#i always fall into the despair of being an imperfect consequence of this imperfect world and it's no fun. it's not healthy for me

[uncanny-tranny]

Consistency often matters more than duration or perfection. If you can't be perfect or do something for a long time, then do it consistently. If you only have enough energy to do one thing, then be consistent.

It's easy to fall into despair when you can't do something perfect, but please, remember that pails in comparison to you being as consistent as possible. You, often, will form much more fulfilling, enduring, and impactful behaviours when you are as consistent as you can be. There is no need to be ashamed of imperfection or slow progress. You are an imperfect person born in an imperfect world, and we don't have to overcome imperfection - unironically, we are perfect in our imperfections.

[jed-thomas]

Addiction as a Political Strategy

On Saturday, the Gaza headquarters of international media groups, including Al-Jazeera and the Associate Press, was felled by an Israeli air-strike.

According to the Independent, a spokesperson for the Israel Defence Force revealed that the building housed ‘Hamas military intelligence’, remarking that such a situation is common-practice for the organisation: ‘Hamas deliberately places military targets at the heart of densely-populated civilian areas in the Gaza Strip’.

Gaza’s contemporary population is estimated at just over two million. In terms of density, this estimate considers there to be, on average, around five thousand inhabitants per square kilometre. For comparison, according to the 2011 census, the population-density of the City of London is roughly equal. Can an area of this sort of density ever be a legitimate military target? Our nation’s capital remembers the Blitz with a shudder, still.

Indeed, there are serious questions to be asked. Asked of both sides, of course. For starters, if an offensively- and defensively-advanced nation-state is attacked by a far weaker neighbouring power, is it decent to expect some form of restraint from the former? Of course, it depends on the extent of the disparity between the two. But, given that there is such an inequality in terms of firepower, it is hard to discern what a proportionate response to certain attacks could be - one side simply cannot match the other, in any reasonable sense. Therefore, a focus on defence must be the answer. Perhaps, if paired with diplomacy, such a stance could contribute to meaningful, long-term de-escalation. But can a nation-state bare to suffer civilian casualties - or, even, fatalities - as a price? As has been evident from reporting on the latest conflagration, casualties in non-occupied regions of Palestine always outnumber the casualties in Israel. If you know that retaliation will endanger more of your opponent’s civilians as a rule, does it mean you must simply stomach the endangerment of your own civilian population? Nevertheless, that’s treating it like they are mere numbers, not human lives. On this asymmetry of death, however, must we simply reject claims that guerrillas use, to borrow a somewhat cynical phrase, ‘human shields’? Hiding amongst the crowds and the landscape is the recourse of the less armed. This does not, of course, justify the practice morally. But, again, given that you have considerable (but, necessarily, imperfect) defensive procedures, can your opponents’ guerrilla tactics justify your endangering civilians? Finally, is it proportionate to respond to evictions and police brutality with indiscriminate rocketing of civilian areas? In no uncertain terms, this is a terrorist tactic. But if you can expect nothing short of devastation, what do you have to lose? It may not be rational or moral, but it is understandable. It’s all understandable. Who of us would be rational?

In Britain, there is a species of common-sense which draws lines around areas of human activity deemed exempt from discussions of ethics and justice. Of course, in general, words like that tend to get laughed at or ignored - they smack of un-seriousness, a teenager’s petulance at reality. But of these international waters of morality, the war-zone is the most grey. Perhaps, this foggy British intuition grasps something: matters of war are also matters of the human condition, not only matters of geopolitics or morality. Despite the cynical manner in which it’s usually uttered, it allows us to raise questions about the nature of war which side-step the labyrinth of moral calculation as a facet of military strategy.

Last week, in the Israeli newspaper Haaretz, former Israeli politician Zehava Galon raised these questions and others, penning a column entitled: ‘Human Beings Are Able to Talk, Not Only to Carry a Club’. Her writing is fiery, polemical, but one turn-of-phrase in particular is fascinating: ‘addiction to the club’.

In Israel, all Jewish citizens over the age of 18 are required by law to undertake at least two years of service in the Israel Defence Forces. Usually, states introduce conscription in times of war. For around a decade, the IDF has adopted a set of strategies with regard to the Gaza Strip that are colloquially referred to as ‘mowing the grass’. In short, it is a strategy of long-term deterrence, periodically weakening militias in the area in order to produce periods of respite. The Begin-Sadat Center for Strategic Studies, which researches ‘Middle Eastern and global strategic affairs, particularly as they relate to the national security and foreign policy of Israel’, produced a study of the strategy, concluding that ‘Israel finds itself in a protracted intractable conflict’ requiring ‘a strategy of attrition designed primarily to degrade the enemy capabilities.’ The Center chalks this up to the nature of the conflict - it being against ‘hostile non-state groups’ - but, as Galon alleges, there may be an additional reason.

Personally and nationally, national service can take on a definitional function. To be blunt, if you have an enemy, you have an identity, a role, a community to which you belong. Perhaps, such negative-identifcations are an inevitable by-product of nation-building. But a video has been doing the rounds on Twitter which compiles a series of vox pops in Jerusalem that portray a violent scorn - ‘I would carpet-bomb them .. It’s the only way you could deal with it’ - for those in Gaza/Arabs/Palestinians - a sort of composite figure of the objects of the IDF’s strategies. One interviewee suggests that ‘Jews should have rights to hate them’. The interviewees justify these attitudes via the facts of the historic embattlement of the Jewish people, casting the state of Israel itself as representative of ‘divine justice’ or an incarnation of some redemptive new direction of history. Another video supposedly recorded by IDF soldiers has been shared widely. From the translated chatter, the video itself appears to have been recorded as part of attempts to capture exciting killings. This particular killing, seemingly of an unarmed young person milling around with another, is terrifically exciting to the group, the cameraman’s voice resounds with sheer glee at having caught it: ‘What a legendary video … He flew into the air and his leg was like…’

The Covenant of the Islamic Resistance Movement, the founding charter of the organisation now known by a colloquialism, Hamas, abounds with poetic images of war. Article 33 reads:

Ranks will close, fighters joining other fighters, and masses everywhere in the Islamic world will come forward in response to the call of duty, loudly proclaiming: ‘Hail to Jihad!’. This cry will reach the heavens and will go on being resounded until liberation is achieved, the invaders vanquished and Allah's victory comes about.

In the ruins of the Gaza Strip, some may have sought to make a pact with their fear and despair, to discover in it the howlings of history. Let it point the way. The recklessness of the militias’ attacks on Israel resonate with this particular desperation - and the scorn for human life that is its price. In the Covenant, ethnic hatred is expressed openly and in unashamedly violent terms. Article 7 reads:

The Day of Judgment will not come about until Moslems fight Jews and kill them.

In the Covenant’s view, the Jewish people represent a grand historic force which all Muslims must devote themselves to curbing. Article 22:

The enemies have been scheming for a long time […] They stood behind the French Revolution, the Communist Revolution and most of the revolutions we hear about […] They stood behind World War I […] and formed the League of Nations through which they could rule the world. They were behind World War II, through which they made huge financial gains […] There is no war going on anywhere without them having their finger in it.

