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coffee-cait · 2 years ago

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Hi there @tea-n-ink !

Figured it'd be easier to try and answer this as a post rather than in comments. I'll try to answer the best I can but in all honesty I'm not entirely sure how to answer this question in a way that will be satisfying or insightful. Because while I have an education in visual media and work in the field (which contributes to the studying and progress), a lot of my personal work has been (for lack of a better way to phrase it) "fucking around and finding out" for better AND for worse. A lot of how I work is both in contrast to what's required of me of my job but also based on habits built to perform that job. So I'm not confident in how much I could recommend approaching art the way I do or how applicable it will be. I can only speak to my own experience. Everyone will want to achieve and pursue different things with their art so I don't think there's going to be a specific answer of exactly what to do. I think I can only recommend some amount of framework to consider at best? I'm also not a good writer and struggle to articulate specifics especially when it comes to my creative process because it's very uh…. soupy? unstructured? But I want to make an attempt! I'm so sorry if this ends up being a rambling mess.

I haven't done studies/ brushing up on basics for a few years and I'm actively feeling the limits of how I draw because of that. So I absolutely would recommend brushing up on the fundamentals and doing studies every now and then to help prevent that kind of rut. I feel like it's something to do relatively consistently? It's like stretching and exercising a muscle to keep it in shape. However, how much and how frequent a person does that is going to be up to them based on what their lifestyle is and I feel this is more of something to consider to do long term over time rather than in short term bursts. But if you have the time to do a lot in the short term and won't impede life responsibilities then that's great! Just remember to take breaks because sometimes what you've learned and observed needs time to sink in. But also to protect your hands and physical health.

As for the "just do studies" / what studies to do, I guess a bit of a combination answer incoming? Because of the nature of my job (what is asked of me and MIGHT be asked of me), doing studies is going to be of the vague/broad variety because of how much possible ground I might need to cover. So I've done studies, sketches, looked at reference material etc. of a bunch of different things for years. A majority was outside of my comfort zone and I think it's important to try to to challenge yourself in such a way every once in a while. And definitely trying to explore many different topics (people, plants, architecture, animals, etc) will give more knowledge and possibilities of things to draw. However, it's also not very realistic to expect anyone to study everything to its minutia. I sure can't! I can try my best to draw some basic structures but I don't have enough knowledge and practice to make a convincing cityscape. And even with all the dabbling in different topics I've had to do, I still focus in more on the most likely things that's required of me or what I personally enjoy to draw on my free time. That tends to be characters. So when I do need to brush up I lean towards anatomy, musculature, human observation, that sort of thing. And I feel regardless of what anyone's style is, If you want to draw figures of any sort, practicing and revisiting that is always helpful! Also doing studies of specific things you want to improve on or things you are aware are your weakness is also an avenue I recommend. I think the last studies I did was of hands because it was something I wanted to improve on at the time. And I think it's high time I give buildings another shot.

As for style it wasn't something I actively worked on or envisioned. Rather, it was the inevitable mishmash of the aesthetic choices I liked in the artwork I enjoyed, habits I formed and not wanting to draw how I needed to during work hours. And this was a slow and gradual process over my whole life so far and it'll keep on going as long as I continue doing art. And I wouldn't consider it a linear progression either as there were many points where I backpedaled on certain choices because I didn't want to do things like that anymore and went another direction. As for how to develop and refine this actively, I can't say for sure. But what I can say is a person's style will be a love letter to the things they enjoy. Inevitably you'll be influenced by the things that speak to you and you might not realize it until years down the line. In my case, Jet Set Radio was something I played as a kid and it deeply impacted how I drew and what art I gravitated to for years before I realized how formative it was. The more you consume what you enjoy, the more it'll show in your art whether consciously or not. I suppose a potential exercise that can be done is maybe looking at several pieces of art you enjoy and trying to figure out exactly what it is about them that you like? Especially if maybe you find a common element to their styles that really speaks to you that you'd like to incorporate into your own art? While I can't say how effective this'll actually be, if I were to say, "Jet Set Radio, The World Ends With You and Dogs: Bullets & Carnage are things that had a lasting impression on me," and then you were to look at my art I think that statement would track.

But I also want to note that when I create I'M ACTUALLY VERY UNSURE OF MYSELF. I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT IM DOING WITH COLOURS AND I'M CONSTANTLY JUST HOPING FOR THE BEST EVERY TIME EVEN THOUGH I DID GO TO SCHOOL FOR WHAT I DO AND I SURE DO WORK HERE NOW. I rely a lot on my gut for things and end up trying over and over, sometimes fully scrapping and then unscrapping before my art gets to whatever I post online. And many things just never end up online. Sometimes things don't work out, and that's ok. And sometimes it feels like things won't work out but then they do. So don't feel discouraged when things don't work out the way you planned. I've found for myself, having a plan in my head of how i want to progress would just contribute to my already abundant anxieties so just letting things happen as they do was really helpful (outside of actual critical deadlines and professional responsibilities). There's always chances to try again and sometimes all you need is a break and to come back to what you were working on with fresh eyes.

I dunno how well this answers your question but I hope you were able to find something helpful amongst my brain soup.

#replies

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girlwiththeblueblood · 3 years ago

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Fnaf: Rescue Pets AU! - I’m gonna drop another AU on your ass!

The Reader character adopts rescued animals, some need a forever home others need some tender love and care before being able to adopted by a family that was better suited for said animal. Y/N lives on a big farm and has plenty of space for larger animals too - I might add other Fnaf robots later when I have a better idea for them - Let’s go!

[Also, don’t do any of the stuff I’m going to writing, it’s all for feels and drama and I highly doubt it’s realistic in any way shape for form.] Roxanne - A half wolf, duh.

Was rescued from an illegal dog fighting ring. She was very aggressive and talk of her being put down was talked about. However the group that rescued her got in contact with you and with all your past experiences you decide you would stand up to the challenge.

Roxanne was dropped off at your farm in a heavy duty create, that already had a few claws and bite marks. The people dropping her off are very concerned, but you are really bloody excited.

You had set up an gated, fenced but open area to release her into. The group help load her into the release area and some come away with a few scratches.

Everyone stomach drops when you enter the area, with padded safety gear on. You are fully expected to get attacked and Roxanne’s jaw gets a death rip on the arm of the safety gear, you however, do not flinch. You talk to her. She growls trying to scare you away, but you know better. It takes a while, plenty of reassurances, Roxy is safe, she won’t be forced to fight anymore.

Roxanne jaws loosens and she lets go, slowly. She does not let you pet her but her hackles are no longer raised. She growls when you move but when you place down some food - large meat on a bone - she seems to relax and eats in front of you.

Once you leave her enclosure, the group that had watched you are yelling at you at how stupid you had to be about going in there in the first place. Roxanne growls warningly at them.

It is a slow progress that takes a few month, but soon you do not have to wear full body safety gear to enter Roxanne’s enclosure, and she greets you with a soft head-butt at your side and she even liked to play tag-a-war with you.... You always lose, but Roxy is happy and content to live of the farm with you.

She even helps out with herding the few sheep you have.

Sun - Golden Retriever, also duh.

Sun was a regular at the local shelter, he was a handful and all his owners found him difficult to train and he just had so much energy that some families just could not handle him. So you are called one days and ask if you are able to take Sun on as your new training challenge, and your agree.

You immediately pick up on the fact that Sun is scared of the lead, his tail lowers and he shakes when he sees anyone hold one as they walk over to him. Trying a different approach, you teach him to stay at your side as you walk from one side of the room to the other, without the lead, it takes a few tries but with clear instructions and a few treats for good behaviour, Sun finally gets it and you are able to walk him to the car without issue.

Training Sun takes less time than you thought, he takes to lessons and phrases quickly, plus with all the space you have on the farm he has plenty of space to run and play.

You were wary of him and Roxanne being too close and expected a fight, but they get along fine, Roxanne likes her space though.

Sometimes families will come to your farm to buy eggs, milk and vegies, and to sometimes pat the animals under you care. Sun loves to play fetch with the children and run around with them. There was a family that asked about adopting him and you... had to think about it.

Sun must of heard about that talk because he followed you around the house all day after that and did not want to play with other children after that. So, the decision was made, the farm and you were going to be his forever home.

Sun got his new collar and was full of energy the next day. You started taking up riding a bike around the farm just to make sure he got most of his energy out before night fall. Many families asked if he was up for sale or adoption but you politely declined every time.

Sun favourite times of the year are when their is a holiday and the farm hoists some events for families. A haybale maze for Halloween, where he helps if someone gets lost for too long. Egg hunts in the fields where he stops the younger children from wondering off too far from the group.

It shocks you when someone yells out in the field, Sun had bitten someone. You came running and the adult climbed onto the tractor in order to get away from a very angry Sun. The person points a bloody hand at you saying they were trying to take their child home when the dog went nuts, they threating to call the police and have him put down. The child in question is hiding behind some haybales, they run over to their real parents when they show up. Oh, the police are called alright. You reward Sunny with some roast beef from the parent’s Boucher shop afterwards.

Your farm is known as a safe place after that day, and every parent knows that their child is safe when Sun is running around in the fields.

Moon - Cat, half a stray.

Oh boy, you were not ready for that call about a stray that was finally caught and taken to the shelter. Moon was very aggressive even you were more cautious than you were with Roxanne.

Everyone doubted that he would be socialized well enough for adoption, so you were called. It took you and two other people to get Moon into a cat carrier and you all came away with some nasty scratches.

You sorted out a small room for Moon, with a lot of scratching posts. Non of them survived.

You wore parts of the safety gear when replacing Moon’s food, water and litter tray. He made it very clear that he did not like having anyone in his space and hissed whenever you entered that room, even when feeding him.

One day, when you went in to clean, you found him curled up in the rafters glaring at you, tail fluffed up and trying to make himself as big as he could. Instead of hissing though, Moon was coughing. This worried you. It was time for some tough love.

It took an hour, but you managed to pin Moon down and examine him. He did not like this and had given you a few deep claw marks, but you did not give up on him. You actually say to him that he can attack you all he wants, you are not going to give up on him. Hissing quietly, he gears up at you.

Moon fights back while you examine him, but you keep him pinned. You find a lot of old wounds on him, from fights with other animals. You feel for him, it looks like he has had a very rough life. Some injuries look infected and by the look of his water eyes and his nose, he has a cold.

You think trying to pin him down to examine him was a fight, trying to clean his wounds and take his medicine was a war. You manage to roll him up in a blanket and feed him drops of cream cheese with his medicine mixed in though. Moon was not happy, licking at the cream cheese you deliberately leave drops on his nose, he glares at you. Probably planning your demises.

You hold the murderous bundle close to your chest, so Moon can feel your heart beat, as you feed him the medicine. You talk to him, saying how he is safe now and nothing is going to hurt him anymore. He must understand you because he slowly stop growling at you. But the glare is still there, Moon is not ready to trust just yet, but it’s progress.

Once Moon has eaten all the cheese laced with medicine, you go back into his little room and unravel him from the blanket. He runs to a hidey-hole and glares at you, but he did not make a swipe at you. Over the next few days you feed him his medicine-cream-cheese in a small bowl and Moon licks it up.

One night, you are having sleep paralysis. Your breath comes out short, hitched and panicked, as you have a unwanted staring contest with your Sleep paralysis demon. You about to start crying when you hear a meow from the open door and feel tiny paws land on the bed. You can’t speak and you try to move you fingers, worried that Moon will scratch at you if you don’t move. Then you hear something you never thought you would, a deep purring and a gentle weight on your chest. Moon moves in front of your face, blocking the previous staring contest and slow blinks down at you. Moon settles down, continuing to purr and you feel calmed.

In the morning you find the door to Moon’s small room practically ripped to screeds at the corner. You let him sleep in your room from then on.

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I might add more if I think of more, or if you have a suggestion about want another fnaf animatronics would be what animal and have an idea of their background and why they would be sent to Y/N’s farm.

#fnaf au #fnaf animatronics #Fnaf: Rescue Pets AU #fnaf roxanne #fnaf Sun #fnaf Moon

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pens-swords-stuff · 4 years ago

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Hi Undine, its really great to meet you- I really enjoy reading your blog! I have a question that I'm hoping that I've phrased respectfully, but I'm really sorry if it's offensive in anyway. I noticed you mentioned that you're queer and I'm queer too and I was wondering about your experience being queer in Japan. Specifically if you had any information whether being queer is widely accepted and understood. Part 1 #aapi ama

I'm aroace and I want to write a character who is also aroace and visiting Japan. My character meets a single friend with a child in Japan, and I want to write it so everyone understands queer and aroace and doesn't ask stuff like if they're dating. I just don't want the same stuff I deal with in real life (amatonormality) in my story but I don't know if that's realistic or could be considered offensive. Thanks! #aapi ama

This is actually a very complicated question about a very complicated topic, and based off how you phrased your question, I think you have a lot of research and thinking to do. (I’m also writing this with the assumption that you are American and/or Western. Apologies if I’m wrong, I know this is a huge assumption!)

The other thing to mention is that while I’m a queer Japanese-American, I’m not out to anyone in my family (nor do I feel the need to be! Nor should I feel the need to be, but that’s a long post for another time). I don’t have any real experience about being queer in Japan.

The first and most important thing that I can tell you about queerness in Japanese culture is that it is incredibly different from what queerness in Western society looks like. You cannot look at queerness in Japan through an American understanding of LGBTQIA+ culture and oppression. It’s an entirely different culture with different norms, expectations and values. Looking at it from a Western perspective, and having Western expectations leads to judgment and misunderstandings.

Homophobia, cisgenderism, and many other anti-LGBTQIA ideologies out there do exist in Japan. In some ways, Japan is a lot more progressive than America. In other ways, Japan is far behind America. It is a very complicated comparison.

The main difference in my opinion, is the source of those anti-LGBTQIA+ ideologies. In my experience, many of those ideologies in America are because of religious beliefs: a group of people consider it to be a sin. Japanese religious beliefs are completely different and as far as I'm aware, sin doesn't really exist in our culture. It tends to stem more from concepts/values like filial piety and conformity. This is a huge part of what I wrote my undergrad thesis on and I did a ton of research on it — I won't go into it in too much detail here, but the point is: Western and Japanese LGBTQIA+ culture and how it's received is extremely different for very different reasons.

I think there's been a lot of progress in recent years especially for Japan, but ultimately we still have a very long way to go before it is widely and commonly accepted. Compared to America, there's a lot less information and education going on about queerness in my opinion.

I think identities and concepts like aromanticity and asexuality are even less understood in Japan than they are in America — just based off my impressions at least, so take that how you will. Because of heteronormativity, if the two characters are both the same gender, chances are no one will ask them if they are dating. If they are presenting as two different genders however, it is a possibility.

Japan is not a place where queerness is widely accepted nor understood yet. There's progress going on, but there is still a lot more work to be done. At the very least, I can tell you that your idea seems unrealistic to me.

As for whether it's offensive... I'm not sure! On one hand, I totally understand writing in a setting that doesn't have any sort of aphobia or arophobia and I think that's valid. On the other hand, considering that Japanese culture is not your own culture, I would caution you from altering it in any way. While a Japanese person has the cultural knowledge and background to do that, most non-Japanese people do not.

So considering everything, it doesn't sound like you have the knowledge, background or the research done to portray queerness in Japan to the point of being able to make your own changes. Why does the place the character is visiting have to be Japan? Could it be a different place? Ultimately it's up to you, but I would heavily encourage you to choose another location as the setting.

AAPI Heritage Month AMA: Come ask me all your questions about Asian Americans!

#writing #writeblr #writing advice #cultural sensitivity #undine answers stuff #undine gives advice #aapi ama #also thank you so much!#super glad to hear that my blog is readable :)

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alwaysabeautifullife · 5 years ago

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How did you learn so many languages. Do you have any tips?

Yes!!!! Yes I do!!!

Everything I wish I could tell myself before starting my language “journey” lol:

🦩Dont be intimidated

Don’t be intimidated, specifically by doing listening or speaking practice. I know in the US (or for most English speakers), when we hear someone that speaks perfect English but merely has an accent we think “they don’t speak English”, but from experience this mentality is not shared with other languages. When you know even a little bit of a language or can’t speak it very well, natives speakers are really really encouraging. I think since we view not being 100% fluent without so much as an accent, as “not knowing any of a language” we are hard on ourselves and give up pretty easily.

🦩Listening practice is as important as studying vocabulary and grammar

When you listen to native speakers talk, you are training your ear even though you don’t understand it. Listen and listen, eventually your brain stops picking out English words that aren’t even there, but rather, starts to catch patterns in the language (for example, the same words sticks out to you over and over).

🦩Set realistic and doable goals or you’ll get discouraged and quit

If you are a busy person, make small goals to fit language study in. Don’t tell yourself that you need to master _____ within a week. Instead give yourself 15 mins of reading in the evening, and 25 mins of language listening in the morning. It’s also easier to add the language into stuff you do on a daily basis anyway. For example if you are religious, find your prayers you pray daily in the language you are learning.

🦩learn to read the language first (obviously this tip might not be applicable for character based languages like Chinese)

I know everyone says “immersion is the best and most important part of language” but honestly, a lot of our native speaking knowledge comes from our literacy education. When we are taught how to read, it’s through reading we can discover new words through context. It’s also easy to pick up new language reading since it’s available anywhere, where immersion is only available when you are surrounded by native speakers. The first thing I do is learn how to read and write the language, then the entire language becomes accessible to me.

🦩Spend time perfecting the sounds of the language that are most difficult for you

The vocal sounds of a language is the foundation of a language. I know we are all impatient and want to simply learn as many phrases as possible as fast as possible, but if you get down the unfamiliar sounds of a language that don’t exist in English, you’ll have a better foundation of the language and your speaking and listening will be better from the very beginning. So take the time to practice those weird sounds by looking into the position of the tongue and where the sound comes from, from the chest to the lips. Look into how tense the mouth is, how much air comes from the lips, what the sound is like next to other sounds. When you master this speaking becomes more instinctual and it’s easier to pick up the language.

