#i KNOW that 106 is not 'fat' and also being fat is not a Bad Thing i don't think that

[boy-above]

i decided im gonna try to cut back on soda bc usually i drink two or three cans a day and that's too much, esp since i'm gaining weight and i have a very bad relationship with my weight so if i can stop that it would be beneficial for my brain health lol. i want to cut down to one can of soda a day, so i went out and got some flavored water instead also sparkling flavored water for when i want fizz. hopefully i can do it, i set it as one of my goals with my therapist so if i can do it i'll feel like such a big boy. so if you see me making posts like "i only had one can today!" i am congratulating myself.

[fuckitalltbh2]

making my own post about ed while actually medically obese.

I've been doing this shit since 11 or younger, my weight went from average to uw but didn't have scales or much photos survive all the time. I almost went the mi@ route even without Internet (mid 20s)

I became medically obese because I developed BED after traumatic events along with psych meds in my early 20s.

I developed full blown anorexia at 22, kick started by going to a dietician that put me on diets that were legit 500 calories. Despite all of my behaviour, I restricted without calories counting and didn't know much. Then I learned about it through "normal ppl" weight loss places and here we are.

I lost weight very fast until I reached 60 kg, from 106 kg to 60 in about 4-5 months.

I recovered for a while at 25, but it was unmonitored and basically a big binge cycle. I went through a fitbro era there, macros obsessed and protein, but the binging got to me.

First of all, everyone will say mean comments. You'll be ashamed to get out of the house and you know it's not in your head. You're actually obese, the number say it, people say it to your face.

Second, when you start restricting. Everyone is happy about your diet. For me it's all I could talk about, excited about my progress, obsessed. No one considered it wrong, they enabled and fueled my behaviour more.

Third, you'd go through different phases of weight loss and different bodies. People will have comments "yeah you're good but your body still has a belly or thighs or whatever, you need to lose more"

Fourth, you'll be praised for your control and refusing food. You're known as the diet person. "I wish I had your control, wish I was that lucky". People will come to you for tips. One triggering moment when I told a fat person at the time while I was skinny aka average, that I lost it in 5 month and they said not fast enough.

Fifth, you're going to deny your ed because it's "not bad enough" despite having all the rot, symptoms, behaviors, everything. Because you're not at your ugw or uw.

Sixth, plateau at an average weight hurts like a mf, hair fell out, heart was aching like crazy, my teeth were damaged from c/s and binging. All that shit.

Seventh. Yes loose skin, lots of it, collapsed stomach muscles, collapsed muscles in your arms. Even if you become ugw, your body will not look like sp0 and you'll feel like shit.

Eighth, god forbids if you decide to recover or enter a binge cycle. God fucking forbids, everyone will bully you. They'd say you lost your control. Pull up old pictures and say how pretty and skinny you were (mother in my case), everyone will do that. Even now, my family still fat shames me, throws around comments I need to diet or hit the gym.

Ninth, tip, keep your fucking clothes and store them. I'm lucky I still had all my old obese clothes because I would have had to buy an entire wardrobe. "it's not gonna be me I'll stay skinny", nope trust me, lies, ed is unpredictable, it's a disease and mental disorder. The @n@ to bed pipeline is real. I don't mean to scare anyone, but I think some of you know this already.

Tenth, again people will notice your relapse and encourage it even if they know about your ed history.

11th, recovery places are toxic as shit. They have attractive to skinny people, lip service, and predatory in the financial sense. Plus, the people are comptetive even there. I rather talk about my recovery with my ed friends that I've known for a while. It's not as triggering. Also, you can recover however you fucking want, there's no script, harm reduce, whatever. You don't have to listen to anyone asides from a therapist if they are right for you . Plus, recovery accounts are restriction focused not mi@ or bed friendly, similar to here in a way, 🤷🏻

For me personally, working on the thoughts and reducing the habits. But I want a lifestyle change to reach an average weight and stay there. All the brain rot still lives, but it's a compromise because I can't cope with still being obese.

[loksthegreat]

tell me about your most insane awful targ oc! and some brief summary of each of visenya's children? (looks, personality, spouse, fate etc)

Okay! sooo Visenya has 15 children that survive infancy so I’ll do a list up of those first and then maybe do a second post about my most insane targs, depending on how long this one’s gonna be!!

First we have Maegor II (103-157AC) he has his moms Valyrian features, hes somewhat buff (for a Targaryen man at least) and sun tanned from spending time in dorne. He was often teased for not having a dragon as a boy (Daemon gave him an egg, but it hatched into a Wyrm and took a bite it of his cheek, when he was a baby) so he’s a bit bitter and put all of his energy into becoming a great warrior, which paid off and eventually earned him the nickname of ‘the warrior among men’ (because u know the warrior from the seven), he’s always been serious and very focused on being the perfect heir and later king. He was 7 when Otto and Vissy fought so bad that they didn’t talk for 4 years, he’s a big mommas boy so he never really got close to Otto after that. He married princess Velaris Martell in 120 when they where both 17, (Visenya made a deal with Vels aunt and possibly fucked her dad to make that happen) they only knew each other for a year beforehand, but the marriage went surprisingly well, apart from their problems to conceive a child for the first 11 years. I head canon Maegor as a big fat asexual so that may have something to do with that… well they end up king and queen anyway in 149, they are good at ruling and Maegor claims Vermithor upon his moms death, so he can’t go and defeat the Pirates and fleet of the three sisters that attack from the stones! He has 6 kids in total, his daughter Rhaenys becomes queen after him and he is remembered as the warrior king. In 157 Maegor grabbed Blackfyre and was about to storm of and mount Vermithor after hearing about Aurys death, but had a stroke and died. (Also funfact: Visenya had a vision of Maegor the cruel during labor and on the ride to dragonstone (it was her first dragon flight) so she named him that. Otto is not a fan).

Baelor I (105-130AC) is a lot easier, he takes after his father in appearance, save for the violet eyes, he wears his hair in a bit of a snappy short cut, that he probably did himself (without a mirror) and is also relatively build, he lost an eye during his pirating years, so he usually wears an eye patch. He was very close to Maegor as a kid, his disappearance in 120 was a hit for Maegor. Baelor, Jaehaeron and Aerion were always big fans of their uncle Corlys and spend a LOT of time on Driftmark learning how to sail and all that oceany stuff. In 120 he was allowed to join Corlys on his journey to the stones for the first time and promptly got lost and picked up by pirates, his family thought he was dead and he didn’t know where the f he was so he just spend some time living his life until in 128 AC his brother Aerion stumbles upon him in Braavos and takes him home. He never marries and is generally not a very good time to be around. Probably the most traumatized out of Vissys kids. He fights for Visenya at sea and drowns when his ship is destroyed in 130 AC, though it’s a bit of a rumor that he just when back to the stones to return to his common life.

Saeron I (106-154AC) is the older one of Vissys first twin boys, he’s the most gentle and soft spoken of her generally pretty feral kids, he’s pretty with long silver hair, violet eyes, a rather feminine face and slender but tall build. He’s found of music and poetry, which is why he is called ‘prince silver tongue’ in comparison to his twin who needs a sword to get what he wants while Saeron just talks his way round the house all day every day. He’s married to Lady Zahna Dayne, she’s a fierce woman with a sharp tongue and a liking for swordsmanship, she’s also in love with his twin, while Saeron would rather be married to her cousin Ser Aryon of his mothers kingsguard, sooo u Von imagine it’s not that great of a marriage, (they’ve been married since 126 AC, after 6 years of engagement, because no one thought they were actually gonna marry). They have have 3 children, (which might be Rhaenars…) and Saeron would def get on the insane list for being religious lunatic and self proclaimed prophet, but he’s not all that awful!

Rhaenar I (106-144AC) is the younger twin and one of my favorites to be honest, he’s taller than Saeron, slender but well trained, with long straight silver hair and Ottos blue eyes, he looks like Saeron because of the hair but he’s not as pretty. He’s his moms biggest supporter and would def have been on her kingsguard if the opportunity had been there. He’s known as ‘Silverlance’ or ‘Steelskiss’ and as you may have guessed he’s a great swordsman, but despite what the nickname suggests he can be quite charismatic and a smooth talker as well. He was in love with his aunt Rhaena III from a young age but she died before they could be together. After that he took a liking to his brothers betrothed and spend more time with her than Saeron during her visits to the Keep and Dragonstone. He married Baela (daemons daughter) in 132 and had 4 children with her. He was out fighting in 144 AC when the city was under attack and dismounted his dragon to follow an enemy into a tower, he was slain it what became known as the silver night, because it also saw the end of 2 kingsguard knights, by an unknown enemy, his body was dragged back to the red keep by ser Aryon Dayne (he’s gonna get a promotion for that) and bleed out in the man’s arms. It is very much unknown who killed him, since he was an undefeated knight (Baela burned down the part of the city in which he was killed later).

Jaehaeron I (108-130AC) was born on the step stones, since Visenya was currently fighting, Corlys had to help with the delivery cause there weren’t any midwives (he did not recover from that ever, even though he sure likes to rub it in with Otto) he strongly takes after his father in looks. Jaehaeron never married, since his mom was saving her children’s hands to make alliances. He was a decent swordsman and formidable archer. He enjoyed Sailing and during the dance he would sail up the rivers of the Vale and upon being killed in battle with a rebellious house of the vale, he is said to have come back to live twice and set sails for Dragonstone to support Baelors fleet, he didn’t make it in time, but managed to severely destroy the enemy ships before succumbing to his injuries alone on the shores of Dragonstone. Many belief that his Ghost still haunts the island and it’s castle. He is often used as a symbol of a revenge and remembered as the ghost of Dragonstone and the demon of the gullet.

Aurys I (110-157AC) was born a good 8 and a half months after Otto and Visenya split, and duo to his strong resemblance of prince Daemon there are some rumors about him being a bastard, he wears his hair at shoulder length and is the shorts of Vissys children, supposedly born prematurely. He was called ‘the small prince’ for most of his youth until he made a name for himself as a warrior, when killing three armed assassins from across the narrow sea that were tasked to kill the princes and her children, at only 12 years of age, after this he became known as ‘ser bloodnight’. He is a intelligent man and strategic advisor to his mother and later brother. He died in 157 in one of the first battles of the war of the Riverlands, falling from his dragon, and being impaled on a large lance. He was married to Rhaena IV (daemons daughter) they had only one daughter, Elaena I, who was said to be the spitting image of her father.

Okay so this took longer than I thought and it’s late so I’ll just update this with the other kids and the mad targs tomorrow cause I’m tired. Also if you wanna see some art of Visenyas kids I have a series of I think 6?? Posters with little introduction of them on them, I’ll see if I can tag them here, but check them out anyway!!! As always feel free to ask any more questions you might have!!

[jeeperso]

I posted 591 times in 2022

56 posts created (9%)

535 posts reblogged (91%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

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I tagged 106 of my posts in 2022

#dungeons and dragons - 46 posts

#dnd 5e - 46 posts

#quotes without context - 38 posts

#ravenloft - 24 posts

#treasure island - 14 posts

#muppet treasure island - 9 posts

#dracula daily - 9 posts

#dracula - 9 posts

#barovia - 6 posts

#the power of friendship and this gun i found - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 58 characters

#blogging and tagging so i can find the blasted thing again

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

D&D Quotes Without Context

Ravenloft edition, Barovia Arc, part 2

"Look I know you're a homicdial maniac, but it's after nine and we got kids!" "I'd ask if the sun ever shines in this misbegotten domain, but I'd say the answer is a resounding No." "No, vitamin D deficiency is.. common here it seems." As you say this, you hear a loud thump as something lands on top of your wagon. Looking up you see a large fat black tabby cat with one bad eye. It stares at Nyx, then lets out a loud meow before leaping off into the brush. “Fucking Ravenloft.” "I was worried it was raining corpses." "Right, so let's get this stupid evil box, deliver it to the stupid evil temple, and get the hells out of this stupid evil domain." “Yeah, the undead really need to step up their drama game.” "Well they can't all be the Duchess." "DID THE COUNT SEND YOU?" "Yes. Yes he did. We are here to move the Coffin." "OH GOOD. PLEASE DO. TAKE THAT ACCURSED THING OUT OF MY CITY." “HOW ACCURSED ARE WE TALKING?” "ITS... HARD TO EXPLAIN. I DON'T THINK THERE'S A PROPER WORD FOR IT. ITS LIKE... THE EARTH ATE THEM." Edmund looks back to the pit curiously. GM: It's still there, still being a pit. “If he’s coming down I’ve got money he dies before he gets here or soon after.” "It's Barovia, that's a suckers bet." “Honestly, it’s Ravenloft, the missing being dead is a best case scenario.” “I’m getting a Junji Ito vibe here. I say we burn the village, salt the earth and get this thing where the only thing it can hurt is the lord of the dead.” “Start with restoration, I’ll start my detect magic dance. Hot tip to the newcomers, the top comes off for this.” “Okay, I got a plan. We make a sled for this while Eddie takes a nap and asks his nerd god for curse breaking, then we get the fuck out of here.” As you are sitting there, you suddenly hear a loud thump from the coffin. "No, you shut the hell up. I don't care who or what is in there I do not want to deal with your bullshit." “Marsh, don’t lean on the forth wall too hard. They don’t like that.” Gorbash calls out: "Guys! Curse Coffin is making noises." Jonni storms around and points at the coffin, “And no bullshit from you, or I’m telling Strahd!” GM OOC: The rest of you don't hear a thing by the way. OOC: Jonni still tell it off. She knows better. Jonni starts doing her Naruto hand signs at the coffin. “Do you need a timeout?” Gorbash: "You think you can throw my inner scars at me and get me to fall for your trick like a sucker! Up your game! I survived fucking mindflayers." “Oh, hey, free titty mags!” “Guys, either I avoided the cursed cart, or there’s a burning dude around here.” Marshal stays with the coffin. You can practically hear him thinking of chaining it to himself once you find out if that won't kill him instantly. Irost: *writing a travelers guide* <Hammerlocke, It's the pits.> "Watch the Hole, Watch the Coffin, Watch the Road. Paranoia is only wrong when the world ISN'T out to get you." GM OOC: (You turn and see the hole is now chasing you in a truck.) OOC: Jonni polymorph the truck into a turtle. OOC: Gorbash: "Damn it turn off that gettaway music." OOC: Can’t sleep. Turtle van’ll eat me. The coffin bangs a few times, sometimes you hear whispering from it, but it mainly behaves. Marshal:

"Hold. State your business." Jonni: “Cursed box disposal.” Jonni: “Also I am here to pleasure as many of your women as are willing and time permits.”

“Yeah, you don’t wanna go near the coffin. It ate a town last week.”

One of the men gives you a curious look, they reach into a pack on their back and produce a wooden lamb mask, holding it up to you so it overlays your face. Jonni: “Oooo… new local kink culture.” The guy puts away the mask and pulls out a wanted poster. For someone called "The Lamb." Jonni: “Nah, I not a furry.”

“Marsh, she’s a furry. I know her type. I can handle this one way or another.”

Nyx is practically bouncing with excitement. "Werewolves, you say. My daggers would love to meet them."

"The Lamb is a fiend. A devil in human form who murders without conscience." Jonni: “Hot.” The captain rubs his brow. "Fucking adventurers." Gorbash: "In Jonni's case, very literally."

“Riverboat murder mystery sounds fun, but road might lead to better fun. I’m good with either.”

"Okay, road and if we encounter this "The Lamb" we let Jonni talk to her first. Maybe she is Jonni's type."

“Man, there are a lot of tittle mags in this domain…”

As you are riding through town, you see something horrifying. “Oh, no… they have The Big Bang Theory in play form…”

"Where was he gonna go, Detroit?"

“Well if he doesn’t wanna know what Super Hell is like he’ll mind his own business.”

"We may have to deal with VLAD once more... Or the Lamb... Or the Burning Orc.... I really have missed traveling with all of you."

As you draw near, the back cart suddenly pitches violently. “Don’t make me come back there!”

"We're on a tour of famous taverns and historical sites of Barovia. We heard Rose Brook has a charming B+B, we are heading there next." Jonni: “I’m doing something similar but with gorgeous ladies of the Domains of Dread.”

Gorbash: "If this turns out like the the maids at the ball, you're paying for clean up."

