naturally, or I feel something is happening? Yeah, I'll ship. :3

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

Me x Dan Feng

Finally, how does one ship with you?

I would say just be direct and ask if we can ship our muses together. I will say "yes" most of the time, especially if we have been plotting in the DMs and have a few IC already). If not, then yes I would like to discuss it first and get some IC interactions going. I always have a meme tag for a bunch of memes I've reblogged to break the ice, or starters if you prefer that!

Because, the more we talk about our muses dynamics and each other, I am more likely to fall in love and turn feral! I will be 100% on board shipping them! Like moreso if it's a character I am neutral about it's a BIG WIN because YOU made me love them!

Trust me it happened like....3-4? times now since I started this blog. I love it when people have so much love for their muses I just support them and fall in love too!

Tagged by: @memovia, @etherealguard, @grislyintentions Tagging: You!

[imfinereallyy]

🧡Oh hey there!🧡

Welcome to ✨my blog✨. I'm Rae and I'm just trying my best here. My main topic here is Steddie and Stranger Things all around. I have completely spiraled and hyper fixated on it since Volume 1, and it's been consuming my brain ever since. This post is mainly to say hi!, let you know a few things and give you access to my main posts.

Let this be known as a safe space (especially for the LGBTQ+ community) and I will not tolerate hate. This is a place for kindness and creativity.

I love making friends so feel free to message me, or send me prompts! 🥰

Some of my writing does involve mature themes, so keep that in mind while scrolling. I am 24, and despite feeling like I'm stuck at 16 some days, I am an adult. So please proceed with caution when necessary. I will try my best to properly tag things.

If you want to check out my work on ao3, which has a mix of stuff from tumblr and new stuff, you can click here.

Here is the masterlist of my fics so far! *updated 7/26/23 completely, in process of update 4/26/24

Series:

Father Figures (completed and available on ao3)

pt. 1

pt. 2

I wonder if you look both ways (When you cross my mind) 🐝･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･✦ʚɞ (ongoing)

pt. 1

pt. 2

pt. 3

pt. 4

Tattooed Steve (ongoing)

pt. 1

pt. 2

The Long Con (ongoing) (available on ao3)

pt. 1

pt. 2

Sibling Adventures of El and Steve (ongoing)

(still steddie heavy, and can be read stand-alone, not majorly connected)

Dad's going to be angry

Sleep Demon

Quality Time

more el and steve

✧˖°.AO3 FICS✧˖°.

Craved Oblivion Series (Hunger Games AU) *ongoing*

A Martyr's Lullaby *completed*

tbd

tbd

Better Late than Never (Just Don't Make Me Wait Forever) 

But You'll Have This Place to Call Home, Always 

Father Figures 

The Long Con *ongoing*

Huggin' and a-kissin', dancin' and a-lovin'

One Shots:

Say "I love you" before you go

Father's Day

Good Morning

Is This Okay?

First Kiss

“You Hurt Me” (real title pending)

Take the Crisis Back

Emergency Kiss

Deja Vu

Drugs are Kicking in

Eavesdropping

Placeholders

Celebrate Softly

After the Beep

Track 7

Birthday Parties and Secret Signals

(these are more popular ones/or really recent ones I have too many to list! There are plenty more in my blog if you’re curious. Most should be tagged with #mywriting or #writingprompts)

I also have plenty of writing prompts, as my brain runs a mile a minute, and I adore it when people feel inspired by my writing so feel free to explore.

I hope you enjoy! Get comfy and stay awhile :)

Things I would like to note: Homophobia, Transphobia, Sexism, Racism, etc. are absolutely not tolerated here. As stated earlier the idea is to create a safe space for everyone. If I or anyone that interacts with my blog upsets you, please don't feel shy to message me. My asks (with anon) and messages are open, even if it's just to chat (also keep in mind once again I am an adult). Don't bully the children either, they are just trying their best. Please and thank you. 💖

[cozylilgurl]

Welcome to my

Cozy Lil Space!

My name is Sophie and I’m an age regressor who is about 6 years old little age, 31 years old big age 💜 I am both an agere and can also be a bit of a flip (have care giver energy).

I wanted a space to be my smol self, to feel little and cozy and safe to explore my age regression experiences. I feel very much like a lilgurl, while also being nonbinary/genderfluid. Bi/Pansexual&Polyamorous💜💖 I am physically disabled and I have ADHD-I, Major Depressive Disorder, Gen Anxiety with Panic Attacks, and PTSD. My age regression stems from/ is a way to cope with my reality (past and present), and is often involuntary for me. I am exploring this and trying to better understand myself to cope, feel safe, and just have fun being my authentic self 💜💖🩵

I have always felt like a child at heart, but was “advanced” in my early childhood; I started reading at 2 yo. I was reading and speaking at an adult level by the age of 6. But I also had to be taught not to baby talk by a speech therapist, I collect dolls and stuffies, and I adore all things cute and kid friendly. I’ve been told I dress childish, but I love the way I dress: EGL/Lolita style fashion plus cute, soft girl/boy vibes depending on how I’m feeling.

I feel an innocence in my soul that can only be soothed by letting the little self be seen and heard 💜

This is a space for me to explore, to learn more about the age regression I experience, involuntarily and voluntary. I am very open to learning from everyone here in the agere community, as I change, grow, and I learn who I am 💜💖🩵

On this blog I will:

Be 100% SFW and Child friendly content 😋💜🥰

Create mood boards 💜💖🩵

Reblog agere posts that I identify with

Share my own agere experiences and thoughts and experiences I am having

Talk to other age regressors and am open for asks 🤗

Create my own smol space or little space

Explore what works for me, what I identify with, what makes me feel safe, basically what age regression is for me 💜

Switch from big speak to little speak, as I have always been a baby nerd 🤓🤭

Be silly and serious! 😋😝😐😯🤓

And lastly (for now) I will post photos of myself that are edited and will be SFW of course. Please DNI with my photos in an inappropriate way. I am sharing how I feel through self portraits and photos of my life as an agere, so please respect my boundaries.

Speaking of Boundaries:

Please Do Not Interact (DNI) if: you are going to sexualize me, are a Kink blog, are going to DM me for those reasons, are NSFW, or are not kiddo friendly🫣🫢😑 This seems obvious to me, but also DNI if you are racist/ableist/homophobic/transphobic, hateful in any way, or just want to bully/be mean. I am a 100% Safe Space for Ageres of all ages, Big and Smol, so please keep this a safe space for me and anyone else who identifies with agere 💜 Again, DNI with me if it’s NSFW, not appropriate content! Thank you for respecting my boundaries, my safe space 💜

More about me:

I am an artist, a doll collector, love stuffed animals and toys. I adore dark academia aesthetic as well as soft, pink, pastel aesthetics as well. I will post moodboards bc I love to create visuals that show how I am feeling and what I love, as I love beauty and visual arts. I also customize dolls and fix toys, love to sew, and adore fashion, nail art, and all things pretty!

Cartoons are my favorite shows: Adventure Time is number one, but I also love Steven Universe, We Bare Bears, Craig of the Creek, The Amazing World of Gumball, and more!

I’m sure I will add more as it occurs to me, but that’s all for now! I know it’s long, sowwy! 🙈

Thank you for reading 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Now let’s have some fun!