🦩Search YouTube, google, Instagram IN THE LANGUAGE YOU ARE STUDYING.

Don’t search “korean music” or “korean kids tv” or even “korean vegetables” in google. Just translate how to say them in a translator app, then copy and paste them into the search bar. This way native korean information, videos, posts will come up. For example, if you’re in the mood for some horror comics, and want to read/watch them in the language you are learning, go to the translator app, and figure out how to say them, then search it. It works way better, even if the translation isn’t correct or more natural, you’ll still get the information, posts, and videos you want to see.

🦩Find ways to practice speaking the language (I use HiNative) and don’t be discouraged by corrections.

Getting corrected does not mean you’re wrong, corrections are the most useful part of learning a language. If you are the type of person who is sensitive to criticism, you need to remind yourself corrections are NOT criticism. They are NOT a reflection of your progress, they are NOT you failing! You will always be corrected as a language learner and the sooner you are gentle with yourself in learning the sooner you will learn more. Get those first corrections out of the way, allow yourself to butcher pronunciation, get corrected for the first 10 times, let it sting a little and move on. Eventually you will be begging native speakers to tell you every little detail in where you went wrong!

🦩Tv and Books seems to be more useful for immersion and listening practice then music does

So far in my experience music is its very weird and abstract, and the things said in music aren’t really useful in speaking? It’s good for gathering vocab, but if you want music listening practice that’s music based try searching for rap in that language, although obviously you’ll be picking up a lot of informal language in music/rap. Tv shows however are typically how people really do talk, so turn off English subs and just listen! Books are really useful for learning new vocabulary, but sometimes written language is different than spoken (often), although when you speak it the way you’ve learned from a book the worst you’ll sound is “formal and poetic”.

🦩Look up “insert language you are learning phrases and words that aren’t useful or correct”

There so many programs and books that teach you phrases you’ll never use or that are only appropriate in very specific situations. I don’t know why language programs do this, but learning which ones are weird or only in specific settings before you start learning really helps. Chinese Especially does this...like I learned so many phrases and words that natives will never use and have no purpose???

🦩Know the different subjects of learning a language and which apps to use for that

Everyone uses Duolingo, but this app alone won’t make you speak a language. Duolingo and Memrise are great for memorizing vocab, but, is it vocab that in the context of your reading and listening practice? Are you learning words you are hearing and reading all the time? Duolingo is a lot of fun but I feel like the vocab is so broad and it doesn’t go deep enough into the language. Feel free to use it at first to get used to the sounds of the language, but try using flash card apps like quizlet or Anki instead where you can write down and study words you are hearing constantly. Memrise does have actually study sets for many language books and lessons! So you can study words you are hearing in specific programs and books which is pretty useful in regards to vocab.

There obviously is more than just learning vocab. What about grammar, listening practice, speaking practice and reading? If you are wanting to use primarily apps find out which apps are available for your language. Here is an example of the apps I use for each subject. Be aware some languages are not available on them.

Vocab: quizlet, anki

Grammar: books (printed or kindle), YouTube grammar lessons, websites

Reading: books (printed or kindle), beelinguapp, instagram (posts that have text), Netflix/YouTube with both subtitles in the language you are learning and spoken in language you are learning, epic app

Writing: just use paper and pencil/pen

Listening: audio books (beelinguapp/epic/kindle/YouTube), tv and movies (Netflix/YouTube etc with no English subs), conversations on YouTube (search in language you are studying, don’t search “Spanish conversations” or “Japanese conversations”)

Speaking: HiNative (pretty much all I use since it’s all languages, quick, and you get immediately answered and corrected by native speakers), get friends in language you are learning through lots of apps

Translator: it’s really hard to find a good one, most of them are really weird so only use them for words and the most basic or simple phrases and sentences, otherwise use HiNative to ask native speakers directly, or ask people on the apps that connect you to native speakers

🌱I should note that for talking to native speakers I only like HiNative, since it’s built to NOT be a form of social networking at all. It’s not personal in anyway, and there’s no way to private message or speak to other users outside a asking questions publicly. The people on there are only about learning or teaching a language, not usually making friends. I’ve found the sites that are built to make native speaking friends aren’t useful to me personally, as most of the native speakers are either dudes looking for a woman to date or people wanting to only practice English with you, so they wasted a lot of my study time. People who are willing to help you learn are there, but it takes time to filter everything else out. If you would find it helpful to make friends by all means use them but I don’t really use it myself.🌱

You don’t want to really study EVERY SUBJECT every single day (unless you have the time). It can get really overwhelming, and you don’t really absorb information that if you are just cramming. While I would say it’s good to read and listen daily, spread subjects out over the week. Grammar on Monday and Friday, vocab on Tuesday and Thursday. Take one day to review all of what you’ve learned all week. Pick a day you have the largest block of free time. Bi-weekly works fine too.

I have an old post on how I organize my study time for multiple languages: https://alwaysabeautifullife.tumblr.com/post/182817883372/what-do-you-use-to-learn-your-languages-im

🦩Write sentences daily of everything you’ve learned (no THIS I RECOMMEND DAILY)

Write as many as you can. Use all the grammar you’ve learned, the words you’ve learned, everything! Write them in your notes and submit them to be corrected in HiNative. The sentences they correct, put them in flash cards!

🦩It’s ok to abandon languages you aren’t passionate in

So you’ve learned to read the language, and you know basic phrases, and now you just don’t want to do it anymore. If you can’t think of any reason to maintain it and don’t know why you are studying it, learning some of the language is good! Fluency does NOT need to be everyone’s goal. You can hold a conversation, and that’s good enough for you. Feel free to try out various languages, there will be one or some that really are your passion, it’s fine to have the goal of fluency in those and conversational in others.

Don’t abandon languages however because you feel discouraged. Discouragement is just a bump to get over, when you train your brain to maintain study habits through the days you feel discouraged, you make it habitual. Habits are harder to break and abandon! Evaluate your reasonings for wanting to speak a language, and your reasons for abandoning them if you want. Don’t let difficulty, disorganized, discouragement, or poor time management get in your way!!

🦩With all that said it’s ok to take breaks

It’s ok to get overwhelmed and take breaks from language learning. If you can still maintain what you’ve learned by listening to music in your language or staying connected in some way that’s good, but the “you’ll loose a language” isn’t entirely true. I’ve taken year long breaks and refreshing what I learned previously is pretty easy! Your brain really does go “oh yeah I do remember this!” when you’re studying information you studied years ago.

🦩Be gentle with yourself

Be gentle with yourself. People that claim to be fluent in 6 months are selling something or want to be an influencer. Don’t compare yourself to them. Language learning even for natives is a lifetime education. It’s not something you do for 6 months then stop. It’s continual and that looks different for everyone (yes native speakers included). Don’t bother watching YouTube videos on how to learn in 10 mins or 3 months, you’ll only get discouraged about your own amazing progress and all the work you’ve done.

🦩Plan your “can you say something in it” phrase now

This one is just for fun but after hearing you are learning a language the first thing you’ll get asked is “oh cool you speak (insert target language here)? Can you say something in (insert target language here)?” It does not matter what level of fluency you are at, you will absolutely forget the entire language and your own native language when you are asked this because it sends your brain to another dimension. So think of some funny phrases to say to people who ask, master them, then when they ask what they mean you can have a laugh. Other wise you will say something stupid of jumbled words (my go to was ‘we women are fruit’ for some reason thanks brain you’re incredible) you’ve learned that don’t belong in a sentence, or even worse you’ll run a blank and you’ll just look at them like:

🍳👄🍳

So think of inside jokes to tell your friends, funny phrases, even goofy insults! Memorize them and tell them at your friends and family to torture them because they can’t escape sound waves! It’s a good way to memorize the language but also to become confortable speaking it!

Please excuse any errors I don’t wanna go over my mistakes so pretend u can’t see them 🙈

#langblr #learning languages #korean #spanish #italian #portuguese #lang resources #lang apps #lang

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hypnofur1 · 4 years ago

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My Life as a Hypno Fur Queen - Chapter 2

That incident with the construction workers was an indicator of where my general mindset was at. With each passing day, I was less interested in “Cindy” stuff. Less interested in dealing with PTA things, less interested in dealing with drama from the neighborhood women. I was interested in hypnotic erotic domination, and there was little room for anything else. I knew this was a dangerous road, but I couldn’t stop myself from going down it.

With the kids at school, Nick at work, and the construction workers in the house working on the closet, I spent a lot of time in my bedroom. Most of it was either researching hypnosis stuff online or shopping online. One afternoon, as the closet was almost finished, I found what I thought would be the perfect centerpiece.

The room had originally been a fairly good size office, so as a closet, it was enormous. There was a large open space in the middle. I found a red velvet couch for the middle of the floor. I figured it would be great to hypnotize and fuck on. I sent it to Nick and told him to order it.

“Cindy, I think we need to chill on the purchases for a while. I know we have the inheritance stuff, but this couch is like $2k” he texted back to me.

I’ll be honest, I don’t know if I was pleased or annoyed that he wrote that. Part of me just wanted him to do what I wanted, but the other part of me liked the challenge.

The construction crew was just down to one finish guy, a portly guy name Jorge. Jorge was in his late 40’s. He was very nice, as they all were. He was a little bit intimated by me, which I liked. I’m sure my interaction with the crew the other day exacerbated his level of intimidation. I noticed Jorge get all sweaty and nervous when I was around. I also noticed him sneaking glances as me. At this point though, he was wrapping up for the day. As soon as he left, I went into the closet. It still smelled new in there. I took a selfie and sent it to Nick.

Then I texted him:

Me: Am I beautiful Nick?

Nick: yes

Me: Look past me. What do you see?

Nick: Your furs

Me: Who am I?

Nick: Cynthia

Me: Who is in control? Who do you serve?

Nick: You

Me: Order the couch. Get rush shipping. I don’t care how much it costs

Nick: Yes Cynthia

The power I had over him was intoxicating. I immediately felt the middle of my yoga pants getting wet. All alone in the house, I went back to my bedroom and opened the drawer next to my bed. Nick and I both had little bedside tables. The bottom drawer of mine had glamour magazines right at the top, but underneath those were my little toys. Looking through the drawer, I briefly considered the fingertip vibrator... quick, to the point, very effective. But instead I drew out my other vibrator... anatomically correct, except for the fact that it was purple silicone. I closed my eyes for a moment, holding the toy in my hand, realizing with a smile that it was about the same size as my husband. I reclined on the bed, my thick purple friend turned on low speed, and slowly teased the tip over my clit as I thought about the power I had over Nick My breathing sped up right away. I was so wet already, so turned on, that I slipped the tip of the toy down to the entrance of my pussy almost immediately, moaning a little bit as it pressed inward. Just the tip. Just that tease. Just those little teasing thrusts, the slow rumbling vibrations adding to the sensation as I briefly slipped the tip back up over her clit. The vibrations, those extra sensations, helped to compensate for not having Nick’s hypnotized, obedient, warm body pressing me into the bed. For not having a tongue invading my mouth with mindless kisses, pushing into me with his hard cock. "Oh," I whispered with the toy halfway in. "Oh, shit, feels so good." I said to no one. But I The thrusts were all the way in now. I thought of how silky I made my voice when I was hypnotizing Nick. I thought of how he was so powerless to resist my commands. Further encouraged by this, I reached down to turn up the speed on the vibrator, lifting my hips off the bed and gasping as I pushed against the toy. She reached behind her with one hand, gripping the headboard... Yes, almost there, just a bit more, oh, God... "I’m your hypnotic fur queen!" I burst out as at full volume as I climaxed, reveling in the feeling of bearing down on the realistic toy, riding the waves of muscle contractions magnified by the facsimile inside me. The last gasps of my orgasm took a while to dissipate, the vibrations keeping it going, and I bit my lip again as I rode the toy through the aftershocks. With a satisfied sigh, I finally turned off the vibrator and put it to the side. I laid there for a moment and basked in the post orgasmic glow. I felt relaxed and happy… but I still felt a little bit wicked. I was thinking about Jorge the last carpenter. He probably thought I was so hot. Hispanic guys love blondes, I learned that in Cancun. They are crazy for blondes. I probably seemed so rich to him, so untouchable. If he only knew that I had been masturbating just a few minutes after he had left.

I was thinking about this as I cleaned off the purple vibrator. As I was about to place it back in the drawer, I stopped. The wicked feeling I have prompted me to place the purple, penis shaped vibrator in the closet. I put it on a shelf, next to the furs, and next to a couple books on hypnosis, and a gold pocket watch that I had bought. I knew Jorge would find it the next day. I felt so sexy, so wicked.

But then the kids came home. I was thrust back into a world that was becoming less and less interesting to me. Cindy’s world. Mom Cindy, School Committee member Cindy, and at the particular time that Nick came home that night – sister Cindy.

“Well, why did you give him the keys?” I said with a snarl to my older sister, Denise. She lived in Rhode Island, and her life was always in a constant state of calamity and sadness. Nick could probably tell who I was on the phone with the moment that he walked in the door, he was not a big fan of hers of course. She was telling me some sob story about how her latest boyfriend had taken her car out after a night of drinking and smashed it up. It was always some pathetic adventure or another with her.

Nick gave me a smile and then headed upstairs to get out of his work clothes. Exchanging his shirt and tie for a t-shirt and basketball shorts. That’s what he did every night. Of course, over the last few weeks, he would also check the daily progress the construction crew was making with the closet.

Frankly, I had been so caught up in what was happening with the boys’ school stuff, dinner, and now Denise’s crap, that I had forgotten about the little surprise that I left for Jorge to find tomorrow.

However, I was certainly reminded when Nick and back downstairs and yelled to me in a panic, “Cindy, you left a dildo in the closet!”.

I could barely put my hand over the receiver fast enough so that Denise couldn’t hear. “SHHHHHH!” I admonished. Jeez, not only did I not want Denise to hear that, I didn’t want the boys to hear him too. God, he is such a spaz sometimes.

His face was red and he was totally shocked. His intense reaction was a reminder for me that my actions of late were really out of character. I knew I was spiraling a bit, but I didn’t care. It was sexy and fun, and exciting. So fucking hot. I loved the idea of Jorge seeing the dildo and not being able to stop thinking about me using it. I even loved that it shocked Nick, and that he wasn’t into it.

Denise was blabbering on and on. I just put her on mute, so she couldn’t hear what I said. I looked Nick deep in the eyes. I changed my body language and my tone. Hell, I felt like I changed my whole persona.

“Nick, look at me, look into my eyes” I said to him. “What did you see in the closet Nick?”

“Your purple… you know” he said. I noticed he didn’t break eye contact.

“What else did you see in the closet Nick?”

“A hypnosis book” he answered

“Have you ever been hypnotized Nick?” I asked, calmly and steadily

“Yes” he whispered now. His eyes locked into mine.

“What else is in the closet Nick?” I asked.

“Furs” he said, his breathing now ragged.

“Who hypnotized you Nick?” I asked

“You did”

“Whose furs are those Nick?”

“Yours” he said. I didn’t want to break eye contact, but I had a hunch that if I glanced down, I’d see an erection forming beneath the basketball shorts.

“You are hypnotized now, aren’t you Nick?” I said to him. It was phrased as a question, but it really wasn’t

“Yes” he whispered. I immediately felt my pussy moisten. I took the phone off mute and just blurted out to Denise that I would call her back. I could listen to her whine about her car problems later. I mean, I didn’t love my mini van, but you didn’t see me calling people complaining about it.

That did give me an idea though…. a wicked idea.

“Who controls you Nick? Who do you serve?’ I asked him as my arousal grew.

“you do. I serve you” he answered

“Good Nick. Go deeper now. Looking deep into my eyes, hearing only the sound of my voice. Deeper and deeper into my hypnotic control. Deeper and deeper.” I said, in my hypnotist voice. This was the first time I had ever brought him under without actually having fur present in the room with us. I wanted to capitalize on this opportunity.

“Looking so deep into my eyes. Completely and utterly focused on me. I am your whole world. So engrossed in me. So captivated by me. I am your hypnotic fur queen, and you are mine. Mine to control, mine to hypnotize. Deeper and Deeper. Going deeper and deeper under my hypnotic control. It feels so good to be completely immersed in my hypnotic spell. You love being hypnotized by me. You love to serve me, to please me. Pleasing me and serving me is the most important thing to you.” I said, my own breathing now ragged from arousal.

“You’ll do anything I say. Anything to please me. You can refuse me nothing. I am the most beautiful woman in the world. I am perfection. You find me so sexy. The more aroused you are, the more you obey me. Even if it is something you don’t want to do, your desire to serve me and please me will take precedence. Do you understand?” I told him. I felt a bead of sweat roll down my temple. I was feeling almost frenzied.

“Yes Cynthia” Nick responded immediately.

“Nick, I want you to go upstairs, and go into the closet. When you are in there, I want you to get on your phone and make a reservation for the nicest hotel in Providence for tomorrow night. We are going to drive my mini van down to Denise, and we are going to give it to her. You are then going to buy me a new Mercedes. Do you understand?” I said. I was actually touching myself at this point. Thank god for Fortenight, I knew it would keep the boys so occupied down in the basement that they wouldn’t come upstairs and overhear this.

“I-I” Nick stuttered, I could see he was struggling.

“You serve me Nick. It is so sexy to serve your fur queen. Tell me you will obey Nick”

“I will obey” he said weakly. I fucking loved it.

“Go upstairs and do that. Then, I want you to jerk off looking at the purple vibrator, thinking of me using it, do you understand?”

“Yes Cynthia”

“When you are done. Make dinner”

“Yes Cynthia”

“Go!” I said, almost evilly. I was so turned on that I stuck my hand down my pants. Maybe I should have gone up with him to use the vibrator…

****************

Jorge didn’t have much to finish on the job, less than an hour of work left. He was just replacing two drawer handles that had come in wrong and picking up the final check. However, I knew that he would see my purple vibrator on the shelf, on top of the hypnosis book. I knew that would shock and likely arouse him. I knew that, and I loved it.

