#hr doesnt give a fuck btw

[ashenxrogue]

and once again my store’s directors have decided to not promote one of the two most senior workers in my area for the more chipper suck up of a new guy

this time the suck up is even less qualified and walked around the store with, i shit you not, 8 bad dragon dildo key chains on his belt until last week when he started behaving like he was a manager and oops, guess who overheard that he got the promotion but itsn’t official yet

apparently the only thing that matters to the higher ups is how hard you boot lick and not how that someone’s worked there for 3 years and knows the ins and outs of how the area functions

so now i can add “bad dragon is my personality” to the list of people in my store whove gotten promoted due to kissing massive amounts of ass

the other one? “holocaust apologist” (said and i quote “well, sometimes you gotta crack a few eggs” in regards to the topic and when i asked him to elaborate on what exactly he meant by that, i was told by a manager who no longer works here to back off and leave it cause i was getting heated, frankly i dont think i was heated enough)

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

i cannot emphasize how much i do not care about actual like. romance but one of my most recent daydreams at work is imagining a man who would propose to me (at work) (i do not know this man) purely because he thinks i could make cute children. i think about this often while trying to figure out what fucking guy would do that

[alwaysshallow]

A medical specialty If 141 were doctors

Price: i think family medicine???? It fits peepaw bear. But please hire more scribes and MAs, the paper works and charts and KILLING him.

Gaz: neurosurgery. Graduated at the top of his class, is very gifted in this area and im sure he loves letting pre-meds shadow him or teach med students. And if he went into the army before med school he WILL tell all the students that one time he fell out the heli🤣. Handles some of the most complicated cases. He doesnt want any music in his OR though.

Soap: orthopedics. Called other attendings “bro”💀. And has a specific playlist that he INSISTS put on during surgery, its mainly taylor swift or some edm/trendy music. One time he had an emergent surgery at 5pm and he made sure everyone in that OR got a dose of Sexy Back. Called EKGs “danger squiggles”. Hes a lil head strong sometimes so he might get into arguments with other attendings during consultation. (This is him btw: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8T5Bht4/).

Ghost: hes giving anesthesiologist. He likes how practical it is and he much prefer a quiet environment. ESPECIALLY if the patient is asleep. Quiet, calm, and very efficient. And ofc Hes gonna sit and do sudoku for that 4 hr case. Do not under any circumstance take his char. Hes big mad. Also hates rounding and charting, probably why he picked anestesiology. Got so mad when soap added that surgery at 5 pm.

-💸

gaz as a neurosurgeon........... let's just say i sighed bcccc it's so good. so fucking good food especially that i love greys anatomy and he's giving the mcdreamy vibes-

i hc price as trauma though!! he kinda gives me the vibes where he was in med school, then military and then something snapped so he decided to go back

[wingedbeings]

hrm.. *experiences evil vibes*

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 4 episode 21

"DOUBLE JEOPARDY"

Notes by me

- uh daniels hair is long again???

- when the guy says that he knows them. My kids got a rep ayyyy 🤙

- bro I doubt theyve met you

- Jack just gets up and walks away and nobody notices????

- tealcs cheek muscles jumping out of pure rage

- daniels hair is bothering me. Doesnt he have it short for the rest of the series??? Why would they have it long for one ep

- this guy has the BIGGEST crush on cronos and his wife is literally helping the rebels

- DIRECTED BY MICHEAL SHANKS

- "he called me major" ????? Is this another dimension of sg1 wheres shes still a captain??? She did say the realities overlap

- cronos looks like my homophobic aunt

- uuhhhh he brought up killing tealcs dad thats it someone hold my beer

- hello what the hell is going on

- he gives Jack a lil shake of his head. I'm going to jump off a cliff

-uuhhhh Daniel just got his head BLASTED off????? and he closed his eyes to accept it

- FUCKIN!!!!! ROBOTS!!!!

- that makes sense actually. He said there were two of them and Sam said something about 8 hrs earlier and i remember they cant leave the planet for a very long time

- ALSO this means I was right. Robot Jack didnt bury the gate and someone owes me MONEY

- I guess the robot duplicates are in trouble this should be fun! TWICE the fun haha get it

- actually now that i think about robot Daniel accepting death is really on point for the character bc he would be really depressed about not being able to go home and continue his work. Plus he would have all of OG daniels mental health issues. Maybe he felt there was nothing to live for...no sha're.....lost all his research.....all his possessions.....his house.....his job. I'm depressed now

- KOMTRAYA

- jacks like no please anyone but him

- "what are you" robots!!!

