#i also texted another high school friend who left our high school before graduation so i haven't seen them in a rly long time

[strwyofthesun]

forgive me, goodbye

pairing: re2r!leon x f!reader

word count: 3k

synopsis: you and leon have been high school sweethearts and graduated together in 1990. but after graduating from military school and pre-med, trouble arises once leon becomes busy with being a police officer, while you start preparing to leave to the UK for med school.

cont: slight fluff, angst, high school sweethearts, college au, hurt/no comfort

a/n: for my filo readers, this is very loosely (like you have to squint to even realize it) based on raining in manila by lola amour because ive had lss and i can't stop listening to it!

part 2 here !

“—So, as we all bid farewell to this chapter of our lives, I want all of us to look back on what made us who were are now and look forward to the people we will become. Congratulations Class of 1990! We made it!” You exclaimed loudly into the mic. Everyone cheered and hugged one another in celebration of graduating from high school.

The principal smiled widely at you before you handed him the mic for his closing message to everyone. “Thank you to this year’s valedictorian for her heartfelt graduation speech. My dear students, I am so proud of all you. Congratulations!” Cheers and shouts once more echoed in the auditorium. You walk back into the crowd of students, looking for a certain someone. Amidst the bustling crowd, you spot him in his toga with medals around his neck, certificates and diplomas being held up on the right and a bouquet of roses in his left. You hurriedly ran towards his direction and stop right infront of him.

“There’s my valedictorian, I’m so proud of you love.” Leon said as he handed me the bouquet and planted a kiss on my forehead.

“Aww, Leon you didn’t have to…”

“Pft, I want nothing but the best for my girl. You deserve it [Y/N].”

“I love you so much Leon, I don’t think I would’ve survived high school without you.”

“I love you too [Y/N]. You’ll be fine with or without me. But of course you’re better off with me.” Leon said as he winked at me.

He was always such a tease. Ever since 7th to 12th grade, you couldn't believe that out of all the traits that he could keep, it had to be that one. But, it was okay, after all, all that teasing did lead you to fall for him and it was the best thing to have ever come out of your high school experience. People always said you had your head stuck in a book 24/7 and that you had no chance at love if all you ever look at was texts on a book. But now, they’re eating their words, because not only are you in the happiest and healthiest relationship with the school’s heartthrob, but your relationship with Leon outlasted almost all of your batchmates’s relationships combined. Not only that, but you also graduated valedictorian of your batch and was always a consisted honor student while dating Leon.

You had to admit that you and Leon were a walking cliché. Top student falls for the school’s heartthrob, where haven’t you seen that? But God, even if it was a cliché it was the best thing to have ever happened to you. It wasn’t always smooth sailing though. In 7th grade, Leon was always a pain in the ass to you, and it didn’t help that you were always paired up in almost every pair or group activity and project given. He wasn’t always so cooperative, he teased and picked at you, and he was always pre-occupied with either his friends or football. Yes, he was a jock, an irritatingly good-looking one at that.

He never really noticed your efforts when it came to those pair and group assignments the both of you had until one day, in chemistry class, you had held your head down, planning to rest for a little while. Little did you know that you would be waking up in the hospital. The doctor said that you had overworked your body so much to the point where your immune system had weakened drastically. Leon heard this and visited you the following day in the hospital. Your parents were aware of Leon being a big weight on you because you’d always rant to them about him so it was no surprise that when Leon entered your hospital room, he wasn’t exactly greeted warmly by your parents. Even so, they left you and him to talk privately.

“Hey [Y/N]…” Leon said as he looked at the floor. “Um, I brought you some flowers, roses, to um, brighten up your room.” He said awkwardly

You looked at him up and down with a sour look on your face before thanking him. “Thanks… Leon…” He sighed and sat at the foot of your bed.

“Look, I’m sorry… I should’ve helped you out. If I known this would’ve happen-“

“Well, it’s a bit too late for that don’t you think?” I spat back as I cut Leon off.

“I know, I know… So, to make up for it, I’ve told the teacher about me not cooperating and they have decided not to affect your grade because of my shortcomings. I’ve also come here to ask you what other assignments we have so that I can do it while you’re here. I promise I will prepare a good quality output, I’ll send it to you for checking so that you won’t have to worry.”

You were surprised at Leon’s sudden change of heart and were touched by his dedication to make things right for you. You face softened and you breathed out a small sigh.

“Thank you Leon, I’ll send you a list of what needs to be done later on. Thank you for visiting too…” You smile timidly.

“Please, don’t thank me, it’s the least I could do after everything I’ve caused.”

“Come on Leon, accept my thanks, it’s not all the time I get to say that to you.” I joked.

“Alright, alright. Fine, I accept the thanks and you are welcome. I’ll leave you be now. Rest up, recover quick okay?”

“Okay.”

Leon gave you a smile before turning around to leave, but before he left the hospital, he talked to your parents and apologized for the trouble. He even offered to pay the medical expenses to which my parents declined. They said that if you forgave him, then they forgave him too.

On school days while you were at the hospital, Leon would always text you at lunch about what happened during the morning classes and at the end of the day, he’d text you again to tell you what happened during the afternoon classes. He gave you notes, the assignments, recorded lectures, and even stuck to his word about sending you the group works. He really did seemed like a changed man.

8th grade came around and Leon had confessed his feelings for you, to which you reciprocated. And from then on, the two of you have been dating ever since. And something you love about Leon was that he knew that you were a strong, capable, and independent person. He never interfered with your plans and always emphasized that he wanted you to always prioritize yourself over everyone else including himself. Leon supported you in all your endeavours, the competitions, the events, everything. He was and always is your number one fan and you will always be his. Every game he had, you were present. You stood in the front bleachers with the largest banner out there and screamed your head off every time he scored a point. You were everyone’s typical movie high school couple.

“So Leon, what’s your plans for college?” You asked curiously. He never really talked about what he wanted for his future but since we were now high school graduates, it was high time to start thinking about our future plans.

“Oh, actually, I enrolled into a military academy in Raccoon City!” He said excitedly.

“Looks like someone’s excited.” You chuckle.

“Well, yeah! I mean I’ve always wanted to help people out and I think this is a good place to start.”

“I’m so glad you’re doing something you’re passionate about, love.”

“I’m assuming you’ll be pursuing your pre-med course in the city as well?”

“Mhm, that’s right. I can’t believe how fast time flies. We used to be dumb kids arguing over assignments and look at us now.”

Leon looked at you and grabbed you by the waist to pull you into a hug. “I didn’t expect myself to fall for a brainy genius like yourself.”

“And I didn’t expect myself to fall for a sweetheart of a jock but here we are.” you said as the both of you laughed together.

Summer went by and you and Leon had moved to Raccoon City to pursue each other’s passions. The 4 years passed the two of you quickly and you were soon attending each other’s graduation. Seeing Leon in his uniform standing proud and tall made you feel all sorts of things. You can’t believe how far he’s come. Saying you were proud of him was an understatement. At your graduation, you spotted Leon from the stage along with your parents holding up a camera and recording you. He was the absolute cutest boyfriend out there. He treated you and your parents out at an expensive restaurant in the city to celebrate. While at the dinner table, your phone starts ringing. You check to see who was calling you and saw that it was one of your professors from your university. You excused yourself from the table and picked up the incoming call.

“Good evening Ms. [L/N]”

“Good evening madam, is there something you would like to discuss with me?”

“As a matter of fact, there is. If you remember, I helped you apply for a prestigious medical school in the UK yes?”

“Yes, I recall.”

“I come bearing good news! You have been accepted on a full scholarship! I am so proud of you Ms. [L/N].”

You covered your mouth from shock and turned back to look at your parents and Leon who seemed very curious about the call.

“Thank you so much madam for helping me with this opportunity. I will get back to you with my answer in a few days.”

“No problem, take your time. But if I were you, I would grab the opportunity already.”

“I have to consult my parents first madam but I appreciate the incentive.”

“Alright, please do inform me later on your decision. Goodbye and congrats!”

Your professor dropped the call and you go back to the table with Leon and your parents and let them know the good news.

“Oh my God! I’m so proud of you [Y/N]! We’ll pack your stuff right away once we get home!” Your mom said eagerly.

“I’ll help you pack too!” Your dad chimed in.

You laugh at the reactions of you parents but realized that Leon had been rather silent.

“Leon?” you said as you held his hand under the table.

“Hmm? Oh! I’m so proud of you too, love. I can’t believe you’ll be studying in another country…” Leon said as his voice slowly faded. You squeezed his hand and looked at him with a face of concern. Before he could speak again, the waiter had given Leon the bill which he paid for and later your parents left earlier than you leaving Leon and you behind.

“Love, is there something bothering you?”

“I’m… I’m gonna miss you a lot [Y/N]… But, I don’t want to hold you back, you know that.”

“Oh Leon…” You pulled him into an embrace and said, “I’ll miss you too Leon. But I’m not leaving yet, so let’s make most of my time here okay?”

“Okay… I love you [Y/N]…”

“I love you too Leon…”

In a few days, you started getting ready to make your big move to the UK. Meanwhile, Leon had begun working as a police officer in the Raccoon City Police Department. He was always preoccupied with his job and you were busy with all the files you needed to tend to and the preparations you had to ready for med school and all the other likes. As the days progressed, the stress started to feel overwhelming and it did not help that Leon was not as available as much as he used to be. You respected his time and if he wouldn’t want to hold you back, you wouldn’t hold him back either. So you kept to yourself. All the stress, the worry, the nagging thoughts of moving to a new country alone, the pressure put on you by your professor was immense, all of it was driving you borderline insane. Juggling everything on your own felt so tiring but you never once thought of asking Leon or anyone for that matter for help because you did not want to bother them and because you wanted this for yourself. You had no one but yourself to blame. But the opportunity is right there, and you couldn't risk it slipping through your fingers.

It was a week ‘till your departure and Leon had finally decided to visit you after his long shifts at the RPD.

“Hi love, are you ready for the big trip?” He asked while trying to put on a smile on his face but it was evident that he was too tired to even put an effort.

“I don’t know Leon…” you responded.

“What’s the matter?” he asked sounding concerned.

You snapped at Leon and sarcastically replied, "Oh, thanks for finally asking.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What do you think Leon? You haven’t even bothered to check up on me all those days ago?”

“Well I’m sorry if I got too busy with work!”

“Too busy? Would it have killed you to send me at least one text asking how I was?!”

“I didn’t want to disturb you! I knew that you could handle it on your own.”

“But Leon I needed you! Where were you when I needed you?! I was practically going insane already!"

A deafening silence fell upon the room and no one dared to look at each other in the eye. You broke the silence and spoke up once more.

“Look Leon, if this is the current state of our relationship now, I fear that this won’t last once I’m further away.”

“[Y/N]… Are you…?”

“I’m breaking up with you Leon.” You never imagined those words ever coming out of your mouth but there it was, seemingly echoing in all four corners of the room making it all the more painful that it already was.

“You can’t be serious [Y/N]…”

“I am serious Leon. I can’t do this anymore…”

“Fine.” Leon said as he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

You watch him leave as tears start to run down your face. It hurt that you had to do what you did, but seeing how he didn’t even fight for the relationship broke you even more. At the back of your head, you were relieved because now, he wouldn’t have to face the days where he would need you but you were not there for him. He wouldn’t have to constantly worry about you and your well-being. He wouldn’t have to miss you so much that it made his heart ache that he could not see you. You have spent 10 years with each other and were now so used to each other presence. Being away from him pained you as much as it pained him, and nothing could have eased that.

It's 2 hours ‘till departure, you’re at the airport simply passing the time while your parents kept you company. 1 hour left, you start to remember all the memories you’ve made in the city and can't help but shed a tear because all you could ever think off was Leon. 30 minutes, your parents comfort you and held you in their arms as you cried and wallowed in your sadness. 20 minutes, you compose yourself as your flight is near. 10 minutes, bid your farewell to your parents and start walking to the gates until you heard a voice call your name.

You turned around to look for where the voice came from, “Leon?” You mutter as you frantically search amongst the people looking for him. You spotted Leon dashing towards you and threw his arms around you as a desperate attempt to keep you for leaving just yet.

“[Y/N] please, just wait…” he panted.

“Leon, I need to board the plane, I have to go-“

“Please… think about it, think about us. I know long distance is hard but it’s something we can get through together! I know we can! So please! Don’t just leave me like this…” Leon begged as he pulled away to face you. His eyes were swollen and red, you could tell he had been crying for days straight.

“You know it’s not just about us… You have your whole future ahead of you, and I have mine. Don’t let me stop you from that.”

“But I don’t see my future without you in it. Please let me be selfish for once let me ask you for us to try again.”

“You know I can’t do that Leon…”

Leon looked at you with glass eyes and let you go. “I’ll be waiting for you [Y/N]… However long it takes."

“Leon… Don't...” You cupped his cheek and caresses it gently wiping away his tears.

“Forgive me, goodbye.” You let go of Leon and kissed him one last time before turning your back on him and walking straight to the gates. You hear Leon’s sobs and it took everything in you not to look back, when all you wanted to do was run into his arms and say “I do want you back, I’m sorry for trying to leave you.” But you couldn’t. You knew deep down that you couldn’t bring yourself to throw everything away for Leon. And you knew that he knew it too.

As the plane took off, you look out of the window and silently said goodbye to the life you once had and said hello to the new life you will live.

[housesunstone]

tell me about the person you went on 1 date with and hit it off but kept losing contact until rematching on hinge and tinder

Okay! When i tell you this is romcom levels of bs I mean it.

So it's 2015, and this kid, I'll call him C, met for the first time when our high schools were doing a thing. We get thrown into the same group chat for a bit throughout the day, and we hit it off. I don't use Snapchat, and Instagram wasn't a thing I used either back then, so we just drifted apart at the end of that day.

Flash forward to June 2018 and I did a victory lap in high school (I graduated in 2017 but deferred my acceptance into uni until the 2018 fall semester) I just got out of a really shitty relationship with this girl named H. H was a really bad person and I ignored those red flags for wayyyy to long (fun fact H still stalks me and after she dumped me she immediately got into a relationship with another girl who looked like me...) Anyways... H was a year younger than me, so while we were together, I became friends with some of her friends, and some of those friends chose me at the end of the relationship and not her. So as a joke my one friend K went to prom together with our other friend J, and my other friend M was at our table and her date N he went to a different highschool. The night of prom N and I were chatting since that was the first time I ever met him and he said something along the lines of "My friend met someone with the same name as you and had a huge crush on them isn't that funny" mind you we are all between the ages of 17-18 and fully not sober. So it never crossed my mind that this friend of his may be C even though I have a very unique name and no one else in my city has this name.

After prom N goes and tells C about this person who went to the same highschool and has the same name of this person he had a thing for. It took them some time to connect the dots and once they did it was too late I had left my city to go to uni.

Flash forward to March 2019, I dropped out of uni because I didn't like what I was doing. I loved where I was and the friends I made but didn't want to keep wasting money. So I move back home. September 2019 rolls around, and I start at my local college's film program. The film program is right by the IT and Pilot classes so we see them briefly all the time. EVERY SINGLE DAY UNTIL COVID C AND I SAW EACH OTHER AND NEVER REALIZED THAT IT WAS US.

Its now March 2021 we are doing classes fully online and I get hired in my field before I graduate. Still, in class, my teachers just gave me a pass since I had already been hired, and I then actually graduated in April in an online thing and never got a proper graduation. (sad but moving on)

Okay, so it's November 2021, and I decided to redownload Tinder since its been since 2018 that I've had a relationship, and I am one of those people who can't do one-night stands. The first person that pops up is C. We match. We chatted on Tinder for a bit, then moved to texting. December 2021 rolls around, we go on a coffee date. He got the location wrong (since there are two that are in our city), and I stood out in the freezing Northern Ontario winter waiting. He shows up, and we decide instead to get a coffee to go and take a ride in his car.

The date lasted four hours, and we talked the whole time; it was great. After the date, we texted more, but then the holidays rolled around, and we drifted.

In March 2022, I needed to get a new number since my ex was stalking me once more, and I also got a new phone this time and lost all my contacts... I lose C's number.

In June 2022, we match on hinge. We are talking at a great time. We don't go straight to texting this time. He gets an internship out of town, and in July, I leave my city to stand up in a wedding.

In December 2022, we match on hinge again. As we were about to set up a date for the new year, my grandma broke her ankle. Since my grandpa has heart problems and can't take care of her by himself, and I can work from home, I take care of her. Between then and March 2023, we chat on and off before both of us leave hinge around the middle of March.

In May 2023, we met again on Tinder. Again, talking is great. We joke that we keep missing each other. On July 3rd, I left my city for 2.5 months for work reasons.

October 2023, we match again... he has a death in the family, and we lose touch.

AUGUST 13 2024 WE MATCH ON BOTH HINGE AND TINDER. HIS OPENING LINE ON HINGE IS "Remember me?" AND HIS OPENING LINE ON TINDER IS "Because I didn't forget you"

Fucking rom-com bs

[luellalux]

Unholy (1/3)

Summary: Evelyn Brewer is August Walker’s girl, but that doesn’t stop Lloyd Hansen from pursuing her.

Pairings: Lloyd Hansen x OFC, August Walker x OFC

Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI

Status: Complete

Also hosted on AO3

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Montecito, California

It was another lonely night for Evelyn. Alone in August's mansion with nothing but bodyguards and security cameras for company, she was left to amuse herself while he was out on a job again. As one of the top government contractors for the CIA, August was consistently in high demand. Luckily her boredom was subdued when her old friend Lloyd Hansen texted her out of the blue.

Lloyd: Hey Toots, I heard Auggie-boy is on a top secret job.

Evelyn: It can’t be so top secret if you know about it.

Lloyd: How about you get on top of me and it’ll be our little secret?

“Typical,” Evelyn scoffed at Lloyd’s most recent text under her breath.

Lloyd always found a way to make things sexual with her. It had been like this since they met years and years ago when her parents had sent her to D.C. to visit her sister Suzanne one summer during high school. Though she had not yet met them, Evelyn had long since become familiar with the names of two of her sister’s closest friends since their Harvard days– Denny Carmichael and Lloyd Hansen. Sharply intelligent and keenly ambitious, the three of them had been recruited into the ranks of the CIA. 

It was when Suzanne wasn’t looking that Denny introduced Lloyd to Evelyn. Much to Suzanne’s displeasure and Denny’s entertainment, Lloyd immediately struck up a regular flirtationship of sorts with a then-teenaged Evelyn. His attention usually left her in a confused and flustered state. With his superficial charm, the attention he lavished upon her each time they met, and the fact that he was disgustingly good-looking, she was hard-pressed to return home to her parents at the end of her visit to D.C. without nursing a crush on Lloyd. It was clear to her and everyone else that Lloyd only flirted with her to get a rise out of Suzanne but as Evelyn got older and she learned how to flirt back, it became their twisted version of banter. All the while she kept her crush a secret from Suzanne, from Lloyd, from everyone.

Their little flirtationship was a game, a dance they had perfected over the years. They’d whisper dirty jokes to each other in quiet corners of parties just to get each other all hot and bothered without removing a stitch of clothing and usually without even a sensual touch. It was exciting and intoxicating to go back and forth with each other, like playing a game of cat and mouse except they only found out who was the cat and who was the mouse at the end of each round based on who came off worse after all the teasing.

*~*~*~*~*

Suzanne was annoyed. Lloyd had weaseled an invitation from her parents to a party being thrown at their home in Evelyn’s honor. Her precious baby sister had just graduated high school and was set to attend Stanford in the fall. Ever uptight and type A, Suzanne’s insistence that Lloyd was perving on young Evelyn fell on the deaf ears of her parents. They had met their older daughter’s friend turned colleague before. Dazzled by his eloquence and elegance, they completely missed the devious undertones of his manner.

“Oh Suze, honey, he’s just proud to see Evelyn growing up. We all are,” her mother said exasperatedly. 

“Perhaps he’s here to see you,” teased her father. 

Upstairs Evelyn preened before a full-length mirror in her bedroom. She could hear the growing rumble of voices coming from below as guests arrived. Her teenaged heart thumped away in her throat as she thought of seeing Lloyd again. He had RSVP’d but he was getting busier and busier at the CIA so she tried not to get her hopes up. Finally satisfied with her appearance, she floated down the stairs in her lilac chiffon dress. 

“Oh, Toots, you’re killin’ me.” 

Just as she arrived in the cool empty foyer, Lloyd’s bulky figure stepped out from the shadowy threshold of her father’s office. Dressed in a light linen suit with a bright white dress shirt and dark brown loafers, lolling lazily against the dark wooden doorframe, he cut a fine figure. He always did.

Blushing prettily she acknowledged him. “You made it.” She crossed the foyer to join him. “Did you bring me a present?”

“Gimme a twirl first, gorgeous,” he all but purred and she obeyed, the skirt of her dress rising slightly to show off her dance toned legs as she spun around for him. In the years to come, he’d usually greet her in a similar fashion and she’d respond in kind.  It was their opening act.

Winking saucily up at him, Evelyn held her hand out expectantly.  “Now for my present.” 

Lloyd rolled his eyes but still produced an envelope and booped her gently on the nose with it. “Six tickets to see Taylor Swift for you and your little girlfriends. I don’t get the appeal but to each their own.” 

Evelyn accepted the envelope gleefully.  “You did not! I was joking!” 

He allowed her a moment of pure, unadulterated joy before he dropped his voice, making sure no one passing through the foyer might hear him. “Now, why don’t we sneak upstairs and play Barbie and Ken for a bit.” 

Evelyn, knowing he wouldn’t give her anything so freely, didn’t miss a beat. “I already masturbated this morning, Lloyd.” She batted wide Bambi eyes up at him. “But don’t worry, I was thinking of you the whole time.” 

*~*~*~*~*

Were they keeping score? Kind of not, kind of yeah. Did Evelyn have a mental hall of fame of all the times she had induced Lloyd's hard ons over the years? Oh, absolutely . She particularly loved reminding Lloyd of the time he stained his pants with his own pre-cum while dancing with her at a club in Vegas. Served him right for crashing her spring break a few years back and it wasn’t her fault that he couldn’t control how his dick reacted to her.

Evelyn: Are we ever going to have a conversation that doesn’t include you propositioning me behind my boyfriend's back?

Lloyd: Are you ever going to ditch Auggie-boy for me?

Evelyn sighed at the screen of her phone. Lloyd knew the answer to that question and it was ‘no’. It had been ‘no’ the last dozen or so times he’d asked her over the last two years she’d been exclusively with August. Not that it mattered either way. Lloyd would never actually do anything to her, consensual or not, because he couldn’t risk pissing off Suzanne, especially now that the latter was a high ranking within the CIA’s Directorate of Operations. Suzanne could broadly blackball Hansen Government Services within the CIA if Lloyd pissed her off enough. The one thing Lloyd definitely cared about was his company simply because it was an extension of himself– the only person he cared about. It was the safety in this knowledge that made Evelyn feel bold enough to reply to Lloyd in a way that showed her hand, even just a little.

Evelyn: Maybe, if you didn’t spend so many years being a pussy about me, then I wouldn’t be with August to begin with. Or maybe you’re just all talk and no substance.

She knew better than to put such things in writing but throwing caution to the wind and her phone onto the bed she shared with August, she drifted off to the bathroom for a bubble bath. Lloyd would go radio silent after this exchange. Evelyn was confident he would because the alternative would mean action on his part that was unprecedented in the history of their flirtation– action that she was so fucking curious to experience firsthand. 

Lloyd, by reputation, psychological profile and profession, was a different kind of animal and not to be underestimated. And maybe, just maybe, there was something wrong with Evelyn because, on God, those very qualities that made her wet with desire. She knew this insane curiosity was born of her teen years and one she kept to herself because all hell would break loose if she ever admitted to it aloud. Lloyd would know he bested her in their game. Suzanne would lose her shit. August would probably break her neck. 

Hours later Lloyd followed up with another text which was unusual for him considering she only heard from him a handful of random times in the course of a year and saw him in person even less frequently.

Lloyd: I'll be in Montecito tomorrow. Let’s have dinner.

Evelyn: Why will you be in Montecito? 

Lloyd: To see you for dinner, Toots.

Evelyn: Alright, but no funny business.

Lloyd: I can only promise to be on my worst behavior. Taverna. 7:30 PM. Wear something that’ll look good on the floor. 

Evelyn checked where the restaurant was. It wasn’t far from the hiking trail she frequented with her security detail. She inspected the restaurant info more closely. Taverna was located at a ranch-turned-luxury-resort. The choice of a restaurant in the grounds of a hotel was as subtle as a hand grenade. Trust Lloyd to be an utter sleazeball. 

*~*~*~*~*

They were attending some sort of criminal underworld auction. Evelyn came as August's date but he was busy networking with current and potential clients. This left her to peruse the auction items on her own just for something to do until Lloyd ultimately sought her out. He always did, even if just for a moment.

Evelyn sensed him before she saw him, stalking up to her from behind. The smell of his signature cologne– Tom Ford Oud Wood– with its spicy sandalwood scent, reached out to her in tantalizing wafts as his shadow engulfed her. 

“You and me, let’s get a hotel room and just fuck this sexual tension out of our systems,” Lloyd suggested in a low voice without so much as a greeting.

“That’s considered cheating on my part, seeing as I have a boyfriend,” Evelyn quietly, unruffled at his opening line. She continued her examination of a card bearing details of a fully armored tank that was up for auction without looking at him.

“I won’t tell Auggie-boy if you don’t.”

“You’re such a dirtbag,” Evelyn whispered back to him with a ghost of a giggle. Then she turned around to see him in his sharp black tie affair. She met his burning gaze with her own mischievous cat-like eyes. She stepped toward him and pretended to fix his bow tie to add, “A really hot dirtbag I’d like to fuck if I were a bad girl.”

He smirked down at her, his eyes practically slits. “And if we did fuck, would you let me come inside you?”

Evelyn scoffed, unable to recover as quickly as she usually did.

Lloyd chuckled darkly. “I bet you would and you’d enjoy every drop,” he quipped in a smug, sing-song tone.

*~*~*~*~*

The night following their text exchange, Evelyn dressed in a slinky deep green slip dress that complimented her tan skin and was sure to make Lloyd suffer. To be clear, she didn't dress for his pleasure, but rather for the thrill she got when she made him hard without giving him any sort of real carnal pleasure. 

Knowing that the security cameras all over the interior and exterior of the house would show her going out for the evening, Evelyn texted August earlier in the day that she was meeting a friend for dinner and would be out late. He hadn’t replied to that text all day which left Evelyn to assume that he was still working. She left her bodyguards at home because it was a known fact that no one in Montecito would dare harm the girl who belonged to August Walker. 

Ever punctual, she arrived at Tarverna in her chauffeured car five minutes before the appointed time. She found Lloyd at the bar looking dapper in all black, down to his loafers.

“My favorite girl,” he greeted as he took her hand and gave her a twirl. She simpered for him like a beauty contestant as she always did. “You look good enough to eat, Toots.”

“You’d be so lucky if you did.”

Lloyd inclined his head towards her, a sinful leer playing on his lips. “Let's go, I got us a private room in the back,” he led her by the hand past the bar to a private dining room just for the two of them.

*~*~*~*~*

“You know I’m only joking. I don’t actually want you to leave him,” Lloyd said halfway through dinner. “I just wanna hear you moan my name.” He was bargaining with her again, trying to make his ask seem as innocent as could be.

“Oh, that’s it, is it?”

“Yeah, I’m staying in a bungalow here tonight. We can go back there. I’ll fuck your brains out while you moan my name.  We’ll be done in like an hour or two.”

Evelyn closed her eyes. She tipped her head back slightly and began to moan. “Oh, God, Lloyd… Fuck… oh fuck me Lloyd … Ohh Lloyd yes!” Her eyes flicked open to see Lloyd looking like he wanted to leap across the table and take her right then. She arched an eyebrow at him. “There you go. And it only took like two seconds.” She went back to primly eating her food as if she didn’t just make Lloyd’s cock twitch with a few well-expressed words.

Lloyd grimaced and shifted in his seat, trying to ignore his building arousal. “Come on, just for one night. Be a bad girl for me.”

“Even if I can tell you that you have some decent dick in your pants,” Evelyn admitted. “You are trouble and I’m with August. Who, by the way, would probably lay your ass out if he found out what you’ve been proposing.”

“I’d lay his ass out if it meant you’d lay that ass on me. Besides, if actually gave a shit about you, he wouldn't leave you alone in that house all the damn time.” 

“Like you care what August gives a shit about,” Evelyn replied sarcastically. “Anyway, that's how this works. Very important men like August need arm candy like me to sit pretty at home and worry about how to get blood stains out of his clothes.”

Lloyd shook his head as if she disappointed him. “You're smarter than this,Toots. I don't know why you're with him when you could be doing anything or anyone else.”

“Maybe I like the life of leisure he gives me,” she said with a nonchalant shrug. “A black AmEx does wonders for time apart.”

Evelyn had always been materialistic and she wasn’t ashamed to admit it. Spoiled and pampered since childhood by her parents, dear sister Suzanne, and eventually August, it wasn’t really a surprise that she turned out this way. 

Dessert arrived and Evelyn continued to be the perfect cock tease in answer to Lloyd’s lewd overtures. She even managed to dribble some of the vanilla crème anglaise from her souffle onto her chin before sweeping it away with a finger and popping said finger into her mouth to suck on it absentmindedly.  

“Well, this has been fun, Lloyd. Thanks for dinner. Let’s do this again soon,” Evelyn said nonchalantly. She rose from her seat and left Lloyd to settle the bill and his hard on thanks to her. They may not be officially keeping score in this tense game of theirs but Evelyn was sure she won that round.

She sauntered out of the restaurant and was on the cusp of calling her chauffeur to pick her up when Lloyd finally caught up to her.  

“Your chauffeur isn’t coming,” Lloyd informed her. He slipped a well-muscled arm around her waist, drawing her close to him so that she collided with his chest. She hadn’t planned that he’d be so physical with her. It wasn’t part of their game… usually.

“Let me guess, you shot my driver?” she asked cooly, as if she was unaffected by the fact that she could feel his dick through the fabric of their clothing.  

Lloyd pulled a face and waggled a pedantic finger at her. “ Technically one of my men shot him. He's fine, just out cold from blood loss. I can give you a ride back to your place after we fuck.” He began to guide her down a footpath that led towards the bungalows, away from the front of the resort where Evelyn needed to be. She didn’t resist. She couldn’t show him that she was nervous to go to his bungalow with him. They’d been alone plenty of times over the years but going back to a hotel room with him was new territory.  Fine, if he wanted blue balls for this next round, she could arrange that.

“Well, someone will have to explain to August why my driver was injured on the job and why you, of all people, are dropping me off. You know he only tolerates you for business purposes.”

“I’d be happy– so fuckin’ happy – to explain it to him if you don’t mind me divulging to him that you were having dinner with me and not one of your little girlfriends.” Being too near to him, feeling his body against hers through the thin material of her dress, made her head foggy with desire. She needed to put plenty of space between them pronto but she couldn’t be obvious about it because it would mean that he’d gotten to her and he’d win this round. And Lloyd was insufferable when he gloated.

Evelyn halted their progress, leaned back in his hold just enough to cross her arms over her chest and looked up at him with a pout. “Really, Lloyd, coercion and blackmail? Boring. You can do better than that.” She tweaked his mustache and used her weight and a little backwards momentum to pull away. If Lloyd had indeed ordered for her driver to be shot she needed to Uber home. It was in everyone's best interest that Lloyd stay far away from the house.

Lloyd reeled her back in with his arm before she could get too far. In a moment, her back was flush against him, there was no avoiding the fact that she could feel him grinding his dick against the small of her back or the heat of his breath along her neck as he spoke again.

“If we don’t fuck, we’ll always wonder. If we do, it’ll be done and we won’t wonder anymore. And I promise I won’t ask you to be a bad girl for me again.” 