I was in the kitchen, listening for him to start making his way downstairs. I looked really good, I had on a tight satin blouse, a short little mini skirt, and some strappy heels. It was a sexy version of a professional outfit. As I heard him start to come down the stairs, I hopped on to the kitchen counter and picked up the phone.

“Yes Mr. Mayor, you hear only the sound of my voice. You are deep, deep in my hypnotic power. You will obey my commands completely…” I said as he rounded the corner. I saw him nervously approach me. I had the final check, so I knew he would have to deal with me.

I looked deep into Jorge’s eyes with a sultry look. “Mr. Mayor. Sink deep into hypnosis. Sleep deep until you hear my voice again.” I said into the phone before hitting the mute button theatrically.

“Are you all done?” I asked Jorge.

“Y-Yes Ma’am” he said nervously.

“Before I give you this check, I want you to look deep into my eyes…” I said to him with a wicked smile.

Jorge’s eyes almost popped out of his head before he immediately diverted them. He said something in Spanish that I didn’t understand, and ran out of the house. I laughed and laughed. I might have even cackled. It was definitely an evil laugh none the less. Now, full disclosure, I stuck the check in the mail right away. I wasn’t trying to get out of paying the construction company, nor was I looking for a law suit. I was just looking for a little fun…

**********************

It was easy to get my mom to come watch the boys. After all, I was giving Denise my car. My mom was always so overly protective of Denise, which by the way, is a large part of why she is who she is – but that is not the point of this story.

So anyway, my Mom came to watch the boys the next afternoon, which was a Friday so it worked out well. I was dressed very nicely, make up done, etc. Nick shuddered a little bit when he first saw me as he got home from work. I told him to shower and put on something nice as well. He of course obliged.

I didn’t wear the fur out of the house. I didn’t really want to wear it in front of my mom or the boys. I had Nick put a couple of them into garment bags and place them in the mini van. It was all smiles and hugs and “Cindy” when we were leaving the house. I knew the boys would be in good hands with my mom, despite the fact that she would spoil them rotten, and let them eat way more sugar than I would. Oh well, I didn’t really care about that at that moment.

As soon as we were both in the car, it was 100% Cynthia time. I had Nick pull over the second that we were out of view of our house, and get one of the furs out of the garment bag. I wasn’t going to wear it in the car, but I just wanted it out for the psychological effects it would have.

We live about an hour and a half north of Providence. This was a Friday night, so the traffic was thick. I called and got reservations at a restaurant called the Capitol Grille. It was known to be one of the nicest in the city. There was no place to park nearby the restaurant. I told Nick to pull up to the front and drop me off at the door. When we were at the front, I told him to get my fur and put it on me. He did so, opening my car door, taking my hand as I got out, treating me like a queen as he helped me slip into the fur.

I could feel his warm breath on my neck as he helped me into the fur. Part of me wanted to have him take me to the hotel right then and there and ride him like a cowgirl. But, I wanted to enjoy the evening first. I turned to him as I reached down and grabbed his crotch. As I suspected, his cock was rock hard. Perfect! That is just how I wanted it. I figured there was a possibility that the restaurant hostess even saw me grab him, but I didn’t care. I was in full Cynthia mode at this point.

I entered the restaurant with a confidence that I could have only dreamed about in my twenties. I immediately notice a lot of eyes on me. That wasn’t unusual, but in this fur, with this confidence, I felt it was magnified significantly. As I scanned the room, taking a mental inventory of all who noticed me. There were a number of men checking me out. There were a number of women givng me the stink eye. I loved it all.

Then I noticed this one guy at the bar. He was older, like 50’s, and he was well dressed. Expensive clothes. He had a look in his eye that I have seen before. It was the same look that Nick had the first time he saw me in a fur. All the color had drained from the guy’s face. He tried to avert his eyes, likely realizing that he was staring, but he just couldn’t. As a little test, I lightly ran my finger tips down the shawl collar of my fox fur coat as I stared at him. I could see from the guy’s reaction that I had just taken his breath away.

This dude 100% had a fur fetish! I laughed wickedly to no one. It was the same kind of laugh I laughed when I was teasing Jorge. Who the hell was I becoming?

Nick entered the restaurant, I felt him come up behind me. The hostess smiled at us politely and showed us to our seat. I kept glancing over to my starstruck friend at the bar, his eyes never left me. I looked at him and laughed knowingly.

Dinner was fantastic, as were the cosmopolitans. I knew I was getting a bit tipsy, but I didn’t care. At the end of my second cosmopolitan, and idea formed. It was crazy, and bad, and stupid. But… I wanted to be crazy and band and stupid. I knew I needed Nick’s cooperation. I looked deep into his eyes with my hypnotist gaze.

“Nick, I want you to do something.” I said.

“Anything” Nick responded. He was so far gone tonight.

“There is a man at the bar in a blue tie. I want you to go to the bar and get me another Cosmo. Strike up a conversation with him. Make sure you somehow work in that your wife is a hypnotist. Do you understand?” I said.

“Yes, I understand”

“Good. Go now.” I said. Commanding him like this was getting me a little bit aroused. I did my best to not glance over at them while Nick was talking to the guy. He was probably up at the bar for a good 15-20 minutes, which was a good sign that he was likely successful in striking up a conversation.

When he finally came back, I asked him if he was successful in his task. He confirmed that he was. That part of my hastily put together plan was complete, now I just needed to wait for Mr. Blue Tie to get up to go to the bathroom. He had been sitting at the bar for like an hour, I knew it wouldn’t take long.

Sure enough, I only had to wait about ten minutes. I saw Mr. Blue Tie get up and turn towards the restroom. Of course, he snuck a few more glances at me. I knew this was my chance. I had to occupy Nick though. I told him to let his attention wander, to start noticing other things in the restaurant, etc. I told him he wouldn’t notice that I had left the table, and would keep just dazing off until I spoke to him again. It worked perfectly, I saw him start looking around as soon as I had said that.

With part two of the plan in play, I grabbed my fur coat from the back of my chair and slipped it on as I headed to the restroom. Mr. Blue Tie of course noticed this, as his eyes hadn’t really left me all night. Now, I will admit, I really felt the Cosmopolitans when I stood up. Wow, I was definitely a little drunk.

I was able to not stumble over to him though, which was impressive in the heels I was in. I caught him before the bathroom.

"Hi, I see you like this white fox coat I’m wearing”, I said to him as I got close, looking deep into his now… well, petrified eyes.

He tried to say something, probably to make an excuse. As soon as I saw him go to speak, I put my finger on his lips. “Shhhhh. It’s ok I know that you like it. It’s ok.”

I slowly removed my finger from his lips and then held my hand in front of his eyes for a moment. Slowly and seductively, I moved my fingers to the thick fox shawl collar. As I expected, his eyes never left my finger tips. “That’s right. You are finding that you can’t look away from my gentle, soft caressing of the fur. You are finding that your eyes are locked on finger tips and you can`t look away. It may be that you just find the sight of my feminine hand caressing the thick, soft fur is so pleasant to look at. I`m very glad you find my fingers stroking the fur pleasing enough for you to want to watch me do it just like you`re doing right now. I’m ok with it, I’m letting you just stare, like you’ve wanted to. Just SSssoo natural to just want to reelllaax and watch me caress the fur. SSssoo natural... ssssoo natural to want to stare at me touching the fur and listen to my voice. Nothing unusual. Nothing but just reellaaxxing and staring like you`re doing, and listening to my voice. SSssoo easy....ssssoo natural....ssssoo rreeellaaxing..... reeellaaaxing.....” I could see his jaw was hanging open and his eyes looked glazed. I slowly moved my fingertips up to my face. His eyes followed and met mine. Now our eyes were locked, fixed. I then moved closer to him and placed my thumb on his forehead and my fingers on his head. Speaking to him in a soft, sexy tone of voice, I began to slowly rotate his head. “....reeellaaxing more and more as you look deep into my eyes. Deeper and Deeeeper into my eyes now. You find it impossible to look away from my eyes. You find it impossible to look away. My eyes pull you deeeeper and deeeeeper into them. Feel it...feel them pull you in deeeeper and deeeeeper. Down deeeep...down deeeep into my eyes and you love this feeling of just letting go and sinking...sinking...down deeeep....down deeeep into my eyes. Just let go now and sink all the way down...deep.....deeeeep....deeeeeep into reeellaaxing sleep... sleeeep....sleeeeeeeeeeep....” With that, he collapsed on to me. Slumped right on to my shoulder. I started to freak out, wondering if anyone at the restaurant was noticing what was going on, but it quickly faded away as I realized I needed to keep this moving quickly.

“Hearing only the sound of my voice. You will do exactly as I tell you to do. It feels so good to follow and obey. Now, stand up, open your eyes, but remain deep in hypnotic trance.” I told him.

He did so. Good. That was going to get awkward fast with him draped all over me. Plus, he was heavy.

“Now, I want you to answer me completely honestly, do you understand?”

“Yes” he responded quietly

“Good, that makes me very happy, and you want to make me happy, don’t you?”

“Yes” he responded earnestly.

“Goooood”, I cooed. “You are doing soo well. Now, what is your name?”

“Doug Stumbly”

“Good Doug. I’m pleased that you told me that. Do you like to please me Doug?”

“Yes”

“Good. So good. Are you sexually attracted to women in furs Doug?”

“Yes, women in white furs” he said

White furs. Ok. Geez, these guys and their fetishes are like, sooo specific. Being a guy must be so weird. Whatever. “Good Doug, very good. I am the most beautiful woman you have ever seen wearing a white fur live and in person, aren’t I?” I said/suggested.

“Yes” he responded. I knew it.

“Good, you are doing so well, you are making me happy and that makes you feel even more happy, and relaxed, and it allows you to sink even deeper into hypnosis for me. Now, tell me, are you rich?” I asked, now pretty damn bold.

“Yes”

“How?” I asked. Like, inheritance, hedge fund? I was curious.

“I own Stumbly Motor Group” he said.

Well well well. That could come in handy. Wait, I was getting ahead of myself. “Are you married?”

“No.”

“Were you ever?”

“Yes. Divorced”

“Do you live in Providence?”

“yes”

Frankly, I had more questions. I was pushing my luck here outside the bathroom though. I had to keep this show on the road. “Doug, in a moment, I am going to snap my fingers. You will awaken and take my phone. You will put your number in it. You will then go to the bathroom. When you are finished you will find the manager and pay for mine and my husband’s meal. When you get a text from Cynthia, your Fur Queen, you will obey the instructions completely, do you understand?”

“Yes” he said, then I snapped and handed him my phone. His eyes opened and he took my phone and entered his information. A smile came to my lips as I watched him.

I was definitely drunk, and I stumbled as I walked back to our table as Dougy-boy took a pee. I told Nick that he would follow me passively for the rest of the night, without thinking or questioning anything. Just so happy to be near me that nothing else mattered, nothing seems out of place. I said that as long as he is with me, everything is just fine. He was so deeply in my thrall at that point that he just went with whatever I said.

I looked over and saw him talking to the manager. The waiter came over and told us a gentleman had taken care of the bill for us. I smiled brightly and thanked him. I told Nick it was time to go, and that we were off to the hotel. Admittedly, in his zoned out state, I had to handle a few more of the arrangements than I would have liked. I was pretty drunk, so I knew I shouldn’t drive. I decided to leave the car in the garage it was already in and call an Uber to get us to the hotel. On the way there, I managed to check in via an app and got the room key sent to my phone. It was a pretty slick interactive feature, but it was hard as hell to do when hammered. I pulled it off though.

I texted Doug. Doug, this is Cynthia, your Fur Queen. Come to the Biltmore, room 427 at 10:00. Even in my drunken state, I couldn’t believe I was inviting… or should I say ordering… another man to our hotel room. This was pretty far out, even for the new me.

By the time we got into the room, it was already almost 10. I told Nick to sit on the bed and stare into space. I went into the bathroom and freshened up my make up and brushed my teeth. I also took off my clothes, leaving only my sexy underwear. Then I put back on the fur. I reapplied some perfume and there was a knock at the door.

I opened the hotel door wearing only the white fur coat and my sexy Victoria’s secret satin bra and panties. My coat was open as one of my arms rested on the door jam. I could see from Doug’s face that he was speechless. Frankly, a heart attack on this older guy was like a real concern at that moment.

“come in” I told him, walking away from the door. “close it” I commanded as he entered. He probably would have closed it anyway, but I was just throwing out another command because it felt good.

“Look, I really appreciate meeting you, but I – “ Doug started.

“Shhhhhh” I said as I turned to him, my fingers once again on his lips. This time, I applied pressure with my finger, pushing him. Pushing him down. Down to his knees. My eyes were locked on his. I felt the power coursing through me.

“Nick, get on your knees next to him. DO it now” I said. Nick passively slumped off the bed and hit his knees next to Doug.

“Both of you, stare at me!” I commanded as I backed up and stood in front of them. I grabbed a chair from little desk set up in the room and sat in front of them.

I was still drunk. Not only on alcohol, but on hypnotic, sexual power. “I want you to look at me. See only me.” I said to the awestruck men. ”In fact, I want you to think of me in this fur ... nothing else ...just concentrate on me ... use the beautiful fur coat as a focus to direct your mind so you can concentrate only on me ...... only of me .... nothing else .... not the sounds of the hotel around you ... not the others checked in here ... nothing matters to you, but me .... concentrate only on me..... concentrate on me ....."

I could tell they were both concentrating on me as instructed. It was such an odd situation, both for my husband, and this random dude I basically kidnapped. The wicked part of me laughed inside as I guessed that some part of both of them knew that something was wrong, that he shouldn’t let this happen. But I was going after them hard… and I knew guys like them were weak because of their fetishes.

"Think of me ... only of me ..... concentrate on the sound of my voice and my presence .... You are slipping into a deep . intoxicating hypnotic trance that I have crafted and you find you cannot stop your descent . With every second that passes you feel your will to resist me slipping away and your desire to obey me growing. You want to obey me. You NEED to obey me.... You desire to be my fur slave .. and each second your desire to serve me grows. Every second you look at me and listen to my voice brings you closer to total surrender. Feel your will power dissolve, with every word I speak to you. Feel your desire to be my fur slave grow. "

I could see that both of them were now sporting huge erections. That turned me on even more.

“nothing else else matters but your Fur Queen ..... my voice will lead you and you will follow ... follow me ..... OBEY me ...... you KNOW you want to follow me don't you ... you KNOW you want to obey me .... you want to obey my every command .... you want to be ENSLAVED by me don't you ... think about it and when you know it to be true repeat the words, My fur slaves ..... you WANT to obey me .... you WANT to be my fur slaves ....... say it .... what do you want....."

“to be your fur slave!” each man croaked out.

"Your MIND belongs to me," I said, as I started to stroke my own pussy. My speaking voice was now ragged as my breath quickened. “You are hypnotized., my pet. Hypnotized and enslaved by your Fur Queen"

Doug's mouth struggled to form words but he croaked out, " hyp ... no ... tized ....". Nick was just so far gone, he just stared with completely entranced eyes.

"And what do you want to do now, my Fur slaves?" I panted.

"I want to do any thing you command , " Doug said. Nick muttered “obey you Cynthia”. I felt myself on the edge of cumming.

"Then take out your cock and jerk off!” I yelled as I came. Both men obeyed without question. It was crazy. They both came almost instantly and almost in unison. Milky white fluids shooting up in the air. Each of their cum hitting both my leg (either the right or the left) and the floor below. It felt both cold and warm at the same time on my shin.

It was also so taboo, so crazy, so dominant. I was lost in some sort of control mongering haze. I looked at the two weak slaves in front of me. Each with so much power in their regular lives, but now my hypnotized obedient playthings. I laughed my wicked laugh again. I was so absolutely shit faced on power. “Lick it up!” I commanded. Each man immediately took one of my legs and gently started licking his own cum off of me.

Who. The. Fuck. Was I becoming?

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thewriting-corner · 4 years ago

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‘Renegades’ trilogy by Marissa Meyer: review

Welcome today to a post I have been waiting to do for months. I never do entire posts for book reviews, but since this was a trilogy (and one of my favorites I read this year) I decided it would deserve a little more.

Note: I will be doing a spoiler-free review first and then I’ll put a warning before talking about each individual book :)

Synopsis: The Renegades are a syndicate of prodigies—humans with extraordinary abilities—who emerged from the ruins of a crumbled society and established peace and order where chaos reigned. As champions of justice, they remain a symbol of hope and courage to everyone... except the villains they once overthrew.

Trilogy Review ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I honestly think these are the best books I’ve ever read. The description was fascinating, easy to follow and gave amazing imagery without that heaviness that a lot of fantasy books have (this is more sci-fi/dystipia-ish but still).

The characters felt real and their individual voices were clear from start to finish. I loved every single character, even the ones I hated.

However, there is one thing that bothered me BUT it does align with their world and that is the lack of accountability certain characters recieve (but I will be talking about that in my Supernova review).

Then the PLOT OH MY GOSH. I mean, it’s superheroes. It’s nearly impossible to be original with a plot that isn’t the same as any Marvel or DC comic/movie/show. And yet Marissa Meyer that such a beautiful job of taking a common conflict (heroes vs villains, villains wanting to take over the world) and turning it into a unique plot with amazing twists.

I mentioned the world-building before, but I’ll do it again. Third person POV is not my favorite and neither is heavy world building like the one this book needed and had. Still, it was written in such a simple way that I didn’t feel like she was trying to confuse me, it was just a story.

Overall, this series was amazing and I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a fast paced, mind-blowing world building and compelling characters that will make you feel single to the core even in a relationship.

🚨Spoilers Ahead🚨

Renegades ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“We were all villains in the beginning.”

I went into this book with low expectations because I didn’t think I’d like Marissa Meyer’s style and boy was I wrong.

The first few chapters were a bit confusing but the moment Adrian fixed Nova’s bracelet I KNEW this would steer towards romance and it sold me. And then Nightmare making fun of the Sentinel for his comic book phrases and poses was my favorite thing ever. That would be me as a superhero, no doubt.

I really liked the way the plot progressed “slowly” without feeling dragged on. In fact, despite it’s slower pace of the story, the book still felt quick and that just won a million points with me.

