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s0fter-sin · 4 months ago

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rewatching s1 and in ep2 w*ndigo, dean makes a joke about not bringing provisions into the woods just to pull out a bag of peanut butter m&m’s and stick with me here, it’s why the later seasons’ “goofy dean” loses me

this moment is clearly a joke but if you think about it too much, it also makes some sense; a family size bag of peanut m&m’s is calorie dense and even the high sugar is good to keep you moving which they need on an overnight hunt. it also shows how due to their upbringing, they’ve had to eat lower quality food, things they always had access to that was cheap and also in bulk

what does dean eating ghost pepper jerky then tipping water on himself exist for other than to be a cringy joke? what does smelling old chinese food, testing to see if it's still good then shaking his head with cabbage hanging out his mouth when it isn't serve? it's just to make him look stupid and contrast sam's healthy/clean diet (and superiority but that’s another conversation) which has always existed but it used to be nuanced and natural

we see dean as a child give up the food he wanted to eat so sam could eat it. (“i’m sick of spaghetti-os,” “you’re the one who wanted them,” … “i want lucky charms!” “… there’s only enough for one bowl and i haven’t had any yet!” proceeds to give them to sam, 1x18) we know he hustled and stole food to ensure sam ate. (“so, what’d he take?” “get this- peanut butter and bread.” 9x07)

we also see throughout the early seasons dean teasing sam about his salad or healthy choice while he eats some form of burger or other fast food (or notably, cheerfully eating prison food that sam won’t touch, 2x19). it's typical sibling teasing but it also shows that it isn't new for sam to eat like that and for dean to know he eats like that

sam being picky isn't just a character trait they chose for him, it's a result of how dean raised him; he raised him to like and want healthy food and be food secure enough to reject food he didn't want

but dean eats anything he is given and seeks out unhealthy - cheap, plentiful, filling - food

he is the opposite of picky to the point of it being a consistent bit; they show him multiple times eating when it's socially frowned upon to do so eg. questioning a grieving victim when they're trying to be discreet (1x14, 2x15, 2x18)

a similar moment to the chinese food is in 4x19; dean wakes up in the car while sam brushes his teeth outside and is hungry. sam says there's a sandwich in the backseat, dean smells it and recoils bc it's an old tuna sandwich. the moment is funny on its own but it also exists as a comparison of their lives to adam's; he has a loving mother, goes to school and importantly, a steady stable childhood

it’s a joke with a purpose

it also supports dean's food insecurity; he wakes up and is immediately hungry, enough to complain about it and seek out food before anything else

dean is always hungry bc he never has access to nutritionally rich foods bc he got used to using the money he earned to buy sam's more expensive food. he got used to his cheaper, denser foods and grew up with (and continues to live with) intermittent access to said foods. think of how long it takes to drive from one state to another; how many hours it can take to see another town that offers food, if you arrive at a reasonable enough time for anything to be open. also think how they can’t keep any food beyond what fits in an esky; nothing that needs defrosting, nothing can be heated up. it’s bags and jars and take out for as long as they can trust it

then they get the bunker which has its own kitchen

dean even describes himself as "nesting" when he decorates his room, something he hasn't had since he was four years old, and he uses said kitchen to cook a burger from scratch that he is proud of. he is food secure for the first time in his life and it shows in how often he cooks for both himself and sam

so these moments where they have him acting goofy regarding food are no longer character driven and only exist as a joke which is why they come across as cringy and out of character compared to similar earlier moments

a lot of my issues with dean's characterisation started when they introduced the bunker. the argument can and is made that the reason these jokes happen is bc he feels safe in the bunker, that bc he now has a home he can relax and unmask but that still doesn't feel sufficient. they crank up these sillier moments for both of them, giving them a sort of playing house comedy vibe of two roommates with completely different personalities but it doesn't feel like an authentic progression. it feels forced; an attempt at humour for humour's sake

food stopped being an informed part of their characters and their trauma and instead became flanderised; sam is the judgy vegetarian health nut and dean is his borderline slovenly carnivore counterpart

