#hyde x yasu
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
did with nana a throughout scientific research in the subject of vkei and astrology and this is what we found: cancer scary
aries: toshiya dir en grey, kyuho madmans, kazuki raphael, boogie jiluka, emiru lareine, koji lacryma
taurus: izam shazna, hora swarch stein, ryuichi luna sea, klaha mm, gisho penicillin
gemini: kozi mm, kazushi rouage, yuki raphael, uruha and reita the gazette, machi lareine, hide bt
cancer: gackt, kamijo, kaya, issay, sugizo luna sea
leo: yuki mm, j luna sea, tatsuro mucc, maya lmc, daisuke kagerou, hiro lacryma, junji laputa
virgo: miyavi, yura psycho le cemu, asagi d, bou an cafe, mia mejibray (😭), sena jiluka (😭)
libra: tetsuya larc, inoran luna sea, arika ali project, it dazzlingbad (😭), satoshi girugamesh, toshi x japan, imai bt
scorpio: yoshiki x japan, aiji lmc, yo-ka diaura , kiyoharu kuroyume, kai the gazette
sagittarius: die dir en grey, hazuki lynch, aki arlequin, shiina ringo, ryuichi soft ballet, isshi kagrra, tsuzuku mejibray, hakuei penicillin, ken larc, tetsu mm, hide x japan
capricorn: koichi mejibray 🦅, aoi thw gazette, miku an cafe
aquarius: kyo kaoru dir en grey, hyde yuki larc, yasu abc, ruki the gazette, hizaki versailles, heath x japan, kyonosuke kizu
pisces: atsushi bt, mana mm, shinya dir en grey, aya psycho le cemu, kyo derlanger, kami mm, ken morioka soft ballet, kirito pierrot, ryutaro plastic tree, chiaki dezert, hizumi despairsray, jasmine you versailles
70 notes
·
View notes
Text
Visual Kei Drip Tournament: Full Ranking - WARNING: EXTREMELY LONG POST
------------------------------------ ★ finals ★
1. kozi (malice mizer) - 61.9%
2. ryonai (blam honey) - 38.1%
--------------------------------------------
★ runner ups ★
3. hide (x japan) - 60.6%
4. kaya (schwarz stein) - 39.4%
--------------------------------------------
round 5
5. arisu (missalina rei) - 48.3%
6. shinya (dir en grey) - 42.4%
7. emiru (lareine) - 41%
8. zin-francois angelique (madame edwarda) - 18.5%
--------------------------------------------
round 4
9. kazuki (raphael) - 47.6%
10. mana (malice mizer) - 47.1%
11. kami (malice mizer) - 47.5%
12. inoran (luna sea) - 47.5%
13. yu~ki (malice mizer) - 40.2%
14. izam (shazna) - 33.3%
15. kyouka (aliene ma'riage) - 25.6%
16. ken (l'arc en ciel) - 17.3%
--------------------------------------------
round 3
17. lucifer luscious violenoue (gille loves, fiction) - 47.5%
18. jyou (exist trace) - 47.5%
19. tara-chan (kilhi ice) - 47.2%
20. hakuei (penicillin) - 46.9%
21. bou (an cafe) - 45.5%
22. toshiya (dir en grey) - 43.2%
23. kamijo (lariene, versailles) - 40.8%
24. kazushi (rouage) - 38.9%
25. hizaki (jupiter, versailles) - 36%
26. ryutaro (plastic tree) - 31.7%
27. kon (la'mule) - 31.4%
28. hyde (l'arc en ciel) - 30.9%
29. ray (aliene ma'riage) - 28.6%
30. sena (jilkua) - 27.6%
31. yoshiki (x japan) - 17.6%
32. kaoru (dir en grey) - 15.9%
--------------------------------------------
round 2
33. mikoto (zigzag) - 48.2%
34. kyo (dir en grey) - 47.5%
35. mayu (lareine) - 47.5%
36. issay (der zibet) - 47.3%
37. ken morioka (soft ballet) - 46.7%
38. kiwamu (blood, gpkism) - 46.5%
39. isshi (kagrra) - 44.8%
40. die (dir en grey) - 44.6%
41. boogie (jiluka) - 42.6%
42. atsushi sakurai (buck-tick) - 42.4%
43. jasmine you (versailles) - 42.2%
44. sugizo (luna sea) - 41.7%
45. gackt (malice mizer) - 40.8%
46. ruki (the gazette) - 40.7%
47. wataru (liphlich) - 40.4%
48. kiyoharu (kuroyume) - 38.9%
49. klaha (malice mizer) - 36.8%
50. ayaha (dazzlingbad) - 35.8%
51. daisuke (kagerou) - 34%
52. ryoichi endo (soft ballet) - 33.3%
53. iT (dazzlingbad) - 31.3%
54. kazuma (merry go round) - 30.4%
55. gothique prince ken (gpkism) - 29.8%
56. kyuho (madmans esprit) - 28.9%
57. kei (eliphas levi) - 28.4%
58. hora (schwarz stein) - 27.5%
59. ryuichi (luna sea) - 25%
60. tetsu (malice mizer) - 24.1%
61. hiro (la'cryma christi) - 18.5%
62. yura (psycho le cemu) - 14.3%
63. aisaku (deviloof) - 10.5%
64. reita (the gazette) - 9.6%
--------------------------------------------
round 1
65. yukari (baiser) - 49.4%
66. full (guniw tools) - 49.4%
67. j (luna sea) - 47.6%
68. asagi (D) - 47.2%
69. aoi (the gazette) - 45.8%
70. kujou takemasa (kiryu) - 45.8%
71. dynamite tommy (color) - 44.4%
72. sakura (l'arc en ciel) - 44.3%
73. imai hisashi (buck-tick) - 44.2%
74. juka (moi dix mois) - 44.1%
75. miko (exist trace) - 44.1%
76. ai (gulu gulu) - 44%
77. yoshiatsu (dadaroma) - 43.8%
78. yagami toll (buck-tick) - 42.2%
79. yasu (janne da arc, acid black cherry) - 41.9%
80. teru (versailles) - 41.9%
81. uruha (the gazette) - 41.5%
82. hazuki (lynch) - 41.4%
83. chiaki (dezert) - 41.3%
84. juho (madmans esprit) - 40.7%
85. tsuzuku (mejibray) - 39.9%
86. maya (LM.C) - 39.6%
87. mia (mejibray) - 39.6%
88. lime (kizu) - 38.9%
89. aya (psycho le cemu) - 38.6%
90. miyavi (due le quartz) - 38.5%
91. jojo (the gallo) - 38.2%
92. takashi (dadaroma) - 38.1%
93. machi (lareine) - 37.7%
94. hidehiko hoshino (buck-tick) - 36.6%
95. kyonosuke (kizu) - 36.2%
96. taka (la'cryma christi) - 35.9%
97. tetsu (l'arc en ciel) - 35.7%
98. meto (mejibray) - 35.1%
99. t.m. revolution (luis-mary) - 34.4%
100. maria cross - 34.4%
101. kengo (noir fleurir) - 34.3%
102. dada (velvet eden) - 33.9%
103. morrie (dead end) - 33.3%
104. tsutomu ishizuki (fanatic crisis) - 31.9%
105. aki (laputa) - 30.9%
106. koichi (mejibray) - 30.1%
107. heath (x japan) - 29.5%
108. shou kiryuuin (golden bomber) - 29.5%
109. miko (exist trace) - 28.4%
110. yukihiro (l'arc en ciel) - 26.5%
111. mast (aliene ma'riage) - 25.5%
112. tatsuro (mucc) - 23.6%
113. aki (arlequin) - 22.3%
114. gisho (penicillin) - 21.4%
115. yutaka higuchi (buck-tick) - 21.4%
116. kyohei (das:vasser) - 21.1%
117. seek (psycho le cemu) - 21.1%
118. kirito (pierrot) - 18.9%
119. darvish kenji (golden bomber) - 18.8%
120. kisaki (phantasmagoria, mirage, la:sadies) - 18.6%
121. tsune-hito (D) - 16.1%
122. kai (the gazette) - 15.5%
123. mako (deadman) - 14.9%
124. yune (the gazette) - 14.1%
125. shun (deshabillez) - 13.9%
126. tusk (zi-kill) - 12.7%
127. chill (kane to juusei) - 12.3%
128. yohio (disreign) - 11.3%
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
A Bad Commencement 3
Hyde was scanning the room awkwardly.
Another happy gathering full of musicians he didn't know or couldn't stand.
He remembered the last party he had went to. What a disaster it had been.
A few weeks had passed and he still remembered the feeling of the cold floor against his bare knees, remembered yasu's expression as he left the office room and the loss he had felt for no specific reason.
Once more he looked around himself.
There was a fair chance yasu would be here today as well. They were colleagues, they knew the same people and attended the same events. Well, there was a reason why you didn't get involved with colleagues.
Hyde wasn't sure if he hoped or dreaded to see him again.
Although he had to admit that the young vocalist had left an impression on him – if that was the right way to put it - things between them had ended quite badly.
Nonetheless he was the only person Hyde thought of while standing in a room full of people.
“Hey, Hyde”, a voice called out and the sound of his own name made him flinch.
He turned around into the direction of the speaker and found himself facing a tall guy (well, taller than Hyde, which wasn't exactly tall, but still) with long, black hair. Hyde was aware that he knew him, even if he had troubles recalling his name or that of his band.
His attention was drawn to the man by his side, anyway.
And here we go, he thought dryly.
Yasu still looked gorgeous and the strands of his brunette hair seemed to be a little longer now than the last time he had seen him. He was wearing a casual shirt and tight pants that made his legs look very slim.
Before Hyde could decide if he wanted to panic or make up an excuse, yasu smiled at him.
He surely hadn't expected that.
It wasn't a very warm smile, and it didn't even reach his eyes, but his full lips curled up in a fashion that showed he was trying.
“Hey, long time no see”, Hyde said to the man who had called his name.
It had been a long time. So long that he didn't even remember his name. But he thought it safer to pretend and hope for the best than admit to it. His manager would kill him for seeming ignorant.
“This is yasu. He's a fan of yours, by the way”, the guy pointed to the vocalist by his side.
Hyde nodded shortly, not quite sure how to react.
His encounters with yasu so far weren't really the kind of thing you would tell to anyone.
“We've seen each other before”, yasu took over and his eyes trailed a little too slowly over Hyde's body. “In fact, I have seen an awful lot of him already.”
Hyde tried hard not to blush, remembering kneeling in front of him naked. Remembering his dick in yasu's mouth.
The fact that yasu was teasing him came as a surprise. He had expected him to be cold and distant, at best. Instead his voice sounded flirty, and Hyde didn't know how he felt about that.
He had thought about yasu a lot and looking at him now he was still beautiful.
But his pride had been hurt and he wasn't able to forgive that so easily.
The disappointment still stung.
“Nice to see you again”, Hyde managed, feeling the lack of words harshly.
He wanted to shout at yasu for treating him like that, and he wanted to apologize and beg for forgiveness and everything in between. The brunette vocalist made him feel weak in his knees in a way he couldn't quite explain.
“Me and yasu just wanted to grab some drinks. Wanna sit with us and tell us what you've been up to lately?”, the black haired man suggested.
Hyde did not want to at all.
First of all he wasn't sure if he really wanted to be around yasu. He had humiliated him, and he was also gorgeous. It was a dangerous mixture one had to be careful about.
And second – even if he did want to talk to yasu – doing so with someone else around would be only awkward. They hardly knew each other and already had a lot of secrets to share.
“I don't really feel like drinking”, Hyde shrugged. “I think I rather need a smoke.”
It sounded like a good apology to get away. He had been curious what it would be like to see yasu again. Now he knew.
It was bad.
He couldn't take his eyes of his face, of his dark eyes and glossy hair and shiny lips. He was beautiful in a way that Hyde would never possess because he had already fucked it up and that made him alluring all the more.
“That's so not like you”, the other man laughed and turned towards yasu to give a short explanation. “Usually Hyde is the first one to go for free drinks.”
Yasu smacked his lips, which made them look even pinker than before.
“I learned quite a lot about Hyde's taste at our first meeting”, he pointed out and his mocking gaze told him clearly that he had chosen his words intentionally.
Once more Hyde felt his own cheeks heating up and he turned away hastily.
“See you guys around”, he waved and made his way for the exit.
Yasu's behaviour had irritated him and he didn't know what to make of it.
Deep down he had expected the whole story to be over, the two of them never really talking to each other again. Maybe he had also expected that there was still anger between them, but instead he felt a weird tingle down at his stomach, caused by the way yasu had smiled at him.
Hyde knew that he behaved like an idiot. Only an idiot would make the same mistake twice.
He stepped outside of the building, inhaling the cool night air greedily. His head felt a little clearer already.
He had made a narrow escape. Good for him that he hadn't decided to stay.
Much to his surprise the street in front of the building was completely deserted. Everyone was trying to quit smoking lately, or maybe he had just caught a peaceful moment.
He fumbled for his pack of cigarettes, realizing that he had left it inside the pocket of his jacket upstairs. It was still warm outside, but slowly the leaves started to change their colour, and he scolded himself for having forgotten his jacket. Another sign that he was an idiot. His mind had been on things it shouldn't be paying attention to.
For another moment he just stood there in the upcoming dusk, considering if the cigarettes really were worth the trouble of going upstairs again.
Down here it was quiet, and his loneliness had more space to itself. It felt less like it was crushing him.
Behind him the door fell shut once more and he turned around to see who dared to disturb his perfect silence.
It took him a moment before he realized that the other one didn't intend to speak first.
“I thought of calling you”, Hyde admitted after a while.
“But you didn't”, yasu pointed out quite correctly.
Hyde had thought about it over and over again and always dropped the phone in the last second.
He had wanted to see yasu again. Because he was fun and hot and maybe no longer mad at him. But his dignity had kept him from doing it. He had no intention of making a fool of himself once again.
“What did you come down here for?”, he changed the topic. “To make fun of me some more?”
Slightly yasu shook his head.
He wasn't quite looking at Hyde, and he had learned to read this sign of insecurity by now. Yasu was not scared of facing him in general, he only did it when he felt vulnerable.
“No, I wanted to apologize.”
He spoke softly, but there was no noise around to carry his voice away with it. The words kept hanging weakly in the air between them.
“It's alright, I understand. We both acted stupid”, he brushed it off, although he wasn't quite sure how much he meant it.
He didn't know whom of them deserved an apology.
“Still, going for revenge like this is pretty pathetic”, yasu admitted. “I don't know what had gotten into me.”
“So, can we start all over again?”, Hyde asked and caught yasu smirking.
“I'd rather only go back to the point where we were supposed to have hot make-up sex”, he grinned.
Hyde laughed loudly before he could make up his mind about it. He hadn't thought that yasu would make him laugh tonight.
“Haven't you had enough of me already?”, he chuckled.
Their eyes met and he saw the answer he felt deep inside of himself.
It wasn't just attraction he felt towards yasu. It was something darker, something that was raging and painful. It was the loneliness on his skin stinging like a thousand needles and it was anger and hate that wasn't directed at yasu at all. It was desire in its scary, tainted glory.
“Fuck”, he said softly, and then his hands were on yasu's neck and he was kissing him with all his anger and all his disappointment.
He kissed him to leave a scar.
But yasu did not push him away, but instead softened against him. His lips parted, but he did not move. He just stood still, allowing Hyde's tongue to enter his mouth and leaning a tiny bit into him.
Confused Hyde pulled back.
His own behaviour had confused him. What was he kissing him for now? Hadn't he learned his lesson? And moreover he was confused about yasu's behaviour. Why flirt with him and then not return his kiss properly?
Only centimetres away from yasu's face he stared at the other vocalist, his dark eyes wide and obviously confused as well.
“I'm sorry”, Hyde mumbled. “I thought you wanted...”
A sudden smile rushed across yasu's face, but his eyes went dim almost immediately again. It was weird to watch, like a defect flash-light that was flickering when you turned the switch. Hyde wondered if maybe something inside of yasu was broken.
“Shut up”, the younger one whispered, casting a look over his shoulder towards the entrance door.
Then he grabbed for Hyde's arm without warning, his fingers closing firmly around his wrist. Dragging him around two corners yasu led him to the backstreet behind the building. The light of the street-lights was less bright here, and their steps sounded louder on the asphalt. It seemed a lot lonelier back here, too.
With a hard shove yasu pushed him up against the wall, his hand still on Hyde's wrist, holding it down. The stone felt cold and rough against his back, but yasu's body was hot as he stepped forward, pressing against him and not leaving him a way to retreat.
This time it was the younger vocalist kissing him, tilting his head to force open Hyde's lips, leaning into him greedily.
Hyde's shoulder blades were hurting just a little where yasu had him pinned against the wall, and his grip on his wrist was so firm he wondered if it would bruise.
But he didn't care. He felt helpless, but he felt something. He wanted to surrender, if that meant not feeling like himself any more.
What kind of person stripped down in an office building? What kind of person went on their knees in a cloak room?
Hyde thought of yasu's flash-light smile again.
Maybe both of them were slightly defect.
With his free hand he reached up, digging his fingers violently into yasu's neck.
As if in reaction to the touch he shifted his weight somewhat, slipping his leg between Hyde's thighs, pressing against his crotch.
Softly he moaned as he felt the pressure against his hard-on, while yasu's lips went down his throat, sucking and biting his skin as if he wanted to tear it off.
Hyde tried to shift his own body, but there wasn't enough space. Instead of backing off yasu moved his legs somewhat, rubbing his thigh against Hyde's crotch, causing him to moan once more.
Yasu's tongue went across his earlobe and he shivered slightly.
“I want you”, he whispered quietly, his words dying somewhere against yasu's neck.
He didn't dare to look him in the eyes.
He wanted it fast and hard. He wanted it before he could think about it. He wanted it before the loneliness would find him again in this shady backstreet.
Now yasu pulled back a little, his nose brushing against Hyde's, but it didn't feel tender. It felt like he was trying to build a small, private space where no one else could hear his words. His words were their secret, a secret between two strangers, the only thing keeping them together.
“I don't want to be used again”, yasu confessed in a low voice, and Hyde could hear the fracture in it.
“Use me”, he breathed back, also making sure that the world could not here his shameful words.
They had already shown each other their hidden selves. Hyde had revealed his desperation when he had gotten down on his knees in that conference room, and maybe yasu had seen some of his loneliness shine through as well. They had exposed how weak they really were and now they couldn't go back. The only direction to head into lay ahead. Faster, harder, greedier. They were trying to act tough to make up for the weakness they had displayed before. Hyde offered to be used to make yasu forget they had used each other before.
As if knowing that words could only make it worse, yasu grabbed for the back of Hyde's knee, pulling it up to his waist to slip into the gap created between his legs.
Yasu was now pressing against him from head to toe, and Hyde wrapped his leg around him to steady himself, half-straddling the younger vocalist that way. Since the other one had let go of his wrist by now, he managed to place both of his hands on yasu's shoulders, making sure he would be able to hold any position he was put into.
With determined motions yasu started to unbutton Hyde's pants, pulling them down at the back. Fabric was still covering his erection, since it was hard to strip down farther with his leg up like this, but he could already feel the cold night air creeping up from behind.
Yasu's hand was on his butt now, caressing him with teasing motions.
Hyde wanted to check on his expression, but he was too scared to catch his eye and make it embarrassing for both of them, so he turned his head away slightly, staring at a point on yasu's shoulder instead.
“Sshhh”, yasu made soothingly, before jerking his hand violently and pushing up two fingers at once into Hyde's inside.
Loudly he winced, a sudden jolt of pain running up his spine. Although he was used to this throbbing feeling up his ass, he was a little out of practice. Yasu should have started more carefully, and for a moment he considered telling him, begging him to be gentler on him. But then he thought that yasu might stop and that thought was even more horrifying than enduring the discomfort.
So he just dug his fingers into yasu's upper arm a little harder to keep his own voice in check.
“Ssh”, yasu made again. “It will feel better soon.”
He started moving his hand, slowly stretching Hyde with his fingers.
He gritted his teeth, but yasu had obviously noticed, because he turned his head now, still not meeting his eyes but kissing him gently.
His lips felt warm and his mouth tasted sweet and familiar by now. They were kissing slowly for a while that seemed to stretch into an intimate eternity.
Yasu's fingers were starting to feel good by now and he moaned softly into his mouth.
The other vocalist broke their kiss, bringing his lips closer to Hyde's ear.
“Okay, I'm running out of patience and I have no lube or anything here, so I hope you like it a little rough.”
His voice was somewhat deeper now than usual and he sounded almost threatening.
It gave Hyde the good kind of goosebumps.
“Just hurry, before someone comes looking for us���, Hyde exhaled under his breath.
Yasu gave a small, thoughtful hum, but then he let go of Hyde and unbuckled his own pants.
Hyde watched him as he pulled down the fabric, excitement now fluttering at the back of his throat.
Only now did he realize that he had not seen yasu naked so far. He had imagined his body in different ways already, but he was curious what reality would look like.
His hard dick was extremely pretty and Hyde suppressed the desire to touch it. He wanted to feel him twitch under his hand, wanted to caress him with his lips, but he knew that yasu would scold him if he reached out now.
Instead the younger one looked up, now meeting his gaze.
Once again a smile broke out over his face, and it made him look young and goofy. He had looked like that at their first meeting, too. So hopeful, Hyde thought.
“Jump”, yasu grinned wickedly, and for a second Hyde was confused.
But then yasu grabbed for his other leg that was still on the ground and he realized that he was actually supposed to hold on to him.
So he did hold on to his shoulders even more as yasu lifted him off the ground, the brick wall in his back keeping him steady and upright.
Instinctively Hyde wrapped both his legs around yasu, a little anxious if he would be able to support his weight.
But obviously he needn't worry, because yasu didn't even struggle with holding him up against the wall.
Hyde had never been in a position like this. It made him feel a little queasy, in an exciting way.
He had never had sex pinned to a wall like this. He had never had sex in a back alley. He had never had sex when someone he knew might walk by any minute.
It was scary and it was exciting, and it worried him that only now did he feel alive again since a very long time.
Yasu had his hand on his waist, the other one seemed to be busy with something else.
A heartbeat later Hyde found out with what, because he felt yasu's hot dick against his butt, and suddenly he thrust into him, drawing a surprised outcry from his lips.
Hastily yasu reached up, placing his hand over Hyde's mouth.
Hyde could feel him hot and throbbing on his inside, burning him a little, because he had shoved into him so hard.
“Keep quiet, we don't want anyone to hear you, do we?”, yasu whispered, still covering his mouth and thrusting into him once again.
This time Hyde's gasp got swallowed by his palm.
He felt helpless like that; not able to move, not able to scream. All he could do was hold on to yasu and surrender. He had to trust him, although his trust had been abused once before.
“Or would you like to be found like this?”, yasu kept teasing, while he picked up a steadier rhythm now. “Being fucked out on the street by another man like a whore?”
Hyde groaned in return, shivering against yasu as he hit a spot that made his whole body feel shaky down to his knees.
Through the fabric of his pants he was rubbing against Hyde's dick with each of his motions, and the sensation dripped warmly through his limps.
Yasu kept thrusting his hips forward hardly, driving Hyde against the wall with each shove. His back hurt, and yasu was fucking him roughly, but the pain mixed with pleasure, disappearing under the red curtain of lust.
His moans were swallowed by yasu's hand, his skin seemed to drink his voice, creating a silent space just for the two of them.
Next to his ear he could hear yasu's heavy breathing, but it was also muffled as if he was holding back his moans as well.
He had turned his face away from him, his lips close to Hyde's neck so that their eyes didn't have to meet.
Hyde was weirdly thankful for it. He had closed his own eyes, too, because he didn't want to see him either.
Whatever this was, it wasn't normal behaviour. Both of them had acted unreasonable from the very beginning, and although Hyde would have liked to pretend that it was something like special attraction, fate maybe, or even love; he knew that it wasn't.
He felt good right now, the cold night air, yasu slamming into him, his warm hand covering his face. But he also felt pathetic and disgusting with himself. It wasn't attraction driving his actions, it was the desire to hurt himself.
With his eyes still closed he ran his hand from yasu's shoulder to his neck, feeling the strands of his soft hair between his fingertips.
He wondered if yasu hated himself, too.
Another hard thrust quietened his thoughts. Red lights were flickering behind his closed eyelids, and then white ones. Fire was crawling under his skin, slow waves burning their way up to the top of his head and the back of his knees.
The other man was still pressing against his crotch, and with a loud moan that spilled out between yasu's fingers Hyde came into his own pants.
Suddenly he felt weak and relieved that yasu was holding him upright.
He kept up his motions a little while longer, then he slowed down and finally pulled back, letting Hyde down on the ground.
For a moment all he could do was lean against the wall, his legs feeling very weak and shaky from orgasm.
He took in a few deep breaths, watching yasu stroke his dick to finish off by himself and then white semen dripping onto the asphalt below.
Hyde fumbled through his pockets in search for a tissue and actually found one to clean up himself. After buttoning his pants again he let it fall to the ground, right next to where yasu had spilled himself.
Usually Hyde hated it when people dropped their garbage on the streets, but what else was he supposed to do with it? Keep it as a memory of shame? He had allowed yasu to see a side of him that he didn't like himself.
Only now did he turn around to check what the other vocalist was doing.
He had just lit himself a cigarette and was holding it out to Hyde now.
Thankfully Hyde took it, inhaling the soothing smoke deeply. It was a nice gesture, he thought, as he watched yasu light another one.
Lightening him a cigarette. Almost as if he cared for him.
The brunette man was not looking at him, though.
He had his face turned upwards as if he was watching something. Hyde followed his gaze and between two rooftops he caught a shiny piece of night sky, black velvet sparkling with diamond stars. It looked beautiful and unreal. The silence between them felt peaceful and only for now it felt like they were sharing something nice. They were sharing the stars and the quiet of the night, and for a moment Hyde did not feel lonely. Not nearly as lonely as he had felt during sex at least.
“I normally don't do things like this”, yasu said after a while.
“Me neither”, Hyde agreed.
He wasn't sure if yasu believed him, but then he didn't have to. For a peaceful moment Hyde didn't care what he thought of him. Of course it was him who had started their little game, but it wasn't like he often picked up guys to use them for casual blowjobs. It had been something about yasu's smile that had told him it would be okay to let his guard down just a little bit, and then he had gotten scared and started running. In the end he always got scared.
“Will you call me?”, he asked spontaneously.
Looking up at the stars he felt like it would be nice to share another peaceful silence with yasu soon. Or maybe even fill it with words.
As he looked over to yasu he could see him smiling. He looked a little happier now than before, too.
“Yes, I will”, he promised. “I will call for sure.”
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
9/25
If you want to read the story of Morrie getting (almost) arrested in NY, please scroll down for the bolded section of this post.
Wednesday was really busy, but I had great time! First I met with Emily, a Canadian, who lives surprisingly close to the place I’m staying at. Emily is also a fan of Morrie, but mostly of bands like Der Zibet, BUCK-TICK, AUTO-MOD, Soft Ballet, etc. I’m always down for meeting Morrie’s fans.
We met in Nakano at midday and got a little lost on our way to the amazing store with visual kei (well, not only, but mostly) merchandise and magazines. I had no idea such place is in Nakano! I would have never found it myself. Emily discovered it by accident, and when we finally got in, I just kept saying “oh my god, oh my god”. Because really… There was so much merchandise, either really old and new items. From bands like: X JAPAN, DIR EN GREY, BUCK-TICK, LUNA SEA, Acid Black Cherry, L’Arc~en~Ciel, VAMPS, GLAY, Golden Bomber… Of course items there were not the cheapest, but some items surely were cheaper than the original price. One of items I really would like to buy, but decided not to (for now) was a long hoodie from BUCK-TICK, not sure from which tour it was, but the design is amazing.
There are also lots and lots of magazines, I got myself four: three issues of ROCK AND READ and one volume of FOOL’S MATE I.S., all featuring Morrie. I paid for all of those less than 3,000JPY. There are some really old volumes of FOOL’S MATE, SHOXX, Arena37C, etc. If you want to know where is the store, just shoot me a message and I will tell you!
After a quick lunch at McDonald’s (a safe choice, because I wasn’t sure what we can get in that area), we headed to Shinjuku and after getting just slightly lost we found Book Off and Disc Union that Emily haven’t been to yet. I was glad she got herself some CDs! For myself, I bought my favourite album from Hyde, Roentgen, and Kiyoharu’s newest album Covers. It was used but in perfect condition and I got it for just 2,200JPY. I also found hide’s 8cm single for my friend.
Did I mention Emily gave me X JAPAN’s Heath’s solo album? I listened to it today for the first time and he has surprisingly pleasant voice and his music is a solid old school vk rock.
After saying goodbye to Emily I headed to another meeting – this time with Luka, a middle aged bangya of Morrie. I met Luka last year at Creature Creature live. She is the gambling bangya I once mentioned. Luka took me to an Okinawa style restaurant, where for some reason all dishes were containing bitter melon. This veggie is okay, but too much of it is… no. Anyway, I had such great time with Luka! We were gossiping about Morrie all time. She brought me the 10,000JPY prints of Morrie you can buy at his solo lives and that he later signs for you. These portraits are taken by Morrie’s NY photographer friend, Tre. Tre’s pictures are stunning even when you just see them online, but the actual prints… THESE ARE GORGEOUS. Totally worth the money. So beautiful. Colors are so vibrant, I can’t describe it. We also discovered with Luka we have the same Morrie sticker on our Suica cards and I found that hilarious. I also learned that Luka, just like me, didn’t get into Morrie’s music years ago; she rather found out about him because of his fanboy. Which was…. SUGIZO of LUNA SEA. In my case that was yasu from Acid Black Cherry, so it was great to talk to a Japanese person who got to know Morrie in a similar way.
After eating and a couple of drinks, we decided to change places and just went to some bar in Kabukicho. We ordered beers and that’s where Luka started telling me very interesting stories that Morrie himself shares with fans, mostly at Solitude lives. Here is a story of Morrie (almost) getting arrested:
Some of you surely know he moved to New York in late 1992 and lived there for over a decade with his wife, Heather. Well, he still does, but during that period he rarely make any public appearances and mostly stayed in NY the entire time. Anyway, Morrie was in New York (he lives somewhere in Manhattan) when 9/11 happened. This event really made a big impact on him, he even wrote a song for DEAD END titled Matenrou Game (Skyscraper Game) that tells about this event. When 9/11 happened, Shoyo Iida, his close friend and guitarist of EZO, was staying at Morrie’s apartment that time. When WTC towers collapsed, many streets got closed. And those two idiots, Morrie and Shoyo, went into that area, to check it out. Mostly because people were really confused with what was happening, there was kind of chaos, and because of curiosity. And of course they got pulled over by police. Shoyo didn’t have his documents on him, Morrie did, but still police was super suspicious of them and it resulted in them almost getting arrested. In the end, they just got a ride in a police car back to Morrie’s apartment.
Luka also told me about going to Shoyo’s restaurant in Kyoto (he is a sushi chef) and getting the same exact seat as Morrie there and the same meal. We talked about Morrie’s philosophy, his inspirations. Before I knew it, it got really late and I had to run for the last train home. But, I had quality time with Luka and I can’t wait to see her tomorrow, in Yokohama, at Morrie’s Solitude live!
18 notes
·
View notes
Note
Can you please rec us some nice japanese song, the genre is up to you 💖
I have so much, I’m overwhelmed 😭 I listen to J-rock the most but I tried to think of some softer songs too! I’ll list them below by genre (with links! :D)
These are all at the top of my head but there’s so much moreeee~
Ballads/Pop:
Wandering by Hako Yamazaki
Dakishimetai by Jungle Smile
Stay With Me by Miki Matsubara
Darling by V6 (I love this song soooo much 😭💖 found this song when watching Kimi Wa Petto with Matsumoto Jun who is one of my ult J-idol/J-actor crush)
Life is like a Boat by Rie Fu
Planetarium by Ai Otsuka
Hello, How Are You by Hatsune Miku
Natural Ni Koishite by Perfume
Spice by Perfume
Kataomoi by Aimer
ラビリンス by Mondo Grosso
Sparkle by RADWIMPS
Love Yourself by KAT-TUN
Kaze No Shirabo by Becky
Yaruki Switch by Becky (Can’t find a link for this song unfortunately, but it’s one of my favs)
Heavy Rotation by AKB48 (controversial video but it’s a cute/catchy song lmao)
Beginner by AKB48
Sheena Ringo (don’t know the name of this song but this performance had me drooling)
J-Rock/Visual Kei (my fav genre to listen to for Japanese music)
Jibun Kakumei by Miyavi (I still have a massive crush on him)
Girls Be Ambitious by Miyavi
Hello by HYDE
Living in your Eyes by L’arc En Ciel (this song makes me feel like how OY JK feels for noona)
Metropolis by L’arc En Ciel (this song is so sexy, it’s the song that made me fall in love with L’arc, here’s a punk version)
XXX by L’arc En Ciel
Yes by Acid Black Cherry
Crisis by Acid Black Cherry
DOLLS by Janne Da Arc (this is my favorite live version of DOLLS which is even better than the official audio. Yes, the singer is the same guy from Acid Black Cherry! :D That’s Yasu! He was the lead singer of Janne Da Arc but after they went on hiatus, he started ABC)
Gather Roses by Screw
Invisible Wall by The GazettE
Face to Face by LUNA SEA (yes, that’s a fmv, yes the song is face to face by luna sea but the fmv is of l’arc en ciel, yes I’m whipped for hyde)
Melty Love by SHAZNA (yes, that’s a man)
Yuuwaku by Glay
Vanilla by GACKT
Flowers by GACKT (my favorite song by GACKT, honestly nothing he produced afterwards can compare to this)
Last Song by GACKT
Seijatachi by People in the Box (I love the bass in this song so much, prob my fav bass line)
Weekend by X Japan
Kurenai by X Japan
Tears by X Japan
Rose of Pain by X Japan
Clock Strikes by ONE OK ROCK
Ikenai Taiyou by Orange Range
- 🐰
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
Once upon a time, Hyde and Yasu met at a restaurant.
