#i also find extremely funny that anyone would go 'oh my just like those revolts in 532' cause the sun took a nap

[hojiteaversion]

...

[purplesurveys]

1180

The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? Yeah, I’m pretty paranoid and always feel the need to use conditioner because of a bad rebonding job from like a decade ago that stiffened up my hair as soon as it would get wet. It lasted for around a year, so I formed the habit of always using conditioner every time I shower. I don’t think I’ve ever used just shampoo since then.

Do you prefer light or dark jeans?  Dark, but I suppose it would be nice to start experimenting with lighter shades as well.

When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen?  It depends if I know the lyrics or I’m feeling the song at the moment. Obviously with my new obsession with BTS I can’t really sing along to entire songs, but I do sing the few English lyrics they have per song, hahaha.

Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook?  Yeah but she’s been muted for like half a year already, as is the rest of her family. I do have plans to unfriend her entirely; I’m just not sure when I would push through with it, and I already gave Angela permission to log onto my account one of these days to be the one to do the unfriending.

Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person?  Gabie. I miss the friendship sometimes; I don’t think I’ll have a friendship as deep and connected as the one we had, so I will always feel sorry about how that went to waste. But I don’t really think about our relationship anymore as I’m pretty good at blocking off certain memories, so I don’t miss her in that sense.

How many cars are parked at your house right now?  Two.

Do you have any Italian ancestry?  I highly doubt so. If anything there’s probably a tiny drop Spanish blood in there but that’s the most European I’ll ever get.

Do you prefer water to be ice cold or at room temperature?  Like, drinking water? Ice cold, always. I hate warm water.

Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak?  Not to my face, but I know I’m one so I’m sure other people have said that about me at least behind my back.

Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found?  Yes, my friend Mik and one of my aunts. They were both found eventually.

What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten?  Eating ghost pepper instant noodles was a pain I would never want to go through again...I threw that shit out after my first forkful, lmao.

Do you need to talk to someone?  No, not in particular. In a more general sense I do wanna start gaining more friends though, so I’ve been meaning to expand my circle by creating a new Twitter account just for my BTS dump. In other words, I am a 23 year old with a stan Twitter HAHAHAHA

Is something confusing you at the moment?  No, I’m good.

When was the last time you had a real deep chat?  Maybe my conversation with Andi a couple of nights back. We were talking about a tricky situation with their ex-friend who turned out to be a real dick when they came out to him a year ago, and they just wanted to get my perspective on how I would handle it.

Who did you last see on webcam?  The PR manager for one of our clients, who we all despise because he doesn’t know how to do his job. Thankfully he’s resigning soon so we’re all just waiting for him to leave and finally meet a much more competent replacement.

What’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)?  Angela has two dogs, Hailey and Kennedy. Andi had Apollo, who I wanted to meet so badly but sadly he passed away a week ago at 15.

Have you ever taken a picture while laying in the grass?  There are photos of me sitting on grass, but not lying in it. I would imagine that would feel very prickly and uncomfortable.

Who’s your favorite Disney character? Baymax or Flynn Rider.

Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk?  I’ve made my friends chug drinks or down shots and it’s happened vice versa, but it was always in good fun and we never made each other harassed from it. It’s just your typical college rambunctiousness, and if anyone felt uncomfortable or iffy then we didn’t hesitate to move on.

When was the last time you used a pay phone and who were you calling?  I’ve only ever seen those in my first school, when I was in kindergarten. I never got to use it and they also took them out not long after.

Do you like being kissed on the neck?  Yessssssssss

Have you ever had sex with someone you weren’t dating (but had feelings for) in the hopes that they would ask you out later?  Nope. I don’t think I would have sex with anyone I wasn’t dating.

What’s the most you would be willing to spend on a good bra?  Probably a couple thousand bucks if I thought I looked good in it.

Do you have any of your teachers’ personal cell phone numbers saved in your contacts list?  I don’t think so. I never tried getting close with any of them, and I always tried to stay hidden as much as possible. I was just in class to get good grades and pass.

Do you ever stalk peoples’ personal blogs, even if you don’t know them very well?  I never really scroll through people’s Tumblrs anymore. That was more of a thing I did in like 2013, but these days going through my dashboard is enough.

What’s one thing about today’s generation that you just can’t stand?  Some social media trends done for clout make me revolted, especially when it has anything to do with wasting food. I also hate when they do extreme pranks that I know I wouldn’t find funny if I were ever the victim, like tossing someone’s phone into the ocean.

Be honest: how do you feel about abortion?  Pro-choice. 

Is there anyone you currently want to reach out to?  I would love to catch up with Katreen at some point, but I know we’re at different points in our lives now and it would probably never happen.

What is your favorite piece of art you own?  I commissioned my sister to make an artwork of the 2D1N cast, and she did a great job making it! I haven’t gotten to use it or promote it yet, but I will soon. It’s really well-done.

What’s the one thing you apologized for this month?  Replying late.

My favorite color is ______?  Pastel pink.

I wish I had _____?  Longer weekends.

