#i always say idk if this is coherent bc ill just skip writing stuff down thats obvious to me bc ive thought it so much. and not notice.

[humanmorph]

my millie+leap friendship thoughts except it's actually mostly about millie. i tried to make this readable (coherency-wise)... and it's not even everything i have in my head about them. just a few words:

I looove Millie+Leap friendship (in my head it's Millie'n'Leap like one word. It's fun to say) I think they are besties.

I also think that „Leap has my back as long as it's convenient for him.“ sure is A belief to have about your best friend!!! & I really like that!! (We are not even talking about LEAP’S Millie beliefs. Those are only like, borderline positive or negative. And I also like that. He’s kind of a bitch. This isn't about him though honestly mostly Millie & though I THINK I could write more, it would be wayyyy extrapolating than even this.) I mean like, those beliefs aren't/don't have to be the whole descriptor of/the characters whole relationship, but they are there for a reason! So. I’m simply thinking about it and turning it around in my head.

And it’s just good Millie characterization too for me (also for Leap, as the other person in this relationship, but I simply have thought about Millie more on account of She's My Favourite & can speak better to how I interpret this from her perspective). It's the first close friendship she's made after being on the run from everything she's ever known (which sucked. GLORY was bad but she did also have friends & people she cared about then... See Si’dra) & then she gets captured and forced to do the same shit AGAIN? Under someone like Clementine Kesh? This is a bonding experience. It's a bad one but it is nontheless. And they have similiar goals too (get the fuck out of there).

(An aside, but I really loved during the Post Mortem when Austin talked about something he’d do differently if he had the chance: asking the prisoner-PCs to get drives that weren’t about them escaping, and rather something where escaping would be a step towards that other drive. And how both Keith and Sylvi talked about the Being a prisoner and wanting to get out being very important to Leap and Millie’s characterization to the point they would’ve been played completely differently if that wasn’t the case. It was a cool discussion. That was a very good Post Mortem. Everyone should take notes for PALISADE Post Mortem questions-wise.)

And then they do get out. And they join Millenium Break. And then aside from wanting to leave prison and hating the people they work under they’re just also kind of different people with different motivations and wishes and it shows during the Kingdom Game and after… Like Millie is someone who throughout the Kingdom Game starts to believe that she can change something and help people (and not just via violence, the Strand Semaphore project is so important). And she makes more friends on Fort Icebreaker. She meets Si’dra again and that relationship is ALSO an important one (I like them I should think about them more. There is a bit where Millie describes them traveling together to set up the Strand stuff...). And she gets closer to Broun by working with them. Etc etc. People like her because She Is A Delight, and she hangs out with different people but Leap’s still there as a person that’s important to her even as they probably see each other way less due to Millenium Break business and having different missions and whatnot.

And in my head there's something special too about Leap really pushing for the attack on Vigil City to help that Equiaxed community and Millie backing him up bc 1) duh but 2) something vulnerable about it because he gets actually emotional about it (unusual for him). And do they talk about THAT ever I wonder? If they did it would've had to been before the mission because after. Well that attack is the one where Millie loses the squad she's been pretty much training & hanging around with. And like shuts herself off again except from a few people, one of which IS Leap (and then Si'dra and Broun and that's it). (Such a good Millie Moment btw. One of my favourites). But I would say that's much more of a 'let's get away from everything for a bit' kind of hangout not a 'hash out your grief' hangout. (Another aside but I am like. I mentioned this above but imagine if Leap had had a drive about this equiaxed community or something or even just the time to contact them (I think it just got lost with so much stuff going on. I know players can't follow every thread they are given and make choices but. Ooohhh well I'm just thinking about it).)

Like I really don’t think they’re the type of friends to talk about shit. There's since scene where Millie is like „Hey I'm bad at this stuff, but are we like, cool?“ that I love a lot. I love youuuu Millieeee. So they either don't do this OR it's very Rare and honestly mostly uncomfortable when they try (fun to me : D). And neither likes it all that much. So they‘re fine. It‘s fine. There’s so much going on all the time I’d rather just hang out with you and shoot the shit than get into Stuff. That type of deal.

So it's all of this BUT like... They're best friends. They DO care about each other (in whatever way they do or don't show that) & also continue to, I just think its complicated and weird, and that they grow apart a bit too! Expecially when Leap leaves and Millie stays, and then gets disillusioned with MB leadership, and then SHE leaves...

