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#hurt!calum
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Hurt!Calum Masterlist
Links Last Checked: August 6th, 2024
Enemy Territory (ao3) - xelated calum/ashton, michael/luke T, 2k (WIP)
Summary: cashton werewolf au.
crossing enemy lines is dangerous business, something they should’ve known would never end well.
Good boys and sad subs (ao3) - kittenmichael luke/ashton, michael/calum N/R, 3k
Summary: “Remember what you promised me this morning? Are you going to be a good boy for me today?”
“Of course!” Luke giggles. “Then you’ll give me lots of kisses when you get back, right?”
“Anything for my princess,” Ashton whispers, his voice deep and soft. He curses himself, fully aware of how whipped he is for this boy. The way Luke listens to him, trying his hardest to get Ashton’s attention and approval, desperate for his love. It kills him.
or, luke wants to be a good boy for ashton, but something gets in the way
if it's all a dream, don't wake up (ao3) - lifewasradical michael/calum G, 5k
Summary: Calum dreams of it all, but front and center, as always, is Michael, smiling and holding his hand through every scenario. Calum’s always sought out Michael in times of comfort, something he thinks will never change, regardless of how old they get and how many years they spend together. 
Or, 5 times Michael tells Calum to go back to sleep and the one time Calum tells Michael to go back to sleep.
I Love You So Much It Hurts (ao3) - pommedhappy michael/calum, luke/ashton M, 2k
Summary: Calum hisses in pain when the burning coffee hits his hand. He’s not the clumsy type, he’s really not, but those kinds of events tend to happen a lot nowadays. Calum adds this to the list of injuries indirectly caused by one Michael Clifford. He blames Michael for everything, actually. Because he was fine before his best friend from a decade starts to act so affectionate, and messes with his brain. Now he can’t escape the blond during the day, and when he closes his eyes Michael’s face is all he sees. It’s tiring, it really is.
Fortunately, Michael is always there to take care of him.
I'm Begging You to Be My Safety (ao3) - kayehmwhy luke/ashton G, 1k
Summary: “I don’t really tell anyone unless I have to,” the younger said staring at the floor. “It’s not something i’m proud of.”
Or // Luke's emetophobic, Calum's airsick, Ashton's trying to help and Michael's asleep.
Little lines that write your face (ao3) - cthink michael/calum G, 1k
Summary: Michael thought he was beautiful, with his papery leather books filled with scrawled ink lettering, carving words of magnificence into delicate pages.
Unfortunately, not everyone else did.
Love (and and other acts of madmen) (ao3) - TempestRising michael/calum G, 13k
Summary: ...every nerve Michael has is on edge and his brain won't stop screaming Calum Calum Calum and his hands are still red, and there's still blood under his fingernails from where he cradled Calum's body before they tore them apart.   "Well honey," the nurse says, "if you've got a god I'd start praying. You might be here a while."
Or: Calum gets shot at a concert.
More Than This (ao3) - nationalnobody calum/ashton, michael/luke G, 1k
Summary: In which Calum is sick and puts up a front because he refuses to let anybody find out and Ashton is the only one who realises it.
Playin' In The Street, Gonna Be A Big Man Some Day (ao3) - senioritastyles calum/ashton G, 3k
Summary: Calum and Ashton face off in the national college football championship.
Subject Line - @daydadahlias​​ (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) calum/ashton E, 20k
Summary: Maybe the sunrise doesn’t matter much after all. Calum can watch the sunrise any day. How many days will he get Ashton like this? Shirtless, sporting bedhead in a hotel room, with just the two of them for a few lazy hours alone?
Soon enough, they’ll be back on the tour bus and Calum won’t be allowed to hold Ashton’s hand anymore.
The Upside of Everything Wrong (ao3) - cashcakeplz michael/calum, luke/calum, luke/ashton N/R, 24k
Summary: “Well we’ve always kind of deviated, don’t you think?” He says with a sly little smile that metaphorically knocks Calum on his ass. His face turns red again, and why, why is Michael doing this to him? “I do think that.” He whispers. He leans a bit closer to Michael, and lets his head rest against the boy’s shoulder. “But this isn’t a date.”
or the one where Calum's been betrayed by everyone he's put trust in, and believes he's unlovable until Michael appears, and shows Calum just how easy being loved can be
what it was and what it wasn't (ao3) - orphan_account T, 4k
Summary: Dragons. Fictional creatures that weren’t quite fictional. They were monsters, invading the Earth from another planet and destroying its inhabitants.
That’s how the humans saw it. But nothing is ever as seen on the surface, is it?
Everything has layers.
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bratzforchris · 1 year
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Keep Me Safe
‼️TRIGGER WARNING: this work is extremely depressing and dark. Do not read unless you are 100% stable.
Pairing: Luke x feminine and little!reader
Warnings: verbal/emotional abuse implied, self harm, blood, bandages, emotional meltdown
Word Count: 1515
This is your last warning to step away if you are triggered by the above topics
You sat in the bathroom, absolutely sobbing your heart out. You’d just gotten off the phone with your mother, and to say you were hurt was an understatement. Throughout the call, she’d belittled you and berated you, telling you it was your own fault you didn’t have friends and that your life would be so much better if you’d just let her “help” you. To hear such awful, hurtful things from the person that gave you life was something you never thought would happen to you. 
You wailed as you pressed your nails further into your skin, enjoying the way the physical pain distracted you. The feeling, you had decided, was what you were seeking. You shakily reached under the sink, already feeling guilty but not stopping yourself. In the far left corner, shoved to the back, was a small bag of your old blades. They were hidden specifically so Luke wouldn’t find them. He knew you had a history of self-harm, but you had been clean for over eight months since being with him. 
Grabbing one of the fresher pieces of metal, you immediately made a small mark on your inner arm. It wasn’t big, less than an inch long, but it immediately began to pour blood. Despite the slight feeling of dizziness that went rushing to your head, you made more cuts that began to litter your arms and legs. 
After the eighth cut, you were snapped out of your trance and began to realize what you’d done. Your cuts were absolutely pouring blood that was beginning to seep onto the bathroom floor. You hurriedly grabbed a wad of toilet paper and began to press it to the wounds, crying heavily. You knew Luke wasn’t going to be mad. He would be worried for you. And that made you cry more than him being mad would. 
The thought of making your daddy worried about you was enough to immediately make you slip into littlespace, sobbing as you feebly tried to stop the bleeding. By this point, you were absolutely wailing for Luke as you held the pieces of toilet paper to your arms and legs. Your tiny voice repeatedly called out for daddy, begging him to come make things better and take away your hurt.  
Luckily for you, Luke had just walked in the door after getting home from the studio. He noticed all of the lights downstairs were off, but your car was in the driveway. 
“Y/N? I’m home!” he called, wandering up the stairs. 
Luke cocked his head as he heard your tiny sobs from the bathroom. He listened once more just to be sure and sure enough he heard your little voice calling out for daddy. The blond immediately rushed over to the door and twisted the knob, cursing when he realized it was locked. 
“Princess! Open the door for Daddy, please!” he called, urgency in his voice. 
“No can! Daddy hurt,” You cried, wanting to rush into Luke’s arms but knowing you couldn’t get off the floor. “Beedin Daddy!” 
“Fuck.” Luke whispered under his breath, running into your shared bedroom and retrieving one of your bobby pins from on top of the dresser. 
There had been many a time where your little self had accidentally gotten locked in the bathroom, but Luke could tell this time was different. The urgency in your voice told him everything. He rushed back to the bathroom and immediately popped the lock, shoving open the door. 
“Angel?...oh my god.” he whispered more to himself than to you when he saw the scene. 
“Daddy helps!” You sobbed. 
“Shhh shh shhh, baby. Daddy’s got you,” he said, immediately scooping you up. “Oh princess.” 
Luke held you on his hip as he grabbed a washcloth, not even caring about your blood seeping into his white shirt. He ran the cloth under cool water and immediately started applying pressure to your wounds, his heart breaking as he listened to your cries. 
“Daddy is so sorry his princess is in pain.” he said sadly as you leaned your head on his shoulder, crying all the same. 
You were beginning to grow faint from the blood loss and Luke could tell by the way your grip was going slack. He filled up a tiny mouthwash cup with some water and sat you down on the vanity, holding the cup in one hand and the cloth in the other. 
“Deep breaths, honey. In through your nose, out through your mouth…good job, baby girl!” he said with an encouraging smile as you copied his breathing. “Can you drink some water now? Daddy will help you.”
You nodded softly. “Mhm.”
Luke held the cup up to your lips, allowing you to take small sips of water. He gently kissed your forehead when you were done, praising you for being such a good girl. “Daddy loves you so much, honey. Always remember that.” 
You whimpered softly, making grabby hands for Luke to pick you up again. “Daddy.” You whined quietly. 
“Let’s fix your boo boos and then I’ll hold you, okay lovely?” Luke asked, a soft look in his blue eyes. 
You nodded but made a sad sound, tears starting to flow. Luke grabbed the bottle of peroxide from under the sink, as well as gauze, Neosporin, and bandaids. Even in your regressed state, you could see how much Luke cared for you. His shirt was covered in your blood, his curls were sweaty and falling in his face, and you could see the panic on his features, but he expressed nothing but love towards you. 
