#i also do understand people's frustration
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i think it's just really frustrating to me how it feels like in the dean & mary dynamic people are always looking for someone to blame? like i am not a mary crit! i love and support her! her life has been fucking crazy and awful and she has had very little control over what happens to her and i'm certainly not saying i think there's some easy thing i can see that she should have done or anything!
but dean just really does handle that insane situation that he's also dumped in in like... a pretty healthy way all things considered. to the point where in season 12, he's doing a LOT of talking through his feelings and asking for help processing them (12.02 convo with cas eg) in all the ways everyone often criticizes him for not doing? but because his feelings are complicated and involve understanding why mary's doing what she's doing but also being hurt by it and sometimes expressing that.... then.... idk it's bad?
i feel like we could be talking about how sad and impossible a situation they are both in and how they are both trying to navigate it as best they can. and how mary specifically lacks so much context around how her actions are hurting dean. and dean is trying to communicate with her without dumping years and years of trauma off on her.
like i don't know it really frustrates me to make posts about season 12 and get them filled up with mary crit that talks about her being just as bad as john (hisss i am in your walls) but ALSO it really frustrates me when it feels like the corrective course some people take on that is blaming dean?
#also if you're looking for someone to blame#its amara#imo#but maybe thats another convo#dean and mary
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wind and hyrule warriors thoughts
Going absolutely bonkers thinking about is the Hyrule Warriors headcanon I see used sometimes where the timeline is slightly disjointed. What I mean by that is the headcanon where Wind goes to Hyrule Warriors after the LU quest but for Warriors and Time it was before their LU quest making them all meet a somehow older version of their friend first.
Like when Wind first meets Time and Warriors it’s them both as men. But when Time and Warriors first meet Wind it’s when he’s a man (or at least more grown than a child).
Anyways. As for my speculation and headcanons…
I really like the idea that Wind is about the same age as Wars when he gets pulled into the war of eras. When he meets Wars and Time he’s very surprised and kind of confused because Wars and Time had never mentioned to him that they met him during the events of LU. I think Wind would generally kind of be like “wtf.” “Why would they do that?” Etc. I imagine it would be kind of hard not to be hurt over that but at the same time it’s not like he can take out his frustrations on Wars and Time, or Link and Mask in this case because they don’t even know him. So Wind keeps it quiet that he knows them.
Wind gets over his anger (hurt) at them pretty quickly bc well, Time is an actual child so it wouldn’t be fair to be mad at him and Wars is obviously stressed. This place is a nightmare and a lot of that nightmare has been gifted personally to Wars. Wind remembers how protective Time and Wars had been to him during the events of LU. It had annoyed him at the time, but they had been great brothers, friends, and mentors to him. He decides to return the favor.
It’s difficult getting close to Wars. He’s never not busy and he’s so serious. Everything with this guy is serious. But eventually Wind breaks down his walls and is surprised when Wars starts asking Wind for advice. This is Wars’ first quest. This is Wind’s third. Wars has never managed the triforce before this, he’s never held the master sword, and he’s definitely never been in charge of this many people. When Wind came, Wars was a bit intimidated by him because Wind is obviously the better hero. He’s much more experienced than Wars and he’s even rebuilding Hyrule back in his era. Even Mask, the little hero, is more experienced than he is. I think Wars would have a crazy imposter syndrome.
Wind manages to give Wars good advice while recognizing his inferiority complex. Wind helps Wars recognize that nobody is quite as suited to lead in this era than Wars is. They soon do almost everything together. It seems like Wind almost knows Wars better than himself. He always seems to know what to say. Wars sometimes feels like Wind already knows how this is all gonna turn out. Soon they become not just brothers or comrades, but best friends. Wind also makes sure that Wars has fun. Wind is great at keeping morale up.
Wind also befriends Mask at record time. The kid is prickly at best and a biter at worst. Somehow Wind breaks down all his defenses. He’s really good at keeping up with the kid and keeping him safe while not belittling him. Wind remembers how hard Time and Wars fought to protect Wind, but it came at the price of underestimating him. He understands where they came from a lot better after seeing baby Time’s soft cheeks and short stature, but he knows better than to doubt that Time can’t hold his own in battle. Wind claims that he’s good with Mask because he’s a big brother but Wars would sooner guess witchcraft.
Wind also has a good relationship with a lot of the other people pulled from other eras. Obviously he and Tetra are close because she followed him through his portal, but there are others. Wind and Ravio get along really well. Wind claims they’ve met way back when but Wars doesn’t know how that would work as they’re from different eras. He seems to already know Marin and Midna, but they all claim they haven’t met before. They occasionally have private conversations that Wars can’t get any details about from Wind
Very guiltily, Wind is super glad that Ravio is there because Ravio remembers the events of LU so they can talk about things. At the same time, however, he’s terrified that Ravio and his brothers' friends and lovers are there. He feels a deep responsibility to keep them all safe. He becomes deeply protective of everyone around him.
Most of the time I think Wind would be kind of a breath of fresh air. He’s funny, laid back, and has a good attitude. You can rely on him to not overreact and get his work done. The only time Wind does seem to crack or panic is when one of his friends gets hurt. Maybe it’s Ravio who almost gets fatally wounded. Wind loses it, freaking out. He’s screaming about how Ravio has to go home, which makes sense. Everyone is thinking that. But then Wind starts crying about how ‘he’ will never forgive me if I can’t get him home.
Sometimes when Wind is really stressed or drunk his lips get looser. Wars is really confused one night they go out drinking when Wind casually asks “Would you tell me if I died?” Wind realizes what he said, apologizes and tells Wars to forget about it. Of course Wars doesn’t. Sometimes Wind also calls Wars well “Wars or Warriors” which is confusing. He doesn’t know where that comes from.
Wind is scared that this isn’t real, that it’s a parallel universe of some sort and these aren’t the people he knows. He’s even more scared that it is real and that he’s gonna fuck up everything. If Time dies here will he be there when the events of LU occurs? If he dies will they be as successful without Time to lead them? Very similar with Warriors. Does Legend know where Ravio is or is he sick with worry back home? Does Legend know that Marin is here??? Alive?? He wonders if Time and Wars tell Legend that she’s okay. Or is that another thing they keep to themselves? And Midna is here and she misses Twilight a lot. She asks Wind if Twilight is okay. He tells her that she is and she’s happy.
Eventually the war ends and everyone goes home.
When Wars and Time meet baby Wind they wonder if this is how he felt when he met them. I’ve seen this in a handful of fanfics and it’s so good everytime. CLASSIC BANGER.
I imagine though, that it’s like a hypothetical I often think of for myself. What if I was able to meet the childhood version of my best friends? What advice would I give them? What would I do for them? Wars and Time get to do this for real. Their big brother/best friend doesn’t remember them. And he’s a kid. So they protect him, probably too much. They teach him the same things that they taught him.
They wonder if everything is a circle. Did they teach Wind or did he teach them? It’s a paradox 😭
Huurrggggg… many thoughts….. please tell me yours
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I love this take because it's funny but it's even worse than actively poisoning people. It is lack of understanding that poison exists.
"Hey your investment property, you know the thing that keeps you clothed and fed, it's decaying, which is just a normal thing, it needs some upkeep?"
"Does it cost money?"
"Yes it costs money to fix things."
"Why do I have to fix it? I don't live there, it just makes money."
"it makes money because people pay you to live inside of it. And it's poisoning the people that live inside of it. So if they're dead, then they can't pay you and then you won't have money."
"Well do they know that?"
"Yes they have been asking you for a year to fix this?"
"How much is it to fix?"
"$300-1000 probably, it's unlikely it will cost more than what it brings in in one month. And it's one of ten units on the property. Also if you don't fix it now it will cost more later."
"Can we just tell them we will fix it and then not fix it?"
"We've been doing that."
"Can I just paint over it myself?"
"You already did that."
"We can just sell the property when it gets horrible and buy a new one right?"
"Technically yes, but then eventually every property in the city will be like that and you'll have to fix something."
"But won't all the tenants get used to it?"
"Potentially, but they filed a complaint with the city because we've waited so long we're breaking the law."
"What are the consequences of that?"
"Well it means they can call an inspector in another month."
"I usually pay that guy off "
"And then they can take damages out of the rent."
"How much?"
"About $500 a month."
"Can I threaten to evict them if they do that?"
"Yes, no judge would enforce it because it's an illegal eviction though."
"Okay well I'm going to go paint over it again, tell them they're being difficult, and the only person that has ever complained so much, and if they take money out of the rent to fix it, I guess I'll just threaten to kick them out until they pay and I'll just do that every month until the lease is up."
"Okay sounds good I'll let them know. Also there's a bill coming up in the state house that will create stronger tenant laws and prevent you from threatening tenants like this."
"Okay I will call all of my friends to show up and complain and we'll put together a little campaign contribution for everyone voting on that bill."
So if you've gotten this far, it's less that they actively want to hurt you so much as they are passively consuming you like a product and when you act like a human with needs they get frustrated and just shut it down so they don't have to think.
Most landlords I've met are somewhat dumb, but richer than you and relatively deceptive and brutish. The advantage they have over you is that they've accumulated power, they don't see you as human, and they're willing to cheat and lie
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The communists want to take away YOUR MOLD
#capitalist dystopia#anti capitalist#capitalist hell#leftism#socialism#anti capitalists be like#anticapitalistically#capitalist propaganda
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Actor! Satoru x F! Reader.
Mainlist
Pt.2
Satoru was on top of the world, he was the prince of Hollywood, the new heartthrob of the big screen, sounds fantastic, doesn't it?
It was for everyone except you, his poor manager, the only reason you haven't quit is because of how ridiculously good the pay is.
"Just Please make my job easier Satoru." You couldn't help but be frustrated, Dealing with Satoru was sometimes like dealing with a spoiled brat and sometimes it was just worse.
"Well, I'll pay you for that."
"You pay me to be your manager, not your babysitter so please stay here and cooperate."
And of course he didn't because it was complicated, no matter how long he had been in the industry he was still a pain in the ass for assistants, makeup artists, directors, photographers, etc. Basically anyone who had the misfortune to work with him.
It was always the same, you should be used to it by now but it was impossible.
"What do you mean you're not going to come with me?"
"It's not that hard to understand."
He rolled his eyes while his arms crossed over his chest. No matter your size or how high your heels are, Satoru was simply giant in front of you. "Don't be a Smartass, Yn, you're my manager, you have to come with me."
"Nanami will do the job of going with you that night."
"but I don't want Nanami! "
"I'll be busy with some paperwork that night."
" Well, have Nanami do the paperwork and you come with me."
" It's not that easy."
Yes, it was that easy but you hated big events and going to the Oscars was torture for you, you had managed to get away on most occasions but Satoru was getting more and more insistent.
"Why?"
You let out a sigh, you could make up as many excuses as you could he just always kept asking.
"Satoru, look, I don't want to go."
"Why?"
"I don't know I just-" You could deal with people, that was no longer the problem but you still don't get used to all the cameras ready to capture every second.
"Why do you mean? It's not that hard, you just have to get pretty and come with me, you can do that."
"But I don't want."
"But you don't want." He repeated, clearly he was not happy and clearly not the day was not going to end without him getting what he wanted. There was a pause in which no one said anything. "I'm your boss, you can't tell me no."
"You should review workers' rights, Satoru."
"Dammit." He muttered. "Just say yes, please. I swear it won't be so terrible, besides I already bought you a dress, it would be rude of you to refuse it."
A pair of puppy eyes and a few more pleas and just as he wanted it, there you were with the pretty burgundy dress, the high black heels and gloves of the same color.
"Look at you, you are beautiful."
Satoru approached you, observing every detail of your appearance. It was true that the dress was pretty and that the makeup artist had done an excellent job, but you couldn't help but make your stomach churn every time you remembered the place you were going.
"But I know how to do it even better."
Satoru called one of the attendants who held out a box from which he pulled out a diamond necklace. It was beautiful and also damn expensive, it was the kind of thing you'd never pay for but always admire from afar. Satoru put it around your neck giving the final touch to your look that night.
"I-" It was too much for you, you couldn't accept it.
"Not a single word, tonight you have to stand out, after all you are my date." You felt your soul leave your body for a few seconds, you had planned to stay as hidden as you could but Satoru wanted you next to him posing for the cameras, this was definitely too much, much more than you were ready to do, you couldn't, Your mind was only thinking about all the negative possibilities this could bring and all the embarrassing things you could do. You wanted to throw up, was it too late to get back to the paperwork plan?
"What?"
#jjk fanfic#jjk x reader#jujustsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen fanfic#jjk fluff#jjk#gojo fluff#jjk gojo#satoru gojo x reader#gojo x reader#gojo satoru#jjk satoru#satoru x you#satoru x reader#jujutsu satoru#jujutsu gojo#gojo x you#gojo x y/n#satoru x y/n#jjk fic#jujutsu kaisen gojo
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Episode 4x09 of Smallville was genuinely so confusing. Not only was the cold open so traumatizing but then the moral gymnastics that happens for the rest of the episode (and onward) is so confounding.