- Sam said she built a portable charger for the robots in their chests but then why did robot Sam say they only had 8 hrs?

- "what is it that you do?"

PLEASE TELL ME I NEED TO KNOW

- they ignored the question and im about to throw my phone out the window

- what do they have on their resumes??? "Space Shit"

- "your robot counter part is equally as good at following orders as you are"

- daniels not in this one I guess. Michael shanks had to be behind the camera the whole time to Direct

- they're not gonna HELP?? Arent you guys suppossed to protect the planets you liberate or do you just drop them when your done with them? Bitches

- P3X729

- Jack taking them down from the bushes likes a ninja

- "your the Other PAL"

Jack on Jack violence

- robot Jack sad about robot Daniel :(

- whos this lady in all black with the worst lipstick

- "what the hell you think your doing?"

"What you do.....only BETTER"

Robot Jack petty as fuck I love him

- confirmation Jack gets embarrassed when he does something wrong

- "come on fly boy!!" Guys....guys this isnt gonna help *scuffling in the backround*

- Jack 1 has Jack 2 in a headlock, ref is starting the countdown

-

- "sirs!" Sam is done with your SHIT

- who would win a fight. Jack or Jack

- "its not like you havnt lied to yourself before" ooooooohhhhhhhh snap

- "I so own you" aldjsjdjdjd

- FINALLY they are saving the planet like they SHOULD

- daniels lovely decapitated body on the table is a bit unappetizing

- this is like the 3rd version of Daniel that is dead btw

- "this kinda thing happens to us all the time" Sam has had a rough life

- they can communicate with their brains??? You cant tell me they didnt fall in love and become poly

- "its simple....." I seriously thought she was gonna finish the sentence with You shove it up your ass

- robot Jack can take a hit!

- several hits

- is he dying

- "got gas" has just gonna let one rip and he'll be fine

- robot tealc came here to FIGHT

- shooting him not gonna work you gotta get close and rip his arms off

- its always fun when they listen to me

- robot Sam starting a bomb like a bad bitch

- ah for fucks sake when will cronos DIE

- TEALC TEAM WORK

- "for our father"

- and all the robots are dying ??? This isnt fair

- robot Jack is the last one left oh god

- "are we still so far from real to you?"

"No......i guess not"

- he gave up. U know he probably didnt think there was any point in living if he didnt have his team with him

-this ep ripped my heart out I'm prepared to sue

~

Robot tealc whump: hands tied,manhandled, forced kneeling electric pain?, shot, noises, fought, death

Robot Jack whump: shot by zat, passed out, shot in arm and leg and side, "bleeding" out, death

Robot Sam whump: hands tied,manhandled, forced kneeling, electric pain? , forces hand thru force shield (painful), cut on cheek revealing circuitry, death

Robot Daniel whump: hands tied, manhandled, forced kneeling, executed, decapitated by staff blast, death

Original tealc whump: staff blast, fought with cronos

🤓no glasses!Daniel for about 15 minutes up until robot Daniel dies

🎶listening to 10,000 Weight In Gold by The Head And The Heart���� "it never feels like treasure, til you lose it all" thinking about how they lost everything when they had to stay on the planet and how they wanted to keep fighting and do the right thing. How much they cared about each other. Im spiraling

[how-to-use-cheats-in-valoth]

