#i WILL put a tiny plane robot on a little chair to read some books on fashion

[it-is-no-desert]

obsessed with this fuckin.. gold ass starscream

why is he gold... is this referencing something.. did he get dunked in a vat of molten gold at some point in the comics?? wait how crazy will tumblr let me get with posts.. can i put a poll after an image and some text? OH WAIT I CAN:

perfect. advise me, o wise robot loving mutuals

[wardoftheedgeloaves]

China Story Time II: Learn Programming and Epidemiology the Very Hard Way

I haven’t posted more than two installments of my promised series on Chinese historical linguistics and dialectology. In lieu of progress on it, please gather round the campfire and enjoy this entirely unrelated story about the time I taught the summer camp from hell in Shenzhen. (Dialectology tie-in: we once had a cabbie who only [?] spoke Canto.)

I wish to emphasize that this story has not been embellished.

Summer in China is a sultry and slow-paced affair for the private-school English teacher--you stop teaching seriously in late May, school gets out in late June, and you don’t have to be back until early September. Your pay is good enough that you’ve got savings to last you the summer, but you could always use a bit of spare cash. Unless your social situation is good, your isolation (and the weather) doesn’t help your work ethic too much. Your life is lived at tea houses, reading thinkpieces and books and procrastinating on writing more thinkpieces and working on your Mandarin and getting around to that damned monograph. (Alternative English-teacher mode: hit the bars prowling for locals who may or may not fit within the (n/2)+7 rule, demolish a couple of six-packs’ worth of alcohol, hit the hay at 2:30 in the morning, wake up at noon, repeat. I was luckily never this much of a degenerate.)

As in the US, the affluent Chinese parent often sends their offspring to summer camp for some educational enrichment and peace and quiet at home. So it was that a recruiter offered me, and another English teacher (we’ll call him...Nick) in Chengdu, the chance to earn 7000 kuai (~$1050) each teaching programming in Shenzhen. A class in the morning from 9-12, repeated from Monday to Friday, with a chance for a second week in Lu’an, Anhui. Plane tickets and accommodation included, other details vague. Technically illegal--you’re not supposed to do any work outside of the job sponsoring your visa--but nobody cares about summer camps.

To learn programming, the students (and we) are provided with little inch-by-inch-by-inch plastic cubes with wheels called “Pocket-bots” or something of the sort. These are actually rather nifty little gadgets. You connect to them with your phone or computer in a spacious computer lab (or so the brochures say) and click and drag instructions to create and run programs. E.g., you might tell the bot to go forward for 10 seconds at speed 10, then check to see if it was on white (rather than black) paper, and sing a little song if it is, then turn left and repeat. The software allowed you to do if-loops, for-loops, and while-loops at the very least, which is pretty good for small kids. Satisfied that we would have the equipment needed to teach the class, we packed our Pocket-bots and arrived in Shenzhen on a sticky, hot, sunny July morning.

Now, a word on Shenzhen. In 1978 when Deng took the wheel, Shenzhen was a sleepy little fishing village of thirty thousand people whose only interesting feature was that it was right next to Hong Kong. This made it perfect for the early-80s experiments in capitalism, and over the next four decades it exploded (it now has 12 million people and a standard of living on par with Western Europe). As a result of its early rise to wealth and power, it’s home to the first private school in China, founded 1994. However, private schools in China tend to be boarding schools, and boarding schools tend to be out away from the city center where land is cheap and distractions are relatively few.

So this place is in the middle of nowhere, or as close to the middle of nowhere as it’s possible to get in the Pearl River Delta. It’s surrounded by forested mountains (Guangdong is surprisingly hilly). It’s about 95 (35) degrees, humid as hell, and in direct sunlight--July, south of the Tropic of Cancer. We’re in the kids’ dorm rooms (luckily we each get our own private dorm room with a private, cold-running shower.) We drop our bags, wash up, and go meet the kids.

And it turns out that a fifth of them are Americans! You see, this wasn’t just a programming camp--it was also an English and cross-cultural experience camp. Approximately 15 high-school kids from Florida and California were being flown out, all expenses paid, to be big-brother/big-sister with the Chinese kids, who were in late elementary school. The chaperone (we’ll call her Margaret; in fact I can’t actually remember her name, but it definitely wasn’t Margaret), the mother of one of the kids, was thoroughly perplexed--but, hey, a free trip to China.

So Nick and I go and look at the teaching rooms (this is about one in the afternoon). These aren’t the sparkling, spacious computer labs we saw on the website, oh no. We have a couple of primary school classrooms no more than about five meters by six, with laughably tiny kindergartner-sized chairs and tables. There’s a smartboard, which we can barely get to run and which we can’t connect to our computers to show the programs the kids are supposed to run. There’s no free access to the wifi. Instead, we have to get our teaching assistants to put their login credentials on every single device that needs to connect to the wifi--and since you have to have wifi to connect to the robots, well. In other words, it’s going to be a s***show, and we’ve got five mornings of it ahead of us.

We know the inevitable talk/confrontation with our boss/program coordinator is going to be a disaster, so we leave for a few hours to try and find a six-pack of Tsingtao. Remember how I said this was in the middle of nowhere? It was in the middle of nowhere. We walk out of the gates for a full kilometer (possibly more; the road meandered, and the terrain was by no means flat) past construction sites and dense forest bordering on jungle until we finally, finally reach an air-conditioned convenience store nestled between auto-repair shops, low-rise tile-walled tenements, light industry and eight-kuai noodle parlors. (Those of you who have been outside of a major city center in China will know the kind of neighborhood I’m talking about--not dangerous, by any means (except for the traffic), but boring, sprawling and not overly prosperous.) But they have beer, and we knock back two each along with a good liter of water.

We have a chat with the supervisor at about 9 o’clock that evening while the kids are engaging in...god, I don’t even recall. I think the Chinese kids were in bed, while the Americans were playing cards and vidya. Now readers who have spent much time in China or with Chinese organizations will know that it is a faux pas in China to admit fault, and an even bigger faux pas to play hardball to get somebody to admit fault. The result, usually, is deflection--our supervisor didn’t know about any of this, it wasn’t her fault, she would ask her boss to try and improve things.

(I don’t wish to come across as too hard on Chinese culture here. I think this is really a situation where American and Chinese culture are doomed to clash, and clash badly. If you fuck up in the US, you’re supposed to admit fault and apologize, at least theoretically--deflection and white lies are infuriating on the receiving end and the natural reaction is to start tearing them apart to get an admission of contrition. In China, the convention is often that you tell a white lie or deflect to save face--and if the other person you’re talking to is Chinese, they’ll often accept that even if it’s not really believed. The result in Chinese-American communication can be an arms race, where the American will get ticked off at the deflection and perceived dishonesty and start playing hardball, which prompts more deflection. Looking back on it now, it was clear that trying to play hardball with our supervisor was pointless--we were never going to get good computer labs or WiFi, and the only thing to do was to figure out something to do. But knowing that we’d at least theoretically been hired to teach programming, we endeavoured to do our best. (Remember, between flying all the Americans over and the company’s profit, the Chinese parents were getting fleeced.) Nick had recently discovered the stern precepts of Jordan Peterson after catching herpes-type-2 (that’s the bad kind) of the mouth from a liaison with his dermatologist, and reminded me that it was our duty to do the best we could by the students.

Day one: Monday.

There are about 70-75 kids in the program between the Chinese and the Americans, so we have about 35 each at least in classrooms of about fifteen square meters, sitting on tiny little kindergarten chairs at tiny little kindergarten desks (not so much of a problem for the Chinese elementary-schoolers, much more uncomfortable for the American high-schoolers). Our teaching assistants spend most of their time in the back playing on their phones after they’ve set the WiFi on each device, which takes about an hour to get worked out. (Remember, three-hour class with a fifteen-minute break). Each room has an underpowered air conditioner which succeeds in reducing the temperature from the mid-30s C to the upper 20s (from about 92 to 78 in freedom degrees) if the windows are closed, at the cost of any breezes.

And we run into the first problem. Your device uses WiFi to connect automatically and effortlessly to a nearby Pocketbot. That’s not a problem when you’re in a spacious computer lab with ten other people and a strong signal. When you’re in a tiny little room with thirty-five other people and a network that wouldn’t have been out of place in the last years of the Clinton administration, well. 

Some kids couldn’t connect to their bot at all. Others were controlling four robots at once with a single device. Some were able to stay connected through the session, others’ internet kept crapping out every ten minutes.

After an hour and twenty minutes of this, we call a twenty-minute break.

easternestablishmentarian: “What the fuck do we even do?”

Nick: “No idea. Start in on the basic ideas of programming. Have the teaching assistants translate.”

We do. The teaching assistants are not all that happy about having to play translator, particularly since their English isn’t very good and the concepts are, well, complicated! I had some success in doing the teacher-as-robot routine you see in intro programming classes, where you have to tell the teacher exactly what to do (Keep going! *teacher-bot crashes into wall*), and extended this up to about half past eleven by making it a group activity where the Chinese kids had to direct their American big-sibling robots around the room. We spent about another fifteen minutes trying to do something, anything, with the robots--remember, we couldn’t show our laptop screens on the smartboard, which didn’t work, so we had to draw the program with chalk. At about 11:45 we just call it quits and let them leave for lunch early.

Right after lunch (which, incidentally, was extremely strange--the cafeteria staff had been instructed to try to make some sort of Chinese-Western fusion, with results like spaghetti with both tomato and soy sauce. If only they’d just stuck to good local dishes, of which there are hundreds, but oh well...) we call an emergency meeting with Margaret.

Margaret: You guys aren’t going to bail on us, are you? I have no clue what’s going on.

Me: No, but it’s clear that there’s no way to do programming and the kids’ll hate it. Let’s just do a regular summer camp.

Later that day we go back out for more beer and sketch out a plan. We don’t have WiFi or devices worth a damn, so electronics are off. However, we do have a campus of at least twenty or thirty acres filled with small fields and six-story dorms and classrooms connected by a labyrinth of walkways. (During the school year, the school is home to about three thousand students, all boarding, so it’s the size of a couple city blocks at least.)

We call a meeting with our supervisor.

Nick: This isn’t working. We can’t do programming.

Supervisor: Well, do you have any other ideas?

Nick: We could do sports and games.

Supervisor: Oh, I think that will be wonderful!

(Nick, later: “How much are these parents paying again?”)

Day two: Tuesday.

We start with Sardines, which degenerates into chaotic hide-and-seek but keeps them occupied for a good hour and a half. The teaching assistants are sent to look for athletic equipment like basketballs, which they’re not too happy about. Midway through break we run out of cups.

Us: “It’s 35 degrees outside and we don’t have enough water. There are only two water dispensers for 80 people and no more cups.”

Teaching assistant: “Oh, well, we didn’t know we would run out. I don’t know where the water is, maybe they can bring some tomorrow.”

Us: *sigh*

We discover that some air-conditioned buses (dlory! dlory! hallelujah!) stop right in front of the school and run towards a major commercial center. We go out for hotpot.

Nick: “So, fun fact--I’m actually on a spousal visa. I married a local chick for visa purposes.”

Me: “Huh.”

Nick: “Yeah, we divorced, but the immigration department doesn’t have access to divorce records and my visas’s still valid. Can’t technically work on it, though.”

Day three: Wednesday.

Capture the Flag, followed by semi-structured time in which the Americans are divided into groups, assigned Chinese students, and instructed to create activities. We run out of cups again.

Nick: *drinking straight from the water dispenser tap*

Me: “Didn’t you say you caught...”

Nick: “Shut up, easternestablishmentarian.”

Me: “...”

Me: “There are seventy-five kids here.”

Nick: “Just shut up.”

I buy my own personal supply of bottled water that afternoon. He did agree to only fill up a bottle from that point onwards.

Us: “Supervisor, please tell us--will there be WiFi when one of us teaches programming with the robots in Lu’an in Anhui?”

Supervisor: “Oh, uh, I don’t know, I am not going to Anhui.”

Us: “Please find out.”

Day four: Thursday. 

It being sunny and slightly cooler, we take the kids on a hike through a back trail that goes by a farm and into the woods. Guangdong proves to be home to some terrifyingly large arthropods, none of which are aggressive.

After lunch, we debate who will go on to Lu’an. Nick makes a good case for needing the money, so I cede it (in part because Anhui is a notoriously boring and underdeveloped province, and Lu’an is only its second- or third-biggest city).

Us: “So, supervisor, please tell us.”

Supervisor: “Oh, yes, there is no WiFi for the summer camp in Anhui, I asked.”

Us: “But Nick’s going to be teaching robots again?”

Supervisor: “Well, maybe he can also teach something else, like English, but yes, it’s a robot camp.”

Us: “But you need WiFi to work with the robots.”

Supervisor: “Oh, I’m not the supervisor in Anhui, just here in Shenzhen, so I didn’t know.”

Day five: Friday.

After a laughably pointless closing ceremony, we collect our paychecks (in cash) and head into Shenzhen, where Nick tries to send it out. 

Bank teller: “So, uh, what are you doing in China?”

Nick: “I’m visiting family, it’s a spousal visa.”

Bank teller: “OK, so I don’t think this is possible, you have the tax form?” (note: this is quite common for foreigners, even those on legal visas--foreigners’ money has all sorts of systems and regulations surrounding it that most bank tellers don’t know how to handle (because there are so few foreigners), and to avoid losing face they will often just tell you that it’s not possible to do what you want to do.)

At this point, I’m starting to shake my head furiously in Nick’s direction--get us out of here before they start asking questions about where this money came from and call immigration. After two hours, we give up.

Me: “You could have gotten us deported.”

Nick: “Nah, man, they’re just clueless bank tellers.”

I fly back to Chengdu the following day seven thousand kuai richer, while Nick hangs on until Sunday and then flies to Lu’an with the Americans, where another group of Chinese kids get their parents fleeced for robots that don’t work (though, as he told it, things worked out fine, kind of.) The kids, incidentally, were great about the whole incident--the Chinese kids I think in part because their lives are so structured that just getting to run around was a breath of fresh air for them. The Americans were fairly willing to work around the absurdity. Nobody got deported and nothing’s appeared in the news about an epidemic of the sort of disease that schoolchildren aren’t supposed to get.

So we come to the moral of the story, children: all’s well that ends well, and buy your own water.

