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ooooo-mcyt · 3 years ago

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For real though watching yhs has lead me to the conclusion that despite Grian seemingly has such an active fight instinct....most of the time he actually doesnt respond to situations with half the fight attributed to him.

When faced with a traumatic situation Grian will absolutely bare his teeth at the nearest threat. He's absolutely vitriolic towards Sam at all times without fail and has even initiated physical violence in their confrontations once or twice. He's often on edge, often quick to angry outbursts, just overall rather hostile when faced with a dangerous/frightening/harmful situation. Which definitely indicates his main response to these scenarios is to fight. Hard.

However the more I engaged with fanon the more I faltered. A lot of fanon does portray him as very hostile in the face of trouble. Which should make sense. Canonically Grian knows when to say no, when to argue, and even sometimes when to physically fight back. Any episode with Grian present will likely have examples of him pushing back against harmful situations. And yet something always feels very Off about that being the start and end of it in a lot of fanon. Which led me down an interesting line of thinking.

I honestly suspect that Grian's volatility and will to fight back isn't nearly as strong as one would believe from observing him on surface level. In fact, his on the surface hostility feels like it's borderline a facade altogether to be honest.

I mean look at examples throughout canon of Grian in distressing situations.

Yhs halloween episode. The one where Taurtis got stabbed. And the following situation where Grian is famously forced to dress up like Taurtis. Grian would later be very upset about Sam stabbing Taurtis, however his initial response was to nervously laugh and even give Sam appeasing praise. I mean, Grian says "you weren't supposed to stab him" pretty clearly, but he anxiously laughs before and afterwards and even tells Sam he's proud of him when prompted. Obviously Grian was very upset about the whole thing later on after taking Taurtis to the hospital however in the moment he's mostly silent and when he's not he's just nervously laughing throughout, even agreeing with whatever *Sam* says when he's outright prompted by name for an opinion, then when everyone else tries to play it off casually Grian actually goes along with it almost entirely, even agreeing to let Taurtis drive him home for some reason. Then, according to his own story, he had an opportunity to talk to police at the hospital and he didn't incriminate Sam. He knew they were supicious of *him* but he still didn't incriminate the actual killer. "I told them I found him like that" Grian alleged. Honestly it sounds like he didn't tell them much of *anything* before being released and making the walk back to meet Sam. The next morning Grian was significantly more vocally upset about Taurtis being stabbed and expressed being upset with Sam however he seemed significantly more anxious than he was angry throughout the interaction. Then Grian immediately pretty readily agreed to go with Sam and Yuki to school and willingly put on the Taurtis outfit before the other's even started with the threats in the name of making things 'less awkward'. He certainly objected, however he was once again a lot more anxious than angry, nervously laughing, coming up with really weak unimportant excuses, and agreeing within ten seconds of being asked. Pretty much the rest of his time dressed as Taurtis goes very similarly. He objects to most things he's told to do and brings up Sam stabbing Taurtis multiple times despite the other's not wanting him to but is primarily nervous rather than hostile and he never actuslly puts up enough resistence for it to stick. Even when the other's were stuffing plastic down his throat and he told them he thought it may kill him Grian still did it and told the other's he *liked* it when pushed. Eventually he got out of it by running on Rowan's command and no sooner than being told to get out of there. When Sam found him again Grian immediately even reverted back to doing as he was told and cowering away from him in obvious fear up until Okami and Rowan showed up and shoved Grian behind them. Then he *still went home that night* knowing Sam would be there. When they found Taurtis it was pretty clear that Grian was hoping Taurtis would help him once he got his memory back however when instructed to stop telling Taurtis who he was Grian for the most part did aside from subtle pushing about the familiarity of certain things and then later when Taurtis got his memory back and made it pretty clear he wasn't going to help Grian? Grian conceded. He spent a good few minutes arguing about everything he'd gone through- everything they both had- and insisting it wasn't okay but when Taurtis made it pretty clear he wasn't going to do anything and they collectively agreed Grian was the real problem? Grian kinda...stopped. When Taurtis made it clear he wasn't going to be helping, Grian just kinda fell back into their normal routine with the other's, and when Sam demanded an 'apology soda' from Grian for what he'd apparently done, Grian bought it for him saying "If that's what it takes for things to go back to normal".

Let's also look at Grian's involvement with the law during/shortly-after the Halloween situation. When Sam and Yuki dragged him to join the Yakuza he was upset and objected anxiously but caved as soon as he got pushback. When Sam wanted to steak from the Yakuza he once again got objections from Grian who nervously insisted that it was a terrible idea but once again Sam shoved aside Grian's complaints and once again Grian just kinda fell into place despite being upset. When the police also started threatening the trio's lives to work for them, Grian objected. He questioned if they were allowed to do that and was very openly not happy about any of it, however he very quickly submitted under pressure. Both times Grian was locked in solitary confinement he loudly protested his sanity and both times he voiced how disturbing it was on a really deep level being locked up like that but both times when he was let out he just went with the other two again and let them brush it all off- even knowing full well they let him out to be *death fodder*. He just went with them relatively quietly save for maybe a token remark or two. Honestly the large majority of this bs Grian was involved with was under physical threat and he almost always bent under it. Even down to his fight with Pie over Ellen. Pie showed up and started challenging their relationship. Sam, Taurtis, and Yuki insisted they have a knife fight. Grian said *no*. Pie said yes. Sam, Taurtis, and Yuki affirmed there would be a knife fight. Grian objects more. Everyone else present discusses how the knife fight will work. Grian gets stabbed. Grian suggests they just ask Ellen who they want to date *obviously*. Ellen chooses nobody and leaves. Grian was upset but then just kinda accepts it and goes on with what the whole group was doing before.

And just to round this out with one more example. The Starwars Cosplay Incident. Apparently Sam burst into Grian's room, undressed him, shoved him into Leia Cosplay complete with fake boobs, and locked him in the basement for three days. Grian sits there for three days until Taurtis rescues him. Grian has a moment of being rightfully very angry and finally even tries to physically attack Sam, demanding to know if Taurtis is aware of what Sam did to him and insisting that they can't expect everything to be fine now. Except it kinda...was. Taurtis stopped Grian from attacking Sam, they both brushed it off as a joke and not a big deal, and then they went to school. And Grian just *went*. He walked with the other two, he wore the outfit Sam put him in, and he just kinda moved on. Grian would later object when the clones tried to pull him out of class, snapping that he just wants to learn and get an education like a normal person and demanding to know why he's not allowed to. But he goes! And when he's released he walks right back to Sam and Taurtis, makes some bitter remarks to them, and let's them shove it all aside as if it's unimportant. Later when it's Grian, Sam, and a member of school staff alone in the closet, some innapropriate remarks are made to Grian. He very quickly says he's reporting the remarks made by school staff but Sam tells him not to be rude and it doesn't seem Grian ever does. Later on when Geode makes a comment about Grian's outfit as well Sam and Taurtis start pondering *giving* Grian to them. Grian repeatedly said *no* but with a lot more despair than defiance and we don't even know if he'd have actually followed through with fighting back if they'd tried to actually give him away because they were interrupted before the situation got to that point. Grian once again just let the other's move on as if that didn't happen and continued following them around, though! And he wore that damn outfit he was very explicitly uncomfortable with. All day.

Which is kinda all to say that when it comes to fighting back Grian is a lot more bark than bite.

Grian throws out a lot of bitter remarks, makes his objections very apparent in most things, and even has more than one vitriolic rant to his abuser(s) throughout the series. But that layer of his responses to things is so fragile that it tends to fall away within minutes- if that, sometimes *seconds*.

Of course ive seen other people take note of this and argue that it means Grian actually *wants* to do these thingd he's objecting to but I think that's silly. If it were just things like group crime or violent acts then id possibly see it but Grian puts up the same kind of response to having plastic shoved down his throat and to being locked in the basement for days which there's no way in hell he was any kind of okay with. The more likely scenario here isn't that he secretly wanted to do any of these things and made his resistence weak so he could pretend he tried while still doing it.

The likely scenario here is that his fight response is much more for show than one would think. Because Grian's strongest most influential response to things really never seems to be to fight. Aggression is really hardly Grian's overall stance on handling a distressing situation.

Much more frequently you see the most influence coming from completely other instinctive responses.

Looking for outside help in adults, friends, and classmates like when Okami and Rowan protected him during his time dressed as Taurtis or when Grian tried desperately to get Taurtis to be on his side and help him after Sam seriously hurt him both when Taurtis first got his memory back after Halloween and when Taurtis found Grian in the basement during the Starwars Cosplay Incident, hell, even during his fight with Pie it can be argued that Grian calling for them to just ask Ellen was an appeal to outside help as he hoped Ellen would agree to end the fight and save him from the situation as a result.

Running away- or trying to at least- from the threat. Most notably seen back during the halloween incident when he quite literally ran out the back of the gym and hid from Sam+Yuki then hiding behind Okami and Rowan when they showed up in an attempt to flee from Sam which is how he got away from the other's at all during that situation. Grian's consistent need to exclaim every so often how much he wants to go back to Europe is a subtler example of this, though, of Grian's urge to get away.

Honestly though being quiet and moving as he's directed seems to be the most common winning response. You see little sparks of reaction from him but most of the time Grian is just quiet, nervously laughing, following Taurtis and Sam around in what they ask of him, and even outright appeasement strategies to maintain a calm environment. This is So common from Grian. This is what usually wins out. His quiet nervous laughter and agreeing with Sam when Taurtis is first stabbed. The fact that he didn't tell the police what Sam did when alone with them during questioning and then immediately walked to meet up with Sam and went to school with Sam+Yuki with literally no objections. The fact that he didn't say no like *at all* to putting on the Taurtis outfit in the name of not making things awkward and complied within seconds of first being asked. How he proceeded to do what he was asked all day and didn't make any move to get away until Rowan outright instructed him to run. The fact that he went back! The fact that he went along with it when they joined the Yakuza and when they stole from the Yakuza and when they joined up with the cops and when they *forced him into a knife fight*. How Grian eventually just lost his spark of defiance after Taurtis first got his memories back and made it clear he wasn't helping Grian, with Grian agreeing to buy Sam a fucking *apology soda* if it meant things would go back to normal after hearing everyone else agree that *he* was the problem in all he'd been put through. The way he just goes back to following Sam and Taurtis after they got him locked in solitary confinement on blatant lies because they *wanted* to. The way he walks around school with the other two while wearing cosplay that made him feel gross and uncomfortable that Sam had literally physically forced onto him and just went along with what he was told in the end.

Grian always puts up a fight but not a good one. He makes side comments, he makes objections, he even has more than one emotional rant about the hell he's put through, however this never wins out in the end and this presenting fight is very frequently just barely holding down much stronger freeze and fawn instincts that usually win out pretty damn quick.

Which!!! In a situation like Grian's it actually makes significantly more sense to have strong freeze and fawn responses than to have a strong fight response! I mean, think about it. A fight response is primarily useful in scenarios in which it's possible to take strong action to remove the threat. You're attacked by a dog so you throw stuff at it till it backs away. You're picked on by an upperclassman so you punch em' in the nose expecting fully that they'll leave you be after. Someone attacks you while you're walking home so you try and stab them with your key. Fighting is an incredibly good response for random/one time attacks. If you're ever kidnapped you wanna scream and punch and kick and make a scene so they can't take you to a secondary location. You fight. Fighting is optimal for unexpected stranger conflicts. That's not the situation Grian's in though. Grian suffers from serious long term physical, emotional, and financial abuse. He's in a country he doesn't have residency or family in, he doesn't have a readily available source of income, he doesn't have his own mode of transportation, it seems that most of the time he doesnt have a clear way home, he's often dealing with long term friends of his and seemingly his biggest source of support prior to this situation, even back in Europe he doesn't have much support system to run to given his parents canonically left him, he's frequently under threat of physical danger, etc. This is not the kind of situation in which an intense primary fight response helps. This is the type of situation in which an intense primary fight response either gets you seriously hurt or wandering the streets with no way to provide for yourself. It would likely be similar if he presented an intense primary flight response to be honest. In long term abuse situations where there's no rational way of escaping safely or no rational place to escape to? Often the primary responses that promote survival are fawn and freeze. Appeasing the aggressor or sinking into the background. Those are your ways to stay alive when you can't expect to 'win' or escape. It absolutely makes more sense for Grian to have primary fawn and freeze responses than a primary fight response.

But then why does he present so much hostility? What's with all the bitter remarks and the attempts to voice objections and the occasional overt insults/screaming? How does a fawn/freeze response present as fight when first pressed at?? Well fun fact, I have experience with that kind of presentation because I *was* that kind of presentation. Oh boy did I try to push strong fight responses towards my abusive father with token resistences and petty remarks even though most of the time I crumpled under the slightest pressure and spent my time ignoring the problem or dissociating or trying very hard to avoid future conflicts. You put up a token front of fight even if that's never going to be your primary response for the sake of your own mental health, really. To assure the world- and *you*- knows that you don't *want* this situation. So you can say you tried. Out of some misguided hope that your attempted bravado won't be seen through and that maybe this time they'll just stop pushing instead of calling the bluff. Which. Makes sense with Grian as well. I mean looking at the times he really truly goes off before reverting back to a more appeasing stance, most notably his rants from when Taurtis first got his memory back as well as from when he got out of the basement during the Starwars Cosplay Incident. Most of those rants were taken up by Grian loudly and passionately reiterating what he'd been through, insisting he was the victim, and calling Sam an awful person before the defiance fades out and he becomes more willing to just go about their day. It's one attempted push hoping the other parties present will vie in his favour and a reassertion that he's not okay with this and that *he* is being hurt which gives way within minutes to a much duller attitude. That's just a painfully familiar format. Adding on Grian's token objections/passive aggressive remarks to many situations that distress him and how quickly those objections give way as dismissed by others. That kind of behaviour feels strongly like an attempt to preserve your own mental wellbeing as much as possible with the knowledge that you tried to some extent and with just generally hearing out loud that you are the victim even if from yourself. Grian's behaviour just really feels like a facade of defiance to cover up general helplessness which makes a Lot of sense for the scenario. Probably more than just plain defiance would.

#yhs #yandere highschool #yhs grian #long post

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ninetailedfoxmanchi · 3 years ago

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BTS Mafia Members - Most to Least Scary (According to Me)

A/N: This is strictly according to me and of what I find scary and unsettling, your opinions might differ and that's perfectly fine :)

1. Hoseok

Hoseok, as calm and loving as he is in the personal relationship, it is frightening to see him get mad. In my opinion, the calmest people are always the scariest angry. Besides, Hoseok also has OCD which stands for obsessive-compulsive (disorder). I also think he is the most possessive of the lot, alongside with Jimin and Jungkook. If he wants to, Hoseok can be very controlling and he is very unpredictable when it comes to conflict. Although calm in most situations, when you make Hoseok angry all he can see is red.

2. Taehyung and Yoongi (but for different reasons)

Firstly, Taehyung. It is my honest opinion that Taehyung is a bit (or a lot) crazy, sort of like Harley Quinn crazy sometimes. He is very loving and affectionate, he doesn't care about money as much as the power it brings him. Taehyung doesn't mind violence and mess, he rather enjoys it really (does that give me the pass to call him a sadist?). But the actual reason why I put him in second place as the scariest mafia member (I should really get my priorities straight) is because his love can be overwhelming sometimes. There are times Taehyung just loves too much and doesn't see how suffocating and controlling he can be.

Secondly, Yoongi. I think Yoongi is scary because he is so goddamn calm all the time. Even when he is angry, even when he is raging he almost never raises his voice. You cannot really tell how mad he actually is because he hides it so well. You only find out when it's already too late. Besides, Yoongi isn't sentimental about anyone or anything but Y/N. He doesn't particularly care about money or power unless it comes to protecting you. The truth is he can get extremely angry when he senses you're in danger or you're being disrespected and the consequences are ruthless (see Mafia! BTS - A Rival Gang Kidnapped You).

3. Jungkook and Jimin

I've decided to put them together because I think they are quite similar fundamentally. They both have positions in the mafia that are extremely violent - Jimin as the assassin and Jungkook as the interrogator. In this sense, I think Jungkook might even be scarier than Jimin. Because for Jimin, his targets are just that - numbers he needs to cross away, but for Jungkook things get personal with his victims. He enjoys what he does, although he doesn't show it particularly. He is not like Taehyung, who'd enjoy seeing the pain in his victims, but rather the fact that Jungkook is good at what he does. He loves that he is able to make anyone talk, that one look at him and the victims already know it's judgement day.

In my opinion, they are also quite scary because they are very possessive, especially Jungkook who wants his partner only for himself - for his eyes only. Jimin lets it go in this sense, because he enjoys showing off Y/N. Also I think Jungkook is a bit more unpredictable than Jimin. He is capable of acting very rationally even when he comes to his feelings for Y/N. Jungkook relies more on the rational part of his brain while Jimin reacts purely with emotion (which can make him react more brutally but in my opinion, it's more frightening when a person reacts to feelings with "logic").

4. Namjoon

So, you might wonder why is Namjoon second to last on this list. Well, it's not because he is not frightening that's for sure - all of the mafia members are scary, it's just that Namjoon gives me an honest sense of security most of the time. He is very wise for his age and doesn't act irrationally. He is also very experienced and extremely patient (something about him which I adore). That is why Namjoon usually doesn't act out or behave unpredictably unless he is particularly angry. He only gets emotional about Y/N, never about business, money or power. The role of the mafia leader is not something he would have chosen for himself, it was just something bestowed upon him. Namjoon accepted it and even though he doesn't find particular joy in the role itself, he cares deeply about his members, his community and most of all Y/N. The power he has gives him the ability to protect her better.

I do find Namjoon scary though. Whenever he clenches his jaw or the tip of his tongue protrudes in the inside of his cheek, I just want to drop to my knees. Perhaps because he is usually very calm, he could also share the first place with Hoseok, but I've decided not to because Hoseok often loses his nerve - he is more emotion-driven, while Namjoon is much more rational. Namjoon truly is a leader - he is calm, rational, wise and patient but also brutal if you come anywhere close to his family.

5. Jin

Last but definitely not least, Jin. He frightens me the least because I don't think he cares much about violence. He is vengeful, that's for sure, but he'd normally just pull the trigger and be done with it. His only concern is that you're safe. It is also very rare to see Jin deal with his enemies personally; at least in a physical way. He is an extremely good manipulator and he much prefers to outsmart his enemies and play with them mentally rather than torture them physically.

Yet Jin can still be brutal when you cross the line, especially when it comes to hurting or disrespecting his loved ones, not to mention his crown jewel - Y/N.

Conclusion: needless to say, all the mafia members are scary in their own way. This is just my perception so far into the story. Let me know what you guys think be it in the comments, chat or anonymous ask because I really love reading how you guys see the characters. :)

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heloisedaphnebrightmore · 4 years ago

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Important asset [Billy Russo x Reader]

Title: Important asset Pairing: Billy Russo x Female!Reader Word count: 3k Published: 22 April 2021 Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore Notes: My first Billy Russo fic, I hope it's not that bad, I'm still trying to get a hold of his character :) Summary: [x] Being a former military personal gives you the opportunity to work for Billy’s company. Becoming a very important part of the company provides you with an even closer relationship with your boss. However, he seems to be deliberately dancing on your nerves, increasing your already built-up frustration.

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Working for Anvil felt like a safe place. After serving your country for years, coming back from your last tour turned out to be more difficult than you could have anticipated. Protecting important personals and working as security wasn’t something you wished to do, but after starting the job, working along with people who have been through what you have, your view of the company has changed. The job was different, but the people you worked with have given you more support than anyone, including your family, friends or your therapist for that matter.

Joining Anvil wasn’t easy, the requirement process raised some issues that you had to overcome. The physical part didn’t offer any difficulty, but the mental exam seemed to present some obstacles. It wasn’t until your second try that you have been approved and joined the team. That was when you met Mr. Russo, CEO and founder of Anvil. He was just as handsome as you have heard, and he had a way with words. He was confident and knew just how to use his charm. Even if you wanted to deny your sudden interest in him, you couldn’t have.

It seemed that even if he didn’t look at you as a woman, he certainly found your abilities interesting. You didn’t just become one with the team, a crucial member, but also became one of Billy’s most important assets. Having both good communications skills and excellent combat skills meant your worth in Billy’s eyes have grown and provided a great deal of opportunity for you to stay beside him. Officially you weren’t an assistant, but unofficially, Billy liked to give you a nice amount of work, keeping you close by from early morning to late afternoon or evening, sometimes past 10pm.

“Mr. Russo,” you called out to him as you walked behind him in a narrow corridor of the Anvil headquarters. Billy turned around, adjusting his tie with a confident smirk across his face. “I heard you were looking for me,” you added as you finally arrived beside him, glancing up at his handsome features, looking very professional in his expensive suit. You wanted to look feminine and pretty, instead of being dirty and sweaty, wearing a pair of tracksuits, but sometimes your work required you to look more worn out than you wished to be. He had a certain aura that kept pulling you towards him, but as confident as you were in your abilities to protect your country and your people, you were just as uncertain about your appearance when you appeared in front of Billy.

“Yes, I have. Care to explain why I can't reach you on your phone?” He asked, his features unimpressed with your lack of availability.

“I was training, I can’t possibly bring my phone with me everywhere,” you replied frowning, but you quickly adjusted your expressions, before he could have scolded you. It was clear that he wasn’t happy with your reply, but he dismissed it after all.

“Come to my office at 1700 hours. I have a couple things to discuss with you,” he replied in an authoritative manner.

“I have to train the new recruits at 4,” you explained, but he just shook his head.

“Ask someone to replace you,” he stated firmly, accepting no objection. But you took your job very seriously and even though Billy was your boss, often you found yourself going against his decisions just to spite him.

“I can’t do that,” you stated, lips pursed to emphasise your objection. “There’s no one to cover me,” you added. His firm stance and sharp inhale reassured you that he was anything but happy with your answer. He took a step forward, forcing you to take a step back and collide with the wall behind you. Your chest felt as though it was a small box, containing only a small portion of oxygen, its lack of tightened your throat, starting your heart off in a dangerous pace, pounding hard against your ribcage. Billy’s presence always made you feel as though you couldn’t breathe. A simple gaze in your direction, a confident grin, his low, deep voice calling your name made you weak at the knees and left your mind wandering to paths you should have never gone to, causing thousands of butterflies to erupt in your belly.

“I’m your boss and I can change your schedule whenever I want to. I want to see you in my office at 1700 sharp, or else—” he didn’t finish the end of his sentence, but you were sure his ideas were entirely different from yours.

“Or else—?” It escaped your mouth involuntarily, receiving a low growl from Billy, a threatening aura, still it didn’t frighten you, if anything it encouraged you further. “I think we both know you will not fire me, Mr. Russo. I’m a very important asset to your company. I am a very dedicated employee and therefore I will try to adjust my schedule to fit your request, but I cannot promise anything, unless you personally can provide someone to take over from me,” you replied in a challenging manner, earning a questioningly raised brow from Billy. Trying to read his face you couldn’t decide if he was actually considering helping you or he was planning how to murder you in the spot.

A heavy sigh left his lungs, but he didn’t back away. “I will send Simon to cover you,” he said between gritted teeth.

“That is absolutely brilliant, I’m so glad we are on the same page,” you exclaimed with a wide grin across your face as you turned around to leave the man behind. However, before you could have left, he grabbed your arm and pulled you back against him, your palms landing on his hard chest, feeling every inch of each fine muscle under your touch.

“Pay attention to your attitude because it has gotten out of hands recently and you are standing on a very fine line,” he whispered, his breath tickling your cheeks. Indeed, you have been rather free with your words and actions around Billy, and you knew you were playing with fire, but it seemed that was the only way to get his attention.