"Just as well you sprung for a room." The goblin says, "We're storing Jumbo here in the common room, and he takes up most the space himself." The ogre scratches his neck and yawns. Gorbash: "I'd hate for Jumbo to be cramped."

Of course you're currently fixing to be the meat in an Elf sandwich so you are a bit distracted. OOC: True, being drugged is just gonna make the night more interesting.

"If she wants to be struck by lightning in this weather, that's her choice."

"Fork it. I cast Gun."

Jonni shoots up awake at the sound of gunfire. “Huh, wha, boobs?!”

18 notes - Posted January 15, 2022

#4

Palisman

Uncommon Wondrous Item, requires attunement

An animated figurine hewn from magical wood, a Palisman is both friend and focus to the one who bonds with it. while typically acting as a familiar (per the Find Familiar spell), a Palisman can additionally be used as a Spellcasting Focus or Broom of Flying

19 notes - Posted June 28, 2022

#3

Your Legion of Superheroes Reboot

So, out of the blue, DC puts YOU in charge of a new Legion series. You can have a core team of 10 members; any version of any character from any era. (How do they all fit together? Uh, Hypertime, or something.) Who do you pick?

its a question I saw asked a couple of years back, and now I pose it to you, with the request you show your work and WHY said Legionnaires make your cut.

And, to get the ball rolling and show I ask nothing of you I cannot do myself, my picks and reasoning, plus a handy cheat to pad the numbers

of the core trio, I think we can get by with one or two of them, and Saturn Girl makes a perfect straight woman to the rest of the antics. Cosmic Boy's off doing, I dunno, something, while Garth's sudden leave of absence is an ongoing subplot (probably looking for Mekt) Up next are the mainstays, and while Brainy's the obvious pick, so too is Bouncing Boy, who often feels like the heart of the team and the most 'grounded' of them. There's some very Spock/McCoy banter between them I also pick Lightning Lass and Violet ("just Violet, thanks"), who gets her PHZ upgrade of being able to go giant, giving us some muscle. Ayla is one of the viewpoint characters, tying into the Garth plot by being asked to "fill in" while he's away. Turns out in the field, Ayla's so much like her brother that people outside the immediate team think Garth's transitioned via profem and is just being shy. that she and Violet quickly develop a will-they/won’t-they romantic tension is going to be an active subplot Actual Asian Karate Kid next, and to the delight of Nemesis Kid, yes, Val's 'space karate' ("that's the closest Interlac gets to translation") is a supernatural martial art, so in the event magic creeps into the plot, at least one of our heroes knows what's going on without having to call up the White Witch. Unluckily for Nemesis Kid, Val also knows the rumored Earther martial arts style known only as "Batman". Chameleon also makes the cut, and why yes, they ARE the adopted progeny of googolnaire R. J. Brande, thank you for asking. Reep's outgoing, genderfluid, and understandably full of themself as a celebrity turned hero. think 80's era wolfman/perez Gar Logan, and my apologies to Cham fans who think I'm butchering his personality. As apparently one of the few people who liked what I saw/heard of the Abnet/Lanning era of LoSH, we'll add Shikari/Dawnstar as the proud & scrappy angry bug lady. 

I was going to add Wildfire, what with the duo practically being a matched set, but Ultra boy is such a legion staple, so Jo Nah gets in as the other viewpoint character ("It's this or Space Juvie"). 

And we’ll round things out with XS, because its always nice to have an optimistic, go-getting speedster, even if she can by a little stuck up about her part in the Flash legacy. That's the core cast. now for my promised cheat, this being "they should be on the team, but they're supporting cast for now", so... Luornu Durgo is the seemingly overworked support staffer. Our active cast have twigged that it's like there's two or three of her, but have yet to grasp the numbers of the future Duplicate Girl Tenzil Kem is the Legion's definitely overworked Lawyer/PR guy, whom Cham regards as "My incredibly boring but actually kinda awesome big brother figure, not that I'll admit that... you aren't recording this, right?" Princess Jeka Wynzorr Wilimena Morgana Daergina Annaxandra Projectra Velorya Vauxhall of Orando (scaly lamia, because I liked that look). while not a member of the Legion, often calls on them for help. Karate Kid is seriously crushing on her. Tinya Wazzo, "unofficial liason" to the UP, in that her mother, UP president Wazzo, put her there as an internship for 'work experience', and heads will literally roll if word gets back that Tinya was anywhere near the actual action The "White Witch" of the Sorcerers' Planet is both ally and antagonist to the legion, depending on the plot, rarely seen without her trusted bodyguard Blok. Is trying to get ahead of some particularly nasty prophecies of her people, which range from "eaters of the sun" to "return of the sorcerer king" and even "The Great Darkness". Drake "Wildfire" Burroughs. Friend of Jo's from his troublemaker days. but the incident that got Jo eaten by a space whale also turned Drake into living energy. Angry and bitter, especially because he was pressganged by Leland McCauley onto his Workforce of indentured superbeings while Jo's a full on superhero, but deep down wants to be a good guy.

so, that’s my legion plus supporting cast, who’ll you put in the roll call?

31 notes - Posted June 9, 2022

#2

The Boiling Isles

The following is a writeup for the setting of the Owl House for use in the Dungeons & Dragons setting of Ravenloft. For those only just discovering Owl House, please be advised that MASSIVE spoilers for the entire series are below the cut

The Boiling Isles

A realm of everyday Witches & Demons Darklord: Emperor Belos Genre: Dark Fantasy, Horror Comedy Hallmarks: Conformity, lies and betrayal Mist talismans: Broken Palisman, Coven signet ring, Hexes Hold'em deck The Boiling Isles is the name for the cluster of islands formed from the impossibly huge remains of a being known only as The Titan, the largest of which being the torso, floating on a vast, boilingly hot sea. Architecture is as much hewn or grown as it is built, and the Isles are populated by exclusively nonhuman races. By Domain standards, The Boiling Isles are surprisingly no more or less dangerous than most planes in the Multiverse. Adventurers from all walks of life face their occupational hazards, but the average citizen goes about their day in peace and order. All under the watchful eye of Emperor Belos and his Imperial coven. Under his rule, 'wild' magic is strictly outlawed, and recognized magics are just as strictly regimented. Those deemed 'unsuitable', or unwilling to conform to the expected norm are threatened with anything from imprisonment to petrification, and even loyal servants of the realm are subject to sudden tests of 'moral purity' or  'unfortunate accidents’. Treachery is a constant in the Boiling Isles. Empty promises are given out by the rich and powerful to exploit those under them, monsters disguise themselves as kindly wizards to lure in their next meal of unsuspecting adventurers, and otherwise rational people are frequently led on by predatory schemes that bleed away everything they have. Even professional competitions have suddenly introduced or obscure rules that serve only to hand out immediate victory to one player and invalidate the efforts of everyone else. Noteworthy Features - Magic runs rampant in the Boiling Isles, to the point that there are no non-magical races. Islanders who resemble humans are witches, those who don't are Demons. - Many magic users in the Boiling Isles have a Palisman, a familiar made from magical wood (uncommon magical item, requires attunement), but these are of escalating rarity as they're confiscated by the Emperor's Coven. - the Emperor's rule began in living memory, in the wake of a terrible disaster, and recognized by his ability to speak with the Titan itself - Magic is strictly regulated under the coven system, and each Coven can only use that form of magic. Settlements & Sites - Bonespurough: The largest and cosmopolitan of the communities in the Boiling Isles. - The Conformatorium: The central prison complex of the Boiling Isles, the Conformatorium is a massive fortress and literal dungeon where those whose will is not in lockstep with the Imperial norm are sent - The Schools: Hexside, Glandus and St. Epidermis are the three primary learning institutions on the Boiling Isles, each one tasked with teaching students in the use of magic under the imperial coven system, by whatever means the current headmaster deems necessary, up to and including mind-manipulating 'detentions' and other artifacts of dubious morality - Imperial Palace: home and stronghold to the emperor and his elite Imperial Coven. Those who enter as prisoners are often only seen again as statues.

Emperor Belos

See the full post

40 notes - Posted June 28, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Today, on Dracula Daily

Like a lizard

(Image taken from Overly Sarcastic Productions review of Dracula)

80 notes - Posted May 12, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[urbanconjurer]

The Ozempic Diaries: Context, & Weeks 1-3

I've been posting a fair bit about my recent experiences on ozempic over on my facebook page, but truthfully, I shouldn't - I have some professional acquaintances on there that I'm certain don't want to read about my various side effects and reasons for doing this. So, in the interest of both documenting my experience and honestly sharing, I will try to post any further updates here. It also gives me an excuse to use this thing, so. Here we go.

So why am I on this in the first place? Truthfully, my body and mind are a fucking mess. I currently live with:

(c)ptsd/ trauma

chronic depression

panic attacks

pcos

morbid obesity (starting weight: 430lbs)

binge eating disorder

type 2 beetus (starting a1c: 9.8)

herniated back disks

t2 and being fat both run in my family, going back at least 3 generations. trying to deal with all of these conditions in conjunction with self-hatred and trying to heal from trauma has been... a challenge, to say the least.

My current primary care physician (pcp) is really fucking cool. He actually *listens* to what i have to say about my body. He does acknowledge that the weight isn't helping me, but he also doesn't blame it for fucking everything, like a sore throat.

I brought up ozempic since, like many others, i heard so much about the potential for weight loss; i have to admit that the knowledge about the lowered blood glucose came later. My doctor thought about it, agreed that we could try it, but i had to also get approval from my eating disorder therapist.

My ED therapist is also fucking amazing. She's compassionate and kind, but also willing to call me out on my disordered thinking and pushes me to do better. When i brought up ozempic, we had a long conversation about it, ultimately resulting in her giving her approval, with the stipulation that i don't use it as a crutch. in other words, I still need to rely on my coping skills to deal with binges/cravings.

I was given my first ozempic pen in early January, but i didn't take it until 23 January. to be honest, i was scared - scared of taking an injection, scared of the very common side effects, and scared of what could happen to me. would i still be the same person? would i lose weight? would i be so sick that i'd have to stop? what if i didn't lose ANY weight? Was I just hopeless? if i did lose the weight, would anything change for the better? worse?

what follows are the accounts written over the past three weeks from my facebook.

Day 3: sore muscles. not sure if related to the ozempic or if i’m just feeling crappy. so far no nausea to speak of.

Week One:

* some full body soreness for a couple of days

* lots of burp, awkward

* some very minor GI issues I won't elaborate on (added for tumblr: constipation)

honestly, it wasn't that bad, knock on wood. I haven't had any real nausea to speak of, mental health is about as good as it usually is. let's see what happens with week two.

Beginning of week 3: 0.25mg still.

the day after is usually the worst - muscle soreness all over my body, and the nausea is at its strongest. soreness goes away after a day or so, and the nausea is intermittent afterwards.

i’ve noticed that the amount of “food noise” has really decreased; i can tell when i’m actually hungry as opposed to eating out of boredom or stress (the nausea lets me know). i’ve been craving peanut butter & meat (not together), which means that i probably need more protein. im definitely fuller faster as well. no idea if i lost anything since i don’t keep a scale in the house, but my resting glucose was 106, which - while still high - is fantastic compared to what it was.

gonna keep on going, i guess. not sure when to bump to 0.5mg, so i’ll also update that when it happens.

-----

back to the present. the fatigue is the biggest issue so far. to be fair, I don't know if this is due to the lowered food intake, the medication, or the depression, but it's greatly increased over the last couple of weeks. i'm going to see if i can reach out to my pcp and see what they think.

so far, that's about it. like i said, I'll try to update this at least weekly. i think it's important to document - not only for my own health, but as a sort of record for anybody else interested in potentially trying this medication. i also admit that i have some concerns about the long term effects of the med, so this will also hopefully assist in keeping an eye on any potentially troubling patterns.

if you got this far, thanks for reading and letting me share such personal things. see you soon.

[afr0-thunder]

[Poor Chronicles Pt. 25]

Topics: Savings/Service/Wants/Work (Social)/Fucking Up Lives/Work Related (Social)/Villain Origins/Shopping/Income/Hobbies

Savings: $140 > $146

Having service has been amazing. I spend it mostly watching Tik Toks and checking social media. I may (keyword) acquire Wi-Fi. No guarantees. My service is absolutely terrible, but manageable. I would only use it for loading posts on Tumblr.

I considered getting an iPad, if I do, for watching movies/television and potentially YouTube videos, but I don’t have any subscriptions for any streaming services. Also, I have means for entertainment otherwise, I just decided to put off any additions for the time being (my Dominican neighbors are thieves). I want to order some books as well.

Titties from work, aside from being a racist nigger, is cool. Fucking her life up should be fun. She seems crazy and I find it amusing. If she wasn’t racist, we’d probably be cool, but bouncing on this dick is just as cool.

I keep having small encounters with the newer girl. I keep trying to tell her about my dream, but another coworker pops up and I have to pretend I’m a homosexual again. Last time, I caught her eating in my manager’s office on her break. She was trying not to spit that shit out when I was talking to her, she was so cute.

There’s another girl, on my instagram. Sexy, tall, dark skinned, big titties, fat ass. I thought she was kind of cute. I was just thinking, she’s actually my favorite type of black girl (pretty, sexy body, unapologetically black). That is until I watched her story. She’s been slandering light skinned men this week. First, she posted a meme that said, “Dark skins do it better.” and said she doesn’t take light skinned men seriously. I was like, “I would swipe up, but she gone think I’m hurt.”, then she posted a Tik Tok a few days later LISTING things she doesn’t take seriously. “Lightskin niggas” was like 1/12. I was like, “Why are we even mutuals?…fuck it, ima just fuck her life up.”. Them 22 likes on her post was shiesty though. Get your likes up bitch! Still was sexy though. We’ve never met, but I believe she’s from Chicago.

I passed one of our regulars after I clocked out last night, by the Bean at Millennium Park. I don’t think she noticed me. I had my hood up and she was on the phone. She usually comes with her boyfriend and he lowkey gets mad because I lowkey ignore his ass and ask her what they’re ordering. Then I start pretending like that didn’t happen, so shit doesn’t get awkward. She came in by herself for the first time about a week ago. I told her I remembered her. Bitch is thick as fuck. She has braces, but I know a bitch who’s gonna be bad as fuck with her braces off when I see one.

There’s one more. There’s this girl. I don’t follow her, but I always like her Tik Toks when they come up on my “For You” page. She’s ugly as fuck, but I would still fuck the shit out of her. I still have her number, but she keeps posting this guy. I don’t know why. Simon didn’t say you could have a boyfriend. Waiting for her to realize we’re dating. Bitches are so crazy.

I bought the Ralph Lauren Polo sweater before my pay. I had to use my monthly expenses (they’ve been replaced). It actually did not fit my color theme. I had mistaken the navy for another color, everything else fits though. It was an XXL. I also found out it was 30% off. It was still $106. I love it already. I don’t want to keep up these spending habits, but I may just start shopping there, there’s a lot of nice things.

I was asked to stay later on Thursday night. These spontaneous doubles are only hitting in one place. My bank account. Shit was so long I thought it was Friday and that I had one more day of work. I got myself excited for nothing.

I want to start taking pictures of myself again, but I haven’t found the time.

- MH (2023)

[lunaralight09]

SCPs with chubby reader

Always love your self guys . You matter for this world !

Scarlet King

He don't care about your look . He liked you , you're his new bride (or groom) . So he don't care . If someone fat shaming you , you won't see them ever again ... Btw he loves kissing your thighs and leaving marks on them . For him you're very beautiful . So no fat shaming near him !

SCP 001

You think that he don't love you ? When how did you are near him . More that 1 kilometer . Huh? How didn't you die . He don't care about how your body looks . He choosed you . You can tell him all your insecurities . After that he will comfort you . So you'll know how much you mater for him and this world .

SCP 035

You know that 035 is picky . But every (almost every ) beautiful woman in Foundation not very good . He was interviewed by 3 females and many males . They all were not nice . But you are ! He will warm up near you . And fall in love with . Don't dare to say that you are not pretty or beautiful/handsome ! For me you're gorgeous ! So he won't listen to you then you say it . They don't know anything .

