#i always get a new perspective on how they could reflect people i know/even myself

[good-beans]

I’ve talked about media that “has a character for everyone” and I think that’s one of the things that’s really effective for Milgram’s emotional impact on the audience – especially because it does it in a unique way from other media. 

Though I discovered it recently, I’ve already seen many “if you forgive x you’re a horrible person,” “if you condemn x it’s on sight” type posts for all characters. (Which, yeah, are bad, but also) I find it deliciously entertaining to see that Milgram spread their cast out enough to reach any audience. 

It’s not just “oh I also have murderous thoughts so I’m projecting onto this murderer :)”, it’s “I was a victim and this character gives me catharsis and had the strength for the revenge that I craved.” It’s “I, too, would be pushed to great lengths for the one I love out of desperation.” It’s “there was a time I was young and didn’t know better, I did some shit too.” And so on – It covers so many character types that even people who have never been in the same situations find traits/symbols to relate to. Maybe you’re nothing like Fuuta, but could think “I was online during the pandemic and felt crushed by injustice, all I craved was justice and belonging.” Maybe you’re nothing like Mahiru, but could think “(even if it wasn't romantic love,) I’ve been blinded by the bliss of finally getting a taste of something I’ve wanted my whole life and lost sight as it consumed me.” 

And this isn’t a traditional case of getting attached to characters in media, because you actually have to watch this person, that some part of you identifies with and finds reassurance/catharsis in, as they are judged black-and-white by the public.

Milgram packs such a punch because we feel parts of ourselves getting judged by the public, as well.

[ecoustsaintmein]

Poolverine thoughts

So I've just returned from watching Deadpool and Wolverine for like...the 8th? 9th time now? And I have thoughts about how the filmmakers chose to portray the evolution of their relationship -- some of them may already have been pointed out by others on this site, but this is my attempt to summarise them!

Also mostly I'm putting myself in Logan's shoes and writing this from his perspective?

Spoilers below cut:

We know that Wade has always made comments about Logan, even from the first film eg 'whose balls do I have to fondle to get this movie made?'. He might sound like he hates the guy, but obviously there's respect there, and he showed it in a Wade way. We know that by the third film, Wade wants to matter. He wants to be an Avenger, and almost regretted that even the X-Men didn't even want him. He prooobably almost nearly gagged when he spoke in earnest about how Logan has always been viewed as the X-Man in his world, but the respect is there. (And perhaps that's why he doesn't 'hit on' Logan as much as compared to Cable, Colossus et al? And all the 'shippy' comments were made by other characters in the film eg: bartender 'are you gonna fuck or fight?' or Cassandra's 'you two are cute'?)

The song choices when Logan and Wade interact, from AC/DC's Hell's Bells when they fight for the first time (fair, because Logan doesn't know Wade that well yet), to Avril Lavigne's I'm With You ('Take me by the hand, take me somewhere new/I don't know who you are but I, I'm with you') when they're driving in the Odyssey, which again, quite apt? And 'also the line 'take me home' in the Avril Lavigne song, which probably reflects Logan not really knowing who Wade is but just -- going along with the ride, as if asking Wade, just take me home, find me a place for me to belong. The theme of home recurs again and again, which leads one to wonder why it's not so surprising that Logan did end up following Wade home in the end???' Plus, 'You're the one that I want' when they're having that heavy makeout sesh intimate fight scene in the Honda? Let's not even talk about the 'Like a Prayer' scene, which again. 'When you call my name, and it feels like home.' Again. Home.

Which then leads to Logan, who confessed to Cassandra that he 'turned away' when 'they called for him', and he didn't make that mistake again when Wade called out his name at the end. While Aretha Franklin's 'You're All I Need to Get By' plays in the background. Yep.

Let's not forget the fact that Logan, after the fight in the Odyssey (despite all the boohooing and ongoing alcoholic misery afterwards), picked up the photograph of Wade's 'world', and returned it to Wade. Man doesn't want to show or say it during the second and third act but he CARES. A LOT!

Logan repeating Wade's words, verbatim, twice! ('You didn't lie, you made an educated wish'), and 'I'm an X-Men. I'm the X-Men')

Logan telling Wade that he wished Wade would die alone, then ending up making sure that Wade wouldn't have to die alone.

Logan keeping the suit on him at all times, only to have it get destroyed at the climax of the film - which, sad, because yes it's the only thing that reminds him of the X-Men of his world, but it could also be an analogy of -- he needs to move on. And he did! He wanted to be free, and he told this as much to Cassandra, and he did become free, in the end!

On the subject of Cassandra, she promised Logan that she could 'silence everything'. The joke's on her, because Logan found himself trading peace (as silence), for peace (as a chaotic, loud motormouth). He found his home, and it's with Wade.

On the subject of peace and home -- Logan is pretty much an immortal being, and a lot of his issues may have stemmed from the trauma of losing people he cares about, or people who got close to him, even for like 5 seconds (evidenced by ALL THE X-MEN MOVIES). He carried that with him throughout this movie, with all the references of saving the world, saving Wade's world, getting home, etc etc -- the point being, he did it for Wade, in the end (never mind Wade's educated wish that the TVA would restore Logan's past). And despite doing it for Wade, Logan was rewarded by having Wade AND Laura in his life now; both pretty much people who can't die, as part of his family. At least he will always have them -- and isn't that freeing and peaceful enough???

Last but not least -- as a circular thing, I'm going back to my first point. Wade spent the whole movie wanted to matter. In the end, he finds out that he does matter -- not just to his 'old world', but also to Logan. And be it just mutual respect, which then blooms into friendship, fondness, maybe more -- the point is: Wade does matter. To Logan. A character he spent the previous two films talking about despite not featuring at all in those movies. How do I know this you ask? Yes, Logan wanted to sacrifice himself for Wade. But more importantly, he followed Wade home. And at the end, after multiple groans, and frowns, and curses, he SMILED! AND LAUGHED! At Wade's stupid jokes!

I'm probably reading too much into their relationship and how they were written, and maybe it wasn't even Ryan's intention, but goddamn Hugh and Ryan made their chemistry/friendship bleed onto the screen, no matter how they were initially written in the script.

[sugar-grigri]

Hello! With the discussion of Yoshida with your recent analysis, what's your perspective on Yoshida offering Denji the choice before: of being chainsaw man or having his family and how much of that was Yoshida enforcing his own ideas of what's good for denji vs his efforts to help denji in the limited scope of his position? I feel like this could have been talked about before on the blog but with added context from csm 156 interested in how this develops too

Denji is Yoshida's reflection that he refuses to see

The answer might be easy if I aligned myself with my own position, the one I established in my analysis 156, which attempts to theorize that Yoshida is on Denji's side

But you know I know I haven't convinced everyone with my blindness around Yoshida's hidden goodness. So I'm going to answer your question, but from the opposite position: let's explain Yoshida's reactions, whether as a non-ally of Denji or as an enemy. I know this may confuse you because you'd like me to analyze chapter 133 in relation to what I analyzed about chapter 156. But even if I assumed the opposite, I would have come to the same conclusion.

I love Yoshida, and even though I seem to have left him out of my analyses, I've always reflected on every one of his interventions. And something strikes me, Yoshida often seems to be talking to himself, even deluding himself almost as if to hold on.

In chapters 120/121, Yoshida invites Asa. Now fans (like me!!!) are fantasizing about rivals, a fake love triangle and a date. But in reality, it all falls depressingly flat.

But this chapter remains interesting for two reasons: two people share their experience of solitude as the only way to avoid disappointment and be happy. However, Asa projects herself into a possible love with Yoshida.

It's like reciting something to convince yourself but secretly wishing for the opposite…

But what's interesting is that we take the position of thinking that everything Yoshida said was linear.

Let's review. Yoshida knows that Asa was leering, that she looked depressed, and since he's watching Denji, he must have known about the date, hence the warning that comes later. So why get involved? As Asa's Nayuta-altered memory made him the executioner, why make her pain worse?

Because Yoshida must have had a childish reaction. It's as if, for once, he hadn't quite accepted his role as a spectator of events. I think Yoshida must have seen himself in Asa in some way. In chapter 121, Asa is all silence and Yoshida is for once almost in monologue. It was as if everything he said would convince him a little more out loud. Whether it was his theory of happiness up to........ "stay away from Denji". That point. Part of the points that concern him as much as they concern Asa.

I think and I'm convinced that even by not interpreting Yoshida as an ally, he became more sensitive and involved with Denji's plight and didn't always know how to place an emotional wall between them. Because Denji catches him off guard, makes Yoshida's smiling mask fall off. And this is something I've never verbalized before, but it's a pillar in my interpretation:

Being with Denji pushes you to be yourself.

Because Denji refuses the social game, doesn't tend to judge as teenagers of this age usually would, and has extremely sincere reactions that are so unpredictable that they don't allow for calculated responses, responses that form the shell of other characters like Asa and Yoshida.

