#huxsweettooth

[enkisstories]

Soon the tea was ready. Rose Chapman had used the time to prepare sandwiches and the guests had bonded with their host over the fact that she was sharing a first name with a friend of theirs, Rose Tico.

Rey: “Mhm, cucumber! I like stuff that is water and food in one.”

*proceeds to suck a slice dry*

Armitage: "For crying out loud, Rey, work on those table manners! You're the Supreme Leader of the First Order and heir to the Palpatine bloodline!"

Rey: "My heritage...” *slurp* “...doesn't define me."

Rose: "That exchange was way too natural to be the result of intoxication. You are not drunk. And neither were you joking. You are really... Rey Palpatine, General Hux and Ben Solo."

Ben: "'fraid so."

Rose: "The whole galaxy believed you'd gotten killed by Kylo Ren, when he destroyed the Jedi temple. But in truth you survived and did Jedi stuff behind the scenes? That must be quite the burden."

Armitage: "Oh, yes, he is. But we're managing."

Look at that smiling bastard! I seated Rey as a buffer between Ben and Armitage, but Ben decided he'd rather sit opposite of his rival. No matter how fervently he rejects the Dark Side now, trolling Hux will never get old for Ben.

(Ben’s fruit jam sandwich is bit of an inside joke. He doesn’t even like fruit jam that much, but he knows that Hux (in this AU) has a sweet tooth, and also that the other wouldn’t want to get caught dead eating sweets in public. So naturally Ben has the fruity treat in full view of Armitage and that’s probably the reason for the seat-change.)

[enkisstories]

After weeks of being kept as a hostage, during the party at the Resistance camp Rose had a chance to get revenge at her captors. The moment Hux and Agnon beheld the generously laid table, Rose grabbed them by their arms.

Rose: "Don't touch the food! I mean it! Really, how could you eat a meal served to you by filthy rebels out of PITY? That's a serious slight to your honor, Sirs!"

Agnon: "Err..."

Hux: "The hostage is right, Agnon. No touching the food, no matter how hungry we get! Doing so would constitute a serious slight to our officers' honor indeed."

Agnon: "Not even the Chandrila pudding? It's dessert, Sir, not food!"

Hux: "No prevarications, Lieutenant!"

Taking seats...

Holdo: "Don't be shy, grab a plate! We have veggie dumplings, baked potatoes, some sweet tooth stuff and honey mead."

Hux: "You know we can't eat that, Admiral. Now if you'd captured us, you'd be legally required to feed us. But as things stand, our officers' honor prevents us from taking welfare from the enemy."

Holdo: "Really? Kylo Ren already finished a Chandrila pudding."

Hux: "What?! As the leader you should set an example!"

Kylo: "I, as you never tire to remind me, am not an officer."

Phasma: "Are Hux and Agnon aware that at a diplomatic reception they are perfectly allowed, nah, expected, to sample the food served?"

Rose: "They were. Up until I suggested otherwise in a confident voice."

Phasma: "You're evil."

[enkisstories]

And so, at long last, Rey and Hux reunited with the rest of Koi Squad, some experiences - but also new conflict potential - richer.

Ben: "You're bruised..."

Rey: "We had a run in with possessed, and another one with what looked like surveillance droids on our way back."

Ben: "Or they had a run-in with you!"

Poe: "You know, we weren’t separated, but that shouldn’t stop us from hugging, too!"

Armitage: “Rose...? I said some things I shouldn’t have said, after you did a thing you really should have done and then things spiraled out of control and I don’t know where to start. It was all so clear in the factory; I had prepared the perfect apology speech, made perfect apology tartlets, but now... everything’s rippling apart again.”

Rose: “When I did I give you the impression I wanted that “perfect” version of you?”

Armitage: “Err... No, this is no good. Any answer I’d give now would only make this about me again. How about we unwrap the tartlets and you tell me how you’ve been faring while we were away!”

