#i actually have more than that but i dont have a comp post for them

[gingergari]

got a gaggle of em

Show me your Squid/Octo OC and maybe i'll make a little something for a few of them.

[shutupheathersorryheatherr]

"Kai cafe owner hcs pt 2"

✰---Summery: pt.2 of my bakery owner kai series! half head cannon and half Drabble/ fic. in this episode, y/n comes back once again and the tension grows between them. y/n ends up with another free dessert and both of you end up with more butterflies in your stomach and more fantasies for later that night.

✰--- approx: 30 min read

✰-- A/n: not much to say! part three will probably be up in dec of 2024 or jan of 2025 I can't believe im saying 2025 wow I feel so old. If u saw me posting this late no you didn’t

link to part 1

✰---warnings/info: some swearing, obvious smut, a lot of inter monlonge of smutty thoughts, mentions of mutual masterbation, kai really wants to put reader on the counter, mentions of penetration and fingering, lots of talk of food, eating and desserts, romantic luff and smut.

~this is simply a piece of fiction. My imagination onto “paper.” This is in no way is mean to be taken as an actual and real representation of anyone.~

if you don’t have an age indicator saying you’re not a minor in your blog then I will be blocking you! So minors dni!!

••••••••••••••••••••

BakeryOwnerkai! who tries to be mature about things that night after you came into the shop at closing time. almost like he can't be caught lacking cause who knows, you might somehow find out. one can never be too careful.... that was,,, until he imagine you watching him, and maybe if you'd let him, him watching you as he pleasured himself on the opposite end of his sofa. your sweet eyes trained, no, fixated on his hot and throbbing cock, aching for you. and he was aching for you. it sounded stupid to say this so soon but it seemed like It was. in his heart and also right now... in his hand. he looks down almost in shock. he had unconsciously freed his dick from the confinements of his night pants. and now he couldn't stop. oh god he really wanted you

BakeryOwnerkai! who imagines guiltily how you'd look on your back, eyes half lidded in pleasure and pupils dilated in lust, fingers inside your pretty pussy. you moaning his name in that cute tone of yours

BakeryOwnerkai! who tries to get to bed early to help with eye bags and dark circles, he really does! but it turned out harder than expected with someone like you on his mind (wow hes really killing it with these pick up lines, he'll remember to use that one day with you along with the one about a sugar emergency. that is, if he remembers to cause his mind kinda turned to much that day) so he may or may not have ended up ranting to his friends for a while. and when they had to log off that call he also may or may not have, albeit reluctantly pulled out one of his plushies and talked to it

it was not his prouder moment by far. that poor plushie is traumatized now for having to endure his rambles. But he had no choice!

BakeryOwnerkai! who finally gets to sleep, and then wakes up an hour early out of excitement for the new day ahead. but he wasn't complaining; so he beat his hair into submission using that new blowdrying technique hes had saved in his phone for a while since he had the time to try something new. and it took three times as long to pick out his outfit that morning, and it really made him rethink having so many hoodies. he knew it was going to be hidden with his apron but that couldn't stop him from overthinking

BakeryOwnerkai! who tucks his shirt in one more time in from of the mirror. was it nice looking? yes. but would you like it? there was no way of knowing right now.... kai knew that. but he still wanted to look sophisticated, like he was worth something, like he knew what he was doing somewhat, like he wasnt some man child.

BakeryOwnerkai! who the last thing he wanted was to come across as childish or immature to you. and who tells himself on his morning commute and walk to work over and over a million times to "dont sound too exciting, dont sound too excited"

his logic? kai thought that it might sound as if hes already fallen for you (he fully, completely already did) or that he just wanted to be friends (he very much did not). now of course, he'd smile and be nice to you, but his plan was to hopefully not showcase how swat up by you he already was.

BakeryOwnerkai! who's plans all go out the window the minute you step in the shop at exactly 12:43 pm. the lunch rush was ablaze, he was swamped in toasted croissants and warmed muffins. almost every little table was full (not like there was many anyway) and the Line was getting longer towards the door. but when you came in, it was like time stoped, the breeze from outside came in, carrying your perfume with it. he almost knew on instinct to look up towards the door.

Hes mid ringing a costumer up when he pauses long enough for the costumer to shove their card in his face and say "hello??? im kinda in a rush" he immediately swipes their card with a meek and very apologetic "oh my god Im so sorry about that. have a good day!" and somehow... his eyes land back on you, at the back of the line, a bit off to the side like youre looking at the case of goodies. and youre already looking at him

and oh dear youre... chuckling!

He whips his hand on his apron while the next costumer tells him their order, but as engaging as he usually is with his patrons, this time hes distracted by none other than your snickering face. he breaks eye contact with you, and tells the person who ordered that their chest danish will be right out and walks over to the case. you regain eye contact and he mouths "what?" with a smile on his face and his eyes lit up forming crinkles on the sides of them.

he dips his head under the counter, and when he pops back up youre still looking at him, mouthing "pay attention," with an overdramatic scoff and eye roll, mocking offense. he just smiles and shakes his head at you, handing the person at the counter their pastry in the parchment bag. "here you go sir!" he genuinely smiles at the older man.

"trying something new today? I had a blueberry muffin saved for you." he leans in a little on the counter, listening to the older man talk. "I suppose so!" he chuckles, "it just looked so good! I will still take my usual coffee though" Kai nods "well I hope it tastes as good as it looks." "im sure it will!" "and that coffee is coming right up! decaf, half and half, and a little sugar right?" "ah you remembered!" the older man smiles. "of course" kai responds

BakeryOwnerkai! who all the while doesn't notice you staring, admiring him. especially the way he leans on the counter, the couple promanite veins in his forearms popping. and his kindness to the old man didnt go unnoticed. it was sweet, you thought.

BakeryOwnerkai! who gives the old man the to go cup and asks if its hot enough. "enough to burn my tongue so yeah." the old man says in his typical horse voice. he hands him the cash and says almost in a whisper, "I see youre a little distracted" and cocks his head towards you at the back of the line, knowing smile on his face. kai neck and face heats up "I guess I am." he smiles, teeth and all. "dont miss an opportunity, now." the old man says, laughing to himself. and they say their goodbyes

BakeryOwnerKai! Who you see closer to you as the line moves. And finally, it gets to you. the lunch rush has quieted down, and all you can think about are those broad shoulders of his making the straps of the apron look so small on him. how his skin would feel under your touch. would he shiver as your digits went lower from those forearms to his torso, from his torso to his hips? "im no better than a man." you thought to yourself.

kai coughs, "uh what can I get for you?" youre taken aback. "what no hi hello?" he looks around, perofessionalsm leaving him as a smile creeps onto his face, making his eyes squnch up. "you told me to pay attention!" he says. you saunter over to the trays of goodies in the glass case and he follows you behind the counter. "well anyways, hi hello! I see you came back." "youre just now noticing?" you tease, eyes still fixated on that last treat one one of the trays in the back.

BakeryOwner!kai who is left speechless, rubbing the back of his neck. "those sell out pretty fast. they're a mother to make though." he chuckles. you finally meet his eye, "im not done deciding." you smirk.

"hm well, ive got time." he holds your gaze and suddenly. youre feeling hot. it was like that senate could have a thousand meanings but also only one if thats what you wanted. it was so weird... but with the way he looked at you and the tone of his voice, god did it sound hot. it was like he was telling you you deserved to be taken time on. like a reassurance, like a promise.

it was stupid, you knew that. you just met him for fucks sake!

but it was still hot.

BakeryOwner!kai who's internally struggling to hold your eye contact. he starts absentmindedly wiping down the counter, the spilled crumbs suddenly of such interest to him. . "Im very pastient, you know, I mean, I did wait all that time for you in the line right" he says it with such an innocent smile you almost feel bad for pulling something more out of it. but it had to mean something more, right? "I can see that! a little distracted though." you chuckle and kai looks down... and he was whipping the same spot over and over. he laughs and shakes his head at your and your antics, "its uh super dirty."

"so you like to make messes? gotcha" there was a certain undertone to your voice. he heard it, and so did you. what were you doing? kai gulps, surprised. "occasionally." you come over to the cash regastister, leaning on it on your elbows. and you were about to deliver the best one liner of your life when there was a loud yelp. you look behind you and kai jumps in his own skin. you sigh in relief, it was just someone dropping their phone in the back corner of the shop, the persons back turned to the both of you.

why was their back turned away so important to you? you had no idea. but lets be honest, both of you looked like you had something to hide because you kinda did. flirting with a costumer wasn't a good look you know?

"Anyway." he nervously says, flipping his dish town over his shoulder in a way that was so effortlessly attractive it made your head spin a little. "anyway" you repeat. "anyway." he nods, his lips drawn together in a tight line.

BakeryOwner!kai who reminds himself to stay calm when you ask him if hes a parrrot with the way hes copying you. "are we just gonna keep saying anyway?" you raise a half joking eyebrow. he wants to keep talking to you. he also needs to get back to work. but he also wants to kick the last couple people out the shop, close the blinds, and dance just talk with you until nightfall. he doesn't wanna leave. so he won't, he decides.

"NO!" he quickly realizes how loud he was, "no!" he tries again, "it- you know, that noise startled me" you can tell hes picking his words carefully, for what you dont know, but you wish he'd stop. you know youve just met each other but you have half a mind to tell him that he can speak for comfortably with you.

he coughs, trying to ease whatever multiple tensions you two have sitting in the room with y'all. "ahem youre stil deciding?" "what do you recommend?" "savory or sweet?" you smile at him "I prefer it sweet" he points to something smaller in the back of the glass case, already sliding the door open to grab the tray out for you to see unclose, "these used to be my favorite as a kid! its got that perfect crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside. " "they look delicious!" and you relish the way his eyes light up again for the up tenth time today, "I- uhh" he drops the tray a little bit, looking a little less enthusiastic. "you what?" you ask. he shakes his head a little bit. "im sorry," his tongue darts down to swipe his lower lip and you follow it with your eyes. you can't help it-- its so perfect, pink and wet, his lips glistening from a trail of his saliva. ok fine, maybe last night you were imagining grasping those fucking shoulders as he sucks on, then kisses and kitten licks your collar bone.

BakeryOwner!kai who notices your eyes glaze over for a moment but doesn't pay any attention to it as he answer truthfully "I probably sound too excited dont i." you shake your head and laugh in amusement at how stupid that idea sounds. "nah I like it. you look cute when youre excited." he looks down at the dessert then back at you, placing down the tray and getting a baggy to put them in. "well im glad you think that. cause ill admit this morning I told myself not to come off to excited or... strong? I guess." you raise an eyebrow. so your inkling was right? the affection just might've been shared.

the moving around, double wrapping your treats-- once in plastic and once in the usual paper bag was routine enough for him to feel more at ease. "what made you so sure I was gonna come back?" you taunted.

BakeryOwner!kai who is greatful he doesn't have to face you as he ties the baggy with that same ribbon he tied your first dessert with. your teasing tone made him uncomfortable in his jeans. hidden by his apron, thankfully. but he still needed to get himself or well it under control. he didnt know what it was. the comfedenece? the cute little giggle at the end? Or just the fact that you’re out of this world beautiful? whatever it was it made him both yearn to spin you around to a jazz record at dusk and put you up on the counter right now.

with a deep breath he turns around to you. "are those mine?" you smile. "yes they areeeee." kai announces to basically the entire shop. the last remaining couple costumers pop their heads up from their phones or laptops then look back down. as he hands it to you, you too look at each other in utter horror, then start laughing your asses off. kai sounds like a shirking dolphin when he laughs and it cracks you up even more

BakeryOwner!kai who thinks your laugh sounds like a symphony. how could he not want to listen to it every day? how could he not want to trigger that melody again and again? how could he not have heard it before? youre making him want to hear it every morning

BakeryOwner!kai who starts wondering if you'd giggle before wrapping your perfect fingers around his cock and guiding it to your intrance. or if you'd laugh as he picked you up and placed you on the counter, would you laugh even half the way you are right now if he bottomed out inside you?

but as much as he wanted to think about how good he'd be for you if you let him put you up on this counter (or the one in the back. he wasn't picky. though this one had better lighting so id be his first pick-- wanting it to be picture perfect)

BakeryOwner!kai who realizes in that moment that, one) you dont know each others names. and two) he never answered your question. he takes a glance around the shop, only one counter remaining. I can get away with this, he thinks to himself, just this once. he wipes his hands on his dish towel one more time, slinging it back over his shoulder. you step away from the counter to meet him.

he licks his lips and raises his eyebrows. for him its a way to calm himself down, for you its something that makes your pussy drip and your underwear stick to your core uncomfortably.

"lucky guess?" you cock your head, "for what?" he looks toward a shelf behind you with the piplum Pokemon plush next to a succulent on it. "earlier. you had asked me how I knew you'd come back." "oh" you laugh, 'some lucky guess." "or maybe I was hoping you would. or maybe, " he holds your gaze, the shelf uninteresting now, "my desserts are just that good." you look up at him and blink slowly, "ooo hes manifesting, or just overconfident."

"well you came back didnt you?" he raises a mischievous eyebrow and you suck your lips into your own mouth in an attempt to be serious, "ugh whatever" "not hearing a no, soooo." he laughs. god youre so easy to laugh with.

"im certainly not saying no."

"im Kai by the way." he greets you as you tell him your name.

"expect me back, kai." "I would love to have you back" he says in a tone like 'duhhh' "I'll have one of those ready for you, favored costumer."

"careful I dont want your other costumers to get jealous." he chuckles, "ok that was good." he compliments, and you smile.

BakeryOwnwer!kai who feels some sort of ecstasy when you tell him your name. and now all he wants to do is to repeat it in his mind over and over again. and he just stands there doing just so until he hears the clink of his tip jar. "nonono you dont have to--" "I didnt pay did it?" "yeah, I did that on purpose." "I know, so this is the least--" "please stop. thats already the price of the food, you might has well just payed!" you put another bit in there and your satisfied. "ok now thats excessive..." you stare at him, "...but thank you, y/n."

after arguing over the money and finally making him accept at least a considerable size tip, you almost dont wanna leave,

"they smell really good!" you look down at the dessert

"I hope they taste even better! and hey, they match your shirt,"

you look down, noticing your brown shirt matching with the deliouss looking dessert.