What did you buy today? Nothing – I’d call that a success lmao, I’ve been spending money as if I had a million fucking bucks over the last week. I did have some packages arrive today though: my own copy of 2 Cool 4 Skool (my first physical BTS album!!!!!!); the official poster from their album BE; the Ivy Park sneakers I ordered earlier this month, and an Ivy Park bucket hat Bea had apparently gotten for me as a birthday present.

What has challenged your morals?  Vices.

What made you pick up the last book you started reading?  I had to read it in preparation for a one-on-one session with my employer’s CEO.

What about your life concerns you the most? Whether a stable future is in the cards for me.

What do you find particularly offensive? Would you say you’re easy or difficult to offend?  Probably Filipino-American comedians or influencers who use stereotyping of Filipino accents and habits as a punchline; they do more harm to the culture than good. I can tell you not one Filipino who lives in the Philippines actually finds those funny, and Bretman Rock is probably the only personality who’s able to flaunt the culture in an entertaining and hilarious yet classy way.

When it comes to being offended, I guess it depends on the context. My humor can get pretty dark and low-blowy, but I would have a problem with someone who I know has genuinely problematic views.

What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another?  I think it may had still been Start-Up from last December. I’m not too big on Korean dramas since I find one episode waaaaaaayyyyyyy too long. I don’t think I’ll be starting on anything soon, Korean or otherwise.

What is one way in which you are different from a year ago? What is one way in which you are still the same?  I’m single now, for the first time in technically six years. I also think I’m doing better and happier, breakup notwithstanding. OH and I love wasabi now, hahah. As for what’s unchanged, I still like taking surveys and I’m still stuck at home, though the latter’s not really in my control anymore.

If you could learn about anything without the stress of grades or cost, what kind of classes would you take?  I’d just go back to UP for the free tuition. We also have the widest range of programs out of any university in the country, so it’s a damn good deal.

Name a song you’ve listened to today?  Fly To My Room - BTS

When you were younger, did you have a swing set or a playhouse in your backyard?  We didn’t; but one of our relatives that we’d regularly visit did have a playground that I’d use all the time. It’s still there, just very unmaintained since no one uses it anymore.

Is your mall nice?  Which one? We have five different malls nearby lol. Mall culture here is on another level.

Do you have a Sonic near you? If so, what’s your favorite drink from there?  No. I’m not so sure what they serve there, either. I’m guessing milkshakes?

Will you be voting in the presidential elections next time around?  I’ll always exercise my right to vote.

How do you feel about chocolate-covered strawberries?  I hate strawberries and I hate fruits, so even if you coat that shit in Nutella and cookie butter and chocolate syrup I still wouldn’t touch it.

Did you ever stop having feelings for someone and then started having those feelings again for them? No.

Do you hate the last guy you had a thing with?  I’ve never had a thing with guys.

To whom did you last give the finger?  I haven’t had to do that in a while.

What was the last musical instrument played in your presence?  My sister’s keyboard.

Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream?  Not particularly. They make things look cute, but they never taste like anything tbh so I never saw the point in paying extra just to have them on my desserts.

Honestly, have you ever crashed a party before?  Nah. I cringe thinking about that.

Do you know how to do the moon walk?  I don’t.

Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice?  Never gotten that specific compliment before because I know I don’t have one.

Onion rings or french fries?  Onion rings.

Has anybody ever described you as a heart breaker? No.

Has anybody ever told you that you talk too fast?  I don’t think so, but I know I have the tendency to do so occasionally, especially while I’m presenting a deck. Once I notice it I make an effort to pace myself.

Who is the best cook that you know?  My dad and both my grandmas all deserve that title.

Which meal throughout the day do you skip the most?  I literally never have lunch ever.

What’s the largest amount that you can juggle at one time?  I can’t juggle.

What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid?  Sandboxes, since I liked the texture; the sandboxes in school were also often empty, which worked well for my introvert self. I find that it’s carried over to today, since I still enjoy touching things like slime and kinetic sand.

Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much?  I think 5 or 6 lbs, I’m not exactly sure but it’s definitely somewhere in that small range.

Which aspect of your daily routine takes the most time? What do you do?  Work, for sure. I work a normal 9–6 so that’s already 8 hours out of my day, but I also OT a lot after hours, and I work throughout my lunch break as well so that technically makes it 9 hours. I also like getting up earlier and starting some work before my shift so that I would have less tasks on my plate for the day.

Do you enjoy buying gifts for others, or could you do without this?  I LOVE getting people gifts. Food is especially my love language, and I always get food delivery for my friends, family, and my team at work.

What is one thing you are expected to do, if anything?  I mean, I have work deadlines tomorrow so there’s that.

How do you tend to view driving? Monotonous or entertaining?  I love driving. I don’t think I ever complained about having to do it. It’s calming and relaxing when I’m doing it alone or with a partner; and it can be entertaining with the right set of people.

Do you enjoy talking about music with others? Not always. If I don’t listen to the artist then I can find the conversation quite boring, like if my friends would get into a full-blown discussion about Taylor Swift.

Is acting something you enjoy?  No. It wouldn’t even be something I’d be interested in doing.

