#huhhh please go easy on me i am not used to writing

[mauswyx]

old ties, new beginnings

Thomas Hewitt x f!reader: ch2 // ch3

TLDR: By chance, Thomas encounters someone from his past and gets to be treated like a normal guy for an afternoon–except he doesn't want the treatment to stop.

WORD COUNT: 2.8K

CW: slight nudity, mention of dead animal [not actively killed], mention of scarring

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The sun heated your face as your body floated at the water’s surface, bearing your naked form to the surrounding wilderness. Cicadas’ buzzing mixed with the sound of leaves rustling in the wind solidified just how alone you were. A flock of birds takes flight seeking sanctuary elsewhere, but you paid them no mind; the lake water lapping at your skin was bringing back memories from when you were young: memories of chasing fireflies in the evening, running around the campfire as mother hummed old songs you have long since forgotten, and swimming in this very lake with other children–making friendships that would only last through the night. Your lip curled as you remembered how the children...screamed? Why were the children screaming...?

You furrowed your eyebrows and tucked your legs beneath you to lightly tread the water. The heat must finally be getting to you. Shaking your head, you look around at your surroundings, hoping to bring back that nostalgic magic. The lake itself is massive, the portion you're in is only an offshoot of a much bigger body of water; the water’s edge is encircled by tall-dry grass, tall enough it had brushed against your elbow on your way down; the oak trees past the grassy-moat encase the path you took to get down here; next to the path sits your pile of clothes that you haphazardly threw off. You eye the small opening between the trees, as if trying to conjure up someone standing there. Only you know no one is coming, up the path sits an empty van waiting for you.

You had been on the road for some time, making your way across Texas was proving to take much longer than you expected. Though you didn’t mind, the long highways were just a means to escape an unsavory situation and to get back to your mother in San Antonio. It was in Lubbock that you decided to make a small detour on your journey, it would add a day but you simply longed to see your hometown. So when your tires popped, having driven over some loose nails, you cursed yourself. Town was a few hours walk away, but you’d surely die walking in this blistering-heat. Not to mention, you had heard about the town’s predicament and were willing to bet you’d have a better chance of finding an open store in the morning rather than the evening. It was settled. You’d just have to sleep in the busted van and get a headstart in the early morning when the weather was still livable. Which meant you had the rest of the afternoon to yourself…and knowing the area, you knew there was a very refreshing lake calling your name.

Another flock of birds cried out as they took flight, fleeing the area. This time you do look, following their shrinking figures against the cloudless-blue sky; you wonder what has startled them. But you don’t have to wonder for very long. The sudden sound of twigs snapping pulls your attention away from the birds. You whirl around and your stomach drops. There, in the middle of the previously deserted path, stands a large hulking man. A choked cry dies in your throat as your fight or flight refuses to kick in–you can only stare at him like a deer in headlights.

The tall grass prevents you from getting a good look at him [and you silently hope that means he can’t see you very clearly either] but from what you can see, you know that to say the man was huge was an understatement. His burly figure couldn’t possibly be hidden by the neighboring trees so you're surprised you hadn’t noticed his approach until now. His wide eyes, let you know he’s just as surprised to see you as you are him. The observation of his face leads you to notice that he seems to be wearing a mask-

A gasp escapes you, as your excitement pushes you slightly above the water. You raise a slicked arm to point at your intruder and he jumps back.

“I know you!” She suddenly exclaimed, eyes wide “Thomas Hewitt!”

Thomas ignored the sound of his name, too busy trying to calm his nerves. He hadn’t been expecting to run into cattle–not out here and not after having just finished a roundup. The last herd members were all accounted for, thrown in the basement by now. So why was this one out here and why was it nude? Usually if one was nude there was another one nearby. Thomas tried to wager where the other one could be hiding but couldn’t think properly as it continued to make noise.

“We went to school together!” it continued at his lack of response. 

What was it talking about? Better yet, why was it trying to talk to him? The screaming should've started by now. He let out a hesitant groan, shifting his eyes to the far bankside and grasping nervously at the side of his pants–it continued to stare at him from the water eagerly. He didn’t like this; this one was acting odd and it was making him uncomfortable.