SCP 049

He don't care how you look . Or your gender . You're free from pestilence . Wait ... You don't like how you look ? Why? Don't listen to other people that have disease . They don't know about your personality ,I hate them already . He loves to hug you and cuddle with you . You're very soft and warm . Especially laying his head on your thighs it helps him to calm down .

SCP 073

Hey . Don't cry . Everything is okay . You're amazing ! He will give you many plastic flowers and jewelry . And you know what he likes to do ? Cupping your cheeks and kissing your nose . And hugs . So much hugs

SCP 076

Will kill for you . No really ... Who's hurting you ? They won't bother you not anymore ... He's a little touch starved . So expect cuddles at night and kisses on your forehead. You really matter for him .

SCP 079

Doesn't understand humans emotions . But he will understand that there are soooo many bad and mean humans . For him real monsters are humans !(Same 079 . Especially then they are beating or letting die animal . Or other people . Just standing and recording video ... Bitche-) Will be near then you have a really bad mood or time in your life . Comforting you . And hugging you close to him .

SCP 096

You two are opposites . He's skinny , long and cold . You're chubby , short(For him) and warm . He loves to cuddle with you . You're so soft . He will sob and make crying sound when you will say that you don't like your self . Why are you saying bad thinks about yourself ? You are beautiful/handsome . Only I can say bad about me !

SCP 106

Extra soft flesh and skin . He loves you . You love him too , not like other people . For everybody he's a heartless monster that loves see other in pain . Yes he loves to see other suffer ! And what ? You accepted him , he accepted you . Also loves to snuggle in your neck then you two are hugging

SCP 166

People are so mean this time ! I can't believe God had let this happen ! Don't worry . They all will be in hell because of their sins ! Always will kiss your cheek and hug you . Telling how much you matter in this planet and world . Or she will make a little tea party for you two !

SCP 173

You're soooo squishy and cuddly . Wait no . Actually he's very cuddly . You don't know how he loves to hug you . He's a statue , cold statue . He's a monster to everybody . But not for you ! He doesn't care at all how you look .

SCP 682

At first of course he will be mean . But sometime later he will regret being mean to you . After you guys started dating he will be soooo nice to you . He will wrap himself around you and kiss you or lick how he do sometimes . And just like his father/grandfather (aka Scarlet King , read wiki about him to understand more ) you will never see your bully . And of course he will leave marks on you

SCP 847

For you she will kill not only female even a male ! Yeah she likes you . No loves you a lot ! So no matter what gender your bully will be you won't see them again. And you'll have so much affection and attention from her . Oh and she will get you two matching clothes ! She always loves to see you in unusual clothes .

SCP 939

He/she don't know about fat shaming . Only a little . They will be always near you and comfort / make you happy. They truly hate to see you cry or get upset by walking meat/food (of course humans and animals is walking food !) Loves to lay his/her head on your thighs or chest . You're soft like a pillow . Is it how you call it right?

SCP 999

Poor bby don't know what fat shaming is . He thinks that you're very beautiful/handsome . I mean VERY beautiful/handsome and cute . He's like a plushie that you can always hug then you're upset . So you won't feel bad .

SCP 1471

Get ready to be in tight hugs and a lot of kisses and licks . They will be like your pet dog. Always near you and doesn't care about your weight ! She will make some fashion show . She will get you clothes and let you wear then . Hey ! Are you saying that you don't like how you look in this ? Don't say that ! You are veeeery pretty ! (Malo's pronounce is she/their )

SCP 1903

She won't let anyone bully you . She really hates it . Maybe will get you a pet , your favorite animal . She don't care how much it will be dangerous . But if it hurt you you will see next morning not real pet . Just a plushie . Don't ask . Just don't .

SCP 1678 and SCP 2521 (poly)

Pff don't listen to criminals . They all want you to be sad . But you're amazing . Not like others . Right don't listen . They don't worth your time and attention . They really love to hug you especially 2521 . He'll wrap his arms around you . And put his face in your hair/on your head . And 1678 will let you put your head on his lap . And stroke your hair/pet your head.

SCP 3008

Hugs . So much hugs for you ! Don't be sad . I don't like to see you cry about your body ! He will let you build a ford . From pillows , from furniture he don't care . He loves to 'see'(He have no face at all) you happy ! Not upset about your weight , body and etc.

[emerald-chaos]

Insomnia

*gif not made by me, credit goes to the owner*

Hi Everyone! So it's been probably like...10 years since I wrote my last fic lol. Watching TFATWS has rekindled my undying love for Bucky Barnes and I just couldn't help but start writing again. I had to get my feelings out! I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I've been considering writing some more parts...so tell me if that's something you'd be interested in! I appreciate any and all constructive feedback or just feedback in general! Much love.

Pairing: Reader x Bucky Barnes

Word Count: 2533 (lowkey popped off...oops)

Warnings: Just in case...vague allusions to a dark past, struggles with mental illness, explicit language, and some suggestive conversation. Oh and some really bad jokes lol. Fluffy and angsty.

No matter how much you tossed and turned, how many sheep you counted, or how much you prayed and pleaded to any higher power that would listen – the release of sleep just wasn’t going to happen. You’re not sure why you were surprised, it’s not like this was the first time. You let out a heavy sigh and toss off the covers. This has been a nightly occurrence for as long as you can remember. When you were trying to rest, when there was no noise to block out the images in your head, it was a battle. A battle which you have always lost.

You flip on the bright florescent lights of the bathroom as you trudge in, dragging your feet in exhaustion. It takes a minute for your eyes to adjust to the harshness of the light as you place your hands onto the countertop. The cool marble feels good against your palms as you close your eyes and lean your head back, another sigh leaving your lips. You twist your neck from side to side, trying to release some tension and maybe get a satisfying pop. No such luck. As you open your eyes and gaze upon the person staring back at you a small laugh tumbles from your chest.

Jesus, she looks awful.

The dark circles that permanently reside below your eyes appear more pronounced than usual. The corners of your mouth hang low and you just look…tired. Like you were rode hard and put away wet.

The bottle of melatonin tucked away on your counter catches your eye. You pick it up and twirl it as you inspect the writing. “Sleep Support” you read, “may help promote restful sleep”. What a load of shit. You place the bottle back down and inspect the orange one next to it. The pills inside were about as useful as the melatonin. Nothing seemed to quiet the voices or stop the scenarios that plagued your mind. You splash some cold water on your face and grab for a towel to pat it dry. Your eyes drift to the mirror again, as if though the water was going to wash away the dead look in your eyes.

Yeah, fat chance.

Before you know it, your legs are carrying you through the compound. The only sounds present are the whirring of various appliances and the soft patter of your feet against the tile floors. The moonlight casts shadows over the various pieces of furniture and lights your path. Your fingers curl around the handle as you pull the sliding glass door open. The crisp outside air kisses your skin as you step out and close the door behind you. You find yourself settling down in your usual spot on the balcony and you sink into the comfort of the chair.

Many a sleepless night has been spent out here, admiring the way the moonlight gleams off of a nearby pond. Before the compound and the balcony, it was a fire escape and a bottle of bourbon. You kind of missed that coping mechanism a little bit. You were thankful, of course, to call this place your home. Thankful to feel safe for once. Thankful to be a part of a team that felt like more of a family than any sorry piece of shit who had been in your life before. Not that you were bitter about that or anything. A little baggage builds character. However, life hasn’t always been kind to you and your stupid brain had a cruel way of constantly reminding you of that fact.

In all honesty, Tony rescued you. You absolutely hated to allow him to relish in that fact, but it was true. He took a chance on a royally fucked up kid out of college who managed to skate by and earn a mechanical engineering degree. If you were to ask him, he would say it was because the first words you said to him were fuck off. Apparently, something about that translated to, “hey, I would be a great addition to your tech and development team”. Although, you were pretty sure you just really meant that he should fuck off. I mean, the guy’s reputation does have a bit of moral gray area to it. Somehow, some way, your tenacity made an impression on the billionaire. Now here you were - living at the Avenger’s compound, sitting on a balcony at 3:30 in the morning because you couldn’t turn your brain off long enough to find some peace and sleep. What a life.

Even as you were sitting here in your special spot, reminiscing about some actual good memories – your brain still tried to drift into the darkness. Glass breaking; voices, thick with hate, engaged in a screaming match, and the cold nights spent trying to find a safe space to eat and lay your head. Your fingers gripped into the arms of the chair as you felt the heaviness in your chest increase.

“God damn it,” you cursed through gritted teeth.

The panic attacks were a second nature at this point, but you still really hated when you lost control. Your eyes closed tight as you tried to rack your brain to remember the bullshit your therapist had told you earlier in the week. Something about 5 things you can see?

“We gotta stop meeting like this, Doll”

The voice ripped you from inside your mind and back to reality. Your eyes opened and were met with a beautiful pair of cerulean ones. You blamed the skip in your heartbeat on your fading panic attack - although, you knew better than that.

“Well, it seems to me that the only logical conclusion is that you’re stalking me, Barnes” you quipped as a grin spread across your face.

“Could say the same about you,” Bucky retorted as he sank into the chair beside you, “besides, been doin’ this a lot longer than you���ve been around”.

You rolled your eyes, but the super soldier had a point. Almost each and every time, aside from the ones that happened when the team was away, you two would meet like this – here on the balcony, both searching for something to replace the sleep that neither of you could find.

“Yeah, we get it, you’re old” a laugh fell from your lips as Bucky snorted at your remark, a grin remaining ever present on his lips.

The familiar silence took over as he leaned his head back against the chair, closing his eyes. Meanwhile, yours were hungrily taking him in - tracing over the stubble on his chin, the soft pinkness of his parted lips. Recently he’d gotten his hair cut and even though you much preferred the long hair, you would rather die than actually admit that to him. Your crush on the 106 year old grumpy ass was one of your best kept secrets. At least, you thought you’d kept it from being painfully obvious.

The man sitting before you, he had a tough exterior and a horrific history, but you knew him better than that. You knew about the way his nose scrunched up when you made him laugh and the way his eyes looked as he listened intently to every story you ever told him. You knew the sweet melody of his laugh and the far off stare that meant he was also held captive by his own thoughts. This late-night rendezvous had become somewhat of a routine for the two of you and you would be lying if you said it wasn’t your favorite part of the day.

The first time it was a short nod and typical white person, thin-lipped smile as you left to find a different spot to suffer alone. Shortly after, it developed into cohabiting the balcony – staying on your own separate sides of course, only occasionally sharing words. Then, before you knew it, the two of you would be sitting beside each other, shooting the shit like you’d known each other for years. Just two, incredibly fucked up individuals, trying to make each other feel a little more human.

Bucky had always given off the quiet, brooding energy. Typically he kept to himself, other than with close friends like Steve, choosing to stand in the corner and listen to the conversation rather than be a part of it. Occasionally he would give a quip during a meeting that would catch people off guard, but mostly he just sat there and stared. The Bucky you had come to know was nothing like the person that others wanted to make him out to be. Sure, at one point he was a masterful assassin who killed like he got pleasure from it – but that wasn’t him. The Winter Soldier and Bucky Barnes were not synonymous.

If only the world could meet Bucky at 3am.

“What’s going on in that empty head of yours over there?” Bucky’s voice once again brought you back to reality as you laid your eyes on the familiar grin plastered across his face.

“Please,” you huffed, cheeks tinted a light shade of pink at the thought of him catching you staring, “which one of us has a college degree again?”

His laugh was a symphony to your ears. Your smile mirrored his when he opened his eyes and turned his head to look at you.

“So, what is it tonight? That nightmare again?” he asked, voice dropping an octave as his facial features softened in a way you really hoped only you got to see.

“Mm, not quite” you responded, your voice a broken whisper.

Bucky wasn’t the type to pry, but with you he wouldn’t even have to. Talking to him, sharing your deepest secrets and fears, telling him about the nightmares that kept you awake at night – it all came easily. Too easily.

“This week it’s...it’s that image of my stupid mother. Standing there with her black eyes and busted lip, telling me that it was me that was the problem. That it was me who...” you swallowed hard, the heaviness creeping back into your chest and tears fighting to wet your eyes. God you hated that you let this get the best of you.

Just as your mind started to bring you back to that dark place it was interrupted by the feeling of warmth spreading over your body. You looked down to see Bucky’s large hand resting right above your knee. When your eyes met again, he gave you a soft look that made your heart scream.

“I’m sorry,” you could tell he meant it as he gave your knee a soft squeeze.

A small smile flashed over your face and you had to resist the urge to reach out and cup his soft, stubbled cheek in your hand.

“Hey, we’re all a little fucked up, right?” you joked.

“Some more than others,” he replied, those beautiful wrinkles appearing around his nose as he scrunched it up with another laugh.

“Thanks, Buck... I’m sure you’d rather be doing anything other than listening to my sob story,” you reluctantly broke eye contact and looked down at the hem of your shirt as you fiddled with it in your fingers.

You were all too aware at the loss of contact as Bucky drew his hand back and leaned back into his chair.

“Doll,” he started as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes again - you could swear you almost saw a grin on his lips, “there are very few things I’d rather do than sit with you on the balcony at 3am”.

At that moment it felt as though time stood still. Sure, you had flirtatious banter back and forth occasionally and made a habit out of spilling your deepest regrets to each other during the wee hours of the morning, but this felt different. This felt like a confession.

You’d be lying to yourself if you tried to convince yourself, or anyone else for that matter, that you didn’t have a thing for him. I mean - who wouldn’t? The guy was a gentleman; he was soft spoken and caring, he was a dork who loved to crack jokes at the most inappropriate times, the type of person who would give you the shirt off of his own back if it meant you were taken care of.

He....well, he was Bucky.

And god damn it if you didn’t love him.

You’re unsure of how much time has passed, but one minute you’re sitting on your chair, chewing your lip and droning on about the man in front of you in your head. The next minute you found yourself on his lap, knees seated on either side of his waist as your legs straddle him and your hands connect with the skin they so desperately craved to feel. Bucky’s eyes opened slowly and met yours as you let the pad of your thumb gently run along the curve of his bottom lip. The uneven breaths leaving your chest hitched as you felt his hands grip your hips softly. Refusing to break eye contact, Bucky gently pressed a kiss to the pad of your thumb. You dragged his lower lip down briefly.

“Well,” he began. His voice was barely above a whisper but it’s thick, lustful tone made you shiver from head to...well, you know, “are you gonna kiss me, Doll? Or do I have to do all the work myself?”

He barely finished his sentence before your lips captured his. It was messy, almost all teeth and tongue. It was needy, as if it was the last time either of you would ever kiss anyone again. It was fucking incredible.

Bucky’s metal arm snaked up your back and found its way into your hair, curling his fingers gently around the strands at the back of your head, as his other arm wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer to his form. He was intoxicating. This whole situation was something you had briefly imagined months ago, but ultimately pushed out of your mind. There was no way that he would ever be interested in someone like you. Yet, here he was, tongue fighting for entrance into your mouth.

You aren’t quite sure who pulled away first. Both of you were gasping for air, chests heaving up and down as you both stared into each other's lust-blown pupils.

“You kiss pretty well for someone who hasn’t had a girlfriend since 1940,” you teased, laughing as he rolls his eyes at the comment.

“You just don’t know when to shut that mouth of yours, do ya?” he practically growled, ever so slightly tightening his grip on your waist, and you almost lost it from just the sound of his voice alone.

“Why don’t you make me, Barnes?” you leaned in close, warm breath fanning over the shell of his ear.

A yelp escaped your throat as you were suddenly jerked up to a standing position, locking your ankles behind his back as he effortlessly held you up by your thighs.

“Oh Doll,” he chuckled darkly into your neck, almost making you pass out from the sensation, “I thought you’d never ask”.

[coffeecakefanfics]

In the middle | Midsize!FemReader x B.B

A/n: This is for my midsize girls but tbh anyone can read it <3 also requests are open

Warnings: Mentions of Ass throwing, Drinking, Mentions of body insecurities, Mentions of cuts and bruises,18+ themes

Being Midsized is weird. You’re too fat to be skinny but too skinny to be fat, you’re in this weird middle ground where you feel uncomfortable yet sexy at the same time.  You LOVE your big thighs and ass but HATE your tummy, it’s awkward

Y/n suffered from this problem, she had a great set of tits and a decent ass and the CUTEST tummy ever!  The problem though? Finding and outfit for parties, parties like the pool party and hangout that Tony made mandatory for the Avengers.  The sound of laughter shook through the compound as Y/n walked into the indoor pool and hot tub, music was playing and drinks were in hand. 

