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lovelysheree · 6 years ago

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Captain Jane - A Stranger Things Pirate AU (preview)

AN: I’ve been playing around with that pirate AU more and I think I’ve worked out a solid first look. The title of the story is still under construction... but I felt like posting this little preview for the fun of it. See if it’s of any interest to ya’ll.

Tag list: @proud-princess-el-wheeler (ask if you’d like to be tagged on any updates for this story)

Mike stands at the edge of a large ship, leaning overboard to watch the waves crash against the wooden planks. All things considered, it’s a beautiful day. There’s a perfect sea breeze, gently brushing past his hair, and the sky is as blue and endlessly stretching as ever. A day like today is the definition of pleasant; however, Mike feels anything but. He absolutely hates sea travel. As the boat rocks back and forth, he fights the urge to vomit. Great�� only one day in and he already feels sick to his stomach.

But it isn’t just the seasickness that spurs on his sour mood. It's everything. He has been dreading this trip since the beginning of the year when his father sprung it on him.

“Michael, we have a potential partnership in the southern colonies,” his father had told him on a particularly cold January morning. Theodore Wheeler, proud inheritor of his father’s (Mike’s grandfather’s) wealth in the iron business. He wore the same expression as he wore every other day. Suppressed boredom with a twinge of quiet, but deeply settled resentment. Although the complete void that was Mike’s father left much to be desired in terms of fatherly love, he couldn’t blame him. If there was anyone else who understood the absolute bore of recording the financial transactions of pots and pans and anything else iron, it was Mike.

“I assume you would like me to stay here and manage the books, then?” he had replied, not thinking much of it at the time.

“Actually, you will be going… as the heir of the business,” his father had clarified, “You leave come the beginning of summer.”

And then came the beginning of summer and Mike had packed his bags and loaded himself onto the first ship to the southern colonies. He huffs a breath of air from his lungs, wishing desperately he was anywhere else. He never liked the iron business. Or any business for that matter. But if you were to ask Mike what he did like to do, he probably would be able to say. Not even he knew, because his entire life he’s been preparing to take over his father’s company. It’s not like there’s another option, so there’s no point in dreaming about one. He blinks slowly and lets out a pitiful groan as he stands up, leaning away from the water below.

“You seem chipper,” he hears a voice behind him.

Mike turns around to see Lucas Sinclair, a longtime friend and brother, wearing a sarcastic smile. The Sinclair’s were a family that had worked for Mike’s grandfather years ago. They were a part of his father’s “inheritance,” though Mike always considered them family. Hell, Mike considered the Sinclair’s to be his family more than his actual biological one. He spent many days and nights escaping his house and joining the Sinclair’s in their small moments of free time, unbeknownst to his parents.

“I get that from my father,” Mike says, turning back to the ocean.

He sees Lucas join him at his side out of the corner of his eye, watching him lean onto the wooden railing. “Funny,” Lucas remarks, “You get that from you father, too?”

Mike snorts, “I’m afraid my wit comes from years of living a cynical life.” He steps away from the railing, turning around and slumping against it, allowing his long limps to fold beneath him in a tangled heap as he lowered himself to the floorboards. He leaned to the side, letting out a small, strangled grunt as he tugged something out of the bag that hung at his hip.

Lucas rolled his eyes, scoffing as he watched Mike pull out an old, well-used book. “Not that damned thing,” Lucas shook his head, “How many times have you read that, anyway?”

Mike glanced up at his friend before turning back to his book. “I’ve honestly lost count,” he said, squinting at the pages.

“Isn’t it boring to read the same thing over and over again? Where’s the fun in that, huh? There’s no mystery or surprise,” Lucas said, hunching over the railing. “Besides, isn’t that the point of the book? It’s about pirates and treasure hunting, right? They solve a mystery, find the treasure, become filthy rich…”

“Sure, it’s about mystery and all, but… I don’t know,” Mike turns the first page, half ignoring Lucas already. “I just like reading it, okay?”

“Good luck convincing him to put it down,” a familiar voice pulls Mike from his reading for a brief moment. William Byers accompanied by Dustin Henderson, two of Mike’s closest friends. The three of them attended the same school together throughout their entire childhood. That is, until Will’s dad up and left on day. After that, Will had to stay home from school so that he and his brother could earn enough money for themselves and their mother. Although it was a terrible circumstance, Will and Mike became closer because of it. Will was able to find a temporary job working for Mike’s father, managing the less important numbers alongside Mike. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him without it,” Will says with the beginnings of a wry smile in his eyes.

“I read it, and it was good, but not worth reading every goddamn day,” Dustin retorts, looking Mike up and down. “Shit, you look as white as a ghost,” he observes.

Mike sighs, wishing he were someone quieter. And steadier. And just not here. “I’m feeling a bit nauseous,” he admitted, “I’m not too good with boats.”

“Or business deals,” Lucas laughs, earning a harsh nudge in the shins from Mike below, “Ow—hey!”

“Why is it that I’m suddenly regretting bringing you guys along?” Mike asks dryly, closing his book and tucking it away.

Dustin grins down at him, “Aw, come on, Mikey. What would you do without us?”

Mike let his head fall against the bulwark with a soft thud. “I’d be reading for one. I can’t concentrate with all of your guys’ blabbering,” he says.

“You have that book memorized like the back of your hand,” Lucas scoffs, “Don’t blame us for not being able to enjoy your book.”

Lucas was right, they weren’t at fault for Mike’s inability to concentrate. Or rather, concentrate on what he’d prefer to concentrate on. The idea of taking over his father’s company had always been in the back of Mike’s mind, sure, but now it’s starting to become real. He’s on an important business trip as “the heir of the company.” He shudders at the thought. His father’s business is safe and successful, not to mention Mike knows how to manage it fairly well. Whether he enjoys managing it or not is another story. Then again, Mike can safely assume his father doesn’t enjoy it either, but he’s done it his entire life.

“It’s a man’s duty to find an honest job and do it well. It doesn’t matter if you enjoy it or not,” he hears his father’s voice ring in his head. I wonder how many times he had to tell himself that, Mike wonders, watching his friends banter back and fourth around him. Lucas leans over and smacks Dustin’s forehead for something he said, but Mike’s not really listening to what they’re all bickering about.

Will turns to him, probably noticing his silence. “Do you want something to ease your stomach?” Will asks, taking a step away from Dustin and Lucas and towards Mike.

Mike shakes his head, “No, it’s not unbearable.”

“Well if it’s not your stomach, what’s eating at you?”

Mike give’s Will a flat look. “You know exactly what’s eating at me,” he says.

“Well sure, but I prefer not to assume things,” Will says, plopping himself down next to Mike. “Plus, it may feel good to get it off your chest.”

Mike sighs and stands up, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “I think I’m just gonna go below deck into our quarters… maybe rest will do me some good.” he says, making his way towards the stairs that lead to the lower portion of the ship.

He can feel Will, Dustin and Lucas all collectively watch him leave, but he tires his best to ignore them. He’s tired, he tells himself. Whether that holds much truth or not, Mike doesn’t care to dwell on. Because right now, he did feel tired. As he walks towards the small room where he and his friends are all going to cram in on this hellish voyage, the idea of falling into a blank, blissful sleep is a wonderful one.

Of course, the universe seems to disagree. Because the moment Michael Wheeler, not-so-proud inheritor of his father’s business, laid down on his cot, the entire ship erupts in sudden commotion.

Over the loud and stomping footsteps above, he barely makes out a panicked cry.

“Pirates!”

Jane sat in her quarters mulling over her crew’s recent reports. Most were the routes and schedules of simple shipping vessels, carrying local businesses’ cargo from one port to the next. The pirate in her was excited at all the opportunities to steal back from the greedy, profit-minded businesses, but that wasn’t what she and her crew were currently after. Well, at least they weren’t after just any business.

The Wheeler Family Iron, known for their extremely affordable iron output. Of course, it was at the heavy cost of slave labor. Sure, most businesses used slave labor, but at the rate the Wheeler’s family business was growing, she feared their slave labor would only grow as well. When she received word that they were reaching out to the southern half of the colony, she knew she needed to step in. If their business gained enough partnerships, there’s no telling how many lives would be extorted.

Yes, Jane was a pirate. Her profession was thievery. However, she didn’t consider herself to be a true thief. Sure, she wasn’t above petty theft every now and then, but the true criminals were the ones behind the scenes. The ones who stop at nothing in the pursuit of wealth—even when they’re plenty wealthy already.

The true thieves were greedy businesses. Businesses like The Wheeler Family Iron.

“Captain Jane,” she hears a voice call her from outside her door, pulling her from her thoughts.

“Come in, Max,” she says and the door opens, “Is something wrong?” she looks up to see her second-in-command, a fiery red-head with a personality to match, entering her quarters.

“We’ve got our target,” Max says, grinning as she crosses her arms over her chest. “In record time, I might add.”

Jane nods facing Max with a grin of her own. “Tell Kali to ready the cannons,” she says while standing up. “We’ve got thieves to catch.”

AN: I’ll probably post this to my AO3 account as well sometime tomorrow, but it’s here for now. Hope you guys enjoyed! I’m having too much fun with this for some reason.

#stranger things #mileven #mike wheeler #dustin henderson #lucas sinclair #will byers #Jane hopper #el hopper #Jane el hopper #eleven #el #11 #max mayfield #maxine mayfield #madmax #ST #pirates #captain jane #au

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gourdeous-vladdy3790 · 6 years ago

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Where’s Colby McAuley? (An Orlando Solar Bears One-Shot)

“Hey, McAuley!” A deep voice bellows out.

A young man with short floppy blond hair parted to one side spins around. His blue eyes shimmer in the dim rays of light coming from street lights behind the arena.

A man in a black hoodie with his arms folded stands to the side.

“Can I help you?” Colby McAuley asks, running a hand through his hair.

“No, actually. Heard you had a big goal…” the man sneers, flashing an eerie grin at Colby.

Colby tenses up and spins around, clenching a fist as he hears the sound of a twig snapping to his side. He swings out as a tingle of electricity surges through his body. The fist connects with air, crumbles as the young Solar Bear player falters on his feet and crashes to the ground, falling unconscious.

The hooded man gives a chuckle. “We know how to handle you now, McAuley.”

Another man in a black hoodie with a skull mask steps forward, grabbing Colby under the arms and easily lifting him up.

Meanwhile, away from the bus, walking around the side of the arena, is two men with blond-dyed tips. One is a dirty blond and the other is a dark brunette man.

“Seriously man, you okay?” The blond man questions, putting a hand on the brunette’s shoulder. “I don’t have to kiss it to make it feel better?” He gives a cheeky grin.

The brunette rolls his eyes and runs a hand through his hair. “No, Jonne.”

“Just making sure Somppikins, remember I can always kick their pitiful asses for you, Princess.”

“I’m not a Princess, Jonne. God, you can be so—” he is cut off by Jonne Tammela slapping a hand over his mouth with a serious “shhhh!”

Jonne shoves Otto Somppi behind a zamboni parked outside and then peers around the front, keeping his hand over Otto’s mouth.

Otto shoves Jonne’s hand away, frowning. “Jonne Tammela!!!”

“Shhhhh, Otto. Seriously. Look, it’s Colby…”

Otto licks his lips and then crawls around the other side of Jonne and peers out toward the bus. He gasps and throws his hand over his mouth.

“What should we do?” Otto mutters into his hand.

Jonne looks back at him. “Inform Captain Sauce immediately! Colby fainted or needs help...” He looks back at the scene by the bus, seeing the two hooded men. “Awwww, two fans are trying to help out baby Colbykins!”

Otto shakes his head, his eyes going wide. “No...They aren’t reviving him that’s for sure.”

Jonne blinks. “Oh shit, you’re right!”

Otto looks at his friend and frowns. “You...never mind, let’s just get to Mike Monfredo and inform him of this…”

“And...they’re dragging him into the back of a Mercedes…” Jonne reports, squinting. “Who are they? Everblades fans?”

Otto, remaining calm, whispers, “Yeah, this is getting worse. We need to get to Monfredo!” He gets to his feet.

Jonne clenches a fist. “I’m not just letting them kidnap my liney like that! Hang on Colbykins!!!” He then sprints from hiding.

“TAMMY, NO!!!” Otto hisses out.

Jonne bolts across the lot at full speed as the two men slam the trunk shut to trap the unconscious Colby McAuley inside.

“What do you think you’re doing?! LET HIM OUT!”

The two men spin around at the voice. Jonne hits one of them, sending them both to the hard concrete, while the other heads for the car. The pissed off Finn pins him to the ground, with enough force to remove the hood from his head.

“Cherniwchan!?” Jonne growls.

“Hey worthless injury prone freak!” Cherniwchan greets slyly. “Sorry to ruin the fun…”

“Let Colby McAuley go!”

“Who’s that?”

“Colby McAuley. I saw you putting him in the trunk!”Jonne snarls, slamming Cherniwchan against the ground.

“Get off of me, Finn!” The Stingray player chuckles and easily shoved Jonne off him. “You’re lucky you fall down so much that you’re not worth eliminating.”

Jonne freezes in place, clenching a fist. “Take that back! I’d hate to have to pummel you for real away from the ice!”

Cherniwchan stomps forward, slamming his foot on top of Jonne’s and spits a chunk of saliva out, right into the Finnish player’s face. “You won’t. Cause you’re soft. Soft like a little princess, kinda like McAuley’s getting to be.”

Jonne’s eyes harden as his eyebrows knit closer together with anger. The saliva ball splattered across the bridge of his nose and around his cheeks. Then he lunges forward and shoves the Stingray player backward with a fierceness.

“Oh-ho, look at...you!” Cherniwchan grabs Jonne’s arms and flings him backward, toward the wall, intent on knocking him out cold.

Jonne hits the wall, but remains upright, staggering slightly on his feet. He shakes his head to clear it and unleashes a loud battle scream. Then he dashes back, winding up to strike Cherniwchan. Instead, the Stingray goon steps to the side and Jonne crashes into the car’s side.

The Stingray once more spits at him and then kicks him in the side, before storming to get into the passenger seat of the car. “Later, loser.”

Jonne grunts in pain, struggling to get back to his feet and save Colby. “You can’t take Colby!!” He puts his hand on the bumper of the car as the engine guns to life. He musters his energy, but Cherniwchan’s sidekick in the driver’s seat, stomps on the gas and peels away. Jonne yelps and crashes back to the ground, his arm outstretching before him in the direction of the car’s exit.

“TAMMELA!” a gruff voice cries out.

“ARE YOU OKAY?” another voice tacks on, in a joking way.

Jonne bites his lip, trying to calm himself. Then the pain begins to settle in. He bites down harder, drawing blood from a cut on his lip. “CHERNIWCHAN TOOK COLBY!” He pushes himself up into a sitting position, his long locks of hair cascading down over his forehead like a vine entrance.

Footsteps thunder toward him. At least four people.

Suddenly one of them drops down to him and puts a hand, comfortingly on his shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay. We’ll rally the others. We’ll get him back.”

Jonne slowly lifts his head up, finding himself looking into the soft, concerned grayish-blue eyes of Troy Bourke. Standing behind Troy, with a goofy, mortified expression on his face is Mitch Hults. And to Mitch’s sides are Tayler Thompson, a spiky brunette with puppy dog deep brown eyes and Otto Somppi.

Otto folds his arms. “I told you not to make any moves! You realize you coulda seriously hurt yourself, right?”

Jonne shoves Troy’s hand off of him and jumps to his feet, the pain vanishing into anger once more. “So what?! You might not...but I’d fight for this team! This IS my team, Otto! Maybe stop sheltering yourself and learn to fight for yourself and your new teammates, cause they won’t fight back for you!”

With that, the Finn storms past Otto, heading for the arena’s player exit. Otto gasps and rubs his arm.

Troy gets to his feet and spins to Tayler and Mitch, who shrug.