Don’t even get me started on the Anarchists. I LOVED them. I like how they weren’t presented as villains from Nova’s POV, just enemies of a totalitarian state. Not even just in her point of view though. I genuinely didn’t think any of them were bad until Ingrid decided to show up at the library and almost killed Sketch’s crew.

And speaking of Sketch’s crew … the minor characters??? Hello??? Who writes side characters that are SO good?? Oscar is my favorite though. He wins. Danna being the only one to question Nova about Adrian’a feelings for her was hilarious, although it stressed me out that Nova put her to sleep. Counterpoint: it was very cute that the only way she could stop thinking of Adrian liking her was by putting Danna to sleep. Very on point teenage reaction. I would’ve done the same thing if only I wasn’t trying to remain anonymous in the organization that indirectly killed my parents.

The climax, on the other hand, felt a teensy bit rushed but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy Nodrian in their not-date. It was adorable, especially when they stopped at the kid’s party and then Nova panicking over the mere thought of going on the ferris wheel with Adrian. All the carnival chapters where my favorite thing ever and I really wished they hadn’t ended with Nova killing the woman who raised her. But I did like the irony of it being Ingrid who told her she didn’t have the guts to press the trigger and then she died at the hands of Nova’s gun.

AND THE ENDING WITH ACE BEING ALIVE. That shook me. I suspected it, of course, but it shook me to my core. 10/10 plot twist there.

Archenemies ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“I guess I figured you deserve to have good dreams every once in a while. Even if you never sleep.”

This one gets six stars because somehow I read it in 11 hours and I’ve never read such a large book in one day. The entire story was just fast-paced action, superhero world building and Nodrian flirting and eventually kissing. Best book ever.

I liked how in this book we got a closer look into other character relationships like Oscar and Ruby and then Danna’s suspicions over Nova. I would’ve liked to see more of Danna’s friendship with the team though, since at times it seemed she was only there to send passive aggressive comments at Nova. And the Sentinel’s “death” was amazing. Pure comic book material right there.

There is this thing though that I mentioned in the general review that bothered me and it’s when they reveal Agent N. This weapon they created using Max’s blood is a great example of how the Renegades had obtained way too much power. It’s when we start to see that maybe Nova and the Anarchists are right. The Renegades are slowly becoming a dictatorship and it’s bothersome that nobody except Nova and Adrian notice. Especially when it was so obvious with things like them using Agent N “against every prodigy who didn’t follow the Renegades code”. Sure, they were criminals, but that wasn’t about arresting them. It was about changing the DNA of people who made one mistake and were immediately deemed enemies of the state.

Back to the good stuff, Nodrian flirting was the highlight of this book. They’re both so awkward and adorable, especially when Nova’s teaching Adrian how to shoot and then when they’re in his room later on. The whole “you want me to ignore everything?” and “you’re not allowed to have girls in your room?” quotes KILLED me. Those were peak flirting moments and I’m immensely surprised by the way that Marissa Meyer manages to write teenagers realistically as an adult and not even having teenage kids of her own. Also, Nova opening up to Adrian was just. No. It killed me. My ghost is writing this btw.

The ending, once again, amazing. I loved it. Not only did it once again show Frostbite’s true colors, show us how much hate Adrian actually held against Nightmare and the way Nova had softened by the Renegades’ influence. And Ace Anarchy’s capture goes into the good things pile.

Supernova ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“To be honest, I’m not sure there are such things as villains anymore. Maybe there never really were.”

Is it a bad review if I just insert the word “AH” for the next ten lines? Yes? Damn it. I admit that I was expecting something much different, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I have never cursed and squealed so much by reading and had I not bought the hardcover with my own money, I would’ve thrown that book against the wall. It stressed me out. First of all, getting Nova and Adrian kissing in the tunnels a few chapters before Adrian arrests her for being Nightmare was another level of messed up. Clearly, she did everything in her power to save him from her house’s explosion and he threw it out the window in blind anger. And then the whole execution thing??? That was horrifying and it’s when the Renegades’ incompetence really showed its true colors. They couldn’t bring the people back to their side - because they failed - so they sentenced a broken, dying man and an underage girl who acted under the manipulation of her entire family, to death. If Hugh had ever even attempted to find out what happened to both Artino girls, none of that mess would’ve happened, but instead Lady Indomitable died and he went “WELL, can’t do anything about her last task, can we?” I get he was preoccupied by her orphaned son and the Ace of Anarchy, but it was as simple as going back into the house and searching. In fact, this entire book was just showing how their society was crumbling and in the end they went “we were all heroes”. I’m surprised Nova forgave the entire Renegades organization for what they did because even if it was Ace who sent a hit after her and her family, the Renegades were still willing to overuse their power.

And once again back to the good stuff before I end up bashing the Renegades even more, I never thought I would be on board with Adrian and Nova’s relationship at the end of the book. I try not to ship toxic relationships in YA because they happen a lot and I wouldn’t like younger readers to think that it’s okay, but I loved how both Nova and Adrian were willing to make a change for their relationship to work. They compromised because they loved each other so much it didn’t matter who had tried to kill the other person and their dad or who hadn’t advocated against the other’s execution, you know, the ups and downs of every relationship. While I do wish we had seen them talking about everything, I get a book can only have a certain amount of words and I was glad just the same with how it ended. Also, Leroy’s threat to Adrian is iconic, just like Oscar proclaiming his undying love for Ruby at the arena were they almost witnessed multiple murders.

The epilogue. Just. Wow. I knew it before because I’m smart and I spoiled it but I NEED another Renegades book. You can’t just end the series saying Evie Artino was Magpie and her being as angry as Nova once was. Like, no. You just can’t. That was a crime against humanity, tbh, but overall the series was amazing and I have never been more grateful to spend almost $80 in books.

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charmedseoull · 4 years ago

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Greta Garbo and Uemura Naomi in Imprints (For the Boys in the Back) by Anna(arctic_grey)

I am entirely in love with the writing of this fanfic. This could be called a commentary or an analysis or an essay, but I don’t entirely give a damn about the specifications. Fuck it, this is a love letter, an appreciation, and understanding of Imprints (For the Boys in the Back) by Anna (arctic_grey). I wanted to leave a comment on their works, but a comment would not do justice to the absolute love and adoration I have for their writing. Thus, I chose to do this instead. Enjoy.

This analysis is a part of Charmedseoul’s Slice of Namjin side project, which documents Namjin (Kim Namjoon x Kim Seokjin) fanfiction with unique writing styles and complex themes. You can find Imprints and Magnitude’s Fanlore page here.

Disclaimer: This is a 18+ work with adult content such as sexual activity. You are responsible for the content you consume, please be aware of that. This analysis contains spoilers for the work as well.

Here are the trigger warnings the author provides: depression and mental health issues, few brief references to suicidal thoughts, discussions of infidelity, self-destructive behavior, consensual sex under influence.

Imprints (For the Boys in the Back) begins with struggling actor Kim Seokjin and his self-destructive behaviors after a messy breakup. He ends up with a one night stand that grows into something more with Kim Namjoon, a successful producer in South Korea. The story follows Jin’s personal growth and their budding fuck-buddies turned boyfriends relationship.

Now presenting the analysis of the use of historical figures Greta Garbo and Uemura Naomi in Anna(arctic_grey)’s work Imprints (For the Boys in the Back):

In the first chapter of “Imprints (For the Boys in the Back)”, Anna introduces the two historical figures Greta Garbo and Uemura Naomi to reflect the main characters of Kim Seokjin and Kim Namjoon. They each represent the two main characters’ initial desires and hopes for the future, but as the story progresses these things change. Greta Garbo and Uemura Naomi are Kim Seokjin and Kim Namjoon’s beginnings. Through their relationship, these two characters change each other and alter the course of their lives. They reject the comfort of Garbo and Naomi for the comfort of each other, definitively defying what they believed in the beginning of the series. The Imprints and Magnitude series offers alternatives to their lives and gives a realistic resolution that is able to resonate with any reader who has felt broken or lost. Imprints and Magnitude hears them.

Greta Garbo: Lavish, glamorous, compelling, and renowned. She was one of the greatest motion picture actors of the 1920s and ‘30s with her subtlety and restraint. Garbo carried an air of sophistication and richness that was insatiably desired by the public.

Greta Garbo is everything Jin wants to be at the beginning: sophisticated, surrounded by wealth, and explicitly independent. However, Jin craves affection and partnership. For him to live a life without a partner after the pain of his past relationship would doom him to misery. Jin is in pain. He is broken, a shattered glass mirror with an empty reflection that needs its pieces picked back up and glued together. He rejects his needs because they’re complicated. He was hurt deeply by someone he trusted. To fix all of that takes so much more than a comforting word or reassuring hug, it takes consistent gentle and attentive attention which many do not care enough to give. Even though he’s told his other friends about his pain, he’s still closed off. He puts up barriers and only Namjoon attempts to break those down with that consistent, gentle and attentive attention. He is the only one whose patience does not run thin. Jin tries so desperately to be like Greta Garbo, completely unbothered by the world and his wants. He isn’t Greta Garbo though. He’s Kim Seokjin. He needs to heal and at the beginning of the story, readers themselves aren’t acutely aware of that.

Uemura Naomi: Ambitious, independent, driven, and well-loved. He was one of the greatest Japanese adventurers as he became the first man to reach some of the Earth’s most remote places alone. Naomi scaled mountains and traveled relentlessly. When he was not adventuring, he was giving public lectures and sharing his warm personality with the world.

In the beginning of Imprints, readers aren’t too aware of who Namjoon is. The story is told from Jin’s point of view where he promptly calls Namjoon an asshole after their first rendezvous. Readers do get to know Namjoon better throughout the story though, catching on small quirks about him that they grow to love. Namjoon is like Uemura Naomi with the goal to do work, in his chosen field, by himself. Namjoon is already successful from the song “Hey Cutie” and grows more successful as he produces more music. He’s content with his success, focusing on it. Jin changes that. Jin enters Namjoon’s life suddenly, broken and confused about love. Namjoon is no savior. He had no intention to change Jin, only adding his own experiences and healing to the conversation. Unlike Jin, who grew resentful and emotionally unstable due to his breakup, Namjoon grew from it as a person. He came to accept what happened and let go of his past relationship. He’s then able to provide Jin a push to grow, diverting from his own path of solo adventures like Uemura Naomi. Namjoon departs from the role he was playing in his life as a mountain man and begins a path with Jin.

Each of these historical figures were known for being alone. Garbo closed herself off from the public and lived her life lavishly without ever marrying. Naomi scaled entire mountains and landscapes by himself, capable of accomplishing solo ventures deemed impossible. Both Namjoon and Seokjin were alone in the beginning of Imprints (For the Boys in the Back), but then they found each other and departed from their associations with these historical figures. They’re not alone anymore. They’re together and meant to be together. They’re healing.

Seokjin and Namjoon are no longer Greta and Uemura. They aren’t these lonely figures who found great success by themselves then died alone. (There is nothing wrong with dying alone by the way.) They’re human and need other people. It’s a startling refreshing take on love and relationships using a set up with historical figures. The message hits all the more with the context behind who these two were.

And that’s why I love it.

Author’s Note:

The Imprints and Magnitude fanfiction series, written by an author who had no intention to ever be documented, analyzed, or a part of this side project is one of my favorite works in both professional and casual literature. It’s an automatic recommendation to any who ask. Its writing style flows easily off the paper, detailed and emotional and incredibly personal. In literature stuffed with attempts to mean something, Imprints and Magnitude attempts no grand pompous message. It’s simple. It excels in its meaning whether intentional or not. I love works like that. I love works that feel intimate with the author’s closest thoughts. I love works where an author bleeds into the words and pages. It absorbs emotions in a raw way that can not be replicated in professional published works often. That is because published works have limitations. They have deadlines and people to make happy with the proper words and formats. Fanfiction doesn’t do that. Fanfiction is free to do what it wants. There are no restraints. It satisfies my intense craving for a work unleashed and unedited by publishers and institutions. It satisfies my intense longing for literature that’s different. I just want one person’s closest and deepest thoughts stitched together with words and phrases and sentences and paragraphs and laid bare for the world. Imprints and Magnitude gives me all of that and a cute love story with a message that sticks to me like gum. This series retaught love, relationships, and letting go to me. I needed that, especially as I continue to grow older. Thank you to the most wonderful Anna for being the one thing I’ve wanted for so long.

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#bts #bangtan sonyeondan #imprints (for the boys in the back)#imprints (for the boys in the back) by anna(arctic_grey)#fanfiction #fanfiction analysis #analysis #ao3

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notthatiwilleverwriteit · 5 years ago

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thanks for ur as always deepful analyses and answers ! another ask for u : im soo afraid in the next chapter momo will be homophobic towards ht !! I mean except Zzx who seems at ease with his sexuality, the other boys all seem kind of homophobic. Jy called ht repulsive bc he called him pretty while he was a guy, Ht is very agressive in his advances (which i linked to toxic virility which entails homophobia) ; then both of them changed for the better bc of their feelings for another man. 1/?

Good evening, dear anon-san! <(_ _)>

“thanks for ur as always deepful analyses and answers !”

I’m glad you’ve enjoyed them! Every time people send me questions it always makes me happy and to be honest, a bit taken aback because I’m just a little old me. But I’m glad my answers have had such a positive reception and given people food for thought. And it’s always a pleasant surprise when people feel like they can come to my ask box with their interpretations and strike up a conversation. <(^v^ )>

Homophobia is a very complex topic, and I wondered where I should start to unravel this ask. But soon I realized before I can even begin that I have to take a moment to sort out my own feelings. Whenever people say the boys in 19 Days are abusive or homophobic for whatever reason I tend to get ticked off. It’s a knee-jerk reaction, often sparked by my own bias, but something that can very easily cloud my answer and make it unfair for you. Exchanging interpretations and perspectives requires a level of objectivity and the ability to rise above your own bias. I can’t dismiss something just because it uncomfortably pokes my nerve. Instead, I should take a step back, try and see things from another point of view, and find some common ground.

I’m not saying I had to struggle to agree with you on anything but your ask certainly reminded me of how challenging yet rewarding it is to actually listen to an interpretation that differs from my own and try to objectively look at the story from that point of view. It hurts your brain at first but is surprisingly freeing in the end.

Because you addressed so many things in your ask, I will tie my answer together under the theme of homophobia and give it some structure that way. This will be my great 19 Days - homophobia edition. \(^v^)/

Sexual orientation and environment

Let’s start with the biggest context you brought up in your ask: social and cultural environment. I’m not familiar enough with Chinese culture to have anything definite to say about its attitude towards LGBT people. Of course, I’ve heard of the discrimination and even blatant hate by their government but I don’t have any idea about how ordinary, modern-day Chinese people view others with different sexual orientations. Not to mention, it’s always risky to take fictional works as an accurate representation of the milieu in which they’re set.

But I do think that 19 Days discusses homophobia in societies, though on a more general level. As Jian Yi has come to realize his feelings towards Zhan Zheng Xi, we’ve also gotten glimpses of his struggles. They’re surrounded by other kids in school, and from the very early chapters it’s been implied two guys being that close together or comfortable with that level of skinship turns people’s heads (ch. 53, 54, 55, and 57):

Of course, those panels also poke fun at the stereotype of girls being interested in cute guys being cute together. The girls stare, take pictures, and even smile knowingly. This bothered ZZX because it put him in awkward situations and created misunderstandings that would be embarrassing to correct. And the more he would try to deny and correct them, the more he would probably end up looking suspicious. But the bottom line is, he was increasingly conscious of the weird looks and attention JY’s antics were attracting and didn’t want people to get the wrong picture of his friendship with JY. All of that could give us some hints on how two boys being close might be viewed by their peers, but it should also be kept in mind that those kinds of “gay panic” moments are a big part of the humor you find in 19 Days.

Having a crush on someone of the same gender gets more serious tones after JY kissed ZZX (ch. 142)

The secret was finally out in the open. JY had carried his feelings in his heart for a long time. He had wanted to confess them so many times and often hidden them behind jokes and antics. Perhaps every time he had jumped to hug ZZX he had caught a whiff of his scent and enjoyed the feeling of him in his arms. But to take the definite last step of confessing and lifting that curtain had always terrified him. And who wouldn’t have been scared? Not only would you have to come out but also risk losing your childhood best friend. It could be JY had even thought of never telling ZZX about his feelings because it could go horribly wrong.

For a while, things are somewhat put on pause after the first reveal which I found very realistic. JY wasn’t flat-out rejected but ZZX most definitely needed a moment to sort out his own feelings. He pestered JY to be straight with him (pun not intended...) and made it clear it would be safe for JY to rely on him and free himself of the burden. Despite that JY was still very unsure if his confession won’t result in ZZX abandoning him because “gay” is abnormal and disgusting (ch. 164):

Even when JY finally confessed he was expecting to be rejected in disgust (ch. 209):

But he had sort of reached the point of just finally getting it all out even if ZZX wouldn’t return his feelings. Even if it meant they wouldn’t be friends anymore. At least he had said it. He had heartbreakingly little faith that their kind of relationship wouldn’t be completely doomed. Thank god he had fallen for someone like ZZX. I don’t think I’ve never been as grateful for a character like him before.

A tangible example of how Zhanyi and their environment collided was Xiao Hui’s character (ch. 158):

When she called JY a disgusting gay, it was the first time he was facing that kind of homophobia. Though her actions were frustrating, I think Xiao Hui’s character was a good addition to Zhanyi. At first, she lashed out both because she was hurt and publicly humiliated but also no doubt because she had internalized the idea that heterosexuality was the norm and anything else was abnormal and wrong. Later on, she had had time to lick her wounds and calm down (ch. 258):

She still has a crush on ZZX but even though she probably realizes she doesn’t have a chance she still wants a clear rejection from ZZX. It still hurts and stings but doesn’t upset her as much. It could even be she’s a little happy for them. I think Xiao Hui’s character is a good example that people are capable of changing and reflecting when they’re given a chance. And no one should be forever held accountable and punished for the mistakes they made and have since bettered themselves.