"hm, guess they do." and youre not sure why he commented on it until he says something.

"I love the color brown."

and suddenly, dirt is pretty and you wanna be buried without a casket in it, his brown eyes pop and happily sparkle even more than before, suddenly you understand why bugs burrow into trees because suddenly tree bark is something you want to burry in. a simple wooden shelf or desk isn't so bad.

then you realize-- "hey look, were matching!... I love the color brown too."

he looks into your eyes, "its pretty right,"

you hold his gaze... "mmhm"

~end~ hope y'all enjoyed! pls comment and or reblog if you liked it! I apologize for any spelling errors! I’ll fix them soon

tags: @bamtorin @strawberryshoujosundae

©️2024copywrightforshutupheathersorryheathr

[filomiya]

Plz akito kiss hcs ..

⠀⠀ ͏͏͏ ͏͏͏ ͏͏͏ ͏͏͏⠀⠀ ͏͏͏ ͏͏͏⠀⠀ ͏͏͏ ͏͏͏ ͏͏͏ ͏͏͏are you wearing lipstick on purpose ? ?

LIP MARKS - prod. honakito

posted as : request

chars : s. akito , y. kanade

type: x g/n ! reader

scenario : kisses with them ( headcanons )

notes : that is so cute im gonna give u a smooch. now this MIGHT be similar to others posts but everything in this context is unintentional,,, so no i am not a copycat ,, tho, enjoy!!

notes 2 : i wrote kanade too even tho she wasnt in the request because i also want to write other characters ,,,, because as much as i want this to be an akito blog i genuienly CANT </3 id get bored and theres no SPICE in that what the fuck,,, also i flunged my math comp today (even tho i have the highest grades and like general grade in class with a 9,94) i got a like 55 this is not my first time the 55 has cursed me i cant escape ,, so now ive been ghosting everyone that has asked me for my score im genuinely so embarrassed ( this is also NOT the first time ive did this )

date : 19 / 01 / 24 - 20 / 01 / 24

s. akito 

akitos lips are soft. like genuinely so soft.

hes probably had them chapped for a little while , due to practicing in the sun a lot. before you started helping him on it. i guess it payed off , so , so well.

so now , after helping him treat them, his kisses got somehow better.

its like theyre more tender and passionate now. maybe its his way of getting back at you for giving him tips and buying the necessary things he needed? pretty much. yeah definitely. 

small fact : he still kept the things you bought him for his lips , neat and clean on his desk. ‘ im keeping those for when they get dry again, not for kissing you better. they heavily influence my singing, y’know? ‘ - thats his excuse anyway.

usually, they arent that long. in hurries, he usually just leaves a small peck. a kiss on the forehead, even. tho he only does this when no ones watching , not too fond of pda because of three certain someones. the most he can do in public is a quick kiss on the hand, on one of the rings you wear, if you do actually use jewelry.

but in private , its like a switch flipping. hes initiating it a lot more, each kiss lasting two times more than usual with one break slipped in there somewhere. mostly on the lips, but doesnt limit there. hed kiss you all over your face occasionally , if hes feeling mischievous. or in comfort. depends on the context.

and about hand placement — definitely on your waist. he likes it alot. in an innocent way, ofcourse. in general, he just likes it. wrapping his arms around it from behind you , hugging you and resting his face on your shoulder. akito himself doesnt know why.

so basically — his kissers are tender , passionate , and depend on his mood. hes a pretty simple guy.

y. kanade

if akitos lips were soft, then kanades are heavenly, if taken care of properly.

her lack of self care is there, ofcourse, even worse if it wasnt for honami. but with a little bit of your help, i feel like shed eventually get better — and that includes skincare and just beauty in general.

she has dry lips, due to working a lot during both mornings and nights , so she doesnt really have time to take care of them — or she oftenly licks them to the extent of it. it doesnt take a lot of chapstick to get them nice and soft, tho.

theyd DEFINITELY taste like soy cup noodles, argue with the entirety of usa. or collectively agree. i dont care i know im right.

her kisses arent special, but they hold a lot of sentimental expression to both you and kanade. for her , leaving you quick pecks anywhere on your face is a way to express what shes feeling. is she proud? is she happy? did something happen? does she need attention? you’ll only know through her quick kiss on your cheek.

she cant last through really long kisses tho — poor girl runs out of breath so fast. thats why you both settled in quick pecks.

and hand placement during those? your cheeks or the back of your head , running her hands through your hair. doesnt matter if youre taller (which is likely) , she’d initiate it (rarely long) by gently cupping your cheeks and bringing your face closer to her.

summed up — shes a decent kisser. just dont suffocate her during your time. 

does anybody wanna be on my taglist…. ive been considering doing one ,,

dividers arent mine ; credits to the rightful owners on TUMBLR

[pseudowho]

hiya 🙂 i love your nanamin fics and i followed you for them way back when you wrote the pregnant reader one (and I still think about it). thought id ask you cos you seem to answer questions like this pretty wisely 🥲

i started writing fics for a pretty niche character in a fandom (not jjk) a while back and a friend/moot started then too. this character doesnt have lots of readers and thats fine im just here for the writing.

but since then ive noticed my friend has stopped reblogging my fics even tho they did before and even tho they obvs read and reblog everyone elses fics for this character (there really arent many of us).

they also seem upset about notes/likes a lot of the time. but I know they read my fics because I see lots of the same word choices and styles show up in their fics the next time they post.

its upsetting me lot tbh. i still read, like/comment/rb fics i like and its starting to feel like they do it because they think i have more readers than they do and mb theyre jealous.

anyway i dunno if you think i should raise it with them or just leave it?? they dont talk to me much anymore either after I didnt rb one of their fics i didnt really love.

First of all, well done for starting to write, and writing for an 'unpopular' character too, it looks like it's hard having a niche audience in the Tumblr-sphere. I'm always really grateful when someone writes for a niche character I love, every fic is like finding a diamond!

Second of all: I'm really really sorry this is happening to you. It has happened and still happens to me, too.

Thirdly: While I'll give my thoughts on it straight after this, one truth is that the other person maybe simply doesn't like your writing, and there's nothing mean-spirited about it at all.

Saying this, in your case, there seem to be too many little factors that actually makes me think... 👇

I have Thoughts™️💬 about Toxic Tumblr Reblog Culture...

There is a little phenomenon I've noticed with a lot of fic writers, where they seem to stop reblogging the fics of others who they view as competition. Even if they often read and reblogged another writer's fics before they themselves started writing.

They seem to think that if they reblog the work of you, their "competitor", then your work will get more attention than theirs. It gets even worse the more 'popular' you get, sadly.

I understand, because it's hard to see someone reblog most other peoples' fics about a character, and then pointedly ignore yours. You're not mad for feeling targeted. It can feel this way.

Equally, there can be a cherry-picking of moots' work, and a high school clique attitude to reblogging. Do two or three people band together and constantly reblog each others' work, making a huge fuss whatever it is, but leave you out even though you've historically been part of the circle before? Again, it's not as uncommon as you think.

A real "if we become moots, that means I reblog all your stuff, and you reblog all my stuff" as an unspoken rule. While that might work nicely for some people, it can also foster an air of pressure or entitlement, or of reblogging things even if you didn't really like them, because they're your friend. While fostering growth and circulation in the art community should be celebrated, I'd hate to think someone reblogged my work out of obligation, as opposed to passion.

I've had followers who loved my stuff, always commented and reblogged etc, but when they started writing for the same characters themselves, just stopped. I've also noticed a lot of the things you mention (them using similar word choices, stylistic choices etc to mine, in their new fics).

So, you know they're there reading in the background, and it doesn't make sense that they liked your writing one day, then just stopped liking it overnight, right?

I don't often muse aloud about "controversial" subjects on Tumblr, but this one really gets me. It turns writing, an already isolating art, into an even more isolating "competition".

It's sad, really.

Saying that, I still read, comment, reblog all the work of theirs that I read and love! It feels petty and ridiculous, but try to be the person that you want to see in the community. They'd probably notice they still get just as many readers as before, and actually, will be forced to address that their writing may be less popular for another reason.

I have wonderful friends here who read and reblog any of my stuff they like, just as I do theirs. I made a post a little while back, r.e. always reblogging stuff just because you're moots, and I'm glad to say I don't have this strange entitled relationship with these friends. It's low pressure and really fun.

Reblog in the best spirit; reblog stuff you love, that you think is great, etc etc. Don't fall into bad intentions! It's meant to be fun. It's not high-stakes. What are people competing about? I feel really bad for you, OP, and I know what it feels like.

Jealousy in the Tumblr fic writer community is strong!

Hang in there baby. You're doing great.

-- Haitch xxx

[pantspissedinreverse]

hey i love seeing ur posts about comp tf2, do you have any advice for a wannabe sixes medic? ive been watching a lot of recorded games and demo reviews and stuff and it looks like a lot of fun but actually playing a match myself sounds so daunting and scary

hello anon! thanks for asking and im glad that youve thought about playing comp :)

this ended up really long so under the cut it goes

to start with some outside stuff youll need:

a discord account

a mic (or any other audio input device)

mumble (optional)

from what ive seen, the biggest leagues all have discord servers where players can find scrims or teams and teammates (in the case of rgl) but also teams use discord because its a quick, easy and cheep way to keep in touch

now, a league, there are 5 leagues but ive only played in 2 of them as they are region specific, there are:

rgl (NA/north american league)

etf2l (EU/european league)

ozfortress (oceania/australia league)

asiafortress (asian league, site is down rn?)

ugc (international, the old league where it all started)

now the best way to get into comp is probably through a newbie cup, a shorter season for new players with dedicated coaches provided, but the only one that regularly runs is by an NA pug group, speaking of, another good way to start is through pugs! (or mixes if youre in eu) pugs or pick up games or mixes are run either by the league or an independent person, in NA the biggest non-league pug group i know is tf2 coaching central or tf2cc for short, they also run the newbie cup and are based entirely on discord! in EU, mixes are run usually through sites and require mumble, the biggest being tf2center which id say is much more beginner friendly and hosts more formats than the other site, tf2pickup.eu where you can only play 6s and will usually find players that have been playing since season 2 (etf2l is on season 47)

also! every friday (if there are enough people) there are newbie mixes! basically a mix/pug with a coach, i havent personally played but ive heard its good

now if you find a league that works for you, heres some settings that youll need:

enable developer console

this will allow you to open the developer console, this is a nifty little thing because it allows you to do all kinds of crap, for example, connecting to a specific server if you have the connect info, which is very important in comp, you can change the button that opens the console at the very bottom of the settings

thats how the dev console looks like, heres how to find it:

change your fov to 90

this can be either done in the settings or by putting fov_desired 90 into the console, 90 is the max you can set it to in the settings but if you want more fov then feel free to change this to something else like 130 for example. this is done because the default tf2 fov doesnt let you see as much as 90 and having that information is crucial, especially for medic

now for the actually medic specific stuff

in the advanced settings there are two key things you need to turn on, 1) keep healing even when not pressing the fire key and 2) autocall for medic if below 99% health

the first one is a no brainer, youre gonna be healing constantly for 2 hours or more if you play a season as medic and your fingers will cramp up if you just keep holding down mouse1 so this ones for that

the second one is a bit odd, why autocall? well it might help you find spies or find your way back to your team if you get lost without having to comm it out, it also shows you if a teammate got damaged very recently because of the small cross above their head, this is important because then it will take more time to heal them up

uber masking

when you are about to hit 100% ubercharge, press E, and the "medic!" voiceline is gonna override the very loud and very obvious "I AM FULLY CHARGED" voiceline, tldr: you dont want the other team to know that you have uber

uber counting

the average stock uber can be built in 40-50 seconds, at the start of the round your ubers are the same but they will get offset as the game goes on, when the enemy medic spawns count in your head to 40 or watch the clock for 40 seconds and at the end of that 40 seconds they will have uber

uber related callouts:

"we have ad" (=we have more uber than them)

"we have disad" (=we have less uber than them)

"they have" (=they have uber, be cautious)

"we have" (=we have uber, yay!)

