#i actually think that the girl who is supposed to be rachel is actually v*ria's lily evans art????

[jewishpercy]

😜 because i am so extremely curious

<3

[the-z-part]

A Personal List of Lietners, or Book Recs for Each TMA Entity

These are not all horror novels (although some of them are), but I think they speak to themes that will resonate if you’re particularly into one fear or another.

Feel free to add your own recs! I’m obviously limited by what I’ve read (ie I suspect that Wilder Girls is a good corruption book, but I haven’t read it yet). 

Books with canon queer characters are marked with an asterix! 

The Eye

- The Children’s Hour* by Lillian Hellman. An accusation made by one of the students brings scrutiny and heartbreak to a girls’ school. OG queer tragedy. (CW: suicide)

The Spiral

- Finna* by Nino Cipri. Two exes working at fantasy!IKEA must find a lost customer by travelling through even-more-fantasy!IKEAs.

- “The Yellow Wallpaper” by Charlotte Perkins Gillman. Imprisoned by a husband who thinks he’s helping her, a woman sees a figure in the ugly wallpaper of her room. You read it for English class, but read it again.

- Challenger Deep by Neal Shusterman. Caden’s a normal teen whose friends and family are starting to notice that his mental health is not quite ideal. Caden is on a ship heading for the Marianas Trench, torn between loyalty to the captain and the allure of the deep. (You know that song Ship in a Bottle?) (CW: forced institutionalization)

The End

- They Both Die at the End* by Adam Silvera. Two teen boys get a call that they’re going to die (this is normal in the world). They meet, and decide to spend the day really living.

- Scythe by Neal Shusterman. In a utopia that has moved past natural death, two teenagers learn to kill for the greater good.

The Stranger

- The Murders of Molly Southborne by Tade Thompson. Every time Molly bleeds, her blood creates a perfect clone of her that wants to kill her. This is inconvenient to say the least.

- The Call by Peader Ó Guilín. In a fantasy future Ireland, teenagers train for the day they’ll be transported to the fairy realm, where they’ll be hunted for sport.

- Coraline by Neil Gaiman. Coraline finds a secret passage to a house just like hers, but full of delightful, magical things--and another mother who wants to keep her forever.

The Lonely

- Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel. The food Tita cooks make those who eat it feel her emotions--it’s the closest anyone comes to understanding her.

The Desolation

- The Fifth Season* by N K Jemisin. Geology-magic causes an apocalypse, but it might also keep a grieving mother alive.

The Slaughter

- The Lamb Will Slaughter the Lion* by Margaret Killjoy. A spirit summoned to protect a commune starts killing people. Queer and punk rock af

- The Light Brigade by Kameron Hurley. “They said the war would turn us into light.”

The Vast

- To Be Taught, If Fortunate* by Becky Chambers. A group of astronauts jump from planet to planet, cataloguing the life they find. But then their updates from home stop arriving...

- Into the Drowning Deep* by Mira Grant. Killer mermaids, hard science, and genuinely every kind of rep you can think of! (also has some Stranger stuff going on in it)

The Buried

- The Unfortunates by Kim Liggett. Teens are trapped in a cave while hiking, and something is hunting them through the dark. (Ok, I couldn’t actually think of a book for this fear, but I asked the inimitable @acesaru and she recommended it. She hasn’t steered me wrong yet!) 

The Dark

- The City in the Middle of the Night* by Charlie Jane Anders. Humanity struggles to survive on a tidally-locked planet: one side is pitch dark, the other blazing with light. Sophie, a student, is exiled into the darkness.

- The City of Ember by Jeanne DuPrau. Ember is the one bright spot in the darkness, but blackouts are becoming more frequent as the city falls apart, and only Lina and Doon seem to be paying attention.

The Corruption

- The Hot Zone by Richard Preston. Ebola!  It’s the only nonfiction on the list but Oh Boy. (CW for graphic depictions of illness)

- Code Orange by Caroline B. Cooney. Can you get smallpox from a book? Mitty isn’t sure, but these terrorists seem to think so...

The Web

- The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson. “No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream. Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness within” (It really does have themes about, like, manipulation, but also join me in mixing Hill House and Hilltop Road up 100% of the time)

- Jane, Unlimited* by Kristin Cashore. An orphaned artist goes to a spooky house. She has to make a choice, and we see every possible consequence for that choice. Genre-bending and bi!

- Middlegame by Seanan McGuire. Psychically-linked twins, Rodger and Dodger, are manipulated by the alchemist who created them and controlled (almost) every aspect of their lives. Weird timeline shit!

The Flesh

- The Belles by Dhonielle Clayton. Girls with the power to mold bodies and make people beautiful vie to become the Queen’s favorite in the beautiful, dangerous court of Orleans.

- Unwind by Neil Shusterman. Three teens scheduled to be “unwound” and have all their organs sold to other people flee their fate. Some really gnarly body horor.

The Hunt

- Vicious by V. E. Schwab. Victor and Eli used to be best friends, but after years in prison, Victor will stop at nothing to get his revenge on Eli. Also, they both have superpowers. 

- “The Most Dangerous Game” by Richard Cornell. A long short story about. the hunter becoming the hunted. Spoiler: the most dangerous game IS man. 

The Extinction

- Borne by Jeff Vandermeer. The Company destroyed the world, and then a giant bear destroyed the Company. Only a few survivors remain, including Rachel, a scavenger, who finds a creature called Borne and decides to care for it, even as it grows increasingly stronger and more terrifying. 

- Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler. A girl who literally feels others’ pain quietly develops a religion while America crumbles around her. (CW: sexual relationship with a really big age gap)

- All the Birds in the Sky* by Charlie Jane Anders. A witch and a mad scientist fall in love at the end of the world. The most real-feeling apocalypse I’ve ever, ever read. (Not really a CW but if reading things that remind you of Current Events makes you uncomfy, beware, because Charlie Jane really nailed it) 

[stormcrawler75]

Maybe arm in sling with Patton?

Warnings: Major Character Character, ghosts, talk of murder, an accusation of murder.

Characters: Patton, Virgil, Roman, Remus, Logan, and Janus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Patton walked through the school’s halls, feeling stares follow him and stick to the white cast wrapped around his forearm. Logan and Janus walked on either side of him and threw glares at anyone that dared lingered too long. But Patton felt their eyes on his back as they walked away.

“Did you hear what they told the police?”

“Just ignore them,” Janus hissed in Patton’s ear. Their hand was gripping Patton’s hand tightly and their words were brimming with confidence, sure that every word that they said was true. “They are mindless sheep and if they knew what we did, they’d be running through the streets in panic. Just ignore what they say.”

How could Patton possibly ignore them? When what they were accusing him was so terrible, so awful, that it made Patton want to cry?

“I heard that they claimed that Virgil didn’t actually die. They said that he was taken instead.”

Logan’s hand was like a vice on his shoulder, grounding Patton to reality, a reality that was so hard to understand lately. “They will eat their words soon enough,” he muttered, a hard steely glint in his eyes. “After we bring your brother back, he will tell them exactly what happened and they’ll see that we never lied.

Patton managed a short nod, glancing out a nearby window and looking at the old mansion that stood on the highest hill in town, looming over everything. Even as far away as Patton was, he had the feeling that he was watched. Though, it could’ve just been the hateful stares coming from the other students. Not that Patton could blame them. Virgil was such a sweetheart, it was hard not to love him.

“Taken? By who?”

“We’ll sneak back out there tonight,” Janus muttered, pausing by their locker and shoving their bag in. “We know what we’re doing this time. What to bring and what to say. It was a mistake bringing Virgil and you last time but we know that now and we know how to save him.”

“The ghosts of the Prince Brothers who used to live in that house. Now that’s rich. Even if there really were ghosts in that mansion, why would they want anything to do with the Heart Brothers?”

Patton swallowed and asked, pulling on the strings of his brother’s abandoned hoodie with his good hand, “I still don’t understand why they took him and not both of us. I mean...” He trailed off and gripped the strings tight, pressing his injured arm close to his chest. 

Logan adjusted his glasses, giving Patton a look mixed with sadness and relief. “They tried, Patton. I suspect that it hadn’t tripped back and broke that old stairs’ railing than you would’ve been taken right alongside your brother.”

“You don’t know!? Dude, Patton and Virgil’s great-great-grandfather were one of the Prince Brothers! They changed their name since them but their family used to live on that hill!”

“Oh,” Patton whispered lamely. He stared down at his cast and cringed as he remembered falling from the second floor of a mansion where he and his brother had once played and the face that had stared down at him with bright glowing red eyes. “I-I’m still surprised that the railing broke so easily. That old house has really gone downhill, hasn’t it?”

Somehow, Patton didn’t think that it was just time that had broken down his old home.

“Seriously!? Dude, that’s wild! Patton and Virgil were related to - damn! But still, why would they go for Virgil? I mean, if they’re really related to the Princes, why would they try to, I don’t know, kill them or whatever?”

Janus scowled, glaring out the window at the mansion. “It doesn’t matter how downhill it is,” they said darkly. “After we get Virgil back from them, we’re burning that fucking mansion to the ground. It should’ve been burnt to the house years ago.”

“I can agree to that,” Logan muttered. “The better solution would be burning whatever is tying them to this world but I suppose we’ll just burn the entire house instead. Hopefully, that will fix everything.”

“But what if it doesn’t,” Patton asked softly, hands shaking hard. His arm throbbed his uninjured hand gripped the injured one, trying to stop the trembles. “What if, what if whatever’s tying them here isn’t in the house? What if it just makes them angry?”

“Hell if I know, dude. Besides, does it matter? It’s not like any of this matters. Patton Heart is a dirty liar and a brother killer on top of that. This ghost bullshit is just that.”

Janus clenched their fists tightly and spat out, “Then we’ll find whatever the hell it is and burn that too. We’ll do whatever it fucking takes. I don’t care what their reasons are for trying to take you two. You’re here and it’s not up to them whether or not that continues or not.”

“But I-” Patton cut himself off, his jaw clicking with how quickly he closed his mouth.

“Well, obviously. I’m just wondering what the liar’s reasoning is for the ‘ghosts’ taking his brother. I mean, what, did Patton just say the ghosts were just trying to kill them or something?”

There was a pause where Janus and Logan stared at him. “But what Patton,” Logan asked gently. “What is it?”

Patton hesitated before saying softly, “I don’t think they wanted to kill us. The one who tried to grab me looked so scared when I fell and they were wailing and... The one with the green eyes was beaming when he grabbed Virgil was sunk into the floor. He was babbling about how he was so happy to have family back in the house and how angry he was when our Mum made our Dad move us away. I think... they just wanted their family back.”

“No. He said that the ghosts just wanted their family back.”

“Well, the ghosts can’t force you or Virgil to stay with them,” Janus said firmly. They placed their hand gently on Patton’s cast, their fingers brushing against the sling. “We got you out and tonight, we’ll get Virgil out. I promise.”

“What a weak ass excuse. Like ghosts care about their families after they die.”

Patton nodded firmly, trying to ignore how the ghosts with red eyes had called him ‘Grandson’ and pleaded with him not to leave when Patton had run away. “Right. We’ll get him back.”

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[boilerevans]

Last Nite

Summary: Katie and her friend Rachel go to a party in Massachusetts.  

Pairing: Chris Evans / Original Character

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: Cursing and dirty talk, drunk Chris