In a broader sense, I think Zhanyi also discusses what kind of future a same-sex couple could have in society (ch. 268):

That drawing on the wall is my favorite Zhanyi moment. As cute as ZZX drawing him and JY together was, it also carries some bittersweet undertones. The original drawing represents the norm: a boy and a girl in love but if there are no skirts involved, it’s a whole other story. To be open about their relationship would most probably never be an option for JY and ZZX. Something as simple as holding hands in public would take courage and threaten to complicate other aspects of their lives (school, work, family). They don’t have the same privilege as straight people to openly and safely share their feelings and have that universal experience.

Your ask was mainly about Mo Guan Shan and He Tian, but I wanted to take a moment to talk about their environment since you also referred to it. And the easiest way for that seemed to be to talk about the progress of Zhanyi. As you suggested, it does seem the society in which all of the characters live is very much heteronormative which puts pressure on the characters to fit in. And if they fail that, they will face homophobia and most probably feel the need to hide their true selves. Case in point, Zhanyi.

Boys being boys

As much as I know that phrase is deemed Problematic™ these days, I think it fits the dynamics of the boys of 19 Days. They mess with each other, and all of that is typical humor for the comic. Personally, I’ve never taken any of their teasing and good-natured bullying seriously because it’s how 15-year-old boys are around each other.

However, I just finished talking about the environment under which influences and discourses the boys have grown up. I don’t feel like I can ignore what I had just been saying and brush it off as “oh well, they’re just boys” if they’ve always been surrounded by certain attitudes. Does that mean the boys have also internalized those attitudes towards gay people despite having feelings for someone of the same sex? Does that make them a representation of toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia?

In all honesty, I’m struggling to answer those questions. On one hand, I do agree that society’s norms of what is masculine put a lot of pressure on boys when growing up. You have to act, talk, dress, and be in a certain way to be accepted, and it doesn’t take a lot for kids to internalize those ideas. And as you said, acting or looking gay (not to mention, actually being one) is probably the worst a young boy could be. Being gay is often linked to everything a proper man shouldn’t be: sissy, effeminate, sensitive, weak, submissive, on the bottom. The list goes on and on.

On the other hand, do I think you can see that in the four main boys of 19 Days? I suppose it’s possible if that’s the direction you want to take. If you look at anything through those lenses, you can probably find toxic masculinity everywhere. Do I think HT, MGS, JY and ZZX are homophobic because they possibly showcase traits of toxic masculinity? I guess. I don’t know. I see where that interpretation comes from, but some part of my brain never manages to make the full connection between those two. I’m constantly having a feeling that my way of thinking differs from your interpretation but I can’t properly validate or argue my opinions.

Perhaps taking a look at the examples you mentioned might help. You talked about JY being homophobic when this was his response to HT calling him good looking (ch. 108):

I can’t exactly deny that panel couldn’t be taken as toxic masculinity. I might even agree with you on that. I wouldn’t probably go as far as saying JY was being homophobic but it does seem like his masculinity was threatened or questioned in that situation. Interestingly, I’ve seen that phrase pop up a lot in yaoi/shounen-ai comics. Characters who are in a gay relationship don’t often feel comfortable with guys complimenting them - or even the guy they’re in love with. I’ve always wondered that. Does that mean there’s a level of self-denial in those characters or is it just a cultural thing? Does it embarrass them?

In general, I think all of that has to do with their age, and another good example of that would be ZZX and JY’s reaction to HT messing with MGS (ch. 289 and 298):

I’ve seen people calling those moments homophobic as well and can’t really agree with them. I would say those reactions have more to do with teenage boys being awkward and embarrassed. HT putting the moves on MGS in front of them is embarrassing and something they don’t wish to see. I mean, I wouldn’t want to see my friends constantly acting like that around me either. Seeing public displays of affection embarrasses me and makes me awkward as hell. (Though, I don’t know if that’s just a Finnish thing...)

In short, I see a lot of how the boys act around each other just natural to how teenage boys are. They mess with each other and standing up for yourself in that sense (for example, getting revenge, being physical, or returning the verbal teasing) is important and typical. That’s how I see JY’s words in the example you mentioned: he felt like HT was messing with him and shot back. All of that could, of course, be seen as internalized toxic masculinity, but I don’t think it’s quite as blatant as people sometimes make it out to be. I’ve always taken it as boys just being boys and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

What comes to HT being pushy and overbearing, I don’t see that being connected to toxic masculinity and making him homophobic because of that. It feels a bit of a stretch and shakey. Instead, I actually think HT is quite comfortable with both of his own feelings for MGS and the idea of same-sex relationships in general (ch. 187):

The little heart-to-hearts JY and HT occasionally have also show us that despite often making fun of each other, they can take it more seriously when needed. JY would have never asked about having feelings for another male if he couldn’t trust HT wouldn’t make fun of him.

The case of Mo Guan Shan

You talked a lot about MGS, so I thought I’d take a closer look at his character separately. You made some interesting points I’ve also been thinking about and was glad they popped up in your ask.

Since we’ve talked about toxic masculinity so far, let’s continue on that. You mentioned that MGS is prone to homophobia because he’s had to act tough. Upholding a certain kind of image is essential in gangs. Being weak and submissive - aka gay, as I talked about above - isn’t an option in that line of work.

I agree with you on all of that. Why MGS is so uncomfortable with HT being physical with him is at least partly because he can’t come across as someone who can be taken advantage of (ch. 250):

If he can be physically overpowered and made vulnerable, it means he can be submitted. In the masculine world, physical strength seems to be the final and ultimate law that settles all the disputes at the latest. And if you lose in that you’re on the bottom or at least lower on the hierarchy. Now, multiply that mentality by a lot to fit it in the world of teenage gangs and the borderline criminal underworld. So, yes, I would most definitely say MGS doesn’t want himself to be put in that situation. Much less anyone finding out about it.

Then again, the story has kind of revisited that idea when HT “joined” MGS’s gang and his underlings started seeing HT around more. And they seem somewhere between intimidated by HT and impressed their boss has managed to make someone like HT call him “brother”. That fits the same mentality of strength, but I can’t honestly see Buzzcut or other members of the gang giving MGS a hard time even if they found out about HT’s affections. Chances are, they would be even more impressed, bless them.

Overall, I think MGS lashing out (or being homophobic) is mostly due to him not trusting HT and HT slowly but surely wearing him out and making him see his own prejudice against people like HT. Yelling out insults has been the easiest way to fight HT’s affections, although it’s not proven very successful. It’s also important to remember MGS is fairly inexperienced when it comes to love and romantic affection (ch. 222):

He’s always been rejected and discriminated by his peers and over the years, he’s started to mirror that behavior and push people away. Having crushes (let alone having a girlfriend) has never really been a concern for him. And it’s not like he’s had time for something like romance anyway because working has taken so much of his time. In this regard, MGS isn’t that mature or experienced and tends to get uncomfortable and lash out very quickly.

I’ve already talked about the note and what kind of role I think it will have (if it will be addressed at all). And I’m not really worried about MGS saying something homophobic to HT. I think we’re way past of him being like “I don’t speak to a homo” at this point already. He’s been aware of HT’s affections for a good while by now and even tentatively warmed up to some of it (for example, the aquarium date and the studs). (Even though, I think it’s still too early to talk about MGS being in love with HT.)

MGS has come a long way, and I might even say he’s gained some sexuality-related maturity on the way. Slowly but surely, he’s become comfortable with having HT around, and if after all this development he would say something like that, it would be a pretty big step backward. Of course, that doesn’t mean he can’t throw insults and lash out but let’s not forget we’re talking about a purebred tsundere here. That’s always going to happen with him. <(^v^ ‘)>

And while we’re keeping it real, it’s not like HT would pay any mind to those insults. After MGS asked for the studs, I think HT’s resolve has only strengthened.

I hope this answer makes some sense, to me it feels like a bit of a mess of this and that. <(^v^ ‘’)> A lof of “I can’t deny that but still...” You really threw some hard questions and challenged my thinking a lot. Thank you! <(_ _)>

#19 days #tianshan #zhanyi #Jian Yi #He Tian #mo guan shan #Zhan zheng xi #answered ask

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norahastuff · 5 years ago

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A little late watching this week’s episode but I was so impressed, I’m going to talk about it anyway. Fair warning, this got longer than I intended it to.

This is Us has a reputation as an overly treacly kind of show, and for the most part that couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s a smart nuanced portrait of flawed characters, the relationships between them and how the effects of trauma can reverberate throughout the years. However, there have been times where the show has leaned into that preconception many have of it as a sappy show and when I heard the concept for this episode, “What if Jack had lived?” I’m not going to lie, I thought the show was going to go down that road. I needn’t have worried - they know what they’re doing.

No this wasn’t a tear jerking whitewashed episode about how great everything would have been if Jack never died, it was a deep dive into Randall, his anxieties and mental issues. The things he’s spent his whole suppressing and refusing to acknowledge. The Big 3 have all for so long blamed a lot of their problems on losing Jack, but for lack of a better way to phrase this, that was a convenient excuse. Obviously I’m not saying losing a parent is convenient or anything of course, but that it is understandable. It’s a concrete thing that you can point at and hold onto. A tangible reason for feeling bad, for things going wrong. You lose someone you love and it hurts. There’s no grey area there. To use a quote from Bojack Horseman “My mother is dead and everything is worse now.”

(Ironically in that case there was a lot of grey area but I won’t get into that in a This is Us post...but do yourself a favour and watch Free Churro - I’ve never gotten over that episode.)

It’s easy to understand the pain when it comes from losing your father. But what about if things are more complicated than that? That moment when the therapist - Pamela Adlon is such perfect casting by the way - calls bullshit on Randall’s Norman Rockwell style sanitised version of his life. Where he saves one father, solves his other father’s addiction problems and also cures his stomach cancer. No more Daddy issues means Randall would have no underlying issues to address (Crazy Ex Gf reference intended) and happy endings all around.

But that’s not how life works. Our pain and our issues tend to be a lot more complicated than that, and usually stem from many different factors. And for the most part, most of those factors are not under our control, and no matter how hard we try, they never will be. Not being able to accept that is and always has been Randall’s biggest problem. It’s frustrating as hell, but completely and utterly realistic that even though his therapist has pointed that out to him and he acknowledges that it may be true, he’s not going to change his entire sense of self overnight. One enlightening therapy session is not going to suddenly make him do a 180 on how he’s handled his thoughts and feelings his whole life.

So Randall does something very wrong. It’s wrong for Rebecca yes, but it’s also very much wrong for him. His therapist helps him to admit that he hasn’t addressed the resentment he still feels towards Rebecca. That while he made it seem like he’d moved on, he really just buried the pain he felt after that betrayal. He needs to talk to her about this. He should deal with these feelings with her.

We know what Randall should do. Dr. Leigh knows what he should do. Hell for a split second I think even Randall knows what he should do, but he doesn’t. He instead does what he’s been doing his whole life and clings tightly to the need to control things. Having an unpredictable confrontation with Rebecca where he has no idea if it would change things, make him feel any better at all or just destroy their relationship or...honestly I’m sure the many many possible roads a conversation about something so tangled and complicated, filled with love, lies, pain, good will and betrayal have all occurred to Randall. Hell he explores two of them in his what if? scenarios. Best case, he forgives her early, they remain close, he deduces she has Alzheimers early and saves her. Worst case, he resents her, falls out of her life and doesn’t return till her disease has progressed too far. Either way, it’s still about him and what he can do for her. It’s his job to fix it and he’s the only one who can. Just like Jack he’s a black and white kind of guy, he doesn’t do well with the grey areas.

So Randall decides not to talk to Rebecca about William. No instead he chooses to use these unresolved feelings to try and control the situation. It’s easier for him to wrap his mind around. And he can justify it by saying he’s doing it to save his mother’s life. But Randall you can’t control other people, and even if you can, even if you have the power to - like you do with Rebecca right now - you shouldn’t.

It’s complicated. Randall’s doing the wrong thing but he somehow simultaneously has the right and wrong motivation and intentions. I understand that he wants to save her but also he wants to control the situation. He can’t let things just play out...he needs to be a driving force. Oh Randall, don’t you know what they say about the road to hell?

This was one of the best written episodes of the show, and yes it made me feel a lot of things frustration, pain, sadness and unease among them, but not because of bad or lazy storytelling - the opposite actually. It feels completely natural and almost inevitable but I will say I don’t think I’ve ever felt as uneasy and on edge watching this show as I did when Randall started his phone call to Rebecca with “Mom I’ve been a good son” because you could tell exactly what Randall was about to do. Something he could never take back. But those last few seconds of the episode, I truly felt like my heart had dropped

Randall: I've been a good son, Mom. I've been a good son, and I've never asked you for anything. But I am asking you for this now. And I need you to say it. You are going to St. Louis. You are going to do this clinical trial.

Rebecca (Whispering): Okay. ( Shudders ) I will go to St. Louis, and I will do the trial.

This show man.

Couple of other things

- I just want to reiterate how much I love Pamela Adlon and how perfect she is as Dr. Leigh. Every moment was so good but to pick a random moment the one after Randall apologises for insulting her “cheap” shoes she dismisses him saying “Oh please, I live for this stuff.” Adlon’s delivery was gold.

- Beth talking about Watchmen “It took six episodes, but it finally makes sense.” I’m sure there’s no meta relevance of that to this show at all...(spoiler alert: there is)

- Kevin. Goddamn Kevin and Randall have a lot to sort through. In Randall’s worst case scenario, Kevin was the perfect son. He went into the family business with Jack, he helped Rebecca with the cooking. Jack gives a toast at Kevin’s wedding and tells a story about Kevin when he was 11 years old. He’s the centre of the family, as becomes clear when he loses his patience with Randall avoiding any family get together.

In Randall’s best case scenario, Jack gives a toast about 11 year old Randall at Randall’s wedding. Kevin doesn’t really play much of a part. In fact the only thing Randall really says to Kevin throughout the whole scenario is the very first line when Kevin asks if they lost everything in the fire

“You’re lucky you weren’t there.”

There’s a lot to be said about how Randall’s relationship to Kevin is also mired in his control issues. For a while now, Kevin’s been the only one who Randall could go to when he was losing control, the only one he was able to let see him that way. They’ve grown a lot closer, have been there for each other and done a lot of work on their relationship. The things is, Kevin’s also done a lot of work on himself. Those underlying issues that Randall isn’t addressing, Kevin has been forcing himself to deal with his own for a while now. As a result Kevin has become a stable presence, a rock that Rebecca and the family can lean on and rely on right now. For so long that was Randall’s job. Unfairly or not, he was Rebecca’s rock, and losing that at a time like this, where he also might be losing Rebecca, it’s bringing to the surface a lot of the resentment Randall still feels towards Kevin.

“You’re lucky you weren’t there.”

I have more to say on this but I’m going to wait and see where the finale is going to leave them. Plus this post is already way too long.

This episode really got to me.

#this is us #randall pearson #rebecca pearson #kevin pearson #just posting this for my own sanity at this point #my thoughts #this is us spoilers #long post for ts

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tonyglowheart · 5 years ago

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@imaginaryelle replied to your post:*me sipping tea* (x)

I would really enjoy seeing more of your thoughts on this, if you ever want to share them.

:’) a lot of my thoughts are salty rants and I’m TGCF on main right now so uhhh not at the moment but if you wanna hmu on like a chat thing of some sort I probably will eventually rant about my dislike of The MXTX Antis and the Problematic Culture people and the purity culture wank :’)

actually you know what, since I’m a parody of myself and I’m like always mood of "and another thing,” I’m just going to. go for it ig

so my biggest thing, is with the MXTX antis/MDZS wank/MXTX wank. is like....god it FRUSTRATES me so fckn much lmfao in so many ways and on so many levels. like listen. I’m not saying there isn’t stuff to critique in MDZS. But there’s people who are first off: critiquing the writing quality, when I’m like “there’s like a 90% chance you’re reading the EN translation, and probably from ExR, and honestly I know it’s not fandom etiquette to critique fan content bc we’re all doing this for free out of passion, BUT I do, in fact, have some major issues with ExR’s translation quality, and also I lowkey feel like they have a strong traditional yaoi bias and sometimes it leaks through in how they handle certain things.” Big mood of this twitter thread about how when you’re reading in TL you can’t be criticizing the writing bc you’re already reading it filtered and like. you gotta consider things like the TL’s own personal biases or takes, etc. Which I feel like some people don’t in their critique, or at least they don’t take the time to acknowledge it and instead start spinning off into more and more impassioned reactions to perceived slights or faults.

The other thing is like. I admit when I first read MDZS - which I did while simultaneously watching bc I was kind of using CQL as a vehicle to get into MDZS, I had the HARDEST time trying to read ExR’s translation when I was going into it cold many many many moods ago rip - I was also squicked out by the explicit scenes shown. It did remind me a lot of traditional yaoi tropes, and I wasn’t into it. HOWEVER I was also a psych major, and I want to point out that the T/N’s do read to me as having a strong yaoi bias, and also before ExR redid their site they had large “SERVING YAOI AND BL” banners on EVERY page lol. And I think that also primes people to see things a certain way. (I just. am :/ about ExR also bc like... their whole vibe as a “yaoi scanlator” and also I. can’t be sure the TL wasn’t 17 when they were tl’ing it lmfao,, and they did the whole rant - which fine they apologized for, but I think sort of reflects on a general attitude still w/ the team - about how some other TL had bad quality or something, but their existing TL has a lot of clunky English phrasing and actually a lot of editing issues, too, I was creating myself a back-up copy from their site and like google docs was already catching a bunch of typos and tense issues and such :’) and that’s beyond clunky EN translation phrasing. I just am like. they have a patreon lol, so I can’t say ExR is doing it wholly not-for-profit/dollars, and also like... it’s not like they’re licensed? I get that within scanlation circles, there’s an etiquette of “first come first serve,” but with translation, I think fans are only served with more translations? but I also care about the original work lol, I mean I get the vanity of “I want MINE to be the AUTHORITATIVE tl” bc I feel that mood too, but also I’m like. fam you didn’t bid for a license lmao.)

