#i almost just. deleted this blog lmao. what's the point of having a book blog when i can't really read right?

[caffeinated-bibliophile]

I'm still crying 😠

[yourthirdparent]

OH MY GOD okay so a beloved follower of mine sent me an ask about my tristan mclean headcanons like in december but i accidentally deleted !!!!!!! the fuckcing ask !!!!!!!!!!!!!! so i'm making it a post. hope you don't mind. also sorry for the wait

most of my thoughts are things i can not share on this blog (this is the Normal blog for Normal things and not the fucked up torture i subject this man to on a regular basis. tbf i hardly post about it on the Bad Posts blog either but like still. can share it on ao3 though check out sleep by imjustheretoreadonefic (don't do that it's not good)) but you can ask about that (if you want, which you probably won't because it is not most people's thing lmao) on my sideblog, yourfourthparent!! BUTBUTBUT i do have some thoughts and headcanons and such that are at the very least decently presentable!!!!

starting off first: i think he's bi! i think he figured out he was bi when he was pretty young (probably somewhere in his teenage years, probably like 15 max) and when he was in his 20s he was very involved in the queer community (his 20s being. in the 80s. sorry.) and was like a big activist. that is until the curse.

the curse being him hitting his big break. stars in some film that wasn't supposed to really blow up but it like Fucking Smashed and suddenly he was like all those guys who do one role and then are suddenly in Everything. cuz he sure is in literally everything. once he starts blowing up ofc he's got folks to help manage his image and at some point they're like haha [lip bite] you gotta stop with that gay shit or straight audiences won't find you marketable. you're already native and folks can hardly handle that let alone you being an active queer activist. you gotta cut that shit out so you can be the next batman or whatever. and tristan's like Well at least i'll make money to support myself and my dying father!

newsflash his father dies of cancer before he gets a chance. tristan's doing his best to avoid thinking about his father's death so he moves out of oklahoma blah blah yk how it goes.

he has piper when he's 33 ! everything's set and he's settled and then piper comes along and like. he's alright. he can handle this. he can be a good father (he's white knuckling the bathroom sink while he says this)

yeah he's terrified of being a shitty father. he does his best to keep her away from the press and keep her Okay for the most part but in order to do that he doesn't get to see her much etc etc. you know. you've read hoo. bleh

when piper starts dating jason he's like Oh cool ! i am about to break down ! cuz like. hey man. he is so not prepared for the reality of The Passage of Time. wdym his daughter is 16. fym tristan's almost fifty. that's so fucked up how is this allowed.

anyways he and jason are like Besties (*shoving my Bad posts to the side*) like they're such good friends they hang out so often even after jason and piper break up they're just Hiding it then. like they have weekly chess meetings and they talk about books and their lives and jason concerns tristan So Much oh my god tristan is so scared for this poor boy What are those tattoos young man Who are these "wolves" that raised you What is this "legion" Are you in a gang Little private school boy are you in a gang. What do you mean your first language is latin.

ngl my obsession with tristan came from my obsession with jason. i made a post like ages ago about how silly it'd be if tristan was jason's gay awakening and i just kept. thinking about them hanging out. and it spiralled and now i'm insane about him sorry. jason will always be my number one but Oohhhhh tristan consumes me.

anyways live tristan reaction when he finds out jason's mom is beryl grace in the middle of showing jason and piper a million old movies (beryl is in one and jason sees her and immediately freezes and tristan's just talking through the movie (hes silly sorry he talks through the whole thing. piper actually likes it because she has a hard time following movies so tristan explaining everything is good but jason is vaguely annoyed by it. he loves tristan to death don't get him wrong it's just that he can't concentrate on the kovie with tristan spitting fun facts a million words a second) when he looks over to see if theyre still watching and he just sees piper fretting over jason who's looking at the screen with a thousand gard stare.

let's go misc things that i want to mention somewhere but don't really fit uhhhh

i have this idea where tristan used to be a drag queen. i don't have any of the details down not a single one but i think about him talking to piper and her friends about the old days when he was a queen. mentions something offhandedly about how he wants to wear more feminine clothing and someone's like "oh are you like. yk. a gamer" and he's like "oh nonono i'm not trans trust me i explored my gender plenty, wore makeup, padded my bra, did drag for a few years, changed my name—" and they're like "you did DRAG ???" and he's like "OH yeah LOLZ i was terrible lol. my team keeps trying to bury it from public view for a reason. those looks were NOT serving !!!!" (he doesn't talk like that but i'm being silly rn)

(you just knoooooow jason was jaw on the floor immediately looking up TRISTAN MCLEAN DRAG TRISTAN MCLEAN DRAG QUEEN PERSONA NAME TRISTAN MCLEAN DRAG QUEEN TRISTAN MCLEAN— the SECONDDDD he got a chance. like staring so hard at old ass pictures of tristan doing drag and realising like Oh maybe i am bi. piper dumped him because she found his search history /j)

i think when his father died he cut his hair but then when it started growing long again it reminded him too much of the past that he Didn’t Want To Think About so he just. kept it short. and it's been short ever since. BUTBUTBUT when piper decides she wants to reconnect with her culture (which she's been mostly separate from because of tristan's own avoidance of it due to memories of his childhood and his father and blahblahblah) it sort of motivates him to do it too. like if piper's gonna do it after tristan entirely cut her from their culture then like. he can too. and it was a big part of his life when he was younger so like. he knows shit. i'm not good at this btw sorry i just have ideas UGSFHADGSF but anyways when piper starts reconnecting he decides to do it too and his first step with like Getting Comfortable again is growing his hair out. it's a smaller step yk he just doesn't cut his hair it's nothing active. (ofc when it starts getting properly long he has a few moments. he has to really confront his grief over his father's death and just the fear of that alone is enough to make him want to cut it again. piper stops him before he does but he has a few moments where he questions if it's worth it)

ik i just said earlier that he's not trans but like sometimes. with characters. i have headcanons that complety contradict each other. that is to say Transfem tristan mclean headcanon. she changes her name to t. just T. t wynn mclean. she goes by t cuz it's something she's already used to (jason called her that all the time before she came out).

these are all the ones i have off the top of my head agh pleaseplease feel free to ask more about any of these !!! (or critique them lmao half of them are. things i suck at explaining because they exist only for hyperspecific scenarios wherein nothing happens but tristan talking to jason or piper LMAO) you can also send in your own headcanons about him or jason or piper because EYE WANT TO READ MORE ABOUT THEM RAAAAGHHH seriously there's so little stuff that features him especially and if you have literally anything at all i would lovelovelove to read it all !!!!!!! sorry for deleting the ask btw i really didn't mean to LMAO sorry to my honourary mutual (i'd tag you but i'm afraid of misremembering who it was LMAO sorry mate 💔💔)

[moral-turpitudes]

Thanks for the tags @nofckingfighting @flysafepapi! 😊

Name/Nickname: Katelyn, Katie, Kate, Kat, KK.

Gender: Female

Star sign: Pisces

Height: 5’0”

Time: 3:27 AM

Birthday: March 18th!

Favorite bands/groups: 5sos obv, Fleetwood Mac, (liked them before tik tok lol thanks parents), The Eagles, Queen, The Brook & The Bluff (their harmonies are *chefs kiss*), Elliot Root, etc.

Favorite solo artist: Atm, Harry Styles 😌✨

Song stuck in your head: Send Me On My Way by Rust Root (idk why lol)

Last movie: Free Fire (haven’t had the motivation to watch movies recently)

Last show: Hannibal

When did I create this blog: August 26th 2016 (?) year is iffy and I only remember the date bc it’s my best friends birthday :)

What do I post: random shit like memes and fanfics that I read or write, activism and occasional political things, gifs/posts about Peaky blinders, and aesthetic things like nature/travel pics, mood boards, architecture, design etc.

Last thing I googled: “tik tok song girl yelling” it made me anxious cuz it was very loud lol, but I feel old for googling it lmao. Turns out it was Stunna Girl 😅

Other blogs: a photography/aesthetic(ish) blog @artistiquex I’m never active there so I may delete it at some point.

Do I get asks: yes! I get so hype when I get a couple every week or so.

Why did I choose my url: so I’m considering changing it so smallheath(something?) cuz it seems catchy but I feel like I’ve branded myself now 😂 I may have to stay irishwhiskeys. BUT I did choose my current one bc I’m a hoe for Thomas Shelby and I feel like besides cigarettes, his main like personal theme and love is whiskey, so I just used what he liked but also wanted it to be something you had to think about.

Following: 1,116

Followers: 2,375

Average hours of sleep: 6-8? I go to bed hella late and wake up at noon so I guess it evens out lol

Lucky number: 5 I guess

Instrument: I love lots of them but can only very badly, play twinkle twinkle little star on the piano 👀😂

What am I wearing: black yoga pants and a light blue WKU shirt (university I went to) *look up the mascot, their name is big red and has no gender but we love their gum-drop looking ass all the same*

Dream job: set designer I guess or an artist that isn’t starving, but for some ungodly reason set designer could be more attainable. I have no acting experience tho and don’t want any, I just want to help design the sets without going into more debt cuz college so I guess it may stay a dream. 👀😂

Dream trip: travel Europe, more specifically like Ireland, Scotland, Germany, Poland, Wales, etc (all my white ass ancestors are from these places, also I just want to leave America 🥴)

Favorite food: Brownies or ice cream...or brownies AND ice cream 🤤

Nationality: American 🤮

Favorite song: shit idk, my latest obsession is the unreleased masterpiece that is “In This Room” from Cillians movie “The Delinquent Season” by Ed Sheeran and Ryan McMullan. YouTube or SoundCloud has it.

Last book I read: Home Body by Rupi Kaur

Top three fictional worlds: Peaky Blinders ofc, Divergent (the other books and movies were good but the first one is always the best also Theo James can fuck me uuuup), Criminal Minds, I love me some Spencer Reid-I also almost wanted to be in forensic science/criminology/mortuary science but I remembered I get too emotional and anxious and nervous around most authority figures for some reason so it would probs not be the best for me mentally lmao.

Tagging: @wowjeena, @shelundeadxxxx, @peakyrogers, @softmelly, @caelys and anyone else who wants to do this! :)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #354

“swimming through the void, we hear the word  /  we lose ourselves, but we find it all”