#12 yr old dean throwing a bag of veggie chips at sams head and saying ‘dont forget your vegetables’ actually makes me want to scream #sam not knowing or not acknowledging how much dean did for him throughout their childhood kills me #hes always saying how bad it was or later on saying at least john did his best #it wouldve been so much worse if dean was just a little more resentful #its not limited to the later seasons ill fully admit that #it literally became a plot point in s7 with the leviathans infecting the corn syrup and dean complaining about eating ‘rabbit food’#bc hes ‘a warrior’ and needs his ‘road food’ while sam brings him to a farmers market #it comes up in at least two seperate episodes and it started to annoy me then too trust me it already felt ooc #its not just food moments either; i hate the food socks and his robe and playing with the sword too #whenever they decide to make him act stupid to help bolster sams smarts and maturity #something that used to be naturally occurring without tearing dean down bc deans smart too and was literally parentified hes plenty mature #the narrative tries so hard to make dean the dumb fighter and sam the book nerd and its such a disservice to both of them #dean isnt an idiot and not just about hunting; he has a favourite author and an encyclopaedic knowledge of music and movies #hes just as learned about sam when it comes to hunting and the show used to have that; even correcting sam and explaining things to him #and sams had plenty of one on one fight scenes AND fight scenes against dean that are almost always draws #you cant show them with this nuance then act like it never existed #i remember bitch #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #carry on my wayward son #talk meta to me #supernatural #spn #dean winchester #sam winchester #meta #save post #supernatural meta

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nevertheless-moving · 3 months ago

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The Demon of Yunmeng: Chapter Six

Part One — Part Five

“You’re sure, Wei Gongzi?” Wen Ning held the reigns with care, looking at the horse uncertainly. It snorted, eyeing the glint of metal around Wen Ning’s arms and legs with reciprocal doubt.

“Of course!” Wei Wuxian said. He leaned in, voice growing conspiratorial. “You know Jiang Cheng can’t openly support the Dafan Wen, not without risking Jiang Sect’s position. But the two of us will never be able to repay the debt we owe you.”

“I appreciate that, it- it’s just….” Wen Ning hesitated a moment. “My sister and I really do consider all debts paid between us, you know that right? I don’t w-want—” he exhaled, grimacing slightly and dropping his voice. “I know you’re in some sort of trouble. Jie-Jie’s been on edge about it all week. If it has something to d-do with us —”

Wei Wuxian shook his head, putting a hand on Wen Ning’s shoulder. “It has nothing to do with you whatsoever,” he said sincerely. “It’s about me. Well, me and my dumb inventions.”

“The tally?” Wen Ning whispered.

“Guessed it in one. I might have pissed them off a little with your family, but it was always going to be something. Trust me — the Jin are more than willing to make up excuses to take it from me. ”

“Is there — Is there anything I can do to help? An-anything at all?”

Wei Wuxian snorted. “You know it’s funny you ask, I originally — what? What is it?”

Wen Ning’s eyes had grown wide and fearful, staring at something over Wei Wuxian’s shoulder. He quickly turned around, only to see the back of Lan Zhan’s head.

“D-Did I do something to offend Lan Gongzi?” Wen Ning asked, still looking alarmed. “He w-was glaring at m-me like I killed someone!”

“Eh.” Wei Wuxian rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry about it, that’s just his face.”

Wen Ning looked doubtful.

“In any case, Lan Zhan and I have it covered,” Wei Wuxian said cheerfully. “I might not be able to visit for a while, but when I do, everything should be fine.”

“Alright. But if there is some way I can help —”

“I’ll let you know.” He hesitated, glancing over his shoulder at Lan Zhan’s back. “Ask your sister about the details,” Wei Wuxian said under his breath. “But I might end up annoying Lan Zhan really badly and be back in a couple days, and might ask for your help with something, but you are absolutely free to say no, got it! You already said all debts are settled between us, so no taking that back! It’s a pretty stupid idea to be honest.”

“Um,” Wen Ning frowned. “Okay?”