[allbestnet]

1187 Ideas

1) A Wikipedia for WW2 testimonials 2) A way for software developers to donate their time to charity 3) A place for rich people to send their kids so they get humbled before they go to college 4) an actual business that you pay to go into and beat the crap out of stuff like old cars 5) Twitter, except it's anonymous, and you can share all you secrets 6) A website that you subscribe to and it sends you a personalized motivational text every morning 7) You know those photo frames that are digital? Instead of photos they can display motivational photos or quotes. 8) A website like linkedin, except a company pays you to work for them for two weeks with the option of extending to full-time. 9) An alarm clock that calls your ex if you don't get up. Or picks a random photo in your phone and sends it to your parents. 10) An aquarium desktop background. But seriously nowadays we can do better. We can improve it to make it awesome again! 11) Coffee shop where they bring the coffee and pastries to your table. No tips required 12) A heavy coat with a hawaiian shirt pattern 13) A website where you input what kind of bread you want, like banana pumpkin bread, and they custom make it and ship it to you. Then there's a voting system where the most popular breads get voted to the top and are mass produced. 14) caricatures on demand 15) In-n-out sauce mass produced and sold in grocery stores 16) A coffee shop that's just a window 17) Personal coaching should be more like... utilized 18) Soda that gets you drunk 19) A coffee shop... ON A ROOF! 20) Robot horses for Central Park. 21) An alarm clock that's actually a light that simulates the sunrise. I know they already invented that. 22) A cuff that goes on your arm and vibrates when it's time to wake up. Would be good for people who sleep with ear plugs or don't want to wake other people up. 23) Windows that let air in when they're closed. I have no idea if that could actually work. 24) Handicap parking spots have little chips in them that connect to a chip under a handicap car... if it doesn't detect a chip in the car it gives you a ticket. 25) Plants you can buy and you water them with a special water that makes them turn colors like blue. 26) Chia pet wigs. 27) All cops should have body cams by now 28) Stolen from reddit: water cups that dissolve when in contact with sugar/soda. 29) A website that takes random words from the dictionary then arranges them to make crazy ideas with the click of a button. 30) A sock washer. I always feel like the bottoms of my socks get dirty. I wish I could find a way to make them white again. 31) A cross between James Altucher's iii:am and Lynda (online programming tutorials). 32) Bookstore like workshop cafe. You go in, can read any books you want and pay by the hour. Plus comfy chairs and soothing quiet music in the background. 33) A board game designed specifically for when your power goes out. 34) Wallets made out of the fabric of old couches. Do they need to be waterproof? 35) A combination between a coffee shop and a bookstore. Also steal from that workshop cafe idea I posted earlier. 36) An amusement park that only serves super healthy food. 37) A flag that stays up even when it's not windy. 38) Blinds that are vertical so dust doesn't collect on them. 39) A VC bank for average people that have good ideas. 40) An airplane company that has live entertainment on the plane. Like Macbeth. 41) Uber for commuting. 42) A robot that walks your dogs. Or even an on demand service that walks your dogs for you. Uber for dogs. Am I doing Uber overkill here? 43) Startup houses that are run by professionals and kept clean and cheap 44) A way of sharing HBO with people that is legal 45) A really cheap service that you can use to send flowers to people. Not like a bouquet, just a single flower. Just to let them know you're thinking of them. 46) Handheld laptop bags. Because when you wear a backpack or a strapped case it makes you sweaty in hot weather. 47) Sleeping mask but for your ears. OKAY, I KNOW EARPLUGS EXIST. But there's gotta be a better way and more comfortable way of keeping the outside quiet when you're trying to sleep. 48) Glasses that act as a flashlight but don't have any glare. So you can read your book in the dark but it doesn't hurt your eyes or irritate/ wake up other people. 49) What ever happened to those ion cleaner weird air fan things? Are the ions still killing me? Do I need to buy one? 50) Crowdfunding for homeless people 51) Uber except they send people to take care of you when you're sick. Okay, that's enough Uber. 52) Headphones that don't actually play music, they just act like ear plugs that you can wear when you're sleeping. 53) A restaurant where you can taste like a little bit of every entree instead of looking at a menu, then pick the one you want to have a full meal of. 54) A fake cover for a PC that makes it look like a mac 55) An app where people walking by your house can be notified about who you are if you feel like socializing and just kind of meet strangers on the fly. It sounds unsafe but some kinks could probably be worked out 56) A whiteboard/chalkboard with no residue. IS IT POSSIBLE? 57) Soles of your shoe that are resistant to sticky substances like gum 58) A way to give your phone charge to your computer and vice versa 59) A service that cleans your shoes. Seriously, how do you clean regular shoes. I don't understand. Do you just throw them in the washer? 60) Okay, okay, the last uber one. An uber app where you can call a car to come and pick up your food and unused supplies, clothing, etc to donate them to charity. 61) A notebook that you write into that immediately digitizes your notes and sends them to your computer. 62) Something that looks like a book but can change depending on what book you program into it. Like those newspapers in Harry Potter. 63) A bar right next to a baseball/football stadium where you can down a bunch of cheap drinks before you go to the game. 64) Nutritional trail mix. Like it has vitamins and minerals in it. And electrolytes. 65) VR headset that stimulates your dreams while you sleep. 66) You know the facebook poke button? A way to do that with your professional contacts if you just want to check in with them. Well, I mean you can already do that by giving them a call or a text but like, maybe something simpler than that. 67) A way to relieve the annoyance of automated robot phone systems. 68) Cough or cold medicine with caffeine in it. 69) Dorms for software developers in San Francisco. Would make living a lot cheaper. And without the meal plans of course. 70) Alternative college that you only go to for two years but is designed to get you a serious grown up job like engineer or doctor etc 71) A communal dishwasher that makes it easier to deal with. 72) Pets for mental health relief. I mean they already made that but like, that counts as an idea. 73) Bubbles you can eat. Like you blow the bubbles, then you can put them in your mouth and they taste good. No calories either. 74) Digital paintings. 75) A kind of residue/resin you can put on wood that's started to splinter. So it will smooth it out without making the wood look crappy. 76) You know how a lot of buildings in the city have shitty ceilings? Like, linoleum for ceilings. 77) Rubber couch 78) Fire alarm that attaches to your clothes. So you can have a fire alarm even in a place that doesn't have it installed. Or maybe for your car. 79) An app that connects to your facebook and lets you anonymously give people feedback. Like, just general feedback. 80) Gag popcorn that looks like it's made out of asbestos. 81) Not really a new idea, but someone should make earmuffs popular again. 82) Neon lights for your car. 83) Sunglasses where you click a button and it blacks them out, so you can take a nap. 84) Manila folders that aren't manila colored! 85) American flag socks. Well, actually american flag anything. 86) A chair that can fit in your backpack. 87) Decorative woven cotton wire covers 88) Leather socks 89) A way to efficiently access your computer through your phone. Like kind of like Teamviewer, except it would be optimized so there would be no issues using a touch screen instead of clicking. 90) Something as small as a credit card that you can stick in your wallet but it charges your phone. Like it just gives you maybe 20% but it's for emergencies and you would always carry it with you. 91) Company recruiting service that lets you spend a whole work day with an employee instead of interviewing etc. 92) Electronic whiteboard 93) Toe covers that protect your toes from getting blisters. 94) A service that you can use to pay people (any people) to answer questions. Like if I wanted to ask what it was like to work at Google, I could pay a Google employee through their website and they would answer any of my questions. 95) Hand sanitizer dispensers in subways 96) Something that you spray on your feet at the end of the day that makes them not smell. 97) A coffee shop that charges a monthly fee and you can stop by whenever to grab coffee. Most likely it would be on an honor system where you would only go a max of two times per day. God knows how many times some people would go to get unlimited coffee. 98) A service like thinkful or hack hands where engineers give advice to amateur engineers. Except this service would be like hack hands except for foreign language students to ask questions of native speakers or language teachers. 99) Eraseable sharpie 100) An app that grabs every contact from every social network and compiles them into like a universal contact book. Because right now in the apple contact app you have to like manually put everything in. Even if you integrate facebook sometimes it can make it all messed up and ugly. 101) Cup holders made of sandpaper 102) Skin colored tiny band aids that you put on your face to stop yourself from picking zits 103) Cologne that doubles as a bug repellant 104) Eye contacts that have instagram filters 105) Shirts that change color depending on the temperature 106) Shirts that change color when they get wet. Maybe not great if you're sweating. Or maybe awesome? 107) Holographic home decorations so you don't have to buy a ton of shit from Crate & Barrel or Pier Imports or whatever 108) Headphones that are inside a beanie 109) Gloves that make your hands stick to a wall and you can climb them like a spider. Defective ones would probably make people die though... 110) Vertical ironing board 111) Coffee pills that you put in regular water and it magically turns to coffee that doesn't taste like dirt 112) Upside down showers 113) Shoes that you put on and they automagically massage your feet. 114) A site where you put in your desired salary and your employer puts in their desired salary for you and the site does the negotiating for you! 115) Apple should make computers with different fruits on them. 116) A backpack that goes on your front. A frontpack. I guess they already do that though for tourists in countries where people like to steal stuff out of your backpack. 117) Bring fanny packs back! 118) Flexible water bottles. Like made out of... rubber or something. So they don't make a lot of noise 119) Pumpkins that you can carve but they don't rot. GMO?? 120) Soundproof bathrooms 121) A visual representation of a github repo over time 122) Mosquito repellant cologne. Wait, did I already do that? Oops. Still counts this time. 123) Mosquito repellant breath mints 124) Detergent gel 125) Chairs that recline so you can lay down 126) A device that lets you lie down in supine position and still type on your computer or read a book or whatever 127) An iphone case that holds gum 128) Liquid nitrogen for mosquito bites to make them not itch. Not sure if that's dangerous. Lots of dangerous ideas today. 129) Sharpie that you can spray 130) Refrigerator stickers for your car 131) Reusable tissues 132) Solar panels for the moon 133) Underwater solar panels in the ocean 134) CSI video game 135) IRC app for iphone/android 136) modern version of usenet 137) chapstick for your elbows 138) automatic head scratcher machine 139) a better way of washing clothes than washing machine and dryer. like a steamer or something 140) sunglasses with shutter lenses 141) anti acid reflux soda 142) garbage collecting drones 143) garbage collecting rc cars 144) rc cars that adults can ride on. remember those hummers they made for kids? 145) A clock with like six hands that has three different time zones 146) bean bags literally filled with beans 147) one of those sleeping cds filled with passing car sounds at night 148) A way to transfer charge between your phone and your laptop 149) A book that has two books, like on every left page is one book and every right page is the other 150) soylent that doesnt taste like crushed oatmeal shake 151) keyboards that are shaped to fit in your lap 152) headphones that are made of rubber 153) a personal blog directory that you can easily browse through 154) blockbuster for books. IT IS DIFFERENT FROM A LIBRARY in that they carry the most recent and popular titles, and that is why you pay to rent them out. or unlimited for a monthly fee like netflix 155) a less acidic version of coffee. like odulles for coffee. 156) an app that you give your location, then it matches you with the nearest, cheapest, highest quality doctor for your specific case. it takes the hassle out of scheduling doctor appointments, especially in new cities etc 157) khan academy for art 158) computer monitors that look like the kindle screens 159) electronic whiteboards 160) cigs/cigars that make colorful smoke. Probably could also work for e-cigs 161) an automatic machine that thinks of ideas for you 162) cruise ships for people that are almost dead 163) i hate zits 164) Furniture rental 165) electric mop 166) biking shoes that light up 167) powdered sugar lollipops 168) sweatshirt for your legs 169) shoes that float 170) subways should have hand sanitizer dispensers 171) blogging website where you dictate your blog post and it will convert it to text for you 172) caffeine injections 173) mouses for tablets - I think the correct word is mice, the electronic ones 174) wood shoes 175) back pocket on your sweatshirt that holds a laptop like a kangaroo pouch 176) aluminum shirts 177) a sound monitor for your house that lets you know if someone broke in 178) concerts on twitch.tv 179) flip flops with covers just so you don't get the wind chill on your toes. like slippers but they can be taken seriously 180) pets for your pets 181) some pill that reduces the effect of caffeine 182) slippers that vibrate and heat up 183) socks that change color depending on the temperature 184) airbnb except the host also gives you a tour around their city. would prob cost a lot more 185) sheets that stick to your clothes so they never come off at night 186) pillows that clean themselves 187) doors not made of wood 188) sweatshirts that have optional gloves. like theyre attached but theres a way of hiding them if you don't want to wear them 189) keyboards made of wood 190) wireless earbuds for when you run 191) Backpack that has an umbrella attached to the top so it protects you from the sun and rain 192) gum that is made to be swallowed 193) Clothes dyeing service or better yet, a free service by fashion students to spice up your old clothes 194) ipads with screens that you can write on with expo markers 195) transparent shoes 196) hollow lightbulbs 197) gum that doesn't stick to stuff so students can't stick it under their desk or on the bus 198) books sold with a pair of ear plugs 199) shoes that double as vacuum cleaners. or swiffers 200) jeans with built in suspenders that go under your shirt 201) robot cats 202) a real pumpkin filled with the ingredients you need to make pumpkin pie 203) fruity coffee 204) chocolate covered coffee beans 205) coffee covered chocolate beans 206) glove dispensers on the muni 207) inside out bagels 208) knife except the end is blunt so you can't stab anyone with it 209) uber for laundry 210) coffee based on alcoholic drinks 211) vacuum sealed fruits 212) rubber wrist watch 213) keyboards made of the lava lamp stuff 214) tie dye shoes 215) tie dye hats 216) subway sandwiches that look like a subway car 217) books that stay open 218) built in stand in laptop 219) rolling beanbag 220) edible fake money 221) flavored musical instruments 222) a clothing store where you pay a monthly fee and you can wear whatever they have 223) mesh socks 224) mesh beanie. wait, isn't that a hairnet? 225) roll on cologne 226) a running shoe/dress shoe hybrid 227) shoes coated in teflon 228) luggage that has that hole thing in it that you attach your vacuum to and it vacuum seals it 229) earbuds covered in velvet 230) water guns that shoot glow in the dark water 231) pumpkin pie that is shaped like a pumpkin 232) beard shampoo 233) sweatpants that hide your sweat like dri fit 234) running shoes for adults that light up. would be esp good for night running 235) exercise classes specifically for programmers 236) a refrigerator backpack 237) a bandaid designed specifically for paper cuts to make them hurt less 238) a website where you make a post about yourself and other people decide what the best career for you is 239) a website where you can web chat with a lawyer for a flat rate 240) colorful cola 241) sweatshirts with hoodies that have headphones in them. but you can remove them when you need to wash them 242) spandex sweatshirts 243) inflatable shoes 244) backpacks that have built in phone chargers 245) cough syrup except it's not for a cough its for a headache. so headache syrup 246) an online record player 247) virtual reality basketball 248) chairs that you can sit sideways in 249) robot that automatically cuts your hair 250) something safer than q tips for cleaning ears 251) insider guides for tourists to feel like a native 252) mental hospitals designed specifically for homeless people 253) carpet for ceilings and walls 254) 10c surcharge for disposable cups at starbucks 255) an app that shows where the homeless people are in san francisco 256) an app that shows in real time where the densest traffic is in the city 257) speakers in shoes 258) jeans that are khaki colored 259) gum that biodegrades quickly 260) glass coffee cups 261) an app that translates a TOS (terms of service) into plain english 262) A vodka or champagne bottle that looks like a fire extinguisher 263) headphones inside a bicycle or motorcycle helmet 264) biodegradable diapers 265) shoes with gold bottoms 266) polyester socks 267) automatic hair braider machine 268) automatic condom making machine 269) digital whistle 270) rubber headphone covers so they don't fall out of your ears 271) cronuts that don't taste like shit 272) fetty wap voice modulizer app 273) books made out of edible paper 274) water cups that have fake holes in them 275) jeans that have a bunch of jeans on them. like a decorative pattern so they're like jean jeans 276) jeans that say billy. billy jeans 277) coffee popsicles 278) walnut milk 279) coconut pizza 280) stickers that you put on your nails instead of nail polish 281) Portable microwave 282) Illegal immigrants are granted citizenship after working and paying taxes for a period of time 283) Camera in your shoe 284) Digital paintings 285) Shirts that have paintings on them by freelance artists. Like a site sells them from different artists for a reasonable price. 