The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? I never do. My hair is naturally pretty oily, and conditioner just adds oil to it. Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Dark. I never liked light-hued jeans. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I almost always just listen. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yes. Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? My first "real" boyfriend. I always do to varying degrees. How many cars are parked at your house right now? Just one. Do you have any Italian ancestry? No. Do you prefer water to be ice cold or at room temperature? The colder, the absolute better. I can barely stomach drinking water that isn't cold, like literally. Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak? No. Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found? I don't think so, anyway. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? A certain hot sauce on the wings I used to get at Buffalo Wild Wings. It was close to the top of their little heat rating thing. It made me feel awful, and yet I enjoyed it still?? I think it was an adrenaline thing. I only get medium sauce now; I'm more interested in enjoying my food than feeling like I'm eating fire. Do you need to talk to someone? I'm ready for my therapy appointment honestly, but it's not 'til the start of June. Mom and I both don't want to go through the process of finding a new one, so I've chosen to just suck it up and wait. Is something confusing you at the moment? I'm always confused with myself and my feelings. When was the last time you had a real deep chat? Real deep, I'm sure that would've been during PHP. Who did you last see on webcam? My former group therapist. I miss him a lot and really wish he could treat me outside of the program, but he doesn't do that. :/ What’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)? Doris, Martha, Crowley, Little Dot, Jane Marie, Buster, Beesly, Winter, and I believe only one of the fish is named: Raisha. Have you ever taken a picture while laying in the grass? No. Who’s your favorite Disney character? Dory, probably. Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? What the fuck, no. When was the last time you used a pay phone and who were you calling? I've never used one. Do you like being kissed on the neck? Whoa now buddy, we better be kind of serious by then for you to do that because it doesn't end "well" lmao. Have you ever had sex with someone you weren’t dating (but had feelings for) in the hopes that they would ask you out later? I almost deleted this question because I didn't want to answer it, but I try to leave more unique ones in, so... whatever. I haven't. But I would for "somebody." What’s the most you would be willing to spend on a good bra? Ugh, my relationship with bras is a hellish one because NONE FUCKING FIT ME CORRECTLY. Mom's tried so, so many places, so many different stores online and in-person, and even if the bra fits in the front, it won't go around my back comfortably. I guess my body is shaped weird, I don't fucking know, because I have literally ZERO bras that don't aggravate me. At some point, I'm going to some woman Mom knows who can size me properly and therefore buy some that don't piss me off. All that to say I'd actually pay more than the usual, but not a ridiculous price. Do you have any of your teachers’ personal cell phone numbers saved in your contacts list? My old Physical Science teacher, who is actually now a very close family friend and our landlord, is in my phone. Do you ever stalk peoples’ personal blogs, even if you don’t know them very well? No. What’s one thing about today’s generation that you just can’t stand? How ungrateful they can be. Be honest: how do you feel about abortion? I am pro-choice. Is there anyone you currently want to reach out to? There's a lot of people, actually. Old friends I miss. What is your favorite piece of art you own? It... sounds cocky, but it's probably the drawing I did in high school of Pyramid Head and the Halo of the Sun intertwined. I worked my fucking ass off and I'm extremely proud of it. What’s the one thing you apologized for this month? Hm. Probably just something minor, like bumping into Mom or something when passing her. My favorite color is ______? Pink, specifically pastel pink. I wish I had _____? A job. What did you buy today? Nothing. What has challenged your morals? Life, my dude. Live and learn. What made you pick up the last book you started reading? It's the sequel to the last book I read. What about your life concerns you the most? Concerns me, my physical health, especially just how weak my legs are. I'm terrified of them continuing to deteriorate. What do you find particularly offensive? Would you say you’re easy or difficult to offend? I cannot fucking stand the misuse of the word "retarded." Like just keep your damn mouth sewn shut if you have the audacity to say things like "hurr hurr this driver is retarded." ANY mental illness/condition is NOT to be mocked. Onto the next question, I'd say I'm more towards difficult to offend. It really depends on the topic. What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another? I re-watched Fullmetal Alchemist w/ Sara. We're working on Avatar: The Last Airbender too, but I won't resume watching it again until we can do it together. What is one way in which you are different from a year ago? What is one way in which you are still the same? Well, I weigh a lot more. .-. I gained back almost all the weight I shed since quarantine started, and I'm forever fucking furious about it. I'm the same in most other ways. If you could learn about anything without the stress of grades or cost, what kind of classes would you take? Uhhhhh meerkat behavior? Idk. Name a song you’ve listened to today? I've got Halocene, Lauren Babic, and Violet Orlandi's cover of "Aerials" by System of a Down on loop right now. It's fucking gorgeous and so mesmerizing. When you were younger, did you have a swing set or a playhouse in your backyard? We had a small playhouse with swings and a slide. Is your mall nice? GOD no. You better accept the possibility of getting shot before you walk in there. There's nothing that cool at all there. Do you have a Sonic near you? If so, what’s your favorite drink from there? Yeah. I love the strawberry slushy, and the Reese's Blast thing if KILLER. Will you be voting in the presidential elections next time around? Yes. How do you feel about chocolate-covered strawberries? GOOD. STUFF. Did you ever stop having feelings for someone and then started having those feelings again for them? I think so. Do you hate the last guy you had a thing with? No, he's my closest guy friend. To whom did you last give the finger? Probably some idiot that ran a red light. I'm sure it happened in the car, whenever it happened What was the last musical instrument played in your presence? I've got no clue. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? No, I hate the texture difference. And just sprinkles in general. Honestly, have you ever crashed a party before? No. Do you know how to do the moon walk? No. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yeah, but I beg to differ. Onion rings or french fries? French fries. I'm not a big fan of the other. Has anybody ever described you as a heart breaker? Nope. Has anybody ever told you that you talk too fast? When I'm excited, yes, it happens sometimes. Who is the best cook that you know? Uhhhhh idk. Which meal throughout the day do you skip the most? I don't really skip meals. What’s the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can’t juggle at all. What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? Swings. I'd dash to those at recess to try to actually get one. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? All I know is six pounds, no clue on the ounces. Which aspect of your daily routine takes the most time? What do you do? Sitting my ass at the computer, really... I don't exactly do much. Do you enjoy buying gifts for others, or could you do without this? It feels sucky of me considering whenever I do get someone a gift, it's because Mom is letting me use her money with me being without an income, BUT I still do LOVE the process of thinking of something meaningful for those important to me and hopefully seeing them love whatever I got them. I cannot wait until I actually can do that regularly. What is one thing you are expected to do, if anything? Take care of my pets. How do you tend to view driving? Monotonous or entertaining? I hate driving because you're in a speeding box of death, man. I do really want to start working towards my license though; I've long since reached the "enough is enough" point. But first I need new glasses so I can actually see five feet in front of me. Do you enjoy talking about music with others? Yeah! Is acting something you enjoy? No. I'm too awkward about it. When do you feel most accomplished? When I finish a big art pierce. Do you think Manwich is amazing or completely gross? I like 'em. Just messy, which I'm not a fan of. How many best friends do you have? One. Are you a smoker, drinker, pothead or none of the above? None of the above. If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? I don't remember exactly, but I was a kid. Do you own any exercise machines? No. I wish. On Facebook, do you have people listed as your siblings who aren’t really your siblings? Nah, but I used to do that. Have you ever drawn or painted a self-portrait? Painted, but only because it was a school assignment. Who was your last voicemail from? I don't get voicemails because mine isn't even set up. Have you ever been falsely accused of something serious? No. Did you ever set up a lemonade stand when you were a kid? No. When was the last time you spoke to someone in a different language? Not since I was taking a test in high school for my German course. My teacher was a Germany native, so she was a total pro and fun to learn from. Have you ever received an anonymous gift? No. Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? No. That's always sounded miserable to me. When were you the saddest in your life? 2016 was fucking miserable. Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? I don't know if it's abusive, but it's toxic and dysfunctional as HELL. I don't know WHY she keeps going back to him, I feel awful for the woman. I'm definitely not, 'cuz I wouldn't tolerate that shit for half a second. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? They've both moved out by now. Have you ever gotten searched by the cops? Yes, as a safety protocol with mental illness stuff. Do you like fried rice? Yes. What was the last thing you drank? Would you believe me if I told you I have water right now?

[ego-driven-one-wing-angel]

All Ya’ll Suck - Be Nosey Q&A

THIS IS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED. But a promise is a promise lmao~ So here’s all 50

What’s your sexual orientation?

Demisexual 

What are you obsessed with right now?

Final Fantasy and my cats. 😭

Ever done any drugs?

I’ve been offered but no.

What piercings do you want?

I want my triple Helix done so bad. 

How many people have you kissed?

A BIG FAT 0

Describe your dream home.

I’ve always been in love with tiny homes. So I would LOVE to have something similar to an Eco pod in Scotland. With a hot tub, a giant forest background, small enough for me and my cats and maybe my S/O.  It’s almost like a studio apartment but just shoved in the forest and I would enjoy it 100%.

Who are you jealous of?

Probably anyone in a healthy, committed relationship? I’m not much to be envious of others, but when I see couples that are just perfect for another, it makes my heart sink a little because I want that.

What’s your favorite show to binge?

Supernatural, House MD or Criminal Minds. 

Do you watch porn?

I’ll admit, I’ve seen some hentai. BUT I SWEAR IT WAS FOR THE DAMN PLOT.  I also read this Yaoi NSFW manga a few years back, and honestly, I should have guessed it was NSFW because it was wrapped in plastic so you couldn’t look inside. I bought the first two novels, and honestly, they love story in it is probably one of my favorites. 😂

Do you have a secret sideblog?

I DO. It’s a House MD blog.

If you could teleport anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

Hmm. I have no idea. Scotland for their eco pods? But also I want to go to New Zealand so bad.

What’s one of your fantasies?

Becoming a multi-millionaire writer with a PhD in Forensic Psychology. And having one of my books turned into a tv show or movie and flipping the bird to everyone in high school and middle school who thought I couldn’t make it. 

Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced?

Ouch. No. I don’t have them pierced but I don’t think I ever could. I give props to those that went through with it because anytime I think about a needle coming for my nipple I kind of want to pass out. 

How would you spend a million dollars?

Buy an ECO POD. That’s it. Maybe a couple of Louis Vuitton handbags to match my other ones, but that’s it. I’ll probably give the rest to my mom and she could buy herself the beach house she’s been wanting the past three years.

Are you in a relationship?

Nope.

Do you follow porn blogs?

No. Sorta. Well, kind of? This particular blog doesn’t post straight porn, but it does add a few aesthetic NSFW photos and gifs occasionally. Like more Witchcraft and Dark aesthetics.

Are you angry with anyone right now?

Myself. And maybe my math teacher. I just took a math test and it was timed so I only had an hour and a half to take it. I didn’t get to answer like 4 questions and it brought my math grade down 🙃

What tattoos do you want?

Oh man, I want a lot lmao:

I want a small, american traditional cat just below my ankle.

A watercolor fox on my thigh

A pair of angel wings across my back

A star wars lightsaber on my finger

A watercolor Captain America shield on my hip

I want Cloud’s buster sword and Sephiroth’s masamune down both sides of my thighs

And a little bee or paw prints behind my ear

If you could change your name, would you? What would you change it to?

Probably Katherine. That name has been my pseudonym for years. So it’s almost like a second name already.

What is something you’re obsessed with?

Pens. I’m one of those people that have a million pens and markers. I blame the art side of me, but I just like the idea of new office supplies.

Describe your best friend.

Rambunctious, ambitious, always knows how to make others smile. Halo-obsessed, classic Capricorn, and absolutely LOVES chicken nuggets.

Tag someone you think is hot.

@/SebastianStan

Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists?

Gorrilaz

Queen

Billie Eilish 

Melanie Martinez

St. Vincent

What are three places you want to travel?

Scotland

New Zealand

Brazil

Describe your perfect Friday night.

Drinking my Dad’s Mexican hot chocolate, playing video games, and sitting with my cat all sounds pretty good to me.

What’s your favorite season?

WINTER 

What’s your pet peeve?

I have this thing where my ears like die when people scrape their fingernails on walls. OR Styrofoam rubbing against cardboard. GROSS. 

Who is the funniest person you know?

Me. Or my mom. We both have the same sense of humor. 

What’s the most overrated movie?

Fight Club. I watched it and was just flabbergasted on how much traction this movie has? It’s okay but not cult classic type of hype.

Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message.

@ALL OF MY FOLLOWERS

Do you like paper books or ebooks better?

Paper books. I own a kindle and it’s just not the same. I have over 1,200 paper backs and hardcover copies of books. I can open my own library at this point. And I have four boxes of books that sit in the corner because I ran out of bookshelf spaces.

If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick?

Probably Final Fantasy 7 or Ridley Scott’s Legend. 

If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like?

Probably full of Calvin Klein sweaters. I already have about thirty but they’re the comfiest and softest sweaters I own.

What’s your coffee order?

I like a classic caramel frap with two shots of espresso. 

Do you have a crush on anyone?

Sephiroth. But in real life? No.

Do you still have feelings for any of your exes?

I’ve never had an ex lmao.

Have any tattoos?

NO BUT I WANT SO MANY

Do you drink?

I’m a social drinker, so I only have wine or mixed drinks when it’s a party. I don’t like drinking by myself.

Are you a virgin?

Yes.

Do you have a crush on any of your mutuals?

Not really. But I don’t know much about any of you 😭

How many followers do you have?

