#i also posted these on twit and one of my mutuals said i have perfect eyebrows

[narrated]

finally got to a point where my facial hair makes me feel very Gender

[kiwisinlingerie]

Honey and Pomegranates

Pairing: Magie/Todger (OC/OC), past Nathan/Magpie    Warnings: Mentions of past unhealthy relationship  Contains: past relationships, emotional hurt/comfort, semi public sex, pegging, self worth issues Rating: M Fandom: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2  AU: N/A Word length: 3,042

Summary:

“You can't just kiss me when you look like this… Fuck…" Todger whines, eyes entirely focused on red stained lips, green eyes flicking up to meet brown doe eyes before she curses under her breath once more. "I just want to ruin how perfect you look." "It's sealed." "Huh?" "I can fix my hair easily and my makeup is sealed." Magpie states with amusement, watching the full range of emotions that go across Todger's face. "Sealed and you proof."

Big shout out to the folk on Twit who encouraged me to write and post these, esp @robynrileyart and @hurrraaid. Im constantly rambling about them over on twit so feel free to go bother me here

Because It’s undoubtedly gonna be brought up. I am aware that Todger is english slang for cock, its part of a joke as her partner in crime has the call sing tadger, the scottish equiv. 

[AO3]

---

This was an abuse of power. 

It's not the first time her father had pulled a stunt like this but it's the first time she'd been the denied the opportunity to tell him to fuck off by her superiors. The ability to throw your weight around shouldn't apply to other branches of the military yet here she was, an island in a sea of naval officers. 

She had been granted one relief, the same one she was always given. Allowed to bring one guest with her to suffer the night with her however her usual victim of mutual sufferage was busy. 

Occupied in the med ward, Dylan had protested he was fine enough to attend, that any spontaneous bleeding from the bullet wound would simply make the night more interesting. As his friend and nurse, she'd considered it momentarily before outright declining him. 

Magpie had asked Todger to join her in the end. 

Whilst she adored the giant Geordie, the demolitions expert had never crossed her mind for this. A level of decorum was expected at these events, something Magpie never expected from a woman whose call sign was slang for cock. 

But, as always, Todger proved her wrong. 

She'd been less bothered since arrival, Magpie usually swamped by those wanting to win her father's favour or utterly besotted by Dylan. But not this time. Everyone had more or less given her a wide berth when with her companion, waiting until the other departed for drinks to approach her and quickly excusing themselves whenever Todger returned. 

There were only two exceptions to the rule. 

The first was her father, Crow, who had enthusiastically introduced himself to Todger, asked of her rank and proceeded to laugh mirthfully as it was given. 

He hadn't shirked at Todger's proclamation of "i'm here with the most beautiful woman in the world," he'd just nodded in agreement and said she got that from her mother. 

It gave her hope, in a way, that things could be fixed between them. A strained relationship these past two decades, if his only discrepancy was forcing her to attend this celebration of him then it was progress. 

The other was Nathan. Charismatic and handsome, she'd once fallen for his charms years ago before things fell apart into utter catastrophe as she consistently failed to keep up with his expectations of her. 

"Miss Haigh." His voice sends a chill through her, not fighting it as Nathan takes her hand and presses a kiss to her knuckles, brushing his thumb across her knuckles in a way that would have been soothing from anyone else. "I see your guard dog wandered off, is that why you're so tense?" 

Yes. No. Partially. She circles her response in her head, knowing full well she'd be less tense if Todger was here but also that the cause was the man before her. 

"My companion is getting us drinks, she'll be back shortly." It's a subconscious thing, the way she softens her voice and accent, still striving to please him even after all these years. Her attempts to remove her hand from his only results in his grip tightening." Nathan, let-"

"It's not too late, you know, to live our lives as we planned." Nathan speaks against her skin, taking one step closer to her and placing his other hand on her waist. His hands aren't cold but she feels it, a numbness that blooms and spreads from where he's touching her. "You don't have to keep up with this silliness, these hands were never meant for bloodshed." 

