#i also watched Cats VS Dogs and Atlantis and Jimmy Timmy Power Hour. so you could say i was a connoisseur of the arts

[liquidstar]

When I was 7 I had mild surgery and was under "twilight anesthesia" which means I was awake but sedated enough that I don't remember anything at all. But it's weird, because my mom says that the whole time I was begging the doctors to stop and was crying that hurts, but otherwise I couldn't move. Again I don't remember this at all, and I'm going to assume this is normal because the doctors continued on. Otherwise I'm sure the would have been like "oh fuck the kid's still awake give it more drugs." But I also remember these dreams I had about the doctors, not of the actual surgery but, like, fever dreams that felt the same as waking up from a nap. None were of surgery, they were more abstract I guess. So it just makes me wonder how much of that my brain has processed subconsciously while in that state. Because I remember the dreams.

Like, I'm fine and don't really have lasting medical trauma really (dental stuff is an obsession, but this wasn't a dental procedure so it's unrelated). Still though like I really can't help but wonder if in the deep recesses of my mind I remember surgery being done on me and crying for it to stop. It would have probably been the worst physical pain I ever experienced, and I don't remember it, but I was at least semi aware in the moment. How much of that moment is still in my mind? Not that I want to remember it, but I wanna know if there's like writing on this or if people had similar experiences and such. It's something I Ponder