Author’s Note: This is a 2 part one shot. The more time I spent writing, the longer it got. For those of you following A Waiting Game, a new chapter will be posted by Sunday. (Reposting forgot a title.)

~~~

“So explain to me again how you got into this party?” I ask.  

“I just know people.”  

“Why do you keep avoiding the question?”  

“We’ve talked about this. You don’t get to psychoanalyze me.”  

“Just answer the question and I’ll stop pressing it.”  

The car stops and the Uber driver turns back to look at me and Rachel.  

“Thank you,” I say and get out of the car, Rachel following after me.  

We stand in front of a pretty large modern house. A few cars parked in the drive behind the gate, and even more strung along the curb.  

“Let’s just say I’ve been hooking up with someone who knows him.”  

“Someone that just happens to know Chris Evans. Doesn’t seem shady at all Rach.”  

Rachel takes her phone out and puts it up to her ear. She looks over at me while it rings and then smiles.  

“Hey, you. Kathrine and I are here. Okay, thanks.” She says and then hangs up.

“And that was?” I ask and lean against the gate.  

“My guy. He said the gate will buzz and then we can go through.”  

As soon as she finishes her sentence, the gate buzzes and unlatches. Rachel pushes through and I follow behind. I close the gate behind me and hear it latch. I follow behind as Rachel leads the way to the front door. I anxiously fix my hair and run my hand through my flowing bangs. When we reach the door, Rachel knocks.  

“Coming!” A voice yells.  

Rachel quickly pulls up her skirt and pushes up her breasts in her bra. I can’t help but roll my eyes at her. The door opens to reveal Pete Davidson of all people.  

“There’s my girl.”  

My eyes go wide as I watch Pete take Rachel into an enormous hug and pick her up off the ground. Rachel giggles and I feel like I might vomit. He puts her down and then turns to me.  

“You must be Katherine. I’ve heard so much about you.”  

“Please call me Katie.”  

I reach a hand out but he takes me into a tight hug, engulfing me in the smell of weed. Lovely.  

“Come on in. Party’s just getting started.”  

As soon as I step in I feel my brain taking omg every inch of this place. Plain. White. Simple. Lightly decorated. Music plays from the distance. Something alternative. Interesting. You follow Rachel and notice that her hand in laced up in Pete’s. What the fuck is going on here. I notice the kitchen off of the hallway. Beer.  

“Hey, I’ll see you in a sec. Do you want something to drink?” I ask.  

“We’ve got liquor outback,” Pete says.  

“I think I’ll just grab a beer,” I say and turn into the kitchen.  

You get your phone out and text Rachel  

RACHEL WTF.  

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.  

I grab a Stella from the ice-filled sink and look for a bottle opener. How is there beer but no bottle opener? I take it with me and follow the music to the back yard. I walk through a set of French doors and find myself on a large patio. I spot Rachel in a chair by a large white tent. And by in a chair, I mean on Pete’s lap who is sitting in the chair. They’re sitting with various people and there’s an empty chair next to them. Rachel’s eyes meet mine and she waves.  

“Katherine. I saved you a seat.”  

I hold up my bottle of beer and wave it at her. She nods reading my mind and I begin to look for a bottle opener outside. I see an outdoor kitchen that has a bartender and various snacks.  

“Excuse me. Could you open this?” I ask with a smile and hand it to the bartender.  

“I think Cevans took it. Not a bartender just searching for booze.”  

I give a small smile and now look for the person I’ve been anxious to meet. Rachel and I had been to a few celebrity parties before. But, come on, Chris Evans? I decide to set the beer down and follow the lead of the other person needing a drink. I grab a cup and get a scoop of ice. There’s a hand on my shoulder. I quickly turn.  

“Are you needing this?”  

The man of the hour. Chris Evans with a bottle opener outreached to me. I  look down at the opener and then up to his face.  

“Um. Yes. Please.”  

I take it from his hand,  turn back around to quickly open the beer and hand it back.  

“Thank you.” I smile and walk away before something stupid comes out of my mouth.  

“No problem.” He says loudly behind you.  

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Why did I say yes to this? I take a seat in the empty chair next to Rachel and take a large drink of the beer. Relax. Just try to become a part of the conversation. I begin listening to them talk about different things but nothing too important and decide to people watch. That seems better. I take another drink and start to watch as the backyard fills with more people. Hmm. Not as many celebrities as one would expect. It seems to be more people that Chris probably knew from his personal life.  

I spot Chris back by the alcohol. He pours himself a drink and laughs as someone tells a joke. I take a drink before I can smile. Damn, he’s cute. Before you look away, his eyes meet mine and he winks. He fucking winks. I look away and turn to Rachel.  

“Rachel.”  

“Yes?”  

“Get me out of here,” I say through gritted teeth.  

She gets up from Pete’s lap and puts out a hand.  

“Come on. Let’s take a walk. I’ll introduce you to some people.”  

I sigh and grab her hand. I take one last swig of my beer and sit the empty bottle down on a table.  

“What’s up?” Rachel asks and loops her arm with mine.  

“First of all. Pete Davidson? How long has that been going on?”  

She chuckles. “Come on Katherine. It’s not a big deal.”  

“Please explain that. Tell me how you fucking a celebrity who used to be engaged to ARIANA GRANDE, isn’t a big deal.”  

“Please just chill out. It’s not too serious yet. I’m not moving in with him anytime in the near future.”  

Somehow we’ve ended up at the bar. She grabs a plate and hands it to me.  

“Make us a plate. I’ll get us some drinks.”  

You turn to see Chris’s eyes on you again.  

“Please do not leave me alone,” I whisper to Rachel and grab her wrist before she’s too far.  

“Kathrine. Chill out.” She chuckles and leaves me. Alone.  

I begin to scan over the table of food and find myself unimpressed. I set the plate back in the stack and begin to find Rachel. Who is now talking to Chris Evans. I take a deep breath and walk over to her. She smiles and hands you a cup.  

“Kathrine. Have you met Chris yet?” Rachel says before you can walk away.  

Fuck me.  

I take a big gulp of the drink and taste the sting of tequila.  

“No, not officially,” Chris says and meets my gaze with a smile.  

Swallow. Swallow. Do not spit tequila in this gorgeous man’s face.  

“Um hi,”  I say.  

Short. Sweet. To the point.  

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.”  

He sticks out his hand. I look at Rachel, then at Chris. Fucking shake his hand. My hand grabs his and shakes it.  

“You too.”  

I bring the cup back to my lips and quickly finish it. Fuck. That stings.  

“Can I get you another beer?” Chris asks.  

“Uh sure.”  

Rachel walks away before I can ask for back up and smacks me on the ass.  

Chris walks towards the house and then stops to turn to me. Am I supposed to follow him? I begin to walk towards him and he starts moving again. He grabs two beers from the sink and places one in front of me on the counter after opening it.  

“Thank you.”  

“Not a problem sweetheart.”  

What a flirt.  

“And I go by Katie by the way. Rachel insists on calling me Katherine because I act like a 60-year-old she says.”  

He chuckles.  

“I can do that.” He says and comes closer to me. “Not really much of a party person are you?”  

“I enjoy them. Just in a different way from Rachel.”  

“You’re not really dressed for a party.”  

I look down at my outfit. High waisted black jeans and a white v-neck knotted at the bottom.  

“I wanted to be comfortable. Not really looking to impress. Plus you’re wearing a hat.”  

“It’s my house.”  

I finally notice that’s he’s less than a foot away from me. And his hand is touching my waist.  

“When did you get here?” I ask.  

“I live here.”  

I squint my eyes at him and then look down at his hand grazing my waist.  

“Can I help you?” I ask.  

“Maybe I can help you.” He says.  

“Chris dear?” A woman’s voice asks behind us.  

I turn to see who I’m guessing is his mother. I take this as a way to escape and make my way back outside to find Rachel, yet again. I can’t see her when I step onto the patio and search across the yard so I go and sit at an empty chair by the food.  

I am never going to a party with Rachel ever again. I sit on my phone looking through articles of research trying to pass the time. A text from Rachel.  

Where did you go?

I respond.  

The better question is where did you go and why did you bring me here?  

“Excuse me?”  

I look up to see a blonde man standing in front of me.  

“Yes?”  

“Do you mind if I sit here? You look extremely bored and like you might need company.”  

“Sure,” I smile.

Definitely gay. No harm in being social right?

“I’m Scott by the way.”  

“Katie.”  

We cheer our cups and take a drink.  

“So how do you know Chris?” He asks.  

“I don’t actually. Um, my friend is dating Pete and somehow she roped me into coming here.” I chuckle.  

“Rachel? I’ve met her.  She’s -“  

“Something else.”  

Scott laughs.  

I take a drink and swivel my chair to look around at the people. The sun is slowly starting to set. I spot Chris playing bags with some friends.  

“So what do you do?” He asks.  

“I’m actually about to graduate with my Ph.D. in psych.”  

“Wow, that’s impressive. Cheers to you.”  

My eyes haven’t left Chris. I watch as he laughs after throwing the bag and missing. He pics his beer up from the ground and takes a drink. His eyes are locked to mine. I turn back to Scott.  

“Thanks.” Our drinks meet again. “What about you?”  

“Oh, I’m an actor. Just small stuff.”  

“Oh, nice. Is that how you know Chris?” I ask.  

“Oh. Chris is my brother.”

“Ohh. My bad.” I feel my cheeks flush.  

“Oh sweetie you’re fine.”  

My phone vibrates in my lap.  

Chris will not stop asking me about you.

He’s just a flirt. I text back.  

“I think I’m gonna go socialize some. Do you want to come? I can introduce you to some people. I’m sure Rachel and Pete are occupied somewhere.”  

I nod and get out of my seat. I clutch onto my beer as if it’s some sort of floatation device and begin following Scott around the yard.  

It begins to slowly get darker out and I lose track of how long I’ve been following Scott around. I tap him on the shoulder.  

“I’m gonna head to the bathroom,” I say.  

He waves and then turns back to his conversation. I step inside and see Chris’s mom sitting at the counter.  

“Excuse me?” I say.  

She jumps a little.  

“Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you. But where’s the bathroom?” I ask.  

“It’s alright dear. It’s just around the corner there. Second door.” She says.  

“Thank you.” I set my empty beer bottle on the counter.  

I use the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror while I wash my hands. My cheeks are a little flushed since it was starting to cool off outside. I dry my hands off and run a finger against my lashes in hopes to revive them.  

I head back to the kitchen to find my bottle is gone and Chris’s mom messing with a trash bag.  

“Can I help you with that?”

“Sure.”  

“I was gonna get that bottle when I came back. I just didn’t want to be weird and take it to the bathroom.”  

She chuckles.  

“There’s trash bags under the sink if you don’t mind grabbing one.” She says.  

I crouch down and open the cabinet doors to find the most organized cleaning cabinet in the world. I pull a trash bag out of the box and walk back to her. She trades me for the full bag.  

“You can just set it in the garage. It’s the door next to the bathroom.”  

I take the bag from her hand and begin to walk back to the hallway. I open the other door in the hall and see two black cars parked in the garage. I set the bag down next to another one by the step and shut the door behind me.  

“Snooping around are you?”  

I jump. I turn around. Guess who?  

“Chris,” I say and lean back against the door.  

“Kathrine.” He slurs and steps in closer.  

“You’re drunk.”  

“Yes. And I have something to show you?”  

“I think I’ll pass,” I say and start to walk away.

He grabs my wrist.  

“Why won’t you let me flirt with you?” He asks when I look back at him.  

“Why do you feel the need to?” I ask.  

“Because your ass looks amazing in those jeans.” He says under his breath.  

He steps in closer.  

“And I’ve never wanted to pull someone’s hair so bad.”

I feel my lip quiver and a chill goes through my body. Chris brings a hand to my face and rubs his thumb against my lower lip.  

“Are you sure you won’t let me show you?” He asks.  

I nod and he takes my hand into his to show me the way. We make our way past the front door and around the corner into a dark room. He shut the door behind us and flicks on the light. A washer and dryer.  

“You wanted to show me your laundry room?” I give him a funny look.  

Chris wraps his arm around my waist and swiftly pulls me into him. Then he moves our bodies until my back hits the door behind me. A gasp leaves my lips. With his free hand, he caresses the back of my neck.  

“Chris.”  

“Kathrine.”  

“You’re drunk. What are you doing?” My voice is shaky.  

“Shh.”  

His lips gently meet mine. They’re soft and taste of beer and peppermint. I push into him and the kiss deepens. I feel myself falling into the door but his arm keeps me up. Our mouths open in sync. I feel his tongue again my bottom lip and I moan. He softly chuckles and takes his lips from mine. He pulls his hand away from my neck and puts the other arm around my waist. He picks me up and carries me across the room the dryer, sitting me on top.  

“What are you doing?” I ask again.  

“Did you not like that?”

“I did. So why did you stop?”  

Our lips meet again. I wrap my legs around his waist and pull myself into him. His hands meet my waist and make their way up to my breasts. A little too forward. I take my hands to his and move them back down to my waist. He pulls back.  

“Don’t tell me you don’t want me.” He says.  

“This isn’t appropriate,” I say and scoot back.  

“Just stay. Till the others leave and I sober up some.”  

“I don’t know.”  

He puts his hands on the tops of my thighs.  

“Please.”  

He kisses my cheek.  

“For me?”  

He kisses the other cheek.  

I nod and slide my way off the dryer. I adjust my shirt and fix my hair. I turn to him.  

“Do I look alright?” I ask.  

“Gorgeous.”  

He opens the door and I follow behind him.  

“You go the way we came. I’ll go a different way.”  

He gently kisses me and then turns away. I stand there for a moment to take it in.  

“What the fuck?” I whisper to myself.  

I go back outside and pour myself a whiskey. I then grab some snacks from the counter and head a table next to the tent. I sit down at a table and look around for Rachel. I take a bite of spinach dip and see her across the tent. She waves and walks over to me, a glass of white wine in her hand.  

“I’ve been looking for you.” She says and sits next to me.  

“I’ve been uh socializing.” I choke out.  

“Oh. Well, I think I’m gonna leave soon. Pete wants to go out for drinks.” She says.  

“Alright,”  I say and take another bite.  

“You’re welcome to join us?”  

“I think I’ll stay for a little while.”  

I pick up my drink.  

“Did you finally hit it off with Chris?”  

I spit my drink back into the cup.  

“What do you mean by that?” I stutter.  

“Well, that’s why I brought you. I guess I talk about you so much, he said I should bring you.”  

“Are you serious? You could have told me that?”  

“If I would have told you would have been uptight. Probably not even have come. You need to get laid. You’ve been so wired lately with getting your degree.”  

“Whatever,” I say.  

Pete walks up behind Rachel.

“Our rides here ladies.” Giving her shoulder a squeeze.  

“Actually. Katherine is staying.” Rachel smiles.  

“Oh, you got charmed by Evans huh?” He laughs.  

I get up from the table and walk away. Should I stay here or go home? To find out I’ve been a pawn all day. I’m livid. Maybe I should just keep drinking? Yeah, great coping mechanism Katie.  I step onto the patio and throw my plate in the trash.  

“Katie! There you are!” Scott says walking out of the house.  

I smile.  

“I was just telling Chris about you. Chris come meet this girl.”  

Chris walks up behind Scott, a smile on his face. I sigh.  

“Actually we’ve met,” I say.  

“Yes, we have.” Chris says, “but you didn’t mention you were a doctor.”  

“Technically.”  

“Come on let’s go dance.” He says and walks up to me taking my hand.  

[poetzproblem]

Have You Ever Really? Part V

Author's Note: Part V to close out this series of ficlets. It's a bit different. Those who don't like Santana might want to skip it.

Under the cut, or read at FF.Net or AO3.

It's been a long, strange summer.

Strange in not bad ways, as far as Santana Lopez is concerned. She's not exactly marching through the streets of Lima waving any rainbow flags, but she and Brittany are finally together. Together, together—the way God and Ellen and the entire fucking golf team intended.

She and B are back on the cheerios for their senior year, and so is Quinn—complete with her new, short (sexy) haircut, her fucking annoying (and weird) good mood, and her mysterious blink-and-you-miss-her disappearing acts the moment she gets her ass out of practice.

If Santana didn't know better, she'd think the bitch is getting laid.

Problem is, Santana does know better, and she still thinks the bitch is getting laid.

She just can't quite figure out by who.

Quinn had dropped Finnsufferable's dopey ass last year and hadn't taken him back despite him predictably ping-ponging right back to her as soon as he finally figured out Berry was serious about trying out the ladies.

Puckerman is back to banging everything in a skirt since Lauren dumped him, and no matter how pathetic Quinn can be, she'd never put up with his two-timing bullshit.

Trouty Mouth got dragged to Kentucky by his parents, and even if he was still around, Santana doubts he'd be giving Quinn her happy since he'd been all up in Mercedes's business before he'd left.

Chang is still with other Chang, despite her weird infatuation with the midget after the big coming out.

So the only person Santana suspects it might be is the one person it just can't.

Because even if Quinn hadn't smacked Streisand upside the head for serenading her in glee last spring, she also hadn't gone running into her tiny little arms. She'd just soaked up the attention like the vain bitch she is and then gone back to pretending it never happened. It was actually kind of sad to watch.

Funny.

But sad.

Hell, Berry's take on I'm Yours right after Finn had blown Nationals for them had been kind of fun. She'd even managed to keep her ogling of Quinn on the subtle side—well, for her.

But the next day's rendition of She's Always A Woman had caused all kinds of secondhand embarrassment throughout the room. Seriously. Anyone with an ounce of common sense would have guessed that Quinn wouldn't be thrilled with those lyrics. Frankly, Santana was surprised Berry had gotten off with only a Fabray glare and a weak-ass storm out.

The following day had featured an impassioned cover of I Want To Know What Love Is that made everyone but Schuester cringe. No one should ever willing choose a Foreigner song. (Except that Quinn hadn't seemed to hate it as much as everyone else had. She'd actually seemed kind of amused by it.)

Thank God the school year had ended. Otherwise there would have undoubtedly been more serenades after Berry's final choice of I'll Be. (Which wasn't terrible. Quinn had even looked a little teary-eyed after that one. And Santana swears she'd seen her stuffing a teddy bear into her bag before taking off for summer vacation.)

Frankly, Quinn could probably do a lot worse than Rachel Berry.

Who's she kidding? Quinn's entire dating history is worse than Rachel Berry.

If Santana was wondering whether Berry's crush had petered out over the summer, she gets her answer in their first glee meeting of the new school year—right after they spend twenty minutes arguing over the best way to attract new members now that they're down two bodies.

Rachel has another song.

"To welcome us all back," is what she says, but nobody buys it when she starts making those big moony eyes at Quinn again. She'd managed to get through the entire meeting without doing it. She'd sat her ass in the front row and barked out suggestions for the year without even a glance to Quinn—or to Finn, who's still pouting over his single status. But damned if she doesn't flip that crazy obsessive switch right back into Quinn-mode in the blink of an eye.

This time, it's to the tune of the Beatles.

"Something in the way she moves Attracts me like no other lover. Something in the way she woos me. I don't want to leave her now. You know I believe and how."

Santana is sitting right next to Quinn today, so she gets the experience of having this serenade aimed in her general direction. And okay, she has to admit—only to herself and very reluctantly—that having the full force of Rachel Berry's voice and expressive eyes directed at you for a love song is pretty fucking alluring. Like, Santana doesn't even like her (much), but she'd totally bang her after this.

If she didn't have Brittany, obviously.

But she does have Brittany, so she sends a sweet smile to her own girlfriend and thinks about banging her as soon as they can get the hell out of here.

"Somewhere in her smile she knows That I don't need no other lover. Something in her style that shows me. I don't want to leave her now. You know I believe and how."

Santana glances over at Quinn, trying to gauge her reaction. She expects the same cool indifference from last year, but—well, fuck! Quinn is wearing that same weird smile that she's had on all summer—at least until she notices Santana's eyes on her, then she schools her features like the fucking pro she is.

"You're asking me, will my love grow. I don't know, I don't know. You stick around, now it may show. I don't know, I don't know."

Santana thinks she knows.

Apparently the head bitch isn't as immune to Berry as she wants them all to believe. She's just a fucking closet case.

"Something in the way she knows And all I have to do is think of her. Something in the things she shows me. I don't want to leave her now. You know I believe and how."

There's some applause when Rachel is finished, but it's pretty weak, and Santana supposes it's because they'd all been hoping she would have moved on by now. Santana is thinking she hasn't moved on because she hadn't actually needed to, but Quinn sure as hell isn't making any moves to claim the girl.

"Why do you keep trying to hurt me?" Finn whines before grabbing his bag and stalking out of the room.

"Jerk," Quinn scoffs under her breath, rolling her eyes at his storm out.

"You got something to say, Fabray?" Santana taunts, arching an eyebrow.

Rachel gazes up at her expectantly, but Quinn only shrugs. "Nope."

Santana watches Rachel's face fall in disappointment, and an expression of remorse flashes across Quinn's face before it's gone again in the blink of an eye. Santana frowns, wondering just what the hell these two are playing at with their little back-and-forth, but then Schuester is calling it a day, and everyone is packing up to leave.

With one last look up to Quinn, Rachel sighs, gathers her bag, and slips out of the room. Quinn watches her go like a hawk stalking its prey, and then she's grabbing for her own bag in a rush, but Santana stops her from jogging down the risers with a hand on her arm.

"Are you seriously gonna let her keep doing that?" she demands, ignoring the impatient annoyance that radiates off of Quinn at being detained. "I mean, it was fun the first five times, but now it's just painful to watch."

Quinn scowls at her, jerking her arm away. "Why do you even care?"