“This may hurt a little, baby. Squeeze Daddy’s hand if you need to, ‘kay?” Luke told you as he prepared the peroxide. 
As soon as he squeezed some of the liquid on your cuts, you began to sob and squeeze his hand. If your grip wasn’t rather weak at the moment, it probably would’ve actually hurt. Luke’s face dropped into a pout as he heard your cries, but if he was worried, he didn’t show. He wiped the injuries with the gauze, before grabbing the Neosporin and using clean hands to smooth some over your boo boos. 
“Want pony bandaids, princess?” he asked softly, trying to cheer you up. 
“Pease.” You mumbled softly. 
You were quite exhausted and sad at this point and all you wanted was for Luke to pick you up and snuggle you in bed with your stuffie and pacifier. Your little mind couldn’t even really comprehend the fact that you had purposely hurt yourself. All you knew was that it hurt. A lot. Daddy placed the bandaids over all of your cuts with so much love and care until he finally, finally scooped you up. 
You laid your head against Luke’s shoulder, yawning and fisting your eyes. “Seepy.”
“Aww, I know, honey,” Your daddy rubbed your back, carefully walking downstairs with you perched on his hip. “Let’s get you a snack and some water and then we’ll take a nap, okay?”
Luke didn’t care how late in the day it was. You were in pain and needed some rest, especially after going through such trauma in such a regressed state of mind. He carefully handed you an apple slice while reaching into the cabinet for your sippy cup. Despite how hard it was to make your water and snack while holding you on his hip, Luke never let go. 
Once you had finished your small snack, the blond walked back upstairs, still holding you. He carefully set you on the bed, watching for any tears that may have started. 
“Daddy’s just going to change into pjs so we can cuddle, okay honey?” he told you.
You nodded, snuggling your stuffie to your chest as you watched Luke pull off his blood-soaked shirt and jeans. You smiled softly when you realized Daddy was putting on your favorite, sensory-approved pajama pants. It wasn’t until Luke went to pull a shirt over his head that you had an issue. 
“No Daddy! No shirt!” You protested. 
“Okay, angel, okay. No shirt.” he chuckled, knowing how much comfort skin-to-skin cuddling brought you. 
Daddy pulled back the covers of the bed and slid in next to you, handing you your paci that said Daddy’s Princess from his nightstand. He made sure you had your paci and your stuffie before pulling you into his chest, rubbing up and down your back. 
“Daddy loves you, baby.” he cooed. 
“Loves you, Daddy.” You said with a great yawn. 
It wasn’t long until you fell asleep, comforted by Luke’s presence and worn out after such a day. Luke knew it would be a long road from here. He made a mental note to ask you about seeing a psychiatrist again when you were big. He also knew that he needed to wash his clothes, get rid of your blade stash and clean the blood off the bathroom floor, but that could wait until you were sleeping. For now, he just soaked in the feeling of having you relaxed on his chest. Your daddy knew that he would always keep you safe. 
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ashtonsunshine · 1 year
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lord almighty x
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confusionmeisss · 1 year
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i just want everyone to know, this is the love of my life. like, i will never love a man more than i love michael gordon clifford, and i’m being so genuinely serious when i say that.
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kindahoping4forever · 2 years
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Important post
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daydadahlias · 1 month
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I love the way you write cake so much. They’re always just so sweet and soft and capture the true essence of the guys’ personalities. Almost makes me wish you were a calum or Luke stan just so we would get more cake from you lol. Hope you’re having a good day!
awww thank you so so much :( I'm really glad you enjoyed the fic and it means a lot especially bc, if I'm being honest, cake is actually the ship I'm most insecure writing <3 so getting feedback like this is really flattering and makes me smiley <3
but im sorry i could never be a luke or calum stan smh.... i care for my hippie whore too much....
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robertacolndrez · 2 years
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paul mescal made a public playlist for calum (his character in aftersun) and it features not one but two julien baker songs (claws in your back and song in e................)
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The pictures that you sent me, they're still livin' in my phone
I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone
It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you moved on
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long
It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
'Cause I'm not fine at all
I remember the day you told me you were leavin'
I remember the make-up running down my face
And the dreams you left behind, you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape
Tell me this is just a dream
cuz I'm really not fine at all
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yourlocalcamerarole · 2 years
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Ok but Ashton’s hair, Calum’s backwards hat, and Luke’s little pout 😍😫
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basslinecal · 2 years
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"Can you come pick me up, please?"
a moodboard for my own fic, empty wallets
emotional hurt comfort + cashton
Calum loses his wallet amidst a stressful shopping trip, and has noone left to call except Ashton, the man he had only met for a few dates.
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givemea-dam-break · 1 year
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my final straw was getting excited watching a “your birth month and your 5sos golden trio songs” and then proceeding to see that it was june with quite literally 3 of my favourite songs i’ve never felt such acute betrayal
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miengsol · 2 years
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one of calum’s many default emotions:
>:’(
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calumhoodgoss · 2 months
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ghost-of-you · 1 year
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i just know that whoever informed that 5sos member they needed to change and then told them that they never would is permanently on the others’ shit list lol
Oh, that's for sure. They have a song with the lyrics "I'd still bury that body for you" you think they would have beef for the smallest things that made one of them upset?
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irisposts · 8 months
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don’t go | e.williams
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warning: cheating, slight angst
thinking about making multiple parts lemme know! :)
edited: yes/no
DINNER IS AWKWARD….
Your fork clinks against the plate as you attempt to spear the lingering asparagus. The sounds of Jesse clearing his throat and Dina blowing a breath of air fill the room.
Your eyes lift ever so slightly, observing Ellie toying with her food—her fork nudging lettuce around her plate, her expression disturbed. You then turn your attention to Calum, your boyfriend, who casually swipes at his mouth with a napkin, seemingly unfazed by the tension in the air.
You chew on your lip.
Jesse clears his throat once more, “Y/N, man, these mashed potatoes.” His usual southern drawl, which would bring you comfort, now adds to your anxiety. “Sure are good… love me some good ol’ mashed potatoes.”
Jesse awkwardly chuckles, then stops as Dina gestures for him to stop with a touch of her hand.
The first scrape of the chair reaches your ears.
“I’m not feeling well,” Ellie abruptly stands up and takes her plate.
You watch with wet eyes as she avoids eye contact, keeping them low to the ground. What stings the most is the comforting look Dina offers to her, and how Ellie acknowledges that instead.
“Thanks for the dinner.” She nods towards you and Calum, then disposes of her plate in the kitchen. You watch as she comes back to walk past and stops. She looks at the two of you this time, and you can see it in her eyes, the hurt. “Congrats.”
And with that, Ellie walks away head low. Your throat tightens, and this massive wave of unease settles at the pit of your stomach. Your eyes fall to the diamond ring on your finger, and it feels almost too much to bear.
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It's been three weeks since you and Calum dropped the engagement bomb on your friends over dinner. Or at least, Calum did the dropping. You wanted to wait a few more weeks, maybe even months.
You care a lot about Calum; he's sweet, kind, and handsome. However, you can't shake the feeling that things are moving too fast. You both met at university around a year ago, and you’re both in your early twenties, trying to figure this whole thing out.
Then, last month, he got down on one knee at dinner, in front of your parents, and popped the magic question,
"—Do you want to marry him?"
Your mind goes blank, and you glance over to Ellie, who's fixedly staring at the TV.
"What?"
Ellie licks her lips, and you observe her swallowing a thought.
This is the first time in weeks you've heard Ellie speak to you in a complete sentence. You've been roommates for three years, and not hearing her voice was admittedly torture. Lately, she's been distant and awkward, responding with the occasional "yeah," "yes," "I don't know."
You practically invited yourself onto the couch tonight, and now she's talking to you; things are starting to look up for once, you think to yourself.l
"Do you want to marry Calum...?" Ellie turns her head toward you, but her eyes are still low. She holds her pointer and middle finger, a nervous tick you've noticed over the years.
You take a moment. "I…" When you try to speak and say yes, the words get stuck in your throat. You close your lips and swallow. "I don't know...."
Saying this, a wave of shame hits you, and you bite back the guilt, but you feel it spreading to your throat, crawling toward the surface. "W-Why do you ask?"
Ellie shakes her head, hesitating. “I…just.” Her lips tremble, and you watch as she goes through the motions before finally saying, "Don't go."
It's almost like your world stops, and in tunnel vision, it's only Ellie.
You lean forward, placing your hand on top of hers. "Ellie, I—"
The front door snaps open; your fiancé, Calum, stumbles in. You sit up, partially alarmed but equally annoyed that you had given him a key a while back.
"Helloooooo!” He slams the door shut and stumbles further into the apartment. "Man, people don't know how to drive," Calum slurs his words. "Fuckin amateurs…"
Ellie's lips turn into a straight line, and she swipes at her eyes.
"You drove here drunk?"
Calum makes a face. "No, Jesus, Y/N. Relax, I just had a few drinks with the boys."
Calum turns towards your bedroom in a sway. He's drunk, too drunk as you watch him steady himself along the walls.
Ellie stands up and mumbles something along the lines of, "I got homework tonight," and shuffles awkwardly into her room.