So the whole premise of the episode is that Lex sleeps around so much that he can’t even remember the names and faces of the women he sleeps with. Strange and concerning on multiple levels. Even if this was completely in character (which I don’t think it is), it is still highly concerning to forget the names and faces of people you’ve been intimate with. I think they said 13 women in the last year. While that’s not a low number, I don’t think it’s high enough to cause such forgetfulness. Therefore it almost seems to imply that there’s a level of disassociation that happens on Lex’s part during the experience (you can’t form new memories if you weren’t really paying attention when they happened). This theory is also backed up by the fact that Lex admits at the end of the episode that he has suicidal thoughts, and (very) unattached sex could be a negative coping mechanism for these dark emotions. As we can see at the start of the episode, Lex looks sad and completely alone at the event. And immediately after that he jumps into bed with someone. There’s clearly a connection there (at least in my mind).
All of the above, however, is not what confuses me. It’s the other characters that I don’t understand. First you have Clark who comes in (as seems to be becoming his pattern) guns blazing and accusatory. Of course this might be warranted seeing as Lex has been quite soundly framed for murder but I digress. During their talk and with what he finds out later, Clark gets very up in arms about Lex having sex with a lot of women. Despite whether this is right or wrong of him to do, it makes absolutely no sense for why it would drive Clark into LIONEL’S arms. Especially bc Lionel admits later on that Lex learned the behavior (sleeping with women and leaving them with a pair of diamond earrings) from Lionel himself?? Like it’s bad and dishonest if Lex does it but apparently makes Lionel trustworthy?? I’m confused. Also! Let’s not forget the fact that Lionel slept with another woman while his wife was DYING! But sure, Lex is the sexually deviant one. Sure.
Also, I feel like there is a lot of disconnect between how Lex and Alicia (in later episodes) are treated. Like Lex sleeps with women (consensually) and almost gets killed by one of them and Clark tells him that he doesn’t know if he can trust him anymore. Alicia forces Clark to marry her and almost forces him to have sex with her (read: non-consensual!) and the next episode she and Clark are dating again. Also, Lex gets framed for murder and when he’s found innocent, Clark rescues him, yes, but at the end of the day he still doesn’t trust Lex. Alicia gets framed for murder and is found innocent (and dies, unfortunately (seriously that was such a shocking death what the hell Smallville?!)) and Clark feels guilty and regretful and tells his parents he wishes he believed her sooner. Now I get that these two situations aren’t quite the same but the different reactions that Clark and the other characters have feel more like the writers playing into future roles (Lex is the villain, yada, yada) rather than actually looking at the characters as they are now.
I think I would have enjoyed the episode more if I’d understood what it was trying to say. Are you trying to say that Lex is “showing a different, darker side of himself” by not caring about the women he sleeps with? Okay then why is it okay for Lionel to do. Are you trying to say that sex in general is bad? Then why have Alicia be forgiven? Why have Lana trying to loose her virginity to Jason? In the end, the episode just left me feeling really frustrated bc I felt like there was something I was supposed to get but I just didn’t get it.
#rambles by me#smallville#smallville meta#season four analysis#4x09#Im just confusedddd#someone help me understand#lex luthor#clark kent#Alicia bennet#(is that her last name?)#lionel luthor#(can go to hell)#what? who said that?#seriously though I’m not buying his messiah act#Lionel Luthor doesn’t deserve a redemption arc#especially when it’s completely unearned!!#get out of here with that!#puh lease#oh also Lionel canonically slept with Lex’s girlfriend#can we go back to that bc I’m still so traumatized#you can’t tell me Lex isn’t too
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just realised this is my TWELFTH year of having tourette’s/tics.
my hot takes (truths):
people think tics are fine until they’re annoying
doctors do NOT know enough, and there needs to be more research but no one will fund it
doctors SHOULD NEVER give an estimated time of ‘growing out’ of tics, being told as a 7 y/o CHILD that i would grow out of them at age 13, was the worst thing when i woke up on my 13th birthday with nothing changed
tics can get worse? i think it’s commonly suggested that tics ease with age, mine have developed and not stopped
complex tics and dangerous , self-injuring tics are never spoken about!!
teachers need to be more educated, both in and out of classrooms (i once had a teacher say quote “do you have the swearing kind? i’ve always wanted a friend with that!” and another say “i don’t understand why you let it define you, is it really that big of a deal to you?”) like bffr we are kids who are not in control of SIMPLE BODY MOVEMENTS
why is it so commonly faked? i would not wish this on my worst enemy 😭 and also why is it generally so misunderstood how frustrating the feeling of being out of control of such basic things our brain should not fuck uppp, tell me why i have to punch myself in the face huh? and you wanna fake it ?? get outtt
and finally, never, ever ask or willingly receive help from CAMHS for tics. nothing worse could have been offered to a 7 year old me
thanks for coming to my ted talk (rant)
#tics and tourettes#tics#tourettes#neurodivergent#neurospicy#mental health#tourette’s syndrome#i’ve survived over a decade with tics??
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Okay but you do realize the danger in saying, "This is an addiction because I feel good when I have it and I feel bad when I don't have it." right? Do you understand that that's a slippery slope invented by conservative purity culture to make people feel bad for fulfilling needs they can't fulfill in other ways?
Are there people who spend 22 hours a day watching porn even when the rest of their life is going well? Sure, of course there are, but the vast majority of people who claim to struggle with porn addiction don't actually watch more porn than the average person; They just feel worse about it. Pathologizing normal, healthy expressions of sexuality is how these high control groups get and keep members.
It's the same with "food addiction"; Yes, binge eating disorder is a real thing, but a lot of people who think they're addicted to food are actually eating way less than they should be, and their cravings are really just normal feelings of starvation. People go on extreme diets, binge because their body is screaming at them to stop starving themselves, and then they feel bad for binging like it was just lack of willpower that made them cave and they think it's their fault for not being strong enough to be "healthy."
My whole point is that this attitude comes from people believing that addiction is a moral failing, and also acting like anything that makes you feel better is an addiction by default when it's probably just a normal coping mechanism for needs you can't fulfill normally like loneliness. Yes, there are people who are addicted to phones, just like there are people with Pica who can't help but eat drywall, but the consensus right now is that there is insufficient evidence to prove that phones are addictive. Even if you could find thousands of people who were addicted to eating drywall, that's still not enough to prove that society at large needs to be worried about becoming addicted to drywall.
Honestly, genuine question; Why did you bother replying to me if you couldn't even be bothered to read everything I said? Did you just see a couple key words and assume you knew what I was saying? Do you know how frustrating it is to feel like people are misunderstanding you on purpose?
If you're actually addicted to social media, then I would say you deserve compassion and treatment for that, but don't act like these movements to label everything as an "addiction" are perfectly innocent. Even on an actually unhealthy level, taking people's phones away doesn't solve the root cause, and it does nothing good to make people feel bad for their coping mechanisms, even if it really is an addiction.
I wish it was easier to talk about mobile phone addiction without sounding like a boomer
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“Nosferatu” (2024) Ending Explained Through Cast and Crew Interviews
“My influences are all very clear, and Nosferatu is a remake, after all,” Eggers says, yet he plays with the canon, with expectations and clichés – “hopefully subverting them to do something unexpected.” (x)
“It is very much Ellen’s story, about a woman who is as much a victim of 19th-century society as she is of the vampire. And this demon-lover relationship she has with Orlok.” (x)
“I think that what ultimately rose to the top, as the theme or trope that was most compelling to me, was that of the demon-lover. In “Dracula,” the book by Bram Stoker, the vampire is coming to England, seemingly, for world domination. Lucy and Mina are just convenient throats that happen to be around. But in this “Nosferatu,” he’s coming for Ellen. This love triangle that is similar to “Wuthering Heights,” the novel, was more compelling to me than any political themes.” (x)
“Cinematic vampires have lost their power and what makes them frightening,” says Eggers, who “went back to the folklore to understand the time when people believed vampires existed and were truly terrified of them” (x)
“So it was clear to me that I needed to return to the source, to the early folkloric vampire, to written accounts about or by people who believed that vampires existed – and who were terrified of them. Most of these early accounts come from Balkan and Slavic regions. Many are from Romania, where Stoker’s Dracula resides.” (x)
"I never think of things in a contemporary context," director Robert Eggers says […] "I try to stay in the worldview of the characters.” (x)
“A [willing] sacrifice”
“there is a sacrifice” (x)
“she's [Ellen] doing a good deed and she's breaking the curse” (x)
“When reading the script early on, Skarsgård wrote a note down that the finale was “death and ecstasy,” he says. In his last moments, Orlok is “seeing the sun for the first time in hundreds of years. So he's mesmerized by it and fear and all of these different things. “And in a way, maybe that is what Orlok wanted all along.” (x)
Ellen doesn’t sacrifice herself to save Thomas and this theory is debunked by the film itself
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"A black enchanter he [Orlok] was in life. Şolomanari." "Our Nosferatu is of an especial malignancy. He is an arch-enchanter, Şolomonari."
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Robert Eggers using camerawork to show the audience who’s the “them” in the breaking of the curse, whose instructions are in the Şolomonari codex of secrets (a book, which according to Romanian folklore, was written by Orlok himself):
“And so the maiden fair [Ellen] did offer up her love unto the beast [Orlok] and with him lay in close embrace until first cockcrow, her willing sacrifice thus broke the curse and freed them [both] from the plague of Nosferatu.”
Mutual healing theme: Orlok drains Ellen of her excessive blood ("too much blood"), balancing her “sanguine temperament” and ending her “hysteria” and “melancholy” (he also gives her an orgasm, a nod to hysteria as repressed and frustrated female sexuality); and Ellen’s love and willing sacrifice sets Orlok’s spirit free from the rotten vessel it was trapped in; as they are reunited in the spiritual realm, as their covenant intends, now fully healed.
“Vengeance”
“[Ellen is a] victim to 19th-century society […] she can see into another realm, and has a certain kind of understanding that she doesn’t have the language for,” Eggers said. “But people are calling her melancholic and hysteric and all of these things.” (x)
Ellen: "Why do you hate me? You have never liked me. Never. Listen to me, please!" Friedrich Harding: "I have done everything in my power to be kind to you for these long months. Find …" Ellen: "Tied me up?" Friedrich Harding: "Find the dignity to display the respect to your caretaker." Ellen: "How can you be so stupid and cruel?" Friedrich Harding: "Hartmann will call you a coach, at my expense – of course. And for your husband’s sake, I pray you might learn to conduct yourself with more deference."
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Thomas: "Never speak these things aloud. Never. It is a trifle. A foolish dream, just as your past fancies."
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Anna Harding: "Perhaps Professor Franz was wrong. Perhaps it was only your wish to see Thomas safely returned, and your… your..." Ellen: "My melancholy? Thomas has seen something awful. If only I could speak to the professor-" Anna Harding: "Hush. His thoughts are so queer, so sordid, I dare not repeat them! [...] Leni, please. For the sake of the children – Christmastide is upon us. Why must you remain so exasperatingly contrary?"
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Friedrich Harding: "Jesus Christ in heaven! This isn’t a Satanic magician, or any other humiliating fantasy. It’s no wonder you’re a laughing stock. Out! Frau Hutter is mad and should have been locked up long ago." Friedrich Harding: "Take that blackguard from this place! Your diseasèd mind has brought all of this outrage - Your very presence does me wrong!"
“She [Ellen] has this understanding of this other world, and this other way of thinking that she doesn’t have language for, so she’s isolated. But the pull to it is very strong, and so people consider her melancholic and hysterical, and we can see her fighting within herself. I think having it stem from the realities of a woman who’s a victim of 19th-century society is something that makes it hopefully work.” (x)
“Thomas thinks he's the hero but really his wife, who everyone is calling crazy and telling to shut up and tying to beds, is the only one who can solve the problem," Eggers says. "That's much more interesting.” (x)
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"My entire life I have no ill but heed my nature.”
“One example of costume design serving the plot, as you mentioned, is Ellen’s corset. I came across a particular style called a fan-laced corset during my research, which I’ve also referred to as a “self-tying corset”—though it doesn’t actually tie itself! This type of corset can be tightened from the front, allowing the wearer to adjust it independently.For Robert, this design was ideal. When Ellen is in the throes of her supernatural connection with Orlok, the men around her—Sievers and Harding—try to impose control by tightening her corset. Because of the fan-laced design, we can see her anguish and convulsions, as well as the men’s oppressive actions, without needing to obscure her face or body by laying her prone. This moment is a perfect example of how research and storytelling can come together harmoniously in costume to enhance a scene." (x)
“Depp sees Ellen as a woman experiencing “a real loneliness as well as a nascent sexuality.” […] We’re talking about a time period where there was a lot less room for women and girls to be much of anything except for exactly what people wanted them to be. So, I think you feel that in Ellen, and you feel like the birth of all these new feelings, and she doesn’t really have anybody to talk to about it, or anybody to understand her … I think it’s a real source of shame for her, and one that she’s trying to come to terms with, and that’s what I think is so beautiful about her relationship with Von Franz, Willem’s character, because he sees her in this way and understands her, I think, in a way that she longs to be understood.” (x)
“Her [Ellen] true nature [takes over] in the end. She liberates herself by ripping herself open, ripping her striped dress open. She liberates herself by wearing the same garment over and over and over again when she's staying at Harding's home. So she's liberated herself in that she doesn't feel the need to dress up completely each and every day. And then she liberates herself completely in the end.” (x)
“What's so beautiful about the place that my character [Ellen] ends up is that it's tragic, and it is empowering. There's so much power in the choice that she makes.” (x)
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Thomas: "I shall send for Doctor Sievers." Ellen: "No! No!! Please. I’ll be good, I’ll be good. You could never please me as he could."