Organisations like the IDF and Hamas blend claims to land with existential certainties, rationalising violent desires. Like a junkie rhapsodising about his creative break-throughs, these are political and historical arguments which obscure an addiction. A newsletter from the National Institutes of Health, a branch of the U.S. Department for Health and Human Services, notes that at a certain stage of addiction, ‘people often use drugs or alcohol to keep from feeling bad rather than for their pleasurable effects.’ All addicts are, to use a pop-psych phrase, running from something. Under the influence of addiction, one’s despair and fear become engines of joy, pressing you onwards towards release. Therefore, like some anti-Addicts-Anonymous, organisations like the IDF and Hamas provide infrastructures of protection and facilitation for war-addicts.

And that is the kicker: none of this constitutes some personal particular fault with Jewish Israeli citizens or Arabic Palestinian Muslims. Nationalist political organisations are cynically perpetuating themselves through these methods. Indeed, they are the agents of these conflicts, ordinary people are merely their addict-conscripts. Your dealer is not your friend.

Therefore, we raise issues of justice in matters of war to avoid these all-too-human eventualities. Raising those issues retains our focus on the central questions of the validity of a violent action, of vested interests and consequences. What is needed - in any war, anywhere - is an orientation towards the discourse of war which accepts that it is always susceptible to the distortions of the addicted mind. Forever, the question is: should this war-zone exist at all?

Galon and Tair Kaminer - a 24-year-old Jewish Israeli citizen who, having served a short sentence for refusing national service, was arrested in Jerusalem over the weekend for organising a solidarity protest of Jews and Arabs - and the legendary Hanan Ashrawi are pointed examples of a banality which is nevertheless worth re-emphasing: no nation falls totally under the spell of this addiction. The collective delirium of war never swallows populations nor individual minds whole. Always, always there are other ways. For instance, questions of rights to land are the (literal) solid ground to which we can return. Bring them into focus.

Footage from the Snapchat of an attendee at a Free Palestine protest in Nottingham City shows a car aggressively parting a line of protestors. The perpetrator has not yet been identified.

[fynctsbuuuts]

Forever; Mark Lee

Genre: fluff

Pairing: Mark Lee X reader

Summary: Mark Lee has everything he ever wanted. He's everything he ever wanted to be. Except he didnt know the consequence of being an idol was. He was a mess, until he met her.

`Disclaimer: I do not own Mark or any member I write for. I only own the writing. The descriptions that i am portraying them to be are not accurate at all. Everything I write is fiction and none realistic, please dont take anything to heart.

°                                  °

Beng a singer was all Mark ever wanted to be. He wanted to inspire people with his music, his writing. He wanted to touch peoples hearts. Help them through their toughest moments in life.

When he was elected to be in sm rookies, later debuting with nct u, he was ecstatic. Over the moon. His dream had finally come true. He could now be the person everyone looked up to, he could help people and inspire them everyday.

But he never thought of the consequences of being an Idol.

Stress

Anger

Loneliness...

He felt all these emotions everyday. And he hated it. How was he supposed to inspire people, make them happy when he was miserable himself. Everyday of his life spent doubting his worth, hating himself. Worst part of it all is that he couldn't find the source of his unhappiness.

He was doing what he loved the most. Yet he felt so unworthy of it all. He needed a way out, he longed for it. He needed something to remind himself that he's human. Because all he felt was emptiness, despair. Like a hollow and his body was just a shell.

That was, until he met her.

The most beautiful girl he ever laid eyes on.

She was everything he could ever ask for. She's beautiful in her own unique way, smart, open minded, and most importantly, a heart of gold. She was like an angel made for him, to light his way through such a dark time. Though he couldn't understand why she chose him, chose to love him, to help him with his depression. A guy who is constantly traveling, has no control over his emotions, whatsoever.

But she was always there to reassure him that she loved him all. All his imperfections and perfections. He was her knight n' shining armor. And she was his queen.

"Please don't ever leave me" Mark whispered to himself late at night when she had surprised him on tour. He was an emotional wreck as soon as he saw her walk into the room, his members and staff team following close behind, recording the moment.

He smiled softly at the memory that has occurred just a few hours ago. He kissed her forehead lightly, letting his lips linger just for a few seconds, loving the way his lips felt against her skin.

"You mean the absolute world to me" He continued to speak to himself as he rests his chin on top of her head. "And I'd die if you ever stopped loving me" his voice breaking at the end if his sentence.

Shutting his eyes tightly, fighting the urge to let tears fall, not wanting to wake her up. He pulled her body closer to him, feeling safe in her arms.

"I'll love you forever. I could never stop loving you" She whispered, nuzzling her face deeper into his lean chest. This made Mark freeze in shock at the fact that she had heard everything he said. But this also made him relax, knowing that although his emotions get the best if him, she'll love him unconditionally.

[ihaveonlymydreams]

Warning: Captain Marvel spoilers

OK, I must start off by saying that I loved Carol Danvers. But while I liked the movie Captain Marvel, I didn't love it, and I feel like it fell into a trap that seems all too common today in movies with strong female protagonists: it didn't give her a chance to fail.

See, we want to see our heroes succeed against all odds. So we need odds. We want to see them defeat the enemy - so there have to be stakes. There has to a possibility of failure. There has to be a moment where, physically or psychologically, it doesn't really matter, the hero has lost. And then, to see the hero come back from failure, to snatch victory in the teeth of defeat, to find power in powerlessness - that is true cinematic poetry. That's why we thrill to Diana's final victory over Ares, when he has succeed in breaking her faith and her innocence just five minutes before. That's why victory over Thanos, bought at such a horrible price, will feel EARNED.

Now I'm not saying Carol didn't have moments of failure and loss, but they essentially happened at the beginning of the movie or in retrospect. Yes, she lost her life and her best friend and her beloved mentor and all her memories, yes she was brainwashed and her true power was suppressed, and yes, her captain/trainer manipulated and controlled her by making her doubt herself. But all this is the groundwork of the movie. Carol's arc is one of slowly freeing herself from this control, regaining her life, becoming her own woman. It's beautiful - and then it starts to fall flat somewhere around the last twenty minutes. Basically, the moment she rediscovers her powers and breaks free, the movie might as well have ended, because there is nothing to challenge her anymore. She is now a being of pure power, so physical challenges mean nothing. She has rediscovered her past and her true self, so psychological attacks mean nothing. We have literally no worries that anything will or even could happen to prevent her from getting what she wants. And that's a problem, from the perspective of plot, because there's still an entire epic confrontation to go - which is no longer a confrontation. And while it's satisfying to see the bad guys get pummeled, the story offers very little in the way of a moral or deeper truth except this power fantasy: "be yourself and you will be invincible."

I'm sure this idea is highly inspiring, especially to people who feel trapped and controlled, and I don't mean to disparage its power to change lives. But I am worried about its long term consequences, because, like it or not, it is ultimately a fantasy. No one is invincible. Even at our best, human beings have flaws, have weaknesses, or are simply thwarted by the reality of the physical universe getting in our way. Stories with this kind of power fantasy offer a short term fix to a massive problem of insecurity, fear, manipulation, self-loathing - but eventually there will be negative results, and I see two possibilities.