"Hey, I'm just tryin' to help you out," Santana drawls with a smirk. "Unless you, I don't know, actually like Berry singing love songs at you." She'd wager good money that Quinn fucking loves it, but the fear in her eyes when Santana says it  is all too recognizable. She'd seen it enough in the mirror last year, so she should probably ease up and wait for Quinn to creep out of the closet on her own. But fuck that! "I know you're a bitch and all, but I didn't think even you were cruel enough to string a queer girl along just to make yourself feel better."

Quinn takes a menacing step toward her, looking about two heaving breaths away from slapping her—or, you know, actually coming out. "You know nothing about me," she growls.

"Please don't fight," Brittany pleads, immediately stepping between them. "Santana isn't being mean. She's just worried about Rachel." And Quinn instantly deflates, the anger draining right out of her.

"I'm not," Santana denies quickly. (She is.) "I'm just bored with the daily serenades and the pathetic loves eyes. You should be too," she reminds Quinn suspiciously. "How many times does Berry have to embarrass herself in front of everyone before you finally put her out of our misery for good?"

Santana figures the question works both ways. Either Quinn is leading Berry on for her daily ego boost—something even Santana wouldn't do now that she knows firsthand what it's like to want a girl you can't have—or she's not and is keeping them in the closet to protect her own reputation while she lets Rachel sing her little heart out to everyone's ridicule and pity. Either way, Quinn needs to fucking stop letting Rachel do that to herself. This one-sided bullshit doesn't fly with Santana.

Quinn doesn't answer. She just starts chewing on the corner of her lip with this pained look in her eyes.

Santana sighs in defeat. "C'mon B. Let's go get our lady kisses on," she urges, holding out her hand.

Brittany takes it with a sad smile, walking down the risers next to Santana, but she pauses at the bottom to glance back up at Quinn. "Rachel deserves to have some sweet lady kisses of her own. If you don't want to give them to her, you should let her get them from someone else."

Santana can't resist glancing up at Quinn to see her reaction to that, smirking a little when she sees the unhappy scowl and clenched fists. Yeah—that's totally jealousy bleeding out of her pointy, little ears. So much for a weirdly happy Quinn.

Of course, Santana gets infinitely happier once she gets Brittany alone, and she doesn't think about Quinn or Berry again until the next day when it comes time for the inevitable serenade.

Except—it's not Rachel standing in the front of the choir room this time.

It's Quinn.

Santana can't be exactly sure of where this is going until Quinn says, "I present this song without comment." And then, she just knows. Because Quinn is looking right at Rachel when she starts to sing.

"Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time. Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you."

And yeah—there are gasps all around the room, and she's pretty sure she hears Finnsipid mutter, "What the fuck?"

"Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pull me out of time. You hung me on the line. Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you."

One glance at Rachel confirms that she's grinning like a loon.

"Maybe I'm a girl. Maybe I'm a lonely girl who's in the middle of something That she doesn't really understand."

And if anyone still has any doubts about what's happening, they pretty much get cleared up when Quinn moves closer to Rachel to sing the next lines.

"Maybe I'm a girl And maybe you're the only woman who could ever help me. Baby, won't you help me to understand?"

And Quinn—that sly bitch—smiles at Rachel and reaches out a hand to her, and of course, Rachel takes it.

Kurt fucking squeals in delight, and Brittany breathes out a quiet, "Yay," as she claps.

Mercedes looks shocked, and Tina looks kind of depressed, and Puckerman looks—well, he's obviously thinking perverted thoughts. Mike just looks confused, and Finn—

Yep. There goes the chair.

"You both suck," he screams as he stomps out of the room, cutting Quinn's serenade short.

She doesn't seem to mind. Neither does Rachel.

"You sang back," Rachel murmurs in wonder, proudly holding Quinn's hand in front of the entire club.

Quinn  giggles happily, nodding. "I should have done it yesterday. I'm sorry I waited so long. I just wanted to hear you sing for me one more time before we came out as a couple."

"Wait? You're a couple?" Mercedes asks, still in shock. "Since when?"

Quinn glances at Rachel with a dreamy expression to rival any of Rachel's lovesick ones. "Since she took me stargazing on the very first day of our summer break."

"It was...very enlightening," Rachel adds with a mysterious smile.

Oh, yeah. Quinn is definitely getting laid. Santana can only imagine what they've been up to all summer.

(Really. She's imagining it pretty vividly, and it's kind of super hot. Hey! She's taken, not dead.)

"And if my girlfriend wants to keep singing me love songs everyday, she can," Quinn announces, gazing around the room with a challenging glare. "And you're all going to clap for her. Understood?" She ends with her eyes on Santana, just daring her to comment.

Santana can never resist a dare. "So I guess Berry must be really, really good at loving a woman, huh?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Quinn responds, wrapping a possessive arm around Rachel's waist. And then for some weird reason, she sends this really smug look in Tina's direction before adding, "But you won't."

"I do really love you, Quinn," Rachel murmurs, gazing at Quinn with undisguised adoration.

Quinn returns the look with a disgustingly besotted grin. "I love you too, baby."

And yeah—then they're kissing.

Santana rolls her eyes. Brittany claps again, and Kurt coos. Even Mercedes presses a hand to her heart and says, "Aw."

It's more ew if you ask Santana.

(Not really. It's still kind of hot. There's a lot of tongue and they're both really, really into it. The visuals are pretty inspiring. But she's not admitting that to anyone ever.)

"Get a room," she heckles, shaking her head.

They pull apart with dark eyes, lips slowly curling into matching smirks. Quinn arches a brow. Berry nods. And then they're grabbing their bags.

"Thank you for your continued support, fellow glee-clubbers," Rachel rushes out, gathering her things, "but Quinn and I have a very important prior engagement."

"Come on, Rach," Quinn urges, grabbing her hand and impatiently tugging her towards the door. "My mom won't be home until seven. We can practice...singing."

It's very clear that singing doesn't mean singing. It's probably more like Rachel screaming Quinn's name.

"Well," Santana scoffs, watching them go with an wicked grin, especially when she sees how green Schuester has turned from listening to the exchange. "Have you ever? Really?"

Because she certainly has. Glancing at Brittany, she knows she will be again very soon.

Yeah, she has a feeling it's going to be a long, strange (but awesome) senior year.

[agrcengrass]

NATALIA DYER? No, that’s actually ASTORIA GREENGRASS from the GOLDEN TRIO ERA. You know, the child of ELIJAH GREENGRASS and ELIZABETH GREENGRASS (NÉE ROWLE)? Only 20 years old, this SLYTHERIN alumni works as a WIZARDING NANNY and is sided with THE NEUTRALS. SHE identifies as a CIS WOMAN and is a PUREBLOOD who is known to be JEALOUS, FRIVOLOUS, and MATERIALISTIC  but also DIPLOMATIC, CHARMING, and NURTURING. 

Warnings: PTSD, slight alcohol abuse, depression

HEADCANONS

01. Her parents raised her and her sister with blood purity in mind. That she was to marry a pureblood man and have pureblood children. At first, Astoria was more than okay with that. Was happy to play the part of a simple pureblooded girl. However, after the war and seeing classmates die and families ripped apart all because...of blood? She didn’t want to be part of that world anymore. She’d rather teach kindness and acceptance than spilling blood over ancestry. Her parents, however, do not understand why Astoria can’t be like other pureblood women like Narcissa and Bellatrix. But Astoria has tuned them out, whenever she sees them she tries not to talk about any of her relationships. She doesn’t need them meddling into her life. Astoria, while not completely confident in this, knows she can live her life outside of what her parents think. She’d be lying, however, if she said it didn’t hurt her when they compared her to the other girls or try to steer her back in the Death Eater path.

02. At Hogwarts, she was very ambitious and always tried to rise to the top. Not because she liked her classes or was particularly clever, but because she wanted to be on t o p. She would study relentlessly and stay up making sure her homework was just perfect. She was planning on NEWTS and planning out possible jobs (she wanted to be a curse-breaker). Was focused on carving out her own achievements that did not include blood purity. But then came the war and everything she had been building came crumbling down. Now, her ambitious streak has dried up and she’s lost at what to do. Astoria never returned her 7th year to take her NEWTS and is unsure if she should even try now. Currently, she’s a nanny and l o v e s it and the children. Loves taking care of them and playing with them. For the first time, it feels like she’s actually good at something and she doesn’t have to try so hard. Caring for these children just comes...naturally. 

03. Astoria is used to being doted on, whether by her family or friends or whoever she was seeing. But the minute whoever she was seeing at the time gives attention to anyone (but especially another woman) she might as well actually turn green. She’ll force herself by his side and smile all polite, then will talk about how she is his date and ‘who are you again?’. She’s not asking to be the center of attention, but she’d like it if her date didn’t get too close to other women and smile when they got all touchy-feely. Even with just her regular friends, she’ll feel it b u b b l i n g up inside her when they ignore her to talk to other people. Unfortunately, this also means that Astoria believes in the “two can play at that game” mentality at times. 

Short Bio

The second-born daughter of Elijah and Elizabeth Greengrass. Her parents had been hoping for a boy, especially after Daphne, but instead Astoria came into the world very early that October morning.

Her mother especially doted on her and was more than happy to give their youngest daughter whatever she wanted. Her father, while he was able to hide it, was still trying to get over the fact that he had no sons to pass on the Greengrass name. 

The doting became problematic when it was time for Astoria to head to Hogwarts, she didn’t want to leave her mother who gave her whatever she wanted. Suddenly, being thrown into a whole different world where she had to look out for herself. (The doting still is problematic. Her parents sending her money and gifts that Astoria doesn’t realize is them trying to bribe her back to the path of blood purity.)

Growing up, Astoria looked up to Daphne and looked to them for guidance while at Hogwarts. She was a bit attached to her sibling up until fourth year when she started coming into her own.

And come into her own she did. She flirted with whoever she pleased. Became friends with whoever sat next to her in classes, regardless of house and only had slight reservations about blood purity. She enjoyed the social side of Hogwarts, making connections and friendships and things more than friends. Although watching her friends and boyfriends or girlfriends talk to other people, become close to other people, made her stomach turn. It made her feel as if she was being left behind as if she was as unwanted as last year's dress robes. 

School did not come naturally for her, but she worked her ass off to get good grades on her OWLS and to qualify for NEWTS. However, she was doing all of this for the wrong reasons. She did not want to disappoint her parents, who always believed in their children being well-rounded with school, activities and well...finding a pureblood husband. A respectable pureblood husband at that. 

After her OWLS came back and she only qualified for two NEWT classes, she really stopped caring about school. She’d skip frequently and hang out with her friends or hook-up with whoever she was seeing. 

The war changed everything. Blood purity seemed pointless. School was even more pointless. She tried her best to help students around Hogwarts, to keep them safe. Slowly building up the courage to stand up to the blood purists. Her parents could not believe this and still chose to forget this ever happened. But helping people and standing up to the bullies gave her new confidence. It was much more fulfilling than any class she could take or EE she could’ve gotten. 

[TW: Slight PTSD]

Of course, of course, the war took more than it gave to her. She knows she had it much easier than some people, but the aftermath still lingers with her. Still follow her around. It’s hard to care about things she was interested in before, classes and subjects she even enjoyed sparked nothing. Only charms really stuck with her, trying push down the memories of classes where they did their best to ignore...everything that was happening.

Flashing before her are people that couldn’t be saved. The bodies in the Great Hall. Someone said something along the lines of survivor’s guilt. 

[TW end]

Astoria did not return to take her NEWTS. Instead, bounced from party to party to social gathering to social gathering to fill her time. Her parents still taking care of her from kilometers and kilometers away. Until one day a neighbor asked her to watch their baby girl and Astoria fell in love with taking of children. Even loved getting up early and going to their large flats or sprawling estates to take care of them. She still loves filling her free time with parties and gatherings, but at least she has a job that she loves. She just wishes her parents could understand that as well. 

The time jump...is mostly an annoyance in Astoria’s eyes. Through a series of unfortunate events, she’s found out that she’s not alive in 2029. In fact, she’s been dead for ten years. This is what is most worrisome and plagues her thoughts. She’s not too interested in figuring out why it happened or what caused it.

Character parallels

Sansa Stark (ASoIaF/GoT) + Serena van der Woodsen (Gossip Girl) + Vex’ahlia (Critical Role) + Alison Hendrix (Orphan Black) + Lydia Martin (Teen Wolf) + Rachel Green (Friends) + Emily Fields (Pretty Little Liars) + Glinda (Wicked)

Random Tidbits 

She was enjoying her life before the time skip and so it’s annoying that she’s here and not back in 2001. But in Astoria’s eyes not much has to change, she can still be a nanny and go out and about. In the grand scheme of things, she doesn’t take the time skip that seriously...except for...

The fact that she’s supposed to be d e a d here upsets her greatly. She shouldn’t even be here. Her thoughts about this are extreme and she tries to not let it show how upsetting it is. She puts on her happy face and pushes the feelings aside. Other than that, the time skip is just an annoyance. 

While Astoria makes a lot of her decisions based on emotions rather than facts or logic, she knows how to keep a cool head even in an argument and is very good about walking away when need be.

Except maybe when it comes to talking to her parents about her life and trying to get them to understand where she’s coming from, she gets very emotional talking to them about it.

[TW: Depression + PTSD + ALCOHOL ]

Is low-key depressed (lack of motivation and ambition, going out and drinking far more regularly, feeling of emptiness and like she’ll never make people proud) but is not medicated and has never and doesn’t want to see a therapist. 

Suffers from slight PTSD. Explosions, fireworks, and sometimes just random loud noises still can trigger her as if she’s back at Hogwarts that May. (She chose to stay behind, even though her parents wanted to take her out.) 

[END TW]

Tries to put her energy and time into other people so she doesn’t have to think about herself and her own problems.

While most of her friends and Daphne knows, her parents do not know about her bisexuality. And frankly, she’d like to keep it that way.

Is brilliant at charms and was her favorite class at Hogwarts and is a decent dueler. 

She only qualified to take two NEWT classes (charms and transfiguration), but other than that her grades fell a bit short despite her best efforts.

Worried that people will leave her, this is mostly based on losing people in the war and her own parents being...not the best.

Personality

Very outgoing and extroverted. Would much rather be around a ton of people — a bar, a restaurant, a party, etc — than be alone. People distract her from the fact that she’s basically a dropout that has no prospects.

Also because she can’t stand to be alone with her thoughts. The memories of the war. Of the destruction. The bodies. 

Or her thoughts about her death. She doesn’t know how she died, or why, and frankly she’s not positive she wants to find out.

Empathetic — she’s good at being able to understand people’s feelings and making them feel validated. Meaning she’s also good at getting other people to open up. 

Astoria is great with children and adores them. She’s very nurturing and her maternal instincts kick in almost immediately. 

This goes for...most people regardless. But she’s especially good with children. But if you’re not a complete asshole or Death Eater, she’ll be nice to you.

Tries to be mostly positive and happy, despite the PTSD and depression. She doesn’t want people worrying about her (especially Daphne).

Being upper-class, she’s materialistic and doesn’t quite understand that not everyone can afford designer brands and have cushy flats. Or understand that some people’s parents can’t just give them money.

She is impulsive and will decide to do something slightly drastic at the drop of a hat. Like dying her hair, going out and getting blackout drunk. And has a hard time saying no to things she probably should not do.

For the most part, Astoria has a hard time taking things seriously. She figures that after surviving a war, she’s allowed to be carefree and not worry about her future or jobs or anything that really entails being an adult. She’s not necessarily worried about being in the new timeline, outside of the fact she’s not supposed to be alive.

Has a mean jealous streak that can extend to from friends to romantic partners to just one night stands.

ABOUT page ⚘⚘ CONNECTIONS page ⚘⚘

[amazildoessomethingstupid]

Chapter 90: Golden Hour

Golden Hour?  More like GOLDEN SHOWER AMIRITE? HAHAHA CAUSE TAESHI’S JUST TAKIN’ THE PISS OUT OF US AT THIS POINT!  HAHAHA Oh god it hurts...

God damn it kids, when I set out to do this I thought we were gonna have fun, y’know?  I was gonna talk shit, have a laugh, give some actual analysis, see if there is any light in this hellscape y’know?  I wanted to see if I was being mislead, given false information about stuff without proper context y’know?  I was kind of hoping that it would’ve been like the last time I did this, where I looked back and said “y’know, that’s not bad.  I like this, I like this direction, I like this comic.”  And maybe the things I heard weren’t as bad as I thought.

But I was wrong, kids.  God I was so wrong about this chapter.  I wanted to make a joke before reading this about how “Oh man, I just got through that Abbey scene but maybe the next chapter’s gonna be easy on me!”  and then it pans over to Golden Hour, and it’d be a joke because all I knew about Golden Hour was that it was the one where Paulo makes Matt cry.   And I don’t want to see Matt cry, he’s a good boy.  He’s an actually really nice character.  (even though Taeshi’s said he’s meant to be like Suitcase?)  But sadly, there’s more to this chapter than just that...Oh god is there more...

Luckily, Rachel’s here to cheer us up and be cute 

I’d give shit to that XD face, but I’m not that cruel.  It’s wholesome, and cute. And this scene fleshes out the characters more, it’s nice seeing them think about the future, and what they want to do.  It’s really nice.  

Unfortunately the fun doesn’t last, because Paulo’s here.  I guess this is July?  How much time passed since Boy Toy?  We went through 3 chapters...was there a one month span with each chapter?  What is time?  And wait...

First of all, Rachel I love you but what is that face you’re making?  Stop it, that’s bad.  Second of all, it was at this point I realized that this chapter is going to be the introductory chapter to everyone’s “favorite” character: 

Madison!  Oh I’ve heard about you...

And I’m blaming everything in this chapter on you.  

But I’m getting ahead of myself, the start of this chapter is a slog.  Mainly because we got Paulo being all sexually confused, and y’know that might be okay...that might work... Except for the whole. 

Thing that I would’ve thought would be more pressing, and would take precedence over his sexual confusion.  Or maybe not, but from a reader’s perspective this shit is overshadowing everything right now.  It’s hard for me to really digest and take scenes like this

seriously, or properly care, when I’m a lot more concerned about Paulo GETTING JUMPED IN THE BATHROOM! and even more than that, I can’t help but groan at this damn behavior.  But then again I think I groan more when I see 

Eeeeeuuughhhh

Oh sweet merciful god

Stop this.

Why is Mrs. Vera doing this? Why does she hurt me so? Please help me.  I don’t want to do this anymore.

Luckily, this cringey ass exchange that undercuts Paulo’s sexually confused behavior finally stops, and Paulo goes to check on Rachel while-

I wanted to make a joke about how the ghost would be Lucy, and Madison’s basically a shitty substitute Lucy...But I’m pretty sure that’s actually the “joke” here...  God I can’t even make a joke about this.

Luckily best girl is here to help, talking happily about college stuff with Daisy and...

and oh man...

I mean it’s really cute, they talk about stuff and-

Oh...man...Don’t do this...

What?  Who is that?  When was this?  Was this in an old chapter from years ago people barely remember?

PAULO HE THROAT PUNCHED IN THE BATHROOM!  THAT’S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY!

COME ON MAN, DO IT!  JUST DO IT! 

THERE WE GO!  COME ON, STAND UP YOU CAN DO IT! 

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  JUST TELL HER!  YOU ARE ANGRY ENOUGH TO TALK BACK LIKE THIS!  JUST TELL HER! 

Wait...no it can’t be.

No, not the phone.  Oh god, wait...

This...this isn’t happening

NO, GOD PLEASE NOT AGAIN!  

Please...please not the retcon

This isn’t happening...

This isn’t real...

grrrrrrrnnnnnngh Why can’t I escape this?!

SON OF A BITCH

IT’S LITERALLY DECEMBER AGAIN! 

B U T   S O M E H O W   I T S   E V E N   W O R S E !

But this time, I’m prepared.  Buckle up kiddies...

I’m going in...

First of all, thanks for retconning Abbey and Daisy’s relationship.  Now instead of them being an example for the rest of the group of a happy healthy loving relationship, now it turns out that the whole thing was a sham!  great work completely dismantling the foundation of this ship! How about I return the favor by dismantling this fucking argument?

No, Daisy.  you shouldn’t say “You haven’t even been talking about that...” because you CLEARLY NOTICED HOW ABBEY HASN’T TALKED TO YOU ABOUT A FEW OF HIS PROBLEMS, ESPECIALLY RIGHT NOW!  But more than that, what you should’ve said was “Abbey, that rose WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FROM ME!”

And while we’re on the subject... 

HOW

DARE

YOU

RUIN

THIS

FUCKING

SCENE

This is what really fucking makes me mad about this, and why I compare it to December.  I vividly remember reading this scene and I fucking loved it.  This was the chapter that brought me hope in Bittersweet Candy Bowl.  It made me love Paulo, and believe that we were moving away from this stupid bullshit drama.  Finally!  A character came out and said, enough is enough!  We’re not doing this stupid song and dance!  We’re not going to make this stupid bullshit drama that hasn’t been a fucking plot point for years rear it’s ugly little head to ruin what SHOULD’VE BEEN a nice healthy relationship!  We aren’t going to make more drama where none exists, and that idea made me so god damn happy I actually fucking clapped.  I loved that scene, it was great!  And if you’re wondering how December is like this, well there was another scene I really liked too.