Do cheats actually exist in valorant | download

💾 ►►► DOWNLOAD FILE 🔥🔥🔥 Pretty crazy. So do people actually cheat, since I thought they got banned after like 1 game? BTW i have came across one cheater, a breach in opponent hit me 4 shots with ghost, i was just typing in the chat "breach u got fastest finger or what", and boom cheater detected. I have come across atleast cheaters in 1k hours HWID ban doesnt seem to hold off cheaters, but they mostly use them on new accounts. I have hrs in the, mostly in high plat-mid dia games and ive never met a cheater either. One of my friends did once in immo but he got banned the next day. I dont think theres many cheaters in val due to the very very strong anticheat, probably the least no. Of cheaters for such a big game. If you can find cheats easily you can ruin matches simply so it doesn't matter how long you can use cheats. I think the difference is though that in CSGO you could become a career cheater, and so many many people did and still do. You cant do that in Val so there's way less incentive to cheat. About a month or 2 ago I was playing comp on Haven and early in the game the match was aborted and the red screen popped up saying there was a cheater. I had never seen it before and got scared thinking I got banned or something lol. Only time I've seen it in game. It's just people assuming smurfers or people better than them are cheaters. Got to factor in those things when you see people talking about cheaters as many silver and gold player love to throw out the cheater card anytime there is an enemy that is very good at the game Smurfers. I've only encountered one in dm and one in unrated and that was back in early dec, late nov i think. Cheaters exist yeah. But riots anticheat is pretty good at catching it and alot of the cheat makers got sued into oblivion by Riot earlier this year. People that were making and selling cheats got hit with cease and desist orders and what not. It's pretty much impossible to inject without doing some nutty boot shit or using some custom hypervisor. Externals do exist, but are seriously limited. Well yeah you have to preload your driver before vgc starts, which is pretty hard. Even if you load it iirc they have far better kernel protection than EAC which fortnite uses. I think vgc prevents APC manipulation which is pretty much the staple of most kernel-based injectors. The few extra steps are not very easy at all. Problem is that majority of people dont understand that now came new generation of cheats with machine intelligence, kind of real time aim assist. And i was solo q ing once hacker on my team took brimstone on fracture spammed enemies through smoke he did not give a fuck about people reporting him he gave some explanation i dont remember. Cheats or better said Premium Hacks always exist in Games. I used a cheat like 1. One of them was 6 months after launch close to the end of the year I remember reading on twitter that the vanguard team is taking a winter break and in this 1 week I met a cheater. I played against this extremely weird raze who had the snappiest aim ever. One moment he was looking at the ground then the next moment he would 1 tap me, and kill my friend. Prob cheating but no red screen so idk. I've played since Jan and I have yet to encounter a single cheater in this game. Smurfs are not an uncommon occurence in my lobbies tho. You can but you won't last 2 days. If you do, your accounts you used in that computer will join the ban wave at the end of every act anyways regardless If you cheat with that account or not. Case Esports vs. Team Vitality vs. Do cheats actually exist in valorant posted in General Discussion. Threaded Linear. I know one of you idiots have tried installing cheats, so fill me in. I know one of you idiots have tried installing cheats, so fill me in kekw BTW i have came across one cheater, a breach in opponent hit me 4 shots with ghost, i was just typing in the chat "breach u got fastest finger or what", and boom cheater detected. There are but the anticheat is really good, at least as far as I can tell. I have encountered a cheater once but can't remember if it was in spike rush or unrated. Happened 7 months ago btw, never again. Vanguard is very powerful, thing has kernal access to your computer. Cheats that somehow doing something with code don't exist in Valorant Problem is that majority of people dont understand that now came new generation of cheats with machine intelligence, kind of real time aim assist Even Vanguard can't do anything with it. Inappropriate Content. Excessive Toxicity. Preview Edit. Sign up or log in to post a comment.

[tayegi]

maybe the reason jk doesnt wanna be w mc is bc he feels like he needs to improve himself before he can b w her

Anonymous said:I just suddenly want to reread all NR and keep an eye on Hyejin because if I thought Hoseok was shady before... Now I think she’s another mysterious character! And we also have the mystery woman of JK’s ex... Mmmmmh 🤔

Anonymous said:What if... JK’ex died... and he DOES have his own rules to survive

Anonymous said:I wonder how it'll be reading from Jungkook's perspective, like how is he interpreting the oc's actions and what goes on his mind when he's with her vs when he's with another girl

Anonymous said:Hi Lu! I've read NR so many times by now that I've lost count!!! I love this fic so much: the characters are so deep and there are no loose ends. I've read chap. 9 and 1 thing intrigued me more than the other parts: while on the date w/ OC, JK wouldn't stop falling on the ice and would be so bad at ice skating. But, when he was w/ Hyejin, he would catch her and skate well. Why??? I'm so confused right now!!! Kkkkk Will we be seeing a reason to this or am I just reading too much into it?

Anonymous said:Omg you blow me away with your writing. New Rules is so well thought out, you’re amazing! One thing that stood out to me though, OC is maybe blinded by some things? I know I can feel that way, especially when you’re on your journey of self discovery. It’s hard to pick up on things like how others feel around you and it distorts your perception of things because you can be so focused on yourself. Is this what is blocking JK’s past from OC? I feel like the hints are there but what are they 😩😂

Anonymous said:i don't feel bad for the OC at all because i'm really really curious about jungkook's ex girlfriend or whatever she was and what made him make the decision to don't do relationships and what's actually going on with him and hyejin like why the fuck did he took her for skating I HAVE A LOT OF QUESTION IN THE MOMENT anyway great chapter 🌼💚🤧😢💓😰❤️❣️💝❤️🤒💮💗😭💙🤕 as always