"Ellie?" But it's too late as her room door closes.
Calum is at your front door, and he laughs. "What crawled in her pants?"
If you could throw daggers with your eyes, Calum would be obliterated.
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It’s another two weeks, and your mind still wonders about what Ellie had meant when she said, “Don’t go.” You practically drive yourself mad, but every time you try to bring it up, Ellie is either too tired to talk, or you're working a shift, or Ellie is at basketball practice or with Dina and Jesse.
Speaking of Dina and Jesse, you've noticed your spot in the group has shrunk; the trio tends to hang out more, leaving you with Calum.
Most importantly, you've observed Dina and Ellie becoming exceptionally close.
Dina has been at your apartment more frequently; you hear the giggles in Ellie’s room when Dina stays the night. And you love Dina; you truly do, but you can't help but feel a bit jealous of this whole ordeal; after all, Ellie is your best friend. But this jealousy is more; it's different…
“Hey.”
You say the word so sharply it could cut ice. You watch as Ellie exits the bathroom, towel drying her hair.
She looks around at the empty apartment, “Hey?”
Every thought in your head scrambles to make its way first to your lips. “You’ve been avoiding me.” You don’t mean to sound accusatory, but you've simply had enough; you miss your best friend, your Ellie.
Ellie chews on the inside of her cheek. “Have I?” She continues walking forward towards her bedroom. But you stop her, grabbing her arm.
“Stop.”
Ellie turns to you, cheeks hot.
Your chest thumps at her wet hair sticking to her face, the messiness of it all. The rosiness of her cheeks, the freckles that decorate her face. The visible skin of her waist, the water droplets rolling off, as she only wears her sports bra and a pair of baggy shorts. You notice the waistband sticking out underneath.
You shake the thought licking at your lips, “What did you mean by ‘don’t go?’”
You remove your hand.
Ellie rocks on her heels. “Are we still talking about this?”
You cross your arms. “Yes.” You swipe at your eyes. “Please.”
Ellie thinks for a moment, trying to find the words. “I just don’t think… Calum is the right person for you.” Ellie raises her eyes slowly, expecting a fight. “Okay?”
You take a breath. “And who would be my right person?”
Ellie pauses, her gaze shifting from your eyes to your lips. The heat rises in her cheeks, and her chest pounds so loudly that she wonders if you can hear it. Clamminess creeps into her palms, and the thought of passing out on the spot crosses her mind, but this might be her only chance to keep you,
"me."
A part of you wants to respond with "no" or "we're just friends; I have a fiancé," yet that part of yourself is rendered null as Ellie stands before you.
The other part screams, a surge of joy, jitters, and emotions. It’s almost a sigh of relief – the feeling you’ve harbored for years now reciprocated.
“Y/N,?” Ellie looks at you, concerned, but you reach forward.
“Shut up,” Holding her face between your hands, your lips meet in a feverish kiss. It’s every bit of love that has been locked away for years, pouring out.
The next thing you know, you're stumbling back towards her bedroom, hands moving, touching, and grabbing each other's skin. In the process, your lips move in unison. It’s messy, but it’s everything you could ever imagine it to be. Ellie kisses with a sense of authority and power, she’s obviously well mastered in the art.
Her tounge slides at your bottom and you gasp just as her muscular arms flex, and lift you onto her hips, “Fuck.”
You're even more impressed as she carries you to her bedroom.
Her foot slamming the door shut behind you.
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starry eyed lies | ashton irwin x pop star!reader
author's note: had been cooking this one for a while, might be really sloppy bc i had zero time to work on it lol
summary: as a publicity stunt to boost the popularity of five seconds of summer, ashton is forced to fake date you, a rising pop star that has stolen the hearts of listeners around the world.
warnings: fighting, social media, cyber-bullying?, swearing, mentions of weed, fake dating trope, Ashton is labeled a "bad boy" lol, angst
word count: 11.0k
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It was supposed to be a simple “fix-all.” Following the tour for Sounds Good Feels Good, the boys were running on a high. Their names were known all over the world, and they were loved by all girls for not only their music but their looks, too. But with a running high, things must come to an end, as the boys began to falter on their positive fame streak. From negative articles to drama tabloids being released about them, the boys were torn apart by critics and haters alike for their rock star-bad boy attitude. Wherever they made a mistake -one drink too many or ending up in another drama with other celebrities- the press was right there to pick them and prod them where it hurt. The boys’ hands were tied, and it looked like it was the end for their band as they knew it. 
“I’m really at a loss here,” their publicity manager sighed, holding a news article in her hand. On the headlines it stated “Aussie Punk Rock Boys Strike Again: Another Party Gone Wrong.” Depicted in the photo were Luke and Ashton’s headshots taken by the L.A.P.D. It was yet another public disturbance report with additional fines allotted because they were under the influence. On top of that, Luke was still underage and not allowed to drink. 
“I mean, really,” she pressed, tossing the paper onto the coffee table. “Another disturbance report? I thought I told you guys to cut down on parties and alcohol. What were you thinking?”
And to be completely honest, they weren’t thinking. With press on their backs and paparazzi following them everywhere they went, the boys felt completely constricted. Stress was building up in their systems and they lacked an older figure -someone more knowledgeable in the music industry- to guide them through their early onset of fame. One mistake after the other just egged each other on, leaving them feeling hopeless and self-destructive. It got to a point where Ashton considered doing one last big stunt to end his career entirely. At least then he’d finally get to go back home and away from the drama. 
But he couldn’t do that to his boys. His best friends he more so considered brothers had dreamed of moving to L.A. and making music for everyone to hear. Hell, it was his dream, too. He couldn’t possibly throw all of that away for his own selfish desires. Ashton still had to admit that he was getting tired of constantly being under the spotlight with little reward from it. 
“I’m sorry Manuela,” Luke said, hanging his head low. “It won’t happen again, I promise.” 
“I hope I can count on you guys when you say that,” she said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Because there’s only so much I can do on my end to get you guys out of the hole you put yourselves into.” 
Michael leaned over his knees, determined to make things right. “Tell us what we can do,” Michael insisted. “We can clean ourselves up, we swear. We promised to take this break as a time to fix ourselves and really focus on our music.” 
“See, that’s the thing,” Manuela pointed out. “Taking a break is the perfect opportunity to get out of the spotlight and focus on bettering yourselves. But, completely escaping the press and media will make you guys fade out of the music industry. So we have to find an even balance between the two.”
“How?” Calum asked curiously. A frown rested on his tired face. Anyone could tell the bad press was getting to him. It was getting to all of them. “Everyone practically hates us.” 
Manuela grabbed the remote from the table and turned on the TV, connected to her computer. “That’s where we come in,” she started, sharing her screen to the boys. “What we need is a fresh face that’s receiving positive feedback to get you guys on everyone’s good side again.” She flicked through meaningless graphs and percentages of social media engagement and views on YouTube for their tour diaries and music videos. Ashton winced at the downward trend for each graph. “My team’s first option was One Direction. But considering the break they decided to go on, it’s obviously not a viable choice anymore.” 
“So who do you have in mind?” Ashton spoke up, flicking his hand up to ask his question. 
Their publicity manager clicked the remote to change slides. On the screen was a beautiful girl, smiling at the paparazzi. You looked shy, definitely new to the L.A. music scene but confident nonetheless. 
“Woah, y/n l/n?” Michael awed. “I’ve listened to her music before. She’s sick.” 
“And also America’s new pop princess,” Manuela informed them. “After touring with Taylor Swift as her opening act for the 1989 tour, she’s gained considerable popularity. She’s just moved to L.A. and records at the studio a couple blocks down. She’s new to the industry, but she’s promising.” Manuela switched  off the TV and turned to the boys. “And she’s probably your only option.” 
“Hold on,” Ashton said. He was struggling to wrap his head around this. “What do you want us to do with her? Record a song with her? Not to be rude or anything, but her music genre doesn’t mix well with our type of stuff, and I don’t feel like writing lovey-dovey shit.” 
Manuela chuckled at his immediate disgust at the idea. “No, we weren’t thinking that,” she reassured him. “For now, at least. What we need is a good influence in your lives for the public to see. Someone like y/n.” 
“So what now?” Ashton raised an eyebrow. “We just knock on her door and become best friends?” 
“Ash,” Calum scolded him, smacking his knee. “Be nice. y/n and I are mutuals on social media and she’s had nothing but nice things to say about us.” 
Manuela snapped her fingers. “Exactly,” she agreed. “Calum and Michael are already acquainted with her. We need a bigger step to bring you guys into the limelight.” The older woman turned to Ashton, ironically the one member that was most against this whole ploy. “We need you to date y/n.” 
The four boys let out shouts of differing emotions. Michael was shocked, Calum was confused, Luke was jealous, and Ashton was no doubt opposed. 
“Why him!” Luke whined. “He doesn’t want to do it, let me! I’ll gladly date her.” 
Manuela shook her head, adamant on her decision. “It’s gotta be Ashton, I’m afraid,” she said. “His “bad boy” persona is the most detrimental to your overall image. He’s got to be the one. Not to mention, y/n requested him specifically.” 
“Oh great,” Ashton groaned, voice dripping in sarcasm. “The plan is to sell me off as some pop star’s boy toy? How come she’s in on it and I have no choice?” 