She had never heard such a precarious deal in her life. But her curiosity to see if there was any action behind all these years of innuendo and fruitless flirting was making vast inroads with her ability to see reason. Evelyn took her time in answering him. She weighed the risk. 

August probably wouldn't find out because she could keep a secret and he hardly paid any attention to her these days. For Lloyd it'd be in his best interest to keep quiet about it if she did sleep with him. The two men ran in all the same circles as they were both shadowy government contractors (read: ridiculously over-compensated hired guns). Neither man could risk more than a fist fight and a bruised ego over her and they all knew it. It was indeed a precarious deal though not so precarious that she thought she couldn't worm her way out of it at the last minute. 

Fine, she'd go toe to toe with Lloyd and once she had him begging like a starving dog… she’d lord that victory over him with zealous pride and add it to her hall of fame. 

Wordlessly, she turned in his arms and ground her hips into him. Pressed up against his well built chest, she snaked a hand between their bodies and palmed his impressive length through his slacks. “Alright, let’s see if these moves fuck.”

[thephilosopheroffeelings]

Reichstag fire, coup attempt, friendship

My mum’s side has many soldiers in Turkish Armed Forces. I never met him as he died when my mum was 17 but my grandad was a soldier. My mum’s childhood is full of stories with them as a family moving around in the country. My uncle, my mum’s older brother, is a soldier as well. He was a soldier as he is retired now. He retired as a major general. If you are not male (as military service is mandatory for every male over 18 in Turkey) or have no idea about military ranks, you do not know how powerful position he had in the army.

My uncle, with my grandad from dad’s side, is someone I look up to while growing up: Funny, confident, clever, successful. A lanky guy who left his small hometown when he was 14 to attend Turkish Armed Forces high school. After spending 4 years at this boarding school while visiting his family only once a year, he graduated at 18. He was quite a successful student and entered university to study medicine while serving as a soldier in the army. In his last duty, he was running the biggest armed forces owned state hospital in Turkey. He was a major general and a professor surgeon at the same time. When I was living in Istanbul, whenever I got sick, he was there to help as I was living alone. He knows the struggle well.

Whenever I saw him with his uniform, it was like a magic. He had many different uniforms but the best one was his cloak. Only doctors who were also ranked soldiers in the army wore cloaks. When he was walking in corridors of the hospital, everyone around him was standing and giving him salute. He was giving salute back and very subtly and gently nodded them to sit or relax. I was following him like Hermione was following Dumbledore.

On 15th July 2016, while I was still living in Istanbul, I was out to celebrate one of my friends birthday. We went to this little ‘meyhane’ (Turkish local pubs) and ordered raki (ouzo) and some mezes and kebab. It was an usual summer night for us. After finishing the night by drinking soup (Turkish hangover cure), I was planning to go to my flat and sleep. I received a Twitter (back then it was Twitter, not X) notification: There were tanks on Bosphorus bridge. I was 26 and never heard or seen such a thing before. And then another notification, and then phone calls, WhatsApp messages. A military coup? Are you kidding me? Cannot be true after our bloodshed filled military coups in the past. We grew up listening to horrible stories about these military coups. Was this happening again?

I will never forget that night. I was tipsy and got sobered up immediately. There was no need for soup or a good sleep. We asked for bill immediately and had a plan of action: My flat was a bit far away, I needed to use public transportation or a cab. Both either stopped working or did not seem safe. Everyone was trying to get to their homes safely. We decided to go to the closest flat where we could reach by walking. And the walk started. Everyone was receiving floods of texts: Get some cash, make sure you have enough water & food at home. ATMs had crazy queues and shops were flooded with people. We divided tasks: I was responsible of buying water before shop owners closed their shops and before card machines stopped working. While all these happening, there were fighter jets flying very close to the ground. Very loud & fast.

We arrived home with whatever we were able to find. Turn the lights off as everyone; I think we all wanted the same thing: Being invisible. After hearing the first bombing, we decided to sit in the hall: There was no windows so it must have been safer. A night filled with jet & bomb sounds, phone calls, text messages & Twitter updates. We still did not want to believe that it was a coup attempt. Cannot be that, can be? It is 21st century ffs. We learned our lessons surely from the past, no? And then coup declaration was read by news presenter on national television.

We learnt that, we had to learn that due to our history, when there is a coup attempt, you have to stay inside. Rule number one. But on Twitter people started to organize each other to go outside and fight against the army (under the disguise of democracy). I could not believe what was going on. I called my dad as he had been through 1980 coup maybe he had an insight. He said very calmly: ‘This is not a coup. I do not know what that is as of now, maybe an attempt, very bad one for sure. Stay home.’ I listened to him.

My uncle was in the USA while all these happening. I texted him asking what was going on. He was this major general – if there was a coup, he must know surely, no? He said he had no idea and advised me to stay in. I was even more confused. He left his holiday in the middle of it and came back to Turkey with the first flight. The moment he entered the airport, he got arrested by the police. Passport officer arrested him attempting to coup against the current government. A man who dedicated his whole life to the service for his country was ripped off from all his titles in one day in his 60s.

He was now in the prison. My dad and my mum drove 12 hours to be with his wife and my cousins. Days were passing and we were seeing on television that generals were beaten, not given any food and everyone seemed to be ��� understandingly at the time – hating them. My dad went to the prison numerous times just to learn where he was based and give him his medicines and clean clothes. He was denied and he was warned that if he kept trying to help a ‘terrorist,’ he would end up in jail, too. I took some days off from work. We barely ate and spent our days in quiet: If this guy was part of this, why would he be back from his holiday? How on earth could this man be a terrorist?

They should have told us where he was based, they should have let us to bring him a lawyer, they should have given him his medicine. Nothing was done lawfully. Whenever you were trying to explain your point, you were a terrorist as well. During this time, his closest boarding school friends who retired before the coup attempt visited us every week. The solidarity they showed was on another level: Even though they were retired, they might still be ripped off their titles but they did not care. They all said the same thing: Not even a slightest chance he was part of this. What an amazing friendship.

My uncle and his family were living in a Turkish Armed Forces owned house and we got eviction note to empty the house in two days. No joke. We packed everything while crying quietly. In the meantime, we were hearing there were some major generals passing away in prison. No names announced yet. My mum was sitting in balcony and waiting for his brother while lighting one cigarette after another. After months of despair & fighting (rather weird combination), it was understood that he was not part of this coup attempt and was out of prison. He was again this lanky boy as when he was 14. When he arrived his ‘new’ home, his school friends were there with him. They chatted away, joked around & my mum & his wife cooked his favourite dishes for that evening. We did not talk about what happened to him while he was in prison. I still do not know to this date.

He got his all titles back. He was invited to the army back by the government but he opted to be retired due to health reasons. He is now a retired major general. Government concluded that this coup attempt was carried out by ‘FETO (Religious Terrorist Organization).’ It should be another article’s topic as it is rather complicated issue but FETO members and the government were friends for a very long time. Hence, FETO members was holding significant positions in the army and in the government. In the end, FETO had become way too powerful and the government did not like this as their interests were contradicting each other sometimes. Funny that my atheist uncle even wrote a letter about this situation and warned his commanders. Of course he was not listened to as back then things were going okay for both sides. Classic.  

I saw poor low-ranked soldiers were beheaded by civilians on that night. They were asking for mercy saying that they were sent here and they had no idea what was going on. They had to accept and carry the orders given by their commanders. Hence I will never see these killings as part of democratic reaction to the coup. I will never forget how two people from the same country were fighting with each other and they had no clue what the fighting was for. When I asked my dad after how he was so sure it was not a coup, he said: ‘I know how powerful the army is. If they planned this as a whole army, it would not stay as an attempt. It would be a real coup. And you would not have time to buy yourself water or get cash, let alone have facility to organize a meeting through Twitter. Trust me.’ I guess we will never know. But one thing I know for sure: This coup attempt was our Reichstag fire as a country.

[anna-lunataiyo]

Tuesday, September 3rd 2024

Alright Squad, lock in.

This post is dedicated to my grade 9-11 -lmao- Teacher.

Okay so after I did my exhibition we have a family meeting to talk about how it was and how I’ve been doing through out the year. Even before I started my exhibition he already look kinda pissed off and through it he seemed really bitchy. So when we actually started talking he really fucking let me have it cuz he started talking about hoe my exhibition was so shit and that I haven’t been doing even the slightest bit good throughout the whole year. He kept going off about how I didn’t do a lot of work and that the work I did do wasn’t anywhere good enough.

He brought up an assignment that i did with a friend and he said that it was so inappropriate and awful. That assignment by the way I technically didn’t do anything for beside submit it. My friend and I had used voice to text to take out notes quicker because the assignment was already due and he said it was fine and to just get some rough notes down and submit that. So that’s what we did. The notes weren’t really good, they were just what we had read from what websites we had found and that my friend was reading off. Since it was voice to text it was kinda messy and you could tell it wasn’t “proper” cuz it was literally her reading and talking. Any ways I submitted it and didn’t really think anything about it until the morning of my exhibition where he had seen it and left a private comment on it saying it was awful and sooo inappropriate why would i even think to submit it.

So he was telling me and my mom about it in the meeting and how he was so upset with it. My mom didn’t really care and just wanted him to shut up but she didn’t say anything to him yet. My teacher asked me why I. Thought it was okay to send that in and I think I said something like “I didn’t really think about, and I wasn’t the one who recorded the notes it was my friend.” Throughout that whole time we were talking about that assignment I kept telling him that I wasn’t the one who took the notes but he didn’t listen. He kept saying that I held responsibility since I still submitted it. Which I fully understood and accepted, and I said that to him but it obviously wasn’t enough for him.

Then with another assignment it was about our plan for the future and how our high school experience has been and how we feel about it. I had put in that I didn’t have a super specific plan since plans always change and its best not to try and plan everything all at once when I still have more than a year until that plan is to even start. I had also put that I wasn’t the happiest with my high school experience so far bc of many things, one included that there’s a few classmates of mine that barely show up to class or do work and that I have a great big feeling, will graduate at the same time as I will. Needless to say, he didn’t appreciate that. He told me that I had no place to talk when I myself don’t show up to class everyday and put in barely any effort into my work. He asked me “Do you show up on time everyday?” And I said “no, no i don’t but i do show up almost everyday, go to class and do my work. To the best of my abilities, no, but do I do it, yes.” He didn’t like that either. I think he said something like “that doesn’t matter” I don’t remember but my mom had said quietly to me that I shouldn’t answer him because he just wants to argue with me and make me feel bad. I mean she was definitely right so I stopped talking. To be fair I was also feeling like I was about to cry since he was literally almost yelling at me and cuz I felt so stressed out and frustrated, and whenever I feel that way I usually start crying. He kept going on for a bit until he turned to my mom and asked her if she had any questions or concerns about my work, she said yes and he asked her what they were and she replied that that’s something that she will talk to me about when we get home. He was a bit stunned at that and then she asked if that was it and if we were done, he said “yes that’s all” and then my mom and I left.

So big shout out to my mom for being a queen and putting that man in his place. She really did silence him, she always does.

I still have so much more that i can say about this fuck of a man, but. I don’t know if I will. I would like to mention that when I told my best friend this, (she’s the same one I did the assignment with) she said that he didn’t say anything to her or her mom about it. I fucking knew he wouldn’t because he loves her. Not in like a weird way. At least i really fucking hope not, but she’s so obviously his favourite for so many reasons so i just knew he wasn’t gonna say anything to her but give me shit for everything. I for course don’t blame her for anything, she literally can’t control the way he acts or what he does.

So yeah that’s pretty much it for now. I’ll probably write more about him later when I randomly remember the shit he did to me.

[gjenevarants]

Panic Attack/Lost

2/23/24

I had a panic attack last night. I thought I lost my invisalign and my case. I thought I left them at the music hall (I left early because I was tired). Turns out they were in my car under the passenger seat. No idea how the fuck they ended up there. But I had a panic attack about it because I know how much this cost, how long it's taken to fix my TMJ (temporomandibular joint) issues... I'm not telling the full story but losing that would have fucked over the whole process.

I talked to dad yesterday. Over text not phone call. Apparently yesterday was national margarita day? He sent me a photo of the one he had. I also mentioned wanting to get completely plastered for my twenty first so that's something to look forward to. I also mentioned wanting to get together with former classmates over the summer. One person responded which I find funny.

I found out through a friend that one of my old classmates was asking about me because I hadn't talked to them in a while. I truly wanted to laugh. I'm thankful that I didn't because I know the laugh that would have come out would have been a broken sound of pain.

I tried reaching out to all of my old classmates for years. YEARS! I remember one time early senior year, our teachers had us go around and say things that were bothering us. I told them all that I was worried I was going to snap, that I was worried I wouldn't be able to last much longer. No one knew what I meant except one of the teachers and she only knew because she was my advisor. I was like back in ninth all over again, I wrote a song that was literally full of really obvious analogies about suicide. The friend I played it for, who I thought was my best friend at the time, was too distracted about overanalyzing Taylor Swift shit. That was probably one of the reasons I don't talk about things until I'm at the breaking point. I've tried to before and no one listens. I can't always be the one reaching out. People have my contact information, if they want to reach me they can text me. I've given up on being the one that texts first because when I do no one answers. I know when I'm not wanted. I never really fit in with my class. There were twelve of us and the girl that joined in eleventh grade fit in better than I ever had, and I'd been with the same people sense I was six.

There's only three people that really talk to me, and there's a scale in the regularity of their answers. The one who is basically my brother answers the most, followed by one of my old friends still in high school. They're a freshmen now. It's funny because I've been friends with their older sibling longer than I've been friends with them. That older sibling is the one who answers least on the list. They're the one who told me about the friend trying to contact me. I have another friend that I thought was reliable, they used to answer, but then they just stopped responding. I don't know if there was something I did wrong. I've stopped trying to talk to them. If they don't want to talk I won't push.

Another person I used to rely on was someone I used to say was basically my sister. She was the one I used to call my best friend. She was the one I played that song for. Back in December she called my brother and I and started talking to us, acting like it hadn't been months sense we last spoke, acting like the last time she had said a word to either of us hadn't been the week after graduation. She talked to us for a week after that call before she went silent again. I've given up on trying to talk to her as well.

My support pillars really are just crumbling around me. Everyone else is moving on with their lives and I'm just sitting here in the wreckage and rubble, not knowing what to do with myself. There's so much that I want to do, so many places I want to go and take friends to go see, but at the rate they're all leaving I'll be going alone.

I need to get a job. I need to get my wisdom teeth removed. I need to get my anxiety medication switched to something that actually fucking works. Going up from one to one and a half didn't do shit. I still can't believe that the psychiatrist who proscribed it thought I only had anxiety. "only has anxiety my ass!" I've been depressed on and off sense I was fourteen. FOURTEEN! And that fucker thought all I had was anxiety?!

I need to go to the eye doctor and ask about getting contacts. I don't wear my glasses because they just make me look more like mom, even with my hair cut the way it is. I'm not supposed to be driving without them and I can't wear my prescription sunglasses because the nose bridge broke.

There's so much I need to do and I don't even know if I'll be around to do it. I'm just lost all the time and I'm running out of places and people to go to.

[thisismynarrative]

When the Heart Breaks

I'm a fan of the band, BTS. I've attended their concert. I own quite a bit of their merch. I am committed to their releases. There was a time when I didn't know who they were. A time when I didn't care to know. I cared about other people then. Other musicians, other writers, other friends. Closest of them all was my best friend since middle school, A. She took me to Disneyland and I brought her into my family. When she first introduced me to BTS, I listened to them out of obligation. A bus ride to tour colleges is never a short one and we were in the habit of sharing earphones. This was our norm -- extending past our wants to meet at the compromise that is friendship. When I went away to college, I learned the bandmate's names. I watched their music videos, and our friendship continued despite the distance. I was good at this. Good at being a friend. Good at losing myself in someone else's interests because somehow I understood this is what made a good friendship.

When we stopped talking my sophomore year of college, I still listened to their songs. BTS became the backdrop to countless hours in the library, my writing sessions, and my flights homes. They also somehow became, perhaps by default, the one thing I could still access about our broken friendship. I loved them. I still do. But this isn't about BTS. Not entirely.

Because while I've been to their concert and I've lost my voice yelling alongside their songs, I am still learning how to make sense of the heartbreak that comes from lost friendships. They tell you, sometimes warn you, that the friends you make in high school will not be your friends post graduation. How cruel. What does it mean to say goodbye to something before you are ready for its departure?

In his poem, "For the Hardest Days" Clint Smith writes, "How maybe / we are not so different from the leaves. / How maybe we are also being reborn / to be something more than we once were." I wonder if we are reborn after every heartbreak. If we are made new again from the pain. A renewal so strong that a band becomes its very own comforting thing. How their songs change to echo my own voice and not the combined chorus of childhood friends who no longer text each other the obligatory "happy birthday" text. I like to think we are like leaves as Smith writes. We decay. We fall. We return next spring.

Is there any alternative?

Currently, El Salvador is suffering under the dictatorship of failed president. I omit his name on purpose. After forcing the country to take on Bitcoin as its official currency, the country burns from its inevitable crash. My grandmother, Mameya, still resides in El Salvador. This is another kind of heartbreak. Watching my parent's home country return to conditions mirroring the 1980s Civil War. I think in some cases there is too much heartbreak.

Leaves don't fall year-round for a reason.

But we aren't leaves. Even if imagining we are descendent of trees is comforting. Our falling is its own special routine. A breaking that happens every season. Because we must. Because how else do we gather ourselves? How else do rebuild if not intentionally? There is a method of survival in which we fall apart and break into slices of reality we call growth to pull us forward towards something better than this. Something better than what we want to disappear into. Something that no longer makes us want to dissolve. A thing called growth because we have nothing else, nothing more helpful to name it.

I welcome the breaking. In her poem, "What Remains Grows Ravenous" Ada Limón writes, "I thought everything was behind me: / death, and dying, and sickness. I didn't know I was changing my life -- / that I would have done anything, / that what was left of me would become / so ruthless to survive." There is a desperation that comes from so much breaking. The heart breaks & breaks & breaks. It also continues. I am committed to continuing. Perhaps ruthlessly.

Sometimes all that you are left with is a question: what can I make out of goodbye? And I like to think one of our jobs as writers is to answer that question.

originally published via Sims Library of Poetry's Magazine, may 2022

[stuck-in-hypna]

These drunk confessions

These drunk confessions - Part 2

Park Jongseong (Jay) x OC (Im Haeyoon) | College AU | Situationship

For Haeyoon, it was better to end things than to admit how she truly felt. It's not like she didn't like their set up, she was just too scared of rejection, leaving Park Jongseong lost, confused and full of misconceptions that ended in these drunk confessions. Now, everyone in their circle knows about what has transpired in the past, plus Jongseong's feelings--everyone knew, except of course, for the oblivious Im Haeyoon..

⊱ ━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ εïз ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━ ⊰

Part 2: Jay

Three days since that fucking incident, three days since I last went out of my apartment, and three days since I last spoke to anyone. I’ve done nothing but wallow in misery due to being humiliated in front of our friends and the student body, and the fact that she hated me.

Why is she even furious? Fuck if I did anything to her, she was the one who broke it off, since she liked another guy, not me. It’s also a fucking mystery that she liked Park Sunghoon—not that he was bad-looking or anything, but the dude had the personality of a rock! If he wasn’t attractive, then he’d be nothing!

Speaking of… it must be him calling again, the caller ID says otherwise though—it was Aerin. Why is she calling me, is there an emergency?

“Hey, Aerin. What’s up?” Since she didn’t call or text as much, so I was curious.

“What’s up is you’re ignoring your friends who are worried sick! Heeseung went to your apartment twice, but not even once that you opened the door for him! The others are already at their wit’s end trying to figure out what your problem is! It’s Jake’s birthday today and he can’t even be ecstatic about it because he’s bothered—"

“I’m okay Ae-“

“Did I ask if you’re fucking okay, Park Jongseong?! Do you think hiding from everyone because you got slapped by my bestfriend justifies your actions? From what I’ve heard, you brought it upon yourself!”

“Why are you taking it against me? I’m the one who got humiliated, not you nor the guys! Your friend has issues, I didn’t even do anything to her!” I half yelled, too frustrated and confused, I have been in this dilemma for the past 8 months, if they only knew.

Then silence, Aerin seemed to have calm as well, “Whatever’s between you, talk it out, okay?”

“She blocked me, if you must know. She wouldn’t even look at me.”

“You should probably stop insulting her and giving snide remarks, I don’t know why you can’t be civil with her, after what you did to her…”

“What the hell did I do?!”

“And what did she ever do to you, Park? Have you thought about that before you started throwing a tantrum that affected everyone?”

She fucking left me for someone else, she broke my heart. Fuck. I chose to stay quiet, I have to keep in mind that none of them knew about what happened between Haeyoon and me, she’s capable of killing me if the guys find out.

“I swear to God, Jay. Even Niki doesn’t measure up to your maturity at this point. If you don’t come to Jake’s party tonight, the guys will talk to your parents.”

“Fine! I’ll be there.” I fibbed just to make her lay off me.

“Words of advice, stay sober, you keep confessing to the wrong people!”

She hung up before I could even breathe another word, what the hell did Aerin mean?

There is a possibility that I’d see Haeyoon later, and I’m not sure if I’m prepared to. Anyway, if I decide to go, she won’t be the reason, it’d be because it’s Jake’s day—even if that asshole is set to ask her out, he’s still one of my bestfriends.

What if the two started dating? Will I be able to move on from all this?

I admit that I’m having a hard time accepting that she’s no longer part of my life…

Haeyoon is Mika’s, my cousin, friend from their high school—we met at my cousin’s graduation party. Haeyoon’s a head turner, not only beautiful, but elegant. Her movements were so refined that I thought she’d be boring, but man, was I so wrong!

We were in the hotel’s ballroom, people-watching, when she excused herself. At the ten-minute mark, I saw her rushing towards me—she then pulled my hand and dragged me outside of the ballroom towards a hidden area near the pool.

The classy girl whom I was talking to just a few minutes back stole a bottle of Riesling and almost got caught! We drank straight from the bottle like two underage alcoholics without a care in the world. The night that we both lost our virginity to each other and spent the rest of the evening until dawn just talking as we waited for the first sunrise of our summer.

The following day, I drove her home and ended up meeting her parents, they invited me to have lunch with them until I became a staple in their household, sometimes having dinner with her and her parents, or staying the night, she also did the same, coming over during the weekends or joining my family on our short trips. My parents adore her, I knew exactly why.

When the new school year started, she suggested that we shouldn’t be obvious on campus, she doesn’t want anyone finding out about us since it’s like a friends-with-benefits thing—I agreed. She also didn’t want her bestfriend to get the wrong idea about us, I didn’t think much of it until I’ve noticed that a lot of guys have been approaching her, trying to get her attention. I became insecure at the idea of her liking someone else, that did not sit well with me. If that happens, it means it’s gonna be over between us, no questions asked.

Sunghoon and Heeseung, two of my long-time friends, got to know her as well, and I made it a point to tell them to not allow any male student near her, my plan was successful and lucky for me, they did not question my motives. It was then that I knew my feelings were starting to materialize.

Then Jake came into the picture junior year and started showing interest in her and it was a relief that she did not give him the time of the day. I never asked her about Jake, I did not want her to get the wrong idea, as long as we were okay, I’d be fine with that. That was until the party they’ve hosted for Jake.

Mom wanted me to bring my cousin Mika and two of her friends to wherever I was going that night, saying something about being cordial to our guests since they were visiting over the weekend. So, I told Haeyoon that I won’t be able to go to her place after. That night was a blur, I remember getting kissed by one of my cousin’s friend on Heeseung’s balcony and I just let her, thinking it was Yoon, but turns out it was not. That was also the same exact moment I realized that I can’t be with someone unless it’s her.

So, I immediately ran downstairs to frantically look for her, Aerin said she already went home, not feeling well. As an act of desperation when I rushed to the front door, stumbling a few times, forcing myself to walk straight to where my car was parked. Heeseung and Sunghoon stopped me when I told them that I’d be driving to her place. They forced me to stay, and took my car keys from me, making sure I didn’t do anything stupid. I called her multiple times that night, and even sent her messages but I got no response, which was fairly odd, considering that she never misses to reply.

Monday came sooner, the only message I got from her was that she went home to her parents and that she’d call me but heard nothing after. Frustration was slowly building up—I went to her apartment, and let myself in but found nothing.

Yoon did not attend her morning classes either, I’ve been asking the guys nonstop about her whereabouts, but no one knew. Aerin was already getting suspicious of me but didn’t ask further, it was a relief since I didn’t want to tell her anything that Yoon may have not told her yet, and if she questioned me, I knew I’d break.

A couple of days into the second week, I finally got a text from her, only to say that she wanted to end things as she’s now liking someone else. I bombarded her with calls and messages until she switched off her phone, I wanted to talk to her, in person at least, I was planning to tell her everything and if she didn’t accept me, I’d let her be. The closure I wanted, I never got.

It was Sunghoon, the guy she liked. I had to find out from the grapevine that it was him. It felt like I was cheated on, yet Sunghoon had no clue about Yoon and my status.

As soon as I had the chance, I confronted Sunghoon, one on one, and interrogated if he was making a move on her. He denied everything, saying that they were just friends, nothing more. I was lost, not sure who to believe then. My life seemingly went upside down because she left me—Park Jongseong then was the perfect definition of tragedy.

Our most recent interaction wasn’t any better, and it was my fault I got triggered. She has never called me Jay, it was always Jongseong, Jongseongie, Seong, but never Jay. She specifically implied that it was only for people not close to me—now that she’s calling me Jay, did it mean that I was just a mere acquaintance?

Again, my phone buzzed, it was my mother this time. “Hi, mom.”

“Jongseong, where are you?”

“I’m in my apartment, why?”

“Your friends are here. Heeseung is here looking for you, with Sunghoon and Niki. Why are you hiding from your friends? Where is Haeyoon? I knew something was wrong when she didn’t go here for our anniversary, did you cheat on her?! I swear to God Jongseong, you won’t meet anyone better than her-“

I cut her off with her ramblings, “Mmm! The guys will hear you!”

“So what if they hear me? Have you been hiding her?!”

“She’s not even my girlfriend, mom,” I whined, what is it with women these days and nagging? “and it’s not like she wants to be my girlfriend.”

“You’re indeed your father’s son. I can’t believe you didn’t see how much she cares about you; I know I’m your mother and I’m supposed to support you, but if you don’t win her back, don’t think about going home, and that’s final.”

“What the fuck, mom?!”

“Language, young man. I will have a word with your friends.”

“Don’t tell them anything! I swear it’s no-“ I did not even get to finish my sentence when she hang up. I can��t believe she’s disowning me because of Haeyoon! I am her only son, my God! That woman is so petty! How did she even become my mother?!

Truthfully, I’m not prepared to tell the guys about this however I’m pretty sure that they now know more than I want to tell them. I took the quickest shower ever and rushed back home after I messaged them in our group chat: Heeseung, Sunghoon and Niki, do not leave! Wait for me there and do not listen to that woman!

Unsure of how many stop signs I’ve run over, I got home in record time—25 minutes! As soon as I got out of my car, I spotted the three of them with my mother at our patio. My mom already giving me a condemning face as soon as she saw me, oh God, I’m gonna be homeless!

“Hey, mom, guys!” I casually greeted them, acting cool while my inner turmoil suggests otherwise.

“Sit down Jongseong.” Okay, I’m in trouble. The three were stifling a laugh, they were not the most subtle bunch. “What’s this I hear that you’ve been going out with different women every week?!”

I’m going to kill all of you. I mouthed those words to them which didn’t help with their case, Heeseung snorted, and the other two were in hysterics.

“Did you break up with Haeyoon or you cheated on her, she found out then broke up with you?”

“Mooom, she’s not even my girlfriend, I told you.” I insinuated in a sort of whisper-shouting manner, “She’s going to kill me if she finds out they know.”

“Don’t worry, man. She won’t get mad.” Sunghoon assured me, a little too self-assured if you ask me.

“Are you planning something? What are you guys planning?!”

“I’ll leave you boys be, and you are staying for dinner,” mom then stood up, “Please talk to your friend, he needs a good beating.”

The boys chuckled and had the nerve to approve of what she just said. “Stop acting like you’re my mother’s sons.”

“What, it’s funny!” Sunghoon mused, “Heeseung believed that Jake was so serious about Haeyoon!”

Niki looked at Sunghoon wide-eyed while hitting his arm, “Fucking retard!”

“Watch your language, Niki!” I warned the youngest, “what did you say?”

“Just go to the party later, Jake’s expecting all of us,” Heeseung exclaimed, getting my attention from the other two.

“Why? I have schoolwork to finish.”

“I’m your classmate in most of your classes, deadlines aren’t until the end of the month, so that’s three weeks from now.”

“Come on, Jongsaeng-mon… we haven’t seen you in three days!”

“Stop referring to me as if I’m your Pokemon!” I snarled at Sunghoon, “Come on guys, I’m not in the mood. Besides, I also need some me time.”

“Heeseung will buy you lunch for a whole month.” Niki offered.

“I don’t need that, I’m rich.”

Niki huffed, “well, not if we tell auntie. You’d be homeless and poor!”

This kid is evil, they again didn’t give me much choice, so I was forced to say yes, already regretting my decision.

After a few more lectures from my mom during dinner, we made our way to wherever the party was. Mom warned me again that I shouldn’t step foot in this house in the future if I don’t have Haeyoon with me. It’s as if she’d talk to me again after what happened.

It felt like being abducted by my own friends—they didn’t even let me bring my own car, making sure that I won’t be able to leave anytime. Plus, Jungwon and Niki are staying over, they made sure that I also do the same.

“Where are we going?” I asked Heeseung when I realized that the direction we’re going to is a bit different than our usual route.

 “Jake rented a penthouse suite, he says something about his parents being home, so we needed to go to a different place.”

Sketchy, but okay. Whatever. He might’ve rented the whole club or something, that’s what he always does. He doesn’t like the hassle of cleaning up the following day, smart actually.

What I wasn’t told was that he booked a penthouse suite in Hyatt in Gangnam and only a select few were invited. By select few, meaning it was only our circle.

“Hey man, I thought you wouldn’t make it!” Jake got me into a headlock as soon as he saw me and dragged me inside to where the supposed living room is.

“Dude, be thankful it’s your birthday or else!” I laughed along with him as I tried to fight back, but Jake was somewhat stronger.

“I just didn’t expect to see you, I thought I’d have to drag your ass out of your apartment!”

“That’s what we did actually,” Sunghoon chimed in, “We had to go to his parent’s house just to make him come out. It’s pathetic!”

“Take it easy on Jongseong,” Aerin shushed the two, “go, freshen up,” she pushed me to one of the bedrooms, as Niki handed me my rucksack, “we’ll just prep the food.”

“Oh yes, yes! Chill for a bit,” Jake was on it too, everyone within the radius exchanging knowing glances, acting suspicious if I may add, “Go!”

As I was pushed inside the room, the door behind me closed almost immediately, to which I forced open it but it was somehow stuck from the other side. “What the fuck guys?! Open up!” I was banging on the door at the same time.

“Will let you out in an hour, I swear!” I think that was Heeseung’s voice.

“Yeah, an hour or so. We won’t let you out unless you two talk!” That was definitely Sunghoon… wait, us two?

“Why the hell are you so loud?!” Someone from behind me suddenly spoke, which fucking gave me a heart attack, “and what are you doing here, Jay?” Ah, the love of my life who saw me as nothing but a nuisance.

“Hey Haeyoon… Um, I guess they locked us in.”

She sighed and walked towards the door, tried opening it, and banged it as well, “Fucking morons! Let us out, you dumb shits! I SWEAR ONCE I GET OUT OF HERE I’LL -“

I placed both of my hands on each shoulder as I lightly pulled her away from the door and had her sit on the edge of the bed, it was a hopeless case especially when we both heard Sunghoon and Jake’s obnoxious hooting.