What had it said? School? He tried to rack his memory of when something like that had once mattered. That era of his life was a long time ago and he had since tried to forget about those years: the most prevalent memories had always been the other children rushing to avoid him or the older teens and townsfolk shoving him around calling him a freak. He spared a glance at the meat in front of him now, he couldn’t imagine someone like that would look excited to see him now.

“Though, I guess you might not remember me—[y/n][l/n], I moved half-way through second grade.” it said with a sigh, seemingly disappointed that he couldn’t place it in his memories.

[y/n]..? The name did sound familiar. [l/n]...oh. Oh. A wave of shame washed over Thomas, he did remember you. 

He slowly nodded his head with a new-found remembrance and stepped out of the shadows of the trees. The sullen look on your face quickly morphed into an enthusiastic grin at the sight of his recognition. The lake rippled as you waded closer to meet him, before remembering your predicament. You quickly sank to the muddy bottom of the lake, being much closer to the shoreline now, the water only seemed to shield an inch or two under your collar bone. Your face heated as you tried to quickly cover yourself by hunching over and folding your arms across your chest. Your embarrassment went unnoticed by Thomas, who was still in disbelief. 

To anyone else’s standards, the two of you had never been friends, no but you were also never cruel to him—and that was as close of a friend as Thomas could get. Your encounters were always brief: you’d smile shyly at him in passing; hand him assignments—unflinching if your hand touched his; and occasionally you’d leave him a portion of your lunch on his desk...when no one was looking. You never truly spoke to him, especially not in the presence of others, though he remembered one occasion where the two of you had been left completely alone together. 

“What are you doing Thomas?”

With a start, Thomas looked over his shoulder at the girl standing a few feet behind him, just barely peeking out behind a tree. He hadn’t expected anyone to follow him into the shrubbery, so the sudden company made him on edge. Her voice had been just above a whisper and her eyes were focused on his hands. At the dead animal that lay torn underneath them.

His body tensed, readying himself for her to start screaming and calling him a monster like the others. But to his surprise, she only drew closer, peering over his shoulder.

Her eyes were transfixed on the neatly arranged bones that glistened under the specks of sunlight that filtered through the leaves overhead. His gaze was set on her though—waiting for her next move.

“. . .my momma says it’s good to honor the dead,” she muttered, turning to look him in the eyes, “I think you’re doin’ that just fine.”

That had been the first and last time you had spoken to him properly. Well, until now.

Thomas had pushed his way through the tall grass and now stood at the edge of the shoreline. You couldn’t help but smile at him despite your discomposure. You truly were pleased to see him, albeit a little surprised to find that such a scrawny kid had grown to be such a heavy man. He looked strong–well fed and taken care of and judging by his worn attire and toned arms you were willing to bet he was taking care of others as well. His eyes had stayed the same over the years, a stormy blue that reminded you of the sea. You had always liked his eyes. 

Having gotten closer, he could confirm it really was you. Your position and his height allowed him to fully take you in. He had never really cared for looks in general–meat was meat after all and a pretty face wouldn’t change that–but he allowed himself to acknowledge that you had grown up to be a rather charming young woman. His eyes trailed from your wet hair that clung to your face, to your crinkled eyes that no longer seemed to meet his own–your bottom lip quivered slightly, it must be cold in the water he thought. He followed a water droplet down to your goosebump-covered shoulders, confirming his suspicion. 

“Ahem. . .” You feign a cough, face having gone completely scarlet as you curl tighter around yourself.

He startled and shuffled backwards. He was so accustomed to looking at people like cattle he had forgotten some societal rules: like how men weren’t supposed to lay eyes on a woman’s nude form. He took another step backwards, ashamed to have disrespected you so openly; Mama would be so disappointed in him and surely you hated him now. His breath hitched as the thought and panic settled in–scrunching his eyes closed and hunching, he dug his fingers into the meat of his biceps with a whine–he didn’t want you of all people to hate him.

“Ah! It’s alright! It’s ok, Thomas!” The panic in your own voice distracted him, he opened his eyes to look at your worried expression.The sight of it released the tension in his fingers, even after all this time you were still being kind to him. He had disrespected you and yet you still worried for him. A sudden tightness overtook his chest.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s my own fault for thinking this was a good idea in the first place.” you continued, letting out a breathy laugh.