“I might be pushing some boundaries, but my only intention is for the company to work effectively, to produce people that do their tasks efficiently meanwhile wearing Anvil’s name with pride. If I neglect my duties and ignore my job, even if it’s for your request, what use am I to the company?” you asked with a certain pride. Whilst your intention was to object to Billy once again, to be somewhat bratty, every word that left your lips were true. Anvil has given you more than you could have ever wished for and not even Billy could stop you from making this company one of the most well-working organisations.

Billy took a sharp inhale, trying to decide whether you were just being spoilt once again, because you were indeed aware of your own worth, or if the company really took priority in your eyes. His nod reassured you of the latter as he let go of your arm.

“I like the way you are thinking, but it doesn’t excuse your attitude. You are an important asset to the company, but not irreplaceable. By the time you come to see me in the afternoon, try to get rid of it,” he spoke sternly, before he shook his head and offered you a cocky grin as he turned around and left you in the corridor. You couldn’t stop the tiny smile from appearing in the corner of your lips, his expression reassured you that you were anything but invisible in his eyes.

As you were leading a shooting session for your team, Billy interrupted your practice, clearing his throat whilst leaning against the doorframe, watching your people. You looked at your watch, afraid of being late, but according to your time, you weren’t even anywhere near the time you were supposed to be in his office.

“Keep practising,” you instructed them as you walked back to Billy, whose arms were folded in front of his chest, his eyes following every step you took towards him. “Is everything okay?” you asked as you stopped in front of him.

“Hmm,” he replied with a simple hum and a single nod. He seemed to have something on his mind, and you were sure he would soon voice his opinion. Biting his lip, he grimaced slightly. “Your team needs more practice,” he added nonchalantly. Your eyes widened and you quickly turned around to check on the targets. Indeed, there were some errors, but you were overall satisfied with their performance, they were former members of the US Armed Forces after all. Inhaling sharply, you turned back to him, staring at his expressionless face.

“Is this really why you came here?” You asked with a questioningly raised brow.

“I was just wondering how useful you are to the company since you have been walking around voicing your importance. Just like you did in the morning, if I recall correctly,” he shrugged casually.

“Let me see if I understand. After all I have done for the company and for you, now you are checking on my people and my progress, questioning how much we are worth to your goddamn company?” You hissed in anger. Billy seemed to be on a roll attempting to piss you off at any given time. Usually, you could keep your act together, but he has done nothing but insulted you that day and he was very close to reaching your limits. You stared into his eyes and in the lowest, most threatening tone you could manage, you continued. “Listen to me Russo, I can take a lot, I’m quite a resilient person, but I’m very close to walking out of here and never coming back. If you would like me to leave then say it, but if not and you would like me to keep working for you, then let me do my job and leave me alone for the rest of the day,” you exhaled sharply and after a deadly gaze directed at your boss, you turned away and joined your team. Your blood was boiling from the amount of anger he could bring out in you, as if he found your frustration entertaining. Although you expected him to come after you and give you a monologue about humbling yourself, by the time you looked back towards the entrance, he was long gone.

It was already 5pm and Simon was nowhere to be found. You instructed the new recruits to take a 5-minute break from the exercises you have given them as you rocked from one leg to the other trying to calm yourself, slowly exhaling and inhaling. Preparing for the scolding you were about to receive from Billy, your blood pressure had risen. You groaned as you saw Simon run through the door, heavily apologising for his lateness. Shaking your head, you walked up to him and instructed him about the details of the recruits’ further training. By the time you were supposed to be in Billy’s office, you were jogging across the narrow corridors of Anvil, trying to minimise the nagging Billy was about to give you for not arriving in time.

“You are late,” you heard his voice as you opened the door, grimacing at the harsh tone. Billy didn’t even look up from his desk, his eyes were attached to the paperwork he was signing off.

“Not my fault,” you added, walking up to the table and sitting down across Billy.

“I told you to be precise,” he groaned, unhappy about your lateness.

“Next time send someone who actually appears in time,” you retorted, feeling fed up with his continued scolding.

“Once again you have that attitude,” he cleared his throat in frustration.

“Russo!” You shot up from your chair, placing your hands on his paperwork, staring straight into his eyes. “I’m aware that I have a slight problem with my attitude, but I don’t think it’s fair that you blame me for something I had no say in. You have asked Simon to replace me, still at 5pm sharp I was still in the training hub alone with the recruits, because he was late,” you replied firmly.

“I don’t think I have asked for an excuse, so why do I have to listen?” He asked with a deep frown, slowly standing up from his chair, his stance projecting authority. But at that moment, you couldn’t care less. Your blood was rushing through your veins, your built-up frustration threatening to reveal itself. As if Billy’s mere purpose was to dance on your nerves. And he was successful.

“Billy,” you called his first name with clenched teeth. You have gotten used to calling him Mr. Russo or Russo, even though you were close to each other. However recently he has been deliberately annoying you and you couldn’t take it anymore. Indeed, you wanted to get some kind of reaction out of him with your brattiness, but receiving the same attitude didn’t seem that entertaining. You knew you were supposed to be professional when you were working, even though he made it his mission to piss you off, but you just lost your self-control. “I have done nothing for this company but work my ass off to help you. When you asked, I had to be at two even three places at the same time. I have no life, because every single free time and day off I’m supposed to be having, I have to spend here to help you. I don’t mind, because I love working here and I want to make this company a better place. But you are the one talking about my attitude, even though I have never asked for anything in return?! Have I ever asked for a raise even if you dumped hours of work on me? You keep me here from early morning to late evening and I’ve never once complained, still you dare to talk about my attitude? Please, tell me what your problem is with me, because recently I feel like it’s your mission to get on my nerves. At this point the only thing I can think of is that you want me to quit because that’s the kind of hostility that comes across from you,” you huffed releasing all your frustration on your boss.

“You—” he wanted to speak up, but you didn’t let him. It was your time to talk, and you didn’t even give him a chance to object.

“No, I’m speaking,” you interrupted him, earning a sharp inhale from the man. “I understand that I’m only a mere subordinate, and I know I should not have the attitude that I do take on sometimes, but I am still a human and I don’t have to deal with your moodiness on a daily basis,” you hissed. “Tell me honestly, is it your mission to get me to quit? Because at this point you are very close to forcing me to resign and—” you had no way to finish the sentence as Billy grabbed the back of your neck and pulled your lips against his, earning a moan from you. He only let go of you for a second to get around the table, his movements quick as though he was a lion hunting down his prey. He attached his lips to yours once again, pushing you up on the table and positioning himself between your thighs. He sneaked his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him, his other hand firmly holding you close to him by the back of your neck, wanting nothing but to reduce the proximity between the two of you.

“Do you ever shut up?” He asked, breathing heavily against your lips. “I hear nothing but your continuous yapper,” he groaned as he laid his forehead against yours, massaging random patterns on your thigh. “Why on earth do you think I have given you so much job to do, you dumb woman? Can you be any more oblivious? I didn’t just dump all those random tasks on you and left you to do them, did I? I stayed behind with you, isn’t that, right?” he asked through gritted teeth. “You really know how to get on my nerves, and this certainly isn’t how I imagined this to come out, but you make it impossible for me to keep my cool,” he inhaled slowly, forcefully pulling you closer to him as he stood between your legs, making you moan at the contact. “I’m going to give you two options now,” he stated as he took a step back, giving you space to think. You can walk out that door, act like nothing happened and we will go back to being a boss and an employee. Or you can stay, and we continue what we started. But then there’s no turning back. I don’t just let go of what’s mine,” for a moment you ran the options through a logical part of your mind, that screamed for you to walk out the door. But you couldn’t possibly listen to the voice when you could finally be Billy’s after you have done so much for the man you longed for.

You grabbed his belt and pulled him between your legs, whispering against his lips. “Close that door,” Billy’s jaw clenched and without a second to waste he stood by the door, locking it behind him and getting back to you in haste, capturing your lips with his hands exploring every part of your body.

“So, have I become irreplaceable now?” You asked with a proud, overly confident grin as his hands tried to remove your shirt impatiently. His eyes darkened at your words, his hands stopping mid-air.

“Don’t get cocky with me,” he groaned, grabbing your jaw and connecting your lips once again, trying to get you out of your clothes. Whatever Billy called you for was long forgotten for the rest of the evening, you were busier with each other’s company.

Notes: If you enjoyed reading this little piece, please don’t forget to leave a like, comment and reblog. Your opinion matters and gives us motivation. Thank you ^^

If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, it’s completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3

Taglist is in a reblog from now on.

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #ben barnes #ben barnes x reader #anvil #billy russo x reader fanfiction #billy russo fanfiction

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niawritess · 4 years ago

Text

A Day With A Stranger~ KJI

Airport -

"Passport? check. Tickets? check. Luggage? check and I being fed up with this? Double check." You grumbled under your breath and looked at your dad with a grumpy look who was busy conversing with your mom to notice it.

"Alright, this is the last time we are asking for this favor, okay?" Your dad spoke noticing your expression while taking the hold of your luggage as you walked beside him to the check-in section.

"Gosh, Why do I have to go? You know I'm scared of planes!" You whined and he massaged his temple before looking at you with a comforting smile. "Y/n, It's gonna be alright. We wouldn't have forced you if we were able to go."

Before you could reply, the unfamiliar robotic voice erupted announcing your flight number.

"It's time for you to go." He uttered out smiling softly and you sighed instantly engulfing him in a hug. "Pray for my safety."

He laughed stroking the back of your head. "You're not going on a war, Y/n."

You pulled away rolling your eyes. "That's what I'm feeling right now."

"Come on, Wonder girl. It's just a day." He chuckled and you gave him a look at the name before giggling back eventually.

You bid your goodbye to your dad and walked inside the check-in section before getting on the plane.

________________

With a heavy heart you took a deep sigh before walking inside to your seat which you spotted by the window and tucked your luggage in. As you sat down on your seat, you fisted your hands and closed your eyes while praying for your safety.

In that moment, you felt some shuffling beside you and then a weigh beside you indicating that a passenger sat down. You scooted over a little to the window and opened your eyes to see the person was a man around your age.

He was dressed in black button down and had a tan skin which looked good on him while he was going through his phone.

You averted your eyes before he could catch you and that's when the announcement was made of plane taking off with you panicking inside.

"Oh My God!" You whisper-yelled to yourself as you felt the plane move a bit. "I shouldn't have come! I should have refused! Y/n, you are done for! I haven't even been to Switzerland yet!"

With your nonsense blabbing, you stopped as you felt a strong gaze on you as you looked at your side to see the young stranger staring at you with poker face.

You chuckled awkwardly. "Um, first time, you know..."

He just nodded slowly still plastering the same look and you looked ahead before the plane began to take off causing you close your eyes. "Oh God! Please let me land safely and I will surely help mom with the house chores, I swear."

You huffed feeling the gaze again. "Can you stop staring at me like that, mister?"

"No."

You flinched by his deep voice and shot your eyes at him and he was already staring at you with his expressionless face before he leaned towards you a little making you lean back in reflex.

"Are you afraid that this plane might crash and this would be your first and last time here?" He paused as his corner of lips turned up in a little smirk. "Then believe me, you are really done for, Miss."

You gulped staring at him with a horror look as the man infront of you was really giving you the creepy movie vibes.

"What kind of man are you? Instead of assuring her, you're scaring her more."

A middle-aged man spoke beside your seat in the middle row and you unconsciously nodded while the young stranger looked at him and then ahead.

"If you're scared that much, why do you get on the plane?" He questioned out taking a sip of his juice and you scoffed. "Excuse me? I am not here because I wanted to!"

"My parents passport got expired and now I have to go there on their behalf so it's not my fault." You huffed glaring at him and he just nodded. "Yeah, yeah, you were being seated here on a gun point, right?"

"How mean can you be?!" You exclaimed while feeling yourself leaning back against the seat but too annoyed at the young stranger to notice it.

He gave you a boring look. "What? Am I wrong? You could've just refused."

"It's not that easy, okay?" You paused to change your position as you faced him. "It's a wedding. My cousins wedding and that too close one so I didn't see any reason to refuse. By the way, you don't even knew me so stop with those judgy opinions of yours."

He looked behind your shoulder for a brief second and looked back at you as he nodded. "You're right."

You nodded back as he faced ahead while you looked outside and got surprised to see the clouds. That's when you realized, the plane had taken off and you were floating in the middle before you looked at him who was talking to the hostess.

As the hostess walked away, you cleared your throat to get his attention which you did as he looked at you questionly and you frowned. "Um... Did you.. Like did it on purpose? Like to distract me?"

He stared at you for a moment and tilted his head. "What do you think?"

You bit your lip. "I think you were trying to distract me."

"Then think that way." He replied as he looked at the hostess and took the blanket from her before wrapping it around him.

You gave him a confused face. "Aren't you a little weird?"

"Maybe." He shrugged and closed his eyes with his head leaning back while you rolled your eyes before plugging your earbuds as you both gave eachother the sign of not wanting to converse more.

_____________

Half an hour passed, you felt yourself shaking and interrupting your peaceful sleep as you shot eyes opened to get the shock of your life to realize that the plane itself was shaking. Your eyes enlarged as you sat up straight holding both sides of your armrests and looked at the young stranger still sleeping soundly while the people were being chaotic.

You panicked and instantly shook his shoulder where he groaned opening his one eye to look at you before waking up fully as he sat up straight yawning. "What's happening?"

You let out a shaky breath. "Can't.. Can't you tell? We're going to die! I knew it! That's why I don't travel in planes!"

He looked around nonchalantly, not even a slightest look of panic was shown on his face. "Chill, it's going to be okay."

You stared at him incredulously. "You look like you have been survived in a lot of crashes! And why would you jinx it!"

He placed his hand over yours gently and you looked at him in surprise where he sighed. "I actually have been in these situations."

You huffed. "And here I thought you would say something comforting!"

You didn't bother to remove his hand as it was giving you the feeling of someone being with you and comforting you nor he did. As he looked around watching the hostesses trying to calm down the passengers and saw the middle-aged man weeping making him frown until he turned to you only to get startle to see the same sight.

Tears were streaming down your cheeks with your lips leaving sobs silently as you were missing your family. "I haven't even met my celebrity crush and I am dying already! Mom! Dad!"

Before he could say anything, the announcement was made where the passengers went silent for a moment. The current engine was in a breaking line which is why the plan was shaking but since it was close to another city, it was going to land there for a bit till the new engine is fitted.

Sighs of relief could be heard from the passengers including you two and that's how you realized that he, himself was frightened but didn't show it. Noticing your hands, you slowly tried to pull away which he felt as he looked at you and removed his hand over yours while looking away.

Soon, the plane landed safely and all the passengers were out and strolling around the airport. You went to the sitting area with your luggage and called your parents about the situation where you saw that young stranger also talking on the phone.

The head hostess came to your sitting area and informed that the new engine is being replaced where it could take time from 10 to 12 hours since there are other flights to take off.

You sighed holding the handle of your lugging before placing your chin on your hands while looking around to see the passengers getting up and going out. As you opened your phone to pass your time, you felt a presence over you suddenly and looked up to see the young stranger.

"Oh, hi?" You looked at him confusingly and he cleared his throat before looking around nervously then back to you. "So.. What are you gonna do? I mean.. Are you going to stay here all day?"

You frowned thinking. "Um, not that I want to but I'm not really familiar with this city so..."

He nodded before licking his lips nervously. "I am... So do you want to.. tour around?"

You stared at him surprised which made him even more nervous as he rubbed his nap before you squinted your eyes at him. "Good suggestion.. But can I trust you?"

"Good question." He shot back raising his brows. "Well, it's up to you. If you want to be bored here or have a tour around when you have got a chance?"

You bit your lip thinking hard on his suggestion before standing up and he stared at you questionly while you tapped your luggage. "Where do I put this?"

He chuckled smirking. "So.. I got your trust?"

You crossed your arms humming. "25 percent."

______________

Here you were roaming around the city of Brooklyn with the young stranger beside you who seemed to be too familiar with the city. At first you both booked a room to keep both of your luggage safe and took the important belongings of yours.

Currently, you two were heading to a restaurant near you since being full in your stomach leads you to get energized for having a tour with energy. As you both were walking down the streets, he stopped as a young couple who seemed to be touring around too asked him to take their picture.

He took a picture of them before the guy was asking him something while looking at you in a language which you couldn't understand where the young stranger nodded smiling at you then back to him.

The young stranger walked made his way towards you. "They are asking if we want a picture too."

You frowned looking at the couple. "Um, yeah, sure."

He smiled a little but before you could see it, he turned around nodding at them as he stood beside you with a distance. You both posed giving a smile but the couple kept asking you both to move closer and to your surprise, the young stranger stood closer but not too much which was nice of him.

The picture was taken as the man handed you the Polaroid picture before walking away and you looked at the young stranger. "What did you talked about him? And why did he looked at me?"

"He asked if you were my mother." He joked looking at the picture and your jaw dropped as you unconsciously hit his arm. "Do I look that old?!"

He chuckled before showing you the Polaroid. "I'm keeping this."

"No, you can't. I'm also in it." You snatched it from his hand. "I'll keep this."

"Not a chance." He snatched it back before walking ahead faster with you running behind him. "Hey! Stop! Give it back!"

You both ended up in a food market which was famous for its service and delicious taste. Sitting across of each other, you both were having your meal with you tasting almost everything and eating half of it.

His lips curved upwards in a smile watching you eating well before he took a sip of his water. "You seemed to be into food."

You looked at him munching and nodded. "Of course, food is life. It's literally the only thing keeps us going and I really need to get energized."

He chuckled. "You.. Also seem to like traveling. Like you were chanting Switzerland.. So have you been to any other places?"

You palmed your chin thinking. "Nope. But I really want to see Switzerland before I die but with my money."

"So, you're not here with your money?"

You shook your head. "No way, I am saving up for Switzerland. And it's not like I wanted to come here so obviously my parents did the money thing and what's theirs is also mine. But.. Have you been to Switzerland?"

He nodded nonchalantly and your eyes sparkled. "Really?! How is it?"

He shrugged. "It's cool and cold."

You gave him a seriously look and shook your head at his answer. "About the picture, let's make it two so we can have each.

He hummed. "Fair enough."

_________________

Four hours passed like a breeze but a fresh one. It was getting dawn as the clock read seven where you both were engrossed in the beauty of the city. The young stranger surely knew this city very well as all the places he took you, you were having fun where your little bickering was cheery on top.

You were walking down the street when your phone buzzed which you were attempting to fish out but a shriek escaped your lips as your purse was snatched and you saw the thief running away with the young stranger chasing him.

You stood there dumbfounded for a second then also chased them while shouting thief where half of the population was looking at you three amazingly like they were watching a movie.

"Stop! You darn thief!" You shouted running faster than you ever had in your life before entering in a street which those two men just went and saw two cops talking to each other.

"Hey! Officers!" You exclaimed as they looked at you and before they could even react, you took a hold of each of their arms and made them run with you in the exact speed of yours.

What happened young lady?!" The middle-aged officer questioned loudly because of running and you pointed at the two men before you. "The thief!"

"We'll surely catch them but what's a young beautiful lady doing here?" The young officer asked beside you as you were between them and you gave him a weird look. "Catching the thief!"

"And what would be this beautiful lady's name?" He gave a cheeky grin and you looked at him incredulously as he was flirting instead of catching the thief before you glared at him. "Thief catcher!"

"Such a pretty name for a pretty lady." He wasn't backing down and you rolled you eyes before giving him a sarcastic smile. "Thank you very much but can we catch the thief if you're done interrogating me?"

"Sure!" He exclaimed smiling before speeding up to them but stopped when the young stranger kicked him and the thief fell where he caught him.

You three caught up to him and you took deep breaths to calm down yourself while the officers handcuffed the thief. The middle-aged officer was talking to the young stranger and the young officer was trying to flirt with you again which that younger stranger noticed.

He stood beside you wrapping his arm around your shoulder startling you as you looked at him surprised while he glared at the young officer before looking back at the middle-aged officer. "Thank you for helping me and my girlfriend, we'll get going now."

You noticed the young officers face dropped listening this before you both walked down street still in the same position. You couldn't tell if he was being jealous or just helping you out but you chose the latter since you couldn't choose the former one and latter seemed the sensible option.

Walking out of the street, he removed his arm and looked at you nervously thinking you might took it wrong way but to his surprise, you smiled. "Thanks for helping me out. Gosh, that officer was really giving me creepy vibes."

He chuckled. "Anyway, what should we do now?"

You shrugged before you heard some songs getting your attention as you both looked towards the direction to see a outdoor event happening infront of you where two guards were standing there. You looked at him and he looked back at you at the same time giving you a smug grin which raising his brows.

You frowned before realizing his suggestion by his look and instantly shook your mouthing. "No."

"Come on, scaredy cat. It's going to fun." He gestured smiling and you bit your contemplating before nodding eventually.

He took a hold of your wrist and jogged towards the garden before looking at the guards who were eyeing you both suspiciously. Giving them a gentle smile, you pointed at the two guests going inside signaling that you're with them where he actually bought it and let you in.

Looking at the young stranger with a amazed face, you both did a fistbump before walking inside further. The garden was decorated with lightnings and there was a stage where the music was playing but your eyes were looking for something else.

Your eyes lit up finding it and you headed towards the food court before filling your stomach with the delicious food.

"Were you that hungry?" You stopped munching and looked at him chuckling while nodding making him smile before he looked around where his face showed panic.

You gulped down the food looking at him with worrying eyes. "What happened?"

"The owner is coming with his guards." He spoke holding your wrist as you looked back to see them coming towards you both before looking back at him with wide eyes. "Now what?"

"We have to run." He whispered and before you could even say anything, he pulled you with him running towards the gate with the guards chasing you both.

Walking out of the gate, the guards were still behind you but you both were fast enough to run away from them as you ended up in a silent road. Halting, you both were panting and catching your breath before looking at eachother for a moment and burst into laughter.

"That was insane." He chuckled calming himself and you nodded giggling back. "But it was fun."

"I have got something." He said taking out something from his bag and showed you two small bottles of beer causing you gasp. "You.. Seriously?"

He shrugged smiling handing you one while he took a sip of his own and you chuckled. "I thought you were some arrogant guy but you know how to laugh, huh?"

"And I thought you were some scaredy cat but you know how to have fun, huh?" He tilted his head smirking and you glared at him playfully before breaking into giggles with him.

_________________

Cold breeze touching your face with the silence and the beautiful view of city lights brightening infront of your eyes was so soothing and perfect place to rest here.

"How did you know this place?" You turned towards the young stranger beside you on the big stone. "I have noticed, you seemed to know this place very well. Are you like.. Traveler?"

He shrugged. "You can say that."

"You even knew where to rent a car from." You paused frowning before gasping. "Don't tell me you're a wanted criminal and I have been touring around with you?"

He chuckled looking at you with an unreadable expression. "Don't worry, I don't harm beautiful women."

You stared at him blankly. "Did you.. Did you just flirt with me?"

He smiled tilting his head. "What do you think?"

You didn't replied and just looked ahead smiling before feeling his gaze on you as you looked at nervously. "What?"

"What?"

You let out a nervous chuckle. "Why are looking at me like that?"

He smiled fondly. "Because you're beautiful and I like looking at beautiful things."

"Oh My God! Stop!" You exclaimed laughing and looked ahead. "This will get awkward!"

You looked back at him and started laughing as he joined you back. "Can I say more?"

"No! Shut up!"

___________________

It was 6 in the morning and you found yourself at the airport with your luggage looking at the young stranger infront of you. "So.. This is where we part ways."

He groaned lowly. "Why our flights had to be different? I had practiced more lines."

"Seriously?" You laughed and he smiled before fishing out something from his pocket. "It's yours."

It was the polaroid picture which you took with him and smiled. "What about you?"

"I have mine." He showed the copy of it smilingly. "By the way, Are you going to be okay? Or gonna cry again if something occurs again?"