This scene.  From the chapter A Distance Apart.

This was a scene that I legitimately loved.  It was so heartbreaking, so real. 

Mike’s reaction to this, is perfect.  It was a powerful rejection, not because Mike was yelling and bashing Lucy, but because he was so earnest about it.   

It’s powerful because it’s so real.  You can tell Mike is conflicted about the situation.  He wants to accept it, he knows that’s something he would’ve wanted and a part of him maybe wants to say yes.  But it’s too little, too late.  And it’s nobody’s fault.  It’s a wonderful scene, one that I always hold dear...

UNFORTUNATELY DECEMBER COMPLETELY UNDERCUTS THIS, BY MAKING IT SO THAT THIS EXCHANGE, AND MIKE’S DECISION TO SEPARATE HIMSELF FROM LUCY WASN’T BECAUSE OF HIS OWN REALIZATION THAT LUCY ISN’T A GOOD PERSON, OR BECAUSE HE DECIDED TO HIMSELF THAT THIS WAS THE BEST COURSE OF ACTION!  NO! IT WAS BECAUSE OF SANDY!

And there’s even more!  Because you know how December was basically a “fuck you!” to everyone who liked Lucy’s personality and behavior?  You know how that chapter, and the subsequent arcs (even in this chapter) basically are just wagging their finger at you and telling you, “How dare you root for Lucy!”  “how dare you laugh at Mike’s abuse!”  “How dare you laugh at the slapstick comedy shit, that didn’t seem to affect our characters in the past!  Because now we’ve decided that, actually it affected them a lot this entire time!” 

Well now, the comic is trying to wag it’s finger at me and tell me “how dare you root for Paulo in this scene!”  “How could you enjoy seeing him try to do the right thing, and stop bullshit drama!”  “You are a horrible person for liking this!”  And you know what?  I will not fucking take this shit anymore!  Fuck you, fuck you’re god damn mixed signals!  But don’t worry there’s more!

Hey Abbey!  Why are you MAD about this?  Shouldn’t you be more broken up about saying this?  Shouldn’t you be upset about this?  Shouldn’t you be choking up about confessing your pent up feelings, and letting it all out in an emotional break down?!  Why is it that rather than that your main emotion being portrayed is ANGER?! BUT WE AIN’T EVEN TOUCHED THE WORST PART! 

HEY ABBEY!  IF THIS IS MEANT TO BE SEEN AS AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN, SIMILAR TO MIKE SPITTING VENOM AND LETTING ALL HIS FEELINGS OUT AND BLAMING SOMEONE ELSE FOR A PROBLEM.  WHY ARE YOU SUDDENLY CALMER ABOUT THIS?  WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A MOMENT TO SLOW DOWN?  

AND HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT LOOK ANYTHING LIKE A SLAP?!

AND PAULO WAS STILL THERE!? You mean to tell me that he totally just let that happen?!  I’ve been to a few fast food joints, and if these guys are yelling as loud as I think they are, there’s no way that Paulo didn’t hear their conversation, or at least enough to realize that this isn’t something he should be prodding on.  HOW IS THIS ANYTHING BUT A CONVENIENT WAY TO MAKE ABBEY LOOK LIKE HE’S RIGHT?!  

But oh...

You...

YOU MOTHERFUCKER!  HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!

I’M SORRY  I FORGOT ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU TOOK LUCY’S ABUSE OF MIKE SERIOUSLY!

I MEAN I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU’VE BEEN THERE TO DEFEND MIKE’S ACTIONS AGAINST LUCY!  AND HAVE ALWAYS UNDERSTOOD HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HER!

SO IT ONLY MAKES SENSE FOR YOU TO ATTACK YOUR GIRLFRIEND FOR DOING THE SAME FUCKING THING, 

RIGHT?!

EXCEPT THAT WAIT!

That’s right, I’m pulling January right now!

IF THERE WAS ANYONE WHO ADIMANTLY WAS AGAINST LUCY’S TREATMENT OF MIKE (even for selfish reasons) 

IT WAS FUCKING DAISY!

NO HE FUCKING ISN’T!

First of all, why the fuck does the page look like this?!  I heard that apparently Taeshi’s updating the pages now to be a proper digital and colored version, which would make sense y’know.  it takes time redrawing this shit except that. I HAVE VOLUME 6 IN MY HANDS AND YES IT IS FULLY COLORED AND LINED!  SO THAT MEANS THAT SHE CLEARLY HAS A PROPER VERSION OF THIS THAT DOESN’T LOOK SKETCHY, AND IS POLISHED!  WHY DO WE HAVE TO WAIT A WEEK TO SEE THIS PROPERLY?!  HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO REPLACE A FUCKING FILE?!

AND SECONDLY, PAULO THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU SAY!  YOU SAY “I DON’T HAVE TO BE FAIR TO HIM BECAUSE HE FUCKING CHOKED ME OUT IN THE BATHROOM!” 

for the love of...I already explained why that argument is fucking stupid in the previous rant.  But y’know what?  I had to go archive diving for that last bit so while I’m here let’s pull up some things  shall we?  Let’s see how manipulative Paulo is.

like in the christmas chapter where he was trying to manipulate the holiday tradition to steal a kiss from Daisy...except he knew that was wrong and didn’t do it.

Oh wait, I know!  What about when Paulo took advantage of Lucy in her distressed and broken state, to-

OH WAIT, NO HE REALIZED THAT WAS WRONG TOO AND DIDN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!

AND Y’KNOW IT’S FUNNY HOW YOU BRING UP THESE “OTHERS” PRESUMABLY RACHEL AND JESS WHO WERE THE ONLY ONES PAULO EVER REALLY WENT AFTER!  BECAUSE

The only reason he went on that sexcipade was BECAUSE HE DIDN’T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF LUCY!  

GOD DAMN IT, I’M FUCKING FURIOUS AT THIS.  YOU DESERVE THE TITLE OF DECEMBER 2.0!  AAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH

*groan* just fucking tell her.

just fucking tell her.

WHY DID YOU NOT JUST TELL HER RIGHT FUCKING NOW?!

god damn it...

I’m so fucking done with this chapter, it isn’t even funny.

and oh look, we get to spend time introducing this shitty character...I’m so excited.

You’re not even fucking trying at this point...

Even Rachel can’t make this better.

Anyway, David sees paulo is down, and tries to cheer him up.  And Paulo...actually opens up and tells him what’s wrong.  

And David deals with it in his own way.  And imma be honest, I like this part. This is exactly what I was talking about, with saying that David would’ve been better for Paulo to express or experiment his bisexuality with.  David is just a really loving guy, and his behavior lends itself to a lot of interpretation.  This is really nice, it’s actually heartwarming and nice to see David being so sincere and loving and caring for Paulo.  I just wish...

I just wish I didn’t remember what I was told about this chapter...

go on.

go ahead and do it.

y’know, if I wasn’t already dead from being stabbed in the heart so many times by this comic, this would’ve probably had more impact.  You’ve already diced it up  at this point, now you’re just mincing my heart into pieces, what do you want to do next?  get the blender?  

god...

y’know...

This scene...

This scene should’ve been all that this chapter was about... This scene...this character...did not deserve to be lumped in with that last scene.

I like this part.  I really do.  It’s nice that Taeshi brought up homophobia and how society felt about gay people back in 2008, and even now.  It’s important, and it’s a discussion that I’m not upset that they decided to have...

I’m just upset that they decided to have it forced in after that bullshit.  Because this is actually pretty well done.  It’s emotional, it’s serious, and it’s to the point.  Paulo was an ass, but I did get context to that and I’ll mark it up to his panicked state making him irrational.  That makes sense.  This is fine.

Wait, hold on.  What the fuck is that face? Gimme a second.

OH THANK GOD THAT’S NOT IN THE FINISHED PRODUCT! 

But FINALLY the chapter ends, with Paulo accepting the gays, and that’s it....

This is like the opposite feeling I had with Guest of Honor.  Where Guest of Honor was sweet cuteness that had a bitch of a scene that tainted everything, this...This is such a scattered mess.  I don’t know what to pay attention to.  Do I pay attention to Rachel, Daisy, and Matt thinking about college?  Do I pay attention to Paulo’s relationship with Daisy?  Do I pay attention to Paulo questioning his sexuality?  Do I pay attention to Abbey and Daisy’s relationship?  Do I pay attention to Paulo’s behavior in the past?  Do I pay attention to this new character who is a SHIT SUPPLEMENT FOR LUCY?!  Or do I pay attention to Matt’s troubled past? 

This chapter is so god damned fucked.  Even when it’s nice, it’s undercut by Paulo for some reason being OBSESSED WITH FIGURING OUT HIS SEXUALITY AFTER HE’S GOTTEN CHOKED OUT, AND THEN LATER TOLD HE’S A BAD PERSON! 

fuck this chapter.  0/10  December 2.0 same high level of bullshit, but with lower stakes.

[sugrmottas]

what actually are your glee ships?

short answer is everything, more or less. i’m too much of a multishipper lmao

long answer is under the cut.

here are my preferred endgames:

rachel: jesse/rachel, but in an entirely different way than it unfolded in the show??? also they’d get together pretty far into their twenties/maybe even early thirties vs. rachel being 21 and jesse being 23.

finn: i have an oc endgame for finn (had he lived) because i honestly don’t really see him working with anyone actually on the show. 

kurt: i do stick by my preference of adam/kurt (he needs to be someone more mature than him Honestly), but as time goes by i do find myself growing more and more fond of the adam/elliott/kurt ot3. i never quite got the appeal of any of kurt’s other ships (especially kurt/puck and kurt/karofsky) so that might be a factor there, admittedly.

mercedes: in the event that tike isn’t endgame, i do find myself pretty soft for mercedes/mike. they have such a great dynamic in s4 (that was dropped thereafter but that’s glee i Suppose) and it’s easy to see how it could grow into a romantic relationship between the two of them. they’d do friends to lovers so well. i’m endlessly fascinated by their potential. i have an oc endgame for her otherwise, because nobody else on this hellshow deserves mercedes jones.

tina: mike/tina was super undeveloped but also one of the healthiest relationships glee had so they’re automatically my endgame for them but as i delve more into the post-glee headcanons, idk. maybe not. if not mike, i’d probably end up putting her with an oc. maybe a warbler, but lbr, all but blaine/kurt/sebastian/hunter count as ocs. sooooooooo

artie: honestly? idk. i’m v soft for artie/kitty but i enjoy artie so little as a character that i find it hard to pair him with anyone. 

quinn: i ship quinn with literally everything under the sun. i don’t think i have a stable endgame for her, but i always end up coming back around to pairing her with warbler wes. (kids born into ohio’s high society and forcing themselves to live up to impossible standards until they just can’t anymore is my LIFEBLOOD.)

santana: dani/santana. i think santana does need an intellectual equal to be fully satisfied in a relationship and as much as she loves brittany, she just… doesn’t hit the mark. and that’s okay. seriously. dani and santana kind of feed into each other’s prejudices (fuck your biphobia ladies) so they need to do a lot of growing together, but i think they’d do it well.

brittany: i don’t have a solid endgame for brittany just because i struggle to understand her character, which is my bad. i think if anything i’d have her in a polyamorous relationship (usually of 4, sometimes 3, rarely more) with a group of ocs - usually a warbler’s thrown in there (jeff more often than not) but the others are completely from scratch.

puck: puck/rachel has always owned my heart, so i feel it necessary to give them a shoutout here. but honestly, lauren/puck is just… so good. 

mike: mandatory callouts for mike/tina and mercedes/mike. i think for mike, mike/tina makes a lot more sense - she pushes him to challenge his father which is Huge, but i struggle to see where he’d challenge her. he’d support her to the end, but stops short of telling her to be more. i think there’s less of him holding back in his relationship with mercedes (they have a dynamic built on mutual respect, where mike and tina started hooking up behind tina’s boyfriend’s back), so i think i’m more partial to them here.

matt: i felt weird not including him but honestly matt/screentime

sam: blam, surprising nobody.

blaine: blam, surprising nobody. seblaine’s a Big secondary ship, though.

sugar: warbler nick fuck y’all crusty bitches who don’t give a shit about boys if they ain’t gay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rory: ??? idk man, rory deserved better than this hellshow.

joe: i have an oc endgame for him!

marley: jake/marley/ryder. jake and marley date for-freaking-ever (fuck the cheating storyline), breaking up when the time comes for college - jake gets an insane scholarship to julliard while marley’s staying in ohio. who else is staying in ohio? oh gee, ryder! so marley and ryder spend a Lot of time together, eventually begin dating, except there’s always a weird cloud of Jake hanging above them. jake ends up dropping out of julliard and drops off the map for a while and eventually jake’s mom calls ryley begging them to try and help find her baby because they were His People and even though they haven’t spoken to jake in nearly three years, they go because of course they do. there’s a Lot more to this story, but i’m trying to keep this short so: they find jake in new york eventually, in with the entirely wrong crowd and end up staying in the city (in blaine and sam’s apartment which is too small for the two of them let alone all five) to try and help him recover/through his withdrawals (they do long-distance schooling because blaine mother hens the shit out of them and refuses to let them fuck up their hard work just because jake’s struggling) and a few years laterrrr they’re all together.

jake: read above

ryder: read above

kitty: artie/kitty. also v partial to kitty/warbler thad. i just like putting the second generation of new directions with warblers oKaY

unique: i honestly. do not know. i love unique but have such a flimsy grasp on her character (probably because i hate alex) that i just never know what the fuck i’m doing with her post-canon?????? probably an oc, though.

i feel like the 3rd generation pairs itself up nicely (alistair/spencer, jane/mason) and don’t have too much of an idea of madison and roderick’s endgames (not each other, fuck y’all crusty bitches not being able to come up with unique endgames for them when they clearly weren’t super into each other) sooo uh END SECTION

i mentioned various secondary endgames above, but here are my big midgame ships.

rachel: finchel (uh fuck canon), pezberry (uh fuck canon x2), samchel, puckleberry (idk how i feel about canon here).

finn: finchel, fuinn strictly in the sense of “i don’t ship them romantically but view them as integral to each of their individual development”.

kurt: klaine. also ngl i’m vaguely interested in what Could have happened with chandler/kurt but i don’t think i ship it much.

mercedes: samcedes, idk their ship name but mercedes/shane was also a good ship, you guys are just mean.

tina: tartie. also the older i get, the more i lowkey ship sam/tina tbh.

artie: tartie, quartie.

quinn: fuinn, quick, quam, quartie. also it’s Mostly a crackship but st. fabray kind of??? appeals to me??? also quinntana and faberry but there’s so much meta there that idk if i ship them or just find them incredibly interesting

santana: brittana, pezberry, quinntana. 

brittany: brittana, bram (quinn and sam are kind of my shipping bicycles pls help).

puck: quick. also the age-difference was super whack, but i’d be interested in him and kitty dating when she’s, you know, legal.

mike: personal headcanon is that mike’s demisexual but biromantic, so i don’t do a lot of casual shipping with him. i’ve been playing with the concept of him going on a few dates with a male oc when they’re in college, though idk if it’s a Big thing yet.

matt: MATT/SCREENTIME

sam: samcedes, quam, bram, samchel, sam/tina (sina? tam? ew).

blaine: klaine. also i’ll be honest, the concept of a bi!blaine is super interesting to me (i cried when biota aired lmao) and if it was Ever a thing, i’d ship blaine/brittany/sam so hard.

sugar: rory/sugar, artie/sugar, a bunch of idiot men/sugar.

rory: rory/sugar. also i have a weird thing where i think he and marley would be super close but idk if it’s in a ship way or best friends??? sos

joe: i know it was never super developed, but i was kinda soft for joe/quinn ngl.

marley: n/a??? idk she’s a v first love/last love kind of girl.

jake: jake/kitty.

ryder: i have a Thing for ryder/tina and i don’t understand it but blake and jenna had some Super Cute moments so i blame them. also i’m adding ryder to the list of “members of new directions 2.0 randomly dating warblers”, this time the lucky warbler being an oc soooo SRY

kitty: jake/kitty. jitty? i feel like they had a ship name.

unique: n/a???

and then there’s notp’s, of which i have one: k*rtsofky :) also k*rley is…kinda gross lads. also s*btana just let thm b gay!!!

[it-sy-bit-sy]

Sweet Baam

(No it’s not like I fetishize relatively young, soft spoken black haired boys in general or anything, no no no)

Sweet, sweet Baam... Or Bam, I dunno. I’ll use the latter this time.

He’s easily one of my favorite characters in all media that I’ve consumed up to this point.

Why?

LOOK at him. Oh my god.

Anyway, I suppose it’s how gentle he is. His ability* would be Serene Grace if he were a Pokemon. 

*I dunno about this hidden ability stuff. I’ve played gen 5-7 but man I’m not certified to talk about that business.

He isn’t as uncompromising or headstrong like the average shounen character. He doesn’t lecture people about how they should be, because he doesn’t know the answer either. His eyes are open (if not in wonderment and horror), simply absorbing what he sees; he becomes aware of his own faults and isn’t trying to carry himself as some all-righteous being. It’s tempting to become a god but is it what he really wants? Is it even possible? He’s pondering these things as he climbs up the tower. 

Now, that being said, there are still some things he is hiding from us. A lot.

It’s true that in TOG many aspects of a person’s past don’t come to light until it’s necessary to explain. But Bam, hailing from the outside of the tower, has to be putting together certain things that he’s internalizing neither in internal dialogue nor to his teammates. Here’s an example of what I’m trying to say:

In some chapter flashback I recall Bam telling Rachel something to the effect that he’d show her a place in the cave where there are three huge eyes. To me, that sounds like the crest of Jahad. Now we’ve seen that very crest adorning the princesses’ hair pieces for example or on Wagnan’s and Karaka’s rings. Say the first time that Bam noticed them on one of his companions, he could have said something about it then--no but I suppose his priority was to remain as inconspicuous as possible to not be found out as an irregular. Even internal dialogue would have sufficed though; he could have been like “that looks familiar...” or something right? But we don’t get that from him.

What we did get is him as Viole--while giving Wagnan his ring back--saying that it seemed like something important. So he does recognize the significance of these items but he doesn’t raise the issue.

Rachel took this one step further. While the yellow prince and Miseng were being held by her team, she called him the Prince of the Red Light District, so SHE definitely knows a lot of secrets concerning the tower. I don’t know if Bam knows all of that. Probably not. Now may I transition this conversation from Bam’s individual character to an overarching theme?

I don’t necessarily want Bam’s entire life to have been orchestrated from a higher organization in the shadows, but after the deep sea fish/bull arc (established that tests are rigged, Hansung Yu’s significance, etc.) and then again with the Hoaqin arc (Gustang reporting to a hidden person about Rachel being given a power) I am getting that feeling. Here’s what I mean:

Currently Rachel’s motivations don’t make sense. I think Bam is supposed to chase her, and for this reason she doesn’t give him answers as to WHY she has done what she has done. This in turn frustrates Bam to keep seeking answers (think to the confrontation before Rachel boarded the train and the thorn went berserk: face to face, she seemed to have trouble coming up with inflammatory words to say to my boi. All the fist clenching and having to build up resolve against him. When she’s being a little h0 elsewhere it doesn’t take all that to throw insults or act crazy and stab up somebody’s legs. And I think Bam is so persistent because he knew her personally and is calling bullshit on the things she said like “uhh y0u wEre suPposed to be de@D” like she really means that? Bam’s like Hell no get real with me girl what the hell is going on? But she wouldn’t tell ‘im and he got mad mad mario. (watch that if you haven’t)). They were friends on good terms, and they could have gone up the tower together. She doesn’t want Bam around her, and this is why I think that is:

There’s some sort of bet. Or conditions, whatever you want to call it. I believe, especially because of that new information we got from Eduan (Hansung Yu’s data telling him that V’s son would eventually come through the data world), that Rachel is simply the motivation for Bam to go up. He had to have a reason to enter the tower, and whatever organization found out about his existence chose Rachel to be the person who groomed him and became dear to him. She knows about Arlene Grace, the secret of the 13 months and rings, etc, so I think she is personally invested in this process of changing the tower and accepted this role but with bitterness that Bam would be the main character so to speak.

I’m thinking that whatever deal she made with Headon and others, it wasn’t to eliminate Bam. She had many opportunities to do that herself, even with the Hoaqin arc concerning the lava (Khun even mentioned that if she hates him that much she could have raised the level of lava as he was diving down and killed him). And if higher ups wanted him dead they could have easily done that. No, they FABRICATED his death and made a new slayer candidate. So for whatever reason, she’s chosen Hoaqin as her “sword” rather than Bam and wants Bam to lose--I’m thinking that if she fulfills what the organization (FUG or perhaps someone else) wants in her own way before Bam (their choice) does, then her wish, whatever it is, will be granted even though she’s not allowed to be in the tower. Otherwise, the higher ups who are running things will be like “honey you were just fodder for the big guns, you can step aside now~ We told you you couldn’t do sh!t. Wasted our time on you...well at least we still got what we wanted.” And that’s probably why she fights so hard against his success.

Hansung Yu is another dude to look out for; he knows a lot of stuff and he’s with FUG man, like he’s DEEP in the system with his test director ass. He was sitting there waiting for Bam to walk through, wait for the betrayal, and snatch his pretty self to FUG. I’m so sh0ok.

Ok dang this has gone off topic. Well my purpose was to say that Bam is so sweet and cute and he’s hiding stuff from us but actually everyone’s hiding stuff from us so f!ck all of you for being so mysterious. I’m going to post something else about him soon so uh stay tuned if you do that. My number one series hands down, thank you SIU.

[inkdusted]

It feels like the year just started but also like we’ve all experienced twenty years inside the first six months of the year. Either way, it’s time for the Mid Year Book Freak Out Tag! If you know me at all, you’ve been here a while, or you follow me on any other social media, you probably know that I’m indecisive as shit. That’s just who I am, we’re all annoyed by it. As such, there will be multiple books listed for just about every question because this is my blog and I do what I want. Also, I’ve read 113 books so far this year (as of me typing this) and it’s really hard to narrow that down. So! Into the tag!