What Asa liked about Denji, above all, was that he was able to give her confidence and make her proud when everyone else was putting her down. You don't like fish, so what? Eat starfish. Because yes, even if it was boring, I saw you, I listened to you and you made an impact on me. Because you're not insignificant.

Denji has that effect on Yoshida. Very symbolically, during their new interaction in part 2, the protagonist doesn't remember Yoshida. Of course, it's quite funny, because it can be interpreted in all sorts of ways, like the fact that Denji is so uninterested in guys that he forgets them so easily. But it's symbolic for Yoshida's character. He's so fake and so in control that Denji doesn't perceive anything in him.

And it's when he becomes more and more desperate as a result of these reactions, and when his mask gradually breaks, that Denji finally remembers his name. Because Yoshida acts less like a public hunter and more like himself, like Yoshida.

I think in chapter 133, it's really a way of trying to wake Denji up and help him. But then again, it helps to weaken Yoshida's mask. When Yoshida repeats that Denji has only two choices, that of his family or Chainsaw Man, Denji repeats that he has two. From Yoshida's point of view, this is fundamental.

The system offers only one choice, only one possible path. But Denji opposes both. In a chapter about protest, we also talk about his position towards the system. Oppose it, protest as if in the background, claim the symbol of Chainsaw Man or oppose it, see it as a societal evil, a danger of undermining the system. For I repeat, Yoshida has decided to believe in the system when Denji distrusts it.

So Yoshida gets angry, belittling Denji as if he can't see the absurdity of this dilemma imposed on a boy who has been given a choice. Who was only told there were only two choices when there were three. Rehearsing allows Yoshida to convince himself, but we see that this controlled mask has completely disappeared, giving way to anger and a kind of panic. Because Yoshida's ideals are unravelling.

Denji is a reflection.

Reflecting the cruelty of the mafia that Katana doesn't want to admit, the dream of going to school that Reze is trying to forget, allowing the trust that Asa thought impossible and the reflection of Yoshida: a teenager, who will trace a third path to the two that will be reserved for him.

If Chainsaw Man allows you to project what you want, have or be in him, hence the pandemic of CSM wannabe. Denji, hidden behind it, is doing something far more unbearable: showing us who we are.

Aki's vengeance gives way to a desire to be surrounded by loved ones, loved ones he may not be able to protect. Thinking only of oneself shows Power, through her sacrifice for Denji, that she is capable of love even if it goes against her survival.

So chapter 156 takes on a softer version. I repeat: why did you wake Denji up just to tell him he'd lost?

That Yoshida had warned him? Once again, through a strategy of self-conviction and self-protection, what Yoshida is doing is reminding us that complete alienation from the system is better than individual affirmation (which is what Denji is punished for, having repeated that he is Chainsaw Man). This identical public hunter's costume is the symbol of this submission. Yoshida is no longer even a fake high-school student. He's just a public hunter.

But I find this chapter takes on an air of funeral and goodbye. Yoshida's costume, taking on that of someone in mourning in a symbolic way.

Because saying goodbye to Denji.

It means saying goodbye to yourself.

So I ask you, Anon, and you, the reader, does Yoshida really want to continue refusing to see his reflection ?

[flowersandbirdsflyingfree]

Hiii ✨️ I have a little ask for you!

How would the Primis crew react to a fem S/O that's generally quiet and reserved, only to learn that she is a big nerd when it comes to her special interests? Maybe she info-dumps and gushes about her knowledge of her special interest, and that's how they learn that she's really smart.

I, myself, am a huge nerd when it comes to astrology. Yet not many people know that 😅

Do take your time. I love your work 🩷

-🌾

AAAAAAAAAAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

I know I have to do this one!!! As a bonus, I'll throw in my personal headcanons for their astrological signs

Reactions of Primis: Quiet Fem S/O Excitedly Info-Dumps Their Passions (Includes Personal Perspective about Astrology)

Edward Richtofen - Sagittarius

His mind is always running a mile a minute all the time. So already listening to his s/o talk about their interests helps distract from The Horrors™️. Seeing you bounce about with joy after weeks of turmoil puts the softest smile on his face... And the biggest kiss on yours!

Intellectual conversation of any kind is something he needs for a close connection. Sharing one-on-one quality time like this is exactly what helps him thrive in a relationship. Even if a topic isn't something he is knowledgeable with, it will have importance to him if it's important to you.

Richtofen is rather strict about his scientific profession and typically scoffs at any pseudosciences. This is all a façade. What he will never tell you is that he secretly practiced alchemy in the past and has occult involvement with the Illuminati. Nevertheless, he would always be gentle to his s/o. The doctor will simply stay respectful and curious about your interest with astrology. I think in the long-term he might just spill a tiny bit about his practices to you.

Tank Dempsey - Scorpio

Seeing his soft-spoken sweetheart so suddenly excited is a very pleasant surprise (and he hasn't been able to find many good surprises this whole shitshow of an expedition). The fact that you trust him enough to open up so brightly like this helps him grow closer to you. Tank is a very good listener, but please forgive his dopey smiling the whole time. Your soothing voice and happy little mannerisms are making his heart throb. It's truly a sweet thing to see.

You never fail to open his mind to new experiences and interest. You can be both sharp-minded and sweet. Those are just some of many shining reasons why he loves you so much. With that being said, please come to him the moment you need an ear to let you infodump. Tank Dempsey is best known for his loyalty and reliability, so please remember that.

He thinks the mythology behind all the constellations are really cool! Orion is his favorite one. I suggest explaining to him during a stargazing date about the various celestial events while lying down on his chest. If it gets cold at night, he'll have you burrow underneath his leather jacket to keep warm. As for astrology readings, he would like to have his horoscope read (and perhaps get a tarot reading as well with you!)

Takeo Masaki - Libra

Takeo is a strong support who's always there to listen no matter what is on his partner's mind. He’s someone who will listen and nod without interruption. He may chuckle if you start to get jittery with joy about what you’re lecturing to him. Such a vibrant soul hidden in such a timid angel!

Takeo’s presence is very patient. If by chance you feel worried about “talking too much”, he reassures you that you could never do such a thing. You deserve to be able to thrive in what makes you so happy. And for shame on whoever tried to invalidate what you had to say!

Out of everyone in the Primis Crew, Takeo is the most spiritual without a doubt. He very much believes every soul carries a fundamental purpose. Being a more introverted soul, he can often be found reflecting in solitude. He would be able to discuss the philosophy of destined fate and similar divination topics with ease. Because it can go hand in hand, I think he would be able to perform a bit of Reiki healing if you were feeling particularly stressed.

Nikolai Belinski - Aries

Nikolai is already doting on you to begin with as his quiet yet kind girlfriend. Once something inspires you to express yourself, he is taken aback by how much passion you have for your special interest. It keeps him wondering more about you. You’re just a beautiful enigma he so desperately wants to know more of!

He’s more of a listener, but his add-ons to the conversation are either genuine questions to learn more about said topic or slipped-in compliments about how brilliant you are. Nikolai also may bring up stories it reminds him of. He could spend hours learning about just about anything you tell him.

The Soviet Union repressed a lot of expression, one of them being astrology. Because of this, Nikolai is completely new to it. Typically, he is a skeptic approaching anything that he comes across. But being his beautiful little treasure, you have the gift to get him to understand that the universe wants what’s best for him. He would grow to trust the divine and the guiding light of fate itself. He says the most profound things that would touch your soul with an enlightening comfort.

[darcytaylor]

There is a pattern to these fandom freakouts that's quite frankly become exhausting. Every time L hasn't posted in a while, trolls come out of the woodwork, posting shit affecting his loved ones, hoping to spur him into action. This is what happened last time with the HBS likes. Every time there's info or even so much as a hint that he's still with A, a smear campaign against him is launched, without fail. But if he posts something about Bton, all is forgotten in seconds, he's suddenly uwu babygurl Lukey Newts, perfect boy. Every. Fucking. Time. This is what happens whenever a celebrity isn't doing a little monkey dance for the fandom. And it's such a weird thing - if they're obsessed with someone, it doesn't necessarily mean that they love or even like them. In which case, I would like to kindly ask - why are they even here? Like, what are they hoping to get out of this experience?

Personally, I'm tired of going into any Bton fandom space at this point, hoping to see what's new and hopefully have a good time, and getting bombarded with literal nonsense that will be disproven within hours yet will somehow linger in the collective fandom memory and become a building block of increasingly unfounded theories that have diverged completely from reality, yet get regurgitated as fact every time new info emerges. They always find a way to contort even the most benign piece of info into intractable timelines of things that have been given meaning that they simply don't bear. Literally if you were to pull a thread, the whole thing would fall apart. Yet, these same things get resuscitated every time the fandom is mad at L or N or whoever for not doing whatever it is they think they should be doing.