You looked at him offended. "Hey! I wasn't crying!"

He nodded humming. "Yeah, it was raining from your eyes."

You laughed before the announcement was made of your flight causing you to look at him as you smiled sadly. "It was really fun touring around with you. Mr. Arrogant stranger."

"Same here. Miss. Scaredy cat." He chuckled and you rolled you eyes before holding out your hand. "Goodbye, then."

He smiled sadly not really wanting to part ways as he sighed shaking his hand with yours. "Have a safe journey."

You sighed feeling strange as if something was being empty inside but you shrugged it off before walking away while waving at him for the last time.

_____________________

"Look at this way. Okay, 1, 2, 3!"

And the photographer captured your picture with the bride where you let her rest and walked outside. It's been two days to that day and you were actually missing that young stranger.

The most dumb thing you have done was that you never asked for his name nor his number. Well, you didn't had guts to do the latter but your dumb self didn't do the former one either.

Roaming around aimlessly in the big hall, your eyes spotted a familiar figure walking beside a man in a black suit and you shook your head. "There's no way. Y/n, you have gone nuts."

You walked towards the food court and began to eat until you heard a voice behind you making you halt on your spot.

"You're still not full. Scaredy cat?"

Turning around, your mind went blank to see the person you were missing was standing right in front of you smiling. "You.. Here.. How?"

Shoving his hands in his pockets, he walked towards you. "What do you think?"

You tilted your head pondering. "You can't be here because of me, right?"

He smirked. "What if I am?"

You crossed your arms. "That would be stalking, Mr. Arrogant."

He chuckled. "You look beautiful."

You smiled playfully. "Not sure, If I can say the same."

He laughed holding out his hand. "Kim Jongin."

You smiled shaking his hand. "Y/n."

And it went from a day with the stranger to a lifetime with him.

_______________

Just a oneshot came into my mind and decided to write it and now posting it! Well, I hope you like it!

#kim jongin #kim jongin fanfic #kai fluff #exo fluff #exo fanfiction #exo #exo fanfic #kai edit #oneshot #kai gif #kai imagine #exowritersnet #exo ff #kai x reader

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floralseokjin · 5 years ago

Text

;good2me (m)

Hoseok has been your friend and one of your roommates for over a year. That’s fine by you. In fact, most of the time he’s getting on your last nerve, even though you love him half to death. He’d agree. But soon you both find out there’s a very thin line between friendship and potential lovers... Are you prepared to cross it?

pairing; jung hoseok x reader (slight kim seokjin x reader) genre/warnings; friends to lovers (idiots to lovers), roommate au, bartender! hoseok, romance, bearable angst, a small infidelity, some mature content, implied smut words; 15,351

author’s note; i started watching new girl again and got inspired by jess and nick’s relationship! Late, but for hoseok’s birthday 🥺💖

“Ohhh!” Hoseok hollered as you walked into the living area, looking up from where he was sat on the couch, flicking through the television. “Mama’s looking sexy!”

“Thank you. She is,” you said, trying to put on your best sexy voice. You did a little spin, before squeezing your cleavage up. “Got a little breast on show. A little booty if I bend over at a ninety degree angle.” You didn’t bend over the whole way, but he got the picture.

He laughed, genuinely amused. “What is the occasion?”

Trying to keep your bashful smile away, you failed. Big style. “Seokjin’s taking me out on our very first official date.”

“Where to? Somewhere fancy no doubt.”

“It’s a surpriseee.”

You were giddy. Had been all day. You and Seokjin were finally happening, after all this time. Three months ago it seemed impossible. You had met in a quite unsavoury way, as in, you’d been determined to go out that night and have a one night stand. The one night stand had sure happened, but make that a multiple night stand.

It was just casual sex for a few weeks. You didn’t know much about one another—more detail would mean this thing would just get deeper, and it was supposed to be the most casual of casual. You had come out of a longterm relationship at the start of the year, nearly 30 and very unsure what to do now when it came to dating. You’d met a couple of guys along the way, but you kept making the same mistake. You kept getting into relationships with them. You were sick of being Serious Sue, you wanted to be Fun Fanny. The nickname wasn’t the most desirable and you quickly stopped announcing that to potential hook ups you found at the bar. (Hoseok said you were giving off vibes you really didn’t want to be giving off.)

Seokjin was a bit of a closed book back then, you didn’t know his story, why he wanted to keep things so casual. The guy was super sweet, really attentive and amazing in bed, but you didn’t pry. He hadn’t asked for your history, so you didn’t ask for his. Until you found out he was a doctor. A kid’s doctor. Or if you wanted to be official, a paediatrician. The dude was actually perfect, and that’s how you started to fall.

It didn’t end well. When you confessed your feelings and implied you wanted more, he took off. He was sorry about it, apologised profusely, but he still left. You were heartbroken. But not just because of the rejection. It was because you’d fucked up again, wanted something serious, even though you’d sworn this thing with Seokjin was just a hook up.

You managed to shake your dark mood, but you couldn’t shake the fact it felt like Seokjin was the one that got away. The one who was husband material if the situation had been different. It still felt like that nearly two months later when you ran into him at a Christmas party. However, to your surprise, he came at you with a thousand apologies. He couldn’t stop thinking about you, couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d let go. He couldn’t concentrate the regret was so deep. He’d just come out of a shitty relationship when he’d met you, he’d gotten hurt and the idea of getting into a fresh relationship so soon had half frightened him to death. But the truth was he really liked you and wanted to be with you. He wanted something serious now, but he totally understood if you told him where to go.

You very nearly did. You’d put your heart on the line once and he’d stomped all over it. Maybe it was just the stubbornness in you, seeing as you’d secretly held out for this. You’d needed time to think and Seokjin understood. It was actually Hoseok in the end who’d encouraged you to give it a shot. He knew you were frightened of getting hurt, but you deserved happiness and Seokjin could give that to you. (The dude’s perfect, were his exact words. And rich. Bag him now, before I do.)

“Well, have a great time,” Hoseok grinned, taking a moment to get another look at you. “You look stunning. He’s gonna be blown away.”

Your phone dinged in your hand. It was Seokjin, he’d just pulled up. “That’s him now.” Your voice was an unusual pitch. All high and excited. You were nearly at the door when you stopped, remembering what you wanted to tell Hoseok before you’d gotten distracted. You turned back. “Thank you again, Hobi.”

He groaned. “Quit thanking me. I just gave you my opinion. You’re the one who made the decision.”

You nodded, smiling softly. You were a broken record by now. “I don’t think I’ll be coming home tonight so don’t wait up.”

“Ew.” He wrinkled his nose, feigning disgust. “Get out of here!”

You laughed and opened the door to leave. Yeah, you were big style getting laid tonight. “Have fun with the guys!” You called, managing to get a grunt in reply.

Living with three males was interesting, to say the least. Definitely not how you imagined seeing in your thirties. But when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. Life had dealt you a lot of lemons (Read: blows. Lemons = blows) these past twelve months. The breakdown of your eight year relationship had resulted in you moving out of the home you shared. Living with your best friend Joy had been fine at first, but it was always a temporary thing in your mind. That’s how you found yourself here, in loft 4a, living with three guys. Your mother had always told you not to trust an ad on Craigslist, but she lived 100 miles away. What she didn’t know wouldn’t harm her.

There was Hoseok, of course, who you were closest with. It didn’t make any sense, most of the time you were like chalk and cheese. He was hard to read, kind of judge-y on a bad day, but somehow he got you the most. Maybe it was because just before you’d moved in he’d gone through his own similar breakup. Another long term relationship with a woman you’d meant once when she was picking up some of the things she’d left at the loft. You hadn’t known him well back then, but now you did, and you’d seen first-hand what the separation had done to him. It made him insecure. In himself, in his capabilities and in his job. He worked in a bar down the road, had for a few years after he dropped out of law school, and even though he’d never said it outright, you think that was the parting dig Minah, the ex, had left him with when she’d walked out. But despite that, Hoseok could be fun and easy to be around. That’s why you liked him the most. Because he’d always made you feel comfortable. Right from the beginning.

Next, there was Yoongi. A radio host for the local station in your area. You might think he was aloof if you didn’t know him any better, but the guy was very much similar to a cat. Slight in his affection but that just made it all the more sincere. You’d never forget the time he’d kicked out this lame-o you’d thought you were exclusively dating, when in fact it turned out he was seeing three other girls too. Yoongi found you in tears in the living room, jerkface trying to apologise for the misunderstanding. He was out on his ass in under five seconds. From that night on you knew to call him a friend, much to his chagrin. He was a big softy really, and very loyal. That’s why Joy had fallen for him pretty early on. One introduction, a few weeks later and Bam! They were an item. There went her vow to never date a guy shorter than her. Plus, Yoongi was very smug about dating a model. Thought all his Christmas’ had come at once. But yeah, they were very much in love now. Pretty sickening really…

And last but not least, there was Namjoon. He was the brains of the group. The only one with a master’s degree, and the only one with a “proper” job. A high school science teacher. Well, technically you were a teacher too, but it wasn’t particularly the same when you taught a bunch of adults creative writing. Namjoon was the sensible one. The one who kept the lid on everyone’s antics when they were in fear of getting out of control. Although boy could be erratic when he wanted to be. More often now that the woman he’d been dating on and off for six months had finally ended things. Heartbroken Namjoon was not fun. Nor was the depressing music he played at 2am in the morning. But you were there for him because you loved him. You, Hoseok and Yoongi.

3 guys, one girl. Best friends until the end, living in loft 4a.

Ew. It could be a sitcom.

“I don’t understand why you had to meet me outside,” Hoseok said to you. “I work here, it’s not like this place is new to me.”

You hummed, not really wanting to answer him, but also severely distracted. It was a good few weeks later now, winter was pretty much over, life had long and resumed after Christmas. In fact, it was the middle of February and today was Hoseok’s birthday. The last but one of you to turn the dreaded three-oh. You were pretty nervous right now, inside the bar a whole bunch of people ready to celebrate. Hoseok thought it was just you, the guys and Joy joining him for a few drinks… There was minor detail you’d left out and ignored: Hoseok hated surprises.

Walking through the bar entrance first, leading the way for obvious reasons, you were met with darkness. Hoseok stopped dead behind you, and you heard him mutter oh, god, aghast. Your stomach dropped out of your ass but you flicked on the lights, yelling SURPRISE! with the rest of the partygoers filling the dingy room.

“Happy 30th birthday, Hobi!” You exclaimed, hugging into him slightly. You pulled back, a grin on your face, eyes wide as you tried to gauge his reaction. He wouldn’t make a scene, surely? You watched with slight dread as he tried to stretch one across his face too. His eyes were piercing though. Piercing into you with complete and utter disbelief. You then watched as he turned his head and addressed his guests. “Thanks, guys. What a lovely surprise…”

Frick. He was definitely using his fake voice.

“What is this?” Hoseok hissed at you. He’d finally been able to corner you an hour in, and you stood huddled together by the restrooms. “I told you I didn’t want a big deal. You said it was just going to be a few lowkey drinks at the bar!”

“It is,” you insisted, before muttering that next part. “Just with an added 20 more people…”

“I don’t even know half of them!” He looked around the room, and you joined him.

Okay, you had to admit, after the first five people you’d added to the list it was pretty hard to think of more. In the end you’d had to improvise. Invite acquaintances or just even friends of a friend… You wouldn’t admit that though. “Sure you do,” you shrugged. “There’s Yoongi and Joy.”

“She’s your best friend.”

“There’s Namjoon.”

“They don’t count.” He frustrated. “They were supposed to be here! It was just supposed to be them!”

“There’s Mrs. Choi from our building–”

“You invited a 60 year old lady to my birthday?”

She had a soft spot for him. Of course she should be here. “There’s Brian, your-your boss…” You admit by now you were struggling.

“He’s just here because he works every night.”

“There’s…” You glanced around again, desperate to see a familiar face of Hoseok’s. Finally, you found someone. “THERE’S NARA!” You shouted pretty loudly, excitement taking over. She drunk at the bar a few nights a week. Hoseok had become a little enamoured.

He jerked his head in her direction. She was sat in a booth with Yoongi, Joy and Namjoon. The latter chatting away with her. “Oh, my god. You invited Nara?!”

“Of course I did. You like her.”

“No, I don’t.” He was quick to refute. “I don’t like her. How do you know I like her?” He was also quick to give in.

“You find a way to bring her into conversation every single time. Ask Yoongi.”

He sighed dramatically, rubbing his his temples. “Well, that’s just great. Now she knows I’m 30. She knows I’m old!”

“Shut up,” you scoffed. “She’s close to 30 too.”

His head shot up. “You know her age?”

“Yes. I know a lot about her.” You smirked, feeling powerful. “In the five minute conversation we had while I was inviting her, I found out way more than you have in the past three weeks you’ve been into her.”

“I like to take my time.” He fumed. You were close to bickering, you could feel it. Hoseok said you were a butt-er in-er. You took control of things that weren’t your job. This was probably a classic example. However, this time around he relented. He wanted in on this info. He lowered his voice, leaning in. “What did you find out?”

You shrugged, pretty nonchalant. If it wasn’t his birthday you’d make him pay you ten bucks for the facts. “Her surname. Her age. Where she was born. She prefers cats over dogs. LOVE that,” you exclaimed. Hoseok rolled his eyes, speeding you up with hand motions. “She’s only had one serious relationship in her life. Kinda like me. Although, who knows now that me and Seokjin are an item.”

You found yourself easily on a tangent. Your relationship with Seokjin the biggest distraction in your life right now. Things were going amazing. Just over six weeks in and you were finding that domestic bliss you and your ex never had.

“I don’t care about your life. I care about mine.” Hoseok rudely interrupted. “What else did you find out?”

You glared at him but replied. “Not a lot after that. Bottom line is I love her. We’re a lot alike actually.”

“No, you are not,” he insisted, a little bit of nausea in his face. You knew better than to get offended. “Hey, how did you find this all out in five minutes?”

You tipped your shoulders. “People feel comfortable around me. They can open up, y’know?”

He grunted in response, before his eyes widened in horror, thinking of something. “You didn’t tell her I like her, did you?”

“No,” you scoffed. “What do you take me for? An idiot?” The look he gave you was a yes. You rolled your eyes and grabbed him by the shoulders. “You’re going to tell her. Tonight. That’s why I invited her.”

He swallowed, now looking scared. Talking to girls was never his forte. The last “relationship” he’d had since the big breakup had lasted four weeks. He had a lot to learn. You tapped his back encouragingly and he gave you a tight nod. Damn, maybe he really was about to get his flirty flirt on with this woman. You smiled at him and he looked around the bar one last time, shaking his head with a chuckle as he realised something. “God. You threw me a party at the bar I work at.”

When would you ever win?!

An hour later you were making your way back to the apartment. Hoseok in tow. You wanted to convince yourself it was because you could see the party wasn’t his style at all. You mean, you could see that, but the real reason you were in the elevator right now was because you’d been hit with another, even better idea. In fact, you wished you’d just thought of this first.

“They’ll be fine back there. They won’t miss you,” you tried to reassure Hoseok, stepping out into the hallway.

“Gee. That makes me feel so amazing on my birthday. Thank you.” Sarcasm all day, everyday. You didn’t deserve it. “Thank you for gathering a bunch of strangers to celebrate that I am one step closer to death.”

See? It hadn’t been that hard to get him outside and convince him to walk you home because you were feeling a little lightheaded. It was like taking candy from he baby. Hoseok was dumb.

“What happened to you?” You glared his way. “The guys always tell me you were so full of life before I moved in.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I think you’ve answered the question yourself there.”

You tutted, letting it go over his head. “Thirty is not bad, at all. I turned it a few months ago and I’ve just felt amazing ever since.”

“You cried all day.”

Goddamnit. “They were happy tears. Now,” you changed the subject, because yes, he was calling you out, but also he was pulling out his key, about to let himself in. You pushed him to the side, grabbing yours from your purse. “Just let me go do it,” you announced loudly. Almost like you wanted someone to hear you. “Just getting my key. Pushing it in the lock.” You continued the description. “Arriving home!”

“What are you doing? What’s going on?” He was bound to be suspicious. You weren’t exactly being discreet.

“Nothing.” You shook your head, now pushing the door open.

“Nothing? I—

“SURPRISE!”

Hoseok didn’t have a chance to finish his sentence, door swinging open to reveal the guys. Namjoon pushed forward to slip a ’30 Years Old’ banner over his head, and he had the audacity to glare at you.

“I specifically said don’t make this birthday a big deal and instead you throw me TWO surprise parties in the span of a couple hours.” He was in disbelief. “Don’t you listen to a word I say?!”

“This is a better one though.” You whined. “The one I originally should’ve planned. It’s just friends.”

“Hi again,” a little voice sounded from behind Namjoon.

“And Nara.” You grinned, watching Hoseok’s face light up a little. “See Nara came. I invited Nara.” Success. Namjoon had followed instructions. Get the woman into the apartment.

Hoseok finally smiled at you, stepping inside the loft. “Nara came! Hi, Nara!” You’d take that as his seal of approval then. This place was much better for getting to know her. He’d failed miserably at the bar, you wouldn’t allow it here. You were going to play matchmaker tonight.

“Baby!”

The sound of Seokjin’s voice in the hall distracted you, and you shrieked a little when you saw him walking towards you, dressed in all black. “Yay, Seokjin! You made it.” He hugged you straight away, landing a kiss on your lips.

“We managed to get someone else in for the night. I escaped.” He cheered, still holding your waist as he turned his head towards Hoseok. “Happy Birthday, man.”

“Thanks, Jin,” he smiled, before shooting a misplaced compliment. “You’re looking very handsome. As always.”

You rolled your eyes, laughing a little as Seokjin pulled a confused face at you. “Ignore him, he’s already a little buzzed.” You still didn’t understand Hoseok’s obsession with your boyfriend’s looks. But the guy wasn’t wrong, Seokjin did indeed look very handsome tonight. As always.

You glanced around the room, Yoongi and Joy had managed to put up some balloons and a banner in record time after you’d frantically text them the plan half an hour ago. Alcohol stood on the dining table, a few snacks in bowls. Definitely Joy’s doing. You clapped your hands. “Music please! Let’s get this party started!”

The room erupted into cheers.

“Okay, I have an idea,” you yelled into the room. It was over an hour in now. This party was popping, much better than the one happening in bar you bet. You were drunk. Not wasted or anything, but definitely merry. “Let’s play spin the bottle!”

You’d already played Pass the Balloon, thinking of games from when you were a teenager in desperation as you tried to hook Hoseok and Nara up. The balloon one was going well until Namjoon and her had found themselves in some difficulty. Then it was just a wasted ten minutes as you watched them fail to give in. At least Joon was having fun though, it had been a while since you’d seen him have fun, let alone laugh.

“We’re not in high school,” Hoseok grumbled from beside you.

Nara piped up from the kitchen. “I think’ll be fun.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Cool.” Hoseok soon changed his tune. “I think it’ll be fun too. Cool.”

“Great!” You took the bottle Seokjin had been drinking from and swigged the last bit much to his amusement. You hadn’t told him what you were up to yet, but he was going along with your crazy ideas anyway. He always watched you with fondness, which was sweet considering he also called you the wackiest person he knew.

“Everyone, get in a circle and sit!” You ordered. They listened. You grabbed Hoseok just before he took off. “You, come here.” Dragging him out into the hall that lead to your bedrooms you tried your best to whisper. “Sit next to Nara.”

“Huh?”

God. Was he dumb? “I’m helping you here. Setting you up.”

“I don’t need you to,” he exasperated. “I got this.”

You knew for a fact he didn’t “got this”. “It’ll be your turn first, birthday boy n’ all.” You carried on like you hadn’t heard him. “Spin it ever so slightly.”

“That’s so obvious.”

“You want to make it obvious.”

He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Fine.”

You smiled in triumph, grabbing him by the arm. “Remember: ever so slightly!” And with that you dragged him towards the circle. You were pretty feisty when you needed to be.

“It’s Hobi’s turn first because he’s the birthday boy,” you told everyone as you pushed him down between Nara and Joy. You sat to Nara’s left; convenient to keep an eye on everything, plus you were next to Seokjin too.

“It’s so cute how you call him Hobi,” Nara commented, leaning into you with a smile.

“Oh, really?” You were a little caught off guard. “Everyone calls him that. No big deal.” You tried to think if that was true… You must’ve heard it from somewhere else why would you have started calling him that…?

“Are there rules?” Joy asked.

“Yes! Rules!” You suddenly realised. You racked your brains. Hoseok and Nara couldn’t kiss in front of everyone. That would just be odd. Hm, maybe this was too obvious. “Whoever the bottle lands on, that’s who you kiss! But there’s a twist. It has to be in my closet.”

“You got cameras in there or something?” Namjoon piped up, Nara laughed loudly.

“No,” you said slowly. “Because it’s the biggest. You can’t come out until the deed is done.”

“Isn’t that like seven minutes in heaven?” Yoongi asked.

“Yoongi, just shut up and listen.” Why couldn’t people just be excited? You were trying to hook up their friend! “It’s not like that because I don’t want people having sex in my closet.” You nudged Nara and giggled. She slowly laughed back, a little confused. You caught Hoseok shooting you a look but ignored him.

“Kissing only,” you continued. “And we need photographic evidence.”

“What?” Hoseok sounded like he was about to run off any moment.

“Just a quick pic,” you shrugged. If truth be told, you wanted Hoseok to have the memory of when you set him up with the girl of his dreams forever. That way he could always thank you.

“Is the guy to girl ratio a little skewed?” Yoongi pointed out. “I’m not kissing Joon.”

You ignored him. “TONGUES.” You shouted instead, clapping your hands. “Almost forgot to specify: tongues!”

“I’m not tonguing anyone bar my girlfriend.” Yoongi was adamant.

“Whatever.” You sighed. Didn’t he realise this wasn’t about him? You didn’t care who he tongued or didn’t tongue. It was about who Hoseok tongued!

You stretched over and handed the bottle to him. “Hoseok, spin.” You were careful not to use your, no, the, nickname. There was nothing cute about it.

“Okay. Kinda nervous.” He was practically shouting. If this was his way of trying to sound casual, he was failing. “Don’t want to mess it up.” Thinking about it, this was a very stupid idea. He was about to spin a bottle four inches to the left. You watched feeling a little sick.

The sick feeling turned to one of horror in a nanosecond. You watched in slow motion as the bottle passed Nara. It wasn’t four inches, it was eight. He’d landed on you.

“No.” Hoseok spoke into the room. The denial was strong. “No. No. Nope. No.”

You could hear the room cheering. Yoongi laughing, saying something about how amazing this was. The game had backfired on you. But in truth you weren’t really listening, too busy having a minor breakdown.

You looked at a Hoseok. “No.” He said it back. You looked around at everyone else, eyes wide. In denial and begging for someone to say you didn’t have to do it. “No. No. HA,” you forced a laugh. “I have a boyfriend. I can’t kiss anyone else.”

“If you were going to make me kiss Joon, you’re kissing Hoseok.”

“Baby, it’s just a game,” Seokjin chuckled, hooking his arm around your shoulders. “It’s fine.”

“No.” You were adamant. “I would call that cheating. Wouldn’t you?”

“I would.” Hoseok piped up. At least someone was on your side. No one listened to him.

“Relax.” Seokjin rubbed the back of your neck. “Come here.” He dipped his head, capturing your mouth in a soft kiss before pulling away and winking. “That’s to remember me. Now get on in there!”

The guy physically hauled you up. You perfect boyfriend had no problem with this. Damn him. Damn him for being so reasonable and laid back. Yoongi made a beeline for Hoseok. The glee on his face was pretty frightening.

“To the closest! To the closet! To the closet!” The chanting wasn’t necessary, but it happened any way. Frog marched into your bedroom and pushed into the closet. Surrounded in pitch black before you reached for the light switch.