And then they both went to Hyde's place.
They had sex.
The end.
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
A Bad Commencement 1
Hey, we didn’t do this in a while: Single chapters that only get updated every 100 years, please look forward to it :D
The party was pretty boring and far too loud.
Hyde couldn't recall the last time he had enjoyed himself at an event like this. Probably he never had. A thin layer of loneliness kept sticking to his skin whenever he was surrounded by a crowd.
Moreover, his manager was circling him like a mosquito right now, desperate to suck his blood.
“I know, I know”, he repeated for what felt like the hundredth time and scanned the room.
All the established musicians were having a go at the free drinks, while all the young musicians were trying to shake the right hands. Hyde felt far too old to be kept away from the alcohol, but his manager did not agree.
He was nervous and Hyde could make out a few drops of sweat on his temple.
The room felt overheated and sticky indeed, but he was less stressed out about his own career, or maybe just too tired to bother at all.
“Making contacts is even more important now that you just started out solo”, his manager reminded him and Hyde tried hard not to roll his eyes.
He had heard all of this over and over again, and he was sick of it, sick of the words that seemed to fill his stomach with a heavy ache. For some naïve reason he had hoped that going solo would be more peaceful, more silent, but he had been gravely mistaken.
“For the marketing campaign it would be just great if you could do collaborations with other artists, so please play nice today. One company approached me already. One of their vocalists seems to be a big fan of you and you are supposed to meet him tonight. Their band is quite popular, their name is Janne Da Arc, maybe you've heard of them. They'd be doing us a big favour, so you better make sure to get along with this guy, whatever it takes.”
“I know, I know”, Hyde said again, but he wasn't really listening.
Collaborations, just what he was looking for. As if had tried to get away from the band structure just to fight over his ideas with strangers instead. Couldn't they just leave him alone?
Once more his eyes trailed over the people standing around awkwardly, forcing conversations on each other. The thought that soon they might start forcing conversations on him as well horrified Hyde deeply.
Parties to make connections were plain awful. He remembered when parties were still about getting laid. It had also been painfully boring most of the time, but the outcome was undeniable more rewarding.
Quietly he sighed.
Getting laid was so much harder now than it used to be. Instead of making it easier the fame made it even harder to pick someone up. You couldn't do it with fans, because of the image. You couldn't do it with colleagues, because of the connections. Stupid connections.
“Hyde, are you even listening?”, his manager hissed and he nodded, although of course he wasn't.
His gaze had just caught something very surprising. This was a high-class event, only people with a lot of influence, a lot of money, or both would manage to get invited. Security guards were lining the doors to make sure that overly ambitious fans stayed away tonight.
Nonetheless the boy was there.
His light hair was barely falling down to his chin, and he was dressed from head to toe in merchandise. Hyde could identify a L'arc-en-ciel shirt from their latest tour and a towel wrapped around his shoulders, that – judged from the distance – had to be at least three years old. Moreover the young man was clenching something to his chest that might have been a set of postcards.
Maybe he was hoping for an autograph.
Hyde took in his slim waist and his rather long legs and the way he moved his hips.
He was feeling generous tonight.
Maybe his chances for an autograph weren't that bad at all.
“Excuse me”, he turned to his manager, who still hadn't stopped talking about all the things that Hyde should keep in mind and that he had already forgotten about. “I think I'll try to be charming now.”
The man seemed relieved by that promise, because Hyde wasn't actually known for being charming. He was polite of course, and people usually agreed that his smile looked pretty, but he was not very good at making himself likeable. He kept to himself too often, did not talk enough, and sometimes his mind would just drift off in the middle of a conversation.
Hyde just got bored very easily.
Now he made his way through the chatting people, his eyes set on the fanboy who had drawn his attention earlier.
“Looking for something?”, he asked when he finally got into hearing distance.
The guy flinched and then turned towards Hyde with a slightly blank expression.
He knew this kind of face very well, fans often displayed it when trying to contain their excitement.
“Oh my goodness”, he exhaled. “Hyde, it's you.”
Hyde smirked and bowed his head mockingly.
Up close the boy made him feel even more generous.
He seemed to be a couple of years younger than himself, and his cheeks still looked a little chubby as if he had left behind puberty only recently. But he had beautiful, dark eyes with heavy eyelids, and his lips shone somehow pink as if he was wearing lipstick although obviously he wasn't.
A spark of interest flared up at the back of Hyde's mind, which was extraordinary to begin with. Lately, he did not feel a lot of interest for anyone.
“Yes, it's me”, he admitted. “And who are you?”
For a moment his pretty fan just stared at him as if he had forgotten anything he had to say. Hyde was familiar with this phenomenon as well.
“Eh, yasu”, he finally stuttered. “My name is yasu, nice to meet you. I really hoped I would see you tonight, I'm a big fan of yours.”
Hyde looked down on the merch collection he was wearing.
“You don't say”, he mumbled dryly. “But it's nice to meet you, too, yasu.”
Still, he wondered how he had passed by the guards at the door. Maybe he knew someone, who knew someone. The nephew of the friend of some manager maybe. He didn't care enough to ask.
“I noticed you from across the room”, Hyde added.
It was so much easier to be brave with fans, because you already knew that they liked you for sure. The chances that yasu would be taken aback by his advances were close to zero.
“You looked so pretty that I wondered if you would join me for a drink.”
Without turning his face away yasu had still managed to avoid his eyes so far, but now he was looking at him straight ahead.
His eyes weren't only dark, they were also slightly cheeky. Hyde caught himself thinking that he had friendly eyes, the kind of eyes you wanted to take out on a proper date. Carelessly he brushed the thought aside.
“Okay”, yasu agreed. “But drinks are on me.”
For a second Hyde hesitated, not sure if he might be joking.
“Drinks are for free”, he pointed out.
“I know”, yasu winked; his shyness had faded fast, almost immediately to be replaced by a sort of goofy self-confidence. “That's why I can afford to get you drunk. So better watch out.”
Hyde had not expected that anyone would make him laugh tonight, so his own chuckle caught him by surprise.
“You are shameless”, he exclaimed, scandalized and flattered by the open way yasu was flirting with him.
The brunette shrugged.
“And that's when I'm still sober”, he grinned, and turned around to stroll over to the small bar where a waiter was handing out drinks.
Hyde followed him in fascination. Yasu wasn't the usual guy you met at parties like this. As far as he could tell yasu wasn't the usual anything.
To keep it simple they ordered two beers.
Originally, Hyde had planned to get totally wasted tonight, but after meeting his new acquaintance he had changed his mind. There was something ahead that promised to be even more fun than free alcohol.
He took a sip from the cold bottle and eyed his fanboy curiously.
Yasu had an air about him that was nervous and carefree at the same time and Hyde found it hard to determine if he was feeling comfortable in his presence or not.
“I should probably thank you for your support”, he nodded towards the merchandise yasu was wearing.
“You could thank me with an autograph”, yasu suggested and now held out the cards he was still clenching in his left hand.
Hyde had guessed right. It was a set of postcards indeed. His own face stared back at him from the very top one. He didn't like it much. It looked cold and strangely far away.
“Sure”, he agreed nonetheless and felt his pockets. “But I'm afraid I don't have a pen on me.”
“Wait”, yasu held up his hand and fumbled with a small bag he was carrying.
Finally he handed a black pen over to the vocalist, which Hyde took with a slight smirk.
“You really thought of everything, didn't you?”, he observed.
“I always make sure to prepare myself properly”, yasu confirmed. “You can save yourself a lot of pain with that.”
Hyde looked up from the card he was supposed to sign, scanning yasu's expression shortly to tell what he meant by that. He kept a straight face, but his lips gave him away. They twitched slightly while he was holding back a laugh.
Yasu was a very likeable guy, he decided.
He also decided that he wanted him, even if it was the wrong thing to think about. Hyde didn't care that he was a fan and he didn't care that he would probably never see him again after tonight.
“Here”, he put his name on the picture of himself, but yasu didn't take it back immediately.
“Will you add your number to that name, if I promise to send nudes?”, he joked.
Again the laughter hit Hyde without warning.
He couldn't recall the last time someone had made him laugh twice in a row.
“I might, if you let me take off the clothes myself”, he returned.
Somehow yasu's easy-going attitude made him feel relaxed and smiling did not feel difficult for a change.
The other man did not reply to that but put his own beer to his lips instead.
He had beautiful lips and the way his Adam's apple bounced as he swallowed made Hyde slightly dizzy.
“Tell me about yourself, yasu”, he asked, hoping that his lack of honest interest wouldn't show too clearly.
Truth was he didn't care much for yasu's life, didn't care for his hobbies, his friends or even his taste in music. He cared for his soft lips and the veins showing on the back of his hand holding the beer. But it wasn't the kind of thing you said out loud.
“Oh, there is nothing much to tell”, yasu brushed it off. “There's the band of course, and someday I hope to become as cool as you. I'm kinky as fuck, and although I moved to Tokyo quite a while ago, I'm still missing home. Also, I strongly dislike liquorice and clear vodka.”
For a moment Hyde just stared at him, trying to order those pretty random facts in his head. He wasn't quite sure on which of them to focus without running the risk of things getting awkward.
“I don't like liquorice much, either”, he stated lamely, surprised that yasu granted him with a wide smile in return.
“Damn, if our zodiac signs match as well, we should start to chime the wedding bells”, he joked and caused Hyde to chuckle again.
He really wished he wouldn't find him so extremely charming, it would only make it much harder to walk away at the end of the night.
“And in your band? You're the vocalist as well?”, he guessed.
The fact that he played in a band did not surprise him much. A lot of fans tried to imitate their idols, but few of them ever succeeded. He had to be careful about displaying interest in his music, it often led to handing over demo-tapes and lots of disappointment.
“Yeah”, yasu nodded, but he did not seem keen on dwelling on the topic either.
“You have a good voice”, Hyde added anyway, because he knew that compliments always improved your chances for casual sex.
It wasn't even a lie. Yasu had a striking voice, sweet and full, and very unique.
“Thanks”, yasu smiled shortly, and somewhere next to them a group of musicians started to laugh.
They were all very young and laughed very aggressively, so the person who had made the joke was most likely old, important and not funny at all.
Without meaning to Hyde rolled his eyes and caught yasu's gaze, who looked almost equally annoyed.
“Want to go somewhere else? Where it's quieter and we can talk?”, he offered, and felt a bit guilty about the way yasu beamed at him.
Of course he had not the slightest intention of talking, the timing for the excuse had just been perfect.
“I would love to”, the young man admitted, and allowed Hyde to lead the way, leaving the loud voices and false laughter behind them for good.
Aside from the bathroom there was only one other room away from the party.
Hyde pushed open the door to the small cloak room next to the main entrance, where a security guard in black clothing stood and looked the other way professionally.
“This is...ehm, not quite what I expected”, yasu confessed, and laughed nervously, looking around in the small space.
The room had obviously only made it cloak room, because it was too small to become anything else.
There was a wooden desk and two rows of coat hooks, filled with some jackets but not too many, because the air outside was still warm and summer wasn't quite over yet.
Yasu was now leaning against the desk on which he had also placed his bottle of beer, and touched the tips of his hair jumpily.
Hyde could tell that he was feeling uncomfortable and obviously wished they had gone somewhere else.
“Could we maybe switch on the lights? It's pretty dim in here”, yasu begged, and his voice got a little higher at the end of the sentence.
The room was dim indeed, too dim for two strangers to just casually hang out, Hyde had to admit. But still it was bright enough to see each other clearly.
“I'm sorry, I know it's not a very nice place”, he agreed. “But I can't leave the party just yet. My manager will kill me, if I don't talk to some other people before going home. But I really don't want to talk to them now. They are boring and annoy me every time. I want to talk to you, because you are charming and interesting, yasu. So, please, excuse the fact that we are hiding out in a shabby room like this, but I'm rather here with you than out there with a bunch of idiots.”
He could see yasu soften immediately. His shoulders slumped down a bit and his whole body seemed less tense all of a sudden.
Hyde felt a little bad for not saying the truth, although he hadn't really told a lie either.
He preferred being here with yasu right now to pretty much all the alternatives, but he could not be sure if the other man really was charming and interesting, and most of all he really didn't want to talk to him to find out.
“You are very nice”, yasu smiled, and immediately Hyde wished that he really were.
Because he knew that he had not the slightest intention of considering yasu's feelings in this. He would promise him the skies and the stars tonight, but he would not call him. Ever.
“Just because I want you to like me”, he winked, because at least that was true, even if yasu would misunderstand it completely.
“I thought you might be arrogant, or cold because you think I'm just a stupid fan. But you're really nice, Hyde. Thank you for that. It makes me so unbelievable happy that you really want to talk to me, and that you are actually interested in what I have to say.”
Hyde found it hard to look at yasu's beaming face. It was difficult to lie to someone who meant everything they said.
“So, tell me some more about yourself”, he mumbled to drop the topic, and leaned in.
They were standing close to each other already – something else was not even possible in the small room – and he could smell yasu's perfume and sense the warmth of his body.
He kissed his cheek lightly, his lips lingering on his skin for a few seconds like a promise that there was more to come.
“Oh”, yasu exhaled softly, a little shaky and obviously insecure.
After the way he had flirted with him Hyde was a little confused he hadn't seen it coming, but he didn't grand him time to back off.
He placed his forefinger against yasu's chin, forcing him to turn his face towards him with light pressure.
This time he went for his lips, covering them gently with his own, not rushing things, but parting them slightly to make sure that yasu could taste his breath on his tongue.
Only after pulling back again he stopped for a second, eyeing his counterpart to check for his reaction.
“So, we're having this kind of conversation”, yasu whispered, seemingly still nervous.
Again, he was avoiding Hyde's eyes like when he had first called out to him.
“Only if you don't mind”, Hyde hurried up to assure, and he noticed yasu's full lips forming a smile, although he still wasn't looking at him directly.
“I don't”, he admitted, and Hyde kissed him once more.
It was less hesitant this time, he shoved his tongue into yasu's mouth curiously, exploring his taste and bringing their bodies closer together with a small step.
The brunette's frame felt warm against himself and arousal already made him grow hard.
He broke their kiss for a moment to catch his breath and to make sure yasu was still okay with it.
Fanboys could be difficult. They adored him, and found him attractive, but usually they weren't too experienced with men, which meant they grew scared fast. Yasu had probably sneaked into this party just to meet Hyde and was now eager to please him, but he had to be careful, if he really hoped to take this any farther.
But instead of being insecure, yasu now snatched for his lips again himself. He even reached up to grab Hyde's collar and pull him closer. He forced his lips open and now it was yasu's tongue circling his own playfully and demanding.
He did not kiss him like he wanted to do Hyde a favour as a fan. He kissed him with honest desire.
Letting go of his lips shortly Hyde trailed sloppy kisses over yasu's cheek, until he reached his ear.
Maybe he did not have to be so careful after all.
“I want to fuck your mouth”, he murmured, feeling yasu's body tensing up against him instantly.
“Eh”, the other one hesitated, tilting his head so that his words brushed against Hyde's neck with a warm tingle. “I don't know about that.”
“Hush, you don't have to”, Hyde soothed him. “But it's your own fault for making me want it. Flirting with me like that and looking so absolutely gorgeous.”
Yasu chuckled against him, and he sounded way too happy about his compliment.
Hyde's stomach did an uncomfortable twist at the realization that yasu really liked him. That he really believed in what he was saying.
“Okay then”, he permitted and for a brief second Hyde wished that he would have said no.
Yasu did not deserve to be used like this, but Hyde had made his decision earlier – knowing that it was the wrong one – and now things had gotten out of hand.
So he just smirked:
“Good”
and grabbed yasu's shoulder, pushing him down to the floor quite roughly.
But the younger one did not protest, and got down on his knees in front of him, parting his beautiful, pink lips in expectation.
Hyde hurried to unbutton his pants and get out his dick, that was already properly hard and twitched slightly at the prospect of yasu's inviting mouth.
Before either of them could change their mind he grabbed yasu's hair, pulling him towards himself so he had to close his lips firmly around the head of his erection.
The hot and wet sensation of his mouth drove a loud moan from Hyde as he started to move his hips a bit, now entangling both of his hands in the brunette hair.
“Come on, use your tongue”, he ordered, his voice hoarse and trembling around the edges.
Yasu followed his instructions immediately, using his tongue to lick and circle the tip of Hyde's boner with gentle pressure.
He was looking up to him with dark, clouded eyes, while Hyde kept up with his motions, teasing yasu by retreating and then filling his mouth over and over again.
The strands of his hair were wound around his fingers, making yasu moan around his hot flesh whenever he pulled a little too violently, and the vibration around his dick shivering all the way up his spine.
“I want to go in deeper”, he moaned. “Try to relax, babe.”
With a sudden jerk he pushed his hips forward, holding yasu in position while he sunk into his mouth deeply. His skull felt weirdly fragile beneath his palms and it was easy to keep him steady, although he heard him gag slightly as he hit the back of his throat.
Once more Hyde moaned loudly, not trying to restrain his voice at all.
It didn't matter. He would never see yasu again. He didn't need to hold back.
Severely he thrust into his mouth, going in so far that his balls brushed against his chin.
Yasu had now grabbed for his leg, digging his fingers into Hyde's thigh, obviously trying to steady himself. He was not struggling, although he could still hear him gag under his own, loud moans.
Looking down he could see drool running out of the corner of yasu's mouth, because he couldn't swallow around Hyde's dick. The slick length slid in and out in hypnotizing motions, the lips around it wet and shiny.
Hyde hurried to close his eyes.
He didn't want to feel guilty, he wanted to feel good. He wanted to enjoy this and not think about the way he was using someone who was gorgeous and deserved better than to be on his knees in a shady cloak room.
Angry at himself Hyde's thrusts gained even more impact, he was shoving hard and fast now, his eyes still closed.
He focused only on the sensation, of the heat and wetness, on yasu's tongue and how tightly his throat clenched the head of Hyde's dick. His whole body felt hot and was shivering slightly. It had been so long since the last time someone had made him feel this good.
With a last moan he jerked yasu's hair violently, causing him to exclaim a weird little noise as he spilled himself right into his mouth.
For a moment he just stood still, letting the orgasm wash over himself with heavy relief, spreading lazy warmth through all his limps.
Only then did he pull back and opened his eyes again, looking down on yasu to see him touching his own jaw and neck as if to check that everything was still working.
Immediately he felt sorry for going a little too rough on him, but the younger one managed a shaky smile for him.
“Wow, that was pretty intense”, he stated, his voice hoarse as well, and a little broken as if talking with a sore throat.
“Yeah”, Hyde agreed awkwardly, still a little out of breath, but forcing himself to speak evenly. “Thanks for that.”
A little too hastily he buttoned his pants again, straightening his shirt to make sure he looked as if nothing had happened just now.
This part was the worst. Getting away was the worst.
Yasu got up and the smile on his lips had stopped trembling again.
It looked expectant and scary.
“Okay, I should go back. I already missed the party for long enough”, Hyde announced and turned around fast.
“Hyde, wait”, yasu called out and a firm grip closed around his arm.
Unwillingly Hyde turned around again.
Yasu's eyelids were extremely heavy and his lips were still glistening with drool. He looked horny and beautiful and like Hyde really ought to get out of this room fast.
“What about me?”, he asked, still sounding hoarse and sexy. “You can't turn me on like this and then leave.”
Hyde pulled free with a shrug and opened the door to step outside of the small room into the corridor.
The thought of staying here with yasu – or maybe even going somewhere else, a nice hotel for example – was very alluring, but he knew that it would only lead to trouble. To emotional attachment even, and that was always dangerous, but with a fanboy it was like a deathblow.
“You'll live through it”, he therefore said coldly and stepped outside.
He had not expected yasu to follow immediately, but he was right behind him, looking over to the next room, where Hyde could already see the people laughing and chatting and getting drunk.
“So, we're going back to the party just like that?”, yasu assured, disappointment filling his voice.
It wasn't just the disappointment of sexual frustration, Hyde could tell. It was the disappointment of someone realizing they had been used.
He wanted to apologize, but couldn't.
“Well, I will go back to the party, I really don't care what you will do now.”
He did not want to look at yasu's face, but forced himself to do it anyway.
Slowly the brunette nodded, disillusion shadowing his features now.
“Will you give me your number? I mean, are we gonna hang out again some time?”, he wanted to know weakly, but it was obvious he didn't really get his hopes up.
And for a brief moment Hyde even considered it.
Yasu was extremely good looking, he was funny, and obviously not exactly prudish. Dating him would be nice. Hyde felt ready to date again, he hadn't allowed himself to fall in love for far too long already; but in this case it wasn't an option. Even if he wanted to take yasu out on a proper date, wanted to get to know him better, and make him breakfast in the morning - he was still a fan. If it leaked, it would be disastrous for his career, and also for yasu's life.
“Don't be ridiculous”, he brushed off the sudden feeling of wistfulness, and took a step towards the party again.
Yasu followed him and Hyde felt horrible for the thing he would have to do next.
But it was the best for both of them.
The security guard was still standing next to the entrance door, pretending to not notice any of their private drama, and also pretending that he had not the slightest idea of what might have happened in that cloak room.
“I'm sorry, sweetie”, Hyde sighed, and waved for the guard.
The man in black turned towards him and bowed his head lightly.
“Excuse me”, Hyde called out. “This fan has been harassing me all evening already. I wonder who even let him in. Could you please make sure someone takes him out of here, so the other guests can enjoy the party in peace?”
He watched the disappointment on yasu's face turn to anger as the guard approached him to grab his arm, but Hyde turned around towards the party before the real protest started.
If this got ugly, he wanted to be as far away as possible.
Unfortunately, it promised to get ugly anyway, because facing the party guests again he first caught the eyes of his manager.
Once more he sighed quietly as the man hurried towards him in anticipation.
The drops of sweat on his forehead had even increased and he seemed extremely stressed.
“Hyde, I've been looking for you everywhere”, he exclaimed way too loudly.
He stepped outside as well, so the four of them were now standing in the corridor that led either outside into the night or towards the cloak room.
Hyde did not turn around to check, but he really hoped that yasu would not put on a scene right now. A scene was what he dreaded the most.
“Oh, and I see you have already met yasu, that's great”, his manager said, and the words trickled down Hyde's back like cold water.
He suddenly had the horrible feeling of having missed out on something very important.
“Yasu?”, he repeated with a dry mouth and did turn around now.
The guard had let go of the yasu in the meantime and the young man watched Hyde with his arms crossed in front of his chest.
He seemed frightfully mad.
“Why, of course, yasu! The vocalist I told you about. The one we want you to do a collaboration with”, his manager insisted. “Yasu of Janne Da Arc.”
#acid black cherry#yasu#Janne Da Arc#Hyde#hyde x yasu#L'Arc~en~Ciel#Vamps#fanfiction#fanfic#there will be smut so much smut
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
A Bad Commencement 4
Yasu did not call.
He did not even call back.
The first time Hyde had hung up hurriedly as soon as the mailbox picked up, but the second time he had actually left a message, asking yasu out for dinner and begging him to return his call.
However, he had not returned the call for about a week now.
Exactly a week, Hyde corrected himself, and checked his mobile once more.
It was almost midnight and seven days were enough for him to get it.
Yasu did not want to talk to him.
It was okay. Everything that had happened between them so far had been physical, and no promises had been made.
He had been stupid to get his hopes up, and this was why he would stop checking his phone every five seconds in exactly one minute.
The digital digits jumped into a row of zeros.
Hyde sighed.
He would stop checking his phone every five seconds right now.
Switching off the display he got up to get ready for bed.
Not checking his phone nervously would be so much easier if he were fast asleep.
The doorbell rang.
The sound cut sharply through the empty apartment, reminding Hyde of the fact that he had absolutely no one who would want to visit him at this time of night.
It was the sound of loneliness.
So he shuffled over to the door, ready to solve a misunderstanding. For the first time in a while he forgot about the fact that yasu had not called back.
He remembered immediately when he opened the door.
The young man was standing in a weird posture as if he had trouble supporting his own weight, and the stench of alcohol carried across the doorstep.
“I'm drunk”, yasu pointed out, although it was completely unnecessary.
Hyde had to catch him as he stepped into the corridor, so he wouldn't fall over.
Yasu's arm was resting heavy around his shoulders, trying to remain standing as he slipped out of his shoes.
“I got drunk and I wanted to see you”, he mumbled, his breath so close to Hyde's face intensifying the smell of alcohol in the air.
“It's okay, come in”, Hyde said gently and guided him towards the living room, where he managed to place yasu on his couch without further damage.
He was surprised that he didn't feel angry, because yasu hadn't called him back and now showed up at his doorstep in a state like this. He wasn't even especially astonished.
Somehow he could understand. Calling yasu in the first place hadn't been easy. Taking the first step had made him feel embarrassed, and he knew that he could have tried harder. But yasu was constantly on his mind anyway, and maybe if he had gotten this drunk he would have ended up at his place as well.
Hyde had sat down next to yasu, just thinking that maybe he should get him a glass of water as the other vocalist leaned in, his breath warm on his cheek.
His hair was a little out of shape, and his eyes had a drunken sheen to them. He looked like a lewd dream, but he smelled worse.
“I want to have sex with you”, he announced, and Hyde licked his lips.
He wanted, too. But he had wanted it differently.
“I want to do it right now. Fuck me, please”, he kept going, now sliding his hand down his own crotch and touching himself in front of Hyde openly. “I'm already hard just from thinking of it.”
Hyde resisted the urge to reach out and touch yasu himself. He could see the bulge down his pants clearly, imagined how hot and hard it would feel against his palm, remembering yasu's body against his.
But there was something still holding him back. A question that needed to be answered first.
“Why didn't you call me back?”
Maybe yasu only viewed him as a toy. He wouldn't wonder about it, after their last meeting. He had offered himself to yasu, and maybe he was that guy now. That guy you smirked about when he desperately asked for a date, but whom you went to fuck when you were drunk and bored anyway.
Hyde had already reached the point where he didn't care. He just wanted to know for sure.
“I was scared”, yasu admitted and now pulled back a bit so Hyde had his own personal space all to himself again. “I know you were serious about going out, but I was still afraid that it wouldn't work out. Seriously trying with someone is just so scary.”
Hyde looked down at his own hands. They looked small in his lap, and somehow lost. Like they didn't know where they belonged for sure.
“I was scared, too”, he owned up. “I know that feeling.”
He had been scared when he had pushed yasu away on their first meeting instead of just taking a risk and giving out his number, even if it seemed stupid and reckless at that point. He had also been scared when he hadn't called him after their second meeting, leaving it up to coincidence if they would see each other again. He shouldn't have been so scared.
“I was actually willing to try”, yasu went on, his words slurring a little around the edges, and Hyde could tell that it was the alcohol driving them out. “I was so hopeful when I first met you. But then I felt stupid. So stupid. Stupid, stupid yasu.”
His voice sounded angry at the last words and for a moment his arm twitched as if he wanted to slap himself for his own stupidity.
“Thinking that someone like you would actually be interested in me. Why would I think that? I was so angry at myself.”
He went silent for a moment, but Hyde had the sure feeling that there was more to come.
He felt even more sorry for being scared now.
“That's why I behaved that way”, he finally added. “I punished you, although I just wanted to punish myself. The last time...I wasn't trying to hurt you. I was trying to hurt myself with numbing sex, because I felt so stupid.”
Yasu shook his head softly and Hyde had the feeling that he needed to comfort him somehow, but there was no comfort left inside of him.
He had done the same. He had allowed yasu to hurt him, because he had been angry at himself.
“You weren't stupid”, he said quietly. “You were gorgeous that night.”
“Actually”, yasu started, but then broke off.
Hyde thought that he would continue, but he didn't.
“Yeah?”, he asked.
“I'm not like that at all”, yasu confessed. “Bossy, I mean, dominant, whatever. I was just scared of...I mean, I liked the way you treated me in that cloak room. I liked how you grabbed my hair and wouldn't let me back off. I liked how you used my mouth without paying me back. And I liked that deep down I knew you were just using me. As if I would become an object if you treated me like one. As if I was no longer human.”
Now it was yasu who stared at his own hands as if he couldn't believe they actually belonged to his body.
“Why would anyone want to feel like that?”, he whispered flatly.
“Sometimes I don't want to feel human, either”, Hyde admitted, and yasu looked up again.
It was hard to tell if he had sobered up or if he was still drunk. His eyes still looked dark, and were filled with the sadness of alcohol.
“You know what I really want?”, yasu added after a thoughtful pause.
His tone was altered now, sounded a little hoarse, and it was obvious that his mood had changed with the suddenness of someone drunk.
“I want you to press down my face, to hold my arms so I can't struggle, and then fuck me hard. I want to know that I'm yours, and I want to know that you don't care. I want to feel you inside as you thrust into me, I want it to hurt the good way.”
The sadness from before had not quite left Hyde yet, but yasu's words were starting to form images inside his head already. He wanted him, wanted him for the same sad reasons, and wanted him in the same sad way.
“You think you can tell me how I'm gonna do it?”, he snarled. “I'm going to take you just the way I want, whenever I want. You got that?”
Yasu nodded hectically, but he saw a flash of relief on his face.
Hyde felt a sudden relief himself. He was in charge now. He didn't need to feel scared now.
If they went through with this they both didn't need to feel human for a little while.
“Looks like I need to prove my point to make sure”, he carried on, grabbing for yasu's shirt and pulling it up violently.
He was pretty sure he heard the tearing of fabric somewhere as he pulled it over his head, but none of them stopped to check.
With great force Hyde pushed against yasu's bare chest, forcing him to sink onto his back so he could get on top of him.
He had slipped in between yasu's legs, grabbing his shoulders with both hands and pressing him into the pillows, using all his weight to hold him down.
Then he brought his lips closer to yasu's ear, his voice low and threatening.
“I will fuck you so hard, you won't even be able to get up after I'm through with you.”
And for a moment he meant it. For a moment he could see yasu lying on the sofa used and broken, and the thought scared him. Because it made him feel powerful and satisfied, and for a few heartbeats he wanted to break yasu with his own hands just to feel strong, wanted to hurt him just to feel at all. He was scared of the darkness inside of himself and wondered where it had come from. He also wondered if it was this darkness that had called out to the darkness inside of yasu. Maybe it hadn't been attraction from the very beginning. Maybe their personal hells just matched.
“Please”, yasu whispered, and his lower lip trembled slightly with need and despair.
Hyde kissed him, tasting the alcohol in his breath. It tasted a lot like anger, too.
He was disgusted with all the parts of yasu that reminded him of himself.
His lips went down yasu's throat and then the front of his chest. Greed for that body was filling his veins, but also impatience. He wasn't really paying attention to his skin, the shape of his limps or the way he tasted. The only reason for kissing him was to leave a mark, to claim him, so he knew that he was Hyde's now.
His mouth reached yasu's abdomen and he grabbed for his pants to pull them down.
Soft moans had come from yasu until now, but they had gone quieter the farther down Hyde got. Somehow that did not match up with his experiences so far.
He sat up again to look into yasu's face.
His eyelids were half closed and he seemed somewhat pale. He had his head turned to his side and he looked sleepy and exhausted.
He also looked very young.
And the darkness inside of Hyde disappeared as if it had never been there. The desire died on his tongue, and the greed vanished from his fingertips.
Right now he did not want to hurt yasu. He wanted to be gentle with him and take care of him, because he did not deserve any of the anger Hyde felt for himself.
He was merely a boy, falling asleep on his couch, and sometimes his smile still looked happy and Hyde didn't want to kill that last bit of happiness. He wanted to be better on him than he was on himself.
