#hullabalulu personal

[hullabalulu-art]

I know I mention that I'm a disabled artist, but I've been in a pretty significant fibro flare since October. I haven't been able to get out much at all. But I walked today 🥲 with my rollator.

We had to go out and get some Yule gifts, so we ventured out. I only needed a couple of breaks, but I did it! My back is sore, but goddamn, it's progress 🙌

Also, bonus pic of my rollator done up for the holiday season.

[hullabalulu-art]

Local Pride pop-up shop opened just in time for the festive season. All the purchases support local queer charities, including one specialising in supporting trans youth. Hell fuckin yeah!

I know some homophobes getting some nice cards in the post this year. 🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍⚧️

[hullabalulu-art]

Story time.

TL;DR a "friend" asked me to draw unpaid art for a project they were working on, promised credit, never gave it, then commissioned a new artist who redrew my designs and actually paid them when they put their project on a crowd funding site.

So, I was asked by this now former friend to do art for their project. They bought me a low end graphics tablet and said that was all they could "pay" me with for now, but promised I'd get paid work in future when they could afford it.

At the time, I was stoked. I had never owned a graphics tablet before, and even while it was low end, it was a start, and I began making digital art properly. I made loads of concept sketches on pencil and paper, did they digitally when they approved the sketch.

Keep in mind, I was doing all this while dealing with a chronic illness that's landed me in the hospice three times for in-patient physiotherapy and trying to do a full-time job because it's impossible to live in this country on just disability. They had made.a big deal about wanting to support a "disabled female artist". I was exhausted but doing my best, and they never gave me deadlines or anything. They just gave me a list of stuff and said, "whenever you can get it to me is fine".

They never communicated an issue with me not making art "quick enough" or anything. They gave me impossible briefs like "they all need to be incredibly, inhumanly beautiful, but still look like ogres", that kinda stuff. Nothing I was drawing for that brief seemed good enough. I gave them a sketch I was super proud of and they said, "It's cool, but it doesn't fit my setting. Not beautiful enough."

I was getting disheartened. Every time I draw, I'm in pain but I do my best because art is my great love in life. I wasn't able to draw anything for myself because I felt guilty for "wasting" my energy on personal art when this person wad waiting on free art from me.

We got several years into this, and they were *still* expecting free art. The amount of art they got from me I could have easily charged €50+ per piece, but they got it all for free. Was I supposed to make free art for them forever because of ONE gift I was given over 6 years ago?

I had a falling out with them for other reasons (story for another time) but we never deleted each other's socials. Found out through their social that they were doing their project as a crowd funded thing. They even had a slick video for their campaign, and that's when I saw it. Some of my designs, redrawn by someone else. Someone else they had paid to do it, compiled in a video they had paid someone to make.

The rage and hurt I feel about this is insane. They'd post my art on their twitter and other socials but never tag me or ask people to follow me.

I now see this person on twitter talking about art and how iMpOrTaNt it is to pay artists what they're worth. I wasn't sure about copyright on these things. If they describe the thing, I draw it, does it make it my design or theirs? It definitely feels immoral and wrong to me. I've spoken to friends about this and they agree this person did a shitty, shitty thing. One of many, but again, that's a separate story.

So yeah... I don't know what to do with the art I made for them now.

But I learned a valuable lesson that no art will be made by me for anyone without a contract and a deposit with balance payable upon approval of the final watermarked piece, whereupon I'll release the high res, non-watermarked files.

And yeah, I had a part to play. I could have told them how I was feeling, could have pushed for deadlines, could have set a cut-off point for when the free art would end. I learned that I need to communicate more. As my therapist says, when we put off hard conversations we are choosing long-term dysfunction rather than short-term discomfort.

But ah well. We live and we learn.