“You overshot it,” you hissed.

“I was under pressure!” Yelling in whispers was hard. “You do not know how stressful it was!”

You groaned, rubbing your hands all over your face. “Don’t do that you look like The Scream.” Hoseok commented.

You shot him a look before stomping your feet and pointing a finger at him. “I can’t believe this. You were supposed to be in here with Nara!”

“Why the hell did you sit next to her?”

“I don’t know. To keep an eye on you!” In hindsight it was a very bad idea, but what would have happened if you hadn’t? Hoseok would be in here with Seokjin? That was even more weird!

“You guys kissing yet?” Yoongi asked through the door. You could almost see his Lenny face.

“Oh, god,” Hoseok muttered. He sounded faint.

“Yeah. We did it!” You yelled back. You were getting you both out of here. “Was super wet. Hoseok has a freakishly long tongue. Yuck.”

“Hey. No, I don’t.”

“Send the pic. Did you take a pic?” Yoongi sounded way too excited.

Shit. The stupid picture?! Why did you even come up with that rule… “Oh, would you look at that. I didn’t hit the button. Oh well, doesn’t matter,” you shrugged, moving to turn the door handle. It didn’t budge. Almost like someone was holding it shut. “Hey, let us out!!” You yelled.

“No evidence, no escaping.” That was Namjoon. He sounded overly amused.

“Namjoon!” You shrieked in surprise. You twisted and tugged on the handle, hoping you he would relent, give up so you could get the hell out of here. “Let us out. Let us out! I’m claustrophobic!”

“Kiss and take the pic!” Joy shouted.

Joy?! That was it! Friendship over. Come to think of it, where was Seokjin? Maybe you could appeal to him. He’d give in surely. You were about to open your mouth when fresh chanting started. “KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS!” It was so loud you swear you’d wake up with a noise compliant. But more importantly, you could hear Seokjin’s voice along with the rest. Goddamnit. You were really going to have to kiss Hoseok.

You turned back to him, defeat on your face. He’d been oddly quiet since you’d tried escaping. “Let’s just do it,” he shrugged.

“What?” You mean, you’d been planning on saying the same thing, but you’d thought it would take some cajoling.

“Get your phone out. Let’s just get it over with,” he told you. “You want to get out of here, right?”

“Okay.” You nodded, telling yourself it would be fine. “Yeah, we’ll just kiss. It’s no biggie.”

“Nope, no biggie.” He stepped closer. You were suddenly sweating. It was really hot in here and you swear the floor was shaking because of how rowdy they were being outside.

“Hey, remember when I saw your boob that one time?” Hoseok laughed. “It popped right out of your towel when you were talking to me as I brushed my teeth.” He made a popping sound to emphasise, his hand flopping from his chest in an unnecessary reenactment

That had actually been particularly mortifying for you. Especially seeing as it was only a month into living with the guys and you’d just flashed a boob accidentally. “What does that have to do with anything?”

He looked at you, releasing his mistake. “It doesn’t. Just if I’ve seen your boob, I can kiss you.” There was no correlation at all. You wanted to point that out but now he was a few inches from your face. You were going crosseyed trying to look at him. “Okay, let’s do this,” he murmured.

“Ew. What did you just do?” You startled, stepping back.

“Huh?”

“You licked your lips.” He’d licked his lips and moved forward. He was about to put his wet ones on your normal ones.

“Of course I did. Do you want dry lips?”

“Yes! I want dry lips,” you insisted.

He pulled a face, more than puzzled. “These things can get pretty chapped, but ok.” Before you could say anything else he had his hands on your face, lunging closer with his eyes closed.

“No. No.” You ducked from his grip, darting to the other side of the closet. Had it always been that small in here? You used to think it was massive.

Hoseok sighed. “What now?”

“You cupped my face. You did this thing with your eyes.”

“What, closed them?!”

“Don’t kiss me with your eyes closed.”

“So you want to be staring at each other the whole time?” He thought you were crazy. Could tell by the tone of his voice. He exhaled, voice calmer when he spoke again. “You don’t want to kiss me, do you?”

“Of course I don’t. It’s weird as hell.” You caught the look on his face. “Oh, come on. You cannot be offended. Does the idea of kissing me not gross you out?”

“No, it doesn’t gross me out. That’s a bit drastic.”

God, he was not guilt tripping you right now. It worked anyway. “Fine! Let’s kiss.” He looked startled, probably feeling dizzy by your back and forth. “C’mon. Kiss me, Jung.” He didn’t budge. You started chanting. It was the only way. “Kiss me! Kiss me! Kiss me!”

“Ok, okay.” He yelled over you. “Shut the hell up.” You continued. You always did like pissing him off.

In a split second he was in front of you. “Come here.” His cupped your face again and you instantly shut up. Your eyes were locked on his, and in this pretty dismal lighting he looked beautiful. It made your insides feel funny. For a moment there you caught yourself puckering. You caught yourself actually wanting to kiss him, and then in the blink of an eye it was gone. Almost like it never happened. He murmured your name and pulled away, shaking his head

“What?”

“I can’t do this,” he admitted. “It’s too weird.”

“Ha! See!” You were triumphant. “It is weird!”

He shook his head again, chuckling quietly. “No, I mean… This is not how it’s supposed to go.”

“What?” There was silence. He didn’t try to elaborate. “Supposed to go?” No matter how much you tried to make sense of that, nothing worked. “How’s it supposed to go, Hoseok?”

“Forget it. I didn’t say anything,” he tried to backtrack. “It came out wrong.”

“Hoseok.” He didn’t tell you. He just stared at you, unable or unwilling. “Hobi—p”

“You guys win.” You were interrupted as the door burst open, Yoongi grumbling like a giant baby.

You blinked rapidly, not used to the bright lights. Everything felt a little weird, like you’d been in that closest for years. You walked out first, not looking behind you. You felt a little shaken up. You couldn’t explain why.

Seokjin wrapped his arms around your shoulders and laughed. “We were sick of waiting.” He smelt of beer and his eyes were unfocused. You hadn’t realised before but he was drunk. Way more than you were.

“Get back in the circle,” Namjoon ordered, leading the way. God, this game was still going to continue? You’d all be here until tomorrow morning. “You guys are spoilsports.”

“What’s a little kissing among friends?” Yoongi piped up, which was rich coming from him. “Okay, Nara’s turn,” he said once everyone had gotten back into place. She took the bottle eagerly. “Spin it, girl!”

You all watched it go. You totally forgot to pray it landed on Hoseok until it was too late. The room erupted into cheers and wolf whistles as it stopped and your heart sunk.

“NAMJOON!!” Yoongi yelled. “Get it, Kim!”

You shot Hoseok an apologetic look.

“Hey.” You said, stopping by the sofa where Hoseok sat. “I’m sorry about tonight.”

It was a fewhours later, the party was over and you were in your pyjamas ready for bed. Seokjin was already tucked up on his side and you’d just gone to get a glass of water. You didn’t want a headache in the morning. You were surprised to see Hoseok still awake and in the living room.

He shook his head, laughing a little. “It’s fine. I actually kinda enjoyed it in a strange way.”

“You did?”

“Yup. What better way to see 30 in. Trapped in a closet with you.”

You laughed at his silliness, making your way over to the sink to fill up your glass. You gulped the water down, thinking to yourself. You didn’t care if he was just trying to make you feel better. You were still relieved he hadn’t totally hated it. There were worse people to be stuck in a closet with. You hoped.

As you placed the now empty glass down a faint banging appeared. Like something hitting against a wall. It got louder and then slowed away. “What’s that?” You asked Hoseok, turning around and genuinely puzzled.

“Oh, that,” Hoseok chuckled. “That’s Namjoon and Nara. He’s giving it to her good. Real good.”

Your mouth dropped open, just as the banging re-emerged. Yes, it was definitely coming from his room. His headboard. Then the guilt kicked in. “Oh my god. Hobi, I’m so sorry.” How had this happened? How had you not seen the signs? It was pretty obvious now, thinking back, Nara had been totally into Namjoon. All that hushed talking, giggling and touching. The game of spin the bottle. That girl had rigged her own spin for it to land on him. Only she’d been a good shot. Hoseok on the other hand…

Hoseok raised his hand, brushing your apologies away. “He asked for permission. He needs this.” Maybe so. This was the first woman Joon had shown an interest in after Sookie. Hoseok was too understanding. “Besides, I oddly don’t care.”

Or maybe not.

“You don’t?” You instantly kicked yourself for prying. Prying and being nosey had been the downfall of this night. Yet here you were itching for more info.

“Yeah, I just…” He trailed off and shrugged. “Maybe I don’t like Nara that much. It was just a stupid crush. No big deal.”

You didn’t know what to say. You wanted to ask what made him change his mind so suddenly? Made him realise? But that seemed inappropriate. You nodded instead, letting him know you got it, and turned to leave. “Goodnight.”

“Wait,” he called. “Hold up.” He jumped up and you turned to face him again, waiting like he’d asked. “I want to say sorry too. I made that weird. The game.”

“Oh.” The closet. The awkwardness had slowly disappeared through the night and now you had a sickly feeling it was about to come back. If the look on his face was anything to go by.

“What I meant was,” he was talking slow, a little stunted. “If I was ever going to kiss you, it wouldn’t be like that. Because of some stupid game.”

His words took a moment to process. Perhaps you had another hundred questions to ask but they seemed impossible. You should just take what he said and accept it. The game was over and you’d never play it again. You’d never get in a closet with him again. You felt strange, but you didn’t admit that. Instead you smiled. “Okay.”

That feeling was creeping back. The one from the closet, when he’d been holding your face and staring into your eyes. The one where he’d looked so good under that weird yellow light. Hoseok was handsome, you’d always thought so, but in a way where you’d never actually thought of it, if that made sense… In that closet, you’d thought it.

“Come on, I’ll walk with you,” he told you, interrupting the butterflies in your stomach. You walked side by side, down the corridor. Your rooms were directly opposite one another. Had you pointed that out before?

You stopped when he did, forcing yourself to say something. It was just Hoseok. You talked to him all the time. You yelled at him all the time. And laughed, and fooled around. He was your friend. “I promise I’ll make next year’s birthday better.”

He smiled gently, head tilted, voice soft. “You don’t have to promise me anything. Night.”

“Goodnight, Hobi.”

You made to turn, hand nearly on the door handle, but then he pulled you back. One hand reaching for yours, the other curling around your waist. Your mouths met in such a rush you didn’t realise until you felt the warmth of his tongue. It was passionate and eager. The kind of kiss you see in the movies, where no one comes up for air, where their bodies move on their own accord.

There were no thoughts, just feelings. The feeling of how good this was, and how much it took your breath away. The feeling of his lips on yours and how you should’ve been feeling them a long time ago. The feeling of his arms wrapped around your waist, clutching you tight, and yours around his shoulders, holding him close.

When you finally pulled away, no choice but to, you were trembling. Boneless. Hs breath fanned across your face and you were sad. You wanted more. You wanted to kiss him all night. Slowly, more deliberately, you pushed your lips against his, savouring the feel. He kissed you back just as softly before breaking away for good.

“That’s how it would go,” he murmured. He was breathing heavily. “How I imagined it to be.”

And that he was gone. To his room, door shut.

You stood there dazed, lips tingling and you brought your fingers out to touch them. There was silence all around you, and slowly, the haze began to lift. In its wake brought panic and guilt. Seokjin. Your boyfriend was asleep just behind the door.

What had you done?

You got hardly any sleep. Your brain wouldn’t switch off. The guilt twisting your gut, even more so when you kept thinking of the kiss and how good it was, and how short lived it was. Seokjin centimetres away from you, clueless. You rose early. Everyone else was still asleep, the loft silent. Still in your pyjamas you poured yourself some cereal and sat on at the counter, munching away sombrely.

Hoseok was the first to wake up. Of course. You should’ve just stayed inside your room, but you couldn’t bear to be near Seokjin. He strolled into the living room casually, making his way to the kitchen. You tried to ignore the way your stomach flipped because you didn’t know what it meant. Were you angry, panicked, something else?

“Good morning.” He greeted casually.

Angry. You were angry. It rushed up your body. How dare he be so casual. As if nothing had happened. “Seriously? Good morning?” You retorted. He was making himself a coffee. “What’s good about it, Hoseok? You kissed me last night!”

He gave a little shrug. “I know I did.”

You were flabbergasted by his gall. Had to force yourself to continue. “Well,” you stared at him. “Aren’t you going to explain yourself?”

“I already did.” He spoke simply. “I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to show you how I would kiss you.”

Nope. You weren’t feeling guilty over this any longer. Not when he was acting so unfazed. He was the one who had kissed you. This was his doing. And he didn’t care at all. “To what? Prove a point?” You demanded.

He scoffed, dropping a teaspoon into the sink. “No, not to prove a point.” He turned to face you, back leaning against the counter. “I wanted to kiss you.”

Your mind was beginning to reel. “I have a BOYFRIEND,” you said slowly, unable to keep a lid on your anger. “Who I had to sleep next to last night.”

Right on cue, Seokjin came from around the corner, still half asleep and rubbing his eyes. You froze, feeling instantly sick. You hope he hadn’t heard anything.

He hadn’t. He smiled when he saw you both, making his way over. “Morning, guys.”

“Seokjin, hey,” you breathed, feeling a little trembly. You pushed your bowl away, not hungry now. You caught Hoseok’s eyes.

“Morning,” he nodded, turning to look at Seokjin but averting his gaze.

Seokjin leant down and kissed your cheek, rubbing your shoulder. “Did you sleep at all last night? You were tossing and turning like crazy.”

You felt yourself panicking. You needed to cool it. “Ah, I think I was still pumped from the party.” You laughed lightly.

Seokjin joined in. ��You guys sure do know how to have fun. I think I’ve drunk more in these past two months than I have in my entire life.” You heard Hoseok gave the lamest laugh back. It sounded more like a scoff and you shot him a look.

“Hey, wanna go to the zoo today?” Seokjin suggested. You’d been on about going for weeks now just hadn’t gotten around to it. “I’m not due at the hospital until tonight.”

You forced yourself to smile. Hoped it seemed natural. “I’d love to.”

“Perfect,” he grinned, reaching to kiss your lips. They twinged, and you remembered the feeling of Hoseok’s mouth. You were also very aware he was a witness to all this. You pulled back quickly. “Wanna shower first?” Seokjin asked.

“No, it’s okay. You go.”

You couldn’t bear them to be alone together. Hoseok was acting weird, you didn’t trust him not to tell Seokjin. As it would have it though, by the time you looked across at the counter, Hoseok was gone, already walking off back to his room.

“What’s wrong?” You asked Seokjin as you made your way into your room. You’d showered straight after him. Gotten dressed in the bathroom because you did not fancy bumping into Hoseok wrapped in a towel. Even though you had many a time.

Seokjin looked a little sad, you could tell by his face straight away something was up, and delayed, you felt dread begin prick at your spine. What if Hoseok had told him?

“Bad news. They need me at the hospital.” He sounded guilty that he had to let you down.

While you felt instant relief. He didn’t know about the kiss and your guilty conscious was happy you wouldn’t have to spend all day together. You felt terrible at the realisation. Maybe you should just tell him what happened. But… not like this. Not today. You were a serial put-er off-er.

“That’s okay, it can’t be helped,” you told him, making your way over to the bed where he sat perched on. You rubbed his shoulder. You both liked doing that to one another. Thinking that made you sad. “I feel bad for you though. You haven’t had a proper day off in weeks.”

It was true, Seokjin worked harder than any person you’d met before. You didn’t know how he did it. More sadness filled you. You couldn’t explain why. This time it wasn’t the guilt over the kiss, but something else. Everything had changed.

“You’re cute,” he smiled. “I’ll be fine. Always am.” Those words stuck with you. “I’m sad we can’t go to the zoo. Rain check?”

“Rain check,” you nodded, smiling slightly.

“What will you do instead today?” He asked, before chuckling. “Hoseok’s here all day. Keep him company.”

Your eyes widened. “You’ve been talking to Hob–Hoseok?” Damn that nickname. He didn’t deserve to be called Hobi.

“Yeah, while you were in the shower.”

Change the subject. “I think I may hang out with Joy.” It was the weekend after all, and Yoongi had work this afternoon and then he was going out for drinks with some coworkers. Joy would be free. “We can have a girly day. I could stay over maybe.” You were babbling. Trying to make this believable even though it wasn’t a lie. “Face masks, pillow fights, all that sleepover stuff.”

Seokjin looked at you funny and laughed affectionately. “You’re really trying to relive your high school years, aren’t you? You’re cute,” he repeated. He always called you cute. He wrapped his arms around you waist, pulling you a little closer. “—and weird. That’s why I like you.”

Yes. Sometimes you did think you were a little bit “too much” for Seokjin, but he always seemed so endeared by you. Usually this kind of talk made you happy, but you felt strange inside. Like everything was slowly dying. Seokjin kissed you, it didn’t bring you back to life. “I’ll see you tomorrow night. Promise I’ll be free.”

You forced yourself to smile. Any more and your lips would start aching. “Can’t wait.”

He rubbed his nose against yours, voice low. “You can come over. Maybe we can play seven minutes in heaven…”

You giggled, but in your mind you couldn’t stop thinking about your kiss with Hoseok.

“Hoseok kissed me last night.”

It was a few hours later, not even twenty four after the kiss, and you were finally telling someone about it. You weren’t built to keep secrets. Joy knew that. She knew you the best out of anyone. She’d been your best friend for over twenty years. That’s why it was her you told. Curled up on her sofa you blurted it out. No lead up, no ‘Hey, can I tell you something?’ Just straight out with it.

She turned her attention away from the television, a look of confusion spread all over her face. “During the game or?”

You breathed out. “After. Once everyone had gone home.”

Her eyes widened, but she spoke slowly, as if she was trying really hard to understand. “I’m confused. Was it a drunk thing?”

“I don’t know why he did it,” you admitted. If you had a solid answer maybe you could get your head around it more. “He said he wanted to show me how our first kiss would go.”

“Hold up.” Now Joy had come to life. Still in shock, but needing explanations. “He imagined a first kiss? Does he like you?”

“No,” you exclaimed, pulling a disgusted face. “It’s Hoseok. Me and Hoseok.”

“Do you like him?”

Was she crazy? “No.” But that sounded too mean. “Yes. I mean, of course I like him, he’s my friend.”

“Christ. He kissed you,” she muttered, shaking her head a little in disbelief.

“I kissed him back.” Had you left out that minor detail? It was all very well saying Hoseok kissed you, but you’d let him, and you’d kissed him back just as hard. The memory had your insides feeling funny again.

Joy looked a little in stunned. You didn’t blame her. You and Hoseok kissing? His mouth on yours, his hands on your body, his tongue in your mouth… You needed a cold shower. Where was your guilt now?!

“What was it like?” She asked hesitantly. Curious.

“Really good.” You couldn’t lie. And you couldn’t keep the truth in. You just needed to be honest with yourself. “I’m so confused. Joy, I cant stop thinking about it. I’m so mad at him but it was just so… It was just so hot. But out of this world. Like, I saw through time and space, and it was Hoseok doing it!” In what world did that seem realistic? He was your friend!

“Damn, Hoseok has game.” Joy sounded half impressed.

You sighed sadly. “I think it was the best kiss of my life but it can’t be because…” There she was. The guilt. She settled in your stomach, heavy and sickly. “Seokjin. I have a boyfriend. One who I’ve liked for the longest time.”

You remembered how much you wanted to make it work with him while things were still just a hook up and how heartbroken you’d been when he’d told you he couldn’t give you that. How confused and kind of mad you were when he found you again and confessed his feelings and how happy you’d been when you’d given him another chance. When Hoseok had encouraged you to give it a try. Nothing made sense. Everything had changed after one kiss.

“Are you going to tell him?” Joy asked.

“I don’t know. I was going to forget the kiss ever happened but I don’t think I can do that,” you admitted. Seokjin deserved the truth, but selfishly, more than that, you couldn’t live like this, so conflicted. It wasn’t black and white. You’d kissed Hoseok back.

“Just think it through, okay?” She told you gently. “If you tell him it’ll make things awkward. You’re friends with Hoseok. You live with Hoseok.”

You didn’t think Joy got it. You didn’t think you got it. You couldn’t forget about the kiss. That’s why you had to tell Seokjin. “No, I should tell him.” Your voice was a little shaky. “I kissed Hoseok back. It wouldn’t be fair to blame it all on him. Seokjin needs to know.”

You slipped through the door, trying to be as quiet as possible. You turned left, towards your bedroom and began creeping. It was past midnight but you still wanted to go as undetected as possible, praying Namjoon and Hoseok were in their rooms already.

“Hey.” You winced when you heard Hoseok’s voice, freezing. “I was waiting up for you. Where were you all day?”

You turned back slowly, trying to make your voice sound as neutral as possible. If truth be told, the last person you wanted to have a conversation with right now was him. “At Joy’s. I was going to stay over but Yoongi got drunk and she had to pick him up.”

“You were going to stay over because of me?” He asked. You stayed silent and he sighed your name. “Look, I’m really sorry I did this. Made things awkward between us. It’s the last thing I want.”

Your jaw tightened in anger. Then why the hell had he kissed you? “I don’t feel awkward. Do you feel awkward?”

“I feel a little awkward.” He admitted, hands in his pockets. You stayed a few feet apart. “You left the house all day to avoid me.”

“I’m not feeling awkward. I’m feeling…mad.”

“Mad?” He had the cheek to sound surprised. “At me?”

“You kissed me when I have a boyfriend.” You explained like you had to. “Did you not think of the consequences?”

He lowered his head, sheepish, yet he still didn’t apologise. “Are you going to tell him?” He asked instead. “Just don’t.”

“What?” Your voice was low, anger rising.

Hoseok shrugged. “Just forget it ever happened.”

“Forget it ever happened?!” You exclaimed. “I can’t.” You shook your head, the memory of the kiss pushing its way back into your head. No. That wasn’t why. “I can’t lie to him. You’re asking me to lie to him?”

“It’s not lying, it’s just not telling him something happened. He’s oblivious to it anyways.”

“What the hell?” You couldn’t begin to explain why you felt so frustrated. So offended. “I can’t do this.” You voice shook. You were blowing up. “I was happy before last night. Like really happy, and now everything is ruined because you kissed me!” He stayed silent. You couldn’t read his expression.

“Like jeez,” you laughed in frustration. “It doesn’t make sense, Hoseok. You were encouraging me to give him another chance and now what, you like me?” You mocked, instantly regretting it by the way his face fell.

“Is that funny to you?” He scoffed. “Is the possibility I like you so hilarious you feel the need to laugh in my face?” Oh no. “Or are you laughing because it seems so crazy? Impossible?”

You could feel the dread prickling your skin, but all you could do was watch him in horror. “I like you.” The way he said your name afterwards made something inside of you long. You pushed it away, because otherwise your legs might give way from under you.

“I like you a lot. Way more than a friend and I don’t know for how long.”

You couldn’t speak. Just watched him struggle to find the right words himself. “It-It’s just one of those things. You came into my life like a bulldozer and I kept thinking, how had I gone through nearly thirty years of my life not knowing you?” He scoffed. “It sounds stupid, but it’s true. Slowly I just began thinking maybe one day it’ll be our chance. It wasn’t urgent. Just kinda there in my subconscious. Most of the time I didn’t even think about it.” He shrugged. “I was okay with waiting. Okay with watching you date other guys because it wasn’t our turn yet. One day,” he sighed. “One day it would be, and I’d get to kiss you like last night.”

The kiss was back behind your eyes. The feeling of his lips, the taste of his mouth. The touch of his body. For some reason you were angry.

“That game messed it all up and I’m sorry for that, but I’m not sorry for kissing you. I won’t apologise for that.”