The entitlement is mind-blowing and the rinse-repeat cycle of chicken-littling over the minutest thing is sucking every bit of joy out of being in this fandom anymore. It has become more time-consuming just trying to curate my experience than actually consuming content I'd like to see. What is even the point anymore, folks, huh? Would your own lives withstand the same kind of scrutiny you're putting these people under? They're just trying to make entertainment and a living out of it, what's the point of ruining everything? Whence even the urge? None of this is that deep. Is everyone just a miserable fuck anymore? I'm sorry for ranting, but it's become not worth it for me anymore when May was such a blessed time. Why can't we all stay in that energy? What good could possibly come of this? Thank you for listening and take care of yourselves, everyone.

I totally get where you're coming from. Fandoms can become overwhelming, and it sounds like you're feeling really drained by all the drama and negativity. It’s hard when a space you used to enjoy turns into a battleground of speculation, entitlement, and frustration. Your feelings about how fans treat celebrities and the constant cycle of drama are completely valid. I've noticed this pattern as well. It’s disheartening when every action or inaction of a public figure is scrutinized and twisted into something negative. Luke might not have handled everything perfectly, but the extreme reactions often reflect a lack of empathy and misplaced expectations.

It’s also frustrating when fandom spaces are overwhelmed with misinformation and sensationalism. This is why I found myself rolling my eyes at the information coming out yesterday. People should be more mindful about the sources of their information and why it’s being spread. The effort to sift through and debunk myths can be more exhausting than just enjoying the content. Constantly having to defend yourself or distance from the negativity to keep your enjoyment intact is disheartening.

It’s tough when people criticize you for trying to view the situation from a different perspective and not just join in the attack without knowing all the facts (or at least a good portion of them). It’s definitely tiring. I was feeling this yesterday because of the asks I was getting.

Remember, it's perfectly okay to step back if the environment is no longer enjoyable or is affecting your well-being. Fandoms should be a place for sharing enthusiasm and connecting with others who feel the same way, not a source of constant stress and conflict. I hope you find a way to rekindle your enjoyment of the fandom or at least find some peace with it. Take care of yourself and focus on what makes you happy. ❤️

[duraxxor]

Good Morning

This is a story designed to catch all of you up on recent events. And is told from the perspective of the duality that is Duraxxor. Please enjoy!

A phrase that I have not known for some time. There was always this bittersweetness in basking in the rising of the day star. The myriads of hot colors that are often shown through in the atmospheric reflection that is our skies. It’s like… an ozone autumn one may say. It always reminded me of the Sin’dorei homelands. Wait, why does it also remind me of… someone?

“A dragon. It reminds us of that dragon of Azeroth’s blood. Delicious blood as it is, Azalora is a fresh slate. Much like we were. Or should I say… I was. Fate has dealt her a chance, unlike I. “

Hmmmm. A fresh dawn, one might say that one is. That’s right, meeting her was an interesting turn of events to start off with returning to Azeroth. Life always seems to find a way, in the strangest of places. That includes unlife. As logical as her mind is, she still has a lot to learn in her experiences.

“And that isn’t just about how she likes her cut of meat and flavor? Everyone knows there is only one way to eat a steak. Hahahaha… “

Ha! I do hope that we meet again soon. It was a most pleasant experience to have a new face to look at you as helpful and not entirely a threat. Although, that may come back to bite one in the tail. Wait… Why am I talking to myself?

“Really? We have fought against aberrations and had voices in your head so many times and you are surprised to be speaking to yourself of all people? Oh Alphus, you really haven’t been yourself for some time, have you? I suppose that comes with the fact that we haven’t been whole for so long. It reminds me of the current conflict between the Gravekeeper and the Courier. Oh, that was a most painful night, one I won’t soon forget. “

Ah. I take it you are the part of me that is Duraxxor, the name we have gone by for the past what? Decade?

“It’s been a little over fifteen years, old friend. “ 

Old friend? Look, we aren’t exactly separate entities like the two involved. You aren’t a leftover of my past; you are every bit as part of me as much as I may dislike the notion of me being a blood sucking monster. Why do you think you chose to meet with the Courier and hear her story out if she so wishes to share it?

“On the contrary, I have my pessimistic opinions that she won’t fully share. Remember, while Annaliese Handhour is a death knight, she was also a warlock in life. And with warlocks come complicated stories. Complications that they wish to not share. That is how we wound up absolutely getting our shit rocked when we tried to bargain with the Gravekeeper. We overstepped a boundary line, one might say. “

As if you really hoped to care about overstepping boundaries. That’s always been your specialty in these desolate years of conflict. Let us hope she at least forgives us for doing so in the future. Then again, you already plan to tread in waters that could already place her on our bad side by meeting with the Courier.

“Now see here, I have betrayed no one’s trust. If anything, there have already been a few betrayals already. When one doesn’t quite share their details, it is already a sign of bad faith and trust. And after we worked so hard to bring her back from her second death. “

Didn’t we also have a second death? . . . 

“That is highly exaggerated. That was merely a setback, and we are fortunate enough to have had the Lady in Red as a dear friend. An ally who understands the raw potentials of what it is we have tried to accomplish! An evolution that will secure our birthright to no longer be a curse! A monster fraternizing with another monster. “

Is that really what you tell yourself? You and I both know if she had to choose between herself and us, it would always be herself. Even so, I can’t help but feel like I know her from the past. A deep, forgotten memory that goes all the way back to my childhood? Why do you think that is? 

“That is precisely the point I wish to make about your confusion in speaking amongst yourself. Though the name Duraxxor may have come from the Scourge itself, I have always lived within you, Alphus. I am as much Alphus as you are. And yet, I am your shadow within your soul. “ 

. . . The darkest thoughts that were born from our curse. The beast of rage and the chaos that swirls within our heart. You mean to tell me you are exactly what was learned within the Shadowlands? You are that fragment of my soul that is foul and destructive? 

“I suppose if you wish to look at it that way? Yes. Except I am the beast, as you put it, that has kept us ongoing ever since you crumbled into tiny, little shards of a mirror that were once your core memories. Memories that have only returned because we finally. . . “ 

You are trailing off. You realize it too, don’t you? The woman before us at this moment. She was the key, and she has always been that key even before I died. I wish I had known sooner who I originally was in life. I wouldn’t be sitting here, holding her hand with a severed ring finger. My beloved wife. . .

“It’s not entirely your fault, Alphus. What could you do? If anything, it was my fault. It was I who chose to believe in the bitter rumors that were plastered into the minds of even our blood children. Ravlynn and Aiden couldn’t know. The legacy of that foul man was nothing more than a children’s bedtime story in their hearts. Instead of investigating that claim all those years ago, I bitterly snarled and refused to acknowledge the emotion that is love born of understanding and kindness. That is why I made the mistake of trying to wed one of my own kind. A lie in a lie. All this time, I had been chasing pieces of your wife because of old emotions I didn’t quite understand. Because as much as it pains me to admit, I am quite the malevolent thing when it comes to what makes Duraxxor. “ 

We both have our sins, Duraxxor. I have over five hundred years' worth of questionable morality. It’s not about the wrong and right we do. It’s about how we choose to live. To fight. People live and they also die. For what purpose, that is up to them even if another force chooses to intervene. And this lady. This woman. She chose to continue to live even in the worst possible conditions because she chose to hold onto hope. Hope that WE will come for her. 

“Hmph. You mean YOU come for her. This isn’t some fairy tale that w- “

Cutting yourself off again, I see. You know that was always a nasty habit. Tell me, how did the story go again? The one she told the kids. You heard it once from them, right? 

“. . .Once upon a time there was a monster, most feared by all in the land. It was a terribly angry thing, all teeth and claws. Where it walked, death followed close behind. There was also a very sad princess, who lived in the land. They say she cried so much that she put the rains to shame. The king and queen wanted the princess to marry a grand duke, but he was ugly and wicked. Rotten straight to the core. The princess cried all day and all night, because she didn’t love the duke. She could never love a man like him.”

And with good reason. Ostidal Tindervale always was quite the pisspot of a noble.

“Now that I have had the luxury of meeting that excrement, quite so. Anyhow, she told the man that she didn’t want to marry the duke, that her parents were leaving her no choice. The man took her hand, stared deep into her eyes, and told her she -always- had a choice. “

Oh, that sounds vaguely familiar. It almost sounds like something you have said once before. That WE have said before. There is always a freedom of choice.

“Are you going to keep interrupting me? The man told the princess that she could run away. He took her far away… and even though her family sent many men to retrieve her, the man killed them without mercy to protect her. that he would protect her, help her get far away from there so that she could finally be free. He was so brutal in his efforts, that it was only a matter of time before the princess realized that the man who saved her was also the monster that everyone else feared. It didn’t matter to the princess though, because by then she’d realized that she’d fallen for the monstrous man… and he was with her. “

Here comes my favorite part of the whole thing. . .  

 “They ran away together, married, KISSED… and lived happily ever after! ~ Mwah Mwah Mwah Mwah!~ “

It’s a wonder you and I haven’t died more than twice with how insufferable you can be, you know that? Do you understand now what I am getting at?