When do you feel most accomplished?  Finishing a work day with no tasks left behind.

Do you think Manwich is amazing or completely gross?  Idk what that is.

How many best friends do you have?  Two.

Are you a smoker, drinker, pothead or none of the above?  I drink sometimes. I also kinda smoke, I guess.

If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced?  My mom had them pierced when I was a month old.

Do you own any exercise machines?  My mom has this rowing equipment thingy. I don’t have any of my own, though.

On Facebook, do you have people listed as your siblings who aren’t really your siblings?  No.

Have you ever drawn or painted a self-portrait?  I remember having to draw one as a school assignment, but I’m pretty sure I half-assed that because I couldn’t care less for art class back then.

Who was your last voicemail from?  We don’t have voicemails.

Have you ever been falsely accused of something serious?  I don’t think so. That’s the sort of situation that would stick out in my memory if ever.

Did you ever set up a lemonade stand when you were a kid?  No, not a thing here.

When was the last time you spoke to someone in a different language?  Around an hour ago when I went downstairs and chatted with my sister briefly.

Have you ever received an anonymous gift?  Nope.

Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day?  Nope but I definitely still wouldn’t be opposed to doing that haha.

When were you the saddest in your life? 2016 was fucking miserable. < I’d have to agree. 2017 was also awful.

Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you?  I used to know one but she got out of it. In a sense, I suppose I also was in one.

If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you?  Well they’re younger, so they definitely still live here, with our parents. I’m the first one expected to move out, but I’m taking my time.

Have you ever gotten searched by the cops?  No.

Do you like fried rice?  Of course. I like any kind of rice.

What was the last thing you drank?  Water.

[my-bread]

I used to be an Onision fan. Here’s what happened.

I’m going to go ahead and say that this is a longer post, so I know most people won’t read all of it, so here’s the short and sweet: I used to love onision videos. Now I don’t. Somewhere in there I get stabbed and come out as queer. I give some bad advice and say goodbye. Story over.

For those willing to read the entire thing, find a good place to sit, this is a long one.

I got introduced to Onision by a friend of mine. We had just got done shooting guns in his backyard and wanted to watch some YouTube videos, and he asked me if I had ever seen the “I’m a banana” song. We watched it as well as some other stupid videos. At the time we both loved comedy sketch and controversial humor so Onision was like a gold mine to us.

This was about the time where I started to make my own opinions about things in life. I started to take stances on certain subjects, I started trying to figure out who I was, I wanted to stop shooting guns, color my hair, become vegetarian, get some piercings, and eventually, wanted to come out as queer. I lived in a small conservative town so YouTube was how I learned about everything, got exposed to everything, and I definitely became obsessed.

I loved so many big name YouTubers practically religiously, and Onision was one of them. But the world of YouTube was changing, and shock humor sketch comedy was no longer on the forefront of the website. But unlike the other YouTubers who were trying to change with the times, Onision continued with his videos practically unfaltered. Practically cornering the market of self produced sketch comedy and parody. That was what made me continue watching was the fact that he was still self produced, unlike a lot of other creators who had large scale productions, management, employees, contracts, he presented as an original content creator.

I started coming out as queer to my close friends, with some understanding and others not. I had some very dark nights where the only thing that kept me from doing something stupid was parody videos. Onision (UhOhBro especially) had helped me a lot. And at the time I didn’t really know there was a controversy, I was just a anxious/depressed kid who had a bad sense in jokes. To me at the time Onision seemed like a good guy. While yes, his humor was dark, offensive, and probably wrong on so many levels, he seemed to have good morals and I shared his same views (at least the ones he had when I was that age) I saw Onision as someone who had been in the military but was for gun control, someone who believed in women’s rights, someone who believed in gay rights, a vegetarian, and someone who was against child abuse and mutilation. Views that were not found around where I lived.

It was around this time where I had lost a very valuable friendship in a really ironic way. The same friend from earlier (the one who intoduced me to Onision) and I were just finishing up going through his knife collection when he made some sort of side comment about how it would be hilarious if Onision made a video with a certain other YouTuber. (I’m leaving their name out to be polite because this is supposed to be about my time as an Onision fan, but from what happens next, anyone with basic understanding of Onision drama will know exactly who it is.) I lost it laughing, because the insane fangirl I was knew that they had kissed before and had a falling out. This is also when I rushed to get out my phone and show him the video. Him being extremely homophobic was disgusted by the video and instantly became revolted by Onision. Being the queer kid that I am (I was not out to him) tried to get him to understand (especially since we were so close) but the argument just got more heated, I was trying to defend gay rights, he was trying to convince me that it was wrong beyond sin, and after lots of yelling it ended with a decent sized cut on my arm from the knife he was holding in his hand. (He didn’t stab me on purpose FYI. It was a total accident) I was on the ground crying, mainly because I didn’t want to get stitches, and he was wrapping up my arm, cleaning up all the blood, telling me that as long as wore long sleeves for a little bit, my parents wouldn’t even have to know. Now this is where you would expect us to have a romantic moment, our eyes meet, and he would kiss me, we would fall in love, but no. That’s not what happened. I just simply looked had him, still crying as we sat on the floor, arm all wrapped up in gause, clothes covered in blood, that I was queer. I was still crying, and he helped me get to my feet. He stayed silent, getting me a clean shirt to walk home in, from his closet. After I changed, he was giving me a hug, telling me he was sorry, that he would pray for me, that I was still one of his best friends, that it didn’t change anything that I was queer. But it definitely did, because after I left his house that night, we haven’t talked since. I cried all night that night and the only thing that gave me any kind of happiness was Onision videos. The same videos that had also made my hyper conservative, super pro gun, sexist, homophobic, ultra religious, believer in ‘children are property’ friend happy. Looking back I can tell that Onisions values were not the most structurally sound, but hindsight is 20/20.