Much love,

Sophie

[f1-disaster-bi]

Hi 👋🏼 okay I don't know if it's okay to ask or of you've already answered it. But I stumbled into your professional Dom AU tag and I have questions, lots of them but I think the one that will just encapsulate all of my questions is : Can I have a quick summary of what this AU is please? 🙏🏼 I don't want to ask too much because I think you need time for yourself too and I don't know if you've already answered a lot of questions about this AU, but yeah just so I know what this AU is about please 🙏🏼

Thank you and have a great day 💛

I am always happy to talk about my au's!! And honestly, Professional Dom au has been around so long that half of the asks on it are probably lost in my blog at this point!

Professional Dom au revolves around Paradise Found. Paradise Found is a professionally run BDSM club founded and run by Lance and Esteban who have been together since their university days. Both of them are dom's, and both explored BDSM together at other clubs where they met some of the older members of their club (Seb and Kimi, Lewis). They start Paradise Found after university, and start hiring people who enjoy running workshops or just enjoy working as dom's and sub's, and basically create a safe space for people to explore kink safely with different members of the club specializing in different areas of kink

The main story starts when Lance meets Lando, who he's heard talk about in the club. Lando is a brat, and none of the doms or switches can seem to get him to submit willingly or behave for them. Lance, being a brat tamer, is interested after he talks to Lando and manages to make Lando speechless. He tells Esteban about him, and Lance agrees that he'd dom Lando.....and then from there everyone starts to develop feelings, especially after Esteban also doms Lando. Lando however thinks he's ruining their relationship, while Esteban is worried Lance might be replacing him, and Lance is scared of losing them both

There are also little side stories such as:

Max/Charles - two subs in a relationship who struggle with needing doms when they love each other so much

Callum/Mick/Marcus - the trio getting together and Callum, who is trans, having a client that causes him a lot of distress

Lando/Esteban - Lando safe words during a scene when both him and Este have a bad day and things go wrong

Coffee Dates - Lance and Callum are both trans, and Charles comes out as non-binary, so Lance takes them out every week to check in on them and spend time with them

Lando/Carlos - obsessive Carlos who is a bad dom (probably be part of the main story)

I also have a few instagram au posts about this au which are linked here to give you a bit more insight into the relationships and au!

Soft insta posts

NSFW Posts - Part 1, Part 2

Coming Out Trans/Non-binary Posts

Paradise Found Rooms

[whatislovevavy]

WC: 4.4k

Synopsis: An exploration of why Bucky decided to cut his hair

AN: This has been in my Google Drive for about two years and finally got around/had the motivation to finish this. This piece was technically my first ever piece of fanfiction I ever wrote. My writing mostly pertains to Top Gun and Top Gun Maverick so this was a nice little brain break from that. I thought I'd include the original author's note I put together, having never written fanfiction at the time, just for nostalgic sake and if anyone wants to know just how new to this I was lol. Also this divider is not mine and I was unable to tag the account that made it since it was deleted. This work will be posted on my side blog @sophs-writing-nook.

Original Author’s Note: Hello everyone :) This is the first fanfiction I’ve ever written and I really hope you guys like it because I’m a bit nervous about it. I’ve had this idea since I saw the first promotions for the Falcon and Winter Soldier series and didn't really do anything about it for a variety of reasons. I haven’t seen a lot of fics exploring this concept so I decided to write this on a camping trip in my notes app where I didn’t have reception so I apologize if there is bad grammar, spelling errors, etc. If there happens to be a similarity to another fic, it is purely coincidence and I don’t intend to plagiarize anyone. Please let me know if it does appear I have. I have a lot of respect for fanfic writers and don’t want to disrespect anyone and steal anyone’s work unintentionally. 

Warnings: Blood, Trauma (PTSD), sadness with some bittersweet moments sprinkled in, supportive Sam because that’s a warning in itself. 

None of these characters are mine. Read at your own discretion.

Bucky had tried finding a routine after coming back: Get up by 7, go on a run make breakfast, try to keep in touch with his friends he had made since coming back, try a new recipe, maybe try online dating, catch up on what he missed the past 70 years, try to forgive himself for all the atrocities he didn't have a choice in committing, make dinner, shower, and sleep by 9.

That's what his therapist, Darlene, told him to do at least.

She wanted him to write in a journal the names of the people and families he wanted to make amends with, things he wanted to explore and try out, and good things he remembered before he was the Winter Soldier.

Darlene had kept encouraging him to keep referring to the Winter Soldier as if he were his own separate person, and not affiliated with James Buchanan Barnes.

It helped a bit with passing the blame, but not by much. He, naturally, chose the last remnant of Steve he had- his journal- to hold these thoughts.

Steve saw the best in him when he couldn't. 

He made an effort to try and forgive himself for everything he did, for Steve’s sake. 

Why Steve had left him, he didn't fully understand. 

It didn't make the "forgiving himself" part any easier. 

If his lifelong friend, who had been with him through thick and thin, decided to leave him now in this time of his broken, mutilated life, what did that say about him? 

Was he wrong about him? 

Did he truly believe he was worth being fixed and forgiven? 

There were small moments of hope that he could be fixed, but they were few and far inbetween.

His nightmares had gotten worse.

If Darlene would ask, he’d tell her, “no, they haven't", "they've stopped", or "I haven't had one for a while.” Bullshit excuses that anybody who saw the dark circles under his eyes wouldn't believe. Darlene knew he was lying and would try to reassure him that their space was safe and it would help him to get his nightmares out in the open.

He didn't think so.

This woman didn't know what it was like to have the same horrific scenarios play out in his mind every time he went to sleep. 

To see himself killing innocent people like he was in the backseat of his mind. 

The blood. 

Their faces, some close friends and others strangers. 

Their pleas and calls for mercy were what always broke him. 

He was forced again and again to witness himself taking their lives and couldn't do anything to stop himself. Forced to use any part of himself for Hydra.

Nothing was spared.

He felt unforgivable, these nightmares were a sign of the Winter Soldier still being in his head, buried and ready if Hydra got their hands on him again. 

He was tired of fighting and worrying, only wanting lasting peace and a full night's rest.

He had started renting an apartment in downtown Brooklyn near where his family had lived during the 40's. It was near the church cemetery his mother, father and sister, Rebecca, were buried. They were placed in the row closest to the street behind the church his family frequented during his youth. 

His parents had passed from old age when he was imprisoned by Hydra. 

A small part of him was thankful for that. 

They never had to learn that their son had done such horrible things.

They lived with the good memories of him.

His sister had passed during the time half the population was gone, the Blip people called it, from Alzheimer's. He visited her once before, but she was in the late stages, and was a shell of who he remembered growing up. 

His little sister Rebecca, whom he protected, opened jars for, teased, and made sure the boys she liked would be good to her, was now unable to remember him. He was told she passed peacefully in her sleep a few months after he disappeared.

Darlene thought that buying an apartment so close to his family's resting place might be overwhelming for him, but he wanted to be close to them and the memories he had.

The apartment consisted of a basic floor plan; kitchen, bathroom with a shower and bath, living room, bedroom, closet. However, he only used the kitchen, bathroom, and living room.

He didn't have many things when he moved in, and didn't feel he needed all the space allotted to him.

He had invested in a modest tv set, a microwave, blender, and a camping mat, courtesy of Sam's encouragement. 

He had tried sleeping on a mattress, but he felt that he was going to sink through into the floor with how soft and marshmallow-like it felt. He always slept on the floor with a few blankets and sheets. 

Sam had the same experience when he came back from Afghanistan.

Sam had tried to help him adjust to things since coming back, and had done a lot for him, including to help him find his apartment and encourage him to try new things.

