#how whenever anything financially 'good' happens to me i can't really believe it. and i refuse to take advantage of it and take risks

[cosmogyros]

I'm going to lose itttttttttttt

November was my first month of unemployment; I got my benefits for the month on December 6.

The Agentur für Arbeit did not pay me for December, without explanation, and once I called their headquarters and complained, I got a double payment at the start of February (covering the months of December and January, I guess).

Then they messaged me that they're stopping my benefits, and that they would explain why "in a separate letter". Guess what: I never got the separate letter!!!

And now I've received a letter from my health insurance implying that if I'm really not receiving any unemployment benefits anymore, I may be in danger of losing my health insurance.

COME ON, GERMANY. How hard can it be to just send me a certain amount of money every month? Why has there been some stressful technical issue around receiving my benefits EVERY month since this has started?

I'm basically staying at home all day every day and barely living my life because I constantly don't know if I'm going to have an empty bank account at the end of the month or if I'll actually get paid this time. This is so fucking stressful and I hate it. Why is the AfA SO dysfunctional?

And more importantly, why the hell would they cancel my benefits with no explanation??? Also they just informed me on Friday that I've still got a meeting scheduled with my advisor, for March 18. But like... why would they be scheduling meetings with me after having randomly stopped my benefits? Surely if my benefits are canceled, that means I'm not a "client" of theirs anymore.

This is so stressful omfg. I technically have enough money to cover rent for a few more months, but then my entire life savings would be gone and I'd still be in debt and jobless. And that doesn't sound like a pleasant prospect 🙃

I know I am legally entitled to get 1500 euros a month, every month, for ONE WHOLE YEAR. Even the AfA themselves sent me an official document stating that.

But in practice, I've had to fight tooth and nail to get those benefits for even three months, and now they're suddenly like, "Oh we're not gonna give you any more money, AND we won't tell you why either :3 Byeeee!" So I'm mad af. WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME THE REASON YOU'RE CUTTING ME OFF?!?!??!??

[fubukinorris]

❧ "i'd love to see me from your point of view"

♢regular tags: fluff, established relationship, long distance relationship (shinichiro, akane), alcohol (ryusei), gn! reader, reader is nicknamed bituin (shinichiro), babe (ryusei, senju), and sunshine (chifuyu)

ft. chifuyu matsuno, ryusei sato, shinichiro sano, senju kawaragi, inui akane

a/n: this song made me cry. i really, really want someone loving me one day.. probably when i get over my fears and manage to love myself.

(It's like you got superpowers Turn my minutes into hours) -Shinichiro Sano

"And there was this announcement about the races..."

You met Shinichiro about a year ago. You found him dragging two motorcycle engines along the road and you felt inclined to help him. That help had the element of exchanging numbers, a few dates, and a weird confession that ended up with you and him in bed.

Nevertheless, even when Shinichiro had to go back to his homeland, he was always thinking about you. Sure, he had to work a few more hours at the bike shop to pay for international calls, but it was worth it every time.

"Oh! And I won a contest today! You won't believe how I did it!" Your excited voice makes Shinichiro chuckle. "Tell me all about it, bituin. I have time."

"You sure? Isn't it midnight there?" You ask him. "You should be sleeping, Shin. Don't tell me you're gonna stay up all night and work at the bike shop..."

"Well, my work involves the bike shop but I'm not going to stay up all night. Again." Shinichiro scratches the back of his neck as he said that, laughing a little. "Enough about me, bituin. Tell me about that contest."

"Ah, right! So my instructional materials..."

Shinichiro didn't mind that the late hours were fast approaching. He couldn't wait to see you again. After all, he'll be hearing your voice again in a few months. He needed to count his money for a flight to the Philippines.

(You know me better than I do Can't seem to keep nothing from you) -Sato Ryusei

Ryusei didn't mind if you drank a lot. Besides, you only drank whenever you had a problem. Which was... usually every at the end of the month.