I stayed a fan for quite some time, never getting too involved, but occasionally getting smack from my friends for watching his videos because of his controversies that were happening at the time. Then, the adpocolypse had begun on YouTube.

Lots of creators were effected by this, not going to lie, but no one handled it quite like Onision. Like that last huge algorithm change, Onision stayed mostly the same. Still making stereotypical sketch comedy. But because of his language and content choices, could get barely any ads on any of the videos across any of his channels. So the patreon ads began, and I honestly don’t mind when creators promote their patreons. Their are plenty of people that I watch still that premote it, but it’s just how Onisiony he promoted it.

Onision has always been very vocal about his opinions, and if he’s upset about something he will make a statement. The same thing happened with patreon. Almost every joke turned to “for patreons only” or “unsensored hentai break on patreon” videos became less and less about what they were supposed to be, and more just an ad for patreon. Which I was not a fan of. I don’t know if it was just I had gotten older, or my comedic tastes have changed, but I was starting to not find his videos funny. They seemed brash, with overdone characters, rushed production, stale acting, over the top themes, and just trying too hard to hold on to the same thing he had been doing for ten years. I was never a fan of the ‘hot or not’ videos, and slowly he just faded out of my recommendation list when I got online. I never had some major realization while I was watching his videos that I didn’t like them, I just slowly stopped watching.

And the truth is, I would still go back and watch his old comedy sketch, or UhOhBro, or shock humor because I still find those videos funny.

But then I started seeing it from the other side. And oh boy with was a shit show. When I was a fan of Onision, I never saw any of the controversy. Literally zero. Especially since I was a fan of his comedy work. You’d see the ‘apology videos’ or the ‘my side of the story’ but as a fan I literally knew nothing that was going on. Everything was phrased in those videos to not seem as serious as they could potentially be, or be just as serious of a situation but make it look neutral, and that no one person was the instigator. But as soon as you step away from the crowd and saw the whole show, it was a lot more complex. As a fan, at least in my experience, everything was seen as under control. That everyone else is overreacting. That were within our bounds, everything is fine, this isn’t really that bad. It’s just YouTube videos, just jokes. Everything was fine. But everything definitely isn’t fine. That’s for damn sure. When I followed his content, I would never come across anyone’s complaints about his content. Now that I don’t follow his content, I probably see a new controversy of his a month.

I completely understand why people who follow him so blindly do, because from their standpoint, he is a poster child. But it doesn’t mean he still hasn’t done wrong things.

Looking back, you can see his content change over the years, but in some ways it still stays the same. It’s all still controversial. It didn’t really matter if it was shock humor or scandals, it was still views, still ad revenue, still his life. And you can see he’s burned out over the years. Just trying to get content out and keep the numbers up any way he can. But always trying to stay true to what he founded his channel on. Shock humor and angst.

As my (very unqualified) advice to Onision. It’s okay to change what kind of content you make. Emo Charlie and Chibi are literally ten years old. Your sketch characters could be in the 5th grade learning long division and growing out of the Disney channel. I know there are new characters but they are still around. That says how much your content has changed. Also, you are the final filter for your content. You ultimately decide what goes on the Internet under your name. You decide how private or public your life is. No one is forcing you to upload personal content. Sometimes someone else might try to paint you in a bad light but so be it. Fight fire with water, I promise you it’s more effective. Finally, think about what you actually stand for. People call you out for a lot of stuff and actually stop and think about if your actually doing it. Don’t just blindly shoot back a response.

Of course I do not expect him to ever take any of that advice, but I’ll just put that out there so maybe someday it might just find it’s way to him.

Thank you Onision for helping me through my adolescence, I do not regret to inform you I will not be watching your videos. My best regards.

[crimsonrevolt]

Congratulations Lexi you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Natalie Dupont!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

Natalie’s one of those characters that I’m particularly fond of, not because of an attachment from prior books, but because of the potential in her skeleton, and therefore it was wonderful to get an app that captured her complexities and explored them in depth! You did a marvelous job deciphering the tug-and-pull of light versus dark in her, and I got a great understanding of who she was as a character and what was drawing her towards each of them. I can’t wait to see you explore everything that you mentioned in your app, and to give you a family and a place where you can write her with abandon! Welcome!

application beneath the cut

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

Hello I’m Lexi and I’m 27 from the EST timezone. I use the she/her pronouns. I’ve been writing for over ten years now and I still absolutely love it. I started out on a harry potter roleplay and went from there so I’d love to get back to my roots. I love Marvel anything, Doctor Who, Dusk Till Dawn (move and series) and I’m a avid music lover. I look at rp’s like family so I’m excited to possibly get to be apart of this one.