286) Flying trash can drones 287) A service that comes to your house for like $5 and gets rid of all the things you don't want 288) Uber for cleaning ladies 289) Painting on a large flat rock that you can put on your wall 290) A watch made out of glass. Or something that looks similar to glass but doesn't break as easily. 291) an app called payback where you pay people to get your revenge. like, in a civil way 292) James brown soundboard or voicemail message generator 293) tripod for your phone 294) remote karate lessons via webcam 295) a millisecond timer 296) a reverse doorknob 297) you know those things that you crack and they warm up? use that stuff to warm your food 298) hair gel for places other than your head 299) an app that delivers a party to you! 300) online flannel shirt generator 301) rimshot app or a website where you click a button to make a rimshot 302) an app where you say a catchphrase and it tells you where its from 303) instead of those mug huggers that keep you from burning your hand on your coffee use a recycled sock 304) an app that plays ocean sounds until it detects you've gone to sleep then it turns off your phone 305) hot iced tea 306) snapple made out of apples 307) hollowed out fruits as drink cups 308) edible plates 309) edible napkins 310) vegetable cookies 311) send a letter to someone famous and ask their advice 312) pizza with the toppings under the cheese 313) pizza with toppings in the crust 314) post-its that are sticky on both sides 315) airbnb for office space 316) sweatshirts that zip up on the back 317) shoes that you zip instead of tie 318) bubble gum flavored mints 319) aa batteries that you can plug in 320) flip flops made of recycled shoes 321) carbonated water infused with fruit juice 322) edible post it notes 323) service that intentionally paints your car like a taxi 324) cardboard clothes for homeless people (cardboard couture?) 325) candles that smell like good food 326) food that smells like candles 327) coffee slurpee 328) shoes made out of recycled corn husks 329) popcorn except it's made out of something else that pops... 330) a device that attaches to your waist and holds a book in front of your face so you don't have to strain your neck 331) tea pods that you drop in hot water instead of tea bags. they dissolve so you don't have to try to fish out the tea bag and throw it away 332) carbonated spirits 333) elastic belts 334) GMO potatoes that taste like a seasoned baked potato 335) popsicles that look like politicians 336) an apartment complex specifically designed for community living. like campus, except not a failed startup. improve on whatever made them fail - it looks like aiming for the high end market was an issue 337) champagne flavored orange juice. except it's non alcoholic like odulles and super cheap. so you can start every morning feeling like the 1% 338) orange flavored latte 339) pumpkin flavored ice cream 340) banana soda 341) bahn mi grilled cheese 342) Water bottles made of rubber 343) College designed for one specific job 344) job sponsored toastmasters 345) Refugee island 346) Shrink wrap for food 347) Busses for rich people 348) Scented tissues 349) Battery powered skateboards 350) Paper shoes 351) water balloons filled with cleaning liquid so cleaning your house is more fun 352) Fantasy football except it generates fake footage of all your players together 353) trash cans that have a pipe at the bottom automatically sending everything to a reservoir 354) coffee delivery service 355) ice cream delivery service 356) ice cream with coffee bean chunks in it 357) ice cubes made of coffee 358) An internship that takes place in a new country every month 359) A calculator that understands plain english (voice) 360) coffee flavored bubble gum 361) legal pads that have a different color for every page 362) carbonated ice cubes 363) carbonated ice cream 364) sprite float 365) mesh sunglasses cover 366) coffee straws 367) aluminum sunglass frames 368) washing machine that depills clothes 369) jean short shorts 370) jean hat 371) shortbread shaped like shorts 372) a cafe designed for business meetings and catching up with friends, so like it's soundproofed maybe? 373) a service that connects dogs that need to be walked with obese people who need to walk 374) rainbow taxis 375) rainbow hair dye 376) incense deodorant/cologne 377) sweatpants that look like jeans 378) an apartment complex with a subsidized grocery store built into it 379) you know how they have food co-ops? how about a school/education co-op. 380) an island for homeless people 381) air freshener that fits in your pocket 382) uber designed to take you from public transport destination straight to your doorstop for pennies 383) chairs that you buy at the store and can easily decorate them yourself 384) a service where if you're having a bad day you can borrow a shelter dog 385) microwaveable raw pasta 386) pasta sauce with 24k gold flakes in it 387) heels that have invisible filling so it doesn't feel like you're walking in heels 388) startup pitch generator website 389) a service where you pay someone to go to a conference then pretends to be you and networks with people 390) coffee with vitamins 391) news articles on water bottles 392) digital posters 393) a frame on your wall that uploads the front page of new york times every morning 394) orange socks 395) socks that smell like oranges 396) mugs with built in straws 397) an alarm that rings a few times a day reminding you what your priorities are 398) frappucino without sugar and maybe add protein 399) protein water 400) edible newspaper 401) brown paper bags that aren't brown 402) spaghetti made of bread 403) baked ice cream 404) public cubbies in the city 405) bike stealer vigilante service 406) ceiling fans that spin vertically 407) gyms that pay you to go 408) windows that clean themselves 409) skateboards that run on gasoline 410) adopt a rapper program 411) a gym that gives you a monthly discount based on your bmi 412) aluminum foil pants 413) night vision goggles for truck drivers 414) an app that explains all the currently trending hashtags on twitter 415) flowers that grow in reverse 416) suits made out of nike dri-fit 417) shoes designed to be put in the washing machine without breaking their form 418) take out boxes made out of thick rice paper 419) milkshakes with artificial sweetener 420) in honor of 420 - marijuana milkshakes 421) coffee mugs that are made out of recycled coffee plants 422) a backscratching blanket that you can lay on 423) peanuts that taste like other nuts 424) alcoholic protein shakes 425) a curvy iphone called a jphone 426) odulles for vodka 427) peanut butter jelly quesadilla 428) GMO apples with caramel flavor in it 429) the talking trout thing that you can attach to the front of your car 430) Indian sushi 431) a service where you talk to someone on the phone about your job goals and life and they make a resume for you in less than 30 minutes. 432) a restaurant where they give you the recipe for whatever you order when you're done eating 433) chair that sits on a roomba so it can drive you around 434) free weight loss program where they send you to the desert and you have to find your way back 435) every guy spends a significant amount of their life shaving. we need shave consultants to make shaving as pleasant of an experience as possible 436) shoes that have tv screens on them 437) sugar-ed pretzels 438) head wax for balding people 439) beard donation for the less fortunate 440) concrete rings 441) carbonated milk 442) root beer ice cream 443) talking trash cans that compliment you when you put something in it 444) neck warmers for giraffes 445) whiteboards that are black 446) books made of kelp 447) a phone and wallet hybrid 448) gum flavored food 449) food flavored gum 450) elevators that have quick exercise machines in them 451) peanuts with extra protein 452) chocolate covered peanuts 453) peanut reeses 454) beard softener cream 455) coconut covered almonds 456) running shoes that are covered in reflective material 457) socks that are covered in reflective material 458) chewing gum that has vitamins or caffeine in it 459) hats with reflective tape on them 460) whiteboard markers that smell like fruit 461) crowdsourced maps that says where people go the most often or fav places 462) carbonated coffee 463) bars that have a section for underage people where they have odulles 464) a starbucks inside a starbucks 465) iphones that run android 466) cars that have glow in the dark wheels 467) concrete shoes 468) spotify for movies 469) uber for haircuts 470) diet chocolate 471) savory soda 472) shower that heats up the rest of the room so when you get out you're still warm 473) warm floor tiles 474) vegan fried chicken 475) nair branded for mens faces 476) shoes that are made to last a lifetime 477) ipads for mute people to help them talk 478) t shirts with turtle necks 479) chewing gum that has an appetite suppressant 480) home milkshake maker 481) sock dryer for when it rains and you get wet socks 482) hydrophobic socks 483) spicy pancakes, maybe pumpkin 484) reeses lollipops 485) chewy gummy lollipops 486) virtual job interview service 487) a fancy pants restaurant that only serves breakfast 488) a service where you switch jobs with someone in the same industry across the world for 3 months 489) waterproof running shoes 490) disposable umbrellas 491) tinder for food 492) app to post ideas that drunk people have 493) an app that connects drunk or high people with enterpreneurs to give them ideas 494) live stream karaoke 495) free boats for homeless people 496) yelp for barbers 497) live streaming for drunk people 498) tinder for biceps 499) uber for coffee 500) bring back the dinosaurs 501) messaging for github 502) popsicle delivery on a hot day. like it's a government funded charity to make the city happy 503) github AI detector to automatically solve merge issues 504) a chrome extension that adds a chatroom to every page on the internet 505) a website that you put a bunch of ideas into and it tells you objectively the best idea 506) a website where drunk people can entertain people for money 507) a phone cover that changes color depending on heat 508) a mood ring that tightens whenever you get angry 509) an anonymous essay writing platform 510) twitter for poetry 511) locks for your bagel bags to stop bagel thieves 512) anonymous polling service for college lectures 513) a cover for your phone that displays the date and time on the back 514) uber for homeless people 515) airbnb for pets 516) blogging platform for kids 517) cookies with fruit in them 518) fruitcake for the whole year round 519) brownie lollipops like cake pops 520) interactive vim tutorial in browser 521) free programming classes at libraries 522) vegetable flavored candy 523) grape on a stick 524) liquid graphite pens 525) cameras in your home that determine your pet's mood when you leave 526) a city where cars drive above ground but all the sidewalks are below ground 527) a blog platform specifically made for people trying to lose weight 528) an IDE that has real time chat with team members or people who are working on similar projects 529) a reality show that puts a bunch of drug using rock stars in a convent 530) instagram for programmers 531) aws tutorial for total beginners 532) justin bieber website that shows the progression of his music over time 533) blogs that you can only view if you're near the location they were posted 534) charity that gives domain names to promising web developers in 3rd world countries 535) service that hooks up a college freshman with a senior for a whole year and helps them get adjusted 536) beer that has protein 537) beer that gets you drunk but only on friday and saturday nights 538) tinder for homeless people 539) concert livestreams 540) tour bus livestreams for musicians (possibly on twitch.tv) 541) community lounge sponsored by cities (i.e. taxpayer money) 542) a school where you study in a different country for every semester 543) social workers that live in the projects 544) art gallery for kids under 5 years old 545) an app where you let other people listen to whatever you are listening to within a 1 mi radius 546) a dating website that matches you based on things you hate 547) a robot car that picks you up from an airport in a foreign city and generates a list of touristy things to do then takes you to each one 548) High heels with rubber heels 549) pool with a glass bottom on the second floor of a house 550) electronic pool table where everything is virtual 551) neck pad to prevent neck pain while using the computer 552) neck warmer that is literally a cat 553) justin bieber action figure 554) bill cosby pudding pops (not sure if they will sell very good now) 555) messaging platform for github 556) hacker news chatroom 557) a website that calculates how long until you die / how long you've been alive 558) league of legends in real life 559) headphones that are 100% biodegradable 560) gum that tastes like italian food 561) earplugs that are sticky so they stay in your ear 562) website that integrates with facebook and makes a graph visualization with your social network 563) watch that vibrates depending on your mood 564) food that freshens your breath after you're finished eating it 565) watch that tells you it's time to get a watch 566) rainbow deodorant 567) deodorant that smells like food 568) edible highlighter 569) TAs for your life 570) shoes that are gum resistant 571) glasses that track your eye movements all day 572) wireless computer charger 573) jacket made out of a blanket 574) computer chair that supports your neck 575) tylenol that has ambien in it 576) fig newton without figs 577) animated curtains 578) air conditioner that puts fresh smells in the air 579) headphones with a cup holder 580) professional quote maker manual 581) gum that doesn't stick to surfaces like under desk, sidewalks, etc. 582) holographic newspaper ads 583) bring back the pet rock 584) healthy jamba juice. Like Suja but made fresh and cheaper. 585) fruit flavored cola 586) savory soda 587) nylon jackets that don't make crinkly noises 588) computer that tracks your face and automatically tilts the screen to reduce neck strain 589) wallet made out of carpet 590) waterproof carpet 591) watch that can switch between analog and digital 592) jeans made out of cashmere 593) lotion for your hair 594) sponges that are infused with soap 595) jackets that keep you cold instead of hot 596) hot ice cubes. like not made of ice but it keeps your drink hot 597) book that tells a different story if you start reading from the back 598) alarm clock that yells at you instead of ringing 599) blog website for pets 600) lollipops that contain vitamins - for kids 601) apple watch that detects your mood when running and plays music accordingly 602) athletic shoes that automatically cool off your feet 603) waterproof socks 604) reflective socks 605) antibacterial tissues 606) salsa for foods that are not mexican 607) water bottle that is compostable 608) rent a shelter dog service 609) sunglasses that absorb sunlight and converts it to energy 610) sunglasses that change color depending on the intensity of light 611) eraser that whitens after it erases 612) community office space paid for by the city 613) free coffee for monthly muni/bart pass holders 614) flash drive that also can project images 615) electronic water bottle that cools down its contents 616) iphone case that turns red when your phone is overheating 617) magazine about magazines 618) headphones combined with earmuffs 619) beanie that keeps your head cool but blocks noise, mainly for use while you sleep maybe you can pull it over your eyes too to block out light 620) hair salon that gives you a surprise haircut every time 621) tie dye water glasses 622) water bottles with text that changes color indicating temperature 623) pencil eraser that makes your paper smell good 624) thot radar 625) headphones that amplify noise outside them 626) office chairs with seat warmers 627) office chairs with seat coolers 628) windbreaker that doesn't make crinkly noises 629) shower phone 630) a combination between wine and beer 631) spaghetti sauce with vitamins 632) digital magic 8 ball 633) electric bicycle 634) book where each chapter is a shortened version of a classic book 635) app to find the nearest public toilet 636) app to find where really nice cars are driving around 637) tv channel that just has audiobooks on 24/7 638) flavored rain 639) pumpkin spice almonds 640) blogging platform for charities 641) portable vinyl player 642) jacket made of hair 643) bus that has a bar in it 644) kindle that has the texture of a book cover 645) stickers that light up 646) beanie with a built in heater 647) breadsticks with marinara sauce inside them 648) inside out pizza 649) jean socks 650) exit signs that have built in fire & carbon monoxide detectors 651) a boat inside a boat 652) office chairs that massage your back while you work 653) sharpies that aren't permanent 654) public trash cans that automatically compact themselves 655) licorice flavored lollipop 656) savory churro 657) a guide to saving money written by a gangster 658) permanent expo markers 659) hand sanitizer that doesn't smell like alcohol 660) fetty wap voice modulator app 661) a restaurant that only sells mac and cheese 662) backpacks for pets 663) peanut butter and jelly breadsticks 664) bread that's fortified with protein 665) waterproof jeans 666) transparent jackets 667) movie theater where everyone has to share a free giant bucket of popcorn 668) digital stop signs 669) baguette with fruit baked in 670) painting where the center is blank but the art is on the frame 671) soylent for pets 672) stickers you can put on your zits 673) socks that light up like a christmas tree 674) weight scale that shows you a motivational message every time you step on it 675) get paid to translate foreign text and learn a language at the same time 676) protein bars that are made of fruit (like a lara bar) 677) TVs with personality 678) jacket with gloves that you can wear or hide in the sleeves 679) vine for musicians 680) alarm clock that punches you in the face when it's time to get up 681) burrito filled with chinese food (e.g. orange chicken) 682) protein bar that tastes like mint chocolate chip ice cream 683) pita chips that are sour cream & onion flavored 684) savory soda 685) dessert nachos 