It didn't help that it was finals month. You were already on your fourth glass of whiskey, but it was strange to Ryusei. He had been with you long enough to know that you were a loud type of drunk, yet here now, you were as quiet as a mouse.

Something was up.

"Babe." Ryusei lightly taps on your shoulder. "You've been quiet all night. Did something happen?"

You were still quiet, but you only nod. Ryusei didn't really need to ask, so he just holds his arms out. "Come on, I hate seeing you like this."

A sniffle was heard from you, and you wipe your eyes before you bury yourself into his arms. "What made you think something was wrong, Ryu?"

"You're an annoying baby when you're drunk, babe." Ryusei teases with a small chuckle. You look up at him, pouting. "Can't really hide anything from you can't I?" You ask before burying yourself back into your boyfriend's chest.

Ryusei gently strokes your hair. "Mhm. Nothing really, no."

(I'm getting used to receiving Still getting good at not leaving) -Kawaragi Senju

Senju always spoils you. A lot. Even a simple window-shopping date would end up with you carrying at least one bag of something that you liked.

Senju just... liked buying you stuff. You weren't financially struggling, just really, really silent with what you want and you always decline if anyone would offer you to buy something. Even when someone wanted to treat you for food, you would say no.

"Babe." Senju finally puts her hands on your shoulders. "You can't say no to this one."

"But, baby-" You try to start but your girlfriend shakes her head. "No. You can't decline this one. This is something you've been wanting try and eat for months!"

You had a perplexed look on your face. "Listen, baby. I really appreciate the things you do, but I don't deserve them." You hold her hands as you say that, looking down. "I really... really don't."

There was something laced in your tone of voice. Senju knew that tone all too well. She cups your face now, making you look at her. "Babe. You deserve everything. You... you really do." Senju smiles a little. "If anything, it's me who doesn't deserve you."

You widen your eyes at that, trying to stop the tears from falling. "Don't cry." Senju wipes your tears away with her thumbs. "Listen, you're valid and you deserve so much. Now come on, lets go and try that dessert you've been eyeing."

(You love my lips 'cause they say the Things we've always been afraid of) -Inui Akane

You and Akane met through a mutual friend. The friend hangouts would turn into friendly dates and those friendly dates would lead to romantic dates.

This was your first relationship with someone. And someone like Akane was... a one of a kind.

It was like the red strings of fate pulled you both together, and ever since then the both of you have been inseparable. All those pictures, dates, hugs, and kisses is what made your relationship with Akane much more meaningful.

"Look, it's snowing." Akane giggles when a snowflake lands on your nose. "I guess winter's coming early."

"Funny, winter reminded me of our first date." You say with a laugh. "I was... a nervous wreck, now that I remember it."

"Tell me about it. You spilled juice all over yourself." Akane had a teasing grin and you only blush at the memory. "I didn't spill! The cup just moved on its own!" You retaliate in defense, making Akane laugh. "Hey, Akane-chan! Stop laughing!"

Akane couldn't stop her fit of laughter and you cup her face with your mittens, making her stare at your red face. Akane's face mimicked yours, obviously surprised. "Uh--Wow, you're on a trip to memory lane, are you?"

You only smile. "Yeah... I remember cupping your face like this..."

"And I put my arms around your neck..." Akane does the action, now smiling.

You both stare at each other before closing the gap. The first kiss is always the most memorable, and while others say that finding that spark was impossible, you and Akane definitely kept the spark going.

(I wanna love me The way that you love me) -Matsuno Chifuyu

Chifuyu was always the aggressive golden retriever in the relationship, and even he seemed to notice too. He was clingy, affectionate, a gentleman; you name it.

But what really came down to it was how passionate he was. You didn't mind that he read shoujo manga. You were an avid reader yourself, and that meant the conversations would be way longer than anyone else that you knew.