Well, it was a start.

[enkisstories]

The next day, in the Resistance camp...

Rose: "Who'd have thought? We still had some marshmellows left over from the Komorebi expedition!"

♪ ...for what we need most now is unity's seed ♪ ♪ A common old song for all creeds and all classes ♪ ♪ I'll tend to the flame, you can worship the ashes ♪

[enkisstories]

Armitage: "Let's get out of these and then have a nice sugar rush in the cantina!"

Finn: “Sounds good. Mythosaur shaped fingerfood with ketchup in my case - the Republic has such funny meals!”

Finn: "I'll need to get myself body armour of the kind Captain Allen and General Sonderan use. The stormtrooper suit felt too familiar. I don't want to to go into combat wearing something that makes me feel nostalgic about my past."

Armitage: "Funny thing, we'd commissioned new suits a couple of months before our mission to Jakku, but Snoke wouldn't let us. He insisted the old ones were superior, because everyone recognized them and the intimidation value outweighed the weight disadvantage."

Finn: "Ben agreed, no doubt."

Armitage: "You bet! So we had a better Death Star, but still went to battle in something dating back to the clone wars. And then we got flak from the sucker when we lost battles..."

David: "Grand-Marshall! Commander! We found something in Oga Garra's basement..."

David: "...only we aren't certain whether it’s evidence or a prisoner."

Armitage: "Is it a droid?"

David: "Yes! It belonged to a rival of Garra's, one Leila Ngata."

Finn: "And that's the point where I want to put that helmet back over my head and hide in bed."

David: "Sir?"

Finn: "Nevermind. We'll take a look at the droid. Lead on!"

---

Captain Allen being uncertain whether an (an)droid is a prisoner or evidence is an improvement over his Detroit iteration.

[enkisstories]

Battle for Batuu - Round 7

Rey Palpatine's inauguration as the First Order's new Supreme Leader was as tense and embarassing an affair as everyone had expected. Afterwards there was a smaller, but still very much formal, reception at Ben's and Daniel's palace.

Invited to this get together were the Supreme Leader's immediate subordinates as well as two representatives of their new allys: The Resistance Admirals Holdo and Sonderan.

Rey: "And after the blood-red throne chamber, on to dining on the wiggling eels and rats on a stick, that we darksiders enjoy so much!"

Amilyn: "I could tell you stories about the cusine served at diplomatic receptions... Really, even if it's only pre-baked brownies, I won't complain."

Amilyn: "Oh, this is so cute! And perfect for the weather."

Ben: "Daniel made that."

Amilyn: "At least the food is supreme..."

Daniel: "Well, sweet-tooth? Is this sufficient to tide you over the realisation that Rey is longer in office now than you used to be?”

Armitage: “I still can’t tell whether Ben tried to brown-nose or insult me by adding me to the list of previous Supreme Leaders, when I never even got to finish my acceptance speech.”

Daniel: “You led us much better when you were not in office, than you could ever have done had Ben not force-chocked you during that speech.”

Armitage: “Should have known you’d defend him... however indirectly. That attitude will cost you some more cotton candy treats, of course.”

Daniel: “If those are the worst threats we members of High Command throw at each other nowadays, then I won’t complain.”

[enkisstories]

As of late Rey had taken to wander the halls of the landspeeder factory. The odd combination of the squeaky clean automated assembly line and the abandoned sections, that were falling more and more into disarray, was fascinating. It reminded Rey of the crashed star destroyers she had scouted for salvageable parts back on Jakku. Familiarity created, after all, a strong attraction, even if that what one was familiar with wasn't something one was missing by a long shot.

One afternoon Rey heard unfamilar sounds from a packaging room. Someone had moved the derelict crates to the side and moved different equipment in. And that someone was... the esteemed Grand-Marshall of the First Order.

Rey: "Been a while since you build a doomsday machine..."

Armitage: "Uh-huh. It's not a weapon, though."