Carefully he got up, kneeling down next to yasu, who gave a weak protest and tried to grab for his arm.
Almost affectionate Hyde ran his fingers across yasu's cheek.
“You're so drunk”, he stated. “You should go to sleep. I should have made you go to bed right away, I'm sorry.”
“Nah, I'm just a bit sleepy, don't stop. I still want to have sex with you. I'm sorry I didn't call, but I really want to have sex with you.”
Against his will Hyde chuckled softly. Yasu was cute. He might be slightly broken, but not damned.
“Tell you what”, Hyde offered soothingly. “You will go to sleep now, and if you still feel like having sex when you're sobered up tomorrow, I will fuck you all day long.”
Yasu groaned, but it sounded like agreement.
Hyde got up again and took up a blanket he spread over yasu's body, tugging him in gently. Then he went into the kitchen to get him a glass of water as well, in case he woke up thirsty during the night.
He couldn't explain his own, sudden tenderness, but yasu seemed in need of a little kindness.
Of course he also wanted him, wanted him badly. The things yasu had told him still rung in his ears. He wanted him roughly and wanted him in a way that was almost painful. But he wanted it when yasu was fully with him and it would make him feel a little less like a monster.
Tomorrow, he told himself. They could do it tomorrow.
But knowing yasu he was aware that chances were high the only thing he would find in the morning was an empty living room and another unanswered call.
#acid black cherry#yasu#Hyde#Hyde x Yasu#Vamps#Janne Da Arc#L'Arc~en~Ciel#fanfiction#fanfic#i'm sorry this is so sad
1 note
·
View note
Text
Anxious ‘Bout Commiting 3
Either “I’m sorry” or “You’re welcome”, I’m not entirely sure :P
He woke up to the feeling of yasu shifting in his arms.
“Good morning”, he smiled into his hair.
“Good morning”, yasu agreed, his voice far more awake than Hyde felt.
He had turned around in his arms now, facing Hyde and being so close that he could gently rub his nose against that of the other one.
“Now that's a nice surprise”, yasu carried on and kissed him playfully.
It was a short kiss, but his lips were slightly parted and Hyde could taste the beginning of a new morning on his tongue.
Be brave, he told himself.
“That I'm next to you now?”, he assured.
Yasu chuckled and allowed his fingers to set up a trail from Hyde's waist up to his chest.
“That you're not wearing a shirt”, he corrected.
It made Hyde snicker, too, and his soft laughter was muffled when yasu kissed him again.
It felt like a really nice way to start the day.
“I really needed this last night”, yasu mumbled against his lips. “I needed someone...I needed you to hold me like this.”
“I know”, Hyde whispered back plainly.
Yasu kissed him for the third time, his tongue slipping into his mouth now, greedy and wet.
Somehow they rolled to the side and tumbled over and then yasu was on top of him. The warm body pressing down on him caused Hyde to grow hard and he wrapped his legs around yasu to pull him closer.
“You're demanding this morning”, he observed and yasu gave a confirming moan.
He placed sloppy kisses on the side of Hyde's face and down his throat.
He shuddered as he felt the other vocalist bite down on his neck and on his shoulder, leaving red marks down his chest.
“I'll show you how thankful I am”, he mumbled against his skin, now moving his hips against Hyde, so he could feel their dicks rubbing against each other through the fabric of their pants.
Yasu's hand was caressing his abdomen now, his nails digging into his skin painfully, but his lips following them to sweeten the agony.
The doorbell rang.
“No”, Hyde exhaled with all the desperation he felt.
Yasu sat up suddenly.
“Oh shit”, he swore. “I have a meeting I completely forgot. I asked ka-yu to pick me up, I'm so sorry.”
Hyde groaned unsatisfied, but he did not try to hold yasu back as he climbed out of bed and looked around hectically.
“I need to get dressed”, he announced. “Please, Hyde, please, open the door and tell him I'll be there in a moment.”
“I can't open the door like this!”, he protested, but yasu already darted out of his room and the doorbell rang for the second time.
Giving up Hyde got out of bed and shuffled over to the front door.
He opened up just to look into the surprised face of a guy he also vaguely remembered from TV. His tattooed arms looked sexy, Hyde had to admit, and he had very warm eyes.
Jealousy took over almost immediately.
“Come in, come in”, he waved, but the other man only took a few steps into the corridor, before stopping short again.
Hyde thought that somehow he looked frightened, but he couldn't understand why.
“I didn't...I didn't mean to interrupt something”, he stuttered and only now Hyde looked down on himself.
He had been aware that the bulge caused by his boner would show clearly in his shorts, but he had forgotten about the bites and scratches that were covering his chest completely.
“You didn't”, he said.
To him a lie couldn't really count as a lie if it was this obvious he wasn't telling the truth.
“Yasu is just getting dressed, he will be here soon.”
As if he had waited for those words, yasu rushed into the corridor, fully dressed now, but his hair still rumbled and out of shape.
“I'm sorry, I slept in”, he apologized, while putting on his shoes.
“I can see that”, ka-yu agreed, casting another short look across Hyde's body.
It was obvious he still felt somewhat uncomfortable.
“I'll have a meeting in the afternoon, too”, Hyde declared and slipped an arm around yasu's waist possessively to pull him closer. “But please message me when you get home, babe.”
“I will”, yasu nodded, not trying to free himself from his touch, but rather leaning in as if wanting to kiss him goodbye.
“You know what”, ka-yu interrupted sharply. “I'll just wait downstairs. Don't stay long, we'd better hurry.”
He turned around and together yasu and Hyde looked after him for a moment as he went down the stairs.
“Was I overdoing it?”, Hyde asked after a moment of silence.
“Calling me babe was a little too much”, yasu chuckled next to him. “But I'm sure he can handle it.”
Hyde still had his arm around his waist and pulled him a little bit closer even.
When yasu laughed like that he completely forgot how it felt to be scared.
“I just wasn't aware that he was that damn handsome. Do I need to worry?”
Yasu shook his head.
“No. I used to have somewhat of a crush on him when we were younger, but he's only interested in women.”
“What a shame”, Hyde grinned. “That butt was straight As.”
Still laughing yasu leaned in until their foreheads were touching.
“Gay As, too”, he added and kissed him. “I'm sorry I have to go now.”
“It's okay”, Hyde soothed and let go of him so he could step away. “Have a nice day.”
“You, too”, yasu smiled his open, wide smile. “I love...”
Breaking off he bit down on his lower lip, his brows furrowing as if he was angry at his mouth for letting these words out.
“Sorry”, he apologized again. “I didn't mean to say that. I just got carried away by the mood. I didn't mean it.”
Hyde waved it off.
He understood perfectly well what yasu meant.
The mood had been very relationship-like for a brief moment, and for a brief moment he might have said it back.
* * *
The meeting had left him dead tired and exhausted to the bones.
All he wanted to do was fall into his bed and sleep for the entire next week.
Everyone had been talking so much and his own silence had weighted down on Hyde like gravity.
The only few seconds, that actually had made him feel good, was when his mobile vibrated, telling him that yasu waited for him at home.
He liked the way yasu had used the word “home”, instead of talking about Hyde's apartment.
He also wanted to see him now, wanted to hear about his day and maybe kiss him on the forehead. After that he wanted to sleep.
Softly he knocked against the door frame that led to yasu's room.
The door was open again and he could see the vocalist sitting at the small desk there, scribbling on some sheets of paper. Hyde wondered if he was working on some lyrics, and if so what the song might be about.
When he heard the knock yasu looked up immediately and his face wrinkled up.
“You're home”, he stated. “How was the meeting?”
“Fucking tiresome”, Hyde shrugged. “How about your day?”
“It's been good, actually”, he beamed. “It will take a while until we release our new album, but we talked about some of the songs I've worked on and it's been really, really good.”
Hyde smiled warmly.
“You're songs are good”, he confirmed.
Indeed yasu had played him some of the things he had been working on lately and he could not help but think that he held a passion for music that Hyde somehow lacked. It wasn't quite the same, how much of themselves they poured into it.
“Also”, yasu added suddenly, as if on second thought. “I've been very happy about the way you treated me since yesterday. I've felt cared for, so thank you.”
The words left an uncomfortable ting inside Hyde's chest. They made him wonder what yasu had felt like before.
“I'll try to be less distant from now on”, he promised.
He had decided that yasu deserved a fair chance, even if he himself didn't deserve to get hurt again.
“Does that mean we can pick back up where ka-yu disturbed us this morning?”, yasu grinned cheekily.
Hyde looked at him for a moment, but even the thought of his skin and his lips could not shush away all the weariness inside his body.
“I'm very tired right now, but if you want, you can sleep in my room again.”
Yasu narrowed his eyes for a bit as if thinking about it.
“I could help you relax before going to sleep”, he offered. “You won't have to do anything, just lay back and let me take care of you. I'll suck you off.”
There was a mind-blowing innocence about his ability to deliver those words with a straight face.
For a moment Hyde thought he might be making fun of him.
“I don't know”, he answered indecisively.
“Come on”, yasu nodded for him to come into the room, but Hyde kept standing right there in the doorway. “I am happy when you allow me to touch you.”
Something about his choice of words made Hyde feel itchy again.
“If you want to do it, you can just tell me”, he pointed out. “You don't have to wait until I ask you.”
“Okay”, yasu shrugged as if that didn't really make a difference to him.
He looked straight into Hyde's eyes, to the point where it almost made him uncomfortable, as if making sure not to miss his reaction.
“And right now I want your dick in my mouth”, he finished.
It was hard not to show a reaction to that, and his body surely did.
His system was obviously still working properly, even if he was tired.
“Alright”, he sighed and yasu got up from his chair, standing a few metres away from Hyde.
“Ehm”, he started and now he did look away as if embarrassed by something.
Hyde wondered what could be left to embarrass him after that statement.
“Would you mind, eh...”
He raised his hand and bit down on his knuckled shortly as if that could make him find the right words.
“Would you mind telling me what to do?”
In confusion Hyde furrowed his brow.
“I think you know quite well what to do”, he reminded him.
Yasu shook his head violently, still not looking at him directly.
“I don't mean like that”, he said.
“Oh”, Hyde mumbled.
He had had a lot of lovers who had liked to tell him what to do. No one had ever considered if Hyde liked being told those things, too.
He understood what yasu asked for, though.
“You want that. So, get on your knees.”
He spoke calmly, but determined. He had never liked talking much, so he enjoyed his few words to have an impact.
Yasu got on the floor immediately, looking up to him obediently.
“You want to do it here?”, he assured. “Wouldn't you be more comfortable sitting down or...?”
“I can't remember that I asked you to speak”, Hyde interrupted him coldly.
A slight shiver went through him as he heard his own strict voice. He was a professional at being cold, but this was the first time he actually enjoyed it.
Yasu went quiet immediately, lowering his head, giving a silent apology for his misbehaviour.
Hyde also enjoyed that he was being listened to for a change. He did not fight for attention, did not have to shout up against ignorance to be heard. Yasu was patiently waiting for his words, listening to no one but him for a while.
The fact made him feel powerful, but also free and unbelievable relieved at the same time.
Finally someone was listening.
He walked over to the bed, taking his time to make himself comfortable, propping up the pillows and sitting down with his feet still on the ground.
“Come here”, he ordered, watching how yasu was about to get up on the other side of the room.
“No”, he corrected him. “Come here on all fours. Like a dog.”
Even across the distance he could see that yasu's lips twitched a little as he was trying to hide a pleased grin.
Crawling across the floor he got over to the bed, sitting down between Hyde's spread legs.
He sat very still, not moving at all, while he waited for new orders.
With calm motions Hyde unzipped his pants and pulled out his erection only centimetres away from yasu's face. Still he did not move at all.
“Stick out your tongue”, he commanded.
Yasu opened his mouth a bit and stuck out his pink tongue submissively.
The inside of his mouth looked red and inviting, but there would be enough time for exploring it later on.
He took hold of his dick and swirled it around yasu's tongue, forcing him to lick its head that way.
Over the wet sensation that made him shudder, yasu was looking up to him under half-closed eyelids.
Still guiding it Hyde took his dick away from yasu's tongue and slapped it lightly against his cheek for a few times. He waited for him to flinch, but he didn't.
His still parted lips looked full and soft and nothing about his expression seemed to dislike the situation.
“You're well behaved, aren't you?”, Hyde observed amused. “You really crave for that dick, huh?”
“Yes”, yasu lisped, obviously trying to speak without shutting his lips entirely.
“Take it into your mouth then”, Hyde admitted, letting go of his erection and leaving it to yasu.
He bend his head down and closed his lips firmly around the shaft.
The feeling of wetness and heat drove a moan from Hyde.
“Go ahead, suck it”, he said almost gently.
Yasu started to suck lightly on his flesh, swirling his tongue around it and moving his head up and down a bit.
“Good”, Hyde complimented him, while forcing his breath to come evenly. “Take it all in, I know you can do it.”
Yasu lowered his head some more and Hyde could hear a small, sweet gagging sound as he hit the back of his throat.
“Amazing”, he mumbled, letting himself sink somewhat backwards.
He could tell that yasu really knew what he was doing. He applied just the right pressure, and the work of his tongue was mind-blowing.
Hyde caught himself moaning again and again, but he did nothing to suppress his voice. He thought it was courtesy to let yasu know exactly how good he made him feel.
Although he would liked to have grabbed his hair, pulling at the strands and guiding him roughly, he knew that he could only make his performance worse. His timing was great, his expression turning him on even more and around his dick he could also hear him moan softly, the vibration of his voice making the sensation even more exciting.
It felt so good that Hyde wanted it to last forever, but he knew that there was no way he could keep it up for long. He seemed to be melting away under yasu's lips.
Suddenly the warmth vanished as the other man pulled back.
Curiously Hyde looked at him, a little worried about what could possibly have made him stop.
“Please, I ask for permission to touch myself, you're making me so hard I can't stand it.”
Shortly Hyde nodded.
He would have said anything so yasu would just carry on with what he had been doing.
“Permission granted”, he admitted. “But you're only allowed to cum after I did, so make sure not to get too excited.”
Yasu bowed his head again, taking him back into his mouth.
Between his own moans Hyde could hear the unbuckling of a belt and yasu's little gasps around him intensified.
The fact of yasu touching himself, because sucking his dick aroused him that much, turned him on even more.
He kept watching his head bopping up and down, but his sight turned somewhat hazy, the sensation blurring out everything else. Somewhere at his stomach he felt pressure building up and he gestured for yasu to come closer, to push his dick up his throat as far as he could.
He put his hand on yasu's head now indeed, just stroking his hair very lightly.
“Drink it all up, be a good boy”, he whispered, then the orgasm washed over him.
Again he could hear yasu gag as he tried to gulp down around his dick, while a warm sensation flooded through all his limps and relieve filled his system.
After a moment yasu raised his head and swallowed one last time, then he started shaking and moaning as he obviously allowed himself to come as well.
When he had caught his breath again he bowed slightly on the floor and formally stated:
“Thank you very much.”
Hyde snorted and petted the sheets next to himself.
“Join me, please”, he asked and yasu got up to lay on his back next to Hyde.
He felt even more tired than before now, but it was a cleaner kind of sleepiness, satisfied rather than exhausted.
Yasu had been right, he did feel better now.
“That was just wow”, he acknowledged impressed.
Yasu smiled a catlike smile. He looked lazy and content.
“I told you I give decent blow-jobs”, he reminded him.
“That wasn't decent, that was fantastic!”, Hyde blurted out.
Next to him yasu sprawled himself relaxed.
“I didn't mean to brag, but I know my blow-jobs are fantastic.”
It made Hyde laugh, but only a little, because he was too tired to laugh out loud.
His eyes were already starting to fall shut and it was difficult to watch yasu as closely as he would have liked to.
“Are you a natural or did that take lots of practice?”
It was curiosity driving that question out of his sleepy mouth, although it was probably inappropriate.
“A bit of both, I'd say”, yasu shrugged. “Receiving oral by another man is not really gay, it's more like being not very picky, a lot of straight men say. I took advantage of that various times. Or maybe they took advantage of me, at some point I stopped being sure.”
Sleepily Hyde reached out to run his hand over yasu's arm and pull him into a loose embrace.
He had thought that being cynical proved that he was smarter than yasu or just more experienced. Maybe it just meant that yasu was a lot braver than him.
He closed his eyes completely now and enjoyed the feeling of yasu's chest softly moving with each breath next to him.
“About what I did or did not say this morning”, he started off after a moment of silence. “I know you like to keep your distance, so I'm not pressuring you, but I would be happy if this could lead somewhere.”
Hyde groaned with annoyance and shuffled a bit closer to nudge his head under yasu's chin.
“Does that feel like I'm keeping my distance, idiot?”, he mumbled dryly, and then, before finally drifting off to sleep he added: “We'll see, we'll see.”
* * *
Someone had taken off his pants and pulled the blankets up to his chin.
At first Hyde had been irritated about waking up alone in yasu's room, but the bed was so warm and the covers smelled just like him, so he hadn't moved at all until way past noon.
Even after that he hadn't done much except for taking a shower and having a combination of late breakfast and early lunch.
Now he was sprawled out on the couch in the living room, reading in a magazine about international music. It wasn't really interesting, but he had nothing better to do.
The apartment felt quiet and he hoped that yasu would get back soon.
He had given up on keeping his distance towards him. He would be brave. He would try again. For a short period of time he was willing to believe in something like love again.
After another 15 minutes the front door finally opened and he could hear yasu's steps in the corridor.
During the last weeks the sound had become familiar already, reminding him of the word home.
“Hey”, yasu shouted, sticking his head through the door to greet him. “I had to drop by at the company this morning and got some groceries on the way back. For someone who likes cooking you're awful at keeping the refrigerator stocked.”
“I wanted to leave some of the household duties to you”, he grinned and called after him. “Do you need help?”
A declining answer came back from the kitchen and another few minutes passed in which he stared onto the page of his magazine without reading a single letter.
Then yasu entered the room again, standing next to the couch and eyeing Hyde curiously.
“What have you been doing?”, he asked.
Hyde shrugged.
“Absolutely nothing. How was it at the company? How was the shopping?”
Yasu shrugged as well.
“Okay, but I couldn't wait to get home, since I knew you'd have the day off.”
Warily Hyde studied him over the edge of the paper.
“Why? Any plans for today?”
“Hell yes”, yasu confirmed and stepped forward, snatching the magazine from Hyde's hand and tossing it onto the coffee table.
Before he really knew what was happening to him, yasu was sitting on his lap astraddle, facing him with a teasing grin.
“I was planning on getting fucked now”, he stated manner-of-factly.
There was something about his serious determination which made it hard for Hyde not to follow his lead.
“That sounds like a very good plan”, he agreed vaguely, placing both of his hands on yasu's butt to steady him.
The other vocalist leaned in on him, bringing his lips closer to Hyde's ear.
“I loved sucking your dick yesterday”, he whispered. “But it's just not enough for me. I need it up my ass. Please, Hyde, fuck me very, very hard right now.”
By his tone of voice he could tell that yasu was up for playing games again.
“That's pretty direct”, he observed.
Once more yasu shrugged and his expression looked almost innocent.
“You told me to ask you for the things that I want. And today I want to be taken roughly.”
Hyde squeezed yasu's butt firmly with both hands, making him jolt slightly.
“Then better move to my room, slut, if you want it that bad.”
Yasu got up immediately, taking hold of Hyde's hand to pull him along into the bedroom.
Chuckling about his eagerness, he made him turn around, cupping yasu's face with his hands and kissing him intensely.
Sucking on his tongue he ran his fingers through his hair, pulling at the strands so violently he could sense yasu wincing into his mouth.
“Sssh”, he comforted him as he pulled back, trailing down to the hem of his shirt to pull it over yasu's head.
He tilted his head to kiss his neck and lick across his collarbone, both of them still standing.
Yasu's fingers now also slipped under his shirt, the world going dark for a moment, before he could look at the other man again.
He didn't feel excited and nervous around him like he had in the beginning. He felt excited and very warm inside around him now.
Sharply yasu took in his breath as he studied Hyde's bare chest.
Some red marks were left upon his skin from their morning session the other day and yasu touched them lightly as if wanting to make sure they were really there.
“I was a bit impatient, wasn't I?”, he asked apologetic.
“It's okay”, Hyde shook his head. “I like that side of you, too.”
Yasu bowed his head somewhat and as always when he was trying to hide a grin his lips were twitching a little.
“Still, maybe my misbehaviour should be punished.”
Hyde studied him really closely, to not miss a fraction of meaning behind those words.
“Are you sure you want to do it this way?”, he made sure.
Yasu's eyes looked at him thoughtfully. Their dark brown seemed very deep suddenly, but also very warm.
“I'd like to try”, he admitted honestly.
Hesitantly Hyde nodded.
No one had ever asked him for such favours, but he realized how much he liked the idea of it.
“But if you need me to stop, say so immediately”, he requested.
Amused yasu bit his lower lip.
“You want to get a safeword or something?”, he assured.
Hastily Hyde turned his head away, looking at the bed instead of yasu, for his cheeks started to feel very heated.
“Oh god, that would make me feel so kinky”, he winced.
Yasu gave a short, dry laughter.
“So you do want to”, he summarized.
His conviction made Hyde laugh and turn towards him again.
Yasu's natural way of talking made him feel less embarrassed.
“What are you even?”, he inquired.
With a wide grin yasu took a step towards him that brought them so close together they were touching almost everywhere.
“You know exactly what I am”, he smirked and slipped his hand down to Hyde's crotch, massaging him through his pants. “I'm your wonderboy.”
In spite of the feeling between his legs Hyde couldn't help but laugh.
“Please, tell me this is not our safeword now”, he begged.
Yasu brought his lips close to his ear, his breath brushing over it hotly while he spoke.
“You bet”, he said.
Hyde put his hands to yasu's hips, unbuttoning his pants and then slipping out of his grip to get down and pull them to his angles.
He placed light kisses on yasu's thighs and his dick that was already twitching with anticipation.
But he got up fast again, nodding over to the bed.
Yasu crawled onto it, waiting for instructions in a kneeling position.
Without hurry Hyde strolled over to the closet he had always ignored so far, and that suddenly seemed so much more interesting ever since he had met yasu.
“Put your hands on the headboard”, he ordered calmly, while he picked out some things and returned to the bed.
Like he had ordered him to yasu was kneeling on the bed, his palms resting against the metal headboard.
He clattered with the handcuffs he was holding, so yasu wouldn't be surprised when he saw them.
Stroking his lower arms calming, he put the first one around his wrist, wrapping the chain in between around the ornamental bars of the headboard and then fastening the second one around yasu's other wrist.
He had never used those cuffs himself, for something inside of Hyde did not feel comfortable with the idea of being chained up and helpless.
Yasu did not seem to mind, though, for he stayed calm and patient.
“What does that feel like?”, he whispered, running his hand across yasu's back to the front, pinching his nipple so violently that he sucked in his breath harshly. “Knowing that you won't be able to get away, no matter how hard I fuck you?”
From the side he could see yasu licking his lips.
“It feels exciting”, he confessed, obviously not ashamed to admit it easily.
Hyde put out the second device he had brought over on his open palm and held it out to yasu.
“If I put this on you, it will be easier for me to control when you'll cum, okay?”, he assured.
A could see a slight line of worry forming on the root of yasu's nose.
“I've never worn a cock-ring”, he admitted. “It looks a bit scary.”
Hyde created a sound of impatience by flicking his tongue.
“You okay with it or not?”, he pressed sharply.
For a moment yasu just stared at his palm, then he nodded shortly.
“Yeah, sure”, he said. “You...”
“Then stop the whining”, Hyde cut him short. “Or I'll have to gag you as well.”
Yasu's expression made him smirk.
Sounding this stern wasn't really how he felt, but he could tell clearly that yasu got aroused from his bossy tone.
He ducked underneath yasu's outstretched arms connecting to the headboard, and unscrewed the side that allowed him to open the little ring, putting it around the stem of his dick. Almost immediately he could see his erection swelling a little more, and he placed a short kiss on its tip, receiving a quiet sigh from yasu in return.
He got up again and crawled up behind yasu.
Gently he rubbed over his back.
“Can you bend over some more?”, he asked, making sure that his voice sounded friendly now.
Yasu bend over more on his knees, his arms still stretching to touch the headboard, his face turned forwards, not looking at Hyde without permission.
“Do you still think you need to be punished?”, he assured hoarsely.
“Yes”, yasu confirmed in a weak voice.
He hadn't really touched him yet, but the excitement seemed to shake him up already.
Hyde slapped his butt hard.
Yasu's whole body seemed to jolt forward at the sudden blow and Hyde could see that he had already left a red mark behind on his skin.
“That was for not answering correctly”, he scolded sternly. “Be polite if you ask for something.”
“I'm very sorry”, yasu corrected himself, his head now sinking down somewhat between his upper arms. “Please, punish me.”
“Good”, Hyde acknowledged, letting his palm connect with yasu's butt once again.
There was a loud smack to be heard and the other man winced, obviously trying to suppress the sound.
He slapped him a third time on the reddened flesh, glad that he had decided to use only his palm instead of another toy. He was feeling a little guilty for making yasu wince like that, but he also knew that he couldn't pull back and be gentler now, if he wanted to play the dominant role.
“I think five times ought to be enough”, he announced. “We already have three, so two more to go.”
He was glad to see yasu's body relax a little under his words, now knowing that he wouldn't have to endure it for much longer.
He smacked down on his butt a forth and a fifth time, his whimpering now starting to sound pleased as the first shock was over.
Hyde smiled at his soft moan as he rubbed his fingers against yasu's entrance now.
“Ah, look at this, you already seem to be throbbing back here”, he remarked. “You pervert got so excited by a little spanking.”
Without warning he slipped in two fingers at once, shoving a little to spread him open.
The body in front of him shuddered and once more yasu gave a weirdly suppressed sound.
Hyde's first impulse was to pull back and ask him if he was okay, but then he remembered that yasu would tell him when to stop. He had to trust him to know his own limits, just like yasu needed to trust him. It was a good feeling and had nothing to do with who was in charge. It was more about being equals.
He moved his fingers carefully, stretching yasu very slowly. At a certain movement of his hand the other one moaned loudly and his hips pressed against him.
“Mmh, you like that, don't you?”, he teased.
Yasu gave a moan of agreement, and still moving his fingers inside of him, Hyde spanked him again with his free hand.
“You just made it six. Now try again.”
“Yes, I like that very much”, he corrected himself. “But please feed me with your dick, I'm hungry for it.”
Hyde pulled back his hand and positioned himself behind the vocalist.
“If you ask for it so nicely”, he admitted and guided his own erection while he slid into him.
There came a long, brute moan from yasu.
“Thank you”, he groaned and Hyde grinned.
He was a fast learner.
Like before he started slowly, not familiar enough with yasu's body yet to just follow his instincts. Carefully he tried which thrusts drew the strongest reactions from his body, which ones made him shiver and moan.
Only then did he take hold of his hips rather harshly, digging in his fingers so violently bruises might start showing the next day.
He pulled him towards himself, the handcuffs rattling against the headboard and yasu squealing with pleasure and shock.
Hyde could tell that it was a little difficult for him to steady himself, since he couldn't really use his arms for balance while his wrists were dangling in the chains. He had to rely on the strength in his legs while he bend over, leaving all of the movements to Hyde.
He slammed into him hard now, not slowing down to allow him to catch his breath.
Yasu was clenching down on him tightly, his body hot and obviously in a state where pleasure and pain started to mix.
“That's how you wanted it all the time, huh?”, he started to talk breathlessly. “Being used like that by another man for pleasure.”
Although he had never really enjoyed talking during sex much, but he could feel yasu squeezing around him even tighter, and he felt satisfied that his words were able to cause such a strong reaction.
“When I met you, you still felt uncomfortable about it, and now you're already begging to be fucked. What a dirty slut you are.”
The speaking made it harder for him to breath evenly and also harder to concentrate on holding back. His rhythm became more erratic and yasu's heat seemed to take over to him, driving him closer to the point where he wouldn't be able to keep it up any longer.
“Harder”, yasu pleaded shakily.
Breathlessly Hyde snorted, propping up one of his legs to thrust into yasu as deep as possible.
“You really can't get enough”, he scoffed. “I'll mess this place up for you and make sure you'll remember how I fucked you for days. I'll leave my cum all over.”
Yasu let go of small outcries now, sounding exhausted and like he wouldn't be able to stand this feeling much longer.
Still holding on to his hips he pushed into him a few last, hard times, then he kept his promise and spilled himself deep inside of yasu.
With a sigh of relieve he felt warmth covering him wholly, like a second skin that he wore on the inside.
After a moment he pulled back, feeling exhausted and lazily content. His first greed had been satisfied, but he could still feel hunger clenching to his chest.
Scanning yasu's weak body from head to toe he wanted to start all over again immediately.
“Please, please, touch me”, yasu whined. “Let me cum, please. Hyde, please.”
His voice was thin and breathless, but it was not quite enough to soften Hyde's need.
“No”, he said cruelly.
Yasu's shoulders slumped down a fraction and the tension of his muscles seemed to turn into despair.
“Please”, he repeated flatly.
“Not yet”, Hyde insisted. “I'll have a second go in a bit.”
He slumped himself down next to the other vocalist, catching his breath and restoring the energies he would soon need.
For a small row of heartbeats it was quiet in the room, then yasu's voice interrupted him.
“Hyde, can I please sit down. This position is super uncomfortable and I really need to relax a bit if you want to do it again.”
Only now did he realize that yasu's legs were slightly trembling from the strain. He was still bending over, but he did not have a good grip at the headboard to keep his body up. He also looked sweaty and like he was close to breaking down.
Gently Hyde reached out and stroked his back soothingly.
“If you really can't hold this position, then it's okay. I won't be mad at you, if you sit down”, he said softly. “But I would be very happy, if you tried anyway. Would you do that for me? Would you try? It's alright, if you can't.”
He heard yasu take in a very deep breath, then he straightened his back a little.
“It's okay”, he declared determined. “I can do it.”
The fact that he was trying so hard to please Hyde, that he was willing to test his limits together with him so much, really turned him on again.
“See, this makes me so happy, that I'm getting hard again”, he stated truthfully and started stroking his own dick lightly to get it up again properly.
He watched yasu from the side, his face with the lips shut tightly, his heaving chest, the curve of his ass and his weak legs. Everything about him looked sexy.
“Alright”, he announced, getting up on his own knees again. “Are you ready to take it again, or do you need a longer break?”
Again he could hear yasu inhale deeply, but then he nodded.
“I'm ready”, he confirmed.
Shortly Hyde hesitated as he placed himself behind yasu again.
“You still remember the word you picked, yeah?”, he made sure, a little worried now about how weak he looked.
His fingers had indeed left behind red bruises on the hips, that would surely turn to blue in the morning.
Instead of a joking reply yasu just gave him a short “Yes”, obviously trying to save his breath.
Hyde caressed his butt again, gently this time. With his forefinger he teased his entrance, making sure he wasn't hurting him.
“You're still pretty loose”, he observed. “Looks like I stretched you out a lot, huh?”
Very slowly he slipped his dick into him again, heat all around him once more, wet and a little stickier now from the semen he had left behind.
“Ah”, he sighed. “You're still very tight.”
He moved his hips again, more deliberate this time and making sure to go easy on yasu. His body seemed so tense now from the effort to keep it up, that his insides felt even tighter.
Hyde moaned loudly, enjoying the sensation slowly now that the first need was over.
“Please, can you touch me now?”, yasu begged. “I really need to cum, it's hurting already.”
The tremble had seemingly taken over from his legs to his whole body, but Hyde ignored him on purpose, pushing into him until small moans carried the words from yasu's lips again.
“You feel very good”, he mumbled, picking up a little pace.
“Oh, please stop, just stop”, yasu groaned. “I can't stand this any longer. I can't.”
Hyde slowed down again, but did not stop entirely with his soft thrusts.
Yasu had told him to stop, but he had not used the safeword yet. Of course he wanted to stop, he wanted to make sure yasu was okay. But there were certain rules and he was afraid of disappointing yasu by breaking them.
So instead he made a low hushing sound, touching yasu's back lightly.
“I'm almost there. It will be over soon. Just stay with me a little bit longer. I know you can do it”, he encouraged him.
There was a short pause, but then he heard yasu whisper “Okay” hoarsely, and he thrust into him a bit harder again, wanting to finished fast.
The other vocalist moaned underneath him again, pleasured but also exhausted.
Instead of lengthening it unnecessarily Hyde allowed the rush at the edge of his consciousness to flood over, and he spilled his second load into yasu.
With a moan he pulled back again, inhaling deeply two times.
“Please now”, yasu pleaded desperately.
“Sit down”, Hyde allowed and as if the two simple words had drained every strength from his body, yasu collapsed onto the mattress.
