#i KNOW u saw me reblog that fictionkin ask from u | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

irl-futaba-sakura · 7 years ago

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im super worried about one thing in particular

i want some honesty, u can message me or send an ask, anon or not, or whatever, just not reblogging this with a comment if possible, please ;n;

if i was therian, otherkin, fictionkin or had copinglinks

would you think differently of me?

would you hate me? would you not really care? would you believe it or just brush it aside as something but otherwise not pay much mind?

obviously i am, or i wouldnt be asking this anyway, and i’ve been had in my about for ages that i was “alterhuman / nonhuman” so it’s not like this is out of nowhere. i’m just... tumblr is a weird place to be more open about this, but im really not the kind of person who can deal with forums very well. so tumblr is probably the only place i will be open about it ever. maybe.

but on this website it’s treated very badly, either like it some kind of mental illness (it’s not) or like it’s some role playing collectibles game with added pressure from people who don’t know what the fuckie they’re talking about telling you the “rules” for being kin like “you cant kin with that character bc they’re nothing like you in the real world” like ??? what ???

mini rant aside, this behavior on tumbl makes me nervous to be open about it, and even more is that recently i’ve sort of like... “picked up on”? a few new ones, one of which im questioning right now. but it makes me feel like shit bc of the people here who do just treat it like some collectibles game, i feel like if i ever happened to pick up a kintype from a current popular media i would be mocked for it. or maybe mocked for having multiple kintypes in the first place. honestly if i could have it my way i would probably drop it all.

this is something i’ve been struggling to accept since like 2007, and the addition of potential kintypes from current popular media is just giving me an assload of stress, especially since i decided i wanted to be at least sort of open about it on tumbl. and stress is bad for me since it not only fucks up my skin but also gives me near constant headaches and can lead to hallucinations again.

i’m def giving more info that i probably should here, but oh well.

i mean, i even made a kin-page and linked it in my about, but right now it’s just the abridged version of this post, talking about how i’m nervous to really reveal these things about me. i fear ridicule and judgement, not only because of being kin in the first place but also because if im open about it people might try to pick apart my kintypes and something something something with them. and i dont want that. like i wouldnt mind if someone saw me as X fictional character or species if i happened to have them as a kintype, but i also wouldnt want them to make assumptions about it because that’s not all i am. im more than that.

and how everyone talks about memories and past lives and shit, like thats so cool! thats amazing and i love hearing about it! but i have none of that. what i have that proves it to me is not so cool, and actually kinda annoying if anything.

it’s just weird, okay. im weird i guess too, but whatever right?

we’re all kinda weird in different ways. -shrugs-

i dont pretend to know myself very well, and i may even be wrong about this anyway, i mean i dont think i am but like i still could be. maybe 10 more years down the road i look back and say “wow okay” and never look back. i wouldnt know where im gonna end up, how im going to get there, or how im going to see myself. further in the future i could turn into the worst person, or maybe someone you barely see around anymore but im still here. who knows.

im gonna wrap this up, im gonna go get some sleep because i have a horrible headache, but i’ve been thinking about this a lot over the last few weeks and just, i dont know why i have any reason to hide but i feel like i should.

goodnight.

#pupsonal

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