#hugnsgdhughsn posts that make me wanna write longform fiction about an au

[spitblaze]

Been pondering things about Android Therion- specifically how his and Alfyn's relationship develops. I feel like up until now Therion hasn't really been in a place to even consider thoughts of romance (or proper friendship, for that matter- so he's been dealing with that too with the entire group).

MANY THOUGHTS HEAD FULL

The concept is COMPLETELY foreign to Android!Therion, absolutely. All his life he's been a tool. Maybe there were a few sympathetic scientists, but like. That's not exactly friendship, is it? Maybe he thinks he knows what it is, just for a bit. Maybe he thinks whatever he has with Darius is friendship. Maybe something more. He doesn't know. The only way he really learns about what love is supposed to be is through media, and media doesn't really explore romance from an android's viewpoint. He doesn't have a heart that can pound, he doesn't have sweat to make his hands clammy, he doesn't have blood that can make his cheeks flush. So, like, Darius keeps calling him 'partner', and there's a lot of times he's genuinely happy being with him, and they do things that feel good (something something equipped with Certain Parts to aid in deception and coercion, maybe, idk), even if he doesn't always want to be doing them. so like. Is this romance? Darius won't give a straight answer. Not that it matters when he rips open his maintenance panel, forces emergency shutdown, and shoves him off a cliff.

So naturally he's less than trusting when the next person he meets is Alfyn, who he first sees messing with a bunch of his components removed on a table. Bad first impression, would've given him a heart attack if he had one (he doesn't, he has a soulstone battery), the only reason he can't run away is because the motor components below his neck have been disabled for repair. And this engineer is like, weirdly understanding of how upset he is, offers to get him anything he wants, needs, catch him up to speed with however long he's been out. Therion could ask this dude to shoot himself to prove that he's trustworthy and he would've done it. Weird dude. But, like, he seems harmless enough. He doesn't really know what he wants to do. He didn't have time to process Darius's betrayal, being essentially dead for however many years. And what's with this Alfyn guy?? Why does he keep insisting that he stay with him and then saying he doesn't want anything in return?? That's not how that's supposed to work???

Anyway. I think most of Therion's character arc in this story is navigating his upbringing and trauma and expectations around how relationships (of any sort) are supposed to work. What true unconditional love and care looks like, what a healthy give and take is supposed to be, identifying certain things within himself (maybe one of the other travelers is also an android? or a major npc more likely). It's a weird, difficult road but it's one he's better for at the end, being able to say that he has friends, has real connections and isn't just a tool. He's a person. Not a flesh-and-blood person, but still just as human as any of his friends.

as for the ROMANCE which is what you sent the ask in the first place about LMAO. I think it's a matter of 'therion fell first, alfyn fell harder', Alf is still a hopeless romantic but GODS therion is pretty and cool and interesting and he just canNOT stop thinking about him. he's smitten. alfyn is the type who falls super hard and its still a slower build than past crushes but he's very much pining. Therion unfortunately has zero benchmark to compare his feelings to. Alfyn got him out of danger and away from the Ravus agents and told him in no uncertain terms that he's never ever gonna leave him behind, that he'll always be there for him, and that made him. feel things. he is not sure what those things are. He hangs on to them for a good long time before he finally manages to put two and two together but even then, because he has no point of comparison for what AI love feels like, he's not sure. He likes the guy, he's attractive, knowledgeable, kind, fun, but like. he does not have the words. And even if he did he has no idea what he'd do about them, his only prior experience with anything even remotely like this being...Darius. And he does not want that again. Primrose is trying her best to help him navigate this but there's only so much she can do.

Maybe at some point it actually. fucking DOES click. And it's a whole mess, way messier than anything in canon. Avoidance, anger (at himself, at alfyn, at primrose, at everyone), learning that they installed tear ducts in his face. Of course they did. Why wouldn't they. Anything to make his little performances more convincing, this tool, this machine that isn't supposed to emote except when ordered to, this hunk of metal that doesn't have real feelings, only simulacra, only cheap imitations of humanity, only shallow copies made to fool flesh and blood into thinking he's one of their own. The reckoning- the confession is loud, and messy. It's an argument, they're yelling at each other, Therion is screaming, his tear ducts start acting up, he is so- fuck, he's so- GODS, he can't love Alfyn. He CAN'T. He's a machine. He's not capable of giving him everything that a human can. He's a machine with masters who are trying to retrieve him. He puts everyone even tangentially related to him in danger. His emotions aren't real, and nothing he could ever give Alfyn would be worth the pain of knowing that his emotions are just lines of code, that just being associated with him puts a target on his head, that all he's made for is theft and deception and murder.

And by some divine fucking miracle.

Alfyn does not care.

He doesn't care! He doesn't care that Therion can't feel 'real' feelings, whatever a 'real' feeling even is, he doesn't care that just continuing to be there is a massive risk, he doesn't even care that at any time Therion could flex an artificial muscle and inject him with an untraceable poison.

It's...he doesn't know what this is. Relief, happiness, frustration, whatever. He'll take it, as long as Alfyn is willing to give it.

After all, if Therion is capable of nothing else, he's capable of taking.