ACTIVITY

I’d say an eight. I work from home so I am on periodically through out the day and evenings. It’s hard to pin point the slow days but if I know I’ll be busy and unable to post longer than just that day I will be sure to send you all a message.

TRIGGERS

*removed for privacy

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

harry potter rp tag, and I found it months ago so I bookmarked it and have been poking around since. I’ve just got my schedule cleared up so I can join.

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

Luna Lovegood hands down. She was so unafraid to be herself and she was the quirky one no one ever understood. I’ve always felt different and it helped to have a character that was simply her. She helped me accept different as being ok and she was confident in her own odd way which I loved. She’s just a very awesome character that I really felt connected with while reading the books and it was awesome to see her come to life on the screen.

ANYTHING ELSE?

I think that covers it :)

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Natalie Dupont (Natalie means ‘Christmas’ which finds funny and her father used to tease her and call her mother Christmas, and Dupont is an old french name meaning 'of the bridge’. If it’s ok I’d like to give Natalie the middle name 'Antoinette’ and that name mean priceless. I was always going to say it was great grandmother’s name and given to Natalie in her honor.

FACE CLAIM

Hailee Steinfeld REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER Natalie on the surface could appear your straightforward kind of gal. She’s that young woman with many layers and once you start peeling them away you’d be surprised at what you find. She’s been in a family filled with love and light, and yet her urges tug her nearer to the darkness. She finds it exciting being that close to danger, and she likes that feeling like when you go over a big hill and your stomach feels light. Then you hit the drop and it’s all worth it. Natalie was raised on the principal of family being your rock, and she firmly believes it. She recalls the tight knit little world she was raised within, but her hands reach for the bigger and wider world.

School only strengthened her need for more. Some would call her greedy, but she’s simply ambitious. Natalie wants to see it all and do it all, and she’s willing to pay the price to do it. She wants the thrill and the fun all wrapped in a tiny little gift for her. I’d love to explore her impulsive nature and how she finds her way into the darker side of the world. How she meshes with the other death-eater’s, and how she handles her home life or personal life as a result. I want to see her pushed to see how she reacts, and see her true and find her place in the world. PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

Natalie has had maybe two or three boyfriends during her time at Hogwarts. They were never anything overly serious and mere crushes. The type of crushes that meant sweet kisses in the hall and hand holding at the table in the Great Hall. She tended to date within her circle, but she did venture in her sixth year and dated a Slytherin boy who had a taste for violence. She watched him bully other kids like an eager child taking in a lesson. She never participated but she absorbed the knowledge like a sponge. They eventually broke up when he chose to pick on a friend of hers and Natalie put her foot down. She hexed him so he broke out in horrible warts and then proudly proclaimed she had done it.

She believed when she was younger like most girls that there is a prince charming out there and she’ll raise beautiful babies with her best friend, but the notion has begun to fade as she gets older. She doesn’t want to be tied down at the moment and instead wants the adventures of life. Perhaps later as Natalie does want children to teach and nurture. She wants to find someone that’s her best friend first and lover second. The sort of person who matches her need for adventures and will dabble in the darkness without telling her she’s wrong.

Natalie’s parents were a good example of a strong marriage for her. They had their spats but she for the most part got the idea of a loving relationship from them. She recalls they had date nights and could be found snuggling on the couch in front of their fireplace. She hopes one day but for now she couldn’t see it. She is strictly heterosexual though in school she debated on the idea of dating another girl out of curiousity’s sake. It never happened and she found her heart wasn’t in it anyway. She didn’t want to fake anything for the sake of experimentation. Pronouns wise that would be she/her.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

Mockblog

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

The following section should be looked at like a survey for your character. Answer them in character and feel free to use gifs. Or, if you’d rather, answer them in third person or OOC without gifs. Answers do not have to be extremely lengthy.

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it: Gosh all the good ones are taken aren’t they? I’d like something where it helps make my decisions for me. Is that a thing? I’d like for it to be a thing. Go red if I’m in the danger zone and should not approach, or green if all is well. I’m a horrid decision maker. I have zero impulse control.

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you: That’s a hard one! Caradoc though. He’s interesting and I haven’t made many attempts to get to know him just yet and all that jazz. Kind of wondering what’s going on in that head of his. I’d take some chocolates. I got wand so I need some snacks.

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?: How about all decisions? I’m not good at making decisions because I make the decision and then second guess myself. I’m like oh was that actually the right decision or was I just deciding for the sake of it? It’s a mes and a half all the time.

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?-Gosh ok I hope people never say I was a terrible friend or that I never amounted to anything. I take my friendships seriously you know? I love my friends and I’m that kind of person that wants to be your three in the morning phone call because you need someone. I also take working seriously enough. I think ambition is a big part of life and you need it to keep moving forward. I’d hate for peopel to say I never did anything with myself.