He doesn't even know what you do, she thinks, frowning as he continued to gaze upon her with such faux fondness. Nathan loves an idea of her, one based off her as a teenager, that grew into something so far removed from the truth it was tragic in its existence. 

"I don't want that, I like helping pe-" 

She's interrupted by a laugh, another chill down her spine as the desperate need to run, to run and hide, begins to drown her. "You don't know what you want, my love, otherwise you'd never have run off and joined the army. Never have abandoned what we have." 

What we have?! They have nothing. They've been nothing since she was 25, when they'd argued over the phone and she'd ended it all. It's been 5 years. 5 years of freedom for her and he just saw it as something akin to misplaced confused rebellion? 

She feels queasy. Stomach churning wildly, panic swelling with the rapid beats of her heart. Where was Todger? Why hadn't she come back yet? Magpie wants to look for her but she doesn't trust the naval officer enough to take her eyes off him. 

Her saviour announces their presence with a hand on her lower back, so warm it eased off the effects of Nathan's touch. "Am I interrupting something, Captain?" Todger's voice eases the tension in her, the static of her mind telling her to run easing down to a comfortable, soothing silence. 

"Not at all, Sergeant." Magpie slips out of Nathan's hold as his grip momentarily slackens, pressing herself back into the taller woman as if it would hide her from him. "You were just leaving, weren't you, Nathan." 

"Of course." He's not happy, a tenseness in his jaw she recognises from when they dated and a placed smile that stretched a little too wide. "I'll be sure to find you later, Maggie, to continue this conversation." 

She doesn't relax until he's out of sight but, even then, Magpie is still on edge. What did he mean by that? There was no conversation to continue bar the one involving only his force of will attempting to manipulate his way back into her affections. 

The hand on her back moves, Magpie frowning, turning slightly to look up at Todger only to find the geordie looking somewhere to their right. She barely has chance to comprehend the missing contact before Todger takes her hand, strong and reassuring, gently leading her away from their spot and out of the hall. 

"Where are we… What…What happened to drinks?" She's never sounded this unsure of herself around Todger, has she? The way the dark haired woman pauses in her step to turn back to her, brows tilted with concern saying all it needs to. 

"They were all fancy shite and you looked like you needed a breather." Her voice is soft but it's all Magpie can hear, a subtle affection to it as Todger smiled warmly that serves no purpose bar to make Magpie's heart stutter. 

It's as they start moving again that Todger asks the question Magpie is almost certain she's been desperate to ask. "Who was that weirdo anyway?" 

"That was my ex, Nathan." She confesses as they leave the banquet hall, wincing as she collides with Todger's back, the sergeant having come to an unexpected stop. The incredulous look she's been given brings a grin to her lips. 

"Damn… No wonder you let Tadge hit it." The almost sage tone of her voice has the medic laughing lightly to herself, as if Todger finally understood the secrets of the universe all of a sudden. 

Music from the hall is near silent now, existing more as a low thrum in the background, the only people spotted fleetingly being members of staff who just nodded to them both like they knew something Magpie didn't. 

Their final destination is a bathroom, exhibiting near zero evidence of being used this night. Todger doesn't let her go until they're before pure counter space, taking off her hat and running a hand through her hair, choppy mullet springing back to its usual messy state under her hands. 

She really was a handsome woman. 

Magpie slides up onto the counter as Todger pats it, feeling a role reversal as she gently holds her face, leaning in as she inspected it. Like Nathan had physically laid his hands on her rather than simply unnerve her. 

It's endearing to say the least, the furrow of her brow, the gentleness of her touch as she gently manoeuvres her face. She can't help herself, Magpie closing the gap between them, deep red meeting scarred lips as she kissed her. 

They've fucked before, more often than the field nurse would freely admit. Trysts that grew more intimate, lasted much longer, the now a precursor to post coital cuddling that Magpie had long since grown affection for. 