“No.” You finally said something. It was final, but your voice shook. “No. You can’t be doing this right now, Hoseok.” You pointed at him, accusing him. “I’m happy. For the first time in a long time I was happy. I like Seokjin. He’s the first guy I’ve really felt something with since Seungwoo. Do you know how important that is?” He should understand that more than anyone, with what happened with Minah.

“You expect me to throw it all away because one day you see yourself with me? One day?!” You were a goddamn after thought. One of those pacts friends made. If we’re still single at 40 we’ll get married. Was that what you were to him? You blinked away frustrated tears. He was one of your best friends and that’s how he saw you?

“Oh, please,” he sneered. He sounded hurt, but mad. You’d never seen him angry before. You hated it. You’d bickered many times, but never to this level. “You’re always choosing shitty men.”

“You’ve known me for a year!”

“Yeah, and in that time it hasn’t been great,” he scoffed. You thought of the handful of men Hoseok had witnessed you date and cringed. He was judging you. Two could play at that game. Childish or not.

“Oh, and you have such a great taste in woman. If I remember correctly, one robbed you after you slept with her!”

“That could’ve happened to anyone!”

Whatever. “Seokjin is not a shitty man!” He was kind, and sweet, and probably way too good for you.

“You were his fuck buddy for weeks and when you told him you had feelings for him he ran away only to come back with his tail between his legs. He had his chance and he blew it. You deserve better.”

“You were the one who told me to go for it!” You exasperated. He wasn’t making sense. He was the one who encouraged you to give Seokjin a second chance. Without Hoseok, you wouldn’t be together right now.

“I regret that now. What more do you want me to say?”

Really? You stared at him. “I want you to say you don’t know anything.”

“I don’t know anything?”

“Yes, you don’t know anything about anything.” He just said things, did things, without thinking of the consequences. He was thoughtless. “Seokjin might’ve been the one, but now it’s all ruined!”

“He’s not.”

Fuck him. He sounded so sure. What did he know? “It’s ruined because of you!” You shouted in frustration. “I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to feel.” All you could remember was the kiss. “I was happy and now I’m not.”

“Well I’m sorry for making you unhappy,” he sighed. “That’s what I do.” He threw his hands into the air and laughed bitterly. “I’m sorry for thinking me and you could be something great. I’m sorry for not having my life together. Not being rich, or for not being devilishly handsome—which I may add,” he shot, “is freaky. No man should be that beautiful!”

For god’s sake. What was he trying to do now? Guilt trip you? “What are you going on about? Those are your insecurities. I don’t care about all that stuff.” Was he trying to say you were shallow?

“Of course you do,” he insisted. “Seokjin has it all. What do I have? Nothing. I’m 30 and work at a bar. I dropped out of law school and forget to shower some days. I don’t own my own home. I live in a loft with two other guys and you.”

You? Why did he say it like that? For someone who supposedly liked you he wasn’t doing a good job of showing it. From the seems of things he didn’t like you.

“Do yourself a favour and just don’t tell him. Forget about me and be happy. Fall in love with him, marry him, have tons of super pretty babies.”

Jaw tight, you sneered. “This is why we wouldn’t work out.” You told him. “You’re childish.” He wasn’t relationship material. He wasn’t what you were looking for. “You’re selfish. You’re mean.”

He scoffed. “I’m mean?”

Your bottom lip wobbled, eyes filling up. “Yeah, you really are.” And then you stormed off. Down the hall and into your room. Just in time to hide the tears that slipped down your cheeks. He couldn’t see you cry. He couldn’t see he’d gotten to you.

He yelled your name, calling you back, sounding regretful, but you didn’t listen and he didn’t follow you.

The next morning you didn’t see Hoseok at all. He was either in his room when you finally emerged from yours, or he was already at the bar. You were thankful either way. You didn’t think you could handle facing him. You were still so mad, but more than that you were upset. Confused.

You showered and got ready with a struggle. Forced yourself to go grocery shopping even though you had no appetite for food, and then you just tried to keep yourself distracted. You caught up with some marking that needed to be done by tomorrow, meal prepped for lunches and tried to seem normal around Namjoon who was milling about the loft too. Then Seokjin messaged your asking if you still wanted to hang out this evening. You replied yes with a heavy heart.

On your way there you’d convinced yourself that you weren’t going to tell him. Yes, you had kissed Hoseok back, but he was the one that had made the move. You could forget about it with time. You could be happy with Seokjin again. Your guilty conscience would go.

But sitting with him on the sofa, his arm looped around your shoulders and his soft laugh rumbling in your ears every time something funny happened in the movie you were watching, you realised something. The only reason you didn’t want to tell him was because you wanted to spite Hoseok. You were being selfish. The same thing you’d accused Hoseok of last night.

Seokjin deserved to now, whatever the outcome. For him, for you, for Hoseok…

“I kissed Hoseok.”

It didn’t sound like your voice, but you’d said it.

You felt Seokjin move and you automatically wriggled out from under his arm. He paused the movie, looking back at you with a bemused expression. “You kissed him?” He laughed slightly. “Why didn’t time say? We would’ve left you out sooner.”

He’d mistaken what you meant. Just like Joy. You closed your eyes softly, sadness filling you. You wanted to say yes, in the game more than anything, just not to hurt him, but that wasn’t the truth. You’d kissed Hoseok off your own back and you’d enjoyed it. “No,” you said softly. “We kissed after the party. Later on when I went to get some water. He kissed me, but I kissed him back.” You didn’t take a moment to pause, needing it all to be out.

Seokjin was silent as he absorbed the information. Shocked being a given. Finally he said something. “You kissed him while I was in the loft too? In your bed?”

When he worded it like that you felt sick. You nodded sadly. “I feel terrible, Seokjin. I do. I just couldn’t not tell you. Hoseok said to forget it ever happened but I… It–We…” You fumbled over your words and took a moment to compose yourself. “We argued last night and I’m just… I’m really confused.”

Two nights ago everything had changed. You’d been in this perfect new relationship. It had promise, it was going somewhere and you were over the moon. Then the kiss had happened and you hadn’t been able to see a future with Seokjin anymore. No matter how small.

His face was unreadable as he looked at you. You wanted him to get mad. You wanted him to yell at you and tell you how much of a horrible person you were. You deserved it. But that wasn’t his style. Instead he breathed out some kind of little laugh. “There’s no need to be confused. I get it now. You like Hoseok. Of course you do.”

You were too surprised to even think about refuting him. Of all the things for him to say, you had not been expecting that. “Seeing you guys together,” he carried on. “You always bicker, get on one another’s nerves, but now I see it.” He chuckled. Sadly amused. “It was chemistry. You two just bounce off one another so well. I don’t know, maybe you’re frustrated too, mad you’re not together.”

You let his words sink in. Trying to think of every interaction you’d had with Hoseok since you met him. It was pretty much an instant connection. You’d always thought so, but did that really mean… You couldn’t let yourself think here. In front of Seokjin, after you’d just confessed to him. But everything was flooding to the forefront of your brain, and it was hard work trying to stop it. There was no point trying to deny it. Not now.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” you told him instead. Meaning it sincerely. You hadn’t even realised anything yourself. Not even when it was right in front of you. When Hoseok was telling you he liked you.

He smiled sadly. “Better for it to happen now, right?”

“I really care about you, Seokjin. These past few weeks have been amazing. Even before, when we were…” You stopped and shook your head. “You’re the best and I’m really sorry.” You truly did mean that. No matter how lame it sounded.

“You’re a really great girl, remember that,” he told you. “Maybe if I’d figured out my feelings months ago things would be different, but then again,” he shrugged, “maybe you’re just meant to be with him.”

Meant to be with him. Hoseok. Were you meant to be with Hoseok?

Seokjin took you hand and squeezed it gently. “I’m done,” he murmured, his eyes kind but firm. “I don’t want to be second best.”

You had déjà vu. You were slipping through the door again. This time you didn’t try to creep into your room though. You made your way into the kitchen, needing a glass of water. Just to take some time for yourself, needing to find some clarity. You found it as soon as your eyes landed on Hoseok walking from the direction of the bathroom. Everything fell into place, began to make sense.

He stopped dead when he saw you, awkward and probably panicked after last night. “Hey,” you said gently. “Where is everyone?” It was strange for the loft to be so quiet on a Sunday night.

He cleared his throat. “Namjoon has Nara over, Yoongi‘s still over Joy’s place.” He was already beginning to walk away. “I’ll be out of your way, just going to bed.”

You opened your mouth to call him back. You had so much to say, but… But was tonight a good time to start? Your head was still whirring. Sadness and guilt over your breakup with Seokjin but you also felt giddy at the sight of Hoseok. You wanted to say sorry for the argument, for all the things you said, and most of all you wanted to tell him that you—

“Aren’t you supposed be staying with Jin tonight?” Hoseok had stopped, turning back with the afterthought. “Namjoon mentioned it.”

He didn’t need to explain himself. You didn’t care how he knew. You didn’t care about a lot right now. Only one thing. “He broke up with me,” you replied. “I told him about the kiss and now it’s over.”

Hoseok’s eyes bulged, visibly shocked. “What? Didn’t you tell him it was my fault?” He walked over to you. There was still a distance but it was a start. “No,” he muttered. “Why would he break up with you? It’s not your fault.”

Sweet, caring Hoseok. You smiled at him, the words that left you almost bubbling into a laugh. “It is.”

He looked mighty confused. He was probably thinking you’d lost it right now. You hadn’t. You’d only just found it. You took a deep breath. It was now or never. “It’s my fault because I like you too.”

Silence. He looked stunned. It seemed strange to say it out loud but also sort of invigorating. Nothing made sense in this world, bar one thing. Your feelings for him. You laughed, more words now rushing out. “I really like you. And I don’t know for how long. Maybe from the beginning,” you shrugged, “maybe from the kiss. I don’t know.”

You’d been trying to pinpoint the exact moment on the ride home. Going through each memory you had with him in an attempt to understand when it happened. There was no real answer. It had snuck up on you, wanted you to be oblivious. And you think that was how it was for him too. Why last night had been so confusing.

You were mad at him because you liked him too. You were mad at him because you thought he didn’t like you enough. He didn’t like you like he thought he liked you. God, you were a mess. Your thoughts weren’t making sense. What were you trying to say?

“I don’t know,” you repeated. “My head’s a mess and I really have a headache right now.” You rubbed your temples and then remembered something. “I also have a flat tyre. I think I drove over a nail on the way here. I don’t know how I’m going to get to work tomorrow morning.”

“You could borrow my ca—

“Hobi, I don’t care.” You interrupted, laughing again. You felt funny, like you were floating. It felt good to call him that again. “I don’t care about anything right now, except you.” His eyes flashed at that, something changing on his face. He moved forward, closer to you. The counter was the only thing that separated you now.

“I don’t understand anything and I’m really confused, but I know one thing,” you insisted, finally giving into the urge that had been raging your body for nearly two days. “I really want to kiss you.” You swallowed, tasting the memory of him. “Again. I can’t stop thinking about the kiss. It was the best kiss of my life.”

He rounded the counter in the blink of an eye. He’d stayed silent for the majority of your confession, except for offering you his car, the idiot. You almost laughed again; why was he so sweet? Yeah, you would’ve laughed if he didn’t look so irresistible right now. So serious, so desperate, so intense. He was breathing heavily, almost panting, eyes blown black.

“Can I kiss you now?” His voice was rough, broken with desire.

You parted your mouth to reply. To say yes, to say please, to almost beg, but his lips were already on yours, hands cupping your face. Hungry, needy, eager. He pushed you against the counter your back was to, and you let out a gasp, maybe more of a moan. He took the opportunity to swipe his tongue against yours. He tasted like toothpaste. You hated spearmint, but now you loved it.

You grasped him, letting your hands roam over his back. You wanted to touch him, feel him, never let him go. You grabbed the corners of his t-shirt with your fists and pulled him closer. He stumbled forward and your head feel back against one of the overhead cupboards. You didn’t care, clung to his mouth as he tried to pull back and check on you. “Don’t stop,” you whined against his lips.

He chuckled but it trembled, probably had something to do with the way you were pressing your body into his. He gave up in the end, needing to get his hands on you too. He moved to your waist, hands gripping around the small of your back, holding you tight and pushing just as much into you, because he wanted to feel you against him too. To get as close as possible because there had always been a stupid, unnecessary distance between you.

You felt hot, a little sweaty and out of breath, unsure how a kiss had got you this wrecked. It was just as good as his birthday—no, better. It was better because now you both knew what you wanted.

“Hey—I know—this isn’t r-really the–mm–time,” Hoseok was trying to speak but he couldn’t stay away from your lips long enough. Words blurred and getting caught short, but you just kissed him more furiously. “But I really f-feel guilty about—last night. All the–the stuff I said–”

“It’s fine,” you got out, but it was enough to begin distracting you.

He pulled back successfully, gazing at you, eyes warm and sincere. His breath fanned across your face. “I just feel really bad about all that stuff I said about Seokjin. He’s a good guy, I just—

“Let’s not speak about him now,” you interrupted softly. You took a deep breath, slipping your hands up his sides to rub his back. You were both coming down from that high slowly.

He sighed weakly. “Yeah, I know, I just,” he paused, struggling, before giving a small shrug. “I was jealous of him.”

“It’s okay,” you reassured. But now Seokjin was back in your head. The guilt was still there. Of course it wouldn’t go immediately, no matter how understanding he had been. But these emotions were conflicting. Plus, you knew you and Hoseok couldn’t be this simple. There was still so much to talk about. From both of you.

“We need to talk before anything happens, right?” He read your mind. You smiled and nodded, feeling a little sad.

And right at that moment a familiar banging appeared again. You caught Hoseok’s eyes and you both burst out laughing. Trust Namjoon to ease the moment.

Hoseok pulled you upright, wrapping his arms around your waist now in a slight hug. You wrapped yours around his neck and he grinned. “We should go on a date tomorrow. We can talk then.” Your eyes widened. A date? Hoseok didn’t do dates. Not proper ones anyway.

“I want to to this properly.” Again with the mind reading, you smiled to yourself. “I’ll take you out for dinner and we can, I don’t know, talk about what this means.”

You grinned, Namjoon’s headboard still hitting the wall. “I’d really love that.”

You were giddy all day. Couldn’t concentrate in work. You were still replaying last night in your head. After the kiss you’d watched some television together, like you always did on Sunday nights. You sat close, but not entwined, too afraid Namjoon would pop out of his bedroom—hopefully fully clothed. You couldn’t explain why that fear hadn’t been there when Hoseok had your back against the counter, but whatever, you weren’t ready for the weirdness that would unfold, nor the conversations that would need to be had. You hadn’t even talked it out yourselves yet.

That was for tonight. Hoseok had text you just gone midday to tell you he’d gotten his shift for tonight covered and he’d booked dinner at a restaurant for 8pm. After that it had all felt too real. You were nervous, scared and excited all wrapped up into one. You were going on a date with Hoseok. Your friend Hoseok. The one who you’d bumped into this morning in the kitchen. The one who’d handed you a coffee with a shy good morning because he couldn’t say anything else with Namjoon rummaging around in the fridge next to you, totally oblivious.

And later on, once you were home, getting ready for the date was a whole new experience all together. You know, living with the guy in question and all. You bumped into one another in the bathroom, brushing your teeth together with awkward giggles. He met you outside of your bedroom once you were dressed, eyes wide, cheeks a little flushed at the sight of you. Maybe the fact you were dressed up for him now turned him speechless. “You look beautiful,” he’d managed to splutter finally.

He didn’t scrub up too badly himself. He was in a shirt for one. Loose at the neck, no tie, but a shirt nonetheless. And dress pants. Where exactly was he taking you? You didn’t have time to ask because you had to ninja your way out of the loft before you got caught.

Dinner started off awkwardly at first. Stumbling over words, small talk drying up, lots of nervous laughter, but gradually you both found your groove. How could you not? It was you and Hoseok! All the history and chemistry you had didn’t just disappear because of one date. You were soon giggling together when you noticed a man accidentally walk into the women’s restroom. Childish, yes, but who cared? That’s who you and he were.

By the main course you were both ready to open up, talk about you guys and what this meant.

“I’m sorry about yelling the other night,” he apologised, pushing some spinach around his plate absentmindedly.

You gave a little shrug. “It’s okay. I’m sorry too. I was mad at myself more than anything.”

“No,” he shook his head. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Blame yourself.” He looked across at you. “You were mad because I kissed you when you had a boyfriend. I mean, it was a pretty dick-y thing to do and I feel really bad about it.”

You smiled, that meant a lot to you. It was a complicated situation. The suddenness of it all the sole problem.

You didn’t want to talk about Seokjin. You didn’t want to compare the two men, even though throughout the day your mind had tried to. In all honestly, both were very different, but both were good men. There was no winner, there was no loser. It just happened that you couldn’t ignore this chance with Hoseok. Not when he had been there first. Maybe looking at it now, you and Seokjin were different kinds of people. Maybe the relationship wasn’t as perfect as you’d thought. Not your perfect anyway. It could’ve worked out yes, but you knew he deserved someone better than you. Someone different to you.

You realised something at that moment. Seokjin had always found your quirkiness adorable, but Hoseok found it normal. You didn’t know what that meant, but it made sense in your own head. It made you happy. You were here, in front of one another, on a date. Nothing else mattered.

“If you hadn’t have done it we wouldn’t be here right now.” You told him. It was no good just thinking everything in your head. You needed to tell Hoseok some things. You wanted to tell him how happy you were. “On a dateee.”

He laughed, relaxing into his chair. “We’re on a date!”

He couldn’t quite believe it still. You laughed at how cute he was being and looked around. “You chose the fanciest place.”

“Yeah,” he murmured, looking a little sheepish. “Did I go over the top? Feel like I did.” He stopped and then laughed. “I hope your heels aren’t too high, we gotta run outta here when they fetch the bill.”

“Hobi,” you whined. He didn’t need to make a joke like that. Then you thought of something else. You hoped he didn’t take you here because he thought you expected it. Any restaurant would’ve done. “Hey,” you said softly. “I hope you don’t still believe all that stuff about you just being a bartender.” He shrugged a little sheepish. “I teach adults how to write fiction and I’m not too hot at it. Half of them are failing.”

He chuckled at that, picking up his glass of wine. “I think the problem probably lies with them not you.”

You looked at him, needing him not to laugh this off. You wanted him to see you didn’t care what job he had. “My point is, my job isn’t all that glamorous. It doesn’t have to be.” You thought he liked his job. It should never be used as something to separate you.

He sighed softly, giving in. “I’m sorry I laid all that stuff on you. They’re my insecurities not yours. It’s just after… Just after the breakup with Minah. The stuff she said to me really stuck.”

You reached for one of his hands, grasping is fingers. The warmth was all you needed. “I get that.” You still had some insecurities left over from your breakup with Seungwoo, but with Hoseok none of those things mattered. “I’m sorry for calling you childish, and selfish.”

“And mean. Don’t forget mean,” he joked.

“And mean.” You looked away sheepishly, before realising you needed to look him in the eyes for this. “I don’t want you to be insecure around me. I like you for you.”

He chuckled quietly, squeezing your hand. “Thank you.”

“I think it’s cool that you work at a bar.” You wanted to lighten the moment now, shrugging. “But maybe that’s because of the free drinks you give me.”

He laughed, both of you pulling your hand back to carry on eating. “I’m actually not allowed to do that, but you’re so pretty how could I not?”

You felt your cheeks flush at his casual remark. “You think I’m pretty?”

“Very much so. Plus other things…”

You smiled shyly. “I find you pretty too. Huh?” You noticed the face he pulled. “Is that not a good thing?”

“I’m not pretty,” he baffled.

“Are too.” You insisted. You’d always thought so, especially when he smiled. “I think you’re sexy too. Very sexy.”

“Oh yeah?” He seemed to like that one better. “What’s so sexy about me?”

You looked down at his wine. It wasn’t the right alcohol, but it made you remember something. “I like the way you drink beer. You gargle it a little.”

“I do?” He looked puzzled.

“Yeah, you do, and I don’t know, it’s kinda hot.” He looked chuffed at that. “What about me?” You added.

“Hm,” he thought out loud. “It’s not really sexy, maybe a little misogynistic,” he laughed, “but I like when you struggle to open things. Like that bag of chips last week. When you ask for my help, I don’t know, it makes me feel good about myself.”

It made him feel good when he opened a bag of chips for you? You awed loudly. “That’s so sweet, Hobi.”

He scoffed, a little embarrassed. “Oh.” He remembered something. “I like when guys mistake me for your boyfriend.”

You cocked an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? I like that too. And vice versa.” You had never been able to pinpoint why in the past. It was usually gone before you could even try to explain it, but it had still been there. Numerous times. You’d just been clueless.

“Isn’t this scary?” You asked. It was new and exciting, and you were happy, but it was also weird to be here. Sat opposite your friend, your roommate… the man you had feelings for. The man who up until a few nights ago, had a crush on another woman. No wonder he hadn’t really cared when Namjoon asked if he could bone Nara. And he, well he was sitting opposite you, who up until last night had a boyfriend. Talk about whiplash. This was crazy.

“It’s the scariest thing I’ve ever done,” he admitted.

“We’re like best friends, but is it because we’ve always had feelings for one another?”

Hoseok upturned his shoulders. “I honestly have no clue. It makes sense, but…”

“But at the same time it doesn’t?” You finished for him. He nodded. If he had never kissed you that night, then this wouldn’t be happening right now. Maybe it would’ve never happened. You would’ve kept missing one another. The moment never there for him and you probably oblivious until it was too late…

But that wasn’t the case now. You were both here. Suddenly and maybe not in the best of circumstances, but you were here. That’s all that mattered. Was there really such a thin like between friendship and lovers? You tried imagining kissing Namjoon but couldn’t do it. It made you feel weird. Not the same weird you’d felt locked in the closet with Hoseok.

“I don’t want to ruin what we have already but I can’t ignore these feelings I have for you.” Hoseok explained. “I’ve been repressing them for so long they’re uncontrollable.” He chuckled.

“Same. I think.” You were beginning to realise that love didn’t have to punch you in the face immediately for it to be the real thing. “If I ignore how I feel about you I’ll spontaneously combust. I know it. I will.” These feelings had hit you full force and now you couldn’t ignore them even if you tried.

He chuckled at your passion. “I don’t want you to spontaneously combust.” A thought popped into his head. “What will Yoongi say? Namjoon?” He groaned, rubbing his temples. “What do we even tell them?”

“Maybe we won’t tell them for a little while?” You suggested. You didn’t want to share this new, uncertain thing with other people just yet. The loft wasn’t the best set up in this situation. “Just until we work out what’s going on between us?”

“Like keeping it a secret?”

“I know it’s not ideal but I don’t want to mess this up.” He nodded, agreeing with you. “If we try and fail our friendship could get ruined. That terrifies me, Hobi.” You wanted to be honest here. All cards on the table. “I love you a lot. I don’t want to jeopardise anything.”

“Hey, hey, nothing will get ruined, I promise you,” he reassured, reaching for your hand with both of his. “We’ll take it as slow as you want. This is new and if we do it properly then everything will be okay in the end.” He gave you a gentle smile. “Whatever the outcome. If we decide to move forward or decide to just stay friends, we’ll be okay.”

Maybe that’s why you’d never realised your feelings for him. Why he’d never said anything. Your friendship meant too much to one another. If that was ruined somehow it would kill you both. But it didn’t have to be like that. If you both saw the potential danger, you could avoid it best you could. You shouldn’t be thinking of the potential end if it was only just the beginning.

“You’re right,” you smiled back.

Letting go of your hand he relaxed back into the chair again. “But for tonight, let’s think of this as a new thing. It’ll take the pressure off us.”

“How do you mean?” You asked, curious. He had a giant smirk on his face.