WRITING SAMPLE

Tick tick tick….The old fashion clock on the wall continued to click and click as Natalie stared at it with narrowed eyes. Brows furrowed she judged the time as the hands taunted her from her comfortable position leaned over the back of the couch. Tick tick…Finally the chime went off to signal a new hour and she was scrambling to get off the furniture and grab her jacket from the front hall. A chuckle from her Uncle was heard as he shook at his head at the girl’s enthusiasm.

“In a hurry?” he inquired, his graying hair tucked neat around a small set of ears and a gentle smile swept up the dimples of his cheeks. “Got practice,” Natalie returned, her tone still sweet as she politely halted for her elder. “I’ve almost got that hex down!”

She was practically bouncing in her shoes, the nice little dress her mom had made draped on her frame. The vibrant red made her think blood and made her grin with a twinkle of amusement. She had grabbed her cloak from the hook and made sure her wand was safely tucked away. Always out of sight her dad had told her once upon a time. It was safer that way. Her grandfather approached and ruffled her chocolate locks which got a crinkle of her nose from the younger girl.

“You’ll have it in no time,” he reassured.

He was gentle and at ease around the younger ones of the home. Her father would have put his foot down and reprimanded her for not having the simple hex down pat by this point. Natalie was a focused and ambitious learner though. She put in the hours of work into the newer spells and charms. Her grades in school had allowed her a little more space when it came to sorting out the formalities of adulthood. She was in her own space in her own apartment, but the comforts of the large estate would always beckon her back. She had visited and sat, but off she would go once again.

“Tell mum I said hi,” she rushed, ducking out the large front door in the next second and letting it shut with a thud behind her.

Natalie was putting in the hours and moving forward with her future. At least in some aspects. Her mother was dead certain her daughter would never marry anyone at this rate. She had wanted her arranged to someone of pure blood at sixteen, but the plan had never run as smoothly as her mother hoped. Natalie had turned down the idea so many times she had lost count.

She wanted independence and the chance to find who she was beyond someone else. She didn’t want to be stuck on someone’s arm like a prized piece, but instead a strong woman who could stand her ground. Another reason to put in the work, she had reminded herself simply.

She was in good spirits as she headed into town to meet up with her friend. The other girl was trying to do better as well. Both of them bore the mark of the dark lord and were eager to rise in ranks. They looked to past members of great name and great power to inspire. They were of course excited to be a name of their one one day, but baby steps. Even Natalie knew when to take things slowly lest she make a mistake.

Today was another day. Another beginning and another chance. She was ready to begin as she always was, but things were changing and Natalie Dupont could feel it in her bones.

[isitfake]

A list of rejections of famous authors was circulating on Tumblr awhile back and, because Is It Fake was in exams at the time, Is It Fake got really into debunking them. It has now been more than a year and Is It Fake is just gonna put it up and let this roll.

See, they’re all or almost all from Rotten Rejections, a book written with a marvelous disregard for facts, and they’ve therefore been in circulation for more than twenty-five years. Some of them are entirely true; some of them are totally fake; a lot of them appear only in Rotten Rejections but can’t otherwise be disproven. Many of the stories behind them are fantastic.

As a general note, although this was only really useful for Plath, if you enjoy this we recommend “Publication is Not Recommended: From the Knopf Archives,” which is available on Project MUSE if you’ve got access and is just… it’s wonderful. Blanche Knopf was a riot.

Okay, let’s get going!

TRUE

Sylvia Plath: There certainly isn’t enough genuine talent for us to take notice.

Not only true, but actually much worse than depicted here. Internal rejection only. The editor, having been told that this is contest-winner Sylvia Plath’s book, rereads, and is marginally nicer and 500% more patronizing: "maybe now that this book is out of her system she will use her talent more effectively next time.” Accurate text available here: http://cloudyskiesandcatharsis.tumblr.com/post/57272275430/sylvia-plath-originally-submitted-her-novel-the

Emily Dickinson: [Your poems] are quite as remarkable for defects as for beauties and are generally devoid of true poetical qualities.

True! Thomas Niles to Thomas Wentworth Higginson, June 10, 1890— the brackets are wrong, because he was addressing another possible publisher, to say that he thought it would be “unwise to perpetuate” the poems, oh my STARS.

Ernest Hemingway (on The Torrents of Spring): It would be extremely rotten taste, to say nothing of being horribly cruel, should we want to publish it.

True, and directly to Hemingway himself. To F Scott Fitzgerald he managed to get up an “I am less violently opposed to Torrents of Spring than anyone else who has read it” but to Hemingway himself, nope, full no.

William Faulkner: If the book had a plot and structure, we might suggest shortening and revisions, but it is so diffuse that I don’t think this would be of any use. My chief objection is that you don’t have any story to tell. And two years later: Good God, I can’t publish this!

True. Both are true. They are so true.