But yeah like. My petty gripes with ExR aside lmfao, I think when you look at WangXian, the whole “it’s yaoi tropes” gets really strawman. Like from a Watsonian perspective, I mean like... both WWX and LWJ really ARE useless virgins, lol, WWX’s first kiss was stolen by LWJ and his whole idea of sex comes from porn; LWJ is GusuLan and like. yeah. Who is teaching them about lube? certainly not porn. (but this also gets into the whole. like people saying explicit material is “problematic” because it doesn’t show “realistic” sex and I’m like. fam it’s smut, not a sex manual.) And like... they’re both kinky and WWX has a pregnancy kink, and like... good for them I guess?

From a more Doylist perspective..... I think for me, I’m like. well why not? gay media doesn’t have to be uwu to be “Valid,” and like, the people who start attacking mxtx personally because of the way she chose to write WangXian, or saying she’s homophobic because of WangXian or she doesn’t have the range... I already Know they didn’t read TGCF or SV lol. (and yeah SV is more “problematic” but I also think it’s VERY genre aware and both satirizes and also plays with and subverts some of the typical genre “problematic” things. not everything, but like. again the whole idea that non-mainstream media needs to be held to a higher standard to not be cancelled? I don’t hold by that). [But more on the Doylist thing: it’s dumb to me that people react like it’s a moral failing of non-straight works if they don’t fit EXACTLY their personal idea of what a thing should be. And this comes up EVERY time there’s some new thing. hell it’s not even just lgbt-related stuff; Hamilton, Crazy Rich Asians, etc all had nitpicking. Which again, isn’t invalid! but also like. :/ because we DON’T have enough representation right now to pick, and my take is always: the solution is to get to the point where we can pick and choose and can afford to have bad media just like the straights/whites do :’)]

The thing about WWX and LWJ is neither of them, as they’re written in canon, fit within “traditional yaoi” seme/uke stereotypes. The kiss I see people rail against as “dubcon” and also their sex scenes but I’m like. yeah I think it’s fine to say it’s not your cup of tea but to say that that makes them traditional yaoi rapey tropes I’m like. Fam that’s not it lol. LWJ is shown as being SO incredibly responsive and attentive to WWX’s wishes and desires. I mean that’s examples of his passion exploding out, but we consistently see LWJ being respectful of WWX’s wishes and autonomy even when it like. fucks him/them over :’) like when WWX was so hell-bent on hurtling down the mo’dao route :’)

plus also WWX literally fantasizes about them retiring as farmers and he’s the one out working the fields and LWJ is staying at home weaving lol, like c’mon, ya wanna talk gender roles, let’s talk about this.

the other thing is the whole mxtx anti stuff about “she’s homophobic” and “she’s a filthy fujo” and I think there’s issues that people aren’t considering, which I don’t know as much about but I feel like it informs my consideration of mxtx - such as like... not everyone’s internet is as wide open as, like, the West. I don’t know so much about Chinese censorship other than it exists, but I’m like. I think this would affect people’s access to resources which would inform them about how things work/where people are with LGBT thought? It reminds me of when young tumblr kids trash talk older queer people for using terms they see as “problematic” now, and I’m like “you really gotta pause a moment of (1) have some empathy (2) consider the person’s individual personal and cultural context.” MDZS wasn’t made for a Western audience in mind lol, it’s not going to reflect Western values! And China has a different history with its LGBT progression and it’s m/m media, which I don’t know enough about to comment specifically, but I think it’s incredibly disingenuous to judge it based on Western standards. A lot of people probably don’t realize they are! in that it doesn’t even occur to them, which is why they feel so free with their judgment! But also I’m like. lowkey THAT’s a problem for me bc of like. cultural imperialism lmfao. and also reflective of EN-language imperialism, when people are judging EN tl’s they’re seeing on face value without realizing or considering that they’re...reading... a translation... and that translations are NOT in fact direct one-for-one and that there’s a LOT of considerations that go into both translating and reading a translation of a work.

I think the points antis pull up against MXTX is like... stuff she’s said before in interviews - and I don’t know from when, but I imagine years ago at this point - where she was asked about shipping the other characters in MDZS, and she said something I think about how to her, she wants to write in a way that “preserves realism” or maybe she believes in (I only read a TL of it, so I hold the exact phrasing with a grain of salt), and for her, not everyone is gay so she doesn’t write all of her named characters gay. and I’m like. whatever that’s her prerogative as the author. And I think there’s also something that I don’t know if it’s an official “rules”/”guidelines” she wrote bc again I’ve only seen secondhand/thirdhand sources, but it’s something mxtx-antis also quote, where she said to not break up the main couples and also don’t “reverse” them. but again when we’re getting into the shou/gong dynamics, that’s where I don’t feel comfortable commenting because I don’t know enough about the sociopolitical implications of these terms and how they interact within that fandom/community subset. But I do think people need to be taking the stuff they read - ESPECIALLY if they’re only reading it in EN - with a grain of salt. or like a big ol pinch of it.

edit: I know more about this now lmao and I know exactly which question people use piecemeal of vilify her. Here’s a recent-ish translation someone did. Read it through - the WHOLE thing, and think about the wider context.

But also in general I just don’t think anyone is valid when we start getting into ad hominems lol. Especially when I feel like they’re not really taking a moment to consider what wider contexts and influences might be at play and instead are playing Tumblr telephone with outrage and virtue signalling

sidebar: I also fucking HATE CQL purists lmfao. I don’t feel like I’ve seen or encountered anyone saying CQL fans are less valid than novel fans except in the sense of CQL fans getting defensive about their dislike of the novel - which, whatever, people have opinions - or decision not to read the novel and saying anyone saying they HAVE to read the novel is gatekeeping - which I hold to less but mostly bc I think it’s a fundamental misunderstanding of fan language, some of us say you HAVE to read it not in a neckbeard way but in a I’m so desperately passionate and I want more people to know about this way, kind of like how the “I hate you” in fan language GENERALLY means “I love it so much and I can’t stand it”? - but I HAVE seen people say the novel “ruined” wangxian, or CQL people who seem to be like... purity-wanking, like idk if you were around but god after Infinity War and the number. of fckn ironstranges. posting in the tags. about “love how healthy our ship is” and I’m like. this is still anti culture/purity wank but the other side of the coin 8). I encounter sometimes this lowkey attitude of CQL (or other adaptations) “redeeming” MDZS from the author, and I’m like. y’all are wack lmfao. There’s people wiht MDZS or even TGCF main, and they hate mxtx? and they say shit like “mdzs was only good on accident”? and I’m like. can you just leave lmfao. if you hate her then why are you here. (bc they’ve mental gymnastics this into a virtue ethics thing about “o the work is good and therefore morally fine but the parts I don’t like are because mxtx is morally bad and unworthy and tainted it, and CQL with its Purity has Redeemed it” but I’m like. this is because of censorship lmao. The team did a FANTASTIC job working the character dynamics and story, but like it also is directly because of censorship.)

like I... have more thoughts than this lmfao bc ofc I do, but anyway, here’s... some of them lol

#imaginaryelle #replies #living la vida salty #*

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someobscurereference · 5 years ago

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Graceless Heart Fic (Spoiler) Notes

These are notes for my 80K Fire Emblem fic “Graceless Heart.” These notes are full of SPOILERS! Please read the fic first! Beware at your own risk!

The notes will be under a Read More. Mobile users, if it doesn’t work for you, I’m so sorry.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS BELOW:

GENERAL NOTES:

Sumeragi was at work while Corrin was saying goodbye to the Hoshido family. He already said goodbye to Corrin that morning. That’s why he doesn’t appear here.

Xander texting Inigo back a heart emoji: I don’t see Xander as an emoji person, but I think Inigo is definitely the type to use a lot of hearts and whatnot when texting. Xander would not do that on his own, but if you look at his phone, you’ll see his most used (and only) emojis are the heart ones that Inigo sends him. Because Xander is willing to mimic how Inigo shows his affection for the sake of mutual reciprocation. Plus he got made fun of for being so stiff and formal when he writes.

Dock Fight with the Trio: Owain is genuinely embarrassed and Inigo really is going to tease him with those memes, but they’re all friends. This is not a serious fight. Severa and Inigo are not being deliberate assholes here. They’re all having fun.

The book Leo is reading when Owain asks is The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.

Everyone’s swimsuits are based on what they wear in FE Heroes as summer units or their outfits in the Beach Brawl DLC, minus Corrin, who wears a swim t-shirt on top of whatever bathing suit you imagine for them.

In a real situation where someone is drowning, you should probably not grab them the way Corrin grabs Inigo. A drowning person is very likely to harm or hinder their rescuer due to panic. I just wrote that scene a little less realistically in the fic because I didn’t want to deal with that and, like I say in the notes, I’m functioning on action movie logic. Action movies aren’t realistic.

When Corrin tells Inigo that they’ll keep his almost drowning a secret so long as he lets them know if he has health problems later and Elise tells Inigo to let them know if he has bad dreams, what Elise is actually saying is “Hey, if you start to get PTSD over this, let us know so we can help you.” But she doesn’t want to be so blunt, making this be the type of thing Inigo keeps to himself and suffers through alone, so she says “bad dreams” instead to phrase it with less stigma.

You’ll notice after Inigo’s near drowning that I mention how exhausted he feels when he’s having a freakout on the floor of his cabin, how tired he is the next morning before, during, and after the shopping trip, how he leans heavily on stuff and people, etc. His fatigue can be explained by stress and other normal things. However, it is also a result of the lake water being genuinely bad for people! Most people who go to the lake naturally get this vibe and don’t swim too far out into it/tend to visit the lake in groups or pairs so the chances of drowning decrease. (I almost wrote some of this into Anankos’s dialogue but it felt wonky and didn’t fit.). Corrin also feels this same exhaustion in subsequent scenes, although it’s emphasized less.

Likewise, when Owain and Corrin are stranded in the middle of the water, they also grow quite exhausted rather quickly because (a) the closer to the center of the lake, the more powerful the Bad Vibes that drain your energy and (b) there’s so much rain and water everywhere that as they swallow, they’re also growing more and more tired. Also, fear takes a lot out of a person in general.

Similarly, when Corrin’s foot gets grabbed on the docks, I mention a few times that their legs feel heavy, etc. This is all related to Evil Lake Energy. Severa’s almost drowning is the same deal as Inigo. Everyone who gets in the water (especially if they swallow any) experience this same lack of energy. It’s worse if you actually swallow some water right out there in the middle of the lake and you’re just more susceptible to that kind of bad magic like Anankos unfortunately was. Corrin has been through the wringer at the end of this fic because of constant exposure. They’re on nothing but bedrest for a good number of days after the end of this fic. Lots and lots of sleep for them. Owain is only mildly better in that he doesn’t have to be admitted to the hospital but does need A Lot of sleep. Rest assured that they do eventually recover though.

Elise “lying to Xander and Camilla about stuff all the time” — A reference to in-game canon about how Elise regularly ditches her retainers and goes around to the poorer parts of the city where she is explicitly forbidden to go. She’s surprisingly sneaky and has no problems not telling her siblings about this.

I paraphrased some dialogue from in-game between Leo, Niles and Owain when the latter are trying to convince Leo to swim because it mimicked a Beach Brawl DLC scene.

“Pot, kettle” = a reference to Niles canonically reminiscing about the past in his and Leo’s support. He likely does that in this AU on occasion as well.

Camilla’s SUV has 3 rows of seats because she loves the extra room for bags/extra passenger space.

Some of Camilla and Xander’s interactions and some of Xander’s narration referencing her is also a direct reference to their Supports in Fates also. In this fic, Camilla’s jab at being surprised Xander would ever notice how she felt about Severa because he’s always so busy is more a jab to get him to back off than a pride thing like in canon, but the pride is probably still there too.

Severa lives! She lived because I wanted her too (and because I cannot stand any character death in fics that isn’t like “The Villain Died Forever Ago And Maybe There’s Danger But Everyone Else Is Fine”), but it is a sort of miracle. Camilla did not do proper drowning rescue procedure here. Nobody did. I’m sure you picked up on that from the panic and flashbacks and whatnot. Everyone did their best at handling that rescue, but it wasn’t great. There is too much Panic™ to remain calm, although in real life that’s absolutely what you should try to do in an emergency. Camilla’s one (1) exchange of air is not usually going to save the life of somebody who is really in danger. The only reason it worked is because (a) Severa wasn’t really dead, although she sure looked like it and (b) this is fantasy fiction. Please call emergency services in a situation like this irl or immediately drive to the nearest hospital if there is no cell service and it’s safe to do so.

Xander’s last conversation with Inigo in this fic directly stem from his fear of (a) not being in control and (b) not being strong enough to protect those he cares about.

Originally Elise was going to be the one who figured out Anankos drowned, but somehow while writing it just didn’t work that way, mostly because she ended up stuck by the cars. Whoops. You’re the real hero in my heart, Elise.

CHARACTER NOTES:

Owain’s insecurities stem from his Felicia and Severa supports where Owain reacts very negatively to being called weird. Also from the hc that growing up in modern AU with public school would probably emphasize that insecurity too, since kids can be real bullies. I very much picture him as the “Weird Kid” in class who was in his own little world and other kids whispered about him for it. Which is unfair, because he’s really just having fun :( By middle school/high school, he’s likely learned to tone this down a little, but only after a series of Bad Memories that make him develop a fear that everyone is just barely tolerating him or is making fun of him behind his back. It’s an infrequent insecurity because Owain is pretty good at not really caring what others think, but it’s one that exists all the same. He’s known Niles and Leo for a year or maybe two at this point, but when Leo admits (like in canon) to hating Owain when they first met, it triggers those insecurities again and sets back the progress the three of them had made in working up to a relationship together.

Corrin has a peacemaker type personality in Fates and always wants to believe the best in everyone to the point where they only seem to learn their lesson of “trust but have a backup plan” near the end of the Revelations route. I think I was mostly true to that character of Corrin in my other horror fic Dark Things Grew. And I think I was mostly true to that version of canon here until the part where Corrin and Owain are stuck in the middle of the lake together. (If you think Corrin was 100% what you expected all the way through, yay! But if not: ) Perhaps Corrin is a little more freaked out or snappier than some of you might have expected. However, I am taking some liberties with the fact this is a modern world AU here. In Fates, magic is real. Dragons are real. Ogre monsters that you can summon out of thin air to do your fighting for you (i.e. Faceless) are real. Some things are less likely than others, but there’s a whole realm of magical possibility that doesn’t exist in our reality. So when you find out that the lake your mom used to visit all the time is possessed (huh????) by a demon (?????) whose voice you are hearing in your head (???????) and also who is not a demon but actually your ghost dad (????????) who is trying to kill you and all your friends you guess (????????) but you’re not really sure what’s going on still except for the fact that oh, Ariana, we’re really in it now, aaaahhhhhhhHHHHH—

Well, you, too, would probably be a little upset. Corrin is the same at their core. They’re just allowed to go “Yo, what the heck” now. (I almost had Corrin say the F word in just their narration once and I couldn’t do it :/) They go through a lot of feelings in the climax of this fic, actually, and I hope they felt at least somewhat reasonable reactions to you, the reader, since the situation Corrin finds themselves in is so unprecedented, stressful, and wack.

Also, this is true for all characters! They’ve been mildly adapted into modern counterparts. This means some experiences that shaped them in Awakening/Fates didn’t happen here or were adapted into modern equivalents. (For example, Inigo is a little less able to run face first into battle than in Awakening/Fates bc he didn’t experience the terror and necessity of having to fight the Risen as a young kid. He still grew up shy and is a (self-admitted in Supports) crybaby who tries to hide those facets of himself, however. Hence why he feels the need to put on a brave face after Bad Things Happen. He still feels like he needs to be a pillar of support for people, although he’s a less steady than his more hardened counterpart. Similar extractions can be applied to other characters throughout this fic.

I often write Severa/Camilla as a very doting, established relationship. A lot of the time the conflict in my stories comes from some outside factor—a dragon, a war, magic, etc. I don’t write a lot of interpersonal conflict, and it’s something I thought I should try my hand at least once. Camilla and Severa’s dynamic here specifically draws from Camilla’s habit of keeping her true feelings close to her chest in her supports. In canon with Selena, she very obviously gives noncommittal answers to Selena’s demands that Camilla praise her for being the best. With Xander, Camilla lies by omission—when he guesses her favorite food wrong, she pretends he’s right for the sake of (presumably) not embarrassing him and proving he doesn’t actually know his siblings better than she does. I’m sure there are other incidents where Camilla hides her true feelings too. I’ve always wondered about these events. Emotionally, Camilla is a very interesting character to me. She has a lot of thoughts and feelings, but she seems to keep a lot of them to herself. I wish that was explored more in-game.

Here, I combined Camilla’s natural tendency to keep her true feelings to herself with her canonical childhood loneliness. She canonically felt bereft of maternal love as a child, and that’s why she tries to shower so much on Corrin. In this fic, Camilla is afraid of opening herself up to love from others. She can dole it out because she doesn’t want to deprive anyone (specifically Corrin, who was isolated a lot via Garon) of that same love, but in turn she never wants to actually be vulnerable with anyone. Family gets special privileges, but even her siblings don’t get to see everything. She has romantic feelings for Severa, but she’s afraid of opening herself up to potential hurt and having that love thrown back in her face later. So Camilla does herself the favor of not allowing herself to be vulnerable in the first place. There’s some part of her that really does want to openly love and be loved by Severa, however. So that’s the yo-yo affect Severa is dealing with throughout this fic.

Camilla knows, factually, that Severa likes her too. But she also has this defense mechanism she’s used her whole life. She wants the best of both worlds; she wants to teeter on the edge of romance/intimacy she and Severa both crave while still keeping Severa at arm’s length so she never actually has to face the danger of being potentially vulnerable with Severa and therefore hurt. Which, you know. Is shitty. (Sometimes the people you love can do shitty things. Sometimes you can do shitty things. I think Camilla’s character is more complex, realistic, and interesting here because of it. I hope you think the same.)