There were times he had trouble getting out of his headspace to return Sam's calls and initiate with his friend. Darlene had been saying that for a person who allegedly had no one left, he seemed to have a safety net in Sam. She pushed him to call someone other than her and initiate with him. It was another case where he felt she didn't fully understand how difficult it was for him to build relationships, and "get his nightmares out in the open" since coming back.

He had gotten home late that night from the store, buying ingredients to make a recipe Darlene recommended: chicken tikka masala, he thought she called it.

He was amazed at the amount of change he had missed, especially from a grocery store. His family would boil everything with what minimal spices were available, other than the usual salt and pepper. He found solace in trying new recipes and exposing himself to the technological wonders of the 21st century, including learning how to use a DVD player and the iPhone he recently bought. He tried online dating but found it was too overwhelming and made him feel like a fish out of water. Asking people on dates and seeking relationships came easily to him when he was younger before the war, but everything felt so different now. 

He felt so different and foreign to himself. His arm. His mind. He felt like a shell of the person he was before the Winter Soldier.

His groceries were unloaded into the fridge and he started to prepare his dinner. He placed a bowl on the counter for mixing chicken marinade and marinating the soon to be cooked slices of chicken. The chicken slices were placed into a pan on a low heat to begin cooking. They wouldn't take long since they only had to cook halfway through initially. He gathered the spices for the marinade.

The soft smells of turmeric, ginger, cumin, and garam masala reminded him of the evenings he spent helping his mother cook during the summer. His mother would rummage together some cash every once in a while to buy a few sachets of spices from the local grocery. It was an indulgence she took part in that, compared to now, seemed simple and less of an everyday luxury. 

Sure, the spices she would bring home were more mild and less "exotic" than what he had available to him now, but it was the familiar memory of being taught to cook and the soft smells of his mother's cooking.

His conscience told him to use the spices sparingly despite himself being confronted with a substantially sized grocery aisle complete with spices from almost every corner of the world a mere few hours ago.

Maybe it was his upbringing during the Great Depression and watching his parents worry about where the next paycheck would come from.

Or maybe it was his instinct telling him this small semblance of peace he had found in his Brooklyn apartment would be snatched away, and that he needed to savor every new experience in stride. 

Because if he let himself enjoy them too much, it would make the snatching that much more painful.

He couldn't decide.

He finished the marinade and would have to wait an hour or two to start the sauce and cook the chicken. He placed it in the fridge and made his way to the bathroom for a shower.

The warm water felt nice on his warped, scarred flesh around his arm on his left side. The area would often become sore and plagued by knots. Sam recommended warm showers, aloe vera, a massage and spa place nearby, and Advil. The thought of people he didn't know touching his scarred flesh made him feel nervous, so the rest of his suggestions were his go to. 

His scar tissue and long hair were the last physical mark of Hydra on him. 

He was thankful he didn't have to see the red star that had branded him for so many years when he looked in the mirror anymore, since leaving Wakanda.

But there was still his hair.

His hair that had blood, dirt and grime stained into it for his 70 years of service. No matter how many times he showered, he knew the blood would never leave his hair or his hands. His mind would drift through waves of hopelessness in quiet moments like these more often than not.

He dried himself off with a soft towel, changed into a pair of boxers, and began to gingerly apply aloe vera to the junction where his arm met his shoulder. His shoulder was still a bit sensitive after all these years despite the enhanced healing from the serum. Shuri theorized it was because the metal cavity of his arm continuously tore through the underlying tissue. She was able to remove the bits and pieces of metal embedded in his shoulder. His arm was in the healing process, but it would take a while after years of damage even with the serum. After he finished rubbing in the aloe vera, He put on a dark t-shirt and made his way back into the kitchen to finish the sauce.

He carefully prepared the onions, garlic, and spices for the sauce the way his mother taught him to. 

He couldn't help but think about how his parents and sister would have loved to have tried this recipe with him.

He could almost hear his mother's voice in his head telling him to "cut the onions a bit smaller" or "don't let the garlic and onions burn in the pan".

Rebecca's eagerness to try the sauce prematurely with a perfected pout and whines of protest when denied so.

His father's quiet yet strong presence at the kitchen table reading the daily paper and soft scolding of his sister.

Steve drawing in his journal at the dinner table on evenings when Sarah Rogers would be working late at the hospital.

The radio softly playing in the background as a soothing ambiance.

The kitchen window opened to let the aroma of the Barnes’ family dinner wander through the back alley of the apartment building, and let in the sounds of the neighbors' soft conversations, clothes oscillating in the wind on the clothes line, and car engines humming as people made their way home at dusk.

All qualities of his family's evening routine and upbringing he longed for, but took for granted in his youth.

The stark smell of overcooked onions brought him back to the task at hand, pulling him from his thoughts but leaving his buildup of emotions he felt were about to rupture. He added the heavy cream, spices, brown sugar, and let them stir with the marinated onions and garlic. He felt tears start to form in his eyes. Letting the sauce thicken, he turned the pan onto a low heat, and added the marinated chicken to finish cooking. 

He placed the spatula down on the counter top with a shaky hand, placing his hands on the counter to support himself as he let out a shaky breath, blinking away tears that formed in the corners of his eyes.

God, he wished they were here with him. Steve. His mom. His dad. Rebecca.

He wished he had somebody who knew him before the Winter Soldier that could help him to pick up the broken pieces of himself and to become the person he was again.

He wished he could have said goodbye to his parents, Rebecca, and that Steve hadn't left him.

He wished he could've held his parents one last time before they passed, met the man that Rebecca fell in love with and had a family with, and fought harder for Steve to stay with him and help pick up the pieces.

All things that he couldn't do anything about now.

He wiped his tears away and returned to stirring his chicken masala. Thoughts of his family blending with the thoughts of his recipe like the spices and heavy cream in his pan as a cope. Darlene had mentioned that the recipe goes best with garlic buttered rice or naan, so he had bought ingredients for both, but opted for the naan. He turned on the oven, placed some naan from the store on a baking sheet, and into the oven before returning to stirring the contents of the pan. 

He remembered Sam wanted to come over and check in on how he was settling into his apartment, sometime the next day. Maybe he would want to try some of his dish. 

"Initiate, take small steps to initiate". This counted as initiating, right? He hoped so.

His chicken masala was well blended and deemed done. His naan close behind. He placed a bowl and plate on the counter, served up his recipe and naan, and sat down at his two person dinner table, and prepared to eat. Darlene had told him that making a makeshift taco with the naan tasted good if he opted to not make the garlic butter rice. He took his first bite and let himself experience each incredible flavor. 

He would definitely be making this recipe again.

Maybe he could make a batch for Sam. 

It would be a small way to return the favor.

He made his way through his dinner, and would start heading to bed soon. It was almost 9 anyway. Shuri told him that consistent good sleep would also help him heal mentally along with his therapy and the treatment she provided.

He made a mental note to try making the garlic butter rice, thank Darlene for the recipe, and ask her if she had any more favorite recipes he should try during his next session.

He brought his dishes to the sink, moved to the bathroom to brush his teeth, and shed himself of his shirt. Sleeping shirtless was normal for him both during the war and after getting the serum, finding that he would warm up easily and end up tossing and turning in the night. 

His escalated body heat helped him to survive the frigid Siberian winters during his imprisonment, but not the mild to warm summer nights in Brooklyn.

Laying on the hardwood floor with the lights out left him with his thoughts. He remembered the nights he and Steve spent laying on couch cushions on the living room floor of his parents apartment. 

The nights he and his sister would read The Hobbit under the covers of his bed when they were younger, while their parents thought they were sleeping. 