First: a person begins to live the fantasy and believe it entirely. They consider themselves to be perfect and invincible, becoming blind to their own flaws. This has a devastating effect on the people around them, who are unable to penetrate the barrier of fantasy in order to voice real concerns about how they are being hurt or negatively affected. The person living in a fantasy fuels it with the belief that they must simply live in self-confidence, never question themselves, and thus achieve perfection. Contrast this with, for example, Cinderella, who at the moment of her triumph calls herself "Cinderella," accepting the pain and the failure and the shame of her past as part of who she is, and who moves forward into queenship with the compassion born out of imperfection.

Second: a person might find themselves uplifted by a power fantasy, enough to escape a horrible situation and change their lives. But then, something happens to make them aware of their own flaws and problems. They realize they are not perfect, that confidence and willpower have not magically fixed them, that the world is still an obstacle and they can't always have what they want. Unless they have been fed something other than fantasies, such a person is likely to fall into despair and even deeper self-loathing. Contrast this with the ending of Wonder Woman, where Diana finally unleashes her true power, only to discover that she cannot save the man she loves, just accept the sacrifice he made.

But again, to reiterate how I started: I love Carol Danvers, I would die for her. I love her snark and her confidence and her straightforward approach to life, her no-nonsense attitude (unless she's doing the nonsense), her compassion and her ability to love. I love that she regains her power and blasts Jude Law into a cliff. But I wish she'd been better served by the story she was in. I wish we could have seen her have to sacrifice something in order to win, have to make an impossible choice and bear the burden, have to push up against her limits somewhere. Because at the moment she's still a child - she's had no chance to mature, to discover that one choice closes off another, that you can't solve or fix everything. The only glimpse we had of that possibility was end credits scene - and I would have loved to see her react to the realization that by leaving to save the Krulls she had been unable to save Fury and half of the human race. Maybe in the next movie.

[pinkletterday]

Future Perfect

(A Westallen Campfire Tale)

(with new revisions)

Way back in S3, when I was still grappling with my unaddressed Westallen baggage, I made a Season 1 AU.

Dawn Allen of the original timeline follows Thawne and her father to Flashpoint but comes out in 2014. She gets stuck there much like Thawne did, because her timeline had been erased. So she creates a fake identity and gets a job at the CCPD as a fellow lab tech filling in for Barry while he's in a coma and decides to bide her time and watch over her father as he gains his powers.

In Dawn Allen's timeline, Barry's family moved away when he was twelve and he lost touch with Iris till he came back to Central and joined the CCPD. Meanwhile, Joe and Iris grew increasingly distant, Iris chafing at Joe's restrictions and Joe growing sterner and more fearful till they became alienated. When Iris discovered the truth about her mother, the estrangement was completed.

Barry and Iris fell in love almost immediately and married soon after. They were both much older when the Particle Accelerator blew and gave Barry his powers.

Iris was considered the first lady of the JLA and the matriarch of the Flashes. Dawn grew up idolizing her parents love story and their achievements, although always rather puzzled at her mother's distant relationship with Grandpa Joe. Henry died of natural causes in his fifties but Nora lived to old age and was a loving mother-in-law and grandmother.

When Dawn Allen arrives in 2014, she finds herself already losing memories of her beloved grandmother. She preserves all the memories of the original timeline in her own version of Gideon created by Barry expressly for his children, in which he has stored his and Iris's own memories to call their children home wherever they may be.

At first she is eager to see for herself how her parents' love story plays out. But soon gets upset when her mother starts sleeping with some guy who's also the ancestor of the man who destroyed their family. The upset turns to horror when she realizes Barry has no intention of telling Iris the truth.

With every bold-faced lie that drives the wedge between Barry and Iris further, Dawn becomes more and more disillusioned and heartbroken. She cant reconcile these people with the image she has of her parents. She was always cold to Eddie, but where once she was eager to please and warm with Barry, she now almost hates him.

But it's Joe that's the real cause of all this. Barry coming to live with them may have saved Joe and Iris's relationship, but neither of them ever challenged his authoritarianism and simply accepted his fear-based, patriarchal worldview. Henry and Nora weren't perfect but Barry growing up with a strong female presence meant that he never saw Iris as someone to be protected. Iris's hard-won independence and self-focus away from her father never materialized in this timeline, instead being caught up in the emotional needs of the men in her insular little family and letting it define her.

Things finally come to a head when Thawne finally reveals himself. Dawn takes him by surprise and helps Barry take him down but the timeline is irrevocably broken. Even if Barry went back and reset events, Dawn's own future would still be erased, and along with it her memories. She finally explodes, taking Joe and Barry to task for treating Iris with such disrespect, finally telling Eddie that she cant help resenting him for being the one who loves her mother the way Barry is supposed to and expressing her irrational unhappiness at how Iris hadn't chosen Barry, despite having been best friends for years. These are not the parents she has idolized, and she despairs of ever being able to return to the family she left behind, or see them the same way again.

Barry and Iris, Eddie and Joe see the memories Dawn's parents have stored in Gideon flashing through the time vault - their reconnecting, Barry proposing to Iris, their wedding, working as a team from the first, having children, Iris always being Barry's lightning rod.

Iris is betrayed and devastated and cant even begin to process it. Joe is bowed under the consequences of his duplicity. Barry is full of regret and guilt. Only Eddie finally realizes that no matter how much he loves Iris, he never had any place in this story.

Iris objects.

"I don't belong to anyone. My life is my own."

"Is it? So what. You're just going to let Dawn be erased?"

"I don't know. Am I supposed to just get over all of this so Barry and I can get together and save her?"

"That's up to you, Iris. All I know is that I don't belong here."

"That's not true. You belong to me. I'm choosing you, Eddie."

"There's a difference between choosing something just so you get to choose and choosing because you really want it, Iris."

"What're you saying?"

"I know you love me. But it's never been me you've really wanted."

Cisco then realizes that that timeline could not have disappeared without causing a paradox. The other timeline still exists, albeit in flux, anchored by Dawn's own presence as a time remnant. They figure out a way to use Dawn's memories stored in Gideon to piece the timeline back together so that it coalsces into an alternate universe running parallel to this one. Just as Barry created the speed force but once created it encompasses the length and breadth of time itself, they can create Dawn's universe so that it was always birthed by Earth1, which in turn created Dawn's AU, looping the universes together.

They have to use Eobard's expertise, Cisco's powers, Dawn's energy as a touchstone and Gideon's time drive to do this. At first it seems as though they have failed. Eobard turns on Dawn in a fury - only to be blasted back by her mother, appearing through the restored timeline like a wrathful Sigourney Weaver. Dawn's father, full-fledged, mature, experienced superhero, more than Thawne's equal, finally gets to fight his nemesis and beat him soundly.

In the aftermath, Dawnie sobs out all her woes in her parents arms. Instead of being appropriately shocked and horrified however, they are mostly concerned and amused. Iris reveals that she once walked out on Barry in the early years of his superhero career and that he moved out once when they were very small. The relationship Dawn has idolized has never been perfect, never been free of bad choices and conflict. But its still special because it means they chose to rebuild it time and time again, forgave each other and chose each other no matter what.

"We're not some gold standard, Dawnie. We're human and we mess up. That's how we know it's real."