“It’s pointless, these guys are assholes to begin with.” I told her.

“Obviously.” she muttered while typing angrily on her phone, the message was sent to our group chat, and I almost chortled when I read the message full of profanities, definitely not threatening, but cute, “Why are you laughing? Do you think this is funny?!” Oh, oh! I’m unblocked? I can read her messages again, WTF!

“I’m sorry, I was smiling, not laughing.” I corrected her which made her glare even more. It was meant to be a joke but she took it negatively.

Her back was against the headboard and damn it, even with no makeup on, she looked beautiful. More beautiful than anyone I’ve met—this is bringing me back to the time I've first met her.

Maybe God has a weird way of answering my prayers—I’m taking this as a sign from the heavens, plus I don’t want our friends’ efforts to go to waste.

“How are you, Yoon?” I sat on the side of the bed near her, but kept a good distance, in case she wanted to hurt me again.

She raised her left eyebrow at me, “and you’re asking because?”

Maybe because I miss you and it’s been almost a year since we last talked? “Just asking.”

A sigh escaped her lips for the nth time in the last thirty minutes or so, “I’m sorry. It’s just, we’re no longer on speaking terms, it’s weird that you’re asking me this, but to answer your question, I’m fine. I hope you are too.”

“I am,” I hesitated to continue, not knowing what to say further.

“You know we don’t have to talk just because they locked us here. We can always go back to pretending that we’re not close once they let us out, just be civil.”

“Pretending we weren’t close didn’t do us any good, Yoon, and you know that.”

“Maybe it was meant to end, Jay. Maybe we weren’t even meant to be friends.”

“Don’t say that, please.” I begged, I reached out to both her hands and kissed them, “I’m sorry for being a jerk, I just—I didn’t know how to handle being away from you. I didn’t know what to do with my life, you became a big part of it in a short span of time. Can we just go back to how it was? Please, Haeyoon?”

My tears are already threatening to spill, I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t afford to lose her again. I’d go insane, it’d be now or never.

She retracted her hands, and insisted that I let go, “You mean go back to having sex then keeping it as a secret? I don’t think so.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. I know you like Sunghoon, or maybe Jake, I don’t know,” I took a deep breath, to make sure I won’t mess up my words again, “Haeyoon, I won’t tell you to stop liking them or whatever, what I’m asking for is to just let me be there for you again, let me spend time with you like before, let me do things for you, drive you wherever you need to go, take care of you, anything, just please… I don’t know how I can function again without you in my life.”

“Why are you doing this, Jongseong?” her voice softens, “I can’t take advantage of you like that. I can’t do that to you.”

“Because I love you, Im Haeyoon. Since freshman year, I think. I just didn’t want to tell you as I thought it may frighten you away.” She froze at my confession, now this is scaring me—she’s going to reject me that’s for sure, but at least I told—

“You’re a fucking idiot, Park Jongseong.” She wiped her now damp eyes with the back of her hand, “you’re a fucking idiot!”

“I’m sorry if this is something that’s not expected, I just wanted to tell you at least before you decide to cut ties with me again. I’ve loved you—no, I love you since then, and that hasn’t changed, not one bit.”

“You could’ve just told me before, you’re aware of that right?” She’s now smiling through her tears, even laughing at this whole situation, “we could’ve avoided all this drama you know?”

“What do you mean? So we could’ve ended it sooner?”

“God, you’re so dense. You really are. Although I’m not any better…” she muttered.

Dense? Because what, you’re rejecting me for someone else? As of this moment, I’m not sure which is more acceptable, getting rejected because of your bestfriend or because of someone you don’t know.

“What are you thinking about Jongseongie?” she placed both her hands on each side of my face and gave me a quick peck on my lips, what the fuck? My brain short-circuited and didn’t know how to react. “You’re an idiot, and I’m inlove with you.”

“You—you are—with me? Seriously?”

“Should it be with someone else? You want me to take it back?”

“NO! No of course not! You’re mine.” I blurted out so suddenly, “I’m sorry, I mean-“

“I love you Park Jongseong, I really do. It’s just that I thought you were going end things with me after I saw you kissing someone else at Heeseung’s party. I thought me ending things abruptly would be better for the both of us, and I dreaded the idea that you would want it to stop.”

I was about to say something, but she interrupted me, “Wait, let me finish. I need to let it all out or I’ll forget.” It was very typical of her, to forget things, “So I accidentally confessed that I liked Sunghoon, which wasn’t true by the way.”

“You put him on the spot!” I gasped, making fun of her, “Poor Sunghoon, he must’ve been traumatized!”

She lightly tapped my cheek and chuckled, “You’re so mean! But anyway, I already came clean, a few days ago.”

“Just a few days ago?! And we all thought…”

“The guys told me you were the only one who thought that, apparently they all knew about us because you have drunk confessed to everyone!”

“That is not true!” I strongly denied, “who told you this? It’s not true.”

“Well,” she pondered, “there’s Sunoo, Sunghoon, Niki and Jungwon may have mentioned something. You’ve been telling them things apparently… like I left you for someone else? Dude, we’re not even dating! Do you want me to ask them again?”

“No, please. Don’t! I love you, okay? That’s what’s important!” I insisted, but the things I do when I’m drunk were pretty much buried in the ditch, memories have been vague.

The door suddenly opened, good thing we weren’t in a compromising position. “Are you lovebirds done? It has been more than an hour and food is ready!” It was the birthday boy.

“We’re good,” Haeyoon stood up and smiled at him. She took my hand and pulled me towards the door.

“We’re good? That’s it?” I whispered, “Aren’t we discussing our relationship status at least?”

She just shrugged and walked away, smirking, as she joined the others in the kitchen—what the fuck was that? Where do we stand?

“So…?” Ah, Jake and Jungwon obviously asking for what transpired within the room.

“What?” I asked irritatingly, “What do you want?” I threw myself to the nearest couch, completely ignoring the two. Unfortunately for me, the two couldn’t take a hint and joined me.

“What ‘what’? We’re asking what’s going on between you two now. Did you finally ask her out?” Jungwon nudged.

“Are you finally dating?” Jake also probed, a little too eager.

“Get away from me you two!” I tried so hard to shoo them away, but I remember her kissing me just a while back. Right then and there, a grin escaped my lips—they’ll never let me hear the end of it!

Their teasing might have attracted Sunoo, who was now walking towards us wearing that mischievous smirk, followed by Sunghoon—fuck my life! I'm just not ready for this...

⊱ ━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ εïз ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━ ⊰

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[kuiinncedes]

i went to see a friend on campus today for the first time since school endeddd :'')

[kpopfanfictrash]

Raise the Barre (Epilogue)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Creative Contributor: @baebae-goodnight​ for the last Raise the Barre moodboard TT she nailed it

Pairing: Jimin / Reader

Rating: 18+ (Smut)

Genre: Enemies to Lovers / Dance Academy!AU

Warnings: sexual content. Dry humping, fingering, hand job, oral (female), breast play, multiple orgasms, Jimin gets turned on by making someone else come, dirty talk. Jimin’s pants are tight.

Word Count: 13,409

Summary: You and Park Jimin have been rivals for as long as you’ve known one another; ever since he tripped you in the front row of your first dance convention. When you graduate from high school and enter Russet Ballet Academy, you tell yourself you’re leaving all past quarrels behind. The main problem with this though, is that your past seems determined not to leave you alone.

Worse still, the obstacles you face while out in the real world might prove more challenging than anything your enemy has to offer.  

“And… more pointe shoes,” you said, opening the box in your lap. “Wow. Thanks, mom and dad.”

Your dad laughed, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “You’re welcome, kiddo,” he said, nodding from the couch. “I know Russet gives you some already, but you can never have too many.”

“Out of curiosity.” You glanced at the tree. “Are there any boxes from you which aren’t related to dance?”

“Not related to dance…” Your mom pretended to think. “I don’t understand.”

“Mom!”

She laughed. “I’m kidding! Yes, there are other presents. You just happened to pick all the pointe shoe boxes first.”

Shaking your head, you placed the box aside. You smiled though, warmth in your chest at being home for the holidays. Classes at Russet had ended a week prior and it had been nice for a few days to simply relax. Already though, you found yourself itching to return to the city. It was strange to wake every morning and not head to ballet. It was even stranger to take classes at your old studio, trying to stay in shape before second semester began.

Playing with the string of your sweatpants, you couldn’t help glancing at your phone on the couch. It had been several days since you’d last seen Jimin in person. Oddly enough, the separation had been harder than you’d thought it would be.

Immediately after ending things with Finn, you and Jimin had tried to keep your distance. The pain of your separation had been too fresh to even consider dating someone else but, as time had gone on, you and Jimin had started becoming friends again.

It was hard not to be, with Jimin continuing as your dance partner and classmate. At the end of the semester, you’d had the opportunity to switch partners, but you and Jimin had chosen the status quo. It just made sense this way; you couldn’t think of anyone else you’d trust as much as him.

At first, things between you were strictly professional. You saw him only within the confines of the dance studio but eventually, his presence bled into your normal life. At first, the outings were small. Jimin went to a pregame you also attended. He saw you once at the coffee shop and, instead of running away, he stopped to chat. One time, he walked you back to your dorm.

When the month became December, you found your outlook improving. Most of November had been spent wallowing in your dorm, but the holiday season brought with it endless activities. The very first weekend of the month, a bunch of your Russet friends decided to go ice skating and you’d ended up tagging along.

The biggest problem had been you’d never ice skated before. Noelle had been patient, skating backwards in front of you and dragging you around the rink. Jimin had done the same thing for Hoseok, who was in a similar predicament to yours, and at some point, they swapped partners and left you skating with Jimin.

When he’d taken over for Noelle, your stomach had swooped. Hands touching, he’d led you gently around the edge and the world had seemed to still. It had been the first time you’d felt anything stir outside of your break-up. Whatever hurt and distance had sprung between you, it seemed something had survived between you and Jimin.

Nose red, Jimin had smiled as he skated backwards. “It’s easy,” he’d told you. “You just swivel, Y/N. In and out, in and out. Got it?”

“Um, no!” you’d yelped, nearly crashing to the ice when Jimin let go of your hands.

He’d laughed, catching you easily and skating like that for a while. Eventually, Jimin had helped you off the rink and gotten hot chocolate, which you insisted on buying. Payback, you said, for the impromptu skating lessons.

That day had been a turning point for you both. Throughout the month prior, you’d texted sporadically but after, you seemed to talk every day.

Jimin even offered to drive you home from Russet, given the fact that your hometowns were so close together. After much hemming and hawing, you’d eventually taken him up on the offer. The savings it gave your bleeding bank account were well-worth the potential discomfort.

This had led to both the best and worst twenty-four hours of your life.

Best, because Jimin was an excellent road trip companion. He let you choose the music, laughed at all your dumb jokes, and agreed to play the road trip games you suggested. You’d already made a firm rule not to compare Jimin to any past boyfriends but couldn’t help but note this as an improvement over anyone prior.

The sole reason the twenty-four hours were also painful was because you stopped at a hotel halfway through. It was either this or drive until 3:00 AM, so you chose the smarter option and rested for the night. You and Jimin bought separate bedrooms, but they’d ended up next to one another, so you’d been forced to spend a sleepless night imagining Jimin separated from you only by a thin sheet of plywood.

You had told yourself this was silly. At Russet, Jimin hadn’t been much further away, but something about the closeness in the hotel made you nervous. It was infinitely easier to forget about boundaries when you were separated by only a car console for hours at a time. Infinitely easier to forget the rules when you were outside of Russet, cocooned by his car and the snow.

You couldn’t help but think about the one kiss you’d shared.

That had only been a taste, barely a teaser, but the memory kept you awake for more nights than it probably should have. You couldn’t help but wonder what it’d be like to kiss Jimin again, under different circumstances.

Groaning, you’d covered your face with a pillow that night and tried your best to sleep. It hadn’t really worked, and you’d shown up at the car the next morning with dark shadows beneath your eyes.

Forcing yourself back to the present, you glanced away from your phone and focused on the tree – only to see its screen light up in your peripheral. Grabbing your phone, you realized Jimin had texted. Stifling a smile, you scrolled through the conversation until you found his last message.

Jimin: MERRY CHRISTMAS! [10:23 AM]

Jimin: 

Y/N: oh my god everything’s so... coordinated lol how long did that tree take to set up?  [10:24 AM]

Y/N: and merry Christmas 😊  [10:24 AM]

Jimin: not long at all. I just googled ‘christmas trees’ and that was the first one I found  [10:24 AM]

Y/N: ha ha hilarious  [10:25 AM]

Y/N: so, what are the Park family plans for the day?  [10:25 AM]

Jimin: the usual. Opening presents, going to my grandparents later for dinner. What about you?  [10:25 AM]

Y/N: same, minus the grandparents. We usually have a pretty low-key day  [10:26 AM]

Jimin: sounds nice  [10:26 AM]

Jimin: what’s your favorite present so far  [10:27 AM]

Y/N: 

Jimin: LOL  [10:30 AM]

Jimin: how many of them did you get? I’ve gotten two new dance bags and seven pairs of black leggings. It’s like our parents have forgotten we do anything else  [10:31 AM]

Y/N: no new dance belts? 😈  [10:32 AM]

Jimin: Y/N, I’m shocked  [10:35 AM]

Jimin: mind out of the gutter. Stop thinking about my junk  [10:35 AM]

Y/N: as your dance partner, I have a vested interest in your junk. What if it breaks free in the middle of practice?  [10:38 AM]

Jimin: the more delicate ladies would faint, I imagine  [10:41 AM]

Jimin: and probably Paulo  [10:41 AM]

Y/N: lmao  [10:43 AM]

Y/N: but seriously, I hope you get presents other than dance gear  [10:43 AM]

Jimin: back at you haha  [10:47 AM]

Y/N: I can’t help but notice you didn’t get me, your dance partner, a Christmas gift though  [10:50 AM]

Jimin: was the drive home not enough?  [10:50 AM]

Y/N: oh, shoot. You’re right! You did get me a Christmas gift  [10:51 AM]

Y/N: I’m the one who’s been remiss  [10:51 AM]

Jimin: don’t forget about my housewarming gift, too  [10:52 AM]

You smiled, sitting back on the sofa. Jimin was lucky enough to be moving off campus second semester. He, Hoseok and Alex Wong were moving into an apartment not far from Paulo’s. You and Noelle had decided to stay in Grace Hall, but you’d talked about moving someplace else next year.

Jimin was heading back early to move into his new place, so you’d need a different ride on your return trip to Russet. Still, you were looking forward to Jimin’s apartment hosting parties in the new year.

Y/N: don’t get greedy on me now, Park  [10:54 AM]

“Who’re you texting?”

Jerking your head up from the screen, you nearly dropped your phone. From the couch opposite, your mom gave you a knowing look.

“No one,” you said hastily, setting your phone aside.

“Oh, really?” She glanced with your dad. “No one wouldn’t happen to have dark hair, his own car and excellent table manners, would he?”

Immediately, you felt your face heat.

When Jimin drove you home before Christmas, your parents had insisted on feeding him before he continued to Harleigh Heights. This had led to the weirdest double date of your life – which was, in fact, not a date – including you, Jimin and your parents for dinner. Luckily, your parents had been great and Jimin hadn’t cared, but you’d been endlessly mortified for your first date with Jimin to have included your parents.

Not that you’d called it a date. When Jimin had left that night, you’d brushed it aside and he’d simply gone along with it. After Jimin had left, you’d gone to your room and wondered what the hell you were doing. It was clear you still liked Jimin and wanted to be more than just friends. Still, something continued to hold you back.

You weren’t sure when it was considered appropriate to move on. The line seemed fuzzy, so you hadn’t dared cross it and Jimin hadn’t asked. You got the feeling you needed to be the one to make the first move – which made sense. You’d been the one who asked for more time. You’d told Jimin you’d say when you were ready.

Any next steps would have to come from you.

It had been weird to go home and not see Finn. His house was only fifteen minutes away from yours – you’d driven past it on your way to the grocery store last week. Still, seeing his home hadn’t caused the pain you’d expected. It was strange not to see him, but more like you’d forgotten something you needed to do, as opposed to missing his actual presence.

If you were being honest, Finn had crossed your mind less and less lately. Possibly because you’d been falling out of love with him long before you’d broken up in November.

Still, it would be unfair to jump into something before you were ready. You’d already hurt Jimin once this past fall and were determined not to do so again. No matter how good things had been lately between you, you didn’t want to make the mistake of dating Jimin too soon.

Despite this, things had become flirtier between you as of late. Exhibit A: casual text conversations about Park Jimin’s junk.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said lightly.

Your dad laughed as he stood from the couch. “Alright, then,” he said, grabbing another gift. “How about you open this one next?”

Accepting the thin package he handed over, you frowned. The box wasn’t large and, shaking it slowly, you heard no sliding inside.

“I swear,” you said as you began to undo the bow. “If you wrapped your passport photo again, dad...”

Laughing, he settled back on the couch by your mom. “It’s not that, I promise.”

Grumbling, you opened the box and immediately froze. Staring at the paper inside, you slowly looked up. “Is this… is this what I think it is?”

“It’s a plane flight,” your mom said with a smile. “I know we’re supposed to drive you back on the third, but we thought you might want to celebrate New Year’s with your friends.”

“But…” Speechless, you returned to the box. “We always hang out together on New Year’s Eve.”

“I know,” said your dad. “But maybe it’s time to start some new traditions, kiddo.”

With that, he stood and took his mug to the kitchen. Sensing he wasn’t needed for this conversation any longer, he began washing dishes and to prepare breakfast. Once he was gone, your mom moved to your couch and settled beside you.

“I… this is too much,” you said, immediately backpedaling.

“It’s not.”

“Well…” Hesitant, you considered the possibilities. “I guess Ari will be in the city for New Year’s Eve. Maybe Noelle, too. She mentioned she might go back early.”

Gently, your mom smiled. “That’s great if you want to hang out with them, but… didn’t Jimin mention going back before New Year’s?”

Startled, you glanced up. You were surprised she’d remembered. Jimin had mentioned it briefly at dinner last week – he’d said he was moving off campus, which was why he’d needed to return home to pack.

“I – he might have,” you said cautiously.

“I see.” She paused. “I just… I don’t want you feeling like you need to hold yourself back, honey.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Your mom glanced meaningfully at your phone. “I’m glad you’re taking time to yourself,” she said slowly. “It’s important to know who you are and what you want. But also – don’t feel like you need to follow someone else’s timeline when it comes to moving on.”

“I know, but…” You trailed off. “We only broke up in November.”

She shrugged. “Only you know when you’re ready, honey. I just don’t want you to keep punishing yourself for something that’s over. You’re allowed to be happy, even if you’ve messed up in the past.”

Swallowing, you glanced again at the gift. The plane ticket was for the day before New Year’s Eve. Plucking it from the box, you sat back on the couch.

“But…” you said lowly. “Mom, it’s only been two months.”

“And are you still in love with Finn?”

“No.”

“And did you learn anything from what happened this fall?”

“I… Yes. A lot.”

“Good.” Reaching out, she squeezed your hand. “Learn the lessons you need to learn, and then move on. Self-flagellation isn’t productive, Y/N.”

You nodded, still uncertain about what she was saying. Her words made sense, but everything she was saying uncovered a dormant fear. You were scared. Scared of hurting someone else, scared of being hurt by someone else in return. Your last relationship had ended so badly, it was hard to convince yourself it might be worth it to try again.

Finally, you turned to face her on the couch. “Does it ever get any easier?” you asked. “This fear of being hurt… does it ever go away?”

Something sad passed over her face. “Yes and no,” she said, pulling back her hand. “You’ll never be as innocent as you were in your first love. There’s something special about loving someone and never having been hurt before. Once you’ve gone through that kind of pain, you aren’t the same after. But… it does get easier. And better. You’ll know more about how to support this time, instead of tearing down. How to make a love stronger, instead of hanging on.”

Something about this speech gave you comfort, and you slowly nodded. Again, what she said made sense but if there was one thing you’d learned from the fall, it was no matter how great the advice was, it was impossible to take if you weren’t ready to hear it.

You continued wondering if the risk would be worth it. No matter how much you felt for Jimin, you couldn’t help but remember how you’d felt breaking up with Finn. You hadn’t been in love with him at that point and it had still been so painful. It was terrifying to imagine loving someone again and having things end the same way.

Your mom was right, though. You couldn’t keep punishing yourself for something you couldn’t change. There were several ways you could move on from here. The main question to ask yourself was whether you wanted Jimin in the picture.

“Alright,” you said softly. “Thanks, mom.”

“Anytime.” Smiling, she stood and dusted off her pants. “I’m going to see if your dad needs help making breakfast. Don’t be too long, now!”

You nodded, watching her go, and then glanced at the ticket. Your mom’s words continued to run through your mind and after a moment, you picked up your phone.

Jimin had texted back.

Jimin: I would never!  [10:57 AM]

Y/N: hey, so  [11:01 AM]

Y/N: I did get one non-dance gift this year. A plane flight the day before New Year’s Eve  [11:02 AM]

Jimin: oh, wow! That was really nice of your parents  [11:03 AM]

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes. When you opened them, you found yourself newly determined.

Y/N: when do you get back again?  [11:03 AM]

His ellipses started, then stopped, then started again.

Jimin: December 28th  [11:04 AM] 

Y/N: what are your New Year’s Eve plans?  [11:04 AM]

For a moment, he didn’t respond, and you felt your heart catch. Maybe you’d misread things. Maybe Jimin had moved on and didn’t care about you anymore. Maybe he didn’t want you to tell him you were ready.

Jimin: I’m free 😊  [11:05 AM]

Jimin: want to be my New Year’s Eve date?  [11:05 AM]

Smiling ear to ear, you responded.

Y/N: yes. Please  [11:06 AM]

On the actual day of New Year’s Eve, you found yourself stressed beyond belief. Standing in front of the mirror of your dorm room, you adjusted your dress and worried over the hemline. Jimin had arranged to meet you around 7:00 PM and it was dangerously close to 6:55.

“Is the dress too short?” you asked, turning a little to face Noelle. “It is New Year’s Eve in the city. Should I wear pants, or something? Will I be cold?”

Noelle considered, then shrugged. “Just drink more. Problem solved!”

Snorting, you turned back to the mirror. Nervously, you smoothed down the front of your dress. You’d bought it at an after-Christmas sale and had fallen instantly in love. It had seemed perfect at the time, but now you were having second thoughts about the thin straps and tight bodice.

“Alright, so Y/N.” Noelle changed the subject. “Here’s the plan. Are you listening?”

Hiding a smile, you adjusted an earring. “Listening.”

“Good. Okay, so Ari and I will be at a party uptown. If the date goes badly, just say the word and we’ll call you a cab. You can be ringing in the new year with us within the hour.”

“Perfect,” you said. “It’s good to have a back-up.”

“It is.” Noelle paused. “Not that I think you’ll need this, of course.”

“Well, you never know.”

“Please.” She snorted. “What’s Jimin going to do? Be too charming? Too respectful of boundaries? Wear pants that show off his ass a little too much?”

“Noelle!”

She laughed, coming to a stop alongside you. Noelle wore a sparkly dress which made her skin glow, although this may have been the glitter dusted over her shoulders. Looking at herself in the mirror, she fluffed her hair.

“Seriously,” she said, meeting your gaze. “You’re going to be fine.”

“I know, I know.” Shaking out your arms, you forced yourself to exhale. “I’m just nervous, that’s all. It’s been a long time since I went on a first date.”

Noelle considered. “That’s true. Allow me to give you some dating tips, then.”

Laughing, you turned around and sat on the futon. “By all means.”

“Alright – number one.” Noelle removed lipstick from her purse. “Don’t order anything with garlic. I know, that sucks because garlic is everything, but no one wants to make out while they have garlic breath. Rule number two!”

“Whoa, whoa,” you said. “Who said anything about making out?”

Noelle gave you a pointed look. “Just in case it should happen…”

Shaking your head, you sunk back on the futon, but you knew she was right. Tonight was New Year’s Eve, after all. Ideally, you’d like to do more than kiss Jimin, but this seemed like too much of a jinx to say out loud.

Mentally, you agreed to the ‘no garlic’ rule.

“What else?” you prompted.

“Let’s see.” Noelle began to reapply her lipstick. “Relax.”

“What?”

Glancing at you in the mirror, she raised both brows. “I can see your shoulders tensing from here, babe. Just relax, okay? Tonight will be fine. You’re just hanging out with Jimin. You’ve done that before.”

“I know,” you groaned, lowering your face to your hands. “For some reason though, I’m very aware of the ‘date’ aspect of tonight. I don’t know why.”

When you looked up, Noelle gave you a sympathetic look, but before she could say more there came a knock at the door. Half-standing, you moved to open it, but Noelle shooed you back.

“Rule number three,” she said as she crossed the room. “Never answer the door for your own date.”

“What?” you laughed, although you sat back down on the futon.

Grabbing the handle, Noelle pulled open the door. Blocking you from view, she leaned her shoulder against the frame.

“Password?”

“What?” came Jimin’s voice, sounding confused.

“That’s correct!” Noelle stepped aside.

As you stood, you saw Jimin for the first time. He wore a pea coat over his outfit, his dark hair pushed back from his face in a devastating manner. When he saw you, Jimin froze, and you saw his eyes widen.

Silently, you congratulated yourself on having picked the right outfit. His gaze slowly trailed your body, lingering in places which made your cheeks heat. When he returned to your face, he slowly exhaled.

“Hey,” he said. “You… you look beautiful.”

Smiling back, you found yourself at a loss for words. “So do you.”

Jimin grinned and you stood there, smiling at each other like idiots until Noelle cleared her throat.

“Well,” she said, side-stepping Jimin to grab her coat. “I’m going to head over to Ari’s. You kids be safe, okay?”

“We will,” you laughed.

Noelle left in a flurry of kisses and glitter, waving goodbye as she stepped out the door. Jimin turned to face you once she was gone, offering a smile.

“Are you ready to go?” he asked. “I brought you these.”

From behind his back, he pulled out pink peonies, which made you gasp. They were your favorites, a little limp from the cold, but still beautiful. Taking them gently from him, you turned them over in your hands.

“They’re wonderful,” you said happily. “Thank you.”

Jimin smiled. “I’m glad you like them.”

Glancing around, you found a clean glass near the sink and filled this with water. Arranging the peonies on your desk, you took a step back and cocked your head. You’d always thought the idea of flowers on dates was kind of cheesy, but now that you’d experienced it in person, it seemed unimaginably sweet.

“There,” you said, turning back. “All set.”

Jimin smiled at this, then glanced at your bare arms. “You’re going to be cold without a coat,” he said. “That’d be a bad way to start off the new year.”

“Oh – duh,” you said, hurrying towards your wardrobe.

Pulling a coat out, you slipped this over your dress and buttoned the front. As you left the room, you turned off the lights and shut the door behind you. Jimin walked with you down the hall, continually glancing your way from the corner of his eyes.

You felt oddly shy, despite this being Jimin beside you. Jimin, who you’d known since you were teenagers. Jimin, who’d been both the utter bane of your existence, along with the single person you trusted most in the world. He’d tossed you up in the air and caught you no question and somehow, this felt like the most daring thing you’d ever done.

It was strange to walk beside him, out on a date whose future held a large question mark. Excitement and uncertainty warred in your stomach, which only seemed to exacerbate the situation. You felt as though you stood on the edge of a precipice, staring into a ravine with no discernable bottom.

As you left the building, snowflakes swirled in the sky up above and you looked up in surprise.

“Oh,” you exhaled, breath frosting before you. “I didn’t realize it was snowing!”

“Yeah.” Jimin grinned, tilting back his head. “Snow is my favorite weather, actually.”

“The wet and the cold does it that much for you, huh, Park?”

“That, and the romance of it all.”

Your smile softened a little as you fell into step alongside him. The snow continued to drift as you walked, melting as soon as it touched the pavement.

“So, where are we going?” you wondered, glancing at him. “You said you’d tell me once you picked me up and I’ve got news for you, Jimin. I’m here. I’ve been picked up.”

“Right, sure.” He shoved both hands in his pockets. “I made a reservation at this restaurant around the corner. The food’s really good so I hope you’ll like it.”

“I’m sure I will.”

“Huh.” Jimin paused. “That was easy.”

You shrugged. “I’m just excited for tonight. That’s all.”

His gaze softened a little when he glanced at you. “Me, too.”

Smiling, you continued to walk alongside him. New Year’s Eve in the city was a grand affair. The sidewalks were still lit with holiday lights, people hurrying past in brightly colored coats. Privately, you were glad Jimin had made a reservation at a restaurant instead of trying to brave a club or a bar. You’d heard horror stories from people who paid extravagantly to get into a club, only to spend the entire night waiting in line at the bar.

Turning the corner, you saw the restaurant Jimin had chosen and brightened. It was one you’d walked past several times and always wanted to try but had never found time.

Jimin held open the door as you entered. The inside still had their holiday decorations up, garland strung across every surface with tiny, white fairy lights hung up above. Everyone who was dining wore formal attire, laughing and chatting in the glow of the fireplace. The food smelled amazing and immediately, your mouth watered.

Joining the line at the hostess stand, you waited for the couple before you to leave and then Jimin stepped up.

“Park,” he told her. “Party of two.”

The hostess smiled, nodding as she flipped through her notebook. “One moment, please.” The longer she looked though, the more her face fell. After a moment, she glanced up. “Park, you said?”

“Yes.” Jimin nodded. “P-a-r-k.”

The woman nodded, flipping through her notebook again as though the name might magically appear.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, glancing up again. “There seems to be some kind of mistake. I don’t have you listed as a reservation.”

Jimin’s expression faltered. “Can you look again?” he asked, leaning forward.

The hostess nodded, running her finger down the numbered rows. “I can’t find you anywhere. Do you remember who you spoke with on the phone?”

“Rebecca.”

“Oh.” Her face immediately fell. “Rebecca left the restaurant last week. It seems a few reservations slipped through in the transition. Is there… well, before I do that – let me see what I can do,” she blurted out, turning around to rush into the restaurant.

Jimin watched her disappear and you saw his expression tighten.

Silence fell between you as you adjusted your coat. Jimin looked stressed and you weren’t sure what you should do about it. Frantically, you tried to remember times he’d been stressed during class, but before you could do or say anything, the hostess returned.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, looking harried. “The restaurant is completely booked up. I was trying to see if we could squeeze you in, but there’s just no room. I’m so sorry. Normally, only one person does the reservations, but we’ve been so busy lately...”

“It’s fine,” you said, jumping in. The poor woman looked like she was about to burst into tears. “Please, don’t worry about it. We’ll figure something out.”

Jimin glanced at you, surprised, and then nodded. “Yeah,” he agreed, returning to the hostess. “Thank you so much for your help – I appreciate you trying. We actually have a back-up reservation somewhere else, so don’t worry. We’ll come back another time!”

“Oh, really?” Her entire face brightened. “That’s so good to hear. New Year’s Eve, and all. Thank you for being understanding!”

“Yes, busy night,” Jimin said with a smile. “Take care of yourself!”

The woman nodded, seeming grateful when you stepped out of line. Jimin followed your footsteps, heading towards the door and then came to a stop. Slowly, he exhaled.

“So,” you said, turning to face him. “Where are these back-up reservations?”

Jimin winced and met your gaze. “I have none,” he admitted. “She just looked so sad. I wanted to put her out of her misery.”

“Wait.” Piecing this together, you paused. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” he said miserably. “I only made reservations here and that was super lucky, considering most places in the city have been booked for weeks. I don’t have any back-up plans.”

For a moment, you could only stare. “So, you said all that just so that poor hostess wouldn’t worry about a mistake her restaurant made?”

“I – well, yeah.”

You stared another moment, then started to laugh. It started out small but grew until eventually, you were wiping tears of mirth from your eyes.

Jimin watched you laugh, seeming thoroughly confused. “What’s so funny?”