I just got a whopping 126. But this account is new so getting that much in about three-four weeks is pretty good to me!

Describe the hottest person you know.

Like someone I know personally? Because that’s what I’m going for:

Skin like olive, baby blue eyes, white teeth accompanied by a set of dimples. Dark, curly hair that fits past his ears. Perfect skin, perfect smile. He’s a good friend of mine and we all call him hottie because he makes the girl’s swoon. 

What’s your guilty pleasure?

Watching Nanny Shows on youtube. I don’t want children nor do I like children, but watching these shows is like crack. I can’t stop watching them once I start.

Do you read erotica?

I write it. So take a guess. 

(yes.)

What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

I’ve been on very little dates as is, but there was a story I never told anyone because it’s disgusting and embarrassing. But this guy whispered in my ear he wanted to wear my underwear and I deleted his number the moment I went home. I try not to kin-shame, but on a first date? Super weird.

How many people do you follow?

I’m not sure, like 78 I think now? 

If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick?

Sebastian Stan. I love him so much.

Describe your ideal partner.

Probably just as much as a nerd as I am, sweet, compassionate, likes to stay in and play video games during the weekend. I’m not picky.

Who do you text the most?

My best friend.

What’s your favorite kind of weather?

Rainy or snowy!

Oh I DID IT! ALL 50.

[theusurpersdog]

Though I don't quite agree with the way you did it, I do lowkey appreciate you calling out fandom elites for not being open-minded about interpretations of characters and/or what could happen in the future books. I really do dislike how they shut down pretty much anything that doesn't match up with what they think will happen.

Yeah I deleted the post so I didn’t quite agree with it either, lmao.

It’s almost criminal the way they run the fandom. (And one of the people I tagged in my post went through my blog and liked a bunch of my posts, specifically the other post I made about bnfs weaponizing themes, so I think some of them are aware of how awful they are). They take themes GRRM is playing with and does believe in, like optimism, kindness, etc., then take them to the worst possible endgame. I mean, the most popular BNF theory on the endgame was that Jon and Dany make love in the Heart of Winter, after Tyrion tries to join them and falls off a dragon (and the same person who came up with that accused someone of being ableist for theorizing Tyrion would lose his tongue), is based on the idea that love/life/hope is so good and pure that the Others simply wouldn’t be able to handle it. That’s just really stupid? Does that sound like the kind of book GRRM is writing? Like on the surface, what they say isn’t inherently illogical, but then they start talking and it’s just, awful? 

Then they use these themes to call anyone who disagrees with them any number of insults, saying we just don’t understand GRRM. As if GRRM’s story could only have one ending. An infinite amount of endgames can fit within the moral/thematic framework GRRM has created, and it’s reductive to say only certain endgames make sense in his universe. They’re also extremely arrogant, too confident in their own interpretation to re-read and see that maybe GRRM was writing a different story than they thought. The best example of this is the desperate clinging BNF’s have to Daenerys being the only character toppling oppressive power structures; they refuse to give an inch on that. If they re read the books though, they’d see that Jon is much more successful in his attempts to end oppression, and much more mindful of harming people in the crossfire. Arya’s story also revolves around oppressive power dynamics, and she constantly stands up and defends the smallfolk, she just doesn’t have an army and three dragons to help her. Similarly, Asha’s Kingsmoot speech is much more revolutionary than anything Daenerys has ever said. Characters like Bran and Sansa are being set up as a new generation of smallfolk minded leaders, they just haven’t been given enough power to instigate change. 

PoorQuentyn is the only BNF who actually has cool theories (Cthulu!Euron) that seem like something GRRM would write. That’s my biggest problem with BNFs; if you’re going to force everyone to agree with you, at least be interesting. The biggest debates they have are “Is Sansa going to marry Harry the Heir, or just be his betrothed when they take Winterfell together?” “Is Stannis the best, or the bestest?” “Are Jon and Dany going to die saving the world against the Others, or rule together Queen and King?”. It’s all so boring. The most illuminating thing I’ve seen is one blog pointing out that we still have 2 books left; in other words, think of where ACOK ends to where ADWD ends (since Feast and Dance are supposed to be one book), that’s how much story GRRM has left to tell. Literally anything can happen in Winds and Dream. 

[caws5749]

This took SO LONG thanks @natthisback

1: Name Madison

2: Age 21

3: 3 fears spiders, not becoming a doctor, becoming like my parents

4: 3 things i love marvel movies, my blanket (whoops), and scrunchies

5: 4 turn ons compliment me, be chivalrous, (idk if this means sex turn on too or not but) moaning my n- ANYWHO uh and the last one definitely like showing you want me

6: 4 turn offs someone who only talks about themselves, being like wishy washy, being arrogant/cocky, complaining about the same things

7: my best friend that would be shea @cloversofshea

8: sexual orientation lesbian

9: my best first date okay SO this like isn’t a first date but it was my first like nicer dinner date so I’m gonna count it. It was just this past weekend actually and i just i loved it so much it was amazing

10: how tall am i 5’2

11: what do i miss honestly, feeling like i was good at things

12: what time were i born 11:14am

13: favorite color purple, although it’s slowly been turning to like a baby light pink

14: do i have a crush yes yes i do and i likes her a lot

15: favorite quote “Truth is a matter of circumstance. It’s not all things to all people all the time. And neither am I.”

16: favorite place Chicago or New York City

17: favorite food SALMON

18: do i use sarcasm yes, but i feel like i don’t use it as much as i used to

19: what am i listening to right now Christmas pop playlist on Spotify

20: first thing i notice in new person whether they only talk about themselves

21: shoe size 8 or 8.5

22: eye color blue

23: hair color right now, it’s a brown that goes to blond at my ends

24: favorite style of clothing so if this means like fav style to wear daily, definitely athleisure. If it means in general, i love love love preppy looks? But not super preppy.

25: ever done a prank call? Absolutely, many times

27: meaning behind my url i explain this in my about me page (linked in bio!)

28: favorite movie captain America winter soldier

29: favorite song i don’t really have favorite songs but rn it’s prob December night by Michael buble

30: favorite band i don’t really have fav bands

31: how i feel right now it’s really hot in here, so warm. I feel okay

32: someone i love i love lots of people but ill stick with @cloversofshea

33: my current relationship status I’ve answered this so many times literally just look at the ask game tag

34: my relationship with my parents um yikes

35: favorite holiday Halloween

36: tattoos and piercing i have i have 6 tattoos! “Breathe” on my right inner ankle, a heart on left shoulder, heart w equal sign in it behind right ear, basically an ecg on my left inner ankle, Aquarius symbol on right bicep, and caws 5749 on my left side. And my ears are pierced.

37: tattoos and piercing i want definitely the black widow symbol in the same place Scarlett got her og6 tattoo, an amino acid tattoo that spells out “wah” , definitely more little tattoos! And maybe more ear piercings idk

38: the reason i joined tumblr so, I’ve had a tumblr for many many years. I originally joined bc my best friends at the time had them, and i was like sure! Ive deleted that personal blog since, and started my new personal blog a few years ago. I also have a studyblr that i started i think back in high school, and i just started this blog back in the end of July!

39: do i and my last ex hate each other no, I’d say far from it bc i likes her a lot

40: do i ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts yes from her and i fucking love it, it used to be a bigger thing almost every day and i loved it

41: have i ever kissed the last person i texted lmao no and for those who were wondering it is @cloversofshea

42: when did i last hold hands LMAO WITH @michelinaamour WHEN I WAS STUMBLING HOME DRUNK IN HIGH HEELS

43: how long does it take me to get ready in the morning it depends, anywhere from ten minutes to an hour and a half

44: have you shaved your legs in the past three days no! I am super lucky and have really light colored hairs on my legs and so i dont’ have to shave very often. Also i just want to say that i personally love shaving my legs and it is my choice to do so.. girls, you do not need to shave!!

45: where am i right now so i started answering this in the research lab, but i am currently sitting at one of the dining places on campus finishing it

46: if i were drunk and can’t stand, who’s taking care of me LMAO DEFINITELY @michelinaamour because she’s done it ALREADY FOR ME MULTIPLE TIMES

47: do i like my music loud or at a reasonable level it depends, in car trips, definitely blast it. But just driving around or listening in doors, definitely reasonable level

48: do i live with my mom and dad nope i live with @michelinaamour

49: am i excited for anything yes, I’m excited for lots of things. I get excited easily

50: do i have someone of the opposite sex i can tell everything to no. I used to

51: how often do i wear a fake smile this is a really interesting question. I don’t consider smiles i give to random people like ordering food or something to be fake, so i would say fake smiles are when I’m not okay and trying to hide it. Which happens less often now bc I’m just much happier of a person

52: when was the last time i hugged someone I think it was @michelinaamour two days ago but i think i hugged @cloversofshea that day too so

53: what if the last person i kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me I’d be heartbroken tbh

54: is there anyone i trust even though i should not yes, certain adults in my life

55: what is something i disliked about today my hair won’t do what i want it to :(

56: if i could meet anyone on this earth who would it be probably Chris Evans or Scarlett Johansson

57: what do i think about the most tumblr and everything with that, or probably her or school stuff definitely

58: what’s my strangest talent i don’t think i have any lol

59: do i have any strange phobias yes definitely haha, I’m terrified of stepping on worms

60: do i prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it i think a few years ago i would have said behind, but honestly I think I’d love to be in front of the camera now

61: what was the last lie i told i actually don’t know. Maybe this past weekend as to like the fact that i was going out on a date instead of just going out with a friend

62: do i prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online I’d say talking on the phone bc then they cant’ see me lmao

63: do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and yes

64: do i believe in magic? Yes, or at least, that’s what i tell myself

65: do i believe in luck yes

66: what’s the weather like right now snowy!

67: what was the last book I’ve ever read The Butchering Art, it’s about the history of surgery

68: do i like the smell of gasoline omg yes yes yes yes yes yes

69: do i have any nicknames yes, madz, madi, girl who lives by the kitchen, queen (a new one) and clown (also a new one) thanks @natthisback

70: what was the worst injury I’ve ever had back in freshman year of college, i did something stupid and my foot swelled up like hell and hurt so bad. There were no fractures detected but the swelling stayed for a really long time, as well as the bruising and pain, and it never returned to normal

71: do i spent my money or save it SPEND IT BABY

72: can i touch my nose w my tongue no I’m not that talented

73: is there anything pink in 10 ft from me. Hmm part of my backpack? And my rings are pinkish bc they are rose gold. Oh and my scrunchie is pink, as well as my iPad

74: favorite animal cat

75: what was i doing last night at 12am i was still at work In the emergency room!

76: what do i think satan’s last name is uh honestly Jim lmao (it’s demons Jim! @cloversofshea )

77: what’s a song that always makes me happy when i hear it so good by dove Cameron

78: how can you win my heart suggest we watch a marvel movie, and I’m prob straight up in love. There are other things too but they’re pretty general, like compliment me, show you want me ya know

79: what would i want to be written on my tombstone haha, as a joke, “so realy its very thing. Just to keep everyone guessing.” But idk something funny

80: what is my favorite word i have no idea, maybe like sophisticated or something like that or aesthetic , champagne is a good one too

81: my top 5 blogs on tumblr ooh! Okay so @markiplier @lesbian-deadpool @americasass-romanoff @lesbianmariahilll @shining-rey-of-sunshine but i love so so so so so many more, and i have a lot of top blogs

82: if the whole world were listening to me right now what would i say fuck trump also I’m gay as hell and I’m growing tired of hiding it from people

83: do i have any relatives in jail not that i know of

84: i accidentally eat some radioactive vegatables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super power of my choice! What is that power lmao this question is great. Prob same powers as Wanda

85: what would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on any weird fetis- JUST KIDDING. Do you still think about them?