“That’s not the plan,” Manuela told him firmly. “It was created in agreement between her team and yours. She needs all the publicity she can get to boost her fame and, well, you guys are aware of your own situation. It’s all for show, Ashton. All we ask is a few dates in public and even a kiss or two for the press.”
Michael snickered. “He won’t have a problem with that,” he muttered under his breath. 
“But,” Manuela cut the boy off. “We’re not asking you to marry her. It’s just a few months and then an amicable split. She’s going on tour at the end of the year, and you boys are going on your writing retreat. By then, both of you will be able to part ways and your relationship will be a thing of the past. She gets the publicity, your reputation gets fixed. It’s a win-win situation.” 
“Not for me,” Ashton fought back. He wanted nothing to do with this. Hell, he didn’t want anything to do with the band anymore. Each night, he plotted excessive plans to escape his prison called L.A. and fly back to Sydney to be with his family. He was sick of the lights, the glamor, the fame. 
He glanced back at his friends. His heart clenched at the dark bags under Calum’s eyes, and Michael’s uncharacteristically extra pale complexion from the lack of sleep. Anxiety had riddled the entire band, and it was clear on Luke’s hands where he had been picking at his fingertips. They were a wreck, and Manuela made it seem like he was their last hope. If he said no, they could pack up their things and go home. He’d get what he wanted all along. But Ashton couldn’t let go of the sparkling looks in their eyes when they received word from One Direction that they wanted them to open up for their concerts. He saw hope in their futures, saw something bigger in store for them. In some way, Ashton could still see that innocence in their eyes, blocked slightly by their stress and nerves. He was their last chance to bring that optimism back. 
“I’ll do it,” he gave in. The boys let out whoops of joy, tackling Ashton into a hug. Ashton was frustrated beyond belief, but he faked a smile just to see his boys get their spark back. 
Ashton was immediately regretting his decision the moment he stepped foot into the restaurant. The restaurant was too expensive for his taste, the kind of eatery that sold mediocre food primarily for you to post on social media for your “friends” to envy you. If this place was your idea as Manuela mentioned, it was only a mere insight of your personality. And without even meeting you yet, Ashton was beginning to loathe you. 
The musician checked his watch again, keeping his head down and away from any prying eyes. You were ten minutes late, and if you kept this up, Ashton predicted you wouldn’t even show up. Ashton swore under his breath, growing more and more annoyed by you. He never should have agreed to this plan. 
Suddenly, you came bursting through the door. Your eyes peered around the store before finding Ashton’s, immediately heading to the table he had saved. Ashton fought the urge to roll his eyes at your lack of sunglasses or hoodie. It was like you were begging for attention. Which, now he thought, you probably were. 
“I’m so sorry I’m late,” you apologized profusely, setting your bag on the ground and pulling out your notebook. A waitress immediately went to your table to take your orders. Ashton had only wanted water, but you ordered one milkshake and a side of cannolis. “Traffic was terrible, as per usual in L.A. I suppose. And then my publicity manager asked me to get my hair down for today, then she scheduled a nail appointment-” You took a deep breath, running out of air from talking so quickly. “I feel like a dress up doll,” you joked, giving the Aussie a sheepish smile. 
Ashton, however, was not amused. He barely returned your smile, his eyes narrowed in annoyance. “Whatever,” he murmured. “Let’s just pretend to look happy when the press gets here. We were supposed to have a ten minute prep time but since you decided to be late-”
“I didn’t decide to be late-” you fought back incredulously.
“We only have three minutes max to plan something good for the press to take a picture of,” Ashton finished, sending a glare your way for interrupting him halfway. 
You huffed, deep in thought before concocting something paparazzi worthy. “Just follow my lead, okay?” you said, watching a swarm of paparazzi approach the restaurant. The waitress set down your order and was about to dash off when you asked for two straws. 
Ashton raised an eyebrow at your idea, not exactly following along. You stuck the two straws into the glass, taking a healthy sip from it. You let out a moan of delight, smiling to yourself at the taste. Ashton fought the urge to chuckle at your almost innocent-like demeanor. He coughed to cover up his laugh, still stubborn enough to maintain his grudge against your tardiness. 
You took the paper wrapping of one straw and glanced up at the drummed in front of you. Tying the wrapper together, you raised the knot up. “Tug the other side,” you instructed. 
Ashton gave you a pointed look but pulled the wrapper nonetheless, pulling until the paper gave way and snapped in half. The knot remained on your end, making you cheer in victory. 
“I still don’t understand what the hell you’re doing,” he grumbled. 
You ignored him, closing your eyes and whispering to yourself. Ashton leaned back, not fighting back an eye roll. “Great,” he muttered. “I’m on a date with a weirdo.” How was this supposed to get the band good publicity? 
Opening your eyes again, you set the wrapper down. “I was just making a wish,” you explained as if it was the most obvious thing. “You never did that before? Tie a knot in the straw wrapper, pull, and whoever gets the knot gets to make a wish.” 
“That’s,” Ashton took a deep breath. “The biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard in my life.” 
You scoffed playfully, cocking your head to get a good look at the paparazzi. More photographers approached the windows, taking hundreds of photos of the two of you. “Try smiling more,” you told him. “Maybe people wouldn’t crown you with the “bad boy of the band” title if you did.” 
“I’m not the bad boy of the band,” Ashton retorted, smiling nonetheless. It was a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, but it satisfied the press who started flashing their cameras more frequently at the sight of it. 
Snorting, you took his hand and weaved your fingers together as you took another sip of your -now shared- milkshake. You let out a quiet giggle despite no one saying anything funny.
“You’re terrible at this,” Ashton deadpanned. 
“I’ve seen people do this in movies,” you responded, shaking your head as if he said something unbelievable. 
“Doesn’t mean it’s a good idea,” he said back, responding to your head shake with a chuckle. 
You hummed, turning away and muttering under your breath, “Look who’s talking.” 
Ashton couldn’t help but be amused by your clever comebacks. He never expected you to be able to keep up with his sarcastic comments. But here you were, dishing them out faster than he can create one. 
“Anyways,” you continued breezily. “You’re so the bad boy of the band.”
“What makes you say that?” he asked, readjusting his position in his chair to prepare himself for whatever response you’d curated. 
You took a pause to collect your thoughts. You took a bite of your cannoli as you thought to yourself. “First off,” you swallowed the remaining bits of the pastry. “In your first album, you’re the only one looking away from the camera frowning. Luke’s looking away, but at least he’s smirking a little bit. That’s big bad boy energy. And the bandana? Come on, you’re trying so hard to be edgy but I see your smile behind the drums.”
Ashton rolled his eyes for the millionth time that day. “Good to know you’ve done your research.”
“I have to get to know my new fake boyfriend,” you waved him off jokingly. “What am I supposed to do? Go into this blind? Surely you’ve done some research about me.” 
The Australian musician hesitated to respond. “I may have skimmed the binder?” he responded, a little bit embarrassed. He didn’t expect to have to know everything about you and your career. 
You squeeze his hand, reminding him you were still intertwined. “It’s okay,” you assured him. “We’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other later.” 
You both turned to the windows and noticed the swarm of photographers only grew in size, all of them in huddles behind cars. “You think we gave them enough to look at?” you asked. Not waiting for a response, you placed a couple bills on the table and pulled Ashton up with you. 
“Where are we going?” Ashton questioned as you both braved the outdoors, instantly getting bombarded by the paparazzi. Taking on a protective boyfriend role, Ashton wrapped an arm around your shoulders and lent you his sunglasses to wear. 
“Don’t worry!” you said, raising your voice a bit due to the loud calls of interviewers calling out to them. “I know a place!” 
You sprinted down the street and took a sharp right, tugging Ashton along with you. Impressively enough, you were fast enough to lose the press. Soon enough, you found the place you were looking for and dove in. 
The drummer blinked a couple times, trying to regain his sight after the millions of flashes nearly blinded him. Once his vision turned back to normal, he looked around the room to see a relatively empty restaurant. The lights were dim and gave the feel of a speakeasy but also had sweet handmade decorations adorning the walls. The place was endearing to him, somehow, because of how unabashedly unique it was. 
You directed Ashton to your favorite table in the back corner while you went up to the counter to order for the both of them. By the time Ashton had gathered his bearings in his seat, you returned with a tray full of food. 
“Welcome to the “Quilted Corner,” you introduced him to the cafe. “Everyone’s favorite eatery in the darkest corner of Los Angeles. And by everybody I mean probably just me and five other people.” 
Ashton nodded dubiously, understanding the unique name for the place once he got a good look at the grandma-esque decorations. 
“And what do you have in your tray of horrors?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at the assorted foods.
You began to divide the food between the two of you, the mountain of greasy foods slowly turning into a valley and then nothing at all. 
“I’m going to change your goddamn life, Irwin,” you declared, taking a napkin and wiping your hands with it. “This is the order Granny Stevenson -the owner- recommended to me when I first came here. I was lost in the city looking for a place to duck and cover from the paparazzi and came across this lovely place.”
You gestured to the spread of foods. “This is the “homesick cure,”” you told him. “It consisted of two double cheeseburgers, a side of fries, and a milkshake. All completed with Granny Stevenson’s special sauce.” 