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“But isn’t it interesting that this female archetype who understands the dark side of humanity and is sexualized keeps being reconstituted as the savior of Victorian culture?”(x)
“Particularly in the 1980s, there was a lot of literary criticism talking about all these Victorian male authors who created these female heroines who have sexual desire and sexual energy, and then need to be killed and punished for that,” Eggers says. “It’s this misogynist thing. But I think a lot of female literary critics who I was also reading were saying, “But isn’t it also interesting that, from this repressed cultural period, there’s the idea of this dark, chthonic female heroine who would be the person who could understand the depths?” (x)
“she’s [Ellen] as much a victim of 19th-century society as she is a victim of the vampire. People talk a lot about Lily-Rose Depp’s character’s sexual desire, which is a massive part of the character, of what she experiences — being shut down, and corseted up, and tied to the bed, and quieted with ether. Misunderstood, misdiagnosed. But it’s more than that. She has an innate understanding about the shadow side of the world that we live in that she doesn’t have language for. This gift and power that she has isn’t in an environment where it’s being cultivated, to put it mildly. It’s pretty tragic. Then she makes the ultimate sacrifice, and she’s able to reclaim this power through death.” (x)
“There’s a lot of literary criticism about Victorian male authors who have strong female characters with chthonic energy and understanding, who are then punished unconsciously by the male authors by making them die. While there’s certainly validity in that [critique], I’ve also read feminist literary criticism that says how it’s interesting that in this very repressed Victorian society, over and over again, this archetype that was needing to consummate itself in the patriarchal imagination is a woman who understands the darkness and the sexuality and the earth juju, and should be the savior of the culture.” (x)
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"Enchantress." "You are not of human kind." "I am but an able tourist in this occult world, you were born to it. It is a rare gift." "In heathen times you might have been a great priestess of Isis. Yet, in this strange and modern world your purpose is of greater worth. You are our salvation."
Ellen’s Vengeance: Vengeance (verb) and "revenge" (noun) are different things. "Vengeance" is "to avenge" (not "take revenge"), it's the achievement of justice (not personal retaliation), after being wronged by others. Both Ellen and Professor Von Franz are avenged by Ellen’s breaking of the Nosferatu curse because they are proven right when Victorian society says they are wrong. Ellen is avenged (or vindicated) because she has been medicalized, drugged and tied-up because of her mediumship (diagnosed as “melancholy” and “hysteria” by Victorian doctors), but it’s her empowerment through free sexuality (sex) and spirituality (death) that saves the day, and proves Victorian society wrong. She breaks the curse and frees them (herself and Orlok), and everyone else, from Nosferatu plague.
“Sacred wedding in a union sense”
“It was always clear to me that Nosferatu is a demon lover story.” (x)
“Skarsgård says. “Nosferatu” is “a very heightened fairy tale/dark story, but also it's two people potentially falling in love. It isn't love, it's something else, but love is maybe the closest thing to it that you can kind of relate to. If it's not love, it's a craving and it's an appetite and it's lust and desire to devour.” (x)
“It was clear to me from the beginning, and from what Rob [Eggers] was saying to me, it’s a love story with Count Orlok as much as it is with her husband. There’s a real love triangle there […] She carries so much darkness within her, and that he, in a way, is a manifestation of that darkness. And so she’s pulled towards him for a reason. and she calls out to him […] there’s a mutual yearning there.” (x)
“he’s [Orlok] the only person who can understand and fulfill a part of Ellen.” (x)
“this demon lover that attracts her, and she doesn’t know why, but somewhere there is a deep understanding there and a deep attraction.” (x)
“She's [Ellen] an outsider. She has this understanding about the shadow side of life that is very deep, but she doesn't have language for that. She's totally misunderstood and no one can see her [...] this demon lover, this vampire, who is the one being who can connect with that side of her." (x)
“Ellen’s husband loves her, but he can’t understand these ‘hysteric’ and ‘melancholic’ feelings she’s experiencing, and he’s dismissive of her. The only person she really finds a connection with is this monster, and that love triangle is so compelling to me, partially because of how tragic it is.” (x)
“[Orlok] represents a sort of forbidden desire for Ellen […] Eggers, for his part, was eager to bring out the sexual subtext of Nosferatu, calling his version a clear “demon lover story” and likening it to Wuthering Heights (which he reread while trying to crack the script) […] the only ‘person’ that she can kind of connect with is this demonic force, this vampire, this demon lover. [And] Orlok is also alone.” (x)
“Yes, it is a scary horror movie with a lot of dread and even some jump scares. But more than that, it is a tale of love and obsession and a Gothic romance.” (x)
“when Ellen and Orlok come together in the end, she's wearing a complicated multi-layered wedding outfit and all of the foundational pieces. And Orlok is wearing a number of garments. When we see them come together, that silhouette of the bride and the groom is very important. And so I go through the script with all of the other elements of prep and address those things.” (x)
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“That final scene, is a different paint job. It's a little more sedate and not as visceral as the first time he comes out of the coffin. That was just to give it some sort of sense that there's some kind of twisted romance going on here, in a way. It wasn't just grossing everyone out. It's quite delicate. The beats that Robert's looking for, he's very good at pacing those things.” (x)
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“The way they died in the play I did as a kid was very similar to what we ended up doing in the film. But I thought that what I had done in the play was wrong, and so I was trying to do something else. And then when we kept rehearsing with Marie-Gabrielle, and I realised that my instincts when I was 17 were actually spot on, it was much more about Orlok and Ellen’s relationship.” (x)
“Completion of some kind of destiny”
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“I sent [Bill] a backstory of Orlok that I wrote. So we came to it together to achieve what I was after. Because I’m so tired of the heroic and sad vampires, I was just like, ‘He’s a demon. He’s so evil.’ Bill was like, ‘Yeah, but there needs to be some times where he has some kind of vulnerability.’ It’s very subtle, and it’s not there often, but it is enough. I think the ending of the movie is much more effective than it would have been without Bill’s acute sensitivity to that – while still delivering on this big, scary, masculine vampire”. (x)
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“And while Bill was also doing what I was asking for, he brought more to the table too, particularly with binding moments where Orlok was vulnerable. I was so sick of the tropes of the sad vampire that I didn't want to go there. But Bill knew that it was important to still have the vulnerability in some places. And I think it makes the performance.” (x)
“Ellen’s most prominent evening dress is indigo with lilacs embroidered and beaded on the front and on the sleeves. This lavender hue subliminally underscores the connection between Ellen and Orlok, who remembers lilacs from when he was alive.” (x)
“What kind of trauma, pain and violence is so great that even death cannot stop it?” (x)
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"Sated" from the Old English verb (late 16th century) "sit"; "rest" or "lie". "I cannot rest without you"; can't find peace in death without her soul by his side
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“You wonder what is the dark trauma that doesn't die when someone dies. […] [So you suspect something terrible happened between them in real life and that this story was a way of grappling with that?] That's my hypothesis.” (x)
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Reincarnation theme: Traumatic separation of souls, yearning to be united.
#Nosferatu 2024#nosferatu 2024 interview#Nosferatu 2024 ending#Robert Eggers#bill skarsgård#lily rose depp#willem dafoe#Ellen Hutter 2024#count Orlok 2024#Thomas Hutter 2024#Friedrich Harding#Anna Harding#professor albin eberhart von franz#professor Von Franz#dr Sievers
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I wonder how the Primes feel about the fact that Megatron was the one who avenged them and Optimus was the one sacrificed his life to protect the guy who betrayed and murdered them.
uh. that is certainly a way to interpret what happened! incheresting.
from a personal perspective i guess i could see some of them getting a grim satisfaction from the fact sentinel died at the hands of one of the many people he hurt right after all his crimes were broadcasted for everyone to see. i don't think any of them would hold any love for him after he murdered them plus fifty cycles of betraying the world they died trying to protect and i do believe more than one grew bitter enough to enjoy the fact the bastard died like the coward he was.
on the other hand i also think they'd be mature and wise enough to understand their personal satisfaction cannot come before the good of cybertron. revenge, theirs or anyone else's, was not more important than the bigger picture, which in this case was the fact that cybertronian society was already about to go through an incredibly tumultuous time with lots of changes and like it or not, publicly executing someone without any sort of trial or accountability is Not A Good Idea when you're trying to begin a reform for an entire society.
i cannot stress this enough, as good as it may sound, murdering someone because you think they deserve it is not a good way to start a new government. i know it sucks, i know it's frustrating, i know we all cheer when a politician/ceo/guy-who-sucks gets murked, but it's still not a good basis for a society to (re)start with!
and from yet another more personal perspective, megatron's revenge, in their behalf or otherwise, was already tainted for them the moment it happened by orion's death. the fact an innocent, who only wanted to do the right thing (naively or self-righteously as it may look to some), died in the process automatically made it not worth it in their eyes.
they dearly wish orion hadn't died. much less for someone like sentinel. but they understand perfectly why he protested against megatron killing him like that. and him risking his life for what he thought was right for cybertron, even though it meant keeping the person who'd oppressed him his entire life alive, only makes him more worthy of the matrix and the responsibilities it carries as far as they're concerned.
they're... content knowing that the well-being of their people is in the hands of someone who can, has and will put the greater good above his own feelings of anger or desire of revenge.
tldr: megatron's revenge had too high a price to pay for it to be worth it in their eyes, no matter what personal satisfaction they could've gotten from it. and they understand that orion wasn't trying to protect sentinel because he cared for him, but because he was seeing the bigger picture and trying to do what was right for everyone and not just himself and d-16.
haunted au
#hey i got an ask#rumble1319#transformers one#tfone#haunted au#optimus prime#megatron#tf primes#i liked this ask. it made me think.#i am very team!Optimus in case it wasn't obvious enough#i think he was doing the right thing not letting dee kill sentinel#did he choose the worst words possible. maybe. did he make a mistake exiling megatron with the high guard afterwards. definitely.#but he still didn't deserve to get his chest blown off for that and he'd literally just died and came back to life. he gets a freebie.#also he's my little guy and can do wrong in my eyes <33333
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Hrm. I'm aware that there's a common narrative that Ward suffered from wb steering the text to directly respond to people who gave Amy too much credit. I've already given my thoughts on the way Amy's character has been handled so far—I certainly understand how people would see Amy's increasing propensity to give weak excuses to her actions and read them as wb strawmanning their own reactions to the text. Strictly speaking though, it didn't have to be read that way— its possible, for instance, that Amy's development was driven by wb really wanting Breakthrough's struggles with becoming better people to be contrasted against a villain who's too prone to abdicate responsibility to grow. I have my misgivings about that as a theme, but it is in line with the broader focus of the text, and doesn't rely on an assumption that wb is writing her that way to pwn commenters.
Eric though. Eric really does just seem inexplicable unless you read him as wildbow getting frustrated at certain parts of his fanbase and wanting to dress them down. At least when Amy gave weak justifications for herself, it was for herself—there's a legible reason why she'd do it in the first place. And as I said, it served a thematic purpose of contrasting Breakthrough's attempts to get better by taking responsibility for their actions with Amy spiraling from a refusal to do the same. What similar thematic purpose is Eric showing? What purpose is he serving at all, outside of claiming that people who "defend" Amy are the type of people who don't face real hardship and stare at women's boobs?
The type of defense here is important to note, because the main thing he does is push back against Victoria reading everything Amy does in the worst possible light. This is behavior that makes sense in a comment section when you're trying to detangle your own feelings about a character from a narrator who has a justifiably hostile perspective towards her. It's not the behavior of someone responding to a current crisis event. And it's not the behavior of someone talking to Victoria rather than other readers, considering how obvious Vicky makes it that there's history between her and Amy. Yes, the oddity of that reaction is to some degree intentional, in that its supposed to make Victoria feel increasingly alienated from those around her—but Eric also seems to be getting posed as a synecdoche for non-capes in general here, a representative of a common type of thinking, rather than a wackadoodle who choose a very bad time to defend a stranger's intentions.