"Sunshine!" It was the usual routine once more, with the blond hugging you from behind and you giggling at the affectionate action. It had been... what, only six months? Yeah, six months since the both of you started dating. "Hey, Fuyu." You lean up and kiss him on the cheek. "Ready to go?"

Chifuyu lets go of the hug, still smiling. "Why wouldn't I be ready for this? It's our six month anniversary!" He held your hand as the both of you walked in the crowded streets of Shinjuku. There was a Nana themed coffee shop and Chifuyu wanted to take you.

You were curious now, so you finally plucked up the courage. "Hey, Fuyu?"

"Hmm?"

"How come you're always happy around me?"

Chifuyu looked at you, stunned. "Why wouldn't I be happy around the love of my life?"

"Well..." You cleared your throat. "I dunno. I just have that nagging feeling."

Chifuyu had a blank expression on his face before leaning to kiss your nose. Your face turns bright red at the action, and the blond only smiles sweetly. "I love you too much. Seeing you everyday was a blessing already. And dating you? That was probably the best miracle I could ever ask."

[rametarin]

Doomsday preppers bore me.

Speaking a little bit about my background again.

So. It's 1995-96. I'm 11-12 years old. Parents divorced, we've since moved from where we started into a trailer so I can go to school in a new town, because the old one had a teacher that was an immovable object and destroying my mental health. Mom would either have needed to stop being an utter cunt and bringing her stress home with her to take it out on me, or my teacher would have to, and rather than just stop being a cunt at me, she chose to put me in a different school in a different town.

So we moved in with my 40-something dad after my parents divorced. She was a raging bitch again, dictating things she had no right dictating, starting screaming matches over control issues and just generally causing problems and dilemmas so no one could have any peace unless they were submitting to her and giving her attention. Just privileged (the real definition, not the sociology major one) white woman shit, knowing the law at the time would stan for her no matter how much of a raging cunt she was to everyone and everything. Any excuse to kick a man out of his own home was a good excuse, and everybody knew it.

It got so bad my father took on an obscene financial burden just to buy a house down the street and stick us in it so he'd have his space back. Since mom was hellbent on getting every dollar from him and lording ownership of his property over him while both of us, his kids, were under 18.

By 1996, she had really fallen off the deep end and was being a belligerent and aggressive bitch to everyone and everything for no reason other than they weren't doing exactly as she wanted, immediately when she wanted it. Failure to do that meant she was going to just make your life miserable as a pasttime, since women do not reap physical consequences for these actions without triggering other women's "THAT COULD BE ME! I CAN'T TOLERATE THAT HAPPENING TO ANOTHER WOMAN! SHE'S A MOOOOMM!!!" response.

She started writing down her delusions in a lined notebook. She's always believed she was some sort of psychic/sensitive spiritualist. She identifies as a Christian and sees "the occult" as bad, but she believes herself to be holyer-than-thou and thus, her self-aggrandizing brand of pseudo-spirituality is centered around receiving divine prophecy. Any stupid thing she imagines, she believes is going to happen and continues to look for it. Anything she did not personally imagine, she discredits as impossible, because she didn't foresee it.

So you can have the flu and she won't give a shit and consider you exaggerating your pain and distress, but if she "prophesices" you're going be ill, she ignores how you actually feel and projects her delusions of how sick you're going to be onto you. Just, antagonize you to try and get you to play out how she imagines reality working. It's like being aggressively Live Action Roleplayed at and being stuck in that awkward moment where you won't do what she imagined is true.

It's a kind of narcissism where she's both acting as well as deluding herself to try and convince herself and those around her of her preferred way of seeing the world. She AGGRESSIVELY tries to gaslight reality itself. That level of audaciousness and pride is just, 10/10 asshole. And it's exposure to this raging, consequence-free, insulated piece of shit that has forced me to intolerance when dealing with them. Because like any petty dictator, you can be as deluded and egotistical as you want so long as you make OTHER PEOPLE die or suffer for your delusions. She sacrificed my health, safety and future by forcing my participation in her delusions as a consequence of living around and with her, so whenever she faced setbacks, she demanded I somehow MAKE her delusions work, or not only did I get punished by the consequences of her disgusting decisions independent of her response to it, but I was given the blame for them when they failed. Like it was my ass that filled the room with canned food until the cheap plastic shelves collapsed.