“Shush, it's good”, Hyde reassured him. “Just turn around and sit down.”
Rolling over yasu managed to crumble into a sitting position, the arms crossed over his head and held up be the chains.
His lips stood slightly ajar and his eyes followed Hyde, although he did not move much otherwise.
“Please”, he said again meekly.
“I know it's painful, but you did good. As a reward I'll let you cum into my mouth”, Hyde mumbled soothingly and bend down between yasu's legs.
He unscrewed the ring from his swollen erection and placed his lips around its head immediately.
He sucked lightly while he stroked the shaft and it took only a few heartbeats for hot and bitter liquid to hit his tongue.
Systematically he swallowed, licking yasu completely clean, before he sat up again.
Although he had heard him make whimpering noises, he was surprised when he saw that yasu was sobbing violently now. His whole upper body was shaking and tears were streaming down his face, his eyes closed and his lips pulled back from his teeth in something that resembled the parody of a grin.
Hastily he hurried to untie him, loosening the handcuffs and slipping them off yasu's wrists.
“It's over now, it's over”, he assured and sat down next to him, placing his arm around the still shaking shoulders.
“I'm sorry”, yasu apologized. “I just...I just can't stop. I'm just so relieved”
Almost in disbelieve he touched his cheek and stared at his wet fingertips.
“It's such a relief”, he repeated, and Hyde pulled him in now, resting yasu's head against his chest.
He started petting his hair, not stopping with his stroking motions while he spoke.
“You did so great”, he mumbled. “I feel so proud of you. You stayed so strong.”
“I'm so relieved”, yasu whispered again into his chest.
Hyde kept on stroking his hair.
“It's like all the pressure is gone all of a sudden, I feel so light. But I can't stop crying.”
His sobs turned into laughter now, although Hyde could still feel wet drops falling onto his chest.
“I don't even know where all those tears are coming from.”
“Just let go”, Hyde whispered and after a while yasu's breathing became even again.
“I feel so much better now”, yasu exhaled softly after another moment.
“You wanna take a bath together or something?”, Hyde offered.
“Yeah, that sounds nice”, yasu confirmed. “But please, let's lay here for a little while longer.”
Another minute filled with nothing but silence passed by.
“I've been worried and stressed by so many things lately, but it's all gone now”, yasu picked up talking again. “I let go of so many things.”
“Mmh”, Hyde made and played with a strand of his hair.
He could not see yasu's face, but he could feel his breath on his skin when he talked.
“I guess letting go is the point of this”, he said after another pause in which he had time to think about it. “I've never really understood, I thought it was just about power.”
“I've never done this with anyone before, you know”, yasu confessed quietly.
“Really?”
Hyde was surprised. To him yasu was acting like a pro already.
“Yeah”, he verified. “I've always wanted to try, but then I never dared to ask.”
Hyde chuckled lightly, watching yasu's hair bounce slightly with the motion of his chest.
“But you thought I looked so kinky that you did not feel ashamed?”, he guessed.
Yasu seemed sleepy, because it took a while before he answered.
“You told me that I could tell you about anything I wanted. I don't know, you made me feel like I was safe.”
“Good”, Hyde mumbled and petted his head some more.
He liked the feeling of yasu's soft hair between his fingers, there was something calming about it.
“But do you like it, too?”, yasu inquired, suddenly a little worried.
Again Hyde took a moment to think about the question properly.
Yasu never gave him the feeling that he needed to hurry with an answer in order to get heard.
“No one ever asked me to do such things”, he stated finally. “No one ever really asked what I like at all. I never really considered this kind of relationship. But now it feels somehow natural. I don't really like talking much, you know.”
Again he hesitated.
He couldn't even remember the last time he had spoken for such a long time without being interrupted, but yasu seemed to listen closely.
“It's like no one ever hears what I have to say anyway. So being heard by someone without having to shout is a really good feeling. Another person relying on me like that makes me feel like I'm finally audible, like there is someone who can actually see me.”
He was afraid that his words would scare yasu, that they betrayed too much of the sadness he felt inside.
But yasu's voice sounded serious when he replied:
“For me it's the same. Giving up control means the other person will care for me. It makes me feel like they are aware that I am there, like I exist again. I hold your attention and you hold mine. It makes us visible.”
He reached up to take hold of Hyde's hand that wasn't playing with his hair and entwined their fingers.
“Visible”, Hyde repeated thoughtfully and the word resonated in the room around them that felt very wide all of a sudden.
It felt like yasu was the only person on the entire planet that could actually see him, and they were holding on to each other desperately not to get lost in nothingness.
“Will you be home tomorrow?”, Hyde asked after a pause to change the topic.
“Probably, it will be the weekend. Why?”
Hyde looked up at the ceiling.
“I have some friends coming over tomorrow and I thought you could help. I mean, I would like to introduce you to them.”
Yasu got up from his chest now, propping himself up on his elbows to look into Hyde's face.
They were still holding hands.
“You mean as your flatmate? Or new plaything?”
He said it with a grin, but Hyde could not get rid of the feeling that he was trying to cover up already that the answer might hurt him.
“None of that”, he disagreed and used his free hand to push back a lock of hair behind yasu's ear.
Someone who could see him would surely be worth the risk.
Yasu's face lit up, his smile started showing again, although his eyes still looked a little puffy from crying.
“You mean as the b-word? The thing I'm not allowed to call you?”
Hyde rolled his eyes and tilted his head back with a chuckle.
“No, I just changed my mind. Please, go somewhere else, I don't want to introduce an idiot like you.”
Yasu ignored his words and leaned in to place a short kiss on Hyde's lips.
It felt very tender and – weirdly enough – not scary at all.
“I would love to be your b-word”, he said affectionately.
* * *
It had started with someone who mentioned they hadn't seen each other in a long time and Hyde being too polite to decline. More people had invited themselves, and suddenly he was organizing a private party without remembering to even have said a single word about it.
Now there were seven of them sitting in his living room and Hyde hadn't so much as opened his mouth in about half an hour. That was for how long his beer had been empty already.
“No, no, no!”, yasu just shouted laughingly.
His cheeks looked flushed and his eyes were glistening over a wide smile.
He felt almost angry that the younger man seemed to enjoy himself, while Hyde just waited for everyone to leave.
“Their first release was good, too, but their second one is glorious.”
Of course they were talking about music.
All those little meetings ended up with discussing music for he only ever met with people from the industry.
Hyde had an opinion on the topic, too, but he kept it to himself. He didn't want to fight for attention, it was so exhausting and not worth the trouble after all.
“You might have a point”, someone agreed.
Yasu had already made himself likeable it seemed.
Hyde shouldn't be angry at him for that, he should be happy that he got along with his friends so well. It made him feel lonely again, though.
A little pause followed that statement and Hyde took the opportunity to fulfil his duties as host.
“Anyone wants something more to drink?”, he asked.
It was expected of him to say this sentence a few times during the evening, so he could speak it without worrying about being interrupted.
A short count proved that five more beers were needed.
Yasu got up before him.
“I'll get them, I'll get them”, he proclaimed, leaving for the kitchen.
Hyde stared after him.
His butt looked great in the tight pants.
He had introduced him to the others as nothing in particular, had not even called him his friend, had just announced his name and that of his band and then sat down next to someone else instead.
Still, it was obvious that he was living here, and he was sure it was easy to guess about everything else.
The man next to him nudged Hyde in the side in a fashion that felt way too intimate.
“Cute thing you got yourself, congrats”, he complimented.
It was the first time Hyde felt like he was allowed into the circle of men. He felt disgusted.
“Yep”, someone else agreed, who had obviously overheard the comment. “Make him straighten out his teeth and get rid of the mole on his cheek, and he's as fuckable as any woman.”
There was roaring laughter and clattering from the kitchen.
His guests were tipsy already, but nonetheless he wanted to tell them to shut the fuck up. He wanted to tell them not to talk about yasu that way, that he was perfect the way he looked and on top of that so much more than just someone to sleep with.
But he knew that no one would take him serious, because they never did.
Instead he got up and announced flatly:
“I'll see if I can help.”
He fled from the living room, new waves of laughter behind him that did not intend to be cruel, but sounded like it nonetheless.
Behind himself he closed the kitchen door.
Yasu had already gotten the beer out of the refrigerator and was now leaning against the kitchen counter he had placed it on.
For a moment Hyde just enjoyed the silence of the room that was filled by no one but them.
“I'm sorry, if you heard”, he said quietly then.
Facing him yasu shrugged lightly.
He did not seem eager to get back either.
“It doesn't matter.”
After another silent pause he touched his own cheek thoughtfully.
Hyde rarely saw him not smiling, but right now his expression was serious.
“Do you mind?”, he asked absently. “I mean, I knew about the teeth, but I never thought about this.”
He let his hand sink back from his face.
Hyde crossed the distance between them, until they were standing very close together.
Gently he cupped the back of yasu's head, pulling him a bit closer even.
“I like your teeth, because you have the prettiest smile I've ever seen”, he explained calmly. “And I like this mole.”
He leaned in and kissed yasu's cheek softly, brushing his lips over it until they reached his ear.
“And I want to use it as a target mark when I cum onto your face”, he added.
Against him yasu shivered a bit and he could sense a hand slipping down his back and squeezing his his butt.
“You know”, yasu whispered back without looking at him directly. “Yesterday you came inside of me so deep, that I could still feel your semen dripping out of me this morning. My panties got all sticky.”
This time it was Hyde who had to exhale soundly.
“I don't want to go back in there”, owned up lowly.
“No?”, yasu mumbled back, his face now resting against Hyde's shoulder.
With his hand still on his ass he pulled him a bit closer.
“No”, he confirmed. “I'd rather take you right here on the kitchen counter. I'd make you scream so loud they wouldn't be able to continue with their stupid talks.”
Yasu chuckled against him and his warm breath tingled on his neck.
“We'd better go back now”, he said. “You're giving me a boner.”
Hyde sighed but took a step backwards.
It wasn't so much that there were people around, but the fact that they were his guest. He didn't want to be a bad host.
“I hope they leave soon”, he groaned and took the first half of beer cans, leaving the rest to yasu.
The younger vocalist shrugged as he pushed open the kitchen door.
“They don't mean bad, you know. They just don't think about what they're saying.”
With another quiet sigh Hyde followed him back into the living room.
He had never liked it much when people talked without thinking about it.
The beer was welcomed warmly and someone shouted happily:
“Look, our two pretty boys are back.”
Hyde caught yasu's gaze, before he sat down.
His lips were twisted into a hidden smirk and he shook his head slightly.
Hyde was glad that his thoughts had been heard without voicing for a change.
The atmosphere was getting from tipsy to somewhat drunk fast now, and the topic of the conversation slid from music into sex like it usually did.
He hated this part even more.
“She was just crazy about my dick”, someone bragged.
Hyde wasn't even paying attention to who was speaking in the first place.
He looked at yasu. Although he did not look back at him he could see the smirk again that seemed to say dryly“sure she was”.
“Are you getting laid properly, Hyde?”, a voice close to his ear shouted and a hand slammed down on his back.
He flinched.
People looked at him as if they were expecting him to say something, but he knew that their curiosity wouldn't last until he had the right words ready and inside his mind he started to panic.
“With a face like that you never had trouble finding someone”, someone else laughed.
Hyde thought about with how many people in this room he had had sex already.
The conclusion he drew could have been worse, but it could also have been better. In one case he didn't even remember exactly what had happened. He was pretty sure he had touched his dick, though.
Without even waiting for a statement from him the voices around continued with their endless babbling.
Yasu rolled his eyes at him and somehow that made him feel calmer.
Yasu could still see him, even if the voices around them were droning loudly.
“The thought of two pretty guys like you together must get a lot of people very excited”, someone joked.
Hyde felt awkward and like there was nothing he could say to that to make it less uncomfortable.
He felt weirdly objectified.
“Well, it sure gets me excited!”, yasu exclaimed and threw back his head to laugh widely.
Everyone joined in with his laughter.
For him it never seemed difficult to find the right words. The jokes seemed to sit loosely on his tongue, ready to jump out at exactly the right pace. He never seemed to think about it too much, either.
“It must be nice. But...”
Hyde could hear all the things that got him angry about men in that single “but”.
He caught yasu's gaze and shrugged lightly.
“...it's probably not very satisfying. Maybe you should call me to join you two, if you ever need a real dick.”
Again, there was laughter all around.
Yasu did not laugh, though, although he managed a small smile.
Hyde was tired of faking those small smiles.
Something inside of him snapped.
He was used to stay silent through annoying shit like this, but this time he felt the need to speak up. For himself it never seemed worth the trouble, but now it was also yasu who was listening.
It felt like going up on stage. He held a responsibility towards his audience.
Very suddenly he got up.
Everyone stared at him and the unexpected motion made them all go quiet for a brief moment.
It was his chance to finally make a point, he had to chose his words wisely.
“Suck my fake dick”, he said.
No one gasped, but they looked at him in confusion instead.
Only yasu gave a soft snicker, not as surprised as anyone else.
He had been the only one who had been aware of Hyde at all.
“Obviously I don't have a real one, but if it looks like the mental dick you just took out, then I sure as hell don't want it”, he carried on calmly.
The anger stayed out of his voice mostly, but alone the fact that he spoke so fluently betrayed that he was really upset.
“And now get out of my apartment, all of you. I'm sick of this shit”, he concluded.
Yasu clapped his hands one time loudly as if wanting to add emphasis to his words.
No one seemed as shocked as Hyde had hoped they would, but when he looked down into their faces one after another he could tell that they were confused.
“Chill, Hyde. We were only joking”, someone tried to sooth him.
It did nothing as such.
“Yasu and me treat each other like equals, we are supportive of each other and have sex that is very satisfying for both parties. You...”
He pointed to the man that had told him to chill.
“Always brag about your one night stands, but obviously it's only because you're so awful in bed that no woman wants to do it with you a second time.”
He turned and pointed to the man that was sitting next to him and had touched his back earlier.
He was so fed up from all the years he had just listened, that he was almost enjoying to let it all out now.
It was like a performance. Everyone was just watching him, and even if they could not see the real Hyde underneath, at least they could see all of his anger.
“With you I know from first hand experience that you are too goddamn stupid to put on a fucking condom. By the way, it wasn't even worth the trouble. And you...”
He felt pleased to see the guy who offered the service of his real dick in the first place flinch as he pointed to him now.
“...blushed like a little teenage virgin when I touched your dick. So I really don't see how you're in a position of joking about anything. Just shut the fuck up and get out of here. Right. Now.”
He stretched his arms and bowed a little as if he had just finished a song.
Spontaneously yasu burst out into applause.
“You tell them, Hyde!”, he cried and nearly fell back, because he was laughing so hard.
It made the situation feel ridiculous, but then Hyde was glad that it did.
It was ridiculous and he just felt tired.
The first two musicians were scrambling to their feet already, although irritation still hung in the air all around.
“I don't know what's gotten into you”, someone scolded him. “You're being rude.”
“Yeah”, Hyde nodded considering it. “Yeah, I am and I don't give a fuck. I just want you all to leave already.”
Probably he would apologize later on, message them in private, or politely ask for forgiveness the next time they met at an event. Right now, he didn't care.
Relieved he chuckled when he heard the front door fall shut behind the last one of their visitors.
He hadn't even bothered to take them to the door.
Yasu had gotten up as well, watching him with a cheeky smile.
“What was that?”, Hyde asked still grinning.
He felt so relieved, like a great pressure had been lifted of his chest.
The voices had gone silent, even if it was just for a little while.
“I don't know”, yasu shook his head. “But I'm so turned on right now.”
He stepped over the pillows and empty beer cans, their lips nearly crashing, falling into each other as they kissed.
He had his hand in yasu's hair and yasu had his hand under his shirt while they stumbled over to the bedroom without letting go of one another.
Hyde's shirt hit the floor, then yasu's followed. The pants were off before they even reached the bed.
Yasu was scratching his skin again and Hyde was biting his neck, and then they were on the sheets, their naked bodies pressed to each other.
Everything else stopped mattering.
He had said the words that needed to be said and now his head was empty. The only important thing now was yasu's smile and the shape of his body.
It was true what he had said. He felt comfortable and supported around him, he felt like being himself was safe.
Maybe it should always feel like that, but Hyde couldn't remember the last time he had felt safe with someone. He had constantly felt like it would be over as soon as he opened his mouth and actually voiced his thoughts. Maybe it had been different when he was still younger, maybe he had just forgotten how to trust and needed to learn all over again.
His kisses had become less greedy now, but deeper. His hands had come to rest with calmer caresses and their tongues were circling each other in a slow dance.
He was sitting on yasu's stomach, nailing him to the bed with a leg to each side of him.
For a moment they stopped kissing and only their breath entwined between their lips, leaving room for whispers and confessions.
He ran his hand over yasu's arm, over his wrist and his palm until he found his fingers and interlaced them with his own.
“Gently today”, yasu whispered. “I just want to be close to you.”
Hyde leaned his forehead against yasu's and closed his eyes.
“I hear you”, he confirmed.
“I see you”, yasu returned.
This acknowledgement felt like warm honey in his veins. Someone was aware of him. Not of his image or of his presence, just of his pure being.
With his free hand Hyde reached behind himself, taking hold of yasu's dick gently.
Regrettably he had a lot of practice at this, so he took only some deep breaths, relaxing his body, before he guided yasu's erection towards his own butt and lowered himself onto it very carefully.
He couldn't remember the last time he had actually wanted to feel a man inside of himself, but he wanted it now. It wasn't that he disliked the feeling of it in general, it was just that most men were way too eager to put it in.
With yasu it was different.
He didn't even comment on the unannounced change of roles. Instead he just moaned softly as he sunk into Hyde and the grip of his hand tightened around his own.
Hyde started to move his hips, feeling yasu's hot dick slide in and out intensely. It made his whole body fill with warm fever, but it was not so much the touch that aroused him, but the feeling of being as close to the other man as possible.
It was slow and lazy, with their foreheads still touching and his hand pressing yasu's to the mattress.
Yasu's other hand was stroking softly over his thigh and low moans drifted off from Hyde's lips. They did not talking today at all.
There was comfort in the silence disturbed only by their heavy breathing. It just assured him of the fact that everything was clear between them and there was a mutual understanding between them that did not needed clarifying through words.
He could feel yasu's body moving underneath him, learning to know him better and better by now.
Inside he could feel him twitch slightly now and then, his whole being throbbing in the rhythm of a heartbeat he seemed to share with yasu for a while.
The other's hand was now trailing from his thigh down to his dick.
There wasn't much space left between them, because Hyde was still leaning forward to bring their faces close together, but yasu still managed to close his fingers around his hard-on.
He moaned a little louder now under the touch.
Since they were going so slow it was easy for yasu to match the even rhythm, making him feel good in a way that was neither heated nor greedy, but still very exciting.
He kept going for a while until he allowed himself to ejaculate between yasu's fingers, but even then he continued with the motions of his hips.
It felt nice to have him inside, nice to hear him moan so close to his own lips, nice to sense nothing but the warmth and the quiet.
“I...”, yasu started, but Hyde put out his hand to cover his mouth.
He didn't want their silence to be spoiled.
Instead he just lowered his hips some more, holding the position until he felt yasu releasing himself into him. He thought it would be nice to feel his heat lingering inside of him a little bit longer.
Then he rolled to the side, parting from yasu's body.
The other vocalist followed his example, turning towards him, their legs weirdly entangled and their noses almost touching.
No one said a word and Hyde could feel his own heartbeat slowing down until they became two separate creatures again.
“Thanks for not making it weird”, he said.
“There is nothing weird about it”, yasu disagreed. “There is just you and me.”
“You and me”, Hyde repeated. “I like the sound of that.”
“Does that mean you'll break your own rules?”
Hyde said nothing.
They lay there so quietly that for a while he wondered if yasu might have fallen asleep.
“I just don't know about this”, Hyde finally picked up talking again.
He was speaking quietly as if that could tune out the guilt in his voice.
“I'm not him”, yasu reminded him mildly. “I'm not any of them.”
Hyde sighed and the sound seemed to be swallowed somewhere between yasu's lips, because he was so close.
“I'm scared you might become them”, he admitted. “They always take a part of me with them, when they leave.”
He didn't remember the last time he had owned up to being scared.
“Mmh”, yasu made a thoughtful noise. “I'll take your eyebrows then, okay?”
The joke came so unexpected that Hyde had to chuckle against his will.
“What do you want my eyebrows for?”
Their faces were so close he could not really see yasu's expression clearly, but he imagined that he was smiling widely again.
“First of all you'll look like a creepy grandma without them. So, if I disappoint you, too, at least you'll be safe from men afterwards. Also, taking your eyebrows will hurt less than taking your heart, I suppose.”
Hyde smiled, too.
“And if I want to keep my eyebrows?”, he teased.
“Then I'll stay”, yasu whispered and kissed him shortly on the lips.
They were so close that he hardly had to move for it at all.
“Okay”, he mumbled back. “Okay.”
“I know you're still insecure about committing again, so I won't pressure you”, yasu promised. “You don't have to call me your boyfriend now, if it makes you feel uncomfortable. We have all the time you need.”
The sound of the word boyfriend did make Hyde feel somewhat uncomfortable. It sounded so much like being vulnerable again.
But it did not change anything about the fact how he felt about yasu.
“At least out loud I won't say...”
Yasu kissed him to swallow the rest of the sentence and fill the room with silence again, that now seemed to hold a lot of meaning.
I'm in love.
#yasu why did you leave?#yasu#acid black cherry#Hyde#Vamps#fanfic#Hyde x Yasu#fanfiction#Janne Da Arc#L'Arc~en~Ciel#part 3
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Anxious ‘Bout Commiting 2
The smell of the food was already filling the whole kitchen, when the front door fell shut.
The rice cooker gave an urgent sound, asking for Hyde's attention and he was already filling the plates, when yasu pushed open the kitchen door.
“I'm home”, he announced tiredly.
“Great, I just finished making dinner, so sit down, sit down, I hope you like it.”
Hyde gestured over to the table and made yasu sit down while he put down different dishes in front of him.
Fact was that he liked cooking and over the years of living alone he had grown quite good at it. It was nice doing it for someone else, too, as long as he wasn't asked to do it. He couldn't stand that.
“I thought there would be no cooking together?”, yasu teased, but his facial expression clearly showed that he didn't mind.
He looked tired and like he needed someone to rub his back.
“I said no romantic cooking”, Hyde clarified. “We're living together, it would be stupid to do it twice.”
Yasu smiled at him from across the table and it was that special smile again, that looked like the intro to a great flirt.
“So this is okay as long as we don't light candles?”
“We can do a lot of things as long as we don't light candles”, Hyde winked at him and raised his chopsticks. “And now eat something, you had a long day.”
“Thanks for the meal”, yasu bowed his head slightly and started eating.
He moaned with pleasure.
“God, this is delicious. If I didn't just bring my stuff over, I'd asked you if I could move in.”
Hyde chuckled lightly.
“Did you bring it to your room already?”, he asked. “Or do you need help?”
“Yeah, it's already there”, yasu shrugged between two bites. “But I haven't really unpacked yet. I had a meeting today, so I didn't have time for it.”
“Oh, you must be tired. How was the meeting?”
Hyde felt a little weird asking those questions. Caring for each other's day was normally on the list of things he didn't allow himself for safety reasons.
“Boring. You probably know it, the management keeps talking and talking and in the end you still have no idea what they were trying to say.”
With a little smirk Hyde nodded.
He knew these meetings quite well and no one cared for his opinion much anyway. Meetings like that were mostly good for daydreaming.
“Also”, yasu added suddenly. “I couldn't stop thinking of you all day.”
All of a sudden it was Hyde who wanted to look away. He felt a weird tingle in his chest at those words and he wondered where it came from.
He was not happy that yasu thought of him, was he?
“What did you think about?”, he inquired nonetheless, looking up into yasu's brown eyes.
Even if his lips weren't moving at all, his eyes always kept on smiling.
“I guess it will take a while to tell you everything, so why don't we finish dinner, I unpack my things and maybe take a shower and then I tell you about it all, long and throughout. I'll give you a really deep insight.”
He was emphasizing all the wrong words and made Hyde lick his lips nervously.
“Sounds good”, he agreed hoarsely and caused yasu to snicker.
“But let me help you with cleaning the dishes first”, he offered, as Hyde got up to carry the used plates over to the sink.
“No way”, he insisted, turning his back on the younger vocalist. “After what you just said I want you to unpack as fast as possible.”
He said it with a note of humour in his tone and it made yasu laugh quietly.
He could sense his hands on his shoulders now, his body leaning in on him from behind.
Hyde remembered his voice from last night, his flushed face and his hot dick in his hand. He wanted to turn around and kiss him right now, drag him to the bedroom and rip of his clothes, but he didn't.
He also wanted him to kiss his neck and maybe tell him something sweet, which he could allow himself even less.
So he just kept staring at the dirty plates without turning the water on.
“Are you gonna fuck me tonight?”, yasu whispered close to his ear, his breath brushing over his skin like a summer breeze.
“No”, Hyde smirked, in spite of how much he wanted the answer to be yes.
“What will you do then?”, yasu mumbled, his lips on his neck now, sucking lightly and making him shiver. “Will you rim me again?”
Now Hyde turned around in his arms, staring into yasu's face from up close.
He reached up, running his hand lightly over the other's cheek, possessive rather than gentle.
“Tonight I'll use my fingers on you. Are you okay with that?”
In answer to his question yasu turned his head slightly, his lips connecting with Hyde's fingertips, leaving behind a wet smear.
“I can't wait”, he said in a low voice and under the touch his lips turned into a smile.
He didn't say it like he was trying to impress Hyde. He said it like he really meant it, and it caused Hyde's knees to feel very weak all of a sudden.
“But will you do something else for me as well?”, yasu asked with a smile that lingered somewhere between shy and wicked.
“That depends”, Hyde returned, feeling insecure now.
His first impulse was just to nod, but he knew things became dangerous as soon as he just wanted to fulfil yasu's every wish.
He was scared of what he might ask for, and also scared of his own willingness to grant it no matter what.
“Let me touch you today. I want to see you naked.”
Yasu's dark eyes kept staring right at him, his voice and expression very serious.
Hyde tried very hard not to blush. He was not exactly feeling embarrassed, but something about the way yasu spoke of his body made him feel self-conscious and like he might not match the expectations his words were carrying.
Hyde did not want to give promises that were not good enough to keep.
“Let's see if you behave”, he said instead.
* * *
Yasu's hair was still wet when he entered the bedroom, a white towel wrapped loosely around his hips.
Hyde got up from the bed hastily, standing around awkwardly and waiting for the other vocalist to approach him.
He had no idea of why he felt so damn nervous.
“Are you feeling rested now?”, Hyde assured.
He had felt damn nervous all the while yasu had taken a hot bath, washing off the exhaustion from his skin and leaving it behind smooth and inviting.
“Rested...is not the word that comes to mind”, yasu chuckled and walked up to him so close he had to tilt back his head for the tiniest fraction to look into his eyes.
He raised his hand and ran his fingers through yasu's drying hair. The tips still felt wet under his touch, but nicely soft.
Yasu's lips turned into a smile and it made him look very kissable.
Hyde leaned in, parting his lips against a very slow and lazy kiss. Yasu's mouth felt soft and warm and tasted a little bit of toothpaste.
Curiously he allowed his hand to trail from the back of his head down over his shoulders and arms, his chest and his abdomen, his hips and the line of the fluffy towel.
Although he had touched him once before his body still felt alien to him, fascinating and new, a marvel in human shape.
“Sit down”, he mumbled against his lips, bending over yasu as the younger one let himself fall backwards onto the sheets.
“Me too”, yasu demanded, his voice very gentle and breathless.
He slipped his hands underneath Hyde's shirt, running them over his flat stomach, up to his chest.
The touch made him feel very hot all of a sudden and he tried to remember the last time someone had touched him like that – not like he was trying to possess him, but as if he wanted to understand his body.
Willingly he raised his arms, allowing yasu to pull off the shirt over his head and toss it over the bedside.
For a moment the other vocalist just looked up to him, his hands lingering over his shoulders as if trying to protect him from something.
“You are so fucking handsome”, he whispered and it didn't sound like flattery, but rather like a statement directed at the whole world.
He now dared to touch his shoulders directly, his hands finding their way down his body, outlining his shape like Hyde had outline his before.
“You're handsome, too”, Hyde mumbled back, leaning down to place soft kisses below yasu's ear.
He was aware that he was being too tender, that this should be fast and factual, pleasure without emotion. But there was something about the way that yasu looked at him. And maybe Hyde was craving a little tenderness, too.
Yasu's hands were on his back now, going all the way up again like he was doing a sightseeing tour on his body.
“I'm not bad looking, but with a weird face, and you are...”
Yasu had slightly turned his face away as if avoiding his eyes.
“...can we take of those pants as well?”
Hyde took hold of his chin, forcing him with light pressure to look at him again.
“You, Mister, are very handsome”, he clarified and kissed yasu shortly on the lips, before he let go of his face again. “Also, yes, I will take off those pants now.”
Yasu snickered quietly.
“Thank you”, he said with a slight pout, leaving it to Hyde to decide what he meant.
He got up again and unbuttoned his pants, taking off all his clothes before crawling onto the bed next to yasu again.
“Oh god”, the younger man breathed, not waiting for permission, but sitting up a bit and reaching out to him greedily.
His fingertips were brushing over Hyde's abdomen and then going down without hesitation.
He sucked in his breath sharply as yasu's hand closed around his dick firmly, stroking him with slow motions that made his entire body feel shaky and feverish. For a moment he allowed yasu's fingers to take him away, closed his eyes for a second and concentrated on the feeling of being touched again, of arousal and lust for all the things he might do to him.
Then he opened his eyes again and pushed yasu's hand away sternly.
He did not look happy about it, but retreated without protest, laying down on his back again and watching Hyde attentively as if waiting for further instructions.
Hyde untied the knot that held the towel on his hips in place so far, pulling the fabric aside.
Yasu was already hard, but he withstood the desire to touch his erection.
Instead he ran his palms over his hips and over his thighs, warming up his skin without granting him any satisfaction.
Yasu let go of a low growl, obviously meant as a threat.
“Spread your legs”, Hyde ordered quietly, stroking the inside of his legs lightly.
Yasu pulled up his knees a bit, spreading his legs widely.
Hyde was now kneeling besides him, being able to reach almost every part of his body without problems.
“Good”, he praised, stopping his motions. “Now open your mouth.”
Obediently yasu parted his lips, a wet sheen showing on them. His eyes were really dark and he looked impatient, but did not say a word.
Slowly Hyde pushed his fingers into his mouth, entering the wet and warm cave. He could sense yasu's tongue swirling around his fingers and the feeling got him somehow even more excited.
All the time yasu locked eyes with him, staring at him in a nearly provoking fashion.
Hyde pulled back his hand, his fingers slippery with drool.
He reached down again, caressing yasu's butt, before placing his middle finger against his entrance. He could feel the heat resonating from there and he could see yasu's lower lip trembling a little bit as if silently begging him to do something.
Without haste he pushed his finger into him, the warmth of his body clenching around him welcoming and meeting with no resistance.
Shortly he paused, looking down on his new lover watchfully.
“Are you okay with this?”, he asked calmly.
“Yes”, yasu nodded, sounding a little bit insecure.
Somehow it made Hyde feel very warm inside. He could already tell that he was not being timid, but that it was rather his pride making him hide the fact that he was not very used to the feeling.
“You're doing great”, he said warmly, starting to move his wrist a bit, so his finger slid in and out slowly.
After a moment he felt the tension of yasu's body lessen and his jawbone looked a little less like he was gritting his teeth not to betray anything.
“Do you want one finger or two?”, he asked lowly. “It's okay if we use only one today.”
Somewhere inside his chest his heart started fluttering with excitement.
The way people usually viewed him Hyde often got the opportunity for sex – he seldom got the opportunity to...play, though.
“I can take two”, yasu stated confidently. “Please, I want two.”
Hyde could not hide a smirk as he placed his free hand on yasu's abdomen, rubbing over his skin to comfort him.
“Okay, baby, relax.”
Carefully he pushed in a second finger, watching yasu closely to make sure he wasn't feeling uncomfortable.
Instead he got a low moan that made him smile.
When he was sure yasu had adjusted to the new situation, his smile even widened.
“And now I want you to move your hips”, he announced somewhat pleased.
“Eh?”, it escaped from yasu, who furrowed his brow slightly now. “What?”
It sounded a little bit whiny, which pleased Hyde even more.
“I want you to please yourself with my fingers.”
He lowered his own voice a bit.
“Can you do that for me, yasu?”
A slightly confused sound came from yasu's lips, but he started moving his hips, circling them and using the strength from his legs to slide down on Hyde's fingers again and again.
