#hq malewives

[dinosaurtsukki]

HAIKYUU!! MALEWIFE HEADCANONS

feat. tsukishima, suna, sakusa, and iwaizumi

a/n: i've had a thing for malewives for the past few weeks and just let me write about tsukishima wearing an apron okay

☆.｡.:* TSUKISHIMA KEI

you guys already know i'm whipped for this man on an emotional, physical, and spiritual level

but just imagining him as a malewife really hits different

he's not exactly born as a malewife esp since i can imagine his mom and akiteru doing more of the chores at home

he's not great at chores either. like, he knows how to wash dishes but always forgets to separate the coloreds from the whites when he does laundry

but in the event that you're working longer hours at work and he has more time on his hands at home, tsukishima would absolutely step up to the job

he doesn't want to give you a hard time and if it means having to learn to unclog a drain right, he'll do it

tsukishima would spend quite a bit of time looking up how-to's online and asking his mom for help (when he's truly desperate)

soon finds that he doesn't actually hate cleaning and it's quite therapeutic and relaxing for him

he's a PRO at organizing things too and quickly develops the habit of just cleaning up quickly after you or himself (picking up towels that fell or washing dishes as soon as they're in the sink)

he comes to a Realization when he's sitting at the table sorting out coupons in a binder by expiration date and product

congrats you're an official Malewife now tsukki

pretty soon he's moved on to actually baking in his spare time

this is because he keeps dropping hints at you to bring home cake while you're out at work so you eventually just go 'if you want cake so much why don't you make it???'

and he does

it takes him several tries though but he finally manages to go from using cake mix to making one out of scratch

has a gloating smile on his face as he places a perfect slice of strawberry shortcake in front of you and smirks when you take a bite

"and you said i wouldn't be able to make a cake that good."

you reward him with a pink apron that is waaay too small for him like it only stops at his mid-thigh and he's adamant that he'll never wear it

he does wear it though when you're not at home he just doesn't want to give you the satisfaction

just imagine: coming home after a long day at work to the smell of cake baking in the oven and you see tsukishima standing at the counter making whipped cream by hand and wearing that pink apron that doesn't even reach his knees

be glad he married you

also i bet he ordered those rubber oven mitts that look like dinosaur mouths

☆.｡.:* SUNA RINTAROU

whenever it's not yet volleyball season suna actually has an adequate amount of time on his hands at home and knowing how hard you work, he doesn't hesitate to take on the household chores for you

his twitter bio actually says 'part-time professional volleyball player, part-time malewife'

he has an emotional bond with the roomba that cleans the floors in your house. during cleaning day, suna would strap his phone to the roomba to play music

at one point he tried to make one of those refrigerator organizing tiktoks but having to hold his phone while placing the eggs in their container was just not optimal and he gave up

the one thing that gets him up in the morning is the prospect of making you lunch and i'm not saying he's obsessed with making your bento look aesthetic but... he is

he's taken five photos of your bento already and he STILL hasn't wrapped it up and you're standing by the door five minutes before your train is scheduled to leave impatiently tapping your foot

you forgive him though when it's lunch break and you're enjoying the breaded pork cutlets that malewife suna made for you

that is until he sends you a text asking if you could take pictures of your lunch for him to post on instagram

but being the famous pro-volleyball player that he is, the malewife side of his instagram comes under scrutiny by some of his followers (mostly men)

one of suna's lunchbox photos got a comment from a guy saying 'lol i bet ur wife earns more than u' thinking that it would upset him

suna responds by posting a screenshot of the comment beside a selfie of the two of you with him wearing the frilliest pink apron he could find at the department store and you kissing his cheek

the caption is "i bet your wife wishes you were me"

nice kill suna

this guy is pretty sneaky though and sometimes when you're rushing off to work, he'll sneak your umbrella out of your bag when he knows its gonna rain later in the day

and then when you call him saying that you 'forgot' your umbrella, suna is quick to offer going to where you work to pick you up

as much as he doesn't mind staying at home, he also misses you a lot and won't miss out on the opportunity to share an umbrella with you while walking home