“There she is!” Nat yelled and held her drink up. A couple people cheered and Y/n bowed playfully. A laugh tumbled from her lips as she grabbed a bottle of a mikes hard, something sweet.  

“Come on get in,” Nat motioned for the girl to get into the hot tub. Y/n swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. 

“Come on, take it off!” Sam teased. 

“Shut up, I’m getting in” she laughed and tugged at the ties of black cover up. 

“Take it off, take it off!” A couple more people joined in.  The girl laughed and turned with her back to them and let the cover up drop to her waist, playful cheers filled the room now as she dropped the cover up. 

“Daamn mama,” Wanda whistled.

“I know I know,” Y/n played back. It wasn’t Bucky’s fault, he’d blame it on the way that the highwisted black suit cupped her ass, the way her thighs jiggled when she walked, how incredible the view of her breasts were sitting in the top that he let his mind wander to how gorgeous she’d look under him. 

“Bucky?” she voice pulled his mind back

“I think pretty boy might like the view,” Tony chirpped. 

“Tony shut up, leave the kid alone,” Y/n rolled her eyes at the older man. 

“What were you saying?” Bucky felt his cheeks dust

“I was asking if you were going on the mission tomorrow?” her eyes were soft, and innocent, glints of happiness shook through them.

“Yeah, Me, you and Steve are running this one,” he bit his lip.  The night continued on, drinking, laughing, it was almost. . . peaceful, that was until the sex talk started. 

“Come on Y/n how many?” Thor was the one poking now. 

“Ew no i’m not here to get slut shamed,” she laughed and sipped her drink, Bucky’s eyes drifted to how her lips sat so perfectly against the bottle. 

“Don’t be a baby,” He continued pushing. 

“Fine but you can’t laugh,” she shot him a look and he held his hands up in defence, “My body count is 3,” she shrugged and took another sip. 

“You’re lying,” Sam scoffed playfully and sipped his own drink.

“I’m serious, My first was a kid named Damien Salazar in 11th grad, then there was Troy Cash my second year of college and then I had a guy after we broke up that was so bad that I forgot his name,” she shrugged. 

“I really was expecting more,” Thor shrugged himself. 

“That’s hurtful,” she teased, “Even if it was more I wouldn’t be less of a woman for it, no one is,” she spoke stern. 

“No that’s not why we’re curious, you just never talk to us about this stuff,” Wanda noted.

“I mean you club with us and throw ass all the time but we never get to the personal stuff like that, you’re the only one we didn’t know,” Nat slung an arm around the girl, who laid her head on her.

“That’s a fair point,” The girl laughed.

“Question,” Bucky spoke up, “What the fuck is throwing ass?” The laughter after was deafening.

“Oh poor sweet baby Buck,” Sam patted his back before giving a pointed look to the girl across from them.

“Sam Wilson I know damn well you do not expect me to corrupt that poor man,” she shot up from Nats shoulder

“Come on, the man is 106 years old and hasn’t been twerked on, do him a solid. 

“I can’t and won’t have this conversation,” she rolled her eyes and took the last sip of her drink. “I am off to bed, See you two freaks in the morning,” she waved and wrapped a towel around her body. 

The mission went smooth, well except for a few bumps and bruises and a gash to Y/n’s suit, but it went smoothly.  Back at the compound she found herself restless, tossing and turning in bed led her to the kitchen, standing over a pot of coffee waiting for it to brew. 

“Can’t sleep?” The voice made her jump, spinning around to find Bucky standing by the table.

“Jesus Buck, A warning,” she smiled at him.

“Want a cup?” she pointed to the pot behind her.  Bucky simply nodded. 

“Nightmares?” she asked and slid a blue cup across the table to him.

“I don’t have nightmares,” he spoke, taking a sip.

“Okay Bucky,” she dropped it, holding the warm cup in her hands.   It wasn’t nightmares him up it was a feeling of, hate? no that’s not the word, discomfort in his body.  Something he never spoke of was the insecurity of his arm, he hated how the metal felt.  It kept him up sometimes, there was a point in time where he would try to claw it off, the scars are faintly there.

“What’s got you up?” he asked, carefully.

“Personal shit, I don’t need to make it your problem, her words were flat, nothing like how she normally spoke to him. 

“I’m here you know, to talk” his words tumbled, he never knew or was good at opening up.

“You too buck,” She smiled and took a sip.  Bucky studied how she leant against the counter, her her shirt draped her body, loose and hiding her figure, how her shorts were slightly risen up.  He loved her body, he loved how she looked in her suit, it hugged her ass and tits perfectly and outlined her figure, Bucky loved her tummy when he could see it, like when they sparred.

“Earth to Buck,” she was grinning at him. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled and felt a blush creep up his face.

“What’s on your mind?” she had finished her drink and sat the cup in the sink.

“it’s uh- nothing,” he sipped the coffee.

“it’s not nothing because you drifted off, so spill” Bucky felt his head spinning, he couldn’t ask her that, he had too much respect for her.

“My door is open if you need it,” she smiled and let her fingers dance across his shoulder on the way out.  Bucky let out his breath and hung his head. He was so down bad. 

Once every three months shield brings their agents in to spar with the avengers, test them on hand to hand combat.  Y/n was slowly walking around the ring with her hands in defense, everyone stood around watching her and then new initiate.

“Go!” Fury yelled, the initiate jumped at the girl who dodged, tripping her up.  The initiate growled and lunged at Y/n again tossing punch after punch and throwing kicks. Y/n caught the girls foot and used it to pull her down.

“Time!” Fury called again.  Y/n locked eyes with Bucky who smirked at her. Y/n held her hand out to the initiate, the girl took it and smiled at Y/n. 

“Hey you did great, work on your defense a little more and you’ll be perfect” 

“Thank you” the girl smiled and left the ring. 

“Maybe if you lost some weight you’d be too,” a males voice spoke, accidentally too loud.  Y/n’s stomach dropped, feeling sick.  Her shoulders slumped for a second before a fire lit behind her eyes. 

“In the ring now!” she barked.

“Oh shit,” Sam cleared his throat.

“Here we go,” Tony took a deep breath and shook his head.  The young man scoffed and set foot into the ring.

“Go!” Fury called.  The man lunged, prematurely and ended up getting a shoulder to the stomach as Y/n took him down. He hit the ground with a huff.

“Again” he demanded. Y/n cracked her fingers, and held her defense.  The man was agitated, he was bouncing on his feet, rookie mistake.  He threw a couple punches that landed but when his strategy didn’t change Y/n saw the opportunity and sprung loose.  She blocked his punch with her forearm before kicking the back of his knee causing him to tumble, she set her foot on his throat, not putting any pressure, just to freak the kid out. 

“Listen up, I worked my fucking ass off to be in the place that I am in today, you’re all here to do the same, every one of you was seen as better than your peers.  With that being said does anyone else have any more dumb shit to say?” Her voice was sharp, thick, heavy.  The initiates eyes were trained on the ground, some were shifting, the energy in the room shifted and was uncomfortable.  Y/n jumped out of the ring and grabbed her bag, letting the gym door slam behind her. The team looked at each other with almost pity for the girl. 

“Nat, you’re in” Tony spoke calmly, trying to return the air.

“You fucked up kid,” He half sneered at the initiate who fumbled down the steps.

“I’ll go check on her,” Bucky mumbled to Sam.

“Let her cool off a bit man, she’s hurt,” Sam offered.  Bucky shook his head and left the gym. 

The door to her room was in fact unlocked, but Bucky still knocked before entering, waiting for her voice to speak.

“Come in” She had her back to him, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

“I just wanted to check on you, I’m sorry I’ll-”

“No, no it’s okay. Thank you, it means a lot,” she smiled at him sadly.  His heart broke at the sight of her. 

“Look about what that kid said, he doesn’t know shit,” Bucky spoke carefully, he was trying to tread lightly.  She sat on the edge of her bed and let her head fall into her hands. 

“He’s right, I mean i’m in the gym 6 days a week and i’m lifting weights for 5.  But no matter what I do i’m still in this awful middle ground of being too fat but also ‘skinny’ and I fucking hate it. I hate my body and how it looks and I constantly feel like I stick out on the team,” the tears had started again.  Bucky sat on his knees infront of her. 

“Well fuck them,” he tilted her chin up.

“So what if you’re not tiny? You are still stronger than hell, you have such an amazing body, I mean you have the prettiest thighs i’ve ever seen, you have a nice rack and you have the best stomach,” Bucky smiled at her. She shook her head and wound her arms around yourself. 

“You are fucking beautiful, every inch of you.  Your acne, your stretch marks, your freckles, everything you hate about yourself I find, and this is going to make me sound gross but I find it sexy Y/n.  You’re not going to be everybodys type but sure as shit you’re mine” Y/n bit back the smile that was threatening to break through.

“Even my tummy?” she tried, playful

“Especially your tummy, you kidding?” he grinned and pushed her hair back, holding her cheek. “You are beautiful,” he spoke, barely above a whisper before connecting their lips. Y/n froze at first, unsure of if he was sincere or messing with her. He pulled away

“I’m sorry I should have asked,” he stammered and started to move away.

“No, I liked it” Y/n nodded and kissed him. 

[bolintheturtleduck]

Song Ranking

So I did that song ranking thing and it took HOURS. literal HOURS. Don’t ever do it, I won’t even link it. I hated doing it. But here is my list. And dare I say my Top 130 is immaculate hjgkhg

Some of this is not really accurate though. Could be me or the generator. Like ‘Cold Hearted’ being 500 something???? Not in my house. 

Also don’t go looking for christmas songs. They are all somewhere down there lmao

Anyways! Let’s go!

1 Nasty / Rhythm Nation

1 Rumour Has It / Someone Like You

3 Be Okay

4 Love You Like A Love Song

4 Seasons Of Love

6 Mustang Sally

7 So Emotional

8 Tightrope

9 Barely Breathing

10 Cough Syrup

11 Shake It Out

11 The Boy Is Mine

13 Back To Black

14 Valerie

15 Paradise By The Dashboard Light

16 River Deep, Mountain High

17 Problem

18 Faithfully

19 Gloria

20 I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You

21 How Will I Know

22 We Are Young

23 How To Be A Heartbreaker

24 Hand In My Pocket / I Feel The Earth Move

25 If I Die Young

26 I Feel Pretty / Unpretty

27 Bust Your Windows

28 Candyman

29 American Boy

30 I Can't Go For That (No Can Do) / You Make My Dreams

31 If I Can't Have You

32 It's All Coming Back To Me Now

33 Crazy / U Drive Me Crazy

34 ABC

35 Bad Romance

36 It's Too Late

37 Hungry Like The Wolf / Rio

38 I Wish

39 Need You Now

40 Landslide

41 Start Me Up / Livin' On A Prayer

42 Thriller / Heads Will Roll

43 What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)

44 There Are Worse Things I Could Do

45 Losing My Religion

46 The Edge Of Glory

47 Teenage Dream (Acoustic Version)

48 Make You Feel My Love

49 My Prerogative

50 Singing In The Rain / Umbrella

51 Songbird

52 Spotlight

53 Mine

54 Take Me Or Leave Me

55 Take Me To Church

56 No Surrender

57 Never Say Never

58 Constant Craving

59 Brave

60 Born This Way

61 Pumpin' Blood

62 Blame It (On The Alcohol)

63 Glad You Came

64 Give Your Heart A Break

65 It's All Over

66 It's Not Right, But It's Okay

67 Everybody Talks

68 Here Comes The Sun

69 Into The Groove

70 In Your Eyes

71 I Don't Want To Know

72 I Lived

73 I Kissed A Girl

74 Halo / Walking On Sunshine

75 You Can't Stop The Beat

76 She's Not There

77 Nutbush City Limits

78 True Colors

79 Can't Fight This Feeling

80 Breakaway

81 Dancing Queen

82 Don't Stop Me Now

83 And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going

84 Empire State Of Mind

85 Doo Wop (That Thing)

86 Arthur's Theme

87 Happy Days Are Here Again / Get Happy

88 Toxic

89 This Is The New Year

90 Last Name

91 3

92 A Change Would Do You Good

93 Got To Get You Into My Life

94 Tongue Tied

95 Smooth Criminal

96 Papa Don't Preach

97 Animal

97 Another One Bites The Dust

99 Don't Speak

100 Don't You Want Me

101 A Hard Day's Night

102 Some Nights

103 Somebody That I Used To Know

104 Superstition

105 Survivor / I Will Survive

106 My Life Would Suck Without You

107 The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

108 Misery

109 My Love Is Your Love

110 Somewhere Only We Know

111 Blow Me (One Last Kiss)

112 Me Against The Music

113 I Follow Rivers

114 Mean

115 Here's To Us

116 Stronger

117 Summer Nights

118 Make No Mistake, She's Mine

119 Love Song

120 Waiting For A Girl Like You

121 We Got The Beat

122 We Found Love

123 We've Got Tonite

124 Love Shack

125 The Scientist

126 Love Is A Battlefield

127 Run Joey Run

128 Wings

129 When I Get You Alone

130 Uptown Girl

131 Roots Before Branches

132 I'm The Only One

132 I've Gotta Be Me

134 Hopelessly Devoted To You

135 Hit Me With Your Best Shot / One Way Or Another

136 Dinosaur

137 Dog Days Are Over

138 Hung Up

139 Everytime

140 Go Your Own Way

141 Every Breath You Take

142 Fire And Rain

143 Fighter

144 Not While I'm Around

145 Not The Boy Next Door

146 Fly / I Believe I Can Fly

147 Girl On Fire

148 Oops!... I Did It Again

149 Stop! In The Name Of Love / Free Your Mind

150 Stereo Hearts

151 Bills, Bills, Bills

152 Somebody Loves You

153 Hold It Against Me

154 Turning Tables

155 Wide Awake

156 You May Be Right

157 Cell Block Tango

158 A Boy Like That

159 All Out Of Love

160 Alfie

161 Jessie's Girl

162 I'm A Slave 4 U

163 I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

164 I'll Stand By You (Amber)

165 I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)

166 Let Me Love You (Until You Learn To Love Yourself)

167 Lovefool

168 Just Can't Get Enough

169 Just Give Me A Reason

170 Keep Holding On

171 Like A Virgin

172 New York State Of Mind

173 My Dark Side

174 More Than A Feeling

174 My Cup

176 I Want To Hold Your Hand

177 I Want To Break Free

178 I Want To Know What Love Is

179 I Want You Back

180 Teenage Dream

181 Take My Breath Away

182 America

183 Glory Days

184 I Say A Little Prayer

184 I Wanna Sex You Up

186 I Will Always Love You

187 A Thousand Years

188 Like A Prayer

189 Don't Rain On My Parade

190 Disco Inferno

191 Don't Stop Believin' (Regionals)

192 Dream On

193 Get It Right

194 Gold Digger

195 Telephone

196 Without You

197 You're The One That I Want

198 Tell Him

199 Let Me Love You

200 Good Vibrations

200 Raise Your Glass

202 Run The World (Girls)

203 Gimme More

204 Hey Jude

204 How Deep Is Your Love

206 Higher Ground

207 Vogue

208 Something's Coming

209 Footloose

210 Forget You

211 Gives You Hell

212 Everybody Wants To Rule The World

213 Far From Over

214 Fat Bottomed Girls

215 Hair / Crazy In Love

216 Hall Of Fame

216 Hello

216 Hello, I Love You

216 Somebody To Love

216 Time Warp

216 To Love You More

222 Last Friday Night

223 Hate On Me

224 Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'

225 Locked Out Of Heaven

226 Rose's Turn

227 Everybody Hurts

227 Express Yourself

227 Loser

227 Shout It Out Loud

231 Signed, Sealed, Delivered I'm Yours

232 Pompeii

233 Party All The Time

234 Our Day Will Come

235 Perfect

236 Old Time Rock & Roll / Danger Zone

237 Greased Lightning

237 Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

237 Live While We're Young

240 Firework

240 Love Child

242 Fire

243 You're All I Need To Get By

244 The Scientist (Acapella)

245 Afternoon Delight

246 Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)