86: what is my current desktop picture so on my laptop, it’s fall flowers. But since that’s broken af, i use my iPad and that background is one of the apple ones. It’s just a beach idk why but I’ve never changed it

87: had sex WHY IS THIS IN EVERY SINGLE ASK GAME WTF

88: bought condoms nope i am gay as hell bye

89: gotten pregnant nope i am gay as hell bye

90: failed a class nope, definitely come close though

91: kissed a boy yes

92: kissed a girl yes

93: have i ever kissed somebody in th rain honestly, probably at some point, but I’ve never had one of those romantic kisses in the rain. I really really want to though and i think about it a lot

94: had job yeah, I’ve had three true jobs

95: left the house without my wallet probably

96: bullied someone on the internet no bc I’m not a fucking douche

97: had sex in public not yet

98: played on a sports team yeah, played softball and basketball in middle school

99: smoked weed yeah, but i didn’t get high

100: did drugs nope

101: smoked cigarettes nope, i think i asked drunk once if i could smoke, but my friend was like “really?” And i was like uhhhhhh just kidding haha

102: drank alcohol lmao i drink fucking all the time i mean. I literally have drunk writing nights , I’m drinking tonight too

103: am i a vegetarian/vegan i was a vegetarian for a while, and then an aspiring vegan, and then vegetarian, and then pescatarian now!

104: been overweight no

105: been underweight yes

106: been to a wedding yeah, but like not for a long time. I was like 4 and the flower girl. Oh WAIT. Does playing a wedding count? I played cello at a wedding so i was there???

107: been on the computer for 5 hours straight hell yeah, how would i function not doing this with class and relaxing

108: watched tv for 5 hours straight lmao definitely

109: been outside my home country yeah

110: gotten my heart broken yeah

111: been to a professional sports game yeah. I don’t really do sports though , so when i go it’s usually in suites and I’m just there for the food

112: broken a bone nope!

113: cut myself this is...a. Really deep question but bc i want to be able to speak about mental health on here, the answer is yes.

114: been to prom yes! I went to my junior and senior proms!

115: been in airplane too many times

116: fly by helicopter no, I’m not sure if i want to do this or not

117: what concerts have i been to I’ve been to lots. So first off, I’ve been to hundreds of classical concerts (and performed in them). As for pop, Bruno mars twice, maroon five like three times. Selena Gomez. Josh groban. American authors. Definitely others that i don’t remember

118: had a crush on someone of the same sex yes I’m fucking gay

119: learned another language so if this means fluent, no. I took a decent amount of French and am learning Russian right now!

120: wore make up absolutely. When i choose to wear makeup, its because i fuckign love makeup haha. Most days I’m lazy though and like to let my skin breathe and be natural

121: lost my virginity before I was 18 no

122: had oral sex yeah

123: dyed my hair many times

124: voted in a presidential election okay i think so but honestly can’t remember. But I’m pretty sure i did.

125: rode in an ambulance no and i never want to.

126: had a surgery no and i never want to haha. Well i cant say that. Depending on how my life plays out, I might freeze my eggs or something.

127: met someone famous yes, several I think, but probably Henry winkler was the one I remember most.

128: stalked someone on a social network yeah

129: peed outside nope don’t think so and definitely don’t want to

130: been fishing yes I have been ice fishing and regular fishing

131: helped w charity i have!

132: been rejected by a crush I’ve been not liked back but i don’t think I’ve ever made like a move on a crush and been rejected

133: broken a mirror ooh i don’t think i have actually

134: what do i want for birthday nothing bc i dont’ like my bday

[spideyy-girl]

Secret Crush ~ Enoch O’Connor (w/Platonic!Jake Portman)

Request: was requested on my old blog, but I’ve lost the original ask, so if you’re the person who asked for this and wants to be tagged for it, please dm me :)

Summary: Jacob Portman has been your best friend for as long as you can remember, but sometimes you regret telling him some things, like your secret crush on a mysterious man you’ve known. But surely Jake had all good intentions...

Warnings: none I don’t think, jake being annoying?

Word Count: 2433 (6.7 pages)

Date: January 8th, 2019 (HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!)

A/N: ok so I, of course, have an excuse oof. I did post this on the day that I was supposed, BUT my dumbass accidentally posted it on my original blog, and when I saw it I reacted immediately and deleted it completely, instead of copying it and pasting it on the right account. Also, it’s been hard to try and fix this up, as I’ve been going through some tough stuff in my personal life. SO once again ], I’m so sorry for the (very) late update, but either way I hope you enjoy it! I love you all so much and thank you for the support. This is really long sorry you probably didn’t even read this but if you did kudos to you my friend that’s patience lmao. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this and as always HAPPY READING!!

~Ciara xo   |   MEGA MASTERLIST   |   SEND REQUESTS   |

Also, requests and taglists are still open, I will be posting about requests very soon so be on the lookout!

I love my bestest friend, Jake, but sometimes he just can’t shut his goddamn mouth. Especially about my super duper secret, I thought I could trust him. Well, I learned the hard way.

Basically, you can never trust a Portman.

I realize this while I watch silently and embarrassed at Jake making kissy noises while squishing his cheeks together and squinching his eyes shut. It was definitely quite the sight to see.

“Oh my, Enoch. I LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH MWAH MWAH MWAHHHH,” he screamed, continuing his actions. I roll my eyes, my cheeks going red, as I slapped his chest. He let out a small groan, but it didn’t stop him. 

“The feeling’s not mutual, Portman,” Enoch says at the doorway, his voice making me jump and my heart stops at the same time. He walked in to get some supplies for his ‘dolls’ and Jake calls them. I slapped Jake upright the head once I got control of myself. He let out a small yell, reaching up to massage his head. I really hope Enoch did not hear anything from our earlier conversation, or this ‘secret crush’ of mine wouldn’t be much of a secret anymore.

As he finished collecting his stuff, doing so as quickly as possible, he practically ran back to the door, stopping and the doorframe to glance in one more time. He low-key glared at Jake, which was easily returned, and then his eyes shifted over to settle on mine. I was already looking at him, partially for curiosity, but also because, well, look at him. He barely returned my glance for half a second before once again rushing out the room.

I sighed as I watched him depart, my shoulders slumping and my head falling, eyes focused on my feet, which were still moving nervously. For almost as long as I’ve known Enoch, he’s done this. For some reason, he just seems to dislike me very much, with not much reasoning why. I’ve thought of a few things, maybe it’s because I’m good friends with the guy he loathes. Maybe it’s because my peculiarity developed later than usual. Maybe because I came here later, with Jake.

“Why the long face? I know I’m happy with that twat being out of the room,” Jake said, putting a hand on my shoulder and trying to joke around like he usually does when he wants to put a smile on my face when I’m sad. I shrugged.

“What did I do?” I asked innocently, looking up at him, tears threatening to come out of my eyes and fall down my cheeks. He looked sad at my new expression and confused with what I just said.

“What’re you talking about? Did to who?” He asked, pulling me into a tight hug. Although he can be a pain sometimes, Jake always knew how to cheer me up and comfort me when I’m down. I sniffled, cuddling closer to him.

“Who else, dipshit. Enoch.” I say sarcastically, slightly laughing. Jake pulls me out from his chest, grabbing my arms softly and making me look at him. I’ve never seen the boy more serious than he did now. It was truly a shock to me since I’ve known him pretty much all my life.

“Are you actually blind?” He said, shaking me slightly. “He definitely does not hate you, Y/N. And besides, you don’t need his opinion. It is unworthy to a queen like you.” I smiled softly, saying a quiet thank you.

“But then, if he doesn’t hate me, then why will he never look at me? Why does he never want to talk to me? Every time I try to approach him, he just runs off in the opposite dire- oh wait.” I stop myself mid-sentence, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. He doesn’t hate me, not at all. Jake was right, I really can be completely oblivious at times I need my mind most.

“About damn time,” he sighed, rolling his eyes, though as much as he was trying to conceal it, you could see the smile pushing at his lips. I smiled back, my mood changes to happiness. I giggled and jumped in my spot, gasping.

“Do you really think so, Jakey?” I ask him, using my childhood nickname for him. He laughed at the old memory and my silliness.

“Yes, I know so. Besides, when have I ever been wrong?” He says with a cheeky smile. I rolled my eyes.

“I can name multiple occasions,” I snapped back playfully, Jake putting a hand over his heart, gaining a look of false hurt. Then he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Well I’m sorry that I’m human and make mistakes sometimes, Little Miss Perfect,” he replied. I rolled my eyes. “Now, oh God, I can’t believe I’m saying this. Go get your man, or whatever.” He says, waving me off. I smile, giving him one last bear hug.

“Thank you, Jake! Love you!” I yell as I rush down the hallway, down the stairs.

Dinner had just ended, and it was time for our nightly movies. Well, really, it was just a display of Horace’s dreams, but it was still my favourite time of the day. There was just something very comforting about it.

I walked over to the couch Jake was sitting on with Emma, an empty spot where I usually sit was open as per usual. As I go to sit down, Jake puts his feet up on my spot. I give him a confused look.

“You didn’t do it yet, did you?” He asked, giving me the look. I roll my eyes, trying to move his feet.

“Don’t you worry about it. Tomorrow will be a better day, anyways,” I excuse, giving up on my attempts at trying to unblock my spot. I go to sit on the floor, but once again, my spot was taken up by another pair of feet, this time a woman’s ones. Emma.

“Y/N, you know you have to do it at one point. Knowing Enoch for as long as I have, I know he definitely won’t make the first move, he’ll just keep denying it,” she encourages. “Please, this will benefit both of you.”

I look at her in shock. How did she know about my... situation? Then I turned to Jake, a mixed look of disappointment and embarrassment shown on my face.

“Did you tell her?” I asked. He put his hands up in surrender, quickly shutting down the accusation.

“No! Y/N, I swear it! She’s just really good at this type of stuff. I wouldn’t do that, I promise!” He said quickly, trying to defend himself. I looked even more confused now, looking over at my other friend. She shrugged, smiling slightly.

“It’s true. I can read you like a book. It’s so obvious, for the both of you, really,” she said smartly. “And don’t think that everyone else in here except his doesn’t already know too. You guys are so oblivious.” She rolled her eyes as we giggles and I pushed her lightly, telling her to shut up. Soon, Horace put on his glass and images started to project onto the wall ahead. My friends pushed at me, in the direction of the other couch across the carpet where all the younger children were sitting. And on that couch, none other than Enoch O’Connor himself.

“Go on, Y/N! He really doesn’t have a choice anyway.” Jake said, pushing me more. Emma nodded.

“Yeah, we all know if he tries to leave, The Bird will get pissed. Like last time.” She said, the group of teen taking a moment to shudder at the memory. I straightened up my back and lifted my chin up high, trying to gain confidence.

“You’re right. I guess it’s now or never.” I said. I took a deep breath and tried to walk behind the couch so Enoch wouldn’t expect me, not giving him a chance to run. I plopped down into the seat next to him, sort of scaring him, as it looks. “Hey, Enoch. It’s been a while since we talked.” I tried starting off,  only for him to look me over once before turning back to the ‘movie’. I sighed, how did I think this was going to be a good idea?! “Please, can’t you at least look at me? We seriously need to talk.”

“Maybe later, don’t you see movie night is going on? It would only be disrespectful to interrupt,” he said, turning back at me and talking to me. Wait, he actually talked to me. After months, he really said words that were aimed at my direction. The sensation filling me up with happiness, boosting my determination. “Besides, why did you decide you wanted to sit here? Whatever happened to sitting with Jake and Emma? Why don’t you go back there?” He looked back when he finished, my sky high ego suddenly took a crash landing. Maybe I was wrong about all this, maybe I should just leave. He obviously doesn’t want me around.