“It’s just…” Shaking your head, you paused to catch your breath. “You’re unreal. Most people would be super stressed about New Year’s Eve plans falling through, but here you are lying to make a hostess’ night better.”

He blinked, still uncertain. “I’m… sorry about that.”

“Don’t apologize!” you insisted as you straightened. “It’s… wonderful,” you said to him shyly. “I like that about you.”

Slowly, his expression changed. “I really don’t have other plans, though,” he admitted. “I wasn’t lying about that. And I am stressed about my reservation falling through. I wanted this night to be perfect.”

The sweetness of this made your heart start to melt and newly determined, you nodded.

“We can fix this,” you said. “We’ll just go somewhere else.”

“Like where?”

“Like...” You paused. “We could hang out at my dorm. Or at your apartment! One of our kitchens has to be free, right? We could make dinner and hang out, watch the ball drop.”

“We could go to my place,” said Jimin slowly. “Hoseok and Alex are at a New Year’s Eve party uptown. We’d have the kitchen to ourselves.”

“Perfect,” you said. “Let’s go there.”

“I should warn you, though – I can only really cook one thing.”

“Spaghetti-o’s?”

“Okay, two things.”

You laughed. “So, what’s the first thing?”

“A pasta dish they taught us in Senior Foods class. But it’s nothing fancy.”

“Perfect.” You shrugged. “That will go nicely with my contribution of store-bought bread and olive oil.”

Jimin started to grin. “Alright, then, it’s settled. Let’s go to my place.”

You smiled when he opened the door, following him onto the sidewalk. Jimin’s new apartment was a few blocks away, but time passed quickly with him beside you. Oddly enough, the mishap at the restaurant seemed to have cleared some of the lingering awkwardness.

Noelle had been right, you realized – you had nothing to worry about while you were with Jimin.

He talked while you walked, detailing the ongoing fight at his apartment about some posters Hoseok wanted to hang. This segued into the general ridiculousness of New Year’s Eve – a topic you wholeheartedly agreed with.

“It’s stressful,” Jimin complained as you walked. “Everyone’s always asking about your resolution, you need to find someone to kiss at midnight, and there’s that super awkward moment with the countdown and your date…”

You laughed, grabbing a basket as you entered the grocery store. Jimin had suggested you stop by, since he didn’t have much food at his place.

“Doesn’t the countdown make it easier?” you joked. “It really dumbs the whole process down. Fool-proof.”

“Well, sure,” Jimin said. “But then you end up staring awkwardly at someone for ten seconds while you slowly lean forward and wonder when you should blink.”

Laughing, you reached on tiptoe for a loaf of bread. “Alright, you got me there,” you admitted. “I’ve never had a proper New Year’s Eve, anyways. I’ve always been dating someone and then, it’s just kind of assumed you’ll kiss. None of the magic you see in the movies.”

Jimin nodded. “Most of that’s just movie magic, though. You aren’t missing much – trust me.”

“I don’t know,” you said as you turned the next corner. “The anticipation sounds kind of nice. Wondering if someone will kiss you back, if they’re thinking about you the same way you are…”

Jimin made a humming noise, low in his throat.

Coming to a stop, he reached overhead to grab some pasta. Putting this in your basket, Jimin casually brushed your arm as you met his faze. Fighting back a shiver, you tried to remember what you’d been saying.

Giving a smile, Jimin continued forward and kept shopping. You stared after him a moment before your gaze dropped to his ass. Inhaling quickly, you remembered Noelle’s comment about Jimin’s tight pants. She hadn’t been wrong about that. Hurrying along, you quickly caught up.

Grabbing another jar, Jimin placed this in the basket. When he caught your eye again, he grinned, his hair falling forward. The sight made your heart flip-flop in your chest.

As you entered the check-out line, Jimin came to a stop alongside you. His gaze traveled the store, eyes widening when he glanced over your shoulder.

“What’s that?” Jimin gasped.

Startled, you turned. “What’s – hey!” you blurted when he took your basket.

Grinning widely, Jimin placed the food before the cashier. “Too slow.”

“Jimin, come on,” you said, slightly flustered. “I can pay. I –”

“You can pay next time, if you want.”

This shut you up and you stared at him a moment before you stepped forward.

“There’s… going to be a next time?” you said.

Jimin glanced in your direction. “If you want there to be.”

“I do,” you said softly, and he smiled.

Taking another step forward, he pulled out his wallet to pay and you let him – this time, anyways. Outside, it seemed to have grown colder since your arrival and you shivered as you exited the shop. Noticing this, Jimin immediately undid his scarf from around his neck.

“Here,” he said, handing it over. “I don’t need this.”

“But then you’ll be cold,” you pointed out, accepting it anyways.

“I’ll jog in place to keep warm.”

“… With me walking beside you?”

“Yep.”

You laughed, even more so when Jimin began to demonstrate. He jogged for a few steps, then slowed to a walk.

“Changed my mind,” he said with a wince. “I’d rather be cold.”

You laughed, cheeks starting to hurt from both this and the wind. Jimin’s apartment wasn’t far, although it did turn out to be a third-floor walk-up. This left you slightly winded when you arrived at his place, to which Jimin shrugged and said the rent had been cheap.

Opening his front door, he led the way into – boxes. Tons of them, although most of the furniture had been set up around them. Jimin fumbled for a light, flicking this on and setting down the groceries.

“Most of the boxes are Alex’s,” he sighed, looking around. “Hoseok and I have a secret deal we’re going to unpack him ourselves if he doesn’t do it by Monday.”

“That doesn’t sound like much of a detriment to Alex.”

“I never said what we planned on doing with his things once we unpacked.”

You laughed, undoing your coat to set aside. Glancing around, you saw Jimin was right. Most of the boxes were scrawled in the same handwriting. Beyond them, you saw the living room had been mostly set up with a couch and TV.

To your right lay the kitchen, in which Jimin was already unloading the groceries. Beyond him was a hallway, through which you assumed were their bedrooms and bathrooms. Wandering back to Jimin, you realized he was staring.

“What?” you said, coming to a stop. “Did I spill something on my dress in the store?”

“No,” Jimin murmured, shaking his head. “I just… I know I said this before, but you really do look incredible.”

“Oh.”

Looking at him, you felt your face growing hot. Jimin smiled and ducked his head, resumed pulling things out of the bag. Stepping from your shoes to place in the hall, you returned to the kitchen and pulled out a stool.

Sitting down, you propped your chin in your hand. “Aren’t you going to take off your coat?”

Glancing down, Jimin blinked. “Oh,” he laughed, undoing the buttons. “I forgot I was wearing it.”

You smiled, but this quickly disappeared when you saw what he was wearing. Jimin had worn a dark blazer and trousers, paired with a paisley shirt and black boots. He looked ridiculously good and again, Noelle’s comment about his ass came to mind.

She’d been correct – his pants were well-shaped and well-formed.

After removing both coat and shoes, Jimin returned to the kitchen and pushed a hand through his hair. You watched him get to work, leaning forward a bit when he began to dice vegetables. Immediately, your brows raised. It seemed Jimin had undersold his skills in the kitchen.

When you said as much, he laughed.

“Maybe a little,” Jimin said. As he pushed veggies from the cutting board, the pan began to sizzle. “It’s all part of my master plan. Set expectations low, then over-deliver.”

“It’s working,” you said with a laugh. “You seem pretty damn impressive to me.”

Jimin’s cheeks reddened. “You’re just saying that.”

“Why would I lie?”

“I seem to remember some shocking texts about my junk and dancer’s belts. You could just be after my body, Y/N.”

“I – that’s not!”

He looked up and grinned. “Kidding.”

Flustered, you blurted, “That wasn’t nice!”

Jimin laughed. “I’m sorry.”

You huffed, waiting a minute before you continued. “You do look really good right now, though,” you said softly.

He looked up, eyes wide. As much as Jimin said he enjoyed being liked, it seemed to throw him for a loop whenever you said you liked him. It made you pause, mulling over this for a minute.

“You seem surprised,” you said quietly. “Whenever I say things like that, you always look surprised.”

“Well…” Jimin hesitated. “I just think… there’s been a lot of times where I never thought this would happen. It feels kind of unreal have you here. In my kitchen. On a date.”

“Times after November?”

Jimin paused.

Your brow furrowed. “Before then?”

Opening the pasta, Jimin added this to the pot. He stared into the steam, slowly exhaling before he looked up.

“Let’s just say I’ve wanted this for a while,” he admitted.

“What? But you hated me before Russet.”

“I…” Jimin trailed off. “Kind of. It’s complicated.”

When he failed to elaborate and returned to his cooking, your eyebrows shot up.

“Uh, no,” you laughed. “You can’t just say that and not explain what you mean. What are you talking about?”

Jimin winced as he set down his spoon. “Okay,” he said, gripping the counter. “I guess what I’m saying is I never really hated you. Not truly.”

“You didn’t.”

“No.” He spoke flatly.

“But…” Confused, you searched his face. “You’ve hated me ever since we met, Jimin. That first weekend at NUVO dance competition. We were both called out to demonstrate and you tripped me!”

“Well, maybe that’s not exactly what happened.”

“What are you talking about?”

Jimin released a low breath. “Okay, so here’s the thing. That weekend happened a little differently from my perspective.”

“How so?”

“We were both called out to demonstrate,” he said, repeating your words. “But I hadn’t seen you before then. When we both reached center and I turned and saw you – I froze. I couldn’t remember how to act. Every thought I’d ever had just… flew out of my head.”

You stared at him, speechless.

“I didn’t know what to do,” Jimin continued softly. “I’d never felt like that before. When you started to dance, it only got worse. I’d never seen someone dance like you did. That’s why I entered the combination late. That’s why I was in the wrong spot at the wrong time and that’s why I accidentally tripped you. I was… well, I was distracted.”

“By me,” you whispered. “You were distracted by… me?”

“Yeah.”

“So,” you said, breath catching. “This entire time, you haven’t really hated me?”

“Ah, I don’t know about that.” Jimin rubbed the back of his neck. “You could be really infuriating,” he said with a laugh. “There were times when you genuinely pissed me off. I meant it when I said I wanted to win against you. But also… I don’t know. I never really forgot the first time I saw you.”

“Oh,” you whispered, unsure what you were feeling.

It made your head spin to hear this different version of events. Jimin hadn’t hated you – at least, not in the same way you had. He hadn’t been the one to make the first move after all. You had when you’d decided not to listen to his apology.

“Oh my god,” you groaned, burying your face in your hands.

“Hey – what’s wrong?”

Dropping his spoon to the counter, Jimin came around and stood beside you. Keeping your head down, you refused to look up until Jimin touched your arm.

“I just,” you exhaled, turning to face him. “It was my fault. This entire time, I thought you hated me and that’s why I hated you. But instead, I just decided to hate you – and for what?”

Jimin’s upper lip twitched. “I wasn’t entirely blameless, you know. I was such a little shit at that age. I wouldn’t have believed me, either.”

“You tried to apologize, though!”

“Hey.” Gently, he gripped your elbows. “If it makes you feel any better, I did trip people just to get to the front. I was an ass. It’s why that Jungkook guy hates me. I started dancing later in life, so I was really hung up on proving myself.”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t true,” you told him. “You didn’t trip me on purpose, and if I’d only been less stubborn –”

“Whoa, hey.” Jimin smiled. “You weren’t the only stubborn one. Maybe it started off as a misunderstanding, but I didn’t really fight it. You were my competition as much as I was yours.”

“I guess,” you said quietly. “I just… I feel like I wasted so much time hating you. Maybe we could’ve even been friends.”

His gaze sparked. “Just friends?” he asked with a quirk of his brow.

“Jimin,” you groaned, but started to smile.

“Listen.” Expression softening, Jimin moved closer. “Even if I had decided to explain all this in high school, would you have believed me?”

“Probably not.”

“Exactly. I was a dick back then.” He nodded. “Remember that one time I lied and told you the awards ceremony had been pushed back an hour?”

Sitting up straighter, you glared. “Oh, I remember. I showed up after they’d already taken the photo for Top Junior solos.”

Jimin grinned. “Or the time I put an out of order sign on the women's restroom after your solo at BRAVO, so you had to run all the way across the auditorium?”

“That was you!” you blurted out, wide-eyed. “No one would believe me when I said it was! Every girl was so pissed off at you that weekend.”

“Which is exactly why I could never admit it was me!”

In disbelief, you shook your head. “You did all of that just to get back at me?”

Jimin’s smile disappeared. “Hey, you weren’t innocent either,” he argued. “Remember the time you spilled an entire water bottle next to my bag so that when I sat down, my ass got all wet?”

Devious, you smiled. “Honestly, there was kind of an ulterior motive there. As much as I hated you, your ass looks great in damp sweats.”

Jimin’s jaw dropped a little.

Managing to shut this, he took a casual step forward. “Is that what you thought?” he murmured, barely able to conceal the thickness in his voice.

“I… may have noticed a few things about you.”

When he placed a hand next to you on the counter, your breath hitched in response. Jimin repeated this with his other hand, bringing his body a step closer to yours.

Hesitant, his gaze roamed your face. “What else did you notice?”

“I…” you exhaled and glanced at his lips.

The air between you could have been cut with a knife, heated for a different reason than the stove beside you. Which – eyes widening, you glanced over.

“Shit!” you blurted. “Jimin, the pasta!”

Startled, he looked in the same direction as you and realized the water was boiling. Rushing away, Jimin entered the kitchen and turned down the burner. Now that you were separated by a solid counter, you felt somewhat dazed when you glanced up and saw him.

Meeting your gaze, Jimin came to a stop. “Anyways,” he said softly. “Now, you know. I didn’t trip you on purpose. I never really hated you. And I’m incredibly glad you’re here tonight.”

Watching him speak, something warm bloomed in your chest.

“Me, too,” you whispered.

Smiling, Jimin returned to the pasta and you settled back on the stool. Delicious scents soon filled the kitchen and you realized how truly hungry you were. You hadn’t eaten much at lunch in preparation and by now, you were famished.

It wasn’t long before Jimin placed pasta onto plates, adding the bread you’d cut up on the side. He brought these to his table, disappearing briefly to return with two candles.

“Oo,” you said as you took a seat. “Fancy.”

Jimin lit the one closest to you with a flourish. “We aim to please, here at Park Jimin’s Fine Eating and Dining.”

“Is that the name of your restaurant?”

“It is.”

“And you’re set on that decision?”

“I decided on a whim, but I have no regrets,” Jimin said, taking a seat across from you. “Now, eat before you piss off the chef and he takes back your food.”

Laughing, you dug into the pasta before you. It was delicious and, after the very first bite, you sighed in appreciation. Apparently, Jimin had truly set the bar low. Conversation began to flow, any lingering tension disappeared after talk of your past.

It was the oddest thing. You’d heard stories from friends about other first dates. They worried about how to behave, what to wear, or what to say to their date – but none of these worries seemed to exist for you in the moment. You’d been so concerned before the night began, but now that you were here, all these worries seemed to fly out the window.

You’d thought you’d spend the entire night comparing. Comparing Jimin to your last relationship, comparing Jimin as a date to Jimin as a friend, but instead, it felt like natural progression. It wasn’t a matter of comparing Jimin to anyone else, but rather simply enjoying where the night led.

After dinner, you insisted on helping clean because Jimin had cooked and bought the food. Donning rubber gloves over your dress, you stood at the sink and began to wash dishes. Jimin laughed as he joined, pulling on gloves to dry the dishes beside you. Once this was done, he suggested watching a movie before the ball dropped.

Collapsing onto the sofa, you adjusted your dress and scanned the room. The posters Jimin had bemoaned were now hung over the TV – you wondered if Hoseok had managed to somehow sneak them past his roommates. Small touches here and there made you think of Jimin.

A game he’d mentioned was out on the coffee table and a blanket which smelled like him was draped over a chair. Pulling this towards you, you wrapped it around yourself as Jimin left the kitchen.

Holding two glasses of wine, he paused when he saw you.

“What?” you said, glancing down.

“Nothing.” Jimin cleared his throat. “Are you cold?”

“A little,” you admitted, tugged his blanket closer.

“Shoot.” Jimin frowned. “The heat’s been weird since we moved in. I’m not sure how to fix – oh!” Setting the glasses down, he rushed towards the hall. “Do you want a sweatshirt?” he called.

“Yes, please!”

Jimin reappeared moments later, a navy sweatshirt in hand. Handing this over, he settled beside you on the sofa. He’d ditched his blazer and now, Jimin was dressed in only the paisley shirt and slacks.

Pulling his sweatshirt overhead, you somehow managed to get stuck right away. It was hard not to, with your hair and the dress, trying not to flash him while you kept your legs crossed.

After a moment of watching your undignified struggling, Jimin cleared his throat.

“Need help?”

“Yes, please,” you said weakly.

Jimin laughed, helping you free and once the hoodie was settled, you sighed and leaned back. Glancing sideways at Jimin, you found him already looking at you.

“What do you want to watch?” you asked.

Jimin blinked, then glanced at the TV. “Hm,” he mused, grabbing the remote. “We could watch the ball drop and enjoy the fact that we’re sitting inside, not standing in the freezing cold without any bathrooms.”

“I know!” you said with a shudder. “Out of all the stupid traditions, that’s one I’ll never understand.”

“How do so many people have it on their bucket list?”

“Right? That, and the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Zero out of ten. It’s cold, there’s wind and again, there’s the question of bathrooms.”

Jimin laughed as he scrolled through the channels. “Alright, so no to the ball drop. Want to watch a movie?”

“Sure.”

“What movie?”

“Why’re you making me pick?” you whined, sinking deeper into his cushions. “That’s such a large amount of pressure.”

“Exactly, which is why I don’t want to do it.”

You laughed and after some back and forth, decided to watch About Time. This was a movie about obstacles and falling in love, which seemed more than fitting because of the new year. At first, you and Jimin were watching diligently but eventually, he asked a question and conversation slowly drifted from the movie.

At some point, Jimin lowered the volume to focus solely on you. You curled deeper into the couch beside him, your thighs somehow touching and shoulders inches apart. Jimin’s head leaned against the cushion and he continued to smile in a way which made your heart flip.

“Here’s a question,” you murmured, no longer pretending to watch the movie.

His eyes gleamed in the darkness. “What?”

“Why’d you tell Sabrina you only wanted to be friends?”

Briefly, his eyes widened. “How did… you know about that?”

“She told me.”

“Hm.” Jimin gave you a dubious look but moved past it. Sabrina had begun hanging out with your friends as of late. “But alright, I’ll answer. If I do though, you need to answer one of my questions. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“So, I was single when I came to Russet.” Jimin paused. “It was the first time in a long time, and I may have hooked up with a couple of people.”

“Hm,” you said tightly.

His eyes danced with amusement. “Jealous?”

“Answer the question.”

He laughed. “Anyways, I only hooked up with Sabrina the one time. Afterwards…” Jimin sighed. “I felt kind of weird about her asking me to switch partners. Then I overheard what she said about Ari at weigh-ins and just didn’t feel like anything more... Plus, there was the other reason.”

“And what was the other reason?”

“I was starting to like you,” he said, a bit softer. “The day you said you wanted to be friends was a giant weight from my chest. And the more relaxed you were around me, the more… I don’t know. The more I liked you, I guess. My mom has always called me her hopeless romantic,” Jimin said with a smile. “I don’t know about that, but I can be single-minded when I like someone. That was part of the reason I told Sabrina we shouldn’t hook up anymore.”

“Oh,” you whispered.

His smile turned lopsided. “Does that answer your question?”

“Yeah. I guess it does.”

“My turn, then.” Smile disappearing, his gaze darkened. “Why did you really call me that night at the club?”

“Oh. That. Well, I –”

“And don’t say it was because I had a car,” Jimin interrupted. “There were a lot of people you could’ve called to help. You didn’t, though. You called me. Why?”

You hesitated before you realized there was only one answer. “I wanted to see you,” you said honestly. “I was scared, I was alone and… you were the person I wanted to see.”

Jimin’s gaze had become nearly black, the air between you thick with something unsaid. You were suddenly conscious of all each part of your body pressed to his. When Jimin shifted on the couch, you moved somehow closer.

He hesitated, then glanced at your mouth. “I don’t…” Jimin licked his lips, sounding hoarse. “I don’t want to do anything you’re not ready for.”

“You won’t,” you told him.

Something uncertain passed over his face. “Maybe we should take things slow.”

“Or,” you said slowly. “I could tell you things I like about you, instead.”

“And what would be the point of that?”

Your gaze shifted to his. “You’ve told me a lot tonight about how much you like me,” you said softly. “About how long you’ve liked me. I think it’s time I returned the favor.”

Something in his gaze cracked and he nodded. The TV in the background was quiet, only the noise from the street and the whoosh of the heater breaking the silence.

“First,” you said, glancing down at his lap. “You have really nice hands.”

Jimin’s lips twitched. “My hands? I’ve always thought they were small.”

“Wrong. They’re the perfect size. Never have they dropped me.”

“Mm, that’s a good point.”

“And your smile,” you said.

“What about it?”

“I like your smile,” you told him. “It makes me smile.”

His eyes crinkled in demonstration. “Oh, yeah?”

“And your ears.”

Jimin laughed. “My ears?”

Reaching out, you delicately traced over an edge. “I’ve spent a long time looking at your profile, Park. I know what I’m talking about here.”

As your fingers moved lower, feather-light down his jaw, Jimin’s smile disappeared.

“I like your jaw, too,” you told him.

In the darkness, his gaze glinted, and you felt his jaw tense.

“And your lips,” you added, gaze lowering. “I like those a lot.”

“Y/N…” Jimin’s eyes fluttered shut.

“Yeah?”

He slowly exhaled. “I just don’t want you to regret this.”

“Jimin.”

He opened his eyes.

Your expression was serious. “I told you I wouldn’t jump into something before I was ready,” you said, lifting your other hand. “But I’m not in love with Finn anymore. It doesn’t hurt when I think about what happened last semester. I like you, Jimin. I want you. I don’t want to keep pushing you away. I get if you’re unsure about this, though. If you’re unsure about me.”

Jimin’s gaze roamed your face. “Unsure?”

“I know I hurt you before. I shouldn’t have kissed you and ran away. But I promise this isn’t like that. I’m not running away. I’m the furthest thing from running and I –”

Cutting you off, Jimin pressed his lips to yours.

You shuddered a little, leaning into his kiss before he pulled back. Jimin exhaled, barely a breath before he kissed you again.

Noses brushing, lips lingering, the kiss slowly deepened. Your hands curled into his hair, pulling him forward to bask in his warmth. It was dizzying, how different this felt than last time. Last time you’d been heartbroken, desperately yearning each time your lips had touched.

Now, Jimin felt like air, like sunshine as you drowned in his presence. Hand grasping your waist, Jimin moved you closer so your chest nestled to his. Lifting his fingers, his touch skimmed your jaw, your hairline before he circled the nape of your neck.

Drawing away, he bit down on your lip. With a low sort of moan, Jimin sought your lips again. When his mouth opened yours, his tongue swept forward and you nearly combusted.

This was only to tease, though. Only to taste before he pulled away, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. Thumb skimming your jawline, Jimin tilted your head back to brush a kiss to your throat. Moving higher, he worshiped a slow path up the column of your neck. At your ear, he nipped gently before he returned.

Now, his kisses began to deepen. Mouths opening, your tongues brushed only briefly before he chose to withdraw. You were glad you were kissing on the couch, because suddenly your own legs felt weak underneath you.

Hand re-gripping his waist, Jimin pulled you against him. Eager, your hands found his neck and the blanket dropped to the floor. It wasn’t enough, though – you needed more, wanted to feel him fully beneath you. Rising on your knees, you swung a leg over his lap and settled on top.

Jimin hissed, his head hitting the back of his couch. Your dress had ridden up in the process, exposing your thighs – his thumbs skimmed the surface before he looked up.

“Shit,” Jimin croaked.

Smiling, you bent to kiss him again. Jimin arched upwards, each part of your body electric where you touched. He shifted his hips, granting friction and heat which made you short-circuit. Pressing yourself closer, your thighs sild backwards until they nestled around his waist.

Jimin’s hand found your spine, pulling you closer as his hips pushed upwards. You groaned when you felt him shift underneath you. The kisses grew steadily hotter, this ache in your core increasing with every touch.

“Can I…” Pulling away, Jimin glanced lower. “Can I take off the sweatshirt?”

“Yeah,” you said, a bit dazed.

Jimin didn’t waste time, helping you pull this swiftly overhead. It was tossed on the ground and when your dress was revealed, he inhaled.

Slipping his hands up your bodice, Jimin met your gaze. “I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” he confessed, his voice hoarse.

“Do what?”

Your breath hitched when his hands skimmed your breasts, lingering in all your softest places.

“Touch you,” Jimin said. “It was torture to see you, to look at you and not be able to do this. Not how I wanted, anyways. I’d tell myself not to think about it, but…”

“Jimin.”

He paused and looked up. “Yes?”

“Touch me. Please.”

Without hesitation, Jimin slid his hands lower. Cupping your ass, he pulled you against him and allowed his other hand to drift up your spine. You shivered, closing your eyes as your head tilted back.

His hands slid up your front, over your breasts and under the straps of your dress. Jimin’s thumbs drifted lower, brushing your nipples through the fabric of your bodice. Opening your eyes, you looked down at him and saw his gaze darken.

Reaching higher, Jimin cupped the back of your neck and returned your lips to his.

He kissed you slowly, purposefully as you melted forward. Shifting against him, the kiss began to intensify. Mouths opening, your tongue swept forward in bold strokes against his. Suppressing a whimper, you ground your hips on his lap.

“Is,” you murmured, breaking free. “Is your bedroom unpacked?”

Jimin went still. “I – mostly, yeah.”

“Can I see it?”

“Fuck, yes,” he groaned, releasing your thighs as he stood from the couch.

You laughed, sliding down his front as your feet hit the ground. Tugging your dress down, you followed Jimin when he grabbed your hand. He pulled you down the hall, coming to a stop at the last room on the row. Pushing open the door, he flicked on the light and came to a stop.

Stepping forward, you glanced around Jimin’s room. You recognized some of the items from the two times you’d visited Jimin in the dorms. Photos of his family were carefully hung on the wall and he had the same pillows laid over his queen-sized bed.

Turning around, you took a step backwards and sat on his bed. “It’s nice,” you said, patting the comforter. “I like it here.”

Jimin watched you, his gaze half-lidded from the hall. “I like you here.”

Cheeks heating, you watched him enter and gently shut the door. Leaning back on your elbows, you arched a brow.

“Where’d we leave off?”

Jimin exhaled as he crossed the room. “I think you were on my lap,” he said hoarsely, kneeling beside you.

You nodded, moving to straddle him as he leaned to the wall. Catching your waist with both hands, Jimin pulled you against him, kissing you roughly even before you sat down. Suddenly ravenous, his hands slid to your ass as he rolled you against him. Inhaling sharply, you sucked his lower lip between teeth as he groaned.

Reaching up, Jimin tugged on your hair as you inhaled, throat exposed for him to kiss slowly down your front. When he returned to your lips, you ground your hips impatiently over the bulge in his pants.

Shifting his weight, Jimin’s spine hit the wall. He stared at you, slightly dazed with his kiss-reddened lips. Without looking away, Jimin lifted his fingers and began undoing his shirt. You stilled, watching each inch of skin be revealed. When he reached the last button, you gave in and helped push this aside. Smiling, Jimin sat up as his shirt fell to the floor.

You weren’t sure where to look first. Hands faltering, you slid them up his abs, over his shoulders and down his biceps. He was so perfect, it almost hurt to look at. Jimin’s breath quickened as you touched him and slowly, he lowered you down to the bed.

“Enough,” he said roughly, returning your lips to his.

As you kissed it turned lazy, nothing but grinding and touching. Jimin’s hair was messy beneath the pull of your fingers. He didn’t seem to mind, his own hands digging into the curve of your thigh. Playing with the hem of your dress, he deftly slid upwards.

“Jimin,” you said, breaking free. “Unzip me.”

His gaze darkened. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Jimin nodded, following suit when you sat up beside him. Turning around, you exposed your back and Jimin began to lower the zipper. He moved slowly, taking his time as his fingers brushed skin. Holding the dress up with your hands, you waited until it was fully unzipped before releasing it to the floor.

Turning around, you found Jimin’s jaw slack.

“You…” He roughly inhaled while he scanned your body. “Lace, Y/N? Really?”

“Do you like it?” you asked.

You may have gone overboard preparing for tonight. Although you hadn’t been sure what would happen, you also hadn’t wanted to be caught off your guard. Tonight, your constant need to plan had come in handy. Beneath your dress you’d worn a crimson lace bra and panties – a matching set which Jimin seemed to like, based on his expression.

“You’re going to kill me,” he muttered, lowering his lips to your neck.

Kissing slowly down your chest, he came to a stop where the two halves joined together. Skimming the length of your torso, his hands trembled a little when he brushed the lace.

Jimin looked up. “I’m sorry I keep touching you,” he murmured. “I just – you’re driving me crazy. You’ve been driving me crazy.”

“You said that before,” you whispered.

“I meant it.”

Kissing again up your body, he lingered in places your skin was exposed. Inhaling, your eyes fluttered shut as you grasped his shoulders.

Jimin’s hand slid between your thighs. “Part them,” he murmured, and you obeyed.

Heart racing, you opened your eyes and watched Jimin drag a finger slowly up the center of your panties. Even you could feel how damp the fabric was, how wet and ready you were for him.

Lifting his finger to his lips, Jimin sucked. “You’re soaking,” he breathed, sounding eager. “So good to me.”

Lowering his head, his tongue flicked your breast. Teasing the nipple through fabric, he urged and he sucked until it was fully erect. Moving onto the next one, Jimin grazed with his teeth until it pressed wantonly into the lace cup of your bra. Moaning his name, you arched against him.

Finding your wrists, Jimin pinned you backwards as he continued. Thighs caging your waist, he kept you hostage with his exquisite torture. The lace of your bra was now drenched, Jimin sucking debauchedly through fabric.

“Jimin,” you groaned, twisting on the sheets. “Please.”

His hips rolled lazily against your center. “Not yet,” he insisted before pulling back. “Not until you make a mess of my sheets. Want to ruin these panties.”

Sliding a hand between your thighs, he lightly circled your entrance. Feeling how wet you were, Jimin softly groaned. Sitting back on his heels, he finally relented and pulled your panties down. Tossing these to the floor, he returned to your thighs and spread your legs.

Lightly, Jimin dragged the pads of his thumbs up and down your panty line. “God, you’re so perfect,” he murmured. “Got my sheets fucking soaked.”

Separating two of his fingers, he slowly dragged his digits up and down your folds. You inhaled, feeling needy while you watched him touch you. Each brush of his fingers had you dripping – teasing over your entrance, he refused to give you exactly what you wanted. Feather-light, Jimin circled your swollen clit with his finger.

Hands gripping the sheets, you could only stare while Jimin brought you closer and closer to the edge. He was barely touching you, but it was the most turned on you’d ever been in your life. Jimin’s thumb swiped over your clit, rubbing you gently as you keened in frustration, arching against him.

He continued like this until you were gasping, begging for more and then – only then – did he slide a finger inside you. Legs trembling, you arched on his mattress and stared at him, glassy-eyed. When Jimin began to move in and out, you lost all control.

Lowering his head, he closed his lips over your clit.

“Oh my god,” you whimpered as you broke apart.

Barely did he suck before you were coming undone, pulsing around his fingers. Shuddering with pleasure, you collapsed on the bed as you rode out your high. Gently, Jimin pulled out his finger and returned to your lips.

Reaching behind you, he undid the clasp of your bra and tossed this on the floor. Once you were fully naked, he pulled you against him. You felt limp, thoroughly sated, but familiar excitement began to stir at his front pressed to yours. Tilting your head, he gently kissed you while your fingers wound in his hair.