Best book you've read so far: Listen, The Cruel Prince by Holly Black is basically everything I’ve ever wanted in a book and I read it so early in the year and it has haunted me ever since. The Poppy War by R. F. Kuang fucked me up and it definitely deserves a spot on this list. Girl Made of Stars by Ashley Herring Blake filled me with beautiful dread. I read Barbed Wire Heart by Tess Sharpe a couple months ago and I still find myself thinking about it from time to time. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid was brilliant, end of story.

Best sequel: I was lucky enough to get an arc of The Wicked King by Holly Black but now I’m suffering because the wait for the next one is going to be EXCRUITATING. Making Up by Lucy Parker brought me immense joy. More Than We Can Tell by Brigid Kemmerer was better than the first, in my opinion. I also really liked Avenged/Allied by Amy Tintera. I read both this year and I really enjoyed that trilogy. I’m actually doing at least a decent job of keeping up with sequels this year. I’m nowhere near where I SHOULD be (I have two stacks of sequels I need to read), but I’m at least making some progress! Last year I was definitely failing. Now I’m at like a C-.

New release you haven't read yet but want to: Anger is a Gift by Mark Oshiro, Tess of the Road by Rachel Hartman, Defy the Worlds by Claudia Gray. I was SO READY for Defy the Worlds because I thought it would be the end, but there’s gonna be a third book now so that cliffhanger ending will probably kill me. Also the two stacks of sequels that I’m sure are incredibly disappointed in me.

Most anticipated release for the second half of the year: (I don’t have arcs of these) The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy by Mackenzie Lee. Vengeful by V. E. Schwab. Trail of Lightning by Rebecca Roanhorse. The Hollow of Fear by Sherry Thomas. The Darkest Legacy by Alexandra Bracken.

Biggest disappointment: This one is really sad, but Furyborn by Claire Legrand. I wanted to like this book so much, but to me it felt a little all over the place. The prologue was super interesting and got me hooked, but unfortunately I felt like it threw the tension of the entire book out of whack. I’m still not sure if we were supposed to guess the “plot twist” or not, but I guessed it within the first three pages and it wasn’t revealed until the last 10-15% of the book, so who knows. I might check out the sequel still, but I won’t be on the edge of my seat waiting for it.

Biggest surprise: Debuts that surprised me: Always Never Yours by Emily Wibberley and Austin Siegemund-Broka which absolutely stole my heart. The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw which came out of nowhere and blew me away with the atmospheric writing. The Queen’s Rising by Rebecca Ross, a quiet little book that did interesting things with expected tropes. Contagion by Erin Bowman really surprised me too. I have read her western YA and I did enjoy it, but this one completely hooked me and I couldn't put it down.

Favorite new author: R. F. Kuang. The fact that The Poppy War is her debut is amazing and she’s also a delight on social media.

Newest fictional crush: Leo from Making Up. Michael from The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang. Devil from Wicked and the Wallflower by Sarah MacLean. I’m reading a lot more adult romance lately, which makes me happy.

Newest favorite character: I would die for Jude from The Cruel Prince, okay. Also Rin from The Poppy War. I also greatly enjoyed learning everything I could about Evelyn Hugo in The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. Harley from Barbed Wire Heart is a character we don’t necessarily see that often (or I haven’t encountered that often) and I’m in love with her. Also, I just finished The Dark Descent from Elizabeth Frankenstein and you know what, I would also die for Elizabeth Frankenstein.

Book that made you cry: The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo and Girl Made of Stars. I haven’t cried THAT much over books this year, but those two books really got me.

Book that made you happy: Undead Girl Gang by Lily Anderson was basically everything I’ve ever wanted from a Lily Anderson book. Royals by Rachel Hawkins was a goddamn delight. From Twinkle, with Love was absolutely adorable, exactly what you would expect from a Sandhya Menon book. The Way You Make Me Feel by Maureen Goo was super happy making. Any Duchess Will Do by Tessa Dare made me tear up it was so cute (I was also, admittedly, reading it late at night while sleepy, but still).

Favorite book to movie adaptation you've watched this year: Love, Simon! That’s pretty much the only book to movie adaptation I’ve seen, I’m pretty sure. I really liked it! I cried multiple times and also had to grab my friend’s hand because the CUTENESS. Also Annihilation, but I haven’t read the source material.

Favorite review you've written this year: Meh, I don’t really have a favorite. My reviews aren’t really that special? You can find them all on my goodreads though!

Most beautiful book you bought this year: The Wicked Deep, Furyborn, and Girl Made of Stars all have beautiful covers! Contagion is really pretty too, but hasn't been released yet so I haven't technically bought it.

Books you need to read by the end of the year: Some ARCs I still need to read: Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik which I’m SUPER excited about, Summer of Salt by Katrina Leno, Final Draft by Riley Redgate (plus so many more, I'm so behind). Annnnd sequels I need to read: The Last of August by Brittany Cavallaro, The Heart Forger by Rin Chupeco, and The Dire King by William Ritter.

[brilliantyears]

wolf 359 finale

No liveblogging because I wanted to avoid all spoilers at all costs but here goes livetyping (then posting everything in one go) OOOOOMG.

Needless to say: spoilers! (I'm also tagging this post of course)

- HOLY SHIT HERE WE GO - wow sad Pryce backstory - ok this was the creepiest 'Hello little girl' ever, Cutter stahp. But okay Pryce isn't quite as old as Cutter, that's interesting. - "KEPLER WHY ARE YOU ON MY SHIP" lmfaoooo - how badly I just want them to leave NOW, to hell with everything, but alas 2 hours left lmao kill me - "Eiffel will this work" Eiffel is the expert "It will work" oh crap - Jacobi is in pain NO - is Kepler saying thank you - "I'm concerned" "OH YOU'RE CONCERNED" - no Kepler stop the weak excuses omg "I played the game" shut up "bigger p-" NO - yessssss Jacobi you're calling it - what is Lovelace doing what is she eating omg haha - wtf that fridge, freezer, drinks cabinet, because of course lmfao - every time they mention "back on earth" and "home" I mean almost two hours left to this episode we're all screwed aren't we - "do let it hit you on the way out" Jacobi I love you - species but WHICH one - everyone sounds really damn happy about Minkowski's decision? - "Jacobi don't" ok tiny feels - KEPLER TAKE THE RIGHT SIDE - RACHEL TAKE THE RIGHT SIDE - OH they don't fuck - JACOBI SPEECH OMG I LOVE YOU you are the best ;0; - but what is the evil plannnnnn - KEPLER NO oh god "don't do this colonel" BIG FEELS "thank you Daniel and goodbye" HUGE FEELS - I'm dead - Maxwell - flashback?! - MAXWELL - huge, crushing, feels - "Have you gotten the whiskey speech yet?" LMFAO - Kepler you big ass - Cutter omg - TRACKER AND TRANSMITTER ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME HANDS OFF MY BBY - Eiffel's log... T_T - ok here are my tears, at last - Eiffel and Minkowski laughing over musical I love it - but one day more ok end my suffering now - Zach making Eiffel do a terrible Hilbert imitation is.. Zach, you are perfect, never change - OMG MINKOWSKI OMG EIFFEL SCREAMING OMG MORE TEARS HOLY S HIT - this can't be the last we hear of Eiffel right? right? nah - "Mr Jacobi's tracker" one thing I never want to hear again - did Kepler really use "Eiffel" and "enemy forces" in one sentence, like, have you MET Eiffel - "I'm so sick of this happening" oh whoops of course because he's torpedoed into space alone AGAIN - "wait a minute where is Eiffel" AGAIN - a wolf 359 unique trope - Hera's "chance to say goodbye" T_T - "so: reckless, dangerous and practically guaranteed to fail?" - "not in a million years" - just a random moment to say so far this episode is VERY GOOD and I'm not dead yet?? - Cutter plays the piano because of course - "Do... read a book some time" MIRANDA - so brave new world = The Tempest, after all - device what device - "Oohhh fun!" that was v creepy, Cutter - and after all that's happened Eiffel says Minkowski's name right - hahahahha EIFFEL WHAT this is terrible - Eiffel have you not being paying any attention - Jacobi lmfao "you're gonna ruin everything" - "VIC" - "she basically invented the paranoia on this station" lmao - "AWW YOUR LITTLE FACE" Jacobi you perfect asshole I love you - JACOBI ARE YOU OK OMG - STOP HURTING JACOBI JFC - JACOBI DON'T GET KILLED - PLEASE I BEG YOU - Minkowski and Lovelace scheming together is in my top 3 of favourite things in the universe - "there are way too many ghosts in this place" feels - Hilbertttttt omg everyone is in this episode????? - Lovelace sass - Hilbert/Selberg groan - "I am never going to be rid of you am I" IF ONLY YOU KNEW - EIFFEL FFS YOU SHOULD HAVE PAID ATTENTION - I BELIEVE IN YOU - "I can't do this, not on my own" "That I'm not smart enough, that I'm not military enough, that I'm not YOU enough" "Let it go, let it all go" RIGHT IN THE HEART - GOOD JOB EIFFEL - what a terrible way to confirm identity btw just saying, "here's my password for everyone to hear because I have to say it out loud!" jfc - "a very witching hour" did you really - DEVICE WHAT DEVICE - WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO - 2 MINUTES NO WHAT STOP - haha wow Cutter talking to the Dear Listeners oh man - what happened last time OH RIGHT Kepler lost a hand - good luck Cutter lmfao - virus because of course - decima???? but but wait? or is it? but Eiffel survived that? - it IS DECIMA but wait what - OH HOLY FUCK THE DESTRUCTION OF THE HUMAN RACE - "SO IF YOU STILL WANT TO LEARN SOMETHING FROM US" - ALL OF THIS SHIT OVER MUSIC?! GODDAMN MUSIC????!!!SOFJ;LASFKJL;SAF - oooooooooohhhhhhhhhh it's blue - "Nice to meet you, Bob!" HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS TERRIBLE - also Cutter you are disgusting - I could use some Bob-sass right now - "Remarkable and cold" that's just Pryce & Carter honestly - ah yes the sass there it is - which technology do they want - THE ABILITY TO WHAT OH FUCK OF COURSE - "Bobby baby no" CUTTER OMG STOP - "We - like - humans" "new" "better" "randomness out of the equation" "self-guided evolution" Idk what to say - acceptable?! - STOP SAYING "BOB" IT'S KILLING ME - Douglas Eiffel "the appropriate mental structure" AHAHAHSFLKDJSA;FASJ;LFKJSAFLKASFJASJAS FSOHHSFHSFHSADF - OH THIS IS THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE EVER - HAHAHASLFKJ;SAFJ;LASF I CAN'T I'M DEAD - HOLY MOLY CUTTER THAT WAS HOLY SHIT NO THAT WAS TERRIFYING DON'T DO THAT AGAIN - Eiffel no - EIFFEL NO - EIIIIFFFFFFFFEL NOOOOOOO - EIFFEL. NO. NO. - stop. saying. Bob. Eiffel why did you have to call him Bob goddammit - Eiffel no - "Tell me I didn't kill anyone we like" Eiffel is channeling all of us - "let's make sure at least someone makes it through this" all of you plz minus Pryce and Carter and Rachel because yeah - Minkowski no - I don't know what you're going to do but no - Lovelace yes - "Let's go get our idiot back" ily Isabel - STOP HURTING JACOBI - PLEASE - I'M SO SCARED FOR MY BBY - "your funeral" shut up - ok Zach talking to Zach just perfect this is what I'm going to miss when it's all over tbh - "YOU KILLED BOB ARE YOU CRAZY" - "I JUST HATE LOOSE ENDS" well I HATE YOU - "the Pryce is not right" haha oh crap - Harry Potter books one through four "oh that's nice" YES WHAT THE HELL PRYCE - "So that's who Dumbledore is" DO READ A BOOK SOME TIME, MIRANDA - HERA how though - complicated, yes I'd say so - Cutter step away - "streamline" lmfao "me?!" haha "can't of course catch bullets" ENHANCEMENTS no "rude" dammit - JACOBI BE OKAY PLEASE - ok I am now 100% sure who my favourite terrible character is hi Jacobi PLEASE BE OKAY - JACOBI YES - Pryce vs Hera, this is terrifying - "You don't look like me" "I spent my entire life trying to NOT be you" "Adorable but futile" holy crap - stop calling her 214 you creeper - careful with Eiffel kids - the first two Queen albums and all things Star Wars prequels "I think I might be okay with that last one actually" hahahahahahahaHA - "bye bye Mr Bob" I think you're making a mistake Rachel - Kepler shut up no one cares about you (I do but NO ONE ON THE HEPHAESTUS) - "don't go soft on me Warren" oh Rachel - "we have to tell Mr Cutter" "do we?" listen to Warren - KEPLER YES - KEPLER YESSSSSS - KEPLERRRRRRR YESSSSSSSSSSSS - (oh no Rachel but) - KEPLER YES - YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS - KEPLER OH NO - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - NO NO NO NO NO - SOMEONE STOP HER - of course he was the one to go - fuck T_T FUCK - FUCKKK T____________T - it was oddly nice to hear he had his whiskey with him - oh god I'm worried about Jacobi what will he feel - Cutter - JACOBIIIIIIIIIII - NO NO NO NO NO NO NO - JACOBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - my heart - MY HEART MY POOR HEART - he went out with a bang - MY HEART T_T - Minlace vs Cutter oh my god - NO NO NO NO - JEZUS FUCKING CHRIST YOU ALL LIKE TO WATCH US SUFFER DON'T YOU - MINKOWSKI NOOOOO - so everyone dies? are we going to ignore the existence of this episode? are we? yes? yes. - STOP HURTING EIFFEL YOU GIGANTIC BITCH - STOP TOUCHING HIS MEMORIES - this is going to be a farewell?! - DON'T DO THE FAREWELL SPEECH THING - PLEASE DON'T - Cutter shut up - Minkowski are you ok - HOLY SHIT MINKOWSKI GO GO GO - "I actually felt that one" GOOD - YES LOVELACE SHOOT HIM - "neat" shUT UP - HOLY MOLY LOVELACE YES - groaning Cutter - HARPOON A FUCKING HARPOON THAT IS BRILLIANT - "that is not how this is supposed to end" BYE BITCH - Minkowski T_T - Lovelace T_T - go get Eiffel - there is no way anyone is going to make it out alive ok I'm trying to make peace with this - out of all the terrible people Pryce is still there why - "goodbye doctor Pryce" Hera you are scary what are you doing - everyone is going to die - "thanks for all the fish before I don't understand that reference" omg - NO YOU IDIOT PRYCE IS RIGHT BUT - IT'S THE ONLY THING TO DO BUT - OH MY GOD NO - eiFFEL - what a pleasure to hear Pryce so angry for a moment - bye bitch - Eiffel :( - oh god he gets to say goodbye - OH GOD HE GETS TO SAY GOODBYE I'M CRYING - CRYING - NO NO NO NO NO - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHY ARE THEY HURTING US SO POOR HERA - "he's gone" - oh no this flashback please stop we're already broken. you're kicking someone who's already down stop it - "Minkovski" "Minkowski" "Minkovski" "Minekowski" oh no :'(((( - cigarettes ffs all the feelings "I'll think of something" omg - oh no I'm crying so hard oh no - "starrrr- what?" NO - Lovelace - end our suffering - end all our sufferings - Hera no - why do you hate us so - Minkowski is basically all alone now - WHY DO YOU HATE US SO - WE HAVE FEELINGS TOO - "Renée, Renée?!" - WHAT IS HAPPENING - WHAT WHAT WHAT IS HAPPENING - OMG - LOVELACE. MINKOWSKI. - IS THIS HAPPENING - IS ANYONE ELSE ALIVE?! - HERA. EIFFEL?! - JACOBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII - "JACOBI MY PERSONAL LORD AND SAVIOUR THANK GOD YOU GOT US OUT OF THAT DEATH TRAP" OMGGGGG - OMG  OMGSODFKJ;SAF JOMG OGM OGM OMG OMGOMG OMGOMGOM G OMG THANK YOU UNIVERSE - JACOBI IS ALIVE - "Jacobi, what about Kepler?" I love that you asked :( - "No." "I'm sorry." "It's alright." oh god you really did love him?! You really did?! And everyone knew. I can't interpret this any other way, I just can't - Eiffel EIFFEL this is brilliant the logs oh god this is brilliant I love it yeah you were a jerk but we love you so much Eiffel - BY THE WAY Jacobi is alive JACOBI IS ALIVE - "Am I still that same person?" oh man are they doing what I think they're doing? Super duper Eiffel not-a-jerk-redemption-arc?? - MY FAVES ARE ALIVE I'M JUST SAYING - Oh my god PRYCE IS ALIVE?! - ahahhaskfljas;f ahahahahahaha *spirals into insanity* - Pryce. Hera. Holy crap. I... I don't know what I expected but this is beautiful?? I can't believe this is happening? This is so good? I love it? - Jacobi is alive I can't believe I get to hear him talk still I am so happy I can die peacefully - if it doesn't hold I'll scream, I'm just saying - "TELL ME YOU DIDN'T DO ALL THIS JUST TO WIN A BET" OF COURSE HE DID HAHAHAHAHA IT'S JACOBI i'm dead - no glitches! you deserve it bby! - we are talking about "back on earth", I'm so happy - thank you universe - find husband, take apart Goddard Futuristics, Disney Land, vacations, I love this thank you - "see you on the other side" I'd be happy if you never say terrifying things like that ever again thanks - "Hera, you ready to go home?" "What about you mister?" I love you all - I love you all so much thank you for staying alive I love you - Eiffel ;0; - "Spending time with you two was one of the best things I ever did" aw - this doesn't sound good - please be ok, you're ok right? yes yes you are I choose to believe you are okay thanks - you're fine I love you all thank you I'm so happy I'm also crying but I'm happy - the final credits are the worst I'm crying I love you all thank you for my life

[romancevsreality-blog]

the bachelorette, season fourteen, episode two: let’s pretend i didn’t forget i didn’t post this recap, okay?

Thank god Queen Rachel showed up to save this episode, otherwise I don’t think I’d have much to say1.

We’re in Venice Beach, California, and it’s Becca’s first date as the Bachelorette and since Arie, which isn’t saying a lot considering she basically had an hour between their breakup and her crowning. The beeftestants are all ready for the competition to begin and to get their first date card. The Devil Incarnate Chris Harrison arrives for a solid 30 seconds to ask the guys about how they feel about Becca. We see David without the chicken suit for the first time and god, that venture capitalist does it for me. I hate myself for it too, but he honestly looks like if Scott Wolf and Matthew Fox got together on the set of Party of Five and made a baby, and I AM ABOUT IT. David probably drinks old fashioneds and wears boat shoes. My Mortal Enemy Chris Harrison talks about how serious Becca is about the entire experience, and tells them to relish in the time they get with her.

Remember, these people get, in total, around 48 hours with the person they’re going to marry if they make it that far, most of which is spent with an entire camera crew and production. I hate to say it, but Chris Harrison might be right.

Aside from a brief moment of correctness, what else does Chris Harrison have?

A DATE CARD!!!!!!!!!!

Clay, Nick, Chris / Perez Hilton, Venture Capitalist/Chicken David, Jean Blanc, Jordan, Connor, and Lincoln are on the first group date of the season.

The guys pull up and Becca’s there in a wedding dress, and Jordan’s feeling confident because he’s a model2 and beating good looking dudes is basically how he makes his bread and butter, so he’s not concerned. I love that Jordan’s entire personality is just being a Good Looking Guy. No one ever explained to Jordan that looks aren’t everything, and if they did, he wasn’t listening. Becca wants to “pamper” the men the way she was on her first date with Arby and I love that Becca thinks men’s idea of pampering is wearing tuxedos and drinking champagne. I mean, that’s my ideal man, but what do I know? I’m the kind of person who thinks Jack Donaghy was right here:

Becca pretends not to be ogling these men because I would be ogling these men. Without shame. I decided in 2018 I’m going to be as shameless about wanting to sleep with men as men are about wanting to sleep with me and it’s pretty great. I haven’t taken a full left turn into catcalling just yet, but I really have just embraced my inner Guy Checking Out A Girl Meme this year.

Jordan does his various modeling runway walks, and honestly, I so preferred this last week on the Vanderpump Rules Secrets Revealed episode when it was Tom Sandoval. Tom Sandoval actually had variation in his poses, where as Jordan is verging on the Zoolander “THESE ARE ALL THE SAME LOOK I FEEL LIKE I’M TAKING CRAZY PILLS” type of modeling. Jon Kortajarena is offended. Jordan is comfortable wearing clothes because he does it for a living. He tells Becca the best way to get dressed is to put her confidence on first. Becca invites the guys to go get rough and there we see

QUEEN RACHEL AND HER FIANCEE BRYAN.

This is a variation on the challenge we had last season that starred Mila Kunis and the Jar Of Douche she married, but instead of babies, it’s a wedding themed obstacle course. It’s a stretch, but it’s basically guys in tuxedos doing a Mud Run, something I can guarantee 85% of the men on this show have participated in. The first obstacle is strapping an ankle bracelet with a ball on it to the next obstacle.

Because ball and chains. Get it? Marriage? Women are carriers for men’s baggage?

Moving on.

The next is “Cold Feet”, which is basically dunking yourself into a vat of cold water3 for a period of time. The next is “slippery slope”, running up some slippery steps. Then “Get Over Your Exes” where they have to crawl on the ground to get a bouquet. The stretchiness is so real, it’s like a rubber band. They’re really trying this.

Finally, it’s “Cake Tasting”, which basically has the guys chomping through some cakes in order to find rings. This is all made worth it for Rachel telling the guys to “find out what that mouth do,” which I think should be a much better catchphrase than “do the damn thing”. The final two have to race to the altar to find Becca.

The obstacle course is kind of boring. Clay DGAF about the ice buckets, meanwhile Lincoln is miserable. All the guys notice that Lincoln got in the tub after them, but was out before them, and are pissed. Meanwhile, Lincoln is slipping and sliding all over the place4 and he gets a huge headstart. However, he misses the vase that bouquet of flowers is supposed to go in, so he must go back. By that point, David’s caught up and is face first in cake5 and they’re neck and neck until Lincoln nudges David, and he falls. Lincoln is the one to meet Becca at the aisle and “propose”, and the guys are all pissed.

There is a difference between competitiveness and playing dirty. Lincoln was playing dirty - leaving the tub before his time was up, knocking David over - that’s not a fair playing ground and yeah, Connor (I think?) is like, “wow, that says a lot about him as a person if he’ll cheat on a game like THIS.”

At the After-Party, Becca is wearing a red lace dress and Lincoln is being obnoxious. He keeps calling Becca his wife and the guys are barely in their chairs before Lincoln is taking Becca aside. Lincoln keeps saying “you bring out the best in me,” and Becca wants to know why. I love Becca’s line of questioning. These dudes can’t say empty, false platitudes because she’s gonna ask why. Becca gives him a portrtait of the two of them on their “wedding day” and Lincoln… kisses it. He’s gushing and all over her and they finally kiss in a manner that’s not covered in mud.

"Kissing Becca is like flying to the moon on the wings of a Pegasus while dancing with unicorns on a pot of gold.” - Lincoln actually says this. I have never hated anyone so much.

Back at the house, there’s a...

DATE CARD!!!!!!!!!

It goes to Blake, who honestly, if you replaced him mid-season with Miles Teller, I wouldn’t realize.

We see the montage of Becca connecting with the guys, of course. Meanwhile, Lincoln is literally talking to his “wedding portrait”, kissing it, all kinds of obnoxious behavior. The guys are annoyed because he keeps propping the picture up and rubbing it in their faces, and it’s not something any of them are cool with. I mean, same? Connor (I think?), who clearly is being manipulated by a producer, keeps moving the picture, even when Lincoln continues to display it. Connor (I think?) tosses the photo on the ground after Lincoln’s like “where would I put it?” Of course Lincoln is the type to get hyped up on semantics. Lincoln props up the frame one more time, and Connor (I think?) ’s completely normal, pratcial reaction is to fling the photo across the pool, shattering it.