"its even/equal" (=the ubers are the same)

"med dropped!" (=the other medic dropped uber, you now have a lot of ad, you will hear this from your teammates)

"he got a saw on me" (=their medic is running ubersaw and just hit me, they have 25 more uber)

"use" (=pop it)

"use on me/use on [class]" (=use uber on a specific person or class, usually scout or demo)

"big ad/disad" (=the difference between our ubers is big, around 50% difference)

"small ad/disad" (=the difference between our ubers is small, anywhere from 20% to 5% difference)

thats a lot of callouts but dont fear, youll get a hang of it soon :)

the ideal loadout

crusaders crossbow

stock medigun

solemn vow

i did mention the ubersaw but its use is much more niche and works the best when the enemy team is shit, the solemn vow also lets you see the enemy medics uber if you see him but dont use this as a crutch and also call out enemy health ("demo is 50!" and then your flank scout game ends him), ill go over the weapons now

crusaders crossbow

the weapon with most skill, it allows you to heal your team at large distances, your teammates will usually say "arrow me" or "arrow me [location]" and then you shoot them and heal em up, the crusaders crossbow is also used in rollouts a lot, process and gullywash for example both require you to arrow someone mid rollout, i have a few aim training maps linked in my other medic tips post which also, funny enough, have a clip of how comms usually sound so thats cool

stock medigun

other than the kritzkrieg, the stock is the only medigun allowed in standard 6s, its the most consistent medigun and also makes you invincible for 8 seconds, you mentioned watching demos of other players and usually when they do a push into a point they uber the demo so that he can jump in unharmed, then the scout to go fast and the back on demo because hes the 2nd most important class here (the 1st is you!! so dont die!!)

honorary kritz mention

in lower divs, kritz isnt usually played, its an element of surprise weapon and it takes 32 seconds to get uber but 32 is an awkward number so we usually just count to 30 and use the 2 seconds to run :)

the kritz is much more widely used in highlander but ive seen some great playes with it in 6s too

some medigun strats before we move onto melee:

building uber with a boston basher scout

your scout is your escort now, random encounters lied to you, medics do, in fact, heal scouts

give your players a buff (overheal) when youre in spawn and waiting to move, its needed for rollouts in most cases, heal order is usually demo -> roamer -> demo again -> psolly

you need to heal as much as you can, this is a race to get uber

players will come up to you and ask for buffs, its usually soldiers and they will usually jump away shortly after

the ubersaw and the head

the solemn vow is a much better choice of melee then the ubersaw simply due to the fact that you can see enemy health and uber, but i cant deny that the ubersaw saved my ass a few times, still, use the head

now thats the weapons, lets get onto the more interpersonal relationships between teammates

the general playerbase of comp is sweaty gamer cishet guys but ive found that many of them are cool (despite the reputation of sweaty gamer cishet guys) and they are cool especially in rgl

heres some tips,

keep your tumblr private from your team

they dont know the lore of tf2 and 9 times out of 10 dont really care for it

just keep the discussion to comp

many of them are down to play casual or even valve comp if you ask

feel free to ask for tips! they love giving tips!

you will be judged for being a medic player but in a joking matter (they dont usually like playing medic so theyre glad that someone else is lol)

they will show you cool shit (usually clips of airshots)

tf2 comp players are a bit edgy at times, sometimes people just say slurs but not the n word with a hard R or anything (ps. you can report people if they say a slur mid game in chat)

a lot of the time they are gonna tell it to you straight, if youre bad then they will tell you youre bad at xy and z and if you dont improve then they will just call you open (<- lowest division in etf2l/derogatory term for anyone who isnt in open)

in a team you have the team leader who schedules everything and runs this team and talks to the admins, maybe a co-tl who helps with team leader stuff, the main roster which is just the players who play most often, the subs who substitute the main roster when someone cant make it but you still want to play and lastly the ringers(NA term)/mercs(EU term) who are outsiders you call in if your pscout just called in sick and the pscout sub is on vacation and you really need a player

classes

its at the bottom because i forgot about it lol?

6s has 2 soldiers, 2 scouts, a demo and a medic

they are split into the flank and the combo, the combo is with the medic and the flank is not

demo:

you will need to heal this guy a lot, he takes a lot of damage and gives out a lot of damage, he can trap down an area or spam down a choke, will be with you in most of your ubers, make sure this guy is buffed

pocket scout:

the scout in the combo, your escort and personal bodyguard (kinda), hes gonna build with you, pick you up from spawn when you die and is most likely gonna be the maincaller (=person who calls the shots in a comp match like when to retreat and what not)

pocket soldier:

in all honesty idfk what this guy does, he wants heals and watches chokes, spams rockets down chokes too, sacs for med (=jumps on the medic and kills them hopefully)

flank scout:

watches flanks, wants heals, can replace your pscout if he dies, will offclass if need be (offclassing is the act of switching your class to a different one that isnt standard in 6s like sniper or heavy)

roamer (flank soldier):

i also dont know what the fuck the roamer does, its basically the same as psolly but he watches flanks and offlcasses and has a different rollout

post game

so after you play your first game of comp, write ".ss" into the chat, this will open a window with your logs for that match and you can see how you did that game! if you want you can also download the demo from demos.tf if you look up your steam name it should show up, there are other sites where you can see how you did like more.tf which is a nicer looking site and also you can compare specific players and see more stuff so thats cool! theres also trends.tf where you can see how you did over time and basically every stat you can think of even down to the time youve spent playing a class in comp, heres my overview on trends.tf if you wanna see all that it shows (ps. most of my recent games are 4v4 because of a cup lol)

last thing before the end, i did make a post about medic tips a while ago and those apply here as well

tf2 competitive wiki if you want to learn callouts and other stuff

so! thats the basics of 6s med :) gl hf and feel free to dm me if you have any more questions

edit: i forgot to mention b4nny, the lord and savior of competitive tf2 and while he doesnt play med much he has a lot of experience and knows a lot about comp and just has a lot of resources for comp

[horsegirlwarcrimes]

would u tell me a bit about some svsss thoughts, au‘s ideas or wips of yours?(<- half way through a 9 hour train/bus journey & really bored) please?🥺

i could tell u about my tgirl-sqq/sy au that i’m never gonna write, cuz i genuinely don’t enjoy writing? or maybe show u a picture of my sisters newborn (cutest baby u have ever seen)

omg PLEASE tell me ur thoughts on tgirl sqq I love trans sqq (any direction but esp transfem it's so special to me)

let'sss see, I have a lot of wip and au thoughts at the moment as I nervously procrastinate several important projects 😅

I had a cold earlier this week so I wrote half of a fluffy fic inflicting my cold onto SQQ:

“Liu-shidi is out at the moment,” Shen Qingqiu said, an awful rasp to his voice that Luo Binghe hated.  “Surely Shizun can call him back?” Luo Binghe pleaded.  “For what?” Shen Qingqiu asked, waving a sleeve. “A small cold? This master has managed worse. He’ll return when he returns, and until then it's not so bad.”  “But Shizun–” Luo Binghe tried to object, but Shen Qingqiu gave him a stern look that caused Luo Binghe to fold at once. He redoubled his efforts of looking sad and concerned and despondent as a quick countermeasure, and Shen Qingqiu sighed.  “It’s not so bad,” he repeated. “This master can still perform his duties just fine. Most likely it will pass before Liu Qingge even returns.”

outside of that, i have been on a major qijiu brainrot kick (i have a 8k fic for them i should be posting as soon as i decide if it needs a stronger dose of sqq or not + decide how to end it (sob)), and also reading a ton of disciple days/canon timeline bingqiu and having big feelings about how much i love them. ive also been returning to my unhorny women and gender studies liu qingge omegaverse fic that i am always contemplating but never actually writing, in which liu qingge is a not-like-other-girls omega in PIDW omegaverse and tries to marry shen qingqiu due to fantasy comp het

besides that, here are some concepts ive jotted down in my notes app this week loll:

dragon!YQY hoarding peak lords

this is literally all i have written down for this but i want it to be something SO BAD. save me dragon yqy. dragon yqy save me

Yue Qingyuan is cursed into an endless sleep The other peak lords call on Shen Qingqiu to enter his mind and wake him up as the person closest to him, only... SQQ actually barely knows this guy! He and Binghe take a dream journey through YQY's subconscious and eventually find that SJ is haunting him and eating his power which is keeping him asleep. They must either banish him ORRR.... Sun and Moon Dew mushroom time

i dont think ill write this so if anyone else does....... please take this idea and run w it haha

Sy transmigrated into the little palace Mistress??? Ahhh...

i THINK this came after reading stiltonbasket's SY!QWY fic, because i was thinking about the old palace master being a huge creep and shen yuan dealing with that from inside huan hua palace. i really see shen yuan going on a journey of gender discovery (his own gender AND the perils of misogyny that he never understood as a cis internet man(he thought he was cis at least)) and political intrigue as he tries to get to the heart of whats wrong with huan hua while dodging and or attempting to track down luo binghe. plot??? idk her

Deaf Shang qinghua!! Mbj doesnt notice

someday i must write this bc i love writing my favs as deaf or hoh. id love to explore shang qinghua as being both physically and culturally Deaf and how that plays into his interactions with the world post-transmigration, where there is even less accommodations or access for someone with a disability and he is cut off from his community, especially in terms of his work on an ding and relationship with his martial siblings. mbj not noticing a major facet of his life feels in character and like great drama lol, and i think the conclusion is definitely mbj learning ZGS that teaches him and he ends up liking using it way more than speaking verbally, both for sqh's ease and because he doesnt like to talk lol

i hope this is what u meant hahaha i could talk abt wips and svsss ideas all day. they are living in my head rent free 24/7 ｡ﾟ(TヮT)ﾟ｡ i hope your trip goes by smoothly and quickly!!

[metalmusicwhore]

vent post kinda? or maybe it’s a rant idk just feelings ig AUUGHH

I really REALLY don’t wanna fucking go back to school I’m actually so stressed out. I have like no friends even the ones I do have I haven’t talked to like all summer and this fucking cheer team im on is gonna be the end of me I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD. The girls are so fucking rude I have no ABSOLUTELY ZERO friends on the team nobody fucking talks to me the coaches yell constantly ANDFUCKING SINGLE ME OUTLILE MAAM MISS GIRRL THIS IS SIDELIND FUCKING CHEER IVE BEEN A COM CHEERLEADER FOR OVER FIVE YEARS DO FUCKING TELL ME HOWW TO DO SHIT YOU SAW ME AT NATIONALS DONT DO THIS SHIT TO ME YOU FUCKING WHORE IHATEYOU STOP FUCKING TELLING ME THIS IS HARDER THAN COMP CHEER ITS FUCKING KOR AHEOEBAMDD

I really wanna quit the team but I fucking can’t my parents won’t let me because they’ve already payed for it like I know it costed hella money but don’t you think my mental health and me still being alive matters more DONT YOU THINK THAT YOUR OWN KID YOUR FLESH AND BLOOD MATTERS MORE THAT PAPER WTF ACTUALLY WTF IVE BEEN DOING THIS SHIT FOR YEARS I WANT A BREAK IM SO TIRED OF IT EVERY TEAM IVE BEEN ON THE GIRLS ARE RUDE LAST TAM I WAS ON WAS BETTER BC I HAD MY BEST FRIEND BUT I MOVED AWAY AND NOW INHAVE NOBODY I CANT DO THIS SHIT ANYMORE LIKE I ACTUALLY CANT

MY MENTAL HEATH IS DEGRADING BC OF THIS MY SH PROBLEMS ARE COMING BACK AND I CANT EVEN TELL MY PARENTS BC THEY FUCKING YELL AT ME SAYING THAT IT HURTS THEM MORE THAT IT HURTS ME LIKE HHHUUUUUUUUUHHHHH WTF DO YOU MEAN YOU DICKHEADS WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE ACTUALLY WTF

IM SO TIRED OF FEELING THIS WAY I CANT GET AWAY FROM IT SSSIIGH HUGE FUCKING SIGH I JUSST WANT THINGS TO GO BACK TO NORMAL I JUST WANNA FEEL NORMAL BUT I FUCKING CANT IM LOSING SLEEP OVER THIS IM MOT EATING BC IM SO STRESSED ABOUT EVERYTHING

My parents tell me “you’re only a teenager you have the rest of your life to look ahead you don’t need to be stressed about anything” YES I DO YES I FUCKING DO YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO STRUGGLE LITERALLY STUGGLE TO NOT KYS EVERYDAY YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO GET MADE FUN OF FOR HAVING SH PROBLEMS YOU DONT KNOW WHAT UTS LILE TO HAVE UOUR OWN BROTHER RAT ON YOU ABT YOUR SH AND HAVE YOUR PARENTS YELL AT YOU FOR HOURS NOT EVEN HELING JUST YELLING AND MAKING YOU FEEL WORSE ABOUT EVERYTHING

THERES NOT GONNA BE THE REST OF MY LIFE IF THIS SHIT KEEPS UP I CANT EVEN TALK ABOUT IT MY MUM FUCKING LAUGHS IT OFF AND SAYS IM FUL OF SHIT LIKE I CANT HAVE MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES BITCH I FUCKING DO IVE HAD THEM FOR YEARS YOU FUCKING FAG WHY DONT YOU BELIVE ANYTHING I SAY AASUUUGGHHHHAHAKEHKWAOJDLSKALS MAKES ME SO MAD SO FUCKING MAD I CANT PUT IT INTO WORDSAAAAARRRGGGGGGGGAGAGEUJEJEKWKWORJDJN

I actually can’t fucking do this anymore I’m trying so fucking hard not to kms rn I’m so scared to do it but I can’t live like this anymore I can’t even talk about it without being yelled at I need help but I’m scared to talk about it with my parents BIGGEST FUCKING SIGH I HATE EVERYTHING RN I CANT BE HAPPY I CANT BE SAD I CANT DO ANYTHING PLEASE JUST KILL ME NOW IM NOT FUCKING JOKING ITS MY TIME TO GO ITS BEEN MY TIME TO GO IVE SERVED MY TIME ON THIS PLANET JUST FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY ITS NOT THAT FUCKING HARD PLEASE IM BEGGING AT THIS POINT I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS

[coconox]

my whb progress 2

as of apr 7, 2024

since whb's half anni has passed, i thought i'd do a progress check to reflect on how much has happened btwn now and this post

general info

lvl: 47

status: 🤨 mostly f2p

i say mostly cause i just recently broke the f2p status and bought bp for ppyong

i refuse to buy packs and in the future i'll prob be very selective over who i pick for bp (aka i wont buy every bp), so for the most part i'll just be having the f2p experience

when i started: launch (10/03 my timezone)

ver: erolabs

team setup

i finally have levi now lmao

sometimes i'll switch out one of the levis for attacker satan but this is what i use generally

everyone's lvls and artifacts

skill lvls (normal atk-ult-passive)

attacker mammon: 1-3-1

selfie mammon: 4-5-4

selfie satan: 4-4-1

selfie beel: 4-4-4

bloodshed levi: 3-3-1

selfie levi: 3-3-1

secret club

i only work on completing mammon's unholy board

stuck on needing attacker mammon's sig atm :'))

materials

too lazy to screenshot it all but im basically broke on pies, tears, pretzels (tbf i dont play the minigame whatsoever), red keys, yellow keys, and seals

everything else im either ok in supply or overflowing w it

overall thoughts / reflection

this section is for me to look back on in the future when i do progress posts. i'll break down this section into multiple parts similar to my prev post for consistency