Jimin moved slow, letting you take the lead. Your core continued to throb with oversensitivity, although this seemed to lessen the longer you kissed him. Before long, your nipples were hardening as you rubbed against him. Fingers digging into your thigh, Jimin pulled this over his hip to watch you lazily grind.

Realizing he still wore pants, you lowered a hand, determined to fix this. Jimin helped, dragging the zipper down to throw both these and his boxers down on the floor.

He bent to kiss you again, but you placed a hand on his chest. “Wait,” you murmured. “I want to see you.”

Jimin exhaled, leaning back so you could take in his body. If you’d thought his chest was unreal, it was nothing compared to his trim hips, sculpted thighs and cock nestled between.

“Oh,” you said, dragging a hand down his front.

Jimin shuddered a little. He was already hard, his cock thick and pretty with a reddened tip. It made your mouth water to look at, wanting to lick up the shaft. Reaching between you, you closed your fist around him and slowly jerked him off.

You watched in fascination as Jimin responded. His jaw tightened, abs tense while you teased over his frenulum. His cock responded instinctively, hardening further the longer you touched him.

After a few minutes of this, Jimin shook his head. “No more,” he said huskily, taking your hand in his. “I’ll come if you keep doing that.”

“Oh?” you murmured, gaze darting lower.

He chuckled, a rough sound in his throat. “I like watching you come,” Jimin confessed, his cock hard between you. “It turns me on. I’m… still trying to recover from your last orgasm.”

“Oh,” you said, in a completely different way.

Jimin exhaled, hair falling forward. “I hope that doesn’t weird you out.”

“Does it… weird me out that you like giving orgasms?”

“Well, when you put it like that.”

“How else would I put it?”

His grin became devious. “You could ask for another.”

Breathless, you nodded and Jimin’s gaze darkened.

He descended your body, not wasting any time as he positioned himself between your legs. Licking slow up your center, you gasped and instinctively drew your legs higher. Jimin didn’t bother easing you into it. No, now he ate you out like he wanted to.

Kissing your folds, he returned to your clit and sucked this into his mouth. Rolling the sensitive bud with his tongue, he teased and released before you knew what was happening. He continued to do this, spreading you underneath him and bringing you close to coming, only to pull back and leave you maddeningly empty.

Spreading your folds, he began licking sweetly over your clit. This was followed by loose, lazy sucking and more tender flicks. You stared dazedly at him between your legs, the sight more erotic than anything you could’ve imagined.

Grinding his cock into the sheets, Jimin thrust his hips while he pleasured you. You could tell he enjoyed this; each grunt from his lips was more affirmation. Moving lower, he circled your cunt with his tongue just to lap up your juices. You gasped at the sensation, having never felt it before. Flicking your clit with his thumb, Jimin fucked your cunt with his tongue before he slowly withdrew.

Spreading you wide, he returned to your clit and you clasped a hand over your lips before a moan could escape. Each curl of his tongue left you gasping, writhing beneath the pleasurable onslaught of his mouth. Pulling away, Jimin pressed a gentle kiss to your thigh before he rose up your body.

At your mouth, he kissed your fingers. “You don’t have to be quiet,” he told you. “I want to hear the noises you make, Y/N. It makes me feel good.”

Removing your hand, you slowly nodded.

Jimin just grinned, dropping between your legs to begin eating you out again. This time, you didn’t hold back. Jimin seemed to appreciate this as you slipped further from control. He was so good with his mouth, making you see stars as your legs started to shudder. When he slid his finger inside you and fingered you again, your hands fisted in the sheets.

“Ji-jimin,” you gasped, writhing beneath him. “Jimin, I – oh.”

He began to move faster, adding a second finger as your insides clenched around him. Everything tightened, hovering at a breaking point while Jimin continued, relentless. His mouth on your clit, his fingers inside you – everything broke apart when you came, gasping his name.

Jimin didn’t move, kissing your sex as you slowly came down. He lapped at your sex, licking up your arousal before withdrawing his fingers. Once your breathing had steadied, Jimin returned to the sheets beside you.

“Good?” he breathed, draping an arm over your waist.

“Oh my god, yes,” you exhaled, burying your face in his chest.

He laughed, pulling you closer. Jimin started to pull away, which made you look up and frown.

“What are you doing?” you said.

He paused. “I’m looking for a tissue.”

“Why?”

“I… I’m kind of at a loss here.”

“No, I mean why now,” you said, baffled. “I can come again, Jimin. I want to come with you inside me.”

Jimin stared at you a moment.

“Unless…” Uncertain, you hesitated. “You don’t want to…?”

“Fuck,” Jimin muttered, sounding hoarse. “No – I want to. I really want to. Are you sure, though?” he said, reaching to open the side drawer of his bed.

You grinned when he pulled out a condom, ripping this open.

“I’m sure,” you murmured, moving closer.

Jimin rolled the condom onto himself, pausing before he went any further. Shifting his weight so he hovered over you, Jimin searched your gaze. Reaching lower, you casually stroked his cock and guided him to your center.

He didn’t enter yet, content to take his time. Instead, Jimin bent and kissed you, dragging a hand down your side. His fingers paused at your breast, tweaking your nipple until it stood fully erect. Moving to your waist, he curved under your ass and lifted your hips to his.

Arching upwards, you felt his cock brush your center. The touch made you pant, wanting him inside you and wanting it now. Rolling over his length, you marveled at the feel of him between your legs. Having him so close and not having him inside you was maddening.

“Jimin,” you whimpered.

“Yeah?” he murmured, continuing to thrust between your thighs.

“Please,” you begged him.

“Alright, baby,” he said and rolled you onto your back.

It was the first time he’d used the endearment, sending a wave of warmth through you as your legs parted. Reaching lower, Jimin positioned himself at your entrance. It took him a moment to work his way in; you were so wet, he needed a second try. With only his tip inside, you immediately clenched and buried your head in his shoulder.

Lightly, Jimin brushed a kiss to your hair. “Relax, baby,” he murmured, making you glance up. “I’ll make you feel good. I promise.”

Slowly, you nodded. “Okay.”

Laying slowly back down, you tried to relax while he worked his way deeper. With slow, shallow thrusts, Jimin finally bottomed out and you stared at him in amazement. His cock was thicker than you were used to and stuffed to the brim like this, you felt so full. Glancing down, you saw his hips nestled snugly to yours.

When you looked up, Jimin met your gaze. “I’m sorry,” he exhaled, hanging his head. “I just – I need a minute.”

“What’s wrong?” you blurted, immediately worried.

A smile passed over his lips. “Nothing’s wrong.” He looked up. “You’re just… fuck. I feel like a damn virgin. You’re so tight and wet, I’m losing my mind.”

Hearing him say this sent a shiver through you. Shifting your hips, you reveled in the sensation of him moving inside you.

Jimin groaned. “No,” he protested. “You can’t do that right now.”

“Do what?”

“Try and make me move,” he murmured. “I know you can’t see yourself, so you can’t see how hot you look. Tits out, pussy spread and dripping all over my cock.”

“Oh,” you breathed.

“Sounding like that.”

“Jimin. If you don’t –”

He suddenly thrust deeper, grinding his pelvis against your core and making you groan. Speechless, you stared as he slowly pulled out. Jimin teased you with his tip, moving a few inches back in before he thrust again.

“Oh,” you groaned, jolted upwards on the bed.

His gaze dropped to your chest. “Fuck,” Jimin said quietly, dropping down to an elbow.

He moved again in earnest, thrusting slowly in and pulling back out. It made your breath catch, needing more but loving the torture. It was torture to feel every inch of him and have Jimin continue to hold back. You knew he could go faster, deeper, but wanted to stay in control.

Dropping his head, Jimin slowly kissed your neck. His cock continued to move, fucking you slowly as your legs opened wider.

“Jimin,” you whimpered.

Your hips chased after his, hoping to coerce him deeper.

He smirked. “Yes, baby?”

“Please,” you said, arching against him. “I want more.”

“You want it harder?”

As he said this, Jimin increased his strength. Keeping the tempo the same, each thrust of his cock had your lips parting with pleasure.

“Yes,” you whimpered, barely hanging on.

“And faster? You want that, too?”

You nodded, slack-jawed as Jimin sped up the pace. His cock began to pound into you, hand fisting in sheets as he gave it to you hard. Arching underneath him, your hands dragged down his back as Jimin fully let go. With each thrust of his hips, his pelvis brushed your clit and yet, it still wasn’t enough.

“More?” he teased, continuing to fuck you.

“More,” you whimpered, sliding your hands up your breasts. Tweaking the nipples, you watched his gaze harden. “I want more, Jimin.”

He immediately moved, as though he’d been waiting for this. Grasping your ankles in one hand, he lifted them high overhead and pulled his cock out. You gasped when he did so, your hands falling to the side while you were put on display. The position pushed your pussy lips together, giving an incredible view of your dripping cunt.

Jimin plunged his cock back inside, nearly making you scream. It felt so deep this way – so deep and hard and deliciously wanton. Jimin fucked you from above, hips slamming into you and making your breasts bounce.

Jimin groaned, his hips never faltering. “Touch them,” he said, lowering your ankles to one shoulder. “Touch your tits for me, baby.”

You obeyed, hands sliding over your breasts to tease your nipples. This sent a shock of pleasure straight to your core and Jimin hammered your g-spot, making you see stars. Jaw slack, you could only lie there and take it while he made you come.

It was too much, the wave of pleasure threatening to overwhelm, but then Jimin leaned forward and you finally snapped. You felt him release into the condom as you fell apart, rope after rope of hot cum inside you.

Eventually, Jimin softened and fell onto his elbow. As he opened his eyes, he sought your gaze and you smiled. His cheeks were flushed, his hair dark and sweaty and you couldn’t help the deep surge of affection within you.

“I don’t know about you,” he murmured. “But that was pretty fucking incredible.”

“Same here,” you whispered. “I’d like to do it again sometime.”

“Three orgasms weren’t enough?”

“Were they enough for you?”

“No.” Jimin laughed. “I could watch you come all night. But we should probably get you cleaned up and all that.”

“Probably,” you agreed, although you made no effort to move.

Eventually Jimin sighed and gently pulled out. Tossing his condom in the trash, he showed you to the bathroom and let you do what you needed to do. When you returned, Jimin was on top of his bed. He’d put back on his boxers and held out his sweatshirt.

“I thought you might want this,” he said, uncertain.

Smiling, you took it and lowered it over your head. Climbing beside him on the bed, you rested your head on his shoulder and cuddled beside him. Listening to his breathing, you concentrated until yours started to match.

Outside, cheers erupted from the street. Scrambling upwards, you fought to look out Jimin’s side window. As you hurried to see what the commotion was about, Jimin groaned when you flashed him your bare ass, but followed suit.

Glancing outside, you realized it must have turned midnight. Fireworks went off over the skyline, people cheered below, and someone had lit a sparkler on the street. Voices drifted higher, wishing each other a happy new year as slowly, you turned around to face Jimin.

He smiled at you, his happiness clear when he pulled you to him. A dizzying rush of what-if’s and excitement went through you and somehow, you knew this would be only the beginning.

“Happy new year,” he murmured.

“Happy new year,” you whispered, tilting your face up to his.

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for reading this series 😊 It’s been a whirlwind, so thank you for sticking with our main characters throughout the journey! I hope you enjoyed and are having a wonderful holiday season :) happy (almost) new year!

RAISE THE BARRE MASTERLIST 

© kpopfanfictrash, 2020. Do not copy or repost without permission.

[lovely-ateez]

Broken Strings~

ꕥPosted: 7/20/21

ꕥGenre: Fluff, Angst, Smut, College!au, Rockstar!au

ꕥPairing: Fem!Reader x Rockstar!Yunho

ꕥWord Count: 10k+

ꕥWarnings (please read all!!): Yunho’s ex is an absolute asshat, death threats towards both Yunho and reader, mention of knives used as weapons, San is a bisexual king (happy late pride month), unprotected pool sex/public sex (no one is around but I guess it still counts), masturbation (f), foul language, mentions of alcohol intake, reader is mentioned to have dark brown eyes several times which you can just ignore if you have different colored eyes ofc, mentions of a restraining order against an ex, please let me know if I missed something!!

ꕥTag List: @cappujinho @bobateastay @nevieatiny 

ꕥA/N: The song lyrics are ones that I wrote myself specifically for this au and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t nervous about posting it. I know there isn’t any tune or anything, but hopefully it sounds like a real song someone might sing. Also I’m not writing angst for a while after this holy shit I’ve been crying too much over this I’m emotional okay

“Date night! Date night! Date night!” I grabbed my boyfriend’s arm, bouncing on my toes.

Yunho raised a hand to cover his ear, scrunching his face, “Babe, I love you, but I think you’ve deafened me.”

I pouted at his tone and crossed my arms, “You’re such a grump.”

“Oh whatever.” He smiled, “You ready?”

I smiled at him and nodded.

Ever since his band, Sidekick Heart, began to pick up traction, he had less free time and our full-day dates once a week soon became date nights every few weeks. Most of his time was spent writing songs, producing them, and practicing endlessly. The fact that he had a tour coming up soon just meant he had even less spare time. I was happy for him, of course, but I couldn’t hide my disappointment that he was leaving.

In middle school, he and three of his friends formed a band for fun, which they kept with all throughout high school. They got good, really good and almost right after they graduated they were signed by a label. Now, three years later, they’d already released two albums and one EP and earned enough money to make a living, which was why Yunho dropped out of college a month ago. Since he had steady career path, he saw no reason to continue and decided to focus on music. He still visited me at college whenever he got the chance, but his visits were becoming more and more sporadic.

We started dating freshman year of college. We had our difficulties as most couples do, but everyday I thanked the stars for pairing us together. I met him on the first day of French class, a day I know I could never forget, no matter how how our future played out.

I sat my backpack on the table in front of me, looking around the empty classroom. I was ten minutes early, so I wasn’t surprised about the lack of students. It was a bit unlikely for me to be so early, but I wasn’t able to sleep the night before and so I had extra time to get ready. With nothing else to do, I took out my phone, reading some missed text messages.

I heard the door open and my head tilted upwards, meeting eyes with a fluffy-haired brunet. He shyly smiled at me and I returned the gesture. The man took a seat in the front row across from me, only a few chairs in between us. I found it cute that he liked to sit in the front of the classroom, too. Very few people did. He turned away from me to place his backpack on the floor and take out a few books. I took the opportunity to look at him. He was attractive, for sure. His short sleeved solid black shirt followed his movements, tattoos peaking through his top. The shirt itself tucked was into ripped jeans, his black shoes matching the outfit, along with various accoutrements. His look was uncommon for college students, most just wore sweatpants with with a casual shirt. I thanked myself for dressing nice that day.

I tilted my head to get a better look at his side profile. He was so handsome that I seemed to forget I was staring. I couldn’t help but get caught up in him, not realizing that I was no longer being subtle.

He spoke without moving to face me, “You’re pretty cute, too.”

“I-I what?” My eyes widened, realizing I’d been caught.

He turned, a charming smile on his face, “You aren’t exactly discreet.”

I took a breath, trying to form a coherent sentence, “Well...can you blame me?”

He pursed his lips, trying to hide a smile, “I appreciate the compliment. What’s your name?”

I hesitated before answering him, which brought a full smile to his face. He moved closer to me before holding out his hand for me to shake. I grabbed his hand and shook it, trying to keep my hands steady. His hand was soft, clearly he took care of himself.

“I’m Yunho.”

I smiled, observing the way he lit up as he turned my hand, placing a delicate kiss on my skin. I felt my face heat up and averted my eyes. Yunho chuckled as he released my hand. Both of us looked up at the sound of the door opening, a group of students entered, followed by a lady who I presumed to be the teacher.

Yunho looked at me, “Meet me after class?”

I nodded, biting my lip as I felt excitement build in my stomach, wanting nothing more than for class to end as soon as possible.

The instant the teacher ended her lecture she left with the rest of the students, who were talking among themselves. My eyes flickered to Yunho to find him looking back at me, his backpack now thrown over his shoulders.

“You have any classes after this?” He asked in a nonchalant manner. Later he confessed to me that he was far more nervous than he appeared, claiming that he fell in love with me at first sight.

I finished placing my notebook in my bag, zipping it up and putting the straps over my arms, “Yeah, unfortunately. I’ve got World Politics in ten minutes.” 

“Aww damn. I was hoping we could grab some food.” He reached into his pants’ pocket, pulling out his phone, “Maybe I could get your number instead and we could meet up later?” He wasn’t pushy or demanding, simply asking.

I nodded quickly, “I’d like that, Yunho.”

He suddenly became more shy, the tips of his ears dusting a beautiful shade of pink, “I like the way you say my name.”

I giggled, trying to hide my own shyness. I took his phone and entered my number, really hoping that he would text me. As if he read my mind, he confirmed what I was thinking.

“I’ll text you,” He looked at me with sparkling eyes before shaking his head, like he was pulled back to reality, “Oh uh...you should probably get to class.“ He raised a hand, somewhat awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah I probably should. I’ll see you around?”

He smiled, “I’ll see ya.”

-

It wasn’t long before he texted me, and it made my heart flutter that he kept his word. A day later we met up, grabbing ice cream and getting to know each other. He was a dance major and had to practically beg his parents to let him pursue dance. In return they said he had to repay them with getting straight A’s. He had one younger brother who was possibly the biggest baseball fan to ever exist, he roomed with three men he’d been friends with since kindergarten, and he absolutely adored my brown eyes.

“They’re just beautiful.” Yunho gushed, “Both times I’ve seen you they just sparkle and shine like they’ve got their own little galaxies in them. I’ve never seen anyone with such genuine, kind eyes.”

I let out a girly laugh at the compliment and covered my mouth with a hand, “You’re really trying to flatter me, aren’t you?”

“Depends. Is it working?” He laughed as he propped his head on one of his hands, leaning closer to me in the booth we were sitting in. We’d finished our ice cream long ago, now shamelessly flirting and getting lost in each other.

“It might be.”

“Well I do mean it. I’m not only trying to flatter you.”

The ringing of his phone caught our attention. He smiled apologetically and reached for the device. He sighed, reading the contact name and looking back up at me.

“I’m sorry I’ve gotta take this. It’s one of my roommates and it’s entirely possible they’ve set the house on fire.”

I laughed, “It’s okay, go ahead.”

Yunho excused himself as he answered the call, walking outside. I took a look around the shop we were in, smiling at all the decorations when I noticed a woman sitting alone, eating ice cream and staring at me. Her eyes were such an ice blue that they made her intimidating, to say the least. I wasn’t too surprised, I’d dressed nice and all throughout the day I’d been getting looks. Taking it as a compliment I smiled at her and waited for Yunho to return.

“So good news,” He started as he sat back down in the booth, running a hand through his hair, which was way more attractive than it should’ve been, “They haven’t burnt down the apartment, but San—he’s one of my roommates—his car ran out of gas a few miles away from here so I’ve gotta go help him. Can I drive you back to your own apartment first?”

“Oh no, I don’t want to worry you.” I waved a hand, “I can have a friend pick me up.”

He nodded, “If you’re more comfortable with that, sure, but I’d rather drive you home, if that’s okay.”

I nodded, walking with him as he guided me out to his car. We had our first kiss when he dropped me off, leaving me with the promise of another date, and he delivered. Time and time again he proved he truly cared about me, which inevitably led to a relationship.

We heard a loud crashing in the basement of the house and Yunho let out a frustrated groan, “Oh god it’s happening again.”

He walked over to the basement door, opening it and sighing at the loud yells emitting from below.

“What is it this time?” Yunho shouted.

Wooyoung’s voice rung out, “San won’t let me use the controller!”

The man in front of me placed a hand over his eyes, over the situation entirely, “You’re still fighting over that game?”

“Crash Bandicoot waits for no man!”

“San let him have the controller or I’ll come down there and I’ll beat both of your asses!” Yunho shut the door, giving me a tired smile and walking back to me, “You’d think we would’ve outgrown this stage by now. I’d fire them both and hire a new bassist and drummer if I could.”

“Okay that’s an absolute lie, and you say that like you’re any better. I saw you arguing with Seonghwa over the last bag of chips yesterday.”

He pointed a finger at me, not trying to hide the smile on his face, “Okay that was absolutely valid. I bought those and they were mine.”

I smirked. “My point still stands.”

He rolled his eyes playfully, changing the subject, “How about after our date I sing you a couple of our new songs?” He leaned closer, his lips barely grazing my ear, “I wrote a few about you.”

I pulled back from him, feeling warmth spread in my chest. “Really? You did?”

Yunho wrapped an arm around my waist, “How could I not? You’re always my inspiration.”

I let out a string of incoherent gibberish which prompted the most adorable eye smiles from my boyfriend. I felt too honored to put my emotions into words.

“Go on.” Yunho motioned to the front door, “Grab your purse and head out to my car. I’ll let the guys know we’re going and I’ll meet you outside.”

I gave him a salute, “You got it cap’n!”

His eyes warmed, “God, I love you.”

“I know!” I teased before I grabbed my purse and skipped out of the house. The sun would be setting soon and I admired the several hues that were painted within the sky. I sat on the hood of his car, swinging my feet as I saw him walk out of the house.

“So where exactly are we going?” I tilted my head, looking forward to his response.

“Well I’ve got a couple ideas.” He held up his long fingers and counted off on them, “We could go bowling, or we could have a late night picnic, or maybe...” He moved closer, placing his hands on either side of me with a mischievous grin, “We could go swimming.”

My face lit up, “I haven’t been swimming in forever!”

“I know, that’s why I recommended it.” He laughed, “Let’s break into the swimming pool downtown. It’s definitely closed by now so we can be alone.”

I raised my brows at his words, a smile widening on my face, “Don’t we need to bring swimsuits, though?”

Yunho grinned at me and moved a hand to ruffle my hair, “Nope. We’re going without ‘em.” He lifted me off his car, “Hop in, babe.”

-

We approached the fence with our hands interlocked, a new message greeting us. A red and black sign with the words ‘No Trespassing’ was attached haphazardly to one of the metal wires looped through the fence surrounding the pool.

Yunho tsked, “Aw that’s cute. Like that’s gonna keep us out. This is basically our pool anyways.” 

I laughed, both of us knowing full well there was no method of security beyond the sign and fence. The pool had never installed security cameras and after word spread that the owner had a fear of advancing technology, we had no worry of being caught.

He cupped his hands, holding them out for me to step on. I placed my foot on his hands as he lifted me up, helping me scale the fence. I stepped back, feeling a thrill as Yunho jumped over. It was probably the fourth or fifth time we’d done this, but each time was just as exciting. We walked over to the edge of the pool, its light blue water and the dark blue of the sunset opposing one another but making a beautiful visual.

“Alright, off we go.” Yunho’s fingers danced to the hem of my shirt, then pulling it off and ridding me of the layer of clothing. He pressed several kisses to the exposed skin, making me shiver.

Yunho then pulled back from me, slowly removing his shirt and giving me a teasing look when he caught me staring at his abs, “I look good, don’t I?”

“Shut up,” I laughed, lightly slapping his strong, tattooed arm before removing my skirt, enjoying the way my boyfriend’s eyes devoured me. I returned the action when I saw him remove his jeans, something he was clearly enjoying as well.

I turned back to the pool only to be thrown over Yunho’s shoulders. He let out a string of laughs as I struggled to get down, fearing that he would throw me into the water.

“If you throw me into the pool I’ll kill you!” I laughed, squirming on his shoulders.

“No...I would never do something like that.” I wasn’t even facing him, but I could hear the smile in his voice, which was my only indication that he was about to throw me into pool.

Before I could try to make any sort of escape, he tossed me into the water. It was cold, but less cold than I expected it to be. I coughed up a bit of water as I resurfaced and when I opened my eyes I squinted at Yunho, annoyed at how attractive he looked with the evil smirk on his face.

“You’re a jerk.” I said with no venom behind my words.

“Yeah, yeah. Brace yourself I’m coming in.”

I barely had time to move before he jumped in, his legs tucked to his chest. “Cannonball!”

I moved my hands in front of my face to block the wave of water coming my way, not feeling any surprise about my boyfriend’s childish behavior. When he resurfaced he faced me with a smile, wading towards me, embracing me in his arms, and wrapping my legs around his waist. He was so tall that he could reach the bottom of the pool without having to swim, unlike me, where I was no near reaching the bottom and needed to swim in place. With a satisfied hum he pressed several wet kisses to my neck.

“I love you,” he mumbled, his voice muffled by my skin.

“I love you too, babe.” I hesitated before I said my next words, still overwhelmed at how strong my feelings were for him, “You’re the love of my life.”

He pulled back with a bright smile on his face, his eyes shining almost as if he was tearing up, “I knew you were the love of my life the moment I saw you. And you’re all mine.” Yunho said before he placed a delicate kiss to my lips.

“All yours, babe.”

His long fingers danced along my sides, grabbing at my hips as he began to attack my chest with kisses. I giggled as the feeling of his stubble tickled my skin.

“You know, you really ‘oughta shave before you get a full beard.”

“Why? Are you saying I wouldn’t look good with one?”

I cupped his face, “You’d look amazing with one, but I thought you didn’t like beards, babe?”

“Hate ‘em.” Yunho’s laugh echoed around us, “Really weird that men can grow them in the first place. But anyways...”

His hands made quick work of my bra, letting it sink to the bottom of the pool. I opened my mouth to scold him but before I could his mouth latched to my right nipple, sucking and nipping on it in a way that made my hands seek out his hair and tug harshly at his locks. Letting out a growl, Yunho placed one hand on the the pool wall for balance and the other on my back, drawing abstract shapes there.

Yunho moved to my other nipple, giving it the same treatment and smiling when he heard my moans. In a flash he removed his hand from my back and pressed me against the pool wall, his hand now traveling to my panties.

As he removed the final item of clothing he ran a finger over my clit, giggling to himself. I gave him a look and he clarified, “Babe, you’re wet enough to fill an entire swimming pool.”

I groaned, pressing my head into his chest, “You make that same god awful joke every time we come here.”

“And as such I couldn’t let tradition die.”

“Shut up and fuck me.” I laughed, promptly helping him out of his boxers.

He continued to tease me after, switching between playing with my clit and stretching me out with his long fingers. By the time he finally gave in, I was a whimpering, pathetic mess, begging for more.

As he aligned with my walls he looked at me with delicate eyes, “Ready, little flower?”

I nodded quickly, chanting ‘yes’ over and over. Yunho once again placed a hand on the wall and hooked one of my legs over his waist, allowing him to thrust deeper inside me. He held my hand with his free one, a simple action that always melted my heart. Despite how long we’d been together, I would always get overwhelmed by him so easily. Everything about him exuded such a strong aura that sometimes just the smallest kiss would leave me breathless. The first time we were intimate he took his hand in mine and assured me he would be gentle, and every time since he’s held my hand. It wouldn’t feel right without our hands together.

“Shit—it’s been way too long since we’ve done this.” I said as he snapped his hips into mine, quickly repeating the action.

“God I know.” He let out a pained groan at the thought of it, “Four months is gonna be fucking awful without you.”

“Guess we’ll have to make do with what we’ve got now.”

“Guess we will.”

The sounds of water splashing and the echos of our moans, a symphony I had become so familiar with, was gradually reaching its crescendo. It was getting harder to keep my eyes open but I forced them to be, needed to memorize everything about this moment. The sweat dripping down Yunho’s forehead, the tattooed muscles he was flexing, the sounds and praise he was emitting, and pleasure we were both feeling--I wouldn’t see nor feel this for the next four months.

A particular snap of his hips had me seeing stars and I called out to him, letting him know I was close. Within minutes, both of us were panting and reeling from our highs. Yunho pressed his nose against mine and both of us closed our eyes, enjoying each other’s presence.

“How come every time we come here it ends in sex?” I giggled.

He blinked and moved a strand of wet hair out of my face, “Because you’re hot and barely wearing any clothes and no one’s around.”

I blushed at his compliment, “I mean like I’m not complaining or anything.”

A cocky smile formed on Yunho’s face, “Well it certainly didn’t sound like you were a moment ago.”

“Yunho!”

The man laughed, lifting me up and spinning me around in the pool before cradling me in his arms.

“I hate to say it, but we do need to head back. The world awaits for us, I’m afraid.”

I sighed, pressing into his chest, “I’m gonna miss you.”

He stilled as he pulled me closer, “I’m gonna miss you, too. You don’t have to miss me yet, though.”

“I know.” I swallowed, wishing I had something more to say.

“Come on, then.” Yunho gave me a quick kiss, “Let’s head back.”

-

Yunho held the front door open for me, giving me a gentle slap on my ass when I walked through. I turned around and gave him a playfully annoyed look, which he only laughed at.

As we walked towards the living room, the sound of a random sitcom filled our ears. Six heads turned our way after hearing our footsteps. Seonghwa was resting his head against his long-time girlfriend. She was a sweet girl and complimented him more than any woman I’d seen him with. They really were soulmates, if they ever existed.

San was sitting holding hands with a man he’d been interested in for awhile. I’d often see him flirting with various men and women, but he never went any further than that, too afraid of commitment. This man; however, seemed to breaking through San’s walls. I really hoped they would work out, San deserved someone as kind as him.

Wooyoung sat across from the them, who acknowledged us first.

“Hey guys. Have fun?” Wooyoung asked, smiling at my soaked hair. He had his arm around a woman I’d never seen before and I was certain that none of us would ever see her again. He had the reputation of a playboy, and every poor woman thought they’d be the one exception, the one to make him stay. I’m sure the allure of being a drummer in a band was part of his appeal, too. Maybe one day, like San, he’d settle down.

The woman became visibly upset when Wooyoung looked me with a teasing glance. Feeling sympathy for her, I decided to do my best to calm her nerves.

I spoke for us, linking hands with my boyfriend. “Yeah, we did. I think we’re gonna go clean up though.” I looked at the woman, “I’m y/n, by the way. I’m Yunho’s girlfriend.”

She didn’t even try to hide the relief on her face. “Oh! I’m Solar. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Yeah,” Wooyoung started, “Best girlfriend he’s ever had. Much better for him than Lucy.”

Yunho glared at the man, “Thought we agreed not to bring her up?”

Lucy, the woman Yunho dated before me, was arguably the scariest person I’d ever heard about. They dated for roughly three months before she became obsessive, to the point where Yunho had to get a restraining order against her. She threatened to hurt all of Yunho’s friends and family, all because she wanted Yunho all to herself. That was about all Yunho ever told me about her. Not that I complained. I didn’t exactly want to discuss his exes, even more so when they were that crazy.

I never told him, but I knew I saw her the first date we went on. I could see the way her piercing, ice eyes saw through me. I had no doubt it was her. I just hope I’d never see her again. Maybe now that she saw he was taken she’d leave us alone. There was an uncomfortable silence following, none of us knowing what to say until San spoke.

“You look like a wet dog, Yunho.” San joked, prompting laughter from a few of us, which seemed like more of a noise of relief rather than one of actual humor.

“Yeah, yeah.” My boyfriend relaxed his shoulders, “I think we’re gonna head in for the night so don’t make too much noise.” Waving them goodbye he caught up with me, placing a hand around my waist.

“Shower with me, doll.”

I placed a hand on his chest, “I would love to.”

-

I came out of the shower wearing my favorite large shirt of Yunho’s, drying my wet hair with a towel. The smell of chlorine had gone away for the most part; whatever chemicals the owner put in that pool always made the smell harder to get rid of. Only a small price to pay, I figured.

My boyfriend, who was much quicker than I was, looked up from his phone as he was splayed out across his bed. His tired eyes smiled at me while motioning me over. Yunho’s own hair was still drying and with his bare face and crooked smile, he was as handsome as he could ever be.

“Hey there.”

“Hey, sweetheart.” He reached an arm out to me, pulling me against him when I took his hand, “How ya feeling?”

“Tired.” I hummed, sleepily smiling against his neck.

“Too tired to listen to the song I wrote for you?”

“No! Not at all.”

Yunho chuckled, slowly brushing my hair aside and turning his head to look at me. As he had countless times, he took a breath before he turned to me, beginning to sing.