“You’re a good man Wen Ning,” Wei Wuxian said, pulling him in for a hug. Talismans hummed at his chest, and he smiled. “I’m really glad I didn’t snap your neck when I had the chance.”

“Me too, Wei-Gongzi,” Wen Ning said, returning the embrace. “Thank you again for the horse — everyone always appreciates them. You’re sure you can’t stay any longer to say good bye A-Yuan? He was so happy playing with you last night.”

“Ah, don’t tempt me,” Wei Wuxian said, stepping back. “Thank you again for hosting me!”

“Thank you, Wei-Gongzi. I wouldn’t even have this home if it wasn’t for you, not to mention I wouldn’t be alive to —”

“Okay! Maybe we should stop saying thank yous between us. And seriously, you are the only person who calls me that."

“...Safe Travels, Wei-Gongzi.”

He sighed. “Until next time, Wen Ning.”

Wei Wuxian squared his shoulders, marching over to where the Second Jade himself stood.

“Ready?” he said, slinging an arm over Lan Zhan’s shoulder and feeling him stiffen.

“Mn.” Lan Wangji strode forward, leaving Wei Wuxian’s arm behind.

Wei Wuxian let his mouth ramble aimlessly for the first hour or so of their journey, eyeing Lan Zhan occasionally to see if he would crack under the persistent mild annoyance. The man bore it with enviable patience, humming with acknowledgement at all the right places to confirm he was listening, occasionally even saying whole words back.

Once Wei Wuxian felt enough time had passed to lure him into a false sense of security, he started to shift the conversation. Lan Zhan had disappeared before dinner last night, lingering only long enough to confirm that they would leave together in the morning, not leaving time for discussion.

Possibly he had been reporting to his Sect that he would be travelling by foot for the near future and might not be easy to find. Possibly he had been chopping down a forest, raging over the confused impulse to prove his dedication to justice that had led him into this situation. It was impossible to say by looking at him.

Time to get to the heart of things — nice as it was to walk beside Lan Zhan without arguing, he really didn’t want to wait until he was at Carp Tower to come up with a new plan.

"So," Wei Wuxian said, hands behind his head. "We're heading to Lanling together."

"Mn."

“You're still committed to pretending to be my cultivation partner."

"...Mn."

Sunlit shone lazily through gaps in the trees as they walked; it was a pretty good day to be on foot, all things considered.

"No reservations," Wei Wuxian said skeptically.

"..."

"Lan Zhan," he said, rolling his eyes and coming to a stop.

Lan Wangji kept moving at an even pace.

"Lan Zhan!"

Lan Wangji continued forward.

Wei Wuxian hurried to catch up with him. "Look, it's best to get these things out sooner rather than later," he said reasonably. "I'm not going to stop pestering you, and if you don't tell me, I'm going to start guessing things that are worse than whatever you might say. Let’s just get it over with!”

"...Are there none among Wei Ying’s past lovers that you will acknowledge?" The man didn't even have the courtesy to turn and make eye contact when he said it.

Indignation rose in his chest. "I thought you said you didn't believe — ohhh you mean actual lovers."

"Mn." Lan Wangji's hand fell to his sword, but he made no move to draw it. It was good to have some indication of when the man was experiencing a real emotion — even if it was only ever anger. Lan Zhan had always gotten annoyed by his flirtatious behavior, hadn’t he?

Well, Lan Zhan was doing him a rather large favor, even if it was part of a bizarrely un-Lan-like plan to achieve justice. He could meet him part way and swallow his pride on this, if nothing else.

"Yeahh..." Wei Wuxian said, a bit sheepishly. "I might have slightly exaggerated about some of that in the past."

Lan Wangji glanced over, eyes narrowing.

"I mean it's not like I actually had a lot of free time during the sunshot campaign," he said defensively. "I'm going to have to pretend I literally wasn't sleeping ever to have been having sex with you during the war — and as you pointed out, we at least already knew each other and were conveniently near one another often enough. When the fuck would I have seduced random women?"

"Mn." That grunt was a bit tighter, as it tended to be when referencing intimate matters.