So, this wasn't crossing a line, was it? 

Apparently not. The mirror is cold against her exposed shoulders as the force of Todger kissing her back hits her, hand weaving into Magpie's hair to prevent her head from hitting the mirror whilst the other slid up beneath her dress and gripped her upper right thigh. Tightly, almost desperately. 

"You can't just kiss me when you look like this… Fuck…" Todger whines, eyes entirely focused on red stained lips, green eyes flicking up to meet brown doe eyes before she curses under her breath once more. "I just want to ruin how perfect you look." 

"It's sealed." 

"Huh?" 

"I can fix my hair easily and my makeup is sealed." Magpie states with amusement, watching the full range of emotions that go across Todger's face. "Sealed and you proof." Confused. Considering. Conflicted and, finally, excitement in the face of her bold statement on her makeup's longevity.

Knees part further as she's kissed once more, Todger settling between them as she did it. It's passionate but slow, accompanied by hands gently mapping her body as they slowly stripped her. 

No urgency to it, the clasps keeping her dress around her neck barely audible as they're tugged apart, deep green dress falling limply around hips and thighs as the zip is pulled down. Hips rock up so the dress can be fully removed, leaving Magpie in naught but panties, lace topped stockings and heels. 

Todger removes her own jacket, rolling up her sleeves to the elbow and undoing the first few buttons. She swallows as Todger kneels between her thighs, eyes locking with Magpies until she pressed a kiss to nylon coated calves, hands gently easing off her shoes. 

Why was she flustered? She wasn't some bashful virgin, heels placed somewhere to the side before Todger began to trail kisses up her legs, from knee to hip, gentle in her ministrations, heart fluttering with each one. 

"Let me show you what love really feels like." Todger whispers, cupping her cheek and kissing her, slowly and deeply, a moan easing from her throat as Todger's other hand found their place on her chest, teasing sensitive flesh with a mix of gropes and pinches. 

Magpie's hands blindly fumble with both belt and fastenings, pulling away only as she felt something unexpected, dipping her eyes down to observe what she felt only to giggle as she saw the harness. 

"Dylan's idea, I was all for arson if things got too boring." Todger states with a laugh, answering the question Magpie had yet to fully form in her head. The toy, Magpie realises after Todger shimmies a little to make her trousers fall, is strapped to her thigh. 

"You're ridiculous, you know that right?" 

"I've been informed by others that it's charismatic and a point of interest." Todger laughs. "We don't have to use it though, it's just an option." 

Todger is ridiculous but she's also sweet. Not living up to her call sign at all, when was the last time a lover had been so low pressure, so conscious of her own wants and needs. She could get used to being put first, she thinks. 

"I want to."

"Take your panties off for me then, beautiful." 

She does as she's told, waiting until Todger had let go of her to slip off black lace and cotton, stuffing them into the breast pocket of Todger's shirt when the dark haired woman settled back between her legs.

They usually take more time to reach this point, Todger usually so dedicated to making her climax through foreplay alone but it was different today. Hands lift her thighs, tilting both them and her hips to gain better access. 

The gasp from her lips is extended, drawn out and broken, hands gripping both Todger's shoulder and edge of the counter as she pushes fully in, pelvis to pelvis.

"You can move." She breathes more than speaks, relaxing her grip on Todger's shoulder to further prove her point. 

The pace is slow to begin with, intimate and gentle, it's almost easy to forget they aren't back in the hotel they were staying in for the event, like there's no risk of being interrupted at any moment. Thighs clench around Todger's waist as the demolitions expert braces herself against the counter, Magpie's arms wrapping around broad shoulders as she buried her face into Todger's neck. 

It's all a bit too much. The juxtaposition of dealing with Nathan, a former lover obsessed with a version of her he created, versus Todger, versus Jade, who had no reason to be this tender with her. How… How was she so capable of being besotted with her when the only other person to love her like this was never in love with who she was to begin with. 