Otto spins to them. “Is it true?! In order to be apart of this team, you have to stand up for yourself and fight?”

“No. I have your back no matter what, Somps,” Mitch remarks, flashing him a sweet, goofy smile.

“That’s...reassuring, Hultsy. Come on, let’s cool down Pissy Pants.” Otto rolls his eyes and heads for the arena, after Jonne.

Troy sighs. “Come on, hopefully Saucer is off the phone. He’s gonna be royally pissed that Cherniwchan kidnapped Colby...”

“I’ll stand back this time, learned my lesson…” Tayler whispers, rubbing his arm.

“Monfredo’s a real peach when he gets mad,” Mitch states.

They then follow Otto back into the arena, heading down the hallway. It isn’t even five seconds before a loud, thundering, “WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!” rings out, followed by the sound of a boisterous boom.

“Shit! He’s mad!!” Tayler remarks and dives behind Mitch.

Troy darts forward and seizes Otto’s wrist, halting him before he can enter the locker room. “Holda there, Somps. You’ve seen Monfredo mad, but never MAD…” Mitch and Tayler catch up to them.

“He’s a real Hulk, Otto,” Tayler chimes, peering over Mitch’s shoulder.

Monfredo snatches up an empty glass of water and hurls it across the room with a thunderous grunt of fury. It smashes above the stall where Matt Spencer is sitting. The parts sprinkle down, just avoiding the Canadian.

“Hey, Mike, CAREFUL! I’m sitting here!” Matt snaps, throwing his head back and letting his blond hair flop on his head. “You damage this face and I know a certain fan that’ll come and kick your ass.”

Standing before the angry Orlando Captain is Jonne, who runs one of his hands through his hair and has his other on his hip.

“Cherniwchan did WHAT to COLBY?!” Monfredo roars, picking up his hockey stick.

“Put him in the trunk of a Mercedes…” Jonne repeats.

Monfredo twirls the stick in his hands and then smashes it across his thigh. “I’ll snap him like a TWIG!”

Troy walks in, carefully, holding his hands out before him. “Whoa, whoa, settle down. You’re hulking out again, Saucer.”

“OMG, Michael Monfredo, you made the little baby Bolt cry…” Matt growls, getting up and going over to where Alexey Lipanov is standing, holding his stick with tears in his wide, scared eyes. “It’s okay, Lippy. He’s not mad at you or trying to hurt, just fueled by a loathing toward Andrew Cherniwchan.”

“Lippy didn’t do anything bad…” Alexey whispers as Matt wraps his arms around the baby Russian.

Monfredo faces Troy, his shoulders and chest heaving from the fury. Jonne spins to the brave forward as Troy puts his hands on Monfredo’s and pushes them down slowly. “You’re right, Bourkie.”

Mitch sighs and rests his head on Otto’s shoulder. “He’s got such a way with handling emotions.”

Otto looks down at where Mitch’s head is. “Can you not?”

“Look, what are we doing about Colby McAuley?” Jonne urges.

“Beating Cherniwchan’s face in, until he can permanently see the insides of his own despicable head!” Monfredo grumbles, tensing up.

“No, no, calm,” Troy says, soothingly. “We’re gonna get a team together and then we’re going to go after them and save Colby. Hopefully without violence. Otto’s already hurt, we can’t afford anymore injuries and we certainly cannot lose Colby.”

“I’m game for the beating up Cherniwchan plan,” Jonne remarks, folding his arms and lifting his head up proudly.

“No violence, Tammy!” Matt scolds, still hugging Alexey and rubbing his arm.

“Lippy can just hug them all into submission?” Alexey mutters, finally cracking a sweet smile full of cheese.

Matt chuckles. “Lippy, I’m not sure that’ll work with Cherniwchan.”

Tayler steps back and a bouncing red dot catches his attention. He snaps his head and spots a laser pointer dot bouncing along a wall. He cocks his head to one side and then makes to walk off. He halts and spins back, the other Solar Bears all busy with forming plans and paying no attention to him. He shrugs and skips off after the dot.

Curious as a cat, he follows it down the hallway and around a corner. He finds himself stepping into the center of the entire Florida Everblades team. He freezes in place, flashes an innocent smile and then screams.

Troy and the others hear Tayler’s frightened scream.

“Colby’s gonna have to wait...WHO LET TT OUT OF THEIR SIGHTS…?” Troy booms out, calmly. (However that is possible lol)

Otto shrugs Mitch’s head off of his shoulder. “Get off of me, Hultsy!”

Mitch snaps back to reality, hearing the scream and spins around to see at the far end of the hallway, the group of Everblades.

The captain of the Everblades, John McCarron, stands before the group of men. “Don’t leave your guys unattended around here, Bear Cubs…”

Tayler is being held securely in the center of two of the players, one of them has a jacket with the number seventeen on it and the other has the number four on it. “Let go of me! MONFREDO!!!” He jerks at the holds on his arms.

Monfredo shoves Troy away from him and stomps out of the locker room. He unleashes a terrifying grunt of frustration and anger and then charges for the Everblades. “You’re gonna regret laying a finger on him!”

“Oh, I’m so scared,” the captain of the Everblades sneers, before he throws his arm behind him and takes a metallic hockey stick into his hands. “It’s called stalling, beloved Captain…”

Troy bursts out of the room with Jonne. “They’re working with Cherniwchan, Monfredo!”

“Good. Even more of a reason to unleash hell! I’ll be only three minutes, Bourkie!” Monfredo shouts back, decking McCarron with a single blow to the chest.

Troy heaves a sigh, puffing a curl of his dirty blond hair with a flustered stream of air. “We gotta find Colby ASAP! Just...he’s gonna be violent.”

Matt walks out, hugging Alexey close to him. “Uncle Monfredo is a bad influence on the babies, Bourkie.”

Monfredo, meanwhile, decks three Everblades in a row, before more swarm him.

“Troyling, I think it’d turn Hultsy on a little if you used your brain to outsmart these… not-so-smart-Gator Worshippers.”

“Troyling…?” Otto grumbles, putting his hands on his hips.

“Yes, and I think you should stay here...can’t have you injuring those ribs anymore than they are…” Jonne continues on, picking Otto up and thrusting him up and over his shoulder.

“TAMMY, PUT ME DOWN!!” Otto howls out as Jonne cries him over to a closet.

“Give me a second. Don’t kick caring friends, Somppikins. That’s rude.” Jonne dumps Otto inside the closet and slams the door shut, locking it from the outside.

“WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE, I’M GONNA MURDER YOU, TAMMY!!!” Otto shouts out, banging on the door.

“Good luck with that. You can thank me later when you return to the ice sooner rather than later, buddy!” Jonne slaps his hands together as though brushing the dirt off of them. “That was rather easy.”

Monfredo slams two Everblades together, knocking them out cold, before turning his attention toward another couple. They share a look and then split, fleeing the scene with terror.

Monfredo then kicks the one with the number four in the shin. “You make this too easy for me, Florida!”

Tayler jerks his arms free as Monfredo turns his attention toward the large number seventeen. He splits, racing back to the others.

“TT! You okay, bro?” Matt questions.

“I’m fine! I saw a laser...I thought it might lead to Colby!” Tayler remarks with a huge proud smile.

“Not alone in the home of the Everblades. Now you’ve allowed Alexey the privilege of seeing Monfredo beat up an entire team! The Little Babies are the most vulnerable and impressionable,” Matt scolds.

“Victory shall be ours!!” McCarron cries out, struggling to get up.

Monfredo kicks back, nailing him in the chin. At once, McCarron slams back to the ground and Monfredo locks into a battle with the remaining Everblade survivor.

“Here’s what I’m thinking,” Troy begins to say.

Mitch sighs and slaps his hands to his cheeks, dreamily staring at Troy. “He’s got a plan!”

Troy looks at him and blows Mitch a kiss with a wink, before he continues with, “We’ll leave Monfredo to handle that dickbag. He’ll be able to keep an eye on Otto as well. Meanwhile, the rest of us here can track down Colby.”

“So where are we starting off, genius?” Jonne snarkily remarks.

Matt smacks Jonne’s shoulder. “Cool it, Finn. Got a better idea?”

Jonne rubs his arm. “No. Fine…”

“Let’s start with these nice tire tracks!” Tayler’s voice echos from outside.

Troy, startled, spins and looks out the exit, toward where they’d first found Jonne on the ground. Tayler Thompson is standing, hovering over the ground and pointing down at something on the gravel.

“TT, did you learn nothing with the Everblade hostage incident?!” Troy scolds as Matt takes Alexey’s hand into his own like a little child.

Tayler shrugs as they walk out and over to where he is standing. Sure enough, implanted on the ground are tire marks from when Cherniwchan had sped out. They lead off and skid around the corner of the arena.

“Okay, I propose that Jonne, you’re Tayler Thompson duty,” Matt exclaims.

Jonne’s mouth falls open with a gasp. “Spenny...why?! I don’t wanna babysit!”

“Because I said so and because you locked Otto in a closet just to make some stupid gay joke later on about it,” Matt explains, folding his arms across his broad chest and causing the compression shirt he has on to pull tight across his pecks.

Alexey points up with one hand at Matt’s chest. “You’re a lot bigger and more defined than Real Daddy!”

“Lippykins, it’s real easy for ANYONE to be bigger and more defined than Vladdy…” Jonne chirps, before earning a smack from Matt.

“TT, duty, Mr. Tammela. Get on it.”

Jonne rubs his arm again. “Fine.” He stomps over to Tayler, who is beaming. “Don’t run off again. I’m not babysitting you.”

“No guarantees,” Tayler says, smiling largely.

Troy studies the tire tracks, while Mitch studies Troy.

“Just out of curiosity, what’s the point of bringing Mitch along, if he’s just gonna oogle Troy the entire time? He’s about as helpful as--shit, TAYLER THOMPSON!!” Jonne begins to say, losing his focus on Tayler, who begins to wander off, spotting a stray kitty cat darting toward the arena. He snatches Tayler’s wrist to halt him.

“Awww... I wanted to pet the kitty cat!” Tayler whines.

“No, Tayler,” Jonne grunts, anchoring himself and holding the protesting forward back.

Troy reaches the edge of the arena and peers around the corner, looking down the street toward where the road would take people out of the arena’s private road and to the main road. He gasps as his eyes land on a stuffed white tiger lying in the middle.

Mitch comes up behind him, putting his hands on Troy’s shoulders. “Whoa, Bourkie, you’re tense.”

“Hultsy, not the time. See that?” Troy gestures with a hand toward the stuffed tiger.

Matt, still holding Alexey by the hand, smirks as he watches Jonne struggling to control Tayler. “This is rather entertaining to watch.”

“Glad. you’re. enjoying. yourself. Spenny.” Jonne grunts out.

Matt gives a hearty chuckle and then spots Troy and Mitch walking around the corner of the building with a clear interest on something. “Come on, let’s see what Troy and Mitch have found!”

Tayler perks up and races off, pulling Jonne along with him.

“I’m gonna dieeeeeee!” Jonne screams out in frustration.

Troy reaches the tiger and throws his hands over his mouth. Mitch grabs Troy’s arm with a high-pitched yelp. Attached to the tiger is a note.

Meanwhile, across the highway, at the Embassy Suites hotel, Cherniwchan peels into the parking lot and launches immediately into a parking spot on the side, out of view. He shifts the vehicle into park and kicks the door open.

“Who knows how long that electric shock will keep the bastard out cold for! Grab the duct tape!” Cherniwchan snarls at his partner.

“You know, we’re on different teams. So just because we share common dislikes here, doesn’t mean I do all the dirty work for you…” the other man snaps, getting out and snatching up a roll of black duct tape.

“You’re very right, Hunter, Icemen and Stingrays clash most times. But today,” Cherniwchan rounds the car and props the truck. “We unite for one mission. To destroy the Orlando Solar Bears. Starting with everyone’s favorite little prick.” He launches the lid up, revealing Colby lying peacefully inside still limp and unmoving. “Tape his wrists together and ankles and then bring him in, okay, Garet Hunt.”

The captain of the Jacksonville Icemen rolls his eyes and pulls back the end of the tape. “Very bold of a fourth line goon from the South Carolina Stingrays bossing around the captain of the Jacksonville Icemen.” He wraps the tape around Colby’s wrists and then tears the roll back, pasting the end to the rest of the tape.

Cherniwchan flips a taser in his hands, chuckling and watching Hunt tape-binding Colby. “I’m the brains of this afterall. I’m sure right now, Monfredo’s throwing chairs across the room, and you’re welcome, taking out Everblades.”

Hunt pauses, looking up at the Stingray, smirking. “You’re right. You’re a genius.”

“And don’t you forget that, Hunter…”

“Should I tape his mouth shut too?” Hunt growls out.

Cherniwchan shakes his head. “No, it’ll be rather refreshing to hear him mouth off for a little bit. The frustration from the mighty Colby McAuley would fuel me for sure.”

Hunt shrugs and finishes taping Colby’s ankles together with the adhesive. Then he scoops Colby from the trunk and carries him toward the hotel. Cherniwchan slams the trunk shut and spins around, looking back in the direction of the Hertz Arena. He snickers and then walks across the grass after his partner.

They head down the backside of the hotel, to a secret door that leads to a large shed-like building. Cherniwchan produces a key and unlocks the door. They vanish inside at once.

The Stingray goon pulls a chain just inside the door, igniting a light bulb overhead. Then he turns and closes the door and bolts it shut.

Just as soon as he does so, Colby stirs in Hunt’s arms.

The Iceman puts Colby on a couch. Colby blinks awake, clearly groggy. He then finds his wrists immobilized and grunts out, “What the fuck?” His eyes snap open and he spots Cherniwchan glower at him, mocking him with the sight of the taser.

“Have a nice sleep, McAuley?” the Stingray sneers.

Colby attempts to kick out and sit up, but finds his ankles bound together tightly.

“You might wanna keep a chill head, Baby Shark, I have a taser here and you’re in my den now. You piss me off, I can really hurt you,” Cherniwchan snarls. “As can he.”

Hunt paces around and joins Cherniwchan, sarcastically waving a greeting to Colby.

“What do you want?” Colby demands.

“We just wanna have some fun with ya...since you always like to have fun with us,” Hunt remarks, coming over to caress Colby’s face. “I mean, we did ding your pretty little nose up, didn’t we?”

Colby glares at him, mustering his energy. “Go ahead, keep manhandling me, Hunt!”

“What are you gonna do? You’re all tied up!” Hunt mocks, laughing in his face.

Colby screws his face up and with a powerful thrust, snaps the tape around his wrists and lunges forward tackling Hunt. “Not anymore, you Texas-sized fucktard! You and that jerk, Lalancette and really the rest of your pathetic dirty squad!!”

Hunt cackles loudly. “You’re not gonna hurt me, McAuley. Not off the ice. Not on the ice, either. Maybe last year, but this year, you’re soft.”

Colby grabs Hunt’s shirt and slams him against the ground, but Cherniwchan jams the taser into Colby’s neck, shocking him to unconsciousness once more.

“Took you long enough,” Hunt snarls at Cherniwchan.

“Hey, it was amusing slightly. Just giving him a little control...come on, Hunter. Let’s hook him up to the gator pond now...before the others arrive to join him!”

Hunt smirks. “Right!”

They work together this time to drag Colby deeper into the shed, passing the couch. They enter a dome shaped room. There is a floor with various lines etched into a circle in the center. The lines race back to a metal pole and in the corner there is a control panel. They drag him across to the pole and now bind his wrists together behind his back and the pole with rope. They pull the knot tight just as the sound of a deep-throated frog echoes around the room.

“Let’s get the fun underway!” Cherniwchan exclaims, dashing over the control panel. “Ready the water bucket to wake Sleeping Beauty again!”

Hunt snatches up a bucket that is full of water.