Anonymous said:Can I just say thank you for existing, you have created a wonderful masterpiece, I thought there was no way nr can get any better, but with every update you prove me wrong, and it's great I'm looking forward to jk's past, because I feel like everything will make much more sense whem we find out what happened between him and his ex, thank you lu!!! 💖💖💖

Anonymous said:hmm...why was jungkook so bad at skating with the OC but then hyejin was complimenting him? was he just pretending to be bad at it to stay physically close to the OC? HM

Anonymous said:Ahhh, I love new rules!!! I think I’ve been following you since... chapter 3? Probably before that too! JK from end of chp 9 is giving me confusing vibes from the JK that was upset that he didn’t bid on him but it might just be a whole ego thing about the bidding. But I’m also getting the vibe that he’s trying to backpedal on any types of feelings he might have that’s why he was cruel when he was rejecting her

Anonymous said:Maybe Im wrong but what if Jungkook all this time liked her as a friend. In Ch8, he blames Hoseok for stealing her away. What if it was more of a "why are you stealing my friend away". Considering that OC hasnt been spending much time with him and was close to Hoseok, he might've assumed he stole her away. NR JK seems like he doesn't have a huge group of friends so maybe he liked her as a friend. And people misunderstood it as romantic relationship. -nR (1/?)

Anonymous said:People associate fk buddies in a romantic way cause after some time usually people develop feelings but what if he truly just liked her as a friend and a person who he could hook up with. What if there was nothing romantic in the first place? People pushed the romance on OC so she just accepted it(?) Ill revisit the story as a whole when I have the time to reanalyse, this is purely my 1st impression. I hope I didnt go in a completely wrong direction. I tend to misunderstand things😅. -nR (2/2)

Anonymous said:I'm just sitting here wondering if the "she" from JK's past could possibly be someone who was really important in his life but not necessarily a romantic interest. IDK, I think once I listen to the podcast - which I intend to do! - I might get more hints. But I can't do that rn because I literally just spent the past 5 hours starting to read NR and then catching all the way up to the end of the 9th chapter and omg I need to sleep and think about this lol

Anonymous said:I wish people wouldn't attack jungkook or misinterpret him, he is what I wish all people that don't do relationship would be, he is clear, sincere, and has no fear of showing affection cause he knows that it won't change his mind or his position, while in reality actually get all defensive and I think I get why now, because if they show niceness then people automatically think they changed...I mean, it's ok to not do relationship and not be an asshole, actually it's amazing

Anonymous said:The fact that a lot of people can't believe that jungkook is a fuckboy in NR just because he treats he OC right and it's a good person confuses me,some may think he's being fake and all because he treats her right said he likes her BUT still have the same opinion about relationships that he had since the begining(that hr always made it clear btw), so what? People that the think the way he thinks necessarily need to be an asshole? They are attacking him while all the time he has bering sincere ++

Anonymous said:++ and clear like crystal about his intentions, the way people relate "i don't do relationship" = for sure an asshole, makes me think that maybe the reason why people that don't do relashionship feel the need in being an asshole, having 0 affection (which jungkook has for the OC and I think that's what's causing the confusion) cause if they do show affection, people automatically think they changed and if they show that no, they didn't change, they are accused of being fake and deciving others

Anonymous said:I honestly find Hobi to be more like Jin. While on the surface he seems empathetic and caring, the way he acts says differently. The way he acted toward Jin and OC in ch8 really turns me off. "I can't believe you dated him, what were you thinking?" It sounds like he's not so much upset with what Jin to her. It shows that deep down, her well being is not really high up on his list of concerns. He's greasy just like Jin. He's selfish just like Jin.

Anonymous said:My brain created tons of theories for jk past, and all of them are dumb as shit 😂Joon's 148 IQ would be so helpful right now! What if the oc makes jk remind, not about his ex, but about himself? I'm going for a path were my brain is telling that, perhaps, jk is not that innocent in the ex situation. Like u said, we just know things in the oc perspective, and we just know what jk let us now...I dunno nothing. Might be completly wrong 😂 Dont need to answer Lu, just wanted to vent a little 💖 ~BR

Anonymous said:I just had the thought of the OC going NOT JEALOUS OF HOSEOK HMMMMM? And, well, seeing how far she can push. Without breaking the whole exclusive thing with JK, I don't think she'd break that. But like she might try and see and how romantically involved she can get with Hoseok to see if JK says anything. But I could very well be off base with this, it's just a guess.