“And a heart attack,” Ashton deadpanned. 
You ignored his statement. “This place is really special to me,” you confessed. “It actually cured my homesickness and Granny Stevenson is a grandma-away-from-home to me. This place is where I go to write songs or just get away from it all.”
Ashton poked at his order, a thin film of oil coating his fingertips. “I don’t see the inspiration factor here,” he said, his nose scrunched up. “It just looks like another fast food place in America.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, sad mis-fed rockstar,” you said with a smirk. You pointed at the one last item you didn’t mention. “Behold the Grandpa Stevenson special.” You held up the dish and smelled it deeply. “A blueberry cheesecake made in-house with all the love this place can put into it. Name a place that sells that kinda love, Ashton.” 
“I’m pretty sure Burger King sold that at one point in a mall food court,” he snipped back. 
You narrowed your eyes at the pessimistic drummer. “Not sold with love,” you reminded him. “Besides, they actually make this stuff here. No processed shit, only love.”
Ashton scoffed, turning his head away from the table. Love. What a load of bullshit. If you were gullible enough to buy into the “love” this restaurant sold you, you definitely wouldn’t make it in the cut throat music industry. You were too innocent. It was only a matter of time until those producers and media companies tear you apart like they did with him and the band.
Despite his negative attitude, he took a fork and tried a piece of the cheesecake. The light dessert just about melted on his tongue, the flavors of cream, blueberry, and cinnamon dancing along his tongue. It was the best thing he’s ever tried.
“Told ya,” you sang, eating your own meal with a knowing smirk on your face. 
Ashton feigned a look of disgust. “You didn’t tell me shit,” he grumbled. “It tastes like every other cheesecake.” That was a lie. It wasn’t like anything he’d ever tasted. Somehow, it tasted like home. 
You tried to wipe your messy face with a napkin. “No one that thinks this is an average cheesecake makes that kinda face.” When Ashton didn’t understand, you sighed, preparing to make the same face. “It’s the look you get when you touch down in your hometown after an eleven hour flight. Or the face you make when you write a banger bridge for a song you’ve dedicated weeks to. Or it’s the look you get when everything makes sense in the world.” 
Ashton stabbed his cheesecake and shoveled more of it into his mouth. Pure Heaven. “Whatever,” he huffed. 
The two of you finished the rest of your meal in silence, aside from sighs of content from you because the food was that damn good. You finished off your milkshake, but not before picking up the straw wrapper and tying a knot, just like you did at the cafe before. 
“Pull away, rockstar,” you instructed. Reluctantly, Ashton followed suit and tugged at the paper, the knot ending up on his side this time. You cheered, clasping your hands together. “It’s your turn now! Your first wish that shall be granted by the straw gods.”
Ashton shot you a look before tossing the wrapper to the side. “I don’t really care for wishes,” he stated plainly. You frowned at his negative attitude and that look alone made Ashton’s heart lurch. He instantly felt bad for the way he’s been treating you; it wasn’t your fault the press hated him. But still, he couldn’t help but put some blame on you. It was better than wallowing in self hate, he supposed. 
“It’s okay,” you collected yourself. “You can save that wish for when you need it.”
“I’m pretty sure I’m not going to need it,” he responded sarcastically.
You chuckled, taking a bite out of Ashton’s cheesecake. He let out a shout of protest but you paid no attention to him. “Trust me,” you assured him. “There’s always a time when you need a wish in L.A.”
“She’s weird,” Ashton grumbled, readjusting the cuffs of his button up. The boys were preparing for their interview with Buzzfeed in their shared dressing room, fighting for space in front of the mirror. 
It’s been a total of three months since you and Ashton started your fake relationship and the media has been eating it up. They followed the both of you everywhere you went, hiding in cars and in alleyways to get a glimpse of the so-called happy couple. You played your part well, holding his hand in public and kissing his cheek whenever you had the opportunity. From the public’s point of view, Ashton was just as taken by you as you were with him. The media fawned over his boyish grin and blush whenever you’d readjust his beanie in the winter cold. 
On your end, you were genuinely falling for the boy. Behind closed doors, he was just a boy from Australia, new to the fast paced life of being a celebrity. You saw through his cold facade, slowly cracking through the walls he put up around his heart, and you had a feeling you were growing on him. He’d still quip sarcastic comments and roll his eyes, but you didn’t miss the small smile that would rest on his face when he thought you weren’t looking. As rare as his genuine smiles were, you relished those moments because it was the only times you’d see the real Ashton, not the one he’s put out for the paparazzi. 
Ashton, however, was still holding out his grudge against you, albeit very weakly. His tough exterior was indeed toppling slowly. Your kind nature was just too sweet to not find you a little endearing. Ashton would never admit that you had grown on him a little, and a small part of him possibly looked forward to your weekly dates. He learned so much from you, it was as if he never wanted to stop listening to you. Not that he would tell you that, though. 
“That’s all you’ve ever said about her,” Michael shot back, glancing at the mirror to check his hair one more time. “Come on, mate, it’s been three months. Surely you have something new to say about her?” 
Calum agreed wholeheartedly. “Yeah, she’s come to the studio during her breaks from recording. That’s not even in your dating contract but she still does it.”
“Not to mention she gets us coffee every time,” Luke piped up. “That coffee is addictive, where does she get it?” 
Ashton couldn’t help but smile at the thought. He knew you’d always stop by the Quilted Corner -no matter how far of a walk it was- to pick up some coffee. And he knew you always tried to be slick about it, but he’d always catch you tucking away a slice of blueberry cheesecake in the band’s fridge, just for him. He’d never mention it, though. He wanted to let you have your fun. 
Calum let out a shout, pointing at the drummer accusingly. “Aha!” he cheered. “I knew she was growing on you!”
“What the hell are you going on about, Cal?” Ashton demanded, exasperated by his friends’ antics. 
Calum continued his childish shimmy, the other boys gleefully joining in. “You got that dumb smirk on your face,” Calum smugly pointed out. “You’ve got it bad for y/n, don’t you.” 
Before Ashton could respond, the director shouted, “Five minutes till shooting!” Glaring at the boys to keep them silent, Ashton made his way to the chairs in front of the camera, silently praying for this interview to be quick and over with. 
“Welcome to Buzzfeed, boys,” the director’s assistant approached them with a smile. She was petite but her voice was strong and insistent. “Make sure to always look at the camera, but above all, smile and don’t look down. The viewers want to see your faces, okay?” Nodding in confirmation, the boys readied themselves for the camera as the assistant swiftly moved out of the way. 
“Yeah Ash, don’t doze off dreaming of y/n,” Luke snickered into his ear, making the other boys chuckle along with him -aside from Ashton, of course.
The interview went as well as one could expect. The questions about the boys’ past were still continuously brought up but the boys answered the questions with grace they could only credit to Manuela. Luckily enough, the interviewer seemed to enjoy their responses, noting a significant maturity in the boys. They seemed to have gotten over their party phase and turned into serious musicians during their break from tours and parties. 
“Final question is for Ashton,” the interviewer shuffled through their papers. “Sources have spotted you and new singer songwriter y/n l/n around L.A. quite a bit following the end of the North American 1989 tour. Now, you both have confirmed your relationship and made it very clear you two are together. Has y/n been an influence in the reshaping of your image in the media?” 
Ashton bit the inside of his cheek. Just remember what Manuela rehearsed with you, he thought. 
“Yeah, y/n’s been great,” he answered, trying to not sound as monotone as he did during his practice runs. “She’s been such a great influence to me and the boys, always keeping a positive outlook on things. I learn a lot from her, and I’d like to think she’s learned quite a bit from me, too.” 
“Like jumping into the neighbor’s pool at midnight?” the interviewer jested, referencing the one time Ashton had drunkenly trespassed his neighbor’s home while they were on vacation. 
Ashton tried not to cringe at that one memory, heavily wanting to keep that part of him in the past. “Definitely not that,” he laughed awkwardly. “But definitely in a sense of navigating newly received fame and things like that.” 
“That’s great to hear,” they hummed. “Should we be expecting anything from you guys? Maybe a collaboration of some sort?”
The drummed shrugged his shoulders honestly. “It’s all up to her,” he responded. “We’re still taking a break from touring, but we do have an album in the works. Writing music with her is definitely on the table, for sure.” 
Ashton wasn’t sure what word vomit was spewing from his lips. Last time he checked, it wasn’t up to you whether or not you wanted to collab with the boys (you were clearly apprehensive about invading his space), he didn’t want to write music with her (possibly due to the fact that the last time you had a joint writing session, he was stuck staring at you curled up on the other side of the couch; you were just mesmerizing but he’d never admit that aloud), and he hated lovey dovey shit (because he hated the warm feeling brewing in his stomach whenever you’d smile or laugh at his jokes). But it wasn’t like he liked you, right? He had to focus on his career, his boys, his life. Not a relationship that’s destined for failure no doubt because of the media. 
 “I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for you guys, thank you so much for coming to our studio today!” The interviewer finished off the closing statements for their interview while Ashton was left inside his head. 