686) waterproof baseball cap 687) shoes that tie themselves 688) post-it notes that smell good 689) colorful plastic water bottles 690) a laundry machine that you can play video games on while you're waiting 691) tissues that change color when they're used 692) headphones that massage your ears 693) turtlenecks for exercise 694) jean underwear 695) lightbulbs that change color when they need to be replaced 696) napkins that you can put in the dishwasher 697) gloves that cover your fingers but not your palms 698) vegetables that taste like fruit 699) fruit lasagna/dessert lasagna 700) all rubber wristwatch 701) protein water 702) glow in the dark whiteboards 703) febreeze bidet 704) drones that fly lunch to your office 705) backpacks that go on your front (frontpacks) 706) jackets that button up on the back 707) self buttoning/zipping jacket 708) robot pets 709) bao burger 710) dog therapist 711) pre-seasoned rice 712) rice with protein 713) dinner cereal 714) shoes for your hands 715) glow in the dark jackets 716) sunglasses for sports 717) ceiling fan that periodically sprays air freshener 718) battery powered skateboards 719) toothpaste that you can swallow 720) mouthwash that comes in ketchup packs (portable) 721) diet ice cream 722) pie made out of whipped cream 723) polyester dress shirts 724) waterproof beanie 725) socks for your ears 726) vanilla brownies (whities/honkies) 727) square water bottles 728) tinder for racists 729) doorknobs that sanitize themselves 730) headphones that double as ear muffs 731) water bottles made of glass 732) headphones made of glass 733) sunscreen bar like a soap bar 734) double sided monitor 735) chest hair comb 736) coffee cup that you drink upside down 737) keyboard that emits smells 738) gym for only fat people 739) fast food restaurant that discounts if you're fat 740) bike that charges your phone when you ride it 741) backpack that you wear on your head 742) beanie that you throw in the freezer and it cools your head 743) soundproof tent that you can take anywhere when you need some quiet 744) a book on how to write a book 745) shoes for dogs 746) glow in the dark pillows 747) pool table with hologram pool balls 748) beard wax 749) pain reliever soda 750) stress ball that talks back to you 751) subway for burritos 752) portable coffee mug that holds milk and sugar in the top 753) shoes that tie in the back 754) highlighters that are multiple colors 755) shirt with one long sleeve and one short sleeve 756) sushi with french fries in it 757) pickled fruit 758) nylon running gloves 759) edible christmas ornaments 760) headphones that turn into earbuds 761) vodka bottles shaped like water bottles 762) backpack that has no pockets 763) hat that has pockets 764) floss that doesn't cut off circulation to your fingers 765) salted fruit 766) vegetables dipped in chocolate 767) glow in the dark phone case 768) water fountains at gyms that are filled with gatorade 769) toothbrush with accelerometer that tracks your brushing habits over time 770) coffee cup that changes color depending on the temperature of the coffee 771) coffee flavored tablets that melt in your mouth for when you're in a rush 772) t-shirt made out of newspaper (print, not actual paper) 773) two sided fork 774) cell phone and wallet combination 775) app that takes 1 cent off your transactions and donates it to charity 776) jeans that zip from behind 777) zip up running shoes 778) google maps that gives you directions based on the least amount of trash and other unsightly things 779) cordless earbuds 780) lollipop that freshens your breath 781) coffee for nighttime 782) chipotle for greek food 783) edible air freshener 784) sunglasses with side mirrors 785) steel toe running shoes 786) uber for garbage men 787) a book about books 788) sharpie that smells fruity 789) burrito with mac and cheese inside 790) colored contact lenses 791) dating app where you can only go out with a person if you've gone out with one of their friends 792) pineapple that smells like pine and tastes like apple 793) phone case that's edible 794) tortilla chips that taste like burrito 795) ear coolers 796) spray bottle that has breath freshener in it 797) headphones that vibrate 798) tylenol soda 799) breakfast sushi 800) rectangular water bottle 801) trash can that compliments you when you put trash in it 802) security cameras with smiley faces on them 803) air conditioner that warms up when you say turn up the heat and vice versa 804) microwave that warms up the room (and doesn't kill everyone) 805) rain jacket that gets warmer the wetter it gets 806) an autobiography generator - then again, I guess it would be a biography 807) socks that vibrate 808) deodorant for your under-areas 809) a car horn that plays a loud annoying guitar riff 810) a barber that gives you a book of haircuts to choose instead of just saying a little off the top etc 811) a music player that changes music depending on your pulse strength, rate, etc 812) a pill that quenches your thirst 813) hair gel that doubles as cologne 814) transparent cologne stickers that you can just stick on your skin 815) grilled carrots 816) burrito with african food 817) breakfast sushi 818) lightbulb that emits smells 819) a watch that literally tells you what time it is 820) a tie that ties itself 821) cereal bowl that separates the cereal and the milk 822) two sided spoon 823) spoon with a hole in it so it filters out the milk when you're eating cereal 824) coffee cup that keeps your coffee at the perfect drinking temperature 825) rainy weather shoes that have extra traction 826) office chairs that have neck and back massagers 827) wooden doorhandle 828) mirror that only reflects certain colors 829) reflective running shoes 830) tissues that smell good 831) pita chips that have hummus inside them 832) mexican food flavored lollipops 833) advil bottle that compliments you before you take some 834) baseball hat that has a football team on it 835) tabasco for desserts 836) spicy desserts in general 837) balloon filled with air freshener 838) reflective reading glasses 839) sushi with french fries inside 840) clothing line where every piece just has the name of the piece of clothing printed on it in big white letters 841) walnut brittle 842) sandals that you can wear in the rain 843) electric drum set 844) soda that's not carbonated 845) carbonated juice 846) clear lipstick 847) t shirt that changes colors every time it's washed 848) movie theatre for couples where each couple gets a private booth 849) edible action figures 850) umbrella hat, or just a waterproof hat 851) app that checks your happiness level on a scale of 1-10 throughout the day 852) weight loss coaching from your dog 853) water bottle with motivational words on them 854) an app that lets normal people carpool with food delivery runners 855) lightbulbs that get dimmer when they're about to die 856) luggage that gets picked up at your doorstep and gets sent to your destination 857) pre-toasted bread 858) bagels without the hole 859) socks with holes in the toes 860) a sock for your head 861) hair gel that colors your hair 862) hair gel that's edible 863) edible beanie babies 864) crystal light for food 865) water glass that's shaped like a water droplet 866) soda that tastes like water 867) socks that have built in toe warmers 868) socks that are waterproof 869) hearing aids that play music 870) frisbees for cats 871) netflix for music 872) netflix for cars 873) backpack that has a tv on the front 874) umbrella that is inverted 875) car boat hybrid 876) planes for the ocean 877) hat that has a clock on the front 878) church for atheists 879) self-warming pillow 880) haircut delivery 881) someone that comes to your house every morning and makes you coffee 882) hair salons that make your hair longer instead of shorter 883) self-cooling pillow 884) a hat that massages your head 885) different colored sunflowers 886) sugary sunflower seeds 887) instant coffee that doesn't taste like dirt 888) instant eggnog 889) uber for parties - they bring the party to you 890) tinder for things to do on lazy sundays 891) a site that recommends a book for you based on your mood 892) a sassy calendar app 893) vegetable juice that doesn't taste like vegetable juice 894) french fries made of something other than potato 895) leather umbrella 896) online dating for pets 897) online dating for pet owners but you can only see their pet photos not pictures of themselves 898) online dating except it's not dating you just use it to find chill friends to hang out with 899) poker except the winner gets to choose who has to permanently relocate to canada 900) artisanal fast food 901) beer that comes in gallon jugs 902) laundry detergent that smells like hot chocolate 903) airplanes where you lay down instead of sit in a chair 904) backpack with no straps... it just sticks to you 905) a chatroom exclusively for people who are having a headache 906) major league baseball except all the players are drunk 907) baseball hat that covers your ears 908) police officers that carry pool noodles instead of guns 909) cereal condiments 910) v necks... but for every letter in the alphabet 911) business incubator for restaurants 912) instant tea (powder instead of bags) 913) t shirt with a hood 914) denim socks 915) boxes not made out of cardboard 916) dating site that matches you based on what time you take a shower everyday 917) bicycle helmet with a flashlight on it 918) sunflower seeds with edible shells 919) anime for grandparents 920) a hat that has wifi 921) treadmill that dispenses a donut every 5K you run 922) dessert pasta 923) hawaii for cold weather 924) licorice that tastes fruity 925) twitter for toddlers 926) sausage company that teaches you german on the packaging 927) a magazine that gives you sparknotes on all the other magazines 928) cereal for lunch and dinner 929) scented socks 930) Amazon.com except you can only purchase things from the amazon rainforest 931) instead of food being delivered to you, you are delivered to the food 932) dessert popcorn 933) dipping popcorn 934) collared exercise shirts 935) dress clothes for exercising 936) a robot that you can argue with when you're stressed out 937) party foul police 938) mini golf, regular golf, and... huge golf 939) a bar called work. So you can say you're just going to work. 940) freelance cheerleaders that you can just hire for a day to cheer you on 941) coffee flavored candy 942) coffee flavored soda 943) blockbuster for household appliances 944) office chair that compliments you 945) getting married on a airline flight 946) stylish aprons for everyday wear 947) shoes for your hands 948) kale milkshake 949) americanized french fries 950) two sided iphone 951) beer in a plastic bottle 952) pretzels with sugar instead of salt 953) carbonated coffee 954) uber for baby deliveries/midwives 955) iced tea in capri-sun packets 956) paintings by dogs 957) pillows that vibrate 958) no bake brownies 959) benches that are made specifically for sleeping on 960) concrete trees 961) wigs for dogs 962) cold cocoa 963) sneeze stopper 964) cough blocker 965) nyquil lollipops 966) paintball except with delicious edible paint 967) indoor camping 968) diet s'mores 969) vibrating headphones 970) real gnomes 971) edible coffee mugs 972) chocolate dipped graham crackers 973) gummy bear that is the size of an actual bear 974) consultants for your life 975) sweet popcorn 976) flannel that is not plaid 977) funyun seasoning 978) vegetable chips 979) vegetable rings. like onion rings but for other vegetables 980) business jacket with a hoodie 981) palm tree garnish 982) coconut cereal 983) a bakery that doesn't sell bread 984) bread clothing 985) a train that you can ride for free if you dance the whole time 986) gym on a train 987) wallet made out of money 988) vegetarian chicken and waffles 989) trump wig 990) 4 wheeled bike 991) sparknotes for movies 992) chocolate snow cone 993) chocolate covered toast 994) ice cubes made out of frozen coffee 995) indian french fusion 996) grapefruit soda 997) combination between a grape and a grapefruit 998) edible books 999) vanilla brownies 1000) vanilla candy bar 1001) goodreads for movies 1002) dating website that matches you based on music interests 1003) headphones that you can sleep with 1004) TV that you can remote control to move it up, down, etc 1005) anonymous blogging platform 1006) e-cig that doesn't create vapor 1007) a site to connect unemployed people to volunteer opportunities 1008) jacket with ventilation holes 1009) running shoes covered in tarp to make them waterproof 1010) massaging office chairs 1011) post-its that are sticky on both sides 1012) TED talks hosted by criminals 1013) ramen dessert 1014) Kanye West virtual reality simulator 1015) crunchy gum 1016) microwave except instead of heating, it cools 1017) sushi -> replace rice with noodles 1018) vegetarian gelatin 1019) pet dancing classes 1020) backpack with a built-in umbrella 1021) transparent sandals 1022) aerobed chairs 1023) tuxedo swimsuit 1024) non-animated anime 1025) coffee that makes you sleepy 1026) multi-color bananas 1027) chairs that are made to sit cross-legged on 1028) pet dancing classes 1029) elderly computer programming classes 1030) electronic blackboard 1031) finger warmers 1032) running gloves 1033) plaid pants 1034) cup-pies (as opposed to cupcakes) 1035) parking under city streets 1036) commute to work in a helicopter and avoid traffic 1037) protein gum 1038) caffeine jelly beans 1039) pens with edible ink 1040) dishwasher that burns off food instead of using water 1041) pill you can swallow that makes you feel full 1042) e-book reader that has a hardcover like a book 1043) device that projects gps directions onto your windshield 1044) fried spaghetti 1045) battered and fried vegetables to eat at sports games 1046) protein water 1047) baseball except you can tackle people 1048) a bar where everyone has to sit on the floor 1049) schoolbuses that are not yellow 1050) homeless person virtual reality simulator 1051) beaches with no ocean 1052) shampoo/body wash line that smells like candy 1053) four wheel scooter 1054) nylon baseball cap 1055) soft bite size pretzels in a bag 1056) electronic legal pad 1057) caramel peanut butter (reeses?) 1058) drones that can carry passengers 1059) shoes that dry themselves while you're running 1060) oven that heats and cools 1061) macaroni and cheese salad 1062) peanut butter and celery sandwich 1063) phone case made of rubber to resist impact damage 1064) a refrigerator that locks when it's not time to eat 1065) carbonated tea 1066) dessert lasagna 1067) soundcloud for sound effects 1068) youtube for free indie movies 1069) airbnb except guests don't pay with cash, they cook for you 1070) DJ Khaled dog toy 1071) drink glasses with built in straws 1072) vibrating pillows 1073) spill shield for cup holders in cars 1074) hydrating gummy bears for athletes 1075) wallet that smells like fruit 1076) sweet peanut butter 1077) peanut butter flavored crackers 1078) edible straws 1079) skin colored socks 1080) running socks made of polyester 1081) slippers that massage your feet 1082) mobile ice bath 1083) sunscreen that smells fruity 1084) flavored ink 1085) trees that broadcast wifi/cellular signals 1086) shoes that have foot warmers in them 1087) plaid socks 1088) gas station that sells healthy food 1089) escalator for your house 1090) bubble gum flavored gatorade 1091) gum that helps you quit marijuana 1092) recycled jeans 1093) electronic office chair for reclining/lowering/etc 1094) melatonin lollipop 1095) tea popsicles 1096) coffee flavored soda 1097) running shoes that yell motivational things while you run 1098) lightbulbs that change color depending on time of day (see f.lux) 1099) sweet and sour spaghetti sauce 1100) baked potatoes for 4/20 1101) no flex zone - a gym that does not allow flexing 1102) electric ukelele 1103) rainbow whipped cream 1104) hair gel that dissolves after 12 hours 1105) vegetable pie 1106) fruity brownies 1107) dessert burrito 1108) book club podcast 1109) antibacterial doorknobs 1110) laundry bag that neutralizes odor 1111) belt that clicks like a seatbelt 1112) christian rap music 1113) electric piano 1114) otc pain reliever patch 1115) electronic ear plugs that play white noise 1116) homeless shelter that provides sleeping pods instead of housing 1117) put vitamins in the water supply 1118) pods full of cleaning fluid that you put in the toilet basin, and they dissolve over time to clean your toilet 1119) tinted mirrors 1120) running jeans 1121) drones that deliver meals 1122) pre-toasted bread 1123) baseball hat that has the home team on the outside and away on the inside 1124) silent vacuum 1125) juice boxes filled with tea 1126) running sombrero 1127) zero calorie chips 1128) dehydrated vegetable chips 1129) electronic kaleidoscope 1130) bed that rotates 360 degrees 1131) zip up t-shirt 1132) edible floss 1133) backpack w/ velcro instead of zippers 1134) citrus licorice 1135) sweet cheetos 1136) lemon gum 1137) umbrella hat 1138) goosebumps tv show revival 1139) rice infused with vitamins 1140) zero dollar bill 1141) e-book reader made out of paper with two separate screens, like a book 1142) caffeine lollipops 1143) headphones that are shaped like ears 1144) heavy metal with pianos 1145) virtual reality LARPing 1146) programming language for animals 1147) sandals that don't have a top, they just stick to your feet 1148) rice cream sundae 1149) t shirt you can put on without messing up your hair 1150) a book about books 1151) a quiet, soundproof room in the city that costs $5/hr 1152) thing that you can strap to your lower back to support good posture 1153) air filled couch. like aerobed 1154) Here are some ideas: 1155) 1 hour emergency condoms/sextoys delivery 1156) The barber review 1157) Take me home: "bodyguard" as a service 1158) The brothels review 1159) Casting news 1160) CV Bot 1161) A raw data marketplace 1162) An e-paper programmable card 1163) Fat programmer, the videogame 1164) Follow me luggage 1165) IKEA personal shopper 1166) Let's build a website together! 1167) Lost babies tattoo (or bracelet) 1168) Luxury news for rich people 1169) Use a color to make phishing hard 1170) Holidays with no technology 1171) Survive the office: a manual 1172) Photos of secret places 1173) A predefined messages keyboard for mobile 1174) The idea number 0, the prototype for all other ideas 1175) Pay 9.99$ / month to reiceive a random vynil LP 1176) Sandwiches recipe app 1177) Shutdown app for smartphones 1178) Sideprojects cemeterey, marketplace for dead sideprojects 1179) Technology personal shopper 1180) Tourist guide on demand for travel tips 1181) An Uber for simple tech support 1182) Vegan food/restaurants/lifestyle review 1183) Your vegetables garden app 1184) Play videogames meetup platform 1185) Visual dictionary based on Google Images API 1186) We make your bed service 1187) Anxiety coach

