#i actually think lloydten is cute i just think one-sided childhood friends lloydten is mortifying and i like things that upset me!

[nanaten]

i love one-sided lloydten …. i think, for me to like a ship, i need to have alot to say about it. but when it comes to lloydten the only time i have alot to say about it is when lloyd is sad and pining because that is the most fascinating angle to me. case in point:

ninten is,, y’know, the cool neighbors kid type, the teenager from across the street that you only hear about via your parents gossiping i.e “did you hear? that little brat vandalised the mayors’ portrait again!” and lloyd envies him SO much. he wants to be him so bad. in his eyes ninten is a tried and true hero, a fearless fighter who stands for what’s right— whilst also being edgier, a teenager who does cool and scary things like smoke (he doesn’t actually) and watch 18 rated films (he doesn’t do that either. caught a glimpse of his parents watching nightmare on elm street and had nightmares about it for weeks) and commits crimes (he does do this one actually.)

he feels theres this inherit distance between them, because ninten is so much cooler than him (no he isn’t) and is so much stronger then him, but he desperately wants to close that distance and become someone who ninten views as an equal. he puts ninten on a pedestal and yearns to reach the same heights ninten is on; failing to realize there’s never been a point in their lives where ninten hasn’t already seen him as an equal.

ninten sees him as his most reliable, if not slightly meek and fun to mess with, best friend. he loves him dearly, and wouldn’t trade him for the world. he just wishes Lloyd wouldn’t always make things complicated. he doesn’t understand why lloyd has created such a complex about himself; he’s never had feelings like that before, so hell, he can’t understand it. it hurts slightly, even, that lloyd refuses to believe ninten when he tells him they’re friends, it hurts that lloyd believes he must become better to be worth him as a friend.

and putting a one-sided romance on top of this sort of dynamic? soul-crushing. gut-wrenching. sorry ninten your right hand man hates himself but also loves you. he is desperate to prove himself to you romantically and platonically and you have to try and tell him how much he matters to you but also not in a romantic way. hell. hell on earth. sorry man. also your friend will be romantically pining after you quietly on his own forever upon acknowledging this because he respects you and your feelings and your comfort so much. he’ll never bring it up again to you so you never feel uncomfortable but in turn it’s eating him up inside every time he wakes up in the morning to the moment he goes to bed. you are everything he’s ever wanted and you are everything he’s ever wanted to be and you can do nothing but be his friend because the only thing that would be worse than that is trapping him into a relationship with you that would be a lie. he deserves to experience being loved as he loves so you wait and support him as a friend in the hopes he can one day love anew but to him that feels impossible. incorrigible, even, as if loving another would be some form of betrayal to you. sorry man. sorry