"Don't be shy, darling, I want to hear you." Todger encourages, pressing a kiss to light brown hair, fingers gripping into her dress shirt as she became more vocal as thrusts speed up. She's not normally shy about it, but this felt different. It didn't feel like just sex anymore, it felt more than that. 

"M-more, please. I need… I need you-fuck!" Magpie's plea finishes in a whine, a hard thrust having the medic's thighs tighten as teeth sunk into where shoulder met neck. It'll leave a mark, she knows that, anyone could tell from both the pressure of her teeth and the sharp hiss Todger gave. 

"Please, Jade, p-please I want to… I'm gonna…"

She orgasms, tensing before relaxing against Todger, steadily calming breaths fanning out against lipstick and bruised stained skin. 

"That's my girl." Todger hums, rubbing Magpie's back as she pulled out, hands moving to cradle her face before kissing her softly. "Let's get you cleaned up, shall we?" 

She's confused, emotionally at least, watching as Jade cleaned her up, any words spoken falling on deaf ears whilst brief kisses between tasks were shared. She doesn't want this to end, this intimacy, this feeling she can't quite place yet, opening her mouth uselessly to try and convey it all only to close it again moments later. 

"You should wear this sort of thing more often, it's really pretty." Todger states, holding up her dress post clean up, the taller woman having taken bare five minutes to clean and redress herself, the only evidence of what they had done being the blooming love bite on her neck that was barely hidden, if at all, by the open collar. 

"Aye, catch me wearing heels and a dress on the frontlines." Magpie states, biting back a laugh but not a smile at the sour look on the others face. "Nothing says urgent medical care like a bitch looking like a wedding guest." 

"I meant out of work and you know it." Todger grumbles, offering her hand to Magpie as the smaller woman slid off the counter. 

They start with the dress, Magpie turning and moving her hair out of the way as Todger fastened her up, neck first then the small of her back. A kiss is placed on her shoulder as the dress tightens around her waist and the feeling is back again. 

Like she's drowning whilst floating effortlessly. 

Her makeup is still fine, despite the transfer, her hair a little distressed but it was doubtful anyone bar she would notice. She turns as Todger kneels behind her, redressing her first with underwear then shoes, a kiss against lower thighs each time a new item of clothing was added. 

Magpie returns the favour, buttoning up the shirt and fastening the coat when Todger puts it back on, reaching up to try and tame messy black hair before simply shoving her cap back on. She looked more herself like this, more like the woman she had grown ever so attached to. 

"Ready to go back? I promise not to leave your side this time." 

A kiss to her knuckles like what Nathan gave her only it feels warm, warm and accepting, not arguing as it became hand holding, loose but firm. Secure. 

"How did you know that toilet was back there?" 

"I was gonna set one of the bins on fire if things got boring." Todger states casually as they walk back towards the banquet hall, shrugging. 

She cant help but laugh, covering her mouth with her free hand before bumping into Todger's back, a parallel to their initial journey. 

It's Nathan. Of course it is. 

A sour end to an otherwise pleasant moment, feeling as small as she did when they snuck away some minutes ago. "I:ve been looking for you, the staff said they'd spotted you head this way and," he sighs, looking simultaneously heartbroken and disappointed. "You used to have such integrity, now it seems you'll let anyone fuck you." 

She barely realises her hands been let go of, the sound of crunching bone that kick starts the medic part of her brain being quickly silenced as Todger snarled. "Stop slut shaming my girlfriend, cunt." 

My… What? 

She's stunned, not fighting as her hand is retaken, following blindly as Todger pulled her away from the crumpled form on the floor holding his nose. My girlfriend. She called Magpie her girlfriend. 

Its only when they come to a stop, back in the banquet hall, does Magpie get the other's attention by tugging on her sleeve, hands still firmly leaked. "I find, personally, that having someone as your girlfriend works better when you ask them first." 