On that point. I don't think that wildbow is fully uncritical of Victoria's tendency to fully dehumanize some of her more heinous enemies, or her tendency to see the unpowered masses she's nominally acting in service of as just not understanding the Great Sacrifices™ and Tough Choices™ of their protectors. Ward has flirted with those attitudes in the past, but there's usually enough tension in the framing to suggest it's not fully the intended takeaway. And I don't want to overstate my case, because even here the framing pushes against some of what Victoria takes away from Eric—its made clear that Victoria's in a particularly ugly state of mind right now. The characterization of Larue right afterwards pushes back somewhat against her attitude towards non-capes, and the conversation with Jessica made the idea of seeing Amy's perspective on an issue, and the idea of denying a villain's full responsibility for their actions, seem less ridiculous on its face. Reading Eric's inclusion in the best possible light, I'd see him as the text introducing certain ideas in an unflattering light in order to make Jessica's later reaffirmation of the theme that everyone can act horribly in the right circumstances hit that much harder.
But Eric really feels like who'd you write when you wanted to complain about the bleeding hearts. His presentation is much more what I'd expect from a jingoistic action flick, the most unflattering caricature of someone who wants basic limitations on the actions of cops and soldier. Very "decadent ivory tower cultural relativist who wants you to consider the drug lord/terrorist/rapist degenerate's point of view," who's putting obstacles in the way of the action hero's righteous and necessary cleansing crusade against the subhuman hoards. Why the fuck is a character made to support the worldview of Dirty Harry or the fucking Turner Diaries in a wildbow novel?
#mals says#wildbow#parahumans#mals reads ward#dont think it needs to be specified but to be clear im not calling wb a nazi
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In my personal opinion, all three of these have a high probability of backfiring. They assume that the person you're interacting with knows your intention, and/or is interacting in good faith, but on the chance that isn't true (and there is a good chance there isn't), all this will do is escalate the situation and make it worse.
To explain in detail:
"Are you okay?" — This comes across as incredibly passive-aggressive and patronizing if it's said in response to someone who is, by all appearances, in fine health. Particularly if the person you're speaking with is already in a hostile mood, they won't read this as concern, but rather as mockery, and it WILL further escalate the situation. Further, the HR representative has every opportunity here to put their own feelings into what you meant: did you have genuine reason to believe your coworker was in distress? Or were you passive-aggressively insinuating you believed they were deranged? Because the coworker believes the latter and that's why they reported you (after yelling even more in response to you passive-aggressively calling them crazy).
"Could you repeat that for me?" / "Can you explain what you mean?" — Playing dumb can work if, and only if, the coworker is genuinely not an asshole. However, some people are. And these people will see these questions and repeat / explain themselves in an even more condescending, insulting way: slowed down speech, over-enunciated sounds, little words. Now, you could get them with HR even harder for this, but you're taking a hit first.
So, what should you say instead? Here is your step-by-step guide.
Step 1: Acknowledge Their Issue — This is NOT the same as apologizing. If you genuinely did something wrong, by all means, but if you didn't, don't claim responsibility for something you didn't do! Here is a good stock response: "I understand where you're coming from, and see how that would be frustrating."
This acknowledges their feelings, which is an important step in deescalation. Even assholes often just want to be heard and validated. However, we are not done. IF the asshole doesn't deflate after having their feelings soothed, you'll need to move onto Step 2. (You can also lead right into Step 2 if this is all through email or Teams.)
Step 2: State Need for Professionalism — In this step you both stand up for yourself, and make it explicitly clear what your intentions are, in a way that cannot be misconstrued. Here is a stock phrase: "I feel that this conversation has become a bit heated. I ask that we remain polite and professional for the remainder of this discussion."
Using "I feel" language removes any chance that the coworker can say you accused them of anything. You aren't insinuating that they're crazy or anything like that, but rather just saying that your perception is that this conversation is heated. You are also asking for polite professionalism, which is an expectation of the workplace, but in such a way that it CANNOT be twisted into an accusation (but that YOU know is commentary on your coworker, and your coworker will understand as well, without being able to use it against you).
But we're still not done! If they continue to bluster and storm, Step 3 has got you.
Step 3: End the Convo, Involve Higher-Up — In this step you both disengage the rude coworker, and cover your ass (CYA). Here is a stock phrase: "Apologies, but I do not feel that continuing this conversation will be productive for either of us. I will see if we can resume this conversation with [manager / HR] present. Good day."
Saying that you don't feel the conversation is productive communicates the message that they are not communicating effectively, but once again in a way that cannot be twisted into an attack on their person. Furthermore, "productive" carries the connotation that YOU are interested in working with this person, which will look good to whichever higher-up you involve next.
Because at this point, you DO need to involve one. This is to CYA. Controlling the narrative is crucial in workplace disputes and that means being the first to report the situation. Pick whoever is most appropriate; if you and the coworker share a manager, you can go there. If not, HR would be the better bet. Even if you share a manager, you can still go to HR if you trust them more. It's up to you.
If this confrontation took place in person, walk away after saying this and go to either manager / HR to explain the situation. If the coworker tries to stop you, just repeat that you don't feel the conversation is productive and request that they move out of your way. Such a thing will attract attention, so it's important you seem as reasonable as possible while they make themselves look worse.
If this confrontation took place over email, immediately forward with an explanation of what they will be looking at. Here is a good template:
"Hi [Manager / HR name],
I wanted to bring to your attention a conversation [Coworker] and I just had, in case it has potential for further issues to arise. The conversation was initially about [situation], however, I feel that [Coworker]'s language was disrespectful and not conducive to a working relationship. I would appreciate it if you would review the situation and speak to [Coworker] on my behalf, since I do not wish for this incident to escalate further. Every email between [Coworker] and myself is included in the chain below.
Thank you,
[Your Name]"
This template accomplishes several things:
It alerts the manager / HR person to the fact that there is an issue.
Provides context as to why the issue happened.
Does not seem accusatory toward the coworker; accusations will work against you 9 times out of 10.
Places emphasis on wanting to maintain professionalism and productivity, which are things both managers and HR people also want.
Asks M / HR to take over the situation.
Provides the full conversation (i.e. the RECEIPTS) so they can see what went down.
By this point you might be thinking, "These sound like robot responses! Why do I need to include lines about professionalism and productivity? Why do I need to weasel around accusations?"
The reason to all of these is: this is how you both play and win the game. You're not in this to dunk on your rude coworker; you're in it to shut them down. And the way to do that is to be clear, specific, and get / keep management and HR on your side. That means getting to them first, and keeping yourself sounding reasonable in contrast to your asshole coworker. Stating intentions clearly means your words can't be used against you; using words like professionalism and productivity will make M / HR believe you really care about this workplace.
This is how you win. Trust me. (Source: Master's in communications management, mid-level managerial experience, and over a decade of experience deescalating and dealing with assholes in the workplace.)
Tips and ideas for how to respond when someone is being rude to you
For personal reasons I won't get into, I have a history of just freezing when some is rude / hostile / aggressive / condescending / patronizing / etc. It's obviously not something I'm happy about at all, most people who freeze or fawn aren't happy about it and would change it if they could.
One day I confided in my co-worker, a middle aged woman in her 50's, that this is something I struggle with. Considering how confident and assertive she always struck me as, I was shocked when she told me this is also something she's struggled with.
The advice she gave me is to just memorize and practice a few broad statements or reactions that you can pull out of your pocket so to speak when someone is being rude or disrespectful to you. It's not easy if you're someone who's been conditioned to freeze or fawn, but practice helps. Practice saying these things when you're alone. Put up a sticky note next to your bed or on your bathroom mirror with these phrases and practice them when you see them. Practice saying these with a partner or trusted friend, role-play scenarios where you might need to use these phrases.
Here's a few phrases that have worked for me. The nice thing about them is that they tend to shut down the situation rather than escalating, while still letting the aggressor know that you don't find their behavior acceptable.
"Are you okay?"
This works well in professional settings, because it's not like your work place's residential bully can run to HR about you asking if they're okay (but they might if you try to retaliate and give them a taste of their own medicine). However, it still effectively sends the message "I think there's something wrong with your behavior and don't accept it". It's also not likely the response they're expecting, so it'll likely throw them off and prevent further verbal aggression.
"Could you repeat that for me? I didn't catch what you said."
This one is most effective for people you believe to actually have a conscious and might regret what they said if they actually thought about it a little more. I find that often when I do this one, when people repeat the rude/snippy/patronizing/etc thing they either shamefully stumble over their words and show some remorse, or they change altogether what they say. In the off chance they don't regret what they said and end up repeating exactly what they said, this at least buys you some time to think of a better reaction since you're no longer caught off guard by a sudden rude and snippy remark.
"Can you explain what you mean by that?"
Similar logic to the last one. Often when people are being rude/snippy/patronizing/etc they're caught up in their own emotions in that moment and didn't think it through. This is a polite and civil way of putting their rude behavior in the spotlight and making them reconsider what they said. The other advantage to this one is that in case you did misread their intentions and they meant no harm by what they said or did, this gives them an opportunity to clarify that, instead of you just feeling bad over a statement or actions they actually had no ill intentions with.
If anyone has any further examples of reactions / responses / statements that have worked for them, I'd love to hear about them. I'm new to studying the art of how to civilly yet effectively shut down bad behavior from others, so I'm always open to hearing more suggestions.
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Okay okay I'll yammer about Rise!Splinter in your ask box because oh my god I cannot STAND people who legitimately villainize him on main. Like, alright, you can call him an emotionally unavailable or even slightly neglectful parent all you want, because even the show itself makes it clear that his parenting style wasn't exactly PERFECT and probably left the boys with at least a SMALL myriad of issues (Raph's parentification and Donnie's constant need for approval come to mind, though I can't say for sure whether those are entirely borne of Splinter's parenting style lmao). But I feel like so many people through trying to villainize his actions deliberately gloss over the fact that he was probably struggling with hardcore PTSD after spending a decade or more basically being forced to fight in a DEATH ARENA, not to mention probably having a good deal of body dysmorphia because he's suddenly been kind of forcefully shoved into a body that he can't even recognize as his own anymore. PTSD is a genuinely crippling condition to struggle with at times. On top of the depression he more than likely had, it'll make you not even want to get out of bed some days, and to struggle with that AND take care of four INFANTS that you've basically suddenly found yourself the sole caretaker of HAD to require a great deal of both mental and physical strength from Splinter. I'm sure he had his hard days, and the show points that out, but he was still trying his damn hardest to be there and be present for these kids, even if he fucked it up at every turn, even if he was far from the BEST parental figure that they could have had.
People can critique his parenting style as they wish (hell, even I do it), but so many depictions of him as an awful parent feel like they're glossing over the legitimate mental issues that he more than likely has, and idk sometimes I just feel like yammering about it on main
yeah like, a parent can seriously fuck you up completely unintentionally and have understandable, sympathetic reasons for it (while still not being in the right! a kid is never in the wrong for being hurt by an adult who failed them! but they're also well within their right to understand and empathize with a complicated parent who loves and changes for them!). generally im sure a lot of people who write abusive parent splinter genuinely had horrendous and abusive parents and are venting, which is why i tend not to be judgemental to people who do. characters are ultimately devices to drive a plot and if they're writing a story where they want to put them through some shit, that's one way to do it. aus are aus and allat
HOWEVER. lord does it frustrate me when people act like his behavior in the show itself is actually like that. i think its really uncharitable and unsympathetic. like if you want to see some of the things he did to them as potentially unforgivable thats fine, because if they're upset with him they dont have to forgive him, but him dealing with crippling ptsd and depression while being someone who goes out of his way to parent and change and grow while handling it just makes it idk nasty to me ,,,,
and also maybe this is just a hot take but esp. when it comes to raph and donnie i think them having more complex feelings about him makes for more compelling angst. its juicier, and i love to read stories that are empathetic towards everyone involved.
i am not a splinter defender but i will still fight splinter haters (not actually. dont fight me i will cry, i dont main tag most things anymore for a reason lmao)
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this is bit long, sorry just something I noticed:
I noticed with Max F. and Lando, mostly Max, that he always protects Lando's privacy. I mean, that's no secret really, but mid-last year, I watched almost all of Max’s streams from beginning to end, whether Lando was there or not. Maybe only three days in total when I didn’t join his stream.
And I noticed that while, yes, he sometimes tells stories about Lando (I saw some Lando fans criticize him for that because they think he uses Lando for clout, which I think is absurd), it's always stories that Lando would mostly tell himself. It’s never anything scandalous, so I don’t get why anyone would hate Max for it. In a few instances, Lando was even in the chat, encouraging Max to tell a story or show an embarrassing picture of him, but Max never did.
I think Max feels like part of "Team Lando Norris." I mean, he is 100% part of it, but what I mean is that sometimes Bankai will ask if Lando is flying or if he’s home yet, and even Connor asks these questions to Max. And Max sometimes ignores them, even though you can tell he heard them—like, he was talking right before, so it’s noticeable that he just chose not to answer. Which, I mean, is obviously for a reason. But these are also Lando’s friends, and I think they sometimes forget they’re live, and that there are certain people listening who run gossip pages or haters just looking for a reason to hate Lando even more.
Mostly, Max will ignore the question or answer so vaguely that the question isn’t really answered at all. But it’s always obvious that he knows the answer.