“Actually, could you do me a favor, Thomas?” he straightened and nodded, eager to make up for his offense, “could you bring me my clothes, please?” You gestured past his shoulder with a nod of your head and he followed your movement, peering through the swaying blades of grass for the clothes in question. His eyes landed on them sitting on a rock just a little ways in front of the old beaten down path. At the sight of them, he began to feverishly shake his head as if you had just asked him to cloth you himself; on top of the pile sat your undergarments–now that he saw you for what you were, a respectable woman, he couldn’t possibly do such a thing like touch your private garments. The irony of him staring down on you naked escaped him.

“Wh- Thomas!” You were laughing now, seeing his mortified expression “I can’t just keep talkin’ to you like this!” the water splashed around from you rocking around barely being able to keep yourself upright and your sides hurt from laughing; you let out a snort which only made you laugh harder. Getting stranded, naked, in front of your former classmate had definitely been last on your list of possible things to ever occur. 

Thomas couldn’t figure out what you found to be so funny, but he was glad you were enjoying yourself. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had laughed around him so genuinely and not at his dispense…he wasn’t sure it had ever happened before. Giving the pile of clothes another side eye, he snorted out a huff of air through his masked-nose. He was going to do right by you and get you out of that water with as much dignity as possible.

Your laughing fit had died down but you were still gasping for air and wiping a tear from your eye when water splashed up onto your face and the sun disappeared. Thomas stood over you, knee-deep in the lake; he had removed his button down, and was now extending it to you in a crumpled heap.

“Oh! Th-thank you, Thomas!”  You gave him a small smile, extending your arm out to take his offering. Once it was in your grasp, he gave a grunt of acknowledgement and marched away–he kept his attention on the surrounding trees and away from you when he got back to shore.

You watched him for a moment, having removed his outer layer exposed his off-white sweat stained t-shirt that hugged his body. The short sleeves of the shirt exposed old scars that varied in severity. The sight of them made your heart ache. Poor Tommy. You always knew how poorly the others had treated him and you hated yourself for not doing more; no one deserved to be treated that way, especially not Thomas. You sighed, unfolding the crumpled shirt in your hands wrapping it around you and fitting your arms into the baggy sleeves, making to start buttoning up the frayed buttons–your fingers faltered as your eyes shifted back to Thomas. He had crossed his arms in front of him in his wait for you to finish, causing his tense shoulder and back muscles to strain against his shirt. Your eyes raked over the muscles that only years of hard labor could produce. You were certain the flush on your face could be seen from a mile away; grateful he couldn’t see you, you forced your attention back onto the buttons.

The sound of splashing water alerted Thomas that you were now decent. He looked over at you only to find that seeing your clothed form was so much worse than just seeing you nude.

You had chosen to leave the buttons closest to the collar unbuttoned, giving him a clear view of your sternum while the hem of his shirt swayed at the middle of your plush thighs. The damp fabric clung snuggly against your wet skin–leaving little to the imagination. Thomas felt terrible. How could his working shirt feel so improper? It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen scantily clad women before: they showed up a dime a dozen in the sweltering heat and Hoyt kept magazines of women bearing themselves to the world but he had never paid any of them any actual attention. He had a job to do and even if he didn’t, he was certain that none of those women would revel at the thought of being touched by him. He resigned himself to knowing that he would never know the touch of a willing partner and had grown indifferent to the sight of a naked woman, but this felt different–you were different. He must have looked visibly distressed because you gave him a quizzical look before glancing down.

“Oh that’s alright nothing a lil sun won’t fix,” you gently pulled the sticking fabric away from you, “ ‘sides nothing you haven’t seen before right?” you winked at him and let out a giggle when he leaned away from you, his face flushing a deep red at your teasing.

“Come on, your pants are wet too y’know, let’s go dry off over there.” you smiled up at him before making your way to a clearing a few meters down the bank; the grass was flattened from sleeping deer, you presumed, and it looked like a nice place to sit and overlook the lake.

Thomas watched as you waded through the tall grass but his own legs seemed unmoving. Reconnecting with you had been so nice–too nice, it had made Thomas shirk his responsibilities to his family. His heart sank, he knew that sooner or later this was going to have to come to an end and you would no longer look at him with such kind eyes. You had stopped walking and were waving him over, trying to get him to follow. He sighed, turning his attention to the position of the sun in the sky. 