“You give me fireworks

I’ll give you the kindest words, my dear

Your love caught me

The moment I met your eyes

And how could I not fall?

Your heart bared, no disguise”

I fought to stay awake although his melodic voice seemed to be lulling me to sleep. I felt myself losing consciousness, but managed to catch the last few lyrics he sang to me.

“Now I sunbathe in the daybreak

Half asleep, half awake

Writing this song

As I hope I’ll dream of you”

Yunho brushed his fingertips brush against my face before he spoke, “Goodnight, flower.”

I muttered some form of a “goodnight” before I felt sleep take over me, nuzzling happily against my boyfriend.

-

I woke up in a panic, unsure why my heart was beating so fast until I looked at the clock. Eleven in the morning. I was an hour later than I should’ve been at my job. It seemed that even unconscious my body knew I was late.

“Oh shit I’m gonna be late for work!” I spoke with wide eyes.

Jumping from Yunho’s bed I stripped myself of his shirt and quickly threw my clothes on. The body that laid beside me stirred, moving the covers aside.

“Are you leaving?” He asked sleepily, his face puffy from sleep and an adorable pout on his lips.

I frowned, “Yeah. I’m sorry we didn’t get to spend more time together, babe.”

He shook his head, “Don’t worry about it. Both of us slept in.”

I tied my hair back, sighing. I was so caught up in my thoughts I almost missed Yunho’s question.

“Sorry what was that?”

He smiled, “You’re coming to our going away party tomorrow, right?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I moved back to the bed and hugged him, feeling my heart sink. I was proud of him, I really was, yet couldn’t help but feel sad that I wouldn’t see him for so long.

This was the longest tour they’d ever gone on and we’d never been apart from each other that long before. I trusted him and I was confident in our relationship, but realistically, all members of Sidekick Heart were attractive young men and a good portion of their fans were female. I was far more concerned about the female audience doing something than I was about Yunho making a move on another woman.

With one last squeeze of his shoulders I pulled back, goodbyes beginning to fall from my lips before Yunho pulled me back.

“I need a goodbye kiss.”

I pressed my lips together with a smile, gladly indulging him. Giving him one last kiss against the lips, I bid him farewell until the following day.

-

“So how was work?” My roommate asked as I walked in the house, propping her feet up on our couch and tossing a kernel of corn into her mouth, the lighting of the TV illuminating her blanket-covered body.

I sighed, sitting down on the floor next to her, “Other than being an hour and a half late and missing an important meeting I think it went okay. I’m just glad the day’s over.” Rubbing a hand over my face I turned to her, “What about you? How was your day?”

“Pretty damn good actually.” She smiled, removing the blanket and showing me the new ink on her upper arm. It was an assortment of flowers and matched her bubbly personality perfectly. They were now the fifth adornment on her beautiful dark skin, each one of them tempting me more and more to get a few of my own.

“Another one already, Tiff?”

“Listen, you’ll know how addicting they get as soon as you get your first.”

“You sound so confident that I will.”

“Oh I know you will. You’re dating a rockstar, after all. Not to mention he’s the goddamn lead singer and has tattoos of his own.”

“Shut up.” I giggled, “Speaking of, are you coming to the farewell party tomorrow?”

“I plan on it, but I’ll probably be there a couple hours late. My dad’s flying into town for the weekend so I plan on visiting first. I’m definitely coming though.”

I hummed, “Yeah, don’t worry too much about it. We all know it’ll go till sunrise anyway.”

She let out a loud laugh, likely remembering the last party of theirs we went to where she ended up more drunk than I’d ever seen her. She claims she remembers flashes of the night; playing strip beer pong and being dared to steal one of the neighbor’s bushes—which, after much convincing from those who were sober, she decided against it—but didn’t recall half of the hilarious memories of her the rest of us did. Personally, my favorite was watching her hold a tomato soup can and cry over the fact that it could never have children.

Tiff let out a yawn as she stretched her arms above her head, turning in my direction. Her words were muffled by her yawn as she spoke, “Imma go to bed now. You good before I go?”

I smiled at her, “Yeah I’m good. I won’t stay up too much longer, just need to go through my nightly routine of looking at the stars, ya know, the usual.”

She nodded, wrapping the blanket around her and heading to her bedroom, “Sleep well, babe. I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

“Back at ya.”

It was a habit of mine, gazing at the night sky before sleeping. It gave me comfort knowing that out there, somewhere, there was something else out there with me. Almost like I wasn’t going through everything alone.

I set my purse down when I reached our kitchen, reaching for a tea pot and tea bags, brainlessly brewing my favorite tea as I thought of what Yunho might be doing right now. It was probably most likely that he was practicing for their tours, but I could only hope he was getting a little bit of rest.

I stepped out onto our porch to look at the stars with a cup of tea in my hands, the night sky twinkling with all the stars it could offer. A slight breeze rustled my hair and I closed my eyes, thankful for the pleasant weather. I heard a sudden snap of a branch and my eyes quickly opened as I searched out property for any sign of an aggressive animal. My eyes finally landed on a human-like figure. Feeling adrenaline run though me, I decided to confront whoever or whatever it was.

“Who are you? What are you doing here?” I spoke, my voice loud but not quite a yell.

The figure took off it’s hood to show their face, and I saw a familiar pair of ice blue eyes, though I hadn’t seen them in years, “I’m here to see you, of course.”

My brain quickly connected her to the woman I hoped I’d never see again.

Lucy.

“Well I don’t want to see you. Leave.”

She pressed a hand to her chest, feigning offense, “But I came all this way! Just to...say hello.”

I took a step towards her, hoping that if I appeared confrontational she would leave me alone. “I don’t know who you are, now please leave. I’m not going to say it again.”

“Oh, you poor girl. You really think you have the upper hand?” She pulled out a knife, and walked towards me at impressive speed, pointing the weapon at my throat. “I know you’ve been seeing Yunho. I. Don’t. Like. That.” She emphasized every word of the last sentence, anger woven within her voice.

I wanted to fight back. Everything in me was screaming to fight back, but I knew I had no chance. I had no idea what she was capable of, and I didn’t dare to find out.

“I dated him first and he’s still mine. You’re going to break up with him, you hear me?” She screamed in my ear, the sound shaking me to my core, “I never want to see you near him again.” She grabbed my jaw harshly, forcing my eyes to lock with hers. “I bet he doesn’t even love you.”

My eyes watered. I knew she was wrong, but with the adrenaline coursing through my veins and the harshness of her words I began to doubt myself.

Her grip tightened and I let out a yelp, “He loves me and I love him. He’s always loved me, not you. Why would he ever love a thing like you?”

She then threw me to the ground, towering over me, “Break up with him. Make him hate you. If you don’t,” She squatted down next to me, once more pointing the knife at my throat, “I’ll kill him myself and make you watch. Then,” She cocked her head, a crazed smile plastered on her face, “I’ll kill you. If I can’t have him, no one can.” She stood, smirking at me, “And you know I will.”

She kicked me in the stomach, watching as I crawled into myself, groaning from the pain. I closed my eyes, hoping she wouldn’t hurt me any more than she already had.

“I’ll be watching you at the party tomorrow. Do it then. Break his heart. I’ll kill him then and there if you don’t.” She looked down at me and scoffed, “And I’ll be bringing friends to make sure the job gets done.”

I carefully opened my eyes to see her stepping over me, walking back into the darkness from which she came. I scrambled back into my house, hyperventilating from the interaction I just had.

I spent the night crying, not able to sleep even for a minute. I tried to think rationally, but there were just too many variables. How many ‘friends’ was she bringing? Would she really kill Yunho in front of everyone? Where would she be watching me from? Is she watching me now?

I could text or call Yunho to let him know, but where would we go from there? He’d want to meet me and she’d kill him instantly. Right?

“Maybe I could pull him aside at the party and warn him?” I murmured to myself, “No, she could probably see that. Maybe there’s people actually at the party who are looking out for us, too.” I covered my face with my hands and fell back into my pillows, weeping as I knew I had to break up with the love of my life.

-

Choosing to wear a yellow dress honestly couldn’t have been more ironic. Yellow was supposed to be a happy color. A color of hope and yearning, innocence and warm days full of laughter. It was the complete antithesis of how I felt and what I knew I had to do. Even worse, the weather was perfect. It was sunny, but not so much to make it unbearable outside. Everything about today made my insides twist.

I took a breath at the door of Yunho’s house, bracing myself for what I had to do. Knocking a few times I heard a commotion inside before the man I came to see opened the door. His smile had never been bigger.

“Baby!” He cheered, pulling me into a bear hug and ruffling my styled hair, “I’m so excited you’re here!”

He looks so ecstatic. And I have to break him.

The thought crushed me and brought tears to my eyes, but I couldn’t let him die. I knew she was serious, I didn’t doubt that for a moment. I grabbed Yunho’s arm, pulling him outside and away from everyone in the house.

I looked at the ground as I felt my lips begin to quiver, “I’m sorry. I just need to get this over with.”

Yunho bent down to meet my eyes, “Hey, hey. What’s going on sweetheart?” His voice was gentle, one of his hands coming to rub the tears from my face, “I’m here for you, whatever it is.”

I looked down, unable to look him in the eyes. I hated myself more than I’d ever hated anyone. “I don’t love you, Yunho.” My hands began to shake beyond my control, my own body knowing I was making a mistake.

“W-what?” Yunho’s voice cracked. A moment of silence passed before he let out a hollow laugh, “Baby, you don’t mean that-”

I looked up at him and immediately wished I hadn’t. Tears were welling in his eyes, his own hands beginning to shake.

“I said I don’t love you Yunho!” I said louder than I intended, “Not anymore. I don’t want to be with you. I’m sorry.”

He took a step back and I noticed his hands clenching, something he always did to keep himself from crying.

“If that’s what you want,” Tears fell from his eyes before he finished his sentence, “Then I’ll support your decision.” He looked to the side, not knowing what else to say.

I wanted nothing more than to throw myself in his arms and explain everything, tell him that I’ve never stopped loving him, not even for a second, but I couldn’t. Instead, I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand and looked at him one last time. He was so fucking handsome, so goddamn kind, and here I was doing this to him. Maybe he did deserve someone better.

“Good luck with your tour, Yunho. I know you’ll be fantastic.”

I turned and walked away from him quickly, leaving the house and ignoring the stare I could feel on me. I ran across the yard to my car, starting the engine and leaning my head against the steering wheel. I felt myself lose all oxygen in my body, the only option left to take large gasps of air. My vision was so clouded by tears I couldn’t even see anymore. I’d just lost myself along with my other half. I’d never felt as empty as I did in that moment.

Just then I heard a knocking on my window. I half-hardheartedly lifted my head and felt my heart lurch. Yunho was standing outside my car, eyes red and puffy, looking at me like I was the last person he’d ever see. I opened my car without thinking, my breathing still as uneven as before.

Yunho spoke, his voice coarse and distant, “I’m not asking you to change your mind, but I need you to know that I have always loved you and I always will. That will never change.”

I wiped the snot from my nose but didn’t bother to try and fix the mascara I knew was streaming down my face. I knew I had to look horrible, but he still held so much love for me that it was easy to see in his eyes. I fought myself to not reply, knowing that if I’d open my mouth all I’d say was ‘I love you’ over and over again.

“Is it too out of line to ask for a last hug?” He smiled sadly as more tears poured from his eyes.

I shook my head, running into his arms and embracing him. I felt like I made a mistake the moment I did because I could smell him. He was wearing the cologne I bought him for his birthday. His warm, sturdy chest...everything about him felt like home.

“Goodbye, Yunho.”

-

I arrived at home alone, tears still stinging my eyes. Tiff was nowhere to be found and I couldn’t decide if I was thankful or sad for the fact that she wasn’t there. I barely made it out to our porch before collapsing once again, finding it harder and harder to breathe. I didn’t know how long I was sitting there, it could’ve been one hour or three, but given the setting sun it looked like it was the latter. Once more I heard a noise outside our home, and once more the female figure appeared before me.

“You did good,” Lucy said, twirling her knife in her hands, “Dare I say I’m proud of you.”

“I don’t ever want to see you here again.” I cried, “I did what you want now get the fuck away from me.”

“My, my. You have quite the mouth on you, don’t you?” She tsked, “But you did as I asked, so I might as well comply. Don’t; however, think that you can go crawling back to Yunho and tell him about this. I’ll keep watching you and if you decide to do just that...I’ll follow through with my promise.”

I kept my eyes on the ground, convinced that if I looked up at her I’d attempt to rip the hair out of her head. No anger I had ever felt before could surmount to the rage I was feeling.

“Nonetheless, it was a pleasure doing business with you, miss.”

As soon as she came, she was gone. When I finally let myself look up, I could no longer see her, only darkness. Once again, I was alone.

-

Six months had passed since I broke up with Yunho and today officially made the third new date I’d went on. All of them were absolutely horrible. It wasn’t even that the guys were mean or rude or weren’t attractive, they just weren’t him.

Why am I even trying to move on?

I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes looked heavy, the bags under my eyes ever prominent. I couldn’t fool myself. I’d never be able to be with another man again. I forced myself to hold back tears and reached back to untie my hair, preparing to take a bath in hopes that it would take my mind off of things.

I began to run the warm water as I reached for several candles, lighting them and placing them around the room, trying to forget the entire day altogether. As I waited for the tub to fill I grabbed my phone, opening Instagram for no other reason than to have something to do. Although Yunho and I broke up, I still followed their band account, as well as their individual accounts. Seonghwa, San, and Wooyoung were still my friends, after all. Yunho was the only exception. Both of us unfollowed each other early on just because it was too painful. I didn’t hold it against him and hoped he didn’t hold it against me either.

Regardless, my eyes found the most recent post on Sidekick Heart’s account. All four members were shirtless, their hair dripping wet with goofy smiles plastered on their faces. They were standing by a pool, the same one Yunho and I would often break into. I noticed Yunho first, how could I not? His smile wasn’t as wide as the other’s, his eyes a bit colder, but he looked happy all the same. He looked good. Really, really good. He was always fit while we were dating, but he gained more muscle since I last saw him and it didn’t go unnoticed by their fans, either. I clicked the comment section against my better judgement, knowing what I was going to see before I even did so.

“Yunho looks like a fucking goddd”

“So Yunho’s still single right??”

“Yunhooo hmu I beg you”

“Jesus Christ Yunho break me please”

A surge of jealousy rushed through me. I hated when girls said those things when we were together, but now that we were apart it made it even worse. I had no right to be jealous, and that was the worst part.

The water reached my leg that was resting on the side of the tub and I scrambled to turn off the faucet. Doing my best to push the images from my mind I placed my phone aside and stripped from my clothes, settling in the water. I sighed as some water fell out of the side of the tub. It wasn’t a terrible thing to happen, but it seemed to just be another thing to go wrong.

My eyes wandered back to my phone, Instagram still open and the picture I was looking at earlier still on display. He was so fucking hot and seeing that he was standing next to that pool—our pool—made my brain short circuit. I couldn’t stop my thoughts from taking me back to the last night we broke in, the way we teased each other and how it inevitably led to sex. It seemed I had no control over my body as my dominant hand slipped between my legs.

But as much as I wanted it to be, it wasn’t the same. My fingers weren’t as long or slender as his and just nothing about our touches were the same, but the image of him just made my hormones rage. Every ounce of me craved him.

My fingers swirled around my clit, a bundle of pleasure shooting through me at the action. I closed my eyes, letting my body take over and repeat the motions and much as I fought not to, my brain kept replaying scenes of two of us again, and again, and again.

“Such a good girl, aren’t you?” Yunho spoke as I sunk down on his dick, barely finding the energy to lift myself up again even though the noises he made were like shots of espresso.

“Aww, is my baby getting tired?” He cooed, jerking his hips into mine.

“It’s not fair!” I whined, “I’m not good at this and you know it.”

“But we wouldn’t be a good couple if we didn’t encourage each other to work hard, right? Up you go, flower.”

I whimpered and pouted, but still obeyed him. Taking pity on me, Yunho grabbed my waist and lifted me, relaxing his grip as I moved downward. I made a noise that wasn’t understood by Yunho, but it didn’t go unnoticed.

“What was that?”

“Please. More. I need you so bad.” I begged.

Yunho laughed, “I really do have you wrapped around my finger, don’t I?”

I nodded before remembering that he’d probably prefer a verbal answer, “Yes. I’m w-wrapped around your finger.”

He let out a noise of satisfaction before flipping us over into a position so that he would have full control. I grabbed the bedsheets roughly, so much in my own world that I didn’t hear Yunho’s words.

“What was that?” I let out with a series of mewls.

“You’ve got me wrapped around your finger, too, you know? I don’t go an hour without thinking about you anymore. I can’t even have a single conversation without bringing you up. Anytime someone says your name my heart beats out of my damn chest. You’re the only woman for me.”

My legs shook as my high approached, barely able to breathe at it’s intensity. It took me a minute before I could even remember where I was. As I came to my senses, I felt tears biting at my eyes and this time I didn’t bother to hold them back. I watched as they streamed down my face and joined the now-cold water surrounding me. I brought my hands up to cover my eyes, glad Tiff wasn’t home to hear my wailing. She’d been good about staying with me since the breakup, but tonight she just wasn’t here. The hole in my heart felt even deeper now. I wondered if he found someone, if he was happy now. Hell, maybe it was his ex. The thought tore my heart out and ripped it in two. I wanted to be happy for him if it was true, but I just couldn’t be. I was still too selfish. I still wanted him to love only me.

-

 New friends, new beginnings or whatever.

That’s apparently what I thought when I began attending more clubs at college after the breakup, meeting new people and eventually finding a really solid friend group. All who happened to really like punk-rock music.

“You should really go with us,” Shang directed his words at me, “There’s a new band popping up that’s playing this weekend. It’s three hours away but they have great music.” 

I sighed, not fully convinced although it did sound fun. The last concert I’d been to was one of Yunho’s and though I hadn’t even seen him in what felt like forever, I still couldn’t help myself from thinking of him anytime someone talked about concerts. Sensing my apprehension, the woman beside me spoke up.

“Road trip! Road trip! Road trip!” Tyra chanted in my ear, her black curls bouncing with her as she clapped her hands between the words. “Come on, it would be so much fun and you know it.”

I bit my lip, deep in thought. I knew I would have fun but I just didn’t know if that would outweigh the pain I would feel.

“What’s the band name?” I asked, looking at Shang.

“Honestly?” He scratched the back of his head, “I was a little drunk when I told one of my friends I’d be there so I don’t even remember what they’re called.”

“How do you know they have great music, then?” I laughed, Tyra agreeing with me, apparently not knowing who was playing when she agreed either.

“I mean, my brother listens to their music and he’s got good music taste so they’ve gotta be good.”

I closed my eyes as I felt an oncoming headache, knowing they wouldn’t accept no as an answer. “Fuck it.” I stated, “I’ll go.”

The two cheered, Shang promising that I’d enjoy myself. I doubted it, truthfully, but really it was decided that I’d go the moment the pair brought the idea up to me.

-

Our trio waded through the giant crowd as the doors opened to let us into the venue. It was big, one of the larger concerts I’ve been to. Whoever we were seeing was successful, for sure. The volume at which everyone was speaking was essentially a yell, so I had to do just that to get my messages through.

“I still can’t believe we have no fucking idea who’s playing!” I yelled at Shang.

He laughed, “I got seats towards the front row, though! I didn’t even have to pay for them!”

“That’s not gonna matter if we don’t know any of the lyrics, you dipshit!” Tyra barked.

“Okay okay I should’ve asked, I get that now.”

As we found our way towards the seats, there was a big projector with the words ‘Sidekick Heart’ displayed across it. My heart dropped and I suddenly felt it become hard to breathe.

“You got us tickets to a Sidekick Heart concert?” Tyra beamed, “I love their music and I’m practically in love with San! His vocals are insane! Holy shit, Shang!”

“Ohhhh yeah I remember now.” He chuckled.

I seemed to fade into the background as the two of them discussed their love for the band and the members. All I could think about was seeing Yunho again.

Would he see me? How would he react if he does?...Does he hate me?

I only came back to reality when the audience began to cheer and I saw all the members step onto stage. Seonghwa cradled his electric guitar, in one arm, waving at the audience with the other. Wooyoung plopped down behind the drum set, smiling at the audience while twirling a drumstick. With his bass guitar, San, ever the king of expressions, gave his best smoulder to the audience and it seemed like the audience collectively screamed over him. Then came Yunho out to center stage, his electric guitar in his hands and a smirk on his face as if he knew everyone in the damn building wanted to fuck him. And he’d be right. The spotlights on each of them made them look like actual gods. If I didn’t know them personally I would have thought they were.

Yunho leaned into the mic, his gruff voice taking me by surprise, “Hello everyone! Great to see you all! If you haven’t been to one of our concerts before this is how it’s gonna work: You’re gonna dance, we’re gonna sing, we’re all gonna have a fucking great time tonight!”

The crowd erupted as the first song began to play. It was one of their more popular songs and for good reason. All over it was a really well put together song and I couldn’t help as I began to mouth along to the words. Song after song played, some I knew some I didn’t, and the entire time I couldn’t look away from the man singing. He radiated confidence and looked relaxed as if he’d been performing for decades. I knew he wasn’t as cool as he seemed, I’d given him so many pep talks before performances I couldn’t count them, but as an outsider you’d never know.

I wonder who talked him up this time?

“Alright everyone. This is the last song of the night and-”

The audience booed, everyone upset at the night coming to a close.

Yunho laughed. The sound was rich and beautiful. He was truly enjoying himself. This is what he was meant to do, with or without me. I closed my eyes, willing myself not to cry.

Yunho’s voice filled my ears. “I know, I know. I’d love to stay a bit longer, too. Here’s the thing though...” He paused and I opened my eyes only to see him looking back at me. His eyes automatically softened as they always did when he saw me, but as if he remembered how we ended his gaze hardened slightly, like he was trying to distance himself. It felt like we’d been looking at each other for hours before he opened his mouth to speak again, but I knew very well that my perception of time had been off for a while.

“Even if we only have this little time left, I’ve truly enjoyed the time we’ve spent together. The fact that it’s coming to an end soon is what makes it so special, I think.” Yunho broke eye contact with me, smiling slightly and glancing back out at the sea of people. “Seeing your smiling faces, your energetic cheers—all of it—is a reminder to me that we’re so lucky to be doing this as a job. Really...I love you all.”

The audience let out a chorus of ‘awws’ which was followed by several rather aggressive ‘I love you too’s.

The lead singer once more smiled, “Now, without further adieu, this is one of our newest songs and it’s called Brown Eyes, here it is.”

The music began to play, all instruments coming together to make a somber tune. Somehow they were always able to write music that perfectly encapsulated emotions or ideas. This one? Loss.

“Since you left you’re still so infused

In how I think and what I do

Can’t seem to get you to leave me alone

Your ghost stayed here and she watches my tears

That run down our picture frames”

Then he found me again in the crowd, no doubt able to see the tears staining my makeup, no doubt able to see how broken I was. And still, he sang.

“I’ve tried hard to fight it

Yet I keep givin’ in

There’s been no one but you

I’m trapped, confined

And your platinum smile still knocks me out

Every single time”

He kept eye contact with me, not once breaking his gaze. It was almost as if he wanted me to break first, as if he wanted me to look away before him. As if he was daring me to leave him again.

San stepped closer to his mic and took his eyes away from his bass guitar, Yunho’s voice being replaced by the purple-haired man. As his voice rang out I only could’ve hoped the next lyrics were about one of San ex’s, not me. Even if they weren’t, Yunho still looked at me.

“It’s not aimed at me 

Maybe it never was

But oh darling, you could’ve fooled me”

My eyes flickered down, unable to look at Yunho any longer. His gaze only broke my heart further and in turn I felt my eyes water. After a moment or two, I worked up the courage to look back at him. He was still looking at me like he never moved his eyes. I couldn’t seem to register the lyrics until Yunho began to sing again, his voice drawing me in as it always did.

“You've disappeared without a trace

Left an unsuspecting guise

Love, I need you to know

I’ve been losing far more than sleep

Over those deep chocolate eyes.”

As the song and the show ended and everyone in the crowd cheered, I felt a rush of emotions run through me. Thrilled that they’d become so successful, proud of them for putting on such an amazing show, and hurt because I could still see a sliver of sadness in Yunho’s eyes.

I hurt him.

Yunho then reluctantly said his goodbyes to the audience along with the rest of the members. His jaw tightened as he walked over to Wooyoung, whispering something in his ear before walking off stage. Feeling like I was set in a trance, I grabbed my Tyra’s arm and mumbled something about going to the bathroom before following him. I completely ignored her questions and concerns about where I was going, dead set on talking to him again even though I didn’t have a damn idea what I was going to say.

Somehow, through the giant maze of people, I was able to spot Yunho leaving through the backstage. Instinctively I ran towards him, still having no plan in mind. I only stopped when a purple-headed man appeared before me.

“Y/n!” He smiled, bringing me into a hug, “I missed you so much!” He pulled back from me, “We all did.”

Seonghwa and Wooyoung came from behind me, both wearing sad, kind smiles. They looked healthy and happy, which was all I could’ve asked for them.

“How’ve you been, girl?” Seonghwa cocked his head, genuinely curious.

I hesitated, not sure if I should tell them the truth. But at the end of the day, they were still my friends. “Not...great. If I’m being honest. I was kinda hoping I could talk to Yunho...if I could.”

They all shared a look I couldn’t understand.

Wooyoung spoke up, “We’re having a party at a friend’s house after this, you should come.”

I was surprised, still not fully understanding the situation.

San frowned, “I think it would be good for you two to talk. He didn’t tell us too much about what happened, but I’m sure you had a good reason. You were always so good to all of us.”

“I can text you the address if you’d like,” Wooyoung added, “You still have the same number?”

I nodded.

“Okay, good. We need to get back but we’ll see you there. Take care, okay?”

“I will. Thanks guys.”

San pulled me in for another hug, “Of course.”

They waved as we parted ways and for the first time that night, I felt hopeful. I spotted Shang and Tyra and ran up to them, no doubt a smile on my face as I asked, “Soo...you guys up for a party?”

-

I ditched my friends the moment we arrived, barely even sparing a word with Seonghwa, San, and Wooyoung once they nudged me in the direction of Yunho. I didn’t try to think too much about it, knowing I’d explain it all to them later.

He was standing in an empty bedroom, looking at the floor and sipping out of a red cup which likely contained liquor. When his eyes met mine a rush of memories flooded back to me. The first time we kissed, the first time he confessed he loved me, the first time he saw me cry.

The first time I broke his heart.

His eyes raised to mine, his face stoic, “Enjoy the show?”

My mouth opened and closed, not having any clue what to say to him, “Yunho I-”

“I know why you did it.” He said suddenly, “A week after you left me Lucy showed up to one of our shows and tried to convince me it was all a coincidence. Said that I could finally be with her. When I didn’t buy it she finally gave in and told me she convinced you we were better apart. So naturally I called the cops and they arrested her for breaking the restraining order, thank god.” He shook his head, looking disgusted, “You know I never wanted us to be apart. My question to you,” he took a step further towards me, “is why did you do it? Why did you end us?”

When I couldn’t seem to respond he talked once more, “You could’ve told me what she was trying to do. We could’ve worked it out together.” He looked more disappointed and heartbroken rather than angry.

He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve any of this.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Yunho.” I bit my tongue as I fought back tears, “I’m not asking for you to forgive me. I-I’m just-” I sobbed, “Lucy told me she would kill you if I kept dating you.”

Yunho’s mouth shut and eyes widened, clearly missing that bit of information. I took it as my cue to continue “I don’t know why she did it, but it’s probably because we were happy.”

More tears fell down my face and it became harder for me to talk, but I owed him the truth. I had to tell him the truth. I looked up at him but because of my tears my vision was blurred. Yunho’s hands were tightening into fists as he looked away from me.

“I couldn’t tell you because I had to protect you so I had to make you hate me and I’m just so sorry.” I fell to the ground, my body feeling as heavy as my heart.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and I brought my eyes to meet his own, “I’m sorry.” A tear streamed down his cheek, heavy remorse in his eyes, “God she’s fucking awful.”

A laugh got caught in my throat, “Yeah she is.”

He set his cup down somewhere along the way a his hands cupped my face, finally whispering the words I’d only heard in dreams, “I still love you so fucking much. I never stopped loving you. I never even tried to stop because I know I couldn’t.”

I jumped into his arms and kissed him hard, unintentionally knocking him to the floor. He met my lips with just as much fire, groaning when I unconsciously bucked my hips into his, all my sexual frustration still pent up.

“I missed you so fucking much.” Yunho growled, obviously feeling needy too but deciding against it as he wrapped his arms around my waist, speaking in between kisses, “I missed your cute laugh. I missed your lips. I missed your fucking awful jokes. I missed the way you’d look at me whenever you told me you loved me. I missed your gorgeous body and your smile. I missed your moans and the way you arched your back when we’d have sex. I missed how alive you made me feel.” He pulled back to look at me, “My life had no purpose without you.”

I took a breath, tears once more falling, “Mine didn’t either.” It wasn’t anything profound or emotional, but it was the truth. It didn’t.

Gently picking me up, he placed me on the bed. His eyes were raw, as emotional as they could ever be. Taking my hands in his, he looked at me as if I would disappear at any minute.

“Stay with me. Come with us on the rest of the tour. If you can’t take a vacation we’ll hire you as an assistant. If you can’t do that we’ll make some other kind of accommodation. Just stay, please. Please be mine again.”

I looked at the man in front of me. The tough-looking, six-foot tall, tattooed, strong man that could probably scare the shit out of anyone. Yet here he was, bearing his heart to me and being as vulnerable as a person could be.

I smiled, feeling my heart swell. “I’ve only ever been yours.”

-

The morning was bright, lighting directly hitting my eyes. I cursed myself for not closing the blinds the night before and blinked off my sleep when I heard a familiar pleasant sound.

Jumping down from the bed I put on the new fluffy bathrobe my lover bought me. I followed Yunho’s voice out to my porch, realizing I was listening to a new song of his. The man was strumming a guitar, a beautiful melody falling from his lips. When he noticed me, he smiled and continued to sing.

“I’m in a vivid yellow mood

You’re my muse, my home and room

And now that I have you again

What could I ever fear?

Oh do me a favor, dear

And inscribe your name on my sleeve

Let me keep it there forever

Because you’re better than any daydream.”

[graykageyama]

dream come true.

synopsis: when you fall in love, you fall in love deep. they become your world, while you became theirs. they’re your dream, and you are theirs. but all it takes is a change of heart to change the courses of your dreams, and maybe only one dream can come true. 

pairing: Suna x reader

genre: angst

word count: 3k +

Part 2: but you were my dream, too

“And then Atsumu never saw it coming. So he was running from his fangirls right? He ran like he was running away from an apocalypse. As stupid as he is, he never saw it coming. He ran straight to the gym and when he opened the door, he triggered the trap. Dude, got the whole floor wet.” Suna laughed hard as he tells you about his day - well trying as he can barely get the words out.

You glance towards his direction and you just cannot believe that this man is your boyfriend - he looks so ethereal under the glow of the street lamps lighting your way home before the dusk completely envelops both of you. With his gym bag slung over his shoulder and his other hand warming yours, his head tilted back as he tried to catch his breath, this was another rare moment where Suna -your Suna Rintarou- is completely carefree, defenseless and well, just him. His piercing, slanted eyes which usually intimidates most people, are now closed. Even with his awkward hair style still damp from practice, and hunched-over posture, you still think of him as your Mr. Perfect.