AHHHH i love all your theories and thoughts!!! this was so incredibly interesting to read through. and you guys are all asking the right questions!!! i am super excited for you guys to see what happens next chapter :D 

[justslowlylosingmywilltolive]

nwh spoilers btw:

NO LIKE WHAT TONYS DEATH WASNT ENOUFH WHEN THE 3 OF THEM WERE TALKING ABT DEATH RIGHT PETER HAS EXPERIENCED IT BEFORE LIKE OUR PETWR HAD TONY EQUIVALENT TO UNCLE BEN BUT NO U GO AHEAD AND KILL MAY WHO IS MAYBE THE ONLY PROPER PARENTAL FIGURE AND EVEN WHILE DOING THAT U MAKE HIM CONSOLE HER SO SHE DOESNT FEEL BAD AND HE ACTED SO NORMAL TAHT TIME CUZ HE DIDNT WANT HER TO THINK SHE WAS DYING AND IT WAS ALL OVER AND HE KNEW HE HAD NO OPTION CUZ THE PPL OUTSIDE WERE HIS ENEMIES AND HE KEPT BLAMING HIMSELF AND NOBODY COULD SAY OTHERWISE THAT IT WASNT AND HE HAD TO GET OVER IT IN LIKE 10 MINUTES CUS HE HAD PTHER PPL TO CURE AND OMG I THINK THE WORST THING THAT CUD EVER HAPPEN TO A PERSON HAPPEND TO HIM???

LIKE ITS PEPPER AND ALL THE MORGAN SCENARIOD I HAD IMAGINED AND FUCKING HAPPY LIKE HAPPY!!!

AND THEN HIM WATCHING MJ AND NET IS THE SINGLE MOST HEARTBREAKING THING I HAVE EVER EVER WATCHED CUZ HE HAD TEARS TRYING TO NOT FALL OUT AND HE LOVED THEM SO MUCH HE LET THEM GO AND WHAT IF THE TOBEY THING HAPPENS AND HE BLAMES HIMSELF( IK HE DOES) AND HE SOENT APPROACH THEM AGAIN. LIKE THIS BOI IS OUT THERE SAVING THE WORLD WITH NO EMOTIONAL BACKING NO AVENGERS, NICJ FURY, SAM BUCKY DOCTOR STANGE FAMILY MJ NED SUPPORTING HIMA ND HE IS ALL THAT HE HAS LEFT AND HE STILL KEEPS FIGHTING HE MIGHT BE THE SMALLEST PUREST NOBLEST LITTLE SQUEAK OF HEAVEN AND HE SOENT GIVE UP AND MAKES A SUIT AND KEEPS HIMSELF TOGETHER LIKE WTF MARVEL GIVE HIM A BREAK DUDE CANT YOU GIMME 3 HRS OF MJ AND PETER JUST TALKING AND KISSING AND CUSSLING WHY DID U RIP MY HEART OUTTA MY SOUL INSTEAD HUH

AND OKAY OKAY OKAY THE WORST PART NOBODY REMEMBERS HIS SACRIFICE NOT EVEN DOCTOR STRANGE AND NOBODY WILL BE THERE TO SAVE HIM AND WHAT IF HE GOES ON LIVING LIKE THIS BUT ALSO WHAT IF THERE ISNT ANOTHER SPIDERMAN MOVIE??? LIKE THE MAIN IDEA WAS TO SEPARATE HIM FROM THE MARVEL UNIVERSE IN CASE THE LICENSING AND SHARING AGREEMENT DOESNT WORK OUT AND OMG IF SPIDERMAN DOESNT RETURN??? I FEEL SO BAD FOR THE ACTORS BUT LIKE I CANT HAVE A MARVEL WITHOUT SPIDERMAN AND IM TOO EMOTIONALLY INSVESTED TO NOT HAVE A MOVIE TO LOOK FORWARD TO I WILL FIRTS KILL ALL THESE STUPID DISNEY EXECUTIVES AND THEN MYSELF

DUDE WHY DOES MARVEL HATE SPIDERMAN

[teddy-feathers]