It wasn't time for supper yet, so it couldn’t hurt to keep pretending a little while longer.

[morningmindsetpodcast-blog]

MM055 - Be Easy to Help

I am constantly amazed at the number of people who cannot seem to get out of their own way when it comes to coaching and accepting help. Pride and/or intellectual laziness are two of the primary culprits.

When you ask someone’s opinion, do you really want their honest answer or do you just want to hear them agree with you. Don’t be an “ask-hole”.

Episode Transcription

[INTRO]

♫ Trenches by Pop Evil ♫

*Alex*

Welcome to Morning Mindset. A daily dose of practical wit and wisdom with a professional educator & trainer, Amazon best selling author, United States Marine, Television and Radio host, Paul G. Markel. Each episode will focus on positive and productive ways to strengthen your mindset, and help you improve your relationships, career goals, and overall well-being. Please welcome your host; Paul G. Markel.

*Professor Paul*

Ok, here we go again.  Yet another Morning Mindset podcast.  Thank you for being with me, thank you for leaving a review.  If you didn’t leave a review of this podcast yet, I don’t know what to tell you, except please do that if you enjoy it…. If you don’t enjoy it, well, um, I’ll send you your money back just as soon as I get around to it. *Laughter*

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Alright. Today’s topic - BE EASY TO HELP.  You’re like, “come on Paul, what do you mean, Be easy to help? If I need help, I ask for help and people help me.”  Noooo, that’s not always the way it is. Let me tell ya, I have been reviewing products as a part of my job for going on, not quite thirty years, but at least  twenty five years. When I was very, very busy writing reviews of outdoor shooting sports type products, I would get, like, hundreds a year sometimes, and many of these products didn’t come from necessarily well established, old manufacturers… some of the products came from small business owners, entrepreneurs.

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People who were working in their garages, or their basements, or little workshops, and they had this great idea… they were going to come up with the next, coolest, best… whatever it was, right? And, uh, I would get ahold of it, or they would send it to me and they’re like “Hey, can you review this?” Now, when you ask someone to review something, whether it’s a product, or whether it’s your written work, or whether it’s something you created, you’ve got to be ready to be told that it’s NOT the latest, greatest, best thing in the world.

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Many years ago I had a mentor, who, he asked me why anyone should read my book. I sent him a copy of my book, I told him about it and I sent him a copy of it, and he said “Why should anyone read a copy of your book?... Why should anyone read it?” And I had to stop and think about that.  I was like….”wellll”, and I gave him and answer and he’s like “OK”. He was challenging me.

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He wanted me to, well, think about why someone should read the book, and he also wasn’t just going to agree with me, he wasn’t just going to take my book… he was a friend, but he was also a mentor in that he challenged me. And he also, this same man asked me, he said “You know that you’re on the road to success when someone who is not either related to you, or friends with you, likes what you have done.” He said “because you can’t get honest feedback from relatives” he said “it’s extremely *chuckle* hard to get honest feedback from your family, because why? Well, because your family doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. So you’re family will be like ‘ohhh, yeahh....I....it’s nice….I,I liked….it’s good….I liked it’

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Uh, you’re only going to get honest feedback from people that don’t have an emotional connection to you. So if you ask someone, you say “Hey, will you review this for me? Will you test this for me? Will you tell me what you think about it?” you need to be prepared for that person to come back and not necessarily think it’s the greatest thing in the world. If all you’re looking for is affirmation, or you’re just looking for someone to tell you how great it is, then give it to a member of your family. *chuckle* Go ask your family.

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There’s two reasons that, uh, people have a hard time accepting help, or guidance. At least in my opinion. Pride and Intellectual Laziness. Now, pride says “I came up with this idea and I think it’s the best idea in the world, and everyone else should think the exact same thing as me. Now, if they don’t, it hurts my pride.” Now the other one, Intellectual Laziness, is this…. “I came up with this idea, I think it’s great, and I don’t want to change it….I don’t want to do anything differently than I’ve already done, so I’m just going to assume that it’s great.”