The first refers to Sartoris/Flags in the Dust, and the story is really funny and sad. Faulkner sent it to Horace Liveright (his publisher) with enormous confidence: he called it the “damdest best book you’ll look at this year” and tried to ensure at this early stage that the printer not screw up his punctuation (“he’s been punctuating my stuff to death; giving me gratis quotation marks and premiums of commas I dont need.”) He also insisted that the title was perfect and that he had designed his own dust jacket which he would send by separate cover. Anyway, bye, he was going on a hunting trip, he looked forward to Liveright’s glowing acceptance!

Liveright did not exactly… do that. Besides the quote above he also noted how much he hated Mosquitoes, Faulkner’s last book, and how disappointed he was w/this one and how much he really wanted Faulkner not to submit it anywhere else, in case he got blacklisted, because the book was so, so bad.

WHOOPS

(Thanks to "Flags in the Dust and the Birth of a Poetics” by Arthur F. Kinney for those quotes.)

The second is about Sanctuary, a book Faulkner hated and described as a “cheap idea…deliberately executed to make money.” The full rejection, according to Faulkner in his introduction to the book, was “Good God, I can’t publish this. We’d both be in jail.”

Edgar Allan Poe: Readers in this country have a decided and strong preference for works in which a single and connected story occupies the entire volume.

Not quite the exact quote, because “(especially fiction)” should appear after “works” and “entire” should be “whole”— but true. Harper & Brothers rejected Tales from the Folio Club in 1836 with this phrasing, the second of their three reasons for turning the stories down. The first was that a lot of them had been printed already, and the third was that the papers were too “learned and mystical,” like spooky bonbons.

http://www.eapoe.org/papers/psbbooks/pb19781c.htm

Poe responded to this by writing The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym, which he privately referred to as a “very silly book”, and which is a classic of American literature.

MIXED TRUE/FALSE

Jack London: [Your book is] forbidding and depressing.

Sort of true. This rejection is from the Atlantic on the 3rd of May, 1900, it’s about “The Law of Life”, and it was a lot nicer than this, because according to Ellery Sedgwick’s "A History of the Atlantic Monthly, 1857-1909: Yankee Humanism at High Tide”, this was a period in which the Atlantic was being very ruthless and cynical about what would run, because depressing things didn’t sell commercially.

The full quote is, “We have heartily liked the vigor of it and the breadth of treatment with which you have written it. But the subject is forbidding—in fact seems to us depressing, and so the excellent craftsmanship of it has not changed our mind."

Stephen King (on Carrie): We are not interested in science fiction which deals with negative utopias. They do not sell.

True, but not about Carrie. It’s from Donald A. Wollheim at Ace Books and it’s about the Richard Bachman book The Running Man, which King had written after Carrie got rejected basically everywhere in the world. “The book, unfortunately, was not fantastic,” he later commented, which might’ve been because he wrote it over a weekend in a “low rage and simmering despair.” Thanks to the Stephen King Companion for this one.

UNATTESTED (AND, ONE SUSPECTS, NOT REAL)

Rudyard Kipling: I’m sorry Mr. Kipling, but you just don’t know how to use the English language.

Unattested. ID’d as the publisher of the San Francisco Examiner or Call writing in 1889, or is it 1899? Yeah, probs not, and Is It Fake couldn’t find it.

That said, the Call fucking hated Kipling. For example, the San Francisco Call did write about Kipling in 1899; it castigated him for his poem “the White Man’s Burden,” saying, “the white man’s burden is to set and keep his own house in order. It is not required of him to upset the brown man’s house under pretesce of reform and then whip him into subjection whenever he revolts at the treatment.” (Among other sources, can be found here.)

Another review of “The Lesson” from 1901 opens "KIPLING'S latest poem, 'The Lesson,’ must be very gratifying to Mr. Alfred Austin, for, if it does not confirm Austin's right to the office of Poet Laureate, it at least shows that Kipling has no better right.” 

Dr. Seuss: Too different from other juveniles on the market to warrant its selling.

Unattested. But he was indeed rejected 27 times for his first book. 

The Diary of Anne Frank: The girl doesn’t, it seems to me, have a special perception or feeling which would lift that book above the ‘curiosity’ level.

Unattested. The diary was rejected by 15 publishers before publication, but Is It Fake can’t find any of them who specifically said this. Here’s one from Knopf:

In the summer of 1950, Alfred A. Knopf Inc. turned down the English-language rights to a Dutch manuscript after receiving a particularly harsh reader’s report. The work was “very dull,” the reader insisted, “a dreary record of typical family bickering, petty annoyances and adolescent emotions.” Sales would be small because the main characters were neither familiar to Americans nor especially appealing. “Even if the work had come to light five years ago, when the subject was timely,” the reader wrote, “I don’t see that there would have been a chance for it.”

Joseph Heller (on Catch–22): I haven’t really the foggiest idea about what the man is trying to say… Apparently the author intends it to be funny – possibly even satire – but it is really not funny on any intellectual level … From your long publishing experience you will know that it is less disastrous to turn down a work of genius than to turn down talented mediocrities.

Unattested. Catch-22 (or as it was called at the time, Catch-18) was rejected over and over again, but this exact language is just vapor.