STORY

honestly, its interesting in concept. since sadly only 1 chapter has released btwn now and my last post so thoughts havent really drastically changed

ch5 imo wasnt really a full on hades chapter. yes, it takes place in hades and yes we get some intro abt hades, but i think this was supposed to act more like a bridge to tartaros, which is prob why we didnt have any h scenes w any hades chars aside from levi. ofc we'll get back to it being hades-focused eventually, but the story for a while is most likely gonna pivot to tartaros bc of that big lore drop abt mammon at the end

i assume we'll prob be introduced to the cherubs in tartaros bc of selaphiel txting us near the end + it being mentioned at the end that theres a hub of angels in the lab, and hopefully part 2 of mammon's h scene. it was strange at first for mammon to only have 1 h scene, compared to satan or levi that had 2, but w him implying theres probably gonna be a part 2 in his h scene + we'll most likely see him again in ch6 (or however many chapters tartaros will be played out), we'll prob experience part 2 in his home country. tbh that prob just me inhaling MASSIVE hopium since mammon isnt rlly that popular but i can dream ok-

i hope us being in tartaros doesnt last for just 1 chapter. you cant condense the experiments tartaros went through to create a clone of mammon only for them to fail + bring up the fact that the seed is prob also in tartaros in just 1 chapter. well— technically you can, but not at the pace chapters are at atm. chapters have roughly 15 parts of story on the main branch, and imo that much info abt tartaros cant be condensed into 1 chapter unless if they make the story bits like WAY longer than what they normally do

GAMEPLAY

tl;dr as an endgame player, its too easy 💀

working on the spreadsheet ever since the games 1st month of release and now just recently testing multiple team comps, the "meta" is so monkos HSHFJDJ

this game is INSANELY dependent on you having more than 1 dps/tank light card. light is also just an unstoppable element and i wish the game was balanced a bit more to let other elements shine

enemies are now way too easy to defeat. ik i prob shouldnt be complaining abt this but pls im a pgr and neural cloud player at heart I NEED SOME CHALLENGE

ch3 and ch4 were prob the most tedious and awful chapters, but at least they actually made me think when it comes to battles. now i just place down chars and let it play in the bg while i go do smth else. ofc this may just be bc i have a team that im comfortable w using everywhere, but id like to see at least a bit more "challenge" outside of holy coin portal

also, for weekly achievements, lvling artifacts is not a great requirement

i only pull when theres a new s rank or when mammon is moved to standard, so its very, VERY rare compared to avg users. having the artifact req is essentially forcing me to pull during those gaps just so i could fulfill a weekly req which sucks. i also dont need to lvl anymore artifacts in general for my team comp. lvl 15 is the bare minimum i need to get through all content w ease, anything after that is just a small boost tbh

on the note of daily/weekly requirements, there needs to be more of them

i mean in a sense of theres still gonna be 9 daily achievements, but you get more options on HOW you get to the 9 daily achievement req. most gachas that ive played always have more options than necessary to fulfill the overall requirement to get all rewards, so having this strict number w strict reqs is rlly not that great tbh

RESOURCES

thoughts from last time still havent rlly changed. pies and candies especially are still rng dependent which sucks, and now there gonna revamp pancakes while also keeping the old pancakes ???? theres way too many currencies (w some even having very little to no use) atp which can and will get overwhelming for new players

GACHA

i hate solomon seals. you can tell that red keys were supposed to be the main gacha currency if you ever look at old packs, but smth happened along the way and now we have seals

pity is also way too high for what we're earning atm. based off of f2p earnings, every week we get roughly 1 pull of red keys, maybe 2 pulls of yellow keys (red and yellow keys are more dependent on the key boxes which again, dependent on rng), and 1 pull of solomon seals. this doesnt include the stuff earned outside of dailies/weeklies, and i think there should be more ways to earn said currency through dailies/weeklies and not be so dependent on either paying or pulling chars

speaking of pity, i wish we had pity for both of the standard banners

i also wish theyd separate char and artifacts into their own banners. that way, if someone has a char but needs their sig, they can just pull in the artifact-only banner and try to get said sig

tl;dr in general i wish everything wasnt so strict and rng dependent, also wish numbers made sense like why do we get at least 5 red keys a week when 1 pull is 3, JUST GIVE ME 6 KEYS ATP

so yeah thats all for now lmao. im pretty sure i have a lot more to say abt this game but my minds at a blank atm, so ig thatll be saved for the next progress post which will be around 1st anni

[thenixkat]

also the protag of Kaiju no. 8's name is Kafka which is extremely on the nose

ok i'm watching the first ep

so human civilizations have been fighting kaiju since the 14th century at least. And their really advanced tech is made from kaiju bits another neat design. just a big fat lizard from the sea. Nice coloring and girth

yeah def cleaning up the dead giant monsters would certainly be an important industry we're just like a min in but I can see why folks would be interested in a series that's just about post-kaiju battle cleanup. like that's very interesting

Mc to injured coworker: Don't forget to file a claim for worker's comp

also Kafka is 32 yrs old i'm with Kafka how the fuck does management expect that to get cleaned up by the end of the week? that is a dead animal the size of a city block with its guts splattered across another city block, that shit should take no less than a month to clean

clean yer fucking room

you could have who knows what growing in those beer cans

listen i dont have a foot to stand on about dishes but like, dont put trash in the sink damnit

local 32 year old doesnt like his job and feels like he failed to achieve his dreams

edgy teenager that just joined the clean-up crew and assigned to Kafka to teach him the ropes damn near calls Kafka a loser for giving up on making it into the kaiju fighting forces like damn kid i feel like, as someone who basically shovels shit for a living you get used to gross work. Like, I don't enjoy scraping up bloody dog diarrhea and it smells god awful but I'm not about to be gagging or not able to eat my lunch cause of it. And i've only been shoveling shit for 3 yrs. Man been in monster clean up for how long and still gagging after chainsawing giant intestines really? yeah actually the monster clean-up stuff is neat. I could see a slice-of-life story of a monster cleanup crew just as a whole series

local teen a bit more grateful after making it through a whole day of cleaning shit. Is a lot nicer still calls his ass a quitter damn mfers just having a conversation at the end of the day at their workplace and a kaiju shows up to try and eat a bitch out of nowhere

people with anxiety must have shit bad in this world local 32 yr old impresses teen by saving his fucking life

and being level headed in situation and distracting the monster while telling the kid to get to safety and call the fucking authorities imagine living in a world where natural disasters have teeth and the ability to chase you with intent to devour man oh hey jumping through a glass window causes injuries local teenager comes back to help and does save the mc from getting ate but like, child, uh, you are both bite sized to that spider thing

sir you have broken bones and lacerations and very much bleeding. Pls stay down.

I know the tiger thing is probably supposed to be cool but like… dont keep tigers as pets. or use them as attack animals at yer work place that could go south really fast pls there's bound to be injured civilians

local teenager trying to be nonchalant in saying thanks and that the old dude was kinda cool and made good calls just a bug here

staring at this man while he's having a moment with his new friend the bug (psychically to Kafka): Found You

does that… get elaborated on? I feel like that's something that should get elaborated on

also here's a theory: bug's been searching for Kafka, I have to assume he's not been as injured and bleeding everywhere to the extent that he did today and it followed the scent of his blood to him. Like I have to assume it was looking for him for a reason and that he's compatible with being turned into a kaiju and keeping his original mind and personality intact for a reason as well it forced itself down his throat

that's a thing

and now everyone is freaking out

fucking buff Donnie Darko is still a letdown compared to the literal dragonfly ok that was funny. but uh forced to deepthroat a bug kaiju at least the size of a macaw and length of a small python

outside of the thrashing and gagging as it whent down and he transformed, dude took it rather well. Didnt even throw up this lady really just owns a tiger that lives in her apartment outside of fighting monsters for work. That is not good tiger keeping

just cause yer a bad ass monster slayer doesnt mean you should have a pet tiger who lives in yer appartment when yer off work that you just let walk around unrestrained. That's bad for the tiger, its bad for you, and its bad for bystanders

[yuukei-yikes]

please just rewrite kagepro i'm BEGGING i love your head cannons !!! love you jin but vinnie on top. also haruka is so AAAAAAA and it's so interesting how you talk ab his weird vibes w the dan !! it's like "whoops konoha's gone but have this silly guy instead" and said silly guy is extremely guilty about htis. sorry this is all over the place but yeah. the silly guy filter

i went a lil crazy on this reply. partly an analysis, partly str headcanons. in general about haruka and how he feels about his livelihood 💥💥💥

haruka's survival guilt misadventures💗💗💗

since he saw everything konoha saw it's like he became one-sided friends with everyone because he knew everyone konoha knew and of course cared for them just as much but none of them know him. he knows first hand how much everyone loved konoha because he saw it!!!

i think generally post str haruka&takane deal with a lot of existential crisis LMAO takane because she says it felt like the whole time she was ene could've been a dream and etcetc sorry i wont sidetrack to takane like i keep doing. erm. but her too okay... anyways haruka

He Should've Died Years Ago and didn't and like... in over the dimension he mentions how he used to believe in the prospect of heaven but then as time went on and his condition worsened and his time to go approached, he became more depressed and his thoughts became SUPER negative. he was like THERE IS NO HEAVEN EVERYONE IS JUST LYING TO MAKE U FEEL BETTER BUT AFTER DEATH THERE IS ONLY DARKNESS. and then he does die and neither of these things happen, he doesnt go to heaven and he doesnt stop existing. if we're staying on theme with the heaven thing he mentions, instead he essentially ends up going to hell. he literally gets stuck in Personified Hell watching the konoha cringe comp like. come on.

i hc everyone in the daze can sort of move freely and meet each other EXCEPT haruka precisely bc he still has a link to his body/the outside world. i think it's SO interesting that the daze is truly another dimension and swallows people as they are BUT HARUKA specifically it's his consciousness/spirit/whatever. we dont talk about this enough. the concept of spirits and shit being canon in kagepro. like HE IS THE ONLY ONE who is just a mind with no actual physical body?? so bc of the link to the outside he still has bc of it, he can't move freely inside the daze and can't do anything other than sit there and just Watch what konoha does, hibihiyo timeloop and all. so like. LITERALLY FUCKING HELL. he's alone not only for the 2 years but also for however long konoha was in hibihiyos loop. i think he can only move around in the eighth novel because he has finally lost the link to his body

and haruka speaks of how lonely his life is and by the way he speaks i think he had sort of repressed the way he felt about his illness. cuz he grew up lonely, not only already sick but seeing first hand the way his illness is killing/kills someone else, his mother. cuz before she died he had to see her suffer through it, right.. there is no mention of how she was as a person but i imagine she was either really depressed haruka ended up sick too OR... She was like his dad and talked about it a little insensibly. his father being really cold and straight to the point with "you will also die like her, give or take in 6 years" when he is TEN!!!HE WAS SO SMALL!!!! at the beginning of his novel haruka is like. yeah i have like a year left to live. but oh whatever. everyone dies I'll just hit the sack a little before ideal that's fine.

i could go on for longer abt haruka's parents and different hcs about the kind of people they are but teehee. i won't sidetrack.

haruka grows up conditioned to think that way and represses his feeling of sadness because that's what he was taught to do by his parents and it essentially became his coping mechanism. takane says it herself at one point abt how haruka has a "yeah whatever" attitude. like word for word

it's only by the next summer when that year actually goes by and he is DYING that he starts despairing and becoming super negative about it and ends up begging for his life because he doesnt wanna die.

that defense mechanism that has fallen apart since then because of his despair when dying sort of built itself back up when haruka enters the daze. once inside the daze doesn't haruka always seem so offbeat and exactly like "yeah whatever"?? because what else is he supposed to do lmao. there is nothing to hope for. there is nothing here. there is no one or nothing to smile at or for. there's just this thing piloting his body outside doing shit he'd like to do and meeting people he'd like to meet. in fact he even seems bitter

that's why str haruka is generally more serious? ofc he's still happy and all cheerful like always but in the canon content str haruka feels like. he really feels grown up, compared to others. same goes for characters like ayano&takane, mostly bc we see them again after a timeskip but still. with haruka especially i think!! thats also why i think jin chose him specifically to express this weird growing up feeling.

so. erm. now he's back and of course he's happy and excited but all these feelings HAVE a lasting impact. they dont just disappear u know. he thought he'd die, then he did. and now he's alive?? and on top of it an adult?? and has to figure out what the hell to do?? being back from the dead after is already a complicated situation by itself. and there's all these complicated feelings with all these people he loves but they dont even know him and he's very happy everyone seems to be willing to get to know him but he can sense how sad they are about konoha, because he Saw the friendship they established with it.

and haruka's like... i am the only person here who ended up bizarrely benefiting from everything that happened. because for everyone else, if for example clearing eyes wasnt evil, they kind of would've made it through. mekatrio wouldve suffered their sad backstories, them+ayano&kenjirou would've suffered ayaka's loss anyway yeah, but further than that it wouldn't have gone downhill. takane and ayano wouldnt have had to die, shintaro wouldnt have become a shut in, kano wouldve never hidden anything from his siblings, hibiya and hiyori wouldn't meet that fate in the city. and haruka would die at 17 years old, period!!!

he is so guilty for being alive when the very thing that helped him survive put everyone else through so much pain. he is so guilty for being thankful for it. ofc its NOT LIKE THAT, OF COURSE HE SHOULDNT BE GUILTY, but i think that's how haruka sort of receives this sudden survival.

not only that but... someone else died for him to be here too. haruka isn't only guilty for that bizarre gratitude but also... konoha!!!

how much does he deserve this when u put konoha in question too?? people who loved haruka, like takane and shintaro, have already mourned him. while konoha is being mourned by like 7 more people. people that again, HARUKA ALSO LOVES BUT THEY DON'T REALLY KNOW HIM!! technically thats not fair then. so maybe konoha deserves it more!?!?! of course haruka is human and konoha isn't, and it's HIS body, but it's because of konoha his body is functioning at all now. so is he robbing it of its life?? but didnt it also rob haruka the body in the first place, by tossing him out and leaving him behind?? this is all the shit i think haruka is conflicted over lmao. who deserved it more or at all... but does it even matter bc konoha IS here and its helping haruka stay alive by playing its awakening eyes role.

but also by feeling guilty over the life he's so happy to have back isn't he undervaluing everyone's willingness to get to know him and honor konoha?? undervaluing takane&shintaro's excitement to reunite with him?? undervaluing even his own happiness at having another chance at life?? well. he has to navigate through it. and he paints pictures at the same time because groceries need to be bought and bills needs to be paid, and aw man, MORE dishes?? he JUST washed those. and after that he should remember to clean the bathroom, its been a while. and do the laundry the dirty clothes pile is getting ridiculous. AND REPEAT!!!!!! because ur a grown up :3

but... he does love painting these pics... and he does love all the snacks he buys after doing groceries!!! and clean clothes are so nice especially when theyre warm from the sun!!! rent is worrying but he's got a roommate who helps him pay it!!! he's always loved his roommate too and has wanted to see her again for so long and now she's there right next to him when he wakes up everyday!!!!!!! and if it were that they can't pay rent they've got so many friends willing to help out!!!!! and he also loves all these friends!!!!! his life...... IS GOOD!!! LIFE... IS GOOD....!!!!!!!!!

he loves life he loves being alive. even if there are so many complicated feelings haruka is so happy he is alive. and wherever it is konoha is happy too. embrace the world with childlike wonder and joy, OKAY?? PEACE AND LOVE ON PLANET EARTH.

