#hysterical and melodramatic and unworthy of attention while desperately craving to be seen and met and validated
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#dear diary#it's so stupid being pregnant#i'm crying concrete real life tears about unrealistic shit that my brain came up with that logically i know will not happen#and i'm still crying because what if it does and because it _feels_ realistic#even if logically i know it really isn't#(the problem is that it's possible even if super very unlikely)#(like i know they're not going to send me hundreds of km away to give birth) (probably)#i encounter two minor inconveniences and suddenly i'm convinced nothing will go right and everything will go to shit#that the entire experience will just be chaotic to the very end#and i suddenly feel the most unsafe i've ever felt in regards to the finnish health care system#because my stupid fucking brain decides to catastrophise#it doesn't help that hus decided to cut 280 people from their paycheck today#it doesn't directly affect me either seeing as i don't live in the hus area but like#it doesn't help#mostly i guess i just feel abandoned and alone#inconvenient and inconsequential#hysterical and melodramatic and unworthy of attention while desperately craving to be seen and met and validated#which is fun always#and that's why i'm crying#i don't want to bother anyone with all these feelings because i know i'm being ridiculous#so here ya go sorry for taking space if you see this#'i need to concentrate on work for the next three hours' *proceeds to start crying within ten minutes*#like i said#being pregnant is so fucking stupid
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