☆.｡.:* SAKUSA KIYOOMI

i am most excited about this one ngl

sakusa was the kind of kid who grew up not completely bothered by doing chores (aka, a parent's dream). he always had the cleanest bedroom among his friends also those clean as you go practices he learned in kindergarten really stuck with him

when the two of you started living together it was honestly such a relief for you that he was the kind of guy who would do chores without complaining unlike the ones from your previous relationships

in fact he's actually a bit nitpicky when it's you doing the cleaning but the way sakusa automatically washes the dishes is hot so no complaints from you

during the off-season, like suna, sakusa uses the time to just chill and help out around the house especially since you tend to be busy with your job

he ends up being a regular at the nearby market and a lot of the shop-owners there can easily recognize his curly hair and face mask

since sakusa regularly goes to the same places when he runs his errands, he ends up drawing the attention of the other housewives from your neighborhood

an unlikely friendship is formed when this 6'2" pro volleyball player from the MSBY black jackals realizes that he's out of fabric softener and kindly asks a group of middle-aged housewives doing their laundry together if they can spare some

they've always been curious about sakusa and end up talking with him while they're all waiting for their laundry

immediately after he says 'my wife is busy so i just took over the chores at home', these ladies have adopted him into their group

it goes from doing laundry on thursdays to going grocery shopping together. at one point they even join a morning yoga class

the ladies are so impressed watching sakusa to do all the hardest poses. they even affectionately call him 'sakusa-chan'

sakusa isn't really a fan of gossip but whenever his new friends end up talking together he just can't help but Listen and now he's invested into the latest news regarding chiyo-san's no-good husband

☆.｡.:* IWAIZUMI HAJIME

this Man. a malewife through and through

it started out with him assuming the role of the Responsible One among his friends, especially whenever they have training camps

once, their club manager was home sick and there was no one else to make dinner so iwa just stepped up because how hard could it be?

his teammates are genuinely surprised at how good the curry he made is and now iwa's the designated cook every time they have training camps

when you guys started dating he'd often invite you over to his place to cook dinner for you (even more so if you had a college kid diet bf!iwa would make sure you're eating healthy)

even on days when he's working hard, he tries to come home early enough to make dinner for you guys as well as buying groceries and doing the laundry and watering the garden

we stan a multi-tasker

something he's always been really good at though is sewing and fixing clothes because he actually paid attention in home economics class

whenever you lose a button on your jacket or get a hole in your jeans, iwa's already offering his hand out and grabbing his sewing kit that's always in his bag

he actually embroidered a little heart on the inside of one of your shirt hems when he was fixing it but if you point it out he'll just be embarrassed

at one point iwa definitely picks up crocheting or knitting as a hobby and it helps him pass the time during long volleyball games

when you watch a volleyball game on television sometimes you'll catch a glimpse of iwa sitting behind the players on a bench knitting a multi-colored scarf in deep concentration

he becomes quite well-known for it and one time a tv interviewer finally decides to ask iwa about it and he just blushes and goes 'its for my wife'

cue a resounding 'awwww' from everyone watching

another of his little malewife tendencies is to be kind of addicted to home shopping network and just any gadget that can be used at home

if you happen to come home early you'll catch your husband sitting on the couch bent forward and intently watching an ad for a spinning mop

"honey, it's a spinning superdry mop!!" "we already have a mop!!"

he gets his revenge by explicitly asking for that mop for his birthday

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taglist (check out my post for details on being part of my taglist):

@laure-chan​​ ​​ @kirakirasaku​​ @atsumusdomain​​ @goodfoodxoxoxo​​ @kei-ya​​ @guardianangelswings​​ @definitely-yours​​ @loisuke​​ @whootwhoot​​ @liz-multifandom-hotel @kac-chowsballs​​ @procrastination-lady​​ @miyakiyo0mi​​ @duhsies​​ @alittlesimp​​ ​​ @shybooks2 @sage-brick @11nolongerhuman