‘No, Y/N. You can’t chicken out now. You’re already here, you’ve already come so far,’ my self-conscious tells me. “Well maybe it’s because I wanted to change things up a bit, and sit with you, because you’re cool and all,” I said, sort of rambling on and glancing back at Emma and Jake’s couch, where, thankfully, Olive has taken my place. The three of them paying attention to the dreams about clothing going on right now. “And it also looks like I’ve been replaced, so even if you want me to go, I can’t. Looks like we’re stuck together.” I shrugged my shoulders innocently, nodding over to the trio. Enoch looked slightly shocked at first, but sighed, turning his attention back to me. Wow, I’ve finally gotten his full attention. His eyes look so much prettier up close, pouring into my own.

“That’s fine, I guess.” He said, trying to be cool about it. “But, what was the real reason you came here. I know you never want to leave Jake’s side. You’re like his little puppy.” He added. And that’s when, once again, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks.

“Ohhhh, I get it now. You’re jealous!” I said, smiling at him. He looked astounded, trying to pretend he had no idea what you were talking about.

“Jealous? Of what? Jake? Please, why would I be jealous of an idiot like him? Should I be?” He kept asking questions. I continue to laugh as quietly as possible, trying not to disrupt. I felt a giant wave of relief wash over me. This had to mean something, and if it’s what I hope, this could be really good.

“Trust me, you have absolutely nothing to worry about when it comes to Jake and I’s relationship. Just friends... always will be.” I say, leaning back against the couch, taking a glance at the wall that was having Horace's dreams projected onto it. Of course, another one of him visiting his beloved tailor for a snazzy new suit. After smiling fondly at the dream, I turn back to Enoch. I guess you could call him my dream.

“Oh, o-okay” he stuttered out, breaking eye contact. I roll my own eyes, turning his face to look back at mine. I smiled and, surprisingly, he smiled back.

“You know, you had me worried for a long time, I always thought you hated me, and it sucked considering how much I liked you,” I said genuinely, still looking him in the eye, before realizing what I really said. I quickly let go of his face and my eyes went down to look at my playing fingers. “I mean, that is if you do like me. You don’t have to, I’ll understand. God, I just completely missed the message didn’t I? I always mess up-” I continued to ramble, trying to defend myself before something stopped me. 

That something, a pair of slightly chapped, but still soft, pair of lips brought onto my own, one hand on my cheek, another on my waist.

Enoch motherfucking O’Connor you sly little shit.

I quickly responded, my hands flying to the back of his neck, playing with little hairs on the back of it. I smile into the kiss. It was slow and soft, and sadly, short-lived.

There was a sound of someone clearing their throat just behind us. We shot apart, looking at the origin of the noise, seeing Miss Peregrine standing with her arms crossed firmly against her chest, an eyebrow raised, and a stiff posture, but you could still see the slight smile she’s trying to hide. My face and neck go a deep crimson red, turning around to see everyone looking at us now, some in awe, others in disgust. Even Horace stopped his dream to watch the drama unroll, since we know he kills for a good love story.

I look over at the couch on the other side of the room to see Jake, Emma, and Olive all smirking evilly at us, giggling like fourth-grade girls. Jake fakes applause, Emma makes kissy faces, and Olive giving us hand hearts. I shake my head, taking a glance at Enoch, who was already looking at me. He smiles.

“I sure hope there are no shenanigans going on over there, Miss Peregrine’s voice rang out loud. Our heads shot up to her, shaking our heads with muttered ‘no’s and ‘of course not’s. She nodded for head once, before smiling softly and winking at us, before going hard again. “I mean it. Now, let’s go on with the show, shall we?” She said, and all the children’s eyes focused back and the movie started playing again.

“So, just wanted to make this clear, you would want to go on a date with me, yes?” Enoch asked, whispering into my ear. I laughed silently, before turning over and giving him a sneaky kiss on the cheek, making sure no one saw this time.

“Yes, of course,” I whispered back. We grinned at each other before I cuddled into his side, him acting reluctantly but soon gave in. After a bit, I made a realization.“To think, this is all Jake’s fault, he basically forced me here to come to talk to you,” I said, laughing.

“I can’t believe Portman did something right in his life,” Enoch said in fake shock.

_______

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_______

I didn’t know how to end this whoops I’m trash sooooory haha  

[machudson]

heeeeey i was tagged by sammy @pyrofleurs 

rules: answer the questions and then tag blogs u want to get to know better 

NIckname(s): i have had so many in the past but currently only astro... have been considering going by abigail but that hasn't happened, also if you called me tanrine/tanni id probably respond lmao 

Gender: cis girl! Sign: libra sun, aries moon, sagittarius rising i believe? i don't remember for sure but it's in my about 

Height: 5′2 I think! 

Time: writing this its 8:43 pm, but I'm writing on a plane with no wifi so ill surely post it several hours later :") (lol im posting this at 2:50 pm the next day)

Fav band(s): the blow, !!!, patd, fob.... sleigh bells, marian hill (a band and not a single artist! surprise!) uhh i have more but six is enough 

Fav solo artist(s): i guess lorde and crj? im looking through my library and it's almost entirely bands lmao. lana del rey is good too. and lady gaga 

Last movie I saw: i don't even know dude. i was present in a room where little rascals was playing but I don't remember shit 

Last show I watched: steben uniberse lmao 

When did I create my blog: uhh I joined tumblr in oct 2015 but this specific blog? i think i made it in late spring 2017. idrk tho 

What do I post: random funney posts, some splatoon, basically anything vaguely relating to bup lmao. lov thos kids.... 

Last thing I googled: 'are rabbits rodents' i heard they weren't and wanted to get some proof. they aren't rodents they're lagomorphs 

Do I have any other blogs: OH YOU BET! my only rly active sideblog is my music blog as of rn. i also have. a torbjorn blog. as well as several previous accounts, also like sixty saved urls, a couple art blogs i rarely use, and a Secret Bup Blog (shhhhh) 

Do I get asks: decently often! i like getting asks they're fun. sometimes they're really weird though. i love getting them anyways 

Why did I choose my url: it's from a song that I listened to on repeat for like twelve hours after hearing it for the first time fhjdd i was planning to go to a nonfandom URL and it was free and it's a nice URL so ! 

Following: like 62.... quite a few of those are inactive art blogs lol. at one point literally half the blogs I had been following were torbjorn blogs. i was a weird 13 year old 

 Followed by: 187! i have more followers on my torbjorn blog lmao Average hours of sleep: like.... 6-10? sometimes less? im an early bird who doesn't fall asleep till like 11:30 and then wakes up at like 6. it's great. 

Lucky number: 6! What am I wearing: camp tshirt, leggings (with pockets hell yeah), quirky socks, and a bra I've slept in for like five days. lmao. bonus ive got earbuds and they're Orange Dream job: no fuckin clue man. current/realistic goal is work at rei and do art on the side. who knows tho Fav food: ooh damn im not sure? beef teriyaki is tasty af tho 

Nationality: I'm. american. that's all there really is to say rip. i think my distant ancestry is spanish colonists rip 

Fav song: i dunno how to pick just one but CURRENTLY, subtle thing - marian hill, balaclava - arctic monkeys.. and just like my whole love/war playlist in general lol 

Last book I read: enders game, as assigned summer reading lol. i have to read the alchemist but I Don't Wanty 

Top 3 fictional universes I wanna join: i have no fuckin clue uhh. bup? im comfortable in this universe just delete donal trunkf 

 I GET TO TAG 5 PEOPLE HEY you don't have to do this if you don't want to but If You Do, @cohockcharge @iyasplash @takeruminamoto @idontactuallyeatflowers @unusualpastel

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

how to keep yourself together during uni semesters in australia:

im not gonna lie: over the past 3 years at uni, i have never kept myself together. so, im probably not the right type of person to give anyone advice on how to keep yourself “together” at uni lmao. but i felt like doing it, since im close to finishing so here you go, people:

class/subject and degree advice:

- if you’re not doing a double degree (which will probably give you four or five subjects to do each sem, and a full 4-5 days at uni each week, like some of my friends), stay home on your days off. take those days both to relax, and also fill yourself in to do some of your readings (although i’ll admit i only started the “doing my readings” thing this semester after two years of ignoring them, lol whoops.) this will help your stress levels a bit (hopefully) bc at least you know what the fuck you’re talking about in class and can actually say something during your tuts/lectures.

- if you’re doing a single degree or even a double degree (again i know some people who’ve done it with double degrees), and your full load of 4 or maybe 5 subjects is stressing you the fuck out, drop down to three units per a semester, if you want to actually keep a full load for certain things. yes, it will make your degree go slower in most cases, but not as slow as going part time. it will obvs make your load a tad lighter (if you’re a full-time student), and it’ll free up your days spent at uni. it will give you fewer deadlines to worry/stress about. 

on another note, go part time if you want to/have to. i met one person at a careers fair this year who’d been at uni for five years doing her commerce degree with just one subject a semester bc it gave her less stress and plenty of time to actually work at her job.

- go to your faculty’s/school’s help desk to find out whether your course progression is right. also book meetings with the head of your faculty whenever you can; according to the head of the students bookings are open or wherever possible in your timetable. doing this lets you know whether you’re progressing with your course in the right time-frame, or right time-frame for you. remember, these people are there to help you. this saved me hours of worrying throughout my degree. 

- TRANSFER DEGREES IF YOU HAVE TO: if you feel out of your depth, or completely disinterested in your degree, transfer from it. in some cases (mostly if you’re in the same faculty and the degree is a flexible/general one) you can easily get the first year subjects in transfer credit. this is what i did in first year, when i realised that i felt very out my depth, personality-wise and for other reasons, in the bachelor of communication and media studies in 2015. i knew, after one semester of it, that it was not what i wanted to study.

I realised that forcing myself through marketing and management subjects and studying blogging at uni just bc i had a tumblr- yes, that was my kind of ridiculous and super misguided reason for picking the course, believe it or not- would “kill” me, (like obvs not literally) but it would drain tf out of me if i continued w/ it. but  luckily, since it was in the same faculty, all i had to do was do an extra subject in spring sem in 2015 (bc degree changes required you to have 24 credit points in a semester to transfer at my uni for most courses), and that sem sucked, but i got a years worth of credit in my degree, so i finish one semester earlier.

- for classes in a single degree, try and find your ideal amount of days at uni. my ideal is three days. i almost had the opportunity to have a two day week at uni this sem, bc the timetable gods were almost good to me. but unfortunately, the timetable gods were assholes and managed to let a two hour tut for one class (editing) on tuesdays ran through my US literature lecture. but i also didn’t really want just 2 days at uni, bc i knew that i probably wouldn’t be fucking productive at all in the 3 remaining days i had off during the week.

- go part-time if you have to, no matter whether you’re on a single or a double degree. do your degree on your own terms.

- don’t listen to your parents spiel on your degree or what majors/minors to do. same goes for running your subject choices by your parents. 

- or if uni is really, really getting you down, you can defer for six months and go back later. (also, for mental health, see a councilor/psychologist either from your uni or outside of uni, i started doing this after a mental breakdown in second year). 

- on feedback from your professors/tutors: okay, so. i’ll admit here that i’ve become the asshole student that literally only gives a shit about the number grade, rather than the quality etc comments that the professor (usually) gives back to me after they’ve marked my assignment, bc i don’t really have the heart to read what they’ve written etc. but, like. actually read their feedback... or listen to it. 

if you have an odd professor that likes to give audio feedback (one of my philosophy profs did this, and no. i didn’t listen to it on either assignment, particularly bc it was my least fave subject that sem and bc i had a drama with the essay that lost me like 20% of my grade for that subject), listen back to it and see what they say on your (presumably, i have faith in y’all) well bullshitted essay. their feedback is valuable. also don’t be afraid to approach your tutors for feedback either.