She watches. Watches and waits as Todger first frowns in bemusement before her face colours, the rage she had show Nathan mere minutes ago replaced fully with flustered explanations that barely made sense. 

If this was love, or as close to it as she could get, then maybe it wasn't too bad afterall. 

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

Rules for mobile (Pinned Post)

The Code

Success. I’ve sufficiently pestered the wench to make me a blog, much to the cost of a certain behorned mischief god whose presence I must share. Follow the rules below, and there’ll be smooth sailin’, savvy?

This be an exceptionally selective blog. I was me mun’s first ever muse yonks back and I’ve pestered her into writing me again, BUT, she’s horribly pressed for time. Partners will likely be very few, else ones doubling up with Loki’s. Anyone is welcome to approach and enquire, but she and I will be leaning toward those either from me own universe or crossovers with which she’s highly familiar and characters in whom she’s especially interested. Ye have been warned.

Replies are like to be slow, up to a few weeks at most.

Partners must be 18+. Various themes of an adult nature may be found here. Sexual things will be tagged ‘#filthy pirate’ with whatever level/variety of sin I deem them. More details below.

Behave. There shall be no rudeness, no passive aggression, no hate, no censorship or generally being a twit. Do I make meself clear?

The Code - Extended (below the cut)

Hi, guys. I’m Pirate (oddly known as this long before I made Jack a tumblr). Here are my more detailed rules and guidelines for writing with me on this blog, though the absolute basics are at the top as, honestly, it’s never easy to remember everyone’s requirements.

Jack is a sideblog. If you’re being followed by a benevolentgodloki that means I’m following you back. I don’t need us to be mutuals (both following each other) for us to write together, but there is a greater chance of us having a partnership if we’re letting each other know we’re interested.

How I Roll

I note myself as ‘highly selective’. This isn’t to be an elitist bugger, it’s because we all only have a limited amount of time we can put in. I want to write what I enjoy with people I enjoy. I am married with two attention-seeking cats, two jobs, a slow-brewing intended writing career and a video game addiction.

Asks/Memes - I will usually answer these no matter who they are from but I may or may not turn them into a thread I intend to keep. Some memes are very much designed to be something that continues so context can be key. If you would like to know in advance whether I intend to answer and/or keep something, please do pop me a message and I will be kind and honest.

My Threads - While Jack’s blog is still exciting and new, I’m being a bit all over the place with who and what I reply to depending on which way Jack’s.. compass.. is pointing. I do have a rolling turn order that I adhere to (to the point that I can genuinely tell you who is next at any given moment) but it’s all piled in with Loki’s threads, meaning I can take a few weeks to get round everything. Every partner gets one of their threads answered within that ‘round’ and then I go round again. However, when I’m really into something/finding something easy to pop back, I treat myself to spamming certain threads or partners at my whim. I use rpthreadtracker.com to maintain what I have. 

I will remind partners of threads that have not been replied to for more than three months. If I do not do this, I have either forgotten/lost it myself, I’m not too fussed about keeping it at that stage, or you were absent for a long period of time. 

My Style - I will write in both past or present tense depending on partner preference. My default is past but I like either. Please kick me if I screw up and write the wrong one. I prefer using regular size font but I will make mine small on replies to people who use the smaller so that it looks neat. I will often match partners’ lengths and some formatting details e.g. bolding dialogue, but I struggle with doing novella-length posts for reasons below.

I have a bugbear to admit about role-play. What we call splicing. A good half of my partners write this way so I’m not about to tell everyone to stop but if you’re someone who does this, you will occasionally run into some frustrations when writing with me. ‘Splicing’ is when you retrospectively write dialogue or actions as having previously happened during your partner’s last post. These things are fine when they’re passive i.e. your character muttered them, thought them or you were writing what your character was doing at the time because that’s pretty much essential. The trouble comes usually when my characters talk a lot/ask rhetorical questions and partners choose to answer every single one despite the fact my character carried on talking. I know it’s an ass that I have talkative muses and you really want to respond to every point/get a word in, but putting words and actions into the past effectively godmods my muse into accepting they happened. If you feel your muse would have full-on interjected midway through their ramble, please ask me to edit my post/stop it at that point. Otherwise if you do prefer to splice, my muse will only respond to whatever it is your character did or said last in their post. This is one of the reasons I can’t write novella, because often there is only so much you can write before you’re stepping into the territory of changing what went before and not allowing your partner to do anything about it.