"Plus you must have noticed I'm a little less popular since taking up demonic cultivation — not an invitation to discuss changing my ways, just to be clear."

“...”

“What? You really think you’re the only person to be put off by my cultivation path? You’re not the only person with standards, Lan Zhan.”

"...Seen Wei Ying with women. Recently. At Phoenix Mountain Hunt."

"Pft." Wei Wuxian shrugged. "Just because a woman's willing to ride next to an attractive war hero in public doesn't mean she actually wants to spend quality time with him in private."

"Mn."

Wei Wuxian squinted suspiciously. "Was that ‘Mn’ skeptical?"

"..."

"Come on, we have to be honest with each other, if we're going to be lifelong cultivation partners."

A tighter grip on the sword, then Lan Wangji turned his head away to look at the trees to his right. "Wei Ying claimed he had 'lots of experience,'" he said, voice free of inflection.

"What?" He struggled to think back. "When did we talk about experience? You mean in cloud recesses, because like I said I seriously exaggerated — oh! Haahahahaha!"

Lan Wangji whipped his head around to look at him, back rigid, but Wei Wuxaian struggled to do anything but bend over with laughter.

"Oh man," he said, still laughing. "You mean that nonsense I said during the hunt! Come on, you — wait. Wait!"

Several thoughts bumped against each other. He had run into Lan Zhan immediately after that mysterious kiss. Lan Zhan had been unusually offended by his presence. Lan Zhan said —

"Wait," he gasped. "When you said you saw me with women — do you mean you saw me kissing a woman?! At the hunt? Lan Zhan, did you see me kissing someone at the hunt?"

"Shameless!" Lan Zhan snarled, picking up the pace.

"Come on!" Wei Wuxian wheedled, hurrying to match his step. "You did, didn't you! Who was it? Lan Zhan, was that why you were so angry back then? Was I kissing someone you likmmnn Mnnn! mdphhnn!"

The silencing spell, seriously? he thought, first dumbfounded, then furious.

He turned around, stalking back the way he came.

What are we, junior disciples? Fuck this, I don't need to voluntarily agree to extra time being disapproved of by Hunguang-Jun. This is stupid, so fucking stupid.

“Wei Ying.”

Maybe I’ll take Wen Qing up on her idea. Probably Not. Okay, definitely not, but we can discuss other things — we’re geniuses, surely we can come up with a smarter plan than this, right? We figured a way out of the Qiongqi pass and it wasn’t all luck.

"Wei Ying!"

Wei Wuxian made a rude gesture over his shoulder, continuing on.

"Wei Ying — this is foolish."

This time he made rude gestures over both shoulders, narrowly resisting the urge to fling a talisman back.

"...Wei Ying, I apologize. I should not have."

He paused, shocked, then opened his mouth, feeling the spell lift.

…Did he really just apologize? To me? For discipline?

"Hunguang-Jun," he said, rubbing his mouth, not looking back. "I know you don't approve of this sort of talk, and I know you're doing me a huge, life changing favor, but if you're going to silence me every time I talk about something immodest, there's no way this will work."

"You are right."

Wei Wuxian wheeled around in surprise. "I'm right?"

Lan Wangji bowed low from the waist. "I will not silence you again. It was poor behavior. Forgive me."

"Well," Wei Wuxian said, smile starting to creep up involuntarily. "I suppose considering what you’re sacrificing, and the fact that you're too dignified to shout at me anymore, I can forgive the occasional spell. But not unless I really deserve it, alright? I mean, it's not like I don't know I can be annoying. But it can't be every little question."

"Mn."

Wei Wuxian laughed. "Alright, fine," he turned back south towards Lanling Jin, feeling oddly buoyed by the argument.

Maybe he really has changed since our school days. If he can admit to being overly harsh towards me…

"Anyway," Wei Wuxian said, scratching the side of his nose as they fell back into step with one another. "There's experience and there's experience, and I promise, I don't have as much of either as people think I have."

"..."

"It's not like I've actually been lying, not really. People assume things! I don't correct them. At most I exaggerate. I'm not one of those men who points at a maiden and claims to have taken her virtue just to make myself seem more masculine."