Cherniwchan slams a fist down on a big red button and at once the grinding of gears splits through the air, followed by the floor parting by the lines inside the circle. A single circle remains in the center as a platform for Colby to stand on as around him, alligators swim and lurk like a pool of sharks in movie hostage scenes.

“Awaken Princess McAuley!” Cherniwchan announces, his voice booming around the dome.

Hunt steps up to the edge of the circle and tosses the water from the bucket at Colby.

Instantly, Colby jerks awake. “Oh, what the--?!”

“Good morning part two, Princess McAuley,” Cherniwchan sneers from the control panel. “And welcome to the main event!”

Colby presses against the pole, seeing the gators swimming around before him. “This isn’t funny anymore, Cherniwchan! This is outright cruel and uncalled for!”

“Scared of a few gators…?” Hunt remarks, setting the bucket down.

Colby jerks forward, but realizes that this time his escape would be a little more difficult. He grimaces as a gator leaps out and plops back into the water. “I MEAN IT! LET ME GO!”

Cherniwchan snickers. “No worries, we’ll take this nice and slow…”

Colby presses against the pole gripping it with his bound hands as he snaps his head around, eyeing the carnivorous reptiles.

“COLBY!?” Alexey Lipanov calls out. “Colby McAuley?!” He is holding on tightly to the stuffed white tiger that they’d found. The note went to Matt Spencer’s pocket.

“Colbykins!!” Jonne calls out. “Where’d you go?”

Matt shakes his head. “The tire tracks end at the main road, Bourkie...I don’t know where else they’d go and I mean, they seem to only mark up the turns...But past this, who knows.”

“We can’t give up on Colby!” Troy exclaims.

“I agree. He’s around here somewhere. No way a Stingray and Iceman venture too far away,” Jonne remarks, coming over to them.

“Tammy, where’s TT?” Troy asks, to Matt folding his arms and shaking his head at him.

Jonne smacks his forehead.

“Well, they show up down here, turning right onto Ben Hill Griffin Road!” Tayler’s voice rings out from a distance once again. “Hopefully, not getting onto the interstate.”

“I’m gonna kill him…” Jonne mutters as he lets his hand slide down his face to his lips.

“You can try to, but I’ll just slip your attention again. Turn your back for one second on me, Jonny...” Tayler remarks.

Troy walks up to where Tayler is standing. “Good find, TT.” He looks down the road. “We need to head that way!”

“Isn’t that the direction of the Embassy hotel?” Jonne questions, seizing Tayler’s wrist. “You’re worser than a little kid.”

“At least my English is better…” Tayler remarks, tapping Jonne on the nose with a chuckle.

Jonne swats his hand away and then pulls Tayler after him, heading for the highway and the hotel. “LET’S GO!”

“Ooooh! I’m gonna start singing!” Mitch comments.

“I’ll join you!” Tayler remarks. “What are we singing Hultsy?”

Mitch clears his throat and then leans against Troy as they carry on walking, launching out with: “Let’s get down to business…”

“HOW ABOUT HELL TO THE NO!” Jonne bellows out. “No. Disney.”

Mitch thinks and then tries: “I'll be there someday, I can go the distance...”

“THAT’S STILL DISNEY, MITCH HULTS!!”

“Ooooooh! I like this song though!!” Tayler chimes out and begins to skip along as he sings in unison with Mitch:

“I will find my way if I can be strong

I know every mile would be worth my while

When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong…”

Jonne pinches his nose with his free hand. “I’m gonna be dead before we even get a sniff of Colby.”

Singing along to the upbeat, journey-type Disney tunes, the group quickly makes it under the highway and to the entrance to the hotel. Instantly they find more tire marks and then Jonne spots the back of the ominous vehicle.

“There! He’s here! Everyone can shut the hell up now and come on!” Jonne yanks Tayler with him, still gripping tightly to his wrist.

“Weeeeee!” Tayler sing-songs out.

Troy, Mitch, Matt and Alexey run after them. They all cluster together, hiding behind the side of the car.

“Hey, Spenny, you still got the note?” Troy inquires.

Matt nods and pulls out the note from the stuffed tiger, which is still in Alexey’s hands. He hands the note to Troy.

“Yup. Embassy Suites. We’re in the right place...let’s see here, where would they go? They can’t just drag Colby inside a busy hotel.”

“You’d be surprised. Villians be cray cray sometimes,” Jonne remarks. “A few years ago, when I met Vladdy Namestnikov…”

“Let’s not...we don’t have time, Tammela!” Matt says. “By the way, Tayler wandered off again!”

Jonne gasps and groans, throwing his head back. “I had him...dammit!”

“Hey, check out this cool shed!” Tayler’s voice suddenly splits through the air.

Troy slaps his forehead. “It’s a shed...TT…you’ve never seen one of those before?”

“Not like this…” Tayler proceeds to open the door up and peer inside.

Jonne dashes across the grass and shoves the door shut, grabbing Tayler. “What are you doing? This isn’t silly Everblades this time, but Andrew Cherniwchan!! He’s not gonna take you hostage, he’s gonna kill you.”

A shrill scream cuts the air as Matt, Alexey, Troy and Mitch join them.

“That’s Colby!” Mitch remarks. “I know that scream like the back of my own hand...or Troy’s ass.”

Troy frowns and shoots him a look. “Hultsy, don’t make me…anyway, we need to form a plan and sneak...”

“No time!” Tayler yanks his arm free from Jonne’s hold and throws the door open to the shed.

“TAYLER!” Jonne hisses and dives inside after him.

“Let me go, NOW! So we can finish this up, fair and square, Cherns! Or are you so much of a giant sore loser, that you’d rather cheat your way to a victory?! Take the easy win, huh?”

“Shut up, McAuley! We all know that lately you’ve lost your feisty edge and have begun to actually be a force to be reckoned with!” Cherniwchan snarls.

Jonne tackles Tayler onto the couch and pins him down.

“Too bad I’m not gay, cause you’d be hella turning me on right now,” Tayler hisses at him.

“You’re an idiot!” Jonne snaps at him.

“At least I’m not the one who gave us away!” Tayler remarks.

Jonne opens his mouth up for a retort, but then there is a click and the cold barrel of a gun is jammed against his head.

“WHO’S THERE?!” a familiar voice booms out.

“It’s just Tammela and Thompson!” another voice replies.

Tayler looks back into Jonne’s eyes and urges him to relax slightly. But the man pulls Jonne back, holding the gun to his head.

“Thompson, I know your games. You’re gonna sit pretty, or else I’m blowing Finnish boy’s brains out sky high.”

Tayler sticks his tongue out and folds his arms across his chest. “Hate you too, Hunt.”

“Dammit, TT!!” Colby snaps. “You and your damn curiosity!”

Tayler sits up on the couch, pouting his lip and narrowing his eyes as Cherniwchan pads back into the lobby area of the shed, where the couch is. He rounds it and sits down next to Tayler.

“You’re Tammela’s backup help? Pathetic.”

Jonne tenses up as Hunt presses the gun barrel deeper into the flesh of the Finn’s temple.

The Stingray then reaches behind him and picks up a roll of black duct tape. “Can’t have you two getting in the way anymore...we’re gonna tie you both up, let you watch as we drown Colby in the gator pit and then blow your brains out. Just cause you were stupid enough to come after us.”

Tayler looks at Jonne as Cherniwchan binds his wrists and ankles together with the tape. Not even putting up a fight to stop it. Then the Stingray rips off a piece and sticks it over Tayler’s mouth. Then with a satisfied grunt, tosses the tape roll to Hunt, who in turn, hands the gun to his evil partner.

Jonne manages a smug look on his face as his arms are forced behind his back. “You know tape is easy to break free from…? Isn’t that villain 101. I mean unless you’re a lowlife Hollywood writer, who just wants some badassery scene...”

“Yeah, until you have to snap it from behind your back, Finn,” Cherniwchan sneers. “And in a certain amount of time. Look around you, nothing will help you push the pace. And last I checked, you’re not as strong as McAuley.”

“Thanks, dickwad,” Colby grumbles, kicking a gator back into the water.

“That was a compliment, Shark Bait. I was dissing Tammela.”

“Aggravating scumbag rat!” Jonne barks, flashing his teeth in fury at the villains.

Hunt tapes up Jonne’s ankles now and then sits him in a rolling-style desk chair. Then he tapes Jonne’s mouth shut with two pieces of the adhesive. Cherniwchan stuffs the gun into his pants and then hauls Tayler into a second rolling chair.

They then move the two players to sit them back to back, behind the couch, just inside the dome. Hunt then takes the remaining tape on the roll and pastes them both upright. Tayler snaps his head around, trying to figure out a method to escape, while Jonne kicks out attempting to snap the tape around his ankles.

Hunt tosses the empty roll into the pool and the gators at once lunge to attack, spraying Colby with water.

Cherniwchan stalks back to the control panel. “Now, where were we…oh, right, right, lowering the pole into the gator pool! Good-bye McAuley!!” He lifts his arm up and prepares to smack another big button that is silver in color.

That’s when, Troy Bourke and Matt Spencer skid in.

“Oh, I don’t think so!” Matt remarks.

Troy whips his phone out. “Don’t-don’t make me dial Monfredo!”

“Too late, Benchwarmer and Whiny Baby Bourke!” Cherniwchan snarls and bangs his fist down on the button.

At once the pole shoots down into the water with Colby.

Matt throws his head back and dashes forward, diving into the gator water. He dodges the hungry reptiles, rapidly heading for his teammate. Colby kicks out in desperation as gators come at him. He nails a few in the snout, but soon his kicks get slower and slower.

A gator manages to naw off the ropes and Colby floats away from the pole, right into Matt’s arms. With a successful grunt, he punches a gator coming for him, grabs another dazed one and fends the others off. Then he launches for the surface, eventually breaking to gasp for air.

Now, pissed off, the remaining four unharmed gators close in.

“You’re an idiotic peabrain, Spencer!” Cherniwchan chuckles.

“Colby, stay with me, buddy. We’re almost there!” Matt urges. “Also, I know you’re gonna bite back at me later for having to rescue you, but, you’re welcome!”

Troy presses the number for Monfredo, cocking a smirk. “You did it, Cherns!”

Hunt sneaks up behind Troy, snickering under his breath.

“BOURKIE, NO!!!” Mitch screams out from behind the couch, where he is hiding out with Alexey.

Hunt shoves Troy at the pool.

Troy drops his phone, which skids right into the pool and into a gator’s mouth. He halts himself, kicks back and nails the gator in the jaw, breaking some of the animal’s teeth. “I swear I’m an animal lover!! Sorry, Gator.” He then scrambles back up to his feet and faces Hunt, who has turned his attention on Mitch and Alexey.

Mitch hugs Alexey close to him.

“Get back from him!” Troy thunders out.

“It’s okay, Bourkie, I can handle this…” Mitch states, scanning the room. Then he faces Hunt and spits out, “Your mom!”

Troy covers his eyes and shakes his head. “Good one, Hultsy.”

Jonne cranes his neck to try and see Tayler, when all of the sudden, the brunette pops up from behind the control panel and flexes his hands. Jonne screams into the tape and kicks out as Cherniwchan comes forward to mock and stop Matt.

“Ooooh, what does this button do, Mr. Cherniwchan?!” Tayler remarks, wiggling his fingers over a blue button.

Cherniwchan spins around to him. “NO! Don’t press that!”

Tayler laughs and presses the button. At once, the pole shoots back up, out of the water and nails the Stingray right in the mid section, sending him slamming against the wall and knocking the wind from him.

“Tayler Thompson: 1, Andrew Cherniwchan: 0.”

“Good work, TT...wait a sec...what the hell…?” Matt looks to where Jonne is angrily thrusting against the tape bonds.

Tayler rounds the panel, smirking. “I’m Tayler Thompson, Spenny, need you question.”

Troy knocks Hunt out, before he can reach Mitch and Alexey. “You leave them alone!” Then he spins to see Tayler wrapping a coil of rope around an unconscious Cherniwchan’s arms. “How in the world…?”

Tayler glances up, pulling the knot tight and winks. “I’m Tayler Thompson, the one and only true TT.”

Troy shakes his head. “Whatever. Hultsy, find me a coil of rope--”

Just then, there is a loud grunt outside, followed by, “MONFREDO SMASH!!!”

Alexey screams in fright and buries his face into Mitch’s chest. “Big scary captain is scary!!”

Monfredo stomps into the shed, literally smoke billowing out of his nostrils in anger.

“Little late, Saucer,” Troy chuckles as Mitch hands him rope and he sets to work tying Hunt up. He finds the gun and fires a few bullets at the gators, who give up and disperse, allowing Matt to reach the edge with the limp Colby.

“I can still bash their skulls in!” Monfredo grumbles.

Tayler skids over and aids Matt with getting Colby out of the water. “I know RCP!!”

“RCP?” Matt questions, shaking his head, his damp moppy hair flopping everywhere on his head.

“CPR…” Tayler repeats.

Colby gasps and jerks awake, sitting up to face the pool. “DON’T DO CPR ON ME!!”

“He’s alive!!” Tayler exclaims, throwing his hands up into the air.

Colby coughs, spitting out water. “Of course I’m alive! I must have kicked all the gators’ asses in the pool like a damn badass!”

Matt leans over and smiles at him. “Not quite. I saved you.”

Colby groans and hangs his head. Then he snaps it back up and throws his arm out in a sassy way with his index finger raised tall and proud. “Colby McAuley does NOT get rescued!”

Tayler grabs Colby and presses his lips to Colby’s slimy, wet cheek.

Colby clenches a fist and lets it fly around, right into Tayler’s chin, knocking him backward. “DON’T KISS ME! I’m not the Troy Bourke to your Mitch Hults!”

Matt rolls his eyes and then spots Jonne. “Okay, okay, it’s been long enough. Someone untie the chirping Finn!”

Tayler bounces back up, shaking off the blow from Colby and races over to him. “I GOT HIM!”

“Saucer, we rescued Colby, we don’t need to be dicks and stoop down to their level, murdering them,” Troy says, dusting himself off and earning a sigh from Mitch in the process. He then bravely throws his arm out to block Monfredo’s pathway to the Stingray and Iceman. “Got it?”

Monfredo grumbles to himself and backs down.

Colby spins around, still sitting on the edge of the pool. He rubs his arm and cracks a slight smile. They’d all risked their lives to save him. He then mutters, “Thanks, guys…” He watches Tayler untie Jonne.

“What the hell? How’d you get free?!” Jonne blurts out, ripping the tape from his mouth and tossing it to the side.

Tayler grins at him. “It’s a Tayler Thompson secret. Shhhhhh...” He places an index finger to Jonne’s lips.

Troy faces them all. “Okay, we need to get back to Hertz, because Jonne Tammela locked Otto in a closet and Monfredo kinda left him...so...can’t have ANYMORE Colby incidents.”

“Bourkie, I’m gonna crosscheck you so hard into the boards during warmups!” Colby snaps, getting to his feet. He slips and almost falls back into the pool though.

“Colby, give it a rest already, you got saved. It’s okay. It won’t end your masculinity,” Mitch states. “In fact it was kinda hot seeing Troy saving you.”

“NOT. HELPING.” Colby scramble-crawls away and over to Tayler and Jonne. “I’m fucking freezing here. Can we go?! Also, can I get a good punch to Cherniwchan and Hunt’s stupid, ugly, jealous faces?!”

“You’re all soaked and your shirt is clinging to you, I can make out your abs and perky nipples,” Mitch remarks. “Of course you’re cold.”

Troy sighs. “Yes and maybe. I’ll consider a punch.”

“Oh, sure, he’s allowed to punch but not me?” Monfredo grumbles, tossing his eyes.

Colby sticks his tongue out at Monfredo in a teasing fashion. Monfredo ignores him and snatches up Hunt’s bound limp body, while Tayler and Jonne take Cherniwchan’s dazed one.