This reaction is so over the top, and I hate Lincoln, so that’s saying a lot. Lincoln was wrong, but his incorrectness was basically harmless. Connor (I think?) ;has been there for one day at this point. It is entirely unacceptable that he reacted like this… after one day. It’s a red flag if I’ve ever seen one.

Meanwhile, Jean Blanc, my mom’s dream husband for me, is making Becca swoon. Honestly, he talks about needing love in his life and how he gives her butterflies. They kiss and it’s nice. I'm glad Becca is giving the black guys a real shot at this.

Meanwhile, Lincoln is lurking a stairwell waiting because he “needs a new picture”, and he’s crying. He’s “rattled” because Connor (I think?) broke his picture and tells Becca that it’s becuase he didn’t like the picture. All the guys are like “tattletale”. Lincoln calls Connor (I think?) aggressive6 and says he doesn’t know why Connor (I think?) destroyed the photo. Becca points out that yes, this is aggressive and extreme, and is frustrated that it’s this early in the season and this is already happening. Becca goes to talk to Connor (I think?) , and Connor (I think?) really doesn’t see anything wrong with how aggressive he got straight away, which is scary. Rightfully, Becca asks him if this happens often, because girl has right to know if this dude is going to slaughter her in her sleep. Becca admits that what Lincoln did wasn’t right, but she wants someone respectful. Becca’s frustrated because it’s already too soon for this drama to start.

Remember what Chris Harrison said about using your time wisely? This is what he meant, Connor (I think?). Your time with Bex was spent talking about another dude.

Back with the group, Jean Blanc gets the group date rose. Of course.

Back at the house, Lincoln is still upset about his picture and Garrett, Andrew Keegan and the rest of the 90s Villains are all telling him it’s okay for him to be upset about it. I mean, kind of? It’s not worth crying over. I bet production can get you another copy, they just need to go to Michaels and get a Michaels coupon for 50% off frames first. They go to Jordan, where he’s sititng with the same Andrew Keegan from before, and Andrew Keegan is like, “dude, why are you CRYING over a photo where you don’t even look good?!”

Andrew Keegan, asking the right questions. No wonder you started a cult. Jordan thinks Lincoln’s accent is fake, and normally I’d be like “pfft, who would fake an accent?” But then I remember the Emmy-worthy performance Lincoln is putting on and I remember... it’s guys like Lincoln who put on a fake accent. It’s like Emily Mortimer on 30 Rock, but instead of fragile bones, Lincoln has a fragile ego.

They make an entirely uneventful transition to Blake on his date with Becca. I went to high school with a billion dudes who look just like Blake, and that is probably the source of my tiny crush on Blake? I mean, Blake is likely as trash as the rest of these men but he’s trash in a sweater?7 Honestly, looking like Miles Teller and not having the personality of Miles Teller already is a win for Blake. It’s Blake’s first limo ride because last week, he rode in on an ox. And before that, a horse. Blake does not like enclosed spaces. Becca has no idea what’s happening on the date today, only that it’s been left in Chris Harrison’s hands.

A List of Chris Harrison’s Date Ideas:

Making you into a human candle

Slaughtering babies

Going to a Speculum Museum

Creating enemies

Drinking mimosas from human skulls

This is why they haven’t let this man plan a date on this show before.

They meet Chris Harrison at what only be described as a Murder Warehouse8 and he’s holding a sledgehammer. In case you’re wondering what my nightmares are like, it’s this. Chris Harrison in a button-down and jacket with no tie, holding a fucking sledgehammer. Basically, the entire premise is “Becca, you say you’re over Arby, but production isn’t quite yet, so why don’t you smash some of his shit with sledgehammers?” Y’all, did you know Arby and Becca broke up? There are TV monitors playing her proposal like some demented Truman Show, the couch he broke up with her on, and Arby’s racecar. We get it, production. The metaphor has been handed to us on a stick.

Also, this is a dream date of mine, but with just general shit. I want to smash stuff.

Then Lil’ Jon shows up and I yelled “GIVE HIM THE ROSE, BECCA!!!!!!!!!!!” I have no idea why Lil’ Jon is there other than to DJ the destruction. It’s perfectly scored to “Turn Down For What” because this show really is permanently in 2014. Regardless, Becca and Blake are getting along. Their arms are sore! Becca was nervous but not because of Blake. They already knew what they were in for and so they were relaxed. Becca points out that this show is a lot like dating in reverse - basically, you’ve already picked this person as your life partner, now get to know them - and how that created an environment where she fell for someone quicker than she thought possible. What a fascinating dynamic, honestly, and it’s amazing how simply summarized the concept of this show is. People always say “How do they do this so quickly, how can they say they’re in love after a few days?” When you’re isolated with nothing else to do but think about the possibility of a life with the only person in your vicinity, combined with someone coming into your room to talk to you only about that One Person and your relationship with them, you’d do the same. This is why distractions are good in love. When you first fall in love, keep yourself busy9.

Blake unleashes his trauma - he fell for a girl who said she loved him early on, and then everything changed and she broke up with him out of the blue not even a week later. Damn, that’s savagery. He can appreciate her being there and opening up again after her heartbreak, because he’s struggling with that. Blake gets the first one-on-one rose.

Back at the house, there’s a...

DATE CARD!!!!!!!!!

Garrett, Rickey, John, Ryan, Alex, Christon, Trent, Leo, Wills, and Colton are on the date card. Which means none for Andrew Keegan / Jason or Mike.

The guys on the group date head onto a school bus and head to a field, where Becca is waiting for them. Colton confirms his virgin status by talking about how good Becca smells - she looks good, but smells better? What? Shut up, Colton. Your facial hair isn’t enough for your chin.

They head into a gymnasium, where the men are immediately greeted by eight-year-olds throwing balls at them. The kids are there to show them dodgeball and make sure they know how to dodge a ball like Becca dodged Arby. My absolute favorite is these kids just reading these grown men to filth. One of the boys calls the men trash and asks if Becca wants trash, and I literally laughed for a solid hour.

The pink team takes the strategy to hide behind Becca because no one’s going to hit The Bachelorette, right? Wrong. Christon is just pelting her with balls. Dodgeball is a serious sport, despite what these people think. We get another occurrence of Fred Willard, who I really hope was adequately paid for this appearance because he looks like he’d rather be in bed. As quickly as the game starts it devolves into this year’s NBA finals - Leo vs. the Green Team, if Leo is Lebron James and the Green Team is the Golden State Warriors.

CAN I GET A MOMENT AND A PAT ON THE BACK FOR MY SPORTS KNOWLEDGE????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? I’LL WAIT. I’LL WAIT. I know y’all are shocked.

Becca’s shocked Leo, who is a stuntman, is good at dodging injury in dodgeball. Becca. Come ON. But the audience is living for Leo, the Last Man Standing. Eventually he’s defeated and the Green Team is the victor, but Becca’s got her eyes on him, so that’s what matters.

At the After-After Party, the guys are all on top of the world. It’s the opposite vibe from the other group date, so of course someone’s gonna come in and fuck it all up. Garrett and Becca talk about whether it was weird to get the First Impression Rose and then be sequestered into Group Date category. Garrett talks a lot about himself and calls himself the male version of Becca. Wills has the best sense of fashion out of the house, full-stop. They do rapid-fire questions, my favorite form of getting to know someone. Becca wants a relationship like her parents, and Wills does too. Wills gets emotional talking about his parents and his family, and I love Wills!!!!!!!

Is Wills my new Wells?

Colton and Becca sit down and Colton’s got something big to reveal to Becca. He tells Garrett that before filming started he had a fling with Tia from Arby’s season. I love the underlying message here: I was dating the girl who probably would have been The Bachelorette if Arby hadn’t smashed Becca’s heart. Colton, without a doubt, is there because he thought Tia would be The Bachelorette.

We’ve had the dynamic of “they hung out before and came on the show to date this person”, namely in the case of Kaitlyn Bristowe and Nick Viall. There’s no doubt in my mind this was the intentions of everyone involved - Tia, Colton, and production. There were rumors of Luke Pell, when he was still a contender for The Bachelor, taking previous Bachelor contestants and various women that if they came on the show for him, he’d guarantee them a spot in the final four and they’d get the chance to “date” while on the show. This is what cost Luke the position as The Bachelor. Colton either a) went on the show for Tia and stayed along for the ride with the hopes of getting to Paradise and (likely) dating Tia or b) is there for the Instagram followers and the fame that comes with it. The timeline doesn’t make any sense.

Colton tells Becca that he dated her friend for a few months and that it fizzled out because it was getting too serious too quickly even though they had a connection. Which is why he proceeded to go on a show where the end goal is a quick engagement? Get the fuck out of here with that logic, Colton. You also dated Aly Raisman - you’re a starfucker. He takes a long pause when he says “I’m here…. To get to know you.” He’s not, he’s there for the Instagram ads. Becca doesn’t send him home immediately like I would. He’s basically admitting to not being there for The Right Reasons, Becca!!!!!! You already had one dude choose another girl over you, and you’re into the one who has a high likelihood of doing the same thing? It’s salting a wound that already exists. Becca feels sick to her stomach about it, but doens’t sent him home on the spot.

To me, that’s production intervention. But that’s just me.

My New Boyfriend Wills gets the group date rose, but it’s begrudging.

At the cocktail party, Becca arrives in this gorgeous cobalt blue sparkly dress that is easily on par with my favorite Bachelorette Look, Joelle from The Final Five Elimination form her season. She looks gorgeous. More of this, less of the red lace, blarg.

Clay takes Becca outside and teaches her the Art of the Celebration Dance. Sometimes Clay comes off a little robotic, and I wonder if he’s just got a lack of experience with women. Which isn’t a bad thing. For a professional football player, it’s a little shocking. He’s so smooth though, because he uses what would be a “helmet bump” with his teammates to parlay a little smooch in there.

Venmo wrote Becca a poem, and he is too good to last. Venmo, call me. Connor (I think?) gives Becca a picture of himself from the mud date and they both fling his picture across the pool in order to make peace. Meanwhile, Jordan is trying to set himself apart from the other guys. He really wants Becca to know his personality, so he decides the best way to show her that is to get naked and parade through the mansion.

I mean, thus far, Jordan has done a great job of teling us his personality is basically just Being Good Looking, so this is one way to show your personality. Jordan also thinks that nothing attracts women more than being comfortable next to a sexy man, which is a very simplistic way of thinking. I’ve been comfortable around sexy men, but barely. Also, they were fully clothed at the time.

He parades past the other men in his boxer briefs and interrupts Becca’s time with David, who immediately gets his feathers ruffled10. Becca is amused, but David feels disrespected. Jordan doesn’t want Becca to get the wrong idea of him - he likes to live life on the edge, he likes to be a classy gentleman, which is why he’s sitting next to her in his skivvies on the couch. Meanwhile, David’s rattled and is immedaitely questioning Jordan’s intentions. Jordan is the kind of guy who wants to pass his name along to his son and wants to call his son Jordi, which I’m pretty sure is the name of a porn star.

What David hasn’t realized, though, is that every season has a Jordan - the guy who pushes buttons just by having a personality - and every season there’s a guy whose skin he gets under and that becomes their main focus. I’m sad it’s my boyfriend David, but I also have Venmo, Wills, and Blake in my back corner for moments like this.mp3. Last season it was Whaboom and Blake. The season prior? Alex and Chad. David also got upset earlier in the episode when Lincoln cheated and didn’t feel the need to say anything then, even though he had a legitimate reason to. Be more assertive, dude. Don’t try to approach an irrational person with rationality like you do Jordan. He doesn’t care what you think, and clearly none of the other guys are as butthurt about Jordan’s annoying behavior as you are. Jordan knows what his purpose on the show is, and he’s not going to be shamed because he literally cannot feel shame.

Also, David - you came in wearing a chicken suit last week. You’re kinda the last guy who has a leg to stand on when it comes to this.

Becca sits down with Colton and they try to unpack their conversation from prior. He wants to make sure Becca knows the reason that he’s there - to get to know her / Instagram ads - and she can trust him.

BECCA NOOOOOOO GET AWAY.

Becca talks to Chris Harrison for the thirty seconds he’s allowed for himself to be on set that day and basically tells him it’s been a hard week, but he’s like “okay, it’s time to send someone home so I can go home!!!!”

The rose ceremony starts.

Chris, Andrew Keegan / Jason, Venmo John, Clay, Mike, Connor (I think?), Leo, Chicken Daddy Bae David, Garrett, Nick, Ryan (Who I think is Mystery Bae from last week, good GOD he is fine), Christon, Jordan - with a bonus struggle to pin the rose to his blanket because of course someone in production didn’t have him change, Lincoln, and Colton are all safe.

That means bye to my mom’s dream man, Rickey, Trent, and Alex, who gives us some drunken man tears on his way out that are unintentionally hilarious.

Next Week: We’re playing some football! Jason / Andrew Keegan and Chris get some private time! Tia, Sienne, Kendall, Bekah, and Caroline are all there from Arby’s season to help the guys, and of course that’s why Colton was allowed to stay for another week, because they want to show us the love triangle of Tia/Colton/Becca. Tia totally seems liek the kind of girl who would flirt with your man in front of you. David’s white knighting Becca about Jordan. And oooh, there’s an ambulance? Someone’s fucking hurt.

See you next week!

Random Assessments from the Desk of Amanda:

So many of these guys look the same. Oh my god. Someone tell me the difference between Connor and Garrett. I really think they put them on separate group dates so Becca would remember they’re not the same person.

My mom’s picks for men this season:

Jordan is trying to be this season’s Corinne and I am not about it. I wasn’t about her, either, though.

THE LIGHTING ON THIS SHOW IS SUCH A MESS.

I really don’t like the narrative that these guys are solely here so Becca can forget another guy. Why does she have to forget him? She doesn’t even have to forgive him. It’s a part of her story, of who she is as a person. You’re as much of a person because of the pain you’ve felt as the great parts of your life. Arby is rubbish, but we must at least acknowledge his place and impact on her life. Also, replacing one trash dude with another doesn’t help.

Of course Jordan describes himself as an alpha.

I really think the reason I don’t like Lincoln is because he really does act like one of those black guys whose entire idea of success is a white wife. Like, achieving whiteness is his ultimate goal. He’s so phony, so calculated, and I don’t trust him.

I’m really struggling with coming up with a nickname for Becca. Like, I tried Bex, but I feel like Bex is going to be better served for Bekah Martinez on Paradise and her disappearing ass. Gimme suggestions in the comments.

Becca looks like June Diane Raphael, fully confirming that The Bachelorette and Burning Love are the same show.

Chris looks like Perez Hilton, 90s-era Adam Goldberg, and Ben Stiller in Dodgeball all rolled up into one rat-like person. Like, his face is permanently in “I smelled something bad” mode.

Related: Ben Stiller should get some residuals considering this season is basically full of men based on characters he has played.

I do want to take back a lot of that harsh things I said about Bryan last season. Yes, he had too many fillers put in and I did just have a thing for Peter ripping off his sweater in his breakup with Rachel, but damn. Those two have stood the test of time (or at least a year, longer than a lot of these other relationships have) and here we are. Their Instagram stories are my favorite. He loves her so much. She got him to stop putting so much filler in his cheeks. It’s all good. Plus, damn. He was lookin FINE in this episode. Get it, Rachel. ↩︎

Between him and Christina from America’s Next Top Model 24, I never want to hear the phrase “I’m a model” again. PS: Have you heard my podcast yet? ↩︎

Connor calls this a “good little bathroom break” - dude, are you advocating peeing yourself on a date? DUDE. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE. ↩︎

I swear to god this show is trying to kill people. ↩︎

This is what Rihanna was singing about. ↩︎

Is this the first time anyone can think of where the black guy is calling the white guy aggressive and scary? This is refreshing. ↩︎

You know how my type is just Shoulders? Yeah, my type is definitely Shoulders in Sweaters. Yum. ↩︎

It’s an off-shoot of the Men’s Warehouse - you take the Toxic Masculinity Tunnel to get there. ↩︎

I actually just rewatched the episode of The Office where Michael thinks he has herpes and contacts all of his exes, only to realize he has a fantasy problem and a problem with romanticizing relationships with a revisionist history of what truly went on. Much like Michael, I understand wanting your life to be an epic story, including the Happily Ever After. But after thinking about this… I mean. If Michael had been more focused on his job like he should have been, maybe it wouldn’t have worked out for him that way? Then again, he might have married Jan. ↩︎

Come on, you know I had to. It’s an easy joke. ↩︎

[survivor-mountmerapi]

Ep. 3: “I ordered a flavorful and spicy curry and I got like. Flavorless broth.” - Elle

Julia

I don’t want raffy or Ellie to do this fucking hero challenge because I’m afraid they’ll throw it to try to get me out

James

I was way off on my challenge guess. I could've sworn that we were going to do Guess Who or Charades. It's a hero challenge!

There's not a chance in hell I'm volunteering for this challenge. Survivor 101 states: never put yourself in the hero or goat role. I'm going to follow that rule. All this challenge would do is put a target on my back and I like not having a target on my back.

DeNara

Heck, memory challenges suck so much! I wonder who gave us the 10% disadvantage 🤔.... I have a feeling we may go to tribal next. I am hoping Elle can kick some butt and send those winners to tribal. They need to go for sure.

DeNara

James and I keep having thoughts about the game and before we can decide if it is worth the risk to say something in the chat, Nicholas just says it. Works out for us because now he gets the target and not us! Muahahaha

James

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Wx5meimEXc

Raffy

The way Dylan, Ellie, Steven, and Julia vibe really well together is concerning. I feel less social pull on this tribe than I have in any other game. It's probably because so many of these people just know me. I don't know how to navigate this game correctly. I want to throw the challenge, but accusations of me going to throw the challenge are already sprouting. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel I wouldn't be able to pull Julia to my side, and she would go rat on me. Prayers for Raffy.

Elle

I'm the hero for the hero challenge 😅... again 😅... and I'm against Raffy😅... who beat me last time I did a hero challenge in the same round I ended up getting voted off in Kyoshi 😭😭😭

Anyway! I'm hopeful!!! For this one. Very nervous not gonna lie, but I feel bad that my anxiety is mostly concentrated on Raffy as a rival and I'm not that nervous about Rachel? 😂I swear that'll probs come back to haunt me later though because these things usually do✨

Raffy

Sitting here. Debating on how I should throw the challenge. It's going to be pretty easy to lose considering the other people have 2 tries whereas I only have 1. So I'll just sit here and vibe.

Raffy

I ended up throwing the challenge because the newbies were about to go to tribal council, and I couldn't bear to see another one leave. So, there's that. Now I need to find a convent lie to tell my tribe about how the challenge went if they ask. Not only that, but I have to navigate a tribal council where I feel like I am on the bottom. Welp. I may have made a mistake, but nothing for it.

Moth

YES!!!! THE WINNERS ARE GOING TO TRIBAL

I want to be able to team up with the newbies come merge in order to take out the winners. So I was worrying about their dwindling numbers- HOWEVER-

Last time I played after the first live tribal there was immediately a tribal swap, I don’t want to celebrate too early cause that could screw me over

Ellie

It’s finally here, the day where Ellie goes pre merge. I know that Raffy definitely wants me gone before merge but also idk if he’s in a position to be telling people who to vote considering he lost the hero challenge. I don’t blame him at all, that’s not what I’m saying, but I feel like he might have a target on his back after that. Still I trust your local chili’s rn (Dylan, Steven, and I) but I also wanna talk to everyone else and hopefully work with them. I have absolutely no clue who I wanna target rn so ig I’ll figure it out later

Anastasia

WE WON FINALLY!! I have to thank the universe and RACHEL for this win. I'm so glad that we can not stress for a round. I need a break from being super paranoid.  I'm also looking foward to seeing the losing tribe at tribal council for the first time in this game >:)

DeNara

Heck ya! The winners are going to tribal! Rip em to shreds! Muahahaha

Gian

THANK U RACHEL CALDWELL. THE TEAMMATE WE ALL WISH WE HAD. THE SISTER WE ALL DESERVE. THE GIRL WE ALL ASPIRE TO BE. QUEEEN!

DeNara

I am worried about a swap since it was brought up at the last tribal. I hope we dont. If we do I need my boy James with me.

Dylan

fuck

Elle

I'm a little upset 😅 I wanted to redeem myself with the shape memory challenge but in the end Rachel got out first pretty early on and then Raffy forfeited (which is so nice because the newbies really needed a break from tribal ❤️). But I wanted this to be my chance to be the comeback kid and redeem myself from the last time I lost a hero challenge against Raffy and my writer heart wanted drama and down to the wire and like 15+ shapes to remember and extreme intensity!!! But it wasn't intense at all 😭. I know I can both perceive and go forth in life a bit melodramatically but I feel like I ordered a flavorful and spicy curry of a hero challenge and I got like. Flavorless broth 😂😂 ah, oh well. We didn't go to tribal and that's the important thing, I suppose (she says, not believing it at all 😂).

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBz09QsSN_4

James Hayden