TL;DR don’t ever worry about your post being too short for me. If it’s one sentence long but it’s because something fast-paced is happening, I won’t be miffed.

Shipping! - no not that kind of ship, Jack. I love shipping. Ships all around. Let’s face it, romance can be one of the most exciting reasons we bother writing. I am open to a lot of ships for Jack, practically all of them. Yes, even that one. I will do downright nasty, toxic, horrible stuff, savvy? It’s fiction and Jack is a great indulgence for bad things happening to him as much as good. That said, of course don’t force something on him without prior agreement between us. Well, I mean, your muse can try and accost him and see what he does, just don’t expect him to definitely reciprocate. Jack and I are bi/pansexual. We’re open to everything. I will admit a heavy lean toward m/m but, that said, Jack is extremely fond of the ladies, more so than Loki. I am very into Sparrington especially.

Not Safe For Ye Olde Work

Sliding down from the above topic, I enjoy the occasional smutting. It is not a requirement from my partners. In fact, I’m warming very much to fading to black depending on the context/mood/if things feel a bit repetitive. I do feel a touch more comfortable with partners who don’t need that boundary but as I’ve recently figured ‘if it needs a cut, then it’s smut’ I know when to skip on.

Saucy material will go under cuts/Read More’s and be tagged as mentioned above with ‘filthy pirate’. Additional tags will be based on the citrus scale: ‘lime’ for general grabbing, ‘lemon’ for full on sexual content and ‘grapefruit’ if things get extra kinky. I will tag things such as ‘rape tw’ or ‘noncon tw’ or ‘dubcon tw’ where necessary. Please blacklist any or all of these at your leisure, or search them if you fancy :U I do NOT tag these as ‘ns.fw’ because tumblr just completely hides them from being searchable which is useless for my partners.

OC’s - Due to my time constraints I am extremely picky when it comes to OC’s. This is a good fandom for well-thought-out muses and I know firsthand how hard it is to make headway as an OC in the RP world. However, I also understand that for people like me, I want to dip in on this site to mostly play with the characters and worlds I’m really absorbed in and ship my weaselly black guts out. Some people have more time than others to really give your OCs the time and love they deserve. Unless I’ve played with you a long time and I really like the cut of your and your muse’s jib, it’s very unlikely I’ll bite. Apologies! The same goes for crossover muses from fandoms I’m unfamiliar with, but I will let you know if that’s the case.

Limits

Threads - I don’t have a strict limit on how many to have per person but please bear in mind that the more of these you have with me the longer it will take me to get to a particular one (unless I’m spamming it back and forth). This is more a mun/muse context how many I accept.

Exclusives/mains - I don’t do these although I may consider having a maximum of 3 or 4 of one muse depending on activity levels and to ensure plots don’t get mixed up or attention feel unfairly balanced.

Triggers/squicks - I don’t like body horror e.g. graphic detail of squishy bits having bad things happen to them. I’m writing a pirate so there’s absolutely allowed to be elements of torture/violence, just don’t stab him in the eye or chop bits off him. One torture-related thing sends me into a complete freakout which I’ll discuss with partners if we’re doing a thread of that ilk as needed. Kink-wise I’m not into mpreg, A/B/O or infantilism or toilet things. Just ask me/Jack if you’re after something XD

Who I Am/What I Need From You

Being yourself is the most important thing and I promise I am not a scary person (usually). We’re only human and it’s natural that we’ll get along better with some rather than others. This is more to give you a gist of the sort of person I am and who I gel with best.