Me: hey how was your day? (decent sounding neutral to non negative sounding tone) Dad: ------ Dad: ------- Dad: whats up with you? (Laid back casual) Me: -------- (internally I'm fucking pissed because gdi i was being nice And i get ignored? And then just throw my question back at me? But hell where do i even start i just got done ranting to mom im basically all ranted out now.) Dad leans over side ways (we're standing next to each other - hes in my way btw in the kitchen )and hisses: you better anwer my question before I smack the shit out of you (note he hasnt done anything but probie smack me or spank me and even then that was like 12 and below but comments like this are pretty regular) So now im LIVID and somehow answer this question around that and keep it civil and not start a fucking fight Me with obvious irritation: first off) im thinking sorry about that. Dad: well then you should aknowledge me Me: Second off (and here my tone crosses into disrespectful / incredulous and childish) you didnt. Dad: Yes I did I asked what was the matter with you. Ffs... Me Suddenly Tired: it was just a long day Dad: it was more than that i heard a lot of explicitices coming out of your mouth a moment ago Me: well today was just pointless and a waste of time And more along those lines just basically i have to open this store. I have to help.set everything up, know what I'm doing to do that, as well as my job hardlines includes kichen shit domestics toys apparel and we dont have THAT damn much time i need to know this shit and... We're covering introductory stuff - not even properly its a 16 hr course shoved into 4hrs and it was pretty thread bare and yet im supposed to know all this shit you SHOULD have covered in thr packet instead And dad starts going off about how im just like my aunt and thats management's concern and document everything bs Dude if i dont know my job by opening i will loose my job Dad can go on and on about no i wont especially if i document everything But yes. Yes i will. Having worked shit tons of retail I can tell you it doesnt matter what the official reason is - they will go looking to get rid of your incompetent ass And thats just old fucking arguement the POINT is that you dont ORDER me to fucking vent to tell me to shut up You dont go "oh you shouldn't be upset about this thing youre upset about EVEN if you personally think its fucking stupid" AND YOU NEED TO STOP THREATENING ME YOU GOD BLESSED ASSHOLE further more youre getting pissed at me throwing back your actions at you GEE i WONDER how me and mom feel seeing as YOURE like that ALL the fucking time. FRUSTRATING ISNT IT DEALING WITH UNREASONABLE EMOTIONAL.PEOPLE DETERMINED TO PROVE YOUR STUPID Im not even trying to be disrespectful or give attitude!!!! Especially not rn. I KNOW I'm in a bad mood so I go out of my way to move on from it and just be fine but instead I get this CROCK of shit. So thats why I'm crying in the bathroom like a child again.

[jinxiaroo]

5/16/2020 10:30 am 

i wanted to dedicate this post to the guy i was seeing before. i dumped him cause i didnt think it was going anywhere awnd i wanted to vent about all the things that he did that pissed me off. also i guess to point out the tthings that i had overlooked..... 

but each time i wanna start one of these posts, the moment has passed and i guess im not as angry as i use to be. im just disappointed. mainly disappointed at how things ended becaue in the beginning i was very hopeful and i was very excited about getting to know him. i was hoping he would have treated me better then what had happened. i had expressed multiple times that i wanted to spend more time together and more attention. i wanted us to work. maybe i was being too unreasonable cause of the quarantine. towards the end i just gave up, why should i keep trying to express what i want when i wont get what i want in return. someone asked me if i think you were capable of change. and i think not. you completely missed the point of what i wanted. you think i wanted more of a physical connection but really i wanted something deeper then just sex. i wanted a partner. i wanted someone who i can spend hrs talking to i guess and discuss random shit. i want someone who just wants to talk to me because i wanna talk to them. i make the rules. i want soemone to work with me. im selfish like that but i bet im gonna give you the fucking world if i could. 

im mainly upset because you didnt understand what i wanted even though i told you a few times. i tried to leave 3 times. next time i need to trust my gut. it tells me to leave for a goddamn fucking reason. its not meant to be. i cant believe you asked fo break up sex. how fucking self absorbed are you. how does that make me feel. that you just want me for sex. you think that i lack that much self respect for you to fucking say that to me. you have no respect for me. you do not fucking deserve anything that i give to you. cause fuck you. fuck you for thinking you can be another fucking alvin. you will never be anything like alvin at all. you are a fucking piece of shit compared to alvin. he would never ask anything in return. he does everything from the goodness of his heart. how fucking dare you to have the audacity to make that fucking comment. who the fuck doyou think you even are. you asked me why i dont wanna be friends with you because you are a fucking dick that is born with a fucking silver spoon who doesnt understand the struggles that the rest of the world is facing. you dont understand what it measn to have nothing and to work hard for the things you earn. you wanna make fuck you money but how are you gonna do that while you sit and play games while getting high eeryday. you’re pathetic. you just think you’re always right. but that’s not it.life isnt always about being right. whatever i dont wanna deal with you anymore. im glad i blocked you. im done dating people who dont value cause im good. im a decent human. i know i made mistakes but im working onmyself. im giving myself credit. i deserve better. no more shitty guys irene. you gotta be better and do better. 

-im so glad i got rid of you. soemtimes, i suck at picking people. 

oh btw, you will never be even half of my friends. they treat me way better then you ever did. 