“Of course I do! Duke the puke was a horrid pisspot that never let things go. History has a tendency to repeat itself and the monster in the story was always. . . Me. “ 

It was you and I both, wasn’t it? That numb feeling even before death where one after another, we killed people that threatened our livelihood. Her livelihood. It didn’t matter who they were, what their status quo was, or even if they were the Regent Lord himself, we fought for what we felt was the right choice to make. We didn’t let others dictate it. The shadow that turned monster because the world labeled us the moment we came out of the womb. 

“And speaking of Arrydhalia, I believe it’s time I let you have the floor completely. I have… certain, internal affairs to take care of. I’m sure you will intermingle really soon. “ 

The timing was always impeccable for us both. But, as usual, he wasn’t a dishonest creature by any means. I looked upon the face of the storyteller that had passed my legacy onto our children through story. Sunken eyes with discolored skin begin to crinkle and stir as the light of the daystar bled through the window. The grasp onto the hand that lacked a wedding finger tightened. Where said finger would interlock like, the tips of chew nubs pressed against one another like some sort of a pact. No other would have this finger, just as she promised in her own, darkest hour. And yet, as the light caressed her dark curls and brought those azure eyes to creep open, I felt this desire to sing an unfamiliar song about the day.

So Good mornin’ Good mornin’ Sunbeams will soon smile through. Good mornin’ Good mornin’ to you and you and you and you.

[ Tagging for direct mentions: @azalora-the-azerite-dragoness , @gravekeeper-anna , @safrona-shadowsun , @sanguinesorceress , and a special thank you to @nyyght not only for Arrydhalia's character but the fairy tale story that started it all. ]

[ Art credits also go to the following: @frrrozi for Azalora, @handhourgalleries for Gravekeeper and Safrona, and @caladhel-iarian for Malakortana and me for the shot of Arrydhalia sound asleep. ]

[inchandescence]

Chanbaek Tarot Reading 2024

Chanbaek Tarot Reading 240320

I read 3 parts: current, 2nd half 2024 until the end of the year, and 1-2 years in the future.

Before reading please know:

If you don't believe in tarot then you don't have to and please never mock people who loves reading tarot predictions, we all have rights and our own free will, and it's not a crime.

Tarot readings are not facts, they are predictions or you can also say a glimpse of what is happening and what would happen.

How detail the reading is influenced by the reader, for myself I can't give a very detailed reading yet, so this is how I far I could do it.

Also I've read tarot for chanbaek many times since 2021 and this reading... I could say it's the most positive out of all readings I've done.

---

Current situation with chanbaek:

Keywords: healing, finding peace, contentment, seeing positives, growing to stability, steady loving relationship, privileged, new perspective, take action

Before this current time (1st half of 2024) chanbaek had a series of hard time in their relationship, doesn't have to be because of themselves, could be bcs of many other factors, but bcs of those issues they experienced some kind of slow down BUT now at this time they finally healed and able to make peace, so I think the issues are more to last year (2023) cus I read them too last year and yes they were having issues here and there, with external people too. Now they finally felt content of the resolution and they can see the positive outcomes. Because of them finally moving on to a better time for their relationship, at the same time their relationship is growing to stability and is going to be steady. FYI, in the past years when people read tarot for chanbaek, it's already predicted that they are going to reach a stable and steady period of their relationship SOMEDAY when they are both ready. And I believe... this current time is going to be that beginning. Additionally, they will be able to see their past mistakes, reflect, and learn, and be open to new perspectives, they both know what they want and what each other want, and they will no longer beat around the bush, they will immediately take action now, all for their relationship.

---

The rest of 2024 (the 2nd half until the end of the year):

Keywords: party, celebration, gathering, family, stability, caring, home, but also business, domestic comfort, support, helping each other, openness (discussion, sharing)

Okay... like kinda crazy bcs I feel like we have been given a glimpse of chanbaek's stable and steady and very domestic life as a couple (finally) and it also begins with some kind of a party, celebration, gathering with family. What im getting is!! This year baekhyun will finish kyoongcon and chanyeol will finally either release PCY1 or reveal the first official hint for PCY1 and like both of them worked so hard for all of their individual projects 1-3rd quarter and they finish them well! So at the end of 2024 they will be having holiday and party and celebrate with family hehe and also after this celebration I think chanbaek won't like rest assured, both of them will go back to work right away and they might think its gonna be a little harder bcs they both alr achieved many great things in 2024 and 2025 the standard will be even higher but both of them will have this kind of worry and they will be open to each other about this! They will share and discuss their plans, whats next, whats good, they will always be there for each other no matter what.Oh adding to this!! I think both will be living that double income couple life so well you know.. like they go to work, do business, they go home, sleep tgt, eat tgt, really happy workaholic couple 😂

---

Chanbaek Future!! 1-2 years later

Keywords:

"quality time with people you cherish in your life"

"turning romantic wishes into reality"

connection and commitment

Okay I feel like the result isnt as detailed as the first 2 questions' results BUT still this is a glimpse of what the future holds for their relationship and the answer indicates they will spend more time tgt compared to this year or previous year, they will have more quality time with each other and people around them, and they will build that connection as a commited couple who will walk to their future together. Also a card describes chanbaek's commited relationship as an air sign, I'm an air sign myself and I feel like this is really really good, being an air sign is wonderful and just the best because like air sign is a sign of freedom and humanity, air sign likes to fly away yet at the same time, they know when to stop flying and rest for a bit and look what is happening under the sky. This is a healthy relationship, both chanbaek will get the freedom they want as both are very independent, but also when they need each other and care about each other, they will be together. Like their relationship has this good set of boundaries but also uncountable empathy.

---

P.S.: While wedding/engagement is possible but what I feel is more to celebrating their achievements in 2024 hehe BUT WHO KNOWS

I suddenly have the urge to read tarot bcs of the penshoppe x bench thingy haha i feel like it gives more hm how do i say it, it adds one more "red string" to chanbaek, what i mean is now theres another thing that connects both of them so their energy tgt will become stronger

[annawayne]

Hello there!

I've been looking through your page for a while and I LOVE your art! Every piece is so stunning and detailed and beautiful and I don't have enough words to explain how I could stare at each piece for hours.

I'm a traditional artist (as far as skill goes I'd say I'm intermediate) looking to get into digital art and could use some help from a professional. I have no idea where to begin but I really wanna be like you someday!!! If you have any tips or anything I'd appreciate it a lot!

Anon T///T

You literally made me like this, and it's not even an exaggeration

I'm honestly so, so grateful for your words and I'm just speechless that you think SO highly of my arts T^T (even tho I couldn't call myself a professional...) And I want to thank you for telling me this and also for your time observing my drawings! I honestly try to put a lot into it, and I'm just so happy to know people take time to explore it, thank you!

As for your question, you know, it's quite ironic because I also started with traditional art.

And the best advice from me to you, first of all, don't be afraid. I honestly spent a lot of time being scared to start digital because I was always feeling "no, I should be better in traditional, so I can start digital". In fact, it's TWO absolutely different fields. No doubt, they have the same basic ground, however, the approaches that define your creativity flow differ, and that's why I want to advise you the next things, and, if I'm being honest, these words I wish I said to my past self, so I hope it'll help you, at least!

1.Your traditional skills are valuable and irreplaceable, that you gained by your hard work, patience and dedication, and it deserves a lot of appreciation - you went so far, anon, and congratulations on that! But... In digital art, these skills now have a new meaning: some of them, like basic understanding of anatomy, lightning, composition and work with colours, are incredibly useful, but everything else should be now renewed. It doesn't mean that your skills don't have any practical use, but it should be now reflected and fit into the new perspective. Starting from the way you hold your stylus to the way you work with volumes in your art, all of it should be now adjusted to digital, however, I'm telling you all of it not to scare, but only to support you, since when you try to adjust to these new rules, there's always some discomfort, you would compare with the way you drew in traditional and eventually, the result won't be the same as it was in traditional and it could discourage you. But it's absolutely not your problem! Any change requires some time to get used to the new circumstances, with moving from traditional art to digital - all the same! So, my first advice is give yourself time to get used to the new environment and the new challenges. With time it'll get better, no doubt about it!

2. Use ALL the possibilities of the digital software. Flip your canvas, use a lot of different layers, layer modes, use Liquify tool, transformation and move around the selected part of the drawing, and don't think it's "cheating". No! It's all of your new instruments and it's all here to help you.

3. Be prepared that your colour palette will be differently visible from different devices - laptop, phone, tablet - all of it will have slightly different colorization/saturation, so when you play with the colours, please remember to check it sometimes on different gadgets. I was a victim of it, too, and some of my arts have a very bad work with colour volumes, which resulted in a colorization mess...

I think that it's one of the most important things to start with, and especially - don't be afraid, anon! You're much more capable than you think you are, and digital drawing is just another step in your creative journey!