Also, whenever it was a race week and Max was streaming the race with Bankai, and Bankai would criticize a driver for a mistake (without insulting them, just pointing it out), Max would kind of try to smooth talk it over for potential fans in the chat. Because he knows people could take it as another reason to hate Lando. Bankai would also ask things like, "Why is Oscar so slow compared to Lando?" and wait to see what Max would say. But most of the time, Max wouldn’t answer, which I find interesting. The only time he really broke that pattern was at the Brazil GP, and even then, he tried so hard to phrase it in a way that wasn’t insulting to any other driver but he was frustrated (understandable).
Yes, some of it is probably to protect himself and, with that, also Quadrant, but it’s so obvious that he does this for Lando. He knows exactly what people would do with these clips. And after the year Lando had, other drivers’ fans would rip Lando to shreds if they felt like someone from Lando’s inner circle had insulted another driver, he is 100% team lando norris.
1000000% to all of that. it reminds me a bit of that last stream from the house in woking, when lando blurted out to chat that max had a girlfriend, making max upset. he very easily could have returned the favor and violated lando's privacy too, you could see it in his eyes, but he explicitly refused to do that to him. it's clearly a huge priority for him to protect lando, and always has been.
there's that joke in his twitch bio 'very professional streamer' but honestly he really is one. he's good at not offending people and keeping his streams interesting without oversharing. he knows he's got the advantage of his connection to lando (it gets people to his streams, who sometimes stick around just for him) but he manages to keep that without exploiting him for content.
it must be an awkward position for him sometimes to have to deny requests for info, to ignore or pivot or whatever else, especially if it comes from mutual friends, who really should know better, but he manages to do it. he's really good at keeping in control of what he says, even in moments of high emotion. his internal 'protect lando' instinct is always operative.
#i feel fine and normal about it!!!#max fewtrell#nortrell#im jealous you saw all those streams#i want to do that so bad ahahah#looking forward to next year sm
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missent letters pt.2
wanderer x gn! reader
part 1 || part 2
tags/cw: academic rivals to lovers, some cursing, mc is: a Vahumana student in the Akademiya, roommates with Alhaitham and Kaveh, and a pyro vision holder.
a/n: I finally finished the book a year later (lol) which made me want to make a part 2! Also, please don't mind any ooc or wrong plot details...it's been a while since I've actually played genshin.
wc: 2.1k
“It would do your remaining few brain cells some good to stop banging your head against the table. Plus this table was expensive. I can’t have the wood scratched already.”
You stop mid head bang to send Alhaitham an incredulous look. “Please!” you plead. “Have some sympathy for me at least once in your life. My life is over.” You slump your body across the living room bench.
Without missing a beat, he replies, ”I let you live here, don’t I?” Alhaitham turns to Kaveh with a raised eyebrow, “Care to fill me in on their latest tantrum?”
“It’s not a tantrum—!”
“Long story short, they asked me to send out some envelopes for them because of their busy schedule, so I told them to leave whatever they needed sent on top of their desk. Among the envelopes was one for Hat Guy, which apparently they didn’t want me to deliver.” He takes another bite of the shawarma wrap that Alhaitham brought home for dinner.
Kaveh turns to look at your defeated form. “If you didn’t mean to send Hat Guy the letters, why were they mixed up with the other envelopes in the first place? What’s the big deal about those letters anyway?” he asks while chewing.
You perk up your head to look at him. “Huh? You didn’t read them?” you ask.
“You see, unlike some”—he sends Alhaitham a pointed look—”people, I have basic human decency.”
“Again, I let you guys live here—”
“Basically, everytime I feel anger or annoyance towards him, I just vent about it on paper pretending that he’s the recipient. Then I just stuff everything in the same envelope because it’s easy storage that way.”
“Wait!” Kaveh interrupts. “Just how many letters have you written about him? That envelope was like an inch thick. It even cost me extra postage!”
“...What can I say? I have lots of vendettas against him,” you shrug.
Alhaitham interposes, “I don’t think I understand. What’s the big deal? So what if you told him exactly how you feel about him? I didn’t take you for being a people pleaser.”
“This is why people think you’re such a machine at times, Alhaitham!” Kaveh throws his arms up in frustration. “Some people actually care about how they present themselves to others.”
“Actually!” You interject before another one of their infamous arguments breaks out full throttle. “Alhaitham’s kind of right. I did write exactly how I feel about him, and that’s the thing. I wrote everything that I felt about him..” you trail off.
Kaveh lets out a dramatic gasp. “No way! You finally confessed your feelings for him in those letters?!”
“Well, I wouldn’t exactly call it confessing. I just talked about how I think his eyes are kinda dreamy despite being cold at times and that he has a really pretty face and that”—you almost give yourself whiplash turning in his direction—”Wait, finally? What do you mean finally? There’s no way you could have known about my minuscule crush on Hat Guy!”
“Anyone with eyes and ears could tell that you have some romantic attraction towards him,” Kaveh sighs while shaking his head before gesturing to Alhaitham. “Even this guy is aware of it.”
“You two do know that I’m not socially inept, correct?”
Deciding to ignore Alhaitham, you slump back against the bench. “I’m doomed.”
You pop up with an idea. “Wait! Do you guys think Tighnari needs any more forest rangers? I can take a break until this whole thing tides over and just help him over at Avidya Forest—”
Alhaitham quenched your wishful thinking. “Knowing how substandard you are with your vision, you’d accidentally set the forest on fire.”
You stumble back as if an arrow pierced through your body. You mumble out, “Must you always humble me.” You turn to Kaveh with hopeful eyes.
“I thought I'd never say this, but I agree with Alhaitham. You trying to help Tighnari in the forest would do more harm than good. Plus, you'd end up a victim to his lectures again. Remember that one time you—”
Feeling your body riddling with piercing wounds, you slump against the bench once more. “Yeah, I’m doomed.”
//
It's been five days since Kaveh accidentally sent out the envelope meant for Hat Guy and you aren’t sure how much longer you have until the letters would be in his possession. Unless they already were...
If you were blessed by the Archons, then maybe the envelope was lost or better yet damaged beyond repair in delivery, but alas, you know better. The mail system in Sumeru City is known for its attentiveness, especially since many important Akademiya-based deliveries are sent and received daily.
You haven't seen Hat Guy around much these days, especially considering the fact that you’ve been actively avoiding him. Mandatory lectures that you both share? You now sit close to the exit, far from him. The library that you guys are known to basically reside in? You begged Alhaitham to let you study in his office instead, promising that you’d do his portion of the house chores for the next two weeks.
Deciding to go home early out of your own volition (Alhaitham kicked you out because of an important meeting), you carefully tread the halls of the Akademiya making sure to peek around each corner before continuing. As you start to believe that you're finally in the clear, you hear someone behind you clearing their throat. Taking a look down at the shadows decorating the floor, you see the silhouette of the man that you have been avoiding for your own peace of mind.
"How much longer are you going to rat around the Akademiya for? It's not like you can avoid me forever, you know."
Feeling offended by his choice of words, you abruptly turn around to tell him off; however, the sudden close proximity of your faces has you taking a step back. If you hadn’t been paying attention to his face, you would have thought that he was unaffected by the action, but the slight widening of his eyes before returning back to normal has you knowing otherwise.
You give Hat Guy a pointed glare. Wanting to defend yourself against his statement, you open your mouth to retaliate but the sight of the familiar envelope in his hand causes you to simply shut your mouth and grimace instead.
As he notices your actions, Hat Guy lets an annoying smirk grace his face. "Come on, say what you were going to say. We both know that you have a lot to say to me," he says while lazily waving the envelope around.
To try and play this in your favor, you start to act nonchalant. “I don’t know what you mean by ‘avoiding you’. Also, what’s with the envelope? Never seen it before in my life.”
Hat Guy raises a brow. “What’s with this sudden stupid, chill guy persona? Anyways, it seems like you need a reminder. Not surprising considering our perspective rankings,” he subtly gloats.
“You little—”
”Let's see,”—he opens up the envelope and starts to smooth out the bottommost letter—”Maybe reading some of these letters will help jog your memory.” He makes a grand gesture of pretending to clear his throat before reading, and you can’t help but to cover your face with your hands to try and protect yourself from the upcoming embarrassing retelling.
“Again! Again, you received a higher score on an assigned research essay. It’s only been 2 months and 11 days since you’ve been enrolled into the Vahumana Darshan, so how is it that you’re the apparent “All-Knowing” about Time-Sensitive Commodities? Who do you think you are? The new Sumeru archon of wisdom? Oh, sorry. I shouldn’t be disrespecting our Lesser Lord Kusanali by comparing you to her—” he pauses and his eyes hurriedly shift to gauge your reaction. If anything, he should be thankful. If you hadn’t been so focused on not looking at him, you would have seen the crease in his brows mid-reading.
Hat Guy recomposes himself before continuing to read. “For Archon's sake. What’s more frustrating is your subtle boasting towards me. How could such a shitty personality even emit from a pretty face like yours? Though, I’ll begrudgingly admit that I actually look forward to these interactions that I have with you.”
“ST—!”
A coy smirk fills his face. “Oh? Why so embarrassed? Do you know these letters after all?”
“N-no…I was just clearing my throat.” At this point, you curse your pride for not being able to halt this interaction.
“Stubborn as always.”
This time he picks out a letter from the top of the stack..
“It's completely and utterly unfair how your resting face looks so serene. Why must you always be in the library at the same time as I? Your stupidly, bewitching face only serves as a major distraction, like how could I not stare! It's like your face was personally carved by a god. Also, how the hell do you make a simple fountain pen look so good? The way that your slender fingers grip the—”
“OK, that’s enough! Stop with the reciting! I admit it!” You feel your face heat up from embarrassment and your pyro vision only makes everything feel hotter. You raise your hands in frustration. “It was a whole mixup! Those letters weren’t even meant to be sent to you.” You dial back your volume towards the end.
He pointedly sighs. “Well that much I figured out. There’s no chance in Teyvat where you of all people would willingly subject themself to this. So, what are you going to do about it now?” he asks while crossing his arms.
It hurts to admit, but you felt stupid at this very second. “What do you mean?”
He tskd. “Do I need to explain every little thing to you? You’re ranked right below me, so I know that you’re not stupid. Are you going to own up to your letters and finally confess? Or are you going to just cowardly dismiss this like you’ve been doing?”
“CONFESS?” You almost give yourself whiplash from how fast you check to see if anyone’s heard you. You repeat yourself in a whispering tone. “Confess?”
“You talk about ‘looking forwards’ to our interactions, staring at my ‘bewitching face’ and ‘slender fingers’ and you think it’s absurd that I bring up confessing? Or would it be easier for you if I confess first?”
Without thinking you blurt out, “There’s no way that you actually like me back.”
“Do you ever see me bothering to interact with anyone as much as I do with you? I even surprised myself when I started to catch feelings for your stubborn self.”
You try to shake off the nerves before staring into his eyes. “Hat Guy, I like—”
“Wanderer.”
"What?"
"Call me Wanderer instead; it rolls off the tongue easier than Hat Guy. It’s a nickname that the traveler gave me. Hat Guy is a silly name that happened to stick around the Akademiya.”
“Lots of names you have there, huh?” you tease.
He lets out a sound that’s the mix between a chuckle and a scoff. “You don’t know the half of it.”
“Well, Wanderer. I like you. So…will you go out with me?”
“Obviously.” (Your eye roll at his matter-of-fact tone is instinctual) “I wouldn’t waste my time with anybody else. Anyways, let’s get out of here. You were on your way home before I caught you, weren't you?”
Your lips start to raise into a smile. “You’re going to walk me home?”
“Noo, I’m saying this so I can just go off on my own—”
“Oh, shut it. Let’s get out of here.”
As the both of you guys stroll out of the Akademiya, your hand closest to Wanderer suddenly can’t stop twitching every so often. Your head fills with thought pertaining to your new found relationship.
‘Is it too early to be holding hands?…Maybe hand holding is too PDA for him on open streets—’
A cold hand suddenly embracing yours breaks you out of your stupor. You turn to Wanderer, clearly surprised by the action. Starting to feel embarrassed, you try to pry your hand out of his clutch, only for him to tighten his grip. “W-What are you doing?”
“What do you think I’m doing?” He pivots his head to the opposite side, hoping that you won’t catch his ears turning slightly pink. “Your thoughts are so loud that even Mondstadt can hear them,” he scoffs. “Just lead the way.”
You start to walk with a slight pep in your step. “As you say!”
bonus scene?:
“Hey, can I give you a nickname too? Or is it too soon..”
He turns with a raised eyebrow. “Depends. What do you have in mind?”
“XxAssMaster69xX”
He lets out the biggest sigh. “Not you too.”
“Jokes, jokes—” you pause. “Wait, me too?”
He continues to walk forwards without you.
“Me too?! Hello???”