Even though I'm all for NOT going to tribal, I would be ok with going to the next tribal IF there's no swap at 15. I think it's important for us to go tribal before a swap, so we can build and cement trust with each other. If we swap at 15, then I think the Warrior tribe is at a disadvantage. Yes, we'd have the numbers; however, we wouldn't have the trust that the winners and newbies have. If Jalapao, Foa Foa, and the Aitu 4 have taught us anything is that sometimes a small group of people who have trust with each other is stronger than a large group of people who don't have trust with each other.

Rachel

Wow. I really shocked Raffy forfeited the challenge, but also very thankful. I was so nervous going into it and usually my memory is fairly good, however I'm terrible learning new things under pressure. I feel bad for not disclosing the information to my tribe, and also afraid it may come out eventually. Nevertheless, I am so glad to not be voting anyone out in my tribe because I do feel so closely linked to them. I feel like if there is a swap next round, our tribe has a chance of flying under the radar and helping some of the other tribes take out their bigger threats.

Raffy

Last night, I got to work. Ellie came to me extremely quickly to tell me that they would be willing to vote out Steven or Dylan this tribal because they don't just want to work with their friends. Ironic that they came to me about it, but it's fine. While I wanted to get Ellie out this tribal, it would be a pretty huge move for my game that does not seem possible at the moment. Julia and Pietro like Ellie which makes it difficult for me to target them safely. Instead, I have my sights on Dylan because I feel they would be the easiest to eliminate out of the four of us.

This morning, Pietro started an alliance with Ellie and I. Looks like I am going to be roped into working with them for another game. Woo... I plan to betray Ellie some time before pre-merge. Maybe a swap could help me with that goal. Pietro is down to vote for Dylan which means there are three votes for Dylan. I tried to talk to Julia about it last night, but she seemed unreceptive and wary of my approach. I think she's too in her head about the four working together that she can't see what's actually happening in the game.

Raffy

I found a hidden immunity idol. I love this narrative for me. Let's so how far I can get with this in my pocket. I am not planning on telling anyone about it. I don't know if I even want to continue searching the idol hunt, but it will be fine. I am fairly certain this is the last idol in the hunt. Two other spots used to have an idol in them (such as the rock in the mountain and somewhere in the forest which Steven told me).

Steven

https://youtu.be/SiF_AtMUKl8

Tl;dr winners tribe lost and I’m gonna try to vote Raffy out

Pietro

So I had a very good convo with Julia and we both feel like we are in a tribe full of friends for life. We are super scared, and the only name I heard was Dylan, by Ellie and Raffy. So I was just honest to Julia and told her we should be a pair and work together cause this tribe is full of pairs.

Then out of the sudden Steven makes a group of me, Dylan, Julia and himself. I was 100% sure I was on the bottom of this tribe but it looks like its gonna be a couples war with me and Julia beeing the swing votes and I'm all for it lol

Raffy

Julia told me that Steven started an alliance with himself, Dylan, Julia, and Pietro that, seemingly, want to vote me out of this game. This is some dangerous stuff. Now I need to rely on Julia and Pietro to not want to vote me out here which is tough work. I don't want to use my idol this early, but I don't want to be the first boot off the winners tribe either.

Julia

Well we lost the challenge which fucking sucks. Pietro and I are like 10000% convinced that everyone’s fucking with us and it’s either me or him going tonight. So Steven and Dylan want the four of us to vote raffy and Ellie and raffy want the four of us to go Dylan and I’m just not sure. I feel like this is and elaborate ploy to get us to not use idols or anything eek. I’m still deciding whether to play my idol tonight. We shall see we shall see

Dylan

many thoughts, head full, I'd rather just take a nap

https://youtu.be/meKXyHH_mTY

Nicholas

I’m sad Ganjo is out but I turned it into a good thing by telling James I knew Ganjo. I now have two trios with James in both of them. I think I convinced Elle that if we lose we should vote out moth and I think James would be on board with that too. DeNara wouldn’t be I don’t think though. I’m happy the winners finally lost but now we need to keep winning. I’m glad I didn’t have to compete cause I don’t want to come off as too strong so that I’m not the target come tribe swap and merge. I want to be perceived as medium power so that I can flip if I want too since I would bring value yet I’m not so valuable that I’m a target. I think I could probably get Anastasia to work with me since Ganjo left her that nice message so if we wind up being on the same tribe I can say “Ganjo was rooting for you so I want to work with you cause it’s what Ganjo would have wanted”.

Dylan

yeah so Raffy knows we're targeting him bc I was on a friend call with him and I brought up the vote and then he just straight up asked me if I was voting for him and if Steven was. I lied to his face but I'm pretty sure he saw right through it, which is basically to say that we're screwed. and I'm very anxious now. so like, if anyone w/him has an idol I feel like it'll get played tonight and idk who he'll target. fucking hell. I don't even know if it was Julia or Pietro who told him or both, which doesn't help. I relayed this all to Steven, who seemed kind of...lacking in his responses which also worries me. he could just be busy but like,,,if he's not? uhhhh. cool, cool. this is fine (no it's not)

Raffy

Now, I will sit here in anxiety as I await tribal council. I have no doubt that others are scrambling, but I am going to have to trust my allies. I'm still debating whether I should use the idol or not. I think I'll still debate it up until Jay asks for idols. Ugh. This is too much work to think about on a Friday night.

DeNara

These idol hunts are kicking my butt! I sure hope I find something soon, even just a small advantage..... an idol would be nice too

Ellie

Some of me in my host chat! Ellie, 9:18 PM Raffy is talking game with me, interesting. He definitely doesn’t want me around for too long but I’m assuming he’s gonna take all the numbers he can get Ellie, 9:18 PM I’d prefer this to be a unanimous vote because that makes it easier for me Ellie, 9:21 PM Raffy mentioned wanting to work with Pietro which means my only option rn is julia Ellie, 9:22 PM I’d feel like absolutely shit if I flipped on a Dylan and Steven alliance again Ellie, 9:29 PM Idk if I can morally flip on Steven and Dylan because I’d just feel so bad Ellie, 9:45 PM Me abt to tell the Dylan and Steven chat that I’m not actually planning to work with them as an alliance 👁👄👁 Ellie, 9:25 AM Omg there’s abt to be a Raffy, Pietro, ellie alliance Ellie, 9:25 AM This is beautiful

Madi

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WHhIxp_WqfbblZiQ-IKD--6koXFBxzGJ/view?usp=drivesdk

Ellie

Ok now to explain what’s actually happening, Raffy, Pietro, Julia, and I are planning on voting Dylan tonight. Raffy and I called last night and discussed that we had to make the choice of playing with our good friends or playing with people we barely know, in the end we went with the latter and it kinda sucks. I ended up telling my chat with Dylan and Steven that I wasn’t voting with them tonight cause I didn’t have it in me to lie to them like that. I’m hoping that all goes well!

Steven

So I have no idea what is about to happen tonight. Im putting all my eggs into Julias and Pietro's basket and just hoping for the best. Ellie and Raffy are both giving off weird vibes that make me believe that something is going on. What is really frustrating that I have no ability to change anything now. No plan b, no alternate action, nothing. i know Dylan might want to try something else as a fail safe but Im not too sure if it will work the way they want. Ugh I wish tribal would just happen already cause all this unknown stuff is really freaking me out.

Raffy

I told Julia about my idol because of paranoia, but it worked out because she told me about her idol. We're idol buddies now.

Ginny

We made the winners tribe to finally go to tribal council it’s so great I love it

Julia

So it looks like I’m going to be the swing vote tonight. I’m very incredibly nervous but we’ll see how it goes. Still have a sneaking suspicion that I’m going to get snaked but we’ll see

[purplesurveys]

1089

survey by --rainboweyes--

Lasts - Who

Who was the last person you hugged? Andi, but it’s been a week. It’ll probably be another few weeks or months before I receive a hug again since it’s hard to get together with friends these days.

Who was the last person you kissed? Gabie.

Who was the last person you cried in front of? Ooh, I hate crying in front of people. I mean I recently cried to both Angela and Andi through voice memos on Messenger...but the last person I cried in front of? It’s most likely ^ still. For the longest time she was the only person I had been willing to cry and look ugly in front of.

Who was the last person who cried in front of you? My demon child of a cousin; the spoiled one that I’ve been talking about on some of my recent surveys. He didn’t really cry in front of me, i.e. to me, but he was whining and crying in my presence so I’m counting it.

Who was the last person who made you laugh? I was watching Friends until a few minutes ago and the scenes where the girls were working together to hide Rachel’s pregnancy from the guys will always be funny. But in real life, the last person was one of my aunts because she posted a comment on Facebook that made me laugh.

Who was the last person who made you angry? Nina. She occasionally exhbits an annoying habit of persistently asking for money, so when she did it a couple nights ago when she knew I barely had any left for the week, I got a little irritated.

Who was the last person you hung out with? In real life, Andi. We went to UPTC last Friday and had Korean barbecue for dinner, then we had a quick grocery run so they can buy their soju, then we drove to UP and parked in some isolated spot so we can talk and do some catching up in the car. In general, I had a really long virtual catching-up/drinking session through video call with my college best friends last Saturday.

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Andi. A friend of mine advised me that one of his friends seems to be interested in me, and I got super anxious and overwhelmed because that was when it hit me that I was really single and that things like that can happen now. Anyway, I freaked out and started crying and talked to Andi about it and they reassured me with a lot of great advice.

Who was the last person you went out for a meal with? LOL still Andi. My college group is supposed to go out for ramen soon since we’ve all been craving - plus we all want to see each other - but idk when that’s going to happen.

Who was the last person who lied to you? JM kind of pissed me off last weekend during our Zoom call because when we asked him if he has since joined a frat in law school, he said no. The thing is, he has and has been in one for a while, and I knew about it because Andi told me literally the night before.

To be fair to him, I get why he lied given the messy situation and reputation of frats here and because I get the importance (and maybe even the necessity) of joining a frat in law school; but he still lied to our faces and that was just unsettling to bear.

Who was the last person you lied to? Idk I don’t really like to lie.

Who was the last person you swore at? Probably my sister. I swore around her though, not at her.

What.

What was the last film you saw? The last one I attempted to watch (but didn’t finish) was That Thing Called Tadhana. The last one I was able to watch in full was I’m Thinking of Ending Things all the way back in September.

What was the last book you read? I’m not so sure; I don’t really read anymore.

What was the last show you watched? Friends.

What was the last conversation you had about? Nina received a parcel around 15 minutes ago and it was some kind of shirt, so I asked her what shirt it was and what’s it for; and I learned that it’s a Voltes V shirt and it’s her gift for dad for his 50th birthday next week.

What was the last joke you heard about? I saw a Facebook post earlier asking people to come up with their best Filipino translations of Paramore song titles, and I saw some pretty great entries from my friends hahaha. I’d share some on here but no one would understand them anyway.

What was the last argument you had about? My mom was such a pain in my ass earlier. So I shared a post on Facebook saying how ‘rendezvous’ was my Achilles heel in one spelling bee in 7th grade. And she saw the post and I saw her scrunch up her nose as she does when she think someone is being stupid, and she got all condescending and was like, “‘Rendezvous’ is so easy, how could you get that wrong in Grade 7?” then when I tried to rebut, she called me sensitive. The mental gymnastics of that woman...

What was the last thing you ate? I haven’t treated myself in a while so I had spicy tuna salad and tempura maki delivered just a bit earlier. My mom and I have since finished the salad, but I’m keeping the maki as an evening snack for myself.

What was the last thing you drank? Water to cool my mouth since the spicy tuna salad was...spicy, lol.

What was the last thing you cried over? The failure of my relationship. I’m doing a lot better now, but the grief is as strong as it had been in day one whenever it does hit.

What was the last song you heard? A lo-fi track. I never keep track of the titles or the artists, though.

What was the last concert you went to? Paramore. It’ll be three years this year :(

What was the last word you spoke out loud? The song-related question earlier got me in the mood to listen to Olivia Rodrigo’s drivers license, so the last word I ‘said’ out loud was a lyric from the song.

What was the last text message you received? It was the cake shop from yesterday thanking me after our interaction ended.

What was the last commercial/ad you saw selling? For some reason my Facebook loves to show me ads from foreign universities that offer MA degrees in business, economics, and law lmao. I’ve never taken an interest to nor looked up possible Master’s courses, so I have no clue how the algorithm started.

What was the last injury you got? A scratch from Cooper.

When.

When was the last time you ate? My last bite was maybe a half hour ago when I got the last piece of tuna from my spicy tuna salad.

When was the last time you drank? ^ I washed said tuna down with water.

When was the last time you cooked a meal? It’s been months. I don’t cook.

When was the last time you cried? Friday morning before work.

When was the last time you laughed? This afternoon when I was playing with Cooper up on the rooftop and he was being silly.

When was the last time you had a kiss? Early September.

When was the last time you swore at someone? Maybe sometime earlier today?? I swear around Nina often but never keep track of it, though I’m sure I’ve definitely done it at least once today.

When was the last time you went for a walk? Around a week or so ago.

When was the last time you argued with someone? A few hours ago with that stupid rendezvous argument with my mom.

When was the last time you were shocked? This morning when I saw the cryptic teaser of new material from Hayley. Either way, it’s still definitely too soon for a new song or an entire fucking album so I’m excited to see what Flowers for Vases will actually be.

When was the last time you lied? I honestly can’t tell you lol. I hate lying.

When was the last time you had a takeaway? I don’t really go out, so...but the last thing I had delivered to my home was the spicy tuna salad and tempura maki I got today.

When did you last buy someone a gift? Around two weeks ago when I got a cute skirt and dress for Andi.

Why.

Why did you last lose your temper? Because I hated how unnecessarily condescending my mom got over the word ‘rendezvous.’ Like wtf? I was better in spelling than anyone else in my class and you flip out because I failed to spell that one word 9 years ago???? It was so fucking annoying and I hate that I’m still riled up about it until now lmao. Anyway, welcome to Asian mom culture!!

Why did you last burst into tears? Again, I still get sad when my mind ends up lingering on my failed relationship.

Why did you last feel content? Because my Friday shift was over and my weekend could finally start.

Why did you last tell someone a secret? When JM left the Zoom call once he got sleepy, I told the rest of the girls who were left in the call that he had lied and that he is in fact a part of a frat now. I felt it was the fair thing to do, and I think they appreciated it anyway.

Some Xtras.

Why do you like your favourite band? Aside from the obvious “I love everything they put out,” they’ve consistently kept me company, taught me life lessons, and made me want to keep on keeping on. I’ve been  quite literally able to grow up and evolve alongside them. There’s no other artist or band that’s been able to do all that for me.

What was the last survey you took about? It was a scattergories-slash-alphabet themed survey. It was fun.

Who was the last person to call you? A client who for some reason prefers to call me every single time he needs something, no matter how simple, instead of just messaging me on WhatsApp.

When was the last time you felt truly loved? Last Saturday in my Zoom call with friends. We aren’t super affectionate with one another, but it just felt so nice to be with a group of friends again. It’s nice to feel that I belong somewhere.

What will you do next? Work even though it’s the weekend, since I’m in the mood to do some anyway.

[spaceorphan18]

Glee Season 1 Wrap Up (Part 2)

Alright - let’s do this and see if I can actually manage to be concise, lol.  So, I wrote up a ranking - now I’m kinda looking at arcs as a whole.  It’d be too hard to rank those, so I’m just talking a little about each. 

Front 13 v Back 9

It’s no secret that I prefer the Back 9 episodes over the first batch.  The Front 13 focuses so heavily on the two love quadrangles - at the expense of pretty much everything else, that I get bored really easily.  And - dare I say - the Front 13 might actually be my least favorite part of the show.  Yes, that’s right, I’d rather watch Season 3 again (lol).  

The Front 13 does have things going for it - it’s very funny (on it’s first run - subsequent viewings don’t always help).  It’s tightly written.  The stories make sense (well as much as a fake baby makes sense).  And it’s good, solid television.  I can see why people fell in love with it.  But - as you may have noticed in my rankings, I have a hard time being bored, and now that I’ve seen the show a million times, I get bored too easily.  

I will say - having some distance from watching the episodes, and doing it at a weekly pace, helps me enjoy it more.  The episodes feel fresher, and as much as I whine, I still had fun with the rewatch of the F13.  

Meanwhile, the Back 9 just comes alive.  The show gets a bit crackier, the focus shifts more to the kids, and the pace speeds up.  But you know what else I noticed? As the show develops the characters a bit more, I feel like there’s a bit more emotion running through the Back 9.  I know we joke about Glee being one big cartoon, but the F13′s humor was often darker humor related to stereotypes.  By the B9 - the characters get to be fleshed out more, and become more like real people - and I dig that more than the dark sitcom-ish vibe of the F13.  

Kind of as aside, not really sure where to add this, one thing I find interesting about season 1 is that it seems to be this show that’s simultaneously trapped in the 80s, while still being relevant on current events - and very much being a product of the 2010s.  That aspect of it makes it a bit unique and nostalgic at the same time, and it’s a super fascinating way to look at the show.  

Will as a Problem of the Narrative

Look, we all know Will is a problem -- the ‘I Hate You Will’ meme is prevalent within fandom.  You would think that the first season would make him a bit more sympathetic since he is the original main character.  I mean kinda - but he’s still frustratingly selfish, nearsighted about everyone else around him, and, well, just not that great.  

But after doing some thinking, I came to the realization -- this is an issue with American television in general -- adult characters are not allowed growth.  Think about it.  In high school shows, the kids grow up, learn, and change.  But when we watch adults, more specifically adults in sitcoms, - the writers hit the reset button.  Did the characters of Friends really change all that much in the ten years they were on the show?  Or Modern Family? Or The Big Bang Theory? I mean - there will be slight changes, but nothing major.  (Some writers do - both The Office and Parks and Rec show growth in their characters, but I also think those are better sitcoms for it.)  

Anyway - my point is that Will falls victim to the fact that for the sake of conflict, he doesn’t really get any kind of character growth that sticks, and that what makes his character so hard to watch - even in season one.  

In addition, instead of framing Will as a teacher who loves teaching, they frame him as a performer who never made it out of Ohio, and is frustrated with never having gotten out of the place he grew up.  And while there’s some reality in that -- I’m still side-eyeing the show any time they give him accolades for being a great teacher.  

Also, there’s the whole ‘Be a Man’ thing that Will gets saddled with.  But...more on that later.

To no one’s surprise - Will being front and center most of the time amplifies all these issues leading to me not really caring much about the story and hence boredom.  

Will/Emma/Ken/Terri & Finn/Rachel/Puck/Quinn -- a Redundant Love Story for The Ages

It’s basically the same story only time displaced - with a chance for the high school kids not to make the same mistakes as the adults.  The adults being a cautionary tale.  Funny, I think the kids, at some points, are more mature about what’s going on in their relationships than the adults.  

Outside the satirical nature of it - I find it all kind of tedious to sit through, tbh, and as I said before, what makes the F13 kind of hard at times.  I realize I’m supposed to care about these relationships.  Guess what - I don’t.  

However -- Glee and it’s parallels.  Damn.  There’s, like, an entire thesis paper waiting to be written about these Quadrangles and how Glee masterfully pulls off writing the same story twice at the same time.  

Also worth noting, the two Quadrangles both embody two of the main themes of season one: 1. Be a Man and 2. It’s Okay to Be a Loser (or the HS Hierarchy Stuff) 

I don’t know why the show needs to prove so hard what being a real ‘man’ is - especially when the real men of the show don’t usually have to deal with this stupid trope, but I find myself rolling my eyes every time it gets brought up.  And the focus isn’t a favorite of mine -- unfortunately, another point against the F13.  

Meanwhile - I was never really interested in the whole HS Hierarchy stuff, and what it is to be cool.  Geez, now I’m being redundant as I continue to say that the themes brought up in the F13 just don’t interest me at all.  Good thing there was all this music to keep me distracted...  

Ken and Terri & Puck and Quinn - Mean Girls

Ryan Murphy has this weird obsession with awful popular people.  I don’t know why.  I don’t think it’s as interesting as he does - but I’m guessing he had some deep issues with these people in high school because this trope is used outside of Glee and in abundance.  