It didn't take long before he started moaning softly, squeezing his eyes slightly and biting down on his lower lip.
His motions were more controlled now and came more smoothly as if he had figured out which way was the most pleasing.
Hyde curled up his fingers somewhat which caused yasu to squeal and his hips to tremble.
One of his hands was clenching into the bedsheets, but Hyde could hardly take his eyes of his face.
His expression was filled with arousal, his eyelids heavy and his lips even more kissable now.
“Won't you just fuck me already?”, he begged breathlessly, but Hyde shook his head with a little smile.
“Not tonight. But you can touch me, if you manage to.”
“Hyde”, he moaned without directly addressing him.
The way he said his name travelled straight into his stomach and a little farther down, too.
The movements of his hips stopped for a moment as yasu reached out to place his hand on Hyde's erection again. Then he picked them up once more, matching the rhythm of his thrusts with the strokes he gave him.
Hyde moaned softly too, listening to yasu's uneven breath, drawing a hoarse outcry from him again as he twisted his fingers a little bit.
Yasu's hand grabbed down on him hard in reaction and caused him to suck in his breath in return.
“Be gentle, please”, he teased, but his voice breaking away as yasu flicked his wrists faster suddenly, not being gentle at all.
Still he made Hyde groan uncontrollable, for he obviously knew what he was doing. He could feel heat building up inside of him and for a moment he could not concentrate on yasu, but only on how good he felt and on the explosion that was about to take place. Warm relieve washed over him as he spurted his semen against yasu's chest; white liquid sticking to his ripcage.
Yasu let go of him immediately, obviously out of breath himself.
Only now did Hyde notice that his legs were starting to tremble with exhaustion and that agony was starting to mix with the lust on his face.
“Touch me, too, maybe?”, he pressed out, his voice highish and pleading.
“Touch yourself, if you want to cum”, Hyde ordered, but he said it very gently, making sure yasu could hear the warmth behind his words.
With smaller movements of his hips now yasu reached down, closing his hand around his own dick and giving it a few hard strokes. He had obviously been on the very edge, because he spilled himself almost immediately across his own stomach. Hyde could feel his whole body tensing up, then he pulled back and watched yasu nearly collapsing. His hips sunk down onto the sheets and his shoulders slumped down a fraction. His chest was still heaving rapidly and there was a thin film of sweat sticking to his forehead.
He pulled the towel from early away from under yasu and started to clean his body carefully.
“ Letting me do it all by myself...You're kind of a sadist, aren't you?”, the younger vocalist asked with a small sigh as he regained his breath.
Hyde turned to look at his face, to see if there was judgement in those words.
“And you kind of like it, don't you?”, he returned bravely.
Yasu gave a dry, barking laughter that sounded surprisingly dirty.
“You have no idea how much”, he confirmed with a grin.
Thoughtfully Hyde tilted his head.
“I really don't know what to make of you”, he stated honestly.
He was not honest with people very often, but with yasu he somehow had the feeling that it was easy to talk.
“Are you very innocent or very lewd?”
Yasu gave a catlike purr, running his hand over Hyde's thigh in a gentle caress.
“I have a pure heart and a perverted mind, it's not hard to figure me out.”
He had the feeling that he was supposed to say something to that, but after staying silent for so long the right words did not come to him easily.
He kept quiet for a moment.
“Are you feeling alright now?”, he made sure after a while, still sitting next to yasu awkwardly.
He was not sure if he wanted him to leave, but it did not matter since obviously yasu did not have any intention of leaving.
“My insides still feel kind of hot, but it's not really uncomfortable”, he stated with a light shrug.
Hyde hesitated.
“If you want to practice some...I have a pretty large toy collection, so feel free to take whatever you like.”
Yasu literally shot up into a sitting position.
“A toy collection? Show me!”
Hyde turned his gaze away, feeling weird about the enthusiasm yasu displayed so openly.
“It's there, in the left closet. It's all presents, it's not like I buy that stuff. I never use it, never have.”
He shrugged awkwardly.
“Show me”, yasu demanded again and Hyde got up with a low sigh.
He stepped over to the closet and opened the doors, exposing a variety of vibrators, handcuffs and other things he had not dared to look at too closely.
Yasu burst out laughing.
“Dude, what do you need about 50 dildos for?!”, he exclaimed, his words still staggering over last chuckles.
Hyde returned to the bed again, leaving the closet open, staring at its interior thoughtfully.
Yasu had laid back down again, staring at the ceiling and after a few seconds of silence Hyde joined him, also staring straight ahead instead of looking at the other man.
“I told you it's all presents. Every single guy I dated obviously thought he was being original.”
Yasu giggled.
“I bet they just liked to imagine how you use them. It's kind of hot.”
“I bet they just liked to imagine that I could not live without their sacred dick for a second of the day and needed a substitute very urgently.”
He felt the mattress underneath him shake slightly now as yasu laughed even harder.
“I think you're being too cynical, though”, he insisted.
“One of them gave me a school girl uniform! If that isn't a reason to become cynical...”
He expected yasu to laugh again, but instead there was a small silence.
“Did you wear it?”
Slowly Hyde turned his face, realizing that yasu had rolled to the side to look at him more closely.
His grin spoke of mischief.
Hyde shrugged sightly.
“People always do crazy things when they're in love”, he said.
Yasu's body started trembling with laughter again.
“Did you call him >Senpai< or something?”, he grinned.
Hyde fumbled for a pillow overhead, shoving it into yasu's face to shut him up.
It was a childish gesture, but somehow the younger man made him feel childish. He made him feel light-hearted and for the first time in a pretty long while he could talk about those things without getting sad. In his own head it all sounded tragic, but telling it to yasu reminded him of how ridiculous it really seemed. Somehow yasu made him remember how easy it could be to feel happy.
“Oh, Senpai, stop, please stop!”, yasu giggled into the pillow, wrapping his arms around it and pressing it against his chest.
And looking into his face that smiled with his lips and teeth and eyes and wrinkles forming everywhere, Hyde suddenly had the realisation that he had gotten himself into trouble again. He felt excited and the world did not look all that gloomy. He was not in love, but his own lips curled up into the familiar smile he only ever shared with a crush.
He did not want yasu to leave.
He wanted to stay up with him all night, chat, goof around, kiss him and fall asleep next to him when the sun went up.
“Wanna watch a movie or something?”, he suggested.
* * *
Hyde had thought about touching yasu a lot.
He had thought about his hot skin and how his eyes went dark and his lips trembled. About how he called out his name and how his breath shifted.
But he had done nothing about it.
Angry at himself he pushed the key into the lock, opening the front door of his apartment.
At first he had wanted to give yasu a few days to settle in, but the days had passed and soon it was two weeks that they were living together and he hadn't so much as gained a kiss.
They would chat over dinner, listen to music together and one time yasu had sleepily laid down on the couch and rested his head on Hyde's thigh while watching TV.
They had become flatmates, and sometimes when yasu smiled Hyde's chest became uncomfortable tight.
It wasn't that there hadn't been the opportunity to touch him again. He had told him to close his door when he wasn't in the mood for something physical, and yasu's door had been open every single day since he had moved in.
But somehow it hadn't felt natural to just knock and order him over for sex.
Hyde nearly missed the self-assured guys he had to fight off all the time. It had been easy to treat them coldly. But yasu was all easy-going and smiley, and it was almost impossible not to be kind to him.
With a low sigh he took off his jacket and went into the living room.
Today he would get a grip on himself. If he wanted yasu, he should take him. That was what he had agreed on when he came here. He shouldn't try so hard to make himself likeable and turn everything complicated. He should focus on being cold and cynical. He had a lot of practice at that.
His first glance went over to yasu's door, but then he found him sitting in front of the computer in the living room instead, a pair of giant headphones covering his ears.
He had his back on Hyde and as he stepped closer he could see that he had a program for mixing music opened on the screen.
Lightly Hyde touched his shoulder, making yasu flinch slightly.
But when he turned around he managed to smile anyway, although Hyde could see a small wrinkle at the root of his nose as if something was bothering him.
“I'm home. Are you working?”, he asked, cursing himself inwardly.
His plan to be cold and tell him he wanted to have sex today was working out splendidly, wasn't it?
“Yes, but I can't decide which version of the song sounds better. It's frustrating”, he declared, making a face that was obviously supposed to show annoyance.
Hyde pulled up a second chair he kept close to the computer, in case he was working together with someone else.
He sat down and extended his hand.
“Need a second opinion?”
Hastily yasu took off the headphones, handing them over to Hyde a little too eagerly.
He looked excited as if hoping for great advice, although Hyde had never felt like a real expert on music. For him writing it was nothing but a pain in the ass and most of the time he wasn't even convinced of the quality of his own products.
Nonetheless he put the headphones on and listened to the two melodies yasu played him.
There were no vocals yet, but the song already sounded sad and beautiful.
It was easy to tell that yasu had music in his veins.
He put the headphones down again, placing them on the desk in front of them, his hand still resting on the plastic as if he might take them back any moment.
“That sounds amazing”, he stated truthfully. “It will sound great with your voice. Personally I prefer the second version, but they're both very good.”
“Thank you”, yasu smiled warmly, reaching out with his hand.
Slight horror took hold of Hyde as his fingers brushed over the back of his hand lightly.
It was a very gentle gesture and there was nothing flirting about it. It felt casual and tender and it was obvious that yasu had not paid a second thought to it.
Hastily he pulled his own hand back, placing it on his lap, but then changing his mind and getting up altogether.
“I should leave you to work now”, he smiled awkwardly, trying hard to not look into yasu's face directly.
He did not want to check if he looked disappointed.
“If I can help with anything, please don't hesitate to ask. I'll be in my room.”
Hastily he turned around, walking up to his room, fleeing from the scene of the crime.
He should really leave yasu to his work, he told himself. That was why there would be no meaningless sex tonight. Music came first and he was just respecting yasu's personal space.
It had nothing to do with the fact that he got scared when yasu tried to hold his hand.
* * *
Hyde closed the bathroom door behind himself, walking over to his bedroom.
He did not dare to check if yasu was still working in the living room or if he had retreated to his own where the door probably still stood ajar.
Maybe he should ask him to move out again. It would feel safer that way. Having him around made Hyde itchy and like he constantly had to stand watch over his heart, that still hadn't learned its lesson.
He was surprised to find the light turned on in his room, but his eyes soon fell on yasu, who was standing in front of his ominous closet, inspecting his collection of special toys.
“Oh, hey”, he mumbled sheepishly. “Finished with work?”
“Yeah”, yasu confirmed, stretching his arms over his head with a lazy yawn. “I feel all cramped up now, so I thought I'd follow your advice and play with myself for a bit.”
Hyde swallowed hard.
The words flowed from his lips so easily as if he was talking about the weather. Nothing seemed to seriously bother yasu and once more Hyde thought that he did not talk for any reason but to state what was on his mind. There was something innocent about his manner of speech that did not seem to match with what he was saying. It kept throwing Hyde off balance.
Irritated he stayed quiet, not asking if yasu wanted to play with him instead. He was tired of only speaking to match peoples expectations and tired of fearing to say the wrong thing at the same time. Silence was so much easier than that.
Yasu took a small dildo out of the shelf, eyeing it thoughtfully. It wasn't much longer than a regular finger, but somewhat thicker. In his mind Hyde called it a dildo-to-go. He didn't remember who had given it to him in the first place.
“I guess something small like that should do for the beginning”, yasu observed thoughtfully, seemingly waiting for Hyde to say something.
For some reason he seemed to be looking for his approval as if he was scared he might be disappointed by his choice.
Although he did not feel the urge to tell yasu what to do, he nodded slightly for his peace of mind.
“It's alright”, he said flatly, watching yasu turn towards the door.
He wanted to say something else, hold him back, wanted to touch him, wanted to burn him, but he couldn't think of anything that would make him stay. He felt overwhelmed by his presence in his bedroom, in his apartment. Because yasu was different from the other men he had dated before he had thought he was safe. But it made him more dangerous than any of them.
Yasu was already at the door frame as he stopped short. For a moment he just stood there with his back towards Hyde as if thinking about something. Then he turned around again.
His expression looked rather thoughtful than reckless.
“Do you want to watch me?”, he asked, not directly shy, but like he was insecure about what the answer might be.
Hyde hesitated, but then he was glad that the decision had been taken away from him; that yasu had found the right words for both of them.
“Yes”, he stated simply.
“Okay”, yasu nodded and stepped back into the room. “Please, make yourself comfortable and...enjoy the show.”
He made a gesture with his hand as if greeting an audience and Hyde looked around the room.
He felt awkward just standing in front of the bed like an idiot, so he pulled up the armchair that he normally used to carelessly toss his clothes onto. He pushed aside a few worn shirts and sat down at the end of the bed.
With calm motions yasu started to undress himself. There was nothing really exciting about the way he took off his clothes; he did it casually like getting ready for bed. Nonetheless Hyde couldn't turn away his eyes from his bare skin, his abs and strong arms, his legs and his butt as he turned around to crawl onto the middle of the bed.
He placed himself opposite to Hyde, facing him directly and spreading his legs to grand a throughout view of his body.
Hyde could already feel himself growing hard, although yasu had not done anything so far except for getting naked.
He was looking at him straight-on, his brown eyes searching Hyde's. Once more he looked teasing.
“It turns me on, when you watch me like this. I still think you're really cool.”
There was a moment of silence as yasu ran his own hand over his chest, lightly caressing his dick and then slipping to the inside of his thigh.
All the while he did not look away from Hyde's face. It made him feel a little nervous and excited as if he was the one being watched at a very intimate act.
Lightly yasu bit his lips.
“Do you want me to...talk?”
Hyde did not need to think about it. He smirked slightly.
“You enjoy talking”, he observed and yasu gave a short nod.
“It's just that I really like the way you touched me here.”
He started rubbing his forefinger against his butt hole, massaging the rim of it.
“With your tongue, and your fingers. You made me feel so good, Hyde.”
Spellbound Hyde watched as his finger slipped in and he gave a suppressed moan.
“It's so tight”, yasu mumbled, his words starting to slur. “I want you inside here, Hyde. I want to make you feel good, too.”
With great force Hyde withstood the urge to touch himself. Somehow he understood that his full attention should be on yasu right now – that was part of the game.
So he watched him moving his finger, breathing heavily, trying not to betray how hard he had to restrain himself. He wanted to touch yasu, he wanted to get up and take him roughly, wanted to smother him in kisses and thrust into him deeply.
He took in a deep, calming breath.
“I wish it was your dick entering me”, yasu continued and now took up the dildo with his free hand, taking out his finger and using it to spread his entrance so he could push in the tip of the toy.
Hyde expected him to wince, but it slipped in easily, vanishing to the hilt.
“It feels so good to have something inside”, yasu moaned. “Wouldn't you like to be inside of me?”
For a moment Hyde was confused if he was supposed to answer, but yasu just kept rambling on.
“I want to feel you there. I'm such a pervert, even now I get aroused by the way you look at me. Can you see how needy I am to get fucked?”
He moved the toy in and out, his hips moving a little with it as if he really couldn't get enough. Hyde could see that his dick was also twitching slightly, excited by the penetration.
For a very short moment Hyde closed his eyes, hoping that yasu would not notice how difficult it was for him to control himself.
But when he opened them again, yasu had stopped his motions, sitting up straighter, the dildo still buried inside of him.
“Hyde, I'm serious now, I really want to have sex with you”, he said, the thickness nearly vanished from his tone. “I get it, it feels really good, and I want to do it for my pleasure as much as for yours. Also, I've already done it before, it's not such a big deal.”
Hyde felt guilty for wanting those words to be the truth so bad. He did not want to become one of those guys that only heard the things that were actually said; it made him feel ignorant of the silences in between.
“But you felt uncomfortable about it. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable about it when we do it.”
He looked right into yasu's face.
His cheeks were slightly flushed, but he looked serious.
“I'm not uncomfortable about it now. I want it”, he stated calmly.
His voice made clear that he really meant it.
And suddenly Hyde realized that he was a bit scared as well, that the closer he got to yasu the more vulnerable he became. But the demands his body uttered where louder than his voice of reason.
He scanned yasu's body, exposed and sexy, and obviously ready for him.
“Okay”, he said softly and got up. “Okay.”
Like yasu before him he started to undress very calmly, putting the clothes on the armchair he had sat in. When he took off the pants he gave a relieved sigh, his erection thankful for being freed.
Yasu's eyes followed him patiently through the room while he went back to the closet and took out some lube that was left over there.
Only then did he get onto the bed and sat down between yasu's legs.
He smiled at him and yasu smiled back. His lips looked wide and beautiful and he leaned in to kiss him gently.
He tasted familiar and entirely new since it had been far too long since the last time he had kissed him.
“Give me your hand”, he whispered, pouring some lube onto yasu's opened palm. “And now spread it on my dick.”
Following his orders the other vocalist stroked his erection, touching every bit of it, all the way up and rubbing over the sensitive tip.
Hyde moaned loudly, his face close to that of yasu.
“I'm gonna take it out now and put mine in, alright?”, he asserted, reaching down between yasu's legs.
Carefully he pulled out the toy, bringing himself into position as yasu was still relaxed and loose.
Guiding his own hard-on he pushed forward, the tip sinking in and the rest of his shaft following smoothly, almost as if yasu was sucking him in.
“Ah, you're so hot”, he moaned underneath him.
“You're squeezing me so tightly, it feels amazing”, he exhaled in return.
“I really like it”, yasu said and reached up, his fingers digging into Hyde's neck as if he was trying to steady himself.
Slowly Hyde started to move, shoving into him with great care and changing his angle now and then.
“Oh, yes, keep going”, yasu mumbled, looking up to him with heavy eyelids. “You can go faster, don't be careful, just fuck me.”
“Nah”, Hyde shook his head and paused in his movements shortly to place a peck on yasu's lips, before picking up his motions again. “I'm looking for something.”
Yasu opened his mouth, obviously to protest, or encourage him to look somewhat harder, but the words were suddenly swallowed as he threw back his head and gave a loud outcry. The air seemed to be pressed out of his lungs and Hyde could feel his insides clenching down on him.
“Found it”, he grinned pleased.
“Do that again”, yasu begged breathlessly.
Hyde used the same angle to thrust into him somewhat harder this time, sending yasu shivering and pressing his hips closer against him.
He moaned under him helplessly, his eyes fluttering open and shut as if he was suffering from a strong fever.
With a steady pace Hyde moved against him, feeling the bliss inside of himself, but determined not to be carried away by it.
He wanted to focus on yasu's soft tremble, on the way he exclaimed his name when he shoved into him.
“Deeper”, he whimpered, making Hyde thrust his hips forward even harder now, making sure that he went in all the way.
Yasu's hand had vanished from his neck now, clenching into a pillow instead and his face was turned to the side so Hyde could only see his profile with strands of hair forming a hallow around it.
“Oh god, I can't take this, please don't stop”, he kept on muttering, while Hyde kept going, although he started to feel short of breath and dangerously light-headed, the forebodings of orgasm brushing over his skin.
Putting his hand between them he ran his fingers over the downside of yasu's dick, intending to tease him a bit, but even the flimsy contact was enough to send him over the edge. Under his light touch yasu relieved himself, giving a last, long moan, and tensing up around him so suddenly that Hyde had no time to retreat himself. He tried to pull back, but the sensation was too much for him, and he spilled himself before he could take out his dick completely. Hot cum was running down between yasu's butt cheeks, but he did not even seem to notice.
He was laying between the sheets like he had died there. There was no movement at all and only his heavy breathing betrayed that he was still alive.
Hyde rolled over and collapsed next to him.
He felt exhausted, too, his legs weak from shoving and his system still floating with warmth and relieve.
For a while he closed his eyes, ready to drift off to sleep, or to just lay here and feel yasu's body next to himself for all eternity. He felt very content right now.
“Oi!”, yasu's voice interrupted him nonetheless and when he opened his eyes again he found the other vocalist staring right at him. “No one told me it was supposed to feel like that!”
Hyde could not help but give a dry laugh, although he was feeling sleepy.
“They try to keep it secret.”
Yasu shook his head, which looked funny, because it evoked the impression he was rubbing his face against the pillow.
“I can't believe I missed that for so many years. It was like a supernova...but up my butt.”
Hyde felt his own chest vibrating with laughter now.
“Don't be stupid!”, he scolded amused.
“Mmh, Hyde?”
Yasu's voice sounded more serious all of a sudden and he smacked his lips slightly.
“I want to ask something, but I'm not sure if it's okay.”
A dreadful cold ran through Hyde's spine, afraid of what the question might be.
“Just ask”, he said anyway.
“Do you like me?”, yasu asked bluntly.
Caught off guard Hyde hastily looked away, trying to collect his thoughts. He would need a while to work out an answer for that and he just hoped that yasu would have enough patience to wait for it.
But obviously he wasn't expecting him to answer right away, because he carried on:
“I mean, I like you. And I don't mean in an idol kind of way. You're very kind, and you don't like to waste words, but that does not make you cold. I think you're actually extremely funny, if someone takes the time to listen to you. And I think we get along quite well since I moved in. I also like touching you and kissing you and the sex just now was great. This is not a confession, but although that was the reason you wanted me to stay here, you hardly touched me lately. I thought that maybe I have done something wrong, and that you don't feel sexually attracted to me after all, and just want me as a friend. I don't want to force myself upon you, so it would be a great help, if you just told me how you feel about me.”
The words did not come out rushed, but there was no hesitation while he spoke either. It made Hyde wonder how long he had been worried about this already. It hadn't occurred to him that yasu might get the impression that it was his fault they had taken it this slow.
He turned those thoughts over in his head very carefully, but yasu did not press for an answer.
After a while he gave a quiet sigh.
“I want to be honest with you, yasu”, he started. “I asked you to move in, because I wanted to use you for sex. But I really came to like you as a friend as well, which makes it kind of difficult for me to just use you now without getting involved. I still feel very attracted to you and I enjoy doing these things with you, but it makes me a little insecure.”
Only when he told him like that did he really think about it for the first time.
Denying it was not an option for him, it had nothing to do with the fact of trusting yasu or not. He had asked a direct question and he was giving him a direct answer. Hyde thought that this was the way words should be used always.
“I don't really understand”, yasu admitted, his brow a little furrowed. “We don't have to label it, but it feels good when we're together, doesn't it? Why would that scare you?”
Hyde snorted sarcastically.
“It's always like that. It feels so good when you start out.”
Slowly yasu nodded.
“I understand. You're not exactly dying to cry your heart out. In case I turn out to be a disappointment, I mean.”
Hyde wanted to sooth him, tell him that he knew that he would not disappoint him, but that was the problem. He could never be sure and yasu had summed it up quite correctly. He rather kept shut than telling a lie.
“I guess you'd rather have me sleep in my own room?”, yasu guessed.
Again, Hyde thought about it for a moment.
He imagined how nice it would feel to sleep next to yasu, but also of how occupied his mind would get with his presence, how he would not be able to stop worrying about being so close to him, and of how guilty he would feel for breaking his own rules when he knew where it could possibly lead.
“Yes”, he confessed in a low voice, because it would be easier for him that way. “I'm sorry”, he added.
Yasu sat up and looked at him in a weirdly affectionate way.
Hyde told himself that it was better that way, that both of them needed their personal space.
Something about yasu's look told him, that it was only him who needed that space, though, and that it was yasu who would grant it.
“It's okay.”
He spoke softly now and his tone made Hyde feel very small.
He felt fragile and like all his weaknesses lay open. He was sure that yasu could see them clearly.
* * *
The smell of food drove him to the kitchen.
Yasu was standing at the sink, cleaning the last bowl of his lunch.
“Please, tell me there are some leftovers, I'm starving”, Hyde exclaimed, looking around the room hopefully.
On the kitchen table he found some covered plates.
Yasu gave a low chuckle.
“Yeah, I made enough for two people. Just help yourself.”
“You're my saviour”, Hyde said and took a step towards yasu, not sure what he was intending to do if he reached him anyway.
He just knew that he wanted to be close to him, wanted to touch him and look at his face, in a way that was neither entirely sexual nor entirely romantic.
“How have you been lately? I have hardly seen you around those last days”, he observed and reached out to place his hand on yasu's back lightly.
Under the fabric of his shirt he could feel his skin warmly and he liked the casualness with which he could touch him, although to him it did not feel very casual at all.
Yasu grabbed a towel and dried off his hands, before turning around to Hyde. His hand slipped uselessly over his body, coming to a hold on his hip.
Hyde wondered if it would be okay to kiss him right now, or if that would be weird timing.
He had missed yasu those last days, although they weren't living together long enough to really miss him already. It wasn't even quite an entire month yet.
“I've been very busy with work. I also have to work now, so you'll have to eat alone, sorry. But...”
Yasu paused and grinned at him, raising his hand to draw a playful line on Hyde's collarbone with his fingertip.
“...if you want to drop by my room afterwards, I'm sure I could take a little break. My door is always open.”
He winked at Hyde and then pushed past him, leaving him alone in the kitchen.
Hyde sat down at the table and thought about his words.
It was true, that his door was always open, even when he went to sleep he never closed it, as if he was expecting Hyde to sneak into his room and wake him up.
There was something that bothered him about this constant availability, that didn't feel right.
It made him wonder if the open door meant that yasu wanted to have sex, or if it meant that he just didn't mind and he took it as his duty to be at service any time.
It also made him feel guilty for all the times he retreated to his own room, for all the time that he needed to himself.
He thought that it would be easier for him, if that stupid door would be closed only once, so he could learn to know the difference.
Rather listlessly he finished the lunch that yasu had left for him and cleaned up the rest of the plates then.
He left the kitchen, stopping short in front of yasu's room.
Indeed, the door stood ajar and he thought of what the younger vocalist had told him just now. It hadn't sounded so much like an invitation but more like a promise.
All he needed to do was push open that door completely, walk in and do the things to yasu that he really wanted to do.
But he just felt frozen in place.
Why was he so scared?
When he was around yasu, when he talked to him and looked at his smile everything seemed easy and light, and he didn't feel afraid. In yasu's presence he still felt hopeful and young, but as soon as he was gone – as soon as he had time to think about it intensely – the anxiety got almost overwhelming and his cynical, old self started showing again.
He felt pressured by yasu's willingness, felt desperate not to let him down, felt intimidated by his own feelings.
With a hollow sigh he walked past his door into his own room.
Yasu had asked him why he felt scared by something that just felt good. He didn't have an answer to that question either, and he was angry at himself for being like this.
He feared that this feeling of easiness wouldn't last, that it would be yasu or himself slipping up sooner or later. And that fear of the future made it almost impossible for him to act at all.
So Hyde just pulled his own door close, and made sure to shut it tightly.
* * *
He smiled when he opened the door and saw yasu's shoes in the corridor.
It made him happy when he was home, even on the days when they hardly talked.
His feeling about the other man were really ambivalent.
Entering the living room Hyde scanned the whole place, but there was no one around. He walked past yasu's closed door to check the kitchen, but he wasn't there as well.
He walked back, staring at the closed door in disbelieve.
A very cold feeling was starting to form inside his stomach.
Only a few days ago he had thought that he would feel better, if only that door wasn't open for a change, but instead it filled him with freezing shock.
Yasu's door was always open. It had always been open since the very day he had moved in.
There had to be something wrong.
Immediately his brain came up with lots of scenarios, while he still stared at the wooden door.
All of the scenarios were equally horrible.
Maybe yasu had lost patience with him and had decided to move out?
Maybe something bad had happened to him and he was dying behind that door?
Maybe he was bored with Hyde and had brought home another men who was now making him feel better than he ever could?
Two of the three scenarios had actually happened to him before, but luckily no one had died in his apartment so far.
He took in a shaky breath.
He was being paranoid.
Yasu was nice, and for some reason he seemed to like Hyde. There was nothing wrong with his door being closed, he reminded himself. He had told him that he could close it any time. Hyde closed his own door quite often. He should respect yasu's wish to be left alone and give him some space.
He returned to the living room, blinking at the couch for a moment, not able to decide if he wanted to sit down or not.
He turned around and knocked on yasu's door, inwardly cursing himself.
After a brief moment of silence someone opened and yasu stood in the doorway, wearing a very confused expression.
His hair was a mess and although it was still very early, he had already put on his pyjamas.
“Oh, Hyde, is something wrong?”, he mumbled with the voice of someone who had just been woken up.
“Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. Your door was closed and I was just wondering if you're okay”, Hyde stuttered, feeling very stupid all of a sudden.
Who was he to disturb yasu like that when he obviously needed rest, just because his stupid thoughts wouldn't shut up?
“It's okay”, yasu waved it off, lifting a hand to his face to rub over his eyes as if that would help with the sleepiness. “I just had a very, very long day, so I decided to go to sleep early. I'm exhausted from work, that's all. Please, don't worry.”
Looking at him closely Hyde could see that he had dark shadows under his eyes and his cheeks looked a little hollow.
“Is there anything you need?”, he wanted to know quietly.
Yasu cast his eyes down and the exhaustion had worn out his usual smile.
Somehow Hyde wanted to pull him into an embrace badly, wanted to tell him that everything would be alright. He did not often feel the need to take care of someone, but with yasu he did.
“Nothing that you would be willing to give”, the other vocalist mumbled so quietly that Hyde wasn't even sure if he was supposed to hear it at all.
The words tore something from his inside and guilt washed over him. He was so occupied with worrying, that he did not consider yasu's feelings enough. He had never wondered if maybe he needed more affection than his easy smile let on.
“You...”, he started weakly. “You can sleep at my room, if you want to.”
Yasu shrugged, took a step backwards and gestured with the intention to close the door again.
“I don't think so”, he said.
The door didn't close on Hyde angrily, but the sound it made was a little sad nonetheless.
He went back to the living room and switched on the TV, trying not to think of how weary yasu's face had looked.
Being cold had always been easy on him, but with yasu it wasn't.
Right now he wanted to comfort him, and just having sex with him didn't feel right, because he wanted it to have a meaning. He wanted to talk to him and play with his hair and make him smile, and most of all he did not want to fall in love.
Impatiently he switched from one channel to the next, but no program could hold his interest for long.
He thought of trying to read something instead, but he knew that his concentration would suffer even more in that case.
Probably he should just go to sleep early today, too. If he was asleep, at least he could make no more mistakes.
So he switched off the TV again and went to the bathroom to get ready for bed.
When he wanted to open his bedroom door, he realized that it was already slightly ajar, although he was sure to have closed it in the morning.
As quietly as possible he stepped into the room.
Without switching on the light he could make out a dark silhouette on his bed, so cuddled up under blankets it looked like a giant cinnamon roll.
It made him smile warmly.
Maybe he would have felt nervous otherwise, but the regular breathing told him that yasu was fast asleep right now. He wasn't a threat.
Trying not to be noisy he took off his clothes until he was wearing nothing but shorts and slipped in under the covers as well.
The bed felt warm and cosy from yasu's presence and he could sense his body next to himself clearly.
Hyde turned to his side and snuggled up to yasu from behind, wrapping an arm around him.
His hair was tingling his face lightly, but he liked the feeling of it and the faint smell of yasu's shampoo.
The other one gave a small moan that made it impossible to tell if he was awake or still asleep.
Hyde placed a soft peck on his neck and closed his eyes.
Laying here like that felt as nice as if he had imagined that it would feel.
The sensation scared him a bit, reminding him of all the things that could go wrong.
But the way yasu had looked at him today had made him realize that – for his sake – he might be able to become a little bit braver in the future.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Anxious ‘Bout Commiting 1
This is a longer story again, which is completely finished already, though. I will split it into three parts, although there are always more chapters. It’s based loosely on an interview yasu gave once about Hyde, maybe some of you have read it. Honestly, I don’t like the story much, so please only read it, if you’re really bored, so you can’t blame me for wasting your time, hahaha. Oh, and if you know which movie they are always quoting - then I love you :D
Hyde had hoped that cutting his hair would help.
It hadn't.
It had been short and dark for a while now, but his looks were the only thing that had changed.
“Why don't we...?”, he started, trying not to raise his voice, because he knew that it would make everyone listen even less.
He was a little hoarse from singing and the words seemed to form a certain melody in the air without completing it. No one was listening to him anyway.
A hand patted his back.
The clothes stuck to his sweaty skin there and he nearly flinched under the touch.
“Don't worry about it, Hyde. Just keep looking pretty.”
Without letting it show he gritted his teeth.
He was so done with this shit.
Cutting his hair hadn't been enough.
“Eh, Hyde?”, a voice interrupted them from behind and he turned around to the staff member leaning down to him. “There's a guy, who wants to talk to you. Says he is a fan and you know him.”
Hyde gave a low sigh.
“We're still discussing...”, he began, but of course he didn't even remember the last time someone had allowed him to finish a sentence.
“Just go, chat with your fan”, his guitarist admitted and smiled as if he was doing him a favour. “We'll talk the setting for tomorrow through without you. You don't need to worry about it at all.”