#ttalgi writes#genshin#genshin impact x reader#gender neutral reader#genshin x reader#wanderer x reader#wanderer x you#scaramouche x reader#scara x reader
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@zepskies
Ooo Yay! I can't wait to see what you thought about this UNHINGED fic 😂
On one hand, perfect makeout music. On the other hand, Dean is SOOOO freakin' jealous, but it's so frustrating that pushing down his own feelings for her has resulted in him being such a dick to her, before and during this moment. 😫😫
Oh yes, definitely setting the mood for the reader and Ben in the back seat lol. We all know that Dean has probably pulled the same thing in the past 😆 Dean is VERY jealous and it's only pushing the reader away from him more, but he can't stop it. He's stuck in a vicious cycle that is turning into one of Dante's circles of hell when Ben showed up LOL.
*snorts* I love both of these analogies. 🤣
Thank you! I was like... what else has a roadtrip in it? 😂
Deaaaaaan you complete and utter idiot!! What's even worse is that she did feel that spark with him when they first met, until he opened his big dumb mouth lmao.
He really has pushed down his feelings, a few people have pointed out to me that Dean is acting like the playground bully who likes a girl but can't express it in a healthy way and that is one million percent what's happening here lol. The reader did like him when they first met, but again he just didn't express his feelings in a healthy way and now he has to sit and watch Ben and the reader make out in the back seat of his car 😂
Lol sounds like the Winchester Way to me. 🫠
Absolutely 👏🏻 The reader is basically the male version of Dean tbh. Except she shoved down her feelings and then went to sleep with someone who looked exactly like Dean 🤣 Because that was also healthy right? lol
My heart was so torn throughout this entire fic, you have no idea!! The way she manages to pacify him loll. So sweet and sexy in a way, but also, you get the sense that she thinks Ben might just see her as a pretty face, even if he does care about her deep down? It makes you wonder where her heart is truly going to lie at the end of all this angsty love-triangle goodness.
Mine was too! I literally kept going back and forth from Ben to Dean, trying to figure out who she should be with. Because she has incredible chemistry with Ben and she understands him in a way that I think he's not used to. And on the other hand Dean understands her because she's a hunter, he's just being a stubborn idiot 🤣
AND you're right! The reader thinks that Ben only sees her as a pretty face at the moment. She doesn't understand that he has started to develop feelings for her. But I think that the reader also believes that Ben has the possibility to become more than just someone she sleeps with. That he could love her if she let him and if she loved him.
Oh my God this part was completely unhinged and it was hilarious! But the way Ben decides to "get rid of her" is unfortunately on-brand, not caring enough about the collateral damage, the risk of the reader getting hurt. 💔 Even though he does check on her afterwards, the way Dean protected her has my heart swinging back to him and melting in a whole different way!! 😫 Gah! This is so conflicting! loll don't do this to me, friend. 😂😂 I need to dive right into Part 3 so I get to see what happens between her, Ben, and Dean, and just who will confess their feelings first...
Yes see, I went to see Wicked with my friends the weekend before I wrote this and you have no idea how much I love the OC Iris that I made for this fic. I was also thinking "how many references to How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days can I put in one fic?" lol. I was sad that I had to kill her- but it had to be done. There needed to be a dramatic moment where Dean chose to save the reader and give the reader a little bit of doubt about Ben and also show the way he is (unfortunately). But Ben coming to check on the reader literally put me on the fence all over again because he was being soft for her 😭
I'm so sorry to do that to you my friend!! But admit it, you love the angst lmao 💞😉
Thank you so much for all your comments my lovely friend! I always love to hear what you think! And I can't wait to read what you think of Part 3! 💗
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Part 2: It Is A Big Deal
Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Dean Winchester xf!reader,
POV: Reader POV
Summary: Dean's in for a rude awakening when he finds out exactly what you did when you got stranded in another universe.
Tropes: Frenemies (Dean and the Reader), Awkward Situation, Multiverse Problems, ANGST
Word Count: 7.4K
Warnings: I'm gonna label this 18+ just to be sure. Cursing, Making Out, DEATH, Violence (only a little), Jealousy, Pining, Kinda Sad Vibes In Some Places, Sexual Innuendo, References to Sex, Feelings, Angst, Self Deprecating Thoughts? References to Past Sex (it happens quite a bit). References to Future Sex. Soldier Boy Being Soldier Boy (Everyone knows he’s a warning). Dean Winchester Being Dean Winchester (aka. being moody and super hot).
Listen While You Read: Jealous Again By The Black Crowes
Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is no use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!
Internal monologue is in italics and is in first person
A/N: It was so fun to come back to this universe again! Thank you so much to everyone for all the love and support that you've gave me in writing the first part and thank you for all the encouragement to write a part 2! And also please don't forget to check out Stranded by @justagirlinafandomworld that inspired me to write this fic!💗
Main Masterlist
Series Masterlist
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"Can the two of you stop playing find my tonsils and tell me where the hell it is I'm supposed to be driving to?" Dean grouses from the driver's seat while Sam leans over a road map squinting to look at the small print.
"Ready For Love" is playing over the speakers, barely audible over the thud of fat raindrops pummeling the windshield, blocking out the world around you, and sending the shadows racing across your skin where Ben and you are sitting in the backseat.
“Well, if you’d given me a few hours to fuck her at the motel instead of throwing a bitch fit-" Ben begins to say, turning his gaze your face to stare at the back of Dean's head with a lazy smile.
“Dean why do you care?" You interrupt Ben with red cheeks. "I know for a fact worse things have happened in the backseat of your car than Ben and me making out."
"Really? Because I can’t think of anything worse that you and him sucking on each other's tongues and helping the spread of mono." Dean's hands tighten on the steering wheel and his shoulders tense.
He’s more wound up than a tinker toy.
It has been exactly thirty three minutes since Dean's mental breakdown back at the motel when Ben showed up. Furthermore, despite how much Dean had screamed at you at the motel, it appeared that he was still going to act like a two year old who wanted a cookie before dinner.
Sam's suggestion for the four of you to figure out why Ben was here had been a welcome distraction from Dean's spiral. It had prompted all of you to pile into Baby to try and find where it was that Ben landed in your universe and find a clue as to why.
But so far the trip had been less like riding in the Mystery Machine and more like riding with the Griswold's on their road trip to Wally World…
Dean had been supportive of trying to find a solution to what he deemed the "Ben problem," but it appeared that Dean was going to spend every waking minute getting on your nerves.
Honestly, what's new?
You didn’t understand why Dean was so damn argumentative whenever you showed up, it was like he lived to make your life as difficult as possible.
It had always been that way. Since the first day you met Sam and him at Ellen's bar forever ago, Dean had never once said something nice about you or to you.
He always found some little thing to nit pick, whether it be your aim, your research skills, or your technique when hunting and you were sick of it. Each time the two of you worked together, it was Sam's job to make sure it didn't end in bloodshed. Even Cas noticed Dean's underlying hostility towards you and when he asked Dean what was wrong, Dean had brushed him off with a "not now Cas."
Worse was the time that you got hurt (only a minor injury) on a hunt a few weeks ago when you got thrown into a glass cabinet while facing down a poltergeist. Dean had chewed you out for a good twenty minutes and even with Sam's ability to intervene, you'd broken Dean's nose for speaking to you like that, and then rushed off to your room in the bunker before he had a chance to see you cry.
It was the one thing that you never allowed yourself to do in front of Dean Winchester, cry. He didn't deserve your tears, especially not when he was being a total grade A asshole.
When Sam came in later to help you get patched up, you asked him why Dean hated you and Sam tried to convince you otherwise, but you knew the truth.
Dean Winchester hated you, and you had no idea why. So you decided to stop trying to make him like you, because if he was going to act like a total dick he didn't deserve you being nice to him.
You knew that was why you liked Ben more. Ben appreciated you (sort of), he wasn't mean, he listened to you (sometimes), and he did give you compliments… well, they all revolved around the way you looked and that was nice, but just you wanted someone to give you a compliment that had to do with something else. Or maybe just a simple "I see you."
Is that so hard to ask?
Your few flings in the past hadn't been anything special. You didn't have the kind of stable lifestyle that prompted or supported long serious relationships, especially with non-hunters. Not to mention you'd always had this fantasy about meeting another hunter who understood exactly what you went through and what you had gone through over the years. It was often difficult to find a non-hunter who could understand that.
The bunker was the first permanent address that you'd ever had. Your mother had been one of the best hunters in the US, known by all, and you never met your dad, which meant that growing up on the road was the only life you knew. She'd died a year before you started working with the Winchesters which meant that you didn't exactly have anyone that you cared about or anyone who cared about you.
The thought often brought the feeling of loneliness stirring in your chest, but you pushed it down, throwing everything you had into hunting.
Healthy right?
Ben's muscular arm is wrapped around your waist, his hand splayed over your lower back to keep you tight against his chest so there is no space between the two of you, while your hands locked at the back of his neck. You didn't usually like PDA that much, occasionally yes, but you'll admit that you were only allowing yourself to give in to Ben a little more, because you liked how much it annoyed Dean.
Yes, you thought that it was absolutely ridiculous how Dean was acting, but you wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. Because in all the years you'd known him, you’d never found one thing to hold over his head or one thing that really irritated him, and Ben was working like a charm.
It also felt really good to kiss him, but that was beside the point.
You understood that Dean was having a psychotic break with his constant proclamations that Ben "was him," but you wanted to at least understand why Dean was still hung up on it.
Ben isn't Dean. Sure they have the same face, but Ben is different… isn't he?
When you'd encountered Ben for the first time you had done a double take, but the more you were around him, the more you appreciated the way he treated you differently from Dean. Yes he was a little sexist, but Ben made you feel wanted and Dean had a way of making you feel stupid and often like a burden, as if you'd been plopped on his doorstep like a box of kittens and he was stuck with you.
There was only so much that you could take.
You didn't know what you'd done to earn such hostility. Dean was far from sexist, and you'd seen him interact with other people, it was just you he treated differently and it made you want to strangle him.
"Calm down kid-" Ben sighs.
"Stop calling me that!" Dean turns around to glare at the man next to you.
"Keep your eyes on the road." Sam says, not looking up from the map. He didn't need to.
"What a wonderful suggestion Sammy, but see I can't because I have no idea where the hell it is I'm going!" Dean snipes at his brother.
I swear at this point if Gabriel pops out of nowhere and tells me that this is all just a fucked up dream, I'd believe it.
"Stop being damn hormonal kid, and keep driving." Ben rolls his eyes and moves his lips to your throat, nipping and biting along the flesh visible over the top of your jacket, making you gasp softly and lean into Ben's warm embrace.
Your eyes meet Dean's in the rear view mirror and just for a second you see something flash through them that isn't anger, but it's gone just as soon as you clock it.
What was that?
Dean slams on the brakes and Ben tightens his grip on your body so you don't go flying forward into the bucket seat.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" You snap, curiosity gone, as you glare at Dean.
The tension in the car is high, popping and crackling around the four of you like popcorn. You still couldn't understand why Dean had such a problem with Ben. If anything you'd think that they'd get along a little bit.
"I am not being hormonal or whatever other chauvinistic shit that is about to come out of your mouth." Dean snarls, ignoring you, as he turns and narrows his eyes at Ben. "And I am not your chauffeur. So tell me where the hell it is I'm going so you can get the fuck out of my car and out of my life!"
Ben opens his mouth to retort something, no doubt that'll trigger Dean, but you speak before he can.
"Ben, do you remember anything about where you came through?" You ask him. You were trying to be more diplomatic even though Dean was making your blood boil.
Just because Dean is mad at me does not mean that he gets to take it out on Ben. Ben hasn't done anything wrong. He got sucked into this reality and immediately got pulled into Dean's soap opera.
Ben huffs out a sigh as he turns back to look at you. His gaze softens a little as his eyes meet yours, turning from a dark green to a jade. "There was a building-"
"Oh wow, how helpful!" Dean snarks. "Did you hear that Sammy? There was a building! Mystery solved!"
Ben whips his head in Dean's direction, the air in the car growing hot as Ben's skin begins to heat, but you gently lay your hand on his cheek to bring his gaze back on you. "Dean is an asshole. We all know." You say to Ben, reassuring him and ignoring the look Dean gives you when you say it. "Do you remember anything about the building?"
Getting Ben angry wasn't the way to get information out of him, he was, after all, more like Dean than you were willing to admit. And just as you'd seen Dean get worked over by numerous women, including Bella, sweet talking worked the best.
Well, it never worked when you tried to do it, because Dean refused to treat you any way other than an annoyance.
But two could play that game, especially with the way that Dean was acting right now.
Ben's jaw tightens and you know that he's biting back some remark to throw Dean's way, but you pull him closer, trailing your hand over his bearded cheek to keep his attention and gently bring your lips to his. You feel the tension shift from Ben's shoulders beneath the palms of your hands as he relaxes into the kiss, and this time Ben smiles when you pull away, giving your hips an encouraging squeeze. "It was a school or some shit. And there was a billboard for "World's Biggest Beer Can.""
"Okay. We can work with that." Sam says giving you a sympathetic look before pulling out his phone to type something in.
At least Sam is being normal about this whole thing.