And I think. Well I'm of two minds on Leap asking Millie to come with when he leaves bc it's nice to think. Saying hey you have a place with me. Look I drew a comic about it once. I like that. But for me in the end the weird tension option wins out. And like she's a bit bitter about it. She wouldn't have come, not at the point that he left, before Valence died, before they got really fucked up in that Auspice mission and there was this kind of ideological split in the MB leadership. But he didn't offer in the first place, so it wasn't an option after she wanted to leave, either...

(There’s a line that’s like „I haven't been getting any better offers“ in PZN36 when Millie is agrees to leave with Broun et al and it made me go OH? (delighted). Like that has to be about MB generally too but. Well I can spin this. As a headcanon I do like to think maybe Millie visited Leap after leaving Oxbridge and then kind of wanted him to offer again & he didn't.) Because I think Leap is 1) practical type of guy and 2) just thoughtless sometimes and didn't ask because he thought well she's not coming we each have our own shit going on. Which makes sense then but also. Man!

(Just about Millie now) And after all that. The the whole shit in the finale. And her at the end of PARTIZAN... How much are you changed as a person after being kind of melded with the one True Divine and also being there when your rival (also a god) dissolves/comes as close to death as a divine possibly can? AND when someone you if not were expecially close to but worked with and got along and maybe admired died to help you get out? There’s a reason she left everything behind and ran and never stopped(well we don't know that. But. Well she's off somewhere doing something). Auh... Millie....

ALSO addition I don't wanna bother working in anywhere I think I'm jumping around too much already: I listened to Millies Pusher episode a while ago and Sylvi talked about Millie had trust issues briefly and I was so happy. Expecially when she & Austin were referring to Leap leaving Millie behind in the DESERT SQUIRE arc. And it's so fun because Millie clearly is mad at him for a bit after that but she just kind of chooses to get over it? (That's the scene where she approaches him like hey are we cool I mentioned earlier. And like wants assurance that they have each others backs, and she brings up Clem, etc.). That's where that belief I mentioned at the start comes from too, and it stays, since... I don't think THAT many beliefs get challenged in general, but Millie and Leap don't get there. And it's like... OK I actually still can't form a coherent sentence about this specific thing because the thing is Millie SAYS multiple times that Leap & she have each others backs and she acts like it, too (backing Leap up) and still with this in the back of her head. Millie as someone who wants better things for herself and isn't used to getting them in her life. There's something in my head I can't quite grasp & articulate. I don't know. It makes me think. It's why I wrote roughly 1900 words total here. I love her & anyways trust issues make sooo much sense for Millie in general ouhh I love to think about it. That's why Gucci et al (MB leadership) fucking up and letting the team down like that after the Auspce mission / Valence's sacrifice hits so hard and she goes back to leaving, just wanting to live a quiet life, claw your way out...

so. TL;DR

besties

it's weird and they're close in certain ways but not others and they like to hang out and relax around each other and/or cheer each other up but also dont open up to each other

I love fraying and/or complicated friendships. I think fraying and/or complicated friendships are soooo fun

Millie💙💙💙💙

a little picture : )

and lastly some fun stuff too. since you read everything else.

Millie sleeps at Leap's room sometimes either for a sleepover hangout type deal or when he's somewhere else & she just wants to sleep somewhere that's not... hm. In my mind she's sleeping in like a bunks-type situation you know like. How bedrooms for soldiers on a military vessel would probably be like. I'm not sure that's canon though. But you get the picture there it's a bit of peace and quiet

I dont know. the chost where Keith says Leap drinks any hot tea because he shows off by drinking boiling water keeps making me go show off to WHO. WHO is impressed by this and I'm not sure the answer is Millie but she'd probably at least think it's funny. So they do dumb bullshit. Like that's just canon I think they never stop throwing food but I think they get a lot better about it (not as in it's less annoying for everyone else but as in it's like a stupid party trick because they get really good at it)

re: that (showing off), they do the thing where you put your hand flat on a table and stab a knife between the fingers getting faster each time (I feel like this has to have a specific name?! Wikipedia just says knife game. alright) but to each other. And I think it goes almost very bad at least one or two times expecially because they also do this when they get drunk

Idk how good a job either does but they do wingman type stuff for each other for sure. I don't think Millie even needs it (she is a delight. And hot) but she probably also gets awkward and nervous sometimes & I'm going back to the same scene as before again sorry but after being like we're cool? she asks leap hey I'm about to talk to someone & I need you to pull me out if I start being strange. Which isn't quite the same as wingman-ing but it could get there. And I think Leap is confident that he says he doesn't need that but I also think he won't pass up a chance to by hyped up either. his ego...