He liked to sleep with the TV on at a low volume and the window opened so he wouldn't be lost in his thoughts for too long. 

He didn't have as much trouble falling asleep as before. Darlene told him to take deep breaths while resting his eyes and had gotten better at it since seeing her. 

Breathe in for 5 seconds, exhale for 10, and repeat till he felt calm enough to drift to sleep.

He steadily awoke hours later, feeling warm and groggy.

 It was quiet. 

The TV was off and the window was shut. 

He was none the wiser in his hindered state of being as he lifted himself off of the floor and trudged to the bathroom, the soft sound of his bare feet pattering on the wood floor like rain drops on a window, encompassing his apartment in a soft echo.

He turned on the soft bathroom light and twisted the cold faucet on, leaned down and scooped cold water in his hand, and poured it on his face. Supporting himself by his forearms, he closed his eyes and relished in the feeling of cold on his face and cascading down his neck. 

The water felt warmer now and had a distinct iron smell to it.

He opened his eyes and was met with his hands drenched in blood. Blood flowing into the sink from the tap. 

He slowly turned to meet his reflection. Met with the cold, dark, blank eyes of the Winter Soldier. The blood stained leather vest, black muzzle, and the long brunette hair stained black from blood falling over his face. 

He was there with him, as clear as day. 

He felt a stark and deep rooted sense of fear awaken and burrow itself in his chest as he quickly retreated from the sink, pressing himself against the opposing wall. Eyes wide and breathing heavy, he felt the walls of the bathroom constricting him.

The Winter Soldier reached out his metal arm, severing the separation between the mirror and his bathroom, and brought it down onto the counter top with a resounding crack, small remnants of the cheap countertop tumbling to the floor. He lunged for the door and twisted the knob but it wouldn't budge. Desperately, he tried to break down the door, knuckles bleeding and eyes teary. He could feel the Winter Soldier getting closer to him and was too terrified to turn back and face him. He broke through the door with a splitting crack, splinters in his hands. Awaiting on the other side was a long dimly lit corridor lined with bars and cold concrete walls. 

His heart stopped. 

He knew this corridor. 

He would always know this corridor. 

He didn't want to go forward, but he had no choice. Breaking into a sprint, not looking back and praying he didn't trip over himself, he felt a sudden, strong grip on his leg, pulling him backwards. Landing on the hard concrete with a groan and turning himself to face his captor: Two dark, army clad figures awaited him. He shuffled away from them as fast as he could but couldn't get to his feet fast enough to avoid being dragged to by his feet towards the bathroom. His screams echoing off the walls, and hands burning from friction against the cement floor at his attempts to escape their grasp.

He couldn't believe what was happening, he thought he was free from Hydra. 

Free from these corridors. 

Free from the chair.

He felt his nails fruitlessly catching on the small ridges of the cement floor as he was mercilessly dragged. The hallway enclosed in darkness behind him and the bathroom light ahead of him, serving as a beacon of pain and suffering. 

He was left on the bathroom floor, shaking and crying, accentuated by the sound of the slamming of a steel door. His teary eyes searched for the figures but found none. Instead, his eyes landed on the dull gleam of the worn metal frame in his bathtub, tinged with small droplets of blood, smoothed down edges, and strained leather straps.

If he wasn't sobbing before, he was now. He felt so trapped, his heart beating out of his chest; his lungs made of tin, unable to expand.

His shaking frame was folded on the floor by the bathroom door. A few moments of silence flooded by the drops of his sink tap and his attempts to catch his breath. 

Abruptly, a handful of his hair was grabbed, his body dragged to the chair as he let out seethes of pain and cries. 

He was held down in the chair as he was strapped in by faceless, dark army figures. Soft whispers and murmurs of pleas for mercy and forgiveness settled around him, originating from every vent and faucet in his bathroom, nestled their way to his ears. 

They grew louder and droned out the sound of leather going through buckles and the mechanical "wrrrrr" of the head plates assembling towards the top of the chair. 

He struggled and screamed, but it was no use. 

Trapped in the chair, no chance of escape; Limited by his mind and not his body. 

He anxiously waited and dreaded for the excruciating pain of electricity to course through his body, to hear the words Hydra spent so much time and care to drill into his mind.

But both never came.

He awoke with a startle, eyes wide, body and blanket soaked with sweat, lungs gasping for breath. 

His window open, letting in his neighbors everyday routine squeeze into his apartment. 

The TV on a low volume, playing auctions for nic-nacs and heirlooms people didn't find use for. All drowned out by his racing thoughts and attempts at breathing.

The blanket pooled around his waist as he shifted to lean against the wall, closing his eyes and trying to focus on his breathing. 

He needed his hair gone. 

Like a wounded animal, he made his way to the bathroom with shaky breaths and uneasy strides. He flipped the bathroom light on, feverishly opening and closing drawers to find what he needed most.

A pair of scissors.

A raspy sigh left his lips as his hands met the plastic frame of the twin bladed tool.

His eyes shifted from his reflection to his hold on the scissors. 

Carefully, he brought his metal hand to his hair, extending one of his many locks of hair.

His eyes drifted from the lock of hair to the metal blades that almost fully encased it. 

Snip.

He watched as the lock frayed till it was severed completely, feeling the freed lock in his hand and watching it fall to the counter.

A sigh of relief left his lips as tears pricked his eyes as he met his reflection in the mirror. 

Snip.

Snip.

Snip. 

His tears were flowing fully down his cheeks as almost the entirety of his left side was covered in frayed, unevenly cut hair. 

He gingerly ran his flesh hand along his head, relishing in the short tufts of hair, and began repeating the same frenzied cutting on the other side of his head, and towards the back

If the tears weren’t flowing before, they were now. 

He placed the scissors onto the hair ridden counter with a clang, keeping his relieved gaze on himself, feeling his chest wrack with sobs, body slowly crumbling against the sink and to the floor.

He had never felt such relief in his life. 

His hands ran over the chopped hair, savoring the uneven patched of hair, his head laying back to rest against the wood cabinet below his sink,  eyes fluttering shut.

Muffled knocks softly rose his mind from the depths of sleep. 

He let his eyes adjust to the bathroom light, feeling his neck ache from how he slept against the drawers of the cabinet. 

Sam. 

He rose up to his feet with a groan, trudging to his front door.

His front door opened with a click.

“Hey, man-woah.”

He rose his eyes to meet Sam’s wide ones, giving him a small smile, “Hi, Sam.”

Sam swallowed.

“Late night hack job, huh?”

He gave Sam a tight-lipped smile, nodding. 

Sam’s lip quirked. 

“I, um, I made something for you if you’d like to try it.”

Sam watched as he rubbed the back of his neck with his flesh hand.

He moved from the door, leaving it open for Sam to come in.

Sam carefully stepped into his apartment, taking in the rumple of blankets on the livingroom floor. 

“It’s chicken tikka masala, my therapist recommended it.”

Sam took the plastic container he held out for him.

“Thanks for this…We should go get you a haircut. You can’t be walking around Brooklyn looking like you had a blender cut your hair.”

His lip quirked, nodding.

After a few minutes, he met him back at the front door in jeans, a t-shirt, and his bomber jacket, and glove.

“Ready to go?”

He wordlessly nodded, closing, and locking the door behind them. 

—

“Alright, what do you think?” 

The hairdresser adjusted his chair so he could see himself fully in the mirror. 

He could feel his eyes glaze over.

His previously poorly chopped locks were no where to be found, replaced by almost buzzed cut hair with a bit of length towards the top. Barely enough for anyone to get a good grip in.