[the-unicorn-system]

Alright, this will be the last message from me before I most likely delete this account after I hear any sort of reply. If at all, you dont have to respond to this if you would not like. You can block me too if you wish but, again. I promise not to bother you after this one, and hopefully leave everything behind with time. I would just like to clear up a few thoughts before I go, and keep it as civil as I can.

This is mostly just a response to you and leo-kinnie (thank you for keeping your vague post properly vague, leo-kinnie, it is seriously much appreciated) And is also so I can clear my head. This is also going to completely ignore the whole pro/anti war since its not like one message can ever change anything about that. We already have our sides I suppose.

Putting this in bullets to make it easier for me. Though I did not read all the arguments previously very thoroughly so I may have missed something..

No one sent us after you, this was on our own terms. Ell did not know about the comments or arguments until they after they had happened. (they were at work) Then after I saw them I jumped in for defense, apologies on my end.

Ell did not know you had a "neutrals dni" rule until they told you, and then heard your response. They did not "knowingly break your boundaries" you were just not clear enough with expressing them to begin with. "But It said so in my DNI" I am going to be honest, when a DNI is that long most people myself and Ell included are not going to read them. And as far as we are aware, "neutrals DNI" was not added onto it until after this whole situation.

There are plenty of other "neutral" artists you could have "called out" on this site but no, it was Ell specifically. And as far as I am aware you have not done this for anyone else. To us your post does not come off as a "call out" but a petty vent about how much you do not like them, and how much of a pedestal you put them on. You dont have a "callout" for any of Ells friends, no callout for other people with no DNI, and no callouts for the people who actually create the "problematic" content you are trying to avoid. It just comes off as petty. High School gossip levels of petty. And of course, the person who the gossip is on, is going to be upset about all the things people are spreading, true or not. You could have just kept the name on your DNI list on your pinned post with everyone else and it would have been fine, its your blog, but nope. All of China had to hear about this incident specifically.

Getting Ell kicked out of the OC comp discord server, and possibly more. Do we go around seeing what servers you are in and try to get you kicked out? No. Would you like it if we went around trying to get you kicked from communities? No you would not, thats an asshole move. Are their other neutrals in the OC comp server specifically too that you could have kicked instead? Yes, yes there are many. Why was it Ell specifically..? Again, like #3, this just comes off as petty.

Related to #4, but there has been an anon going around to other blogs asking why they are friends with Ell. We dont know if its you, its on anon, but we dont know who else it could possibly be. Along with this there was another anon who tried to get Ell kicked from the AU comp. Also unsure if this was you, or the same anon, but like I said we dont have any other leads. And I dont think it would be a stretch considering the #4 situation. If this was you, please stop. We dont go around asking strangers about their relationship to you and ask them to block you. Thats a dick move. At least we keep these sorts of conversations in private group chats. If it was not you, then do ignore this point.

This is in defense of more people you have hurt than just Ell at this point. This is in defense for Gem. And this is in defense for Star. Another reason to believe you were the anon in #5 is because of the incident with Star. Gosh. Do NOT go into anyones messages asking them their opinions and stance on another person. Seriously. Do we go around asking people what they think of you and that they should block you? No. And it horrifies me to think about how many other people you could have messaged about this. If the post you made on the rise and AU tags was not harassment, then the combo of this + #4 and possibly #5 definitely is. Indirectly anyways.

And lastly, seriously. Tumblr is where Cancel/Purity culture goes to die. Lots of people come here specifically to avoid it. We block here, and then dont do anything else after it. Please keep this culture on other websites.

All I am asking at this point is to get Ell out of your head. Stop messaging people about them. Stop making them and all of us worry our heads off thinking about what you might do to them or one of their friends next. The sooner we can all let this go and start ignoring it, the better for us all involved here.

"You guys are just upset because I made that callout post, which is not a bad thing to make" No, we are just upset about what caused and led up to it to begin with, and the stress it is causing us all. Your own stress included. In the best words I can put it, we are just disappointed.

Ell has done nothing to harm you outside calmly telling you their stance. Which, it was either that or they just kept keeping it in for you. "But Ell vague posted" the posts Ell made were in response to a multitude of situations, you were included in the list of situations sure but there we many factors. And, again. We do not spread shit about you. We have no plans to "Call you out", or get you kicked from servers/communities, or message all your friends telling you about how horrible you are. And we have done nothing of the sorts behind your back. We, and myself highly included, just ask the same from you.

Thanks. I really do hope we can move past this. Because none of us, yourself included, can if you keep posting like this.

unicornsys response: I will do my best to also respond to this as civil as possible, but I might get my tone messed up so I apologize for that. I will try to respond to each point you made with my side of the story. I can't really respond to the first one other than I do not accept any of your apologies, what each of you (you, sad-leon, and tea) did was incredibly fucking disgusting and I don't think I ever will forgive you, so don't expect a different answer.

2. Even if they didn't know about our dni, as I said in my final statement, they should have stated from the beginning that they were a defender of proshippers. But they didn't - that was the main problem I had. Even then, I drew fanart for them, and they sometimes reblogged it; that means that not once did they reblog our fanart and they didn't think to read our DNI???

3. I'm not very deep in the rise fandom on tumblr - even then, I don't see a lot of active accounts saying they're neutrals and still having a massive following. My issue was not with Ell as a whole, I'm not petty towards them, i don't hate them as a person, my problem was that someone who defends such problematic and harmful content can still be supported by their fans - literally anyone can get away with anything if you have a big enough following. And also, I think you seem to forget that we're a small account with less than 200 followers - 129 to be exact. China didn't hear the post. Not even Canada did. Hell, not even the town next to mine heard a whisper. The only people who saw this were all of the empty accounts harassing us and Lin, as well as whatever friends I had sent this to asking for advice.

4. I was co-owner/helper of the OC Comp, and Ell's round had already ended by the point they were removed. Both the owner and I were not comfortable with neutrals, so I informed them. I'm not going around to random servers, telling the owners that Ell is a proship neutral and that they need to ban them. It was only one server, that they weren't active in, and in a place that did not support neutrals. However, if there are other neutrals there, please inform me so I can pass the message to the owner. We can't read minds - I only knew about Ell and one other person I will not name, who was also kicked.

5. I can assure you that this anon you talk about wasn't us. It's a bit uncomfortable knowing that I'm immediately being blamed for this despite me having said this entire time "don't harass Ell or their friends", but I can kind of understand your point of view. If any of you guys are being harassed, I will most likely delete the callouts then because I don't want anyone in any distress.

6. "People I have hurt" - geminiforest draws nsfw of the future turtles, who were on screen for 5 minutes, defended someone who did the same, and they refereed to me, an asexual, as "kinkshaming at best and purity culture at worst". I was uncomfortable with them so I blocked them, which is something they encouraged me to do. I found out that Star had interacted with Ell's original post, and after being encouraged by one of my partners to respectfully inform them that it was a post in defense of proshipping (I had assumed that they just hadn't seen the tags), they snapped at me and I believe we blocked each other. Both cases were me doing what you're criticizing me of - cutting people off and blocking them when they make me uncomfortable. You still somehow think I'm harassing Ell, which, if I was, why would I have my DNI being against myself? I already explained why I added the 2al AU tags, and it was to hope that someone would see it, because again, I am a small blog with little to no interactions, though the intention was not to get enough views on it to harass Ell or any of you. And, once again, you and the rest of Ell's friends were harassing us for several days until I called you out on your hypocrisy and you all stopped. I still think it's heavily strange that, as a group, you all came in with mostly or completely empty accounts, mostly because you didn't want to damage your reputation/wanted to remain semi anonymous because I don't have anon asks on.

7. There's not really any kind of response I can make to this other than a few months ago a Rise artist literally got harassed by people because of false allegations of drawing nsfw of the turtles so. your "cancel culture-free" tumblr doesn't exist.

Again, I HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING to Ell or their friends. Please don't accuse me of that when this entire time I've been worried about them getting harassed over this post. I don't care about your disappointment. I've stated this entire time that I didn't want any of you hurt by the post. I quite literally stated in the tags that it was more of a rant than a callout, due to the fact I was ranting over how alright everyone was with defending proshipping. But if any of you are being harassed, just let me know. Send me an ask with a screenshot if you want, I don't care. I'd prefer this to be confirmed if possible but I am stating again that I don't endorse anyone harassing you guys by any means, and if I find out who they are, I will block them.

But, Lin also wanted to make his own response for me to attach here, so here it is;

leo-kinnie response: Imma be real and say I don’t like it that you congratulated/thanked me for being vague. I’m 100% honest when I say that the reason I was vague was because, had I said anything specific on my account, YOU ALL would be in the situation Woomy was in — extreme + useless dogpiling. I chose not to do that bc of morals and I knew for a fact Woomy would not appreciate me doing that on their behalf — because Woomy doesn’t support harassment, even from well-meaning friends.

How you and the others acted was appalling. Genuinely shameful for you to say “This is tumblr. We block here, and don’t do anything else after that.” after a handful of individuals jumped down an account’s throat for posting something you disagreed with/felt was unnecessary to begin with. It was holier than thou without the holier 😭

I know Woomy can speak for themselves, I’m very proud of Woomy for handling this as best as they could given the amount of backtracking / hypocrisy they’ve had to deal with from the other people involved, but I just find it absurd for you all to assume that Woomy was behind anonymous messages without proof and take that as the go-ahead to harass them. I mean seriously what the fuck. 

Your whole ask was just another attempt to over-dramatize a situation that’s NOT as wounding to Ell’s reputation as you keep insisting it is. 

Ell is openly neutral 

Nobody interacted with Woomy’s og post except when you guys decided to bombard them.

The post Still has MINIMAL interaction. It is Literally just you guys, woomy reblogging it to add clarification, my 1 reply, 1 hidden like, and 1 public like (which wasn’t there before i replied to you).

Honestly what seems more harassing: A big accounts friend group blowing up a (129 follower) account’s asks and replies or a post that was gaining zero traction, zero interest, and— from your words— seemed like a “vent post”?

IMO it’s the first one. 

I dont know Ell, I dont know any of yall, but I have such a poor opinion of your friend group from witnessing this go down. I have an even poorer opinion now after your ask. Like what do you gain from this? You can clearly see that Woomy is abandoning the account, its in big ol letters on their blogs title. You guys will not see them anymore. Congrats. U did it. 

Now you can block and move on. It’s tumblr, right? Thats what we do here.

[malevolententity]

PROJECT 14!! I TOOK A BREAK FROM PATTERNING RICHAS!!

oh boy!! this took all of quarentena part 1 to make!! its been a few years since i made anything mesh so whipping up this hat in? what 5 and a half hours? maybe 6? i have not checked the vod time and i was also Cooking Dinner during a portion of it so time is hard to judge on how long this actually took. but it was fun! it Did reawaken my urge to crochet a mesh shirt even tho i would never wear it because it would be so uncomfortable. but making mesh is just so very mindless in a way thats good for me. maybe i should make a mesh blanket to scratch that itch.

we have an array of models for this item! to try and show off the mesh say hello to the bobby i made back in? oh the beginning of april i believe? i dont think any of you have actually seen bobby he might have been a twitter exclusive, say hi to bobby. we also have green garlic my bulbasaur showing off the mesh the best i believe!

QUARENTENA SEASON THOUGHTS! YES I AM CALLING IT A SEASON THERES GONNA BE 2 EPS. SEASON 1 ONLY HAD 3 EPS. THIS TOO CAN BE A SEASON!

i am blown away by how fun this group is and the skills they all have to roleplay in a second or third language for like 6 hours with basically no breaks to speak their natural languages. that is taxing to do and to deliver a story on top of that? i am so proud and impressed with all of them. also holy shit????????? no one fucking died???? i was convinced when the oneshot, now season, was announced that it was going to be a dungeon crawl that ends in everyone dying. i cant believe theyre all still alive after that?? AND THEN THERES ANOTHER EPISODE IRL NEXT WEEK?? i cant wait for the tpk next week!

i love this entire cast of characters theyre all such weird fucking guys in the most complimentary ways. I LOVE THAT WE BASICALLY GOT A SAW MOVIE??? THRIVING!! in a move that shall surprise no one. diego is my favorite. look at him. he is guy of all time to me. BUT OKAY THEYRE ALL WEIRD and usually when you have a cast of weirdos theres always someone who doesnt gel but they all did!! they all fought each other!!! but they all still complimented each others insanity and. this is what the party comp is To Me

i am too lazy to open photoshot for this tonight. maybe you get it proper tomorrow<3

i loved the ending. i loved the slow realization on everyones faces that in saving themselves they might be killing the world and still themselves!!!! also i cant wait to see the fall out next week. i am so fucking upset my dnd game is scheduled for around the same time so i am going to miss probably the first 2ish hours but i know my dash and the official!!!! twitter updates account!!! will catch me up on those two hours so i can jump back in. but AAAA oh i loved this. i dont know if it was on purpose that this felt like a zero escape game at times but oh man the production quality in this vs where m at in season 2 is just mind blowing. i knew it got better once they started being in the studio but this was so great for a home game. ALSO YALL GO CHECK ON AMY??? GO GET THE KID??? YOU CANT JUST LEAVE THE TRAUMATIZED BABY ALONE AFTER EVERYTHING U DID TO KEEP HER ALIVE??? GO GET HER?????

