#however. if you enjoy very long-winded vents + rambling + reblogs of pretty pictures and maybe very occasionally a smart thing

[nothingmatters-everythingmatters]

[tag sorting!]

#myo is rambling. me when I talk. about literally whatever! sometimes it's actually with a larger point in mind, but uhh. don't expect decently smart words from me usually. it's a mixed bag, though we can always count on it being too long and poorly formatted!!

#responding to asks. also stuff I write, but in response format specifically! I am always happy to respond to things asked in good faith :) or things in bad faith, but the response might just be me shitposting at that point. but yeah! talk to me! I love getting anons and try to respond to them (it might not be quickly, but it will be eventually!)

#art insp. aesthetic stuff I like looking at! hopefully it balances out my blog so it's not all unhinged rambling lmao

#personal reminders. posts I want to come back to for good advice or reminders!

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[intro!]

hello! you can call me myo, and welcome to me straight up rambling in very overdrawn personal writings filled with far too many prepositions (look, I'm just not a grammar person, I write purely off vibes and stream of consciousness with light editing)

I made this blog mostly because I had a nagging desire to:

1) talk about myself in order to excise lingering young adult narcissism

2) rant about things that annoyed me in life because if I did this to people I knew irl they might stop talking to me

3) explore and contribute to communities of ideas that I haven't directly engaged with but would like to. specifically radical feminist and gender critical spaces that I stumbled upon while dealing with a conundrum over gender identity and found greatly helpful to expanding my own viewpoints on life, humanity, and identity. but honestly I talk (read: complain) about whatever is on my mind, not necessarily beholden on any single ideology.

anyways, speaking of identity, a topic I love so much and definitely don't side eye with the strongest of expressions my face can make, I will list some random aspects of myself that will come up in writing because turns out a lot of my self reflection centers around a few specific topics, keep reading if getting to know an internet stranger slightly better for no reason is up your alley--

myo lore:

I am chinese american, not a fact I usually talk about a lot unprompted (semi-lie it is a pretty easily prompted fact) but it sure is culturally what I am! and it does inform my upbringing and family dynamics which unsurprisingly are very interesting to unpack while blogging. I'm technically first generation (I did immigrate) but it's more like 1.75 generation if we want to be really picky (I did immigrate as a baby/toddler) so functionally I am american, but my upbringing is culturally a weird sort of chinese, my parents are fairly influenced by their own upbringings in china, and I think the way I turned out as a person does reflect that to some extent.

I am technically a desister/reconciled from identifying as transmasc non-binary/ftm/basically words to say I wanted to be a man and transition to be one but I hadn't gotten to that point of medicalization so I was stuck in a weird inbetween of being nonbinary as a result, even when I never reallly bought fully into the "being nonbinary" thing. I did not begin to pursue medical transition (due to overwhelming health anxiety lmao) but basically socially transitioned once I started college with a name change (kind of. it's complicated), effort at passing by binding (I found my actual binder I bought really uncomfortable so I never wore it out, but I bought many compression tops, wore lots of layers, and had some classically terrible posture!), he/him and they/them pronouns (though I never really enforced it and cared very little. I was an "any pronouns" kind of person. to my overwhelmingly queer social circles I AM an "any pronouns" person still. it's weirdly become a good litmus test to see how others think of gender but I digress) and using male bathrooms/staying away from female ones if I could. I very nearly began the process to get on testosterone (up to a research phase and plan on exactly which consultant to call) and I very strongly wanted and planned on getting top surgery, but the aforementioned lurking in radfem spaces did give me some clarity, and the also aforementioned health anxiety made me wary of the downsides. I'm still very much gnc presenting, I like dressing "androgynous/masculine" but I'm getting better at accepting my natural state as a woman. I do occasionally regress (dysphoria is pretty rude sometimes) and still get that "longing" and that lingering desire to get certain surgeries or try and pass again, but I am trying very hard to get out of that mindset (because it has proven to be bad for me :p) and have more connection and neutrality with my body.

I identified as asexual for the better part of half a year after chronic online-ness and some recommendations from a gender affirming therapist. now I realize... I am probably not asexual because shockingly I am attracted to women and only women wow. in deeper reflection I realize that a lot of what I attributed to asexuality was in fact a lack of attraction to men!! a shame I didn't realize this before I had one pretty regrettable relationship in high school and a weird ass short lived situationship which had so many red flags and violated boundaries but uhh. deep sigh, hindsight, huh? anyways, this is relevant because I might gripe about the ace community and ace discourse at times since I got kinda deep into it for a bit. I also (obviously) relate to lesbian sexuality and centering women so sometimes I prioritize that kind of thinking in my writing.

I really hate consumerism like quite a lot and am trying to live my life from an anti-consumerist angle and a more sustainable way which is fun since I have been involved in online spaces and hobbies which are in fact very consumerist, and realizing that now I can see a lot of aspects of those spaces and hobbies which should be taken more critically but alas. consumer culture truly runs strong in the states. extending this I am also pretty anti-makeup/cosmetic things that exist purely from marketing and other consumerist aspects of femininity. I'm not gonna stop anyone personally from buying makeup or heels or whatever, but I'm not exactly going to support or encourage them. I think women look their best naturally because they're beautiful naturally!

obviously, I engage with radblr/radical feminism on tumblr! I don't technically consider myself a radfem because I haven't read enough books about it lmao and I'm not really looking to be an "activist" or "thought leader" of radical feminism, but my beliefs are rad-leaning if anything. If we're really getting detailed, I look for detrans/desisted gender critical and/or radfem blogs, and gnc woman or gender critical leftist blogs. I also like to listen to discussions of lesbian feminism because I do relate to their goals a little more personally.

I'm pretty critical of gender ideology and the community around being transgender, from a place of self-reflection more than anything, as I was in fact part of that community (and still am outwardly in the rest of my life unconnected to this blog). just because I am critical of an ideology doesn't mean I'm trying to debate the existence of people identifying as trans! this is an important distinction that maybe should be obvious but I don't literally believe I'm some kind of authority on human behavior. however, what I can do is point out my own observations and logical analyses of reality and tenets of an ideology. critical thinking, yknow? and yeah maybe I'll also air some personal grievances on how trans ideology has been confusing and unhelpful to my own understanding of the self. that's just a given when I try and do meaningful self critique in hopes of improving as an individual.

I don't have dnis it's a case by case thing. if I don't like someone interacting with my stuff I will simply just express that with blocking or something but I don't believe in generalizing people just by what they label themselves as on tumblr dot com. I also try and follow a variety of people with different opinions to keep my dash fresh and my brain thinking critically, I don't endorse everything everyone I follow or reblog says (because also like. I will never 100% agree with anyone) !! if you're willing to strike up a conversation even if it's based on disagreement, I'm here for it! inbox is always open !!

I hope you enjoy reading a bunch more words written like this because that is in fact all that this is!