"I see."

Wei Wuxian waved a hand dismissively. "Yeah, I know, ‘do not exaggerate your accomplishments,’ 'don't speak unchastely of others.' I get it, I think I'm suffering the consequences of my actions well enough without having to copy the rules again."

"Mn."

"Right," Wei Wuxian said, clapping his hands. "The point is, there's nothing to worry about with that at the trial, I promise — no past true loves who I will have to deny to their faces, definitely no bastards."

"Then I have no further concerns."

"None?" Wei Wuxian asked skeptically.

"...I am willing to accept certain discomforts. No reason to discuss it further."

"Really Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian said, more sincerely. "I know that you're capable of sacrifice. It's just not necessary to accept those discomforts for the sake of justice, not in this case. Sure, I won't be able to claim my nights were full during the war, but that would be a stretch to explain anyway, and we're still not that far from the Wen; we can go back and I can —"

"Why him?"

Wei Wuxian glanced over at the unusually clipped words, but the Second Jade was once again facing away. "Why Wen Ning, do you mean?"

Lan Wangji turned his head just enough to glare at him out of the corner of his eyes.

"You mean why was I originally planning on asking him to pretend to be my cutsleeve lover?" Wei Wuxian asked, bewildered. "Or why am I saying I could still ask him now?"

Lan Wangji clenched his sword, eyebrow twitching slightly.

Wei Wuxian blew out a breath. "Who else would I have ever thought to ask? It's not like being a demonic cultivator makes your acquaintances more likely to spend time developing bonds of friendship with you, and then the accusations on top of that..."

He threw his hands in the air, letting out a bark of laughter. "How was I supposed to have ever guessed in a million years that you of all people would have said yes to this crazy idea? I thought you still hated me." He cocked his head, eyeing the man beside him thoughtfully. "When did you stop hating me, anyway?"

"Never hated Wei Ying."

"Bullshit!" Wei Wuxian stopped to wave a finger disapprovingly. "I believe you might not anymore, and I know your rules prohibit 'excessive opinions of vitriol' but rules don't change how a person actually feels."

"Never hated Wei Ying," Lan Wangji repeated, setting his jaw and planting his feet.

"Then why the hell did you hound me throughout the war — years, Lan Zhan, actual years of both of our lives, just to criticize my cultivation!" he rolled his eyes, trying to keep his tone light despite the roiling in his chest.

Lan Wangji didn't answer, and Wei Wuxian pushed further. If they were doing this, they might as well get it all out while they were still close enough for Wen Qing to patch him together if it came to blows.

"At a time when we were both fighting the same enemy, you acted like I was the worst person on the battlefield!” Wei Wuxian accused. “Like my crimes outweighed that of the Qishan Wen one hundred fold!”

“Did not.”

Wei Wuzian scoffed. “Just admit you at least used to hate me, even if you’ve meditated past it now. I'm the one who invented the ghost path, Lan Zhan! Hating my cultivation is the same thing as hating me!"

"Not hate," Lan Wangji insisted.

Wei Wuxian snorted, growing sarcastic. "What, so all those times you said 'demonic cultivation is bad for the mind' that was out of sincere concern for my own sake, not the people I would kill in my wicked madness?"

"Yes!"

He paused, staring at Hunguang-Jun, a man who was famously honest, and was also famously succinct. Succinct to the point of possibly being bad with words.

Hunguang-Jun stared back.

"...Seriously?"

"Yes." There was relief on Lan Zhan's face — only a hint, but coming from him...

Wei Wuxian's throat felt tight. "You were worried about me? Not... what I would do to others?"

"Yes. Still worried," Lan Wangji said quietly.

"What about wanting to lock me away in Gusu Lan?" Wei Wuxian dragged a hand across his face, eyes itching, throat still too tight. "You honestly expect me to believe you wanted to imprison me out of concern too?"

"No!"

Wei Wuxian took a step back, surprised by the volume of Lan Zhan's answer.