[sunshinykittens-blog]

November 6 - Stark Tower

Pepper was waiting for Tony’s new employees when they arrived just after 6 the first night. Tony had asked her to show them around, give them some directions since the Avengers had been called out and nobody else would be there to do it. They wore jeans and t-shirts (Pepper made a mental note to get a few of the promotional Stark shirts for them until they could get their own shirts made up), and comfortable sneakers. The one with the nose ring was playing with her new badge, pulling it away from her and letting the retractor zip it back up. The other one was glaring at her, finally reaching out to stop the one’s hand from pulling it out for what must have been the umpteenth time.

“If you don’t stop that, Sunny, I swear to God!” Sunny at least had the decency to look sheepish.

“Ladies, good evening!” Pepper went forward to greet them. “You can hang your jackets and bags up in the closet to the left as you get off the elevator.” She showed them the closet and waited for them to get everything settled.

She let them have a look around the common area, it could be overwhelming, she knew. Tony never did anything on a small scale. “I’ve taken the chance to print up a list of duties and had a map printed for you to find your way around.”

The second woman’s eyes bugged a little. “Seriously? This place is THAT big?”

“Well it’s not a tiny apartment, that’s for sure,” Sunny muttered.

“It’s not so very huge as you might think, but when Tony says the towels by the pool need to be washed, or the theater needs to be cleaned, or please make sure to restock conference room 3, you need to be able to find them.”

Sunny squeaked a little. Pepper figured she must do it whenever she was excited. “There’s a pool? And a theater? Really?”

Pepper chuckled a bit. “Yes, really. There’s also a training room, bowling alley, library, mini-golf, lounge, and three conference rooms, as well as the kitchen and dining area you are standing in.”

“Pool? We don’t know the first thing about cleaning a pool.”

Pepper read her badge. “Not to worry, Tony has a robot to clean the pool. Kate, is it? Or do you prefer Miss Murphey?”

She shrugged. “Kate will do fine, but whatever you are comfortable with works for me.”

“Alright then, Kate it is. And Sunny, yes?” Sunny nodded. “OK then, you can call me Pepper when I am upstairs, but if you feel the need to come to my office, you should probably stick with Miss Potts. Shall we get started?”

The other two nodded. Sunny raised her hand, her eyes darting around. “Is Mr. Stark here?”

Pepper frowned just a bit. “No, he is out on business, he might not be back for a couple of days.” Sunny’s face showed a mixture of relief and disappointment. “Anyway, if you check your list, you will find that some basic duties are for every area. Floor, counters or tables, windows.”

Kate interrupted, “I can’t – don’t do outside windows. “

Sunny patted her arm. “I’ll do the windows, it’s fine. She has this thing about heights.”

Pepper nodded. “Just as long as any smudges are cleared, it will be fine. Now in the kitchen/dining area, in addition to the floors and table and counters, you will need to keep the appliances clean and in working order. Please make sure that there is coffee available at all times when residents are in the Tower. So just set up both coffeemakers before you leave. You will be responsible for making sure that the fridge and freezer are clean, and if one of the staples is running low, let JARVIS know so that he can order it.”

“Who is JARVIS?”

“JARVIS is Mr. Stark’s A.I. butler, of sorts. He can tell you anything you need to know about the place, from where someone is located in the building or how to get to any room. Basically, anything you need while you are here, JARVIS can get it for you.”

“Hey JARVIS,” Kate said, “have you seen my sanity? I seem to have misplaced it.”

She was shocked when JARVIS answered. “I’m sorry, miss, but I cannot seem to locate your sanity anywhere in this building. Are you sure you brought it with you?”

Sunny laughed, and Kate did as well after a minute. Pepper apologized, “I’m sorry, Mr. Stark is working on a humor component for JARVIS. I’m afraid it’s not quite ready yet.”

“I dunno,” the woman replied, still laughing, “I think maybe JARVIS has it right. I must have left it at home if I am working here. Anyway, as you were saying.”

“Uh, yes. Back this way we have conference rooms one through three, Tony sometimes has meetings up here, and he requires that they are stocked with water and other beverages, paper, pens, whatever he might need for a meeting. And down here,” she led them into a large room with a wraparound sofa, a couple of easy chairs, coffee table and end tables, a few lamps and a projection TV along one wall. “This is the lounge. Some of the guys are a little messy, they like to leave glasses and cups around, and some of them you can’t get to put the DVDs away when they are done.” She showed them where the DVD case was and how to open the hidden panel with a touch. “There’s no specific order for them right now, but I think eventually someone’s OCD might kick in and they might try rearranging them. So if you come in and there’s half the DVDs lying around in piles, just clean around them.”

Next she took them up to the 92nd floor. “This floor is mostly recreational. It’s divided roughly into thirds. In the center is the bowling and minigolf. To the right is the library, and to the left is the movie theater. Again, sometimes they get a little messy, especially in the theater. Cups, boxes, occasionally popcorn everywhere.”

“Wow,” Sunny interjected, “just like home.” Kate laughed.

The movie theater was regulation width, only 20 or so reclining seats though. As Pepper had warned, the theater looked like there had been some kind of popcorn fight. There were candies scattered around as well, Skittles and M&Ms mostly. The three of them just turned around and shut the door behind them.

Pepper continued the tour, showing them the bowling lanes (3) and minigolf course, complete with windmill and King Kong swiping at planes on a mini Empire State Building. But when she opened the door to the library, there was a collective gasp from the women behind her.

The library was floor to ceiling shelves on two walls. The far end was the window to the Manhattan horizon, also floor to ceiling. There were two tables, and a handful of comfortable chairs, a window seat, and a couple of built in reading nooks. “This is mostly like a regular library, heavy on the reference manuals. Tony has JARVIS, who is connected to the internet, but some of the others prefer actual books. It goes by Dewey Decimal system. Tony had an actual librarian come in and classify each book. They have those tabs on the spines telling you where they go. Mostly, though, you’ll just check in here and make sure there are no wayward drinks or food, empty the waste basket.”

Pepper waited a few moments while the new employees stared at all the books. Obviously they were readers, maybe Tony would let them come read some time. He was pretty good about that.

The final floor held the training area and pool. The training area had mats, free weights, heavy bag, a ring for sparring, and exercise equipment. Pepper explained that they would need to wipe down the equipment every other day. There were showers as well that should be cleaned daily, unless occupied. Linens from the training area and pool should be collected and laundered at least every other day. The pool was Olympic sized, with a roof that could retract in nice weather or close if it got too cold or otherwise inclement. Beyond the pool was a helipad, but they didn’t need to worry about that. Kate looked very relieved to hear that.

As they made their way back to the 91st floor, Pepper asked if they had any questions. “What do we do with the trash? Do we have to take it to the basement?”

“There’s actually a small room on each floor that has all your supplies and a dumbwaiter that takes all the trash down. We have someone who takes care of it down there. Anything else? Oh, one final thing. You might find…stashes of snacks around. Maybe freeze dried fruit, nuts, granola, that sort of thing. Anything like that you can leave where you find it. Mr. Stark tends to hide caches.”

“Just like a squirrel,” mumbled Kate.

They didn’t think they would have any problems, so Pepper left them to their work, instructing them to just ask JARVIS if they had any further questions. When the elevator doors closed, they were rolling up their sleeves, per se, and getting down to business.

[unboredomblues-blog]

Chapter 1, part 1

              "Do you know why you're here?" The man with the magnified eyes shifted in his seat, wincing.

                "To renew my license?"

                "Not exactly."

                "Jury duty then."

                "No."

                "Well if your design team was going for anything else with that waiting room, I have to tell you they failed miserably. Was it a home make over show? The one with the Texans? They normally do much better work. More shiplap. And skylights. I was stuck in jury duty for 2 days straight once. And not in the actual Jury. They basically put you in a room that looks exactly like your waiting room-"

                "That's the rec room."

                "Waiting in a waiting room on fire. That song? Heard it? Stop derailing me. Are you timing my words per minute? The last man with the magnified eyes did that when I started sizzling. SO, the room is full of tvs and row after row of folding chairs pointed to a podium at the front. After the morning welcome address by a judge that drew the short straw, they pull down yet another tv in front of that one and put on cooking shows. No one is offended by cooking shows. The walls are lined with small tables for puzzles, actual jigsaw puzzles! Can you believe that? It seriously is exactly like this place! I don't know if they've realized how that looks, what it implies…BUT, the point is, you sit in there and can't leave for two days. That's what they pay you 10 dollars a day for. It covered my gas. Groups get pulled out 12 by 12, sit through a selection process with the prosecuting attorneys and the defense, then get shuffled back into the waiting room if not chosen. During my stay I wasn't even ever called into selection. Just sat there reading Nietzsche. And Nora Roberts. And the Turner Diaries. Can you believe they had a copy of THE TURNER DIARIES on the table? It was terrible! One of the books most responsible for death and domestic terrorism throughout the entirety of this nations great history and it's sitting on a coffee table next to Gone Girl and The Prince of Tides. I'm guessing someone snuck it in and the attendants are too ignorant to spot such filth. I brought in the Nietzsche. Have you ever read Beyond Good and Evil?"

                "Yes."

                "I don't believe you. But that's okay. 99% of the population wants to HAVE READ philosophy, but doesn't wants to actually READ philosophy. Especially Nietzsche once they crack open the cover and discover his vernacular. Anyway, jury duty looks like your Recreating in a Recreation Room on Fire. Has it ever caught fire? I'm guessing not. Are the walls made of cinder block?"

                "Let's not worry about that."

                "I would say you should definitely worry about that. Can you imagine how slowly all these caged vegetables would shuffle out in their little slippers if it went up in flames? The Jury Room attendants wouldn't be able to carry all of them I assure you."

                "Are you planning on more fires?"

                "No I don't give a shit about fires. I'm not about the fires. Those are means. I care about demons."

                "So you do know why you're here."

                "The Unboredom Blues."

                "The Unboredom Blues."

                "Yes."

                "Could you elaborate on that?"

                "You're a terrible doctor, no bedside manner. You're supposed to be polite yet probing. Like a proctologist."

                "It's okay if you think that."

                "It's okay if I think anything. You think you can wrangle any of that? My thoughts are a fucking bucking bronco. You' be off in a second. Are those jeans? You wear jeans at work? In a DMV for Christ's sake? Let me make this very clear to you. I will think and do anything I want here; you're not letting me out anyway. Just sit back and take your notes. That's all you have. Notes. And the authority to move me from courthouse to petri dish to institute to the street to jail with a stroke of your pen. I saw your signature and you can't even read it."

                "350."

                "I already took a number. You're not starting me over."

                "That's your words per minute. The average is 110-150."

                "Is that in the DSM V?"

                "No."

 ��              "Okay, I believe you anyway. I invented that scale, I know the stakes. I used to speak slowly you know. They wrote that scale based on my transition. I started sizzling in my late twenties. When I wasn't drunk."

                "What are Unboredom Blues?"

                "How much time do we have?"

                "I have as long as you need. It's 1 o'clock and I have no more appointments for the rest of the day. Feel free to go as long as you need to."

                "So I have around four hours then. Not as long as I need. You go home at 5, correct? You don't live here. You have a home and a wife and kids. You don't live here."

                "Well, if need be I can stay late."

                "So five to six hours. Well anyway, that should be enough."

                "That sounds good then. I'm willing to stay, so please."

                "It's a disease, it's hell."

                "I've never heard of it."

                "That's too bad, everybody has it these days. Everyone with a cellphone. Which is everyone, except the homeless. Well, some homeless, many of them have phones.

                It's a void. How many apps do you have on your phone? How many, that is, that you check every day? If you're winding down for sleep, or taking a shit, or waiting at the doctor, or commuting. Watching tv but not really watching, in line at the store, recharging between patient sessions, on your smoke break, walking from a movie theater exit to your car, pulling up to a drive through window, "taking care of your children", eating, broken down on the side of the road.  You cycle through, don't you? You start with your favorite, everyone's first is Facebook, scroll through until you come to the last post you saw the last time you checked your phone, probably only minutes before. Then move on to the next. Maybe a news app, maybe photos, sports, whatever. Most people actually arrange their icons in order of what they like to check when they cycle through.

                Now, of course some of the content you're ingesting has value. Some of it is stimulating and perhaps adds something to…your human experience. It's educational. But let's be honest, 95 percent of it is garbage. It's click bait or sensationalized new stories you don't even read. You skim the headline, get a small dose of menial current events that you can bring up later in conversation with other people , who are most likely on their phones as well while you're conversing. It’s all hits of dopamine. We've become addicted, quite literally, physically in our brain chemistry. You scroll and scroll and scroll. Hit, hit, hit, hit, hit. And it's garbage. And of course you're fine with this, you don't want it to be anything more. That would slow you down. It would space out your hits and who wants that. The faster you go, the higher you get.

                So why do we do this? What's the root cause? Because of one terrible thing. Boredom. We can't take it. We actually cannot endure it anymore. Boredom is, in the modern world, intolerable. Not only intolerable, but painful. ACTUALLY painful. Have you ever tried to sit through just a tiny sliver of your day where nothing is happening and NOT cycle through your phone? Have you tried waiting it out? These days, we cannot and will not sit and wait for something to happen. We used to wait for things to happen. In the nineties, and before of course. If we were on the bus and didn't have a book, we looked out the window. If our kids were playing at the park we just sat, and waited. It was calm. And we thought thoughts. Thoughts that were not put there by something else. Thoughts that grew organically and came from our own cells, not satellites. Not demons.

                Flash forward to 2017. We consider this act of waiting a void. It's like deep space without a spacesuit. A terrible vacuum that suffocates. So the logical solution? Filling it of course! And what can we use? The tiny handheld boxes in our pocketses that know everything we've ever wanted to know. So take it on out! Take it out doctor and scroll through! Cycle through those top five until you've loaded up those pleasure receptors or until your plane lands. Well, it'll be awhile til you deplane, you've got awhile, keep it out. And hell, you can just keep scrolling as you walk! No one needs to look up these days. We've evolved a 6th sense guiding us like bats down hallways and streets with our eyes on the drug, not the road. As long as there's not sinkholes. That happens from time to time and makes the news. Usually caught on camera by someone else taping something in the periphery on their phone.

                The problem is that we fill it with an even deeper void than the boredom. Content that has no value. Uncontent. Articles that say nothing. Status updates about someone's dinner. Garbage completely devoid of humanity. Robotics. So, we've created a monster. This monster goes unnoticed to most, it hides in our synapses. It's something we've never seen before. Have you ever seen someone on inhalants?

                Unboredom Blues is a pathology. It is a filthy mental state we reach, a mental illness we contract. The boredom that we so hysterically run from becomes UNBOREDOM. It is not a cure from, or lack of, boredom. It is a mutation and bastardization of boredom. And it is dangerous. It eats souls, and is the reason I'm here. And I mean that literally, the soul eating."

                "You burned a Verizon store to the ground. That's why you're here. Do you remember that?"

                "Yes, I saved two people from sickness."

                "From Unboredom?"

                "Yes, there were two people going into that store with non-functioning iPhones. They hadn't been connected for nearly an entire day, and it was starting to wear on them. I stopped them from their warranties."

                "Don't you think they just went to a different store and got their new phones?"

                "No, I told them about Unboredom. I opened their eyes."

                "Did they listen?"

                "Yes. I saved them. I could see it in their eyes."

                "Rollie, those were the two people that the police interviewed in depth as witnesses. They said they were afraid of you. I don't think you changed their minds about their cellphones. They recounted to the police that you engaged them in aggressive conversation about your lack of lateral incisors, and how they lived in your basement, the teeth. When the employees of the store asked you to leave, you took your tools out of your backpack and set the desk on fire. This spread to the rest of the room and ultimately engulfed the building in flames. You refused to leave when the building was evacuated and the fire department had to pull you out against your will. They said you were about 30 seconds from being enveloped. Do you remember that?"

                "No. But that makes no difference."

                "Why not?"

                "Because I saved those women."

                "I'm sorry, but I don't think you changed their opinions about their devices. Rollie, that's one of the things we are going to work on here. I want you to accept that these ideas you have might not be helpful. They might not be grounded in reality. I want to work with you on that. Are you willing to do that with me?"

                "No, of course I'm not. If you can't get me into that jury box, I'm not interested. You have nothing to offer."

                "Have you considered that perhaps your fixation on this disease could in fact be caused by something in your mind? A condition that needs stabilization? That's what I'd like to help you with."

                Rollie didn't answer.

                "Rollie, it's clear from your records that you have Bipolar I disorder, and I believe you are suffering from delusions. These delusions have now become dangerous to you and others. That's why you're here. And you will not be released until we deem that you are no longer a danger. As I said, I am here to help you. I want to help you to see clearly and abandon these notions. They only hurt you."

                "Do whatever you like. I've been here before and I'll be here again. You are a pit stop and your help is hollow. Don't forget, you're sick as well. And maybe, just maybe, I will help you to see clearly. And set your little box on fire too. I see you fingering it in your pocket."