AND ALSO?? STUDIO NEXT WEEK?? BRAZIL MEETUP??? OH I AM SO PLEASED TO SEE IT ALL AND WHAT HAPPENS. this is def my longest update for this silly crochet project i started just a few months ago and i apologize but also. i dont because this show does mean so much more to me than i know how to put into words. and its been a long time since i fell in love with a tabletop universe this quickly. and i feel so grateful that i got to be introduced to this ttrpg earlier this year, and got to pull some friends into watching quarentena tonight because theyve heard me gushing about how good this universe is and how i trust this to be satisfying horror which is so hard to do in ttrpgs, but thats another post for another day.

[pwblogarchive]

June 2005

June 1, 2005

Lets make a mixed cd.

Songs to listen to when you're alone:

Smoking popes "pretty pathetic"

Imogen heap "hide and seek"

Elliot smith "a fond farewell"

Get up kids "valentine"

Bright eyes "lua"

Joy division "ice age...."

Kent "if I was there"

Motion city soundtrack "everything is alright"

Morissey "the more you ignore me..."

Now its overhead "with a subtle look"

Saves the day "blindfolded"

The smiths "unloveable"

The smiths "asleep"

The weakerthans "left and leaving"

Coldplay "trouble"

American nightmare "we are"

Damnation ad "no more dreams"

The cure "why can't I be you"

Dan andriano "lucky smoke rings"

Nick drake "pink moon"

Burn. And play. Repeat play.

In the dark.

June 4, 2005

things you may or may not know about our experience at trl:

fat joe is awesome. he is one of the few "celebrities" that we have ever met that has no attitude. he goofed around with us and told us a bunch of hilarious stories. he is what you wished you were only bigger and funnier, trust us.

it was really hot there.

we have yet to meet a camera man that knows how to film fall out boy. we were doing lots of stuff on stage that they completely missed. next time maybe they'll catch on.

we saw some footage that mtv shot of "sugar we're going down" for fall out boy makes the video (Mtv2). it will make you laugh at pete and dirty literally stealing a golf cart and driving it into a tree at full speed.

pete is constantly sick. possibly because he jumps in pools full of staph infection or possibly because he never sleeps. we're not sure. he did a sick cannonball today, again too bad the camera missed that one. though we are pretty sure that the vj vanessa loved the gross wet hug he gave her when he got out of the pool.

our guitar tech eric the cowboy and soundguy Dad did a trl "shout out" during kelly clarkson for our tourmonkey Dirty. it was the best part about trl.

we think this is the first time Lifetime and The Descendents were namedropped on TRL, that makes us proud. now go buy their cds.

we recommend that you do not put all of your money on red or black. its just not worth it.

the "i heart revenge" shirt. will be available from clandestine this summer.

patrick gets sunburned in approximately one second.

panic! at the discman's new songs are amazing. pink was the new black then black was the new black now panic at the disco is the new black.

fall out boy is always gonna be just a band that started in joe's attic. we got the world fooled on TRL, thanks for being in on the secret with us. keep up the calling!

thanks for making it all possible.

now back to crankcalling dirty.

June 8, 2005

Florida is hot. That's all I have to say. The humidity makes it hard to breathe. I wanted to thank everyone for remembering my birthday. And kimber thanks for the bday slipandslide but joe decided he liked it more than me so he took it. Maybe hell let me use it on warped with him, hehe. Besides I like joe. The hardrock show was actually a lot of fun... We're going home to try and work up some new stuff to play on warped. Post what new songs you guys want to hear the most and we'll work on them. Oh yeah we got all new merch for warped and all new clandestine stuff too...

For those of you voting on trl. We heard that the whole last week was pretaped. So don't give up hope!!

Real enrty later when I'm not so tired. Nice to see all your pretty faces all over again.

June 10, 2005

the boy kings-

you guys did it. i dont really understand how we managed to but we beat out 50cent and made it to number 9 on trl countdown. pinch myself. yep. im still me and my mom is still yelling at me to clean my room. damnit i thought being on trl would make me instantly awesomer.... in any news we have some cool cover songs we're working on for comps and we're practicing for warped you know- sitting with out guitars in a sauna for 12 hours a day. it gets kind of gross. wait did i thank you for your undying support for us. all the other bands on TRL are three times the size of fall out boy and our fans alone are dedicated to call and work to get us on there. it honestly made me shiver when i saw that. lets keep it going up the countdown- show them what this is about! please call again tommorrow, phones are worth more than the net! the info is on the front page. back to the sauna for me. me and patrick are sweating out new songs as we speak. hope to see chicago kids at the gym class show on sunday! and we have some awesome stuff planned for everyone real soon...

hey S.O.'s i been seeing you at shows. it makes me swoon.

truefuckinglove peter

06/10/05

question

Dear Pete, or whoever decides to answer this question..well or not answer…my friend megan says that if you listen to XO with just the right side of headphones theres no music so it sounds like Patrick is singing in her ear just for her…and i agree….try it sometome

answer

how about this. when i want patrick to sing in my ear i call him on the phone and he does it… boo and yah. oops. yeah i do that sometimes.

June 13, 2005

i'll be your number 9 with a bullet.

thanks for getting us on trl again!!! they changed the time of trl for summer. can you tell how suprised the vj's are that we keep getting on? its so amazing. keep it up. they changed the voting time to 1:30-2:00pm EST... so check it out earlier now. check out how to vote on the front page.

more s(w)oon.

XO

06/13/05

question

Does Patrick have a nickname? If so what is it?

answer

rickster. von stump. sophmore strump. winchester snomp, lunchbox. cookie jar. healthbar. rick ta life. patty boy. dont ever call him these. they are mine.

June 14, 2005

dear diary,

how did we get here. i'm not even sure.

thank god that the man who wrote Thriller is free. bring back the hits please, i'm dying.

summers not what it used to be.

the first kiss (off).

we leave for new york in moments. i'm a mess. nothings really going as planned in good ways and in bad ways.

thank you for the number seven, even if we are the "fall out boyS"

to the falloutBoy kings

ps. new summer line over at www.clandestineindustries.com - which includes more girls stuff, the bleach series based off of the story the count of monte cristo and some shirts designed exclusively for patrick.

June 14, 2005

her dad was a cook.

more like a chemist.

now he's doing time for burning down a shack out in the woods.

she gets her affection through two inch bulletproof glass two weekends a month, when her mother will drive her out there.

her hair is nosebleed red kinda funny in the way she always has the sniffles too, but you wouldn't laugh out loud, just in your head.

but me i'm brave, but in the boy next door kind of way. gone wrong ofcourse.

she says her family used to ski in vail.

i'm thinking this is a thinly veiled code for something about drugs but i'm not sure.

someone should wipe that smile off of her face.

someone should tell her that she's a terminal case and ruin her day.

not me, you know i'm kinda too into her.

it's the kind of conversation i'd engage behind cigarette smoke late at night with someone else.

she's like exposed brick. its not really as classy as people in manhattan apartments will tell you.

she always talks my ear off.

telling me amazing stories from the middle of nowhere.

i can hear the crickets chirping.

and the tumbleweeds blowing.

like how the 92 flood of mississippi was so bad that the water went into graveyards and she saw coffins floating down the street on the news.

peaceful resting place.

when we walk into a casino in vegas she tells me how they pump oxygen through the vents to keep people from feeling tired. how they make them like a maze around the casino floor so you can't find exits. how they keep the drinks coming for free. how everything is inclusive, you can get whatever you need, so you won't leave. she tells you to notice how there isn't anywhere to sit down except in front of a slot machine. she tells you it's just to get you to keep gambling.

as if it't a conspiracy.

just so you know she also calls tornados: twisters. and she's been in too many to count.

today she said the sky looked too nice, "it just isn't right".

we have patchwork afternoons like this.

just sewn together but not really matching.

we would if we could though. just coming apart at the seams and thats what's so attractive about eachother.

we could beat this rap. we could change your mind about us. we could live through this.

we just don't want to.

fuck your futures.

- petey

06/14/05 Q&A

question

Hypothetically asking, Ok, what if one day you woke up and Patrick was not there. Would you be worried?

answer

it would make me want to disappear to wherever he was.

06/16/05

question

How does patrick sing the emotion in the songs that u (pete) wrote.. Do you have to explain it to him or does he just know?

answer

me and patrick can finish eachothers sentences. this is what makes it so funny when people ask us if we care that you think the the other one is hotter or cooler, or how much everyone makes a big deal about who writes what or is where in photos. we don’t care. that kid is my best friend and the rest of the world could blow up and fall out boy can break up and he still will be.

June 16, 2005

I am glad today is over. We drove around nyc on a double decker bus and then recorded a cover song for a video game. A lot of things kind of were blown out of proportion today. But then I got to hear the new kanye west record and meet him. I realize no matter where our record is, hiphop guys like him are so much cooler than I will ever be. Oh well.

Number 5 is unbelieveable. Honestly I looked at my tv screen and was baffled. There aren't words... You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, no matter how bad things get.

June 18, 2005

best in show, worst in. love. with you. spent the day rehearsing warped tour. getting in the swing. so happy tonight in the perfect weather with friends from: from first to last, underoath and matchbookromance. we're a gang. get into it. this summer is going to be okay i think. really excited to play again tommorrow. come and find me (out). pick me out of a hat, pull me out of your sleeve. im lucky, but you're the luckiest. you guys bring a smile to my face when i see all of your silly questions. keep voting at TRL- it's definitely suprising some people over at Mtv!

www.clandestineindustries.com

XO

ps J. - BenFolds "the luckiest"

June 20, 2005

haiku for you...

moonlit blues dimming

veins full of point fives and ones

turning my head off

just watch my mind run

over by the ambulance

side effect lover

- petey

June 21, 2005

I love summer in the midwest. Sunsets are the best. We love the number five. Thanks for voting on trl. Mtv is super suprised that we keep beating out 50cent and shakira. Thank you for your support. Its pretty exciting for us and is worth more than you could know. Please Keep voting... The info is in the news. First day off on warped tour and goddamn I miss it. Comeback forever.

Btw we love ap.net and jared kaufman so whoever said otherwise has got their stories mixed up.

Watch: the notebook. Get in touch with you cliched romantic side.

Listen: frou frou "letgo" cause theirs beauty in the breakdown.

Truelove.

See you on warped tour. Come over and say hey.

June 22, 2005

Warped tour is so hot. I've been eating icees and popsicles like they are going out of style. I love all the smiling, sunburned faces. Number three on TRL? This blew everyone away. We thought we might make it out on there but never guessed we could have gotten that far up. We talked about it all night on the bus. We have to find a way to repay you guys, something special. We're coming up with some ideas, just to let you guys know how much your support means. Stay tuned for that. Keep voting if you can. Otherwise go outside and play in the sun. We've been hangng with mcr and fftl a lot, teaching them how to go outside before it gets dark. Its funny.

Xo

June 23, 2005

From the bottom of our blackened hearts. Thank you for making us number one on trl. Its hotter than hell in dallas right now and we want to go to a waterpark. Koreantom cruise isn't helping it go down though.

We always knew how you felt. Now the world knows.

Honestly. Beaming from cheek to cheek.

June 25, 2005

lovers. from room 911 of a holiday inn next to the warped tour in houston. i apologize for being out of touch. the internet is not easy to come by here. i hate the sun. it seems to hate me as well. but i love being on Warped tour. been hanging with lots of old friends and some new ones too, definitely talking about some upcoming tours.

after seeing us as number one on TRL i was reminded of something that happened to me on last years Warped tour. I was standing in line for catering where all the bands eat and happened to bump into a member of a huuuuuuge punk rock band that i will not mention. i felt dumb and said i was sorry. but for whatever reason the guy didn’t like how i looked or like my band or whatever and said “you shouldn’t even bother wait in line to eat, you don’t deserve to be on the warped tour and you’ll always be a second stage band”. it made me feel like shit. i left the line and just started walking away to be on my own. as i did, someone from another equally huge punk band ran over and said “fuck that shit. get back in line”. and i mumbled something about feeling sorry for myself. and he said

fuck that. lets just say that you are a second stage band for the rest of your life. could you look in the mirror and love what you did?”. and i thought about it. and i came to terms with it. now this isn’t something where i’m trying to rub anything in anyones face. in fact its quite the opposite. i realized that i loved our band no matter what happened to it. if youve seen the movie rushmore you know what i mean when i say “fall out boy is my rushmore”. its the only thing i have really believed in, in a long time. it makes my heart beat. playing the songs makes me feel alive. yeah, i come off as depressed and blue all the time, but the stage washes that all away. whether we are number one on TRL or not even on Mtv.

that all being said. i was talking on IM with a kid the other day when we were number two and she said “don’t worry, we’ll get you to number 1”. it seems like such a simple thing but it almost made me cry. a fan who cares enough about me and every member of this band to feel like they owe it to bring us to number one. like they were paying us back. it made my day. i can’t tell you the gasp i felt when we heard the news. we figured taking off 25 percent on our merch store isn’t alot to do but it’s the best we could think of. soooo again Thank you!!! every single person who ever believed in us was vindicated in that moment. you shook the world alittle bit, but it was amazing. please keep it up.

bring your sunblock and water, and maybe a couple of yellow flowers.

xo

06/25/05 Q&A

answer

“kisses on the necks of just friends” kinda sexy dont you think. like if my friend was say william beckett that would be really sexy.

question

id just like to clarify that no one could pull off sideburns like patrick, i mean cmon, whats wrong with you people?..oh and pete, hows it going?