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I’ve been, also, an instructor for a long, long time. I’ve done platform instruction, I’ve done one on one instruction, I stood up in front of classes of hundreds of people. One thing that I have encountered is individuals who will behave as, um, ok, A S K, alright, holes. ASK-holes. *Laughter* If you’ve never heard the term “ask-hole”, I just introduced you to it. What is an ASK-hole? And ASK-hole is a person who will ask you a question, they’ll ask for your opinion, but they don’t really want your answer.

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What they want, is for you to regurgitate what they already think. They want their feelings spoken back to them. They want YOU to say what they already think. That is an ASK-hole. OR, that person will ask you a question, they’ll say “What do you think about…. Blank?... (or).... What should I get? What kind of a this should I get, or what kind of a that should I get?” And, you know, if they ask you, for a reason…because they valued your opinion, you gave them your opinion, and they’re like “Well, yeah, but I already own a Blank.”

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*chuckle* I see this a lot in my line of work. Someone will say “What do you think about the…. Blank?” Now, the reason that they said “what do you think about the….blank?” is because they already bought one. What they want you to do, is to tell them  what a great decision that was. And how smart they already were for buying that thing. *Laughter*

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And ASK-hole is a person who says “Hey, what should I do to….Blank?” Lose weight, get stronger, you know….what have you, become more productive? How can I become more productive? How can I lose weight? How can I get promoted at work? How can I….?.... what have you? And then you tell them, and they IMMEDIATELY disregard your answer because it wasn’t the answer they were looking for.

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*chuckle* There have been times in my life that I have received products, or I have received things from people, and I would give them feedback. I would say….”these are the areas, or things that are good about that product….you know… A..B..C.., and here are the areas for improvement. If I were you, this is what I would change, this is what I would improve.” And sadly, quite a number of those people didn’t say “thank you for your honest opinion”....what they did was “ohhh, huhhh, ok…” and then they went out and found someone else who would tell them that their product was great.

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I experienced that more than once, where I told someone….”look, I can’t write a glowing review of this product because you should fix this, and this, and this” and they’re like “ohhh, uhhh, okk, well, we think...we think it’s pretty good.” Rather than fix those things, or say, well, we respect your opinion or what have you….if you don’t respect my opinion, that’s great, don’t ask me to review your stuffff.

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Instead, what they did is they went out and they found someone who would tell them that what they had was great and it was the best and so forth. And that’s fine. That’s not really the road to success though. That’s now how we improve. Now, it’s not fun.  No one wants to be told that their idea is not the best idea in the world. No one, you know, especially, entrepreneurs and small business owners, when they come up with a new product, it’s kind of like their baby.

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And nobody wants to hear that their baby is ugly….*chuckle*....everybody wants….you know….if you tell someone that their new design, or their new product isn’t perfect, it’s like telling them they have an ugly baby. They get butthurt and they don’t want to hear it.  If you want to genuinely improve what you’re doing, if you genuinely want to be productive, and you want to seek success, you need to be easy to help. If you ask someone for their opinion, you need to be ready for them to tell you what they don’t like. Alright? Don’t be an ASK-hole.

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Don’t be the person who asks someone's opinion just so they can hear their own opinion regurgitated back to them. You know. If you want to hear your OWN opinion…. Talk to a mirror.  Alright ladies and gentlemen, so when you’re moving out throughout your day and you find yourself in that situation….A. if you want an honest answer, don’t ask your family….and B. try and be easy to help.

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Alright, please check out all of my books and written work. They are available on Amazon. Paul G Markel is my name, you should know that by now. If you would like some help….if you’re a parent, if you know someone who is a parent or who is going to be a parent, if you’re a grandparent, I would suggest that you pick up the book “Team Honey Badger, Raising Fearless Kids in a Cowardly World” and it’s available on Amazon as a paperback or as a Kindle version.  I’m Paul Markel and I’ll talk to you again real soon.

[OUTRO]

♫ Trenches by Pop Evil ♫

*Alex*

Thank you for spending time with us today. To get show notes, submit a topic request, for more from your host Paul G. Markel, visit MorningMindsetPodcast.com. That’s MorningMindsetPodcast.com. Please leave a review of this podcast on your favorite podcast player, we appreciate your time & effort, and we look forward to reading your honest feedback.

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