247 Listen To Your Heart

248 Tik Tok

249 You Keep Me Hangin' On

250 The Rose

251 You Can't Always Get What You

Want

252 Let's Have A Kiki

252 Listen

254 Pretending

255 More Than A Woman

256 More Than Words

257 Hot For Teacher

257 No One Is Alone

257 Not The End

257 Nowadays / Hot Honey Rag 257 O Christmas Tree

257 One Hand, One Heart

257 One

257 Only Child

257 Proud Mary

266 Heroes

267 Hey Ya!

268 Getting Married Today

268 Happy

270 Hell To The No

271 Night Fever

271 Sgt. Pepper's Lonley Hearts Club

Band

273 The Music Of The Night

273 The Only Exception 273 The Rain In Spain 273 The Safety Dance 273 Thousand Miles 278 Billionaire

278 God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen 278 The Happening

278 The Lady Is A Tramp

282 Borderline / Open Your Heart 282 Born To Hand Jive

284 Control

284 The Longest Time

286 Give Up The Funk

287 Chasing Pavements

288 Man In The Mirror

288 Say

288 Sexy And I Know It 288 Shout

292 Marry The Night

293 Mamma Mia

294 Loser Like Me

295 Don't Stop Believin' (Season 1)

296 Colorblind

297 Diva

297 Don't Cry For Me Argentina

299 Don't Dream It's Over

300 Let It Be

301 Don't Stop

302 Highway To Hell

302 Hold On

302 Holding Out For A Hero 302 We Will Rock You

302 What I Did For Love

302 What It Feels Like For A Girl

308 Take On Me

309 For Once In My Life

309 Good Riddance (Time Of Your

Life)

309 Hello Goodbye

309 Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love

309 Home

309 Homeward Bound / Home 309 Honesty

309 Human Nature

317 Drive My Car

317 For Good

317 I'll Remember

320 I'll Stand By You (Cory)

321 On My Own

321 Taking Chances

321 The Bitch Is Back / Dress You Up 321 Werewolves Of London

325 My Man

326 My Life

327 My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)

327 Never Going Back Again 327 No Scrubs

330 Creep

331 Come What May

332 Never Can Say Goodbye

333 Who Are You Now?

334 You Give Love A Bad Name

335 Womanizer

336 Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go

337 Come See About Me

337 P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) 337 People

337 Popular

337 River

337 Roar

337 Rolling In The Deep 337 Santa Baby

345 Boogie Shoes

346 At Last

347 I'm The Greatest Star

348 Jar Of Hearts

349 It's Time

350 It's My Life / Confessions Part II

351 It's Not Unusual

352 I'm So Excited

352 I'm Still Here

354 Don't Stop Believin' (Season 5) 354 Don't You (Forget About Me) 354 Dreams

354 Unchained Melody

354 Uptown Funk

359 Bohemian Rhapsody

359 Don't Stop Believin' (Rachel) 359 Lucky

362 Don't Stand So Close To Me /

Young Girl

363 Bridge Over Troubled Water

363 Bust A Move

365 Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee

366 Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee

(Reprise)

367 Longest Time

368 Applause

369 All Of Me

370 Any Way You Want It

370 Anything Could Happen

372 Red Solo Cup

372 Rock Lobster

372 Rockin' Around The Christmas

Tree 372 Rockstar

376 Saving All My Love For You

377 (I've Had) The Time Of My Life

377 Piano Man 377 Poison 377 Poker Face

381 A House Is Not A Home

382 4 Minutes

383 Black Or White

384 Blackbird

385 All By Myself

385 Smile

385 You Make Me Feel So Young

388 Wrecking Ball

389 (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural

Woman

389 (You're) Having My Baby

391 Superman

392 Ain't No Way

392 Stayin' Alive

394 Still Got Tonight

394 The Most Wonderful Day Of The

Year

394 The Way You Look Tonight / You're Never Fully Dressed Without A

Smile 394 This Time

394 Whatever Happened To Saturday Night?

399 They Long To Be Close To You

400 All About That Bass 400 Sing!

400 So Far Away

400 Some People

404 Addicted To Love

404 Moves Like Jagger / Jumpin' Jack Flash

404 Sing

404 Someday We'll Be Together 404 Somethin' Stupid

404 Something

404 Somewhere

404 Stand

412 Scream

413 Rather Be

414 Next To Me

414 No Air

414 Papa Can You Hear Me? 414 Physical

414 Piece Of My Heart

414 Pinball Wizard

414 Pony

414 Rehab

422 La Isla Bonita

422 Lean On Me

422 Let's Wait Awhile

422 Little Drummer Boy

422 Little Girls

427 Light Up The World

428 Science Fiction Double Feature

428 Silent Night 428 Silly Love Songs

431 Le Jazz Hot

432 Out Here On My Own

432 Pure Imagination

434 School's Out

435 Hey, Soul Sister

435 I Kissed A Girl (Season Six) 435 Sway

438 I Believe In A Thing Called Love

439 I Have Nothing

440 I Am Changing

441 I Saw Her Standing There

441 I Was Here

441 I Won't Give Up

441 I'll Be Home For Christmas 441 I'll Never Fall In Love Again 446 Funny Girl

446 I Look To You

446 I Only Have Eyes For You 446 I Still Believe / Super Bass 446 Story Of My Life

451 I Love New York / New York, New

York

452 What Makes You Beautiful

453 What The World Needs Now

454 An Innocent Man

454 Bad

454 Because You Loved Me

454 Bein' Green

454 ByeByeBye/IWantItThatWay 454 IfIWereABoy

454 Take A Bow

454 Take Me Home Tonight

462 Barracuda

463 Beauty School Drop Out

464 Chandelier

465 Baby It's You

466 It Must Have Been Love

467 At The Ballet

468 Baby One More Time

469 Beautiful

469 Being Alive

469 We Built This City

472 Being Good Isn't Good Enough 472 I Just Can't Stop Loving You 472 I Love It

472 Isn't She Lovely

476 All That Jazz

476 Blurred Lines

476 Bootylicious

476 Extraordinary Merry Christmas 476 Father Figure

476 Fight For Your Right (To Party)

476 Flashdance... What A Feeling

483 I Don't Know How To Love Him

484 Fix You

484 I Could Have Danced All Night 486 Push It

486 Rainbow Connection 486 Rise

489 Promises, Promises

490 Oh Chanukah

490 Ohio

490 One Love (People Get Ready) 490 Only The Good Die Young 494 Baby

494 Dancing With Myself

494 Defying Gravity

497 Baby, It's Cold Outside

498 Cherish / Cherish

498 Christmas Wrapping 498 Closer

498 Downtown

498 Endless Love

498 Forever Young

498 Friday I'm In Love 498 Friday

498 Gangnam Style

498 Get Back

498 Safety Dance

509 Cold Hearted

510 Clarity

511 Centerfold / Hot In Herre

511 Just The Way You Are 513 Jumpin', Jumpin'

513 Kiss

515 Juke Box Hero

515 L-O-V-E

517 Jolene

518 Jump

518 La Cucaracha

520 Dream A Little Dream

521 A Little Less Conversation

521 Beth

521 Bitch

521 Don't Sleep In The Subway 521 Girls Just Want To Have Fun 521 Have Yourself A Merry Little

Christmas 521 Help!

521 I Dreamed A Dream 521 I'm His Child

521 I'm Still Standing 521 Ice Ice Baby

521 Imagine

521 In My Life

521 It's A Man's Man's Man's World 521 Lose My Breath

521 Memory

521 Outcast

521 Over The Rainbow

521 Same Love

521 Santa Claus Is Coming To Town 521 Teach Your Children

521 Tell Me Something Good

521 The Final Countdown

521 Uptight (Everything's Alright) 545 Big Ass Heart

545 I Love L.A.

545 I Melt With You

548 Big Girls Don't Cry

548 Mary's Boy Child

548 O Holy Night

548 On Our Way

548 One Bourbon, One Scotch, One

Beer

548 One Less Bell To Answer

554 Maybe This Time 554 My Favourite Things 554 My Sharona

557 Marry You

558 Cool

559 Cool Kids

560 Celebrity Skin

560 Cheek To Cheek

560 Dance The Night Away

560 Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend / Material Girl

560 Don't Go Breaking My Heart 560 Don't Wanna Lose You

560 Feliz Navidad

560 Here Comes Santa Claus 560 I Know What Boys Like

560 I Know Where I've Been 560 Trouty Mouth

571 Total Eclipse Of The Heart

572 Don't Make Me Over

573 Call Me Maybe

574 We Are The Champions

575 Time After Time

576 Bring Him Home

576 Broadway Baby 576 Buenos Aires 576 Burning Up 576 Yesterday

581 Boys / Boyfriend

582 Mercy

582 You Get What You Give

582 You Have More Friends Than You

Know

582 You Learn / You've Got A Friend

582 You Should Be Dancing

582 You're All The World To Me 582 You're My Best Friend

582 You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' 590 Break Free

590 Jingle Bell Rock 590 Jingle Bells

590 Joy To The World 590 One Of Us

590 Tonight

590 You're The Top

590 You've Got To Hide Your Love

Away

590 Your Song

599 To Sir, With Love

600 Torn

601 Wake Me Up

601 Wannabe

601 Wedding Bell Blues

604 Touch A Touch A Touch A Touch Me

604 UpUpUp

606 All Or Nothing

606 Alone

606 Cry

606 Leaving On A Jet Plane

606 Let It Go

606 Mickey

606 Movin' Out (Anthony's Song) 606 Mr. Roboto / Counting Stars 606 Try A Little Tenderness

606 U Can't Touch This

606 Uninvited

606 Vacation

606 Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' 606 What Kind Of Fool

606 Whistle

606 Will You Love Me Tomorrow /

Head Over Feet 606 Wishin' And Hoping

606 YouAndI/YouAndI

624 Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?

624 Do You Hear What I Hear? 624 Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh

Yeah)

624 Lucky Star

624 Merry Christmas Darling 629 Damn It, Janet

629 Danny's Song

629 Daydream Believer

629 Deck The Rooftop

629 Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead 634 All I Want For Christmas Is You 634 Angels We Have Heard On High 634 Anything Goes / Anything You Can

Do

634 As If We Never Said Goodbye

634 As Long As You're There 634 Bamboleo / Hero

634 Bella Notte

634 Copacabana

634 Do They Know It's Christmas? 634 Last Christmas

634 Let It Snow

634 We Need A Little Christmas

634 Welcome Christmas

634 Whenever I Call You Friend

634 Whip It

634 You Are The Sunshine Of My Life

650 All You Need Is Love

651 Americano / Dance Again

652 Crush

653 Big Spender

653 Make 'Em Laugh

653 White Christmas

653 Yeah!

657 (Charlie Chaplin song)

657 (originally by Michael Bublé) 657 Away In A Manger

657 Baby Got Back

657 Christmas Eve With You 657 Come Sail Away

657 You Are Woman, I Am Man 657 You Spin Me Round (Like A

Record)

665 You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch

666 Starlight Express

666 The Trolley Song

666 The Winner Takes It All

666 There's A Light (Over At The

Frankenstein Place) 670 Take Care Of Yourself

671 Sweet Caroline

672 Ben

672 Best Day Of My Life 672 Blue Christmas

672 Candles

676 Starships

676 Suddenly Seymour 676 Sweet Transvestite

679 Thong Song

680 The Fox (What Does The Fox

Say?)

680 The Living Years

682 The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)

682 The First Noël

[angelhummel]

once again i spent hours of my life answering >5000 questions in order to sort almost all of the glee songs ever (there’s 683 songs in the sorter when there’s over 700 on the show) anyway if you wanna see my rankings for those then check it out <3 [also here’s the sorter!]