[loveinruins]

First weekend away

Last Wednesday night we went for dinner briefly and had a bit of a tiffle because of a heated discussion about MT. MT had come up to me and said she wanted to take her own car because G wasn't speaking to her and I told him that and that's what started our argument. 

He basically told me it's none of my fucking business how he goes about doing things and I was like wow ok. He kept going on and on about how we both deal with things differently and I agreed with being silent and he goes again you being silent does my fucking head in more than anything. I'm like I'm not quite sure what you want me to say here G. He goes what did you take away from what I said to you? I'm like it's none of my fucking business who you want to talk to and who you don't want to talk to. He goes are you serious that's all you took from what I said? I go no but that's what's resonated with me. Anyway by the time we left nandos I was a bit upset but just tried not to show it and as we were walking to the car he hugged me by putting his arm around my shoulder and pulled me in towards him and kissed my head. Which made me melt inside even though I was so upset at him. It's funny because when we were on the freeway on the way home I'm like I'm hungry do you wanna get something to eat? He goes it's my Aunty's birthday today and I go oh ok, it's all good. He goes nah we can still eat but are you gonna be a lil bitch tonight? I'm like no wtf and he laughed. He always knows when I'm getting my period or I've got it because I become a moody psycho. More than usual apparently. So we went away on the weekend to Apollo bay and got a really nice house and whatever. It was me, him, AC, MT and KT. Friday after work we had arranged to do the groceries while G finished late and all of us finished at 5.

So we did our shopping and whatever and luckily we had so many groceries so we ended up putting them all in MT's car which meant there was no room for me in her car so I got to go with the boys which is what I wanted anyway.

The car ride was fine, we spoke about MT a bit and then the rest of the time we just had a bit of banter and spoke some shit. We stopped in Geelong for dinner at la porchetta which was bloody awful. By the time we got to the house it was like 12am. When we got to the house the boys were like this house is sickkkkk. It was really really nice, so of course we go to bedrooms first and I'm like bags this room and they're like no wtf just shared with the girls and I'm like fuck no. I'm not sharing with them. AC goes nah you guys can share referring to me and G and I'm like no. He even said bro I'm not sharing with her. Anyway I was like no I'm having this room I swear to god if you make me share with the girls I'll fucking leave. AC was like no you won't. G goes yeah she will, I go yeah I will I'll get B to pick me up and she would. AC was like dude wtf and G was like let me talk to her bro just go, AC walks off and I was like what? He goes T it's not a big deal and I'm here to have fun but seriously it's not fair we paid the same money why should I not have my own room? Anyway I'm just saying. At that point I felt really guilty and selfish but at the same time I was like fuck this shit and I was in the worst mood. So I sat in my room for like half an hr and they were both in the lounge, G went and started the fireplace and AC was showering and getting changed I think. Anyway I eventually stopped sulking and walked into the lounge and sat down. He was like so are you drinking orrr? I'm like nah I don't feel like it. He's like why? I go I just have anxiety I just don't want to and he goes as if we come all this way everyone's drinking. I'm like no. He then grabs my hand and pulls me to the kitchen, at that point I didn't really know how to feel because he made me feel so guilty and I was annoyed at him and in a shit mood but he held my hand.. He was like come on I'll make you a drink what do you want? I was like umm vodka and lemonade so he poured me one and we decided to play kings cup (which btw I've never played before). It was quite funny, I was pretty drunk by the end of the game and we then smoked some weed after and went to bed. Next morning I woke up and made everyone breakfast, AC and KT were both giving me shit for making him breakfast. I was like lol ok whatever I made everyone breakfast not just you guys. We went to the 12 apostles, we split up when we got there the others walked off and it ended up just being me and him and we took a few photos of each other and together. It felt like we were a couple. Afterwards we went to some lighthouse that ended up being closed and we went for a walk anyways to some bushy area with a secret lookout. We went home and started on dinner whilst the boys went to town to buy some more snacks. I had a shower after cooking, got changed and purposely wore a loose white top because he doesn't like me wearing black all the time and plus it was a wise scoop neck so why not. We made rice paper rolls for dinner, it was actually really good. Anyways after dinner we played cards against humanity and drank and got high again. Now while playing CAH I caught him looking at me a few times and I ended up seeing a secret video that AC had snapped and it was him staring at me as I was doing something. He edited a video and put a love heart between us to be funny. I was like lol wow.. he was like checking me out..