                "Are you satisfied with our talk for the day? Have you explained your theory to me in its entirety?"

                "I've said enough."

                "Well then I'll see you back here tomorrow, okay?"

                "I live in the end of the world at night."

                "We can cover that next time."

[allbestnet]

1,013 Ideas

1) anxiety coach 2) A way for software developers to donate their time to charity 3) A place for rich people to send their kids so they get humbled before they go to college 4) an actual business that you pay to go into and beat the crap out of stuff like old cars 5) Twitter, except it's anonymous, and you can share all you secrets 6) A website that you subscribe to and it sends you a personalized motivational text every morning 7) You know those photo frames that are digital? Instead of photos they can display motivational photos or quotes. 8) A website like linkedin, except a company pays you to work for them for two weeks with the option of extending to full-time. 9) An alarm clock that calls your ex if you don't get up. Or picks a random photo in your phone and sends it to your parents. 10) An aquarium desktop background. But seriously nowadays we can do better. We can improve it to make it awesome again! 11) Coffee shop where they bring the coffee and pastries to your table. No tips required 12) A heavy coat with a hawaiian shirt pattern 13) A website where you input what kind of bread you want, like banana pumpkin bread, and they custom make it and ship it to you. Then there's a voting system where the most popular breads get voted to the top and are mass produced. 14) caricatures on demand 15) In-n-out sauce mass produced and sold in grocery stores 16) A coffee shop that's just a window 17) Personal coaching should be more like... utilized 18) Soda that gets you drunk 19) A coffee shop... ON A ROOF! 20) Robot horses for Central Park. 21) An alarm clock that's actually a light that simulates the sunrise. I know they already invented that. 22) A cuff that goes on your arm and vibrates when it's time to wake up. Would be good for people who sleep with ear plugs or don't want to wake other people up. 23) Windows that let air in when they're closed. I have no idea if that could actually work. 24) Handicap parking spots have little chips in them that connect to a chip under a handicap car... if it doesn't detect a chip in the car it gives you a ticket. 25) Plants you can buy and you water them with a special water that makes them turn colors like blue. 26) Chia pet wigs. 27) All cops should have body cams by now 28) Stolen from reddit: water cups that dissolve when in contact with sugar/soda. 29) A website that takes random words from the dictionary then arranges them to make crazy ideas with the click of a button. 30) A sock washer. I always feel like the bottoms of my socks get dirty. I wish I could find a way to make them white again. 31) A cross between James Altucher's iii:am and Lynda (online programming tutorials). 32) Bookstore like workshop cafe. You go in, can read any books you want and pay by the hour. Plus comfy chairs and soothing quiet music in the background. 33) A board game designed specifically for when your power goes out. 34) Wallets made out of the fabric of old couches. Do they need to be waterproof? 35) A combination between a coffee shop and a bookstore. Also steal from that workshop cafe idea I posted earlier. 36) An amusement park that only serves super healthy food. 37) A flag that stays up even when it's not windy. 38) Blinds that are vertical so dust doesn't collect on them. 39) A VC bank for average people that have good ideas. 40) An airplane company that has live entertainment on the plane. Like Macbeth. 41) Uber for commuting. 42) A robot that walks your dogs. Or even an on demand service that walks your dogs for you. Uber for dogs. Am I doing Uber overkill here? 43) Startup houses that are run by professionals and kept clean and cheap 44) A way of sharing HBO with people that is legal 45) A really cheap service that you can use to send flowers to people. Not like a bouquet, just a single flower. Just to let them know you're thinking of them. 46) Handheld laptop bags. Because when you wear a backpack or a strapped case it makes you sweaty in hot weather. 47) Sleeping mask but for your ears. OKAY, I KNOW EARPLUGS EXIST. But there's gotta be a better way and more comfortable way of keeping the outside quiet when you're trying to sleep. 48) Glasses that act as a flashlight but don't have any glare. So you can read your book in the dark but it doesn't hurt your eyes or irritate/ wake up other people. 49) What ever happened to those ion cleaner weird air fan things? Are the ions still killing me? Do I need to buy one? 50) Crowdfunding for homeless people 51) Uber except they send people to take care of you when you're sick. Okay, that's enough Uber. 52) Headphones that don't actually play music, they just act like ear plugs that you can wear when you're sleeping. 53) A restaurant where you can taste like a little bit of every entree instead of looking at a menu, then pick the one you want to have a full meal of. 54) A fake cover for a PC that makes it look like a mac 55) An app where people walking by your house can be notified about who you are if you feel like socializing and just kind of meet strangers on the fly. It sounds unsafe but some kinks could probably be worked out 56) A whiteboard/chalkboard with no residue. IS IT POSSIBLE? 57) Soles of your shoe that are resistant to sticky substances like gum 58) A way to give your phone charge to your computer and vice versa 59) A service that cleans your shoes. Seriously, how do you clean regular shoes. I don't understand. Do you just throw them in the washer? 60) Okay, okay, the last uber one. An uber app where you can call a car to come and pick up your food and unused supplies, clothing, etc to donate them to charity. 61) A notebook that you write into that immediately digitizes your notes and sends them to your computer. 62) Something that looks like a book but can change depending on what book you program into it. Like those newspapers in Harry Potter. 63) A bar right next to a baseball/football stadium where you can down a bunch of cheap drinks before you go to the game. 64) Nutritional trail mix. Like it has vitamins and minerals in it. And electrolytes. 65) VR headset that stimulates your dreams while you sleep. 66) You know the facebook poke button? A way to do that with your professional contacts if you just want to check in with them. Well, I mean you can already do that by giving them a call or a text but like, maybe something simpler than that. 67) A way to relieve the annoyance of automated robot phone systems. 68) Cough or cold medicine with caffeine in it. 69) Dorms for software developers in San Francisco. Would make living a lot cheaper. And without the meal plans of course. 70) Alternative college that you only go to for two years but is designed to get you a serious grown up job like engineer or doctor etc 71) A communal dishwasher that makes it easier to deal with. 72) Pets for mental health relief. I mean they already made that but like, that counts as an idea. 73) Bubbles you can eat. Like you blow the bubbles, then you can put them in your mouth and they taste good. No calories either. 74) Digital paintings. 75) A kind of residue/resin you can put on wood that's started to splinter. So it will smooth it out without making the wood look crappy. 76) You know how a lot of buildings in the city have shitty ceilings? Like, linoleum for ceilings. 77) Rubber couch 78) Fire alarm that attaches to your clothes. So you can have a fire alarm even in a place that doesn't have it installed. Or maybe for your car. 79) An app that connects to your facebook and lets you anonymously give people feedback. Like, just general feedback. 80) Gag popcorn that looks like it's made out of asbestos. 81) Not really a new idea, but someone should make earmuffs popular again. 82) Neon lights for your car. 83) Sunglasses where you click a button and it blacks them out, so you can take a nap. 84) Manila folders that aren't manila colored! 85) American flag socks. Well, actually american flag anything. 86) A chair that can fit in your backpack. 87) Decorative woven cotton wire covers 88) Leather socks 89) A way to efficiently access your computer through your phone. Like kind of like Teamviewer, except it would be optimized so there would be no issues using a touch screen instead of clicking. 90) Something as small as a credit card that you can stick in your wallet but it charges your phone. Like it just gives you maybe 20% but it's for emergencies and you would always carry it with you. 91) Company recruiting service that lets you spend a whole work day with an employee instead of interviewing etc. 92) Electronic whiteboard 93) Toe covers that protect your toes from getting blisters. 94) A service that you can use to pay people (any people) to answer questions. Like if I wanted to ask what it was like to work at Google, I could pay a Google employee through their website and they would answer any of my questions. 95) Hand sanitizer dispensers in subways 96) Something that you spray on your feet at the end of the day that makes them not smell. 97) A coffee shop that charges a monthly fee and you can stop by whenever to grab coffee. Most likely it would be on an honor system where you would only go a max of two times per day. God knows how many times some people would go to get unlimited coffee. 98) A service like thinkful or hack hands where engineers give advice to amateur engineers. Except this service would be like hack hands except for foreign language students to ask questions of native speakers or language teachers. 99) Eraseable sharpie 100) An app that grabs every contact from every social network and compiles them into like a universal contact book. Because right now in the apple contact app you have to like manually put everything in. Even if you integrate facebook sometimes it can make it all messed up and ugly. 101) Cup holders made of sandpaper 102) Skin colored tiny band aids that you put on your face to stop yourself from picking zits 103) Cologne that doubles as a bug repellant 104) Eye contacts that have instagram filters 105) Shirts that change color depending on the temperature 106) Shirts that change color when they get wet. Maybe not great if you're sweating. Or maybe awesome? 107) Holographic home decorations so you don't have to buy a ton of shit from Crate & Barrel or Pier Imports or whatever 108) Headphones that are inside a beanie 109) Gloves that make your hands stick to a wall and you can climb them like a spider. Defective ones would probably make people die though... 110) Vertical ironing board 111) Coffee pills that you put in regular water and it magically turns to coffee that doesn't taste like dirt 112) Upside down showers 113) Shoes that you put on and they automagically massage your feet. 114) A site where you put in your desired salary and your employer puts in their desired salary for you and the site does the negotiating for you! 115) Apple should make computers with different fruits on them. 116) A backpack that goes on your front. A frontpack. I guess they already do that though for tourists in countries where people like to steal stuff out of your backpack. 117) Bring fanny packs back! 118) Flexible water bottles. Like made out of... rubber or something. So they don't make a lot of noise 119) Pumpkins that you can carve but they don't rot. GMO?? 120) Soundproof bathrooms 121) A visual representation of a github repo over time 122) Mosquito repellant cologne. Wait, did I already do that? Oops. Still counts this time. 123) Mosquito repellant breath mints 124) Detergent gel 125) Chairs that recline so you can lay down 126) A device that lets you lie down in supine position and still type on your computer or read a book or whatever 127) An iphone case that holds gum 128) Liquid nitrogen for mosquito bites to make them not itch. Not sure if that's dangerous. Lots of dangerous ideas today. 129) Sharpie that you can spray 130) Refrigerator stickers for your car 131) Reusable tissues 132) Solar panels for the moon 133) Underwater solar panels in the ocean 134) CSI video game 135) IRC app for iphone/android 136) modern version of usenet 137) chapstick for your elbows 138) automatic head scratcher machine 139) a better way of washing clothes than washing machine and dryer. like a steamer or something 140) sunglasses with shutter lenses 141) anti acid reflux soda 142) garbage collecting drones 143) garbage collecting rc cars 144) rc cars that adults can ride on. remember those hummers they made for kids? 145) A clock with like six hands that has three different time zones 146) bean bags literally filled with beans 147) one of those sleeping cds filled with passing car sounds at night 148) A way to transfer charge between your phone and your laptop 149) A book that has two books, like on every left page is one book and every right page is the other 150) soylent that doesnt taste like crushed oatmeal shake 151) keyboards that are shaped to fit in your lap 152) headphones that are made of rubber 153) a personal blog directory that you can easily browse through 154) blockbuster for books. IT IS DIFFERENT FROM A LIBRARY in that they carry the most recent and popular titles, and that is why you pay to rent them out. or unlimited for a monthly fee like netflix 155) a less acidic version of coffee. like odulles for coffee. 156) an app that you give your location, then it matches you with the nearest, cheapest, highest quality doctor for your specific case. it takes the hassle out of scheduling doctor appointments, especially in new cities etc 157) khan academy for art 158) computer monitors that look like the kindle screens 159) electronic whiteboards 160) cigs/cigars that make colorful smoke. Probably could also work for e-cigs 161) an automatic machine that thinks of ideas for you 162) cruise ships for people that are almost dead 163) i hate zits 164) Furniture rental 165) electric mop 166) biking shoes that light up 167) powdered sugar lollipops 168) sweatshirt for your legs 169) shoes that float 170) subways should have hand sanitizer dispensers 171) blogging website where you dictate your blog post and it will convert it to text for you 172) caffeine injections 173) mouses for tablets - I think the correct word is mice, the electronic ones 174) wood shoes 175) back pocket on your sweatshirt that holds a laptop like a kangaroo pouch 176) aluminum shirts 177) a sound monitor for your house that lets you know if someone broke in 178) concerts on twitch.tv 179) flip flops with covers just so you don't get the wind chill on your toes. like slippers but they can be taken seriously 180) pets for your pets 181) some pill that reduces the effect of caffeine 182) slippers that vibrate and heat up 183) socks that change color depending on the temperature 184) airbnb except the host also gives you a tour around their city. would prob cost a lot more 185) sheets that stick to your clothes so they never come off at night 186) pillows that clean themselves 187) doors not made of wood 188) sweatshirts that have optional gloves. like theyre attached but theres a way of hiding them if you don't want to wear them 189) keyboards made of wood 190) wireless earbuds for when you run 191) Backpack that has an umbrella attached to the top so it protects you from the sun and rain 192) gum that is made to be swallowed 193) Clothes dyeing service or better yet, a free service by fashion students to spice up your old clothes 194) ipads with screens that you can write on with expo markers 195) transparent shoes 196) hollow lightbulbs 197) gum that doesn't stick to stuff so students can't stick it under their desk or on the bus 198) books sold with a pair of ear plugs 199) shoes that double as vacuum cleaners. or swiffers 200) jeans with built in suspenders that go under your shirt 201) robot cats 202) a real pumpkin filled with the ingredients you need to make pumpkin pie 203) fruity coffee 204) chocolate covered coffee beans 205) coffee covered chocolate beans 206) glove dispensers on the muni 207) inside out bagels 208) knife except the end is blunt so you can't stab anyone with it 209) uber for laundry 210) coffee based on alcoholic drinks 211) vacuum sealed fruits 212) rubber wrist watch 213) keyboards made of the lava lamp stuff 214) tie dye shoes 215) tie dye hats 216) subway sandwiches that look like a subway car 217) books that stay open 218) built in stand in laptop 219) rolling beanbag 220) edible fake money 221) flavored musical instruments 222) a clothing store where you pay a monthly fee and you can wear whatever they have 223) mesh socks 224) mesh beanie. wait, isn't that a hairnet? 225) roll on cologne 226) a running shoe/dress shoe hybrid 227) shoes coated in teflon 228) luggage that has that hole thing in it that you attach your vacuum to and it vacuum seals it 229) earbuds covered in velvet 230) water guns that shoot glow in the dark water 231) pumpkin pie that is shaped like a pumpkin 232) beard shampoo 233) sweatpants that hide your sweat like dri fit 234) running shoes for adults that light up. would be esp good for night running 235) exercise classes specifically for programmers 236) a refrigerator backpack 237) a bandaid designed specifically for paper cuts to make them hurt less 238) a website where you make a post about yourself and other people decide what the best career for you is 239) a website where you can web chat with a lawyer for a flat rate 240) colorful cola 241) sweatshirts with hoodies that have headphones in them. but you can remove them when you need to wash them 242) spandex sweatshirts 243) inflatable shoes 244) backpacks that have built in phone chargers 245) cough syrup except it's not for a cough its for a headache. so headache syrup 246) an online record player 247) virtual reality basketball 248) chairs that you can sit sideways in 249) robot that automatically cuts your hair 250) something safer than q tips for cleaning ears 251) insider guides for tourists to feel like a native 252) mental hospitals designed specifically for homeless people 253) carpet for ceilings and walls 254) 10c surcharge for disposable cups at starbucks 255) an app that shows where the homeless people are in san francisco 256) an app that shows in real time where the densest traffic is in the city 257) speakers in shoes 258) jeans that are khaki colored 259) gum that biodegrades quickly 260) glass coffee cups 261) an app that translates a TOS (terms of service) into plain english 262) A vodka or champagne bottle that looks like a fire extinguisher 263) headphones inside a bicycle or motorcycle helmet 264) biodegradable diapers 265) shoes with gold bottoms 266) polyester socks 267) automatic hair braider machine 268) automatic condom making machine 269) digital whistle 270) rubber headphone covers so they don't fall out of your ears 271) cronuts that don't taste like shit 272) fetty wap voice modulizer app 273) books made out of edible paper 274) water cups that have fake holes in them 275) jeans that have a bunch of jeans on them. like a decorative pattern so they're like jean jeans 276) jeans that say billy. billy jeans 277) coffee popsicles 278) walnut milk 279) coconut pizza 280) stickers that you put on your nails instead of nail polish 281) Portable microwave 282) Illegal immigrants are granted citizenship after working and paying taxes for a period of time 283) Camera in your shoe 284) Digital paintings 285) Shirts that have paintings on them by freelance artists. Like a site sells them from different artists for a reasonable price. 