Rey: "It even has a red button!"

Armitage: "Yes! I get to push it first - constructor's privilege."

Armitage: "Any moment now... there!"

Rey: "Your machine makes powdered donuts? Really?"

Armitage: "Among other treats. It's a baking machine. Ingredients in, finished product out, still warm and ready to get served. - What did you think it was?"

Rey: "Nothing sinister, that much I knew. But I hadn't expected anything that silly from you, either!"

Armitage: "The baking machine isn't silly, it's efficient."

Rey: "But I thought you liked baking!"

Armitage: "Do, too. Would I have invested all this effort into constructing a baking machine, if I hated it?"

Rey: "Uh... yes? Generally people invent machines to cut down work they don't enjoy. Like hoovers or vacuuming droids instead of brooms."

Armitage: "But proofing to myself I could build this baby from the parts available here was satisfying!"

---

Behind the scenes: There is a bug that affects sims who hate cooking, but like baking. When they use the fridge or stove, "Hates cooking" fires before the game even checks which skill is used, making the sim tense and tanking their fun meter. Using the cupcake factory doesn't trigger the bug. Who'd known that the clunky old thing would still have a use!

[enkisstories]

*knock*

RK300: "Master Amos? In the kitchen? You canceled your cooking lessons with Master Kira, though...?"

Armitage: "I'm not cooking."

New Dislike: Cooking New Like: Baking

Note: RK300 got partially memory-wiped and now uses the duo's aliases exclusively.

[enkisstories]

Rey: "Ready for your first cooking lesson?"

Armitage: "Was I drunk, possessed or otherwise not in full command of my mental faculties when I asked you for lessons?"

Rey: "Nope."

Armitage: "In this case I have no choice but to be ready. Bring it on!"

Rey: "...and now add salt and pepper."

Armitage: "How much?"

Rey: "Until you like the taste."

Armitage: "I like my food tasting good, but for this exercise’s purpose let's assume average cantina quality. How much salt and pepper each would that require?"

Rey: "You'll have to try it out. Add a little with every shake and taste-test until you got it right."

Armitage: "So next time we meet in battle, you shoot closer and closer to the target until you eventually hit the bridge? This makes no sense!"

Rey: "Cooking isn't a battle."

Armitage: "It very much is." *sighs* "How long do I stir?"

Rey: "Until the sauce has the right consistency."

Armitage: "Why did I even ask..."

Armitage: "Which direction do I stir again?"

Rey: "Now you're messing with me! No way that was a real question!"

Armitage: "Tell me how you expect me to take this seriously, if all of it is so incredibly stupid!"

Rey: "It's not! You're simply the most untalented chef I ever met and Unkar Putt set the bar in this regard pretty low!"

(poignant pause)

Armitage: "Did I just kill you?"

Rey: "What? No!"

Armitage: "Then I learned something."

[enkisstories]

Still the same day... after Rose's and Armitage's lab shift...

Armitage (typing): ...hereby allocate three million credits to Project Echo.

Ben: "What's that project about? I see... year, location, service number... Judging from that last part's formating, this relates to stormtroopers, somehow?"

Armitage: *nods while finishing the document*

Ben: "Are you going over promotion candidates? I thought you had relegated that duty to General Engell to keep your head free for the development of your techno toys?"

Armitage: "No, not promoting anybody. This here is an example sheet for use by soldiers who want to research their origins."

Ben: "You can't do that!"

Armitage: "Friendly reminder: the stormtroopers are mine, to do with as I please."

Ben: "But not ruin them! In case it has escaped your notice, half the First Order has turned against us, and the Resistance’s goodwill to uphold the broken truce can run out any day. We still have need for an army! A functioning army!"

Armitage: "So you're saying I can do what I want with my property, as long as that is what YOU want?!"

Ben: "The stormtroopers aren't even interested in their parents."

Armitage: "Then I will ORDER them to become interested."