- on asking for help/advice on your assignments or the subject in general from your profs/tutors: DO THIS. of course, it’ll just be general guidance in their consultation hours or via email, but, don’t be scared to ask them! it might boost your marks a bit or help you clarify your essay’s argument or something like that. i was too terrified for the better part of my degree, and then too stubborn to ask for help from my profs/tutors and i think that’s why my marks and my mental health got kinda shitty. idk how to ask for help. but then again, idk how many people actually do this in the courses i did. but y’all do it.

for the general side of this, they can help you by giving you extensions (if they’re not an asshole) or whatever to help you sort your shit out. this is something i never did. but do it when you need it.

- on the topic of marks, they don’t matter. but don’t try and settle in the “p’s get degrees” mindset... even though i say this whenever i get a final mark and it’s a pass. i aimed for a credit average tbh, marks wise. i’m dead average lmao. but then again, i’ve never been a straight-A student, born to graduate uni with like high class honours or the like.

general uni life and life advice:

- GET YOUR P’S OR BLACKS (i.e. GET YOUR DRIVER’S LICENCE Y’ALL), if your family circumstances permit it or if you’re motivated enough, before you get to uni. it’ll open up so many opportunities on campus (if you don’t live on the campus and you live far away from it). and also other ops outside of uni. (but then again you might not bother driving to uni everyday  bc like uni parking, depending how it is at your uni, will always be a fight for spots.

- although i said earlier to use your days off to do some study... also use them for self-care and like life admin meaning the following:

face masks

actually take a looooonnnnngggg fucking showers y’all. the shower is the one place you’ll actually fully relax while you’re at uni. also it’s a good place to mentally plan and map out your essays etc.

yes, netflix

BUY A KINDLE (if your budget permits ofc). although it was a big cost on the outset obvs (its like $200), it was the best investment for me. i saved a fuck ton of money for some subjects, bc the books were either free or like $20-$30 cheaper on my kindle and not anywhere between $20-$40 for some texts in the uni shop. like, textbooks for english lit/creative writing or even philosophy (sometimes) etc subjects, can amount in costing to $200 or more in total for buying separate texts, just like a single, average business/law/nursing/science textbook.

read books from outside of your prescribed texts, and get totally engrossed in them if you can. i did this in first year with the complete tomorrow, when the war began series and the ellie chronicles (it’s sequel trilogy) by john marsden. and yes, i completely ignored by readings for these books, bc i hated like 90% of my uni texts. but i’ll admit that it made uni a tad more bearable, though.

if you have free days, do not go into uni. use them to catch up on sleep. or do my next point.

apply for jobs. maybe you’ll be lucky to get one and learn how to balance study with work. also it can keep you sane, money wise. something i didn’t get to have during these last 3 and a 1/2 years. but you’ll also get to know how hiring works, in general.

make yourself a fucking study timetable. this will help you get an idea of when you’re set for study. and i know, i know. it’s so hypocritical of me to suggest this bc i never bothered to make one for myself anf instead went with “i’ll study when i feel like it”......... which, um, barely ever happened all throughout uni... until this sem. lol whoops. try and stick to your timetable.

if you can, delete you fucking tumblr. 

COFFEE! COFFEE! COFFEE! MAKE THIS BEVERAGE YOUR FRIEND.

if your uni has a bar, don’t avoid it. you might make friends there. i was alone at uni for a vast bulk of the time, so i avoided the bar and mostly stayed in the library.... which didn’t give me much time to make friends.

if you make good friends at uni, talk to them often, so that you can coordinate some of your classes/tuts with them and so you can exchange not w/ each other to save time come exams. it’ll also save your ass in some classes where the prof passes around the roll in the lecture and doesn’t really check the attendance

also try and pick subjects that have recorded lectures, those fuckers save your ass come essay writing time etc.

if you’re doing literature/creative writing etc subjects, read some of your prescribed texts in the uni break- in either the november-march break or the june/july break. yeah, it’ll drive you insane bc you’re reading for a class in the holidays, but, fuck. it’s saved my ass a couple of times with books that are anywhere between 200-400 pages long (e.g. wuthering heights, lady chatterly’s lover, the grapes of wrath, any of shakespeare’s plays etc etc) giving me either a lighter reading load bc I’d finished the book during break or I’d left a few pages near the end of the book, but had read the bulk saving me a fuck tonne of reading time during the heavy part of the sem.

AUDIOBOOKS BITCHES. i only started using audiobooks on youtube when doing shakespeare. but damn. they’re amazing if you don’t really want to be engaged in a physical book sometimes, and great for gauging the tone of whats being said/picturing the characters more clearly when doing literature/creative writing subs. i’ve heard several times that they’re particularly good for commuting to and from uni, if you live far away. but sometimes they can be a bit pricey.

buy secondhand textbooks y’all.

DO NOT BUY YOUR TEXTBOOKS IN ADVANCE, in some cases. i did this for a lot of my subjects, and some times one to two of the texts changed each year... or in one case, THE WHOLE FUCKING READING LIST CHANGED. LITERALLY, and i’d spent like $200 buying the books in advance. but also, i got to read some good books by accident. don’t waste your money. but if you can find them cheap (like old editions in other fields obvs, that students are selling, buy them if you hella need the book)

take lunch in to save money on expensive campus food. but on that same note, don’t forget to spoil yourself with some of the nice food on campus every once in while.

also for lit/creative writing subjects, go to your local op shop or thrift shop to find some of the older books and get them for like $2 or 90cents instead of the fucking $15-$30 that your uni will have you sell your soul for.

Feel free to add more!!! and defs for other fields! 

[stillsolo]

vin i love you. i love you and i love your han so much it hurts me. you have a complexity to your writing that i don't see in a lot of places, and whether you're writing with me or whether i get to see you write with other people, it's absolutely a joy every single time, and every single time i'm blown away by how incredibly brilliant you are, and how nuanced your characterization is, and by how much you CARE. you're so great, and i love you and your han so so so much

               i’m keeping your message forever.  let me just say you almost made me cry because it means the world coming from someone like you.  sadflkjsadf.  i love you and i love lando so very much.  it’s difficult to articulate—honestly, i feel like i haven’t given you enough appreciation on my blog?        i need like a big ass spotlight to shine down on me and charley right now ok and just some soft jazz as bg music but not the kind that’s cringy because i’m seriously cringy enough as it is     @ofcloudcities

so,  let me tell y’all the story of how I met charley.  

I was about two and a half weeks into writing han when she followed me under a different url.  she had donald’s face as her fc.  I think by that time, they’d already cast him as lando but shit, like?  I hadn’t seen any landos before her.

after immediately body slamming the follow button, I completely ignored my usual anxiety when it comes to talking to … any new mutual, and bombed her inbox instead of her IMs ( need I reiterate that i’m a shy weenie ).  from then on, my skills as a writer … jumped drastically.  there’s no other way to explain it.

As most of y’all know, english isn’t my first language; i learned what english tenses were around feb2016.  in my native language, we only have present tense in both writing and speaking.  I had learned past tense writing first and was somewhat comfortable with it, but there was still so much for me to learn ( I’m still learning every day ).   

…cue charley and her amazing handle on present tense writing.  It’s nuts guys—completely nuts.  her writing is whack.  writing with charley taught me more than any grammar books had.  

might i mention charley has a habit of jumping blogs and making lots of muses?  there was a time she juggled nearly five different blogs and stayed active.  wtf?  AND she has school, hw, work etc.  point is, despite all that, her writing, to me, has always been the definition of flow—smooth sailing, and she pens it down so so effortlessly that I can’t help but look up to her?  I want to write like her someday; i want that flow.  her writing inspires me.  

although i enjoy seeing her on her other blogs, i can’t tell you the number of times I’d jumped at the sight of her logging into lando!  i never minded waiting for the two, three months it took for charley to rotate back to lando because to me, and i know this is probably cheesy and stupid, it was a chance for me to get better at writing english, just so i could impress her  sdSJFKK  for real oh my god.  as much as i’d miss having charley and lando around, i thought of it as the perfect time to learn more

waiT WAIT DID I MENTION SHE ALSO SHE COMPLETELY SOLD ME ON OUR SHIP?

plus, their love is Pure.  to this day, we’ve kept our ship afloat without any nsf.w, save for some cracky implications on the dash but c'mon!  that’s not something you see too often.  we’ve kept it afloat with angst.  LMAO lots and lots of heartwrenching angst and plenty of sassy, sarcastic remarks.  

wait this is so long what the fuck 

..OKAY.  I didn’t mean to make it this long but it’s happened and i’m not going to delete anything.  although scattered af, these are my initial, sincere thoughts.  

i’m so fucking proud to have charley as a friend. ♥  

…. I LOVE YOU CHARLEY IM SO SORRY THIS IS RIDICULOUSLY LONG 

[hanalwayssolo]

scroll past.

okay, looks like you didn’t.

so i guess most of us around here, if not all, begin as quiet consumers of a certain fandom, silently lurking and passive-aggressively liking and reblogging and commenting and talking on tags like crazy.

i plead guilty of the said crimes, and i have no regrets.

but sometimes, if you’re lucky, you’ll find a solid support group—or maybe, just a single person—in this slaughterhouse of a virtual space that you can relate to in an almost cosmic level that you would gladly book plane tickets to meet them irl. the kind of connection that is too rare to let go once you find it. like, you find a piece of fanart of a rare pair that sends you to a seventh heaven of happiness, or you read an amazing fanfic that crushed your soul to pieces so you thumb a message to these creators and shoot them all the nice things you can muster out of your awkwardness and how their works have altered your universe. and then maybe, you scream at one another until you build a friendship made out of fandom garbage. the stars have aligned. time and luck are both on your side. it’s wonderful.

and sometimes, you’ll find yourself marveling at the kindness of a community you have a pleasure of immersing yourself into, watching people on your dash exchanging memes, inspiring each other’s thirst, cheering and supporting and having each other’s back. and on the other side of the globe at the end of your computer screen or mobile phone, you are either the dirty player who ignites the conversation with an impromptu piece of smut, or merely an audience to a coming of age friendship between kindred spirits who loves the same trash as you do.

personally, time and luck are usually not on my side, but this time around, even if i exist in both sides of the spectrum of casual consumption and secret lurking in different fandoms, i am lucky to have met amazing and talented creators in this wonderful wasteland that is this website. i can’t say i have a group of pals who i constantly interact with on a daily basis (i’m pretty shit when it comes to keeping in touch), but i’m contented enough that i’m able—albeit sporadically—to talk to some of the fic writers whose works have either moved me or shattered me or both. to be honest, i have always found it difficult to send someone a message because a) i’m really shy af and irl i can’t initiate a conversation to a stranger without being forced by the will of the universe, b) i get genuinely anxious and awkward to the point i sweat rivers and c) i have a tendency to be an annoying little fuck (you can see it it my tags). but there are just works that are just too good or too moving that i couldn’t help but gush shamelessly until i sometimes end up apologizing for gushing shamelessly.

and i’m also really lucky that i’ve met amazing people when i finally got out of my shell and started sharing my own work. i’ve searched and scrapped whatever form of bravery i could find to get myself back to writing, fueled and inspired by the pool of talented creators, and to be able to connect to some of you by some form of feeling or sentiment or excitement, please know that i’ve filed it under: satisfying achievements of an amateur writer, a collection of feels.

but i suppose i should have seen it coming that the moment i started sharing and publishing my writing is the moment i inadvertently resurrected the vicious phantom that resides in the depths of my mind. 

i name it My Bad Days.

the thing about My Bad Days is that it exhibits my insecurities and anxieties rolled into one. sometimes it is a solitary ghost, sometimes it is a legion of poltergeists. sometimes it stitches itself into a week until it stretches into a month. or a year. i once stopped writing for a year because of My Bad Days. My Bad Days is usually hungry for feedback or thirsty for attention. sometimes it comes as a gremlin, sneaks its way to my head in a form of a writer’s block or sometimes, this gremlin transforms itself into a beast of self-loathing or a demon in self-pity’s clothing.

i may have avoided the different variations of creator’s blocks, but right now, i do have the beast and the demon on both sides of my shoulders. My Bad Days is a terrible thief and a foul trickster, and My Bad Days’ cruelest joke is to take the form of my mind and convince me that My Bad Days is my mind. that i am My Bad Days.

and i know My Bad Days is on a roll right now when i’ve deleted all my drafts, stopped my queued posts, and removed most of my writing on this blog.

who needs a bunch of critics and a horde of haters when i have My Bad Days do all their work for me?

so. as i try to fend off my monsters, i will take a few steps back, relearn to grant myself a kindness, and spend a significantly lesser amount of time around here. i will probably occasionally check for messages (...which i rarely get lmao or rarely get notified bc tumblr’s notification is shit) but well. my inbox remains open. my posts, hovever, will be inactive until i sort my shit out. 

i will still keep writing, though. i will thrive on AO3 for the meantime. if anything, i write best when i’m at my worst, and i will squeeze ink out of My Bad Days and let it bleed dry if need be, if that’s what it takes until i get through this.

and i will.