Older Barry goes to talk to Iris. She asks him about what it was like when he first got his powers and worked as a team with his wife. Then asks him sadly what she had done to not be what her Barry needed. Older Barry tells her gently that we each wrestle with our own demons and the consequences of that struggle sometimes fall unwittingly on our loved ones, but not as a punishment. He tells her that he cant claim to be morally superior or better than his younger counterpart, because he doesn't know who he would be if his own parents had been ripped away, or who younger Barry would have become if Joe hadnt been there to protect and love him, flawed and imperfect as that love was. At the end of the day, Iris has to choose what she wants to do with those consequences. Nothing she chooses is either good or bad, but simply her own to face.

Older Iris speaks with Barry. To her amusement, he reminds her more of Don than her husband.

He says he is sorry to have treated her counterpart so shabbily.

"I think that's something she should hear, not me."

"Aren't you disappointed in me too?"

"Why? You're not my kid." She laughs, "Okay, so if I was her I'd kick your ass. But I'm not her. I've lived a lot longer and seen many stupid choices made by people who should know better. Fact is, Barr, you're a kid and you made a mistake. Doesn't mean you get a free pass, but it isn't the end of the world."

"What if she never forgives me?"

"Then you have to live with that. You have to live with it and still forgive yourself." *sigh* "You can't let your choices be defined by other people, Barry. Not even the ones you love. That's where you went wrong. You thought you'd tell her about your feelings only if she loved you. You thought you'd tell her the truth only if she saw you first. You didn't stand up to Joe because you were afraid of his disapproval. God knows no one can stop you once you go full tilt, Barry Allen, but you can't hold yourself back from the things you need to do because other people won't give you what you want."

"I was angry." *buries face in hands* "I told myself it was because Joe told me not to tell her, but honestly it was because I was angry. I woke up and she was with Eddie. She saw him, she saw the Flash but never ever saw me." *slumps* "I know that's awful."

*shrug* "It's how you felt. What you did was bad, but feelings aren't wrong or right. They just are."

"But he was better, wasn't he? Your Barry?"

"He's different. He lived a different life. We didn't grow up together. We weren't each other's first loves. He's not perfect, Barr. Neither am I. We've hurt each other pretty badly too. But he and I...we fall in love with each other a little more after every break. And every single time, it feels a little more precious."

Older Iris finally goes to see Joe. He's almost broken.

"Dawn told me I don't have much of a relationship with you where you come from."

"No. I was headstrong, you were controlling."

"Guess I'm destined to mess it up, then."

"Destiny has nothing to do with it. You were the one who lied. The one who's still lying." *meaningful look*

*crying* "I'm going to lose her forever, aren't I?"

"Maybe." *sigh* "I couldn't forgive you for the longest time. But then sometimes, with Barry, with my own kids...don't get me wrong, I hate what you did. But maybe I get why."

"I always told myself that it was to protect you. But I think it became more to protect myself."

*weary shrug* "That's usually how it goes. Kids are hard." *wry smile* "I guess we all only start forgiving our parents once we have our own."

*weak laugh* *scrubs face* "What do I do?"

"Let her go."

"What?"

"Let her go. Let her feel what she wants, do what she wants. Maybe she'll come back to you. But you need to build a life for yourself that doesn't involve her."

"I don't -"

"The only way to be a good parent is to stop living for your kid so your kid gets to live for themselves. Figure out who you are when you're not a cop or a father. You can't put it all on her...Dad."

"Guess you really have learned from my fuck-ups, huh?"

*modest shrug* "Can't make 'em all myself."

Cisco opens a portal and Older Barry and Iris stand flanking their daughter, saluting a final farewell to their younger counterparts and Joe.

Barry goes back to talk to Iris.

"You don't have to see me or talk to me," *leaning his forehead on her door, fingertips trailing over it as though to feel hers through the wood* "I know I haven't been any kind of friend that you deserve. But I need you to know. You asked me if I laughed at you, if I looked down on you. I never did. It wrecked me not to tell you, to hold myself back from telling you the truth. I don't even know why I did it. All I knew was that you looked at me the way I had wanted you to my entire life, and I was too greedy and selfish to let that go. I never let myself think what would happen when you finally found out. You know I'm good at not thinking about consequences. Like that time I tried to impress you by climbing old Mrs.Leroy's crabapple tree. I didn't think, I just did it and I got stuck, Iris. And this time you couldn't be there to talk me down. Because it was you I was hurting," *trying not to cry* "I don't know how to make it right with you, or if I ever can. I don't expect anything of you, or hope for anything more than you're ready to give. But please just let me know whatever you need to not hurt anymore. And I promise I will never ever lie to you about anything ever again" *chuckles through tears, remembering their old childhood vow* "I promise on all the mac and cheese in the world. On all the miles I'll ever run. On all the memories you've ever given me. On everything that I love. I promise, I promise, I promise." He wipes his eyes on his sleeve and leaves, not knowing that Iris is sitting down on the floor next to the door, silently crying.

In the morning he finds a letter telling him that she needs some space but she'll come back and talk once she's ready.

Six months later, Barry gets a call as he weaves through the summer rain in front of Jitters. It's Iris.

He stands stock still and stammers if she's decided to come back.

"Yeah, I have. I think I'm ready to make a clean start, if you are."

"God, yeah. I am," he laughs, bewildered by his good fortune. "I meant it, Iris, I don't expect anything -"

"I know," she says quietly. "And I don't think I'm ready for...that, yet. I might be, eventually though," the world stops and he's afraid to breathe wrong. "But I swear to God, Barry Allen, if you ever lie of hide anything from me again -"

"I won't, I swear! I promised didn't I?"

"Yeah. You did," he can hear the grudging smile in her voice and his heart lifts.

He clears his throat. "When are you coming? Do you want me to pick you up or-"

"I'm already here, actually."

"Wait what?"

"Look behind you."

Iris stands across the road, waving at him. He draws up in front of her as though in a dream.

"Hi," he breathes, a grin blooming uncontrollably.

She tucks a curl behind her ear, reflecting his tremulous joy back at him. "Hi."

Just like that, they fall in love again. And this time, it feels a little more precious.

[tuchimuchibrainvomit]

A Weekend of Emotions — A Review of Puella Magi Madoka Magica Rebellion ft. Philosophic Discussion

Last weekend, I hung out with my big brother and my best friends. This was always normal, we’d game, get drunk, eat good food, etc. However, something happened last weekend that I didn’t expect. A lot of emotions were expressed. Like A LOT... And I wanna talk about that and more in my Brain Vomit review for Puella Magi Madoka Magica Movie: Rebellion. Let me explain...

As you guys can PROBABLY tell by now, Puella Magi Madoka Magica Rebellion is my favorite anime movie. But, I’ll say it now, Rebellion is my favorite movie of all time. I believe it is the perfect film for me. Even with its flaws. Even with its pacing issues. Even knowing how controversial it is. In fact, that’s probably 60% of the reason I think the ending works so well. And while this isn’t a play by play of the movie and everything I liked...

What I want to talk about are emotions, philosophy and how Rebellion — and Madoka as a whole — tackles different responses based on one’s philosophical views. First, context: When “mah bois” and I were wrapping up the Madoka Series, we were going through Rebellion (I was the only one out of us who saw Rebellion and had a blast trying to deflect theories on the twists and turns) but then something caught me really off guard. And it was something I hadn’t expected...