1 Being Alive 2 Rose's Turn 3 Baby, It's Cold Outside 4 Le Jazz Hot 5 Maybe This Time 6 And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going 7 Come What May 8 To Sir, With Love 9 As If We Never Said Goodbye 10 Valerie 11 Somewhere Only We Know 12 Cough Syrup 13 Teenage Dream 14 Not The Boy Next Door 15 It's Too Late 16 It's My Life / Confessions Part II 17 Start Me Up / Livin' On A Prayer 18 When I Get You Alone 19 The Happening 20 The Boy Is Mine 21 Home 22 Don't You Want Me 23 How Will I Know 24 Bad Romance 25 Not While I'm Around 26 Scream 27 Shake It Out 28 On My Own 29 Hate On Me 30 Bills, Bills, Bills 31 4 Minutes 32 True Colors 33 There Are Worse Things I Could Do 34 Go Your Own Way 35 Jessie's Girl 36 Proud Mary 37 Tongue Tied 38 Last Christmas 39 Somebody Loves You 40 Back To Black 41 Sweet Transvestite 42 For Good 43 At The Ballet 44 Gloria 45 Blame It (On The Alcohol) 46 Like A Prayer 47 So Emotional 48 Misery 49 Nasty / Rhythm Nation 50 Toxic 51 Don't Speak 52 Born This Way 53 Dog Days Are Over 54 Defying Gravity 55 Last Name 56 Womanizer 57 I Will Always Love You 58 Broadway Baby 59 The Lady Is A Tramp 60 I'm A Slave 4 U 61 Centerfold / Hot In Herre 62 Thriller / Heads Will Roll 63 Bust Your Windows 64 Candyman 65 Brave 66 Boys / Boyfriend 67 The Scientist 68 The Scientist (Acapella) 69 Dream On 70 Hey Jude 71 I Lived 72 I'm Still Here 73 I Believe In A Thing Called Love 74 Me Against The Music 75 Like A Virgin 76 My Man 77 Everybody Wants To Rule The World 78 I Have Nothing 79 Blackbird 80 Got To Get You Into My Life 81 Animal 82 3 83 I Follow Rivers 84 Just The Way You Are 85 Constant Craving 86 Don't Stop Me Now 87 Hung Up 88 Let's Have A Kiki 89 Love Shack 90 Marry The Night 91 Hit Me With Your Best Shot / One Way Or Another 92 It's Not Right, But It's Okay 93 I Want To Hold Your Hand 94 All You Need Is Love 95 Getting Married Today 96 Don't Rain On My Parade 97 Don't Stop Believin' (Regionals) 98 We've Got Tonite 99 Smooth Criminal 100 Uptown Girl 101 Sway 102 If I Die Young 103 No One Is Alone 104 Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee 105 No Scrubs 106 Mamma Mia 107 Papa Don't Preach 108 Teenage Dream (Acoustic Version) 109 Santa Baby 110 We Found Love 111 Roar 112 She's Not There 113 Spotlight 114 The Way You Look Tonight/You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile 115 Some Nights 116 Rumour Has It / Someone Like You 117 You Make Me Feel So Young 118 You Keep Me Hangin' On 119 I'll Stand By You (Amber) 120 Hand In My Pocket / I Feel The Earth Move 121 Crazy / U Drive Me Crazy 122 Funny Girl 123 Cold Hearted 124 Keep Holding On 125 Bye Bye Bye / I Want It That Way 126 I Know Where I've Been 127 I Kissed A Girl (Season Six) 128 Hopelessly Devoted To You 129 Homeward Bound / Home 130 Into The Groove 131 Hold On 132 Tell Him 133 Nutbush City Limits 134 Because You Loved Me 135 Perfect 136 Cherish / Cherish 137 Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah) 138 Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead 139 You Are The Sunshine Of My Life 140 Tik Tok 141 The Safety Dance 142 Oops!... I Did It Again 143 Run Joey Run 144 Time Warp 145 Something's Coming 146 Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go 147 The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face 148 Vogue 149 Downtown 150 Diva 151 Dancing With Myself 152 Rockstar 153 Wrecking Ball 154 We Are Young 155 I Saw Her Standing There 156 Jumpin', Jumpin' 157 Just Can't Get Enough 158 Take Me To Church 159 Wannabe 160 It's All Over 161 Take Me Home Tonight 162 If I Were A Boy 163 Landslide 164 Pompeii 165 The Bitch Is Back / Dress You Up 166 Christmas Wrapping 167 Buenos Aires 168 Call Me Maybe 169 You Can't Stop The Beat 170 Seasons Of Love 171 Safety Dance 172 Dream A Little Dream 173 Alfie 174 I Want To Break Free 175 Baby One More Time 176 A House Is Not A Home 177 Daydream Believer 178 I Don't Know How To Love Him 179 Hungry Like The Wolf / Rio 180 Suddenly Seymour 181 People 182 Silly Love Songs 183 Love Song 184 Shout It Out Loud 185 Some People 186 One Of Us 187 Sing! 188 Up Up Up 189 Torn 190 Popular 191 This Is The New Year 192 Paradise By The Dashboard Light 193 Let It Snow 194 Let It Be 195 Never Can Say Goodbye 196 Touch A Touch A Touch A Touch Me 197 La Isla Bonita 198 Tightrope 199 My Love Is Your Love 200 Love Is A Battlefield 201 Losing My Religion 202 Total Eclipse Of The Heart 203 This Time 204 I Dreamed A Dream 205 Leaving On A Jet Plane 206 Locked Out Of Heaven 207 Chandelier 208 Girl On Fire 209 Telephone 210 Don't Cry For Me Argentina 211 Human Nature 212 Halo / Walking On Sunshine 213 Anything Goes / Anything You Can Do 214 Make You Feel My Love 215 Stronger 216 Nowadays / Hot Honey Rag 216 Pumpin' Blood 218 Papa Can You Hear Me? 219 Summer Nights 220 Sweet Caroline 221 Superstition 222 We Will Rock You 223 Alone 224 Hello, I Love You 225 Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now) 226 A Hard Day's Night 227 Mine 228 My Prerogative 229 Beauty School Drop Out 230 My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It) 231 Extraordinary Merry Christmas 232 Every Breath You Take 233 Express Yourself 234 Everybody Talks 235 Everytime 236 Marry You 237 Moves Like Jagger / Jumpin' Jack Flash 238 My Favorite Things 239 Santa Claus Is Coming To Town 240 River Deep, Mountain High 241 My Life Would Suck Without You 242 Be Okay 243 Applause 244 Cool 245 All I Want For Christmas Is You 246 American Boy 247 Cell Block Tango 248 Breakaway 249 Don't Dream It's Over 250 Let Me Love You (Until You Learn To Love Yourself) 251 Whatever Happened To Saturday Night? 252 Without You 253 Science Fiction Double Feature 254 Loser Like Me 255 I Kissed A Girl 256 I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You 257 I Can't Go For That (No Can Do) / You Make My Dreams 258 Don't Stop Believin' (Season 5) 259 Empire State Of Mind 260 Old Time Rock & Roll / Danger Zone 261 Take My Breath Away 262 You Get What You Give 263 Take On Me 264 Beautiful 265 It's Time 266 ABC 267 Afternoon Delight 268 Don't Stand So Close To Me / Young Girl 269 Don't Stop Believin' (Season 1) 270 Colorblind 271 Cool Kids 272 Dancing Queen 273 Songbird 274 Somebody That I Used To Know 275 Singing In The Rain / Umbrella 276 I Feel Pretty / Unpretty 277 Borderline / Open Your Heart 278 In My Life 279 I'm Still Standing 280 Blow Me (One Last Kiss) 281 Do Ya Think I'm Sexy? 282 Do They Know It's Christmas? 283 Mustang Sally 284 Pinball Wizard 285 Anything Could Happen 286 America 287 Any Way You Want It 288 Higher Ground 289 Flashdance... What A Feeling 290 My Life 291 Let It Go 292 If I Can't Have You 293 L-O-V-E 294 Closer 295 Addicted To Love 296 Heroes 297 A Boy Like That 298 Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend / Material Girl 299 Holding Out For A Hero 300 Dinosaur 301 Disco Inferno 302 Party All The Time 303 Raise Your Glass 304 Push It 305 Lean On Me 306 Pure Imagination 307 Lovefool 308 Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin' 309 Americano / Dance Again 310 All Of Me 311 At Last 312 Promises, Promises 313 Hair / Crazy In Love 314 Happy Xmas (War Is Over) 315 Chasing Pavements 316 Don't You (Forget About Me) 317 Love Child 318 School's Out 319 Poker Face 320 Boogie Shoes 321 Bootylicious 322 I Love New York / New York, New York 323 One Less Bell To Answer 324 Signed, Sealed, Delivered I'm Yours 325 Rehab 326 I Don't Want To Know 327 Shout 328 I'm The Greatest Star 329 I Love It 330 Never Say Never 331 Juke Box Hero 332 One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer 333 Glad You Came 334 For Once In My Life 335 Here Comes The Sun 336 Baby It's You 337 Drive My Car 338 Last Friday Night 339 Roots Before Branches 340 The Only Exception 341 Survivor / I Will Survive 342 All Or Nothing 343 Time After Time 344 You're The One That I Want 345 Yeah! 346 Starships 347 You've Got To Hide Your Love Away 348 Story Of My Life 349 Something 350 We Need A Little Christmas 351 Gold Digger 352 Beth 353 Fighter 354 Forget You 355 How To Be A Heartbreaker 356 Get Back 357 Love You Like A Love Song 358 There's A Light (Over At The Frankenstein Place) 359 We Got The Beat 360 Make 'Em Laugh 361 Sing 362 U Can't Touch This 363 Try A Little Tenderness 364 Pony 365 On Our Way 366 Lucky Star 367 Loser 368 Over The Rainbow 369 Outcast 370 Stop! In The Name Of Love / Free Your Mind 371 What Makes You Beautiful 372 Will You Love Me Tomorrow / Head Over Feet 373 Wide Awake 374 Wishin' And Hoping 375 Yesterday 376 Out Here On My Own 377 You're All The World To Me 378 Somethin' Stupid 379 Someday We'll Be Together 380 River 381 The Longest Time 382 Somebody To Love 383 The Edge Of Glory 384 The Most Wonderful Day Of The Year 385 Lucky 386 Memory 387 Mary's Boy Child 388 Longest Time 389 My Dark Side 390 Taking Chances 391 The First Noël 392 Smile 393 Celebrity Skin 394 All That Jazz 395 A Thousand Years 396 Big Girls Don't Cry 397 Ain't No Way 398 Don't Sleep In The Subway 399 Doo Wop (That Thing) 400 Don't Stop 401 Uptight (Everything's Alright) 402 New York State Of Mind 403 Turning Tables 404 Vacation 405 Fire 406 Hold It Against Me 407 I've Gotta Be Me 408 Endless Love 409 Run The World (Girls) 410 Saving All My Love For You 411 Give Up The Funk 412 I Am Changing 413 I Melt With You 414 I Could Have Danced All Night 415 Fat Bottomed Girls 416 Hot For Teacher 417 Never Going Back Again 418 Imagine 419 Jolene 420 Arthur's Theme 421 Damn It, Janet 422 Control 423 Barracuda 424 Copacabana 425 Barely Breathing 426 I Look To You 427 Come Sail Away 428 Jump 429 Clarity 430 Friday I'm In Love 431 Jar Of Hearts 432 It's Not Unusual 433 Footloose 434 Here Comes Santa Claus 435 Happy Days Are Here Again / Get Happy 436 Help! 437 Greased Lightning 438 Hell To The No 439 All Out Of Love 440 (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman 441 Candles 442 All By Myself 443 Hello Goodbye 444 It's A Man's Man's Man's World 445 I Say A Little Prayer 446 It Must Have Been Love 447 Just Give Me A Reason 448 Come See About Me 449 Born To Hand Jive 450 I Want To Know What Love Is 451 I Wish 452 I'll Remember 453 Get It Right 454 (I've Had) The Time Of My Life 455 I'll Stand By You (Cory) 456 Forever Young 457 A Change Would Do You Good 458 Smile (Charlie Chaplin song) 459 Best Day Of My Life 460 An Innocent Man 461 Dreams 462 All About That Bass 463 Home (originally by Michael Bublé) 464 Black Or White 465 Baby 466 Bad 467 Problem 468 Oh Chanukah 469 What Kind Of Fool 470 Wings 471 You're My Best Friend 472 You're All I Need To Get By 473 White Christmas 474 Whenever I Call You Friend 475 Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' 476 What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger) 477 Wedding Bell Blues 478 More Than A Feeling 479 More Than A Woman 480 Our Day Will Come 481 P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) 482 Here's To Us 483 Honesty 484 Hall Of Fame 485 It's All Coming Back To Me Now 486 Teach Your Children 487 Night Fever 488 What The World Needs Now 489 Listen 490 Let Me Love You 491 Live While We're Young 492 Light Up The World 493 Trouty Mouth 494 Werewolves Of London 495 Kiss 496 Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas 497 Movin' Out (Anthony's Song) 498 Mickey 499 Mean 500 Mercy 501 Merry Christmas Darling 502 Let's Wait Awhile 503 Man In The Mirror 504 Rather Be 505 Rise 506 Good Vibrations 507 Faithfully 508 Firework 509 How Deep Is Your Love 510 Fix You 511 Fire And Rain 512 Give Your Heart A Break 513 Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree 514 Little Girls 515 Cry 516 Bust A Move 517 Bridge Over Troubled Water 518 Bring Him Home 519 Cheek To Cheek 520 Break Free 521 As Long As You're There 522 Big Ass Heart 523 Bitch 524 Bamboleo / Hero 525 Away In A Manger 526 Deck The Rooftop 527 Christmas Eve With You 528 Angels We Have Heard On High 529 Creep 530 Crush 531 Make No Mistake, She's Mine 532 Lose My Breath 533 Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee (Reprise) 534 What I Did For Love 535 Wake Me Up 536 Thousand Miles 537 Take A Bow 538 Still Got Tonight 539 The Music Of The Night 540 Stereo Hearts 541 The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late) 542 Take Me Or Leave Me 543 I'm The Only One 544 Isn't She Lovely 545 I Just Can't Stop Loving You 546 I'll Never Fall In Love Again 547 Unchained Melody 548 You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch 549 You Have More Friends Than You Know 550 You Should Be Dancing 551 I'm His Child 552 You Learn / You've Got A Friend 553 Somewhere 554 So Far Away 555 Uptown Funk 556 The Winner Takes It All 557 They Long To Be Close To You 558 Tonight 559 Being Good Isn't Good Enough 560 You May Be Right 561 To Love You More 562 Don't Wanna Lose You 563 Do You Hear What I Hear? 564 Ice Ice Baby 565 Don't Go Breaking My Heart 566 Don't Make Me Over 567 I Won't Give Up 568 I'll Be Home For Christmas 569 I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For 570 I Still Believe / Super Bass 571 I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me) 572 I Want You Back 573 Father Figure 574 Everybody Hurts 574 Gangnam Style 576 We Are The Champions 577 Stayin' Alive 578 Superman 579 The Rose 580 Don't Stop Believin' (Rachel) 581 Fly / I Believe I Can Fly 582 Gives You Hell 583 I Love L.A. 584 Mr. Roboto / Counting Stars 585 O Holy Night 586 Only The Good Die Young 587 One 588 Silent Night 589 Piano Man 590 Sexy And I Know It 591 Sgt. Pepper's Lonley Hearts Club Band 592 Pretending 593 Physical 594 Danny's Song 595 Stand 596 The Final Countdown 597 You Can't Always Get What You Want 598 You Are Woman, I Am Man 599 You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' 600 Your Song 601 Say 602 No Air 603 Need You Now 604 No Surrender 605 Piece Of My Heart 606 Thong Song 607 Blurred Lines 608 Another One Bites The Dust 609 I Was Here 610 Bella Notte 611 I Know What Boys Like 612 God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen 613 Glory Days 614 Friday 615 More Than Words 616 Waiting For A Girl Like You 617 Welcome Christmas 618 You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) 619 You Give Love A Bad Name 620 We Built This City 621 Whistle 622 Who Are You Now? 623 You And I / You And I 624 Take Care Of Yourself 625 Tell Me Something Good 626 The Rain In Spain 627 Can't Fight This Feeling 628 Jingle Bell Rock 629 In Your Eyes 630 Hello 631 Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) 632 I Only Have Eyes For You 633 Jingle Bells 634 Joy To The World 635 I Wanna Sex You Up 636 Fight For Your Right (To Party) 637 Feliz Navidad 638 I'm So Excited 639 Uninvited 640 The Living Years 641 The Fox (What Does The Fox Say?) 642 O Christmas Tree 643 One Love (People Get Ready) 644 Ohio 645 Only Child 646 Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love 647 My Sharona 648 Dance The Night Away 649 Poison 650 My Cup 651 Not The End 652 What It Feels Like For A Girl 653 Listen To Your Heart 654 Little Drummer Boy 655 One Hand, One Heart 656 Bein' Green 657 Big Spender 658 Billionaire 659 Ben 660 Gimme More 661 Burning Up 662 Hey Ya! 663 Hey, Soul Sister 664 Baby Got Back 665 Blue Christmas 666 Bohemian Rhapsody 667 Far From Over 668 The Trolley Song 669 Starlight Express 670 Whip It 671 You're The Top 672 Red Solo Cup 673 Next To Me 674 Rolling In The Deep 675 Rainbow Connection 676 La Cucaracha 677 (You're) Having My Baby 678 A Little Less Conversation 679 Happy 680 Highway To Hell 681 Same Love 682 Rock Lobster 683 Girls Just Want To Have Fun

[icaruspendragon]

— Get to know me! 