Lan Wangji took a step forward. "Not imprison. Heal Wei Ying. Protect."

"Lan Zhan!" Wei Ying said, frustration and a tangle of other painful emotions rising up. "Setting aside the fact that I'm not giving up the cultivation path I invented, what the fuck do you think would happen if I actually did come back to you to Gusu? You think your clan would treat me kindly? Let me run free?"

There was no agreement or disagreement; Lan Wangji just looked at him with anger — or possibly concern?

"They beat people for sneaking out at night!" he continued. "For drinking! Lan Zhan — even if — even if you only wish to help and "heal" me..." He dragged a hand over his face again.

Lan Wangji stared at him, hands fisted at his sides.

Wei Wuxian took a deep breath to settle himself. "Setting aside the fact that I don't need to be healed — your sect never had love for me and my ways, even when they came from a place of childlike innocence. I was thrown out of your uncle's presence for speaking of the idea of using resentful energy to counteract other dark forces. You honestly expect me to believe they would treat me fairly now, after everything I've done? That they would hesitate for one moment to punish me as severely as they possibly could?"

This time he waited for an answer. Lan Zhan opened his mouth. "I want Wei Ying safe," he said finally, voice unexpectedly hoarse, maybe even desperate.

It was impossible not to be moved by such a sincere confession. But in the end it just made him feel the way he did when earnest concern crept into Jiang Cheng's shouting about his laziness. The way he felt when A-Li's gentle questions about his sword hinted at a fearful depth of care.

Fucking tired.

And, besides, what did safety really mean, to someone as narrow-minded as Lan Zhan?

Painful clarity suddenly struck Wei Wuxian. "Wait... Lan Zhan... Is that it then? Is that the reason you agreed to this plan? So you could bring me back to your sect as your cultivation partner, and tuck me away somewhere 'safe'?"

"NO!"

Wei Wuxian's jaw dropped at the vehement denial, loaded with raw emotion that came from fucking nowhere. To his continued shock, tears appeared to be welling at the corners of Lan Zhan's eyes.

"Ah—" Wei Wuxian looked around wildly. "Um..." The overgrown path was still clear of any other travelers, and they were both skilled enough to sense the approach of others, but it seemed like a good moment to double check.

"Would not," Lan Zhan grit out, each word sounding like it was ripped painfully from his throat.

"Lan Zhan!" he said. "It's alright, I believe you!"

What the actual fuck?? What did I say?? The only other time I saw him cry his father was dying?!

"I would not," Lan Wangji repeated, turning away to hide his face.

Wei Wuxian couldn't help but reach a hand out and place it carefully on the man's shoulder, even knowing the contact was unlikely to help. "I believe you, Lan Zhan." He exhaled heavily. "Ah, Lan Zhan...and I thought Jiang Cheng was bad at expressing his feelings!"

Lan Wangji whirled around to face him, offended.

It was impossible not to laugh a little. "Oh, Lan Zhan! Come on, now that I know you actually don't hate me, of course we can be friends!" He paused. "You...do want to be friends, right?"

Insects chirped in the silence for an excruciatingly extended moment.

“Or I suppose there’s a lot of room between hatred and friendship,” Wei Wuxian said, pulling his hand back from where it had been lingering uselessly outstretched, using it to scratch the back of his neck. “I mean — ha, you don’t have to be friends with someone to want to help them, right? Or maybe you did at one point, but then the demonic—”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji said, ears red, hands clenched.

“...Lan Zhan?”

“...I want.” Lan Wangji grit out, and Wei Wuxian’s heart swelled.

"Great!" he said, slapping Lan Zhan on the back and darting away before he could draw his sword. "Took you long enough!"

He started walking forward, whistling cheerfully and allowing Lan Zhan to regain his composure in relative privacy. After a few minutes he dared to glance over, and was relieved to see Hunguang-Jun’s face had returned to its normal smoothness.

"Sooo..." he said, the casualness of his voice sounding fake even to his own ears. "When exactly did you decide you wanted to be friends?"

"..."

"Come on! When I was studying at cloud recesses? After? When we fought the Xunawu of Slaughter?"