286) Flying trash can drones 287) A service that comes to your house for like $5 and gets rid of all the things you don't want 288) Uber for cleaning ladies 289) Painting on a large flat rock that you can put on your wall 290) A watch made out of glass. Or something that looks similar to glass but doesn't break as easily. 291) an app called payback where you pay people to get your revenge. like, in a civil way 292) James brown soundboard or voicemail message generator 293) tripod for your phone 294) remote karate lessons via webcam 295) a millisecond timer 296) a reverse doorknob 297) you know those things that you crack and they warm up? use that stuff to warm your food 298) hair gel for places other than your head 299) an app that delivers a party to you! 300) online flannel shirt generator 301) rimshot app or a website where you click a button to make a rimshot 302) an app where you say a catchphrase and it tells you where its from 303) instead of those mug huggers that keep you from burning your hand on your coffee use a recycled sock 304) an app that plays ocean sounds until it detects you've gone to sleep then it turns off your phone 305) hot iced tea 306) snapple made out of apples 307) hollowed out fruits as drink cups 308) edible plates 309) edible napkins 310) vegetable cookies 311) send a letter to someone famous and ask their advice 312) pizza with the toppings under the cheese 313) pizza with toppings in the crust 314) post-its that are sticky on both sides 315) airbnb for office space 316) sweatshirts that zip up on the back 317) shoes that you zip instead of tie 318) bubble gum flavored mints 319) aa batteries that you can plug in 320) flip flops made of recycled shoes 321) carbonated water infused with fruit juice 322) edible post it notes 323) service that intentionally paints your car like a taxi 324) cardboard clothes for homeless people (cardboard couture?) 325) candles that smell like good food 326) food that smells like candles 327) coffee slurpee 328) shoes made out of recycled corn husks 329) popcorn except it's made out of something else that pops... 330) a device that attaches to your waist and holds a book in front of your face so you don't have to strain your neck 331) tea pods that you drop in hot water instead of tea bags. they dissolve so you don't have to try to fish out the tea bag and throw it away 332) carbonated spirits 333) elastic belts 334) GMO potatoes that taste like a seasoned baked potato 335) popsicles that look like politicians 336) an apartment complex specifically designed for community living. like campus, except not a failed startup. improve on whatever made them fail - it looks like aiming for the high end market was an issue 337) champagne flavored orange juice. except it's non alcoholic like odulles and super cheap. so you can start every morning feeling like the 1% 338) orange flavored latte 339) pumpkin flavored ice cream 340) banana soda 341) bahn mi grilled cheese 342) Water bottles made of rubber 343) College designed for one specific job 344) job sponsored toastmasters 345) Refugee island 346) Shrink wrap for food 347) Busses for rich people 348) Scented tissues 349) Battery powered skateboards 350) Paper shoes 351) water balloons filled with cleaning liquid so cleaning your house is more fun 352) Fantasy football except it generates fake footage of all your players together 353) trash cans that have a pipe at the bottom automatically sending everything to a reservoir 354) coffee delivery service 355) ice cream delivery service 356) ice cream with coffee bean chunks in it 357) ice cubes made of coffee 358) An internship that takes place in a new country every month 359) A calculator that understands plain english (voice) 360) coffee flavored bubble gum 361) legal pads that have a different color for every page 362) carbonated ice cubes 363) carbonated ice cream 364) sprite float 365) mesh sunglasses cover 366) coffee straws 367) aluminum sunglass frames 368) washing machine that depills clothes 369) jean short shorts 370) jean hat 371) shortbread shaped like shorts 372) a cafe designed for business meetings and catching up with friends, so like it's soundproofed maybe? 373) a service that connects dogs that need to be walked with obese people who need to walk 374) rainbow taxis 375) rainbow hair dye 376) incense deodorant/cologne 377) sweatpants that look like jeans 378) an apartment complex with a subsidized grocery store built into it 379) you know how they have food co-ops? how about a school/education co-op. 380) an island for homeless people 381) air freshener that fits in your pocket 382) uber designed to take you from public transport destination straight to your doorstop for pennies 383) chairs that you buy at the store and can easily decorate them yourself 384) a service where if you're having a bad day you can borrow a shelter dog 385) microwaveable raw pasta 386) pasta sauce with 24k gold flakes in it 387) heels that have invisible filling so it doesn't feel like you're walking in heels 388) startup pitch generator website 389) a service where you pay someone to go to a conference then pretends to be you and networks with people 390) coffee with vitamins 391) news articles on water bottles 392) digital posters 393) a frame on your wall that uploads the front page of new york times every morning 394) orange socks 395) socks that smell like oranges 396) mugs with built in straws 397) an alarm that rings a few times a day reminding you what your priorities are 398) frappucino without sugar and maybe add protein 399) protein water 400) edible newspaper 401) brown paper bags that aren't brown 402) spaghetti made of bread 403) baked ice cream 404) public cubbies in the city 405) bike stealer vigilante service 406) ceiling fans that spin vertically 407) gyms that pay you to go 408) windows that clean themselves 409) skateboards that run on gasoline 410) adopt a rapper program 411) a gym that gives you a monthly discount based on your bmi 412) aluminum foil pants 413) night vision goggles for truck drivers 414) an app that explains all the currently trending hashtags on twitter 415) flowers that grow in reverse 416) suits made out of nike dri-fit 417) shoes designed to be put in the washing machine without breaking their form 418) take out boxes made out of thick rice paper 419) milkshakes with artificial sweetener 420) in honor of 420 - marijuana milkshakes 421) coffee mugs that are made out of recycled coffee plants 422) a backscratching blanket that you can lay on 423) peanuts that taste like other nuts 424) alcoholic protein shakes 425) a curvy iphone called a jphone 426) odulles for vodka 427) peanut butter jelly quesadilla 428) GMO apples with caramel flavor in it 429) the talking trout thing that you can attach to the front of your car 430) Indian sushi 431) a service where you talk to someone on the phone about your job goals and life and they make a resume for you in less than 30 minutes. 432) a restaurant where they give you the recipe for whatever you order when you're done eating 433) chair that sits on a roomba so it can drive you around 434) free weight loss program where they send you to the desert and you have to find your way back 435) every guy spends a significant amount of their life shaving. we need shave consultants to make shaving as pleasant of an experience as possible 436) shoes that have tv screens on them 437) sugar-ed pretzels 438) head wax for balding people 439) beard donation for the less fortunate 440) concrete rings 441) carbonated milk 442) root beer ice cream 443) talking trash cans that compliment you when you put something in it 444) neck warmers for giraffes 445) whiteboards that are black 446) books made of kelp 447) a phone and wallet hybrid 448) gum flavored food 449) food flavored gum 450) elevators that have quick exercise machines in them 451) peanuts with extra protein 452) chocolate covered peanuts 453) peanut reeses 454) beard softener cream 455) coconut covered almonds 456) running shoes that are covered in reflective material 457) socks that are covered in reflective material 458) chewing gum that has vitamins or caffeine in it 459) hats with reflective tape on them 460) whiteboard markers that smell like fruit 461) crowdsourced maps that says where people go the most often or fav places 462) carbonated coffee 463) bars that have a section for underage people where they have odulles 464) a starbucks inside a starbucks 465) iphones that run android 466) cars that have glow in the dark wheels 467) concrete shoes 468) spotify for movies 469) uber for haircuts 470) diet chocolate 471) savory soda 472) shower that heats up the rest of the room so when you get out you're still warm 473) warm floor tiles 474) vegan fried chicken 475) nair branded for mens faces 476) shoes that are made to last a lifetime 477) ipads for mute people to help them talk 478) t shirts with turtle necks 479) chewing gum that has an appetite suppressant 480) home milkshake maker 481) sock dryer for when it rains and you get wet socks 482) hydrophobic socks 483) spicy pancakes, maybe pumpkin 484) reeses lollipops 485) chewy gummy lollipops 486) virtual job interview service 487) a fancy pants restaurant that only serves breakfast 488) a service where you switch jobs with someone in the same industry across the world for 3 months 489) waterproof running shoes 490) disposable umbrellas 491) tinder for food 492) app to post ideas that drunk people have 493) an app that connects drunk or high people with enterpreneurs to give them ideas 494) live stream karaoke 495) free boats for homeless people 496) yelp for barbers 497) live streaming for drunk people 498) tinder for biceps 499) uber for coffee 500) bring back the dinosaurs 501) messaging for github 502) popsicle delivery on a hot day. like it's a government funded charity to make the city happy 503) github AI detector to automatically solve merge issues 504) a chrome extension that adds a chatroom to every page on the internet 505) a website that you put a bunch of ideas into and it tells you objectively the best idea 506) a website where drunk people can entertain people for money 507) a phone cover that changes color depending on heat 508) a mood ring that tightens whenever you get angry 509) an anonymous essay writing platform 510) twitter for poetry 511) locks for your bagel bags to stop bagel thieves 512) anonymous polling service for college lectures 513) a cover for your phone that displays the date and time on the back 514) uber for homeless people 515) airbnb for pets 516) blogging platform for kids 517) cookies with fruit in them 518) fruitcake for the whole year round 519) brownie lollipops like cake pops 520) interactive vim tutorial in browser 521) free programming classes at libraries 522) vegetable flavored candy 523) grape on a stick 524) liquid graphite pens 525) cameras in your home that determine your pet's mood when you leave 526) a city where cars drive above ground but all the sidewalks are below ground 527) a blog platform specifically made for people trying to lose weight 528) an IDE that has real time chat with team members or people who are working on similar projects 529) a reality show that puts a bunch of drug using rock stars in a convent 530) instagram for programmers 531) aws tutorial for total beginners 532) justin bieber website that shows the progression of his music over time 533) blogs that you can only view if you're near the location they were posted 534) charity that gives domain names to promising web developers in 3rd world countries 535) service that hooks up a college freshman with a senior for a whole year and helps them get adjusted 536) beer that has protein 537) beer that gets you drunk but only on friday and saturday nights 538) tinder for homeless people 539) concert livestreams 540) tour bus livestreams for musicians (possibly on twitch.tv) 541) community lounge sponsored by cities (i.e. taxpayer money) 542) a school where you study in a different country for every semester 543) social workers that live in the projects 544) art gallery for kids under 5 years old 545) an app where you let other people listen to whatever you are listening to within a 1 mi radius 546) a dating website that matches you based on things you hate 547) a robot car that picks you up from an airport in a foreign city and generates a list of touristy things to do then takes you to each one 548) High heels with rubber heels 549) pool with a glass bottom on the second floor of a house 550) electronic pool table where everything is virtual 551) neck pad to prevent neck pain while using the computer 552) neck warmer that is literally a cat 553) justin bieber action figure 554) bill cosby pudding pops (not sure if they will sell very good now) 555) messaging platform for github 556) hacker news chatroom 557) a website that calculates how long until you die / how long you've been alive 558) league of legends in real life 559) headphones that are 100% biodegradable 560) gum that tastes like italian food 561) earplugs that are sticky so they stay in your ear 562) website that integrates with facebook and makes a graph visualization with your social network 563) watch that vibrates depending on your mood 564) food that freshens your breath after you're finished eating it 565) watch that tells you it's time to get a watch 566) rainbow deodorant 567) deodorant that smells like food 568) edible highlighter 569) TAs for your life 570) shoes that are gum resistant 571) glasses that track your eye movements all day 572) wireless computer charger 573) jacket made out of a blanket 574) computer chair that supports your neck 575) tylenol that has ambien in it 576) fig newton without figs 577) animated curtains 578) air conditioner that puts fresh smells in the air 579) headphones with a cup holder 580) professional quote maker manual 581) gum that doesn't stick to surfaces like under desk, sidewalks, etc. 582) holographic newspaper ads 583) bring back the pet rock 584) healthy jamba juice. Like Suja but made fresh and cheaper. 585) fruit flavored cola 586) savory soda 587) nylon jackets that don't make crinkly noises 588) computer that tracks your face and automatically tilts the screen to reduce neck strain 589) wallet made out of carpet 590) waterproof carpet 591) watch that can switch between analog and digital 592) jeans made out of cashmere 593) lotion for your hair 594) sponges that are infused with soap 595) jackets that keep you cold instead of hot 596) hot ice cubes. like not made of ice but it keeps your drink hot 597) book that tells a different story if you start reading from the back 598) alarm clock that yells at you instead of ringing 599) blog website for pets 600) lollipops that contain vitamins - for kids 601) apple watch that detects your mood when running and plays music accordingly 602) athletic shoes that automatically cool off your feet 603) waterproof socks 604) reflective socks 605) antibacterial tissues 606) salsa for foods that are not mexican 607) water bottle that is compostable 608) rent a shelter dog service 609) sunglasses that absorb sunlight and converts it to energy 610) sunglasses that change color depending on the intensity of light 611) eraser that whitens after it erases 612) community office space paid for by the city 613) free coffee for monthly muni/bart pass holders 614) flash drive that also can project images 615) electronic water bottle that cools down its contents 616) iphone case that turns red when your phone is overheating 617) magazine about magazines 618) headphones combined with earmuffs 619) beanie that keeps your head cool but blocks noise, mainly for use while you sleep maybe you can pull it over your eyes too to block out light 620) hair salon that gives you a surprise haircut every time 621) tie dye water glasses 622) water bottles with text that changes color indicating temperature 623) pencil eraser that makes your paper smell good 624) thot radar 625) headphones that amplify noise outside them 626) office chairs with seat warmers 627) office chairs with seat coolers 628) windbreaker that doesn't make crinkly noises 629) shower phone 630) a combination between wine and beer 631) spaghetti sauce with vitamins 632) digital magic 8 ball 633) electric bicycle 634) book where each chapter is a shortened version of a classic book 635) app to find the nearest public toilet 636) app to find where really nice cars are driving around 637) tv channel that just has audiobooks on 24/7 638) flavored rain 639) pumpkin spice almonds 640) blogging platform for charities 641) portable vinyl player 642) jacket made of hair 643) bus that has a bar in it 644) kindle that has the texture of a book cover 645) stickers that light up 646) beanie with a built in heater 647) breadsticks with marinara sauce inside them 648) inside out pizza 649) jean socks 650) exit signs that have built in fire & carbon monoxide detectors 651) a boat inside a boat 652) office chairs that massage your back while you work 653) sharpies that aren't permanent 654) public trash cans that automatically compact themselves 655) licorice flavored lollipop 656) savory churro 657) a guide to saving money written by a gangster 658) permanent expo markers 659) hand sanitizer that doesn't smell like alcohol 660) fetty wap voice modulator app 661) a restaurant that only sells mac and cheese 662) backpacks for pets 663) peanut butter and jelly breadsticks 664) bread that's fortified with protein 665) waterproof jeans 666) transparent jackets 667) movie