He thought of saying something, but whenever he tried to speak his mind, someone shut him down or told him he was being hysteric.
Hyde was tired of arguing.
He got up from the plastic chair that wasn't very comfortable to begin with and strolled over to the door that led backstage.
While walking he fumbled for a cigarette, lighting it between his lips and inhaling the smoke deeply.
For some reason he didn't like it when his hands had nothing to do while he talked to fans. It was mostly the fans doing all the talking anyway, and just standing still and listening made him feel kind of useless.
It seemed ridiculous that everyone valued his work, and at the same time no one ever seemed to take him serious.
He managed a small smile for the young man standing in the doorway awkwardly.
He remembered his face, from TV mostly. He couldn't recall his name, but there was the vague memory of thinking he looked pretty on screen and then meeting him in real life once, or twice maybe. His face looked less pretty up close, rather weird, his cheekbones a little off, his teeth a little crooked. He was cute in a way that did not pay much attention to his own good looks. Hyde thought he looked like a likeable guy with the light hair falling down to his chin and the dark eyes. But you could never be sure. Most guys were likeable as long as you never tried to talk to them.
“Eh, hi”, the boy smiled – Hyde thought of him as a boy, because he must have been a few years younger than himself, although he had to look up to him slightly, and a lot of laughing had left wrinkles around his eyes and at the corner of his lips. “I'm yasu, the vocalist of Janne Da Arc, I'm not sure if you remember me.”
He remembered his voice for sure. It sounded clear and unique; pure in a way that made it hard to put words to it.
He smiled at Hyde while he blew out a small cloud of smoke that kept hanging in the air between them. The smile really reached his eyes and it made him look even prettier than he already was. It was one of those things he shouldn't be paying attention to, he reminded himself. Thoughts like that always ended with trouble, and sometimes heartbreak.
“I remember you. Thanks for coming to see us today.”
It was one of those sentences he kept repeating over and over again, because it was one of the things people expected him to say.
“Thanks for the show. It was great. You were great, I mean...”
Yasu licked his lower lip as if trying to gather courage for something.
Hyde just stayed silent.
People never expected him to say anything during a confession. He knew what would come next. It was always the same.
Trying not to look bored he placed the cigarette against his lips.
Yasu was cute and seemed genuinely talented, but that was the only difference there was. And he was so done falling for a cute face and some talent. No more, he had told himself, no more.
Deeply he inhaled, sucking the taste of nicotine into his lungs.
“Hyde, let me be your underling!”, the boy blurted out.
Hyde started coughing. Smoke seemed to fill his head and get him hazy, for the surprise had made him take in his breath really weirdly. He was choking on a cigarette and muffled laughter.
“Eeh?”, he made a questioning noise, trying to regain his voice.
The words had nearly been slammed into his face, an attack rather than an offer, a threat rather than a treat.
“What do you mean by underling?”
He could not help smirking and expected yasu to avoid his eyes, since it had already cost him some to bring out the words in the first place, but instead he met him head on; a sparkle in his gaze like they were sharing a joke. It was a kind of flirtatious gaze, and Hyde could not help to fall in with his tone.
“Does that mean you'd do anything?”, he asked mockingly, rolling the rest of his cigarette between his fingers without raising it to his lips, careful not to burn himself.
Still, yasu did not look away, his smile curling up into a sly smirk. It was a dangerous smirk, and dangerous lips, Hyde thought. Or at least they would have been, if he had still been into such games. But of course he was over that now. He had learned his lesson. He didn't need another patronizing man in his life.
His pretty face did not mean he was stupid, submissive, or good at cooking. He was pretty good at cooking, though, but his face had nothing to do with that.
“I would do anything, if that's what you wish”, yasu grinned.
And here he was again: Right in the middle of the game.
At the horizon he could already sense the trouble.
“Are you talking sexual things?”, he asked nonetheless, curious how the younger vocalist would react.
It was always so easy to flirt with a pretty guy, but most of them grew scared fast.
But instead of backing off yasu raised his brows a tiny fraction, his teeth trying to show all at once.
“Mind me, it's the only thing I ever talk”, he shot back.
Great.
He was charming.
All of them had been charming to begin with, the whole long list of lovers, casual sex partners and everything in between. And in the end they had all known everything about music and life and himself so much better than Hyde ever could, and had moreover expected him to do their laundry.
Being charming was like a deathblow delivered by the male ego.
“I see”, he mumbled to himself, while the part of his brain that administrated the memories tried to shout some reason into him.
It was a lost course.
“Why don't you give me your contact address then?”, he said. “I'll call you.”
“Really?”, yasu beamed and nodded for some reason as if he wanted to assure Hyde that he would not regret his decision.
He probably would anyway.
Only now did he take his time to really scan the other vocalist from head to toe. He had a slim build, although his shoulders might have been a bit wider than his own. His legs were long, compared to the rest of his body, and he was wearing tight black pants and a band shirt he must have bought at the venue. It was his smile, though, that drew all the attention. There was an honesty about it which made him beautiful.
With his free hand Hyde got out his mobile and opened a new contact folder. He held the device out to yasu, who took it and typed in his information with a happy face.
Hyde decided that this face was worth the promise to call him. It didn't mean he had to, though. Probably he wouldn't. But the mere possibility got yasu so excited it was hard to dislike him, as much as he tried.
“Thank you very much”, he said, handing the phone back to him. “Please, get in touch with me whenever you like. I'm always ready for you.”
Slowly Hyde blinked at the last words.
The young man had something bold about him, something very straight-forward, that was far away from being shy without being full of himself. It was hard to tell if he felt nervous around Hyde and tried to cover it up, or if he really was like that. Hyde thought that he had something of an aggressive positivity about him.
“It was nice to meet you”, he stated shortly.
He could have chatted with him instead, but Hyde had never been a man of many words. He picked them slowly and deliberately, irritated whenever someone actually seemed to listen to him.
“Thank you”, yasu mumbled again, taking the hint to leave the dressing room.
Hyde looked after him for a while, watching the way he moved, smooth and a little awkward at the same time.
Quietly he sighed and wondered why he had asked for his contact information in the first place.
But truth was – he had a good feeling about yasu. Which of course was a very bad thing indeed.
* * *
“Thanks for your hard work today”, Hyde nodded towards the small group of people that had gathered around them.
It had been the last day of the tour and he felt exhausted and tired and like he didn't want to stay in a room full of chatting persons he didn't care for. But there was no way to avoid the after-party. Eyes followed him everywhere, even if the matching ears didn't listen.
“The instruments were so amazing. You guys have real talent. And, Hyde, you looked so pretty”, someone said.
He figured it was meant as a compliment.
All around him people kept talking and for the first time this evening he allowed himself to fade into the background. On stage he needed to be so very present, and still he was wondering what the audience really saw when they looked at him.
He took a few steps backwards as if that could bring him away from all the noise and all that being there that drained his energies.
“Hyde?”, a voice from the side asked.
Somehow he managed to put on a smile, but it was already pretty worn, for he had used it all day long.
A man was standing next to him, taller than him, dressed less formal than the management and better than most staff members. Another young musician maybe who was at the same company, and had managed to sneak in to an after-party of the big shots. He used to do it, too, before fame really hit him.
“Nice to meet you”, he smiled back weakly, trying to be polite.
“I'm a vocalist, too, and a really big fan. I just wanted to tell you that you were great, but I think it's a shame that you cut your hair. It made you look very feminine and surely attracted a lot of guys to your music as well.”
Hyde's smile was fading faster now, but he had a lot of practice in keeping it in place and such situations weren't new to him.
“A lot of people told me so”, he nodded.
“I mean, you're still beautiful”, the young man continued, going on as if Hyde hadn't said anything.
In his mind he probably hadn't.
“So, even if I don't like men, for you I'd still make an exception.”
For a moment Hyde wondered what he was expecting him to do.
Fall to his knees in front of this young guy he had never seen before, who was far less successful than himself and didn't listen to his words? Thank him for going through all the trouble of lowering Hyde to a sexual object? Express the hopes and joys his heaven-sent dick might bring him?
“I feel honoured”, he said instead, not meaning it at all.
“If you ever feel like you need a real man...”
“I'll let you know”, Hyde smiled thinly.
He needed a lot of things. Sleep, food, oxygen. Sometimes he even needed to get laid. He never needed a real man, though.
To get out of the uncomfortable conversation he pretended to wave to someone at the other side of the room and went away, stopping next to a window that looked out to the street below.
He thought about how often he had had sex with idiots like that already. He didn't even know why he kept doing it. Mostly he hoped for pleasure. Sometimes he hoped for love. He seldom got both.
With a low sigh he turned his back on the room, staring out of the window, wishing himself to be out there on the street, cold night air tingling his skin and the noise slowly fading away.
Ironically he didn't want to be alone, though. He wanted to be with someone who would actually listen. He also low-key wanted sex with someone who wasn't a total jerk, but he wasn't planning to get his hopes up.
For some reason he suddenly thought of the boy that had been at his dressing room yesterday. He had liked him. He didn't seem to be a jerk. He hadn't talked too much.
He would regret calling him for sure.
Nonetheless he got out his mobile, scrolling through the contacts that he never used, because he wanted to talk to none of them.
It was probably a weird thing to phone someone at a party, when there were so many people around to chat with. But no one was paying attention to him – not really to him at least – and that made him feel invisible and very small.
The call was picked up almost immediately.
“Hello?”, a breathless voice asked, a voice that still sounded like it was smiling, even if it was busy and tired.
“It's Hyde”, he spoke quietly into the speaker.
“Oh my god”, yasu whispered at the other end of the line. “I didn't expect you to call so soon. Are you home already?”
Hyde licked his lips.
“No, I'm still at the after-party. But it's kind of...”
He looked around him and tried to think of a proper word. Since he didn't like to swear he couldn't think of any.
There was a very long silence, in which yasu was waiting for him to finish the sentence, but Hyde had already forgotten what he had wanted to say.
“Anyway, I'm happy you called”, the other vocalist said after a while.
Hyde raised the hand that wasn't holding the phone and placed it against the cool glass of the window. He tried to feel the calm night outside with his fingertips.
“Did the concert today go well? I wish I could have been there myself. You must feel exhausted now.”
Yasu was talking fast and without the distraction of looking at him Hyde could tell that he was somewhat nervous. The words came out a little hurriedly and his voice wasn't quite even.
“Yeah”, he replied, not sure what he was referring to.
Yasu didn't seem to know either, since he kept quiet for another moment, waiting if he would say anything more.
But Hyde didn't like talking, he had just wanted to hear a friendly voice. He had just wanted to feel less lonely in the bubble he had created around himself.
“I'm a really big fan. I mean, I told you before.”
He could hear yasu chuckle awkwardly.
“But I think you're really cool. You're really an inspiration for me as a musician. I bought all your albums, long before Janne got popular. I went to your solo live, too. I'm so happy you're talking to me. I got so excited you asked for my number yesterday, that I hardly slept. I wasn't even sure you would call at all, after all you're you, but I really hoped for it. You're voice even sounds cool over the phone. I'm sorry, if I seem like a stupid fanboy to you.”
Hyde smirked slightly at his babbling.
“You don't seem stupid. Your compliments are really nice”, he admitted softly.
“I'm just so excited! Say, would you like to meet up sometime? Like for a drink? Or dinner? I hope I'm not being too bold.”
With the tip of his finger Hyde drew small circles on the window, leaving behind invisible traces.
Yasu sounded like a nice guy. He sounded like he could be fun. As long as he kept an emotional distance, of course. He sounded like someone who might obey to Hyde for a change, instead of treating him like he was somehow less worthy, just because he looked fragile and feminine.
“Yasu, I'm not interested in dating right now.”
Or ever – based on his experience with men so far.
“I'm sorry”, the other vocalist mumbled hastily. “I didn't mean for you to take it the wrong way. We can be friends. We can be anything. I love you.”
He laughed at this as if it would make his confession less creepy.
Hyde caught himself thinking once again that he was kind of cute.
“Would you be open for something mere physical?”, he asked.
He had the feeling that the words came out spontaneously, but indeed he had been considering them ever since he had seen yasu in the doorway yesterday.
He was good looking and talented and nice, and Hyde didn't meet a lot of people lately he didn't dislike instantly. As long as everything stayed uncomplicated it was probably a good idea. It would help him relax, it would satisfy his sexual needs. As long as he didn't get emotionally involved he could cut yasu off any time - if he started to develop manly pride and manly stupidity.
“If it's with you, any time!”
Even on the phone he could hear yasu grin.
“But...”, he started, not sure how he should put this. He always hated this part. “Lots of guys think I'm pretty and delicate and they expect me to be really submissive, but if we do this, I'm gonna be in charge, got it? If you have a problem with that, we can leave it be immediately.”
Waiting for an answer he bit his lower lip.
He was aware of the fact that he had spoken rather harshly, but it was one of the points he had to make absolutely clear, because they had caused trouble far too often already. He didn't want to enter into another relationship where he was just a woman with a dick again. That was exactly what people treated him like everyday, and he hated it. Being a woman in this world sucked, and even if you liked men, they still made it impossible for you to do anything but also hate them.
“Oh, I don't mind that.” Yasu's voice was thicker now, lazy and flirting. “I told you yesterday: You can do with me whatever you want.”
His tone made Hyde swallow hard.
“Alright”, he said. “I'll send you my address and you can drop by tomorrow. Then we can talk it through. There are some rules and we'll see if we can work something out.”
Yasu snorted amused.
“Like a contract? Should I wear special clothes, because it sounds like a job interview?”
“No, please don't.”, Hyde smirked. “Not wearing clothes at all would rather improve your chances.”
Relieved he realized that yasu gave a light laugh in return. Not a lot of people made him feel so much at ease that he actually dared to be funny.
“I'm looking forward to seeing you again”, yasu confessed warmly and Hyde caught himself smiling again.
But a smile didn't mean much. A smile wasn't dangerous.
As long as there were rules, he was save.
He would not regret this.
He would not do anything stupid.
He would not fall in love.
* * *
Hyde checked the clock when the doorbell rang.
Yasu was a few minutes early, but somehow he had already expected that. He didn't seem like the type of guy that would be late for the first real meeting.
A lot of guys were that type of guy, unfortunately.
He opened the door, eyeing his visitor curiously.
Yasu was wearing dark pants again, and a grey button-down shirt. Even his hair look as if he had tried to do something with it and then given up. It looked glossy, though.
“Oh my, you did dress up”, Hyde stated, glad that he had put on some new clothes, too, instead of the old and comfortable stuff he usually wore at home.
“I was so fucking nervous, I changed my outfit about 50 times and still managed to be an hour early.”
There was something really open about the way yasu talked and laughed. Other than most men he had met he did not seem to care much if he came across as cool and serious. He wasn't trying to fake anything.
“You could have come earlier then, no need to wait around. Come in.”
Yasu shrugged while slipping out of his shoes.
“It's okay. I drank like three cups of coffee to calm down. Of course it only made me so hyper I feel like bursting now, but nevermind.”
“I have some tea in the kitchen”, Hyde offered and led him through the corridor into the kitchen.
It contained the only real table in the house and he had thought that it would make things a little more formal.
He gestured for yasu to sit down and poured both of them a cup of tea, then he placed himself on the other side of the table.
Closely he studied the other vocalist. He had made a good choice. In the calm of his own apartment with no one else around he could take a closer look at him. Yasu was attractive and had an easy-going smile. He looked like a person that was nice to have around.
“Okay, listen”, he said and put both of his hands on the table before him. “I'm am not looking for a short fling, but not a relationship either. No romance, but a permanent sexual agreement between two adults. Just you and me, no dating other people or stuff. If one of us becomes interested in another person, we'll end this. Those are my terms, are you okay with that?”
Yasu bit his lip as if trying to hide a grin and blinked slowly.
“This is a job interview, don't lie to me! I'm applying for a position here, am I not?”, he exclaimed, but it did not sound angry.
Hyde just kept watching him, until he went silent again.
“But yeah, it sounds fine with me. I told you I'd be at your service”, he finally admitted, wearing a watchful expression that obviously wanted to figure out if Hyde was serious.
“I had arrangements like that before and from experience I know that there is always work and long hours in the music business. We wouldn't be able to meet up very often, so I want you to move in with me for a try-out. I have a spare room which has all the furniture you need. You can just bring some clothes and personal things you need and keep your place. It's easier to see each other regularly that way.”
He wasn't aware that he had said something weird until he met yasu's gaze. The boy was staring at him wide eyed and somewhat expressionless.
“Let me get this straight”, he started hesitantly. “You have a special room, where you store your lovers until you need them?”
He had never thought of it this way, but when yasu put it like this it didn't sound like a very nice thing to do.
“It's just convenient”, he shrugged apologetic. “I like to have my sex partners available.”
Slowly yasu nodded.
His face looked serious for the first time today.
“People keep saying that you're somewhat cold, you know that, Hyde? You're a little too pragmatic. I know that I'm the one who offered it, but shouldn't things like that come more naturally?”
Now Hyde turned his head slightly, because he started to feel guilty under yasu's stern look.
“It never really worked out the natural way”, he admitted.
Across the table he could see the corners of yasu's mouth starting to soften.
“Okay, I'm sorry if I spoke too harshly. You told me you'd be in charge after all. Being your toy is kind of exciting.”
He laughed at his own words as if trying to cover up the embarrassment they caused him.
A little surprised Hyde looked at him again.
This time it was yasu avoiding his eyes.
“I'm not intending to use you”, he clarified. “It's your room and it's your body. If you don't feel like it, just close the door and I'll respect your privacy. Same goes for you, too. When my door is closed I want to be left alone. You can use the rest of the apartment freely, I want you to feel at home here. You can use the kitchen, watch the DVDs or use the instruments around here. You don't need to tell me when you're going out or what you're doing. I'm not trying to control you, it's really just useful.”
Yasu gave a small nod. It was impossible to tell if he was relieved or disappointed.
“Now a few other things”, Hyde carried on. “I'm sorry, if those questions are too direct and personal, but I need to know. I guess your company makes sure you have regular health tests and everything is alright with you?”
With a smirk yasu nodded.
“Yeah, but I forgot to bring the certificate. I only have my curriculum with me.”
Hyde shot him a warning glance, that wasn't angry at all, though. He liked his dry humour.
“Good. And how is your sexual experience?”
Since Hyde had always preferred to watch people instead of talk to them, he could see that yasu's shoulders slumped down for a fraction. He felt uncomfortable about the question.
“With men, you mean?”, he assured. “I've been mostly with women so far, but there have also been some men.”
Hyde started to feel a little uncomfortable, too, but then he reminded himself that those were just formalities. He needed to be pragmatic about this.
“So you've had sex with another man before? As a bottom, I mean?”, he made sure.
Yasu licked his lower lip, then he nodded shortly.
“I had this boyfriend for a while. We did it a few times.”
Not talking had made Hyde really good at listening. He could even hear the words that weren't said.
“Did you like it?”, he asked.
Yasu gave the tiniest shrug.
“It didn't feel bad at least. We were really in love, you know.”
Hyde smirked. He knew very well.
“The cute and clumsy type?”, he guessed. “Really sweet, but no idea what he is doing?”
They all started like that, he thought.
Yasu's face wrinkled up as he turned his face away with an open laughter.
“Well, he was cute”, he confirmed.
“Listen, I will show you one or two things, so you'll know how to please me, if this is supposed to work. But the most important thing is that I'll teach you to enjoy it. There is no such turn-on like someone who really wants it.”
The sly smirk from their last meeting showed on yasu's lips again.
“I'll promise to be a good student”, he grinned.
He seemed a bit more relaxed now and Hyde realized that his sexual inexperience was one of the things that made yasu extremely awkward. Obviously he didn't like it when someone thought of him as insecure or even innocent.
“Also”, he added. “I know I don't look like it, but I give quite decent blowjobs.”
Hyde nearly started coughing again, because the laughter hit him so out of nowhere.
“Actually”, he grinned. “You do look like it.”
Yasu looked at him puzzled.
“Are you telling me I look slutty?”, he asked in disbelieve.
“I'm telling you that you have very beautiful lips.”
Hyde could be charming as well, if he wanted to.
Moreover it was true. Yasu had full and gorgeous lips that gave you a weird knot in the stomach if you looked at them for too long. They looked kissable and like you could use them for a lot of other things as well.
“Okay, I can accept that”, he smiled and it was a kind smile now, less excited than before.
It made Hyde's heart beat a little bit faster.
“But that's all there is, understood? I'm not gonna cuddle with you after sex, there will be no romantic cooking together, and if you ever call me your boyfriend, it is over before you can even say sorry.”
“Alright”, yasu nodded.
There was a little silence after that.
“Where do I sign?”, he finally joked and again Hyde felt a bit sorry for being too cold towards him.
It was just for his own protection. He had known too many guys who were just as nice as yasu at the beginning, but they hadn't followed the rules and everything had ended up in disaster.
“I'm sorry, if I made you feel weird”, he admitted quietly. “I just like things to be in order.”
“It's cool”, yasu waved it off. “I feel like a geisha of olden times. We have a contract now, I'm yours. Please take care of me.”
He bowed his head slightly, which made Hyde feel even weirder. He had always disliked the feeling of not being treated as an equal, but now it seemed he was giving yasu the same feeling.
“Come, I'll show you your room”, he offered and got up, leading yasu towards the door he hadn't opened in a while.
It had stayed closed since his last mistake had left. It had been a big one.
Curiously yasu looked into the room, that was surprisingly big for a Japanese apartment. There was a bed, a closet, even a desk and some shelves for personal belongings. Only decoration was missing. It looked nice, but sterile.
“I'll be comfortable here”, yasu agreed and then turned towards Hyde. “I'll move my stuff here during the next days.”
Hyde nodded and only now did he realize that he had not touched the other vocalist so far.
It was a strange thing to acknowledge, after they had already talked about having sex. He had not even brushed against his shoulder, had not so much as shaken his hand. Maybe yasu had been right. Maybe those things should come a little more natural.
“I'm glad you are okay with me being so neurotic”, he admitted softly and reached out with his hand to run his fingers lightly across yasu's underarm.
The skin felt smooth and warm and he noticed that he actually desired him. Up until now he had been so busy with organizing and building walls that he had not stopped to think about this feeling in his chest. It wasn't like the fact that he had to smile about nearly anything he said, but something more physical. Something about his full lips and dark eyes and slim body. He actually wanted him, but his brain had not allowed him to realize it, before he was absolutely safe from another mistake.
The other vocalist leaned in a bit and it seemed like they were about to kiss any moment, but then he pulled back again.
“I'm so sorry”, yasu mumbled, covering his mouth with his hand as if trying to hide his face somewhere. “Everything was so professional, I'm anxious now. It's like you hired me as a staff member! I want to carry your equipment, not kiss you.”
Hyde chuckled a little awkwardly.
“It's okay, it's my fault. Why don't you make yourself comfortable in the living room? I'll put on some music and I'm pretty sure that I have a bottle of wine left somewhere. We're not gonna do anything today, we'll just talk. You're right, it's important to get to know each other properly first.”
Yasu sighed in relief.
“That sounds nice”, he smiled.
It also sounded a lot like a date, but Hyde was not going to admit to that.
* * *
The wine looked dark and heavy when Hyde poured it into the glasses, handing one to yasu who sat on the couch, the legs pulled up and his head somewhat tilted as if lost in thoughts.
Although he hardly knew him, he was learning how to read the young man. His face was an open book that used beautiful language.
He turned on the speakers, music floating into the room on low volume. He had picked one of his favourite albums when he grew up and his teenage years filled the air. He had been very hopeful back then.
Yasu face lit up as he sat down next to him.
He had seen other people smile, but for him it seemed to change everything. His lips, his teeth, his eyes, everything seemed to belong to an entirely different person from one moment to the next. He looked like a flower, opening up to sunshine.
“I love this song!”, he beamed. “I used to listen to it all the time when I was younger. When I still dreamed of music instead of making it.”
His eyes trailed across the walls aimlessly. He was not looking at Hyde as if he had forgotten about him for a moment.
“Your CD collection is awesome, by the way. That alone is a good reason to live with you.”
He turned back to Hyde, taking a sip from the wine glass he was holding. It looked more fragile and more elegant between his fingers than it really was. Hyde wondered if he would change under those fingers, too.
“I remember often looking at musicians and thinking >wow, they're so cool, I want to become just like them<. I thought this way about you, too, you know.”
Yasu kept on chatting. The wine had left behind a very faint stain of red on his lips and it made him look even more kissable.
Hyde also noticed the small things about people.
“I was impressed by your music as well”, he said, more because he had the feeling that yasu wanted him to say something than really wanting to get it out.
Yasu shuffled a bit on the couch, making himself more comfortable and sinking back into the pillows.
“You don't like talking much, do you?”, he asked.
Hyde shrugged, raising his glass to drink some wine as well. The liquid also felt heavy on his tongue, rich and full. He swallowed.
“I don't have much to say”, he stated.
“Do you mind me talking then?”
Hyde thought about this for a while.
Normally he couldn't stand it when words kept coming out of people, spilling as if they couldn't keep their insides to themselves. Most of them were just fake, trying to make you believe in something that wasn't there. Love, for example. Or human decency.
But with yasu it was slightly different. He seemed to mean all the words he said, he didn't chose them for any reason except that they were true.
“No, I like listening to you”, he shook his head, surprised that he was being honest.
Yasu sipped from his wine again. Hyde realized only now that he was almost gulping down on it, emptying it faster than he should. Yasu was drinking as if he was still nervous.
“Can I ask you some questions, though?”, he wanted to know.
Hesitantly Hyde nodded.
“Sure”, he said.
“You're gay, right? I mean, I heard from a lot of people, who...well, you had a lot of affairs with men, didn't you?”
Yasu licked his lips and without asking bend forward to pour himself another glass of wine.
“You mean they were bragging?”, he assured flatly.
His counterpart made a gesture with his head that was hard to identify.
“Not everyone said nice things”, he admitted thoughtfully. “Most men seem to think of you as a pretty object, and I wondered if they didn't...”
He went silent, looking for the right words.
“Asked me to smile and stay quiet, while they did all the talking? Never called back and still told everyone that we fucked? Treated sex like it was only there for their pleasure and not mine?”, he suggested. “Yeah, things like that happened.”
He even managed a dry smile.
Yasu nodded slowly. He did not look shocked, or pitying, or amused. He just looked like he was considering a fact.
“You're not lucky with men”, he stated after all.
Hyde gave a heavy sigh.
Truer words had never been spoken.
“If there's a prize for rotten judgement, I guess I've already won that”, he agreed.
“I can understand why you need all those rules then.” Yasu spoke softly now. “No man is worth the aggravation, huh?”
To Hyde those news were already ancient history.
“Yeah”, he confirmed. “Been there, done that.”
Yasu gave him a small smile, before putting his wine glass back onto the table.
“But now there's me, yay, jackpot!”, he announced somewhat sarcastically, causing Hyde to actually laugh.
Somehow yasu made laughing seem easy.
“It's not too bad”, he pointed out and put his glass away as well.
For a moment he thought that yasu would back away, but then he leaned in closer.
Hyde could feel his body warm next to himself and this time it was for real. It wasn't rehearse any more, it was the big show. And for the first time in a very long time Hyde felt stage fright in his own living room.
Hesitantly he reached up, cupping yasu's face with both hands, caressing his cheeks very lightly, hardly touching but sensing him there.
Looking into this dark brown eyes he didn't feel the need to get away, didn't feel the need to make sure he was safe. He just wanted to be gentle with this boy that seemed to carry his heart on his sleeve without being scared.
Then they kissed and it was a kiss that made stars die and brought darkness to the night.
It was all the things he had feared – his heart fluttering and his lips curling up to smile and the last notes of a song falling into place.
He had taken a leap into the abyss of yasu's mouth and he knew that he was no longer safe.
Somehow they tumbled over each other, falling onto the couch, Hyde on top of yasu, his hand sliding down to his neck, holding him and kissing him, recklessly and carefree.
He felt his own lips forming a smile into the sloppy kiss without knowing where it came from. It didn't taste exactly like being in love, but it taste like still believing in the possibility of it. It tasted like he was still young and less cynic.
Shifting his weight he slipped his left hand under yasu's shirt, feeling the warmth of his skin and the hard outlines of muscles underneath. He had thought of touching yasu before, but in a factual way, not of how it would actually feel when he did. The sensation got him more excited than he had expected and his lips where still wet with wine and very demanding.
Without warning yasu pushed him back up, reaching down to strip off his own shirt and toss it to the floor.
For a few seconds Hyde just stared at his exposed body, the pale skin, the abs that grew only visible when he moved, his small, hard nipples.
He took in a deep breath, that got all swallowed as yasu leaned in to kiss him again.
They had gotten from insecure to heated real fast as if the other man had decided just to skip all the steps in between.
His hands were lifting the hem of Hyde's shirt now, crawling so close he was almost sitting on his lap now.
Hyde pulled back violently, trying to catch his own breath, wondering for a moment why yasu's hair was such a mess and why his lips looked so swollen.
“You sure don't waste time”, he smiled irritated from yasu's sudden change from shy to greedy.
The other vocalist sat a bit straighter, his eyes widening a fraction with worry.
“Oh, I'm sorry. Am I being too brisk? I know you warned me about it.”
“It's okay”, Hyde soothed him, feeling bad for making him look so guilty.
Gently he ran his hand over his shoulder, down his chest, stopping at his hips. He could see yasu shiver under the touch ever so slightly.
“You can always let me know what you want, just don't tell me what to do.”
Yasu nodded as if that made perfect sense to him, which would make him the first guy ever to understand his request.
Then he leaned in a bit, his smirk a trembling thread on his face.
“I want to take this to the bedroom”, he confessed.
Hyde's stomach took a little leap at that thought, but instead he took in a calming breath.
“Are you sure? We don't have to do anything today. We can take it slow”, he offered.
Yasu gave a small chuckle and leaned in even farther, his nose brushing against Hyde's cheek and the warm breath down his neck giving him goosebumps.
“My dick is sure that I don't want to take it slow. I want you, Hyde”, he whispered, the way he said his name giving him a really solid hard-on now.
“I'm not gonna argue with your dick”, he confirmed and got up from the couch, grabbing yasu's hand and pulling him with him into the bedroom.
Before he could get onto the sheets, he pulled the other vocalist close, their lips almost touching without kissing. Determined he started to unbuckle his belt.
“Take it all off”, he ordered in a low but bossy voice.
Maybe he had expected yasu to hesitate, but he didn't. He slipped out of his clothes without protest, standing in front of him stark naked, not trying to avoid his gaze.
There was something provoking about the way he caught his eyes as if waiting for a certain reaction.
Hyde took his time looking at him, the nice shape of his body, every mark on his skin, his chest, his legs, his erection towering into the air.
“Get on the bed”, he said after a while, watching yasu lay down, arms raised over his head as if exposing his whole body to Hyde.
For some reason he felt his heartbeat in his throat, felt fascinated by every small gesture of yasu, aroused by every look he gave him, and very vulnerable himself.
Still fully clothed he knelt over yasu, kissing his lips again and his hands trailing down the sides of his body. He could feel him move underneath, stretching and pushing up his back, trying to get closer to Hyde without actually touching him.
He ran his mouth over his cheek and then down his throat, over his collarbone, stopping for a moment at the middle of his chest.
He was completely on top of him now, his thigh pressing against yasu's hard dick, causing him to moan loudly.
He wanted everything of him, wanted to take in his smell and his taste and the shape of his body. He wanted to make love to him like listening to a song for the first time, full of marvel and curiosity, a little too greedy maybe, planning to pay more attention the second time.
His one hand was resting on yasu's hip, the other one was reaching up, playing with his nipple and causing him to whimper quietly.
His arms were still up over his body, but he was obviously forcing himself to keep them in place, to not pull him in yet, to leave the lead to Hyde even if he was impatient.
“Turn around”, Hyde demanded hoarsely.
He could feel yasu's leg pressing against his own crotch, making it hard for him to concentrate, but he would do this right. He would do this right, because he already cared for yasu in a way.
For the first time now yasu looked away as he searched for his eyes.
“I'd like to look at you”, he confessed quietly. “At least for the first time.”
Hyde felt something inside of him grow very soft. Yasu reminded him of a younger version of himself and he didn't want to let him down like he had been let down before.
“Trust me, I'll have easier access that way”, he mumbled softly, his thumb playing a light rhythm on yasu's hip.
The other vocalist exhaled heavily and Hyde gave him a stern look.
“Come on, turn around”, he said again and pinched his nipple so hard it made yasu give a little squeal.
But he shifted under him and Hyde sat up to give him space to move.
Yasu rolled over to his stomach, offering the view onto a backside that was just as beautiful as the front.
Hyde caught himself smirking full of pleasant anticipation.
“Want me to get on my knees?”, yasu asked without turning to look at him.