So I’m a shy hermit at the best of times. I’m trying to be better at engaging and enthusing with partners over our threads because I realise more than ever this does keep things alive and make for a more enjoyable experience. I’m not always great at it. I work best with people who are patient and don’t worry too much on what I think of them and their writing, with people who are happy to keep threads going for the longhaul rather than keep dropping everything before I’ve had the time to get to the next post, and most especially people who accept that fiction =/= reality. I do need a certain level of quality, which doesn’t always mean perfect grammar, but it must be coherent, fun and creative. I like a relaxed approach, sharing mutual enjoyment in silly fantasy world sandboxes as escapism from (and exploration of) this complicated world we live in.

If you managed to read all of this, have a drink (even if it’s water). You’re a diamond. 

Pirate xxx

[sunnysynthsunshine]

My letter

(Note: I’m aware I can’t personally directly send this to him, but I still felt like sharing this with you, my dear comrades, I was feeling really rubbish yesterday but after typing out all of this I felt a lot better, a lot of the thoughts in this letter are what has been buried under the subtext of some of my poems and that one writing piece I did, some of the topics discussed reference mental health, personal aspects of my life and spirituality so TRIGGER WARNING!..you may keep reading)

Dear Doctor Rik Mayall

Hello!,

I’m Kelsey, I’m a huge fan of your work, old and new, a 17 soon to be 18 year old from Northern Ireland I, unfortunately, wasn’t around to see your Bottom stage shows when they came to Belfast, I was too little at the time.

I did know some of your work though, that short-lived King Arthur cartoon was a show I’d frequently watch, and I remember when you’d voice the Andrex puppy and narrate who let the dogs out!

In later years I’d eventually watch that Young ones show you did, I fell in love with that show, your character too, that show helped me at a time after I finished secondary school when I was feeling really depressed because of drama going on with someone who used to be my so-called friend who I had learned later was manipulating me.

Your show made me realise a lot about myself and the world around me, as someone raised tory you helped me express the true  socialist and anarchist views that I wanted to show, I’m now the me I always wanted to be,I’ve met a lot of my new mates the ones in my college and the ones off the internet because of you, because of either them and I mutually liking one of your shows or me introducing them to your shows and them enjoying it.

I used to study drama as you did, but then I had to study media instead, my dance instructor really tainted my confidence, however, I did get a good grade in LAMDA, the drama school that Nigel Planer and Peter Richardson went to, I just did the exam though,I still love drama and I write poetry (like your character did) and my own comedy monologues while it took time to realise I lowkey wanted to be a comedian as well as an actor and artist,but I used to think I wasn’t capable enough, but I’ve written 7 monologues since last summer up to now and I’m quite proud of my progress.

My media course is going well too, I’ve often referenced you in some of my sources for projects like my Moving Image class and one time we had to pitch a film idea and poster, so I chose that Drop Dead Fred film, because it’s one of my favourite films of all time and I felt like the only reason it didn’t get the proper praise it deserved at the time was due to bad marketing.

Outside of that, times have been less than stellar, a bloke last October manipulated me, I just wanted to be friends with him, but he ended up being very mentally abusive,I have Autism so sometimes I hyper fixate *gush* about my interests too intensely,and sometimes I overshare and make weird pop culture references only a few people get,it’s ok at times but other times it can weird people out and it makes me seem annoying to others when I don’t intend to be.

That and my childhood was quite lonely, and often I get traumatic flashbacks from old and modern incidents, and some of the flashbacks are made up and create “intrusive thoughts in my mind, I hate that, I haven’t had my other issues diagnosed, because I’m too busy to find therapy, my country has a backwards mental health system, and some people in my life don’t completely understand the issues I go through.

You and other icons in my life, help encourage me to keep going through the tough times and I’ve been able to help others going through similar problems too, I am so thankful for my friends and I’m so thankful for your presence in my life.

Barbara is a very lucky woman and so was Lise when you were with her and your work has heavily inspired my own.