Ben: "You're projecting. You realize that, do you? Please tell me you do."

Armitage: ...

Ben: "Did Tico put that bee into your bonnet? Hm... looks like it. Don't cling to what might have been! Let the past die!"

Armitage: "One can't kill the past, idiot."

Five minutes later...

Ben: "You can't just desert me like a kriffin' mercenary captain!!"

Armitage: *gasping*

Poe: "Oh. Wrong moment."

Finn: "Absolutely wrongest moment. But on the upside them being an item now neatly solves our love triangle."

Armitage: "Will you stop talking nonsense and get that feral Jedi off me?!"

Locked in their argument gone violent, Ben and Armitage fail to notice that the other two have entered through the air lock and what exactly that means: That they have just come in from the outside and Ryloth's spores-polluted atmosphere. It means the spores filters they all had worked on so hard are working!

[enkisstories]

Analyzing the vines took time, as did performing all the odd jobs to fully win back the local Resistance cell’s trust. Armitage snarked that he could just have stayed in prison, if all freedom had gotten him was getting roped into doing “community hours” for the Resistance.

One day, when they were not in the mood to ride down to the cantina (BB-8 always complained about getting carried in a backpack) and couldn't persuade Colonel Cahill to cook for them either, they remembered their vow:

There'll always be leftover marshmellows.

On a plateau close to Cahill's residence they had the freshest "leftover" marshmellows there were to be found in town.

[enkisstories]

Another attempt at cooking... this time Rey refused to lift so much as a finger before her kitchenwork-averse friends hadn't at least tried.

Poe: "Alright, since we all got demoted to recruits, I win by seniority in service years. I take command!"

Rose: "Cool, Poe volunteered to do the cooking. We're off the hook."

Poe: "No! Poe is telling you what to do! We'll make grilled cheese."

Poe: "At what point does preparing grilled cheese sandwiches require a dough, Armitage?"

Armitage: "At the point where I'd rather have a pancake. Pass me the milk!"

Poe: "And that's a deep frozen pizza dough, Finn!"

Finn: "Yes! Do you even apprecciate what amazing dish a pizza is? You can put anything on it and it’ll always taste great. Leave some of that cheese for me, will ya?"

Poe: "Shoot... But at least you two are working. Wait, two? Where'd Rose go...?"

Rose: "Right here, waiting for my sandwiches! Don’t let them burn!"

Poe: "Alright, lesson learned. From tomorrow on we’ll eat at the cantina."

[enkisstories]

On his way to the spaceport restaurant, Hux spots movement one the level below, near the gate where the regional traffic is getting handled.

More out of a reflex than real interest he takes a closer look...

...and the corners of his mouth twitch upwards.

Finn, BB-8, Poe and Rose have arrived from Mua Pel'am! The team is complete again now.

Who cares for the uninformed opinion of a traitor like Fowler! Armitage's friends know both his real talents and shortcomings. Or the closest he has come to having friends, anyway.

The General steps up to the take-away counter, stating:

"I'll take four Batuu-Bon."

For a moment Hux considers slapping Interim-Governor Fowler with the bill, but then he reconsiders and instead puts a twenty-wupiupi coin on the counter. He receives his change in the new Spira coins, that he puts in a clip-up plastic bag. The first printing of a new currency? Heck, yes, gimme! In a couple of years those coins would be worth a hundred times their face value.

Pretty sure they have a coin shortage at the moment, because John Spilph is thinking the same and hoarding coins like a hamster!

[enkisstories]

Ben slips out of his Kylo Ren robe. He is too angry at the captives right now to keep up the pretense. Only presenting himself as himself will do.

A short shouting tirade later the Supreme Leader has caught himself enough to formulate a tactic in his mind. It starts with a seemingly inconspicous question:

Ben: "Alright, you are probably aware that nothing short of execution is a suitable punishment for the crime you committed. What would you like your final meal to be? You can have whatever, and nobody will learn what you chose."