“It’s perfect, thank you Melissa,” he muttered to the woman that gave him a kind smile in return. 

He tried to hand the man at the cashier station some cash, but Sam interjected with his card.

He looked at Sam with slight bewilderment.

“You’ll cover me next time.”

His lip quirked, as Sam nudged his shoulder as they made their way to the exit.

He stopped in front of a window for a store on the way back to his apartment, seeing his reflection in the storefront.

And for once, he didn’t have a deeprooted distaste or fear of what he saw. 

It almost made him cry.

He needed this.

His long hair gone. The last remnant of his time in Siberia, of the shackles that held his mind down under water like an anchor, gone. 

Out of sight. Out of mind.

Sam stopped a few paces ahead of him.

“You wanna stop in?”

Sam’s voice broke him from his trance.

He gave Sam a small smile.

“No, just taking it all in.”

Sam gave him a comforting smile as he caught up with him.

They continued on to his apartment to give Sam some of his chicken tikka masala, running his hand through his hair periodically with a smile on his face. 

[nectaric]

@miramilocamimira asked: Hi! How are you? So this is really just cause I need thoughts on the subject, you don't have to answer it if you don't want- but What would it take for Zeus to leave? As in he abdicated or whatever and just disappeared. How would the others react? And then this is not just to question but actually just curious: Each of the big six’s favorite nice/nephew?

rubs my greedy little hands together, i'm glad you asked! i actually have a lot of thoughts about this, and was actually exploring this a little on this blog because of a series of roleplay threads i did with a friend, in which zeus "dies" and spends a while in tartarus.

i think zeus is quite a bit closer to that precipice than some people might believe. he clings to his throne pretty tightly, and would verbally tell anyone that he has no intentions of letting it go. the throne is a safety net for zeus, a thing that, despite all the trouble it has caused him, is also the one thing keeping him and his family safe. he doesn't want to release it because he fears what will happen to them, and himself, if he does.

but zeus is tired. he's ruled for a long time, and worked hard. he's suffered relentlessly as the king, and the years and experiences have bogged him down. stepping down would be the best thing for him, and a small part of him knows that. in order to step down, though, he would have to admit this to himself and he would have to accept that he can be safe without it. that he deserves a break, that whoever fills his shoes will do just as good of a job. in my roleplay world, zeus dying and another war breaking out were the catalyst for his desire to abdicate upon his return from tartarus - the experience too haunting and exhausting for him to continue.

so i think zeus is almost ready to do it. with a few reassurances that his family and kingdom will be safe after he leaves, i think zeus would be far more inclined to do so. while i don't think him leaving would necessarily mean he'd be uninvolved with olympus, it would be in a much smaller, more honorary role than anything else. tbh, i feel like the olympians would embrace the council system a little more, favouring a real democracy than a faux one. i could see hera choosing to continue to rule for a little while, but ultimately, her and zeus were such a team as rulers that if he left, she would follow shortly thereafter. there is a potential for another king or queen - apollo or athena, perhaps, but ultimately i think, if this occurred in modern day, the system would shift significantly.

as for reactions... i think there would be mixed opinions. some might be shocked, others relieved, others annoyed that it took this long, others happy for him. i think some like hestia or hades would be pleased for zeus, because they are among the ones who understand the burden best / have seen what being king has done to him. athena would be surprised, a little nervous of what this means for her, but ultimately pleased. i think, generally speaking, its the kind of decision that would shock olympus at first, until everyone actually had a chance to speak to zeus directly - and they would see that the signs have always been there and that this was always the path zeus was going to walk eventually. it would be a chance for them to truly know and bond with zeus, too, without the burden of leadership. it would be a great thing for everyone, even if it was a bit of a difficult transition.

as for your final question!!

generally speaking this is kind of how i imagine it.

hestia: she doesn't pick favourites... but if she did, i think she's quite fond of athena, ares, and persephone, and has grown close to makaria and melinoe as well.

hades: hermes, easily. he works closely with him, and has grown quite fond of the guy.

hera: zagreus or rhode. they're both far too sweet for their own good, and she tends to get motherly.

poseidon: he and apollo have some shared trauma so maybe him, orrr dionysus.

demeter: any of hades' children, which feels a little like cheating since those are also her grandbabies, but she can't be stopped.

zeus: i think, of all his nieces and nephews, zeus likely sees triton the most, so maybe him by default lol. i think he and makaria would get along very well, if they interacted more.

[kneelingshadowsalome]

I really love having places like your fantastic blog were we can explore insane, evil or out of the norm characters like your König without shame! Without weird looks from others or being judged for liking that kind of stuff. For me, even as a child I always found the broken, evil or (seemingly) villainous characters soooo much more appealing than the heros or knights in shining armour. For example, I always found the villains in sailor moon waaay cooler than the good characters! And that's still the case as a grown up for me when I consume media.

And I'm obviously not alone, seeing everyone here go crazy about your yandere König or fics with dark themes and characters in general. You said somewhere, that you weren't sure about the reactions to just friends when you posted it but honestly - I'm not surprised at all that everyone likes it so much! I think it's very healthy to explore dark themes through fiction and it's a great outlet for our normal everyday lifes. As well as the smut that comes with these problematic characters! I'm in a very loving and healthy relationship with my partner and I wouldn't want it any other way, but reading stories with that kind of dark sexual content just soothes that little itch inside of me and I really enjoy the thought experiments that come with this.

It seems a lot of people here (or in general) are surprised, that they are so into this kind of stuff. So I'm just rambling in your ask box because I think there's nothing wrong with being enamoured with content like this and it's fantastic, that we can all explore it together, inspire each other and let loose a bit! <3

Yes! Oh my god I'm so here for you and all the people who have an itch for madness and morally grey characters 🩷🩷🩷 this is absolutely a safe space for exploring yandere König or brat tamer Ghost or whatever else that's a little bit broken, without shame.

This message was so sweet and I read it like ten times with a huge smile on my face because it's just so liberating and loving. I'm so happy to have found all you lovely people to share these crazy thoughts & obsess over fictional PTSD men with.

I'm also a firm believer in that it is only healthy to explore our "shadow" through art. And I consider fanart, fanfiction, all this creativity and brainstorming here art – it's creative, it's fun, it does what art is supposed to do: it inspires thought and emotion and connection 💗 These things are what make us human and it's better to have some kind of an outlet than none at all.

And I mean... I could analyze what's at work behind the attraction to these characters/dynamics, sure... I could debate from different feminist (not to talk of psychological 🫠) viewpoints how problematic it is and what it reveals of me when I'm entertained when writing or reading this shit. But nope, not gonna deep-dive into that in here, and not going to kink-shame myself or anyone else here either.

And like you said – it's not that serious! The world is kinda crazy and we all have our worries, we all have our hopes and fears and quirks. Why not have some fun with toxic König while we're at it. No harm, no foul.

Thank you so much for this message and I hope you have a lovely day 💋🩷💞

[madlad-sadgal]

Intro Post

Did I just now realized I haven't made one? Yes. But here it is now!

My Blog/About Me

My blog is a safe place for practically everyone (except for TERFs, get off my page). I don't care if you're here just to look around, or if it's because you're interested in one of the things I talk about, you're welcomed here and I'll gladly talk with you about whatever it is you might want to! <3 I'm active in a few fandoms on here, mostly Nimona, though I also like RWRB, LOTR, and a bunch of other stuff.