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE ENTIRE PUELLA MAGI MADOKA MAGICA SERIES!

At around the 2/3 of the way through, Homura realizes that the Magical Girls are all trapped in a false representation of their town, Mitakihara City. A good portion of the film is just figuring out what the fuck is going on. And it is a very compelling mystery. Revealing that it is a Witch’s Barrier, a distorted world created by a Witch.

(Tangent: I’m currently writing a case study on the Netflix’s Death Note Movie and writing a mystery. I recommend reading that when I finish it, as well to see these ideas come back in the forefront.)

The strength of the mystery comes down to the series’ ending. As in the series’ ending, titular character Madoka Kaname wished for a world where Witches — the antagonists and unfortunately the final stage of a Magical Girl’s life — could not exist. In this action she becomes a concept known as the Law of Cycles — where as a Magical Girl falls into despair, instead of becoming a Witch, The Magical Girl will be taken to Magical Girl Heaven. But in this wish and action, Madoka’s existence is erased, becoming a concept -- a God.

All except Time Turning Magical Girl Homura Akemi (and Madoka’s little brother for some reason) have forgotten about her... In Rebellion -- which takes place shortly after the series’ epilogue -- Homura realizes that the false Mitakihara City is the work of a Witch and realizes that the only person who could become a Witch because she knew about them as well as Madoka’s existence was Homura herself. In a powerful scene where her false Mitakihara City collapses, she pulls out a pistol and shoots her Soul Gem, realizing that she is the Witch —

— And while that scene still shakes me, and we watched it in English and honestly, some of Cristina Vee’s best work (just sayin’).

In that moment, I look to my brother to see his response and for the first time in my life, I saw him cry. In fact, my best friend was also caught off guard by his reaction. We wondered if he was OK — I even brought over tissues from the bathroom. We thought something was wrong, but in reality, he was emotionally broken by the scene. The fact that Homura’s effort was for not and the crushing weight of that moment was powerful for him. And that’s when it really hit me just how powerful a philosophy can really bring out certain emotions. The feeling of failure, the pointlessness of effort was something real for him. And yet, from my perspective, it was something I couldn’t relate to.

In all honesty, I’ve never been disparaged by the idea of pointlessness in one’s actions — but I tend to be more of an Absurdist philosophically.

This is where the real meat begins...

In layman terms, the idea of Absurdism — a derivative of Existentialism — and states that the universe is SO illogical, that trying to find meaning and logic in it is a fruitless endeavor. The idea is that it is better to accept the absurdity of existence and find personal happiness in spite of it. embracing what life has to offer is the core theme of Absurdist theory. Similar to Existentialism, the idea is of taking one’s freedom in the universe to make something out of it.

While Existentialism focuses on creating one’s own personal meaning, Absurdism focuses on rebelling against the universe — taking Existentialism to an extreme where personal freedom and agency trumps the search for any meaning. Living life for the sake of living life and enjoying it to the fullest, even if no meaning needs to be conjured.  It can be compared to Anti-Nihilism, but they share many key differences. I won’t get into that now though. And yes, to an outsider looking in sounds depressing, but if anything the closest thing I could compare it to is a controlled hedonism — awareness of personal agency. To me personally, it gave me back my personal agency when I believed I had none. Absurdism, philosophically, is the innate reaction to the enlightenment of the universal absurdity of life. Noted by Absurdist and Existential philosophers Albert Camus and Søren Kierkegaard. Absurdity being the fact that the universe works on a logic outside of human comprehension and is thus illogical — hence the term “Absurd”. Enlightenment of this existential crisis in Absurdism leads to three possible theorized actions for humanity:

Committing Suicide — Which is in itself absurd and pointlessly ironic. Extremely deterred by Absurdist philosophy. Turning to God — also defined as the “Leap of Faith”, by Kierkegaard. Which can work and Kierkegaard agrued leads to authentic human life. But to Camus, it is attributed to resolving one’s own philosophical agency or “philosophical suicide”. Acceptance of Absurdity — Which is what Absurdist Camus states is the best action. As you both retain agency and a desire to do as you need to to be happy, dealing with the strive of life without wallowing in despair. The key idea is finding happiness in an imperfect, illogical universe.

(I recommend reading the Myth of Sisyphus, written by Albert Camus — which is one of the first insights and expressions of Absurdist theory.) A good way to think about philosophy in Madoka is like this: Kyubey asks you to make a contract, and this is hypothetically that you understand WHAT being a magical girl meant, what would you choose based on philosophical viewpoints? 

For example: Rationalism: “No. Being a Witch is inevitable and I don’t wanna die like that.” Empiricism: “From what I’ve seen, No. Waiting for the mental scarring to heal!” Atheistic Existentialism: “Maybe. Depends on how I want to be.” Theistic Existentialism: “Learned the lesson from Kyoko Sakura, enough said.” Absurdism: “Why not? You only live once, right? Better think of a good wish.” Nihilism: “What’s it matter? Find someone who cares about universal entropy.” Anti-Nihilism: “It’s better than wallowing, right. Do it!” Skepticism: “How do I even know all you’ve said and what I’ve seen is even true? Isn’t this an anime? If it’s not, prove it. Then I’ll make a choice.” Macchivelianism: “If that means the universe can continue, my sacrifice is worth it, I suppose.” Or “Who would be crazy enough to do it, and how can I get them to do it to further my gain?” That’s a wide array of answers, but it kind of depends on the person when asked realistically. But I hope that this is a good insight to the line of thinking I want to approach Rebellion with. 

And now I want to talk about the Madoka series and its writing thematically, as well as the Philosophies and the relationship they share.