And Camilla keeps it up until she realizes losing Severa is still a very real possibility whether or not she admits her feelings. It’s too late to pretend otherwise. She’s already vulnerable to that hurt she wanted to avoid. The shock of that revelation, the fear of losing Severa, and also McFreaking Water Ghost is enough to get her to admit her feelings and change her behavior. It’s not all peaches and cherries from here on out for them, but it’s a start. They’re taking it slow.

Camilla isn’t a villain here, which I say because I worry some people may think I wrote her to be villainous. Sometimes the people you love have baggage. Severa has it too. So does everyone else in this fic and in your actual real life. That’s natural. Sometimes we do shit things because of that baggage. It happens. Does that mean you get an excuse for your actions? Absolutely not. Apologize. Do better. Camilla is trying. They’ll go from here.

I was trying for a lot more nuanced, complex approach to these two this time around rather than the zero interpersonal problems approach. It was new for me too. I hope it payed off.

Anyway, love wins.

A VERY BAD OUTLINE OF THE CABINS THAT I MADE IN PAINT 3D AND A FLOOR PLAN I STOLE FROM GOOGLE IMAGES 2 YEARS AGO:

I am so sorry for the quality of this, lmao

#my fic #long post #fe14 #fe13 #graceless heart #character analysis #fic analysis #my text #graceless heart fic

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hillarykylie · 5 years ago

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Talking about your emotions is the only way to get it off your chest

“I’m fine” “I’m really fine, I’m so happy” were overused, overly rehearsed phrases I’ve been long conditioned to present to people whenever I was asked if i was okay. When most of the time, this was contrary to how I really felt.

I’m not really fine, thanks for asking.

I’ve very rarely ever admitted to not being ‘okay’, not exactly because feeling down is a societal stigma but because I’ve never really wanted to allow people to see how truly torn-apart and damaged I was.

Moreover, being consistently emotionally invalidated throughout my entire life has made me feel like my emotions were ‘wrong’ and that the only way I’d find acceptance from people is to stash my emotions away in a safe box where no one could have access to them.

I was heavily uncomfortable with exhibiting my emotional vulnerability, being candid about my struggles for fear that this would cause people to alienate themselves from me.

For the longest time - I’d unintentionally misled people into believing that I was fine through my happy-go-lucky, radiant facade that people gradually began to believe that I was actually fine, that people were visibly shocked when I’d told them that I was very much struggling in Uni.

The fact that I’m also pretty high-functioning and seemingly well-adjusted renders my struggles more inconspicuous towards people.

I hated going into detail into why I wasn’t “fine” -because it simply isn’t a reducible explanation.

I never knew what I was supposed to respond with, so I always resorted to saying “I’m fine” to deflect the question and to save the hassle of going in-depth of why I’m actually not ‘fine’. No one likes to hear sappy stories.

It’s not like people genuinely cared anyway, is it?

But I’d realised gradually just how toxic and handful that mentality was. As each time I’d convinced myself that I was fine, I was inadvertently locking away and avoiding my emotions through a multitude of self-destructive coping mechanisms to dissipate and numb my emotional pain and emptiness, which really only distracts me in the short-term and exacerbates things in the long-run.

My ridiculously and unbelievably high emotional threshold, however, didn’t mean that I was routinely able to suppress my emotions as successfully as I’ve always done so.

It’s precarious times like these where my capacity to stifle anymore emotions has reached its brim, and I thus can no longer repress anything else without eventually imploding.

Because I’m such a talented actress in the making who’s been able to delude everyone into thinking that I’ve been having the time of my life here in Uni, *flips hair* lol jk - people have been relatively astonished and dumbfounded when I finally muster the courage to be transparent about how I’ve been feeling.

Their responses range from “omg I never knew you were struggling tho. your life on ig seems so glamorous and you’re doing so well in Uni” to “wait bruh this is coming out of nowhere.”

Are you seriously asking me that?

Although me opening up was later met with an overwhelming amount of regret and embarrassment, I’d realised just how therapeutic and relieving it was to finally be honest with how I’ve been feeling all this while.

It was as though a huge weight was lifted off my chest.

Amongst my friends and readers, I’d found a heavy sense of relief when I got to learn that a startling number of them were actually going through the same thing, with some even sharing similar, nuanced emotions as I do. Some have even come forward to ask me for advice for how I’d managed to cope so far, which is both gratifying but also perplexing because I’m merely surviving in the meantime.

Just knowing that I wasn’t the only odd one who’s been struggling to make sense of my situation so far has made me feel significantly better. This escalated into having deep, lengthy conversations with my friends and general public who reached out to me, in which we uninhibitedly expressed our deepest fears and emotions.

Through my vulnerability, others were able to find solace and come forward to tell of their experiences and struggles and find strength in the fact that they weren’t alone.

And that is incredibly important - because part of the reason why I feel the way I feel is the fact that I’d always perceived it as a ‘ME’ problem.

I often felt angry and infuriated with myself for not having the time of my life in Uni unlike what the masses have portrayed.

The ruthless self-blame and criticism I had towards myself consumed me and I loathed myself for not being able to acquire the same cookie-cutter, euphoric and illusory experience that everyone seemed to be having in Uni, which progressively made me feel awful about myself.

I mean... what’s the worst that could happen?

People leaving me? That just goes to show that these people never had ingenuous and sincere intentions towards me in the first place.

People who genuinely care for you and love you wouldn’t give up on you the moment you’re going through a formidable time with life (well unless you’re extremely manipulative/destructive/toxic of course)

But people who simply leave just because their friends/partners are humans who just have unmet emotional needs or have hit a rough patch not only are undeserving of you when you’re at your BEST, they’re undeserving of you as a whole. .

Life isn’t all unicorns and rainbows, sadly. It’s fraught with unending struggle and suffering and everyone has bad days.

This was something I had to come to terms with when I finally allowed myself to open up.

I was afraid to have my vulnerabilities manipulated and used against me in the future, for people’s twisted personal agendas, or have them perceive me in a different light.

Then again if they were to do the former, that’s on THEM and not on me. It’s a reflection of their character and moral judgment and questionable ethics.

It’s like the trash takes itself out, and I don’t have to do any “spring-cleaning”.

Them leaving and walking out of my life would be a blessing since I have no tenet or interest in keeping unwanted people who’re only in my life for the glitz and glamor anyway.

I’m a firm believer that how one reacts to your sadness determines how long they’re going to stay in your life.

Let that sink in.

If they’re irate or annoyed by the fact that you’re simply searching for the bare minimum of support and a listening ear when you’re going through a truly troubled time, then why keep these people anyway? Let them go.

They��re probably better off being friends with/dating sex dolls, since sex dolls are simply vacant robots and plastic with no depth or emotions to them.

Don’t be apologetic for expressing how you feel. Every human being deserves to be heard, loved, supported and listened to. If you’re not getting that from the people who claim to “care for you”, then it’s time to re-evaluate who you keep in your life.

If they get tired of you just for being a normal, harmless human being who’s simply going through a hard time, are they really worth keeping in the first place?

Because let’s be realistic. Everyone goes through shit in life and needs support from time to time. People don’t actively choose to feel upset or depressed. It’s not within our control, what’s within our control is how we cope and deal with it and how we act on it.

Let them go. Nothing’s wrong with you. If your fundamental, basic emotional needs aren’t met, then why bother?

Having emotions isn’t wrong, and neither is it unlawful. It only becomes detrimental when you turn these emotions into anger and rage and project it onto someone to hurt them, now that’s wrong.

If you’re harmlessly expressing how you feel and need that extra bit of support, you’re okay. you’re normal, and you deserve to receive love and empathy.

Don’t let these people fool you into thinking asking for the bare minimum is a standard that’s insurmountable.

Because it isn’t.

It’s like asking for water. And what happens when you don’t drink water for a month straight? you die. You’re goddamn right.

SUPPORT IS A BASIC NECCESSITY.

Don’t dehydrate and deprive yourself of support (water) just because you want them to stay in your life. It’ll kill you eventually.

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theguildedtypewriter · 7 years ago

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What Did You Say? A guide to writing good dialogue

(Remember all pieces of advice are meant to help guide, that is all. They are not dogma.)

Ever read something and heard the dialogue in your head, and you just stopped. There was something off about it and for a solid minute there you couldn’t tell if the character was supposed to sound like that or if the author just didn’t have dialogue down. Chances are some mistakes were made.

Dialogue can be tricky. There’s no doubt about it.

You need to make it sound like the characters are having a real conversation but if you write it exactly like people talk it can get confusing and sound even worse.

“So how do I write good dialogue?!”

You can usually sense when your dialogue needs work. So here’s a set of some dialogue trick that might help you. When you think something is off with your dialogue use this to help you figure out what and make some changes.

All about that Flow-

It’s said all the time about your first draft, the important thing is to get the words on the page, you’ll refine later. This technique applies to your dialogue, and you’ll even come up with lines you never would have if you spent your time trying to be perfect.

You can even try writing the dialogue first. Get down what your characters are arguing about, planning, revealing, etc. Do it fast, pay no attention to who said what. Just get the words out.

This dialogue can give you a good idea what the scene is about and it might be different than what you thought. Then just go back to it and fill in.

This can be good for when you’re in a slump.

Talk it Out-

You can also practice dialogue or get yourself going by speaking the lines of two of your characters as they interact. An argument or conversation between your two character except you say all the lines as they come to you.

Overt the Obvious-

A very common mistake is creating a simple back-and-forth. Each line directly answers the previous line, often repeating a word or phrase from that previous line, echoing it. Ex:

“Hello, Tina.” “Hi, Jane.” “I really like your blouse.” “Oh, my blouse! You mean this old thing?” “Old thing! You’ve never worn it before.”

No surprises and very little interest. Some direct response is alright, but your dialogue will be better if you overt the obvious:

“Hello, Tina.” “Jane. I didn’t see you come in.” “Nice shirt.” “Did you finish your half of the project?”

Okay, I don’t know why they’re pissed at each other but this exchange is way more interesting and suggestive of what’s going on behind the scenes than the first.

(How could I not use the Crow?)

Zip It-

Another powerful way to overt the obvious is silence. It can be the best choice for an exchange. Hemingway is good at this. By using a combination silence and action, he gets the point across through a short but compelling exchanges. Look at “Soldier’s Home”:

“God has some work for every one to do,” his mother said. “There can’t be no idle hands in His Kingdom.” “I’m not in His Kingdom,” Krebs said. “We are all of us in His Kingdom.” Krebs felt embarrassed and resentful as always. “I’ve worried about you so much, Harold,” his mother went on. “I know the temptations you must have been exposed to. I know how weak men are. I know what your own dear grandfather, my own father, told us about the Civil War and I have prayed for you. I pray for you all day long, Harold.” Krebs looked at the bacon fat hardening on the plate.

You can express a lot by what a character doesn’t say.

Confrontation is your Friend-

We all want to avoid the info dump. Telling out readers everything that happened in the backstory in one chunk that slows down the story. You can avoid this by using dialogue. When you create a tension-filled scene, typically between two characters, you can get them arguing and then have the information come out in the natural progression of the conversation.

The not so great way:

Regina Black was a cop running from a terrible past. She had been fired for bungling an operation while she was drunk.

Try it out in a scene:

“I know who you are,” Nancy said. “You know nothing,” said Regina. “You’re that ex-cop.” “I need to be—” “From the 54th . You got your partner killed because you were drunk off your ass. Yeah, I know you.”

This can give you dialogue weight and increase your pace.

You Don’t Need ALL the Words-

People don’t often speak the say way we write things. We leave words out, we use contraction, we shorten. A standard exchange might go down like this:

“Your mom was killed? “Yes, she was in a car accident.” “What was her name?” “Her name was Martha.”

Try something more like this:

“Your mom was killed?” “Car accident.” “What was her name?” “Martha.”

This is leaner and sounds more like real speech without sounding too weird or chopped up for a reader to understand.

Don’t Explain Everything-

I know we always want to make sure that our readers understand exactly what we’re getting at. But consider the following:

“That’s amazing news,” he said gleefully.

Look right to you?

Well, it’s not technically wrong so yeah. But this is a pretty commonly trap. You’re telling your reader your character’s feelings twice. The adverb ‘gleefully’ really isn’t needed here. Now, that’s not to say that adverbs have no place. For example:

“That’s amazing news,” he said mournfully.

Oh wait what? He’s not happy about that? Why? See in this context the adverb actually gives the reader important information quickly. Many people that they don’t like adverbs but I find them useful when not stuffed into your writing too much.

Here’s another example:

“I can’t believe it!” Marnie said.

Here, there’s no dialogue explanation, so it’s tightened up and the focus is on what is being said rather than how. Plus, readers can now imagine my OC’s surprise, which helps them get closer to my OC.

You really shouldn’t have to explain your dialogue.

Keep your dialogue transparent-

When your dialogue is powerful, the last thing you want to do is move the reader’s attention somewhere else. Explanations and ‘ly’ adverbs can break the flow because they jump out to the reader, making them focus, if only for a second, on the fact that they’re reading instead of being engrossed in the story.

Now, people may not like this, but said is NOT dead. When we see the word said, we tend to gloss over it like it were a comma or period. And that’s exactly what we want. We want the reader to pay no attention to the word but accept it’s purpose.

Study Conversations-

Coffee shops, bars, and restaurants. Fantastic places to do some people listening. This kind of people studying can really help to create dialogue that sounds so natural. I am personally a huge fan of Buffy for this because it genuinely sounded like teenagers/young adults and the pop culture references where amazing. People talk in cliches, gestures, and movie/TV quotes. So many quotes.

Also remember, conversation isn’t just words. It’s body language, tone, eye contact, facial expressions, etc. Consider this:

“You lied to me,” said John.

“I did it to protect you,” said Tate.

James moved toward John and reached for his hand. “We didn’t want you to get hurt—”

John pushed his hand away and backed away from them. “I trusted you.”

You can use actions to break up dialogue. This is a creative way to move the conversation along and show what the characters are feeling using their responses and gestures together.

Just keep in mind that if you intersperse action between every line of dialogue it loses it’s usefulness.

Don’t keep pointless prose-

As writers, we frequently stuff too many details into dialogue. You need balance realism and dialogue purpose. Dialogue is suppose to help move the story along, offer depth, and convey information. When dialogue doesn’t fulfill any of these purposes, it has to go. Look at this:

“I saw Todd in the park the other day,” said Steve.

“Oh yeah?” inquired Susan. “How is he?”

“He has a new job. He has a flexible schedule, so he has way more free time,” said Steve.

“Well, good for him,” said Susan. “Do know how he’ll use his free time?”

“No. I meant to ask him, but forgot,” said Steve.

This conversation is slow, boring, chunky, and serves no purpose. This didn’t really relay any new information and it didn’t move the story anywhere. Now, if the point was to show a stilted conversation between ex-lovers, friends, or a conversation about nothing because the characters can’t face the hard stuff, this would be great for that. But honestly, that’s a purpose right there. If you can find no purpose for the prose, take it out.

Read it aloud-

The last tip is to read your work aloud. I do this. Complete with facial expressions, gestures, and voices. It can be a really fast way of finding a problem. Pace, punctuation, flow. When you read out loud, issues with these things become crystal freaking clear.

Where did you stumble or pause unnaturally? Fix that. Any accidental rhymes or repeated words? Edit them.

Does the dialogue match the character? If your character is uneducated , make sure they sound that way. A professor? Make sure the OC sounds smart.

When you read a bad sentence you’re sure to flinch or stumble along the way. When you do, you know where there’s work to be done.

Applying your dialogue tips-

The tips above aren’t quick fixes. You’ll need to work on them throughout the course of your writing. Don’t feel overwhelmed. Consider them one at a time. Do whatever works for you. This is all just meant to help.

And remember,

NEVER STOP WRITING!

#writeblr #writing advice #writing tips #dialogue #writing dialogue #tips and tricks #writers #writing #this is meant to help #this is NOT law #said is not dead #adverbs have their place

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quoteablebooks · 6 years ago

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Genre: Young Adult, Fantasy, Romance

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Synopsis:

Feyre's survival rests upon her ability to hunt and kill – the forest where she lives is a cold, bleak place in the long winter months. So when she spots a deer in the forest being pursued by a wolf, she cannot resist fighting it for the flesh. But to do so, she must kill the predator and killing something so precious comes at a price ... Dragged to a magical kingdom for the murder of a faerie, Feyre discovers that her captor, his face obscured by a jewelled mask, is hiding far more than his piercing green eyes would suggest. Feyre's presence at the court is closely guarded, and as she begins to learn why, her feelings for him turn from hostility to passion and the faerie lands become an even more dangerous place. Feyre must fight to break an ancient curse, or she will lose him forever.