You’ve been  together since the start of your third year in high school, and honestly, this is so far your best year. Being friends with him and the twins since first year of highschool, you can’t help but to just fall for him. Despite his usually cold persona, he is always so sweet to you. He makes sure to walk you home everyday, since he always asks you to watch him at practice. It’s amazing really, how he can transform to this scary, intimidating middle blocker into an adorable fox always seeking for your affections. He loves it when you hand his towel, or maybe dry his hair with your gentle touches. You know he secretly loves how you cheer for him even in practice games. You also know to yourself that you would want to do these things for him even in the far future. Even if it would mean you would have to sacrifice your dreams to become Suna’s perfect wife, you know that you’re going to stay with him for the rest of your life. To become Suna’s number one fangirl is now your dream.

“Y/N?” Suna calls out, interrupting your thoughts. “Watch this. Ain’t he stupid?”He laughs again as he shows you the video clip of Atsumu being drenched with water, and his face flat on the floor. “Yeah, he is. He falls for it every time. Smart athlete on the court, but in reality, he’s pretty stupid. Kita-san and the other alumni must have had a hard time in handling you three. ”  You laugh along at his story. “He misses Kita-san though, the dude cries when he remembers how Kita-san took care of him when he got sick.”

“Well, Tsumu can be a baby sometimes, that’s why we love him” He faintly slows down his pace as he asks, “Come to think of it Y/N, I’ve never seen you cry. I mean, I wouldn’t want to make you cry or anything, but even when we were still friends, you never cried.”

Pinching his side, you giggle “I cry too, dumbass. I’m human too.I don’t know though, I just don’t cry easily I guess.” You shrug. “What about you? I rarely see you in tears, too.” You tease as you poke your tongue out. He smirks as he looks over at you,”I don’t easily get affected by my emotions and honestly I don’t need too, sweetcheeks. There’s no reason too. I always win.” He lets out another hearty laugh, as you think. That’s true. No one can really beat and outwit Suna. Maybe only the french fry from Karasuno, but I guess no one can easily faze him.  

Suna lets go of your hand as you both stopped in front of your house. He clasps your hands together with his one hand as he places the other on the top of your head, “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah? Rest well, Miss I-don’t-easily-cry.” Placing a tender kiss on your forehead, you shut your eyes. This had been your routine with your boyfriend ever since you got together, but you would never wish for anything else to replace these moments.

---

As you both graduated from Inarizaki, you decide to follow your dream - your Suna - and support him as he aspires to be a professional Volleyball player. You go to a University near where he is training so that it would be more convenient for him to fetch you. Life goes by quickly. Your boyfriend trains hard day and night and hones his skills and game sense. You study a business course to help you land a good job, a job that can still be pretty flexible to work with according to Suna’s. You rarely see your boyfriend nowadays, but no doubts cross your mind as you are assured that you were Suna’s one and only, his love of his life. Whenever you think otherwise, you try to remember these evidence of his love and assurance.

----

You closed the door as you said your goodbyes to your mom. It pains you to see her get cheated on by your dad, but you couldn’t do anything about it. You sat on the couch and hugged your knees together. Forcing your eyes shut to keep you from crying and sharing her pain, but alas - your tears betrayed you as it streamed down your face.

How can the guy you loved for so many years, easily replace you?

Suna saw your broken state as he gave you a warm hug. He didn’t say anything, but you’re comforted by his silence and the small circles he rubbed on your back. You looked up at his eyes and cried, “It’s so scary, Rin. How one day you’re hopelessly in love with your best friend for so many years, but then they suddenly act like you are just trash - disposable, replaceable, and no longer wanted. They were so perfect in my eyes, you know? But why did he cheat on her? He just gave up in the middle of solving their problem. Why? I’m scared, Rin. Will that happen to us?”

Suna tilted your head to maintain the eye contact you had initiated. With his soft voice, he said “No matter what happens, I will never hurt you, leave you, and will never make you cry intentionally.” He wiped away your tears, then placed his hand on top of your head. Kissing your temple softly, he assured you. “I will never go away, no matter how rough it may become. Every single day for the rest of my life, I will be by your side.”

---

You both try to make your relationship work, spending all of your free time together. He is still the Suna you loved. Always affectionate to you alone, and always caring about you.

Things are going great to the both of you. You are now in your last months in university, and Suna gets scouted to play for the EJP Raijins, a V. League Division 1 team. You are so proud of your boyfriend. He is finally reaching his dreams, and your dream of seeing him so successful is also coming true. You understand how he puts more effort in his training, with him usually coming home to dim lights. But you try your hardest as his girlfriend to warm up the dinner you have prepared for him earlier. With only the kitchen lights lit, you always wait for your boyfriend to come home, to greet him with a kiss even if it is past 11pm. This is just the life of a professional athlete, and you, as his partner, should adopt this life too.

“Y/N baby, no need to wait for me. I’m not coming home tonight. Coach offered to let me sleep at his place since we’re just really fatigued from the hard training we had today.”

This slowly becomes a habit, and you are getting frustrated over the lack of attention you’ve been receiving. You understand this was his job, and he needs to work hard with the season coming up soon. But does he have to be away for almost every day of the week? You rarely get to see him now, with most encounters only at night. He’d usually go home at 1 am, and when you’re lucky, you get to feel your lover’s intimate touches again. But before dawn cracks up, he's out on his training again, and who knows when he’s coming home.

“Hey, Rinnie. I miss you so much babe, and I know you’ve been training really hard, but I’d like to spend some time with you.” You approached your boyfriend as you saw him packing his things up for training. “Maybe I could go by your gym and visit you! I could make some packed lunches for you and your teammates too, and maybe I can finally meet them.”

“I’ll try Y/N, I can’t say much now with our new training schedule.” He utters out rather coldly, while shoving his equipment down his gym bag.

“Ohhh okay. But are you able to come home early on Wednesday? Just for one night, pretty please? You’re rarely home these days and I--”

“Well, I just can’t laze around right? I’d have to work hard in order to feed the both of us. Can you stop being clingy, and act like a more understanding girlfriend. It’s getting pathetic how you’re acting like I’m not doing this for the both of us.” He zipped up his bag and slings it over his shoulder. He went up to your frozen state, and gave a light kiss to your temple. “Look, I don’t really want to fight. I’m sorry. But please be an understanding girlfriend for me, and stop being extra clingy.” He walked up to the door, and left - leaving you to blame yourself for being another burden to your partner. Although he said some hurtful things, he says he’s sorry right?

---

You love routines, and it makes you feel your life has a structure it has to follow. But this new routine was not one you would wish to have, to be honest, you did not know when did your old routines fall out. Suna’s rarely home, if he used to go home once a week, now, he only goes home to pick some of his clothes, makes love to you if you ask him to, and leaves the next day. His texts are getting drier each day, even taking hours to reply to yours. You’re scared. Even his words don’t seem to assure you now, he feels so far away. He’s slipping through your fingers, and you know you need to do something to keep your relationship together.

“Rin love, can you go home tonight? I just really miss you terribly, and honestly, I’ve been craving your touch for so long. Come home tonight, love.” (Sent, 2:51 PM)

“Ok.” (Received, 4:30 PM)

You’re ecstatic. You’re finally going to spend time with your boyfriend after such a long time. You prepare his favorite dinner, and you choose to wear his favorite nightgown for you. As you hear his steps outside the apartment, you greet him with your sweetest smile.

“Hi, Rinnie. I’m glad you’re home” You give him a tight hug, as you offer to take his gym bag.

“Let’s get this over with, Y/N. Go now to the room, I’ll just wash up.” He mutters as he steps out of his shoes. You stand frozen, as you suppress the tears forming in your eyes. “I made dinner, Rinnie. Your favorite, actually. Come eat with me? ” You try to invite him again, holding his hands as you try to lead him to the kitchen.

“Ï’m a busy man, Y/N. What more can you ask from me? You said you wanted my touches and love, right? That’s why I’m here. I need to go back to the dorms immediately, and honestly I just want to have it over with.”

“Rin,” you called out. “Can you at least spare me some time and attention that  you have been refusing to give me over these past months? All I’m asking is to spend time with you. I’m even trying my best to make time for you. Why are you like this?”

The eyes. The eyes you never had thought would frighten you as much as it did to the other players in the court, pins you down. Suna glares as he seethes through his teeth, “Make time for me? You don’t even have a job yet after graduating a few months ago. You stay here, enjoying your life as I worked hard to keep this up. You are demanding too much from me, Y/N. And now you are asking me for my share in this relationship? Well aren’t you one selfish woman.”

You cower away from his gaze, but you still try to express your frustrations. “I never asked for an expensive life. I just wished to be with you, Rin! To support you with your dreams.” You lift your head to meet his gaze.  “I’ll always try to take care of you, Rin. You are my dream. Seeing you pursue yours, makes me feel as if I’m accomplishing my dream too. But all I’m asking is for you to still treat me as your favorite girl, your partner, and I can give back ten times more than what you can give me, just please give me the small attention and love I have been craving for.”

“Well, sorry to disappoint you Y/N, but you’re the least of my priorities now. And aren’t you pathetic? Sacrificing your dream to support mine? You’re just lazy to pursue yours, and you’re just leeching off of me. I’m so disappointed in you, Y/N. You’re getting more pathetic each day.”

“I wanted to go and look for a job, but how could I when I don't know how you are lately? How is our relationship lately? It’s like it’s hanging by the thread now, Rinnie.”

“Well, just cut the damn thread, then!” He forcefully slams the counter as his eyes snap backs to yours. “Ï can’t deal with this right now. If you keep on acting up Y/N, just stop. Have some pity over yourself.” Suna picks up his things, and leaves. Shutting the door as hard as he could, the loud bang conceals the sound of your shattered heart.

---

Weeks go by slowly as you patiently wait for your boyfriend’s return. He wouldn’t leave me right? He promised .He promised.. Scrolling up to your text messages, you reviewed the texts you’ve sent him.

“Hey Rinnie, I’m sorry for the things I’ve said. I hope you’re taking care of yourself, babe.” (Sent. April 13, 8:53 AM.)

“Hey baby! Please don't skip your meals, and drink lots of water too! Drink your water, bitch!” (Sent. April 14, 10:14 AM.) You slightly smiled as you reminisced how both of you loved to tell that to each other after hearing it from a famous personality, finding it amusing and adding it to your routine.  

“Call me whenever your free, okay? Don’t forget to rest in between, Rinnie. I miss you.” (Sent. April 14, 8:42 PM.)

The text messages go on for two weeks, still with no replies from your Rinnie. As you are cleaning the apartment, you hear the awaited notification tone ring. You immediately grabbed your phone and checked out the notification. But it was not from Rin, it was from your friend from university calling you up.

“Hey, Y/N-san. Congratulations to Suna and his team for winning the pre-seasonal tournament. It’s all over the news right now.” Akaashi exclaimed over the phone. Your heart leaps upon hearing your boyfriend’s name. Rushing over to see the news for yourself, your heart flutters as you see your perfect man - in his wet jersey while holding the medal wrapped around his neck as the reporter angled the microphone in front of him. Your perfect man responds casually and smug, as usual.

I’m so proud of you baby. Always had, and always will. I knew you could do it, Rin.

But your thoughts are interrupted as the reporter asks, “Is there any special someone you would want to celebrate this victory with, Mr. Suna?”

Suna looks over at the camera and he smiles bright. Brighter than the ones you’ve seen when you were with him during these past months. “Yeah, actually I do.” He replies as he smiles back at the reporter. “She’s just the best and I’ve been training really hard for her, you know? Gotta make my baby proud.”

The spark of hope ignites within your heart upon hearing those words. Even when doubts clouded your mind, you still never fail to have faith in him. You always believe that everything will be perfectly fine, and your Rin will always stay by your side. He said he’ll never go away, and you know that you’re here to stay.  “I will never go away, no matter how rough it may become. Every single day for the rest of my life, I will be by your side.”

But what you see next finally wakes you up from your own self-deception. Suna Rintarou. Your Rin. Has his arms around another girl as he smiles back again to the reporter. “She’s the girl I’m talking about.” As if it wasn’t enough, Suna placed his hand on top of her head and placed a tender kiss on her temple.

I’m supposed to be that girl, that should have been me.  I should be the one greeting you back from your training. I should be the one with you as you receive your recognition. That should be me. That used to be me.

Even though it hurts, you stare at the couple in front of you and see how Rin was just casually cool and okay, as though he wasn’t the cause of your heart breaking.

All this time. While you have been fixing your own shattered heart, someone else is mending his - no, there was nothing to fix as it has been replaced. It’s so unfair, how can you be so fine? All the fights we’ve gone through, I even deceived myself that I was being a burden to you. Convincing myself to no longer bother you as it may faze you and your performance, too. It takes so much for me to just go through the day, and live for you, for us. But I guess you’re my dream, right? You win again, Rin. You always did.

Dreams do come true, they said. But it seems only your dream came true. And it’s wonderful to see you reaching your dreams, love. Even if it meant that my dream won’t come true.

A/N: HNGHHH, I am sorry for Y/N becoming so heads over heels over him, which is why she’s hurting so much!! But reality’s a bitch, there really are people who be martyrs for love :<  Would love to hear you thoughts uwu reblogs, likes, comments, asks and messages are very much appreciated! There will be a part 2!! Will try to post within this week, after doing my requirements T.T .  

Message me or send an ask if you want to be tagged for the update! <3

~juju 

[golbrocklovely]

remember me // colby brock (pt 2)

A/N: as i mentioned before in a different post, this took me FOREVER to write. i loved writing this story but something about it just made me drag it out for so long. nonetheless, i love this and i'm excited to see what you all think. please lmk what you thought about this. thank you to everyone that has supported me and sent me kind messages. yall are the best ! hope you enjoy :) also lmk if you want another part...

prompt: she's the only one that remembers colby, or so they both thought.

trigger warning: ANGST, heartbreak, AU mention, friendship problems, cursing, happy-ish ending (but not the end...?), kissing

word count: 5526

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Colby was relieved that the waitress, the only one that remembered him, decided to help. The moment she agreed, Colby gave her his number and left. She texted him not too long after, and he realized for a moment she never said her name. He planned to ask her the next day when they decided to meet up at his place.

It was weird to come back to his apartment, knowing that down the hall his best friend, his brother, lived there and didn't know who he was. Usually when Colby felt lonely, he would walk down the hall to Sam's and hang out for a bit. It was always nice to talk to Sam about anything and everything.

But now... he couldn't do that.

Colby tried to sleep during the night, but barely any rest came from it. He tossed and turned, hoping that when he would wake up, this would all just be some weird-ass nightmare.

When his cell phone rang the next morning at 9:34 A.M., it was an unfamiliar ringtone. As he rubbed his eyes awake, he glanced at the caller, the name 'Waitress' appearing on his screen.

I guess this wasn’t a dream after all.

"Yeah?" Colby groaned, squinting his eyes at the sunlight.

Her voice came through cheery, the tone too loud in Colby’s ears. “Let me up to your apartment. I'm here.”

He cleared his throat. “This early?”

“I figured you would want your normal life back as soon as possible, yeah?” She sassed.

He rolled his eyes. “Alright, give me a second. I'll come down and get you.”

Colby stumbled out of bed, running his fingers through his hair as he threw on a random shirt and jeans, slowly trudging down to the lobby of his apartment. She sat on a couch, tapping her foot against the carpeted floors. Her eyes were staring out the door, almost like she was looking at someone. When she heard Colby’s footsteps, her gaze pulled away from outside.

“Did I wake you?” She frowned, grabbing her bag next to her and standing up.

He shook his head. “You can't really be woken up if you barely slept.”

“I'm sorry to hear that.” She lightly bit her lip, following Colby to the elevator.

He shrugged tiredly. “It's okay.”

They both slowly got into the elevator, climbing up to Colby's floor. The loud 'ding' of the elevator broke their silence moments later. They walked to Colby's apartment, and he unlocked his door quickly.

She whistled quietly. “Woah, nice place.”

A half smile spread across Colby’s face. “Thanks.”

“No offense, but how do you pay for this place if you're not a social media person?” She questioned, stepping into the kitchen.

He raised an eyebrow. “That's... a good question. From what my mom told me over the phone yesterday, I worked all throughout high school and college, so maybe it's from that?”

“You only worked at Dairy Queen while you were in high school. You must have gotten a better job in college because there is no way you can afford this place.” She disagreed.

Colby smirked. “How'd you know I worked at Dairy Queen?”

“Well, for starters, my friend told me. And also, I did some research about you. But I'll get to that in a second.” She continued, her voice falling to a serious tone, “So... would you like to hear my theories?”

“Theories?” He puzzled.

“As to why everyone forgot about you.” The waitress explained.

Colby sat down on his barstool, exhaling. “Let's hear it.”

“Okay. For argument sakes, you're gonna have to just go with me on this. Because otherwise, I literally have no way to help you.” She started, already pacing slightly.

He cautioned. “...okay?”

“So last night, I tried to think of a reason why everyone would collectively forget about you. And the only conclusion I could come up with is that you're in an alternative universe.” She hypothesized.

Colby’s eyes widened, bugging out of his head. “A what?”

“An alternative universe. Basically, everything is pretty much the same in your life, except a few minor details,” she revealed. “That’s why you still live in this apartment, but you didn’t get here the same way you did in your other life, your real life.”

“This... it's way too early for this.” He grumbled, astonished.

She sighed, her hands resting on her hips. “The only other option is that this is a very long-winded prank that your friends are still pulling on you. Have you tried talking to any of your other friends besides Sam?”

“No, everyone else’s number is gone in my phone, which I can only assume means they don’t know me either.” Colby retorted. Then he took a deep breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “But, this doesn't make sense. How did I end up here if this isn't my life?”

“I’m not sure how you got here, but I think you’re here for a specific reason. I think you’re here to right a wrong that this Colby Brock did. I’m just… not entirely sure what that wrong might be.” She answered, unsure.

He huffed. “Okay… what am I supposed to do then? Stay here and hope we figure that out soon? I don't even know who I am in this universe.”

“And that's where my research comes into play.” She pulled a laptop from her bag quickly, placing it down on the counter and opening it. She scrolled through her browsers until she came across Colby's Facebook, which surprisingly looked active for someone who hadn't been personally on it in years.

I use Facebook? Gross.

“First, I started by seeing if you and Sam were friends on here, but that didn’t amount to much since Sam doesn’t have a Facebook. However, what I found out is that you and Sam did live in the same town, go to the same high school, and played in the same marching band. Sam talked about his early years before he was ‘famous’ in one of the first videos he posted, and I crossed referenced that with your profile and it all matches up.” She informed.

“That's strange,” he mumbled. “What did we do after high school?”

She stated. “You went off to college and majored in Business Management with a minor in Philosophy. You graduated early too.”

Me? Graduating early? I couldn’t even get through math without Sam’s help.

“What did Sam do?” He asked.

The waitress scrolled to another tab, opening it to show a search of Sam. “Well, a very quick Google search shows that he actually went to the same college as you but dropped out once his Vine career started to pick up. Then he went on to Musical.ly when Vine died. He moved out to LA in 2017 and started a YouTube channel after he met Katrina, and slowly met all of his- your, friends that way. He got a bump of followers once he started dating Kat because of her following.”

Colby’s mouth gaped at her words. “That can't be true. He would have never wanted that. I mean, I had to convince him that we should be on social media so that we could spread our message. Plus, he hates those channels that use their relationship for views.”

“Not this version of Sam. Or at least, it doesn't seem like it.” She commented.

He covered his face, groaning into his hands. “What the hell am I here for? What wrong have I done in this universe?”

Her voice low, she replied. “I think it might have to do with Sam.”

“But... he doesn't know me.” He dissented, sitting up.

She nodded. “I thought so too. However, after scrolling through all of your public photos, I found this.”

Colby squinted at the screen, an old photo of him and Sam stared back. They looked super young, probably sophomores in high school. They were both smiling, laughing at something. He vaguely remembered this day.

“So, we did know each other.” He bit his lip softly.

She hummed. “Yeah. And weirdly, it’s the only photo of the two of you on your profile. But it’s not the only strange thing.”

Scrolling to a different tab, she pulled up an old tweet of Sam’s. It read ‘Never thought you would be the one to hurt me. But I guess everyone can be surprising.’

Colby noted the date. “That was back in high school.”

“Yeah, and there’s a bunch like them. He talks about being betrayed and someone hurting him deeply. He never mentions, of course. But his tweets line up with some that you were tweeting at the same time.” She confessed.

The waitress clicked on a different tab and another tweet showed up, one from Colby’s account. He gazed at it, reading the words ‘If you hate me… imagine how I feel about myself.’

Colby’s face dropped. “Wait, what?”

“You don’t tweet that often, but when you do, you talk about righting wrongs and fixing things you fucked up.” She added, “You also hate on yourself a lot.”

He doubted, crossing his arms. “You think they’re connected?”

“I do. I think in this universe you fucked up somehow and hurt Sam. And I think you are here now to fix what the other you did.” She explained.

He ranted. “This is all so fucked! When I saw him yesterday, he acted like he didn’t even know me. How am I supposed to even go about this? What, do I just go down the hall and apologize for something I don’t even remember doing?”

“No. Sam's not in his apartment anyway. I saw him leave while I was waiting for you.” She mentioned nonchalantly.

He grunted. “Great, he could be anywhere in LA right now.”

“I know exactly where he is.” She smirked.

“What? How?” He questioned.

The waitress divulged. “This version of Sam has a favorite restaurant he goes to all the time. A lot of his fans know about it, thus one look through any of his fan accounts and you'll see it. It's called ‘Paradise’.”

“Sounds like a strip club.” Colby deadpanned.

She pouted. “It's not. But he goes there all the time, and I got us a table there last minute.”

“What exactly are we gonna do when we get there?” He crossed his arms.

“I was planning on going up to his table and talking to him, maybe asking him about you, see how he reacts.” She described.

Colby furrowed his brow, confused. “And what about me?”

She slid her laptop into her bag, zipping it up hastily. “Well… I didn’t really think that far ahead. But hopefully, whatever you did is forgivable, and we can just fix it right there.”

He murmured. “That's a lot to hope for.”

“It's better than sitting here and wasting daylight.” She grabbed her stuff and headed for the door. Colby followed suit, grabbing his keys.

He spoke as he locked his door. “What if this doesn’t work?”