[theoanetflix]

I was tagged by @pre-successful !

1. nicknames: My family calls me Bean sometimes, but I have way less nicknames since changing my name. And then also sometimes my family just calls me random words so idk if that counts 
2. gender: transmasculine seems to be the word I’ve been using recently but like, basically male. I’m at like the final hurdle of trans acceptance lmao
3. star sign: gemini!
4. height: like 5’3” maybe I’m not quite sure 
5. time: 11:50 pm
6. birthday: 21st of May
7. favorite bands: Against Me! twenty one pilots, panic at the disco. There’s no option on this post for musicals so I’m gonna add those here: Rent, Miss Saigon, Hamilton, Book of Mormon
8. favorite solo artists: troye sivan, hozier, aw man I can’t even think of any more but I know there is more 
9. song stuck in my head: In a Week by Hozier 
10. last movie i watched: Bladerunner I think
11. last show i watched: I have been watching a shit ton of Louis Theroux documentaries recently, the last one I watched was about patriots in America. Oh and I also watched some of blue planet 2! Why do I run an oa blog my true passion is well made documentaries omg I love them so much 
12. when did i create my blog: about chrisgmas time 2016
13. what do i post: mostly oa related posts but I’ve been really inactive lately and I’m sorry but I’m so busy 😭 I have a half made meme coming soon though!
14. last thing i googled: i was googling treatments for phobias last night bc at some point I’ve actually gotta get over these phobias I have holy shit
15. do i have any other blogs: yeah! I have my personal blog @gallensoflove and then my unknown secret pigeon blog @pigeon-diary which I’ve never mentioned on this blog I don’t think. And then I have a Louis Theroux url saved I just haven’t decided if I wanna use it yet 16. do i get asks: yeah, sometimes! 
17. why i chose my url: Netflixtheoa was taken even though I had it saved for almost a year 😭 I deleted it JUST before we got the first trailer, I thought the show was never gonna come out and I’m still salty
18. following: ahh yikes idk maybe like 600
19. followers: I’m like 40 away from 5000 and it’s taking me forever to get there rip
21. average hours of sleep: 7-ish I think and then an extra hour on the bus on the way to college 
22. lucky number: 3, 7 And 21
23. instruments: I used to play french horn and piano
24. what am i wearing: fluffy Harry Potter pyjamas
26. dream job: something to do with film and television, possibly camera operator for documentaries (and I thought it’d be cool to do underwater filming for like blue planet style documentaries but then I realised I’m kinda scared of diving so idk. But it’d be cool to be a camera operator for nature documentaries! Or in an ideal world, be involved with Louis Theroux documentaries bc I love him)
27. dream trip: canadaaaaa
28. favorite food: bread or paella I think. Or raclette! 
29. nationality: English. 
30. favorite song right now: yikes idk that’s hard. I think paralytic states or idk aaaaa. Mane just the last 4 songs on Transgender Dysphoria Blues, I love that album

And I’m gonna yah @jeremycorbynprivate @instantfarmers4u @davqhter @a-promised-neverland yikes idk who else I’m gonna leave it at that

[justanearth-boundmisfit]

Rules: Always post the rules, answer the questions given to you, then write 10 questions of your own, and tag 10 other people.

Note: posting this again because the first time I did it wrong. Lmao! Sorry. Hope this time it’s ok.

Tagged by @flyingcatstiel - thank you darling!

1. How many languages do you speak? List them, even if still learning or already forgetting. 

I speak 4 languages, spanish, english, french and portuguese. Spanish and english I think I know them well especially the first one I hope!  Although I’m always learning more english every time I can because I tend to type whatever comes to my mind really fast and I’m full of typos (sorry). I’m still learning Portuguese, and I’m starting to forget French sadly, I can read it and listen to it and understand a little but speaking it is becoming hard.

2. Favorite Dean/Cas moment on the show?

This is very very hard, I used to love them so much on the show! And now I found them so ... nothing..... so depressing. But well to answer the question I guess I like all the little moments from season 4 and five. Like them sitting on that park, having Cas confessing that he has doubts, the phone conversation on My Bloody Valentine when Cas appears at the morgue, Cas letting Dean know that an archangel is protecting Chuck, almost all the moments from “Free to be you and me”, the “Cas, personal space” moment, the fbi badge incident (the first time, the second was just lame writing to make Cas appear dumb). There are a lot! But from those two seasons mainly, I have a few faves from season 8 (the hug in purgatory of course), but it’s all tainted by how Dean treated the whole crazy!Cas debacle. Let’s say that after season 6 I became the bitter Cas fan that I am today. 

3. Favorite fanfic tropes in destiel fics?

Ohhh, I love rom coms! I only read aus so the rom com trope is on my top five. I love misunderstandings like in Peanut Butter-Pumpkin Wedding Cake by  Sparseparsley. I love Au!angel Cas, gedry on LJ has a lot of them, they are old, buy sooo good, it’s a shame we don’t have more from her. And above all I love bamf!Cas give me give me give me! Example: The Team by palominopup.

4. Fruit or vegetable you don’t like (mango is not an acceptable answer, pick another one)

Mmm I don’t know. Maybe avocado? Don’t kill me! But I tried it so many times, and was like meh! Mango, I love though.

5. Tell me about a destiel fic you’ve read recently and really enjoyed. [please include title, author and link]

I’m re reading old ones lately because I couldn’t find anything new to really enjoy. BUT, you rec Angel Cookies by noxsoulmate and it was such an amazing surprise! Everyone go read it, it was great! 

6. Which one of your own (recent) fan works (fic, art, gif set, vid, side blog, etc) you are proud of? If you don’t have any, give a shout out to a (recent) fan work that you really loved. [any fandom, please include title, creator and link] 

I love 99% of the fics by palominopup, she is amazing, I’m waiting for her to finish her last one to read something new, because I don’t read wips. 

In art I fell in love with Cas with Brilcrist work, sadly she deleted a lot of her spn stuff, but what you can find is amazing. But she is my favourite spn artist, although it’s not recent. 

7. Recommend me a new TV show to take my mind of SPN. Tell me why it will help. 

I will always recommend Brooklyn 99, it’s not new, and it’s a comedy, but it’s amazing imho. Out of the really new tv shows, not much to recommend, I watched a lot of pilots and it was all meh. I watch two realities that I always come back to, because it takes my mind out of things, Face Off, about fx and make up artists, zero drama and only work. And Project Runway, that yes, it has some drama, but I love Tim Gunn and the new season is amazing.

8. Are you going to watch season 13 of Supernatural? If not, when did you stop watching the show? (I’d love to know why but you don’t have to justify your decision)

Idk, and if I do watch it would only be the episodes when Cas is in, so I guess not a lot to watch there. I only watched spn for Cas tbh, I stopped watching mid season 6 when it all became too painful, after that I stopped watching for a few months again and then returned but only for the Cas’ eps. I hate the show. I hate what they did to Cas, what they did to deancas, and I hate how out of touch with reality the writers are. They are writing a two mains show, when 99% of the shows now on tv are ensemble casts. Above all things I hate the homophobic, misogynist, racist that is Robert Singer, and how his views translate into the show. Spn had the opportunity to be epic, now is just some show everyone complains about.

9. Cats or dogs?

I like both, but I’m a cat person forever and ever.

10. What is your happy ending for Cas on the show?

Cas in a motorcycle, being human or not, happy with who he is and putting himself first, riding into the sunset :D. But seriously though, Idk, the show surely destroyed Cas, I don’t know if there can be a happy ending for him at this point, sadly. But if something that I’m sure I want for Cas is to be at peace with his decisions and to find a place to love, and people to love him back. 

My questions, mmm let’s see...

1.What other shows you watch?

2.What is the most amazing place you’ve been to? It doesn’t have to be somewhere exotic, but a place you felt happy to be at.

3.Do you think deancas still have a chance to be together? Or the ship is already dead, killed by the writers and producers (and you know the actor that says it doesn’t exist? (skip this one if you don’t care one way or another)

4.Please recommend me some books? Fanfiction has taking my life, I need to read other stuff too.

5.Pet peeves?

6.What movie can you watch over and over without ever getting tired of?

7.If you could have a soundtrack for your life, what songs would be on it?

8.Where do you think spn stands now? Is still a good show? It entertains you? Or gets you more mad than happy?

9.If you can have a superhero power what would you choose? Why?

10.What movie/tv show did you think was going to be amazing but turned out to be horrible?

Tagging a few people, @zeeimpalaangel @lldyj @bitemyholyass @haven3333 and Idk if you guys want to answer anything about spn but I’m tagging you because curious! if you do @goldmetalvictor and @deathtwonormalcy

[confringo-]

2019 Goals

Am I supposed to be writing right now and instead procrastinating by penning a blog under the guise of “lubing up” my writing chops so I can be ready to write what I need to write today? 

Little Mix voice: Hell Yeah I Am! 

(Dances to Joan of Arc for three times.) 

Anyway, here are my goals for this year and they’re way more than I thought they would be, so I categorized them:

Health Goals

1. Lose 10 inches from my waistline by the end of the year. 

5 inches by June

5 inches by December

I went buckwild with the whole “goals need to be SMART - Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-Bound” thing. I’m not remotely fucking around this year. I’ve deleted my Tinder and Grindr. Literally no Fucking Around. Also, got no time for men. 

This is definitely something I’m gonna struggle with. I’m already not exercising and I’m losing days, but there is still the next day and the next day. Can’t be losing all those inches within a week. That would be unhealthy and I’m not about that. I’m not gonna lose weight just for the sole purpose of being pretty or so I can fit in my fucking clothes. I’m turning 25 this year. I don’t want to grow up regretting all the shitty food I’ve been eating and then paying for it in medical bills. No sir. I will not be a miserable old fuck who can’t walk around or climb stairs. I wanna be a miserable old fuck who CAN. 

I can already feel my hypertension acting up again and I’d rather not freak my mom out about it. I need to lose weight, and that’s not just society talking. 

2. Learn to cool 6 vegan meals (not snacks)

Again, I’m doing this thing where I need to be healthy. Also, I need to do this thing where I learn some actual domestic skills because growing up all comfortable with maids is not helpful anymore. I need to shape up and get some adult points. Can’t be level 5 adult forever. 

This means I need to learn 1 meal per two months. It’s not that fucking hard @ self.

3. Clean room while listening to a new Night Vale episode. 

The one sure way to know how deep I am in my depression is the state of my room. The state of my room also sends me into this self-destructive spiral of hate and lethargy. As it get dirtier, I get dirtier on the inside. Clutter begets clutter. Therefore, I will force myself to clean and declutter bi-monthly (eyyy 20biteen!!!) 

This will not cure me of the Sads but at least a clean room is something less to stress about. Unfuck The Year! 

Writing Goals

I’m dreading this already. 