So anyway. By 1997, she had a raging "I'm just, like, psychic, y'know?" boner of self-importance, and she looked around to find literature that'd compliment and play along with her delusions. She was depressed, and the only reason she wasn't suicidal was because she was too prideful to die while we, he kids, were still young and dependent. But, she was miserable. Independent of anything else, she wanted a situation where she could die but be utterly blameless for it.

In fact, she wanted to go to heaven but it be God's will, but god wasn't cooperating. Outside a few panic attacks, she was fit as a fat flabby fiddle. Dispirited, she started diving into literature that confirmed her bias and found a culture of similar doomer-boomers online, from similar backgrounds and attitudes. She found the world of Christian online rapturism.

Now, when one imagines these, they imagine a very top-down hierarchy of cultists preaching to ignorant, receptive, submissive sheep about bible scripture and what for sure is going to happen. This is not true. Each person in that room that is not the preacher has certain expectations for them to confirm their bias and say what they want said, and the preachers that would be popular have to read the room to figure out their bend, biases and what they want, in order to affirm the bias. They are only giving these supposed preachers the power over them to fit that role. If the preacher starts dictating things they don't believe, they lose their top-from-the-bottom narcsisstic flock and wind up followerless. They aren't all a bunch of Pentacostal tongue speakers babbling nonsense or Catholics LARPing demon exorcisms.

So she joined these 'prepper' forums where boomerdoomers talk about how the end for sure is coming you gais, it's prophesized in dur by-bull.

The number of nights I had to listen to this stupid bitch moaning and diatribing to herself about "the mark of the beast" being an ID chip for some dystopian cyberpunk world, and microchips in milk and other stupid shit, were far too many. Chemtrails being poison by some nebulous government agency poisoning the air (JUST FUCKING WAKES OF PLANES YOU DUMB CUNT) and, just, an endless cavalcade of confirmation biases for her delusions. And every single one gave her the confidence to fake it until she made it about The Rapture being right around the corner.

The truth was, I think, she hated the idea of "being used" by us, her kids. Me, in particular. We'd finally gotten stable to where, as a nurse, she was pulling in between 65 to 70K a year in 1990s money. She wasn't paying rent or a mortgage, because the house we lived in was owned by my father, they were divorced, and him paying the mortgage was basically like child support since it meant she didn't have to pay rent to live anywhere. That was easily $1,200 a month in savings.

So how did this selfish cunt spend the savings? Was it on securing new cars to get from A to B? Was it on college educations for us, her kids? School supplies? A second car, so I'd be able to get to and from a job in order to make my own money?

No. She blew what savings that would've come from that out of her disgusting cottage cheese ass on frivolous feel-goods. Going out to the movies every weekend, buying movies, buying junk food, driving around waaaaay more miles than was good for the car, paying automotive bills from using the car too much, throwing fistfuls of money to lord how she was "the good sister" and a martyr and oh how her sisters abused her generosity, at all her sisters.

And she expected ME to get a job, put a car in her name, buy the car, have absolutely no control over where I could go with it, no right to drive it without her explicit direction and permission, but all responsibility to take care of it from maintenance to gas money (and she loves to just ride around in circles for no other reason than to wastegas.) And wanted all my future minimum wage dollars to go towards paying her bills..

So she could, again, blow more of her own money out of her ass. Which she patted herself on the back for by taking the initiative and spending, whether we wanted her to or not, to then wail and scream about how we "owed her" and she'd expect us to fork over our income when we were making any.