*Opinions*

So I was told that I must read this novel as my friend is obsessed with the series and needed someone to talk to about it. (Yell is probably a more accurate term but I digress). She is also the one who bought me the book for Christmas so I really had no reason not to dive in. From the summary, it has everything I like in a fantasy novel, action, danger, politically intrigue, and romance (Yes, I like romance, sue me). I had heard some rumblings of people taking issue with the series, but I will say right now that I didn’t look into any reviews or discourse while reading or writing this review. I’m more than happy to have a conversation with people about it now that I had finished the first book, especially those who found the novel to have many faults, but any ignorance on my part was intentional so I didn’t go into reading the novel with someone else’s thoughts clouding my judgment. One hiccup in this plan of not knowing anything about the story was that I was unaware that it was advertised as a Beauty and the Beast retelling of sorts and I had so many questions until a friend pointed out that it was supposed to follow the fairytale. Like, I was getting a little aggravated because the beginning third of the book reads very close to the Beauty and the Beast we all know and love. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good retelling when it’s done well. However, when you go into a story not knowing that that was its main aim, it can be a bit jarring. Again, this is completely my fault. The first major positive I have is that Maas allowed Feyre to have sex with a man she had no intentions of marrying and really didn’t even like. It is rare that heroines are allowed to have sex for the pure reason of release and nothing else and it gave me a good idea who Feyre was as a character. As her sexuality evolves and expands throughout the novel is very realistic and something that I was not expecting from the novel. Sure, it said there was romance, but I was expecting the normal fade to black scenes. Instead, the scene in the hallway after the magical ritual (being as vague as possible to avoid spoilers) was unexpectedly intimate. Like, I was almost metaphorically clutching my pearls (a phrase I stole from my friend) intimate. I was not expecting that, but I enjoyed it. Another thing I was not expecting from this novel was the darkness and grittiness that it possessed, both in the world building and in the characters. Feyre is a rather dark and gritty character at the beginning, due to her circumstances, and I really enjoyed that. Too often the main character is soft and the events of the story harden them, but this novel takes the opposite approach in a way. Feyre never becomes soft and helpless or losses the darkness in her, but she is allowed to have some freedom and happiness, and that changes her in much more subtle ways. Maas also leans into the dark, scary, and creepy side of myths and legends surrounding the faeries. Now I am going to be honest, I don’t know what in this story is known the lore and what is Maas’s creation, but I wanted more of the creepy and scary things that lurked outside the lovely manor and gardens where Feyre found herself. There are real threats and real dangers in this world and Maas doesn’t let you forget that, even if Feyre ignores the warnings completely some times. You knew that people would get hurt, people who die, and appreciated the stakes. Feyre and Tamlin’s relationship is the core of the story and it is a slow burn, which I really enjoy. If I didn’t know that this was a Beauty and the Beast retelling, I might have thought Lucien had a chance, but it was obvious that Tamlin was always going to be the main love interest. It was a romance that grew and one that you believed could elicit so such feelings from Feyre to propel her through the ending of the novel and what she had to endure. That being said, Lucien and Rhysand are by far the most interesting characters in this novel. Maybe because they are shown to have flaws (Rhysand’s being very in your face and plentiful) but I wanted to know more about them and enjoyed their presence on the page more than Tamlin. It’s not that I don’t like Tamlin or Tamlin and Feyre as a couple, but Tamlin was always either bestial or perfect whereas Lucien and Rhysand were portrayed as much more complex. Maybe I just have a thing for characters who are also kind of bastards, who knows? The world that Maas creates is very easy to visualize and understand from her descriptions. From the cold of the forest to the lowly cottage, to the manor, estate, and gardens, you see what Feyre is seeing. There is something very visceral about this novel while you’re reading it that I really enjoy. Maas has the ability to take you into the world of Prythian which is what you need in any fantasy novel. I was a little disappointed when we finally got to Under the Mountain. The creatures are described so viscerally, but the actual ancient heart of the mountain left some things to be desired. However, that was really my only complaint about this novel that relayed so much on being with Feyre as she experienced everything. Now, for some negatives. The biggest one was that giant plot dump that happened when Alis finally explained the curse and what was happening when Feyre returned to the estate. I am not going to spoil what the curse is, but that whole chapter was literally a neon sign that read EXPOSITION and flashed. It was something that could have been broken up between two chapters, especially since the ones leading up to it were Feyre trying to come to terms with seeing her family. That leads me to my second big issue, that Nesta was That Bitch and therefore the fairy glamour didn’t work on her. On one hand, I like that Nesta got a bit of a redemption arc after being so awful in the beginning, on the other, it makes no sense that the glamour just didn’t work. Maybe if the explanation was that Tamlin’s powers were failing, that would be one thing, but just that Nesta was too strong-willed just seemed like the easy way out. It bothered me. The whole section with Feyre at home bothered me because it didn’t really add to the story all that much. That being said, I am still not convinced that there isn’t something going on with Feyre’s mom, like she was Fae or half-fae or something. Watch her never be mentioned again, but like I’m sure there is something up with her. Overall I enjoyed the world I was presented and the story I was told, even if it was a Beauty and the Beast retelling, there were enough new elements to set the second half of the book to set it apart. I am interested in seeing where the story progresses and keeping an open mind.

#review #4 out of 5 Stars #a court of thorns and roses #sarah j. maas

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koganphrancis · 7 years ago

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Camless Episode 2 Recap

(I can’t give a credit to the gif maker because they deleted their post right after I saved this gif and before I could click back and get their Tumblr url, so, sorry! If anyone else would be interested in giffing this moment, please do-looks like there might almost be some butt crack in it for us, and that would officially make this the most interesting moment in the episode.)

Once again the best thing I can say about this episode is there was not even a whisper of a mention of Terror ;)

But the rest of the show-I really don’t recognize anything from what the show used to be. This is truly like a brand new Showtime show using some of the same actors from Shameless. No one reminds you of how their character used to be. They’re all like those Lego people Emmy’s always bragging about using when she directs episodes-plastic and stiff and lifeless.

Also, this episode had zero sex scenes, which must have been confusing to its core audience that keeps insisting the show is still worth watching. I’m sure they missed the tits.

Like last week, I’ll just run down the characters, if I can stay awake.

Frank. Ugh. They gave him this incredibly moronic scene in The Alibi where he rallies his fellow white men against “reverse racism” and you could see how hard Macy was working to try to grind out the lines, but it just stunk. I’m sure the showrunners think they’re coming up with cutting edge social commentary here, but they’re not. The audience has long been clued into the fact that Frank’s motivations behind his machinations are to serve one thing and one thing only, and that’s Frank himself.�� He will go whichever way the wind blows. If not being a Make Southside Great Again cretin would’ve got him some money in his pocket, he would’ve been making speeches against everything he was saying last night. Archie Bunker was an iconic character in the advancement of social progress because he did believe the shit he said, and the audience was in on the fact that he was dead wrong. When Frank says racist bullshit, it’s not “shameless” it’s not commentary, it’s a lazy fuck wanting something for nothing. It has nothing to do with improvement or education of the viewer. Shameless has this unrealistic view of itself being a show “about” something, and when it inevitably fails to hit the mark, they just guffaw and say we weren’t supposed to take it seriously, it’s just a comedy, it’s just Shameless. Well, you’ve cried wolf too many times and I can’t take anything you say as meaningful.

Also, this and almost every other storyline last night took the most laborious routes possible to get the characters to their next plot point. Frank only got involved in local politics because he needed beer money (what happened to his one beer a day with the new liver? Oh yeah, that was a different character on a different show). And why the fuck would the patrons of The Alibi put money into anything Frank’s going to be in charge of? Are they that stupid?

Fiona and Bored Their lack of chemistry continues to astound. Their conversations make no sense. Bored clearly doesn’t give a shit what Fiona does, so why does he insist on giving his opinion that, once it pisses her off, he just drops it? Why say anything to begin with? And I only watch their scenes once, so I might be wrong on this, but he leaves me with the impression that he squints every time he speaks. It’s as if he saw Dirty Harry at an early age and vowed to himself if he ever became an actor, his delivery of all his lines would be just like Clint growling out, “Do you feel lucky, punk? Do you?”

Anyway, Fiona’s circuitous route has her going to the Gallagher house to find shoes she left there when she moved into her own apartment. The fuck? You gotta try so hard as a writer these days to get any of the family together-it’s another piece of the “old” show that is missing more and more lately, and really ripping the show apart at its already weakened seams.

She has a big power meeting with a commercial real estate developer now that Ian’s bail money is burning a hole in her pocket. (And, the fuck? Ian turns down her offer to post bail so she figures he had his shot and if he changes his mind and wants-or worse yet NEEDS-to get out of jail he’s shit out of luck? They could’ve had her make sure he understood it was a one-time offer, but no.) Anyway, for said meeting, she’s wearing what looks like a kimono from a day spa and to complete the look she needs the pair of red fuck me pumps that she finds in a small box that looks like it’s only holding said pumps and one work boot. She left that behind? Couldn’t squeeze it into the new place?

When she arrives back home at the Gallagher house, she finds Liam sitting on the couch and asks him why he’s not at school. (Forget that, why isn’t SHE taking care of him, she’s his legal guardian!!!!) He tells her he got kicked out because of Frank, Fi asks what did he do, Liam says, “The moms”, clue laugh track that this show totally needs now. Fiona brings Liam along with her-he clues her in to how rich folk talk, and she tells the real estate guy Liam’s her intern, a prodigy, cue laugh track. She has a bullshit meeting with the guy, tries to throw her boyfriend’s name around to prove she has clout (and hey, he has a last name now! It’s Kellogg, but who will bother to remember that?), uses her patented Fiona looking at real estate phrase when she says a building he showed her has “good bones”. She’s so obviously bullshitting the guy and we can see her losing her money happening a mile away. She, however, thinks she’s playing the dick just right. There’s a scene towards the end where she’s begging to throw her $50K at him, but he says you need $100K to get in, and she says she has it??? I couldn’t be bothered to go back and watch it again to see if at any point she indicates where she’ll come up with twice the money she has, I’m just assuming she’s going to gamble the entire apartment building and lose it all. And that WILL be believable because she has no business experience that’s not straight out of fantasyland and the only thing that will bother me is they seem to be setting it up that Bored is right and she should listen to him like a good little woman.

Lip Lip’s storyline is no longer about Lip, it’s about all the people he keeps taking on as projects. Last night Xan abandoned the Ball twins she was babysitting to run off with a stolen wallet (what is it with this show thinking child endangerment is funny?). To nitpick-if Liam was supposed to be in school, shouldn’t Xan have been at hers too? Last week they made a point of saying she forged a note to her teacher to go to Brad’s wedding...

Anyway, since this new show thinks it’s normal for 24 year old guys to do nothing but parent kids that aren’t theirs and be a one man support system for their mentor and their sponsor (but not their brother), Lip’s taking on a new project, being the reluctant sponsor of a drug and alcohol addict who has an adorable baby. Lip tries telling Brad that “Gallaghers aren’t sponsors, they have sponsors” (I’m so sick of “Gallagher” pronouncements like that), but in the end, he can see the guy has no one, so he steps in. And if I could trust this show for one minute I’d be intrigued by this (it’s much more realistic than the whole Xan bullshit)-it’s interesting to think Lip can relate to the baby being with the dad while he was passed out for two solid days more than he relates to the dad-but I just feel like they’ll handle it badly and I’m not going to get attached to the baby or the dad.

Debbie She’s shrilly screaming for equal pay and equal rights, but I get the feeling all of that was her circuitous route to meeting this season’s love interest. It’ll be interesting to see if she keeps up her crusade or if all that’s forgotten once she’s getting sex.

We first see her rattling off statistics from computer print outs, which is a refreshing change from Ian memorizing the Bible overnight, but still. The stats she’s reading are unfair and horrific, but the people she’s telling them to are in no position to change things. Debbie takes her “cause” to job sites where again, she’s shouting into the void, since no women are working there and even if they were, what does she expect them to do? This whole “Norma Rae” thing makes no sense because licensed workers ARE unionized and if the jobs she’s visiting are using under the table workers, no one wants this loud mouth teenager and her baby carriage calling attention to it. What is she trying to accomplish?

So, like I said, all the screaming is probably just the set up to her meet cute with the chick she thought was a dude. Said chick comes to the Gallagher house (claiming she found it because Debbie was screaming her full name and saying she was a welder with a vagina-so good to know everyone in Chicago would know where that person lives...) and does the “big reveal” that she’s a woman. Debs/Emma is all, “Dafuuuuuck?” and Alex winds up asking her out for a drink. At home I’m thinking, “Aw, damn, Alex, you’re gonna get roofied!”

Carl Carl is moronic as fuck this week-more so than usual. He tries to see his local congressperson (who is secure in his seat and not running in the same election as Frank’s tampering with, I guess?) and is told by an assistant the list of things Carl will need to get a recommendation for West Point and to come back in 9 weeks. Carl totally ignores most of the list, the scholastic and athletic achievements-does he really think he’ll get in without it all? Can’t he just ask Ian what he’ll need to do? Oh wait, no one knows Ian-I’m thinking of that other show again.

He starts on a quest to find volunteer work (since court ordered post juvie hours don’t count-cue laugh track), and asks at the first place “if it pays”. Right there, he’s too stupid to get into any reputable school, why are people wasting their time with him?

He winds up working for a retired veterinarian who uses an unconventional but cheaper and effective way to euthanize dogs. The show goes totally off the rails, having Carl “rescue” them and taking them home to die a “natural” death in his basement instead. Is the writer so stupid she doesn’t know that that’s just forcing the dogs to live out their days in pain, or are we only supposed to think it’s Carl that is that stupid? Either way, why go there Shameless? Why drag innocent dogs into your “it’s Shameless!” world of the unfunny?

Kev and Vee Their painful role as the show’s family sitcom portion continues. (side note: I was cackling with glee when I heard Bob Saget will be making a guest appearance-I called that Full House vibe from the start!) They’re checking out preschools and the first place they go, the woman who runs it is dressed as a full on fairy princess. As if that wouldn’t be enough of a red flag to GTFO. When they hear the cost of tuition, K&V flip out. Because, ya know, they had no idea daycare/preschool was expensive? Have they been hit with the same stupid stick as Carl? They get a lead on a Catholic school that’s in their price range, but there’s only one spot! What to do? Easy, just tell their obviously not identical twin daughters that one of them always has to keep out of sight at school and that from now on, they’re both “Amy”. Cue laugh track.

Ian Oh man, why isn’t Cam gone already? This week starts with him performing the prison yard triple wedding. He’s speaking in the cadence and manner of a preacher, yet he’s only been to 2 weddings that he can recall? Does he watch You Tube videos of sermons now? It makes no sense! Anyway, a guard tells him he’s made bail, and all lame, choreographed hell breaks loose as the prisoners want “Father” Gallagher to finish the ceremony.

Next time we see him, he has at least half an inch more hair and he’s being released back into society, wearing the clothes he was arrested in 9 months ago. The handmade God Loves Fags T shirt is better than some of the things I’ve seen Cam wearing in real life lately, but I digress. Geneva is waiting for him and is jumping and yipping all over him like an overexcited puppy. He tries telling her, “I really wasn’t done in there-those guys need me.” She’s not listening as she tells him “so much exciting stuff has been happening” (off screen-there’s nothing exciting happening on the show itself)-”We have sponsorships now, we’re in 45 states, 1 mil strong on Insta, we’re getting some of the conversion centers closed down.” And, just, you lost me with the hyperbole. Say they’ve spread to 3 states or something believable, not almost the entire continental US. Anyway, she tells him they crowd sourced his bail and asks if he’s ready to face his public. He just looks dazed and confused. A little group is waiting for him behind a (as in one, solo) police barrier.

Next time we see him, he’s being delivered to the Church of Gay Jesus in a luxury SUV. People are waiting there to greet him too-some wearing unintentionally hilarious masks of Ian’s face-well, really GJ, but come on, that’s Cam!!!

Geneva asks him if he’s okay and he says “Yeah, just used to being in lock up.” Again, Cam’s not giving us much to work with, but I guess we’re supposed to see that he’s already overwhelmed and doesn’t want to be part of this anymore? Geneva introduces him to a bunch of workers for the GJ movement that have actual titles-they’re practically a corporation now, then drags him inside where he’s going to make a press statement and take selfies with donors that gave one thousand dollars or more for his bail. Ian looks down at the index cards with his statement and reads aloud, “My harrowing and abusive time in jail? Prison was inspiring...” Geneva is officially his new Terror and dismisses anything he has to say. She tells him to just emphasize his oppression as a gay man and the daily violence he endured.” Which, yes, hello, that actually WOULD be his experience in jail, but the show chose to make it cute and sweet. Grrrr.

Ian doesn’t have a reply to that, I guess, so he looks at a map on the wall with a bunch of pins in it and asks what it is. Geneva tells him it’s where they’ve blown up vans, and they’re going to do more in his name. He seems genuinely upset. Guess he’s missing out on the fact that he could meet more fireman if he keeps blowing up vans-opportunity missed, John Wells!!!

Another disciple comes up to Geneva with an old timey prison striped shirt for Ian to put on for his statement. Just like Jerome wore for so many scenes in Gotham. I don’t know if the show thinks it’s a clever nod to Cam’s other job every time they do something like this, but to me it just pulls me out of the story and I go off on a thought tangent yet again, thinking about how much more realistic Gotham had handled all Cam’s prison stuff. But I digress. Ian says, “Am I allowed to take a piss?” which, really? That’s how the kids talk these days? He wouldn’t say “go to the bathroom”? Whatever. He goes into the bathroom, stares at his reflection because that must be in his contract, stuffs the prison shirt into the trash, flips down the baby changing table, and uses it to escape out the window, flashing the camera a shot of those ugly ass blue shoes with the gold heel coverings.

In his final scene of the night, Ian is sitting in the dark in the Gallagher kitchen, undoubtedly thinking about the huge-probably life altering-mistake he made. I’m referring of course, to when TPTB at Gotham sold him on the “Jerome has an unknown twin!” storyline. Carl comes up from the basement and the two of them share the most awkward scene since the British version of “The Matches”, as told by Eddie Izzard: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qfw60qXtOH0 Oh look! He’s wearing a spa kimono-like garment too!

Anyway, Cameron and Ethan stiltedly say some lines as if neither of them has ever acted before, and Carl goes to make his escape quite rapidly, but not before we get proof (not that we needed any) that no one’s been visiting Ian in prison, and that when Fiona visited, she didn’t bother keeping him up on family news in the 9 MONTHS he’s been gone.

Ian: Who’s the girl in my bed? Carl: Peyton List? (I know I was confused-Lip’s been sleeping in Ian’s bed, Xan’s over in the corner where Carl and Kassidi-remember her? She’s dead now-slept.) Let me try again:

Carl: That’s Xan-Lip’s kid. Ian:... Doesn’t really react to that either. I HOPE what all this is driving at is that Ian doesn’t feel like he belongs anywhere anymore-he doesn’t want to be part of the huge nationwide movement that Gay Jesus has turned into, he shouldn’t want to be in jail/prison even if there will always be gay men there, he doesn’t belong at “home” where they don’t even have a bed for him and all the kids except Liam are out of the nest now. For Ian, home is not a place, it’s a caring, loving man with blue eyes and an ass that won’t quit...

#Recap #Season Nein Episode 2

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