Something I think is interesting though - going back to my point about Will.  Ken and Terri don’t get to be more than the stereotypes that they are.  And because they’re probably (possibly) the most annoying characters on the show - the writers had enough sense to drop them after after the F13.  But I do think it’s interesting, also, that Ken and Terri are the real ‘losers’ of the show -- and they’re the ones who were popular in high school.  The point is made pretty loudly, but I never hear people talk about it much.  

Meanwhile, Puck and Quinn are pretty much on the road to being Ken and Terri - but the show, probably knowing these characters needed to stick around, got the growth and development that Ken and Terri didn’t, and even in season 1, seeds of - they’re not going to turn out to be as ‘loser-ish’.  

I don’t really care all that much about Puck or Quinn, but I will say they were pretty unwatchable (for me) in the F13, and they became much better characters in the B9.  Though, helping this is the fact that neither gets a whole lot to do.  But they soften both of them to make the more likable - and it works, I don’t mind them so much in the B9.  

Emma - The Non-Main Character

I love Emma - and it’s weird to me that she isn’t more of a main character (I mean she is in season 1, but that fades quickly).  It’s great that they have female character, good at her career, but struggling a bit in her personal life, and who has a mental health issue to deal with but is still seen as desirable.  I also love the fact that she has issues with sex.  There’s a lot of great things with Emma. I’m just sorry she’s tied to Will for the entire show, because she’s smart and likable and one of the few really ‘good’ characters on the show.   I’m sad that she doesn’t get to do much outside of being accessory in Will’s story.  It’ll change a little in season 2, but not much.  :( 

I don’t really have much to say about Wemma.  It starts out as a standard will-they, won’t-they but it doesn’t pull my attention much.  I will say that the final moment of Sectionals, however, is a beautiful moment -- and the Glee, when it wants to, has the ability to pull off some fantastic romantic moments.  

Sue Sylvester - Comedy Villain in a Realistic World

It’s no surprise that when you have a very talented and funny Jane Lynch on your show, you’re going to do what you can to give her a fair amount of material.  I get that.  And I give season 1 credit -- Sue might be one of the funniest characters on the show in season 1.  She worked as the villain and as a counter to Will, as well as allowing the show to have a mouthpiece for things they felt the main characters couldn’t say.  It worked.  She worked.  Jane Lynch worked.  

My issues with Sue are more with later seasons, when they run out of things to do with her, and make a fourth-wall breaking farce, but I’ll save that rant for later.  

I will say - I do enjoy her humanizing interactions with her sister and with Becky, and it’s a shame the show didn’t latch on to that more often.  Because Sue got hit with the reset button harder than any other character.  

Finn & Finchel

Finn is pretty much tied to Will in every season, but season 1 is in much abundance.  Fortunately, Finn fares better than Will does.  Finn needing a father figure, and direction, is more sensical than Will using Finn as a way to relive his youth, while treating Finn simultaneously as a best friend and son. I don’t think I like Finn all that much, but Cory Menteith is incredibly endearing -- and makes me care a bit more than I actually would.  Finn is, perhaps, the most rounded character to begin with - and shows more competence as a leader than Will ever does.  It’s funny, to me, for as much as these two are paralleled, Finn getting to grow and have an actual arc makes him much more interesting.  

Finn also has the benefit of having a more complete world around him -- his story isn’t stuck in the Quadrangle, his stories outside of it (mostly with his Mom and Kurt, but also the more fleshed out story with Rachel) make it much more interesting.  

So yeah.  Go season 1 Finn!  

Also - they were definitely setting up Finn to grow through this series long arc of hating being in a small town to being okay that that is his lot in his life.  (And it is sad we didn’t get to see that play fully out.)  Because unlike Will -- who kind of hates that he’s never moved on, Finn seems to come full circle rather nicely.  

So Finchel.  Believe it or not, I think Finchel is quite endearing in season 1.  And -- dare I say -- I like it more in the F13 than the B9.  I’ll always prefer Finchel as a story about two high schoolers who learn from each other in HS, but move away from each other later in life, and that Finn and Rachel, ultimately, don’t have a whole lot in common, but there moments in early s1 are sweet, and there’s a bit of chemistry there that I don’t see later on in the show.  

I can even pinpoint when I start to really not care about Finchel -- in Hello, between the introduction of Jesse St. James and making Finn kind of a douche (or paralleling him a little too close to Will).  But in the meantime, I can honestly say that Finchel was one of the more enjoyable parts of season 1.  Weird huh. 

Rachel Berry - Before They Were Stars

Another aspect of season 1 that I liked? Rachel Berry.  Before the show started handing her things on a platter because she /was/ Rachel Berry -- Rachel was a character you could root for.  No, she wasn’t the most likable character on the show, but she struggled, and we saw that she worked hard to get things.  She was also uncompromising in her desires - something not often shown as a) positive or b) in women.  

Also helping her out is that she gets to have a story arc outside (or maybe beyond is a better word) the Quadrangle.  She has developed relationships with pretty much everyone on the show and that helps her be a well rounded character.  

As an aside -- it’s interesting to me, for as much as everyone is paralleled with everyone else on the show, I don’t see a whole lot of parallels between Rachel and Emma.  There are some, both of them wanting someone they feel they can’t have, both of them wanting things too much, and both feeling like outsiders.  But I feel like those are generalizations of two vastly different characters.  Interesting.  

Mercedes, Artie, and Tina - The Back Up Singers

It’s funny to me -- that when the show was first airing, Mercedes, Artie, and Tina (and Kurt - but more on him in a minute) were used a lot in ads.  These actors did a lot of press, etc, etc.  And the whole notion of the show being for kids who didn’t fit in was a big angle for marketing.  So, it’s interesting that the F13 barely features any of them.  But I do think they are much more interesting than the Parallel Quadrangles.  Each of these characters has a unique set of characteristics - and yeah, a lot of it stemmed from stereotypes, which were fleshed out more in the B9.  But I appreciate these characters even being around - because if they weren’t there, the show would be (IMO) pretty bland.  

Interestingly, in the B9, each of these three do get their fair share of screentime and development.  Unfortunately, they don’t make it out from the ranks of the B-list characters (idk - there might be some irony there).  But they’re good characters, Mercedes especially, and I do enjoy them more than a lot of what’s going on with the A-plot.  I’m just sorry they never really got out of the shadow of the rest of the other characters.  

Kurt Hummel - Scene Stealer

Obviously, Kurt’s story in season 1 is my favorite story arc.  I’m sure anyone who has been to my blog could have guessed that in about two seconds.  And elsewhere is fully documented why.  His relationship with being different, and how that ripples in his personal life - with family and friends - and how he deals with that is a fantastically told story, not to mention one having a ton of heart and care.  I love Kurt, and season 1 Kurt gets to have such wonderful development, and it’s only the first portion of a much larger story of a really fantastic character.  

But here’s my thing about Kurt.  He wasn’t a part of the original story.  And because of that, a lot like Rachel, having his own story and his own development - he’s not locked into being apart of a boring and/or tired story (re: Quadrangle).  He somewhat exists outside the main narrative (though obviously has his ties within) and I think that really helps his character stand out in season 1.  But I also think it’s interesting that this character, who in the first incarnation was much of a stereotype, got to break free first, and is one of the best written characters on the show.  

He’s also so damn entertaining.  Giving the character life in the background is an art - but I should gush about Chris Colfer’s acting later.  

But in all honesty - I probably wouldn’t have kept watching this show without Kurt.  His story (like to so many others) reminds me of my own in a lot of ways.  And I think he was resonant with so many people in a way that a lot of the other things going on in season one weren’t.  He helped give the show depth and emotion, and helped it grow beyond the cartoonish dark comedy of early season 1.  There are a lot of things I enjoy about season 1, but I love Kurt’s story, and I probably wouldn’t be sitting here still talking about it if it weren’t for Kurt. 

Brittana and other Background Stories

One of the things stemming out of being bored with the main plot lines is that one has a tendency to gravitate towards what’s going on in the background.  Most shows - it’s not much.  Glee -- has a plethora of stuff going on.  Kurt gets a lot of the credit (rightfully so), but there’s a ton of interesting things happening. 

Brittany and Santana don’t get enough credit for their early season 1 stuff.  They have virtually nothing to do - but they’ll nail one-liners and/or do fascinating stuff sitting there in the background.  One reason they became such prevalent characters, and they start to become those starting with the B9, is because they’re doing things that people take notice of.  

Santana’s still too mean in season 1 for me, though layering over the fact that she’s a closested lesbian makes for a more interesting story upon rewatch, and Brittany really isn’t much of a character as she is a walking one-liner machine, but both characters make themselves visible in a huge cast - and I have to give them a lot of credit for that.  

Meanwhile at the other end of things are Mike and Matt.  Interestingly, I think Mike does seem to have more of a personality, and more of a presence, as well as a great acting ability, that helped him come out from the shadows a bit -- whereas Matt completely faded into the background to the point that I often forgot he was there.  It’s no surprise to me that Mike became a bigger character while Matt left before season 2.  

Guest Starring - Broadway Role Call

I can’t say that I’m really that attached to any of the guest stars on the show - but something I give Glee credit for in season one is grabbing guest stars who have ties in with Broadway.  And I think that’s a pretty cool route to go.  I may have not liked their characters all that much, but at least they can sing, and I can enjoy that.  :)  

Except Molly Shannon.  I still don’t get that.  

Jukebox Musical

So, obviously, music plays a huge part of this show.  I’ve talked other place about how music is used differently in the F13 vs the B9 (check out TDB’s Music of S1 special!) so I won’t get into that here.  

Season 1 probably has the lowest amount of songs from it on my play list - there’s just a lot of pop music I don’t really enjoy, and Will rapping, and just stuff I’m not really into.  Not to mention a lot of the music is Rachel, Finn, and Finn and Rachel heavy (which isn’t a sound I’m really into). 

 But I think one thing season 1 does right is how it uses it’s music.   And it’s interesting to see all the creative ways they try to be realistic about how they use music on the show.  Not to mention, each of the episodes didn’t have the mandated 5-7 songs, which left time for both the music and the story to breath.  

And then starting in the B9 - they began to get more creative in how they integrated music within the story.  

On a Macro Level

Season 1 is probably the most consistent the show ever is written, and possibly, has the best straight up comedy.  But the extreme focus on paralleling Quadrangles, the ‘Be a Man’ trope, and the whole ‘loser’ main themes kinda bore me (personally).  

Kurt’s story, all the b-characters, background moments, and music I’m here for, in the F13, and I can kinda leave all the rest.  The B9, though, gets us into the style of the rest of the series, and I’m here for that.  

[actuallymason-blog]

expensive mistakes | mcberry

WHO: #1 Mason and #10 Rachel ( @actuallyberry ) WHAT: Sometimes, it’s not magic. WHERE: The Eddy, NYC. WHEN: Valentine’s Day, 7:30 PM. WARNINGS: None - just a classic Rachel Berry Stormout TM.

Rachel took a breath as she stared up at The Eddy. She thought she'd be okay, that this would be excited, but all she really feels is this impending doom. Like her and the person with the number one won't click, won't have chemistry, or they are convinced that someone else is their match. There is so much that could go wrong but what makes her walk forward and open the door is the idea that it could all go right. She walks up to the host and with a smile she tells them she is number ten. The host just nods and leads her over to a table for two and Rachel feels relief that number one isn't there yet. It gives her a minute to regroup and rehearse what she wants to say. She is handed a menu and a glass of ice water before the host walks away. Rachel takes off her black coat and looks down at her outfit with a laugh. She didn't have the most time to mess around with an outfit and having volunteered at the kissing booth she'd dressed for the occasion. A white top, red skirt, and knee socks that had hears on them. She thought she looked cute but who knew what the person meeting her there would think about it. She does note that she doesn't have to comlain about their promptness as she'd arrived a bit early and with a nervous laugh to herself she takes a sip of her water. She really hoped this would go nicely and that she wouldn't have to leave feeling even more unattached to the system thrust upon them.

Mason almost backed out. In spite of himself, in spite of everything he'd gone through with Marley to be able to be here, he almost backed out - for one reason. He was scared. Petrified. The idea of meeting this person and getting along was almost as scary as the idea of the opposite. He didn't know what to expect, how to act or what to prepare for, but he'd walked himself to the Eddy and if he was being honest, the food sounded delicious. As a chef, he was basically contractually obligated to eat as much incredible food as possible, no matter what company he was with.  But he was going to be having dinner with someone who could be his person, and his ego didn't allow him to do it halfway. So he was standing outside the Eddy in skinny black jeans and slate gray v-neck sweater, his hair perfectly coifed into his sideways swoop - the last thing to do was go inside. He let out a breath, rolled his shoulders back and found a smile as he stepped into the restaurant - the place was beautiful, of course, but it was all both too-loud and too-quiet as the hostess led him to his seat. Every step they took was getting him closer to--  "Rachel?" The word choked out of him in surprise before the hostess even left, his eyes going wide and all manner of decorum flying out the window. "Is--I'm sorry, am I at the right table?" Mason asked, catching the hostess. She nodded at him and left, and then he just looked back at Rachel, agog. "Are you--did--did you send a letter to #1?"

Rachel’s mouth falls open as Mason approaches the table and she can hardly believe it. There had to be a mistake. The number was scribbled messily or passed along wrong. She knows him, too well honestly, since she knows Madison so well. She’s about to ask the hostess the same thing but Mason beats her to the punch and they are left staring at each other once she nods. Confirming that this was correct, that they were supposed to be spending the evening together. “I did. I did write to number one. You’re.” Rachel closes her eyes, hoping to push the tears away. “You’re number one?” She finally chokes out. Not that it was some awful thing, like he was bad, or wrong, but he was with Marley. He was supposed to be with Marley and instead he’s with her because she’d had to go and ruin it for them. “I’m so sorry.”

Of all the ways he'd imagined this going, his date being horrified to meet him hadn't really been something he was actually considering. He ran a hand over his face and let out a breath and then knelt down next to her, forgoing the chair. "Hey, no, it's okay, Rach," Mason said, not even sure why she was apologizing. "Don't--don't be sorry, it's--it's okay. Really. We're gonna have some incredible food, right? And when was the last time the two of us hung out one on one," he added, pulling a shaky smile to his face. Of course the person who'd written him that letter was Rachel. Of course it was. It made perfect sense. "So don't--just, it's okay." Mason gave her shoulder a squeeze and then moved to his seat. They had to go through with this, because there was a chance, however small, that Rachel was right and that they were assigned together. They owed it to each other to give it their best shot, and at least this way they already knew each other...at least Mason didn't have to worry about what some stranger was thinking. It was Rachel. "What--um, what should we have?"

Rachel is hardly taking in his words as she tries to push the nauseated feeling away along with the tears. She thinks maybe she’d respond this way if it had been a stranger who was already seeing someone- but this was someone she knows and he’s dating someone she knows and it feels wrong, all wrong. She only comes to when she feels his hand on her and she can’t help but pull back. It was probably too abrupt and jumpy but she doesn’t feel like comfort would do any good right now. It wouldn’t change their reality. “It’s like you knew this would happen and that’s why we haven’t talked much lately.” She mutters, a bit irrationally, knowing it couldn’t actually be the case. “You should be.” She runs a hand over her face as she tries to ground herself, though it’s mostly useless to even try. “You should be at Marley’s show and supporting her. This isn’t right. We’re friends and you’re with Marley. You’re with her and you wrote to someone else.” She doesn’t even bother actually looking at the menu, she does ask for a glass of wine when a waitress comes over, but she has no intentions of staying and making him miss his girlfriend’s show all because she thinks something that couldn’t be the truth.

Mason raised his eyebrows, stilling as she spoke. His knee jerk reaction was hurt - did Rachel really think of him like that? Ouch. "No, what?" Mason waved the waitress away. "I--Rach, I told Marley. About all of this. She's--if it were her who got a letter from someone else, I'd want her to be meeting them, too. We talked about it. This isn't like--I'm not cheating on her." Mason swallowed, trying to fight the feeling of bile rising in his throat. He'd want her to not feel like she was getting kicked in the teeth. "I wrote to someone else because--because I don't know if I'm right," Mason explained, "if Marley and I are--are 'supposed' to be together or-or whatever. I responded to your letter, and I'm here, because I didn't want to hurt you. Even before I knew who you were." Mason sighed and looked up at the ceiling, letting out a slow sigh. He couldn't quite look at her, but when he spoke, his voice was quiet. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not--not who you wanted me to be." Happy freaking Valentine's.

“I’m sorry.” She says again, unsure of what to say or how to actually respond. It’s a step in the right direction that she’s finally opened her eyes to look at him but it doesn’t actually help. He looks hurt and she really didn’t mean to cause that sort of feeling in him. She just couldn’t stand the fact that he liked someone else, that she knows that someone, that they’ve just talked about it like this is fine. It’s not fine. This system is not fine and she can’t believe they were having to go through this, that she had just hurt her friend all because she has no control when it comes to her responses to things. Always acting on emotions instead of thought and it always got her into trouble, it’s not surprise it was doing the same now. “I didn’t have some idea of who I wanted it to be Mason. I just...I didn’t want to feel like some obligation and like I’m getting in between a relationship. You can’t love me if you’re already beginning to love someone else.”

Mason sighed. That was true - although he wasn't sure if he was 'beginning to love' anybody yet. "Then how about we just...forget about the love stuff," Mason said, looking back at her imploringly. "This restaurant is to die for, and there's a whole meal waiting for us, and it can just--it can be a friend date," Mason tried, raising his eyebrows hopefully. "You're not an obligation, Rach, it was a choice. I could've just--just not showed up and spent all day with my--with Marley, but I didn't--I didn't want to do that. I couldn't have lived with not knowing. Because then what if you're right? Then we'd be--I'd always be the guy who stood you up on Valentine's Day." Mason shook his head. "I don't know if it's me and you or me and Marls or none of the above, but it could be. It could be any one of those things, regardless of who feels what for who. So I think we should just--calm down a little and have a super yummy meal?"

“Your Marley.” She breathes, feeling the tears begin to well up again. Maybe that isn’t what he was going to say and she’s just assuming but it made sense. He was with Marley, the girl had told her that through text message that they were seeing each other. “If we are paired...I couldn’t just. I mean. I’d switch with her if you’re still together. I couldn’t just ruin what you have. I don’t think it’s like magic like I’ve thought for so long or it wouldn’t.” She takes a shaky breath. “It wouldn’t feel like this or maybe it just means I was wrong. Maybe I’m so wrong.” She bites at her lip and just looks at him. “I’m honestly not all that hungry anymore. I’m so sorry Mase- so so sorry.”

This was by far one of the worst Valentine's Days Mason had ever had. Possibly one of the worst in history, except maybe the one where everybody got massacred. "Rach..." Mason sighed and leaned back in his seat. "Don't switch any numbers, don't--just, don't, god, please don't cry," Mason said, voice bordering on begging. He caught himself and stayed quiet for a moment, looking squarely at the table. He shifted, uncomfortable, then nodded slowly. He spoke mostly to the table, and so quietly, "If you want to go, you can. I'm--I'm really sorry that I ruined your Valentine's Day." He felt so guilty; this is why he shouldn't date. At all, period. It made everything else way too complicated. "You'll find your magic."

She’s getting ahead of herself and she realizes that when Mason talks about not switching numbers. It doesn’t stop the fact that she feels like she might throw up all over the table and that if this were their first meeting to marry one another she would run. Not because he’s Mason but because he’s Mason and Marley. “I should go. I’m sorry.” She doesn’t want to be hurting him. She doesn’t want him to think he’s ruined anything. She just wishes so badly this wasn’t their reality. That he could just be with Marley without worrying about anything but that. “I um...I replied to your letter but didn’t have a return address...at the time.” There are tears streaming down her face but she rummages through her bag to grab the envelope with her letter inside, gold star sticker keeping it closed. “I’m sorry Mason. I’m so sorry.” With a sad smile she rushes out of the restaurant not stopping until her lungs are on fire. What had she done?

Mason accepted the letter on reflex. "Rach--" But she was gone, and Mason was alone. Fantastic. The waitress came back, looking concerned, and Mason heaved a great sigh. “Hi, yeah, can I get the meal we were supposed to get to go, please? Thanks.”