“I’ll end you Colby McAuley...and your little Solar Cubbies too!!” the Stingray chokes out as he is forced out of the shed after the others.

“Yeah, yeah, can it Stingray rat,” Matt growls as he latches onto Alexey’s hand once more. “In fact, you touch anyone of Orlando’s players, I’m giving Monfredo the signal to do damage to your face. Also, don’t call me benchwarmer, I’m not sitting on the bench for Orlando, thank you very much.”

They return to the arena and Tayler races inside, fetching a purple blanket for Colby to wrap around himself. Jonne walks up to the closet, where he’d locked Otto inside of. He clears his throat and prepares to speak, when…

“JONNE TAMMELA, LET ME OUT OF HERE AT ONCE!!!” Otto thunders from inside.

Jonne leans against the door, smiling smugly to himself. “What’s the password, friend?!”

“Fuck. You.”

“No, that’s not it…” Jonne chuckles.

“Just let him out, Jonne!!” Troy scolds. “Or else, I’m putting you back on Tayler Thompson duty!”

Jonne rolls his eyes and unlocks the door. At once, it swings open and Otto stumbles out, gasping for air.

“So...who’s the lucky guy?” Jonne questions, putting his hands on his hips.

“I...hate...you...so...YOU LOCKED ME IN THERE WITH TREVOR OLSON, YOU ASSHAT!!” Otto thunders, clenching a fist and whirling around, prepared to strike Jonne. “He...kept...ripping ones off. I almost died!!” He deflates and throws his arms around Jonne, hugging him and sobbing into his shoulder.

Jonne pats him on the back as Trevor Olson walks out with a smug grin on his face.

“Lesson learned. No more burritos before broadcasting games. Sorry, Somps man, I thought I’d found a good closet to release in…” Trevor chuckles and then walks off. “Next time, trap McAuley in here. Good punishment.”

Otto clings to Jonne. “Trevor Olson’s farts are death.”

“Sorry. I had no idea...I love you, Somps.” Jonne pets Otto’s head, concerningly.

Tayler grabs Colby’s hand and gently pulls him toward the stairs for Section 120. “I got something to show you…”

Colby eyes him as they begin to climb up the stairs to the platform behind the visitor’s bench. “You’re not coming out to me are you? Why does everyone think I’m gay?!”

Tayler chuckles. “No...I’m not asking you out. But I thought you might want a key to the holding cell of Cherniwchan…” He smiles sweetly.

Colby gasps and takes it at once. “Absolutely! How’d you get this…?”

Tayler’s smile twists and then he turns and hops back down the stairs.

“TAYLER THOMPSON, ANSWER ME DAMMIT!!” Colby screams out and dashes down, after him, trying to hug the blanket around him.

#orlando solar bears #colby mcauley #tayler thompson #jonne tammela #otto somppi #mitch hults #troy bourke #matt spencer #matthew spencer #alexey lipanov #Baby Bolts #baby sharks

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pickalilywrites · 7 years ago

Note

So, I really really loved the witch AU you wrote for Rivetra week (and basically anything you write, honestly) and was wondering if you might be willing to write anything else in that same vein? Or a continuation of that story?

Thank you! You are very kind! I really like this AU as well, so it makes me happy that you enjoyed it enough to ask for me :) Please let me know if you’d like more of this or any other AU :D

Nightmares

Rivetra. Witch AU.

2326 words.

Ifhe hadn’t heard her speak the first time, he would think that she’s mute. Hehad asked her before if she was shy, but she squeaked out an unconvincing “no”for an answer. In all of time she’s been here, he’s sure that she hasn’tuttered more than three words at a time. He’s fine with that though. It’s notlike he’s extremely talkative himself. When you live alone for so long, thesilence is something you get used to.

He’sthought about sending her to someone else, someone who could betterrehabilitate her, but the one time he mentioned a friend coming over, shelooked at him with such wide-eyed horror that he couldn’t see it going well.Maybe it’s for the best. Mike can be somewhat of a strange man and Hanji isn’tthe best person to have around if you’re faint-hearted to begin with. She seemscontent with staying inside all day and helping him with household chores inthe meantime, but it seems a waste to have someone like her become a hermit forthe rest of her life.

“Youmust really like cleaning,” he says to her one night as they’re washing thedishes. He actually doesn’t care if she helps him clean up the house or not,but he has to admit that she does a thorough job in whatever she does. It savesa lot of time having two people work around the house too.

“Yes,”she murmurs. As expected, she says nothing more, just keeps her head down asshe takes the dishes she hands her and wipes them dry before stacking them onthe counter to put away later.

He’snoticed this before, but there are bags under her eyes. They’ve been theresince she’s arrived here, but it seems they’ve become even more prominent.Sleeping in a stranger’s house must be terrifying for her, especially aftereverything she’s been through, but he hopes she hasn’t been avoiding sleepentirely.

“Areyou sleeping alright?” he asks her after handing her the last plate to dry.

“I’mfine,” she mumbles, still not looking at him. She makes sure that their fingersdon’t touch when she takes the plate from him. She’s careful as she wipes downthe plate, her movements slow and cautious. A ginger lock from behind her earfalls, obscuring her face and preventing him from reading her expressionproperly.

That’sfine. It’s not like it’s any of his business anyway.

“Youcan get some sleep after this,” he says. Levi dries his hand on the towelhanging from the cabinet handle. “I can take care of the rest by myself.”

Normallyshe would insist to help in her own quiet way, but she must be tired becauseshe simply says, “Thank you,” before returning to put the plates back in theirproper cabinets.

Shefolds the drying towel slowly, making sure each fold is precise and neat. Hethinks that she’s gotten more relaxed now, but he’s beginning to realize nowthat her movements are slow and sluggish, not relaxed. She’s not being carefulor cautious; she’s just exhausted.

Heshould warn her to sit down at least, tell her he can take care of things whileshe rests for a minute even if it means closing her eyes for just a second, butit’s too late.

Theplates slip from her hands, shattering on the floor. The girl stares at thebroken dishes in shock. It seems that she’s frozen there until she realizesthat this isn’t her home, these plates belong to someone else, and suddenlyshe’s as terrified as the night he saved her.

“I’msorry, I’m so sorry,” she whispers, her voice broken like the shattered dishes.She’s already kneeling down to pick up the broken shards with her hands,perhaps too scared to even realize what she’s doing.

“Areyou stupid?” Levi snaps, quickly grabbing onto her wrist before she cutsherself. Thankfully she’s not bleeding, but she looks at him with such aterrified expression that he realizes that he must be scaring her after yellingat her and grabbing her so roughly. Letting go, he mutters, “Don’t be soreckless. You can get hurt.”

“I’msorry,” the girl says again, her lip quivering. She holds onto her wrist wherehe had gripped her so forcefully. “I should have been more careful.”

Hesighs and stands up, looking warily at the girl still kneeling on the floor.“They’re just plates,” he says. “I can always replace those. But you need totake care of yourself. People aren’t things that can be replaced.”

Thegirl stands up, her head hanging so she’s looking at the floor. “Yes. I’m…,”she begins, but she changes her mind. She’s rubbing her wrist and it makes Leviwonder if he had grabbed her too hard back then. “Thank you for worrying aboutme.”

“I’llclean this up, so don’t worry about it. You should sleep though,” he says. He’salready turned to get the broom and dustpan, but he notices that she’s stillstanding in the same spot. Did she not hear him? He walks towards her, gettingready to repeat himself, but sees that tears are dripping down her cheeks.

It’stimes like these where he thinks someone like Hanji or Mike would be moreuseful to her. He’s never been good with emotions – neither his nor theemotions of others – and he’s at a loss at what to do now. Perhaps he shouldhold her but that seems strange, so he can only stand and gawk.

“What’swrong?” he asks.

“Ican’t…I can’t sleep,” the girl whispers shakily. Her hands cover her eyes, butthe tears spill over anyway. “If I close my eyes…I can’t breathe. And thewater…it’s everywhere and it fills my lungs and it hurts. It hurts so much Ican’t move. And everyone’s just watching as I drown. When I reach for them…theyjust stand there…they look so cruel…” She clutches at her chest, her breathingheavy as if she’s searching for air but it’s not reaching her. She’s sobbing soheavily now that she shakes with every breath.

“Petra,”he says. It’s the first time he’s ever really called her name, but she doesn’thear it. She’s lost in her nightmare, the one she’s been trying to avoid, theone she had only narrowly escaped a week before. So he lifts her head with agentle hand, calling her back to reality. “You’re not there anymore. You’rehere. They’re gone now.”

Thereis something familiar about this, he thinks as she clings to him desperatelylike he’s the only thing to keep him from drowning in her darkest memories. Hestrokes her hair, thinking that it’s so soft and wondering why this feels likesomething that’s happened to him before. He tries to recall this scene thatfeels so familiar to him, but he can’t find it anywhere in his memories.

“Takea rest in your room while I clean this up,” he tells her. “I’ll be there in aminute.”

Thegirl swallows, but nods. She leaves soundlessly, her footsteps hardly makingany noise at all. A quiet girl, but he’s sure she was full of life before hemet her. Humans always have a way of ruining beautiful things.

Hecomes to her room a few minutes later and finds her sitting upright in her bedwaiting for him. While she’s not crying anymore, her eyes are still red andswollen.

“Areyou feeling better?” he asks. He puts down a tray on the nightstand next to herbed and pulls out a chair from nearby to sit down beside her.

“Yes,”she replies quietly. She stares at her hands which are folded in her lap.“You’re very kind.”

Hewould scoff, but he’s sure she wouldn’t understand. How can she think he’s sokind even though she’s only known him for a few days? She’s too naïve, buthe’ll let her think that anyway. She’s been through too much cruelty, so maybeit’s okay to let her believe there is kindness in the world.

Levipours her a cup of tea from the tray he had brought in earlier. The scent of itis strong and earthy, a different fragrance from the typical light and herbalteas he drinks from. He takes a deep breath, breathing in its aroma, beforeholding it out to her. “Drink this.”

Hesitantly,Petra takes the cup from him and stares down at its contents. The golden-brownliquid swirled mysteriously in the cup. “What is this?” she asks.

“It’ssupposed to help you sleep,” he replies. “My mother used to make it for me whenI was a child.” He hasn’t made it very often lately. He’s never been fond of sleeping;he prefers to stay awake. He feels, though, that this is something she needsright now.

“Yourmother,” she echoes, tracing a finger around the rim of the cup, but the cupremains in her lap. She looks at him, looking as if she wants to ask him somethingbut she thinks better of it.

“Goon,” Levi says, nodding at the cup she’s holding. “Drink it.”

Herlip quivers, the fear returning in her eyes. “But if I go to sleep…will I bealright?” she whispers.

“You’llbe fine,” he says to her. “You trust me, don’t you? And if it looks like you’rehaving a nightmare, I’ll wake you up. I’ll be right here.”

Shedoesn’t respond at first but she finally nods, lifting the cup to her lips andtaking a drink. When she sets the cup down, there isn’t a drop left. She lowersherself down so she rests properly on the bed, ready to finally rest. “You’llbe here the entire time?” she asks.

“Yes.”

Petratakes a deep breath before closing her eyes, but she falls asleep quickly. Herface is the most tranquil that he’s seen it since she’s arrived and there’ssomething comforting about knowing she can find peace after everything she’sbeen through. No one should ever have to go through that.

Hedoesn’t remember when he fell asleep, but he must have. When he opens his eyes,he’s no longer in her room. He’s surrounded by fire, completely trapped by itwith nowhere to run. When he tries to move, he finds that he’s tied down withrope and can only stand there hopelessly as he burns. He’s a child again, searchingfor his mother who will never come because she’s met her own tragic end. Heknows this, yet he calls for her anyway, his throat burning from inhalingsmoke.

Peoplewatch him burn away, the flame licking at his heels as he screams in pain, butthey don’t even lift a finger. Monster, they called him, witch’s son, butthey’re the real monsters. How can anyone be so heartless as to just standthere and watch a helpless boy die? But they don’t care. All they know is thathe’s different and anything strange is dangerous to them, so they can be ascruel as they want just as long as they get rid of him in doing so.

“Mother,”he chokes, “Mother! Mother!” But the smoke is too thick, burning an ominousblack, and he can hardly see anything now. He just hopes that she can hear him,perhaps meet him on the other side because this world is too cold and cruel forhim to exist.

Buta hand reaches out, gently lifting his face and brushing the hair from hiseyes. His mother, he thinks, but he’s wrong.

Whenhe opens his eyes, he realizes that Petra’s sitting up in bed, her handscradling his face. Her brow is furrowed, confused and concerned, and he shouldbe thankful that she’s woken him from this nightmare, but being touched sounexpectedly startles him.

“Whatare you doing?” he growls, swatting her hands away without thinking. He regretsit immediately when he sees her hurt expression. “I didn’t mean to say that sorudely…I’m sorry.”

Shenods, looking away from him again. Petra wraps her arms around herself as if tomake herself smaller. “I didn’t mean to wake you…but you looked like you werehaving a bad dream. You…you were crying.”

“WasI?” he asks surprised. He touches his face and is surprised when he feels thetips of his fingers are wet. That’s so strange. He doesn’t remember the lasttime he had cried. Frowning, he wipes away the tears from his face with thesleeve of his shirt. “I apologize. This is very unlike me. I’m sorry for makingyou worry.”

Unexpectedly,Petra moves closer to him, seating herself on the edge of the bed. “I want toworry about you though,” she says to him. He thinks this is the first time he’sheard her speak without stumbling on her words or being hesitant. “Because youalways worry about me even though you don’t have to. Because you pulled me outof the water when you didn’t have to, so something like this…it’s the least Ican do.”

She’sso earnest in her words that he can’t help but smile. He should probablydiscourage her, tell her that they should part ways soon, so she can return toher world and he can remain in his lonely sphere, but he doesn’t have the heartto do it. It couldn’t hurt anyway, to care for each other in this little timethey have, so he places a hand gently on her head, threading his fingersthrough her ginger locks.

He’sstarting to remember what this reminds him of – this warmth and sweetness. It’ssomething that he had lost long ago, something he thought he would never getback. Who would have ever thought that she would be the one to bring it back?

“Thankyou,” he says. “I’m grateful.”

#rivetra #petra ral #levi ackerman #snk #witch au #everythingevil33 #asks #answered #requests #if i write like a sci fi au #there's a chance i rly love it #and have thought of more things for it lol

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beepbeeprichiellc · 7 years ago

Note

I love your reddie moddboards and I love your werewolf!richie one especially! Think you ever might make a part 2 to that? Like the aftermath of it all and they find Richie the next morning?

Tis the season for part two’s! Can’t believe this was actually requested, I love you anon

Part 1.

Blood soaked through the new bandage quickly, making Mikegroan. Muttering profanity under his breath be undressed the wound, carefullyso that he didn’t hurt his friend too much. Again he rewrapped Eddie’s smallchest, using an extra layer of gaze and a few choice words.

“It’ll be fine.” Eddie whispered yet again, biting back awhimper. “Once the bleeding stops I’ll be able to handle the upkeep.”

Scan scoffed from the threshold of the bathroom, his toneharsh and judgmental. “We should have just taken you to the hospital, what areyou going to do about the pain, about infections? Fuck Eddie, we should havejust-“

“We have bigger issues okay?” Eddie nipped, flinching frompain when he jerked too quickly. Mike offered a concerned look but saidnothing, and for that, Eddie was grateful. “You don’t think I have pills forthat shit? That in the mountain of medications my mother owns I have that stuffalready on hand?”

“What if the bleeding doesn’t stop? Huh, when is enough,enough?” His friend hissed, entering the small space. “We are all worried aboutyou, the cuts look horrible.”

“You should worry about Richie.” Eddie retorted, the namelike venom dripping from his lips. “Sort out your priorities, I can always goto the hospital, Riche could be dead! Don’t you even care?”