"..."

"Yeah, this is pretty much how I always imagined our conversations going when we became friends."

It was barely late afternoon when Wei Wuxian insisted on stopping, setting up camp when they found a ready looking patch of trampled ground – not too far from a small creek, firepit already dug by past travelers.

Lan Zhan didn't protest the short day — probably because he was also aware that there was little to be gained by arriving at Carp Tower early. It was unlikely anybody would be thrilled at the thought of hosting the Demon of Yunmeng for unnecessary nights.

Possibly he was also disproportionately fatigued by the amount of genuine conversation they had had in one day. Wei Wuxian was fairly sure this was the most he had ever talked to Lan Zhan. Well, talked to and been spoken to in return.

The two worked companionably setting up camp, Wei Wuxian giving up on prying Lan Zhan for answers to sensitive questions, instead rambling about several (non demonic) talismans he had been working on.

"Alright," he said, dumping another armload of dry wood by the firepit. "I'm going to go see if I can find some fish or something for dinner. Don't worry, I'll make sure to find you something, too. I'm sure they don't teach hunting in the Cloud Recesses."

Lan Zhan gave him a look, setting down what looked like most of a tree.

"Fine," Wei Wuxian said, rolling his eyes. "Just enough for me."

"No rabbits."

Wei Wuxian turned back to him in surprise, but Lan Zhan wasn't looking at him.

"You eat meat?"

“Not in cloud recesses.”

“Alright,” he said, only a little wrong-footed. "No rabbits."

By the time he returned with five pheasants, courteously plucked away from camp, the fire had produced coals hot enough to cook over, a pot of water was almost boiling, and Lan Zhan had chopped enough extra wood to last a small family through the winter.

"Leaving enough firewood for the next set of wanderers?" Wei Wuxian asked affectionately. "Ah, you really are too good." He sat down by the fire, setting down a bundle of thick stemmed freshwater mints he had stumbled across.

"Rule 847," Lan Wangji said, setting down his own wild mushrooms and onions. "Do not balk from giving unthanked aid to strangers."

"Hey, that one's not so bad," he said cheerfully. "I remember my mother saying — anyway, if I was by myself I'd just chuck this all into soup, does that sound alright? We've got time and I've got some spices with me."

"Mn."

"Great!" he said cheerfully, "I'm not as good a cook as shiji, but still, this is going to be so much better than that medicinal stuff you have back in Cloud Recesses — you like spicy food, right? Wen Ning said how nice it was that you brought spices on one of your visits, so I figure you must have gotten a taste for them at some point, in order to actually appreciate how important they are."

"...Mn."

Cooking, meditating, and eating went... surprisingly well. Lan Zhan wasn't exactly the most companionable person he had ever camped with on a night hunt, but he was also far from the most annoying. He didn't even say anything about the whispers of resentful energy he surely sensed during Wei Wuxian's own evening rituals.

It wasn't until they had laid out their bedrolls by the banked embers, Wei Wuxian having judged the weather to look good enough to make setting up a tent to not be worth the effort, and Lan Zhan probably having a rule against frivolous tent use, that he decided to broach the subject again. Hopefully his cooking had put Lan Zhan in a more cheerful mood.

"Really," Wei Wuxian said, voice lower and more sincere than earlier. "When did you decide you wanted to be friends? Because obviously I've been trying to get you to warm up to me since we were fifteen."

"Mph."

"What!" Wei Wuxian said, sitting up. "What do you mean 'Mph?' You don't think I can tell the difference between 'Mn' and 'Mph' at this point? You don't think I was being genuine back then?!"

"..."

He leaned over to poke Lan Zhan's shoulder with Chenqing. "Come on," he said, whining. "It's not even Hai, you can't pretend to fall asleep on me yet. You think I didn't outstretch my hand to you in good faith at cloud recesses! I invited you to drink with me! I brought you rabbits! I shared my springbooks! What is boyhood friendship, if not that?"

"You did those things to mock me," Lan Wangji said, expressionless and toneless.