I feel like whenever I’m acting or when I watch you acting, I see a spiritual philosophical wall beside us, I’ve read and watched all your interviews, most of your tv and filmography and your book is fantastic.

I feel like our personalities are similar, we are both kind, but cynical, we have our cold  moments and times when we just want to be cuddly teddy bears, we love audiences but we’re also shy and sometimes timid,I can’t list all the traits here basically I can go from entranced and hyper-fixated to Pessimistic and Quiet and Timid to Mellow and Loud to dazed, relaxed and happy. Quite a mix of traits, in the past I was an ignorant coward, now though I’ve learned from that and I’ve grown a lot as a person literally and figuratively.

I have taken your mantras to heart, after I got kicked out of my old performing arts course I reenacted your Theatre monologue and posted it on the internet, It got lots of positive feedback not too long after that I continued the poetry,eventually the monologues and in between I got my first job as an assistant stage manager on a local theatre production of West Side Story.

I have a lot in common with both you and your characters,well mainly the positive traits, the negative traits I try to work on, even through our appearances, people have said I look like you, that has helped me accept myself, my identity and my own appearance, I’m far from a portrait but if I’m compared to you then I’m also very gorgeous,I also sort of scrapped through my GCSE’s, technically some of them were BTEC’s, they’re like extension course things, but then some of them I was average at anyway and the performing arts course didn’t let me show my full potential while there I mainly did villain and minor character roles. I shouldn’t be defined by a piece of paper, I should be defined by who I am, a wonderful, creative, smart, kind and beautiful person...like you.

Some of the “poems” I’ve made were tributes to you, and how while yes you had your flaws too, you to me are the perfect person, never before have I been so inspired or so connected to someone who wasn’t a Japanese cartoon (apologies, if that sounds odd, while I liked celebrities not many of them were relatable to me)

I even sometimes dream about you, I dream about being apart of the comic strip, I dream about performing alongside you, I dream about simply hanging out with you, going to pubs, Bowie concerts and that Groucho club you were banned from.

While there were some moments in my life, that I can’t remove or were learning curves for me, to have been around at the time, would’ve been interesting, yeah there’s the political rubbish but that hasn’t changed in the 2010s either, we still have Thatcher but her name is Teresa now, and a talking orange called Donald Trump is ruling America but he’s also literally just a white blonde Hitler.

I understand there are time rifts and time zone differences in the universes around us, but I do really wish I could’ve met you in person, sometimes the lucid dreams give a similar experience except you in those is like an animated hologram,I often try to “spiritually communicate” with you,sometimes it works other times I just end up talking to an imaginary clone of you,I can tell because they look like how you did in the 90s, and not the chill grey-haired grandpa you are now, sometimes I see your real self in those dreams, other times I only hear your voice.

I want to carry on the legacy, I don’t just want to spread my own ideas while teaching the world about your masterpieces, I want to spread the love, I want to remind the world to laugh at misery,I want to bring more light into where you left off,you aren’t dead,your just not physically with the world anymore, your mind, spirit and memory are still alive, in most people,your memory lives on

People still talk about you, I think about you, while the tories are still twats, the young revolution of the new generation is getting more attention.

I’m going to be one of the youths leading it, I’ll never lose my wisdom and you’ll always have a presence in my life and the world.

 as long as I, your kids and all your fans try to retain your memory, you’ll never “die”.

After all, you're the Rik Mayall, are you going to let God prevent you from occasionally visiting earth, visiting your family and friends? Of course not, I’m sure they miss you very much, and I’m sure Ade is sorry about that drama he caused about the Bottom spin-off.

Making the universe more bright and colourful

Lots of love as a fellow fan, performer and admirer but also as someone who sees you as a philosophical figure

xoxo

Kelsey

a.ka

That twit on earth from Northern Ireland who will never stop thinking about you

You utter pan-global phenomenon

I could only be talking about the one, the only, the Doctor Rik Mayall~