He shrugged. “Maybe we met on Tinder. Decided to go for a drink.”

Oh. Okay, you saw where he was going. A little bit of make believe. That sounded fun. You and Hoseok always messed around like this. Why would it change? “Yeah,” you nodded, getting into it instantly. “We liked what we saw. I liked the way you dress.”

He snorted. “You hate my dress sense. You told me I dress like a twenty year old hipster.”

“I like it!” You insisted. You mean, in your defence you’d only said that because he’d said you dressed like a granny. He’d started it.

“Thank you.” He was satisfied, you both could commence. “I liked your glasses. Reminded me of the librarian kink I had in high school.”

“Eww.” You wrinkled your nose. “Weirdo.” You both laughed loudly.

“Goodnight, pretty lady. I’ll see you in the morning,” Hoseok murmured. The night was over, the loft was empty, the guys probably already in bed, when you got back and you both walked down the hallway to your rooms, stopping outside to say goodnight.

“Lame,” you scoffed, but he could tell by your face you loved it. “Night.”

He leaned in for a kiss. It seemed like he was trying to keep it brief, nothing like last night or two nights before that, but no matter how hard he tried, it lingered. It was painful pulling apart and walking into your bedroom. You knew he was trying to be chivalry, and patient, and whatever else, but there was an itch inside you that screamed to be relieved.

You pressed the back of your head up against the door, closing your eyes and taking a few breaths. Praying the desire you felt would ebb away. You heard movement from the other side.

“Slow, we should take this slow.” Hoseok almost whined from outside.

You opened your eyes immediately and flung the door open. You were on him in an instant, kissing him eagerly. Thankful your rooms were the other side of the loft from Namjoon’s and Yoongi’s. There would he no explaining this, and you didn’t want to share this with anyone else yet. Not to be careful, not just in case, like you’d originally thought, but because you were selfish. You wanted Hoseok for yourself.

“I really want you. Like so bad,” you panted, hands all over his body. You wanted him out of his shirt. Out of his pants. Thoughts and images jumped into your mind. You were a woman possessed. “I’ve waited too long already. Please.”

“Don’t beg like that.” His voice was so low, maybe even a growl, and it did things to you.

You didn’t want to take this slow. Everything was already perfect. No matter what had happened to get here, it was all perfect now.

You couldn’t wait a moment longer. You needed to be with him.

“Pleaseee,” you said purposefully.

He growled this time. For real. “I said don’t–ah, fuck it!” You exclaimed out loud as he picked you up from the middle, legs dangling alongside his as he walked into your room. He let go and cupped your face tight. He was breathing heavily. “I really want this, I really like you. I’m sure of it. Now that this is finally happening. Now I finally had the guts to make a move. This is for real.”

You blinked. “Forreal for real?”

“Yeah,” he murmured. “Never been more certain of anything in my entire life.”

And then he was kissing you again. You never wanted it to stop. With shaky hands you took his and began to lead him backwards towards your bed…

*bonus*

“Morning,” Hoseok smiled from above you.

You’d only just woken up, eyes still blurry, but you rubbed them and rolled onto your back. “Good morning,” you smiled back.

He rubbed his hand over your waist under the covers, now grinning like he couldn’t stop it. “We did that.”

You were still naked. So was he. What a thought. “We really did that.”

“Twice.”

You hummed, reliving last nights antics. It was just so natural. The sex you mean. No awkwardness, no nerves. It was just…perfect. Giggling and messing around, just like you were as friends. Nothing had changed. Only now you were probably going to be bumping uglies on the regular… It was only right to make a new suggestion now. “Wanna make it a third?”

“Thought you’d never ask,” he laughed, dipping his head to kiss your neck. You let yourself sink, closing your eyes and enjoying the moment until you remembered something.

“Wait, wait—!” Your eyes flew open. “What’s the time?”

Hoseok stopped and looked back, craning his neck to catch the time on your alarm clock. “Twenty past 7.”

You groaned. “I have a class in 2 hours.”

“Uhh,” he started awkwardly, pecking your lips. “This is new n’ all but I don’t want to get your hopes up so early into this. I will never be able to last two hours. You’ll be fine. You won’t miss class,” he chuckled.

“Shut up,” you groaned, kissing him just to roll him on his back. The thought of leaving this bed today was depressing. “I’m just going to call in sick anyway.” You told him, pulling away.

He stroked his fingers through your hair, smirking. “Oh, a bad girl, huh?”

You narrowed your eyes. If he wanted you to be bad, you could be bad. “Get a condom, Jung.”

#hoseok fic #bts fic #hoseok fanfic #bts fanfic #floralseokjin:writings #fic:good2me

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step-on-me-khun · 4 years ago

Note

Hii is it ok for me to request a fic based on another request i saw some time ago on ur account if not feel free to reject this :D ok umm my request is white and s/o basically she made fun of him saying when he was hoaqin his look like an adorable sin-namon ;) so he gets back at her during sex and bottom dom white🥺 i miss reading your work every since exam start and my phone was confiscated ~poTATo anon

ooh I can do this for you. I feel like I screwed this up because brain awkward, hope this is okay and that you enjoy

NSFW/Smut Ahead Word Count: 1158

You just couldn’t get used to him and his damn ego. It was difficult enough before when he was just Hoaqin, but now, he was more monstrous and deadly.

It didn't matter what you were doing, or what he was doing, you would be reminded that he used to be a small and frightening child wielding a sword. You would catch yourself snickering at him for no reason other than that. He looked more cute than terrifying then.

"Is something funny?" He asks, his eyes staring up at you.

Nothing at the moment was too much, he wasn't being too rough with you at all, but if one thing happened to change his mood, it all could be flipped in a heartbeat.

You bit your lip and stare down at him, "I still imagine you as a cute kid, not an adult at all,"

His eyes were dark, you had ticked something off inside him. It was like the spark starting a fire, just one more thing said or done by you would be enough to make him lose himself.

"You're not taking me seriously, huh?" He asks, his voice as dark as his eyes.

The aura coming from him was certainly terrifying, but it was also one that shook you up, making you more and more excited by the second.

"How could an adorable little kid turn into someone like this?" You tease, your gaze turning away from him, "you're not really that cute anymore, not like the cinnamon roll looking kid from before,"

It was as if you were mocking him like you were insinuating that you preferred him as a cute kid and not the adult that he currently was.

His pale fingers dug roughly into the skin of your hips, his eyes focussing on your face as his hips snapped up to force himself further inside you.

"Ahh! Fuck, dammit," you cry, your hands on his chest, fingernails digging into his porcelain like skin.

He was a monster, never considering your feelings. Although, you had brought this on yourself so it would be understandable that this would be the outcome. It was foolish of you to think that he wouldn't do anything to try to put you in your place.

Every rough thrust sent his length further inside you, hitting parts of you that he didn't think could be reached.

Your moans were more like short high pitch screams. One of his hands leaves your hips, instead, it headed up to your neck and held it tightly.

He wanted to make you regret saying all of that, to make his ego even bigger.

One of your hands left his chest and grabbed onto the hand on your neck, trying to get him to let go a little.

His eyes were scarily dark as he continued to thrust dangerously into you. He was so into it, he didn't even notice just how quiet you had become.

"Please," you beg hoarsely, your throat nearly seizing up, "your grip, it's too much, can't breath,"

He bites his lip and smiles at you before loosening his grip on you, allowing you to get some air to your lungs.

You looked so good and so weak to him. As if you were helpless.

A feeling was building up inside you as he continued his rough and harsh pace, his other hand keeping your hip still.

A few short hisses escape his mouth as you tighten around him, your eyes shut as the feeling of your orgasm crept up. You moan out his name as you come on him, his pace still rough as he reaches his own, his grip on your hip a little tighter.

Would this be enough for him? You said all that as your honest opinion, and, as much as he wanted to change that, he couldn't go back to who he was.

You were still on him, panting as you tried to catch your breath. He had the stamina to satisfy you all night if he wanted, but with him being the way he was, he would only do that if he felt like it.

"Don't think we're done yet," his voice says, your eyes open at the sound of his voice.

Your eyes met his, a smirk lined his face.

"This time, I'm letting you do all the work,"

Well, damn. This wasn't him being submissive, this was him still having control over you, and there was no doubt that a few questionable words would slip out of his mouth.

With your hands on his chest again and his own hand away from your neck, you moved up and down on him. His hips slowly moving up to meet yours, sometimes roughly, causing you to either gasp or moan loudly.

"Fuck," you moan, your nails scratching across his skin.

"You look so pathetic like this," he says, his hands on your thighs.

He liked degrading you, it was the one thing he could never let go of, even if it did make you feel mildly uncomfortable.

"Mmm," that's all your moans were as you continue to build more friction between the two of you.

It was like a predator watching his prey, his eyes never leaving your body, he watched everything you did.

"You look so damn needy for me," he says.

Of course, you were a sight to him, his pride and ego were boosted as he told you what to do. Watching you move up and down on him the way you were, he could never be submissive to you, even if he was under you.

The feeling of him inside you, and the way he looked at you, made you feel more and more aroused. You were his little fuck toy, someone who he could use whenever he wanted, but only if you up for it. He would only really listen to you raised your voice, then he would back off.

The feeling of your orgasm approaching built up again, but this time, as he felt your walls tightening around him, his hands and fingers clamp down onto your hips, holding you in place as his hips snap up again.

"Oh my god," you cry, quickly reaching your peak, your vision becoming white as you came on him.

You shut your eyes as he continued to thrust into. He was going to leave a mark on your skin, which was something he didn't really care about all too much. He wasn't afraid to show people who you belong to, it was just another thing to boost his ego.

He held you still as he came inside you, his breathing heavier than before.

His eyes were still dark and dangerous, matching him perfectly.

Maybe next time something like this happens, it might be better just to keep it to yourself. Or, maybe, it might just be better to see what happens the next time you try to rile him up like this.

taglist

@unexceptional-h @koi-chairowo @rizonacigaravenue

#Tower Of God #arie white #tower of god white #white x reader #kami no tou

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petri808 · 3 years ago

Text

Bakudeku canon divergent, vampire quirk AU

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24

When Bakugou finally woke up in the Ena City Hospital, his head was splitting worse than a punch from Kirishima in full quirk, and ears rang with the force of all 108 New Year’s bell tolls. If he’d had no memory of the night before, Bakugou swore he’d just survived the worst hangover in history. Even his eyes hurt from the bright, piercing fluorescent lights and they weren’t even open! He turned his head to the side, noticing how much effort it took just to shift in such a small manner. It was as if his body was drained of... “Ugh, that bastard,” he groaned. ‘Fucker bit me.’ And as if to add insult to injury, a pin-prick pain in his neck revealed itself in that revelation.

His arm flopped up, hand straining with jerky strokes, reaching to touch the fresh bite wound located at the junction of his neck and shoulder. He flinched at the tender, bruising pain that sent a shock down his spine. Son-of— This just in! Pro Hero Dynamite cast in one of those cliché vampire movies that went straight to video. Definitely not the career start he’d envisioned.

“Oh, good you’re finally awake Mr. Bakugou.”

“Who the fuck are you?” he spat at the male voice. “And can someone turn the fucking lights off?!”

“I am Doctor Ishihira, and my apologies,” the doctor flicked off the overhead light. “Is that better?”

“Yeah,” he grumped.

“Mr. Bakugou, you were found yesterday morning and brought in suffering from hypovolemic shock due to severe blood loss and dehydration. We’ve treated you with 3 liters of IV fluids and blood plasma to bring your numbers back up, however you’ll still be groggy until your body replenishes the nutrients you were stripped of.”

Over a day had passed! At hearing he’d been out cold for so long, Bakugou immediately clenched his fists, swearing up and down about being released until they threatened to sedate him for longer. Longer?! He begrudgingly relented and settled down, but damn it! That meant Midoriya had another head start on him again! And now that the man knew he was on his trail, finding him would be a lot more difficult!

“What the hell is hypo-whatever shock?” Bakugou questioned.

“When you were found, you were in and out of consciousness and rambling incoherently, all signs of severe blood loss. The fatigue you’re still feeling is also due to the effects of it. Luckily the amount of loss wasn’t enough to start shutting down your organs.”

The doctor continued explaining a few more details regardless of the tantrum like a robot. Minor injuries he’d been treated for. The obvious puncture wounds in his neck, questioning Bakugou about any description he could provide of his attacker. He wasn’t about to tell this doctor or any authority figure who the true culprit was, so he feigned a temporary retrograde amnesia. Based on a raised brow, peering over his glass’s expression, the doctor didn’t look very convinced. Oh well, Bakugou really didn’t care about the man’s opinion.

“Mr. Bakugou, we also called you parents…”

“You what?!” Bakugou tried to jump off the bed, but his body absolutely refused to respond and ended up flopping like a dying fish. Ugh! He really was worse off than he’d thought.

“I’m sorry, but you are a minor, so we were obligated to do so. However, they did give us permission to treat and release you on your own recognizance once we felt you were better.”

Well, that was good news. ‘Sounds like mom actually listened to my letter.’ Or the authorities surely would have shown up by now. “Ugh! So, how much longer am I stuck here?”

“If you continue to recover well, tomorrow morning.”

Fuck! Now a three-day head start! Just great, he groaned. Midoriya could get far away with that kind of a jump start. “Fine, whatever! Now go the fuck away.”

The doctor left the room after explaining how nurses will be monitoring his progress, but to also let them know if anything started to feel worse. They needed to know if he developed any lasting effects from organ damage. Once he was alone again, Bakugou rolled gingerly onto his side as his mind processed the new information. Whatever Midoriya had been hit with must be the cause of this weird blood thirst that resembled a goddamn vampire plot line. Perhaps the significance of the blood coloring in his eyes was a sign of that thirst taking hold? That’ll be a handy tell, too bad it seemed to appear within seconds of the next step.

But if Midoriya had just fed on a victim, and history showed at times, a span of days before the next incident, what had caused his friend to attack him so fast? Was this thirst like a hunger? And what happens when you exercise or exert yourself? You use up energy. ‘Duh, Katsuki.’ Fighting and expending all that energy must have triggered the attack. ‘Wow, it burns fast.’ That meant Midoriya probably struggled to control this thirst, and that’s why he was pleading for him to leave him alone. But sorry, he couldn’t do that. ‘Fucker shouldn’t have run!’ One way or another he is getting his friend back home where he belonged. In fact, this only made his drive to find Midoriya stronger because he felt like he was partially to blame for the predicament his friend was in. The guy had to be scared, freaked out, and lonely. Bakugou’s heart clenched at the thought. He knew his friend was a social person by nature who loved being around friends and family. To be stuck out here all by himself and too frightened because of whatever this new quirk was had to be horrible… and utterly not fair. Of course, he did have a tendency to isolate himself when he feared…

Bakugou groaned. “Kami, not again with this shit!” When was Midoriya gonna learn to stop running away!

As his eyes relented to the fatigue and his mind slipped back into unconsciousness, Bakugou could only pray he’ll get a lead as soon as he got out of this hospital. This strange new quirk, if that’s really what it was, posed a serious danger not only to Midoriya, but the public. The reputation of pro hero’s had taken a major hit already because of AFO and the league, so if the public found out about a blood drinking hero attacking people… ‘I gotta get you out of here…’

After his encounter with Bakugou, Midoriya had rushed out of town as quickly as possible. Tears poured down his cheeks as he took off into the sky from having given in to the lust of this uncontrollable quirk. But he couldn’t stop it even if he’d wanted to. He’d learned the hard way right at the beginning that once it took hold of his mind, the only thing he could do was give-in or succumb to an even worse ravenous state that literally hurt. The pain of holding out on the hunger made him feel like a starved predatory animal that tore at his insides until he relented. In this state, the blood of any creature that came too close became a meal. But it was never enough. Animal blood didn’t satiate him in the same way that human blood did. Plus, he worried that if he let it get completely out of control, he might just end up killing someone. So far, he’d been lucky to leave them all unconscious but alive.

It was obvious that the light AFO had hit him with contained this strange quirk. How ironic, to take down a villain, only to be turned into one. That’s how Midoriya felt. How else could he feel? A hero wouldn’t hurt other people, so by taking the blood of others for sustenance, that made him a villain. Therefore, he couldn’t be a hero anymore. It must have been AFO’s plan all along once he’d realized he was losing. The villains end goal was to ruin hero society and this was definitely one way to do it. Take out his primary rival. The man poised to carry on a torch of safety and security, and snuff out any who chose to do harm… The whole situation with Bakugou really turned this into a nightmare out of body experience. To see his friend’s eyes suddenly show fear, then fade away the more he drank… his mouth clamped to the man’s neck… it was a horrible imagine that was sure to haunt him. He could still smell the burnt cinnamon from such a close encounter. If only he had clothes to change into or even a pond to bathe in, because that lingering scent was gonna drive him mad!

Midoriya curled up and clenched his eyes shut tight in an abandoned and overgrown castle he’d found outside of Ena. It didn’t look like it’s been maintained for a very long time, so the likelihood of a human showing up seemed low. He knew he should have travelled farther away, but he was too tired, too upset and just wanted to quit. All the years of growing up quirkless, to gain OFA and become the very thing he’d dreamt of, only for those dreams to be dashed again. It was as if life just didn’t want him to be a real hero. Maybe he should just put himself out of his misery, and yet— he couldn’t do it. To die out here alone where no one knew where he was or what had become of him, that wasn’t fair to his family and friends…

They must be so worried about him right now. His poor mother didn’t deserve any of this. Would his friends look down on him now? And All Might, his idol, who’d taken him under his wing, was he disappointed? And that just left Bakugou. He’d said the truth in answering the man’s question. No, Midoriya never would have expected him to come looking. Katsuki Bakugou giving a damn about him? Yeah, right. Bakugou wasn’t doing this because he cared. There was always a selfish reason behind his madness. Fear. Anger. Jealousy. Shouldn’t big bad Dynamight be thrilled that his biggest rival was gone?

Okay that was a big, fat white lie he’d been telling himself for the last two years. He knew Bakugou had moved past those pettier behaviors, but it was simply easier to believe and keep their relationship as rivals than to hope his childhood friend would ever see him as something else. And yet… ‘Kacchan was genuinely surprised by my answer. Did he really come looking for me because he cared that much?’ Yet in what way? Why was the man trying so hard? Did he… ‘miss me?’

Midoriya shook his head violently of those thoughts. No, no, he didn’t want to believe that because it would make this situation even more unbearable than it already was! He’d already given up everything he’d ever loved. His hopes and dreams, a future and losing an affection he’d craved for years would just simply be too much.

#bakudeku #bkdk #katsudeku #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bakudeku canon divergent au #blood quirk #vampire quirk #bakudeku au #bakudeku fan fic #bakudeku fan fiction #decchan #ktdk #ch 6 #bloody passion #petri808

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foxofthedesert · 3 years ago

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So I just finished my 3rd watch thru of Merlin, and yet again am brokenhearted. Not only by Arthur's death and Merlin's grief, but by Morgana's tragic descent into madness. Though I loathed the choice, I always understood why the writers went the direction they did with Morgana. What I did not understand was the way they handled her relationship with Gwen. It just never made any sense to me that Morgana could be so cruel to someone she clearly loved very deeply - even if only in the platonic sense. To me, it seemed like the Morgana that existed at the end of season 2 was replaced by a totally different, inexplicably cruel and insufferably smirky one by the start of season 3.

Still, prophecies need fulfilled and such, and after all it is a fantasy series based on a complicated mythology where Morgana sometimes is portrayed as evil. I just wish it was handled better.

Be that as it may, as a writer I tend to gravitate toward the untold stories within canon. That being the case, Gwen and Morgana's relationship is a natural attraction. I adore their chemistry, which makes them so easy to pair up. Since I am also not necessarily beholden to canon, that means I can imagine whatever the hell I want for them. Such an AU where their potential is realized before Morgause enters the picture to warp Morgana into her father's daughter.

This little piece is part of that. I may or may not add more entries in the future.

As a side note, this was initially supposed to be much shorter, but my fingers wouldn't stop typing words. Silly digits.

Ficlet below the line!

Morgana awoke giggling in an entirely unrefined manner. Her uncharacteristic bubbly mirth, she discovered, was due to a gentle tickling sensation all across her face. Once the wispy haze of sleep was blinked out of her blurry eyes, a familiar shape resolved into an entirely too handsome face wearing such a love-sick expression that her chest reflexively suffused with an affectionate warmth that quickly seeped into her very bones.

“What time is it?” she asked to the person hovering above her, voice still gravelly and slightly slurred from having been roused out of such a deep, blessedly dreamless repose. The pleasant tickling sensation began anew immediately after her half-slurred inquiry, and when she lifted her gaze she was greeted by rich brown eyes she would swear on her life she could live and die in.

“Just after dawn.” The utterly enchanting creature paying her such lovely attention continued to delicately and reverently brush calloused fingertips across the expanse of her jaw. “Sorry I woke you. I meant to let you sleep in a bit longer, I just really couldn’t help myself.”

A pause allowed a full, dusky lip to be pulled rather invitingly between pearly white teeth before her beloved added, “It seems I never can where you are concerned.”

Morgana smiled. A genuine smile, too. Nothing like the false ones she graced her guardian with, full of barely suppressed loathing and rage. Lately she had been consumed by disgust for the man who so many times proclaimed to cherish her, a man who would see her burnt at the stake if he knew who she truly was. Uther Pendragon claimed to be a fair and just king, yet he waged unlawful wars against territories that dared stand up against his brutish rule and relentlessly persecuted innocents whose only crime was to be born different. People like her. People with magic.

Coming to terms with her gifts had cost Morgana both countless nights spent in wakeful torment over horrific visions that plagued her dreams and untold days spent wrestling with throat-clogging anxiety over the possibility of discovery. There were many occasions during that frightening period in which she felt as though tottering precariously over a dark, abyssal chasm at the bottom of which lie only inescapable madness. Every second spent at court was an exhausting exercise in choking down a nauseating terror of the tyrant who held the power of life and death over her and would surely decide upon the latter should he learn the truth about her magic. Meals were a unique form of torture due to the perpetual knot residing in her stomach and every event she would normally revel in was transformed into a dreaded affair during which she could scarcely breathe for the crushing weight resting upon her chest.

Frankly, if it hadn’t been for Guinevere and Merlin she is sure she would have already plummeted headlong into those foreboding depths, right into the waiting arms of a hatred no human heart could withstand without incurring irreparable damage.

If Merlin hadn’t told her the truth about his magic as he lead her to Aglain’s druid camp, the pervasive sense of isolation and desperation worming insidiously through her mind would have inevitably forced her into drastic choices. Even before her magic manifested she had silently nursed treasonous thoughts toward Camelot’s cruel monarch. What might she have done if the walls closed in so tightly on her she felt there was no avenue of escape outside of acting upon those unsavory impulses? It hardly bears thinking about for risk of inviting such evil desires back in to her heart when of all her attributes, it is her heart which makes her most special – or at least that is what Guinevere insists to be the case.

Thankfully, finding a steadfast friend and ally in Merlin had done much to ameliorate the suffocating feeling of helplessness she felt as a member of the court harboring so deadly a secret. With much diligence and patience he was teaching her to control her powers, to harness them for good, and to have faith that better days were ahead for their kind. It was also mostly due to the Merlin’s deceptive wisdom and boundless optimism – and to be fair what reasonable person could resist that impish, dimpled smile? – that she began to view Arthur through a fresh lens.

If she bothered to look deeply, as Merlin insisted, to ignore the chauvinistic bravado and infuriating superiority complex, it was not difficult to recognize Arthur’s innate nobility and compassion that existed despite his monstrous father. And seeing as Merlin was as stubborn as he was convincing, it did not take long for Morgana to accept with a cautiously hopeful heart that with the aid of loyal friends, Arthur had it in him to become to the greatest sovereign Camelot had ever seen, a king who might actually prove himself worthy of the people both common and magical to whom he would be sworn to serve. Of course, she and Arthur still had their mundane squabbles and butted heads frequently over political and legal matters, but in the months since Merlin began her training, Morgana had acquired a new appreciation for the young man who was to her as good as a sibling.

