#i AM married to Dick The Exhausted DM and Alfred The Cause Of Dick's Misery though

[words-writ-in-starlight]

Ever wonder how it would go if Batman and ALL of his kids played D&D?

This is the fucking saga of The Most Exhausted DM, though.

That DM is Dick.

It was Dick’s idea.

He hates himself for having this idea.

The usual group is:

Bruce’s half-orc Ranger, a disturbing combination of Brucie Wayne’s personality with Batman’s skill set and whose 20 Charisma doesn’t count for shit because he almost always rolls critical failures on pertinent checks, but on the other hand he has a 20 in Dex too and that makes him very effective

Tim’s tiefling Sorcerer, a generally very friendly individual who also sometimes sets their monk on fire for fun and whose Charisma score is 12 but he usually rolls better than Bruce and never lets him forget it

Damian’s half-elf Monk, who is basically just Damian but taller and with fewer knives (Monk bonuses make weapons obsolete, neither hell nor heaven could have stopped Damian from minmaxing his monk into oblivion)

Cassandra’s dragonborn Fighter, who is...I mean, Magnus Burnsides, more or less, her character talks approximately 150x more than Cass ever does and also loves everyone, especially since she’s managed to rules-lawyer the game so that she gets seven attacks per turn and does a frankly horrifying amount of damage for someone playing the most basic build in the book

Barbara’s halfling Cleric, who is actually incapable of harming a living thing but has a +20 bonus against all her attacks on undead monsters and can resurrect her reckless-ass party like three times a day (she took pity on Dick and made a character that would work with his plot instead of being a fucking asshole)

And finally, the sixth member of the campaign, the crowning terror of the Wayne household, the one who helped turn all these fuckers into horrible OP monsters, the Cause Of Dick’s Misery:

Alfred Pennyworth with his fucking human Druid who calls out Dick’s plot thirty minutes into the third session and oneshots the boss fight with Finger of Death

The god failed its fortitude save

Dick almost cried

Alfred is banned from D&D now