I apologise if this advice was not so helpful and maybe you expected something else, but if you want advice on something more precise, please ask me and I'll do my best to help as much as possible and if I'm competent enough.

Thank you once again for your kind words, I honestly appreciate it so, so much!

[sleepy-aletheas]

One of the more fascinating things in gaming over the years is to see how people dismiss or are tired of psychotic/hallucination and delusion driven MCs, who struggle with their trauma and inner conflict that sadly can become an external obstacle.

Randomly remembering how much I liked watching people play 'Layers of Fear' and be completely immersed in it, because "Oh yeah, shit can be wild, right?" just to realize that it's not really a universal experience, and then hearing people thinking of it as cliche or a tired trope is...kinda disheartening. Like yeah, I too get tired of what my brain tosses under my feet; now I would love to have an on/off switch for it like these games allow us to use, please and thank you.

It's not like games can capture my experience 100%, since I am me with my psychosis, and I am not someone else having psychosis; games being more distilled versions of afflictions, conditions, trauma responses, is just one way for interpretation and exploration of those topics. Going into a piece of media expecting a 1:1 representation of me will result in inevitable disappointment. But seeing other versions of it, different angles and associations and feelings attached to it, it helps with reflection and self-improvement, even if that improvement is just in feeling more comfortable with myself or finding new ways to describe things to bridge the gap between me and everyone else.

Is it fun and quirky to see schizophrenics always depicted as inherently harmful monsters that will murder anyone in a fit of rage? No; that part just makes me scared that I'm an inescapable ticking bomb, and that there is no redemption or help for that. It's tiresome, it's demeaning, it sucks all hope out of life that is already demonizing our existence.

Is it fascinating to see different hallucinations and delusions and messed up senses from a 3rd person perspective that I don't have to live through myself? Yes. It helps me catch onto my own episodes, and it makes it less scary to know I can push through it. It also helps to feel more human, more connected to others that aren't like me, but also aren't not like me.

I just wish psychosis and schizophrenia (and related things) were treated as more than tropes, entertainment, or used for shock value. We could have so much media around it, so many different stories and interpretations and outcomes, but we still only get the same three storylines and two outcomes, at best.

[the-stove-is-divorced]

Can you imagine the angst if Nolan decided against killing the other heroes at the last second, stopping his world-conquering? He was already kind of unwilling and desperate but went through with it because that was his mission and there was no other option (is what he thinks). He rationalized his actions to himself, and in the end, echoed them back at Mark, hoping to convince him: The people on earth don't live that long. If they die now or in 50 years, it doesn't matter. Forming strong attachments to them is similar to the friendship between humans and dogs; you like them, so you keep them around, but they live much shorter lives, they can be "replaced" and the next friendship can be just as nice. Earth is so far behind in every aspect (science, medicine, economy, resources,...) that Viltrumites are doing Earth a favor. If they refuse to submit, killing them is always an option, it doesn't change anything in the big picture. His mission is a good thing, the strong over the weak. And the weak do anything to aid the strong. Nolan is doing good. Can't Mark see that?

The reason why Nolan spends so much time trying to get Mark on his side and then finally quitting when Mark refuses, is because he actually cared. His family is not just some pet to him. Maybe it was in the beginning, but he's long since started caring much more deeply for Debbie and their son. He was dragging his feet with his mission, waiting until almost the last possible second to set it into motion and then just not doing anything after killing the other heroes. He was standing around, waiting for Mark to get better at controlling his powers and hiding the evidence of his crimes. Albeit, how he went about this was questionable. It's almost like he was hoping that being discovered would make it impossible to turn back, taking the decision out of his hands.

The other Viltrumites that we've seen in the show were not even slightly as emotional as Nolan. They would have done anything -- anything -- to finish their mission.

After he leaves, he's obviously heartbroken and reflects upon his actions. Even after making a new kid like he said he would, he was still thinking of Debbie and Mark. He wants to mend the burned bridges and go back to his family, to the time when he was happy.

He realized what he'd lost after it was already too late. But what if he gets that realization much earlier? What if Mark still gets his powers and Nolan still gets cold feet, except this time he almost loses Debbie and Mark, while he's on the other side of the planet saving people with the Guardians of the Globe?

He comes back to Debbie lying in a coma with multiple broken bones and Mark having his spine broken, his healing factor not yet working properly. Mark is looking at him like everything'll be okay now, like Nolan will make things right again. He wouldn't know how. They both wait for Debbie to wake up, unable to leave her side, unable to risk anything happening to her again while they're gone. A few weeks later, Debbie wakes up and Mark has completely healed.

Nolan has made a decision. He won't lose his family again and Viltrum is a threat to his new-old home.

Now, he has to grapple with ALL THIS while also holding off the other Viltrumites, trying to work up a plan to break the news of his actually hella dangerous people to Earth, trying to keep as much of a positive reputation as he could possibly achieve, getting Mark better at controlling his powers, saving his marriage, and saving his own sanity.

A fic from Nolan's perspective in this AU would be heartbreaking and so so so satisfying. OMG. Btw, this is not a fic request, just an idea I wanted to share. If you want to write this or take inspiration from it, go right ahead! But please tell me what you think first?

I THINK IT'S HELLA INTERESTING! (*´▽`*)

My b this took a hot min, I wasn't feeling too hot for a bit. But, personally, my writer brain's narrow and there's like one character per series I can actually make myself write about, and that slot's been taken by Mark for Invincible's. But I LOVE THIS? (♡°▽°♡)

Nolan in s1 feels incredibly cold and indifferent, or at least trying to commit to the role of what he’s supposed to be, but when we finally get the context of how other Viltramites behave, Nolan suddenly looks like an emotional wreck whose brain is nearly exploding from unlocking the neurological pathways reserved for things like empathy or genuine regret. Him screaming about why does he care in s2, hits so much harder in that context. Mf's brain is steaming to process caring about other people. I love him. Also hate him. I contain multitudes.

I do think it’s possible for him to have folded and embrace the connections he cares about, and it is SO intriguing thinking about a universe where he commits to protector Earth because he almost lost his family!! Taken seriously by Guardians/Cecil, I can see Mark and Nolan would still be painted as potential betrayers of Earth (when/if he confesses), especially if Nolan admits who he was supposed to slaughter, but The Guardians and Cecil would have to work with him anyway!! The fear of Debbie staying in a coma would hits so hard too, but the guilt and etc would be sooooo interesting to explore with Nolan!!!

Imagine him trying to reveal this? Sharing this with the family he nearly lost knowing he could lose them again emotionally by revealing this? To his coworkers and Cecil? AGAIN TO DEBBIE? Imagine explaining to your wife you said NVM to colonizing the planet 'cause you realized you loved her family. Insane. I love it so much, oh my god??? If you have any more ideas about this PLEASE add on!!! (╯✧▽✧)╯

But the idea of him keeping the secret, and like you said, trying desperately to make his reputation/connections utterly perfect and incredible in the mean time? Does he ever tell them or does a Viltramite come down instead? Does he tell Allen even??? This is such a yummy twist of what secret is unfolding??? Just Nolan having to grapple with how much he cares when he nearly loses them, how much far he's willing to go to the point of rebellion??? YES PLEASE??? ( ` ∇ ´ ) !!!! Put this man in the worst emotional crisis of his entire life time. Suffer from the weight of connection, of caring, of growth and love. To protect what you love. I LOVE IT.

[imakemywings]

You have some of the best takes on the events that happened in Silmarillion and I wanted to know your opinion/stance on something. Do you consider Fingolfin an 'usurper' when Feanor and Finwe left in exile? Because as someone new in the fandom (there's honestly a lot to unpack), so many interpretations/takes believe he was actually trying to usurp Feanor (*sighs* typical feanorian apologists/followers). I myself didn't see him as a usurper, I thought he was taking the initiative to become a leader because his father (I understand Finwe was well-loved more than Indis, but he pisses me off on so many levels, dude was so bad at being a dad, he should've never desire for more children if he's going to neglect them in the end) joined Feanor (eww favoritism) in exile and that left Tirion kingless. So why were people whining that he was a 'usurper'? I'll never get that.

Aw thank you, I'm glad you enjoy them! (*/ω＼*) This book really gets my brain whirring. There is definitely a lot to unpack, and my views on events and characters has absolutely changed in the last two years since I first read the book and have had more time to re-read it and reflect.

Fingolfin as a usuper is a fanon notion and it's not one I buy into. I think it goes hand-in-hand with the take that Feanor and Fingolfin are both equally responsible for the state of their relationship, which is not true. Feanor began this, Feanor escalated it, and Feanor was the first to bring weapons and deadly threats into it. Even if Fingolfin at times retaliated or started squabbles of his own, I still see Feanor as the primary instigator of their "rivalry," particularly considering it's noted that he also doesn't like Finarfin (it's just that he sees Fingolfin, as Indis' oldest son, as a greater threat, so Fingolfin gets more of his (negative) attention).