About me, I'm bigender and mostly use he/him and she/her, though I'm comfortable with pretty much anything. I also think I'm pan, but I've kinda been doubting that recently? Eh, I'll get through it. I live in Quebec so you might catch some works written in French (I'll probably add the translations under cuts though).

Writeblr

I've been meaning to get more into Writeblr and share more about some of my writing, fanfiction and original works alike. The things I like to write most about is fantasy and also LGBTQ+ stuff. So here are two original works you might catch me talking about:

Life after Life (Undefined Title) Tag: Life After Life(:OC/Plot/Etc) This is a story of two soulmates, reincarnation, immortality and betrayal. One is immortal, while the other one is mortal. The immortal one has to watch as their lover dies, but they always get reincarnated and always manage to find each other, usually when the mortal one is around 20 years old. Except this time, it takes until the mortal is 27 years old for them to find each other, and the immortal doesn't think much of it at first, but they can't help but notice that their lover is acting differently than they did in their past lives, which isn't inherently bad, but they can't remember a single time when their personality wasn't the same at the base. But it as time keeps passing, it becomes clearer and clearer that their lover is not the same, and someone seems to know of their immortality. Someone they may have met in the past. Now they have to try and protect themselves and their lover from this person, but what can this mortal be hiding from their own soulmate? What shall they do when war and love collide? Will they forgive each other for these hidden secrets? More importantly, will they manage to stay with each other this time, or will they be forced to wait until the next life once more? (Also ending line idea: Mortal, dying: I'll see you in the next one, yeah? Immortal, crying, and holding them: And every single one that follows.)

Love is a Fantasy (Been working on this one for over a year now, the one I'll be talking about the most because this is one I am very passionate about. Also don't get fooled by the title, this isn't just filled with unrequited love.) Tag: Love is a Fantasy(: OC name/Plot/Etc) LGBTQ+ story exploring how teens go through questioning their gender and sexuality and how people may pride themselves differently on this stuff.

Alex is a gay teenager who isn't ashamed of his sexuality, but keeps it to himself mostly. He is lucky enough to have accepting parents and friends, but the crush he has on one of his best friends may complicate their friendship, which terrifies him. He uses he/him pronouns.

Ava is a non-binary lesbian teenager who uses they/them pronouns. They are proud of their sexuality and gender and never hesitate to correct people who misgender them. They've been friends with Alex since the two were young. Their parents aren't exactly weirded out by them, but more so confused by all this, but Ava gladly answers all their questions and doesn't let that stuff get to them.

Ethan is a bisexual teenager who turned Ava and Alex's duo into a trio, but lately, he's been wondering if maybe he's not as attracted to women as he originally thought. This terrifies him because his parents aren't the most accepting people, and he also has a girlfriend whom he doesn't want to break the heart of. But of course Alex just has to complicate everything, doesn't he? ;)

Avery is Ethan's girlfriend, but she's dealing with a lot at home, and now on top of that she doesn't know where her feelings stand. She thought she was pan her whole life, not feeling a difference in romantic attraction towards gender, but all of this comes to a half when she meets one of the new kids who explains she doesn't feel any romantic or sexual attraction, and now she doesn't know where anything stands anymore.

Evelyn and Chelsey have been friends since they were young, often helping each other hide their sexuality and genders from their Christian parents. Evelyn is pansexual and bigender, often stepping way off of the gender binary and just having fun with her looks, though a certain Ava catches her eye once she meets them. Chelsey is aro-ace and is open to pretty much any pronoun, and they have a pretty feminine style.

All these kids meet in an LGBTQ+ club (created and hosted by Ava), and are now helping each other figure out their sexualities, helping each other hide certain things from Christian parents, and just trying to get through the horrors of the teenage years.

Other Socials

Just my AO3 for now:

[zoebelladona]

hello hello !! this is me inviting you talk about your titan army ocs (if you want to ofc) !!!!

i always want to talk abouy my titan army ocs. i love them so much i plucked them out of pjo and now i'm writing an entire original work with them as the main characters. but that's a conversation for my main blog @encrucijada

the ocs are part of an ongoing au/rp between me, @on-the-river-lethe and a friend of ours who's not on tumblr. we each created an oc to play as and things unravelled from there. this is going under a read more because boy there's a lot

piedad narváez (my oc). daughter of urania, muse of astronomy. they/she. claimed soon after arriving to camp, has an okay relationship with her mum but only because she's an only daughter lol powers are orpheus-like in that whenever she plays music they can entrance people, can also navigate using the stars. then while doing research i realised urania had a prophetic aspect and now piedad sometimes receives premonitions when looking at the stars. weapon of choice are knives and has a violin as a support item for the music stuff, the bow of which turns into a stiletto knife.

hudson moretti (fluffy's oc). son of hypnos, god of sleep. he/him. big guy but a huge softy, a sleepy jock if that's a thing. less than having a bad relationship with hypnos he just doesn't have a relationship with him at all lmao because hypnos is bad at checking in on his kids. has the standard kid of hypnos powers like inducing sleep and also dreamwalking and dream discarding. uses a sword as weapon. him and piedad obviously stayed at the hermes cabin and they were sort of the de-facto counsellors of the claimed kids with no cabin. everyone uses him as a pillow because he makes sleeping safe and cosy.

ericka mulligan (oc of our other friend). daughter of demeter, goddess of harvest. she/her. starts out as the counsellor of cabin 4 until deserting before som. demeter favoured her for being the counsellor but everyone in cabin 4 knows mum will never love you as much as she loves persephone. the "manager" of the team, in a way, she has a schedule and a list for everything. standard demeter kid powers like plant growing, etc. i actually have no idea what her weapon is?? gotta look it up. one-sided crush on luke rip. would have put her hands on the fire for him.

adam rubio (another oc of mine). son of apollo, god of music. he/him. i specify god of music because adam got the music aspect of his dad's attributes, if he sings or plays an instrument he can do all sorts of things ranging from inducing sleep to inducing pain. has no opinion of apollo one way or another. not actually part of the titan army! he stays behind and it's a huge conflict with the others. main weapon is the recurve bow but knows how to use a sword for survival reasons.

allegra anders (npc). daughter of tyche, goddess of fortune. she/her. she and her twin sister rachel were staples in cabin 11, until rachel joined the titan army and left allegra behind. haven't really explored her character in depth but i know she has a special coin she fidgets with a lot.

robin holloway (npc). daughter of hebe, goddess of youth. she/her. another staple of cabin 11, doesn't join the titan army just like allegra. hudson's ex-girlfriend lmao probably the nicest girl you will ever meet. we wanted conflict and also to populate camp with more "older" demigods, that's why these two girls are here.

and we also did stuff like ageing up malcolm pace to be luke's age and now he is the counsellor of cabin 6 because annabeth was literally 12 in tlt. she's co-counsellor due to being a lot more proactive than malcolm. and we also aged up alabaster torrington to be one or two years younger than luke, just because i doubt a bunch of demigods in their 20s would have been like "yeah let that 15yo participate in meetings". we always saw the titan army as more a congregation of young adults than teenagers, basically the demigods who've been here too long and are tired. not featured here are some "name only" background characters like counsellors for other cabins, because we stuck to what annabeth says in tlt about all counsellors except her being of college age. in our take of pjo these counsellors would leave for the army and leave their teenage siblings at the head of the cabins, which would be the counsellors we see throughout pjo

okay with the stage set now let me Actually talk about these guys

@on-the-river-lethe (aka fluffy) and i have done most of the work here. our other friend isn't as insane about pjo lmao. on top of the changes to some ages and whatnot we also did a crucial change regarding luke's quest mates not dying in the garden of the hesperides, instead he is accompanied by piedad and hudson who are both brutally injured by ladon. luke gives up the chance to take the golden apple while ladon is distracted more or less killing his friends to help them. piedad does lowkey die and while passed out receives a premonition of luke with golden eyes. we have an overview of how the quest goes and to add insult to injury hermes sent luke on a fetch quest just to keep him from getting antsy, it wasn't for anything heroic.