As much as Merlin had done for her, however, it paled in comparison to Gwen’s contributions to her health and happiness.

For as long as Morgana had known Gwen she had held the blacksmith’s daughter in esteem far higher than any Lady should their maidservant. What started out as mutual respect born from shared grief over the loss of a parent soon flowered into genuine friendship. For many years they were the best of friends, each providing for the other a refuge from the storms of life and a confidante more reliable and wise and loyal than could be hired with all of Midas’ gold.

By the time Morgana entered womanhood, her fondness for Gwen had only swelled to become boundless as it was profound. In her eyes, Gwen was the most wonderful person in all the world; none could hope to be her equal in breathtaking beauty, charitable kindness, seemingly endless stores of patience, altogether praiseworthy meekness, a silent strength surpassing steel, or in nearly saintly levels of graciousness. Gwen was the unfailing light to Morgana’s rapidly encroaching darkness, the quickening sun to her deathly pale moon, the Aurora to her Luna. She neither trusted any more deeply as she did Gwen, nor did she desire the company of another so keenly. As a result, they were rarely parted until retiring for bed, and then only by necessity of station. So inextricably attached were they Gwen’s friends often jested that she must have accidentally stitched herself to her lady’s garments at the hip. The noblewomen were not nearly so kind. Some of the more prominent Ladies in the castle questioned the innocence of their arrangement, going so far as to exchange idle speculation which painted them as clandestine devotees of Sappho.

If Morgana could be bothered to care about the rumors, she would have confronted the useless busybodies long ago. But quite frankly, their opinions on her relationship with Gwen mattered for naught seeing as Arthur dismissed them as absurd upon reaching his ears and, beyond even that, Morgana would rather die than provide the snide gossipers ammunition that might serve as tacit confirmation that their unwelcome conjecture was not without merit – which was in fact the case.

All the same, though, she took great pains to prevent them from reaching the ears of the king. Uther already disapproved of their unusual bond and reminded her of such every time she treated Gwen with an ounce of basic human dignity while in his presence. Rather than censure the prejudice as she might have no long ago, Morgana now bore the chastisement with pride. Were it required, she would gladly wear forty stripes upon her skin if that be the price of Gwen’s love. The haughty bigotry of her guardian could never dissuade her from the path her heart had chosen to travel. Gwen was far too precious to ever surrender without a fight, to death if she must.

For what felt like ages, Morgana had believed her feelings would never be reciprocated. And that was perfectly acceptable to her, so long as Gwen remained an integral part of her life. The constant yearning that caused her chest to ache, sometimes almost painfully, was something she could endure so long as Gwen was happy.

That perspective radically transformed the night Gwen’s father died.

The midnight bells sounded in the citadel as Morgana slipped out into the upper town. Her intentions were pure at the time. She had only meant to visit her friend and offer what support she could, no matter the reckless impropriety of her visiting the her maidservant’s home so late at night. Instead, one glimpse of Gwen’s devastation over the pointless tragedy reignited her rage. All too quickly it boiled over, allowing those old, bitter feelings to spill out as impetuous threats of vengeance, and not only on Gwen’s behalf but for all those wronged by the merciless hand of Uther Pendragon. For what felt like hours she railed, heedless of the effect her malicious speech was having on the distraught girl she was supposed to be comforting.

It was only when Gwen – sweet Gwen, kind and thoughtful and selfless to a fault – had been pushed to her limits that Morgana’s perilous vitriol was interrupted.

Casting aside station, Gwen grasped her by the face and made her swear to never utter such dangerous words again.

“My brother has already abandoned me and now both my parents are dead,” Gwen had said, lips quivering and cheeks stained by tears. “I can’t lose you, too. I can’t. I won’t survive it.”

“Of course you would, Gwen. You’re the strongest person I know,” Morgana had replied, grasping reflexively at lean wrists, Gwen’s hands having migrated to the back of Morgana’s neck, thumbs cupped round the front of her ears. It was the first time she had been embraced so intimately, and if it weren’t for her anger she most certainly would have shivered with excitement at the surprisingly welcome contact.

“I’m not,” Gwen had half-sobbed, voice hoarse from hours surrendered to grief. “I’m only standing at all right now because the person I love most in all the world is here with me.”

Morgana hadn’t understood the nature of that declaration at first. Not until Gwen tucked her lip between her teeth, her nostrils flared with what could not be misinterpreted as anything but raw want, and her eyes went impossibly dark. A sharp gasp of realization was all Morgana could manage as a response, so stunned was she that her most secretive and treasured wish was being fulfilled.

But when Gwen nodded, chest heaving with emotion, despair and fear warring with adoration in her eyes, Morgana could no longer contain herself. Suddenly all the pieces of the puzzle fused together, revealing the explanation as to why a simple smile from Gwen was able to chase away the storm clouds gathering above her head, or why Gwen’s chiming laughter kicked up butterflies in her stomach and a captivating warmth in her chest, or why even the most airy of touches from Gwen left a wake of goose-flesh in her skin. It wasn’t just love. It was destiny.

In retrospect, Morgana probably should have been as if not more terrified of crossing that final, socially forbidden line between mistress and servant, friend and lover, than she was of being magical. The thing of it was, the only relevant factors in that moment was Gwen willingly offering of herself more than she probably should and Morgana being selfish enough to accept.

They made love that night beneath Gwen’s threadbare sheets, and it was glorious, just as Morgana had imagined it would be.

All of their sorrows and anxieties and animosities drifted away like dandelion seeds upon a crisp summer breeze. Cliches regarding such unions suddenly made sense. Somewhere along the journey that began by laving the stiffened peak of a pert breast then languidly progressed into nestling her face into the delicate, aromatic flower situated between smooth bronze legs, she lost all sense of self. It was as if with each bruising kiss, playful nibble, and greedy draw with open mouth, she and Gwen were merging into one being. Gwen’s throaty noises and keening pleas reverberated through her every muscle fiber, down even into the very marrow of her bones. Gwen’s intoxicating flavor permeated her senses until it was all she could taste or smell. And Gwen’s gratification became hers as her hand slipped beneath her ridiculously extravagant undergarments to relieve the desperate pressure upon a mound so slick with arousal that the sound of her feverish rubbing was positively obscene.

Mere heartbeats after Gwen went taut with a silent scream, stars exploded behind Morgana’s eyes as the most exquisite mixture of pleasure and pain engulfed her mind and set her nether regions aflame. Spent and unable to control her trembling limbs, she collapsed across Gwen’s heaving chest. Strong arms immediately wrapped around underneath her arms to pull her in tight, and as she buried her nose in the damp curls at Gwen’s neck, all she could do was weep, utterly overcome by an unspeakable joy she understood without needing to ask was fully mutual. They fell asleep like that, Morgana stretched across Gwen, encased in an embrace that felt like a subconscious announcement of a claim upon her, heart and soul and body, something she not only welcomed but reveled in.

Wonderful thoughts about publicly belonging to Gwen lulled Morgana into a peaceful sleep that went markedly undisturbed.

In the pale light of morning she was still so drunken upon pure, heady, all consuming bliss to realize she would be missed if she did make an appearance in the castle. Had Gwen not pointed that out, she would have been more than glad to spend the entire day wrapped around her new lover, discovering every last spot that made Gwen’s toes curl ‘til the girl was too exhausted to move the tiniest muscle.

Alas, the constraints of reality marshaled both of them to action, and so once they had dressed, they sneaked carefully into the castle by auxiliary corridors during the changing of the guard. By only the slimmest of margins, they slipped into her chambers just as the fresh patrol rounded the corner in their direction. Once inside, the thrill of the close call and euphoria over their consummated love invigorated Morgana into a passion she could not ignore. Overcome by a need – more like an almost maddening hunger really – to touch, smell, and taste every delicious inch of the skin she had feasted upon last night, she unceremoniously dragged a breathless, ruddy cheeked Gwen straight over to her bed.

After that thorough christening, they lingered together in a tangle of limbs, both sated and happy. At least until the sound of Camelot’s awakening resounded through the chambers from the courtyard below and with it the first doubts crept in. Morgana could recall the subsequent conversation as though it had just happened.

***************

“I should see to my duties directly,” Gwen had said, immediately rustling to exit the bed upon hearing Arthur’s booming voice rattle down the hallway, clearly a response to the latest in an endless string of mistakes by his loyal yet tragically clumsy manservant.

Morgana hadn’t wanted to turn loose quite yet, so she tightened hold around Gwen’s waist, halting the undesired escape.

“They can wait,” she replied between leisurely kisses trailed up a shapely arm. “The laundry isn’t going anywhere, nor is the evening gown that needs mending. Stay with me a while longer.” She paused to nuzzle into Gwen’s shoulder. “Stay with me forever.”

Rather than struggle, Gwen melted the embrace. “You know that is all I wish for. I love you, Morgana. More than anything. But…”

“But what?”

“What if someone catches us?”

Morgana scoffed, having missed the long term nature of the question in addition to the concern pouring off of Gwen in waves she should not have missed. It was not her finest moment. She hadn’t meant to be insensitive, though. The idea had just seemed so preposterous at the time because she had thought Gwen was only speaking about the present.

“Who would be so bold as to enter my chambers without permission?” she had said. “Not even Uther at his most disrespectful would dare venture such a trespass. We are entirely safe here. No need to worry your pretty head.”

Gwen shifted in Morgana’s arms then so that they were face to face. “I do, though. Worry that is. And I have to ask: why aren’t you?”

“Why should I be? For that matter why should you be?” Morgana replied. And then she met Gwen’s eyes. Large, and impossibly dark, and unmistakably upset.

All of the sudden it was impossible for Morgana to ignore how frightened Gwen really was. In response, her stomach twisted almost painfully and her heart fell as the happy bubble she had been floating in abruptly burst.

What in all the world, she wondered in a moment of regrettable obliviousness, had Gwen afraid of them being caught? Her brow furrowed as deeply as it ever had as she mulled around potential causes.

Certainly they were going to have to be careful in the future to avoid exposure, she reckoned, but Gwen was as fully cognizant that there were more perilous secrets both were currently keeping. Morgana’s ability to pull the wool over Uther’s eyes was well established, and no one else besides the two of them had unfettered access to her chambers. Besides all that, Morgana knew every nook and cranny of the citadel and was able to slip out and into the upper town undetected at will, of which Gwen was also very well aware. So there had to be more to it. But what?

Only one other possibility occurred to her, and it was the one she least wanted to entertain. And yet...

“Unless you regret what has transpired between us?” she asked at length, unable to disguise her own fear, which manifested through a faint trembling in her voice. “No!” Shaking her head fervently, Gwen grasped Morgana’s face much as she did the night before. “Not even for a second. I’ve lost so much, and I have much to regret, but not this. This is the best thing to ever happen to me. I just…”

Again Gwen trailed off, her hands retreating to clasp together against her mouth. And although Morgana’s anxiety had quieted with Gwen’s reassurance, there was clearly something still bothering her.

“Just what?” Morgana prompted, then reached out to stroke Gwen’s hair. “I hate seeing you so twisted up. Tell me. Please.”

A single, contrite nibble of a kiss-stung lip later, Gwen averted her eyes and gave her answer, “Don’t you wonder, even just for a second in the back of your mind, if what we did was wrong?”

Morgana very nearly sighed in relief. This was a problem she could easily remedy, as it was a one she had wrestled with for years only for Merlin’s simple yet profound worldview to unexpectedly resolve.

During the incident where Gwen was accused of using sorcery to heal her father, he had stumbled upon Morgana beside herself after a visit to Gwen’s cell. In her anxiety and grief she had confessed to having feelings for her handmaiden that although unseemly nonetheless had taken hold of her. Where she had expected disgust, she was instead given only understanding and compassion. In that endearingly provincial way of his, Merlin ensured her that love – if true and pure and unselfish, which he insisted hers for Gwen surely was – could never be wrong.

Morgana had felt something turn loose inside her at Merlin’s easy acceptance, as if her heart had been tied into a knot being slowly and perpetually tightened. Breathing became a relief once again. And as she learned to accept herself the way Merlin did, she began to hope that perhaps one day in the future a door would open for her to act upon her feelings without destroying what she and Gwen already shared. She could not have anticipated Tom’s death being the impetus for her to do so. Yet as awful as his tragic death was, it birthed something so infinitely precious that Morgana would never cease being grateful. And if only for the memory of that kind, thoughtful, patient man, she would never stop fighting for the love she shared with her beloved Guinevere.

“Gwen,” she had said, unsuccessfully vying for her conflicted love’s attention. Twice more she called Gwen’s name, and after receiving no response pushed up slightly on her elbow. “Look at me, Guinevere.” When large, uncertain eyes, brimming with tears, met hers, she leaned over so that she could press her forehead against Gwen’s. “We have done nothing wrong. Do you hear me? If you trust me, if you love me as you assert to, believe me when I say this. Something so wonderful and beautiful and perfect could never be anything less than rightly divine.”

***************

That phrase that swiftly became Morgana’s favorite answer to Gwen’s occasional concerns. The world at large, and most definitely those housed within the vaunted halls of Camelot’s citadel, would most certainly view their relationship as wicked and immoral and perverse. If that was indeed the case, Morgana did not believe she ever wanted to be either innocent or righteous. Their love was wonderful, and beautiful, and perfectly divine; an immutable fact which Morgana was determined to never allow either of them to forget.

No doubt lurked within Gwen’s eyes this morning, however, only unadulterated affection. And that made Morgana exceedingly joyful indeed.

“I understand what you mean,” Morgana at last said after escaping that precious memory. She sighed contentedly and shuttered her eyelids as yet another reverent brush of fingers smoothed along the crest of her chin. And while the diligent attention felt incredible, she grew increasingly curious why Gwen’s focus appeared to have narrowly fixated on that one specific region of her face.

“What’s the matter?” Gwen said after a bit of easy silence.

“What makes you think something’s the matter?” Morgana replied, still basking in the glow of Gwen’s magical touch.

“You have that telltale crease between your brow which means something is bothering you.”

This time Morgana opened her eyes. “I’m not bothered, merely at a loss as to why you suddenly find my chin so hypnotizing.”

Gwen sucked at her lip momentarily as if weighing whether to answer before a crooked smile bloomed across her handsome features.

“Well, not just your chin, but if you must know it’s all these little hairs…” And then she stroked Morgana’s chin again, this time allowing her fingers to feather over said hairs all the way down her jawline.

“Are you saying my face is hairy, Gwen?” Morgana asked, frowning as a thread of hurt pulled taut.

As should be obvious, she didn’t appreciate it pointed out that her alabaster skin failed to conceal what otherwise would have been a nearly invisible coat of fine hairs that covered all humans male and female alike. Arthur teased her about it relentlessly when she was a blossoming teenager, and even now some of the noble ladies who envied her would snidely comment upon how it clearly indicated that she was a witch destined for a life of barren unhappiness.

Up til now, Gwen had made no mention of that peculiar feature and Morgana would be lying if she claimed she wasn’t wounded that it would be brought up only now that they were in an intimate situation.

“No!” Gwen’s eyes went wide as the full moon. “No, not at all! I mean...well, yes, it sort of is.” A huffed breath of remorse followed Morgana’s gasp of offense. “Not that it’s a bad thing! I swear I meant no insult. I have some too, after all. It’s just less visible because of my skin tone probably. And don’t worry! It’s nothing like Lady Johanna’s fledgling beard. Not even close. On the contrary, they’re so tiny and delicate and wispy and soft, and I really am utterly obsessed with them because they are part of you and you are perfect, so they are also perfect by extension, and I just can’t get over how adorable they are, and I am currently babbling like a lunatic with zero manners. I am so sorry, milady.”

At the end of that adorable ramble, Gwen’s shoulders hunched in as her cheeks darkened and she yet again sucked her bottom lip between her teeth. Any insult Morgana felt evaporated as quickly as it formed. How could she be upset with such an enchanting creature?

Reaching across Gwen’s waist, she pulled her abashed lover down until they were flush, skin to skin from shoulders to hips.

“Oh, Gwen, there is nothing to be sorry for,” she said, legs instinctively parting as Gwen’s familiar weight settled against her. “My reaction is habit, I’m afraid, due to Arthur’s derisive mocking. It’s actually quite nice to hear a compliment for a change.”

“Are you sure you’re not cross with me? I’d understand if you were…”

No one with a functioning soul could be cross with those doe eyes staring at them, Morgana decided. She danced her fingers with lighthearted mirth across Gwen’s cheeks and over the ridge of her nose.

“Nonsense, sweetling. It’s no different than me admiring your freckles.”

Gwen’s features relaxed into a flattered smile. “You like my freckles?”

“Like them? I love them! How could I not? It’s like you said, they are a part of you, and you are perfect, therefore they are perfect by extension.”

In response, Gwen gave her an appreciative little smile before arresting her hand to place a kiss upon the inside of her wrist.

“So you won’t mind to be awakened like that again should I fail to curb my weird fascination?”

“Only if you won’t should I wake you by mapping the stars written across your cheeks,” Morgana said, then returned Gwen’s tactile affection with some of her own by again acting out her words with her own fingers. She was pleased when Gwen leaned in to the touch.

“I promise I won’t. I think I’d quite fancy that, actually.”

“Then I promise, too. And if you’re a good girl today, perhaps I will indulge your fancy tomorrow morning.”

“Well, then, I’d better get to work, hadn’t I?”

Eyes flashing with eager anticipation, Gwen threw the covers aside and made to get out of bed – a development Morgana was not prepared to authorize. Not only was she of a mind to lounge abed and cuddle away another hour or two, all of Camelot was blanketed in snow and she was loathe to be deprived of Gwen’s heavenly body...heat.

“Now, now,” Morgana tugged at Gwen, almost desperate with a need to curl right back into Gwen’s warmth and never move again while hoping she sounded at least somewhat the dignified noblewoman she was supposed to be. “Don’t be so hasty. Have you forgotten yourself and your duties to your lady? I haven’t yet had my good morning kiss.”

Gwen tumbled back into bed giggling merrily. “For shame! I have failed my lady most unforgivably. I shall rectify the trespass immediately.”

“See that you do, Guinevere, and promptly,” Morgana said, her eyes twinkling as her own merriment curved her lips into a smile. “As you know, your lady does not appreciate being made to wait.”

After a deliberately silly half-curtsy, Gwen draped herself across Morgana’s body, and once settled whispered her reply against Morgana’s already tingling lips.

“My lady’s wish is my command.”

The brief peck that followed was not enough for Morgana. Fingers winding into dark curls, she pulled Gwen into a much more passionate kiss, which lead to another, and another, until the embrace quickly evolved into tangling tongues and undulating hips. Soon enough, Gwen’s head was disappearing beneath the sheets and Morgana was having to recall how to breathe due to the magnificently excruciating pleasure coursing through her loins.

And that was how she came to be late for her first appointment of the morning, where she was relentlessly lectured about the importance of punctuality over manchet, eggs, sausage, and apples sprinkled with cinnamon. It was worth it, though. Her giddy grin throughout breakfast only made Arthur more bewildered and Uther more angry.

#bbc merlin #gwen #morgana #morgwen

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tiiescut · 3 years ago

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headcanon + selfishness.

GENERAL. One of the things Mateo needs to unlearn and conquers in his sessions with his therapist is his tendency to do certain things for very selfish reasons. I’m going to explore the general selfishness of Mateo, but also highlight how his BIGGEST mistakes in life are due to this selfishness and why he wants to work on that aspect of himself. here we go! buckle up buttercups.

CONFLICT. People are inherently selfish, but Mateo’s selfishness can also be seen as a form of ‘self preservation’. It’s a complicated word that basically means that he does things to protect himself, his identity, and his status. A lot of times, Mateo’s actions regarding avoiding conflict have less to do with other people, and more to do with his own discomfort around violence and confrontation. He will try and stop a fight –– yes because it’s not good –– but one of his driving forces is that HE doesn’t want to witness that. He doesn’t voice is opinion on bullying or the teasing his friends did because he want’s to preserve HIMSELF despite the fact that he’s not even a target yet, but he sees the potential for him to become one. He knows in his heart of hearts that what his friends are doing is wrong, but the idea of them turning that towards him is enough to stop him from acting on whats right. This is, and I will die on this hill, a VERY selfish act.

PROTECTION. His whole friendship with his friends is literally based around selfishness and self preservation. He meets James and becomes friends because James tells him to, yes. But Mateo pretty quickly figures out that James isn’t a good friend. Mateo tells them about the fact he has little friends and WHY that is, and they all offer him protection from his bullies. He doesn’t ACTUALLY connect with these people before being like ‘okay we’re friends now’. He’s literally only friends with them at first because he knows it will save his skin from his own bullies he had in the school before this one. He continues to accept and allow their toxic behaviour in order to gain something for himself. As much as the other members of the group use him in various ways (they treat him like a therapist but wont return the favour when he needs emotional support), Mateo uses them just as much. Willingly turning a blind eye to the wrongs of your friends who you KNOW will listen to you just because it makes you uncomfortable is selfish.

ACCIDENT. Obviously a big one right here, but after the accident, Mateo still remains friends with them for the sake of comfort. He’s wrecked with anxiety and he KNOWS that his friends are lying to him. He sees more clearly than ever how shitty they are (it only gets worse when they start to brag about getting away with it) but he doesn’t do anything under the concern that ‘he could be next’. He only begins to avoid them after a few months before the trial, but he’s still looking for them to protect him. He’s, at times, more concerned with saving his own skin than the fact they just fucked up a girl for the rest of her life. He doesn’t vocally support their actions, but he will still have lunch with them, hang out with them, amongst other things. It’s only when the trial happens and he hears everyone’s statements that he realizes he’s been selfish about this. Even then, it takes another year for him to officially cut them out of his life and tell them that what they did was fucked up (when they call him after getting out of prison). All because he’s about to loose his friends, and he’s frightened by what it will mean for him to be alone.

THE JOB. Mateo accepting the job at the Reyez’s farm is another selfish act. Mateo knows that Ella lives there in the summer. He knows that her father doesn’t know that Mateo was friends with those assholes. He knows that this job will pay good money. He decides to accept this job as a way to try and apologize to Ella. Ella calls him out on this act being selfish like, the minute she sees him again and he starts to apologize and explain why he took the job ( lol we love Ella in this house so much @fcrtunefavcred ). He states, very honestly, that he took the job as a way to find redemption and apologize to her, and he even admits that he didn’t really think about how him showing up in her literal house to do this without her KNOWING or PREPARING for it might affect her.

WITHOUT REALIZING. Prior to seeking therapy, similar acts of selfishness are very prominent in Mateo’s life. His self-preservation and desire to remain out of conflict creates these habits of putting himself first and other’s second. It isn’t until he begins to seek therapy that he’s able to look at his actions critically. He’s been doing this his whole life, so it’s a hard thing to unlearn over night. There are moments where his selfishness takes over still –– like how he might avoid someone who’s mad at him because he doesn’t want to get into a fight, rather than allowing the confrontation to happen. But he has a much more critical eye and while he might have slip ups in this regard still, it is something he’s working on, and something he’s trying to amend with the people he’s been selfish around.

FIXING IT. Mateo recognizes that his actions (or inaction) have hurt people. recognizing the source of how that came to be is vital to Mateo being able to change and move forward with his life without repeating the same mistakes over and over again. This is important to him. He knows that his redemption may never come between Ella and himself, or the other people that suffered due to his inaction. Mateo doesn’t expect forgiveness, so in his mind his redemption will come to him through ensuring that he reigns in that selfishness and does not do these things ever again. Mateo does get redemption from Ella, but it is NOT through his selfish apology, but rather through learning, supporting, and listening to Ella’s hurt and words and accepting them without giving excuses. True acceptance of his failings is how he redeems himself with Ella. Not a one time apology, or repeating the same tired lines and excuses over and over, but HEARING her and not shying away from her emotion about it.