Sam and you always got along, from the start he was the older brother that you never had, and it was refreshing. Not to mention Sam was your best and probably only friend. The hunter life was lonely and you found it difficult to make friends anyway, but something about Sam always stuck. He got your abnormal sense of humor, he gave the best hugs, and he stood up for you when things got heated between Dean and you. It was his idea for you to move into the bunker with him and Dean, and also him that convinced Dean to let you move in.
It had taken days for Dean to finally say yes. And when he did, he made you move into the bedroom next to his as if he wanted to keep an eye on you because he didn't trust you.
And as much as you hated living with Dean, living with Sam made up for it. You liked helping him research while Dean bitched and moaned about reading through dusty volumes, liked helping him clean up while Dean followed behind you as if you couldn't be trusted, liked helping Sam try to make dinner that ended up more burned than anything else until Dean stepped in and shooed the both of you from the kitchen so he could make something, and liked kicking back on the couch watching movies with Sam while eating copious amounts of popcorn.
Unfortunately, Dean didn't get the hint that you wanted him to leave you alone so he'd follow Sam and you, crack open a beer, and proceed to give a personal commentary on the movie the two of you were watching, occasionally throwing a look in your direction as if he was checking that you were listening to him. Weirder still was the fact that Dean would do that when Sam wasn't with you.
You noticed that sometimes, that no matter where you were in the bunker, Dean just happened to find himself in the same room. But that didn't mean he would speak, sometimes he would just be cleaning one of his guns or quietly reading through a dusty volume or writing something down in a notebook, but you swore sometimes you thought that Dean was looking at you. Each time you looked up though, he was looking down at whatever else it was he was doing.
It was those moments that made you think that things could be civil between the two of you, and then he'd get on your case for doing something he deemed "wrong" when you knew you did it right the first time as if you hadn't been a hunter as long as he had.
He probably does that because he doesn't trust me.
Dean grumbles something under his breath and turns his gaze back out the windshield, watching the wiper blades go back and forth over the glass, crossing his arms over his chest. Ben frowns and you know that he must have been able to hear whatever it was Dean said.
Why can't we all just get along for five minutes? Is that too much to ask?
"Alright I've got something." Sam says ending the uncomfortable silence in the car. "The World's Biggest Beer Can is in Northwood about ten miles ahead of us."
"Finally. At least someone is pulling their weight." Dean states before he hits the gas, the force throws you backwards into the seat.
Your gaze flicks up to the rearview mirror and notice that Dean is watching you again, but you turn away to Ben who smiles wide and pulls you back towards him for a kiss.
But deep down you can't help but wonder if Dean had been watching the two of you in his rearview mirror the whole time and why he cared so much.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d565fe329fad53251da69f2110204a3a/c48299a0cad2569a-78/s540x810/b241dfe82f48198f046888950f93bd2011f9996a.jpg)
The building that Ben remembers is in fact, an abandoned school.
The roof sags inward allowing rainwater to pool in the front lobby over black and white checkered tiles, the lockers are rusted and thrown to the floor at odd angles making you worry about the possibility of tetanus, and there is an ungodly stench that you can only describe as old gym socks, axe body spray, and unwashed feet.
Ben's nose wrinkles where he stands beside you, and you're sure that no matter what your sense of smell is experiencing it's a million times worse for him.
You press your lips into a tight line, toeing around a puddle of something gray and sticky that you can't identify, but know for a fact you don't want it in your shoes. Your eyes squint into the looming darkness that grows the more you stare down the forgotten hallways.
It’s always gotta be an old creepy building. Just once I want to get to investigate a donut shop or a burger joint or a Starbucks.
"Any of this looking familiar Captain Sexual Harassment?" Dean asks turning with his flashlight to point in Ben's face.
Ben shrugs and squints at the offending light. "I don’t fucking know."
"Enlightening." Dean huffs out a breath. "Well, guess we can split up and-"
Thank God I won't have to listen to Dean mutter things under his breath and freak out.
"Fine." You interrupt. "Come on Ben." You start to walk down one of the dark hallways, but Dean slides in front of you to block your path.
"No way. You're not going with him." Dean waves his flashlight in Ben's face again and you can see the twitch on the corner of Dean's mouth to see how much he enjoys blinding him.
Why does he always have to act like such a child?
"Why?" You demand.
"Because as soon as Sam and I get out the picture, Grandpa over there is going to pull you aside and fuck you in one of the classrooms." Dean says it without blinking, but it makes you flush red in embarrassment and anger.
"No, he's not!"
"Yes, he is!"
Dean is so close that you can feel his warm breath on your face. His eyes are narrowed in anger, but you can see another emotion flick through them so quickly you think you imagined it. It was the same emotion that you thought you saw in the car, but you can't identify it, not yet.
Ben's hand comes down on Dean's shoulder, a wide smirk on his face. "Look kid, I get it. She's fucking hot and I know you think I'm trying to horn in on your action-"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Dean exclaims shaking off Ben's hand.
"You're jealous because she decided to be with a real man instead of you." Ben shrugs. His gaze travels up and down Dean as if appraising him before he shakes his head with a chuckle. "I can't blame her. Someone like you couldn't handle her.
"I could handle her just fine!" Dean snaps back his face flushing as he forces his chest against Ben's, who only smirks back.
What did he just say?
Your entire body goes stick straight in surprise and you turn your head to stare at Dean. In all the years that you'd known Dean he's never once said something like that to you.
Sure there was the night you met…
You hadn't thought about it in years. You'd been back in town because Bobby had called asking you to help out some friends of his on a case and you'd stopped in to Ellen's bar to see Jo. Dean had come on to you and you'd splashed a beer in his face and also maybe pinned him down against the bar. It had been awkward the next day when you found out that Dean and Sam were the friends that Bobby wanted you to help out, but you pushed past all the weird feelings to help.
Dean had flirted with you that night and you will admit to yourself that you thought Dean was attractive before he opened his mouth, but since that night the two of you hadn't spoken about it. In fact, you were both perfectly happy pretending that it didn't happen.
Or so you thought.
Dean's dark green eyes flick to yours in realization. "That's not what I meant."
"Sure kid." Ben's smirk grows to Cheshire Cat proportions.
"Stop calling me that!"
The weird thing was, you'd seen Dean lose his temper, it always flared fast and hot broken up with sarcastic comments, but for some reason this felt different and you didn't understand why. It didn't feel like Dean just getting angry because Ben was getting under his skin, it felt like something else.
"Whoa!" You get between the two of them for the second time in an hour. "If you guys keep fighting like this I'm going to put you both in time out!"
"He started it!" Dean glares at Ben, who doesn't look the least bit upset.
"I don’t care who started it! You're grown men and you're still acting like toddlers. I shouldn't have to separate you." You snap waving around your flashlight at Dean.
"How about this?" Sam sighs from where he stands a few feet away. "I'll go with Ben and the two of you can try not to shoot each other."
"Why can't I go with you?" You sigh to your friend.
"You want to leave them together? Alone?" Sam raises his eyebrow.
Not really.
Sam takes your silence rightfully as confirmation, because the both of you knew if you left Dean and Ben together it would probably be a Thunderdome situation or a reenactment of the WWE.
"Maybe we shouldn't split up." Dean says looking at his brother.
"You scared kid?" Ben smirks. " No wonder she decided to fuck me instead of you. You’re acting like a little bitch."
"You son of a bitch-" Dean finally snaps and launches himself towards Ben, but your hand fists in the back of Dean's leather jacket to stop him from starting a fight that you know he won't win.
It wasn't that you thought Ben was a better fighter than Dean, it was that Ben had super strength and would have no qualms ripping Dean in half. And despite how much Dean annoyed you, you didn't want him to die. Sure he was a jerk, but he didn't deserve that after everything he'd been through, and Sam didn't need to bear witness to that.
"Fine." You say. "Ben please go with Sam."
Ben rolls his eyes and follows after Sam, leaving Dean and you standing in the lobby alone, the only sound the soft plop of water echoing down the empty hallway.
Great. Now I'm stuck with Dean in a creepy old building. It's a dream come true. The stuff of Disney movies.
"Why did you do that?" Dean snaps at you when Ben and Sam turn a corner out of sight.
"You should be thanking me! Ben would rip you in half without batting an eye!" You turn back towards the empty hallway and try to put as much distance as you can between Dean and you.
Distance is good, nice. It means that I can only partly hear his disapproval.
"You don't know that." Dean catches up with you, sweeping the path in front of you with his flashlight looking for holes in the floor.
"Yes, I do. I've seen him do it before."
By now you were aware that there was a chill in the air, it was unnatural, creeping down the hallway in a thin mist that made a shiver crawl down your spine. Dean must sense it too, because he pulls his gun at the same time you do.
That or he's doing it because he's about to go Rambo on Ben's ass.
Because that'll end well…
"If he rips people in half why do you like him so much?"
“He’s not a bad person if that’s what you’re getting at. Ben did it to save me.” You point your flashlight into one of the classrooms along the hallway noting the rotted desks tipped over onto the checkered floor. “He wouldn’t hurt me.”
Ben's world was filled with more than a few crazed individuals, and when you'd been in his universe Ben had stepped in when a supe threw themselves at you. Truthfully, even though Ben did what he did to protect you, watching him pull someone apart with his bare hands made you sick to your stomach. Given what you'd seen, that was saying something. But you knew that Ben wouldn't hurt you, he wasn't that kind of man, and you weren't afraid of him.
“You’ve known him for five days! How can you tell after five days?!” Dean nudges a cardboard box with his boot sending a family of cockroaches scuttling into the shadows.
"Because I can!" Your lip curves up in distaste at the appearance of the roaches and try not to imagine all the walls infested with the little bugs.
You didn't like roaches. Especially ones that all of a sudden developed the ability to fly in your presence as if it were a miracle.
The two of you continue to walk down the hallway, the sound of your footsteps masking the constant dripping noise that comes from the floor above.
Your temper was flaring all over again. You didn't think that you needed to explain any of this to him. Dean never felt the need to discuss his extensive history with women with you and you didn't feel the need to discuss the ins and outs of your and Ben's situation.
"Come on-" He begins to say, but you don't want to hear it.
"Dammit Dean just fucking drop it." You throw your shoulder against a door at the end of the hallway, putting everything you have into it and a little more. You were getting frustrated at Dean's continuous commentary on your life. "I don’t want to talk about this anymore or listen to any of the ridiculous reasons why you think that it's any of your business who I sleep with."
“I think it is my business because you were about to reenact the scene from Titanic in the back of my car!”
“Oh please. I’m sure that you’ve reenacted it billions of times back there. Mr. Saturday Night!” You roll your eyes hitting the door again with your shoulder.
“It’s my car!" Dean shouts, moving you out of the way in a surprisingly gentle way, before he savagely kicks down the door. "I can do whatever I damn well please!”
I wonder if Sam and Ben are having a better time than us. It wouldn't be difficult to.
The door opens with a snap under the force of Dean's kick depositing Dean and you into a large auditorium. The seats are a faded gray and the curtains that hang from the sides of the stage, once blood red, were more of a muddled pink stained with splotches of dark spots and filled with holes the size of the Impala.
Crawling vines and ferns have begun to tangle over the empty seats and over the floors, absorbing anything in their path. The wooden stage is dilapidated and caving in on itself, the boards jutting upwards instead of laying flat as they should in some places from years of water damage. The carpet beneath your feet is squishy and moth eaten, and each step sends another cloud of dust into the air making the room hazy and you cough into your elbow.
"Not to mention he's me!" Dean continues, tramping into the room behind you.
"How many times are you going to say that?" You pinch the bridge of your nose, trying your best to keep it together.
"As many times as I have to, to get the point into your thick skull!"
You whirl around and poke your finger into his chest. "You know what Winchester? You can take all your opinions and shove them right up your uptight ass!"
"The two of you don't get along at all. Odd given how you seem to get along with my fiancé." A bored voice says from somewhere behind you. "But it is a lot more entertaining than I thought it was going to be."
Dean and you both lock eyes and turn to look in the direction of the voice, but there's no one there.
"Um, did you hear-" Dean begins to ask.
"Yes I did." You reply clicking the safety off your pistol.
"Just checking."
"Though I will say, with the way today is going for you and if this is you having a psychotic break, I wouldn't be surprised that you're having auditory hallucinations."
"Shut up." Dean sighs.
"Hello?" You shout, looking around the empty auditorium for some answer, but it remains empty.
Dean snorts. "Now who's craz-"
"Hello?" The voice mocks in a nasally voice. "Wow you're pathetic. I don't understand what he sees in you."
"You call me pathetic, but you're the one hiding. So why don't you come out?" A chair from the front row plucks itself off the ground and hurls itself at your head. You duck and it sails into the aisle behind Dean and you.
"You're not even that pretty." The voice continues and you can imagine a pout on the end of its words like a petulant child who wishes to get their way.
This is so fucking weird.
"Thanks." You reply dryly. "I like to think I've got a great personality."
"You don't." Dean mutters, making you throw an elbow into his side.
A high pitched giggle echoes through the space making it impossible to identify where it came from, until finally a woman materializes on the stage. You blink your eyes to make sure that she's really there.