things go back to business as usual with all three of them baring the scars of the failed quest, it hits luke the worst. when kronos starts stirring things up in his brain ericka, hudson and piedad don't follow because of kronos but because they believe in luke. luke is their friend, luke is the best of them, luke is the poster-child hero, if anyone can bring change it's luke. ericka and hudson abandon camp before the events of som, piedad sticks around. the premonition is worrying and they're not sure what to do about it. but life at camp without her friends becomes unbearable. she's just another cabin-less demigod in cabin 11, she's a low risk cabin-less demigod in cabin 11. before the events of ttc she makes the switch fully.

because we discovery write a lot of the details i can't say exactly what happens while they are all in the titan army proper. i know piedad doesn't desert camp until the battle in camp at the end of botl, they'd gone back in the summer to be a spy. we know that when luke suggests bailing on everything once he realises kronos used him hudson in particular gets on his case about it (slams luke against a wall) and yells at him about how they risked everything for him, he can't run now, they won't leave every demigod that believes in them to die. we know they go with luke to see may castellan and she grabs piedad by the shoulders and yells about luke's fate to her face. piedad had kept the premonition to themself this whole time and luke, obviously fed up about his fate being kept from him, snaps.

i have written a couple of one-shots for this. i have one about piedad having a conversation with kronos where she bluffs about him getting to the throne room in olympus and luke dying (she was right) and probably has some of my favourite quotes. one of the immediate aftermath of the garden of the hesperides where apollo warns her against telling luke. this monstrosity about adam, the son of apollo mentioned above, who took over my brain and is set after the events of tlo.

(we call the group of luke, ericka, hudson and piedad the "generals" btw.)

the aftermath of everything is a little clearer than the actual events within pjo. ericka, hudson and piedad move to chicago where hudson is from. they stay with hudson's mum for a while before getting their own place. they are pretty much war criminals now, son of magic style, and the olympian council wants them out of the picture. they may not be children of the big 3 dangerous but they did grow in power while being generals of the army. they did not stay to receive any possible pardons or sentence, following the battle of manhattan they simply fled. apollo offers piedad a position as a sibyl, due to her prophetic abilities, it's not a pardon of any kind but it is a bit of protection as harming an oracle is strictly forbidden. they never set foot in camp again.

i like to picture them as a possible pit-stop during tlh. jason, piper and leo would be running from a monster and see this neon sign advertising a sibyl of all things and offering card readings. they go inside and what they find are former titan army soldiers. a guy drinking a large cup of coffee. lots of plants everywhere. and the sibyl is a short scarred enby.

not everything is set in stone and we have much to explore still, like morpheus (hudson's brother) siding with kronos. ericka probably never spoke to demeter ever again, or more like demeter never spoke to her again after she disappointed her so. and just because this is our au and we can do whatever, the generals meet nico and form a bit of a relationship with him. not that we need an excuse apart from "fluffy and i really like nico and we want our ocs to interact with him", but it does fit nico's tendency to just be in on everyone's business. and i think it would be hilarious if he knew about the generals, was friends with them, stayed at their place sometimes, and just never mentioned it at chb.

uh. what else. um... piedad/adam is a thing because i wanted my daughter of a muse oc to have a thing going with a son of apollo. we made malcolm/hudson a thing and it's amazing. i could talk for hours about adam, but right now i'll say he becomes head counsellor of cabin 7 after lee fletcher dies in botl (lee in our version would have been a veteran camper, older than luke).

man this ran long oops. sorry for mostly talking about my oc, it's because they're my oc. i talk even more over on my main blog, about the pjo versions but also the original versions (the worldbuilding is based on dreams).

so, yeah!

thank you for asking <3 sorry you released the flood

[vienrose]

Rules:

I will only engage in roleplay with both the mun/muse who are of legal age. Let's keep things safe and respectful for everyone involved.

Out of respect for the living and their families, I won't be using nor interacting with faceclaims of the deceased. Let's focus on creating stories that celebrate life.

Life can get busy, and sometimes my creativity needs a little recharge. Please understand that I might be overly selective with the threads I engage in. If I step back from our story, it's not personal—I'll return with renewed inspiration.

If I haven't replied to our thread for a while, feel free to reach out. Sometimes Tumblr notifications can be a bit wonky, and I don't want to miss out on anything. Your input is always welcome.

I might softblock if I notice that the overall aesthetic or theme of someone's blog or storytelling does not match my own. It's nothing personal, just a way to ensure that our creative styles align.

Please do not use me as a meme blog. I rather you reblog from the original source, or if you do reblog from me I would expect an ask of some sort based on the meme.

Respect each other's comfort levels when it comes to content. I do not have that many triggers but I refuse the themes of drug use, rape or any kind of force over my characters if it was not communicated prior to the plot. If there are specific themes or subjects you're not comfortable exploring, let's talk to ensure a positive roleplaying environment.

Tumblr IM will only be used for ooc communications. I rarely rp smut on dash, therefore, it would usually need to be taken to Discord (sometimes I reconcider). Anything else, I rp both on dash and discord so if you would like to add, please let me know.

Most importantly! Let's make this a safe space for everyone. Treat your fellow roleplayers with kindness and respect. We're all here to have fun and enjoy the creative process, so let's keep it positive!

Disclaimer: This roleplay blog is a work of fiction, and I do not claim any affiliation with the real-life individuals, actors, or singers whose faces are used for character representation. The use of their images is purely for creative and roleplay purposes. The content on this blog is not intended to reflect the real lives, opinions, or actions of the individuals portrayed. Respect for the privacy and rights of these individuals is of utmost importance. If you have any concerns or if you are the rightful owner of any images used and wish for them to be removed, please contact me. Thank you.

[access--granted]

Apologies for keeping this nonsense going, you must be exhausted, so I'm clarifying before I speak - delete this ask if you don't want to address this topic anymore.

Anyway, to offer a different perspective, I have personal substance issues. Life's been lifeing and I eventually turned to not-so-healthy coping mechanisms over the last few months. Fan fiction about this is my safe way of exploring my feelings about it. This widespread assumption that I need a handheld, sugar coated portrayal to cope is offensive. Shying away from difficult topics is censorship. Period. And it is a big issue because it carries a massive real-world impact on those who use fiction to escape. The same cowards criticising you will bang on and on about "representation in media", but won't note their hypocrisy.

I'm not a baby, I don't need the teletubbies to show up and remind everyone that Leon is flawless and a hug willl fix him. The fact that there's a new age approach that hails this crap as gospel, is more dangerous and harmful than one might think. I know it's stupid, but I am utterly fuming on your behalf.

That fic was the first gently thought out, yet brutally realistic piece I've found in AGES (this isn't pressure to repost!!). The fact you were bullied into believing you did something immoral just... it fucking irritates me to no end. I am so tired of this huge scream for censorship, I'm tired. Just don't engage if it triggers you, it's that easy. The rest of us adults have every right to explore darker aspects through fiction because it is SAFE. It's safe and it helps people. Talented writing is a life skill. It truly is. (Also on an amusing note: if they think me exploring his drinking habits is sinful, I would he sent straight to prison for the smut I read, lmfao!)