She turned back to him. “It will. It has to.”

~~~

Paradise was a themed restaurant, which Colby thought was strange because his Sam never really liked those types of restaurants. The theme was nice, however, tropical and Hawaiian. It felt like something he, Sam, and a few friends would have gone to after a fun, drunk night.

As Colby and the waitress were escorted to their table, they both kept an eye out for Sam, glancing around nervously for the blonde boy.

“I think the worst thing about this universe version of me is how messy my car is,” Colby joked. “It’s like I live out of it.”

She shrugged, smiling. “It wasn’t that bad.”

“You should see my real car. My honey wagon is spotless.” He expressed, waving his hand.

“Honey wagon?” She queried.

“Long story,” he chuckled. Then abruptly, he gasped. “Holy shit, I just realized I never got your name.”

She cocked her head. “What? I never told you?”

He blinked. “No.”

She started. “It's-”

“Hi, I'm Tony, I'll be your server for today. Can I get you something to drink to start you guys off?” Tony greeted, cutting her off.

“Yeah, sure. A water for me.” She blurted out.

Colby added. “Coke, please.”

Tony smiled. “Okay, coming right up.”

Once Tony left, the waitress started scoping out for Sam again, her eyes widening once she saw him.

Her body stiffened, turning back to Colby. “He's over there, three tables down to your left.”

Colby gazed over his shoulder at his friend. Sam looked lost in thought, staring at his phone as he ate his food.

“Why is he alone?” He muttered.

“From some of the blogs I read, he likes to go out and eat by himself. Also, apparently, him and Kat are on the rocks.” She admitted.

“They love each other so much, it's kinda gross to be around them sometimes,” He quipped, but shook his head. “So to hear that...”

“I'm gonna head over.” She announced quickly.

Before he could speak, she left the booth. Colby watched her walk over to Sam, listening closely to their conversation as he ducked his head down.

“Hey... sorry to bother you, but are you Sam Golbach?” She asked sweetly.

“Yeah I am. Did you want something?” Sam stared blankly at her.

“Um, yeah?” She almost scoffed at his tone. “I’m a huge fan and I know this might be a weird question, but do you know someone named Colby Brock?”

Sam’s face remained stoic, but his eyes intensified. “No, I've never heard of that name before.”

“Are you sure, because I'm pretty certain that you and him are best friends.” She insisted.

He raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

Colby watched nervously as she pulled out her phone and showed Sam the photo. Sam scrunched up his face, his eyes scanning the image. “Yeah, no. Still don’t know who he is. What was his name again?”

“Colby Brock.” She stated.

“...Sorry. I’ve never heard a name like that before.” He mumbled, almost inaudibly. “Sounds stupid anyway.”

She cocked her head. “Wait, what?”

Colby clenched his fist, unable to hear this conversation any longer. He needed to come face-to-face with Sam. He slid out of his seat, walking hastily over to Sam and the waitress. Sam’s eyes narrowed as he gaped at Colby.

“Sam…” Colby started.

Sam growled. “Are you fucking serious, Colby? Did you really have to get one of my fans involved?”

“What?” Colby puzzled.

Sam jumped out of his seat, grabbing Colby’s arm and pulling him out of the restaurant. The waitress followed behind them, confused just as much as Colby. Sam’s feet stopped behind the back door of the building, turning to Colby without warning.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Sam barked.

Colby stepped back, surprised by Sam’s anger. “...Uh, I don’t know what you mean by that.”

Sam scoffed. “Why the fuck are you here? After all this time?”

“So, you do remember me.” Colby remarked.

“Yeah, I do. When you showed up at my place yesterday, it took me a minute to realize it was you, since you decided to dress up like a Hot Topic employee, but yeah, I knew it was you. Are you really gonna pretend in front of her that we don’t know each other?” Sam teared his eyes away from Colby’s, staring at the waitress suddenly. “Let me guess, he hasn’t told you the whole story, right?”

“I guess not.” She shrugged uncomfortably.

Sam chuckled darkly. “Of course not. If he told the whole story, he would have to admit he was an asshole, and God knows he’s not gonna do that.”

“What are you talking about?” Colby panted.

“Do you not remember? Well, I’ll give you a refresher. You and I became friends freshman year of high school. You were my best friend and I was yours. I trusted you. I trusted you with a lot of shit that I’ve never told anyone. Senior year of high school, right before we were about to graduate, right as we were starting a social media career, suddenly you don’t want anything to do with me; which would have been bad enough, but then I go and find out you and my girlfriend were hooking up behind my back,” Sam snapped, catching his breath for a moment. “So yeah, I remember you, Colby.”

Colby’s mouth fell open, his breathing speeding up.

None of this sounds like me. I would never hurt Sam like that.

“And now, you have the fucking audacity to show up when everything in my life is going great and I’m succeeding. I have fans, friends, and a girlfriend that all love and care about me, and you’re here trying to what? Stir up drama? Get some clout from me?” He demanded.

“If your friends and girlfriend love you, why are you eating all alone?” The waitress jeered.

Sam glared at her, biting his tongue. “And you made one of my fans hate me. Dope, dude.”

“Sam, look; I’m sorry for what I did. But that was years ago. I’m not who I was back then.” Colby choked out.

“I don’t care. I don’t want you in my life. Do you not understand what you did to me?” Sam persisted.

“I know I was an asshole, and I apologize for ever hurting you like that. But I miss you, and I want to work things out. Let me prove to you that I’m better.” He trembled, getting closer to Sam.

Sam backed up, blocking Colby. “No. No! You don’t get to miss me. You don’t get to miss a relationship you fucked up. It took me years to trust again. Hell, I’m still going through it. You don’t get to decide whether or not you’re in my life. Not anymore.”

“Sam… please.” Colby whimpered.

“Don’t show up at my place again. Don’t talk to my fans about me. Don’t act like you care about me. Because I’m done,” Sam stared into Colby’s eyes before going back into the restaurant. “I don’t care about you. Fuck off forever and leave me alone.”

Sam’s words punched Colby hard, taking the breath out of him instantly. He caught himself against the wall, his legs turning to gelatin under his weight.

He stuttered. “I… gotta leave. I-I have to…”

“Colby, relax. It’s gonna be okay.” She grabbed his hand.

He shook off her embrace. “What? No it’s not! Did you not hear what he said? Why would he want to be friends with a piece of shit like me?!”

“You were eighteen when this all happened. Give yourself a break.” She argued.

“No. I’m fucking terrible. This version of me is terrible. Of course he doesn’t want to be friends with me! I don’t even want to be me.” His voice quivered with anger, his body racing away from her.

She furrowed her brows, trying to keep up with him. “Where are you going?”

“I just need to leave. I can’t be here right now!” He grunted, his pace picking up.

She called after him, but Colby didn’t care. His heart slammed against his chest over and over again. Tears weld up into his eyes, blurring his vision as he began to run. He wanted to keep running until his legs gave out, until he couldn’t remember all the words Sam had said to him.

It dawned to Colby how much worse this universe was.

He wasn’t just stuck in a universe where Sam didn’t know him.

He was stuck in a universe where Sam didn’t want to know him.

In a universe where Sam didn’t love him.

And he had no way of escaping.

Colby must have blacked out while he ran, somehow maintaining to stay upright, because once his thoughts started to subside, and his body basically gave out under him, he noticed he was in a part of LA he had never been before. Some random neighborhood that was unfamiliar.

He shoved his body up against a metal telephone pole, sliding down to the ground. He tried catching his breath, gulping back breaths as he forced down the nausea overwhelming his senses. He wiped his face with his sleeve, feeling more tears rush down his cheeks.

His throat and chest burned with each sharp inhale. He whimpered into his hands, covering his face from the slowly retreating sun.

He slid his phone out of his pocket once he caught his breath, calling the only number he knew.

“Hey honey. What’s up?” His mom’s voice rang back sweetly.

Colby’s voice was monotone, exhausted. “You know who Sam is, don’t you?”

The line went quiet for a moment, all Colby could hear was her light breath.

“You told me not to talk about him. After you two stopped being friends, you said you never wanted to hear his name again.” She exhaled deeply, “I was taken aback when you asked about him yesterday.”

“He’s out here… in LA.” He responded.

She gasped lightly. “Did you run into him?”

He laughed bitterly. “You could say that.”

“Oh, Colby. I’m so sorry.” His mother consoled.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, mama. I just…” Colby trailed off, unable to explain.

“Why don’t you come home this weekend?” She offered. “I miss you, you know.”

“I would love to. But…” His chest heaved as hot tears drifted down his cheeks. “That’s not my home.”

“Nonsense. You will always have a home here.” She assured him, her voice almost trembling.

He wiped a fallen tear, a broken smile coming to his face. “That’s good to know. I love you.”

She hummed. “I love you too, baby. Call me again soon.”

“I will. Bye.” He uttered breathlessly.

The sky was getting darker and darker, and Colby remained against the phone pole. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but suddenly his phone vibrated, a new message from ‘Waitress’ asking where he was. He sent his location, and she arrived twenty minutes later in his car. He stood up, stumbling to his passenger door. His legs were weak from the sprinting he had just done. As he got in, the cool AC blasted the sweat and tears off his face.

They didn’t speak, a quiet radio station playing in the background the only sound. She drove through the hills of LA, eventually hitting a peak. She parked the car as it overlooked LA, the lights looking like stars on the horizon.

She got out a minute later, walking over to the hood and leaning against it. He could see something in her hand but didn’t recognize it. Colby sat in the car by himself, not able to physically move his body from how exhausted he felt. Eventually, he achingly stepped out of the car, sitting next to her on the hood.

“I’m fucked.” Colby breathed.

She started. “I don’t think-”

“Please don’t try to make me feel better. I know you mean well, but I am fucked,” he rebutted, his voice dark. “I’m stuck here, in this universe, where Sam hates me. And as if that weren’t bad enough, I did terrible things, things I know I would never do to him. How the fuck am I supposed to apologize for those mistakes? I wouldn’t take him back if the roles were reversed.”

“Read this.” The waitress stated, handing him a journal.

He glanced down at the leather-bound book, slightly faded from years of writing. He unclicked the lock and opened it, looking down at the pages. It was his, a journal full of writings he had done.

“Where did you get this?” He inquired.

“You were right about your car being messy. But you’d be surprised what you fine if you just look.” She teased.

Colby read over the words, the first entry catching his eye. It was dated a year after him and Sam had graduated high school.

Sam is succeeding without me. I knew he would. He was always so smart when it came to business decisions. He just hit 10k followers on Vine. That’s crazy!

“What the hell is this?” Colby questioned.

She answered quickly. “This whole journal was you keeping up with Sam without him knowing. This version of you always paid attention to what he was doing, even if you guys were no longer friends.”

“I’m obsessed with Sam? That’s great.” He deadpanned.

“You’re not obsessed with Sam. Read this entry.” She skipped a handful of pages, finally stopping on one and showing it to him.

I hate myself everyday for the hurt I caused Sam. I can’t believe what an idiot I was back when I was 18. We could have gone so far together… but I had to go and fuck it up.

He scowled. “Am I supposed to be sad for myself?”

“Keep reading.” She pushed.

The night I chose to never speak to Sam again, I knew I made the wrong decision. But I had to. Sam was ready to go on and do bigger and better things. I was just gonna hold him back. I was terrified of failing, not only myself, but him. He deserves success. That’s why I had to ignore him. I have never been as smart as him. I would have ruined our chances of doing something great. And I have been proven right by how far he has gone without me.

“You stopped being his friend because you were scared, not because you didn’t care anymore.” She repeated.

He slid off the car, scoffing. “So what if I was scared to fail? Sam didn’t deserve the hurt I caused just because of that. And what about me cheating with his girlfriend?”

She jumped off the car, striding up to Colby. She grabbed the journal from his hand. “You didn’t cheat, look.”

She pointed at the bottom of the page, his eyes following her finger.

“Me and Lexi were never together! I hate her for telling him that. One night, they had a really big fight and she came over to my house to ask what she should do. I told her to break up with him if she really didn’t care anymore. And then she tried to hit on me. I told her off and threatened to tell Sam, but she got to him first. She must have told him her and I were together.” The waitress read aloud.

“Wait, if I never hooked up with his girlfriend, why wouldn’t I tell him that?” Colby hissed.

“I think at that point, you wanted the friendship to be over, and I think this solidified it.” The waitress responded.

“All this time I could have been friends with Sam, but I ruined it because I was scared? What a fucking idiot.” He spat.

“You weren’t an idiot,” She interjected. “You just disliked yourself so much you didn’t think you deserved happiness. At least now you know that this version of you isn’t as terrible as you thought.”

“Even with that being the case, Sam’s never gonna accept my apology. Why should he?” Colby lamented, “I let him down the worst ways. I broke his trust and loyalty.”

She shook her head, stepping towards him. “Give him some time. You might be surprised."

Before Colby could speak, his phone rang. He took his phone out of his pocket and looked at the number. It looked familiar, but he couldn’t place it.

“Hello?” He answered.

“Did you really mean it when you said you were sorry?” Sam spoke, his tone hesitant, but dry.

His breath hitched at the sound of Sam’s voice. “Of course. I never meant to hurt you, Sam.”

Sam paused for a moment, before breathing out. “I’m giving you one more chance. Tomorrow. Come by my place. You apparently know where I live.”

“Yeah,” Colby laughed awkwardly. “I’ll come by. Thank you… Sam.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I’ll see you later.” Sam stated, hanging up.

Once the call ended, Colby’s eyes stared down at his phone widely. He almost couldn’t believe that happened.

He inhaled sharply. “Sam just called me. He wants to meet me tomorrow.”

“That’s great.” Her voice just above a whisper.

“He wants to hear me out… he wants to give me another chance.” His face dropped with confusion. “How did he get my number?”

It hit Colby like a brick as he gazed up at the waitress, who bit her lip hiding her smile. “You…?”

“You weren’t the first person I showed the journal to,” she explained. “When you ran off, I was gonna go after you. As I got in your car, I saw this journal sticking out from under your seat. I read through it and… I knew I had to show Sam. I went back in and talked to him for an hour, showing him how much you were actually sorry. How much you had beat yourself up over hurting him. And then I gave him your number. I wasn’t sure if he was gonna call but-”

“Oh my God, you’re amazing!” Colby ran up to her, grabbing her by the waist and spinning her around. She gripped his shoulders tightly as they spun, laughing loudly into his ear. As her feet touched the ground, he stared into her eyes, his smile the brightest she had ever seen it. His hands glided up her body to her face, cupping her cheeks quickly. He smashed his lips against hers, his heart pounding as he did. Her hands lowered to his chest, her grasp on his shirt tightened as she felt herself lose her footing and back up into the car.

As they stumbled, he realized what he was doing, pulling away quickly. “Shit… I’m sorry. I-I shouldn’t have-”

“No, it’s okay,” She giggled. “I’m just… surprised.”

He exhaled, letting his arms fall away from her body. “Me too.”

They leaned against the car, keeping a slight distance from each other. A light blush rested on both their faces; however, it was hard to see with the setting sun, something they were both grateful for.

The waitress sighed, breaking the moment of silence. “I think I know why this happened. Why I was the only one who remembered you…”

He raised an eyebrow, slightly side-eyeing her. “Really?”

“I lied to you when we first met. I wanted to seem a bit cooler than I am, but I don’t think I can hide that anymore.” She began, nervously.

Colby’s face relaxed a little, surprised at her words. “Okay.”

“My friend didn’t introduce me to you guys… I introduced her… to you.” She confessed.

A soft grin came to his face. “I had a feeling.”

She rolled her eyes. “No, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did! I totally did,” he snickered. “Not every fan knows I worked at Dairy Queen. And… no average fan would have helped me get Sam back the way you did.”

“I think there’s a reason for all of this. I think in your universe, your life… you don’t know me.” Her voice dropped suddenly, making Colby turn to her.

“That’s true, I don’t.” He nodded.

Her eyes met his, a sad glint reflecting in the moonlight. “But I think the reason for that is because… you’re not supposed to.”

“What do you mean?” He replied, his face twisting in confusion.

“I think you and I are only supposed to have met here, in this universe. But not in yours.” She glared up at the sky, “Maybe in some weird way, I’m your guardian or guide or something.”

Colby’s thoughts raced. “So, what you’re saying is-“

“This might be the last time you’ll ever see me. You did what you had to do. You got Sam and you to talk again.” Her voice cracked as she held back tears, “You can go home.”

He grabbed her hands, holding them close to his body. “But… I don’t want to leave if it means I don’t know you.”

A hitched breath fell from her lips, a smile appearing from his words. “If we’re meant to be, we’ll see each other again.”

“That’s not fair.” He shook his head, a deep frown settling on his face.

“I know, but it’s how it has to be.” She whispered.

He rested his forehead against her, breathing deeply. “Can I… get one more kiss?”

She bit her lip softly. “I thought you’d never ask.”

They leaned in, his breath fanning across her lips for a split second before he pulled away.

“Wait…” He shuddered. “I never got your name.”

A soft smile came to her lips. “I’ll tell you after.”

His arms wrapped around her, pressing her body into his as their lips collided. He held onto her for dear life, terrified that the moment he pulled away, she would be gone.

He could feel things around him slow down, almost melting away, but he couldn’t tell if it was from the beauty of their kiss making him dizzy. A whirling silence overcame his senses. A burning sensation sliced through his abdomen; his breath ripped from his lungs.

A heavy darkness overtook his vision and for the briefest of moments, he felt absolutely nothing.

Except her lips.

<< |

[hikarimiyanaga]

Loving You (Wanda Maximoff/Reader)

Summary : The worst that could ever happen just happened to you.

You were a beta. Being an omega could’ve been better but no, God decided to fuck you up.

In a world, where Alphas and Omegas are considered the best, being a beta meant that you were just going to be an average person. Always in the middle.

People don’t look the same at you. You had potential. At the top of your classes, taking all of the AP Classes. Now, you doubt that even Colleges would consider you.

Ever since, Asami Sato has proven that even Omegas can change the world, people have been considering them as equal to Alphas… but never Betas. When has a Beta ever change the world?

So you shut up and hide from the world as you try to graduate and maybe get a job in your Family’s Company, R Firm.

But a chance encounter with a gorgeous Omega will change everything up.

-

Warnings : Omegaverse. Beta!Reader x Omega!Wanda Maximoff.

-

New series! After a month. College does seem to hate me that much.

You sigh as you trudge the halls of your high school. It was lunch break and almost everyone is in the cafeteria, obviously not you, though. You’ve been reading inside the library when Miss Danvers kicked you out, saying that she needs her lunch break too. You sigh and sit in front of your locker. You open up your book and begin reading.

Reading is one of the only things you could enjoy these days… you still remember the day you got your evaluation test.

-

You tremble as you stare at your test result. You were a beta. Tears spring up in your eyes but you quickly wipe them away. You could hear some people cry and some sniffle. You guess they were betas too.

“Y/LN?” You stop and turn to Janine Rivera, she was one of the juniors. A popular Omega who is in your AP English Class.

“Yes?”

“Do you want to-?” You stop and gulp. Janine cuts off herself and gets your test result. You don’t fight her because it’s better to just rip the band-aid off. She scoffs and shoves the result back to you. “Megan!” Another girl looks at Janine. “Cross off Y/LN! She’s a Beta!” She shouts and everyone quiets down. You take a deep breath and walk off. The murmurs then start. You feel tears again in your eyes and you wipe them away again.

You walk home because inside your school felt so suffocating. People were going home anyway to tell their families their evaluation result. As you stood in front of your house, you feel your stomach cave in. You’re afraid to face your parents. Your Alpha Mother would surely get angry. Even your Omega ma would look at you with disappointment. Your two Alpha sisters would get disgusted. Just imagining their reactions make you cry.

“Y/N?” Your sister, Alsie, gets out of her car and you cry even more. She quickly kneels besides you. “What’s wrong!?” You refuse to answer so she guides you inside. “Ma!?” Your Omega Mother, Dahlia rushes downstairs and gets to you.

“Y/N!? Are you okay?”

“M-ma.” You stutter and cry even more. Your other sister, Valerie, gets downstairs too and fusses over you. You faint and they panic even more.

When you came to your sense, you’re in the living room with your Alpha Mother, Zale, is hovering over you. She sighs in relief and shouts that you’re okay. She was about to leave and you bite your lip as you grab her arm.

“Mom.” You say weakly and Dahlia gives you a glass of water. You sit up and gulp it down in one go.

“What’s wrong, little one?” Zale asks gently and you try not to cry again. God, their gentle affections and kindness, will it go away once you tell them what you really are? That you’re just a Beta and not like them? Will they throw you out? Disown you? You take a deep breath and you look at them.

“I-I” You tremble and put the glass on the coffee table. “I’m a Beta.” You look down and clench your fists, waiting for their reply.

“Oh, Jesus, it was just her evaluation result.” You look up and see as your all of your family collectively sigh in relief.

“Damn it, Y/N, don’t scare us like that.”

“My little sister is a goddamn drama queen, who freaking guessed?” Zale slaps Valerie softly on her arm.

“Why were you so afraid, anak?”

“I thought you guys would get angry and disown me.” You sniffle and Dahlia quickly hushes you and hugs you.

“Y/N, little one, that doesn’t matter to us.”

“Dude, that’s like the least of our concerns.”

“Oh? What matters most then, Val?” Valerie glares at Alsie and look away. “Your potential mate, that girl call-“ Valerie screeches and attacks Alsie who dodges quickly. You laugh at their antics and everyone looks relieved at you. They hug you and you hug them back. Grateful that they accepted you.

-

You were just humming to a song that’s been stuck inside your head when someone calls out.

“Excuse me?” You look up and gulp. The girl looked stunning and words seem to be stuck in your mouth. It felt like everything around you was moving slowly.

“Y-yes?” God, human interaction was not a daily occurrence for you, people tended to avoid you like the plague in School and the house is quieter now that both Zale and Alsie are off to college. Both of your moms never push you to talk about anything and simply bonds with you through food and TV.

“Can you tell me where I would find this classroom?” She pushes the schedule onto you and you hum. You knew the school halls like the back of your hand, it was easier to navigate that way. You felt your heart beat faster as you give it back.

“Yeah. You should take a left there and it should be the fourth room on the right.” You point it out and she nods. She smiles at you and you feel your heart skip a beat.

“Thanks, stranger.” You nod.

“Wanda!” Someone calls out and you both turn to the newcomer. “You know where the classroom is?”

Yeah. Come on.” They both turn to leave and you stare after them. Wanda looks back and waves at you. You simply put your hand up in a lame attempt to reciprocate.

“Fuck.” You whisper softly and put your hand to your chest. You will yourself to calm down before resuming to read your book.

-

You yawn as you step inside the cafeteria. It’s been a week since you gave Wanda directions… a week since and you’ve been avoiding her. Every time she would wave her hand at you, you’ll turn to the other direction. Anytime she tries to call you, you would run the other way. It was hard since she’s practically a dog just begging for your attention… this is why you really prefer cats.

You get a tray and get your usual lunch. You’re not in the library since Miss Danvers apparently quitted and even though students usually man the counter, you’ve decided to eat like a normal person this day.

“Hey!” Wanda calls out and you felt your stomach drop. She was with the Avengers. They were the most popular group in school, even more than Seniors despite being Sophomores like you.

Tony and Vision Stark are smart, and people are saying that they’re going to take the world in a few years. With Stark Industries, they might as well do that.

Natasha Romanoff is the heir to the Romanoff Airlines, and she has been basically to everywhere and knows many languages.

Angel Garcia is one of the only people who seem to take every AP classes like you. She’s a smart Omega that you have no doubt will take the world in a storm. Some says she’s a power Omega to Natasha.

Pepper Potts is already showing signs of a great businesswoman and is already interning at Stark Industries. She’s the soulmate of Tony Stark.

Steve Rogers is another example of a power Omega, with his buff body and being the captain and quarterback of the football team.

James ‘Bucky’ Barnes is an Alpha who is also the ace of the Basketball team. He’s the Alpha of Steve Rogers.

Thor Odinson is an Alpha who can make girls wet their panties without doing anything but existing. He’s the heir to Mjolnir Constructions.

Sam Wilson is an Alpha who loves flying more than anything else, he’s father is a pilot at Romanoff Airlines.

You gulp and turn away from her. Walking to a smaller table with no one. You turn to look and see Wanda’s disappointed face. You sigh as you eat and take your phone out. You read fanfics as you eat your lunch.

It’s not like the Betas at the school have not invited you to eat with them but you preferred to be alone, talking to no one and be in your own world.

-

Wanda sighs and turns back to their table.

“Something wrong, младшая сестра?” Pietro asks and Wanda huffs. She gets her tray and was about to go to you when Sam grabs her arm.

“I wouldn’t go to Y/LN. She’s a Beta.” She stops at that and pulls away from him.

“So what? Is that a sin?” Natasha scoffs at Wanda.

“It means she’s a trying hard nobody.” Wanda glares at her and Natasha smiles.

“She’s still in most of the AP classes though.” Angel says and Tony scoffs.

“Only because her mom and sisters threatened to sue if they didn’t let her.”

“Jesus, what a spoiled brat.” Wanda’s eye twitches at that and she drags Pietro away from them.

“THOSE are you new friends?”

“Yeah? They’re the coolest people, Wands, trust me.”

“Coolest? They’re judging someone based on their second gender.”

“It’s the truth, though.” Wanda crosses her arms and Pietro shrugs. “Betas are just average people, Wands, don’t put too much faith in them.” Wanda huffs and looks at you but you were already gone.

-

You stretch your body before going back into your research. You’re inside the library after school and you’ve already texted your moms about being late.

“Is this seat taken?” You look up and see Wanda with a book of her own. You shake your head. “Do you mind?” You shake your head again and she sits down besides you. You were so focused on doing you research that you haven’t noticed that Wanda has been staring at you. You only notice that she hasn’t opened her book yet. You look to her and meet her eyes.

“Um?” You blush and Wanda looks away as she opens her book. “Is that The Flower Girl Wore Celery?” Wanda nods and you squeal lightly. “They have this? Where’d you find it?”

“In the literature section? There’s a whole lot of Children’s books there.” You sigh.

“Maybe after I finish this dreadful thing.”

“I’m Wanda by the way.” She holds out her hand and you take it while blushing.

“Right. I’m Y/N.” Wanda smiles at you and you gulp.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N.” You nod and try to focus on the research. You finally finish after an hour and you stretch your body.

“Finally done.” You say and Wanda hums. She’s already finished the Children’s book and was now reading a novel.

“Here.” She gives you the book and you smile at her.

“Thanks.” You begin reading the book.

Your phone rings just as you finish the book, you quickly answer it and it was your Mom.

“Y/N? Are you still finishing your research?”

“No. I’m already done, just going to return all the books that I’ve borrowed.”

“Okay. Your Ma is already cooking dinner.”

“Alright. I’ll finish up and go home.”

“See you later, little one.”

“Yeah. Bye, mom.” You hang up and sigh.

“You okay?” Wanda asks and you hum.

“Just a little sore.” You gather all of your things and put them into your bag.

“You’re leaving?”

“Yep. Ma’s cooking and my mom’s going to get angry if I’m not home by the time she finishes.”

“Let me help you.”

“You sure? Some of these reference books are heavy.”

“Yep.” She picks up the books that you left behind and follows you. You begin returning the books while Wanda hovers behind you. “You’ve been avoiding me.” You drop the last book in your hand and it drops on your foot. You whimper quietly and pick it up. You immediately sit and Wanda looks down you. “You okay?”

“F-fine.” You stutter and stand. You take all the remaining books from her and return them. After you return the last one you notice Wanda and blush. You look down. “Sorry.”

“For what, exactly?” She gets into your vision and you sigh.

“For avoiding you? Getting involved with me won’t do you any good.” You pick up your bag and leave the library with her.

“Why not?” You sigh.

“Because I’m a Beta. And you’re an Omega.”

“So what?” You look at her, not believing her words…

“I’m a Beta, Wanda, you’re an Omega, you should hang out with another Omega or an Alpha, not a Beta like me.” You get something from your bag and present it to her. It was a bookmark, a simple one with just words on them. “My apologies and try to read all the books written on it. They’re all pretty good.” Pietro calls out to Wanda and you both turn to him. “I have to go.” You leave her behind and Wanda sighs. She smiles as she reads the bookmark’s contents.

-

A/N: I don't know how to cut off chapters now that I have no guide. Help.

Anyhows, thank you for reading and do tell me if you would like to be on the taglist for this series or future works!

I'm going to try to post chapters at least once a week or if life happens then once biweekly.

[bbangsoonie]

to my ex (best friend)

member: juyeon genre: fluff?? word count: 2,175 synopsis: thanks to kevin’s tiktok obsession, you end up sending out a google form to all of the people you used to call your best friends. one response brings back forgotten memories and feelings.

“I can’t believe I’m stuck with the Canada boys for another 4 years,” you jokingly groaned.

Today was officially move-in day and the beginning of your college life. After roughly unpacking in your dorm room, you went over to Jacob and Kevin’s room to hang out. Jacob had his guitar out and was playing random chords for you to hum along to. Kevin, on the other hand, was glued to his phone. TikTok had been his new obsession and he was constantly watching the endless feed of videos.

“Hey, we are the iconic trio,” Jacob insisted.

“Wow Eric is basically a TikTok star now,” Kevin commented as he showed you two the video that popped up on his For You page. “This kid is stuck on straight TikTok though.”

Jacob laughed, although he was unsure of what that exactly meant. Knowing this, you chuckled at his efforts to appease his roommate.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Kevin tugged at your arm in an urgent matter. “Can we also do that Google form trend?”

“Uhh which one?” you asked.

“The one where you send out a Google form to your ex-crushes or ex-friends,” he turned to Jacob to further explain. “So basically it’s a questionnaire either revealing your past feelings or confronting what happened between old friends.”

“I don’t know, man. Our high school years were pretty vanilla. We didn’t even have that many crushes,” you shrugged.

“Hmm I mean we did have that huge friend group freshman year. It’s a shame it kinda fell apart as time went by,” Jacob reminisced.

You were reminded of the people you once considered to be your best friends. It was you and twelve other boys, which should’ve hinted at the inevitable end. The beginning of the end started with Hyunjoon transferring to a different school. Then, as you all grew older and high school drama kicked in, you were the topic of many rumors. People didn’t understand—or like—that you were the only girl in an all male friend group. Girls called you all sorts of names and spread ridiculous lies about you that spread to neighboring schools.

No one in the group had any bad blood with each other. Life just pulled you in different directions and you simply grew apart. Some joined the dance team, which consumed most of their time. Some joined varsity teams and focused on getting a sports scholarship. Some became trainees and lost contact with everyone. Some, like you and the Canada boys, became busy with college applications. Everyone had their own reasons and there were no hard feelings.

“Wouldn’t it be fun to finally find out what they all think? Get closure before we start our journey as college students?” Kevin asked, eagerly.

“I guess,” you agreed.

“Alright! Then we’ll play rock paper scissors to choose who has to send them out,” Kevin declared.

Your unlucky streak, without fail, won you the embarrassment honor of writing and sending the form to all your former friends. You grumbled, displeased at the fact that you were now the scapegoat fulfilling Kevin’s curiosity. Nevertheless, you searched through your contact list to find everyone’s phone numbers and sent them the link, hoping that no one changed their number.

By the next day, you received responses from all 10 of them. The trio reconvened in Jacob and Kevin’s room to review the answers. The first few were essentially what you all expected. They explained how life became hectic and your paths just crossed less and less as your interests and goals changed.

When you came across Haknyeon’s comment, you couldn’t help but laugh.

“You still owe me ice cream for lending you my pen during our final exam,” you read aloud. You recalled the day; you were freaking out about your misplaced pencil case and he had kindly offered his extra pen.

“What else would you expect from the foodie?” Kevin laughed.

By the time you got to Juyeon’s response, however, you froze. Curious as to what caught you so off guard, Jacob took the laptop from your lap and gasped. Kevin peeped over Jacob’s shoulder and his jaw dropped after reading it. He immediately looked at you, wondering how you were taking the information.

You were confused. He had been the object of your love and attention for a good three years in high school. Not wanting anyone to find out, you had swallowed those feelings and the Canada duo were the only ones to ever catch on. You and Juyeon used to be extremely close—even closer than you and Kevin or you and Jacob. He always quietly took care of you and the two of you shared everything with each other until one day he suddenly became distant. Without an explanation, he left your side and never returned. You just assumed he wanted to stop being friends. It hurt but you didn’t want to force a one-sided friendship so you stopped reaching out to him.

“What the heck?” you finally blurted.

Jacob slowly closed the laptop shut, eyeing Kevin who seemed way too giddy. He felt uneasy, not knowing if this was a good thing.

“So your first love was requited,” Kevin said smugly. “I told you so.”

“Okay you had absolutely no facts to back up your assumption back then,” you argued.

“What did I tell you? My gut is never wrong.”

“Yeah but he also just cut me off out of nowhere. How else was I supposed to interpret that?”

“Clearly not the way we did.”

Jacob smacked his hand over Kevin’s mouth to shut him up. He knew how much pain Juyeon’s name brought you. You didn’t show it but you still had a soft spot for him.

“It’s okay, Jacob. Whatever feelings I had for Juyeon—good and bad—are history. You don’t have to walk on eggshells around me,” you assured. “Besides, this doesn’t even mean anything. He wrote all of this in past tense. He’s just clarifying the reason why our friendship ended. Like Kevin said, I guess I finally got closure.”

“Closure? My brilliant idea has brought forth an opportunity for you to rekindle your love!” Kevin exclaimed excitedly.

“No. No way,” you shook your head. “The past is in the past. We are living very separate lives now.”

“Oh stop quoting Frozen and just try texting him,” he rolled his eyes. “Jacob and I never told you but he’s actually attending the same university as us.”

This prompted a very loud “What?” from you. Jacob buried his head in his hands, groaning. He was definitely going to get an earful.

“You’re bound to run into him eventually. So just take the initiative and face things head on,” Kevin advised. “Won’t that be less awkward than coincidentally meeting him after ignoring his response to the form you sent him?”

“And who’s the one who made me send it?” you glared, puffing your cheeks.

“You’re going to do it anyway so just hurry up and pretend you have no choice but to listen to me,” he snickered.

“Moon Hyungseo!”

At your use of his full Korean name, his eyes widened in fear and he jumped up to run away, barely avoiding your slap. Watching the scene in front of him, Jacob laughed. He had secretly hoped that you would reconnect with Juyeon as well. He knew how much you used to like him.

That night, you found yourself staring at Juyeon’s contact on your phone. Your heart raced at the thought of talking to him again. It had been years since you two last spoke and so many things had changed since then. You were no longer oblivious and clumsy teenagers. You knew each other’s past selves but didn’t know a thing about each other’s current selves. You were afraid that even if you became friends again, it would be too different. It was why you never harbored any hope for things to go back to “normal” with him. You couldn’t be disappointed if you never had any expectations to begin with.

Still, you took a leap of courage and sent a simple “hey” before you could chicken out. His reply was almost instant, which startled you.

You: hey

Juyeon: Hi Y/n

You: would it be weird if i asked to meet? i think we have a few things to talk about.. if that’s ok with you

Juyeon: Sure! How’s tomorrow at noon? We could talk over a meal at the school cafeteria

You: sounds good. see you then :)

You wanted to scream into your pillow. The awkwardness was driving you crazy but you were still looking forward to seeing him. He still had you wrapped around his finger and you hated it. But you still loved him.

The next day, your clothes were flung around all over your bed. You had rummaged through your entire closet to find an outfit you were satisfied with, resulting in you running a bit late.

Juyeon had arrived at the cafeteria early. He was so nervous that he couldn’t just stay still in his dorm. After all these years, he was finally confronting everything that he had concealed. He always felt guilty about the way he treated you and he was glad he could finally explain and apologize.

When he saw you approach him, he couldn’t stop himself from staring. It had only been a summer since he last saw you at graduation but your beauty still amazed him. He gulped, standing up to greet you when you reached the table.

The first few minutes were spent eating in awkward silence. Unable to bear it any longer, he cleared his throat to begin the conversation.

“Um so I guess my response to that form was a lot to unpack, huh?” he said sheepishly.

You almost choked on the food, surprised by his straightforwardness. He passed you your cup of water as you coughed.

“Yeah..” you mumbled.

“I want to start by saying I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I think I always had feelings for you. At first, it was subtle. I just liked spending time with you. I liked making you smile. I was content with just being friends. You know me, I’m the type to just watch my crush from afar. Then, as we got older, those feelings grew to be bigger than I could handle. I began to get greedy. And I felt that I could literally do anything for you. That’s when I realized how hard I fell for you and that scared me. I was afraid of ruining our friendship but I was also scared of my own feelings. So I started distancing myself from you. It’s a poor excuse but back then, I was a coward,” he confessed.

Juyeon had always been a very direct person. He never really beat around the bush and you liked that about him. That hadn’t changed about him but yet it still surprised you.

“If I could go back in time, I wish I could have done things differently. I knew I was hurting you but I thought that after all that’s happened, continuing to be friends with you would make you the center of gossip again. I didn’t want to make your life any harder,” he added.

“Juyeon, I cared about you a lot more than I did about those stupid rumors.”

“I know that now. But high schooler me was terrified of you finding out about my feelings.”

You contemplated on whether or not you should bring up your own past feelings. You wanted to reciprocate his honesty but were worried that it would be unnecessary. You took a deep breath and decided on the first option.

“You know, I was also terrified of having you find out about my feelings,” you admitted. Your words shocked him as he tried to figure out what you were implying.

“Wait, you.. You liked me too?” he gaped, making you blush.

“Let’s uh stop talking about that now,” you said as your cheeks reddened to a darker shade.

“While we’re opening up..” he looked at you with hesitance. “Is there any chance you still feel the same way now?”

His question caught you entirely off guard. You blankly stared at him, wondering if you heard him correctly.

“Juyeon, this is the first proper conversation we’ve had in years,” you deadpanned.

“That’s not an immediate no,” he lit up.

You wanted to laugh at his simplicity. His childlike innocence was still the same. It warmed your heart to see that he hadn’t changed as much as you were afraid he would. Yet, the fear in the back of your mind remained. You weren’t confident that you could even resume your friendship with him. At your silence, he tried to lighten the mood.

“So then would being friends again be okay with you?” he asked.

“I guess we could try,” you slowly nodded, bringing a bright smile to his face. You didn’t notice that your expression reflected his.

“Great,” he grinned happily.

And that was the beginning of a new story between you two.

bonus:

[basilly]

blind date || irl!karl x reader

. this is for @sugarsoftie ‘s 600 event!! congrats lovely! you guys should go check them out as well!

. pronouns: they/them

. f/n = friend’s name if you didn’t know :)

. it was around that time where all your friends were in relationships and constantly on dates, gushing about their partners, and frankly you were a little sick of it

“oh come on y/n, you can get a s/o too! you’re just not looking!” “It’s because I don’t need one!” “You just haven’t found the right person”

. to be honest, you had met some people with the potential but all had failed, often you guy stopped talking after three dates

“Wait why don’t you let me set you up on a blind date? I know someone who you might like.” “I doubt it” “Pleasee come on- just one date and see if you like them. If not, I will never set you up on a blind date again.” “Fine”

. and so the date was set- all you knew was you had to meet at this cafe at 3 pm next week

. how your friend set it up so quickly, you would never know

. on the day of, you got ready, but honestly not expecting much from the date

what did they say again? oh yea i meet them at the left corner of the cafe

. you quickly glanced around the room- your eyes stopped

. sitting that that exact spot that your friend told you, was Karl Jacobs, your high school friend and old crush

. now, you hadn’t kept in touch with Karl, thinking it was a mere high school crush

. but seeing him made you more nervous than you thought you’d be

. slowly you approach the table

“I’m sorry but, Karl? are you my blind date?” “Y/n? Oh my gosh wait so this is who f/n was setting me up with?”

. at this point you didn’t know whether to punch or hug your friend later

“Wow- how have you been! You look great by the way” “Thanks- so do you, I haven’t seen you since graduation” You picked up on Karl’s ever so noticeable habit of pulling his sleeves over his hands as you said that, a sign of nervousness.  “Yea- I’m going to go order for us real quick- do you want your usual?” “You remembered?” “How could I forget- we were close friends.”

. Karl got up to order, and you took in the scenery- it had reminded you so much of all the study sessions the two of you did in cafes similar to this one, making you a bit sad

“I got the drinks.” He set down the food and drinks before sitting down and smiling at you “Thank you- how have you been anyway?”

. the two of you did a lot of catching up, quickly learning Karl was actually streaming video games and working with a youtube channel called MrBeast

. it was not long till the two of you were reminiscing about high school

“Oh- remember when our teacher accidentally set a part of the lab on fire?” “Yes! That was hilarious- free day off.” . and so on and so on

. you guys talked for hours- nervousness gone once you talked about high school

. you were actually the happiest you’ve been in a while, and seeing Karl’s face again was something you weren’t expecting

“Sorry y/n I have to go- my friend Quackity has a stream tonight and I promised i would be there- we can do this again though.” “Wait like another date?” “Yea- I mean if you want” “i’d love to :)”

. after exchanging contact yet again, you parted ways, elated

. later that night, you were trying to look for karl’s twitch channel, and found his friend, Quackity

. clicking on it, you noticed the two were chatting

“Guys guys- Karl was on a date today- isn’t that insane!” “Hey I just got really lucky i still followed their friend on instagram.” “Wait wait- isn’t this the person you had a crush on in high school?”

. karl goes beet red, and although he did not know you were watching, you stared, wide eyed

. it was a lot to take in

. so your high school crush had also liked you back... and your friend had set you guys up

. quickly you text your friend

y/n: i can not believe you set me up with karl- thank you so much f/n: ;) i knew it’d be perfect

. nonetheless, you would always thank them for what they had done, now that you might have a new boyfriend

an: ok i really liked this one it was cute

requests are open!