Truth be told, he was conflicted. He had, in fact, gotten significantly closer with you, closer than he’d expected to be at the very least. He still tried to be closed off, tried to push you away from him so he wouldn’t get attached and heartbroken in the end. You just made it so damn difficult. 
“Nice responses, Ash,” Michael patted his shoulder as they gathered their things in their dressing room. “Really downplayed how much you liked her there.” 
Ashton raised an eyebrow while picking up his phone from the side table. He was stupid enough to not look at the text messages. Particularly the ones from you that stated you were on your way to the studio for your own interview. 
“What are you saying, Mike?” Ashton asked tiredly, tired of the relentless teasing and questions he’s gotten about you all afternoon. 
“Mike’s saying that we know you’re in so deep with her,” Luke spoke up from the back as he slipped on his jacket. “Like, L-word close with her.”
Love? Why the hell would he love you? This was all a fake set up for their careers, why didn’t they get that? 
“Can you guys knock it off?” Ashton snapped, finally raising his voice. “I don’t like y/n and I never will. I don’t even like her as a friend. She’s obnoxious, annoying, and so unbelievably difficult to work with; the two of us will never work out. And thank God for that because if I have to spend more than 10 months with her to save your asses’ careers, I’m leaving the fucking band.” 
“Ash-” Calum said meekly.
“No!” he cut him off harshly. “I’m sick of being pushed around like a fucking doll for publicity. The band was doomed from the start because the press won’t leave us the fuck alone. And using y/n as a last Hail Mary is as stupid as it is useless. She’s going to be nothing more than a washed up young celebrity like the rest of us and fade to the past.” 
“Ash!” Michael stopped him. “That’s enough, we get it.” 
Ashton didn’t piece together their hastiness until it was too late. He turned around to see you standing before them. He didn’t even hear the door open. Your eyes were welling up as your mouth was slightly opened by his outburst. 
“Hi guys,” you weakly greeted them. 
Ashton took a step forward, freezing when he saw you stagger back. “y/n,” he whispered, unable to know where to start with his apology. 
“I have an interview in ten minutes,” you informed them quickly. “I’ll see you around later, yeah?” 
You seemed to have taken that as final as you pushed them out of the dressing room and closed the door shut. You didn’t move from the door until you heard all of their footsteps trail off and out of the studio. You let out a shaky breath you didn’t even know you were holding in as you hang your head low. And to think you thought he actually might have liked you, too. 
A knock interrupted your thoughts. “Ms. l/n?” a voice spoke up. “My name’s Ryan and my buddy Shane and I wanted to know if–” 
“Sorry,” you said, opening the door sheepishly. You hoped your face wasn’t giving away your embarrassment and hurt you were experiencing. “I-um, I think I need to be alone for a sec.” 
“Oh!” the taller one exclaimed. “To call Ashton? I think I saw him walk that way.” 
You bit your lip, nodding painfully slow. “Yeah,” you croaked. “Thanks, I’ll be headed there soon.” 
You didn’t leave any time for debate or questions as you pushed through the pair and walked in the opposite direction, straight to the bathroom. The two men glanced at each other in concern. 
“What’s up with her?” Shane asked.
Ryan only shrugged his shoulders. “I guess it’ll remain unsolved,” he mused wisely.
“That’ll be a great name for a show one day!”
“I know right?”
You were lucky that there was enough conflict in both of your schedules to postpone your date to three weeks after the interview. To say you were anxious was an understatement. You picked at your fingernails as you waited for Ashton to arrive at the park. 
You were conflicted with the entire agreement. A part of you wanted to end the agreement, rip the contract into shreds. Ashton was right, wasn’t he? This plan was useless, and your fifteen minutes of fame were almost up. It was only a matter of time until you were no longer relevant. Then what would you do? You’d have to go back home and start over, and maybe that’s better than what you had for yourself now: a fake relationship for attention. 
But at the same time, you had fallen hard for Ashton. Behind his rough exterior was a shy musician that was passionate in what he did. He loved music, but loved his friends and family more. You admired him for that, realizing that he only had a harsh image because he was protective of who he loved. You only wished that he saved that part of himself for you, too.
“I didn’t think you’d come,” a soft voice spoke behind you.
You turned around on your bench to see Ashton standing, hands sheepishly in his pockets. His cheeks were red from the cold as his eyes were trained on the ground. 
“Of course I did,” you responded somewhat brusquely. “It’s part of the contract, afterall.” 
Ashton scoffed, making you raise an eyebrow irritatedly. You had every right to be a bitch to him. He was the one bad mouthing you in the first place. Your mixed emotions had sat in your stomach for the past few weeks. Your anger was winning out the heartsick feeling. 
“What are you scoffing about, rockstar?” you quipped, disgust filling your tone instead of affection as it usually was in the nickname you gave him. “I signed that paper as much as you did.” 
“It wasn’t like it was my fucking idea,” he shot back, frustration fueling his voice. He pulled at his hair and laughed, but there was no humor behind it. “In case you forgot, I was forced into this bullshit! And to think I was actually going to apologize to you.” 
“About which part?” you shouted back sarcastically. “The part where you called me obnoxious and annoying? Or how about when you couldn’t stand to spend any more time with me or else you’d quit the band? Oh I know! How about when you called me a washed up celebrity? Take your pick, rockstar! You’ve got plenty to choose from!”
“Don’t fucking call me that!” he raised his voice higher than he ever had before. “God, I’m fucking sick of you and your “holier than thou” bullshit! You’re only in this shit for the money and the fame. I’m tired of playing this game and being a fucking plot device to launch your career! Maybe if you actually had substance instead of putting up the “innocent girl from a small town” act, people would like you more! Because Jesus fuck I don’t!” 
What Ashton failed to realize was that your ten minute grace period between meeting and the paparazzi coming was up. The photographers circled around you like predators stalking their prey, starving for anything to satisfy their appetites. You were too caught up in your argument, too, oblivious to the prying eyes of the public. 
“Don’t act like you’re so perfect,” you spat. “You want my honest opinion about you? I think you’re nothing but a stuck up member of a boyband who’s pissy because the attention’s no longer on him anymore. Face it, Ashton! You’re just like everybody else here! Self-centered, fucked up, and ignorant as all hell. Maybe that’s why the media fucking hates you! It’s not because they twist your actions, you just are a fucking terrible person and it’s about time you realized that!” 
Ashton silently seethed, opening and closing his fists as he tried to find the right words to say. “You really think that?” he asked in a low tone. He wasn’t really sure if he wanted to hear your response. Despite his harsh words, he truly craved your validation and he knew that he wasn’t going to hear what he wanted. 
“Yes,” you swallowed. “I do.” Silence filled the cold air as you stood at a standstill. The air filled your lungs like icy needles, not yet thawed for the seasonal change that was yet to come. It was like a test between the two of you. Who was going to be the first to bite the bullet and say what’s been on your minds? 
You made your decision. “Let’s end this,” you said, voice wavering. “Let’s put the both of us out of our misery and end this once and for all. I think we both got enough of each other.”
Ashton was taken aback. He thought the same thing, but he didn’t think you’d be the one to say it. If he was being honest, he didn’t want to end it. If he could spend the rest of his life on a tightrope, teetering towards anger and frustration for eternity just to be with you, he’d do it. But he knew he was hurting you as much as you were hurting him. He knew what he had to do.
“Good,” he agreed, mustering enough strength to not cry right there. He really was losing the one good thing he had going for him. And it was all his fault. “I’ll have Manuela reach out to your manager. You can..lose my number, I guess.”
“If that’s what you want,” you told him smoothly. On the inside, you were crumbling apart.
Ashton forced a nod. “Yeah, that’s what I want.” 
He didn’t expect things to get as bad as they did. Ashton knew the paparazzi was everywhere, he always did. But dammit, he got so lost in his anger that it slipped his mind. And the one time it did, everything went wrong.
But for the first time, the blame wasn’t on him. Not in the eyes of the media, at least. 
Is America’s Sweetheart y/n l/n Actually a Monster? 
Pop Princess y/n l/n rips Australian Musician Ashton Irwin Apart
End of an Era: Irwin-l/n Break Up is Messy and Unexpected
Even on Twitter, you couldn’t catch a break. 
#y/nl/nisoverparty
#y/nl/nisasnake
#y/nisthebiggestbitch
#y/nl/nisOVER
On every magazine and gossip column was a picture of your encounter with Ashton at the park. Lucky for Ash, the media only got a glimpse of your rant at him and didn’t get any footage of him yelling back at you. To the public, he looked like the innocent party while you looked completely wicked. 
Oh God, Ashton thought. I just ruined her life.
The weeks that followed were rough. Manuela called for a group meeting and told them that their ratings have gone through the roof. 5 Seconds of Summer were finally back on the good side of the press and were labeled as the “innocent boys from Australia” that got “led down the wrong path.” Manuela was happy that her plan had worked; 5SOS is back on track, but she was disappointed at what it cost. 
“Is there anything we can do to help her?” Michael asked at the end of the meeting. 
Manuela pressed her lips together. “I’m afraid not,” she sighed. “y/n’s manager cut off all ties with us. I think we got the message that she wants nothing to do with us.” 
Calum checked his phone, cringing at the amount of tagged posts he was in. All of them bashing you and everything you’ve worked so hard to create. 