On the other hand, we have some of the language of acceptance, thanks to Vanity Fair:

“I … love this crazy book and very much want to do it,” Gottlieb said. Candida Donadio was delighted by his enthusiasm. Finally, someone got it! “I thought my navel would unscrew and my ass would fall off,” she often said to describe her happiness when negotiations went well with an editor.

And this incredible rejection from Evelyn Waugh:

Dear Miss Bourne:

Thank you for sending me Catch-22. I am sorry that the book fascinates you so much. It has many passages quite unsuitable to a lady’s reading

You are mistaken in calling it a novel. It is a collection of sketches—often repetitious—totally without structure.

Much of the dialogue is funny. You may quote me as saying: “This exposure of corruption, cowardice and incivility of American officers will outrage all friends of your country (such as myself) and greatly comfort your enemies.”

George Orwell (on Animal Farm): It is impossible to sell animal stories in the USA.

Unattested. It was rejected for a lot of reasons, but most of the ones I can find histories of were basically for it being anti-USSR at a time when the Russians were war allies. One publisher was basically ordered not to run it so as not to hurt the war effort, by somebody who later turned out to be a Soviet spy, like a lot of people in wartime Britain.

If you want to read T. S. Eliot rejecting Animal Farm for being too pro-Communist (not a joke) (jazz hands), you can find that here. 

Vladimir Nabokov (on Lolita): … overwhelmingly nauseating, even to an enlightened Freudian … the whole thing is an unsure cross between hideous reality and improbable fantasy. It often becomes a wild neurotic daydream … I recommend that it be buried under a stone for a thousand years.

Unattested. Could be real and internal, but it was never given to Nabokov, because Nabokov gave us a recounting of his rejections, and this wasn’t in them.

Is It Fake’s fave bit: "Some of the reactions were very amusing: one reader suggested that the firm might consider publication if I turned my Lolita into a twelve-year-old lad and had him seduced by Humbert, a farmer, in a barn, amidst gaunt and arid surroundings, all this set forth in short, strong, realistic sentences. (He acts crazy. We all act crazy, I guess. I guess God acts crazy. Etc.)"

Richard Bach (on Jonathan Livingston Seagull): will never make it as a paperback. (Over 7.25 million copies sold)

Unattested, and Is It Fake doesn’t even have anything interesting to say about it.

H.G. Wells (on The War of the Worlds): An endless nightmare. I do not believe it would “take”…I think the verdict would be ‘Oh don’t read that horrid book’. And (on The Time Machine): It is not interesting enough for the general reader and not thorough enough for the scientific reader

Unattested. It is the personal opinion of Is It Fake that they’re both false. The Time Machine was actually commissioned as a novel, so it’s hard to see why it’d receive a rejection like that, and both stories were serialized before publication, not run in book form, so the War of the Worlds one doesn’t ring true. Fun supplemental fact--War of the Worlds was immediately pirated upon release and rerun as “Fighters from Mars,” localized to New York and Boston respectively and run with a story called “Edison’s Conquest of Mars” about how Thomas Edison took over Mars and Is It Fake is not making this up.

Herman Melville (on Moby Dick): We regret to say that our united opinion is entirely against the book as we do not think it would be at all suitable for the Juvenile Market in [England]. It is very long, rather old-fashioned…

This must be false (no one ever appears to have been under the delusion that Moby-Dick was a children’s serial, and in fact he got it printed kind of as like an art book, a 500-book edition with great critical acclaim and no sales) but since one can’t actually prove that it is, “unattested,” but Is It Fake would like to register the strongest possible objections to anyone who would bother to make up a reason for Herman Melville to be sad, dude was like high king and priest of making his own ass sad in the desert, leave him alone

If for some reason your life has been missing negative reviews of Moby-Dick you can find the full spectrum of praise to castigation here. Personal fave goes to the writer who said “There is nevertheless in it, as we have already hinted, abundant choice reading for those who can skip a page now and then, judiciously....”

PROVABLY FAKE >:(

Oscar Wilde (on Lady Windermere’s Fan): My dear sir, I have read your manuscript. Oh, my dear sir.

False. Is It Fake can’t believe even people talking about Oscar Wilde are getting the Oscar Wilde effect. It’s attributed to a bunch of people, but the oldest attribution found was to John Clayton, from Albert Chevalier’s autobiography of 1895, as

“My dear sir, I have read your play. Oh! my dear sir! Yours truly, John Clayton.”

As Albert Chevalier was a comedian & music hall performer and this is part of a collection of anecdotes, one is perhaps not super convinced this was ever real, from anyone. (There’s also a fwithout the last line: “My dear sir, I have read your play. Yours, Fred Thompson.”

Gertrude Stein spent 22 years submitting before getting a single poem accepted.

Possibly true, in that Is It Fake can’t find the date of publication of her first poem, but not substantively true, in that Three Lives ran when she was 35, so unless we’re counting whatever she submitted at 13, this is false. Stein was constantly and continually rejected though. Like just absolutely constantly, and crushingly too. This rejection letter is particularly amazing.