CONCLUSION. Self preservation is complicated because it’s something all people do, but the scale gets tipped into selfishness when you allow others to take your place or suffer tremendously in order to protect yourself. This is something Mateo did a lot. He allowed others to suffer in order to stop his own suffering. He was voiceless against people who did terrible things to avoid backlash against himself. He sought his redemption without considering Ella’s need for safety and protection from him. THIS is what makes him selfish.

disclaimer; i am not saying that everyone needs to have a voice and that self-preservation is a bad thing when you are facing oppression, and other forms of evil. Mateo’s specific relationship with the group members is what makes him selfish. Him knowing that he can stop things because his friends will (and have) listened to him about this before but choosing not to because it makes HIM an outcast within his friends is wrong and selfish.

#( boyo do i love complicated muses #mateo is a good person and he knows how to be kind and he knows what the right thing to do is #but putting himself in front of that is what makes him selfish #HES COMPLICATED #you can be kind and selfish at the same time )#headcanon ( it only seems fair ).

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diavohno · 5 years ago

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netflix & cuddles | mammon

--request--

‣ pairing: mammon x reader

‣ genre: fluff, teeny tiniest bit of angst

‣ words: 1.5k

‣ rating: sfw

‣ warning: the brothers are being mean again

‣ notes: asdfghkl it’s about time I got this out. thank you all for being so patient! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it :) also, stay safe with all of this craziness going on! stay at home if you can, wash your hands, and don’t touch your face!

posted 3.25.20

“So, what do you want to watch?” you ask the white-haired demon seated next to you as you flick through Netflix. Silence meets your question, causing your attention to shift away from the TV to Mammon, who seems uncharacteristically lost in thought. “Mammon?”

“Wha--” Suddenly startled from his thoughts, Mammon’s head whips towards you, his eyes wide. After a second, he recomposes himself and slouches back into your couch with his trademark smirk plastered onto his face. “Why don’t you pick, human? The GREAT MAMMON has graciously chosen to let you decide.”

“Grease it is,” you say decisively, clicking the show open while a tiny, content grin makes itself comfortable on Mammon’s face. The movie begins, but neither of you seems to be paying much attention to it; Mammon is too busy spiraling back into his thoughts, and you’re too busy worrying about him.

You had made your opinion on how the brothers treated the second oldest known long ago, but other than give them dirty looks whenever they did and scold them after, there wasn’t much you could do to change it; after a few millennia, they had become rather stuck in their ways. That didn’t stop you from trying, though.

It didn’t take a genius to notice how Mammon’s faux balloon of confidence deflated with every insult that was spit from his brothers’ lips, or how his genuine smile, once he had done something he was proud of, would be replaced with a fake one once he was taunted for it. Just thinking about it made your blood boil. No one deserved to be treated like that and especially not from their own family. Sure, Mammon is hard to handle at times, but so is everyone else. Plus, he’s the demon of greed, for crying out loud, what else would you expect.

A sad sigh slips out of you as you watch Mammon’s face as carefully as you can. His gaze hadn’t left the floor for nearly five minutes, and there was a slight furrow in his eyebrows. The grin that he had earlier had disappeared long ago, and now his teeth had preoccupied themselves with running themselves over his bottom lip, again, and again, and again.

It hurt to see him like this.

Today was probably the worst day that you’ve seen Mammon have while you’ve been in the Devildom. Not only did his newest modeling gig back out on him due to time concerns with him being a student, but his latest attempt to swindle a coven of witches unsurprisingly failed. Word somehow got back to Lucifer, like it always seems to do, and next thing anyone knows, Mammon is being strung up along the staircase once again “to help him learn his lesson.” Brother after brother passed by him on their way to their own rooms, and while only a few of them took verbal jabs at him, none stopped to help him down in fear of Lucifer putting them on the wall too.

Unluckily for the prideful first-born, you were a human whose heart was much stronger than your survival instinct.

As soon as the others were gone, you freed Mammon from his role as a wall fixture and snuck him into your bedroom. You knew Lucifer wouldn’t dare mess with the two of you there because his unnaturally strong devotion to Diavolo would keep him from doing something that would make you poorly reflect on your time in the Devildom. Plus, Friday nights were always movie nights for you and Mammon, and you were not about to break that tradition.

That brings you back to the present situation--you very well know the exact thoughts running through the head of the demon next to you. They were something along the lines of: “I really am nothing more than scum”, “how dumb can I possibly be?”, and “why can’t I change?”

You know because those are the exact words that the others always taunt him with.

Whether it be because of the ever-growing ball of rage burning deep within your gut, the fact that Mammon currently looks like a kicked puppy, or a mix of both, you somehow find yourself filled with the urge to lift your hand up from your lap and place it on top of the tanned hand next to you on the couch. Apparently, the urge was so strong that you had done just that without even realizing it.

Instantly ripped from his thoughts, Mammon’s head whips over to face you. “Wh-what do ya think you’re doing, human?”

“Hm? What do you mean?” you ask innocently as your face pinches in fake confusion.

“Nothin’,” Mammon grumbles, more to himself than to you. Despite his complaining, you don’t fail to notice how he doesn’t move his hand away. In fact, the blushing demon subtly flips his hand over so he can interlock your fingers together, which you pretend not to notice so he won’t move away. You’ve learned that touching Mammon is like touching a frightened deer--you had to pretend that you didn’t notice him creeping closer, because if he knew you knew, then he’d run away and pretend like it never happened.

An inkling of pride rises in your chest as you watch his blush darken from the corner of your eye. As a naturally touchy-feely person, you had wanted to wrap the second-oldest up in your arms from almost the first moment you had met him, yet his adversity to any and all forms of physical contact initiated by you effectively kept you from doing just that. It confuses you to no end because anyone with half a brain can tell he’s crushing on you, yet every time you make any move towards him he pushes you away like the little baby deer he is.

Basically, he’s cockblocking himself and is frustratingly good at it.

A shifting of the couch cushions catches your attention, and because it takes all of your willpower to not turn to face the demon who is casually sliding closer to you, you fail to stop a smile from breaking across your face. Whether he notices and chooses not to say anything or is too caught up in nervousness from what he was doing, you’re not sure, but your smile manages to go unmentioned.

At this point, you’re definitely feeling dangerously cocky. In fact, you are feeling so cocky that you, too, begin to scoot closer on the couch and quickly bridge the gap between yourself and Mammon. Soon enough, your shoulders are pressed together, which leaves Mammon uncharacteristically quiet. Oddly enough, he remains quiet for a good duration of the movie. The only reason that you know he hasn’t fallen asleep is that his cheek eventually came to rest upon the top of your head, meaning he was most likely a wide-eyed, blushing mess.

Minutes later, as if he had to be as close to you as possible to draw up enough courage to speak, Mammon breaks the silence. His voice is soft, yet his words press down on your heart like a weight. “Do you think I’m scum?”

“Of course not!” The words tumble from your lips without a second thought, and you find yourself pulling away so you can look him in the eyes. Well, you try to look him in the eyes, but as soon as you pull away his eyes glue themselves to the floor. “Mammon, you are literally one of the sweetest people that I’ve ever met. You don’t outright say it, but I can tell that you care a lot for your brothers, and I know that you’d do anything for them because that’s who you are.

“Yeah, you’ve got your faults, but everyone does! Your brothers out of ANYONE should know that because they’re in the same boat that you are. You don’t deserve to be treated like you are, Mammon. You have such a big heart, and I think that is so admirable.”

Mammon’s grip on your hand had steadily grown tighter as you were talking, yet his eyes remained locked onto your floor. Then, ever so quietly, his lips parted to let the words, “Thank you,” fall out.

“Of course, Mammo.” You run your thumb over his knuckles, which earns you a sheepish grin. Fueled by the success you’ve gotten so far, you flop backward on your couch and turn on your side towards the TV, making sure to leave space between you and the back of the couch. “Now let’s cuddle and watch the rest of the movie!”

“Okay,” Mammon mumbles as he positions himself behind you. While you’re busy being surprised that he actually went along with your cuddling demands, Mammon goes a step further and wraps an arm around your waist to pull you closer. Although both of you are thankful that the other can’t see the intense blush coating your cheeks, neither of you move for the rest of the night. In fact, at some point, you both fall asleep, and you are only woken up when there is a purposeful knocking on your door, followed by Lucifer’s sickly sweet voice asking if you knew where Mammon had disappeared off to.

That wasn’t the first time you had lied to the first-born, nor would it be the last.

#obey me #obey me: swd #swd #mammon #obey me mammon #swd mammon #request #mammon oneshot #obey me fic #obey me oneshot

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stardust-walker · 4 years ago

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High Hopes: Chapter 11

Previous Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

word count: 3364

______________________________________

Dove never thought that she would see sunlight again. She felt sad for losing Jacqui, of course. The older woman had been kinder to her and Carol than she had to be, but she was more grateful to have her family with her. To be able to feel the sun on her face again. She stood close by Carol as she watched the men try to bust the windows down with everything, they could get their hands on. The axes, chairs, hell even the guns. Nothing worked.

A thought crossed through Dove’s head as she sat on the ground next to Sophia to shield her from anything that might go flying. In an instant, her attention was drawn away from the window to her sister who was already on her feet, ready to hand Rick a grenade. She scrambled to her feet, more careful as she pulled Sophia right along with her. “A nail file isn’t gonna help,” Shane said. God even close to death, Shane can be a fucking asshole. She said nothing and smirked to herself as she saw the shock cross Rick’s face.

The explosion was loud and shook the whole room. Sophia yelped and Dove covered her ears as the grenade exploded and the glass shattered. She could feel the wind on her back already, they were so nearly free. There was shouting as everyone began to pile towards the window. Glenn jumped down out of the window and held his hand out to Dove, ready to steady her when she landed. As soon as her feet touched the ground, she turned and held her arms out for Sophia as the others continued to jump around her. “Just jump, Sophia. I got you!” Dove called up to her as Carol jumped down and cast a worried glance between her family members.

“You can do it Sophia, come on honey. It’s not that far,” Carol’s voice shook.

Sophia let out a small whimper before she finally jumped. Just like she promised, Dove leaned forward and caught the girl before her feet could touch the ground. “Good girl, Soph,” Glenn managed a weak smile as the four of them took off towards the cars with the rest of the group. There were walkers everywhere, but they were going down just as fast. It was only as she pushed Sophia and Carol closer to the car that she noticed something.

“Wait where’s Dale,” Dove shouted over the chaos.

Carol froze, hand on the door handle to the car before she pointed towards the building. “There they are!” Dove took her word for it as she opened the passenger side door and got into the car. She wanted Carol to slam on the gas and just go but she knew there was no way they were going anywhere alone.

The shockwaves from the CDC exploding shook the earth around them as Carol laid down across the front seat. Dove peeked her head up when it was finally over, only to see that Sophia was peeking her head up from the floor of the Jeep. “Good girl,” Dove chuckled weakly as she reached back and ruffled Sophia’s hair.

A look through the back window before the caravan started to move showed that T and even Daryl looked just as frightened as everyone else did. There was nowhere to go but forward. The younger woman leaned back in the passenger seat as Carol put the car in drive. It was the first time in a long time that she just wanted to drive in silence.

No matter how nice they were, Dove didn’t like the idea of heading back to the Vatos gang. Something just didn’t feel right about it and she was sure to tell her sister about it. “Listen, I mean they weren’t bad people. There were a lot of them there, I just don’t know if they’ll be so willing to take in a big group of people,” she muttered to Carol after she heard Rick talk over the walkie.

Carol sighed and ran a hand down her face. “I don’t know. We might as well go if Rick thinks it’s a good idea.” She tried to keep her voice down as best she could. Dove could feel for her, still wanting to protect Sophia from hearing things she shouldn’t have to.

A quick look over her shoulder and Dove leaned closer to her sister in the front seat. “Yeah well Rick also thought the CDC was a good idea and look…”

“Enough. We’re not talking about this anymore,” Carol shook her head as she reached over and hit the volume button on the radio. Dove’s music started right back up where she left off and she was left feeling like a scolded child as she huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

It was silent until they pulled up to the gates, then it was too silent. Dove whispered, “Sophia, do me a favor? Hand me that crowbar in the hatch back there,” Dove said as she continued to stare out the front windshield.

“This one,” Sophia questioned as she passed it in between the two women in the front seat.

Carol looked between her sister and the weapon but didn’t say anything. Dove beamed as she took the bar from the girl’s hand. “Yes, that exact one. Thank you, sweetheart.” She felt like a line of ants as the group marched along together up to the bricks that marked the entrance.

“All the guns they gave us, they’ll probably throw us a party,” Daryl answered as Andrea voiced Dove’s own concerns about the group, they were on their way to see. “Good call…for once,” he glanced sideways at Rick. Dove rolled her eyes and held a hand behind her.

“Just stay behind me, okay,” she said quietly to Carol and Sophia. As they walked further in, it felt more and more wrong.

“Where’re the lookouts,” Glenn panicked.

“Something isn’t right here,” Dove hissed back quietly as her eyes darted around the grounds. A few moments later, she realized what exactly had happened. Walkers were inside the camp. Panic swept over her as she turned her back to the men and focused on Sophia. Carol already held a hand over her eyes and crouched down next to her. “Don’t scream it’s gonna be alright,” Dove tried to keep her voice calm even though she felt her own panic rising.

She pulled Sophia right after her as they began to follow Rick through the building. Dove offered quiet words of encouragement to Sophia for being able to keep quiet, hell it was worth a shot. It didn’t help much as the little girl rounded the corner first and got a full view of a few dead bodies. As Sophia clung to her mother, Dove’s attention turned to Daryl. “You shut that little girl the hell up! Right now, or I will” he growled back at them.

Dove narrowed her eyes and raised her crowbar slightly until a strong grip made her stop. “You cut that out, right now.” Lori warned him as she pushed Dove back a step. She had to give it to the other woman, she had really nailed the ‘lecturing mom’ look and voice. It even made Dixon stop with how intense she was. A sharp tug on her arm pulled her back as the women went to block the doors. “Listen, I know you’re angry.” Lori sighed as they pulled an empty refrigerator across the room together, “but you can’t let him get to you like that.”

Dove huffed as she pulled harder on the fridge, a relieved exhale left her as Lori nodded to show that it was good enough. Dove brushed her hair back from her face and lowered her voice. “He threatened Sophia.”

Lori shook her head and placed a hand on the younger brunette’s shoulder, “You leave Daryl to me. I mean he listened this time, right?” Dove didn’t answer and Lori continued. “Besides, if he gets too out of hand, we’ll just sick you on him.” Lori gave her arm a playful shove before she marched back over to the others.

“Promises, promises,” Dove chuckled as she picked up her crowbar and tried to prepare herself for what else they might see. Sudden movement behind the door made her drop to the ground where she stood. Her eyes locked with Carol until it was safe enough to move.

It was serious business when Carol was angry enough to speak her mind and Dove knew it. “Are you telling the truth or are you lying like all the other times?” Carol looked angry and Dove felt a wave of admiration go through her. There she was, that was the woman that made Dove want to be strong. The real Carol peeked through for a moment and then it was gone like a puff of smoke as Lori spoke in defense of her husband.

Dove placed a hand on Carol’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze, “Atta girl,” she muttered under her breath.

“The hell happened,” Glenn sighed as he looked around the room.

“What do you think,” Andrea spoke up. Dove felt her blood start to boil. Did she have to be so condescending? “They got overrun.” Dove rolled her eyes, then raised her eyebrows. Daryl had scoffed at the other woman. “Something to say,” Andrea snapped.

“Uh yeah, how about observant,” Daryl snapped right back.

Andrea nodded, “Observant. Big word coming from a guy like you. Three whole syllables.”

Dove pinched the bridge of her nose, “Can you like stop being a condescending bitch for like 5 damn seconds and let someone else have an opinion?” She planted her feet on the ground and placed her hand on her hip as she observed the other woman. There was a stunned silence for a moment before Daryl continued. Hell, she never thought she’d defend Daryl ever, especially after what he’d said to Sophia, but everyone deserved to have their voices heard.

Daryl continued, “Walkers didn’t do this.” That was clear to anyone with a brain. The ones she’d seen all had headshots. “Geeks didn’t show up until all this went down. Somebody attacked this place.” Dove felt Sophia shift closer to her. “Killed all these people, took whatever they wanted. They’re all shot in the head, execution style. Y’all worried about walkers? What about the people that came and did all this?”

Dove glanced over at Rick as he looked over a body. A nod from the sheriff seemed to confirm everything that Daryl had just said. Dove never thought she would see the day when she could appreciate any words coming out of the mouth of Daryl Dixon, but she never thought she’d see the dead walk either. “Get a dictionary,” Daryl smirked at Andrea, “look it up. Observant.”

Dove couldn’t fight back the nervous giggle that left her lips at Andrea’s face. A subtle slap to the arm made her clear her throat as she rose to her feet again. “Sorry. Sorry,” she mumbled as she placed a hand over her mouth and walked over closer to Glenn.

Glenn watched as Daryl left the room. “Did that just happen,” he mumbled to Dove.

“I don’t know about you, but that might have just about been the best thing I’ve seen in weeks,” Dove whispered back. “But odds are, that might have shoved the stick further up Andrea’s ass.” She nudged Glenn as the group started to move on again. Glenn just shook his head.

One bottle of water, garbanzo beans, and fucking cough drops. That’s all that was left out of everything Guillermo had fought for. What would be left of her when she died? Probably just a crowbar, a comfortable pair of boots, and maybe a few old pieces of jewelry. That’s if she was lucky.

“I don’t think salty snacks are that great without water,” Dove sighed as she caught the bag of chips Shane had tossed to her.. “I think I’ll pass,” she smiled as she held out her bag of chips to Carl. The little boy took them with a big beaming smile.

Dove wasn’t that surprised at all to see that Shane had managed to smuggle a bottle of wine out of the CDC right along with him. “I’d go easy on that stuff,” Lori spoke up again as Daryl went to open the bottle, “don’t forget where we are.”

Daryl nodded and uttered a quick, “Yes ma’am,” before popping the bottle open. Dove ruffled Sophia’s hair as she tried her best to look like she was enjoying the meal in front of her. It made her sad to think about all the things her family might have been through without her around.

Dove sighed and dug through the bag she had left in the car. She shuffled a pack of cards nervously as Glenn brought up all the people that had been killed. Her eyes drifted around the room before they landed on Daryl. He just shook his head as he took another drink from the bottle. Carol shook her head as the men left the room. “I’m perfectly fine with them talking about it with adults here but with the kids, they really do need to be more careful,” she sighed as she stroked Sophia’s hair and tried to calm her down.

Lori sank down to the ground next to Carl and stared at the paper crafts on the wall. “I’m sorry, Carol. I can talk to them when they get back in if you want.”

Dove shook her head as she focused on the movement of the cards between her hands. “You don’t have to. I’ll do it.” Her focus shifted to the other woman, a look of surprise on her face. “You don’t have to carry the weight of actual common sense on your shoulders, Lori. I got you this time, but you owe me.” Lori smiled gratefully as she went to reply but was interrupted by a scoff from across the room. “You got some other enlightening information for us all Andrea, or are you just going to sit over there are wallow enough for all of us?” Dove’s attention turned to the blonde woman.

Andrea shifted forward as she spoke, “You’re all trying to play leader like it matter or something. Everything’s gone. None of that matters anymore! Look around us! Everyone else is dead,” Andrea stopped as Sophia began to whimper and inched closer to Carol.

Dove gripped the cards in her hands so tight she thought she might break the skin before she composed herself enough to reply, “If none of it matters then why the hell are you still here? You don’t even believe half of the shit you’re spewing out. I think you’re just angry because Dale wouldn’t let you get yourself blown up and on top of it? You got outsmarted by Daryl Dixon of all people! Now I can’t imagine how that would feel, but what I would like to imagine is for you to decide whether you want to stay here and act like shit matters or else you decide to go out on your own and get yourself killed.” The silence between the women in the room was palpable as Carol stared at her sister and Lori placed an arm around Carl.

“You must have been a shitty counselor,” Andrea snapped at the brunette across from her.

“Yeah and you must have been a real shit lawyer if that’s your only argument. Now shut the hell up and eat your beans or I’ll come over there and take them for someone who’s actually grateful for what they got,” Dove snapped. The silence was only broken by the door being opened back up and the men filed back in. A confused look crossed Dale’s face as he glanced over and saw Andrea begin to pick at the food on her plate. A hand raised in the air and that said to Dove that he wasn’t even going to ask.

A few hours passed after Dove had taken it upon herself to talk to Glenn about not upsetting Sophia and she felt like she had kicked a puppy. At least she’d done him the courtesy of doing it while he was on watch. A hand shook her awake from her slumber as she jolted up. It was Glenn. “Hey, you asked me to let you know when I was off watch. You sure you wanna go out there,” even in the dark, she could see the worry cross his face.

Dove sighed heavily as she dug into her bag and pulled out the pack of cigarettes she’d been trying to sneak since this whole thing started. She’d been too close to Carol, she’d feared a lecture, but now she couldn’t give a fuck. “Yeah, gotta bite the bullet and go talk to the other one.” She ran a hand through her hair as she shoved the pack and her lighter into her pocket. Glenn held a handout and helped his friend to her feet before he took her spot on the ground next to Carol and Sophia. “Keep it warm for me, buddy,” Dove winked at the younger man as she headed quietly to the door.

She didn’t have to look far until she saw the man on the top of the stairs. His hearing must have been better than she thought as he turned to see her walk down the hallway. Dove pulled her hands from her pockets and held them up, pack in one hand and lighter in the other. “I come in peace,” she whispered as she came to a stop by the railing. Daryl just grunted as he turned to look back down the stairs. The only sound the echoed between them for a moment was a click from the lighter and then a relieved sigh as the cigarette finally lit. Dove held out the pack to Daryl as she removed the cigarette from her mouth and blew the smoke out after a few seconds. “A one-time offer,” she chirped as she waved the pack in front of the man and handed him the lighter after he swiped it from her hand.

“What do ya want,” he whispered as he began to light his cigarette.

Dove sighed and rubbed her forehead. “Sorry that I told you I was going to put you in a chokehold. I was stressed,” she caught Daryl’s eye for a moment. The look on his face made her want to shrink back into her coat. “Yeah, that must sound pretty stupid. I’m not sorry for wanting to kick your ass for being a dick to Sophia though.” She laughed quietly before Daryl spoke up.

“Apology accepted. But next time you threaten me with something, you best follow through,” Daryl’s response was humorless and Dove just nodded in response.

The two of them spent the next few minutes in silence. Smoke filling their lungs and being blown back out into the air every few seconds. Dove yawned and raised her arms above her head, “I thought it was pretty awesome how you took charge before when Andrea tried to call you stupid.”

Another scoff. “I didn’t do it to fucking be awesome. Ya’ll gotta know what we’re dealin with. I don’t give a shit if someone thinks I’m stupid. So long as I know I got my shit together.”

Dove nodded her head as she tossed cigarette to the floor. The light on the end of the cigarette went out as she pressed the toe of her shoe into it and blew the last of the smoke from her mouth. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re that stupid.” Daryl turned his head slightly to look at her, his expression unreadable. A smirk crept onto Dove’s face as she leaned down slightly, “but if you threaten my niece again? I just might have to kill you.” She stood up straighter again, as calm as ever. “Night,” she cooed over her shoulder and then she was off down the hallway again. Within a matter of seconds, Daryl was alone in the hallway again and it was like it never happened.

@crossbowking @momc95 @chaotic-gary-king-stan

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