Madoka is a story that is fueled by Nihilism in it’s nature. Gen Urobuchi is a nihilistic writer, even if as a person he may be joyful. One’s philosophy does not always equate to one’s emotions on the outward glance. Nihilism is the philosophy that everything is hopeless. There is nothing to be found in yearning for meaning, so it’s better to do nothing but succumb to the despair and wallow. And yet, Puella Magi Madoka Magica ends with a hopeful message, with Madoka becoming a benevolent god. I found it interesting that the series decided to end it’s 12 episode run with that message. But then again, it could be taken another way. Let’s examine Kyubey — Incubator, as an incubator for the energy created by Witches to return to the universe as a means of preventing entropy and the universe can stay alive.— as a character especially in his action is from a Machiavellianistic perspective. He looks for logical solutions to problems and has only his own end goal in mind, and the consequences are more of a means to justify an end goal more than anything else. Remember his conversation with Madoka, he outright states the needs of the universe outweigh the few teenage girls whose lives are lost.   Which in itself is not a “bad” philosophy when taken to a smaller scale, for example as he describes — Livestock. Humans eat them and need them to survive, and by comparison livestock live a better life in captivity than in the wild and thus are able to breed healthier and thrive as well, even if a few die to become food. Technically, it’s a mutual benefit, even if humanity is the one holding the power — a means to an end of survival. That’s Machiavellionism in a nutshell. Of course, it’s more complicated and a lot more corruptible based on context but I need to keep this train rolling... Anyway, back to Madoka... Then there is Rebellion — which title makes a lot of sense when thought about. Many people reacted to Rebellion wondering why the message of hope was so drastically toyed with in Homura’s action — Her Rebellion. However, I find that questioning flawed when the series was NEVER about hope, Kyoko’s death is proof of that. Listen to the conversation Homura and Kyubey have after her death — he gave Kyoko false hope as a means to his end — backing Madoka into a corner to become a Magical Girl. His motives are never hopeful and hope should not be sought after, that’s what I found to be the underlying message of the series. Even if Madoka’s action was just, Homura still failed in her mission — and I saw Rebellion as her having to deal with that. I like to view Homura’s actions in the final act of the film as a turn to Absurdism, rather than Nihilism — If she did, she’d despair and die — and a rejecting Kyubey’s Machiavellianism — He’s her enemy after all. Remember, the basic principle of Absurdism is rebelling against the absurd universe for one’s own happiness. Let’s talk about why Nihilism is often first attributed to Homura and points towards it. Firstly, the familiars: In a scene of Homura kneeling and basking to a stonewall of Goddess Madoka during the revelation of her transformation, her familiars are seen throwing tomatoes whilst chanting “Gott is tot”, which is a concept related to Nihilism uttered by Fredrick Nietzsche which translates to “God is dead” or to better articulate “There is no salvation in God.” The Law of Cycles is a god and a salvation to Magical Girls, but in Homura turning into a witch, the Law of Cycles has failed in its duty as an omniscient and thus salvation is not an absolute. While personally, Kyubey’s a little shit for blocking off Madoka’s omniscience, it did reveal that she is NOT omniscient or all knowing. Often that revelation to man leads one down the path of Nihilism, thrusting the concept of God aside as it is not true and believing in such is illogical. However see this concept both played straight and lampshaded in Kyoko Sakura, a Christian, whom in her death — asks God to give her a happy dream. Even if her outward persona would tell you otherwise, and the tragedy of her history, she still never rejected God — God was still a part of her, but her relationship with the concept was rocky, to say the least. She more so adopts a narcissistic realist’s — yet not Nihilistic — outlook on life for Magical Girls because they are alien, they are territorial and they are dangerous to those unaware. They have immense power, but are not tied down by a singular moral figure or responsiblity besides killing Witches — which is more for survival than a duty to Kyoko. That in itself was a defensive mechanism for her. And in that, while she tried to enlighten Sayaka, it was not something that Sayaka could follow behind due to her pursuit of being a selfless paragon. Sayaka represented the Idealist, who knew not of the unfairness of reality. A hero of justice who was loved for the things she did, was not realistic. Hence, why this I stated her character arc was deconstructive of the Paragon. And just like in her death, all of Kyoko’s attempts were also in vain. Ironically enough, Kyoko and Sayaka represented to halves of Buddhism. The one that knew the truth and desired to enlighten, and the one who upon enlightenment, could not bare it, fell to despair and died. Kyoko, the figurative Bodhisattva — sacrificed herself for the sake of Sayaka, and ultimately died fulfilling nothing. Yet, was at peace with herself — being arguably, the most progressed of the Magical Girls. In Buddhist philosophy, the idea of enlightenment is focusing on the self and fully expanding one’s knowledge of the self to better understand the world. And upon enlightenment, they transcend their mortal desires. Siddhartha Buddha did the same becoming a higher being because of it, thus entering Nirvana. Those who followed suit but decided to stay on earth would be responsible for passing the lessons onto others — these people titled Bodhisattvas. You can see now why Kyoko’s transformation sequence involves a combination of Buddhist and Christian imagery.

With that out of the way, I’d like to summarize the events of the finale to the movie. In the final act after Kyubey’s Isolation Field is destroyed and Homura’s soul gem returned to her. The audience witnesses the Law of Cycles — Madoka Kaname as a concept — come to purify and take Homura to Magical Girl Heaven. But in a twisted move, Homura splits Madoka’s God-like Entity back into the physical exist of Madoka Kaname (it makes a bit more sense in context) and becomes a Demon, restructuring the universe and becoming the concept of “Evil” through her love for Madoka. And although she creates a rather negative world from a viewer’s standpoint, it is closer to human concepts of reality, religion and Dualism — In fact, it’s more ideal to what the girls had been fighting since the beginning. Quickly defining Dualism: It is a concept that two pieces in nature exist, a yin and a yang. Both are in constant battle for victory, but often they are more of a check and balance, thus working in harmony with the universe. This concept can be observed in the final moments of the film, Madoka attempts to awaken her God-like power and Homura stopping her — bringing back balance, where Madoka cannot gain control over the universe and erase her existence. This can be seen as one of two things: 1.) Homura (The Devil) is keeping Madoka (God) away from helping people and re-rewriting the universe again. 2.) Homura is creating a balance for this new world. It is a happy one, where the only tortured soul is Homura herself and she is content with that. Thus nothing needs radical change. Now if Homura actively tried to eliminate Madoka entirely, then this would be a problem. But that is not the case. This second observation is more where I fall in line with to interpret, and that’s where I thought about Homura and Absurdism. In creating a Dualistic System, Homura indeed creates a happy world. Madoka didn’t need to be a Magical Girl, whilst Sayaka, Kyoko, Mami and Nagisa are alive — leading happy lives with their friends and loved ones. I'd like to argue that Homura created her world in spite of the absurd universe that tormented her and Madoka. Her view on this could be influenced by her words with Madoka during the flower field scene, which is often pointed as the birth of Homura’s main crisis throughout the film. But in that, she created a world where they both can exist and in revolting the cruel universe, basically said “Fuck you” to Kyubey’s Machiavellian tactics. It can also be argued as well that she was corrupted by her experience as a Witch inside of her own soul, which I identify as valid. But I prefer interpreting it more in her actions being in spite of the hopelessness she felt. And since there is no one way to interpret the series, as the creators have not said anything on how to interpret it from my knowledge, it is free reign. Like Sisyphus, in being able to create a world where Madoka would be happy, Homura could “push the boulder up the hill” or survive in her personal hell and be satisfied with it. She takes Absurdism to an even further extreme, which realistically should be thought of with more than a grain of salt. But for the sake of this being an anime, I’ll let it slide. And satisfied she appears to be, as seen in her “victory dance” at the end of the movie. Sure, she fell off a cliff (which I can be 100% certain didn’t kill her as she’s been through much worse and it’s more metaphorical to show her fall from God [Madoka] into a new entity), and familiars do represent the true feelings of the Witch, and they are seen committing suicide — that does not matter in Absurdist philosophy, since Homura does not kill herself and finds happiness in saving Madoka’s existence. Even in an absurdist hell, Homura continues to be satisfied and she doesn’t really care what happens to the status quo of Magical Girls and their relationship with her — as seen when she says Sayaka and her may become enemies when the Wraiths are extinct, but so long as Madoka is happy, Homura can live in spite of her personal hell. She has, for all intents and purposes, accepted the absurdity of EVERY universe and performed the ultimate defiance -- her Rebellion. She got what she wanted — Madoka is happy — her wish fulfilled and Kyubey got the just desserts that Homura had wanted to give him for years. This can even be interpreted in that no could understand her reasons for rewriting the universe and her love for Madoka. Though this could also be her being egocentric and her “Love” is definitely more selfish than selfless, but she IS doing it for Madoka. But can it even be defined as “Love”? Sayaka questions if it is more “Obsession” or “Desire”, compare to “Love”. 