Ok so I was dealing the cards after a round and he goes nice bra and I'm like what? You can't even see it. He goes yeah I could when you leant over before and I'm like.. right and he goes yeah it's the same bra you wore that time at the station. Here I am thinking is this guy keeping tabs on me or what? So we're like really stoned at this point and the girls ended up going to bed and I was left with the boys and we were just chillin and I went into G's bedroom with him and we were just having a laugh and a part of me wanted him to be like sleep here tonight but of course he didn't say that nor did that happen. I was taking my make up off with a wipe and he was like what are you doing? I'm like taking my make up off and he goes when did you even wear make up? I'm like earlier this morning. So I mean I'll take that as a compliment I guess.. I can't really remember much after that except for going to bed alone and slightly disappointed even though I was high as fuck. Next morning I woke up, got ready and packed up all my shit and we headed back home. We stopped at Lorne for brunch and walked around a bit. I bought a donut and asked him if he wanted to share a slice of cake with me and he goes yeah and I go do you wanna get this or me? Obviously that was a test to see if he would pay and he didn't.. should've known better by now.

He goes get me a coffee too cheers, so I did and when I gave him the coffee he was like lol oh thanks T (like not expecting it). Anyway so we left Lorne and on the way I had to pee so I made AC stop at a service station to go to the toilet and we ended up watching the mayweather mcgregor fight. There were a big packet of jumpys and I'm like can you get me this pls? He hesitated and I'm like I bought you a coffee, he goes I was waiting for you to bring that up. I'm like lol do you wanna buy me a bueno too? He goes that's if we're leaving before you buy the whole store. So AC drops G off to his car and I was hoping he wanted to take me home but he didn't offer so I just went home with AC. On the way home AC and I got to talking and I'm like you know I heard all your stupid little comments like kiss kiss kiss and saying cute when we'd interact m and trying to make him and I share a room. You made all those comments thinking I didn't hear them huh??? He laughed and goes you have tunnel vision when you're together and I go no I don't. He goes whatever you guys are in your own little bubble. Im like can you not? You guys need to let it go he doesnt like me like that. AC goes yeah but do you? I'm like no I just feel like we're besties when we're together that's it. He goes are you sure? I'm like yes dude. He goes I'm not gonna push it but there's love there..

I thought to myself wtf.. So he took Monday off so I took the train solo yesterday which was different. Then when I saw him today I felt nauseous. He looked extra cute cos he wore a shirt and a blazer. He gave me attitude when I saw him today which irritated me. Anyway I decided to not pay him much attention and I was just quiet during lunch and he goes what's wrong? I'm like nothing just feeling a bit down today. AC was like why? G interjects and goes bro she doesn't want to talk about it. So yesterday I spoke to someone in his team and asked what times they finish this week and he told me 4:30. So I knew he finished early today so towards the end of the day I had anxiety because I wasn't sure if he was going to wait for me or not because I removed him from my Skype list so I wouldn't check his status. Fuck I'm crazy.. It gets to about 5:05pm and I had just gotten off the phone with a customer and I'm like ok well he left without saying anything, probably better off.. then all of a sudden he walks up and I was like.. heart racing but relieved with satisfaction that he waited for me. Maybe because I said I was down he waited for me? Not sure. We walked to the station and I told him about eye see two and the job offer KL spoke to me about. On the train we had a bit of banter, we got onto the topic of how when I came back from Europe that I was gonna leave and he goes yeah but then you met me and like runs his hands into his hair and I rolled my eyes and I go relax yourself lol. At that point I realized he knew I still liked him.

Now I've clued together this because he goes if there was something wrong between us would you tell me? I'm like yeah if it was going to affect our friendship I would and he goes I'll keep that in mind. I honestly think he likes me liking him. I don't know. Honestly. Oh and when I told him about eye see two he goes I knew it. I knew it was going to be that. He asked me to drop him off to his car even though the train we were taking was going to stop at Yarraman. I was like fineeee, I guess if I get to spend more time with him then great lol. On the way to his car he was like T everything in your life is great, why are you feeling down? I go I dunno. (When in reality I just can't help but wonder why he doesn't like me like that?) I'm like I am grateful for everything, I dunno. Before he gets out of the car he's like thanks for the ride, btw thanks for waiting for me (like speaking about himself in third person) I acted surprised like waited for me? He goes yeah I finish at 4:30 this whole week and I go ohhhh and he closed the door and looked back at me and I smiled and waved bye and drove off. In my heart I know that he will always have a place there but I'm not helping myself by over analyzing what he says. I need to stop. I've asked the universe to send me a guy who wants to love me and be with me. Sigh.. until next time. T xxx