I'll end it by saying THANK YOU for the effort that you made. If it's better for your mental health not to post about that specific thing anymore, then please don't, but damn I'm not leaving without saying thank you for that honest portrayal of how addiction and alcohol dependency harms people and how it feels for everyone involved. You've got a talent and your empathy is very noticeable. Fuck these puriteens, lmao.

You have nothing to apologise for, anon. I'm certainly not going to shy away from talking about specific topics on my blog just because other people don't know how to ignore content they dislike. I already made the mistake of letting a bully get to me during a low point, resulting in the deletion of a piece I was both proud of and that had all-around mostly positive feedback anyway. I still appreciate your concern, though.

I completely understand that life has been lifeing, as it has been for me, too. I wrote that piece because I want my fics to be inclusive to a more widespread audience so that more people can relate. There's a lot of happily ever after fic out there, even some that completely ignore the struggles that happen in real life, too. So, I thought I'd write something different. I'm all for fluff, smut, romance, etc. But there is so much content for that already. I wanted to, and will continue to, add mature content to my writing, but not in the sense that it's always about getting Leon naked and doing the devil's tango with him.

I'd like to say also that it's not at all stupid for you to be fuming about this; I certainly am, and even more so for letting asshats get to me.

I'm happy that my representation of the issue was well thought out and realistic in your eyes. The thing I was most nervous about, to begin with, was getting things right. While I've never dealt with it personally, I had a very close friend who went through this, and many people left them behind. I will be reposting the fic at some point. I was proud of that work, and nobody will spoil it for me or anyone else who finds some kind of solace in reading it. (Also, same - like, why is exploring real-life struggles so outrageous, yet reading a crap ton of smut isn't? None of it should be a problem for people to explore.)

This topic is in no way detrimental to my mental health. I was just down in the dumps for personal reasons at the time anyway, lmao. Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm touched you think I have talent as a writer, and as a colossal empath, I'm glad it's clear to see.

[uefunderneatharchive]

Greetings and Salutations from the UEF

This archive serves to catalogue the discoveries made in and about the Underneath as we know it and will come to know it.

It is, for some reason, also a blog. I (Recordkeeper Mal) am not entirely sure why Tristan set this up as a blog, but I suppose it will serve adequately for the purposes of what we plan to use it for. I will leave the "asks" button on for inquiries into The Underneath; as far as I have been told, the Underneath archives are open to the public, so public query will be open as well.

I will endeavor to update this archive as frequently as I can, but my work in the physical archives may keep me from updating this as frequently as I would like. While MAJ Tristan will also have access to this archive for such occasions, they are also quite busy with UEF business, and may not be able to post in my absence either.

And hi! Tristan here. Any time you see this color on the blog, you can safely assume that it's me making a post, whether it's me making a quick insert into a post or making the title yellow. I'll probably have stories and other things to say from my time in the Underneath and UEF. I may also share information about our own world, since from what I can tell, we're broadcasting to another world with this blog. Good ol' Underneath paracausal tech.

I and my sheepy friend sincerely hope that the knowledge we provide will be useful, interesting, and dare I say… entertaining?

Oh, and ignore the weird ramblings below this "Keep reading" text. A bit... deterministic for my liking and I'm just gonna ignore being "written" by someone. Must be a side effect of Underneath tech.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Hey everyone! This blog is going to be my in-character, in-universe "lorebook" for my setting, The Underneath and its connected world. To give you a quick rundown, I started making The Underneath as a way to satisfy my desire to explore worlds beyond our own, springing from the aftermath of the Backrooms going mainstream, overexplained and overpopulated. Instead, this setting is supposed to be explored!)

(The setting is not set in stone, and it's currently one that's very easy to add to. If anyone happens to want to submit characters, level ideas, and such setting ideas, the ask button is active; regular asks to Mal and Tristan will be answered, while lore-adding asks will likely be expounded on in their own posts and unanswered. Hope that's alright, this is my first time doing something like this! I'm more than happy to have this be a communal soup pot of a setting, but I've gotta screen the ingredients before they get added, y'know?)

(But yeah! Hope those who want to watch this blog have fun!)

(Also, yes, Tristan breaking the fourth wall is entirely in character due to the setting. The Underneath is weird. And always watching.)

[illyaking]

I am curious to see how migrating everyone’s blogs from Tumblr to WordPress will go. I have accounts on both platforms. I’d hate to have duplicate accounts. I hope Automattic has a way to merge account otherwise this will be a slight task to tidy up my social accounts with WordPress. I’ve never been a Tumblr user. I appreciate their social environment. WordPress Reader has emulated Tumblr over the years with their reblogging function but it has never quite got that “je ne sais quoi” appeal that Tumblr has. So I am interested in the direction that Tumblr will go. Reblog via Jyolsna from WP Tavern Automattic announced last week its plan to migrate Tumblr to WordPress, a move described as “one of the largest technical migrations in internet history.” This move comes after Automattic acquired Tumblr in 2019, marking the company’s biggest acquisition at the time. During the acquisition, Matt Mullenweg had pointed out that “Tumblr and WordPress have always been very philosophically aligned.” An emerging Tumblr/WordPress plugin and theme ecosystem were on the cards, and Matt said that once Tumblr’s backend is on WordPress, the idea of plugins can be explored. After the acquisition, Tumblr faced tough times, with Matt revealing last year that it was spending about $30 million more than its annual earnings. The porn ban didn’t help matters, but the Twitter Exodus of early 2023 following Elon Musk’s acquisition of the social media site gave it a sudden boost.  The migration announcement post said, “We’re not talking about changing Tumblr. We’re not turning Tumblr into WordPress. That would defeat the purpose. We acquired Tumblr to benefit from its differences and strengths, not to water it down. We love Tumblr’s streamlined posting experience and its current product direction. We’re not changing that. We’re talking about running Tumblr’s backend on WordPress. You won’t even notice a difference from the outside.” Automattic reiterated that “The changes will be exclusively at the backend.” The migration though not easy – with Tumblr hosting over half a billion blogs – will be a win-win situation for both WordPress and Tumblr. Automattic believes that “Tumblr will benefit from the collective effort that goes into the open source WordPress project. And WordPress will benefit from the tools and creativity we invest into Tumblr and contribute back to WordPress.”  Men Wanted for Hazardous Journey Automattic is actively seeking experienced PHP programmers to undertake this migration project. Matt compared this to the famous British explorer Ernest Shackleton’s recruitment ad for his Antarctic expedition, which read, “Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long months of complete darkness, constant danger, safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in case of success.” The advertisement continues, “If you’re an experienced programmer… if you’re a SQL‑slinger… if you’ve worked on other big audacious projects like this… if Gordian knots tremble in your presence, we want to work with you!” “We’re already seeing interesting candidates apply and resume review is underway for full-time roles. All relevant experience is welcome, particularly those who have worked on other large migrations or are just excited about working on a challenge of this size.” – Bob Ralian, Tumblr Migration Lead Interested candidates can apply through the website giving a brief introduction about themselves. The post does not give any details about the remuneration or the application deadline.  Community Response  Matt tweeted “I’m excited about this one.”, while Eric Karkovack of Speckyboy quipped “Will there be a project status blog? If so, I’d recommend calling it “Tumblng Into WordPress”.” Platform Lead Engineer at Pew Research Center Seth Rubenstein tweeted, “This is so exciting. I hope this means it becomes easier to create Tumblr themes in the future; especially, dare I say, if they’re just block themes…” Courtney Robe...