Going under a cut because as usual I rambled lol

However, I don't really agree that Finwe was a notably terrible father. I mean certainly you can read that into it, it's just not how I prefer to read it. Finwe made mistakes, as many parents in Silm did, but I don't think he didn't love his other children or that he obviously and outright preferred Feanor to the others, and I don't see any evidence that he neglected Indis' kids. I think he followed Feanor into exile because he felt very strongly Feanor had been wronged by the Valar and wanted to make a statement about it, and perhaps he felt he needed to be even more vocal in taking Feanor's side throughout his life because of what happened with Miriel (particularly given Feanor's tendency to view himself as the victim already). It is also relevant to note I think that they were most likely all adults when this happened, so it's not that he was abandoning minor children.

Was it irresponsible to leave Tirion kingless? Yeah, totally. Right after their crown prince was exiled for publicly threatening the life of his own family member? Bound to be a chaotic time in the city (relative to the past, not to things to come :')) Finwe is someone who I can see being a little myopic--he's not always good at seeing alternative perspectives once he's staked his own out and it causes him not to see the consequences that might come of his actions. But character flaws like this are what make them interesting to me, because it makes me curious how one as beloved as Finwe nevertheless ends up making several crucial mistakes that help set the stage for the rebellion of the Noldor.

As to Fingolfin, I think his willingness to forgive Feanor--and Feanor's tacit rejection, or at least failure to accept--says a lot about the state of their relationship. Now you could argue Fingolfin was just doing a PR move--even that he knew or suspected Feanor would not accept his forgiveness, which would make Feanor look completely unreasonable next to Fingolfin--but I tend to think he was genuine, because I think Tolkien would have said or hinted if he'd done it with an eye towards his own image.

First, when Feanor is first brought before the Valar for judgement for threatening Fingolfin's life, and it is revealed that he has been influenced by Melkor, there's this:

"...and Mandos said to him: '...for twelve years thou shalt leave Tirion where this threat was uttered...But after that time this matter shall be set in peace and held redressed, if others will release thee.' Then Fingolfin said in answer: 'I will release my brother.' But Feanor spoke no word in answer, standing silent before the Valar."

Even here, where Feanor is on trial for drawing a weapon on him--which has NEVER happened in Tirion--Fingolfin still refers to Feanor as his brother, and Feanor does not acknowledge it. Fingolfin, if he truly wanted to usurp Feanor, could have easily refused to release Feanor or make amends, and perhaps Feanor would have then been subject to longer banishment or other additional punishment. But he doesn't seem to hesitate to offer his release.

Then, the moment on Taniquetil when Manwe calls them all to the home of the Valar:

"Nevertheless he [Feanor] met Fingolfin before the throne of Manwe, and was reconciled, in word; and Fingolfin set at naught the unsheathing of the sword. For Fingolfin held forth his hand, saying: 'As I promised, I do now. I release thee, and remember no grievance.' Then Feanor took his hand in silence; but Fingolfin said: 'Half-brother in blood, full brother in heart will I be. Thou shalt lead and I will follow. May no new grief divide us.' 'I hear thee,' said Feanor. 'So be it.'"

This encounter follows a similar structure to the first: Fingolfin offers forgiveness, Feanor neither accepts nor openly rejects it. Once again, Fingolfin had his life threatened by Feanor's tantrums; he has every right here to be angry and withhold his forgiveness, but he doesn't. Not only does he release Feanor from the consequences of his actions, he really seems to be trying to heal the bond between them. Again, you can disbelieve that he's genuine here--but I read this as sincere, and I think Tolkien would've told us if it wasn't, or even if Fingolfin had ulterior motives in addition to wanting to heal this divide.

The only time during Feanor's life when Fingolfin really competes with him is during the Flight of the Noldor. Fingolfin leads the larger host of the Noldor to Alqualonde, but this occurs by choice of the Noldor, not because Fingolfin was trying to steal Feanor's following. He comes along only because he doesn't want to leave those who would follow Feanor to Feanor's whims, given how unreasonable and unpredictable he's been lately, and more of the Noldor are willing to follow Fingolfin than to follow Feanor. He could have also chosen to remain behind in Tirion, where he could have made a very easy claim on the throne--but he goes along, because he's convinced it's the right thing to do.

Part of the point of Feanor's mindset in Aman is that it was unfounded, until his own actions seem to give him confirmation he was right. If Fingolfin really had been gunning for his position, then Feanor was not paranoid, and his fears were not unfounded, and to me that undermines a central pillar of the pre-Darkening situation in Tirion, which is that Feanor was terrified of something that would never come, which Melkor took advantage of by making him believe it was coming. Feanor is afraid that Fingolfin will take his place--and by Feanor's own actions Fingolfin ends up ruling in Tirion. But Feanor doesn't see that connection in his madness--he sees only that what he feared has come to pass, even just temporarily.

"With him into banishment went his seven sons...Thither also came Finwe the King, because of the love he bore to Feanor; and Fingolfin ruled the Noldor in Tirion. Thus the lies of Melkor were made true in seeming, though Feanor by his own deeds had brought this thing to pass..."

A key phrase here is lies of Melkor. Melkor LIED when he told Feanor that Fingolfin wanted to take his place. He saw Feanor's fears and insecurities and found some lies that Feanor would be all too willing to believe, and made sure they were whispered into Feanor's ears, so that he would take them as truth.

All of this says to me that Fingolfin had no designs on the throne, that Feanor imagined or created their rivalry himself, and that Melkor simply took advantage of Feanor's irrational fears which he had never put to bed after his father's remarriage.

So to sum up this whole thing: No, I don't buy "Fingolfin the Usurper."

[kitsunerokko]

"When destruction came for our lonesome island, the Turaga knew it would be time for a new group of heroes to arrive. They would be our protectors, our champions... our Toa. But surely something must be afoot. Those chosen by the stones surely cannot be Dosa Nui's heroes! They had, and continue to have, many... problems, that don't inspire confidence in the Turaga, or myself. Their forms even seem as if the Great Spirit saw our image of the ideal Toa and twisted them. They are not the heroes we wanted, but they are the heroes we've got. And so I must, I must believe in them. Or we are all lost." -Chrouhi the Chronicler

So in the past two days I decided to give my OC Toa team a bit of a facelift, reflecting more of what I've learned of using stud.io since my older renders of the team!

Background Image in the Group Photo is edited from a Creative Commons photo by Horia Varlan.

And for individual character blurbs (written from the perspective of the Chronicler character, and so adescribe them before their character development), can be found after the jump!

"Takara is the team's Toa of Fire. His Toa Tools are the Grand Firestaff and the Flare Buster. As I've chronicled many, many, MANY times, he's long been something of a troublemaker, with pranks, ill-thought-out plans, and plenty of disruption. Including intruding on the duties of yours truly. He initially was considered the leader, until his boneheadedness led to disasterous results and lost him the team's respect. Being a Toa has not changed him one bit, much to my dismay."

"Kaumi is the team's Toa of Water. Her Toa Tools are the Mariner's Boneblade and the Zamor Soaker. She is very headstrong and stubborn, never giving up until she gets her way, no matter whom she may anger. Despite her butting heads with, well, anyone, she has at least proven she has a good heart. I've lost count of how many times she was the head of positive social change in our island's history. No doubt this is why she is leader of the Toa Dosa now."

"Okolu is the team's Toa of Ice. His Toa Tools are the Ice Axe, Zamor Snowshot, and, bizarrely, the Hot-Plasma Launcher. He's... eccentric, is the nicest way to put it. He's got lots of positive energy for sure, but seems to have absolutely no filter and other people always seem to be bothered by him. It's actually kind of sad... especially since he's the source of the current singular friendship among the Toa. Granted, this friendship is with Takara so who knows where that influence will end up. Hopefully Okolu's version of 'annoying' wins, personally."

"Kraani is the Team's Toa of Air. His Toa Tools are the Exoskel Shield and the Airblaster. I've heard complaint after complaint about this guy and his snooty, better-than-everyone-else attitude as a Matoran. And much like the others, no change seen so far as a Toa. While he claims to be more effective and smarter than the rest of the team, he has displayed no such standout prowess, though he blames this on his teammates. A Toa really needs to understand the value of teamwork or the team.. will not work."

"Opuro is the Team's Toa of Stone. His Toa Tools are the Twin Dirk and the Chain Ripper. Opuro is extremely competitive and I've written many incident reports where he took things very far when playing sports, doing tasks... if there's a measurable way to outperform someone at something, he'll do it. Sort of like, if Kraani could actually back up his ego. That's Opuro, though at least Opuro is nicer, somewhat. He seems to at least want others to 'get as good' as him, relishing worthy challenges. As such, after becoming Toa he has been very excited, perhaps even too excited, to fight. We'll see if he can last like that..."