Stan looked as if he had been slapped, his face falling atthe harsh tone of his friend. Eddie huffed in annoyance, allowing the string ofsilence to stretch between them and welcoming it, thankful for the nagging tohave come to an end.

It was Mike who decided to end the silence, “Did Ben findanything?”

“Yeah, he thinks so but wants to talk to us all at once.”Stan replied, his gaze settled on the space between the others. “He says weneed to hurry, so-“

“Okay.” Eddie muttered, standing from the side of the tub.The sudden movement hit him like a tuck, his head spinning and his knees givingway to his weight. Mike was there first, gripping on to his side and keepinghim from falling. Eddie forced a hallow chuckle, “Head rush.”

Stan and Mike shared a concern look but again, nothing wassaid. Both of them helped the small loser out of the bathroom and into theliving area where the others waited patiently. Eddie was let down on the couch,grunting in pain when he made contact with the fabric. Beverly frowned, rubbinghis back for support, Eddie pretended he didn’t notice her tears as he movedfocus to Ben.

Haystack shifted awkwardly, the entire group now tuning tohim for answers. His fingers bit into the book in his hands, his teeth gnawingon his bottom lip nervously. “Okay.” He whispered, shaking his head. “So Ithink I know what’s wrong with Richie and I know how it’s going to sound butplease just hear me out.” The others nodded, the room becoming thick withunwanted anticipation. “Eddie, you said he told you he was bit? By a dog?”

Eddie nodded, “Yeah, he told me that as he was-uh when it wasit was happening.”

Ben nodded, “I don’t think it was a dog.”

“W-What do you me-mean?” Bill asked, “L-like anotherani-animal or suh-something?”

“I think it was a werewolf.” Haystack confessed, his facetwisting in a mixture of pain and worry. No one dared challenge him, insteadwaiting for him to explain. “The moon, the change, it’s the only thing thatmakes sense. I’ve been reading, and I know that this shit is probably bullshitbut it says that a human loses all self when in transformation which is why heattacked us.”

“Okay so what? Richie is a werewolf? That’s crazy, werewolf’sare in movies, in books, not in real life.” Mike said, speaking for all ofthem. “How is this even possible?”

“I don’t know.” Ben admitted, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’tknow how or why but I believe it. I saw it with my own eyes. We fought a childkilling clown, there are things in this would that can’t be explained so why isthis so farfetched?”

Eddie blinked, sudden realizing what he had experienced. Thefur, the howl, how had he not put it all together sooner? Sure, this was a longshot but if they knew what was happening, then maybe they could reverse it.Maybe they could save Richie. “What now?” He asked, breaking the quiet contemplationof his friends. “What do we do now?”

“Well.” Ben began, frowning. “The sun should be coming upany time now and if Richie is a werewolf then he will transform back.”

“Then we find him.” Eddie nodded, “We find him and take himhome so we can figure this all out.” Looking to his friends he could see theirdoubt, the gross shadow covering their faces, making them ugly and fake. Eddiecringed, a deep burning anger beginning to burn in his throat. “We find him.”Eddie repeated, force following behind his words. “We find him and bring himhome.”

“Eddie…” Stan whispered, looking to the others for help butfinding himself alone. “That thing almost killed you, it attacked us, we can’tjust assume-“

“Oh fuck you!” Eddie hissed, “He’s one of us! We sticktogether remember? We don’t leave our own behind!”

“Eddie calm down.” Beverly whispered, her fingers tracingthe small of his back as if trying to ground him. “Stan was just trying toexplain that-“

“I know what exactly what he was trying to say. Richie isour friend, and if you all are so quick to abandon a friend then get out of my houseand I’ll go find him on my own.” It was a bold statement considering that Eddiewas having a hard time even functioning with his injury but he had meant everyword. Anger began to gnaw at his skin, begging for validation. “I would die forany one of you, and guess what? I almost did. We are family, at the end of theday, all we have is each other!”

“H-He’s ruh-right.” Bill said, his voice still low but commanding.“R-Richie is one o-of us. We nuh-need to go find h-im, br-uh-ing him home.”

“I’ll go.” Beverly whispered, nodding her head. “I’ll goback, for Richie.”

“Me too.” Mike agreed, “For Richie.”

Stan sighed, rubbing his face. “I know the area from birdwatching, I’ll go too.”

Eddie eyed his friends, their bravery sufficing. “Okay thenwe go, let’s go now sunrise is in a hour and-“

“You can’t go.” Ben corrected, “You’re hurt Eddie, you haveto stay here.”

“Oh bull shit, I’m going to go and-��

“Eddie.” Beverly whispered, bringing him back to earth. “Wewill find him. I promise.”

He wanted to protest, to demand that he should be there whenhe was found but in the end, Ben was right, he would only drag them down.Frowning he muttered, “Okay, yeah okay.”

“Oh and one more thing.” Ben said, suddenly sounding embarrassed.“We are going to need to find him some clothes.”

There was a faint cry in the distance, its voice loud anddemanding. It was his name, he recognized it immediately as Beverly. He triedto reply, to cry out to her but as he sat up the throbbing in his head made theearth under him spin, creating a rift in his concentration. He groaned in pain,his body aching with every sudden movement. It felt as if he had been hit by atruck, his muscles contracting and stretching with a scorching burn. The sunwas just rising over the horizon, its warm rays diverted by the trees.

“Richie!” A deeper voice called. “Richie!”

“Here!” Richie croaked, horse and dry. “I’m here!” The voicescontained to call for him, now sounding as if they were becoming further andfurther away. His heart skipped a beat when he realized they were heading inthe wrong direction, his body reacting quickly as it attempted to force him tohis feet.

Instantly he was back on the ground, rocks and sticksdigging deep in his exposed flesh. He cried out in pain, awakening the birdsthat had been hovering in the branches, their caws harsh and sharp as they tookto the air, fleeing the scene. “I’m here! Beverly! Mike! I’m over here!”

His lungs screamed at him, each deep intake like fire in hischest. A cough began in his stomach, shaking him to his core. He couldn’t helpbut whimper, fear and despair beginning to crawl into his mind. Then came thevoices again, only this time they were close.

“Help.” Richie managed, the world around him becomingincreasingly blurry and unfocused without his glasses. “Please help me.”

“Richie!” Beverly’s voice cried, the sound of crunchingleaves followed. Richie tried to look at her, to tell her how thankful he wasto see her but his body reacted poorly and he found himself on his hands andknees, the contents of his stomach expelling from his mouth.

“Oh god!” Richie breathed, his throat burning, his gasp forair loud and painful. “What happened to me?”

They didn’t reply, instead stepping closer to drape a fleeceblanket over his shoulders. Beverly knelt down beside him, her long fingernailstracing back for support as he vomited again. Once he was done and the nausea hadpassed, Richie looked up to his friend’s worried faces. He sat on his bottom,suddenly away of his compete nudity.

“What happened last night?” He whispered, his tone pleading.

Stan handed him his spare pair of glasses, the ones that hekept at Eddie’s for safe keeping. “What’s the last thing you remember?” Heasked, kneeling down lower.

“I uh-remember going camping with everyone, and then I got abad headache then-“Richie paused trying to piece together the broken memories inhis mind. It was faint, a few things coming stronger than others but thepicture of a whole unmanageable. “A howl, a scream? I think I remember Eddie, Iremember him calling my name, I remember seeing his face.” Stan looked up toMike who frowned, shaking his head.

“Then what?” Beverly pressed.

“Then nothing.” He admitted, shaking his head. “I woke up toyou calling my name.”

Stan sighed, handing him some sweats and hoodie and gesturinghim to clothe. As he did he felt his friend’s eyes on him, judging his everymove. Richie wanted to scream, to demand that they explain what happened butsomething in his gut told him to keep his calm, that anger would only make hissituation worse. “Okay.” He muttered once he was finished, “Now can you tell mewhat’s going on?”

“In the car.” Mike said, jingling his keys. “We will tellyou in the car.”

It was the most painful ride of Richie’s life. Stanley’sexplanation ringing in his ears as Mike drove down the streets of Derry. Everytime the cursed word was used, Richie felt his stomach churn. Werewolf? He wasa werewolf? How was this even possible? The only thing keeping him sane was Beverly’sreassuring voice, her whispers of encouragement keeping him on earth. If he hadanything left in his system it would be on Mike’s console by now. The world aroundhim was crumbling, leaving him even barer than he had been in the woods.

They pulled into Eddie’s drive, Mike killing the car. Richieknew that Mrs. K was gone until next weekend and he had never been moregrateful in his life. They spilled out of the cab, walking to the door. “Shouldwe tell him?” Stan’s whispered question not going unnoticed.

“No. Not a word.” Mike replied softly, not expanding on the subjectany further.

As soon as the door was opened Richie was met with a rush ofcopper wafting back to him. His face twisted in pain, the smell becoming strongeras he passed through the threshold. “I smell blood.” He whimpered, looking overto his friends. “I smell it-oh god-it’s so strong.”

“Richie.” Beverly said sternly grabbing ahold of hisshoulders. “Richie look at me, go back outside okay? Go outside with Mike andlet us-“

Richie shook his head, knowing that he had caused theterrible scent, his body trembling with disgust for himself. “Who is it? Whodid I hurt? Bill? Ben? Oh god-“

“Richie! Richie just go back outside!” Stan cut harshly,trying to pull on his sweatshirt. “Please, just go-“

“Eddie!” Richie choked, a sudden realization punching him inthe chest. “Eddie! Where are you?” He easily pulled out of his friend’s grasps,ignoring the burning under his skin and trudging through the house. Followinghis nose be found himself behind the closed door of the bathroom, the horrific odorseeping through the cracks. With a deep breath he pushed it open, his bodytensing with each inch it gained.

There sitting on the tub was Eddie, his eyes widening in surprise.Bill was kneeling in front of him, a bloody rag in hand, an equally stunnedlook on his face. Richie whispered Eddie’s name, taking a cautious step forward,this caused Bill to step back, reviling the gory wound along the shorter boy’schest. Four deep claw marks stretched from his collar bone to the bottom of hisribs, the wound still fresh and swollen.

“Oh my god.” Richie whispered, tears swelling in his eyes. “Idid that? I hurt you? Oh fuck, oh god I’m a monster, I’m-I-”

“Get him out.” Eddie hissed, watching Richie break down intonothing, his tears like waterfalls on his face. “Get him out now!” Someonepulled on Richie’s shoulder, forcing him back into the hall. The door wasslammed in his face, cutting off form his friend.

Richie dropped to his knees, his sobs now completely uncontrollable.He heaved, repeating an apology over and over until it was like a prayer. Hecould feel someone’s arms around him in a desperate attempt to keep him whole.He didn’t bother to look to see who it was because it didn’t matter, nothingdid.

He had hurt Eddie.

And he could never take it back.

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thecreativeangel · 7 years ago

Text

Heights (Eddie Kaspbrak x Reader)

Eddie Kaspbrak x Gender Not Specified!Reader

*Please don’t plagiarize my work, thank you :3*

Summary: A peaceful moment at the Barrens is interrupted by Eddie, who hates his short height. You never found anything wrong with it, but the Losers playfully tease him until you can’t take it anymore. As you defend him, you accidentally let slip more than you meant to. And the Losers go wild because of this.

Warnings: Cursing, SLIGHT mention of Henry being an asshole. Otherwise it’s as fluffy as a sheep wearing a sweater from the wool of his dead brother. (wOW OK that was darker than needed I’m sorry.) And I know I gotta post the next “Town of Forgetting” chapter, but hold on a sec I’m busy procrastinating.

Word Count: 930

You sat at the edge of a bolder, dangling your feet above the cool water. The other Losers were a while away, talking loudly, but you preferred small moments of peace. Focusing on the soft ripples in the water when droplets fell from your toes, the hot sun softly baking your shoulders, distant sounds of a family of turtles diving into the-

“I am not short!”

“Sure, Eds. And Beverly’s not gonna get lung cancer by the time she’s twenty.”

“Hey! Leave me out of this!”

You sigh inwardly and climb off the boulder, walking back to the little circle of logs that the Losers were sitting around. Eddie was waving his hands around as Stan and Richie laughed. Even Ben and Bill cracked small grins, and Beverly looked away to hide her smile.

You sat down on the rough log next to Eddie, raising an eyebrow at their joke.

“What’s so funny?” You ask.

“They’re saying I’m- I’m not short!” Eddie rambles heatedly. “If anything, you’re all freaking giants, is what you are! And anyway- Oh shut up laughing Richie!”

Richie threw his head back and cackled, pretending to wipe away tears. “Oh God, your face-”

“I think you’re the perfect size Eds.” You say passively, hoping no one would catch your subtle compliment. But of course, there was Richie…

“Ha! I bet you know his size, don’t you (Name)?” He asks slyly, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

“Argh!” You cry, making a face. “No! Jesus Richie, that was worse than what I actually thought you’d say!”

Eddie crosses his arms and pouts like a child. “I’m not short.”

“Fine.” Richie sighs, supposedly admitting defeat. Eddie’s face brightened a bit, but yours turns sour. You knew damn well Richie wouldn’t give up. There was a pause…

“You’re not short Eds, you’re down right petite!”

“Dammit!” Eddie cries, reaching out to grab Richie by the throat. You shove yourself between them, keeping Eddie at a distance where he couldn’t strangle Richie. Eddie huffs and lowers his arms, pointedly staring at the ground.

“Henry said I’m short too.” He mumbles, kicking a pebble with more anger than you have ever seen anyone kick a pebble with. You catch Richie’s eye and send him a dirty look, silently telling him to fuck off.

“‘You live on your tippy toes,’” Eddie mimics, faking Henry’s deep voice, stupid expression and making gorilla arms. “‘Bet any girl would have to lay down to suck your dick. If you have one.’”

Bev, Richie and Stan all shove their fists into their mouths to keep from laughing. You glare at them again.

“I think you’re well sized,” You say, patting him on the back. “You can hide behind tons of shit, escape the cops, squeeze through jail bars, the perfect height to cuddle, tons of legroom in-”

“Wait, HOLD ON,” Beverly shouts, jumping off her log. “Did I just hear you say-”

“What? No.” You deny, realising your slip up.

“-that Eddie was the perfect height-”

“No! No, no, no, no...”

“-to cuddle?”

“No I didn’t!”

Her shit eating grin was growing wider and wider by the second.

“I heard it too!” Richie speaks up. “Right guys?”

You look at the rest of the Losers with desperation in your eyes, but they all wore teasing expressions. “I’m pretty sure that’s what you said.” Stan pipes up.

“Ditto.” Mike says.

“Muh-m-maybe you s-should say it ag-guh-gain,” Bill says. “T-t-to clear thuh-things up.”

You looks towards Ben, who was usually on your side. He shrugged and smiled guiltily. “Sorry (Name)...”

“I hate you all.” You announce, slumping lower on the log and inching away from Eddie. You couldn’t make yourself look him in the face.

“I’m planning the marriage!” Beverly yells.

“I call dibs on best man!”

“I wanna be the bridesmaid!”

“You’re not a girl Richie.”

“Aww hell naw, you’re jealous that I’m gonna be a better bridesmaid than you!”

“Fuck off Richie!”

Your face felt hot as you watched your friends get off their logs to have a full on fight about who would be who at your wedding. You pinched the bridge of your nose and shook your head, but secretly enjoyed watching them banter.

“I think you’re the perfect height to cuddle too.” Eddie whispers from the corner of his mouth, careful so the other Losers wouldn’t hear him. Your pouty lips turn up in a small smile that couldn’t be contained.

“Thanks.” You whisper back. His hand moves, skimming across the bumpy bark of the log. You feel his fingertips touch yours and your own hand inches toward his, tentatively lacing your fingers in his.