Thoughts for days... I’d love to hear some more interpretations on the matter.

Ugh, I love this movie! It makes me think!! And with that, I’d like to segue into the conclusion with Kyubey’s words and direct them to reactions to the film as a whole: “Why are [feeling the way you do]? [The movie] has served its purpose and has concluded its existence as necessary.”   This very much comes to mind every time I see a new reaction to it.That in itself cannot be answered by just one philosophy or person to collectively represent the whole. It can be answered in as many ways as there are reactions and explanations for the film. And this where I believe Puella Magi Madoka Magica Rebellion is one of the most successful and outright fantastic films of all time. Akiyuki Shinbou and Studio Shaft really outdid themselves with this one. I’ll address the bias that I could be reading too much into it. And yes, Shaft is known for ridiculous amounts of metaphorical imagery and often are chastised as “pretentiously artsy” or “throwing symbols around without meaning” but there are TOO many incidences in Rebellion for that to be “Just coincidence” in my eyes. Gen Urobuchi did say in interviews that the ending to Rebellion would be divisive: From the community’s general hatred of the ending and Nihilism. To my satisfaction with it due to the nature of Absurdism. To my brother’s tragic feelings with it due to the nature of his relationship with God. To my best friend’s questioning of the pragmatism of the ending in being a Logical Skeptic. To my boyfriend’s sympathy towards Kyubey’s desire to preserve the world, even if his methods could be seen as inhumane. And even my sister, who couldn’t finish it and became Existentially depressive. This has certainly held true.

In the end, philosophy is not black and white, nor good or bad. It is more of a way that one articulates the world around them. Whether seeing it as an optimist, a pessimist, or somewhere in-between — to order or to chaos. Philosophy should be thought of with different strokes and philosophical arguments, debates and revelations are always changing with the modern world. I think Rebellion, and Madoka Magica as a whole works as a philosophical piece. A dive into how philosophy in art can be articulated and represented, but also in all the reactions, reasonings and people who have come to interact with it. To finally wrap up this LONG essay, I’ll restate that Puella Magi Madoka Magica Rebellion is my favorite film of all time. I hold the series itself in similar high regards  — but I think the series is far less thought provoking compared to the movie (except for Sayaka character arc and Kyoko). (Before you ask: My favorite anime of all time is The Slayers. I love it for more nostalgic reasons than it making me existential. Sometimes, dumb campy fun is just as necessary are thought-provoking introspection and artistic expression.) But in Puellla Magi Madoka Magica Rebellion’s case: I believe a perfect movie doesn’t need a score of 100% on Metacritic. I believe a perfect film needs to be so provocative and thought-provoking that I never get tired of watching it. Rebellion is that movie to me. Flaws and all. Pacing issues of the first act and all. Even in this still rampant dub vs subs debate in anime communities — I don’t care enough to weight in, I watched it dubbed and subbed, both were of good quality. The dub may have lacked the moe-inspired voices, but at the same time, I hate moe — so them speaking in english was fine by me. Neither one takes away from this wonderful experience. I could compare it to the ideas brought about in Bojack Horseman — My favorite TV show of all time. But taken to an absolute absurd level that requires viewing.

I recommend giving the series multiple watches and come up with your own opinions and ideas. Share your reactions and really learn something about other people by how they react to the series as a whole. You can find the entire series and all the movies for Madoka Magica on Netflix.

I’d like to say if you have any other series you’d like me to cover or analyze, send me a question to my Ask box! Or if you want to support me, check out my other case studies and analyses and follow me! I hope you all enjoyed my rambling and have yourselves a fantastic rest of the day. I’ve been Tuchi,  This is my Brain Vomit, And I hope you always bloom proudly!

-- TUCHI OUT!!

References:

Aronson, Ronald, "Albert Camus", The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy (Summer 2017 Edition), Edward N. Zalta (ed.), URL = <https://plato.stanford.edu/archives/sum2017/entries/camus/>. Simpson, David, “Albert Camus (1913-1960)” The Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy, URL = <http://www.iep.utm.edu/camus/>. Crowell, Steven, "Existentialism", The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy (Spring 2016 Edition), Edward N. Zalta (ed.), URL = <https://plato.stanford.edu/archives/spr2016/entries/existentialism/>. Markie, Peter, "Rationalism vs. Empiricism", The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy (Fall 2017 Edition), Edward N. Zalta (ed.), URL = <https://plato.stanford.edu/archives/fall2017/entries/rationalism-empiricism/>. Nederman, Cary, "Niccolò Machiavelli", The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy (Winter 2014 Edition), Edward N. Zalta (ed.), URL = <https://plato.stanford.edu/archives/win2014/entries/machiavelli/>.

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Prince Harry meditates every day and has a Buddhist manual for life - Daily Mail

New Post has been published on https://harryandmeghan.xyz/prince-harry-meditates-every-day-and-has-a-buddhist-manual-for-life-daily-mail/

Prince Harry meditates every day and has a Buddhist manual for life - Daily Mail

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex will have a yoga studio at their new home, Frogmore Cottage in Windsor — and this week, Prince Harry revealed he meditates every day. But how can you achieve your Zen? 

In an extract from his bestselling guide, influential Buddhist HAEMIN SUNIM reveals how the mindful approach can make your life better…

When we examine our lives, we see many imperfect things, like motes of dust on an old mirror. 

Our words are often different from our actions, our relationships are strained by our mistakes, our best-laid plans for the future go awry.

On top of that, in the course of our lives we inflict various wounds on others, intentionally or unintentionally, causing us to feel guilt and regret.

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex will have a yoga studio at their new home, Frogmore Cottage in Windsor — and this week, Prince Harry revealed he meditates every day

As we become spiritually mature, we naturally develop more empathy and try to see things from others’ perspectives.

This, in turn, teaches us to accept the imperfections of others, and of ourselves, in a more graceful and compassionate way.

I have collected here my reflections on learning to look at the world, and myself, more compassionately. I pray that they can be a friendly hand for you in a moment of despair, and bring you peace in a time of difficulty.

LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE

When there is someone who makes things difficult for you, do you try just to ignore it or put up with it, because it is not in your nature to do or say something that can potentially hurt someone?

I have met many good people who suffer from depression, panic attacks and other emotional disorders due to difficult human relationships.

Such people tend to be gentle, well-mannered and solicitous of others. They are the kind of self-sacrificing person who will habitually put other people’s wishes before their own.

As we become spiritually mature, we are able to develop more empathy and try to see things from others’ perspectives

Why, I wondered, do such good people often fall victim to mental and emotional suffering?

I, too, was introverted and meek as a child, and so was often praised for being ‘good’.

When I opened my heart and spoke honestly to an older friend, he gave me the following advice: ‘Be good to yourself first, then to others.’

It was like being struck by lightning.

By living in accordance with the demands of others, we unwittingly neglect our own desires and needs.

Before going along with what others wish you to do, please listen to the voice inside you, telling you what you truly want.

When someone asks for a favour, don’t forget that you have the option to say: ‘I’m terribly sorry but I can’t do that.’

You have no obligation to take on a task that will be a great burden on you.

Just as, on a plane, you are told to put the emergency breathing mask on a child only after you have put one on yourself, there is nothing selfish about looking after yourself first.