Armitage: "Uh.... nothing? If we're to die, we don't need nutrition."

Ben: Yeah, no. That's Hux’ press-conference face you're putting on, but I know that man better. No way Hux of all people would pass by the chance to gorge on a glaced cake when nobody's looking. You are an imposter.

Daniel: "I haven't forgotten how you mocked us in Oga's cantina! Don't try that again! Answer Lord Ren’s question or else!"

Armitage: "E... e... earthworms. Plenty of earthworms!"

Rey: "Oh, yes! Earthworms would be nice. Or a hamster."

Daniel: "I think we intimidated them too much... Should we give them more time?"

Ben: "No. Let me test something else first...”

Ben: "You know what, rebel-scum? You are going to live, after all. No executions. Me and my unpredictable mood-swings, ey? 

Just say "Glory to the First Order" - in unison, please."

Hux and Rey nod to each other, then they lock hands. They don't have to mean it, after all, or swear allegiance, just speak the words. And so the captives open their mouths to fulfill the simple request. But when the first sounds escape their throats, they come out never quite at the same time:

Armitage: "Glo..."

Rey: "...ry to..."

Armitage: "the..."

Rey: "First."

Armitage: "Order."

While the duo is incapable of speaking in synch, they sound like a single person speaking through two microphones, quickly alternating between them. And there is no trace of the adoration General Hux would have spoken the phrase with or the amused disdain Rey wouldn't have been able to conceal.

Maybe they aren’t imposters, after all. What if Ben sees the real Hux and Rey standing before him, but they are possessed by the same being? Like a certain emperor everyone had believed dead, a man so removed from the mindset of regular people, that he might very well have forgotten what they ate.

[enkisstories]

Armitage: "If that isn't the bright ray of sunshine in my life..."

Rey: "Management is concerned about your sugar consumption, so I brought the nextbest unhealthy shit instead. Say hello to your new best mate potatoe chips!"

Armitage: *crunch, crunch*

Rey: "What happened to your fingers?!"

Armitage: "The blue spots? That's ink. I'm passing time learning how to write by hand. And with ink and a quill. It's rather messy."

Rey: "Speaking of messy, in related news, we have a truce with the First Order now."

Armitage: "Are they mad?! A truce at this stage of the war will only benefit the Resistance! One would think even Kylo Ren would have more brains than to agree to that!"

Rey: "We freed him from gramps' influence. You were there when we did. And now that he’s Ben again, he sees things differently."

Rey: "And there's someone else who can only win from a truce: The defenseless, locked up First Order General. If the Resistance falls and your former fellow officers find you here, they'll kill you."

Armitage: "Nah. What's the saying? The quill is more powerful than the blaster? They won't find me alive."

Rey: "It doesn't have to end like this, you know..."

[enkisstories]

For Hux' test, Vol Tarem had placed a computer in her backyard. Unlike the two rebels, the First Order General didn't have to struggle with a skill he was untrained in or painful realisations about himself.

Surrounded by the sound of lightsabers flashing, hooves clopping and a woodworking bench screeching, Hux was to write a speech. He should have been in his element here, but even so encountered a sort of block in his head halfway through his work.

Nothing a quick jog through the mushroom forest and some vitamins couldn't solve.

BB-8 accompanied the frenemy - Hux would have done the same to get intel on his enemies, of course.

"Bip-bip-bip-tweeet-tweeet!"

"You saw Poe doing what in the tower? Sewing? No, that can't be correct. Looks like my binary has gotten a bit rusty. If my test entails a speech, Poe's will be navigation- or maneuvering related."

"Beep..."

"I guess I'll learn what he's really doing soon enough."

"Beep..."

"No, really, no need to worry. The tower's still standing, so your master can't have goofed up too badly."

On his way back to the tower Hux already formulated the rough draft of his speech's second half. Things were going swimmingly!