Your chest is tight but at the same time feels like exploding, bursting into millions of colorful fireworks. Eddie moves closer to you and the fireworks erupt along with your heartbeat, your reserved smile becoming so wide it hurt your cheeks.

You watched peacefully as Beverly and Stan bickered over vanilla or chocolate cake and glanced at Eddie, catching his eye. Him and you quickly looked away, the red spreading on both your cheeks. The summer day was perfect for spending time near the water. Birds sang, fish came up from their depths, frogs lazily swam through the lake. The tranquil scene was almost enough to distract from the loud voices of your arguing friends. As one bird stopped chirping and another one started, and the fish went back into the depths, and the frogs darted under a rock, and the Losers settles down on their logs, one thing stayed the same.

Your hand was still entwined in Eddie’s.

Tags List: @exoticeggos

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velcro-rave · 7 years ago

Text

post-emoji movie Trauma

WARNING: the following text contains spoilers and can be considered disturbing to some readers. especially my brain, because it’s leaking out my ears after typing this.

This is the first movie ever I’ve gone to see on opening night. And let me just say that, for the record, I’m glad I went to watch with friends. Without them, I would have most likely calmly exited the room, climbed up to the roof, and dived straight off.

I’m honestly fucking terrified of how much this shitty movie has pushed me to the edge. I’ve never felt more ANGRY in my life and at the same time wanted to just curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep. This is so fucked up. What made it possible for this level of psychological warfare to be used so casually by Sony? Why did they decide this was ever a good idea to present to the public? I’m still shaking (and not from the overpriced Coca-Cola I was sold). Whether it’s out of rage or fear, I don’t know. Not even throwing myself into the deep fires of hell can attempt to restore the intrinsic warmth I felt before I witnessed this crime of a movie. They say that there’s a special place reserved below for people who cause enough pain to humanity, and it is at this point where I pose this question to the following:

Tony Leondis. Eric Siegel. Mike White. Michelle Raimo Kouyate.

Why?

Did you want this to happen to me? Was this the plan all along? To destroy everything you could possibly love in the process of creating this film, to make the audience suffer without any remorse? You got PATRICK FUCKING STEWART as a voice actor, and what is it you do?

Yeah, you make him play A WALKING PILE OF SHIT!!!!

Someone could’ve ran up to me after I left the theater, put a shotgun directly up to my forehead, pulled the trigger, and that would have still not come close to how much my mind had been blown at the shocking reality that this movie, this spawn, could exist in the known universe and continue to be shown to innocent people. There were kids there. Hopeful, happy, young kids with iPhones who thought it was a great idea to head off to the movies and watch a funny relatable movie about emojis without a care in the world. Communicating ideas without the use of words is the “staple” of their generation, as the movie so proudly portrays (even comparing it to ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics!), and there’s no reason a family shouldn’t agree to bring their children to this beautiful, heartwarming adventure, right? WRONG.

Nothing could have prepared me for the horrific amount of groan-worthy jokes this movie tossed out. I’ve been wracking my brain for an entire hour trying to remember the most potent ones, but they were so easily forgettable that I can only recall a few offhand. They were tragic. Whenever an opportunity for a shitty pun showed itself, you can bet your ass the writers took it and ran with it to lengths beyond the realms of humor. From the character known as Hi-5′s nonchalant Bye Felicia! to his two puns about snapping (as if one wasn’t enough), I wanted to get up and scream at the ceiling in the hopes that my cries of agony would disrupt the structural integrity of the building and have it fall on top of me, finally freeing me from the slow-cooker of torture that is The Emoji Movie.

At a certain point, Hi-5 (by the way James Corden, I thought you were cool. I thought you were here for us, for all of us as an entertainer, but you just had to take part in ruining me and the world as we know it by accepting this role. I will never forgive you.) mentions something about his heart beating. His… heart? This walking, talking hand has a heart? Does he have lungs? What other internal organs could fit in there and be capable of being slapped around constantly as a result of his stupid ass decisions? Why doesn’t he have arms like Gene or Jailbreak, does his body somehow take into account that he’s already a living appendage? This movie is making me sit and contemplate the anatomy of a fucking animated HAND, and that’s not even as preposterous as a thought can get while watching.

On multiple occasions throughout my viewing experience, I had to take a break to just lean back and sigh, both in anguish of what was happening onscreen as well as the sheer exhausting aspect of it all. The voice acting couldn’t have been more unreliable. Every other line it was a gamble between it being a poorly executed pun delivered so flatly that not even the 4-year old up front let out a little giggle, an obvious statement about what they’re planning to do next, or the most unremarkable snippet of backstory ever revealed. I’m sure all those scenes between Gene and Jailbreak where they gaze at each other were meant to be construed as romantic, but her blasé response to each of his approaches because she “isn’t some princess waiting for her prince” or how “women are deserving of more respect” completely knocked the mood off whatever pedestal it was stepping up to. I get it, these are actual important themes that need to be recognized, and I would be more than happy to see this acknowledged in a movie built on as many metaphors as Zootopia, but the timing of her commentary was the worst I’d ever seen. The constant interruptions made it seem like her words shouldn’t be taken seriously at all!

Unsurprisingly, character background was virtually (unintentional pun. I’m incredibly sorry.) nonexistent, and everything that’s possible to be wondered about the universe could pretty much be answered with a big shrug. For example, why does Hi-5 have a band-aid? Did he get stabbed or something? When did Gene begin to show signs that he was capable of other emotions? Was the Just Dance girl deleted after the trash bin emptied itself out? We didn’t see any signs of the characters going back for her after Hi-5 had to shake off the troll, so did they just leave her there to die? If Jailbreak had been working for a long time to get out, why didn’t she use more of her hacking skills? She pulled up her hologram window things maybe three times total to escape or hide somewhere, does she seriously not have anything else in her repertoire that could potentially help Gene and Hi-5 get to where they need to be quicker? There’s so many questions that don’t even get passively explained. Then again, I’m arguing against the same people who genuinely advocated for the setting to be called Textopolis.

AND WHOSE FUCKING IDEA WAS IT TO MAKE THE MAIN CHARACTER “MEH”??

The ONE emoji with zero interesting qualities and the most monotone parents that, for some fucking batshit insane reason, were given more than the minute of screentime they deserved. I understand for a quick gag, their emotionless response to everything could be funny, but their conversations would just stretch on and on and on. As for Gene, I trusted you, T.J. Miller. I can’t believe you betrayed me, especially after such a hilariously perfect role in Deadpool. Never in my life have I felt so disappointed in a single person. There is no justifiable reason for you to be proud of what you’ve done here. To be honest, I’m pretty sure I astral projected at least three times as I struggled to repress the memory of this trainwreck before it even ended. When I wasn’t desperately clawing at the armrests mid-convulsion, I was staring vacantly at the center of the screen, wondering how this week could have gone so wrong.

This was basically a 91-minute long advertisement. The whiplash of traveling between product placement to product placement nearly made me throw up, which was ostensibly the only thing that could’ve made this worse. Dropbox, Spotify, Candy Crush, Just Dance, YouTube, Facebook, and the almighty Twitter, I hope you’re happy with what you’ve wrought. The “emoji-pop” dance assaulted my eyes so suddenly, acting as the unnecessary cherry on top of the feel-good ending; I think that’s when I officially lost all hope in enjoying the rest of my night.

It’s honestly taking every ounce of my being to hold onto the little bit of life that I have after the Emoji Movie ripped my soul to shreds. The amount of violation I felt as my ears were subjected to endless pop culture references that were relevant years ago, nightmarish depictions of the content of each app on Alex’s phone, and the fact that the god damn Eggplant was in the Unused Emojis room when everyone knows that’s not the case is indescribable. I now have to live with the fact that every time I switch keyboards on my phone, those blank yellow faces will serve as a dark reminder of what I’ve gone through. To any of you reading this that have also watched The Emoji Movie, I am so sorry. I know how difficult it is to process. My recommendation to each and every one of you who haven’t had the chance to witness this sickening spectacle is to KEEP IT THAT WAY. Don’t give in to the peer pressure; this abomination parading itself around as an endearing motion picture will wholly and truly rattle you to the core. My only solace was the complete absence of dabbing or whipping (apart from hearing the song), and I’d like to thank every deity above and below for that small act of mercy.

Here’s to you, Sony. Thanks for ensuring that I not only sink deeper into my depression, but for forcing my mind to house the images I’ve seen today for as long as I live. I wish I could physically bring myself to chuck my phone in a garbage fire, but my entire body has gone numb. Here’s to you, and to all the writers, producers, and directors of this movie that made me sit in a corner pondering how I can possibly live in a future where this monstrosity exists.

Gravely, sincerely,

fuck you, and goodnight.

🖕

#long post #rant #p #the emoji movie #emoji movie #FUUCKKKKKK.#I feel like banging my head against the wall until I pass out #food mention #I would appreciate it if any of you could recommend a good therapist #god knows I need the help #goodnight #2017 #tumblr keeps getting rid of readmores i'm really sorry if this takes up your dash

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timetogoslumming · 7 years ago

Text

sandlot au!

i wrote the pool scene from the sandlot, as newsies. (pls note that i pretty much just stole the sandlot script.)

i might make this a series so if yall want to request specific scenes for me to write, by all means, do!

thanks so much to @fuckin-georg for discussing this with me!

read it on ao3 or under the cut!

After they all ran back to their respective homes to grab towels and change into swim trunks, the boys gathered by the side of the shallow end of the pool, and most of them jumped in together, splashing and yelling as they immediately felt their body temperatures drop by what seemed like about twenty degrees.

Albert hung back, though. He spotted a group of women sunbathing by the side of the pool in bikinis, and decided to make an impression. “I remember you,” he said to one of the women, flirting shamelessly. “Hey, girls. Oh, sexy.” He turned toward the pool, lining up to jump, but turned at last minutes to wink at the girls, blowing them a quick kiss. Then, as loudly as he could, he screeched, voice cracking with every syllable. “Cannonball!” Albert ran towards the pool, jumping and tucking his legs in, and hit the water with a huge splash that hit each of the girls that he had just been flirting with.

On the hottest day all summer, in the beginning of July, JoJo and Race stopped at the drugstore on the way to the sandlot. It was their turn to buy the ball, after the two of them caused it to soar over the fence toward the Beast during an overzealous game of catch the day before. The two of them woke up early that day to dig through couch cushions for spare change, collect aluminum cans to trade in, and scour the streets for dropped money.

They had almost given up hope by the time the sun was high in the sky, until JoJo spotted something glistening next to a storm drain. He drew closer to investigate and found a sparkling quarter, which rounded out the exact amount that they would need to buy a new baseball.

The boys emerged triumphantly from the store, baseball clutched tightly in Race’s hand. JoJo made a lunge for the ball. “Come on, give it to me,” he whined.

“No,” Race snapped. “I want to carry it.”

“Come on,” JoJo argued. “I paid for it!”

“I wanna carry it!” The two boys continued to bicker for some time until something stopped Race dead in his tracks. “Oh. Whoa,” he said in a hushed, reverent tone.

“Give it to me.” JoJo grabbed the ball from Race’s hand, which had gone limp at his side. Race didn’t even notice.

“Oh, man…” Race muttered.

JoJo looked back at Race, who was no longer walking by his side. “What’s wrong with you?” he asked. Race had frozen, slack-jawed, staring down the sidewalk.

Walking in their direction as if he owned the sidewalk was Spot Conlon. Spot was a high schooler, making him way out of Race’s league, which naturally made him all the more desirable. By anyone else’s standards, Spot was shorter than average, but to Race, who was still relatively shrimpy, he was a giant, with tight, flexing muscles and a tan so perfect that it made him want to cry.

“Spot Conlon,” Race whispered involuntarily, like a prayer.

JoJo had to admit- Spot was hot. Beautiful, in a way. But everyone knew that Race had called dibs the first time that he saw the lifeguard, and JoJo was not in the mood to be murdered by one of his best friends.

Spot sauntered past them with the tiniest of smirks on his face, backpack slung casually over one shoulder as he made his way toward the city’s public pool for his shift. As he passed, Race turned, staring after him longingly.

“Okay, come on,” JoJo said, tugging Race’s arm. “We’ve gotta go.”

“No!” Race protested. “I want to go with-”

“We’ve gotta get to the sandlot. Let’s go.”

At the sandlot, the rest of the guys were waiting impatiently in the dugout, sipping sodas from a cooler that Albert’s mom had packed, while Race and JoJo ran across the diamond, sweat dripping from their foreheads and pooling on their shirts.

“Where have you guys been?” Jack asked from the entrance to the dugout where he was impatiently holding his bat, ready to head out into the blazing sun to play. “We’ve been waiting forever.”

JoJo smirked. “We saw Spot Conlon and Race was busy planning their wedding.”

“Shut up,” Race snapped, shoving JoJo. “I was not.”

“Yeah, you were!” JoJo argued, laughing. “Your tongue was hanging out of your head, and you was swooning!” He clasped his hands together and switched his voice, which had begun to crack with the very beginnings of puberty, into a high falsetto. “Oh, Spot Conlon! Marry me and let me touch your muscles!”

“I said shut up!” Race protested, pouting. “I’ve got a lot of things on my mind.”

“That’s a first,” Elmer muttered.

Meanwhile, Albert was suffering. His face was red and splotchy, his hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat, and he had been fanning himself with his hat for the past half hour. “We can’t play baseball today, Jack,” he groaned. “I’m cooking myself over here! It’s just too hot. I mean, it’s like-” he paused, looking around like a temperature reading would suddenly appear in the air. “I don’t know. A hundred fifty degrees out here.” Jack rolled his eyes. “You’ve got to call it for today. We can’t play in this.”

Al was right. It was dangerously hot. All of the news reports that morning had warned people to stay inside, or at the very least, in shaded areas, to avoid heatstroke. The sodas that they were drinking, while cool and refreshing, were doing nothing to help hydrate the boys, and they were all feeling the effects of the sun, although none quite as badly as Al. As they looked out onto the sandlot, the air seemed to shimmer as the heat baked the dirt.

Jack stared around at them all, silently daring anyone to challenge him. It took a moment, but the other boys started to chime in, agreeing with Albert.

“You’ve gotta listen to him.”

“It’s just too hot.”

“I’m dying out here, man.”

“Fine,” Jack snapped angrily. He shouldered his bat. “We’ll vote. Any of you who wants to be a… a can’t-hack-it panty waist who… wears their mama’s bra, raise your hand.”

In unison, every hand, except for Jack’s shot into the air and the boys murmured in agreement.

“Whatever,” Jack grumbled. “So what are we gonna do instead?”

Race was the first to throw out a suggestion, instantly shouting, “Pool! Let’s go to the pool!”

Jack would have played ball all day, all night, rain, shine, tidal wave, whatever. Baseball was all he really cared about. But if he ever had to do anything besides baseball, going to the pool was what he tolerated best.

After they all ran back to their respective homes to grab towels and change into swim trunks, the boys gathered by the side of the pool, and most of them jumped in together, splashing and yelling as they immediately felt their body temperatures drop by what seemed like about twenty degrees.

The boys always said that they went to the pool because of the girls, but if any of those women had actually approached one of them, they probably would have either peed their pants or run screaming for the hills. Really, they all went to the pool because Spot Conlon was the lifeguard.

Just after they got there, Spot switched places with one of the lifeguards, climbing effortlessly onto the lifeguard tower as the boys watched. He put on a pair of dark, mirrored sunglasses that caught the sunlight, glinting spectacularly in the sun.

“Ah, man,” Specs said. “How is he so cool?”

“He don’t know what he’s doing,” Mike said.

Ike, always the echo, repeated him. “He don’t know what he’s doing.”

“Yeah, he does,” Jack said as he lazily floated on his back. “He knows exactly what he’s doing.”