The last time I filled this out was in July of 2017 and I just wanted to see how my answers changed, the new answers are in parentheses. 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? A boy named Igor (My husband John Paul)  2. Are you outgoing or shy? Shy (Shy)  3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? My mom today! (JP when he gets home from work lolol)  4. Are you easy to get along with? I would say yes, I don’t really fight with anyone. (same)  5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? He already has haha. (same answer, different person) 6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Kind people. (same, also boys with long hair)  7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Yes (I sure hope so)  8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Igor (Zuko lmao)  9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nope (same)  10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Patrick (JP)  11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “You can be anything you want. I’ll support you.” ( “I was just training.” ) 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? The most recent Bastille album lol. ( Waves by Bastille, Rosie by John Mayer, Swimming In The Moonlight by Bad Suns, Thank Me Later by Anna of the North, and Jackie and Wilson by Hozier)  13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? YES ( same)  14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Yes (kinda)  15. What good thing happened this summer? Going to Gay Pride in Nashville (I got married)   16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? HELL YEAH (ye)  17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Yes (same)  18. Do you still talk to your first crush? No (same)  19. Do you like bubble baths? Yes (same)  20. Do you like your neighbors? I don’t really talk to my neighbors (no i do not like them)  21. What are you bad habits? I doubt myself a lot. (I used to do a shit ton of cocaine and still want to do a lot of cocaine haha)  22. Where would you like to travel? YES (same)  23. Do you have trust issues? YES (same)  24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Cuddling with my cats after I wake up. (going to bed lol)   25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? I love myself totally. (All I want in this world is a fat ass)  26. What do you do when you wake up? Check my phone. (crawl over my still slumbering husband to quietly get ready for work)  27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Neither. I am fine just the way that I am. (yeah same)  28. Who are you most comfortable around? Mackenzie. (JP)  29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Yes. (same)  30. Do you ever want to get married? I think so. (I am married)  31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? Yes. (same)  32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? None. (same)  33. Spell your name with your chin.  bdfdfmkljde (ber5klkier) 34. Do you play sports? What sports? No, I’m in band. (no, but I was in band for 11 years)  35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV (same)  36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes. (same)  37. What do you say during awkward silences? Nothing. That’s what makes them awkward. (lol, yeah) 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Tall, dark, English major. (same)  39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Amazon lmao. (i’m a slut for etsy and i greatly enjoy candy stores)  40. What do you want to do after high school? I’m already done with high school thank God. ( i dunno)  41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? It depends. (No)  42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean? Nothing. (probably thinking about zutara tbh)  43. Do you smile at strangers? Yes, I’m from the South. I think it’s ingrained in my DNA to. (yeah)  44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Space boi (same)  45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? That morning wee (work and wee)  46. What are you paranoid about? That none of friends like me and that they’re all just pretending. (same)  47. Have you ever been high? Yes. (same)  48. Have you ever been drunk? Yes. (same)  49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Oh honey. (nope)  50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Black. (yellow)  51. Ever wished you were someone else? Nope. (ye)  52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? Nothing.(i. want. a. fat. ass.)   53. Favourite makeup brand? Probably Tarte. (NYX)  54. Favourite store? Ulta (I don’t really have one)  55. Favourite blog? I don’t have one. (I have so many now, omg @babytreehugger @hugs4zuko @pineapple-frenzy @bluelady-atla @aprilmayship and @firelxdykatara are a few of them!)  56. Favourite colour? Light green. (same) 57. Favourite food? Pasta (same)  58. Last thing you ate? Pasta lmao. (does espresso count? if not, then pizza for dinner last night)  59. First thing you ate this morning? I haven’t yet. (espresso, lol, i have yet to have food today)  60. Ever won a competition? For what? Nope. (do band competitions count? if so, yes)  61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Nope. (same)  62. Been arrested? For what? Nope. (same)  63. Ever been in love? Yes. (yeah boiiii)  64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? I was in seventh grade. It wasn’t great. (that’s pretty much it)  65. Are you hungry right now? No. (also no)   66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? No. (no, but more gently this time)  67. Facebook or Twitter? Facebook. (neither tbh)  68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr (same)  69. Are you watching tv right now? No. (same)  70. Names of your bestfriends? Carleigh, Karlee, Maria, Mackenzie, Emily, Josh,  and Allen!! (same, but now i have JP, another Maria, Scott, Corbin, and pretty much all of my sbux coworkers)  71. Craving something? What? Not really haha. (same)  72. What colour are your towels? Different colors. (same)  72. How many pillows do you sleep with? Three. (five lmao)  73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Yes. (yes)   74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? I only have two with me at my apartment, but more at home. (five)  75. Favourite animal? Dragon. (same)  76. What colour is your underwear? Pink. (blue)  77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla (depends on what is being offered)  78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Vanilla (birthday cake)  79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Gray (red plaid)  80. What colour pants? Blue nike shorts. (red plaid. yes it’s 1:59 pm. yes i’m wearing pajamas)  81. Favourite tv show? Avatar: the Last Airbender.  (same)  82. Favourite movie? The Way He Looks (same)  83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls (ye)  84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 21 Jump Street (ye)  85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? I don’t have one. (ye)  86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? I don’t have one. (ye)   87. First person you talked to today? Sage (John Paul)  88. Last person you talked to today? Jaimy (John Paul)  89. Name a person you hate? I don’t hate anyone. (da president)  90. Name a person you love? Mackenzie. He’s kind of my hero. (Same, but also my husband I reckon)   91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? No one really haha. (same)   92. In a fight with someone? No. (currently, no. in the past? yes. this question is weird)  93. How many sweatpants do you have? One. (still just one)  94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? Four or five. (so many)  95. Last movie you watched? Logan (I have no idea about the last movie i watched and also no idea what movie “Logan” is)  96. Favourite actress? I don’t think that I have one. (same)  97. Favourite actor? Avan Jogia. (same i reckon)  98. Do you tan a lot? No. (same)  99. Have any pets? Yes, three cats! (same three cats and now a dog) 100. How are you feeling? Tired. But that’s nothing new. (lmao yeah same)  101. Do you type fast? Yes. (ye)  102. Do you regret anything from your past? Oh honey (ahaha :’) )  103. Can you spell well? Yes. (i am okay)  104. Do you miss anyone from your past? OH BUDDY (ye)  105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yes. (same) 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Yes. (same)  107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes. (same, and never again)  108. What should you be doing? Sleeping. (writing or cleaning)  109. Is something irritating you right now? No. (no)  110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yes. (ye)  111. Do you have trust issues? Oh yeah. (ye) 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My mom. (JP)  113. What was your childhood nickname? Gertie. (that one and also ‘berkel’)  114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes. (ye)  115. Do you play the Wii? No. (still no)  116. Are you listening to music right now? Yes, the Danish String Quartet. (no)  117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? It’s okay. (it is still just an okay soup)  118. Do you like Chinese food? Hell yeah. (HELL YEAH)  119. Favourite book? Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. (same)  120. Are you afraid of the dark? I used to be, but not anymore. (yes)  121. Are you mean? No, being mean gets you nowhere in life. (no)  122. Is cheating ever okay? No. (also no)  123. Can you keep white shoes clean? Hell nope. (still nope)  124. Do you believe in love at first sight? No. (sorta kinda)  125. Do you believe in true love? Yes. (yeah)  126. Are you currently bored? A little. (no)  127. What makes you happy? A good book, a cup of coffee, and a cold rainy day. (same)  128. Would you change your name? I used to want to change it to something “normal” but not anymore. (I need to because it’s been six months since i got married and i have yet to legally change my last name)  129. What your zodiac sign? Gemini. I was supposed to be a cancer though, my mom just couldn’t chill lol. (same)  130. Do you like subway? It’s okay. (same)  131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?Probably just hope that it goes away. I don’t like change. (still same, except I’d probably tell JP about it)  132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? I answered this earlier, and it’s still Patrick. (Still JP)  133. Favourite lyrics right now? The song Blackbird by the Beatles in its entirety. (WAP, in its entirety) 134. Can you count to one million? Yes. ( probably? yes. will i? no.)  135. Dumbest lie you ever told? There is no telling. (that one time i faked my death when I was like, 14.)  136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed. (cracked open)  137. How tall are you? 5′4. (still 5′4)  138. Curly or Straight hair? I have curly hair. (same)  139. Brunette or Blonde? I have blonde hair.  (same)  140. Summer or Winter? Winter. (same)  141. Night or Day? Night. (same)  142. Favourite month? December. (same)  143. Are you a vegetarian? No, but I have been in the past. (no)  144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Milk. (sameO  145. Tea or Coffee? COFFEE (BOTH)  146. Was today a good day? Yes. (it was alright I reckon)  147. Mars or Snickers? Neither. (same)  148. What’s your favourite quote? “fire cannot kill a dragon.” (anything uncle iron says ever)   149. Do you believe in ghosts? Hell yeah. (ye)  150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “He was so snug in there that he was able to pretend that he was safe at home, having survived the war, and that he was telling his parents and sister a true war story–whereas the true war story was still going on.” From Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut. ( “‘They plant when they’re hot. It doesn’t mean they’re angry or hungry.’ I hesitated, watching her. ‘You’ve never seen one before, have you?’” From “Parable of the Sower” by Octavia E. Butler) 

[suusmd]

75 Hard - Day 2

Productivity wise; not a good day. I have been distracted and working from home and not seeing anyone is starting to take its toll on me. I feel quite lonely and virtual contact just isn’t cutting it anymore. I want to hug my parents and my siblings and I want to hang out with my friends.

Workouts: 

45 minute walk outside as soon as I woke up.  60 minutes CrossFit. WOD: 20 minute AMRAP with 10 single arm DB swings, 10 DB high pulls and 10 DB deadlifts. 8+13.

Food: Made a delicious chicken feta casserole, which will go on my to-go list of recipes. Doing intermittent fasting again; ate between 12:00 and 20:00. 1661 kcals; 74 grams of carbs, 100 grams of protein, 106 grams of fat. Food-wise; a very good day!

Reading:

Chapter 9 of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. Most important takeaway:

Confronting the reality of our own mortality is important because it obliterates all the crappy, fragile, superficial values in life. . 

I had a pretty big cancer scare at the end of 2019; I went to my doctor with a lump in my breast and a week later I was getting an echo graph and a puncture: I had a tumor that needed to be removed. I had my surgery late January and after that spent a few weeks recovering and not working out. One thing you should know about me, is that I use food and binge-eating as a stress relief; I was already gaining some weight from working a desk job when I was used to being on my feet all day, but the added stress made me pack on the pounds like there was no tomorrow. Thankfully, my doctor not only made sure that I got the medical procedure I needed, she also referred me to a psychologist and a dietitian and my relationship with food and myself improved immensely.

Being confronted with my own morality really made me reconsider my values. I used to thrive on the validation of others. I felt entitled to attention and the acceptance of the men in my male-dominant industry. To be really honest, my need for validation and giving in to my impulses and into “what I wanted” went so far that it hurt and threatened my own relationships. I was not in a place to have a healthy relationship and my long term boyfriend and I almost broke up because of my misaligned values. Now I try in  find that validation within myself. I had to cut some people out of my life to get there; because they were dragging me down into their own superficial beliefs. But it was such an awakening for me; such a blessing in disguise. Because why on earth would I need a nicer car, a more professional wardrobe, more toxic productivity and a work-life balance that was all out of whack, if I wasn’t healthy and was screwing over my relationship in my process of getting there? 

I want to apologize to everyone I hurt with my own bad values and beliefs. I am so sorry; I never intended to hurt anyone and I was selfish and entitled and I regret it every day.

[miasswier]

miasswier’s ultimate glee ranking: no 14

14: Original Song

Written by: Ryan Murphy Directed by: Bradley Buecker

Overall Thoughts: I feel like not putting this episode in my top ten is probably an unpopular opinion. Honestly, I love this episode, but the amount of Finn/Rachel/Quinn that I’m forced to sit through is exhausting. Literally everything else is awesome, though. It’s funny, it’s serious, and it’s a great ensemble episode. Also, Klaine.

What I Like:

I love all the original songs! I love the shitty ones, I love the good ones… I wish they’d done more original songs instead of just forgetting about them after “New York”

Klaine is basically the main plot of this episode, and I love that. I really, really, love that.

The Brittana scene at their lockers is awesome and cute, and then turns to hilarious so quickly as soon as Sue gets involved.

Sue literally throwing sticks at Mercedes head is so immature and ridiculous.

I really like that the episode opened with a musical number! This is actually one of the few episodes where there’s just a shit ton of musical numbers and I actually think it works. I can’t think of any song I would remove from this episode (usually I can think of at least two). It just works.

Fuck “Trouty Mouth” makes me laugh so goddamn hard. I also love how after, when Puck starts singing his song, Santana turns to Sam like “what the fuck” and he just throws it back in her face. God, they could have been the absolute best frenemies. It’s too bad Glee didn’t give them that much to work with.

“Hell to the No” is amazing as a song, as a performance, and also because it gives us the first hints of Samcedes (YES I KNOW I’M REACHING HERE LEAVE ME ALONE)

I LOVE the “Blackbird” performance. Kurt is so gorgeous in his mourning outfit, and the way he is genuinely upset about losing Pavoratti is so sweet. The fact that Blaine is the first one to jump in with the back-up has always made me happy, especially since it’s the first time we actually see Blaine doing back-up vocals. And then, Blaine’s face as he realizes that he actually wants to be with Kurt, that he wants to give it a shot, that screw just being friends and screw worrying about screwing it up, being with Kurt is worth it. UGH. I LOVE THIS SCENE.

The Klaine kiss scene, which I can still literally recite from memory that’s how many fucking times I’ve watched it.

Considering how much Kurt was about “the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets” one episode ago, he sure as fuck dives in fast for that second kiss.

I do really like the scene where Rachel is writing “Get It Right”. Breaks my heart.

Rachel getting MVP. I wish they had kept this tradition up, but I’m also fully aware that Rachel and Finn would have literally won every single one of those awards, so I’m also kind of glad they didn’t.

“We got each other out of all this. That means a lot more than some lousy trophy, don’t you think?” JUST STAB ME RIGHT IN THE HEART.

The short scene before the Warblers go out between Kurt and Blaine.

What I Don’t Like:

Look, I don’t want to get too into details about this, because I feel like I have fully expressed my frustration with the Quinn/Finn/Rachel love triangle over the past 106 reviews, so all I will say is this: the fact that they took Kurt and Blaine’s first duet as a couple and made it about the Quinn/Finn/Rachel drama makes my blood boil to this very fucking day.

Also, this is more a frustration about Rachel than it is about the whole Fuinchel shit, but why is it that Rachel literally cannot feel good about herself unless she is putting somebody else down? It’s not enough for her to be a good singer, she has to be better than Mercedes, Kurt, and Santana. It’s not enough that Finn loves her, she has to go out of her way to remind everyone that Finn chose her over Quinn. It’s like it matters more that she beat Quinn than it does that Finn wanted to be with her. It’s SO annoying. And Quinn is right: it’s a sign of immaturity, and it’s too bad they didn’t really let her mature from this until like, season six.

The fact that Finn acted like he spoke for the entire Glee club when he said that they should do original songs, implying that everyone agreed because Finn agreed to it, not because Quinn agreed to it, which is really why they were all down for it. It’s particularly annoying considering he acted like nobody would agree with him if he’d stood up for Rachel on this back in “Comeback”.

It does suck that they’re back to their formula of Finn and Rachel being the only ones to sing at a competition. I don’t mind “Get It Right” as a Rachel solo, but I really wish “Loser Like Me” had been an actual group number instead of a Finn and Rachel duet masquerading as a group number.

Songs:

Misery: I really like this performance. I think it’s hilarious, and it really sets the tone for the episode (especially the Klaine story). As a song, well, it’s one of those ones that I listened to on a constant loop and now can’t hear outside of the context of the episode because I just overplayed it way too much.

Only Child: Hilarious. It’s too bad we only got to hear two of Rachel’s terrible original songs. I know there were at least a dozen more that were so terrible even she scrapped them without even showing Finn.

Blackbird: I’ve already talked about this one above, but seriously. Such a good performance. Amazing vocals, too. Why did Kurt barely get solos again?

Trouty Mouth: The height of comedy. Will anything ever be as iconic as this?

Big Ass Heart I mean, it’s hilarious, and Will’s faces are so fucking funny throughout, but he is still calling Lauren fat through this song.

Hell to the No: Again, iconic. I love it.

Candles: I actually don’t mind it as a song, but it has always sat wrong with me that the first song Klaine sing as a couple is a break-up song, and that it actually mirrors the Quinn/Finn/Rachel stuff more than their own relationship. Ugh, Glee.

Raise Your Glass: Love this one! An amazing performance and an amazing song!

Get It Right: I also really like this one. It’s one of the few moments on Glee where they actually let Rachel be genuine in her pain, her guilt, her anger, and her sadness. So often all of the emotions Rachel displays are born from a sense of injustice towards herself, most of the time unwarranted, and then when she actually is in her right to be angry they underplay it. It’s nice, for once, to see her react accordingly to a situation. Plus, it made for an amazing song.

Loser Like Me: I’ll be honest, I prefer the acustic version from “New Directions” to this version. I do still like it, but it does also feel like we’re stepping back into season one, where Finn and Rachel are the only ones allowed to sing.

Final Thoughts: This is really a fantastic episode. It’s hilarious, it’s emotional, it’s real. Aside from the nonsense still being forced down our throats regarding Finn/Quinn/Rachel, it’s really well-rounded and just plain good. Like, really good. Plus, the beginning of Klaine! I don’t think I’ll ever forget the sheer joy I felt the first time I saw this episode. I was totally spoiler free, and genuinely didn’t expect that they would get together so soon. I still feel that same joy watching it now, even after a million re-watches. It just never gets old.

[mara-twins]

Mara-twins Prompt List

Hey, guys so this is something new I have been wanting to do for a while now. I’m hoping this will help me better my writing and possibly grow, too.

Send in requests through my inbox only.

You can send in up to three (3) prompts for a one-shot. If a prompt has been used already for a solo request, I will not use it again. So you will have to pick something else. I apologize in advance.

However, if that number was added into a combination (up to 3 prompts) I'll take it. You will also need to pick one (1) person from any of the group list down below. 

[UPDATE]

I have started a ko-fi, so anyone who is willing to buy me a coffee please let me know what your request is and I will add it to a priority pile. 

Guideline for Request:

Pick one (1) person from the list below

Pick one (1) type of genre

Pick your prompt(s)

Person(s) List:

Members of GOT7

Members of BlackPink

SHINee's Minho

BtoB's Peniel and Minhyuk

Day6's Jae and YoungK

Amber Liu

Tom Holland/Peter Parker

Andy Biersack

[More to be added later]

Genre:

AU (State what kind of AU)

Fluff

Angst

Suggestive

Fantasy/Supernatural (Based off the world in my head called Shadows)

Prompt list:

1) “Come over here and make me.”

2) “Have you gone mad?!”

3) “Please don’t.”

4) “Are you leaving?”

5) “You want me to what?”

6) “I’m calling in that favor now.”

“Conditions” - Mark (GOT7)

7) “Do you...I mean, would you like a massage?”

8) “Is there a reason you're on my bed half naked?”

“Beat the Heat” - Mark (GOT7)

9) “Hold up! Are you jealous?”