"Leonu is the Team's Toa of Earth...? I think. I've never actually seen him use his elemental powers, and apparently no one else has either. Kaumi thinks he might be of another element entirely, and I may be inclined to believe that. I actually don't have much on him compared to the others, he's almost never come up in any news or events I've covered. And interviewing various Matoran around Dosa Nui doesn't yield much either. He's just, very quiet, very keeps to himself, to the degree people just don't know much about him. Anyway, his Toa Tools... the Inika Staff and the Laser Drill."

[summerinbali]

age is just a number, they said.

Dalam film 3 Hari Untuk Selamanya, Yusuf bilang bahwa ada umur yang penting, yaitu 27 tahun dan 29 tahun.

“Pas lo umur 27, lo akan mengambil sebuah keputusan penting yang akan mengubah hidup lo”

“Pas lo umur 29, posisi Bumi sama Planet Saturnus itu balik lagi di posisi yang sama waktu lo lahir. Nah Planet Saturunus itu, planet yang mempengaruhi alam bawah sadar lo. Itu semua, naluri alamiah lo, keluar semua. Meledak!”

I'm in between those numbers. When I was 27, I remember several doors were closed before me. The feeling that came up was forgiveness. I don't know, though; maybe this is too close to reflect and look back at things back then.

But the feeling of being 28 years old now is weird. There's an urge to fix my life. I am grateful for this life! But I realized I might have taken a few wrong steps. Hence, I am now trying to make things better—not necessarily fixing the steps but fixing life in general. I've been feeling more alive lately, which is good.

So, I think the ages of 27 and 28 might be the purification years? Towards a better and newer me. I'm trying to reach my peak and make my life better with wiser decisions.

I'm trying to find a balance between letting go and taking control.

Nobody said that growing up actually happens when you're in your 20s. When you're 20-something, this is the time when you relearn life in a new perspective and in a way nobody ever told you before. When you were a child or a teenager, somebody (a parent, perhaps) always told you how to do things, even how to navigate your life. But in the 20-something, no one is around to tell you things. The lack of ability to navigate life is making these 20-somethings lost and having a tough time living. Geez, some of them do not know how to do basic cooking or laundry (including myself).

So when we reach our early 20s, we feel like we are learning about life and living again. It's like you're the dumbest person on earth. We also tend to make stupid decisions, which is fine! We're learning anyway?! When 25 hits us, we still feel like dumb people with many mistakes. We realize depression or anxiety may be because our fight or flight mode is activated to survive these early years of being an adult. When we're 27-28, we earn a new perspective through a hard time during a quarter-life crisis, making us crazy again, and life seems 1000x harder. 29 may save us. We finally understand how life works, how this mind works, how the universe works, we finally figured this all a little better. Or at least we got into the acceptance stage where we can say c'est la vie in a more sincere way.

And boom, there we have it, 30 -- the thirty, flirty, and thriving age.

I'm just hoping that this will get better. I will finally accept this is life. Well, I'm always grateful for this good life. But some rough patches are REALLY HARD. I don't mind growing as long as it makes me somehow and somewhat better. I love me a little upgrade!

But, I'll give you a little update! I mean, I've been here since I was 13. That was 15 years ago (fuck....). And I've always written my growth process since I was 20. So, it's been 8 years I wrote about my growth in the hope for the better.

To conclude, it got better now. 28 feels so good. I used to be so scared of getting older. But 28 is sooo good. I look hotter, better, prettier. I think I have a better personality. I did so many things I wish I could when I was 20-22. So, yea, it's all good. Less depression, more anxious. But these days, less (very much less) anxiety. I did positive affirmations, I set my mind to things that I want, I'm learning more about myself.

[fereldanwench]

(I feel the need to make a small disclaimer: I am going to be talking about my perceptions about the CP77 fandom culture, some of which might be critical in nature, but this is not a call-out post on an individual or community scale. This is just me sharing some personal reflections. I suspect I'm not totally alone in some of this, but as always, YMMV.

Also, pleasepleaseplease do not feel bad or guilty for reaching out to me or tagging me in stuff or whatever--It means a lot to me that folks wanna chat and connect, and normally I'm 100% down, but I just need to clear my head a bit.)

So I've been ruminating a lot over the past few weeks about my ability to maintain a certain level of activity when it comes to fandom stuff, and I've concluded that my fandom social battery is really, really low.

I'm having a hard time keeping up with DMs, I'm having a hard time keeping up with tag games, I'm having a hard time keeping up with asks, I'm having a hard time keeping up with all the awesome stuff y'all are making--I'm just burnt out socially. And normally I would just take a social media break, but I think this is coming from deeper personal issues that a week offline isn't going to fix.

I've never been in a fandom before where I felt like there was this expectation to keep up with just about every single person in the community. It might be a false expectation I'm putting on myself, but given that I've seen other people apologize for not being able to keep up with posts or apologize for not having the spoons to leave nice tags on reblogs, I don't think this is just a me problem.

The CP77 fandom is relatively small compared to many of my other fandoms, like Dragon Age or Mass Effect, which I think can make it feel like keeping up with a good chunk of the community is totally feasible. For instance, I knew I could never dream of seeing all the DA content on Tumblr, so I never even made the effort to, but I know I can probably get just about everyone who posts in the femvfriday hastag by a certain time. So I often felt like I should do that, especially if I posted in the tag that Friday, too.

But the CP77 fandom is also really active, I think in large part due to the accessibility of photomode and virtual photography. I hope it's clear that I'm not saying this to diminish the value of VP, and obviously, everyone's mileage may vary based on personal technique and other artistic experience, but from my perspective, it does in general seem to be a quicker medium than traditional art or fic. I love the creativity of this community, but I actually can't feasibly keep up with everything everyone is doing all the time.

I made sort of a similar post last fall about the self-imposed pressure of having to create new things on a regular basis. At the time, I was grappling with losing a lot of personal time and brain power after having COVID in September and then working overtime in October, and I wasn't able to make stuff at the rate I had previously. I knew it was ridiculous, I knew no one was like "omg wench didn't post today, shame on her," but there was still FOMO on my part. I also felt like I had lost something I had previously had (specifically the time and energy to create) on account of shitty circumstances, which compounded my frustration.

I've been trying to tell myself that feeling guilty for not having the energy to reply to DMs in a timely fashion or to reblog every femvfriday post is just as silly and self-imposed, and that I don't need to explain to anyone that I just don't have the energy to participate like that right now. I've always been a very strong advocate for people using Tumblr how they want, and while yes, doing things like reblogging posts is a great way to connect with other people and show appreciation to fellow creators and I do encourage people who want to be a part of a community to do these things, it should never feel like an obligation. (The commentary on this post absolutely nails it for me.)

But this guilt and anxiety are harder to shake. Even in my very early days in the CP77 fandom, I noticed that it seemed very transactional to me. And to a point that makes sense, and I think is at least somewhat the result of Tumblr's functionality: you are going to be more likely to notice people who notice you and by extension to support people who support you. I don't think it's inherently a bad thing, but I think it can become one if there's no deeper connection after a certain point, especially if people start to feel like there's an imbalance in the transaction.

The gossipy nature of this fandom can make that even worse--It can be pretty easy to notice a drop-off in activity from someone who might have previously been very supportive and then spiral from "it's just because they're busy, it's fine" to "they're not interacting with me anymore because they heard something bad about me and now they hate me." (I've been on both sides of that one.) There are also a lot of assumptions about cliques and friendships and who's interacting with whom because of fandom politics or whatever that add another layer of stress and confusion here.

So for the past few weeks, every time I go to reblog a post or reply to a comment or consider who to tag after doing a tag game, all of this is weighing on me. Even if it's stupid, even if it's self-imposed, this is what is on my mind.

And what that's been resulting in is largely just not wanting to interact at all. Sometimes it would even make me feel guilty about posting my own stuff if I hadn't interacted with anyone else's in a while, as if I need to support other people in order to earn the privilege to share my own work. And this is of course reflective of much deeper issues I have (read: eldest daughter syndrome) than just fandom nonsense--I'm not putting this one on fandom at all--But it's a thing I deal with.

At some point in the past six month or so, I really lost sight of what this blog is really for, and that's for me. I do generally like interacting with the fandom at large, and I like organizing things and sharing resources that I think can be helpful for folks (especially since I really struggled with how much knowledge was locked behind Discord servers), but my blog is not actually a space for the CP77 community. It is for me, first and foremost, and I need to make it for me again.

I don't know exactly what that's gonna look like. I still consider CP77 my main fandom, and I don't really have much inclination to create or engage in other fictional worlds right now so it might not really look that much different. And I'm hoping that by removing some of this stress, it'll actually recharge my social battery so I can be better at doing the fun stuff like chatting about OCs and shippy stuff with friends.

But my activity here will probably be a lot more erratic as I reclaim this as a happy space for myself.

So that's it. And as always, if you read all of my personal problems, thank you, lmao. I know I'm ridiculous, and it's not that serious, and blah blah blah but THIS IS HOW I WORK THROUGH SHIT OKAY thx

[regnantlight]

This episode of Cinema Therapy gives me so many Zelda feelings.