Race gaped up at Spot, watching as he rubbed a bit of suntan lotion into one of his arms. “I’ve swum here every summer of my adult life,” he said. The guys around him suppressed giggles. “And every summer, there he is. Lotioning, oiling. Oiling, lotioning.” And that day, it just became too much for Anthony “Racetrack” Higgins. “I can’t take this no more! Move!”

He shoved the boys in his way aside as he waded his way toward the pool ladder. That day, Race did the most desperate thing that any of those boys had ever seen. Confidently, yet shivering from the sudden breeze against his wet skin, Race strode across the pool deck to the diving board. He waited in line anxiously, then caught Spot’s eye and smiled. Spot gave him a quick, stoic nod back. Race’s expression had taken on a manic quality and he actually shook as he waited for his turn.

“What’s wrong with him?” Davey asked.

“What’s he doing?” Al said at the same time.

Specs shook his head. “Three summers of this, I think he’s finally snapped.”

As Race stepped up for his turn at the diving board, walking slowly to the end, JoJo remembered a crucial detail. “I don’t know, but that’s the deep end and Race can’t swim!”

Race waved again to Spot, who was not paying him any attention, focusing on the busy pool full of kids. The gravity of the situation hit all of the boys at once, and they started swimming and shoving their way to the ladder, yelling. “Race!” Someone yelled. “Get down!”

Race took a huge breath, plugged his nose, and stepped off the diving board into the pool, creating almost no splash. “No!” the boys shouted simultaneously. They ran across the pool deck, ignoring the warnings of the lifeguards, toward the deep end, where Race still had not surfaced.

Spot Conlon noticed the boys’ panic and turned his attention toward the deep end, where Race had settled on the pool floor, nine feet below the surface. Spot blew a long blast on his whistle and jumped from the lifeguard tower into the pool, where he dove quickly, grabbed Race beneath the arms, and kicked off the ground to propel them both back to the surface.

The boys clustered by the side of the pool, yelling Race’s name. JoJo looked like might cry. Ike was already in tears. Spot’s head broke the surface of the water as he swam toward the edge of the pool.

“Move back,” a lifeguard said, shoving his way toward the pool. Another lifeguard was already kneeling at the edge. Spot passed Race over to the lifeguards out of the water. As soon as Race was out of the way, Spot hauled himself out of the pool.

The lifeguards spoke quietly to each other as they checked Race over, but Spot decided that there wasn’t any time to waste on discussion. “Nevermind!” he snapped. “Move over.” He pressed an ear to Race’s chest, listening for any sign of life, and immediately started mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Spot plugged Race’s nose and gave two quick breaths before moving down, once again listening at Race’s chest. He repeated this several times as the boys watched.

“Come on, Race,” Albert muttered anxiously.

“Race, come on.”

“Race!”

“Come on, Race. Come on, Race.”

Specs had been holding his breath by accident. “Breathe, would you?” he whispered.

“Come on, Race!” Davey urged. “You can do it- pull through!”

JoJo bit his lip. “He looks pretty crappy.”

All the while, Spot kept administering breaths as Race laid lifelessly on the pool deck.

“Oh, God,” Elmer said with horrifying realization. “He looks like a dead fish.”

As Spot moved down again to listen at Race’s chest, Race’s eyes flashed open for just a second as he shot his friends a brief, shit-eating grin, which immediately composed itself back to its previous dead state.

“What?” the boys gasped together, drawing back in surprise.

As Spot Conlon came back up to administer another breath, like a shot, Race reached up and grabbed the lifeguard’s face, kissing him for what had to be a solid four seconds- longer than any of them had ever kissed anyone before.

Spot yanked back in furious shock. “You little pervert!” he yelled. Spot leapt up from where he had been kneeling at Race’s side and grabbed Race by the arm, dragging him into a standing position.

“Oh, man! He’s in deep shit!” Mike yelled.

Spot Conlon dragged Race forcefully to the exit of the pool as the boys trailed behind, chattering amongst themselves and laughing so hard that they thought they might wet themselves. Spot shoved Race out of the fence that separated the pool from the rest of the world, and motioned for the other boys to get out, as well. “And stay out!” Spot shouted.

Their clothes and towels were tossed to them from the locker room, and the boys hurried away from the pool, all of them giving Race high fives and pats on the back. “Here’s your towel,” Albert said, passing it over. “Did you plan that?”

Race smirked. “Of course I did. Been planning it for years.”

“You guys,” Al yelled gleefully. “He planned that! He knew what he was doing!”

Anthony “Racetrack” Higgins walked a little taller that day. The boys had to tip our hats to him. He was lucky that Spot hadn’t beaten the crap out of him. No one would have blamed him. What Race had done was sneaky, rotten… and cool. Not one of those boys would have ever in a million years, for a million dollars, had the guts to put the move on the lifeguard. Race did. He had kissed a man, and he had kissed him long and good.

They got banned from the pool forever that day. But every time they walked by after that, the lifeguard looked down from his tower and smiled, right over at Race.

#newsies #racetrack higgins #spot conlon #sandlot au #spot is wendy pefferman #myfics

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amidst-the-mists-blog · 7 years ago

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Hey, I do you think you could do a imagine where the reader is like really anxious about everything and they've snuck away from their house one night for some fresh air and they come across the losers club and the club think they’re like a ghost or something because they’re too shy to approach them? idk if that makes sense.

Hey there lovely, thanks very much! You’re my first request which made me smile because I didn’t think I would get any. I like to write my imagines using first person (I/Me/Myself) as opposed to second person (You/Your). I have written the anxiety to be the way I experience it, but I apologise if that’s different to the way you feel anxious!

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy it! xx

He Sees the Ghosts

‘Amidst the mists,

and fiercest frosts,

he thrusts his fists against the posts

and still insists he sees the ghosts.’

The chant wrapped around my body like a mantra, cloaking me in an odd sort of comfort as I shakily picked my way through the dense scrub around the place the locals called ‘the Barrens.’ The words seemed to ward off any evil nearby as the trail twisted ahead, glistening and silver, snaking its way through the trees towards the gossamer river. I couldn’t tell you where I’d picked the words up, but I knew that they sat comfortably on my tongue. The moon and stars pulsed weakly behind a veil of mist, begging to be seen. I felt like the mist was inside my head too, wrapping itself tightly around my mind. My heart raced a million miles an hour and I couldn’t stop the shaking encompassing my whole body. I felt utterly, hopelessly, devastatingly, alone.

Then I came across the clearing.

The river twisted silently past a group of children sitting in a circle. Torch beams skittered across young faces but for once the light didn’t make them look eerie, but cosy. Something must have just happened in the group, though, because a short boy was sending high-pitched threats of ‘I’m going to kill you Tozier!’ curling up into the night sky. However, instead of actually killing anybody, the short boy bent down and settled himself between a face with thick-framed glasses and another framed by curly hair with a huff. It was quite funny, and from my hiding spot I stifled a laugh.

‘Guys, did you hear that?’ The short boy’s head snapped up instantly, staring straight at my face. My heart rate quickened and I begged him not to see me. That was Eddie Kaspbrak. I knew him and his friends, I realised with despair. We were all in the same grade. I felt like a deer caught in the headlights - I couldn’t leave now. If they saw me, they’d tell everybody about how I was spying on them, and my life would become even more miserable.

‘Hear what, dumbass?’ Richie Tozier scoffed. ‘Did Mommy give you too many pills today?’

‘Beep beep Richie!’ Eddie was angry now. ‘I heard something, I swear I did.’

‘R-r-relax, Eddie. It’ll just be a r-r-raccoon or s-something,’ Bill Denbrough muttered tiredly.

‘That was not a raccoon, I know what a racoon sounds like Bill, and that’s - look, I’m not supposed to be out this late, and if, and if some murderer finds us and kills us, then my Mom will kill me. I’m not kidding.’

‘Maybe its the weird clown all you virgins keep seeing, the one that bled all over Bev’s bathroom!’ Richie got up and danced around the circle, waving his arms around and chanting ‘oh Evil Clown that stalks our dreams, come forth and -‘

I let out a small gasp as he mentioned the clown. It was like all control left my body. I began to shake and my heart tightened its grip on my stomach. Seven heads turned towards my shelter.

‘What the f*ck was that?’ Richie gasped.

‘It’s a killer. Oh, I told you, I told you! When my Mom finds out…’

Amidst the mists, and fiercest frosts.

I repeated the words again and again in my head, letting the familiar rhythm distract me from the pressure in my heart.

‘It’s not a killer.’ A calm, steady voice said. It was one I didn’t recognise from the hallways of school. My heartbeat hammered away again.,

He thrusts his fists against the posts.

‘You don’t know anything, Mike! I bet he’s going to cut us up and there’ll be blood everywhere and do you know how long it takes to bleed to death? ten minutes, guys, only ten -‘

I let out my breath, a puff of white dancing upwards in the cool night air. The group froze again and Bill inched cautiously closer towards the trees that protected me. Our eyes locked for a split second and he let out a short, sharp, breath.

‘It’s a g-g-g-g-‘

‘It’s a ghost.’ Eddie whimpered.

And still insists he sees the ghosts.

‘Don’t be stupid,’ Stan Uris began, but he trailed off immediately.

‘I’m not a ghost.’ I whispered, but I might as well have been. I felt as ice-cold as the river slipping along its course behind the group. Suddenly the pressure left my chest and I turned to run, mortified that I’d been caught spying. My feet skittered on the blanket of leaves underfoot and I almost lost a fight to a tree trunk, but strong, firm hands held me in place. I couldn’t break free and the panic bubbled inside me again. My stomach turned itself inside out and back again, but I turned round to swing a punch, only to pause when I realised the age of my captor.

‘Jesus.’ The hands released me and unfamiliar dark brown eyes met mine. ‘Who are you?’

I froze and the mist made its way back into my brain, shutting down every reaction I had. Everything felt heavy and leaden and I felt the pine needles crunch beneath my feet as I swayed underneath the stars.

‘Woah there.’ Brown-eyes soothed. ‘Are you alright?’ I couldn’t reply.

An assortment of hands lowered me down onto the dirt, and a jacket was draped around my shoulders protectively.

‘I’m Mike Hanlon,’ the boy said. ‘That’s Beverly, Ben, Stan, Bill, Eddie and Richie. There’s no need to panic, you’re fine with us.’

I couldn’t respond, only stare blankly ahead.

‘I know you.’ the only girl said, and I knew her too - she was Beverly Marsh, and she was in my social studies class. So was the boy next to her, Ben something.

‘You’re Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.’

I nodded my head, but it was an effort. I couldn’t stop shaking and my teeth were chattering. Every sense felt heightened - the mournful call of the owl seemed to split my head into two, allowing the cold air to slice against my skin and the weight of the coat anchor me to the ground.

‘Why were you hidden?’ Beverly asked gently. ‘You didn’t think we’d hurt you, did you? We’re not like Bowers and his gang.’

I struggled to breathe. Stan and Mike both put a hand on my shoulder and it felt kind of nice. Almost as if I had friends to look out for me.

‘I’ve seen you around s-school.’ Bill mused. ‘B-B-Bowers hates you too. I don’t know wh-why.’

I dipped my head in recognition, still shivering.

‘Are you alright?’

I tried to open my mouth, but I felt like I was watching the whole scene through tunnelled vision. The torchlight Eddie was shining into my face was too bright.

‘Hey, cut that out.’ Beverly said to him. Then to me, ‘Bowers isn’t here. Neither is that clown, if you’re wondering.’

I looked up at her with wide eyes. ‘You’re not going mad, we’ve all seen It.’

Richie opened his mouth to protest, but I saw the look Bill exchanged with him, and the comment slipped unsaid into the night.

I caught Ben’s eye. I couldn’t say anything, but I hoped he knew somewhat what I was thinking.

It was in my house. In my house.

Ben slung an arm around my shoulder. ‘There’s safety in numbers.’ He looked up at the others expectantly. Richie rolled his eyes. Mike smiled. Eddie simply threw up his hands, saying, ‘it’s not up to me, it’s never up to me, so just do what you want, alright.’

‘We’ve kinda got a c-c-club going.’ Bill said. ‘It’s like a g-g-group of l-losers. Do you w-w-want in?’

Yes. More than anything, yes.

My mouth refused to work, turning over every possible outcome of the situation. None of them were good. Despite my intentions to avoid it, my eyes filled with tears. I tried to shake the coat off, only to find yet more hands pressing it back into its place. Stan looked worried about me. It was a nice kind of feeling, to have people worried about me.

‘Can you say something? Please? Just so we know you’re alright? Whatever’s in your head, just say it.’

I drew in a lungful of sharp, cold air.

‘He thrusts his fists against the posts.’

Bill smiled at me, and Richie let out a mock cry of ‘it speaks!’

‘And still insists he sees the ghosts.’

Richie knelt before me and brandished his torch as if it was a knight’s sword instead of about to run out of battery. With a flourish he tapped each shoulder twice and pulled me to my feet amongst cheers and sleepy yawns. Ben flashed me a timid smile.

‘Welcome to the Losers Club, Y/N.’

#It #It 2017 #the losers club #stan uris #bill denbrough #mike hanlon #richie tozier #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #eddie kaspbrak #imagine #pennywise #henry bowers

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mst3kproject · 8 years ago

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The Creature Walks Among Us

The third installment in the Creature from the Black Lagoon series does not have John Agar in it, thank heavens, but it does have Jeff Morrow and Rex Reason from This Island Earth and Gregg Palmer from The Rebel Set. It continues the theme of the poor Gill-Man just wanting to be left alone in a nice, peaceful swamp where he can snap alligators in half to his heart's content – but western science just won't leave him alone. So what haven't we done to the poor bastard yet? Well, we haven't set him on fire... okay, awesome, let's do that!

As the movie begins, another bunch of assholes are setting out to hunt our scaly antihero, who apparently vanished into the Everglades instead of dying at the end of Revenge of the Creature. The biggest asshole of them all is Dr. Bill Barton, who thinks the Creature will be Perfect For His Experiments. Barton has this Doctor-Moreau-esque theory that he can speed up evolution through surgery, and he's also brought his wife Marsha along because he is convinced that if he turns his back for five minutes he'll find her in bed with three other men. The other assholes on the trip seem to consider this a challenge, and a couple of them try to put moves on Marsha as the creature hunt progresses. This is as dull and annoying as all such unnecessary romance plots.

When they finally catch up with the Gill-Man, they manage to capture him – but only after he’s been accidentally doused in gasoline and set on fire. The fire burns off the Creature's gills, giving Barton the opportunity to save him by making some surgical improvements to his vestigial lungs. Also burned were the scales, leaving behind bare skin. Barton takes this to mean he's succeeded in partially transforming the monster into a man, and decides to take him home in order to continue the process. This is definitely not a terrible fucking idea, is it?

For starters, I do have to say that this movie looks pretty nice. The everglades are beautifully dense and primordial, which is a relief after spending the previous movie mostly in the bleak, artificial landscape of Sea World. The night shots are especially good, with artful use of filters and reflection of lights in the water, and good matching of day-for-night to actual night shots. The Creature on fire is done very well. And the music isn't bad, either – the familiar Creature Theme is present, and there's a nice bit where music is used to suggest that Marsha is suffering from 'rapture of the deep'. Too bad the accompanying shots demonstrate that she's only a few feet from the surface.

If you'll remember, my main complaint about Revenge of the Creature, besides the existence of John Agar, was that the female lead was a sexy lamp. This is actually true of Creature from the Black Lagoon as well – both films end when the Creature kidnaps a woman in white and the men have to chase him down and shoot him until he lets her go. I'm not sure what the Creature's interest in women in white is... maybe female Creatures turn white as a signal to the males that they’re ready to mate? Regardless of the reason, The Creature Walks Among Us looks at first like it's going to continue the pattern. Marsha Barton goes diving while wearing a white bathing suit, and the Creature stalks her in the water as it had other heroines before her.