“We have to do something,” Calum pleaded. “She’s not just a coworker; she’s a friend. She’s always been there for us, even if Ash wasn’t here, she’d come by. We can’t leave her hanging like this.” 
“Ash,” Luke turned to his friend, blue eyes pleading and desperate. “Can you talk to her? Maybe we can work something out. Anything.” 
Ashton stammered before he responded. What could he do? He was the very last person you’d want to see right now. He got you into this mess and painted you out to be a monster. The blame should have fully been on him. You wouldn’t have yelled at him if he didn’t push you over the limit. 
“Why should it be me?” he asked. “She hates me.” 
Michael scoffed at his friend, clearly upset at his poor attempt at weaseling his way out of this. “You’re joking,” he deadpanned. “She adored you. Whether you liked her or not she was your biggest supporter. When you weren’t around at the studio, she talked the world about you. You may have not liked her, but she loved you. So you have to fix this.” 
“Boys, relax,” Manuela insisted. “I’m certain her publicity team has a plan set for situations like these. She’s probably going to keep quiet for a while then re-emerge into the public scene again once the public wounds have healed. So it’ll be in her best interest and yours if you keep quiet and not cause a scene. Not when the public finally has a positive outlook on you.”
“That’s so..” Luke huffed defeatedly. “Wrong.” 
Manuela patted his knee comfortingly. “That’s the music industry, love.” 
You truly fell off the face of the earth. Ashton was at a loss. After the presumed “silent break” you took, he thought you’d get back into the swing of things. Media tabloids had died down, and it seemed like the public had forgotten about your argument and moved onto the next interesting thing. But you didn’t come back. Not even to your studio, the place remained empty. You didn’t respond to his calls, all of them going straight to voicemail. Your manager only picked up her phone once, insisting he stopped calling if he knew what was best for him. Not even your friends answered his frequent dm’s. 
Your instagram was dormant. The last post was of Ashton a month back, playing his guitar and smiling down at his lyric book. He didn’t even realize you took that picture until you posted it. He was a little shocked that you kept it up, considering all things, but at the same time you didn’t post anything anymore. You used to post everyday, updating everyone about your hectic life. All that was left were the photos that remained on your page. Ashton had caught himself too many times scrolling through, just to see your smiling face again. He beat himself up over the fact that his last glimpse of you in person was nothing but a broken shell of who you once were. 
Ashton pushed the door open, entering the last place he thought of that you could possibly be in. The smell of the restaurant was the same as it always was, full of spices and sweets that made his mouth water. But he had to stay focused. He needed to find you and talk to you. 
Behind the counter, an older couple approached him. Ashton immediately recognized them as the Stevensons, the couple you adored more than their own food. It seemed like they recognized him too once they reached the counter space. 
“You must be Ashton,” the older woman said, readjusting her glasses. Her wrinkles appeared as she greeted him with a smile, a sign that she lived a life full of laughter and smiles. The kind of life you confessed you wanted desperately. “y/n has spoken so highly of you.” 
Ashton ducked his head, blushing at the compliment. Even when you were gone you still managed to light up the room and make him seem like a better person than he actually was. “That’s actually why I came here,” he told them. “I was wondering if you had seen y/n come by.” 
The gentleman beside Mrs. Stevenson shook his head. “Afraid not, son,” he responded. “Not for a while, actually. We were quite disheartened about that, but that girl is always so busy, isn’t she?” Ashton smiled, trying not to wince as he cringed on the inside. 
“Let me make you something, honey,” Mrs. Stevenson insisted, rushing to kitchens before he could refuse. 
Mr. Stevenson ushered Ashton to the booths, away from the restaurant regulars. Ashton ran his fingers through his hair, the rain soaking his brown locks. Spring was a bitch with the rain, but he knew how much you loved it. “What brings you here, son?” he asked. “You usually come with y/n. Don’t tell me she’s in any sort of trouble now, is she?” 
Ashton sat down, dusting off his jeans. “Not exactly,” he answered honestly. “H-have you not heard in the gossip tabloids?” 
“Oh no,” Mr. Stevenson waved his hand. “We were never one for those magazines. Sarah is always strict on rechilut.” 
Ashton nodded along. “I did something wrong,” he confessed heavily. “And I hurt y/n. Not physically, but honestly it feels worse. I want to make things right, but I don’t think she even wants to talk to me.” 
“That’s nonsense,” Mr. Stevenson insisted. “y/n would never cut ties with people like that. Especially you, she was very fond of you.” It seemed like everyone knew that except for Ashton himself. “y/n talked to me like I was her own grandfather. Now, all my kids are grown up and moved out of California, so they don’t come around much. I appreciated her company, and I know for a fact that you shouldn’t give up on her.” 
The drummer’s shoulders slumped guiltily. “I don’t think I deserve that,” he told him. “I was awful to her. I did everything wrong. I don’t think she’d believe me if I told her I loved her all along.”
“Do you really love her?” Mr. Stevenson asked him softly. 
Ashton looked up into the older man’s gray eyes. He saw so much life, so much wisdom in them. If he looked deeper, he saw himself in his eyes, the him he missed all along. “Yes,” he answered truthfully. “I really do.” 
Mr. Stevenson patted his shoulder affectionately. “Then lead with that,” he advised him. “I’ve lived a long life, Ashton. And most of my life has been spent with my dear Sarah. If there’s anything I learned from that, it’s that sometimes you need to shut the hell up and let your love speak for you.” 
Ashton let out a tearful chuckle at his advice. Mrs. Stevenson rushed out of the kitchen, a steaming plate in hand. The older woman set it on the table in front of him. 
“I hope you don’t mind that I guessed what your homesick cure was,” she said sheepishly. “Artie said I should stop guessing but I had a gut feeling on this one. I was right for n/n, I hope I was right for you.”  
Mrs. Stevenson set down the plate to reveal a healthy serving of spaghetti and a glass of water on the table. Ashton’s heart clenched at the sight. “Did I get it right, dear?” 
Ashton couldn’t even respond, he just nodded wordlessly like a child on Christmas morning, eager to play with his toys. Mrs. Stevenson chuckled at his response, ruffling his hair gently like a mother would. “Eat it while it’s hot, honey,” she told him. “And I’m sorry, but it seems like someone forgot to order another package of straws. You’ll have to drink from the glass, I’m afraid.” 
Artie stood up from his side of the booth, playfully rolling his eyes. “I’m on it, honey,” he responded, following closely behind his wife. Before leaving to the kitchen, he turned around and gave the boy a wink. 
Left to his own devices, Ashton tucked his hand into his jacket and nearly jumped out of his seat in shock. Pulling it out, he realized it was the knotted end of the paper straw wrapper from so long ago. Turns out he really did need that wish. 
“Let me make things right,” he wished in his head. “I just want one last chance to do the right thing.” 
Setting it on the table, all Ashton could do was hope that whatever was out in the universe heard him.
– 
Soon enough, you did emerge from the shadows of your hiatus. You were lucky to have a loyal enough fanbase to keep you afloat, and your tour was still set for that summer. You were grateful for the fans that stuck around, and the new ones that came along the way. It was a rough journey, but you tried your best to power through it to the best of your ability. 
Now, you were in your dressing room at the venue you were expected to perform in, an absolute fucking wreck. You were curled up on your couch, trembling and unable to even raise your head from your chest. Sobs filled your room, but you insisted to every manager and passersby that you needed to be alone and fix it yourself. 
To tell the truth, you never truly recovered from the media frenzy that took you and Ashton by storm. You knew you had every right to turn the tides on him, revealing to the world that he wasn’t the perfect saint everyone painted him out to be. But you didn’t, and no one on your publicity team was able to figure out why. 
 The reason was that you were still unexplainably attached to Ashton. Somehow, even though he put you in the situation where everyone started to hate you, you couldn’t help but now be able to understand why he acted the way he did. How he was overprotective of the boys and acted out of self preservation simply because of how cruel the media could be. By no means did you excuse him for putting you in that situation, but you still grasped some understanding. 
The difference between you and the drummer, however, was that he had a support system: his boys. You were practically alone to deal with the mess, cornered and vulnerable. 
You were shaking frantically in your room, unable to free yourself from your thoughts. Only one look at your phone caused your entire psyche to crumble. One fucking tweet about you shook your confidence. Some anonymous user critiqued your music, only attributing your success to your past “relationship” with Ashton. Those simple words broke down the walls you were just beginning to rebuild, and now you were stuck in your dressing room, thirty minutes before you were called onstage. 
Meanwhile, Ashton was navigating through the maze backstage looking for you. A bouquet of your favorite flowers were in one hand, a handwritten card in the other. He figured you’d be somewhere backstage, prepping for your show. He didn’t count on you being in your dressing room since you told him in the past that you loved to watch the crowd from behind the curtains. 
But to his shock, you were still in your pajamas hyperventilating on the couch. Ashton has witnessed this before; he’s experienced this before. But seeing you go through the same struggles he and his boys went through caused his heart to ache even more. 
“y/n?” he called out to you. You didn’t respond, eyes still trained on the ground as your grip around your legs tightened. Ashton set his things down on the side table, instantly kneeling in front of you. 