“Yeah, that'd be good, but whatever position you feel comfortable in”, Hyde confirmed, watching yasu scramble to his knees, bending over and exposing his butt to him.
Without meaning to Hyde's smirk turned into a full grown grin.
He could not believe he should have gotten this lucky with yasu.
He crawled up behind him, placing a hand on his back lightly.
Even under the gentle touch yasu flinched visible. Hyde could tell that his whole body looked more tense now than before. He had seen this coming when he had asked about his previous experience with men. Yasu's body language told him clearly that he was preparing for discomfort rather than pleasure.
“Hey, relax”, he whispered evenly. “I'm not gonna put it in like this, don't worry. I want you to enjoy what we're doing.”
He bend over, placing warm kisses over the curve of yasu's butt, feeling the tension slowly fade from his body as he got used to the feeling of his lips. Nonetheless he jolted as Hyde ran his tongue between his butt-cheeks boldly.
“Fuck”, he swore passionately, but his hips seemed to move on their own, pressing closer to Hyde's face.
He circled the rim of his entrance with his tongue, clearly hearing yasu's breath catch and jump and growing heavier.
“I swear, I didn't see this coming”, he exhaled into the pillows. “Oh god.”
His voice was getting higher now, sounding somewhat pressed.
Hyde raised his head, a little worried about the change.
“You want me to stop?”, he assured.
Yasu let out a weird little whine.
“Hell no, I'm surprised, not insane!”, he claimed muffled.
It made Hyde chuckle softly against his skin as he lowered his mouth again, causing yasu to moan loudly and shake violently. He had his hands on his hips again, sensing every tremble of his body, catching every time he shivered.
Now he let one of his hands trail down between his legs, taking hold of yasu's erection, twitching under his touch and stroking it with firm movements without stopping the teasing of his tongue.
It made yasu exclaim some inarticulate sounds that could rank anywhere between a prayer and a curse.
He could feel the hot dick in his hand, pulsing and hard, reminding him of his own boner pressing against the fabric of his pants, but he forced himself to focus on yasu only.
His moans were close to breaking off now, loud and edgy, before his hips buckled up hard and Hyde felt hot semen spill out between his fingers.
Satisfied with himself he sat up, watching yasu collapse exhausted on his stomach and then turning his head to look back at Hyde.
His cheeks looked flushed and heated, a few strands of hair sticking to his forehead.
“Eh...”, he smiled awkwardly, his eyes a little bit sleepy.
Hyde shuffled towards him, laying down on his side next to yasu and eyeing him curiously.
“Did you feel good?”, he made sure and ran his sticky hand over yasu's back.
The younger vocalist nodded, pillows covering parts of his face without giving the impression to avoid Hyde's gaze.
“Very”, he grinned.
There was a moment of silence and yasu's breath became more even again.
Watching him made Hyde feel so calm that he nearly forgot about himself entirely.
“Want me to take care of you now?”, yasu asked insecurely after a while.
But Hyde shook his head. He had decided what yasu needed and that wasn't it right now.
“Don't think about it. It's all about you until you're used to it.”
With another sleepy smile yasu shuffled over a bit, placing his head underneath Hyde's chin and resting his face against his chest.
Following an impulse Hyde wrapped his arm around his back, feeling his warmth and the heaving of his body with each breath. It felt intimate and calming.
Of course Hyde had a strict no-cuddling-policy, but he felt the need to be kind with yasu. And of course the first time never counted anyway, he told himself.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Acid Black Case (Part 10)
Yasu had been running around the city aimlessly, hoping that the noise and the people and all the bright lights would wash away the touch he didn't want to remember.
But ka-yu's body heat seemed to stick to his skin, reminding him of all the bad ideas they might have had last night.
He wanted to forget, wanted to pretend that both of them were happy. He wanted to burn away all the doubts and his own insecurity and all the attraction that might not last.
As if his feet had known the solution long before his mind, he found himself in front of Hyde's doorstep. He wanted to scratch out ka-yu's embrace like one would cover up a scar with a different one.
Getting out the key Hyde had given him for some reason he unlocked the door, stepping into the house that ought to feel a little like home, but didn't. He hardly knew his way around all the different rooms yet.
“Hyde?”, he called out and slipped off his shoes.
He felt like a burglar, although the other vocalist had assured him that he was always welcome.
“Hyde?”, he tried again, walking into the apartment insecurely.
A voice responded something from the general direction in which he assumed the kitchen and he followed blindly like caught up in a labyrinth.
Hyde was standing in front of the cooker, obviously preparing lunch, but turning around to look at him, when yasu entered the kitchen.
“Hey, yasu, that's a nice surprise. I wanted to invite you over, but you didn't pick up your phone. Wanna have lunch together?”, he offered.
Shakily yasu leaned against the table standing in the middle of the room, watching Hyde handling the cooking devices. It felt like coming back into a happy home, and like that really wasn't what he deserved.
“No, thanks, I'm not hungry”, he waved off, although he had already skipped breakfast at ka-yu's.
His stomach felt empty, but weird at the same time, as if surely he would have to throw up, if he dared to eat anything now.
For a moment he just stood and watched Hyde, who continued to cook silently, seemingly caught up in this activity.
He watched the way he held his body and the way he moved and studied his pretty face and the shape of his limps which he had outlined with his fingertips so often already. And he felt bad for being turned on by everything about him and not thinking of ka-yu at all, just like he hadn't wasted a single thought on Hyde when the bassist had kissed him with drunken lips only hours ago.
“Although...”, he set off, longing for a caress that would wash away the sins of his skin. “...I'm kind of hungry, still.”
With that he walked up to Hyde, wrapping his arms around his small frame from behind and placing kisses on his neck.
It caused the blonde man to chuckle under his breath and he put aside his wooden spoon.
“Don't be so greedy. Let me finish this first. How have you been those last days? We didn't really talk...”
Although his voice did not sound reproachful, his words clearly were. Maybe yasu had switched off his phone one time too often.
“But I'm really...”, yasu mumbled and bit down on Hyde's neckline lightly. “...starving.”
He slipped his hand down the other's body, starting to massage his crotch through the fabric of his pants; trying to put him in the mood, so the mood would carry them both away and take the memories of last night with it.
A quiet moan escaped from Hyde's lips, but although yasu could already feel him growing hard under his touch, he pushed him away gently.
“We can come to that later, okay?”, he smiled and turned his back on yasu again.
Once more he leaned against the kitchen table, an impatient pout on his lips.
“Maybe I can whet your appetite”, he predicted, unbuttoning his own pants and reaching down to touch himself.
Still watching Hyde he moaned quietly.
The other vocalist turned once more, looking at yasu for a short moment, before obviously reaching a conclusion.
“Okay, if that's what you want”, he agreed and turned down the heat of the cooking plate.
Then he took a few short steps towards yasu, who already leaned in to meet with Hyde's lips for a sweet kiss.
But instead the other man just grabbed his shoulder and turned him around violently. With a surprisingly strong grip he forced him face down unto the hard board of the table, his entire chest connecting with the rigid wood. He felt his already loose pants being pulled down aggressively, exposing his butt, while he stared at the kitchen door, his cheek against the table underneath.
“If you think it works this way”, Hyde continued talking and suddenly a hand slapped down on his bare ass.
A painful hiss escaped yasu, for he had spanked him hard and he hadn't seen it coming at all.
“If you think it's okay not to answer any of my calls, to just ignore me for days and then casually show up here...”
Again Hyde slapped him, making him wince thankfully. He wanted Hyde to be mad at him like yasu was mad at himself, wanted to be punished for all the things that didn't make sense, wanted someone else to take control when he himself had no idea which decision to make.
“...and expect to get laid, yeah, you can have that.”
A third time his palm connected to yasu's flesh, before he could hear the rustling of an unbuckling belt behind him.
One of Hyde's hands was still on his shoulder, holding him down; but the other one was obviously pulling down his own pants - which caused an excited tingle in yasu's lower body regions.
“I remember the first time I've done you. So innocent, so inexperienced. And look at you now, how you're begging to be taken. You're nothing but a slut, yasu.”
Now he could sense the hot tip of Hyde's boner against his entrance, shoved into him by a guiding hand.
Before he had always treated him carefully, making sure not to cause him discomfort in any way. But this time he obviously didn't care if yasu was ready or not; he just pushed into him, filling him up with heat and throbbing flesh.
Moans between pleasure and pain trembled on his lips and he reached out to close his hand around the edge of the table, his knuckles turning white and the wood cutting into his palm.
In a very masochistic kind of way he felt relieved by Hyde moving his hips against him, by the hard ground underneath and by the burning that made him feel kind of numb. He felt freed from all responsibility and expectations right now.
“You crave for a dick that bad, don't you?”, Hyde carried on, his voice now sounding angry for real.
As if he wanted to prove his words he thrust into yasu even deeper, burying himself completely.
“I bet you think of other men's dick all the time”, he swore. “Thirsty as you are.”
Yasu groaned, neither affirmation nor denial, leaving it up to Hyde what he wanted to hear right now. He would have told him anything, just so he wouldn't stop his movements.
His own hard-on was pressing against the table underneath uncomfortable and paining, making him shudder all the more with sweet torture.
“Say”, Hyde lowered his voice. “Do you think of ka-yu's dick a lot?”
For a moment yasu was glad that his lover couldn't see his face.
He was well aware of the fact, that he was still wearing ka-yu's shirt from the morning, while Hyde fucked him hard on the kitchen table. It made him feel shabby and worthless, and it kind of turned him on even more.
“Have you imagined what it would feel like to have him inside of you, huh?”
Yasu's breath was coming extremely heavy know, mixed with gasps and moans, and he was glad that he did not have the voice to answer right away.
Hyde's voice came forced and breathless already as well, but he kept going nonetheless.
“Are you thinking of him right now?”, he inquired with another especially hard thrust that made yasu wince once more.
But not a word escaped his lips.
He thought of ka-yu's tattooed skin, of the way his dark eyes looked at him. He thought of his lips on his skin last night, thought of his naked body on the pictures he had seen. He imagined how it would be ka-yu holding him down right now, punishing him for all the heart-breaks he had caused him over the years, punishing him for destroying his relationship with that girl, punishing him because one way or another that was what yasu deserved.
A hand slapped down at the back of his head.
“You little scum don't even have the decency to lie to me”, Hyde observed.
The statement made him feel ashamed and small and helpless. It also made him cum right onto the table, dirtying the hemline of ka-yu's shirt and crying out with bliss and humiliation that seemed to root in each other.
But Hyde kept going, his thrusts making him tremble and bit his lips. The sliding in and out of his cock caused him pleasure, although his body already felt weak and exhausted and used.
Other then before the older vocalist did not seem to care, if he made yasu feel good as well. Each of his movements was about power and control this time. He was abusing him, he was dominating him, he was letting out all the anger he must have felt for a while now.
“You know what ka-yu should do with you?”, Hyde hissed and leaned forward, so his voice was closer to yasu's ear now. It sounded somewhat threatening. “He should fuck you, just like I fuck you right now, and then he should leave. Because it's the only reasonable thing to do with a selfish slut like you.”
The words made something inside of yasu break, because he knew that they were true. The easiest thing for everyone would be not to love him, because he was needy and selfish and did not know what he wanted himself.
With a loud gasp he felt Hyde spill himself inside of him, warm liquid filling him up.
Yasu wondered if he would follow his own advice and leave him now. He couldn't even tell how he felt about that possibility.
He sensed him pulling back, but continued to lay on the table a little while longer, catching his breath and collecting the shards of his body that felt sore and tired now.
Only after a minute of silence did he get up and pulled up his pants again without bothering to clean himself up properly first.
Hyde was leaning against the next wall, his pants still open and his chest still heaving.
Yasu had expected him to look satisfied, but he didn't. He looked like he was in serious pain.
Their eyes met for a moment and he could see Hyde's expression soften almost immediately as he pushed himself of the wall and took a hesitant step towards him again.
“Yasu, I'm so sorry”, he started.
Yasu just shrugged, not knowing how to deal with that apology.
“It's okay”, he said.
“No, it's not”, Hyde insisted. “I shouldn't have done that. I was extremely angry, but that's not an excuse.”
It was him searching for his gaze, but yasu avoided it on purpose, not sure what his own eyes might give away.
“I actually like a bit of rough treatment, so it's no problem. I'm fine.”
Hyde gave a low sigh.
“I know, and that worries me. I don't want you to be fine with it, when I treat you this way”, he confessed and took another step towards him.
He reached out with his hand and ran his fingers over yasu's upper arm as if he did not dare to hug him.
“I really want to treat you good, but you make it kinda hard for me.”
Slowly yasu nodded, trying to force himself to smile.
“I'll try to better myself as well”, he admitted.
“So, wanna stay for lunch now and cuddle in front of the TV?”, Hyde suggested hopefully and for a short moment he really wanted to say yes.
But it did not feel right. He couldn't snuggle up to him now and pretend everything to be alright, when he was still wearing ka-yu's shirt with his sperm sticking to it.
He felt dirty and like he did not deserve the idyll Hyde was offering him right now.
He felt like he was cheating on someone, but he wasn't sure if it was the touch of Hyde or the thought of ka-yu that made him feel that way.
The only thing he knew for sure was that there currently was one person too many in the room with them.
“Ehm, I just remembered that I have a meeting to attend to this afternoon. So I won't have time for that. But we'll make up for it soon, I promise.”
It was a very thin lie, and it only worked because both of them wanted to believe in it desperately.
“Okay, I'll take you to the door”, Hyde sighed and placed a short peck on his lips as he kissed him goodbye.
He managed it exactly around the corner of the next street, before he broke down.
Shakily he got down on his knees, his whole body feeling weak all of a sudden. Although he hadn't eaten all day yet he felt like he would be sick any moment.
Self-hatred crashed down heavy on him, but it did not provide him with any answer. It was only a very loud question resonating in his mind: Why, yasu, why do you have to be this way?
He had hoped that the touch of another would make him forget about ka-yu's embrace and that it would make everything simpler and clearer to himself.
Instead he felt even more confused now and slightly broken.
It was Hyde's kind act, that had hurt the most.
#acid black cherry#yasu#Hyde#Hyde x Yasu#Vamps#L'Arc~en~Ciel#Janne Da Arc#ka-yu#fanfiction#fanfic#no it's not a love triangle#it's just yasu fucking it up with two people at once
1 note
·
View note
Text
Acid Black Case (Part 7)
Yasu had felt slightly nervous, when the last piece of clothing finally hit the floor, but by now his breath was coming more slowly again and he looked into the dark eyes in front of him.
This was what he wanted. He was sure of it.
It might not be what he would want tomorrow or any other day of his life, but right now - for this very moment - it was definitely what his body was asking for.
“Are you sure?”, Hyde whispered and ran his hand over yasu's cheek and his lips, forcing them apart with his fingers and shoving them into his mouth.
Not able to speak yasu just nodded, swirling his tongue around Hyde's salty skin.
The other vocalist pulled back his hand and ran it down his bare chest, slipping it down between his widely spread legs.
“Good, because I don't want you to do something stupid just to prove a point”, he carried on while he used his wet fingers to tease yasu's entrance.
It made him moan soundly as he slipped them in, smiling down on him.
Hyde had touched him like that before, but this time it felt different, because yasu knew that he was not going to stop.
“I've made you wait long enough”, he exhaled, his body heating up from the inside while he moved his hips greedily, riding Hyde's fingers in a way that made the other vocalist chuckle quietly.
“It wasn't even two weeks, yasu. I can wait some more.” “But I can't”, yasu groaned. “I need it now. So please stop the teasing already.”
Obediently Hyde pulled back his hand and brought himself into position between yasu's legs.
He could feel the tip of his hot boner against his skin, letting out an impatient grunt.
“Okay, then I'll be very gentle”, the other man smirked.
Yasu managed a turned-on grin.
“Oh no, please, be anything but gentle”, he joked.
Once more Hyde nodded.
“Okay, then I won't be”, he said quietly - entering him very, very gently.
For a moment yasu held his breath.
As long as he could think of it he had considered himself as bisexual. As long as he could think of it this bisexuality had always been strikingly theoretical.
Hyde's dick felt hot and throbbing on his inside and out of reflex he reached up, clinging his hand to his neck, his fingers brushing over blonde strands of hair.
“Just fuck me hard”, he begged.
“Yes”, Hyde whispered, bending his head down, farther towards yasu's ear. “I will fuck you hard and merciless. I will make sure you won't be able to walk for a few days”, he mumbled and moved his hips against him ever so carefully.
His voice was hushed and affectionate and now he placed one hand on the side of yasu's head, cupping his cheek lightly.
Yasu tried to avoid his eyes, but Hyde caught his gaze and his brown eyes looked very warm.
“Do you enjoy it, when I take you hard like this?”, he continued talking, sliding in and out slowly.
Yasu knew what this question meant. He wanted to make sure that he was okay without saying the words. He wanted to avoid every sentence that would remind yasu of his own inexperience, aware of how embarrassed he was of it without needing to tell him. It was strangely touching.
“Yes”, he breathed out. “I like it very much.”
Every new movement of Hyde's hips made him shudder in his arms, heat and excitement filling him up, mixing with ecstasy whenever his lover hit a certain spot.
“Ssh”, the blonde man soothed him. “Just relax, I know what I'm doing.”
Then he reached down, closing his hand around yasu's dick and making him exhale sharply.
With deliberate strokes he matches the slow rhythm of his thrusts, causing yasu to turn his head and bit his lower lip lightly, pressing out moans between gritted teeth.
“God, don't make that face”, Hyde teased, leaning down to rub his nose gently against yasu's hairline and placing soft kisses at the side of his face. “You'll make me cum immediately.”
The words made a slow smile spread on yasu's lips, while he started to move his hips against Hyde on his own, forcing him to increase the speed of his movements.
“Oh, you really like that, huh?”, Hyde snickered, the motions of his hand picking up speed as well.
It made yasu's moans grow louder, entangling with the breath of the other vocalist, that was now coming heavier as well.
His fingers were digging into the other's shoulder by now, and his own mind was comfortable blank.
All the worries inside of his head seemed to be numbed by each one of Hyde's thrusts and all the questions silenced.
“Fuck, I can't...”, yasu mumbled, the words not coming out properly, but slurred. He could hardly concentrate on anything but the feeling of heat inside and the shivers it send through his entire body.
“Together?”, Hyde assured and yasu nodded forcefully.
Another moment he held it, before he let himself drown in the waves of pleasure, everything turning bright white and his body shaking, while he clung on to Hyde, whose eyes went wide for a moment as well, his arms wrapped around the body beneath him and a loud gasp on his pretty lips as he spilled himself.
For a few moments they held on to each other, their exhausted catching of breath mingling in the air between them and their bodies sharing the comforting warmth of afterglow.
Only then did Hyde roll to his side, letting himself sink onto his back right next to yasu.
He watched the older vocalist closely from the side.
There was a wide smile on his lips. Yasu had noticed before that most people looked content after orgasm, but Hyde looked brightly happy like someone had just granted him with a very special surprise. It was rather cute, yasu thought.
“That was good”, he stated a little out of breath.
“Yes”, Hyde agreed, still smiling.
“I really hadn't expected to like you so much”, he confessed after a short pause.
Now Hyde turned his face, too, looking directly into his eyes.
“Yeah, me neither”, he confirmed lowly.
Yasu took in another deep breath. He wasn't sure if he should really voice it, but then he had the weird feeling that he just had to.
“Are we...I mean, I don't want to make things more complicated than they are now...but I was wondering if you...ehm...if...”
“If we are exclusive?”, Hyde teasingly ended his sentence. “You want to know if I'm seeing other people besides you, right?”
If his face hadn't still been so heated from sex, yasu would surely have blushed.
“Well, I just want you to know that that'd be fine. I don't want to force you into...”
Slightly Hyde shook his head to cut him off.
“I haven't been seeing anyone else since we started going out. Which, to be honest, is pretty rare for me. But I wouldn't mind if it stayed this way. If this is what you want?”
The last sentence sounded like a question and he reached out to draw small, playful circles on yasu's lower arm.
If he was completely honest, yasu hadn't thought of what he wanted so far. But the warmth of Hyde's eyes settled the deal rather spontaneous.
“I think that would be nice”, he confirmed and smiled slightly.
It felt like he had finally found the answer to at least one of his many questions here.
#yasu#acid black cherry#Hyde#Hyde x Yasu#Janne Da Arc#L'Arc~en~Ciel#Vamps#fanfiction#fanfic#and no ka-yu in this one
1 note
·
View note
Text
A Bold Confession
Hey, my dears, I’m not sure if anyone kept track of it, but I didn’t do postings for a while now, because I was excited and busy xD Anyway, I’m in Tokyo since about five days now and I wrote you a short fanfic settled soooomewhere in the 90s, that pretty much sums up my feelings :D Btw, I’m really enjoying myself here ~
No matter how many years he lived in Tokyo, yasu was sure that he would never get used to the sheer size of the city. The skyscrapers towered above him, their billboards throwing light without shadows, the heartbeat of the streets a rhythm that just never stopped.
“Hey, cutie, are you lost? I can always show you the way to my bedroom, you know”, a voice broke through his thoughts, more personal and more addressing than all the other voices swirling around through the heated air.
He turned around although he would have known that voice anywhere. Hours had he spent listening to it, carrying it around with him in his pocket, on the train, all his way up to Tokyo had he listened to it, locking himself away in a room with it, staring up to the ceiling and dreaming of better days to come when the music inside his own veins would finally be heard.
“Please don't talk to me this way”, he mumbled and bowed his head slightly, trying to study the man in front of him closely without meeting his steady gaze. “You're making me nervous.”
Soft laughter pearled out between perfect straight teeth, louder than any growl the monster around them had to offer, even if it had already swallowed them. It was the kind of laughter that made yasu miss home a little bit less instantly.
“But I like it when they're nervous and shy”, the other man confessed, his hair short and dark, but his features still clean and beautiful, his eyes sparkling with every marvel of the city around, like a street-light dancing on cold asphalt that had seemed too strange to glisten up until now.
“Don't get me wrong. I don't grow shy when I'm nervous”, yasu shrugged, giddiness at the back of his throat like stage fright. “It's far worse. I become goofy.”
A wide grin spread on hyde's face, creating far too many wrinkles for someone his age. Up close yasu was in love with each of them.
“Then I'll better be careful about what I say”, he winked at him and then nodded into a vague direction. “Now, come on, I told you I'd take you for dinner, didn't I?”
The restaurants were another thing yasu just wouldn't get used to. They were loud and hectic and he felt pressured to place his order really fast as if time was running twice as fast inside the city limits.
Smirking hyde watched him from the other side of the table.
“You don't feel comfortable, huh?”, he stated in a tone that was not really demanding for an answer.
“The whole place makes me feel stressed out”, he confessed.
Hyde nodded slightly, a strand of brunette hair falling upon his forehead.
“You'll get used to it.”
“I don't think I ever will”, yasu sighed as the dishes were slammed down in front of them as if they had gotten there by lightening.
“Trust me, you will. I felt exactly the same when I moved here, and look at me now.”
Out of a reflex yasu did as he was told. Hyde looked relaxed indeed, but there was something else about him. Something pure that could neither be pinned down to his character nor to his looks. All that yasu knew was that he had never met a more attractive man or someone whom he admired this much. Just looking at him scared him to death.
“Ehm...the food here is good, though”, he stuttered and picked up his chopsticks as if they were a weapon he could use as a defends to fight off the weird leap his heart had just taken.
For a moment they ate in silence and to yasu it felt like they were caught up in a bubble. Their table seemed to be the only place in whole Tokyo that was actually filled with silence.
“I don't really know what to say”, he laughed anxiously.
Hyde's eyes did not waver any, but right at the corner of his lips a hesitant smile seemed to be hidden as if he was trying not to show his amusement.
“Well, it was you who asked me out”, he reminded him calmly.
Other than yasu he did not seem to feel the need of filling the silence between them.
“I thought we could just talk about...music or something”, he winced, not sure what else to say.
He had asked hyde out, because he wanted to spend time with him, because he wanted to get to know him like he could not get to know him by listening to his CDs only. He wanted to look at his beautiful face up close and hear his voice speaking words that were only meant for him. But he could not own up to these thoughts, because it wasn't how a serious colleague should feel.
“Why don't you talk about music then?”, hyde nudged him and his eyes seemed to join in with the hidden smirk on his lips now.
“I...oh, I really like music?”, yasu offered, making it sound like a question without meaning to.
“And I do music for a living”, hyde smiled back with an expression that made it hard to judge if he was serious or making fun of him.
“That's not quite the same”, he furrowed his brow.
The older vocalist shrugged as if he had suddenly lost interest in the topic already.
“Depends. I really like getting paid for doing things.”
The way he pronounced the last word suddenly made yasu blush although he tried to keep a straight face. It wasn't what hyde had meant and not what he had wanted yasu to hear. It was just the fact that everything about him – his facial expression, his calm voice and the way he moved his hands – made him have highly inappropriate thoughts.
“You're getting paid for something you're good at”, he tried to soothe it out.
“With your voice and that pretty face you must be very popular yourself”, hyde eyed him up.
“We're doing fine right now. Janne got very popular in no time”, he agreed, trying hard not to think about what hyde had said about his face just now. He did not even want to consider that the attraction might be mutual. It would only make him reckless.
“So...”, hyde pointed to the empty plate in front of him. “Want to go somewhere else?”
“Eh, like where?”, yasu confirmed.
Of course he wanted to spend as much time with the vocalist as possible, but on the other hand he hadn't really had the impression, that hyde was enjoying himself especially. But then again it was hard to tell. Something about his gaze seemed to be absent-minded constantly as if his thoughts were somewhere up in the sky where the filth of the city couldn't dirty them.
“I'm living close by. We could go to my place and talk about music some more”, his idol offered.
Yasu swallowed hard.
“Sure, but bring the defibrillator, because the excitement might kill me”, he joked awkwardly.
Hyde laughed nonetheless and it was a smile that lit up even his eyes.
“You're really something else, yasu”, he observed and got up, leading him back to the streets full of busy people and the never ceasing light of consumption.
“It's really only a few minutes from here”, he added, leaving aside that these few minutes included crowds and noise for at least an entirely lifetime.
Yasu sucked in a deep breath as they finally got out of the elevator, the small floor quiet and empty like they had just entered a completely different universe.
Hyde got out his keys and started to fumble with the door lock. Silently yasu watched him from the side, remembering his features from every video and every poster and seeing them in a totally new light at the same time. He was his idol and he was just human. He was here with him now, because yasu had really made it. It was the music boiling inside his blood that had gotten him here in the end and somehow that made him feel very brave. Hyde was scary and he was his equal and moreover he was just beautiful.
“What?”, the other man looked up as he pushed open the door, marvelling at yasu's gaze as if he was really wondering what he was staring at.
“You”, he clarified and the part of him that was feeling brave and reckless and stupid leaned in and pulled his body with it, until their lips met and a jolt went through his system, horror-stricken by his own courage.
Hastily he pulled back, covering his own lips with his fingers as if he could take back that imprudent kiss with it – and also to hide the smile that he could not keep from spreading on his face all of a sudden.
“I'm sorry”, he whispered, lowering his voice, afraid that it might betray his clear lack of guilt.
Hyde gave a heavy sigh.
“Don't worry about it, it happens to me all the time. I just hoped it would be different only once. Every man likes to see me as the >guy that would make a pretty woman<.”
“I don't see you this way”, yasu burst out, before he could think any better of it. “You're very pretty all by yourself already.”
Ever so slightly hyde raised his brows at him.
“I mean, I like the way you look, the way you move, the way you speak. I'm attracted to all of it. I don't want you to be anything else than you are this very moment. I want to embrace your manliness!”
Basically, it was nervousness speaking the last sentence.
Nonetheless it made hyde's face light up for a fraction and the smirk sneaked back to the corner of his perfectly shaped mouth.
“Oops, that sounded stupid right now. Maybe it was too bold a confession”, yasu apologized stuttering.
Looking up at him hyde shook his head.
“No, it was pretty alright”, he admitted. “But what if I'm taken aback by your manliness, ever thought of that?”
His voice had taken on that slightly teasing tone again, which was a huge relieve to him.
“If that's the case I'd offer you to suck my manliness”, he replied goofy, cursing himself almost immediately for voicing those words. “Away, I mean.”
“Wow”, hyde looked him up and down. “For a joke like that, you must really be nervous right now.”
“Extremely nervous”, yasu confirmed and suddenly the smirk on hyde's lips broke free and sneaked all over his face, making him look like a beam of sunlight with very white teeth.
“Come in then”, he gestured towards the inside of his apartment. “I'll make a comedian out of you before the day is over.”
Nervously yasu stepped over the doorstep and slipped off his shoes.
“You know what would make me feel very funny?”, he asked. “Being allowed to kiss you again.”
The smile remaining on his face was answer enough.
Carefully he cupped hyde's face with both hands, the person he admired so much suddenly feeling very frail between his palms. It felt like holding on to something particular precious.
And although the city outside was still raging and the life around him remained strange and scary and just too big to handle, when he kissed him again – weirdly enough – his lips tasted exactly like home.
#acid black cherry#yasu#Hyde x Yasu#Hyde#Vamps#L'Arc~en~Ciel#fanfiction#fanfic#tokyo is so scary#it's just so huge#that's what she said#i'm sorry#Janne Da Arc
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Acid Black Cosplay
Okay, so this one is basically about Hyde dressing up as...himself xD But there will be a proper 90s fanfic soon, promised :D
Yasu walked into the apartment like he always did.
He unlocked the door as usually, slipped off his shoes just like every other day, and called out to announce that he was home as he was used to.
Then he walked around the place, looking for his flat mate. He wasn't in the kitchen, nor the living room.
That wasn't really unusually so far as well.
Just because they were dating for several years already did not mean, that they did not have a life on their own. Sometimes it might happen that he went out without telling Yasu.
He strolled over to his room, deciding to change into something more comfortable. A completely normal thing to do, he did it quite a lot after coming come.
The only thing that was different to all the similar occasions before, was the stranger sitting in front of the mirror in his bedroom.
Yasu blinked.
The long brown hair falling all over the slim back looked somewhat familiar to him, but at the same time he was well aware that he hadn't seen anyone like that in the last twenty years – to say the least.
“Excuse me?”, he asked politely, not sure how to address a burglar who had obviously chosen his bedroom to do their make-up.
Although he tried to cast a glance at the reflection in the mirror, a shoulder was blocking his view.
The stranger turned around and smiled.
Taking a shocked step backwards, Yasu nearly leaped into the air by surprise.
“Fuck, where did you park the DeLorean?!”, he exclaimed.
Hyde furrowed his brow, his eyes looking somewhat cloudy like they always did whenever he had absolutely no idea what Yasu was talking about.
“What?”, he wanted to know.
Yasu shrugged, approaching him carefully like a fathom that could vanish any time.
“Because it feels like we just travelled back in time”, he explained patiently, still eyeing Hyde critically.
His face lit up, his brows rising upwards and his lips slightly parting. He looked like mimicking the cartoon version of a person suddenly catching a meaning, and Yasu wasn't quite sure he did so on purpose.
“It's a wig”, the older vocalist lectured him and started to play with one of the long strands absent-mindedly. “In case you're wondering where all this hair is coming from.”
Once more Yasu shrugged.
Now that he was standing by closer, he could see that Hyde hadn't aged backwards all of a sudden indeed, but that it really was only his hair and his cloth and his make-up. His face still had some more wrinkles than all those years ago and his smile had grown a little more self-confident too. Except for that he was still as gorgeous as ever.
“I'm rather wondering where all those eyebrows are coming from”, he pointed out half-jokingly.
“I drew them on”, Hyde returned in a very serious air, leaving Yasu a bit puzzled if he was making fun of him or if pointing out the obvious was just the first thing that came to his mind. After all this time he still couldn't tell.
“And what's the reason for this sudden nostalgia?”, he asked more precise.
Slowly a smile broke through on his face, starting shyly at the middle of his lips, but soon growing so wide that it resembled an exploding star and Yasu grew afraid of getting swallowed whole by a forming black hole. Getting lost in Hyde's grin forever did not sound all that bad to him.
“I felt like doing a hot cosplay to surprise you”, he smiled and paused just for a few seconds too long to add the right amount of drama before continuing: “So I decided to do someone really sexy.”
Yasu laughed at his words. Hyde always had a kind air about him, always seemed so calm, with even his smile spreading slower than that of most people. But all of his calmness could not cover up the fact that he was pretty much of a dork.
“You made a good decision”, Yasu assured. “Since you dressed up as my favourite vocalist. And moreover the one I find the sexiest as well.”
He bend down to place a gentle kiss on Hyde's forehead, right above the eyebrows which he obviously had ordered back from their unintended exile.
Then he went down on his knees, levelling his face down to Hyde's, who was still sitting on the chair in front of their dresser.