June 26, 2005

Warped tour is hottness. As are you.

Also, we have noticed a crazy amount of fake myspace accounts for each of us. NONE of us a personal myspace account.

We have also noticed a lot of people selling our autographs online. Don't support this. We promise that you can get our autographs at shows. Don't waste your money online. We will however later on this summer be putting some items that you cannot get anymore from early in our career as a band on ebay as a charity for our friend andrew from something corporate. So keep your eyes open.

Thanx love.

June 28, 2005

Amazing new mexico sunset. I'm hanging on a bridge with my friend mikey way from my chem. Its all orange and pink above us. We went to another waterpark again. I love high fives again. Totally back in love. Saw the most amazing movie... I think its called spirited away. Watch it.

Oh yeah. Keep voting. Kelly clarkson fans think they're better than ours. It kinda gave us a chuckle. For real. Total hiphop beef. We've got our money on you guys. Keep the votes up! You guys are amazing. Hugs and highfives forever.

Peterpan

06/30/05 Q&A

question

hey pete, do you belive in god? and congrats to you guys for being on TRL so long. and one more thing when are you guys coming to San Antonio again last time you guys came it was my sisters b-day. Bye, Sami

answer

im not sure what i believe. i would like to believe that there is something bigger making all these coincidences happen. i want to not be alone.

question

how come that me and my friend voted two hundred times in two days to beat strung out ass in the energizer contest and you didnt play ten more minutes in montreal by the way im glad you have come here and the show rocked

answer

i dunno. we didn’t get the extra ten minutes.

question

did mikey rub it in your face that they were number 1 on trl on friday?

answer

me and mikey are in a gang called the sweet little dudes. there is no competition. we are happy when our friends are doing well.

question

When I wake up in the middle of the night, I sing your songs in my head to fall back asleep, what do you do to go back to sleep?

answer

i put on the new panic at the disco record.

question

what do you do when your becoming something you hate and you never wont to be. Please help me. Brittany

answer

its never too late to turn it all around. thats the best thing about being alive.

question

Do you think if some big fan at warped tour just randonmly came up and humped Andys leg do you think he would care?

answer

nah andy is pretty easy going.

question

Pete, is it true that you dont drink alcohol

answer

only xmolotovcoktailsx

question

hey pete, who came up with the idea for the flipbook album edition thing? cause its awsome

answer

the rats that live inside my brain.

question

Patrick and Andy are so sexy!

answer

true.

question

Peter, what is up with the sudden emo scented journal entries. i mean, i /we just dont want you to be sad anymore. ::internet hugs::

answer

im just being a baby.

[onlyjellyillputinmybelly]

So... you commented that you're studying biomedical engineering on a hermitcraft post

Do you like it? Is it a good major?

I am a BME major! Its a bit of a long story cuz im currently finishing my freshman year and ive only been bme for one semester (started as environmental studies but got too bored). Its pretty damn hard but I really like it!

Ive taken statics (physics but nothing moves), all my calculuses (hell but at least im done with them), and computing (coding in matlab).

Ive really loved statics. Its mostly an engineering class without buch bio or medical but I knew id chosen the right major when my prof said like 2 sentences about how what we were learning related to bone fractures and i fully started vibrating lmao. Our final project was building a truss and seeing how much load it could carry which was a really cool hands on project and it was rly good for familiarizing me with the makerspace at my school

I birthed her^^^^

Computing has been pretty hard for me because my brain was very much not build for coding, but im doing surprisingly well in the class all things considered. I think its the only comp sci esque class i have to take, and it might not be a major rec at ur school so who knows.

I know that my schedule next year is going to HURT. Because i did t take chem or physics this year I have to figure out how to stack those on top of the normal sophomore classes. I think I'm gonna be ok with it though, because the majority of my course hours for next year are labs, so my schedule looks way more packed than it actually is.

i chose the major because I was missing science in my first semester. I was thinking of going into biology because i really liked AP bio, but i didnt want to go pre-med. Then my mom asked what i was going to do with bio and i had no idea. Then i realized BME would be a pretty much perfect major for me because it's really fluid. I mean you can literally go into bio, medicine, or literally any engineering field.

in the last semester ive found so many resources and opportunities that my school offers for bme and its been just rly fun to get closer w other people in my major.

If i had to give you one piece of advice, it would be to start freshman year as an engineering major if you are interested in that. It is WAY easier to switch out if engineering than to switch into it, and if you dont like it first semester you can change majors and have most of your core credits done already. BME is sick as hell and its crazy how many people major in it. My orthopedic surgeon thats gonna fix my hip was a BME major. My old pediatrician was a BME major. People who work for oil corps were BME majors (please dont work for oil corps). You can literally go into any field with this shit its great.

Ik this is long but im having such a good time with this major and if you have any more questions or want to hear more about any of the classes ive taken please lmk!! College is a bitch and the more you can learn about it beforehand the easier it is to figure out so literally if anyone seeing this wants to know more hmu

[lazaruspiss]

!!! ok first of all thank u for the food, nom nom eating this post up rn

Second of all i hope u dont me adding a handful of notes as i reread this a few times bc it is Gold

BiB. my absolute beloved.

Jason: Wow! My bestest big brother killed someone who deserved it, so now I (the person he's rejecting only because I kill people who deserved it) have a real chance at being his family again!! :D Hooray! :) Dickie-Bird why don't you look happy to see me? :) Dickie-Bird I went out of my way to get us matching outfits and stalked your work and killed people in your name so it's nice and easy to make room for me in your life! :) :) :)

HEY. HEY REMEMBER WHEN I WENT "oh shit im starting to think jason might remind dick of blockbuster" bc AUGH. JASON. 'i'm killing people in your name! why arent you happy!' JASON. head in hands. BiB was so soon after but just long enough that the dust has technically settled enough that dick isn't as vulnerable as he could've been after all that. (every time i read a nightwing story i have to sit back and wonder how dick hasn't completely lost the will to live yet. and then i remember he already has but just feels too guilty to leave. maybe i should add a depression scale to my nightwing notes.)

i've read all of jason's appearances in B&R (2009) bc i wanted to check on some things about his and dick's dynamic and i absolutely loved it, i even have a little mini theory about the pill helmet look (which was cute as hell, haters can bite me): it's much closer to joker's red hood costume than any of jason's typical costumes! it feels purposeful, that alongside dick becoming batman comes jason (trying) to be his joker, not bc he's trying to actually emulate joker in any real way but bc he's trying to put himself in the "loving arch enemy" position with dickbats. or maybe i just have some brainrot about them, lol.

i do give B&R dami a pass to be a mildly bigoted shit bc ive babysat plenty of kids and esp at his age a lot of them just Say Shit, when it was from him i found it funny and endearing bc his age just kind of lends itself to dami saying shit like that w/o any real awareness of it. the actual writing and depiction of fat people/mental illness/queerness is pretty frustrating though. if it was just a weird 10 y/o being mean then it would make total sense to me, but the story itself perpetuates some pretty nasty shit. that said i still havent read it all the way through bc pyg makes me um. Feel Things. in my- ok yeah, TMI. B&R isnt good, but it is right up my fucked up little alley.

The romantic side plot with Artemis is... odd. Either the author, Scott Lobdell, intended to write Jason as a desperate loser trying to date his uninterested lesbian friend who he co-parents with, or he accidentally wrote a romance so awkward and comp-het that I cannot wrap my head around reading it as reciprocated. This works for me because I have a lot of fun reading Jason as a desperate loser who's not even actually in love with her, he just is desperate to cling to the closest thing he's ever gotten to a nuclear family and in denial about being either aro/ace or gay.

haha. me too jason. <-(aro queer who tried so hard to date. embarrassing.)

and i'm actually pretty interested to see how they handle bizarro, even more so as someone who has needed accommodations myself for mental functionality reasons. (the plus side of knight terrors: nightwing #2 being as bad as it was is that now if i run into ableism in comics i can go "at least its not that" lol. However they handle biz is bound to be better, that issue lowered the bar farther than i thought was possible for me.)

My Jason Todd Rec List and Character Manifesto!

This is a fuckin mess my ghouls, but I got categories and I got opinions and who can stop me from typing em out? Certainly not @lazaruspiss who is the reason this thing got made!

The format is gonna be

title and page numbers (No #s if I'm recommending the whole title) picture Summary and general notes My estimate of how unhinged he is in this portrayal What his morals are like; note this isn't about whether he's a protagonist or antagonist

Since cream rises to the top, let us start with:

The Creme de la Creme

The best of the best. The most fun, the most compelling, the most interesting looks into his character.

Green Arrow (2001) #69 - #72

This one really does have it all. Jason runs rings around both Batman and Green Arrow at the same time, all the while going after a goal neither of them ever truly figures out in large part because this story wasn't afraid to let Bruce be either wrong or lying about Jason's motives. It also wonderfully leverages the ways in which the Bats and the Arrows are really good foils for each other. I think I'm going to be turning over the ways these interactions went down for a long ass time. I've been really wanting to go page by page for a comparison between the way Jason treats Mia in this and the way Jason treats Tim in the Titans Tower showdown. Bottom line for this one: It's just so good!

Jason's sanity level: Six out of Ten hinges affixed. He's got a solid grip on things, is reasonably level headed, only problem is he might have completely forgotten how to interact with other human beings outside of combat. Love him for that.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Sympathetic Villain. Decidedly willing to mow down some "brain donors", and his goals are pretty morally grey, but he clearly still has a strong code of ethics.

Joker: the Man Who Stopped Laughing

With Jason's return to being an antagonist after a long stint in the Hero bin comes his return to being really fucking dangerous and whip smart! My boy quotes serious philosophy that gives him a real point to make against non lethal vigilantes and cops! I also think the part where he lets himself be arrested just... it says so much and all of it is wonderfully interesting and feels fitting for his character. He's kept deeply human, and just all of this portrayal gels together really well.

At the time of writing, this comic hasn't even been properly published yet, so I'm going off of like 9 issues in which he appears less than the Joker, but what is there is phenomenal.

Also I like that he's friends with my favorite, Stephanie Brown :3

Jason's sanity level: Nine out of Ten hinges affixed. Level headed, calm, careful, really the only reason this isn't a 10/10 is cause he's obsessively focused, which like, honestly is pretty reasonable I think.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Clearly Justified Antihero. I almost put down Hero on this one, but ultimately he is just far enough over the line with how he treats the less threatening of the rogues like Killer Moth.

Batman (1940) #408 - #411 Jason's debut featuring Ma Gunn's School and his first ever outing as Robin fighting Two-Face

Just LOOK at this PRECIOUS BOY! I wanna pinch him on his cheeks and give him a handful of these bad boys

Jason has a ton of personality to him right out the gate. The first story has Ma Gunn as the villain and she's a lot of fun. The second story in here with Two-Face is also enlightening with regards to Jason's early personality, even if it's not quite as fun.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero.

Under the Red Hood would be next if it wasn't already filed under ->

Foundational Texts

This is the shit that defines Jason as a character. Much is mutable in any given comic, but somehow, someway, all depictions of Jason are impacted and informed by these three stories. Enough has been said about all of them that I'm gonna keep it brief.

Red Hood: The Lost Days

Jason's sanity level: Eight out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Antihero. He kills some incredibly nasty people, while also doing some genuinely heroic shit. The only places where his morals deteriorate are in the presence of Batman and the Joker.

Under the Red Hood

Jason's sanity level: Four out of Ten hinges affixed. Remember how his morals deteriorated in the face of Batman and the Joker? Yeah, that's mostly because he's way, way too personally invested to think straight about them. He's strategic as fuck, but this is not a stable man's strategy for dealing with his issues.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Sympathetic Villain. He is a revenant, a vengeful juggernaut, and breaks an awful lot of eggs making this brilliant disaster of an omelette.

Batman (1940) #426 - #429 A Death in the Family

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero.

Joker becoming an ambassador to Iran plotlines count: One too many.

Solid Storylines

These ain't the vaulted heights, but not everything has to be the Sistine Chapel. They're solid, and if you're wanting more Jason I do certainly recommend them.

Countdown Presents: The Search for Ray Palmer and Countdown to Infinite Crisis

Jason is in what I like to call his Purposeless Depression Era during this. It's after his plans in Under the Red Hood fail and he's really just got no place to go, no place to be, and in fact is keenly aware that on a cosmic level, he truly does not belong in this world anymore. He's supposed to be dead. There's something I find quite neat about this team up, with Donna Troy and Kyle Raynor and Bob, it's out of the ordinary for Jason, it's not bat related, and the ways he fits and doesn't fit with the other characters are just neat.

I especially recommend Gotham by Gaslight. The plot will be a lil hard to follow if you haven't read the others, but Jason by the end hopes to return to Victorian Era Steampunk Gotham and the moments of him hoping to literally leave his universe behind are both sweet and sorrowful.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed. He's just sad and lonely.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero. Even if only Donna is willing to tentatively try to see him that way.

Robin (1993) #177 and one page of #182 and the front half of #183

Despite how much Jason is known for it, I think this is the only time we see him trying to run organized crime outside of Under the Red Hood (and uh debatably Battle for the Cowl). Short lil string of appearances, but critical for understanding how he's seen by Tim during this era if you care about that, and it really cemented my understanding of Jason being strangely honest and forthright.

I think the major way other Bats fail to comprehend him is that they expect him to manipulate through lying, which just isn't his style. He doesn't lie about his motives; he doesn't obfuscate his tactics; he doesn't hide how he's feeling. Hell, he doesn't even try to lie his way out of prison! I could not tell you why this series of interactions gave me this impression but it is why I have such faith that when Jason says something, he probably just means it, even when characters like Dick or Tim assume otherwise.

Pity this was the lead up to Battle for the Cowl.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed. He's even attempting to pick himself up out of his Purposeless Depression Era slump at the start.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Antihero.