So many points here are lessons she learns on her way to her Elder Verse, in which she is the true embodiment of wisdom (the Uncle Iroh of Hyrule, if you will.)

It’s the importance of choosing peace. Choosing gratitude. Choosing happiness.

The choice not to be defined by your mistakes but to learn from them and share your wisdom.

You get one life, and you’re the one who steers the ship: so steer it in a direction that brings you joy.

Everyone’s behavior makes sense to them. Everyone’s perspective makes sense to them. And if you have enough humility to say, “Help me see what you’re thinking and why you’re doing what you’re doing, help me to see through your eyes so that I can not only understand you, but also learn and grow myself. That is how bridges are built.

This paragraph here is SUCH a big moment in Zelda’s character arc because this is what she does. This is her tonal-shift moment with Link. Where she stops, reflects on her actions, decides they aren’t fair, apologizes, and then works on getting to know his perspective.

Her journal entry literally says—

“I always believed him to be simply a gifted person who had never faced a day of hardship. How wrong I was...

Everyone has struggles that go unseen by the world... I was so absorbed with my own problems, I failed to see his.

I wish to talk with him more and to see what lies beneath those calm waters, to hear him speak freely and openly...

And perhaps I, too, will be able to bare my soul to him and share the demons that have plagued me all these years.”

Zelda’s cognitive behavior therapy in which she “shifts of way of thinking to experience joy and peace.” She doesn’t want to be 100 years into the future in BOTW. She doesn’t want 99% of her loved ones to be dead and her only home in ruins. It’s not a great situation, and she could dwell on the failures of it (and sometimes she does think about that) but ultimately, her reaction is—

“I believe in my heart that if we all work together, we can restore Hyrule to its former glory. Perhaps…even beyond.” Democracy, you say?

“I can no longer hear the voice inside the sword. I suppose it would make sense if my power had dwindled over the last 100 years....I'm surprised to admit it...but I can accept that. "

She’s focusing on what she can control, what actions she can take, and choosing to find peace, happiness, and acceptance in this new life.

This episode mentions “people who aren’t happy until they’re satisfied,” which means they are never happy, because satisfaction is a constantly moving goal post. And this is Zelda to a T. It’s still her even in this new state of shifted perspectives and understanding, but she’s on her long, long journey out of it.

Also, Carl Roger’s on, “What people need is to feel loved and accepted. So we can address problematic behaviors or thinking patterns that aren’t serving you, but what you need to know is that you have worth and that you’re loved.”

BOOM. What a mic drop moment. This is precisely what Zelda needs and it’s what she learns to give as she gets older. There’s hints of it now. The episode goes on to mention that Iroh can always find something positive to give a genuine compliment, and Zelda’s much the same. As harsh as she is on herself, she can see so many factors of what make other people and she can appreciate their strengths, even if it’s not one that’s initially obvious.

“The pursuit of perfection is exhausting and you’re never going to get there.” Read that again, Zelda. “The pursuit of connection can also be exhausting, but you can get there…and once you achieve it, it will be replenishing.”

Yes 👏 Yes 👏 Yes 👏

“We’re happy to give help because we feel powerful and virtuous when we’re helping others…but accepting help is harder because we feel weak…if that’s true, then we’re all weak, and we can just accept that. But there is no weakness in needing help. Everybody does. And being able to ask for it, or accept it when it’s offered is a virtue. It’s not a vice. It’s a strength.”

The way that this could be a direct quote from Zelda herself…my HEART.

I have basically quoted this entire episode but it’s heckin’ great and I recommend watching it. I’ll be here sitting in my Zelda feels. 😂

[ina-nis]

Interesting post on r/AVPD

Signs you grew up chronically lonely -> Chasing and clinging emotionally to others. -> Over-talking/oversharing whenever there is someone to talk to. -> Feeling like you're the "disposable" person in the group. -> Maladaptive day dreaming. -> Become infatuated with people who show interest in you. -> Constantly apologizing and excessive helpfulness. -> Super active imagination (world building or rescuing someone). -> Feeling isolated even if you're around people. -> Becoming obsessive with friendships. -> Constantly talking to yourself. -> Strong connection to animals or plants. -> Make up stories to make yourself seem "tough" for attention or connection.

I wanted to break it down and add my perspective, considering there will be people (as in the comments of the post) who will dismiss these as phenomenons everyone goes through: what separates "typical" and "disordered" is usually intensity and amount. Most of these are not essentially "bad" things, it becomes a problem when it's too much and ongoing.

It will be different for each person and my own perspective is tinged with experiences of complex trauma (probably as the baseline of my mental disorders), so that will probably reflect how I see and experience them:

-> Chasing and clinging emotionally to others

Story of my life, and probably the reason why it took me so damn long to actually build a self-esteem and sense of self. When you spend so many years chasing after others, living in their shadows, people-pleasing and just trying to fit in general, there's high chances you will not be able to get to know yourself.

Of course, this is the kind of thing that backfires because if you have an unstable sense of self, everything else in your life gets unstable too, including relationships. You probably don't have standards or boundaries and every new connection is risky to you (because you might not know better).

-> Over-talking/oversharing whenever there is someone to talk to

To me, I guess a huge part of the issue is my anxiety... I tend to over-talk/overshare out of nervousness, embarrassment, etc. If I find someone I feel safe to talk to, I'll probably say too much too soon.

When I look at that now, I think it's a way to try to get them to stay with me? "Hey, I'm being very vulnerable and confiding in you... I'd love you to do the same, too, because I'd love to talk more." That kind of stuff I guess? When you show your vulnerable sides, or when you're friendly, or both, people tend to soften and try to empathize with you (not always).

-> Feeling like you're the "disposable" person in the group

These got much worse as I got older and learned better, and it was only confirmed over and over, considering none of my connections remain.

Really hard to digest. I don't even think it is possible... I don't really know why this happens but it probably has to do with shallowness in relationships. If you keep things superficial - either by sticking with safe topics, or only talking about shared interests, etc - relationships can't grow and get stagnant. Stagnant relationships can be very burdensome and it is understandable when they're cut off or fade away.

-> Maladaptive day dreaming

That comes with being mentally ill I guess? You build a world of fantasy inside of your head because reality is really painful and you're unable to cope.

It got a lot better for me because I got a lot better at dissociating/numbing myself (so... not much better at all, huh?).

-> Become infatuated with people who show interest in you

I dislike this because it basically describes my current situation: I live for love and I'm always seeking it, even though I don't quite want to. It's very easy for me to develop a crush on people and fall in love because of how much those feelings feel good, fuel my hope and feel like a chance I'll finally be free from loneliness.

How could I not become infatuated?!

-> Constantly apologizing and excessive helpfulness

This got better with my self-esteem too, thankfully. But goes hand-in-hand with people-pleasing and selflessness: you change your life for others, for their sake, because deep inside, you want them to accept and choose you.

Spoiler alert: that only makes you a doormat!

I don't apologize for existing anymore and learned to say "thank you" instead of "sorry." It's not very "attractive" because you're not so easy to manipulate anymore or take on the blame for every little thing.

-> Super active imagination (world building or rescuing someone)

Same answer as maladaptive day dreaming.

World building and fantasy are not bad things by themselves, they can be really powerful tools to recovery, actually! It's just how you use them that matters... also, it's a very fun for artists/writers such as myself.

-> Feeling isolated even if you're around people

Probably the issue I've been talking about, with the different types of loneliness, and that fulfilling the outermost spheres of connection needs with socialization don't really do much to help with the innermost ones, therefore you might remain disconnected or worse: being around people while not having your needs met/issues addressed becomes a trigger that leads you to avoid people even more.

-> Becoming obsessive with friendships

In my case, I become obsessive with connections in general, friendships included. The deeper they get, the worst it feels because of all the paranoia about rejection/abandonment, seeing that actually happen every time, hurting and traumatizing myself over and over again because of the same things, trying different approaches with different kinds of people that end up with similar outcomes anyway, and being unable to find any solution that works long term.

You just watch your friendships "die" one after another.

-> Constantly talking to yourself

See: this whole journal.

Being alone for long enough can drive you mad. I can say for sure I feel very "abnormal" and it has to do with being chronically alone, yes.

-> Strong connection to animals or plants

The places I feel at peace the most are when I'm in nature, around plants, tress and all kinds of creatures. It's a good way to experience solitude (when I'm able to do that), and it's really good for you.

I have always loved animals too, seeing them outside is always a highlight of my day. I notice I'm always looking for them, when people are usually too busy, lost in their thoughts or in their phones. It's a really interesting thing in my eyes. We're all human but the way I experience my life and my day feels so alien compared to other people's.

-> Make up stories to make yourself seem "tough" for attention or connection

I think this comes with trauma, too. You want to be heard, you want people to look at you, you might even want someone to save you. Everyone loves stories of survival, right? Of how you overcame adversity, how you didn't break... you might wear these as badges of honour you can "show off" to others, as long as you remain "healthy," that is.