Wei Wuxian hesitated, and Lan Wangji closed his eyes.

"Ok, maybe a little," Wei Wuxian admitted. "But that's part of friendship! Teasing!"

"..."

"Really!" Wei Wuxian said, annoyed. "I tease all my friends! It's not like I was bullying you, you were the one in charge of my discipline, and you could silence me whenever you wanted! If I went a bit further with you it's only because things were skewed in your favor!"

He laid down, sulking for a few moments, slightly embarrassed by his own defensiveness. He shook it off soon enough, and had just gotten up onto one elbow to tell Lan Zhan that it was all in the past anyway, when the man spoke up.

"I know," he said quietly. "Wei Ying did not intend to be cruel."

That stabbed far too deep into chest, considering the things he had been called over the last few years. "You thought I was cruel?" he asked, tone neutral.

"Did not know cruel words," Lan Wangji's eyes were open again, but he stared resolutely up at the sky, not shifting the slightest bit to meet Wei Wuxian's gaze.

“...Not back then, huh? I'm guessing the Wen taking you for Indoctrination might have changed that.”

“Mn.”

“Yeah, I can see that providing some counter examples.”

Even talking about petty teenage hurts, Lan Zhan still looked like a perfect jade carving of a cultivator in the moonlight, long exhale barely moving his chest. "Wei Ying says things he does not mean. Actions are different."

"Oh," Wei Wuxian said, laying back down. "Huh."

They laid in silence for a few minutes.

"Your actions always spoke true, too," Wei Wuxian blurted out. "I mean, remember when you actually turned us both in when I knocked you out off the wall during curfew? I thought that was crazy, but also pretty cool."

"...I remember, Wei Ying."

Wei Wuxian grinned. "And then in the cave during indoctrination...I mean if it had been anyone besides you or Jiang Cheng there with me, I'm pretty sure I would have died fighting that thing. We made a pretty good team, huh?"

"Mn."

The last daylight had almost completely drained from the western horizon; We Wuxian watched the stars slowly start to fill in the sky. "I really had no idea you thought of me with friendship back then," he sighed. "I guess it doesn't matter now."

"...I will do better," Lan Wangji said after a long pause.

Wei Wuxian once again propped himself up on his elbow to stare at him. He squinted, but Lan Wangji was turned away so he couldn't see his face, for what good that was worth anyway.

"I mean throwing your whole future and a bunch of your principles aside to pretend to my cultivation partner is a pretty dramatic and unselfish gesture of friendship," Wei Wuxian said dryly. "I'd say it more than makes up for a bit of teenage scolding and badly expressed concern during wartime. Some might even call it unnecessarily excessive."

"..."

"Alright, alright I'll let you sleep," Wei Wuxian said, falling back down. He really wasn't tired, but whatever. It wasn't the first time he had spent hours coming with talisman designs behind his eyelids, and he didn't want to push his luck doing anything more interesting.

To his surprise, Lan Wangji continued the conversation. "Does it make a difference?"

"Does what make a difference?"

"Knowing why I disapprove of your cultivation path."

Wei Wuxian bit back a groan. "Lan Zhan, you really are a good person, and I truly am happy to be your friend," he said, trying to keep his voice light. "But if I wasn't willing to give it up for Jiang Cheng or A-Li, why would I give up my power for you?"

"...Mn."

"If you want to keep talking, we can discuss more about how we're going to fake —"

"It is time to sleep."

"Right. Good night Lan Zhan."

"...Good night, Wei Ying."

Wei exhaled a sigh of relief, quickly followed by irritation, then guilt.

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#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #mdzs fanfiction #my au #the demon of yumeng #mdzs au no 1 #i love that Qiankun bags mean i don't have to explain how they're carrying any of this shit. yeah they got a fucking cauldron and tripod #what of it #why wouldn't you carry around a set of cast iron cookware if you had a bag of holding and had to camp regularly #small tents are ahistorical from what i understand but fuck it. again they have bags of holding and magic to help them set shit up #why WOULDN'T guys who go into forests at night to hunt monsters for a living have magic camping gear

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