Nightwing (1996) #118 - #122 aka Brothers in Blood aka the One Where Jason Gets Tentacles

COWARDS and KNAVES will tell you "the tentacles are so icky and everyone is so OOC" or whatever but again they are KNAVES and COWARDS because bitch this shit is GREAT

Jason: Wow! My bestest big brother killed someone who deserved it, so now I (the person he's rejecting only because I kill people who deserved it) have a real chance at being his family again!! :D Hooray! :) Dickie-Bird why don't you look happy to see me? :) Dickie-Bird I went out of my way to get us matching outfits and stalked your work and killed people in your name so it's nice and easy to make room for me in your life! :) :) :)

Dick:

Jason's sanity level: Two out of Ten hinges affixed. My mans is off his rocker and I adore him like this. Frankly, the entire storyline is unhinged, and it only feels appropriate that Jason is similarly bonkers in yonkers.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Villain. You can sympathize with him, and he is still trying to carry out justice, but I have to call it for straight villain when he's threatening to bomb a building full of innocent people.

Batman and Robin (2009) #23 - #25

I don't have much to say about this one. It's good. The above page is pretty much the highlight.

Wait actually I do have something to say and it is that I would like to lick Jason's abs, pls & thx, because the other highlight is that Winick clearly believes in redeeming Jason's value as a villain through sex appeal and it is working lmao

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed. Certifiably sane, he's passed all his psych exams!

Jason's moral compass bearing: Villain. He threatens to bomb a train station full of innocent people. While he does do that in service of freeing himself and Scarlet, thus making it not completely self centered, I still gotta put him firmly in Villain.

Nightwing (2016) 2021 Annual

In high contrast to the previous two in which Jason acts as a villain to Dick, this one has them working together and the tentative peace and cautious trust they've got going is interesting to me. This Team Z era Jason is interesting to me in general, though I don't know much about him.

Jason's sanity level: Nine out of Ten hinges affixed. He's quite chill, but there's just this little edge to him that says his relationship to violence is a little too casual a little too deep to really be fully hinged.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Edgy Hero.

Your Mileage May Vary

These stories I can't recommend without major caveats or warnings, but I still think are worth mentioning.

Batman: Three Jokers <- I read it while typing this up, so I got a lotta thoughts

Guh, this one is just fucking sad

So, I don't mind a story being blunt with its message as long as the message actually holds up. Unfortunately, this three parter's attempt at the cycle of violence lesson is... bad. Real bad.

Jason in it is neat! This is a good Jason portrayal somehow despite literally everything about the way this comic frames him! The narrative expects us to believe he is a danger to society on the cusp of becoming another Joker, because he *checks notes* shot the Joker dead, shot at a Joker loyal guy, and roughly interrogated an injured child abuser. At no point does he show signs of wanting to hurt innocent people. At no point does he show signs of doing any hurting without premeditation or a need to defend himself. I'm baffled by this.

My kingdom for a fucking CRUMB of nuance, I swear, smh...

I hear a lot of people hate his one sided romance towards Barbara. This is understandable as it squanders the opportunity to have a female character not be stuck as the narrative sponge for man emotions. I like it from the perspective of a Jason fan, and give condolences for the Barbara fans. It's not healthy, and good fucking job on the janitor sweeping away his letter to her so poor Babs doesn't have to deal with that shit, but I do like Jason's desperation to be loved by someone, anyone, who might show him compassion.

Jason's sanity level: Six out of Ten hinges affixed. He's sad, he's lonely, he needs some PTSD specific therapy, he's a bit creepy about his crush on Barbara, but quite frankly he has it together a lot more than the narrative would like us to believe. The way the other characters treat him like he's some kind of monster just waiting to snap and start maiming people indiscriminately makes me really uncomfortable.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Antihero. Quite frankly I'm tempted to say Hero out of spite.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2016) #1 - #43

There are three transcendental character moments in this run that I think make it worth reading even if not all of it's your cup of tea. On the other hand though there are some big issues that could very easily be deal breakers. Oh and anything after #43 is a wasteland and #43 is included purely for the implication that being transgender made a woman immortal.

The narrative structure is really heavily dependent on rule of emotional impact/cool/allegorical usefulness. Many events will not make any fucking sense based on petty things like basic logic or the laws of physics, but they do work just fine in the area of what makes the story more fun or the emotional beats hit harder. Stronger than average suspension of disbelief is necessary for the reward of getting a lot of stuff that's, like, just really fuckin cool.

The romantic side plot with Artemis is... odd. Either the author, Scott Lobdell, intended to write Jason as a desperate loser trying to date his uninterested lesbian friend who he co-parents with, or he accidentally wrote a romance so awkward and comp-het that I cannot wrap my head around reading it as reciprocated. This works for me because I have a lot of fun reading Jason as a desperate loser who's not even actually in love with her, he just is desperate to cling to the closest thing he's ever gotten to a nuclear family and in denial about being either aro/ace or gay.

Now, lets explore a lil bit of the whole Jason is a loser angle, cause it's not the whole story, there are many points in which Jason gets to be a badass motherfucker, but he is much, much less of the hypercompetant, highly determined, murderous threat he used to be. Almost none of the newer renditions of Jason are. This Jason in particular though is very soft and cuddly, and fits the archetype of man trying to be the edgy bad boy but who secretly just wants a hug and a warm glass of milk.

If I were to describe my personal Jason in a few sentences I would say that he is someone who loves himself viciously. He feels he has been wronged and is willing to burn down the world to rectify that. He will hold your ass at gunpoint and demand the hugs and warm glasses of milk that he fucking well deserves!

This Jason is about as far away from that as you can possibly get. I still like him though, and I do not count him as being a different character, because when you start with emotional logic that goes like this:

It wasn't my fault + I deserve better = I get to burn the world down in order to get better

It becomes extremely difficult to ever stop burning the world without also deciding "It was my fault" or "I don't deserve better". Jason is meant to have changed a lot, and this is a plausible evolution of the Jason I prefer.

Finally, the handling of Bizarro, a mentally disabled character, is a sensitive enough topic that your mileage will vary, even if I can't think of a bad thing to say about it. Jason and Artemis are really pretty good about treating him with respect, giving him help where he needs it and autonomy where he's capable of taking it. They raise him, but don't control him, and he is literally three days old when they find him so this isn't infantilization. It takes the framing of Lenny from of Mice and Men and Flowers for Algernon and rejects them in a way that I am satisfied with. You'll just have to read it for yourself to see if you're satisfied as well.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed. I kinda wish he was more unhinged.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero. He even saves a puppy and gives them pats.

Knight Terrors: Robin

Have you ever been in the mood for a syrupy sweet hurt/comfort fanfiction in which Jason and Tim were magically forced to talk about how much they like each other in order to overcome their own insecurities? Do you wish that existed as a lavishly illustrated two issue comic?

If you answered yes to those two questions then congratulations! It does exist, this is it, go have fun!

If you think that sounds like ham fisted garbage turning what should be several long arcs of serious reconciliation and deeply meaningful character moments into two issue fan service schlock then condolences! I wish you all the best in denial, as all comic fans sail that river sooner or later and I shall join you upon it someday.

What category do I fall into? Well I think this is definitely ham fisted, but I won't kick a boar out of bed as long as they ain't a bore, and this little ditty is certainly entertaining.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason't moral compass bearing: Hero.

Batman and Robin Eternal

This is a decent portrayal of Jason in his modern, much friendlier, and much more bat family integrated rendition. He has some fun moments in it, and I like his staby bracers.

I don't like this comic. It commits the most dire of writing sins: Being boring. I think about Jason every second of every minute of every day; if your comic that majory features a good portrayal of him cannot hold my attention, then something has gone very wrong. Hopefully one of you will like it more than I do.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero.

A Hot Take

I bet you thought the tentacles were the hot take! HAH! MuahahaahhHAHAHAH - Prepare now, puny mortals, to witness me defend Pill Helmet Jason AND his fashion choices!

No, I am not talking about Winick's redo late in the game, we've already been over that one. I mean I will defend Grant Morrison's flop era, three foot head gear wearin, goofy ass, unwashed ass, "how to build ur brand" reading maniac

It's time to talk about Batman and Robin (2009) #1 - #6

The interpretation of one scene makes or breaks this Jason:

If you believe he is being insincere and manipulating her into putting all her emotional eggs in the basket of his crusade, ignoring her wellbeing in favor of his 'brand', then this is probably the worst mischaracterization of Jason ever written.

If you believe he is being sincere, genuinely comforting her in the only way that he's got to deal with his own trauma, giving her real affection and not pushing her to take either option with the mask because he trusts her to make that decision for herself, then this gets Jason very right.

No matter what Morrison might have intended, I choose to believe it's the latter. This is terrible advice to give a trauma victim, but it makes perfect sense for Jason to believe that about his own trauma, and thus to pass that maladaptive view along. He doesn't try to assure her that the mask can come off safely or that he'll get her a doctor because he really can't promise her either of those things. It would be cruel to her to pretend that he's got a solution. Jason can't undo the damage that was done to her any more than he can force a dead Bruce to kill the Joker.

Instead he offers her purpose, and reassurance that she's gonna look badass if she never does take it off, and protects her when she's in trouble.

You can claim this is just him acting out his chosen Hero role, but like, WHY would he have chosen to method act that role 24/7 if he wasn't trying to BE a Hero who protects people like Scarlet? There's nothing in it for Jason to fake this.

I also think if he was being written out of character as a manipulator we would have seen him use a romantic or sexual angle which he absolutely doesn't do.

Dickie, you are such a funny Batman, they never shoulda brought Bruce back tbh.

Instead, he seems to be taking a more parental role, in a near perfect reflection of how Bruce took him in when he was a kid. Just he's doing it his way, meaning that whenever Scarlet goes further with the violence than Jason seems to want to, he backs her up instead of chastising her.

Speaking of violence and morals, Let the Punishment Fit the Crime is a coherent moral position to take, even if you (understandably) disagree with it, or disagree with what punishments fit which crimes. It's basically the same moral position as every other version of Jason there's ever been! Like, is he even killing more people than he used to in stories like Under the Red Hood? No, I don't think he is.

The branding thing is weird, lil annoying too after a while, but ultimately it still makes sense. And brings me around to my promised defense of his fashion choices.

First of all the symbolic importance of the fact that he wears white cannot be overstated in my mind. Will I elaborate? No, this post is way too long already lmao! Second off, it's supposed to be silly. I believe the silliness was a conscious, calculated choice, and the right one to make.

Jason doesn't believe that fear works, he's not trying for pure intimidation, and he knows that he's going to have to appeal to people in his bid to be seen as a Hero. Making himself seem big but non-threatening, a bright patch in the night, makes real sense.

Take a look at this view of Jason from Scarlet's POV when he comes to rescue her from the cops after she kills her dad:

He's got a smoking gun in his hand and he just shot two people dead, yet we're hard fuckin pressed to find him intimidating aren't we?? Cornball dialogue, and the silliest fuckin hat in the universe, because he's not meant to be from this era, he's emulating the Golden and Silver age comics and all their goofiness. He's trying to be the older, happier, sillier batman that used to exist (at least in his head), while doing what he believes is right and necessary.

The costume makes sense dammit!

Also it just doesn't look bad, I can't provide an argument for this, it's just true!!

Also also every one of these fuckers should be wearing a helmet too, this is basic brain safety, if you're gonna go around antagonizing fuckers with guns you need to make your head at least nominally bulletproof, it's that simple!!!

Now... do I recommend you read this? Well, Jason shares panel space with such characters as:

The living embodiment of the F-slur

A sneer directed at fat and genderqueer people

And our main villain: Schizophrenia is Evil + Transes are Scary

I do have the sneaking suspicion that Jason isn't interested in Scarlet in part to imply that he's gay, and I think that mostly because of how consistently every other villain is made queer.

I cannot in good conscience recommend something this openly bigoted to the vast majority of people. It's also besides that just... not terribly good. The writing is B tier at best. Pyg is probably the most likable element other than Dick tbh. Scarlet is also pretty neat, I like her. Damian is... okay. Uhhhhh Jason is not likable. I will defend this as a valid rendition of his character, but he's not likable pretty much at all in this.

However.

There are some people I know who I would recommend this to. They're all other queer people who enjoy grotesque, violent, provocative presentations of queerness as much as I do.

Reading it did not ruin my day, and it does not stoop to the ultimate low of being boring. If I had to reread this or Batman and Robin Eternal, I would reread this in a heartbeat, no competition. If you can find enjoyment in stuff like the Silence of the Lambs' sequel and prequel movies, you can find enjoyment in this.

Jason's sanity level: One out of Ten hinges affixed. Obsessive, not taking care of himself, possessed of some really maladaptive trauma coping frameworks, completely unhinged. My condolences to his mental health, but I do love to see it.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Antihero. It's weird because this is undeniably a much darker comic, and Jason certainly feels darker, but in terms of what he actually does, and what the other characters do, his violence is honestly very tame.

So, cards on the table, here is the core of who Jason is to me:

He's got clear moral motives and a drive to help as well as harm.

When confronted he does not back down; he does not let himself be overshadowed or silenced. He is confident in his decisions and every bit of push back is already accounted for in his head.

Everything he does is premeditated. He is not impulsive whatsoever.

He is painfully sincere, the way fire is painfully hot.

He desperately desires love and connection, but it will take many years of constant rejection and fighting before he is willing to accept any kind of compromise to his ethics for the sake of civility.

Under all the hurt and combativeness, he's a pretty goofy guy! He's got a sense of fun and likes to be flamboyant and silly when he can!

He's a villain, a hero, a protagonist, an antagonist, and everything between the extremes. He exists as a powerful counter-thesis to Batman, and as such DC can't ever fully answer the question of what to do with him. He exists in this waffling limbo state as his morals are debated, stretched, refuted, turned on their head. I think that makes him a wonderfully fascinating character to love.

I hope you enjoyed this and, like, go have fun reading comics!

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