#i COULD post this privately but i like the pic of bender a lot for some reason 💀

[hislittleraincloud]

God, it's only 9 10 11 12???

I'm high af already and found myself writing Wenovan, Jairo, Willmore, and now I'm fucking writing Futurama (!!!??? What the fuck, how did I even get here???) fic...all in the span of an hour (ETA a few, bc I got distracted...again...and am still high)

What the fuck is wrong with me

Bender's Treasure (T, only because it gets really fkn nerdy, Bender, Leela, Farnsworth, Fry, and Zoidberg on a beach, humor, nerd humor, Futurama drabble it's real fkn short and probably the beginnings of yet another new thing in my pile of shiny things that I like to collect...hey, I'm Bender 🤯, I probably won't remember writing it tomorrow. Fun fact, I have a Kill All Humans tee with Bender on it.) This is dialogue only, no action! Word count, no idea.

"Alright, how much do ya think I can get for this piece of junk I found at the bottom of an abandoned city next to a pile of dookie?"

Professor Farnsworth: "Wa-was it human dookie, or canine dookie? There is a difference, you know."

Leela: "Oh my God, Bender! You're all rusted up! Well, mostly. Did you run out of Rust-Oleum?"

"Nah, I just got partial rust protection for my most sensitive parts, if you know what I mean."

Leela: "Your shoulders are sensitive?"

"Tandy says they're my best feature. She polishes them every chance she gets, eh hee hee hee."

Fry: "Who's Tandy?"

"She's a chatbot I met in a chatroom for uh...singles with similar interests."

Leela: "You met her at AA, didn't you."

"Maybe, but Tandy is handsy, and the sex won't rust my [bleep]. She's a little bit of a homebody, but that's all good 'cuz her joystick ports are unbelievably —"

Leela: Alright, enough about your robosexual conquests. What're you gonna do with that trident?

Zoidberg: May I hold the mystical golden trident?

"No! Keep your filthy claws off my trident. It's mine! Mine. It's a mydent."

[krastbannert]

And one more for the ultimate ship meme. Zutara.

Ah, Zutara.

Just kidding - sorry, I couldn't resist. It's my responsibility as a Maiko shipper to regard your heathen lovely ship as my arch-enemy.

(Okay to those people reading this who ship Zutara, and don't know me: I actually am joking. Just having a little fun.)

General:

Rate the Ship - Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! (I actually do like it; I'll admit that sometimes I get tired of seeing constant ZK content, and I'm much pickier about ZK fics in general, but I like the ship) | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - So, the way I normally think about Zutara, it happens in one of two ways: a hard and fast burn with a less-than-stellar ending (I think them being exes-turned-best friends is hilarious), or they get together when they're older, after Aang and Mai are gone, and live out their golden years together. So, in canon, it's either a few months, or in the years until their death. I could see them working well together fairly well in an alternate universe, though. (The other sections of this ask assumes this AU version because fuck it, I can).

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - It took them a hot minute to get there; years post-war. I figure maybe in their early-to-mid 20s. They were best friends for years before that.

How was their first kiss? - Probably frustrated, mostly with each other. They're each dancing around their feelings and one of them just says "fuck it" and plants it on the other.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Zuko would, eventually. He'd definitely give Katara a beautiful betrothal necklace, and make a lovely proposal under the Southern Lights, or maybe in the Crystal catacombs (first place they saw the good in each other).

Who is the best man/men? - Same answer as I did previously: Sokka, and Aang would be one but he's helping Zuko's former crewman Koji officiate.

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Probably Toph, Suki, and Mai (yes, I know this might sound strange, but think about it: Katara and Mai being best friends? Hilarious.)

Who did the most planning? - Probably Katara, she seems like the type to get really into it.

Who stressed the most? - Zuko. He knows that Katara loves him.

How fancy was the ceremony? - Same answer as my Maiko one: I figure they'd have 2, 1 public and 1 private. Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 (their friends, Hakoda & Ursa (are they dating? Maybe), Iroh, Gran-Gran & Pakku, and Zuko's old crew) | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big (they're royalty; huge wedding is required)

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Um. Well. Ozai is pretty obvious. Other than that...I really can't think of anyone. Jet, maybe, if Katara and he never make up post-war (although I like to think they would, eventually).

Sex:

Who is on top? - Katara's often on top.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Hmm I feel like it would be Zuko. He can't resist; Katara's just beautiful.

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 (they like to change things up a lot, keep it fresh, and with two benders...well, they have to put their abilities to use, you know?) | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - For some reason I get the feeling they'd do a lot of quickies, so that's the norm, but when they want to go all night? They really do go all night.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Okay, I feel like the answer for all the ATLA guys is the same: yes, they damn well do.

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - I feel like they would have at least two (Izumi, because of course, and I like the common headcanon of Kya being one), and I could see them having 1 more.

How many children will they adopt? - I could maybe see them adopting a kid in a modern AU, but in the canon timeframe I don't think they adopt any.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Zuko might be the Fire Lord, but the wife is still the boss. Zuko's busy but Katara makes sure he does his fair share. (He wants to do his fair share, he just gets lost in the work sometimes.)

Who is the stricter parent? - I feel like Katara would be, publicly, even Zuko's actually the strict one. Katara doesn't mind the kids getting into a little trouble, she just wants them to be safe.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Katara. Zuko's getting in trouble with them because he's doing them, too.

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Servants do it. Modern AU is probably Katara who does it more often; she's a night owl so she's up, anyways. Zuko does it, too, though, he just has to beat Katara there.

Who is the more loved parent? - Honestly, it's about equal. Katara and Zuko are amazing parents, and their kids know it.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Uh both, honestly.

Who cried the most at graduation? - No matter who you pair him with, it's gonna be Zuko, I swear. He can pretend to be a bad boy all he wants, but he's a softie. (Katara totally cried, too.)

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Zuko's the one who got them into trouble. They don't get caught when it's Katara leading them.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Probably Katara; she teaches Zuko a lot, but he just can't get Water Tribe food right (he inevitably adds spice to it), and Katara loves her WT food.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Katara because she can't quite handle Fire Nation spice. She doesn't mind low-to-medium levels, but Zuko likes the spicy stuff and Katara thinks he's out of his mind. (Azula agrees.)

Who does the grocery shopping? - Well, servants do it in-universe, but in a Modern AU it's probably Katara, and she brings Zuko out whenever she can.

How often do they bake desserts? - Katara has a sweet tooth, especially when pregnant.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Zuko is all about the meat (Sokka really approves of this), and Katara likes salads as a side, but she loves meat, too.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Zuko, probably, since he's a sweetheart.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Katara. She's not very familiar with the Fire Nation, especially at first, so she really enjoys going out and walking around.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? - Considering Katara is a waterbender and can pull water from almost anywhere, it ain't gonna be her. So, Zuko.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Servants, most likely, but they both clean when they can.

Who is really against chores? - They're both just kinda used to it, so they don't mind too much.

Who cleans up after the pets? - Servants, probably.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Between them, probably Zuko.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Katara; she wants to make sure everyone's taken care of. (Zuko's almost as stressed because he's an awkward potato.)

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Katara. She invested it. Made an absolute shitload of money. Now she's in charge.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Hmm I figure it's probably Katara. She likes the water.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Katara, same reason as in "more likely to suggest going out".

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Katara loves decorating, and she never got much of a chance to as a kid - life was always about survival in her tribe - so she decorates for every single holiday, Water Tribe and Fire Nation.

What are their goals for the relationship? - Grow old. Be happy. The usual.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Katara, the resident night owl.

Who plays the most pranks? - Hmm between them, I get the feeling it would be Zuko.