“Ashton?” you finally spoke, voice raspy and exhausted. For a split second, you thought you were actually hallucinating, envisioning the one man you needed but feared the most. But his cologne wafted into your nostrils, alerting you it was him in the flesh. “What are you-” You heaved a deep breath, choking out a sob. You could barely take the overwhelming stress towering over you like a deadly ocean wave. It was only a matter of time until it took you under and swallowed you whole. 
“Love, I’m going to need you to breathe,” he instructed, his hands finding yours. In your anxious state, you were able to distract yourself from your worries at the mere touch of his calloused fingertips. It was a silent calling to you, gently beckoning you back into reality but not quite succeeding. 
Ashton took your hand and pressed it against his chest, tucking it underneath his slightly unbuttoned shirt. His warm skin electrified your palm, making your heart race -not from the anxiety- but from butterflies. “Pay attention to my breathing and try to copy it, okay?” 
At first, you struggled to listen to his instructions. You worked on your anxiety with your therapists over more sessions than you could count. You tried box breathing, yoga, and even journaling but nothing ever calmed your nerves, especially after the media went after you. 
But suddenly, you concentrated on the slow rise and fall of Ashton’s chest. The way his chest hair tickled your palms in a way that made you want to scrunch your nose at the feeling. How his heart was beating nearly out of his chest but you could tell he was trying to minimize it so he could attend to your needs first. 
You felt your Ashton. 
Moments that felt like hours passed until your breathing went back to normal and your tear stained cheeks dried. Ashton kept your hand against his chest, occasionally squeezing it to bring you back to reality when you teetered back into spiraling. This time, though, he rose from the ground and sat beside you. You let him move your legs over his lap as he practically held you against him. His smell was overwhelming. You could smell his cologne and shampoo, even the faint scent of weed from off his lips. He was intoxicating. He was the drug, dangling above your head, and you were weak, enthralled, captivated, addicted.
You found yourself leaning in to kiss Ashton, a real kiss this time. No corner of the lip bullshit that the press ate up every time. You didn’t expect him to kiss you back with the same fervor as you, hand wrapping around your waist and the other behind your head. It was sloppy, wet, and all shapes of perfect that you couldn’t describe. The taste of tea and weed transferred from his lips to yours as he pulled you in deeper. You gripped his shirt in your fist, hoping in your mind to mold your body against his and disappear from the world, anything as long as you were with him. His love was your poison and, at the same time, your cure. 
Reality began to sink in, making you push Ashton away forcefully and standing on your feet. He flew back into the couch, eyes wide and lips swollen. His perfectly slicked back hair was a gorgeous mess, curls gracefully falling down his face. Confusion riddled his face as he watched you curl back into yourself. 
“What are you–” 
“I shouldn’t have done that,” you whispered, unsure if you were saying that to him or yourself. “Why did I do that?”
Ashton stood up and reached for your hand, only for you to jerk back. “D-don’t touch me!” you exclaimed, scared of your own volume. Anxiety began to knock at your door once again, creeping in like a deadly virus into your system. “How could I be so stupid? Haven’t you put me through enough?”
You started to pace around your room, Ashton watching you move frantically back and forth until he got dizzy. You murmured to yourself not so quietly, scolding yourself for your stupidity and cursing him out for his enticing nature. All over again, Ashton was seeing you crumble.
“y/n, stop,” he ordered firmly, gripping your shoulders. You jerked to a stop, pausing to look Ashton in the eyes. You found yourself getting lost in the pool of hazel, wide eyed and entranced. “You’re going on stage in twenty minutes. Whatever’s going through your head right now, quit it. All of that can be put on pause until after the show, you hear me? And if that voice in your head brings it up while you’re out there, shut it down. What matters now is you, your music, and your fans. Fuck that voice telling you you’re anything short of great.” 
In his empowering speech, you forced yourself to listen to his words, ignoring the person those words were coming from. Taking his advice, you cleared your mind of the past few months and only focused on this moment: your first concert of your North American tour. 
Rushing to get ready, you scrambled around your room to prepare your hair and makeup. Ashton picked out your clothes for the concert, something simple that you absolutely adored but you paid little attention to the way your heart pounded at the thought. And in those twenty minutes, you were set for the show.
Your microphone in one hand and guitar in the other, you made your way straight to the stage. Ashton followed close behind you to ensure you didn’t misstep or forget anything. Mere inches away from the stage, you whipped your head around to meet his gaze just one more time.
“Thank you,” you whispered gratefully. “I know we haven’t talked, but thank you. Can I look for you after the show?” 
Your heart shattered at the shake of his head. “I’ve got a plane to catch right after your show so I can’t come by after,” he told you remorsefully. “But if you’ll have me, I’ll be right here when you come back from tour. Maybe then we can start again, correctly this time. None of the cameras, scripts, or any of that, yeah?” 
The sound of your name being chanted by the crowd was nearly deafening, but his words reached your ears and you smiled softly at him. In the corner of your eye, your stage manager pointed at her watch to inform you it was time to go up. Wordlessly, you pressed your lips one last time against his. 
“Don’t be a stranger, Irwin,” you told him, turning on your heel and pushing through the curtains. The crowd shrieked and screamed at the sight of you, instantly bringing a proud grin to Ashton’s face. 
This was only the beginning of something new and truly beautiful, Ashton thought to himself, hands in his pockets as he made his way to the VIP section.
Several months have passed since your North American and European tour and it has been almost a full year since you started your publicity stunt with Ashton. Throughout the tour, you and Ashton -and the boys, of course- kept close contact with each other, never going more than a day without a phone call or video chat. Over this period, you felt like you finally got to know the real Ashton, not bits and pieces he’d accidentally let slip when he first got to know you. This time, he was real and genuine, and that only made me love him more.
You tiredly dragged your suitcase up your apartment complex’s stairs, heaving at the ridiculous weight as you made your way down to your apartment. You didn’t expect to see a certain hazel eyed drummer standing behind the door when you unlocked it.
“Surprise,” he said sheepishly, balloons and blueberry cheesecake in hand. Tears instantly filled your eyes, you dropped your suitcase and wrapped your arms around his neck, nearly causing him to drop the dessert. 
Truth be told, you weren’t expecting to see him so soon, if at all. Your journey with your mental health has been a long one, and there were plenty of ups and downs. A part of you -one you were a little ashamed of- didn’t expect him to keep to his word that he’d be here now. Despite the plenty of calls and talks you had to rekindle your relationship, that nagging voice in the back of your head kept on asking “what if?” What if he took back what he said about wanting to start over? What if it was all in your head, and he never wanted to see you again? But without fail, Ashton was there, willing to rebuild your relationship into a close-knit friendship. And now he’s here, asking to make it something more. 
“You’re here,” you murmured into his chest, taking in his smell that you missed so dearly. “I didn’t think you’d come this soon. How did you even get in?”
Ashton pulled away, holding up your spare key. “Your friend gave it to me today,” he explained. 
Grinning you brought him back down into a hug before settling in and opening the box of cheesecake. Taking out two forks, the two of you ate straight from the box and caught up on everything, though there wasn’t much considering how often you both talked while you were away. 
“I’m really grateful you let me back in,” Ashton spoke up once the box had emptied. 
You were half listening, polishing off the plate of its sweet crumbs. “You let yourself in, silly,” you snorted, not quite understanding what he meant. “You’re the one who got a hold of my apartment key.”
Ashton chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. “Not that,” he laughed. “I mean letting me back into your life. I still don’t think I deserve it.”
“We talked about this, Ash,” you leaned back, setting your fork down. “We both said things we didn’t mean that day. We recognized it and we worked from it. We’ve moved on, and we’re friends. I think you deserve it as much as I do.” 
Ashton’s cheeks were tinged red as he tried to think of the right words to say. “I know,” he started. “But sometimes, I wish we had..more.” 
“More?” you raised an eyebrow. It took another second of you watching the drummer blush in embarrassment and vulnerability before it finally clicked. “Oh.”
Ashton stood up abruptly, wiping the invisible specks of dust off his jeans. “You can forget it,” he rushed in humiliation. “I-I just couldn’t stop thinking about that night of your first concert, how it felt, how you felt- and-”
“Ashton, slow down,” you giggled, standing up, taking his hand and tugging him toward you. A small smile rested on your face. “I still think about that night, too,” you confessed honestly. “And I want that, too. Whatever it is that you want.” 
The drummer looked up from your intertwined hands and into your eyes. He swore he saw stars in them. “Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked. “Again?”
You pulled him down into a kiss, your lips craving his all over again. “Yes,” you answered confidently as soon as you backed away to catch your breath. “I will be your girlfriend. Again.”
The two of you shared a laugh, enjoying the silent but welcoming comfort of each other. Standing in the middle of your kitchen, lips coated in sugar and blueberries. 
“What was your wish?” Ashton asked, pulling you closer to him as he broke the s. “Back at that restaurant when we first met?”
You hummed in thought, eagerly pressing your lips against his one more time to relish the moment. “My wish was that whatever we had back then,” you whispered, letting him in on your secret. “turns into something more.” 
“Well your wish came true, didn’t it?” Ashton smiled, a warm feeling bursting in his chest. 
You leaned your forehead against his, eyes fluttering closed. “Yes, Ash,” you said. “Yes it did.” 
--
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