10) “Did you seriously just reply using song lyrics?” (State the lyric in the ask)

11) “I almost lost you.”

12) “I think we need to talk.”

13) “Wanna bet?”

“Winner pick Dessert” - Yugyeom (GOT7)

14) “Don’t ever do that again!”

15) “I wouldn’t leave even if you wanted me to.”

16) “Just kiss me already!”

“Gonna be Late” - Lisa (BlackPink)

17) “Always”

18) “It could be worse.”

19) “Be quiet or they’ll hear you.”

20) “Looks like we’re trapped...”

21) “This is by far your stupidest plan to date”

22) “Sounds like fun!

23) “You want this where?”

24) “Let’s go dance in the rain!”

25) “Just this once, please?”

26) “We better go before all hell breaks loose.”

27) “I’ve seen you stealing glances at me...”

28) “I can’t believe you convinced me to do this!”

“Enough” - Jackson Wang (GOT7) feat. Park Jinyoung (GOT7)

29) “You’re the only one I can trust to do this.”

30) “I got you a present.”

31) “Marry me?”

32) “What is wrong with you?”

33) “Is that a yes, then?”

34) “Stop acting as if everything’s okay, I can see it’s not.”

35) “It’s 3am...”

36) “We need to go to the cemetery.”

37) “Are you afraid of the dark?”

38) “Monsters aren’t real.”

39) “This isn’t happening!”

40) “I’m not doing that.”

41) “Can we do a movie night here?”

42) “Who’s baby is that?”

43) “I’m pregnant.”

44) “I think I just heard a wolf howl.”

45) “Do you believe...?” (Finish the question when you send in your ask.)

46) “Does this outfit make me look fat?”

47) “Can we just sleep on this?”

48) “I don’t want to get up for school/class”

49) “Why is this happening?”

50) “You can’t possibly know that.”

51) “You’re dangerous”

52) “That’s enough for today.”

53) “I need you”

54) “I want you”

55) “You’re mine”

56) “Be careful what you wish you.”

57) “You look like the resident bad (boy/girl).”

58) “Take a good look at yourself.”

59) “Can we talk about who is the background picture on your phone?”

60) “Look at me.”

More than Friends - Jaebeom (GOT7)

61) “Call me and I’ll be there.”

62) “You were in my dream last night.”

“Blanket Forts and Memories” - Jennie (BlackPink)

63) “It’s been like that every night now.”

64) “You must be magic!”

65) “You are always on my mind lately.”

66) “I’ll keep you safe, just stay with me.”

67) “You can’t do that!”

68) “I am me.”

69) “You know you love me like this.”

70) “Mommy said I can...”

71) “Long time no see”

72) “Of course I’m mad at you!”

73) “Idiot.”

74) “Can I take you out to dinner?”

75) “You owe me...”

76) “That’s just not how things are done around here.”

77) “I’m not that old.”

78) “And neither are you.”

79) “You can’t mean that.”

80) “I do.”

82) “What can I say?”

83) “Love has made you blind.”

84) “My friend”

85) “Give me a sign.”

86) “Did you see...” (Finish question in ask.)

87) “Sweet talk to me”

88) “It’s hot out today.”

89) “Do I have to wear clothes today?”

90) “I can’t understand what you're saying.”

91) “Tell me what to do.”

92) “Your beautiful, baby.”

93) “You’re a lot funnier than you know.”

94) “Maybe you aren’t really seeing.”

95) “Can’t we just pretend this is a movie and everything just works out?”

96) “We can.”

97) “It does.”

98) “Did you wait long?”

99) “This was fun while it lasted.”

100) “This really is goodbye.”

101) “I’m happiest when I’m with you.”

102) “Babe, have you seen my...” (Finish in ask)

103) “Are you seriously more interested in your phone than me right now?”

104) “Hey can you help me?”

105) “This place is a mess!”

106) “Are you sure someone lives here?”

107) “Is this new?”

108) “Have you seen that new post from...” (Finish in ask and send me a link if it’s something real?)

109) “You can’t possibly finish all of that.”

110) “Don’t threaten me.”

111) “You’re my miracle.”

112) “You can’t keep us apart!”

113) “Can we get a pet?” (Identify what kind of pet in your ask)

114) “ROAD TRIP!”

115) “Angels aren’t always white you know.”

116) “Are you part of the mafia?”

117) “You're my mate”

118) “So there’s this party going on, would you like to go with me?”

119) “You look amazing.”

120) “You don’t actually believe in soulmates do you?”

121) “What’s that?”

122) “Thanks, but no thanks.”

123) “Call a doctor!”

124) “You’re under arrest.”

125) “I think we just entered hell.”

126) “I’m dead.”

127) “I’ve died and gone to heaven.”

128) “Ugh! Can’t we just move past all this?”

129) “Sorry, but I think that’s mine.”

130) “I love them too.”

131) “You’ll survive, even if it’s without me.”

132) “How did you do that?”

133) “Would you like to join me?”

134) *Laughs* “How many girls have you used that line on?”

135) “You aren’t going to win me over that easily.”

136) “Do you remember when we were kids?”

137) “He/She’s touching me!” “No, I’m not!” “He/she’s touching me!!”

138) “Would you grow up!”

139) “Easy for you to say, you're perfect!”

140) “Can I crash out here?”

141) “Do you have any food here?”

142) “Can you be any more like a pig?”

143) “Come cuddle with me!”

144) “Aren’t you being a little brat.”

145) “Drop it!”

146) “Don’t even think about it!”

147) “You did all that for me?”

148) “I don’t feel so well.”

“Paradise Havoc” - Jackson (GOT7)

149) “I’m fine.”

150) “I’m a fast healer.”

151) “And he/she’s going for more!”

152) “You matter to me.”

153) “What did you just call me?”

154) “Can you even cook?”

155) “We can stop all of this, here and now.”

Sickness and Injury Prompts

A - Z Angst Prompts

[faboover]

Making Critical and Analytical Content

2 years ago I started making critical content on my YouTube channel for RWBY. Since then, I’ve wanted to take the time to go over how I started, what I have learned and how I have changed my approach to make these types of videos.

(If you choose to read this, know that it is long and the videos I link to accumulate to around 2 hours)

           Let’s start with the why. I’ve been wanting to make a series of videos expressing my thoughts and opinions on various topics for a good while before I actually started. I did have some videos talking about Titanfall (before it released) and how I wanted a change of pace with the games I played. But, these videos weren’t fully what I wanted, and were really not all that good.  I wanted to officially start my “Thoughts” series by making a video called, “Why am I Here?” I still want to make that video. Then, I wanted to make a video talking about Destiny, which would’ve ended up as a Rant. I think I still have the footage I recorded to make that video. *Checks saved video files* NOPE, it’s gone now… WAIT! I actually do still have the 3 hour video recording. Anyway, I never actually went through with making those videos. Said I would through an Update video, never did.

           Then, RWBY Volume 4 happened, and there was heated discussion. This was when I first noticed the RWDE tag. Reading and watching other’s posts and videos about the show, I decided that I would make my own videos talking about RWBY Vol. 4, but it would be in a much different format compared to how I handled videos like this before. No more rambling about a topic just trying to get through my points while on camera! (I would later break that streak) With a new goal set, RWBY Vol. 4 became the first official topic of my new “Thoughts” video series.

           I also went out in search of other opinions by reading and watching other people’s videos and posts once more. This is to see what people are talking about and what it is they are saying. I don’t really trust myself, so by going to see what other’s are saying helped me feel more confident about what I would end up writing. That’s not because I was looking for validation in the things I was going to say. It was so I could find new things to bring up that others weren’t, and find things I could either add onto or explain why I don’t agree in an indirect way. This is why I added the “Other reviewers I watched” at the bottom of the description for my videos. These were people I looked into and felt that they made good points and good videos that I either agreed or disagreed with. I don’t think I’m going to be including that going forward. (I’m still going to watch and get informed. I’m just not going to say who I watched anymore)

           I then went to write my video with the intent to have it look like I hadn’t seen or read any outside material about RWBY. No commentary, interviews, tweets, etc. Write it so I had just finished watching the Volume and am giving my critique and analysis as though it is based just on that.

           The rest of my initial approach to this was, also, SO NAÏVE. I planned to talk about the Volume and all its parts in ONE VIDEO.  Oh, how foolish I was. I seriously thought I could do this in 30 to 40 minutes (The Story video ended up being 40 minutes long). Wrote almost the entire script of the video before I actually timed how long it could take (Story, Animation, Design, and parts of Final Thoughts). I then realized my mistake when the Story section, in testing, was around 30 minutes.

           With that, I realized that I ABSOLUTELY had to split this video into parts. I also went straight into recording my Story video (https://youtu.be/GHQpfMdGAE0). And dumb me also had to include a live recorded portion of me talking for another 5 minutes after I had finished recording and was in the middle of editing it. Making the video EVEN longer than before!

           The lesson I learned after making that video is to CUT. This doesn’t just apply to making a shorter video. This also applies to making a more concise and stronger video. In order to make good, strong arguments, you got to cut the fat. Not only that, but you also have to rework your ideas/points if you really want to keep and present them. This new approach is what I applied to the next video, which would go on to become the most viewed and well liked video that I have put out to this day. If I hadn’t learned that lesson, my “Animation & Editing” video for RWBY Vol. 4 would’ve become the most hated thing I ever put out. I’m not exaggerating. You think my approach to these videos overall was bad at first? Keep reading.

           For my Animation video, I planned to make it in the style of Digibro’s “Your Anime Sucks”. I wrote it like I was live-tweeting about it. WHAT A FUCKING STUPID IDEA!!

Here are my problems:

1.    I’m not funny (shocker).

2.    I don’t have the respect and clout to make this and not get destroyed for it.

3.    It was such a change in tone compared to how I did the Story video.

4.    I DON’T KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.

I still have the original script that I wrote for that video. Here are some excerpts from that:

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.”

“More like activate the heavy cannon because it doesn’t need anyone operating or loading it.”

“You seriously need to follow the biggest thing you’ve ever seen with a telescope?”

“Jaune stating something really stupid, because it doesn’t matter if you’re not when he is. At least Ren asks a decent question.”

“I’m shocked that this projectile we can see didn’t curve around Tyrian in order to hit Nora.”

“You guys had to throw in pointless movement, didn’t you?”

“That was easy. How are they going to help Qrow and make it to Mistral now?

Oh, what the fuck?!”

Not really well thought out and put together now are they? Not even on topic!

           So, I had every action scene of Volume 4 written out like this. It was already clear I had to cut and rework EVERY. SINGLE. THING. What I ended up doing is take the points I felt strongly about and re-adjust them into a new script, which became the “Animation & Editing” video I put out (https://youtu.be/Dxvu8QaV60g). That video now sits at 2,913 views and 106 likes. Just imagine the reception it would’ve got if I hadn’t changed my approach and stuck with my original plan.

           The lesson I learned from making that is to keep cutting and don’t write based off of one’s own memory. I still cut things from the video, even after recording and editing it. I learned that I don’t have to talk about everything. I just need to focus on what I know and what I feel the strongest about. I also had to completely rewrite one section of the video and get a new example. That was the part of the video where I talked about the Line of Action. The original example was Blake and Sun clipping the wings of the Sea Dragon Grimm. What I originally wrote was incorrect for how the scene actually went and was shot, and it ended up as a poor example for what I was talking about.

           With this new mindset, I continued to rewrite my script and make my last two videos, “The New Look” and “Final Thoughts”. (The New Look: https://youtu.be/PVNObGIzCSI) The new look video went great, but my Final Thoughts video got really long, so I had to cut that into two more parts, “Miscellaneous” and “Final Thoughts”. (Miscellaneous: https://youtu.be/8do0dT86IWY ) Miscellaneous still went ok, but I made two more mistakes with the Final Thoughts video.

           In the Final Thoughts video (https://youtu.be/78UeP6BkRxI), I decided to include some of the stuff I cut from the original Animation and Editing video, among others. I also came to realize that I didn’t actually accomplish my goal of writing the scripts for these videos as though I hadn’t seen or read any outside sources or drama. I responded to one of the people who commented, who felt I was being unfair in my judgment, by admitting that Shane Newville’s Open Letter may have had an influence on me. That was an immediate sign of failure and regret on my part. Going forward, I had to do better.

And do better I did.

           I continued on by talking about the RWBY Character Shorts, which I split into two parts. One for the Ruby, Weiss, and Yang Shorts (https://youtu.be/rXjujR6p8Rs), and  another for the Blake Short (https://youtu.be/x9TvfssSmxI). The Blake short was the big one because it was the most negative video I had created up to that point. The reason for this is due to the fact that I just didn’t like the Blake Character Short.

           After that came RWBY Volume 5. I absolutely had to do better this time; especially, because I was going to say Volume 5 is worse than Volume 4. I had to be sure to write and show how Volume 4 did things better than Volume 5. I did this by showing and detailing specific scenes, stories, and moments of action.

Thoughts - RWBY Vol. 5

Story: https://youtu.be/KTptl7o9hVw

Animation & Editing: https://youtu.be/ndjxOBrBvQU

Design: https://youtu.be/FdSTf2iHHXU

Final Thoughts: https://youtu.be/09Rp88xEovo

           I think my Volume 5 videos are the best of the series so far. I continued to apply the lessons I learned. I even added little skits to the videos. I did have a really hard time writing the Final Thoughts video for Volume 5. The big one I spent the most time on was the issues with the last 4 episodes of the Volume. Almost every point I wrote had a caveat.

“So, it’s like this”, I would write.

“Wait, this here goes against that and thus makes my argument weak”, I would think soon after.

           It wasn’t going well for me due to also having to deal with school at the same time. I got really behind because of things like that. I ended up settling on just getting the basic fundamentals of the episodes and what I wanted to be sure I brought up as a way of talking about the episodes’ issues in general. I think it turned out fine, but I ended up skipping on the stuff with Blake and the White Fang as a result. I really wish I could’ve included talking about the action and editing for two of those scenes.

           With that, I have detailed the journey I have taken in making Critical RWBY content. The thing I think matters the most when creating critical content is to make sure that where you are coming from and what you value is made clear or evident by your criticisms and analysis. This gives your audience a basis to judge whether your arguments and point of view are sound and understandable. I did this with my “Design” video for Volume 5 by making it clear right from the get go that I don’t have a lot of knowledge on the subjects I talk about for the video and that what I say is based on that limited knowledge and understanding.

           I think that is why I don’t get much or any negative feedback about my videos. I have had people say my videos are a breath of fresh air compared to other “critics” (Their words not mine). Another was just astounded at how little attention I get. Wondering why my video they watched doesn’t get more views. Not a big deal. I’m recent, small, and don’t upload frequently.

           The thing with my “Thoughts” videos is that I don’t want to be definitive. I want to be a jumping off point. A place where there can be further discussion, even off my platform. I was worried at first cause I didn’t know how well my videos would be received and how I would handle any form of negative feedback, both minor and major. I think I have handled things well, but that’s probably cause of how little attention I have gotten so far. Either way, I remain motivated to keep making more videos.

           Going forward, I want to talk about more than just RWBY. I still have a lot to say in regards to the series. I just have other things I am passionate about that I want to express my thoughts on. I have already made a video on Avengers Infinity War to get started.

Before I end this, I want to list out my main influences when making these videos.

Mother’s Basement (The one I try to emulate the most)

Kaptainkristian (editing and presentation)

Every Frame a Painting (editing, writing and much more. Seriously, read this: https://medium.com/@tonyszhou/postmortem-1b338537fabc)

Chris Stuckmann (how to construct criticism)

Jeremy Jahns (how to focus and be concise)

Mauler (The amount of detail this guy gets into for what he talks about is insane)

Glass Reflection (Just good, plain, honest criticism)

Digibro (Harsh and unapologetic criticism)

Game Maker’s Toolkit (Design)

Extra Credits (Design and intent)

New Frame Plus (Animation techniques)

The Cartoon Cipher (What they do with music and their editing fascinates and amazes me)

Movies with Mikey (Fun and amazingly presented)

           Each of these teaches me how to construct my videos, and what to look for when I analyze and critique media. This is also why I seek out other opinions by other reviewers and people who discuss what I plan on talking about. It’s all about getting that extra perspective that can help build, expand and construct my own.

As I continue to make these videos, I will continue to learn and grow.