Only if you are happy will you be able to make those around you happy. The true winner is the one who is happy with his life.

Don’t let your difficult past define who you are today.

If you do, you will live your whole life as a victim of the past.

By living in accordance with the demands of others, we unwittingly neglect our own desires and needs

There is life force within you waiting to shoot out of the ground of the past. Please trust that force of renewal. 

Bow respectfully to your past and proclaim: ‘From now on, I have decided to be a little happier!’

If someone is unable to think beyond himself, it could be because he didn’t get enough love growing up. 

Because he felt that the world was cold and uncaring, he had to be self-centred to take care of himself. If there is a selfish person in your life who makes things difficult for you, look deeply into his pain and try to understand where he is coming from.

If we examine what motivates us, we see that even as adults we want recognition from other people, and that so much of what we do comes from that desire to be recognised. 

Shower your child with attention and make them feel secure in your love. This way, they won’t grow up starved for other people’s acknowledgment.

The nice cutlery set, tea, wine, clothes, pen, quilt that you have been saving for a special occasion — use them whenever you get the chance. When you make use of something special, it makes the moment special.

The house is a mess but you don’t have energy to tidy it up. In that case, invite your friends to your home. Suddenly, you will feel a surge of energy which can get the whole house tidied in 30 minutes!

When a beloved family member passes away, we feel sorry for not having looked after them better and guilty for not having protected them from harm.

If you can’t stand to make mistakes, you will never learn a foreign language, an instrument, a sport, or how to drive or cook

Then, after many difficult and lonely nights, the spring, which we thought we’d never see again, returns. 

As the warmth of the spring sunshine touches our face, we feel as though the departed is still with us, wishing us happiness.We assumed we were alone but then realised we were not.

No matter how good a relationship is, it is inevitable that it will change over time. 

A close friend may move to another city, or a family member may pass away. Your circumstances, too, can change. But don’t let this make you too sad — because when one door closes, another opens.

If a relationship causes you pain, then draw a firm line and distance yourself from the other person. 

Once you are apart, you will hear your internal voice and gradually become stronger and more independent. Do not lose your grip on the reins of your own life and allow yourself to be dragged around by someone else.

Before you go to sleep, recall three things you were thankful for today. If you continue to do this for two months, you will see an increase in your level of happiness because instead of focusing on what is wrong with your life, you look for what is good.

THE ART OF GOOD RELATIONSHIPS

Many people answer the question ‘what is the most difficult thing in life?’ with ‘relationships’. Since it takes two people to make a relationship work, and a relationship can easily be disrupted by third parties, they are tricky things to nurture.

In my own experience, even relationships that were strong for a long time seemed to suffer when, unbeknown to myself, I started to feel disappointed in the other person. Whenever I feel disappointed, if I don’t address the feeling, it always comes back to harm the relationship.

In other words, a feeling of disappointment is like a warning light, telling me that if I don’t do something about it, the relationship could fail. But unlike other emotions, disappointment is very tricky to express: it comes out as petty, whereas if I keep it bottled up, it only gets worse — which makes it difficult to act either way.

Our feelings of disappointment stem from having expectations of another person that go unfulfilled. Such expectations are often unspoken, yet we wish that people would somehow figure them out.

If we do not express our feelings of disappointment, they will start to build up and transform into more difficult emotions such as anger, hurt or even betrayal, and we may come to hold a grudge.

And when you express your disappointment, be careful not to do so in a way that is aggressive or critical of the other person, or when the other person is angry.

Wait until both of you are calm, and talk about only how you feel right then, not what was done or said many years ago.

There are times when someone wants to talk and you give them the cold shoulder. But the longer this goes on, the worse it makes the problem. 

And there are times when you deliberately avoid talking to someone but they don’t even notice. Ultimately, you are the only one who suffers.

When a family conflict comes up, don’t take sides; just listen to what both sides have to say.

Otherwise you will only make the problem worse and risk hurting a family member.

In the course of our lives, we meet people who aggravate our sense of inferiority: the friend with a more successful career, the colleague with a better education and looks, the in-laws with a lot more money. But look beyond these externals.

People who seem better off have other difficulties, brought on by the very things you envy them for. 

HAVE COURAGE AND FOLLOW YOUR HEART 

Many people have asked me: ‘How did you find the courage to become a monk?’ 

Well, I didn’t want to waste my life any more wondering whether it tallied with some socially determined criteria for success.

I got tired of trying to satisfy other people’s expectations. Instead, I wanted to discover for myself the answers to questions such as ‘Why was I born?’ and ‘What happens when I die?’

Even if others scorn me, only having done it can I look at myself and say with confidence that I have loved my life.

Many people who try to forge their own path come up against strong opposition. If your timid heart wonders, ‘Is this really OK?’ have the courage to smile back at it and say firmly, ‘Yes, it is!’

Even if you fail, you will learn from your mistakes and try it differently next time. Besides, it is better to experience failure while you are young. If you are prepared to take responsibility for the consequences of your choices, you can follow your heart.

Don’t assume another bus will be coming. Sometimes you will never get another chance to catch the bus you missed.

If an opportunity is presented to you, muster your courage and get on that bus.

If you’ve waited for someone to show up and change your life, and they still haven’t appeared, don’t wait any longer. It probably means you need to become that person for yourself.

When you try to learn something new, you will inevitably feel embarrassed in the process. No matter how respected you are in your own field, you will be treated like a child and corrected every time you do it wrong.

If you can’t stand to make mistakes, you will never learn a foreign language, an instrument, a sport, or how to drive or cook.

It’s all right to start reading a book from the section you most want to read. Starting is often the most difficult part.

If worrying is not doing any good, say to your anxious mind: ‘If what I’m worried about actually happens, that’s when I’ll worry!’

Distinguish between things you can control and those you can’t. The past cannot be undone. You can’t control what other people think of you. But you can control what you are doing right now.

The secret of embracing others 

Of course it is easy to love the parts we agree with, but when we learn to embrace the parts we disagree with, that is when liking turns into loving.

When we find that things are getting tough, a warm, wordless embrace can have more healing power than a logical explanation of why things are so difficult.  Although I cannot get rid of your pain, I will still stand by your side and stick with you. The warmest way of expressing this is through a hug.

If you want to express love to family or friends, really listen to them, devoting your whole mind and heart to their words. 

If you listen with great care and interest, they will come to feel ‘I am a precious being’ and ‘this is what it feels like to be loved’. Words hold great power.

If you love someone, rather than doing what you think they need, do what they themselves ask you to do.  Though it comes from a good place, doing what you think someone needs can be the seed of wanting to control them, to make them a certain way to please yourself.

If you get angry, your anger creates an echo, bouncing back at you without fail.  Your anger arouses anger in others, who retaliate either immediately with the same intensity, or indirectly over the course of many years in the form of gossip and passive-aggressive mind games.

So the next time you get angry, keep in mind the costs. If you point out someone’s faults, don’t expect their behaviour to change. Often all that happens is they get hurt. Praise their strengths, which will grow to overshadow their weaknesses.

Extracted from Love For Imperfect Things: How to Accept Yourself In A World Striving For Perfection, by Haemin Sunim, published by Penguin Life on January 24 at £9.99. © Haemin Sunim 2019. 

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