1. Finish HSHL (His Smile, His Laugh) by June 30th, 11:59PM

Wanna hear something funny? I was meant to finish writing my outline on December 31st. Right now, I’m procrastinating from finishing it. LMAO ROFL. FUck Me. But hey, I made it a goal to finish it within the week and I’m on what I like to call “Act V” of the outline so I just need to focus. I’m not doing that now but I sincerely hope that by finishing this blog I’ll be all “lubed up” for it. 

2. Submit draft to AT LEAST 25 agents starting July 15th. 

Gotta do that break yo. One teacher at my grad school residency talked to us about SMART goals and this was one of them. Submit the draft, sure. But aim for something. 25 agents is a good number. I’ll do more if I have to. We did a project on finding agents too so I can’t say I’m wholly unprepared. 

3. Submit 3 stories to 10 journals/magazines 

Listen. I don’t want to have to play the game but Capitalism Makes Moral Compromisers of Us All. That said, I started a  writing twitter where I will be “networking,” something I’ve been dreading since I started grad school. Nevertheless, it’s a necessary evil. We are social creatures. Until such time I have fuck you money, I’m gonna have to do this. But also, I do genuinely want to support other writers. We’re all humans and I wanna do this thing where I tell writers about how much I love their writing. It will make me feel good that they feel good. Also, that’s good karma. 

But anyway, this is also a good way to stretch my writing muscles. Avoid burnout. Keep things going. Plus, it’s a good way of practicing how to be thrifty with words since most of these things require a Word Count Limit. As you know, and as you can see, I don’t know when to shut up. 

4. Finish “Julian’s Body” by February 28, 11:59PM

Guess who’s still writing Dalton fanfiction in 2019. This person! I’m like a few chapters away to the end. Might as well get it out of the way so that I stop feeling bad about it. 

5. Finish “Forgive My Weakness” by January 31, 11:59PM

Another fanfic to finish. The fanfic I’m procrastinating on Today. I’m almost kinda done. This shouldn’t take another week. I hope. 

6. Read at least one book/full lit mag/journal per month. 

Again, an easy in theory goal. I’m reading Three Dark Crowns right now and I’m loving it but I’m also not reading it so...fuck. However, this is something I should stick to because I just finished reading Autoboyography by Christina Lauren and it gave me all those nice writing feels. Reading fuels writing and it’s easy to forget. 

Work Goals

I’m quitting my current job in April. It’s no longer the right fit for me. I don’t want to get into great detail about these but I just want what’s best for my account before I leave it. 

1. Set up QA team by April 1st, 12:00PM

2. Set up monthly incentive program by April 1st, 12:00PM

3. Set up phone rep incentive by April 1st, 12:00PM

4. Do minimum 4 writing workshops at Spark

This city does not need a Creative Writing teacher so I need to make do with what I have. There’s this cafe that allows people to do drawing/calligraphy workshops. My friend said that I could do writing workshops as well so this is the plan for 2019. I won’t have a stable job, I fear. I hope I get something to push through but if all else fails, I’m gonna fight tooth and nail to get a teaching career going, even if it’s all super amateur. 

Money Goals

1. Get new debit card from BPI by March 17th, 12:00PM

Since I’m quitting my job, I’m also going to be losing my debit card so I need to set a new one up before I do so. Then this means I have to change my Amazon, my PayPal, my Spotify, and my Patreon and that’s gonna be sooooo annoying. 

2. Pay mom back for treadmill by end of year. 

I still owe her a lot of money and if I want to be rid of my guilt, I will have to finish paying her. 

That’s pretty much it. There are of course some resolutions I still have like talking to my friends more and helping my sister out with her current situation with our mom. (Not fun, super dumb, why she too christian for her own good.) But I didn’t put them in as goals because I haven’t figured out how to word them in such a way. Resolutions are tough to follow through because of the wording. Still, I want to improve my personal life but that’s going to be up to me. These are the most important goals I want to hit and I’m gonna get through them, sweat and tears and blood and all.

I’m afraid. 

I’m unprepared. 

I’m procrastinating. 

But you know what? I’m capable. 

[failingtheoscars]

2021 Oscar Predictions: "I Didn't See Shit" Edition

Hello everyone, Facebook has deleted the Notes feature despite my numerous stern emails, so I've been forced to use tumblr, of all things. Remember tumblr? It's that website that was made for porn. Turns out it's for blogs now. Who knew?

Let's take a trip down memory lane:

2020 - 21/24

2019 - 13/24 (lol)

2018 - Lost to the sands of time

2017 - 17/24

2016 - 16/24

2015 - ???

2014 - 18/24

And sometime in the past I entered some concert to beat Ebert and I got 21/24. This is the current record. It will not be beaten this year, because I ain't seen SHIT. But there's only 23 categories now, so I guess that helps? So let's do this.

Best Actor - This is one of those years where all the wind is blowing behind Chadwick Boseman's back - he is very good in Ma Rainey, and also he's... post-humous. If we can all be honest to ourselves, we know this doesn't hurt your chances. There's also, however, a "no one goes there anymore, it's too crowded" effect where a lot of Academy voters are saying "I know Boseman is going to win, but I voted for Hopkins!" and that was enough for Hopkins to take the BAFTA. I'm going to follow my gut here and say it's still going to be Boseman but this is way tighter than I think anyone expects it to be.

Will win: Chadwick Boseman

Might win: Anthony Hopkins

Should win: Everyone who's ever pretended to give a shit about my Oscar predictions

Best Actress - Probably the closest and hardest to call race of the night since seemingly everyone in this category could win, but I think Frances McDormand's performance wasn't flashy enough for the voters, and Mulligan's is too genre-y to win it too. I think it's going to be Davis by a fucking hair despite the rather limited screentime of this performance.

Will win: Viola Davis (???)

Might win: Mulligan

Should win:  Sidney Flannigan for Never Rarely Sometimes Always

Best Supporting Actor - I am going to go with Daniel Kaluuya for Judas and the Black Messiah, but I'm not as confident about it as other people are. I still think of the Academy voter pool as being old, white, and generally just afraid of the Black Panthers.

Will win: Daniel Kaluuya

Might win: Paul Raci

Should win: Delroy Lindo for Da 5 Bloods

Best Supporting Actress - Yuh-Jung Youn. I feel good about this

Will win: Yuh-Jung Youn

Might win: Glenn Close, maybe?

Should win: I'm okay with Yuh-Jung Youn taking it.

Best Animated  - AKA, the award for "Most Pixar" movie, unless of course its 2001, in which you encounter the "Shrekkiest" movie exception. Still, Pixar almost never loses no matter how mediocre and underwhelming their film is.

Will win: Soul

Might win: Wolfwalkers

Should win: That scene in the Simpsons where Marge holds a potato and says "I just think they're neat"

Best Cinematography - L A N D S C A P E S

Will win: Nomadland

Might win: idk... Mank?

Should win: Yeah, Nomadland feels good

Best Costume Design - B L A C K B O T T O M (S?). It's a period piece.

Will win: Ma Rainey's Black Bottom

Might win: Mank

Should win: The Golden Globes, for disguising itself as a legitimate organization qualified to give awards

Best Directing - Yeah, I think it's going to Chloe Zhao. So glad she's working on a Marvel movie now. Now THAT is good use of talent.

Will win: Zhao for Nomadland

Might win: Uh... I dont know. Fincher?

Should win: I haven't seen a single 2020 movie I really want to go to bat for, so whatever

Documentary (Feature) - My Teacher's an Octopus! An Octopus Taught Me!? Meet this Octopus: Teachers Hate Him! Taught... by an Octopus!? My Teacher Octopus. Octopus, my teacher. Teach me, Octopus! Octoteach my puss.

Will win: Octoteachapus

Might win: who cares

Should win:  i can neither pronounce or spell "dacumintery"

Best Documentary Short - WOW lets throw a fuckin dart at the dartboard because Ive never known the winner of these and I NEVER WILL

Will win: A Love Song for Latasha

Might win: Colette

Should win: WHO KNOWS. NO ONE KNOWS

Best Editing - Ever since Bohemian Rhapsody won this oscar it broke my fucking brain so who knows anymore.

Will win: Trial of the Chicago 7: Revenge of the Sorkin

Might win: Bohemian Rhapsody, apparently

Should win: MY DUDES LETS JUST GIVE IT TO BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY AGAIN LETS MAKE HISTORY

Best Foreign Language Film - DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!

Will win: Another Round

Might win: Quo Vadis, Aida

Should win:  How should I know, I don't watch movies with subtitles

Best Make-up and Hairstyling - Is the award for most Make-Up? Because I think Viola Davis is carrying a legit 10-pounder around for Ma Rainey.

Will win: Ma Rainey's Black Bottom

Might win: The Milanese Swan

Should win: Me, for "making up" the movie The Milanese Swan. Hahaha get it

Best Music (Original Score) - Not only is Soul a movie, it's the name for a whole genre of music! You can't lose!

Will win: Soul

Might win: Funk

Should win:  Jazz

Best Music (Original Song) - I haven't heard any of these songs.

Will win: Speak Now

Might win: Husavik, apparently

Should win:  I can neither pronounce or spell the word "moozik"

Best Production Design - To quote myself: "9 times out of 10, the period piece wins." And to add on, the one about Hollywood does too.

Will win: Mank

Might win: Ma Rainey

Should win:  WHO CARES. THERES A PANDEMIC. sorry

Best Short Film (Animated) - how would i know, stop asking me! leave my family alone!!

Will win: If Anything Happens I Love You

Might win: In the end, we're all winners

Should win:  Sorry, I misread the copy. We're all wieners.

Best Short Film (Live Action) - lol

Will win: Two Distant Strangers

Might win: LITERALLY ANYTHING

Should win: well in my erudite opinion i bleh bleh bleh

Best Sound - Holy shit, they finally admitted they have no idea what the difference is between sound editing and mixing and just smushed them together. Nice.

Will win: Sound of Metal - It's got sound in the name!!

Might win: The Sound of Music

Should win: The Sound of Yo Mama. ayo gotem

Best Visual Effects - Did you know CGI stands for "Can't Get In?" It's named after what yo mama said when she tried to fit through the door to her house. lmao gotem

Will win: Tenet

Might win: i dont know

Should win: this is taking too long

Best Writing (Adapted Screenplay) - OH GOD it's actually hard this year but I think it's going to be Nomadland just because it has the forward momentum for best picture (spoiler). Could be The Father. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't feel so good Mr. Stark

Will win: No, Mad Land!

Might win: ZEE FATHAIR

Should win: Look, I think I've only seen like... 20 movies from 2020, tops. I don't care. Honestly, I'm just happy I'm still alive at this point.

Best Writing (Original Screenplay) - You know, this is starting to feel like a lot of pressure. Like why would I ever be able to predict the Oscars? What do I know? I used to have at least seen the movies, so that gave me an edge. But this year I've barely seen any of these. I'm lost, adrift in a boundless sea. I think it'll be Promising Young Woman.

Will win: Promising Young Woman

Might win: Try Oh Love The Cigar Goes Heaven

Should win:  a movie

Best Picture - Weirdly probably the only category of the whole night I feel pretty good about. I've seen Minari, Mank, Nomadland, and Trial of the Chicago 7, which are all varying degrees of good except for Mank which is varying degrees of bad. And Trail of the Chicago 7 which is an hour of good and then a half hour of really bad. Anyways I don't have super strong feelings about any of these movies but Nomadland was good, I think it has the momentum, and despite minimal Oscar controversy I don't think the voters give a shit.

Will win: Nomadland

Might win. Honestly I live in fear Green Book is going to fucking win again somehow. Some fucked up Lala Land/Moonlight scenario where Viggo Mortenson roles up in some old beater and says "woke up dis moooohnin, got some gabbagool" and then walks away with another oscar with a fat cigar in his mouth.

Should win:  Green Book. It was very touching

this is the bad place