But Marsha herself soon starts to show signs that she, at least, has potential to defy our expectations. For starters, she evinces a surprising amount of actual personality. Her activities have been severely restricted by her controlling and paranoid husband, and she attempts to alleviate the resulting boredom by having a variety of hobbies and sometimes by taking reckless risks. An early scene establishes that she enjoys hunting, and seems to be a good shot. Could it be that she will save herself from the Creature, or even save one of the men?

To my amazement, the movie seemed to spend some time setting up the latter idea. After the swimming scene, the Creature actually takes very little interest in Marsha. His anger is instead saved for the men who are tormenting him with surgeries and experiments. When he comes charging out of the laboratory where the scientists have kept him sedated, he is drawn by Marsha's cries as one of the men, Grant, tries to rape her. But it is Grant he attacks, for it is Grant who had previously harmed him. I found myself daring to hope that the movie would end with the Creature killing Grant and Barton, then being shot and killed by Marsha when he goes after her love interest, Morgan.

Of course I was disappointed.

The movie does end with both Barton and Grant dead, and Morgan alive to move in on the widowed Marsha, but during the climax Marsha herself simply fades away. She was in the movie not long earlier, taking a swim while the Creature watched, but as the action begins she melts into the background. She puts in a brief appearance to scream and cry while the Creature goes on his rampage, then vanishes and does not reappear until the denoument. Time spent setting up that she could swim and shoot was apparently just misdirection. Instead of using the gun it placed on the mantlepiece, the movie decides that instead, we need to see the resolution to the confused romantic subplots involving Barton, Marsha, Grant, and Morgan.

Barton, as previously mentioned, believes that Marsha is a cheap little tramp (he actually calls her this at one point) and if he lets her out of his sight she'll be spreading her legs for every man and fish monster for miles around. Grant has apparently decided that a woman with an overprotective husband is twice as attractive – and what the woman herself thinks of his advances is irrelevant. Morgan seems honestly concerned about Barton's mental state and the effect it's having on Marsha, and is the only one of the lot who appears to consider Marsha a person with problems of her own.

Weirdly, the actors playing Grant and Morgan look and sound very much alike, to the point where it's possible to confuse the two. Jeff Morrow as Barton has a similar haircut and is much the same height, so he blends in with the crowd as well. I hate when movies do this. Were 50's standards for male beauty so exacting that they could not hire even one guy with a halfway distinctive face?

Grant and Morgan both get a taste of Barton's jealousy, but what eventually drives him over the edge is Grant's evident unwillingness to take 'no' for an answer from anybody. In a fit of rage, Barton murders him, and then attempts to frame the Creature by tossing the body into the pen. This gives the Creature the opportunity to break out and kill Barton. Marsha is nowhere to be found.

The interesting thing about this ending is that while it is a bit disappointing, it represents a complete reversal of previous Creature movies. In both Creature from the Black Lagoon and Revenge of the Creature, the Creature himself represented a sexual threat to the female lead. He became fascinated with her to the point where he carried her off, and the men had to save her from whatever horrible fate it was he had in mind (I like to think it would have involved a lot of frustrated waiting, wondering when she’s going to lay her eggs so he can swim over them). In The Creature Walks Among Us, it's exactly the opposite: the Creature, albeit unintenionally, saves Marsha from the sexual threat presented to her by Grant and Barton!

This reflects another reversal, as the script finally seems to understand what the audience has been thinking since early in the previous movie – the Creature himself is by far the most sympathetic character here. He spends most of the movie badly burned and with possible brain damage, and all he wants is to go back to the water where he belongs. He doesn't understand that the surgeries Barton has performed on him have left him susceptible to drowning like a land creature. We want to see him kick the shit out of these guys and while the ending, where he wades into the ocean not knowing he will drown, is tragic, it's also kind of a relief. The water is not an escape this time, and nobody can drag him back to civilization for another round of abuse.

When I think about it, I'm actually fairly sure that both these inversions are intentional. I suspect that at least the first writer, Arthur A. Ross, re-watched the first two movies and noticed the things Revenge repeated, and then set out to write something that would turn these specific two ideas on their heads. I wish he'd done a little more with Marsha, who is really not much more than a plot device to motivate the enmity between Barton and Grant, but it's nice to know somebody actually cared about this story rather than simply trying to wring a little more profit out of last year's success.

The movie has another point to make, too, but it's pretty muddled. In between tinkering with the Creature's internal organs, the scientists have philosophical discussions about mankind's capacity for animalistic behaviour and our ability to overcome it with science, describing us as 'caught between the jungle and the stars'. Much of what is said here is very poetic but doesn't come across as particularly meaningful, mostly because the actors themselves do not really seem to understand the points their characters are trying to make. It's all hopelessly undeveloped and serves mostly to confuse and frustrate the audience, who just want to see more of the Creature.

While there are Episodes that Never Were where I really don't know why they never got picked up for MST3K, in this case I think it was actually divine intervention. The Creature Walks Among Us is a boring, stupid movie that would have made a great episode, but that episode would have sorely lacked one thing. There is a sequence in which strange sounds bring everybody running to the Creature's lair, where they discover it has killed a mountain lion. While I'm sure Mike and the Bots could have come up with some great Puma-Man or Pyoooma-themed lines, the perfect callback for this scene came into existence only after MST3K on the Sci-Fi Channel was over and done. The Creature Walks Among Us simply could not be properly riffed in a time when “I hear a mountain lion!” was not yet funny.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #the creature walks among us #tw: rape #it's beginning to look a lot like fishmen #50s

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adambstingus · 6 years ago

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‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Malcolm, Go Back To Your Home On Whore Island

The worst/best show on television is back and lucky for you, the worst/best recapper you know is back too. You’re welcome.

TBH I was heavily considering not recapping this show because I was thinking about living my life and stuff, but then I saw this shit show of a cast (and also how bad the Bachelor is) and I just knew in the dark pits of my soul that I couldn’t let this show go.

LET’S BEGIN NOW

First major change—they are in New Orleans now. Probably a good thing. They weren’t getting too much variety in the Dominican Republic. You can only play with monkeys so many times until you’re like “so, where are the buildings with electricity?”

Also, Terrence J is the new host. RIP to the best father figure most of the contestants ever had, Ryan Devlin.

Let’s review some of the dumb things we learned/that were said during introductions to everyone:

TYLER: “I told her that I was okay with her hooking up with another guy and I wasn’t!” Cool story, Hansel.

UCHE: “I’m with all these guys I’m not supposed to be with! Football players, rappers, all the cool guys.” That’s a weird way of saying you’re a fuckin’ loser.

KEYANA: “I want to be everywhere with my boyfriend. I want to wear a vile of his blood around my neck and drink from it from time to time. What.” (paraphrase)

JOE’S MOM: “My son brings home idiots, which is amazing because he sells pot for a living and it shocks me that Harvard grads aren’t lining up to date him.”

NICOLE: “I’m trapped in this hookup culture!!!” She acts like she’s been kidnapped in a third world country rather than being asked for dick pics.

KAREEM: “Where I’m from, don’t nobody ever touch a million dollars.” Yeah, they clearly don’t read books or attend basic English classes either.

MICHAEL: “I get like 25-50 DM’s from girls a day wanting to date me. None of them speak English though, so lo siento bitches, no dates for you.” Also, Mike, they are all probs like 14. Judging from the acne on your face, you probably are too.

FIRST CHALLENGE

Terrence J shows the girls something the boys find important and the girls have to raise their hands if it’s important to them too. Moderate Instagram fame has to be on this list.

First is football. Audrey raises her hand and she’s like “Why do I like football? Why do I not like football?! I love football!!!”

AUDREY DURING FOOTBALL GAMES:  

Football was Malcolm’s pick and he’s like “I love football because that’s the only reason my dad loves me” and the girls are all like “AW THAT’S SO SWEET!” Nothing moisturizes the kitty like deep-rooted familial issues, amirite.

Next is the piano, and Keyana is like “I like music!” while the rest of the girls apparently prefer silence? Her match is Ethan, the guy who looks like Rob Dyrdek if he ate Rob Dyrdek. He’s very excited to go on his first date ever and is just itching to call his mom and tell her all about it.

Turns out he’s a rapper. Fuck. There is always one “rapper” every season and they are almost always bordering on albino.

ETHAN: “E-Money gets the girls, but Ethan doesn’t.” How many of you are there?

REAL PICTURE OF ETHAN:

Next picture is some religious stuff and the girls are like “I only go down on my knees for one thing, and it ain’t our lord and savior.” Too bad—it was Clinton’s pick and he’s a fine-ass mother fucker. Jesus wept making that fine specimen and that should tell you something, since I’m a Jew.

Next picture is a condom and Jada is like “HEEEEEEEEEEY.”

JADA’S ROLE ON THIS SHOW:

Chad is the one that picked a condom and he’s like “yeah, I like sex, so what?” Chad reminds me of the guy you tell your sorority little to avoid at frat parties.

CHAD: “Look at me, I’m the Chad!” I’M SORRY, unless you are Tom Green yelling to Drew Barrymore from a boat, you are not the fuckin’ Chad!!! Wait, is his name Shad? THAT IS EVEN WORSE.

Anyways, all the couples are going on a date. Thrilling.

ON TO THE HOUSE

Of course it’s time for shots and more introductions.

ZOE: “Guys don’t like me, they just want to wear my thighs as earmuffs.” Oddly specific but ok.

JOE: “I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness and so far the only thing I have ever witnessed is me still being a virgin”

Joe’s going to be that castmate that I can’t tell is hot. He always looks like he is squinting into the sun but I would def let him in if he came knocking on my door wanting to sell a bible.

Keyana immediately tells Michael that she follows him on Instagram and he’s like “very cool, do you speak English?” Also, Keyana do you need to refill your shitty beer? Because you look fucking THIRSTY.

Ethan is already hating himself and saying that he’s going to sit in a corner all season and now I’m just upset. No one puts Ethan in a corner!

KEYANA: So you wear a shoe on each foot? 

MIKE: Yeah 

KEYANA: omg so do I. Let’s get married.

Uche and Chocolate Jesus (Clinton’s new nickname for the season—CJ) are def hitting it off.

CLINTON: “Girls tell me they love me on social media, but it’s like, I’m a person. Do you ever think there is more to life than being really, really ridiculously good looking?”

Malcolm and every girl in the house start flirting. So that’s that.

MALCOLM: “I have ladies every day of the week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday…. The other days. You get it.”

He meets Diandra, who is wearing hoops so big that the Kardashian family is in awe. She’s like “if I start calling you Papi, I’m interested.” Good thing it sounds sexy in Spanish. If I started calling dudes “Daddy” they would immediately refer me to a therapist.

Keith and Alexis start bonding over lung disease and her possibly incestuous ways.

ALEXIS: So you have your cousins, and then your first cousins, and your cousins with teeth. They are all fair fucking game.

Apparently Alexis is trying to rid herself of the redneck stereotype but it’s hard to take her seriously when she’s downing Bud Light one second and chain smoking cigarettes the next.

Keith is like “you should stop smoking. How about every time you smoke I spank you?” Is this a Narcotics Anonymous-approved method of prevention? Also, Keith and Alexis look like the perfect Trump-voting couple.

KEITH: “How about every time you mention building the wall I smack my own ass, yeehaw.”

Theeeeennnn they start making out and talking about butt stuff, as one does 30 minutes after meeting someone. Off to the boom room they go to make more babies that Alexis’ cousin can possibly fuck.

Keith apparently rocks Alexis’ world and he’s like “yeah I have pretty good reviews on Yelp.” Which is a place for businesses so congrats, you’re an escort.

Michael and Keyana take the first shower makeout scene for me. She’s like “I’ve never met someone who asks me about myself” and it’s like, well how do you usually meet people? Does no one ask you, like, what your name is?

THE DATE 

MTV has decided to get as close as possible to killing one of these cast members and takes them to a bar as their date. We’re really pushing these livers to the limit here.

Ethan is trying to make small talk with Keyana and she is acting like she would rather be lit on fire than be a kind of nice person to an overall really nice guy. He eventually is like “I get it, you like Michael.” And I swear to god she breathes a sigh of relief.

She says he “asked about her and he actually cared” and it’s like, really? It had nothing to do with the alcohol and fact that your hand was down his pants most of the time?

They are presented with booze and a jazz band comes in. They’re like “what are the odds you get shit faced and listen to jazz in New Orleans?!”

Audrey and Malcolm are hanging out and she’s like “you’re a player, I can tell” and he’s like “I’m 25 now! I’m serious now!” he says as he chugs alcohol on a reality show on national television.

He claims he isn’t a player anymore because a “female” cheated on him once and it hurt. Boo, sad story. Anyone who calls a girl a female is a hard no from me.

AUDREY: I hope he ends up being different then the guy I know he is and always has been.

BACK AT THE HOUSE 

The house is debating who to put in the Truth Booth and Diandra is like “Malcolm looks like Trey Songz!” (which he does) and Nurys is like “YOU JUST WANNA FUCK HIM DON’T YOU?!” Okay there, I’m gonna need to you to pop a quick Xanax and take a lap for a second.

Nurys is like “I am a hugely aggressive girl for literally no reason and sometimes people don’t like me for that.” Hmm, wonder why.

TRUTH BOOTH

Ethan and Keyana go to the Truth Booth and Keyana is looking for the nearest knife to stick in her neck. She heard Mike has a neck fetish, so yeah.

Ethan and Keyana are like “we get it, we’re not compatible” and Keyana is thinking of getting it tattooed on her body. Let’s remember, they were voted in because they “both like music” which we all know, is a true stepping stone to a love connection.

Of course, they get a no match BUT that’s not the worst part of this whole thing. The WORST part is Keyana acting like a straight-up fucking bitch when they get a no match. I get it, you like Michael and you want to have his vanilla-ass babies so they can surf into the sunset and live a life full of missionary sex, HOWEVER you did not need to be like “YES, I’M PARTYING TONIGHT BECAUSE WE’RE NOT A MATCH!!!”

That’s not a paraphrase made by me, that’s a quote and frankly, it’s a fucked up one. And that’s coming from a fucked up person.

Ethan’s like “I’ve never seen someone so excited to get away from me” and I think every single person watching (aka me and 15 people who read this recap) were either a) about to cry for this actual nice guy or b) so fucking annoyed with Keyana for acting like she’s soooo much better than him. Anyone with a chest tattoo is not at the liberty to belittle people. That is a job strictly reserved for me. Now that we got that lecture out of the way…

OTHER STUFF

Ethan starts downing red wine and freestyle rapping. Aka me on any given night.

They start playing a game of sexy truth or dare, because they are original like that.

Malcolm and Diandre make out, Clinton and Uche make out, Michael licks Keyana, it’s all pretty generic.

Shad or Chad or whatever his fucking name is asks Alexis to kiss everyone in the house and she’s like okay and says “mama didn’t raise no bitch.” Incredible. I want that on a cross stitch. She proceeds to make out with everyone. Just like her mama intended.

KEITH: “She’s a little wild and idk if I trust her.” Really? This is the hard line for you? Not when she implied that she fucks her cousins?

Geles and Michael bond over the fact that they have large Hispanic families and it’s like, who is going to send me some tamales? Hit me up.

Nurys is getting pissed because DD (Diandre) is still talking to Malcolm when she likes him. She’s like “DD is obviously insecure!” and it’s like, hmmm okay sweetie.

Second shower makeout session goes to DD and Malcolm. Really? Now it’s just getting cliché. Isn’t there a closet you can take this to?

Of course, the moment DD goes to sleep Nurys is like DGAF and her and Malcolm start making out. DAMN. Okay. That’s how it’s gonna be. Then he hops back into bed with DD.

MALCOLM: I’m not a player. I promise I’m not a player.

Okay, Big Pun. Anyway, see you all next week.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-malcolm-go-back-to-your-home-on-whore-island/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/180768851792

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allofbeercom · 6 years ago