Her blonde hair falls over her shoulders in perfect ringlets, and she's wearing a bright pink fur trimmed dressing gown. The kind you'd see on an eccentric billionaire's trophy wife who spent most of her day drinking gin martinis poolside while being fanned by cabana boys or the kind that she'd be wearing when she heard of her husband's "untimely demise." There's a silver diamond crown perched on top of her head and she's smoking a cigarette from a long white cigarette holder, while she lounges back on a golden throne.
What. The. Fuck.
"Do you see her too?" You whisper to Dean out of the corner of your mouth.
"You mean Glinda the Good Witch the later years? Yeah I can." Dean replies looking just as confused as you do. "You thinking Gabriel?"
"I thought he was dead."
"He's pretended to be dead before." He shrugs.
"Fair enough. Any reason why he's making us see her?"
"Maybe your new boyfriend has a fetish."
"Hasn't anyone told you that it's rude to whisper?" The woman says, taking a drag from her cigarette.
"Sorry. Um. Who are you?" You ask.
"I don't speak to homewreckers." Her face contorts into a sneer. You watch her eyes shift from Dean to you. "But I'll answer for your friend. I'm Iris, Benjamin's Fiancé."
If pigs could fly right now an entire fleet of them would be taking flight around you. You tried to wrack your brain remembering a single time that Ben said that he had a fiancé or was in a relationship at all, and you can't find a single moment.
Well… today officially sucks.
"Wow. Nice." Dean looks at you with a scoff. "Real nice."
"Hey woah, I didn't know he had a fiancé." You hold up your free hand in surrender. "He never said anything about a-"
"Hey gorgeous. Did you find anything?" Ben says materializing behind Dean.
"You're engaged?" You shout.
"No?" Ben looks confused. "Who told you that?"
You point a thumb over your shoulder to Iris, who is still lounging on the stage completely in her element. She giggles and wiggles her fingers in a cute wave.
"Hey Benny Wenny, did you miss me?" Her lips curl up in a wide smile when she rises from the throne, her bright blue eyes crinkling around the edges. The air around her seems to sparkle, sending scattered light out into the broken seats.
Ben is still staring up at the woman, looking utterly confused.
"You know that freak?" Dean whispers to Ben who is now standing shoulder to shoulder with him.
"Fuck no."
"Well, congratulations Benny Wenny." Dean snorts. "Guess you're getting married."
"I am not-"
"And don't worry, of course I'll be your best man." Dean continues, holding back laughter.
"Shut the fuck up kid!" Ben snaps at Dean, before turning back to the woman on the stage. "Look baby, I don't know who you are but-" Ben begins to say to the woman, who only laughs.
She throws back her head, golden curls bouncing with the force of her body moving, laughing for an unnatural amount of time before she locks her blue eyes on Ben again.
“Stop being silly. We met a few months ago at Legend’s party. We had a few drinks and then you came back to my apartment where we made love for hours-“ Her cheeks blush. “It was sooooo romantic. What I always dreamed about!”
“Um-“
“My parents are so excited to meet you and my little sister said that she’s so happy to have a big brother!” She giggles. “I even made us matching t-shirts to wear on our honeymoon and a scrap book of our children!" She holds up a magenta colored bedazzled photo album that’s the size of a medium sized dog.
Wow she put a lot of work into that.
“Children?” Ben stutters, his voice cracking on the end a little bit. It's the first time that you've ever seen him look afraid.
“What they’ll look like, where we’ll vacation each year, where we'll live, where you'll work-” Her expression turns sour, eyes flashing a dark pink as she glares in your direction. “But then you met that little whore who took you away from me and poisoned your mind.” She points a perfectly manicured pink nail at you. “So I decided to bring you here so you could help me kill her.”
“I’m sorry rewind-“ You say holding up a hand. “You brought Ben here? How?"
"I found a website while I was looking at destination weddings." She shrugs.
"There are websites about traveling through different universes that show up in the search engine-" Dean begins to say.
"DON'T QUESTION ME!" The girl shrieks and the entire room begins to shake.
"And you wanted Ben to be here because?" You haven’t lowered your gun. Frankly you had no idea what her powers were. She looked more like she would start tap dancing down the yellow brick road rather than start hurling chunks of the stage at you, but you needed a plan.
“Because we’ll get to share this moment together.” Iris sighs looking over at Ben again, who is just as shell-shocked as he was a moment ago.
“Killing me?”
Iris nods enthusiastically. “We'll make love on top of your dead body and no one will come between us ever again!”
Dean snorts under his breath and you elbow him again, trying not to think of the image.
Please let this be Gabriel messing around with me. Because if it's not my life is officially a joke.
The three of you stand there for a minute looking up at where she prances on the stage in mixed stages of disbelief.
And just as Iris takes a step forward, a sandbag falls on her head. She crumples to the floor like a sack of potatoes as Sam appears in the wings of the stage looking from her to where the three of you are watching.
"You guys okay?" He calls.
"Yeah." Ben shrugs. "Too bad about her though. She was hot."
He's kidding right?
"The crazies always are." Dean adds with a sigh, patting him on the back.
"I'm so happy the two of you are having this bonding moment, truly I am, but-" You begin to say, turning your back to the stage, but as soon as you do Sam goes flying across the room and into one of the fern plants.
"That was so uncool!" Iris squeals, hovering over the stage, her hands glowing an unnatural magenta color. "Ben and I are meant to be together, we're soulmates, perfect, fated, destined, and no one is going to stand in my way."
The entire room begins to tremble with the force of her anger, dust floats down from the ceiling as it begins to crack and crumble under her powers. You can feel the warmth of Ben's skin as he begins to power up the beam in his chest, burning through the air like a supernova.
There's a crackling sound that comes from above and you look up to see a giant piece of the ceiling falling in slow motion towards your body. Dean shouts your name, but he sounds far away, the sound ringing through the few seconds that you still have left before it crushes you.
But the hit doesn't come from above, it comes from the side.
Dean tackles you, just as the piano sized piece hits the ground where you had been standing a second ago, to the ground, cradling your head in his hands. Your bodies tumble into the moth eaten carpets as Ben explodes, the heat and power of the beam causing more of the room to fall around the two of you.
There's a terrible high pitched wail that's cut off abruptly mid scream and you don't need to be a genius to know what or rather who it was.
Dean covers your body with his and your hands come up under his arms to hold him tighter to you. You bury your face into the warmth of his coat where his throat and his shoulder meet with a whimper as everything around the two of you shudders and shakes. He doesn't pull away, his muscles tensing as he tightens his grip around you, his own face buried in your hair.
The room continues to shake and fall apart in the aftermath of the blast, dust and ash rising in clouds. But you can’t see any of it, Dean's body is shielding you from the room as it crumbles around the two of you, tucking you further beneath him the longer it goes on, making it impossible for anyone or anything to hurt you.
You could feel something curling in the pit of your stomach the longer you laid there under him, an odd feeling that you'd tried to push down whenever you were around Dean, a warmth that begins to spread like wildfire through your body everywhere the two of you are touching. His body is warm and heavy, but it's not oppressive, it lays over you protective and unyielding in the wake of the destruction.
The smell of him invades your senses, a mix of gunmetal, leather, and a spicy scent that tickled your nose. You'd smelled Dean's shampoo before, when it wafted out of the bathroom as you walked down the hallway, imprinting itself in your mind. It was how the impala smelled, always like Dean, and with it brought a feeling of comfort that you'd never known before.
It was odd.
"Are you okay?" Dean whispers, and you can feel the rumble of his words through his chest where it's touching you, his hips laying in the cradle of your thighs. He pulls back to look at your face, the rough grate of his stubble catching your chin as he does so. His eyes are wide with worry and it's the first time that you'd ever seen him look at you that way.
Dust and ash caught in his hair in graying clumps, sticking to the shortened brownish gold strands, the ones that were just a little shorter than Ben's. You longed to run your fingers through, to feel if it was as soft as it looked.
"I think so." You murmur, not used to the weight of his body on top of yours, but you're also trying not to notice how a part of you liked it. "Are you okay?" Your fingertips trail against the smooth leather of his jacket, working up to the back of his head, feeling just the subtle brush of the hair at the nape of his neck.
You don't miss the soft sigh that rushes out of Dean's chest when you do that, fueling the fire that was spreading in the pit of your stomach.
What is happening?
"Yeah." Dean's fingers brush your hair from your face, so quickly that you think you missed it, but the burn of his skin over your cheeks is the only reminder. You gasp softly with the movement, confused as to why Dean was acting this way, why he was worried about you, and why you liked it. Your arms are still wrapped around his body, fingers curled into the back of his leather jacket, but Dean makes no move to get up, he continues to look at you.
You'd never seen Dean look at you like that, look at you as if he wished to understand you, as if he saw you. No one had ever looked at you that way in your entire life.
"Dean!" You hear Sam yell from somewhere, followed by your own name.
It jolts Dean out of wherever his mind is and he gets off of you, but he helps you to your feet, one of his warm calloused hands taking yours to pull you up before dropping it as if he didn't do it in the first place.
The room is destroyed. The roof has completely caved in allowing the rain to soak through the remaining seats of the auditorium and into the musty carpets. The stage no longer exists, all that remains is a black blob of what you're sure used to be Iris, and although a part of you feels bad about the turn of events, you can't help but feel a little relieved.
She was going to kill me. You think to avoid the wave of guilt that washes over you.
"Ding dong the witch is dead." Dean mutters under his breath, but it doesn't make you feel better.
Fires burn over the edges of the stage, small and controlled, but sending rivulets of smoke into the air. You knew it meant that the fire department would be here any minute and that's the last thing you wanted to explain. That and the body on the stage.
Ben stumbles to his feet a few steps away from Dean and you, pushing off a piece of roofing that must have landed on top of him. His suit is covered in dust and drywall, but he looks okay. He's got that far-away look in his eye he always does after he uses his power.
You step towards him to make sure he's okay, but Dean stands in your way.
"Are you out of your mind?" Dean snarls at Ben.
"What the fuck is your problem?" Ben snaps.
"You almost killed us! Almost killed her!" Dean gestures towards you.
"I fixed the problem." Ben rolls his eyes and glances to you, as if trying to reassure himself that you're okay. You knew that Ben might have wanted to only have a physical relationship with you, but you knew that he did care about you in his own way. "You okay sweetheart?" He pushes past Dean, gently touching your face, tilting it up to his. "Did you hit your head?"
"No. I'm okay." You smile tightly at him, but a part of you can still feel the ghost of Dean's fingertips trailing against your cheeks to push away your hair and feel the weight of his body over yours. "Are you okay?" You ask, noting the way his eyes still are a little unfocused.
"Course I am." Ben scoffs. "Takes a little more than a building to bring me down doll."
You nod, while Ben's hand still continues to rest on your chin, and just as he leans down for a kiss, you see Dean's face in the corner of your eye and finally you're able to identify the emotion reflected in his gaze. It's the same emotion that you saw in the car when he stared at you in the rearview mirror. It's the first time that you've ever seen Dean look at you that way in all the years you'd known him.
It's hurt that flashes behind the green eyes you knew so well, shifting to jealousy on around the darkened edges the longer he looks at Ben and you.
And when Ben's lips touch yours, you feel guilt begin to creep along your skin and extinguish the sparks you'd felt moments ago in the pit of your stomach.
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A/N: I'm not going to lie, I did not mean for this part to be a little sad... but oh my word 😭 BUT I also promise that the next chapter will have a happy ending ❤️
Thank you so much for reading! Likes, Reblogs, and Comments are not required, but are always appreciated. I love hearing what y'all think! If you'd like to be added to the taglist for Part 3 please let me know!
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Idk if this helps, I also get the Mental Illness and Everyone Hates Me Brain. But I'm Canadian, and while there's been a lot of wild emotions and reactions here over the last few weeks re: the whole trade war situation, and while I am trying to buy Canadian products where I can, I don't hate Americans and nobody I know or talk to does either! Most ppl are obvs frustrated with the American govt but able to separate that from just regular American ppl (esp ones who are anti trump). More people voted for Harris than there are people in all of Canada, it would be WILDY incorrect to hate Americans for it. And I'm not even cancelling vacations! I'm good friends with some mutuals that I'm coming stateside to see this summer! (Anyway idk if that helps at all)
It does, thank you.
Several very kind Canadians have sent similar asks, and while I'm not going to answer all of them so I don't clog people's dashes, it is deeply, deeply appreciated.
(For anyone who missed this, last night I was talking about how a personal event that set back some progress re: fighting my Irrational Consuming Self-Loathing has me internalizing macro-level world events into All Canadians Either Hate Me Or Would If They Knew Me And I Deserve It. It's insane, I know, and makes zero logical sense. I am aware of that. Bad Brain Will Brain Bad.)
I understand that, on a global level, you have to do what you have to do to make your voices heard and protect your country. It's not personal at all, and I'm aware of that.
Nonetheless, on a micro level, illogical as it may be...this did help. Thank you, to everyone who sent asks or messages.
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