“Man, how does it come that I need more and more make-up to cover up with the years and you still look so beautiful if you go with the natural look?”, he pouted teasingly.
His counterpart's eyelids started to flutter, which resembled a loading button on the computer and showed clearly that his trail of thoughts was still in progress.
“That's not true. No one could use more make-up than you did back then”, he pointed out in the end.
Again it caused Yasu to laugh hard with surprise, wanting to kiss Hyde badly all of a sudden, just for looking as beautiful as ever, just for his smile that hadn't changed all that much, just for making him snicker like he had always done.
“Ah, you're right. I had a really colourful phase with Janne.”
Much to his surprise it was Hyde, who now leaned in and placed a short peck on his lips as if he had been thinking exactly the same.
“You looked breathtakingly beautiful then”, he clarified.
For a moment Yasu paused to think, remembering his looks back in the 90s.
“I looked like a slut”, he concluded.
Hyde gave a gentle chuckled and bend forward, lowering his voice as if he wanted to whisper right into his ear.
“And I always liked that”, he confessed.
“Well, you can have me as slutty as you want to any time”, he grinned back, pulling up his shirt as far as he could and teasingly circling his own nipple until it was properly hard.
With his eyes the other man followed his motions, looking somewhat hypnotized. Yasu let the fabric fall back down.
Although the smile on Hyde's lips hadn't disappeared entirely yet, but still he looked somewhat disappointed about it.
“But seriously, you look so innocent now. What happened to my naughty vampire?”, he teased.
Hyde gave a small sigh.
“I grew tired of him. Sometimes I miss the image I went with in laruku, but it's too late to change it back now.”
Following an instinct Yasu put his hand on his knee, just to spend him the slight comfort of the touch, even although he could not really tell what it was that bothered his lover.
“But I thought you liked being a vampire?”, he insisted.
Hyde smiled and this time it spoke slightly of mischief.
“And you like me being naughty”, he grinned and took hold of Yasu's chin to lift it up and meet for a short kiss again.
It tasted like affection rather than lust.
“Hey, Yasu, let me do your make-up”, he suddenly announced as if he had just reached the conclusion of something he had been thinking of for a while already.
“No?”, he declined; the hidden “Why would you?” sounding through as if the word had been soaked with it.
“Please?”, he begged, forming a pout with his lips that he could never resist.
“I'm not sure I want to go back to my old self”, Yasu grimaced, thinking back on some of his early outfits. It were the kind of outfits you could only justify when you were young.
“I'll be very thankful if you allow it”, Hyde purred, grabbing for a dark pencil on the drawer and holding it up like a weapon. His voice had changed into something alluring and turned into a whisper he only ever used for words no one but Yasu was supposed to hear. It was a quite exciting whisper. “So, baby, please. Let me draw some eyebrows for you.”
With a wide laugh Yasu closed his eyes, ready to entrust his face to Hyde entirely.
“This is probably the worst pick-up line I've ever heard”, he stated, but went quiet when he felt gentle fingers against his cheek.
There was something about the touch that did not make him dare to open his eyes, as if the tenderness in it could just vanish if he looked too closely.
After all this time Hyde still touched him as if he couldn't believe he was real.
Against his skin he felt brushes and soft fingertips. Genuinely he wondered if his lover knew what he was doing, but then it was very likely that he actually did. You did not get as famous as the vocalist without learning one or two things along the way.
The act had something surprisingly intimate about it. Still kneeling in front of Hyde with his eyes closed he was trusting him completely, putting his beauty into his hands, while his lover looked at him closely. Outlining his contours, paying attention to every centimetre of his face.
Yasu wondered if it wouldn't be normal to stop really looking at each other in a relationship lasting as long as theirs. But right now he could feel Hyde's eyes on him, intense and burning and familiar. He had never stopped looking at him once.
“Please, open your mouth for me a bit”, Hyde asked calmly.
Not being able to hide his smile entirely Yasu parted his lips slightly and felt something sticky on it, while a light touch on his chin kept him steady.
“It's not the first time I'm on my knees in front of you and not the first time I hear this sentence”, he joked after the pressure against his lips had vanished. “But surely the first time you only wanted to put on my lipstick.”
In return he got a low chuckle and firm fingers brushing back a lock of hair from his forehead.
“Diversion is the key to every good relationship, don't you know?. By the way, you can open your eyes now.”
Yasu blinked, watching Hyde put aside the last item he had used on him.
“Why the hell do we own lipstick that dark?”
He paused a moment to over think his own words.
“Or rather, why do we own lipstick at all?”, he corrected himself.
His lover beamed brightly.
“You'd be surprised about all the stuff we kept just in case.”
Yasu was seriously wondering for what case Hyde had kept the deep red lipstick in an all-male household, but then it occurred to him that not knowing the answer to all questions sometimes might be a blessing.
With a loud groan due to old age he got up from the floor and cast a last critical look down at Hyde, before he turned towards the mirror.
Somehow the transformation had been kinder on Hyde than it was on him. His make-up resembled his looks from former times, but his hair was too short now and he felt somewhat less brave than he had felt with twenty.
One needed to be very brave to wear this kind of lipstick.
“I look like a transvestite”, he realized numbly.
There was a moment of silence, before Hyde burst out with laughter.
“You're being too dramatic”, he snorted, but his voice gave away a different opinion.
Again Yasu looked down on the still sitting man.
He had grown older as well, but somehow he had managed to slip back into his purer self with nothing but a wig and some eyebrows.
“That's just not fair!”, he huffed out, wiggling his own eyebrows at himself in the mirror. Hyde had drawn them dark and slim like he used to wear them. That younger version of himself seemed nothing but a stranger to him by now. Maybe it was better this way. “Why do you still look like a beautiful woman and I look like a transvestite?”
“But, honey, you look like a beautiful woman, too”, Hyde tried to appease him, before even considering his words.
He stared into the mirror as well. The two of them looked nothing alike.
“Okay, maybe you look like a prostitute, who's well past beyond her best years already, but you're definitely still beautiful”, he added after a moment.
A disbelieving laugh escaped from yasu's lips.
“Well, thank you. Who wanted to style me like this?”, he reminded him.
Without warning Hyde grabbed for his arm and pulled him down towards him.
A little awkwardly Yasu sat down on his lap, desperately trying not to crush him with his weight. Although he knew that the other vocalist could handle it quite well, his fragile frame always led him to believe that he couldn't.
“But if it spends you some comfort”, Hyde started, “about the women thing...You've got far nicer boobs than me.”
He slipped his hands around Yasu's body, cupping his chest with his rather small fingers and chuckling right into his ear.
Slightly Yasu turned on his lap to shoot him a threatening glance.
“I'll make you pay for this comment”, he scolded. “And for the horrible make-over you gave me. I won't rest until all of this lipstick” - he pointed to his own dark lips - “is smeared all over this body.” - This time he pointed right at Hyde.
He raised his eyebrows back at him, but instead of just sinking backwards again they stayed raised, adding a somewhat surprised expression to his face. His grin stayed cheeky nonetheless.
“I accept my sentence willingly”, he nodded and Yasu reached up to touch his hair, before he realized that it wasn't really his and all that he was going to feel were nothing but synthetics.
A little disappointed he let his hand sink backwards again.
For a moment he couldn't tell who Hyde really was. Both of them seemed to have changed so much over the years, that he started to wonder how he was able to love two people at once who were so different.
He loved the sweet and awkward Hyde with the beautiful looks he had fallen for. But he also loved the man whose raven hair he wanted to touch now, with all his wrinkles and heavy music and self-confident smiles. If he chose one of them now, it would somehow feel like cheating on the other one.
At the same time he wondered on whom Hyde was cheating right now. Did he wish back for his younger self or was he just torn like Yasu himself?
“We really have changed a lot, haven't we?”, he sighed, not sure how else he was supposed to put the questions that really occupied his mind.
His lover leaned his head against Yasu's shoulder and he could feel his calm breath against his skin.
“It doesn't matter what has changed”, he assured “Important are the things that stayed the same. Important is that after all those years you still make me laugh.”
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
A Broken Cherry
I’m awfully sorry to have kept you waiting for so long. And sorry to break the silence with something...cheerful like that, too xD I’l try to put some rainbows and at least ONE unicorn into the next story to make up for it ~
The black fabric of the bathrobe rustled over his skin like silky cascades of water whenever he moved. Light touches of thin material on his body like kisses of a butterfly, no barrier to the fresh air around him, that covered him like another piece of clothing. He felt exposed in the flimsy robe, well aware that it was the kind of cloth you only put on to take it off again.
His fingers fumbled with the mobile nervously, that he hadn't put aside since calling.
Calling had been a bad idea in the first place. A very bad idea, to be precise. Asking him over had been an exception to begin with that had slowly turned into a habit, and was now on the very edge of becoming an addiction. No matter how often he told himself that he could stop any time, that he wouldn't actually mind if they cut off their little game, he couldn't really believe in it any more. Seeing him had become the essence of his daily life, his touch the energy that kept him running, and his kisses the only reason for him to get up in the morning. But it wasn't really him, he told himself. He was just happy with that kind of relationship. The sex was good, their agreement convenient. He could replace him whenever he felt like it – without any regret.
Suddenly the doorbell rang and he flinched as if someone had send a jolt through his body. Before he even knew it, he was on his feet, dashing towards the front door, dashing to see his face, to hear his voice and taste his lips. His heart was beating a strange rhythm like a Morse code, that spelt out his name over and over again.
Forcibly he slowed down his footsteps, trying to fool himself into believing that it was only the sex he was rushing for, and not the arms of another man, who in the end didn't really mean anything to him.
Because he needed to keep in mind that he was not in love - that was the most important thing, Hyde knew - since there was nothing more embarrassing than falling for your own fanboy.
“Yasu”, he said as casual as he could, as he opened the door.
He had gotten his hair cut lately and the brunette strands falling onto his high cheekbones were somewhat shorter than the last time he had seen him. His dark eyes had stayed the same though, and not even the smile on his wide lips and the wrinkling up of his face could change them; or fill them with the warmth he was looking for.
“Hyde, long time no see”, he replied, his glance trailing up and down his outline, lingering on his bathrobe for a while as if he was already wondering how long it would take him to take it off.
“You could have called on me”, Hyde pointed out, only now allowing his own eyes to wander over Yasu's body. Obviously he hadn't spent a second thought on what he was wearing. Black jeans and a white shirt. This wasn't the outfit you chose when you wanted to seduce someone. It was the kind of outfit you didn't even bother with. Hyde felt a little disappointed by that, although it was stupid.
“I don't think this is the kind of relationship where I call you”, Yasu shrugged and the indifference in his voice hurt. “Anyway, we better go inside, before someone else sees you like this and dies of nosebleed or something.”
Vaguely he gestured towards the silky robe, that exposed more than it left to imagination. It was exactly the outfit you chose when you wanted to seduce someone.
This time it was Hyde who shrugged, trying to match the indifference his colleague had shown before.
“Would be easier if you had a key.”
Yasu gave a dry laugh as he pushed himself past Hyde into the apartment.
“Don't be ridiculous. I'm not your boyfriend. I only ever drop by if you call me, so of what use would a key be?”
The way he said it, cold and casual, made him want to shake him, push him against a wall, beat him even, just to get any kind of reaction. He stared at Yasu's carefree back, the line of his neck, his slim waist and the legs, that seemed extremely long compared to the rest of his body. He wanted to break him, just to make him scream, just to get something out of him that finally was raw and honest. So he became violent, violent and cruel with the choice of his words.
“Right, you wouldn't hand a key to a pet either. A cat flap ought to be enough for someone like you.”
Yasu did not turn around, just slipped out of his shoes, leaving them there unattended, empty and abandoned. Hyde felt kinda sorry for them.
“Someone like me, isn't it?”, the vocalist repeated thoughtfully, and there was a sad note to it. “An estray no one will miss.”
Hyde knew that the sadness behind those words was bigger than anything he could have generated. It ran deeper, originating from wounds he had never seen, just like the dimness behind his eyes that kept them from sparkling when he laughed, or the reason he always came immediately when he called upon him, reliable like pulling the string of a puppet. He always seemed to be a step ahead of him, hiding secrets he couldn't even begin to guess at, covered emotions that he did not want to share.
“At least you know your place”, Hyde snorted.
He wanted to break Yasu. Break his legs, so he couldn't run away any more, enabling him to finally catch up and get a look at the truth underneath, even if that meant keeping him from moving ever again.
“And right now my place is in your bedroom, right?”, Yasu assured, casting a quick glance over his shoulder.
His voice was a little too flirtatious to be cynic and a little too serious to be a flirt at the same time. Hyde couldn't quite place it, but he gave a short nod nonetheless.
Yasu shuffled over to the open door, knowing his way around the place quite well by now. He had been calling him over far too often lately. Although he tried to stretch the intervals in between as long as he could, proving himself that he did not need it. He acted like a smoker trying to quit, but always ended up pulling out another very last cigarette.
A little hesitantly Yasu stopped short in the middle of the room and Hyde walked up to him.
“Now undress”, he order with a tone of command.
The brunette vocalist gave a small sigh and pursed his lips in slight annoyance.
“So we're playing games today, are we not?”, he asked dryly.
“I told you to undress”, Hyde repeated, ignoring his complaint altogether. “Or do I have to do it myself?”
He walked around him, taking a step towards him, invading his personal space, daring him to back off. With his hands he grabbed hold of Yasu's belt, nearly ripping it open by force, pulling at one end so it slit out of the holding of his waistband.
Then he picked up walking again, circling the other one like he was the predator and Yasu his prey, while he wound the black leather around his right hand over and over again.
“What are you waiting for?”, he inquired impatiently and let the lose end of the leather belt smack down in the brunette's bottom. He struck him harder than necessary, lunging out a bit more than was appropriate, feeling sorry the moment he heard him hiss under his breath.
But with Yasu it was always like that. Instead of protesting, he reached down to strip of his shirt, pulling it over his head and tousling his hair, his lips curling upwards for the tiniest fraction. Hyde wished he would tell him to stop only once, tell him not to treat him this way, to be kinder and gentler on him. But he never did. He seemed to be fine with that kind of treatment. The same Yasu who would laugh so easily and always have a dirty joke on the tip of tongue, who would entertain the people around him and put his all into a song, did not seem to think he deserved any better.
“The pants, too”, Hyde reminded him, keeping his voice icy and the smirk on his lips, although all he wanted to do was being kind. He wanted to hold Yasu, and he wanted to punish him at the same time for not being able to really reach him.
Obediently he slipped out of his pants, kicking them aside carelessly once they were past his angles.
Hyde was astonished by the fact that he hadn't been wearing any underwear, but not really scandalized either. They knew each other and knew what their occasional meetings were about.
“Good”, he said, tossing away the belt he had still been holding, and picking up his steps again.
He liked the way Yasu did not try to cover any part of his body, but tried to catch his gaze instead, provoking him, daring him to make the next move. He knew how much he wanted him and he did not feel ashamed by it.
Hyde's eyes ran over the exposed skin in front of him as if he could strip off every last secret he had ever had, just by looking closely enough. There was a tension in the air, a vibrating arousal, caused only be seeing and being seen. Hyde had always thought that there was nothing more intimate than really looking at another human being, and nothing that made you more vulnerable than trying to be understood.
He slowed down his steps, walking up to Yasu from behind once more. He brought his face close to his ear, breathing down his neck in a way that he knew would send his skin tingling. Soft hair was brushing against his nose, body heat resonating on his lips. He could smell a faint trace of aftershave that was differing from the one Yasu normally used, and the odour coming from his hair had a slightly different colour than usually.
“You've been with another man, haven't you?”, he whispered threatening. “I can smell him on your skin.”
The other vocalist did not say a word, and maybe that was the worst reaction he could have gotten out of him. He did not deny it and he did not confirm it, as if Hyde wasn't even worth the trouble, as if he didn't care about what he thought of him at all.
“I don't like it, when someone touches my possessions, you know?”, he continued, wrapping his arm around him loosely, his fingers trailing up his naked chest, pinching his nipple hard, causing him to inhale sharply.
He was jealous, madly jealous, because he wanted Yasu so bad to himself and knew that he had no right to do so all the same. He could not reach him and he could not claim him, could not take away the sadness behind his silence.
“Does he know you're here right now?”, he heard his own cruel voice, unable to stop it from floating out of his mouth. He placed a kiss on Yasu's neckline, on his shoulder, tilted his head to kiss his strong upper arm. “Is there anyone who even cares about what I'm gonna do to your body?”
It was cruel, because he already knew the answer, because he knew that he wasn't the reason for the sorrow behind those eyes. Yasu probably thought he couldn't see it, because he was good at covering it up. But Hyde cared about him – cared far too much – and he had learned to look closely, learned to see the fissures where he could apply his own crowbar. He wanted to break Yasu, to make him useless for anyone else. He wanted to break Yasu, because no one would want to steal away a broken toy.
Once more he stepped around him, building himself up in front of him, placing his hand on his throat, gently at first, but then tightening his grip until his eyes became glassy and dull. Truth was that there was no one who cared about what Hyde was going to do to his body. Not even Yasu himself.
He bend forward to peck his cheek lightly, offering solace with his body when his words couldn't. Placing kisses all over his throat, his collarbone, his chest. With his teeth he teased the nipple he had pinched before, a tender parody of nursing it. Then he just knelled down in front of the younger vocalist, the wooden floor against his knees as if begging for forgiveness. He ran his tongue over his abdomen, careful not to touch his sex yet that was already twitching with anticipation.
Hyde had always disliked the shape of his lips, had always felt the need to cover them, twist them, purse them, make them belong to his body somehow. But the only time he ever felt comfortable with them was when he placed them upon Yasu. To him it seemed as if caressing his skin was their only right to exist.
Demandingly he pushed his hand between Yasu's legs, forcing them a bit apart, so he could set up kisses at the inside of his thighs, too. He sucked at the sensitive flesh there, pinching parts of it between his thump and his forefinger, aware that bruises would appear there the next day as if by an invisible hand. The sound of someone sucking in his breath while at the same time biting his lips filled the air, but there was no protest, because there never was. He knew that he ought to stop, but he didn't, because just once he wanted to hurt him for real. He wanted to break Yasu, because no one but him would be able to see the beauty in a pile of shards, and so he could keep him all to himself.
With his right hand Hyde reached up, closing it around Yasu's cock, using his thump to rub over the tip. In return he got a suppressed moan, and he applied more pressure, feeling the skin slightly wetting under his touch.
“Hyde”, Yasu mumbled, speaking for the first time for what seemed like an eternity. His clear voice was a bit hoarse, on the very verge of breaking as if he had run out of breath in the middle of a song. “Please.”
Suddenly fingers were entangled in his longish hair, guiding his head, pulling him closer towards his body.
Hyde let go of Yasu immediately, using his hand to slap his wrist instead, causing him to loosen his grip on the black strands wound around his fingers.
Looking at him sternly he got up again, feeling his back and his knees and every bone in his body like he would never have felt them twenty years ago.
“So, you think you can make demands now, huh?”, he inquired aggressively. “Someone really ought to teach you some manners.”
Without any warning he pushed Yasu in the chest with both hands, so he had to take a stumbling step backwards. For the first time there was something like surprise flaring up behind the brunette's eyes. The sudden mood swing had caught him off guard, letting his true emotions shine through for a short moment. Hyde pushed him again, making him back off against the wall behind him. His lips were slightly parted, trembling almost invisibly, but not with fear, but with a rush of unexpected excitement.
“Please, discipline me, Hyde”, he pleaded.
As he grabbed for his wrist, bending his arm behind his back and forcing him to turn around, he could see a flash of relieve rush over Yasu's face. Maybe that was why he had taken on the dominate role so naturally. He understood quite well that the other one didn't come here for him. He came whenever he called, because he wanted to chastise himself and Hyde was his punishment of choice.
“Don't worry, I will”, he hissed out, twisting his arm some more, until he heard him wince.
With the full weight of his body he pressed Yasu against the wall, his chest heaving against it, his face turned and his cheek against the wallpaper. He could make out his profile clearly against the white material, all curves and edges. His lips still opened, so soft, and his nose so rounded, while his jaw and his cheekbones and his forehead looked so hard and stern. He looked beautiful from the side, strong and cold, but vulnerable and hurt at the same time. The outlines told the story of a life, and of a thousand more.
Playfully he stuck out his tongue, licking over Yasu's ear, draining a quiet moan from his lips.
“Do you still do your regular stretching?”, he exhaled, pushing a foot between Yasu's legs and pulling it to the right, spreading them widely.
His whole body was leaning in on the other vocalist, the heat warming him up, and only the silky fabric of the robe between them. The material felt exciting against the hot skin, knowing that it was only this thin layer keeping them apart. He could feel the curve of his ass against his own erection and for a moment he wanted nothing more but to take him then and there, right against that wall.
“Yes, I do”, Yasu replied hastily.
Hyde sunk his teeth into his shoulder that was now right in front of him, biting down hard, tasting skin and flesh and the feeling of bones underneath. Like a vampire he wanted to draw blood.
After a moment he let go, seeing bite marks engraved in a perfect semi circle like a signature.
“That's good, because I want you to stay agile”, he grinned, pushing Yasu's feet a little wider aside. He was now standing so straddle-legged, that Hyde no longer had to stretch to reach his ear.
He raised the hand that was not holding on to the other's wrist and leaned somewhat back. Then he ran his fingers across the brunette's back, digging in his nails violently, leaving long red scratches, like he was clawing at him. He wanted to break Yasu, crush him, rip him apart, tear him open, to find the real him hidden somewhere underneath.
“You're a devil”, the younger one exclaimed, the same smile forming on his lips that Hyde had missed for so long, just a little bit more insane and a little bit more desperate.
“And you're an angel”, he replied, meaning it. He was beautiful and pure in a way that made his heart sting. And he wanted to tear out his wings, so he couldn't fly away. He wanted to break Yasu so he would have to stay on the ground with him forever. He wanted to drag him to depths of hell, just to keep him company. “But why have you fallen?”
Calmly he rested his forehead against Yasu's temple, creating an intimacy that hadn't been there before.
What he really meant was: Why are you so broken? Why are you so sad? Where has your light-hearted self gone to?
“I'm a sinner”, Yasu whispered, and Hyde wondered if it was the answer to all of it.
His lips were against the corner of Yasu's mouth now, like a kiss that wasn't quite a kiss, like a relationship that wasn't quite love. They were breathing into each other, tasting each other, without the comfort a kiss could have spend them.
“Confess your sins to me”, he begged quietly.
“You're my sin, Hyde”, he returned with a voice that was trembling as much as his lips. “You're my original sin.”
After a short hesitation he let go of his wrist, taking a tiny step back, so Yasu could turn around to face him. His eyes were dark and shiny, like a storm was tossing inside of his head. Hyde looked at him for a moment
“Then come here and receive your absolution”, he said calmly and placed a forefinger on his own lips.
As if he had only waited for it Yasu closed his eyes and leaned in to finally kiss him. Their lips collided for the first time since ages, and it was like heaven and hell falling into each other. There was burning fire and heavenly calm in it. But instead of creating paradise all they ever brought into being was a constant battlefield. Instead of becoming something beautiful they only seemed to be able to hurt each other the closer they got.
Hyde opened his lips, meeting the warm inside of Yasu's mouth. He tasted wet and familiar and his tongue greeted him like an old acquaintance. The kiss seemed to connect them like they hadn't been able to connect before.
He put up his hand against the back of the younger vocalist's head, cupping it possessively. Teasingly he bit Yasu's lower lip, sucking it in between his own teeth. He groaned into his parted lips and Yasu's breath got caught somewhere at the back of Hyde's throat.
He could taste pain and emptiness on his tongue and he thought that he himself probably tasted the same. The kiss connected them in the only thing they were sharing, two different people alike only in their bruises and scars.
Unwillingly he pulled back, wanting to kiss him forever and not enduring another second of a kiss that tasted like unshed tears.
“Get on the bed”, he ordered, his voice cracking a little, before he caught himself again. “Kneel down and spread your legs.”
Yasu winked at him, looking a bit more like his usual self, as if he was draining strength from Hyde's weakness. He even managed a sly grin, before he walked past him and the smile on his lips went dim again. Probably he wasn't aware that Hyde was still watching him. His face looked weary in a way it never looked when there was someone else around.
He knelt down as Hyde had told him, propped up on his elbows and his face buried in the sheets between his forearms.
“Like that?”, he assured without looking up. He could hear him grinning, not embarrassed by exposing himself completely. And Hyde loved the humiliation about it, too. Loved the power it seemed to grant him over the other one. It seemed to be the only way to get through to him at all. He wanted to break Yasu, so his façade would crumble and he'd get a chance to slip in through the cracks and fissures and finally reach him for real.
“Exactly like that”, he agreed and walked over to the bed.
He bend over, placing a kiss on Yasu's ass, before running his tongue along the path between his butt cheeks. At his entrance he stopped short, circling it playfully, pushing in the tip of his tongue, getting the other vocalist wet all over.
When it came to things like that he loved Yasu for not protesting. He would never ask him to stop because something was too dirty or lewd. Instead he just groaned:
“Stop playing around now, I don't wanna wait any longer.”
Hyde straightened himself, running his hand up Yasu's back towards his shoulder blades.
“What do you want me to do? Say it!”, he requested.
“Fuck me.”
Severely Hyde smacked the back of his head.
“Manners, Yasu, what have I told you about manners?”
The brunette shock of hair on the pillow let go of another impatient sigh.
“Please, Hyde, please, fuck me”, he corrected himself.
“Mmh...” He acted thoughtful for a moment. Although he was completely in control now, he did not have the feeling of really steering Yasu. The words were the right ones, but his voice seemed to address someone else, someone who wasn't listening, and whom he was crying out to reach. “That's not very precise. When was the last time you got fucked real good? Do a lot of people use you for sex?” He leaned in a bit, lowering his voice now as if entrusting Yasu with a secret. “I bet it's the only thing you're good for.”
The words hurt in his own chest and burned in his eyes. They were gruesome and paining, spoken by jealousy and fear. He wanted to break Yasu, because he himself was afraid of falling, because he was afraid of what would happen when he finally hit the ground.
“Please, fuck me hard”, he whimpered now. Although he tried to steady his voice, Hyde could tell he had hurt him with what he had just said. He had added another crack upon Yasu, but somehow it did not make him feel better at all. “Take me from behind. Put your cock inside me, please.” And more quietly he finished: “Please, make me forget.”
“All right, if you want it that bad”, he admitted and loosened the tie around his waist that was holding the bathrobe in place.
Yasu turned his head over his shoulder, following his motions with his gaze.
“Turn around”, Hyde commanded, lunging at his face with his palm, pushing it into the sheets again.
“Can't I look at you? You're beautiful”, the younger man said in a small voice.
Hyde clicked his tongue, tearing his eyes away from Yasu forcibly.
“No, you can't. Don't be impudent.”
Of course that was a lie. He wanted nothing more but for Yasu to turn around. He wanted to hold him in his arms and watch his expression while making love to him. He wanted to be tender and protective. But tenderness could not overcome the sadness behind those eyes and there was no protection he could offer from a pain he kept hidden away. There was nothing he could do about it, which left him helpless and at loss. He wanted to break Yasu, because if he couldn't be his saviour, at least he wanted to be the reason for him to go to pieces.
With a fluent gesture he slipped out of his robe, letting it fall to the floor behind him. Now he was naked too, kneeling down behind the other one, bringing his own hard-on in position, pushing in the first centimetre only, then grabbing hold of Yasu's waist, pulling him towards his own hips harshly, sinking in completely in a single go.
He moaned and his voice mixed with that of the other vocalist, who gave a surprised noise, motioning his own hips against him. Everything was hot and melting and tight and blissful. He knew Yasu's body clenching around him so well by now, and was left in awe with the feeling of it nonetheless every time.
With his head tilted down he started to thrust his hips forward again and again, watching his own cock slid in and out in a hypnotizing motion, and enjoying the soft thump it caused whenever their bodies connected.
His hands were still grabbing Yasu's waist, his fingers digging into the docile flesh, holding him in place and holding on to him. His own voice resonated at the inside of his head, ruptured by the small outcries of his lover, of his friend, of his enemy. The brunette's voice was muffled by the sheets, his breath swallowed by the covers before it could really reach his ears.
Hyde closed his eyes for a moment, letting go with one hand, running it over the body in front of him. His fingertips remembered the skin better than his eyes did, and he could feel all the strong muscles and all the fragile bones, for a single understanding him better than words could ever express.
“Yasu”, he whispered, his name a prayer on his lips, a curse under his breath. “Yasu”, he repeated, for a short while not knowing if he loved or if he hated him. He only knew that the two were somehow bound together.
Again he opened his eyes, shoving harder now, as hard as he could, so hard that the thrusts became almost painful to himself. He wanted to hurt him with every single motion, wanted him to either beg for more or beg him to stop, as long as he only begged him. He wanted to break Yasu, so all the forming fractures would spell out his name.
His wandering hand had now reached Yasu's shoulder, pulling his entire body towards him. The movements of his hips became smaller now, but therefore faster, most of his shaft buried inside of him with his body tightening around it.
“Call my name!”, he demanded, out of breath and strands of his raven hair sticking to his sweaty forehead.
“Hyde”, Yasu breathed out, barely audible at first, but then regaining his voice as if he had to pick it up from somewhere shattered across the sheets. “Hyde”, he said again, louder this time.
Hyde dug in his nails with the hand that was still holding on to Yasu's waist.
“The other one”, he corrected.
“Kami-sama!”, he exclaimed.
It had turned into a little game of theirs, but to Hyde it meant something else, too. Everyone called him by his name, but there weren't so many people referring to him as god. It wasn't that it flattered his ego, it just reminded him of the fact that he was something special to Yasu. Even if he could not make him fall in love, at least he could hold on to his admiration, although that was a cold comfort. Even if he could not capture his heart, he still held a small place in it.
He gave another hard shove, raising his hand and slapping down his palm on Yasu's ass ferociously. For a moment he felt his whole body going tense with the sudden jolt of pain, his inside clenching him even tighter. He pushed once more, feeling Yasu shake again, his groans suddenly breaking off right in the middle as if the air had been pressed from his lungs, as if time had stopped for a short instant of bliss. Hyde wished he could see his face right now, hold it between his palms and watch the spark behind his eyes flare up once more - if only for a few seconds - while he caught his breath and his lips trembled.
But instead he forced himself to concentrate on the sensation, the body underneath him and the heat rushing through every single one of his own limps. He felt the orgasm building up, ready to close over him like the crashing waves of a tsunami.
Breathlessly he pulled back, grabbing hold of his own cock and stroking it fiercely. The white liquid spilled out between his fingers, thudding down all over the back in front of him. He felt bad for wanting to dirty him like that, mark him with his cum, covering and humiliating him by showing that he could. He wanted to break Yasu, to not let the cracks on his own surface show.
Completely exhausted the brunette let himself fall to the side, curling up like a ball, his breath still coming heavy.
Hyde looked down on him, watched how he pressed his eyelids shut and put his hands to his own knees. He looked sadder than ever before.
Carefully Hyde lay down next to him, sneaking up to him from behind. He understood how Yasu felt. He himself was suddenly drained of all energy, stripped of every reason that had kept him running before. He didn't know why they were hurting each other any more, he only knew that he was tired.
Almost gently he wrapped his arm around Yasu from behind, pulling him closer, not caring if he got dirty himself that way. The other arm he rested under his cheek, putting his palm upon the brunette shock of hair, stroking it lightly.
The battle was over now and only the wounded were left behind. The wall between them was slowly crumbling down, but it did not seem to bring them any closer together.
In his embrace he could feel Yasu shake, but he could not see his face and not a sound escaped from his lips. Hyde could tell that he was crying silent tears.
Even tighter he wrapped his arm around him as if he could crawl under his skin that way and find out all his secrets. It felt like holding on to something fragile, like a piece of glass that already had crazes all over.
“Can't you see you'll break, if you continue like this?”, he wanted to whisper into his ear. He wanted to save him, he wanted to stop being selfish and start being honest for a change. “Can't you see I'm trying to break you, so you are mine?”, he wanted to confess.
But the words did not come out, and he felt Yasu continue to tremble next to him, while the sentences inside his heart seemed to eat him up alive.
He could not say it, just like he could not say the three words aloud, that were waiting underneath all those others words, that weighted heavier than all of them. Because they were true and frail and important and might contain salvation. It were the three words he wanted to tell Yasu more than anything and at the same time did not dare to admit even to himself:
“Please, fix me.”
#fanfiction#acid black cherry#yasu#Hyde x Yasu#Hyde#Vamps#L'Arc~en~Ciel#Janne Da Arc#fanfic#Smut#having my personal revenge on Hyde for acting like a capitalistic dickhead bwahaha
8 notes
·
View notes