theater where everyone has to share a free giant bucket of popcorn 668) digital stop signs 669) baguette with fruit baked in 670) painting where the center is blank but the art is on the frame 671) soylent for pets 672) stickers you can put on your zits 673) socks that light up like a christmas tree 674) weight scale that shows you a motivational message every time you step on it 675) get paid to translate foreign text and learn a language at the same time 676) protein bars that are made of fruit (like a lara bar) 677) TVs with personality 678) jacket with gloves that you can wear or hide in the sleeves 679) vine for musicians 680) alarm clock that punches you in the face when it's time to get up 681) burrito filled with chinese food (e.g. orange chicken) 682) protein bar that tastes like mint chocolate chip ice cream 683) pita chips that are sour cream & onion flavored 684) savory soda 685) dessert nachos 686) waterproof baseball cap 687) shoes that tie themselves 688) post-it notes that smell good 689) colorful plastic water bottles 690) a laundry machine that you can play video games on while you're waiting 691) tissues that change color when they're used 692) headphones that massage your ears 693) turtlenecks for exercise 694) jean underwear 695) lightbulbs that change color when they need to be replaced 696) napkins that you can put in the dishwasher 697) gloves that cover your fingers but not your palms 698) vegetables that taste like fruit 699) fruit lasagna/dessert lasagna 700) all rubber wristwatch 701) protein water 702) glow in the dark whiteboards 703) febreeze bidet 704) drones that fly lunch to your office 705) backpacks that go on your front (frontpacks) 706) jackets that button up on the back 707) self buttoning/zipping jacket 708) robot pets 709) bao burger 710) dog therapist 711) pre-seasoned rice 712) rice with protein 713) dinner cereal 714) shoes for your hands 715) glow in the dark jackets 716) sunglasses for sports 717) ceiling fan that periodically sprays air freshener 718) battery powered skateboards 719) toothpaste that you can swallow 720) mouthwash that comes in ketchup packs (portable) 721) diet ice cream 722) pie made out of whipped cream 723) polyester dress shirts 724) waterproof beanie 725) socks for your ears 726) vanilla brownies (whities/honkies) 727) square water bottles 728) tinder for racists 729) doorknobs that sanitize themselves 730) headphones that double as ear muffs 731) water bottles made of glass 732) headphones made of glass 733) sunscreen bar like a soap bar 734) double sided monitor 735) chest hair comb 736) coffee cup that you drink upside down 737) keyboard that emits smells 738) gym for only fat people 739) fast food restaurant that discounts if you're fat 740) bike that charges your phone when you ride it 741) backpack that you wear on your head 742) beanie that you throw in the freezer and it cools your head 743) soundproof tent that you can take anywhere when you need some quiet 744) a book on how to write a book 745) shoes for dogs 746) glow in the dark pillows 747) pool table with hologram pool balls 748) beard wax 749) pain reliever soda 750) stress ball that talks back to you 751) subway for burritos 752) portable coffee mug that holds milk and sugar in the top 753) shoes that tie in the back 754) highlighters that are multiple colors 755) shirt with one long sleeve and one short sleeve 756) sushi with french fries in it 757) pickled fruit 758) nylon running gloves 759) edible christmas ornaments 760) headphones that turn into earbuds 761) vodka bottles shaped like water bottles 762) backpack that has no pockets 763) hat that has pockets 764) floss that doesn't cut off circulation to your fingers 765) salted fruit 766) vegetables dipped in chocolate 767) glow in the dark phone case 768) water fountains at gyms that are filled with gatorade 769) toothbrush with accelerometer that tracks your brushing habits over time 770) coffee cup that changes color depending on the temperature of the coffee 771) coffee flavored tablets that melt in your mouth for when you're in a rush 772) t-shirt made out of newspaper (print, not actual paper) 773) two sided fork 774) cell phone and wallet combination 775) app that takes 1 cent off your transactions and donates it to charity 776) jeans that zip from behind 777) zip up running shoes 778) google maps that gives you directions based on the least amount of trash and other unsightly things 779) cordless earbuds 780) lollipop that freshens your breath 781) coffee for nighttime 782) chipotle for greek food 783) edible air freshener 784) sunglasses with side mirrors 785) steel toe running shoes 786) uber for garbage men 787) a book about books 788) sharpie that smells fruity 789) burrito with mac and cheese inside 790) colored contact lenses 791) dating app where you can only go out with a person if you've gone out with one of their friends 792) pineapple that smells like pine and tastes like apple 793) phone case that's edible 794) tortilla chips that taste like burrito 795) ear coolers 796) spray bottle that has breath freshener in it 797) headphones that vibrate 798) tylenol soda 799) breakfast sushi 800) rectangular water bottle 801) trash can that compliments you when you put trash in it 802) security cameras with smiley faces on them 803) air conditioner that warms up when you say turn up the heat and vice versa 804) microwave that warms up the room (and doesn't kill everyone) 805) rain jacket that gets warmer the wetter it gets 806) an autobiography generator - then again, I guess it would be a biography 807) socks that vibrate 808) deodorant for your under-areas 809) a car horn that plays a loud annoying guitar riff 810) a barber that gives you a book of haircuts to choose instead of just saying a little off the top etc 811) a music player that changes music depending on your pulse strength, rate, etc 812) a pill that quenches your thirst 813) hair gel that doubles as cologne 814) transparent cologne stickers that you can just stick on your skin 815) grilled carrots 816) burrito with african food 817) breakfast sushi 818) lightbulb that emits smells 819) a watch that literally tells you what time it is 820) a tie that ties itself 821) cereal bowl that separates the cereal and the milk 822) two sided spoon 823) spoon with a hole in it so it filters out the milk when you're eating cereal 824) coffee cup that keeps your coffee at the perfect drinking temperature 825) rainy weather shoes that have extra traction 826) office chairs that have neck and back massagers 827) wooden doorhandle 828) mirror that only reflects certain colors 829) reflective running shoes 830) tissues that smell good 831) pita chips that have hummus inside them 832) mexican food flavored lollipops 833) advil bottle that compliments you before you take some 834) baseball hat that has a football team on it 835) tabasco for desserts 836) spicy desserts in general 837) balloon filled with air freshener 838) reflective reading glasses 839) sushi with french fries inside 840) clothing line where every piece just has the name of the piece of clothing printed on it in big white letters 841) walnut brittle 842) sandals that you can wear in the rain 843) electric drum set 844) soda that's not carbonated 845) carbonated juice 846) clear lipstick 847) t shirt that changes colors every time it's washed 848) movie theatre for couples where each couple gets a private booth 849) edible action figures 850) umbrella hat, or just a waterproof hat 851) app that checks your happiness level on a scale of 1-10 throughout the day 852) weight loss coaching from your dog 853) water bottle with motivational words on them 854) an app that lets normal people carpool with food delivery runners 855) lightbulbs that get dimmer when they're about to die 856) luggage that gets picked up at your doorstep and gets sent to your destination 857) pre-toasted bread 858) bagels without the hole 859) socks with holes in the toes 860) a sock for your head 861) hair gel that colors your hair 862) hair gel that's edible 863) edible beanie babies 864) crystal light for food 865) water glass that's shaped like a water droplet 866) soda that tastes like water 867) socks that have built in toe warmers 868) socks that are waterproof 869) hearing aids that play music 870) frisbees for cats 871) netflix for music 872) netflix for cars 873) backpack that has a tv on the front 874) umbrella that is inverted 875) car boat hybrid 876) planes for the ocean 877) hat that has a clock on the front 878) church for atheists 879) self-warming pillow 880) haircut delivery 881) someone that comes to your house every morning and makes you coffee 882) hair salons that make your hair longer instead of shorter 883) self-cooling pillow 884) a hat that massages your head 885) different colored sunflowers 886) sugary sunflower seeds 887) instant coffee that doesn't taste like dirt 888) instant eggnog 889) uber for parties - they bring the party to you 890) tinder for things to do on lazy sundays 891) a site that recommends a book for you based on your mood 892) a sassy calendar app 893) vegetable juice that doesn't taste like vegetable juice 894) french fries made of something other than potato 895) leather umbrella 896) online dating for pets 897) online dating for pet owners but you can only see their pet photos not pictures of themselves 898) online dating except it's not dating you just use it to find chill friends to hang out with 899) poker except the winner gets to choose who has to permanently relocate to canada 900) artisanal fast food 901) beer that comes in gallon jugs 902) laundry detergent that smells like hot chocolate 903) airplanes where you lay down instead of sit in a chair 904) backpack with no straps... it just sticks to you 905) a chatroom exclusively for people who are having a headache 906) major league baseball except all the players are drunk 907) baseball hat that covers your ears 908) police officers that carry pool noodles instead of guns 909) cereal condiments 910) v necks... but for every letter in the alphabet 911) business incubator for restaurants 912) instant tea (powder instead of bags) 913) t shirt with a hood 914) denim socks 915) boxes not made out of cardboard 916) dating site that matches you based on what time you take a shower everyday 917) bicycle helmet with a flashlight on it 918) sunflower seeds with edible shells 919) anime for grandparents 920) a hat that has wifi 921) treadmill that dispenses a donut every 5K you run 922) dessert pasta 923) hawaii for cold weather 924) licorice that tastes fruity 925) twitter for toddlers 926) sausage company that teaches you german on the packaging 927) a magazine that gives you sparknotes on all the other magazines 928) cereal for lunch and dinner 929) scented socks 930) Amazon.com except you can only purchase things from the amazon rainforest 931) instead of food being delivered to you, you are delivered to the food 932) dessert popcorn 933) dipping popcorn 934) collared exercise shirts 935) dress clothes for exercising 936) a robot that you can argue with when you're stressed out 937) party foul police 938) mini golf, regular golf, and... huge golf 939) a bar called work. So you can say you're just going to work. 940) freelance cheerleaders that you can just hire for a day to cheer you on 941) coffee flavored candy 942) coffee flavored soda 943) blockbuster for household appliances 944) office chair that compliments you 945) getting married on a airline flight 946) stylish aprons for everyday wear 947) shoes for your hands 948) kale milkshake 949) americanized french fries 950) two sided iphone 951) beer in a plastic bottle 952) pretzels with sugar instead of salt 953) carbonated coffee 954) uber for baby deliveries/midwives 955) iced tea in capri-sun packets 956) paintings by dogs 957) pillows that vibrate 958) no bake brownies 959) benches that are made specifically for sleeping on 960) concrete trees 961) wigs for dogs 962) cold cocoa 963) sneeze stopper 964) cough blocker 965) nyquil lollipops 966) paintball except with delicious edible paint 967) indoor camping 968) diet s'mores 969) vibrating headphones 970) real gnomes 971) edible coffee mugs 972) chocolate dipped graham crackers 973) gummy bear that is the size of an actual bear 974) consultants for your life 975) sweet popcorn 976) flannel that is not plaid 977) funyun seasoning 978) vegetable chips 979) vegetable rings. like onion rings but for other vegetables 980) business jacket with a hoodie 981) palm tree garnish 982) coconut cereal 983) a bakery that doesn't sell bread 984) bread clothing 985) a train that you can ride for free if you dance the whole time 986) gym on a train 987) wallet made out of money 988) vegetarian chicken and waffles 989) trump wig 990) 4 wheeled bike 991) sparknotes for movies 992) chocolate snow cone 993) chocolate covered toast 994) ice cubes made out of frozen coffee 995) indian french fusion 996) grapefruit soda 997) combination between a grape and a grapefruit 998) edible books 999) vanilla brownies 1000) vanilla candy bar 1001) goodreads for movies 1002) dating website that matches you based on music interests 1003) headphones that you can sleep with 1004) TV that you can remote control to move it up, down, etc 1005) anonymous blogging platform 1006) e-cig that doesn't create vapor 1007) a site to connect unemployed people to volunteer opportunities 1008) jacket with ventilation holes 1009) running shoes covered in tarp to make them waterproof 1010) massaging office chairs 1011) post-its that are sticky on both sides 1012) TED talks hosted by criminals 1013) ramen dessert 1014) Kanye West virtual reality simulator 1015) crunchy gum 1016) microwave except instead of heating, it cools 1017) sushi -> replace rice with noodles 1018) vegetarian gelatin 1019) pet dancing classes 1020) backpack with a built-in umbrella 1021) transparent sandals 1022) aerobed chairs 1023) tuxedo swimsuit 1024) non-animated anime 1025) coffee that makes you sleepy 1026) multi-color bananas 1027) chairs that are made to sit cross-legged on 1028) pet dancing classes 1029) elderly computer programming classes 1030) electronic blackboard 1031) finger warmers 1032) running gloves 1033) plaid pants 1034) cup-pies (as opposed to cupcakes) 1035) parking under city streets 1036) commute to work in a helicopter and avoid traffic 1037) protein gum 1038) caffeine jelly beans 1039) pens with edible ink 1040) dishwasher that burns off food instead of using water 1041) pill you can swallow that makes you feel full 1042) e-book reader that has a hardcover like a book 1043) device that projects gps directions onto your windshield 1044) fried spaghetti 1045) battered and fried vegetables to eat at sports games 1046) protein water 1047) baseball except you can tackle people 1048) a bar where everyone has to sit on the floor 1049) schoolbuses that are not yellow 1050) homeless person virtual reality simulator 1051) beaches with no ocean 1052) shampoo/body wash line that smells like candy 1053) four wheel scooter 1054) nylon baseball cap 1055) soft bite size pretzels in a bag 1056) electronic legal pad 1057) caramel peanut butter (reeses?) 1058) drones that can carry passengers 1059) shoes that dry themselves while you're running 1060) oven that heats and cools 1061) macaroni and cheese salad 1062) peanut butter and celery sandwich 1063) phone case made of rubber to resist impact damage 1064) a refrigerator that locks when it's not time to eat 1065) carbonated tea 1066) dessert lasagna 1067) soundcloud for sound effects 1068) youtube for free indie movies 1069) airbnb except guests don't pay with cash, they cook for you 1070) DJ Khaled dog toy 1071) drink glasses with built in straws 1072) vibrating pillows 1073) spill shield for cup holders in cars 1074) hydrating gummy bears for athletes 1075) wallet that smells like fruit 1076) sweet peanut butter 1077) peanut butter flavored crackers 1078) edible straws 1079) skin colored socks 1080) running socks made of polyester 1081) slippers that massage your feet 1082) mobile ice bath 1083) sunscreen that smells fruity 1084) flavored ink 1085) trees that broadcast wifi/cellular signals 1086) shoes that have foot warmers in them 1087) plaid socks 1088) gas station that sells healthy food 1089) escalator for your house 1090) bubble gum flavored gatorade 1091) gum that helps you quit marijuana 1092) recycled jeans 1093) electronic office chair for reclining/lowering/etc 1094) melatonin lollipop 1095) tea popsicles 1096) coffee flavored soda 1097) running shoes that yell motivational things while you run 1098) lightbulbs that change color depending on time of day (see f.lux) 1099) sweet and sour spaghetti sauce 1100) baked potatoes for 4/20 1101) no flex zone - a gym that does not allow flexing 1102) electric ukelele 1103) rainbow whipped cream 1104) hair gel that dissolves after 12 hours 1105) vegetable pie 1106) fruity brownies 1107) dessert burrito 1108) book club podcast 1109) antibacterial doorknobs 1110) laundry bag that neutralizes odor 1111) belt that clicks like a seatbelt 1112) christian rap music 1113) electric piano 1114) otc pain reliever patch 1115) electronic ear plugs that play white noise 1116) homeless shelter that provides sleeping pods instead of housing 1117) put vitamins in the water supply 1118) pods full of cleaning fluid that you put in the toilet basin, and they dissolve over time to clean your toilet 1119) tinted mirrors 1120) running jeans 1121) drones that deliver meals 1122) pre-toasted bread 1123) baseball hat that has the home team on the outside and away on the inside 1124) silent vacuum 1125) juice boxes filled with tea 1126) running sombrero 1127) zero calorie chips 1128) dehydrated vegetable chips 1129) electronic kaleidoscope 1130) bed that rotates 360 degrees 1131) zip up t-shirt 1132) edible floss 1133) backpack w/ velcro instead of zippers 1134) citrus licorice 1135) sweet cheetos 1136) lemon gum 1137) umbrella hat 1138) goosebumps tv show revival 1139) rice infused with vitamins 1140) zero dollar bill 1141) e-book reader made out of paper with two separate screens, like a book 1142) caffeine lollipops 1143) headphones that are shaped like ears 1144) heavy metal with pianos 1145) virtual reality LARPing 1146) programming language for animals 1147) sandals that don't have a top, they just stick to your feet 1148) rice cream sundae 1149) t shirt you can put on without messing up your hair 1150) a book about books 1151) a quiet, soundproof room in the city that costs $5/hr 1152) thing that you can strap to your lower back to support good posture 1153) air filled couch. like aerobed