So from 1997 to 2002, conveniently from the time I went from 13-18, this world class cunt became the most insufferable, entitled, antagonistic, greedy bitch in the world. Every minute of the day had to be about her, every dollar had to be about her delusions, every inch of space in the house was taken up by her spending exorbinant amounts of money on canned foods and powdered milk and other nonsense until just moving through the house was an episode of Hoarders.

No matter how much I might say, "We HAVE NO MORE FUCKING ROOM!" She'd just buy more because, "IT WAS ON SAAAAAALE. MAKE ROOM!!" and make it my responsibility to Tetris-block rearrange her shit so we could fit more into the way too small house.

It wasn't bad enough that she was keeping us poor as fuck by only investing in her delusional, "seven years of tribulations and strife" food, preceding the rapture. But that she filled the house with her shit, and forced me to participate in moving it around. Forcing other people to normalize your delusions is a power move intended to dominate and control the environment and setting in which other people live. It's a way to try and impose reality onto them by forcing them to interact with it on your terms.

I couldn't have any social life, money to go with other people, or even build my own future, because this disgusting cunt wanted to LARP out some fantasy that god would swoop down, alleviate her need to kill herself to escape reality, and bring her up to heaven while everybody she disagreed with burned in hell beneath her. But I didn't want to surrender to the state and just become homeless.

I wanted her to snap the fuck out of it. I thought she was just a proud moron, not rotten to her core evil. I know better now, but I will never, ever give anyone the benefit of the doubt like this again. You show me who you really are once, I'll believe you, even after you claim to change. Because the reality she was going to be not just worthless but a detriment to my life was too cold and horrible to imagine for teenaged me. The reality was worse than I ever could've imagined.

She never got better. Even after her date of 2000 new years when the rapture was supposed to happen, the world didn't end. Nor did it happen on new years 2001. So we go into 2001, and she's still talking about "any day now." Since she married herself to the idea Jesus was going to beam us up and there was no reason to invest in the future because God made sure heaven was going to be our future.

I was going to turn 18 in summer of 2002. I figured she'd see that she'd been foolish and just went through a rough spell, mentally, and would recover.

And then fall 2001, 9/11 happened. She got back on her bullshit and being irrational and unreasonable. With added bigotry towards Islam above and beyond the antipathy that Islamototalitarianism deserves.

Then that stupid murmuring of prophecy shit caught in her dumbass Doomsday prepper online forums, and 2012 became the next big date of global catastrophe. Which, surprise surprise to people in 2024, was another great big fat fucking nothingburger.

I have no patience or tolerance for doomerboomers. I know exactly what you are. It's ugly, it's selfish, it's ignorant, it's mentally diseased and it belongs in a god damned nuthouse.

The only reason I didn't try to have the stupid bitch committed was she was just functional enough to provide a bit of money for my grandparents (her parents) to keep them out of complete poverty.

Well. Both my grandparents are dead, now. And all her sisters and brothers (my aunts and uncles) are despicable, selfish, delusional assholes that I wouldn't piss on to put them out if they were on fire. She's no less psychotic and insufferable now than in the 00s. Less so, even. I lose nothing and hurt no one if telling the police about her would get her put on the funny farm.

Anyway. Yeah, the eclipse brought out people like her in droves, and it made me angry.

[rainydawgradioblog]

a covidsation with august

Max Moore is a Vashon Island based artist, who just released stunningly ethereal album called Trust under the moniker August. Check it out-- ya won’t regret it! Thank you so much to Max for taking time to answer these questions and providing wonderful insight on this crisis and how we can all support each other!

Lola Gil: Tell me about your project. How long have you been making music (as August, or otherwise)? Which artists are you most inspired by? How would you describe your sound?

Max Moore: i started making music under the name august only this year ! for a long time i have been searching for a project and creative space that felt both personal and truthful, it just happened to all come together with the release of my ep, trust, in february ! i have released music under many other names over the years as i experimented and dipped my toes into different sounds and styles, my first releases on the internet were from when i was like, 12 !!! as far as musical heroes, the list is long but at the top would be arthur russell, bjork, brian wilson, arca, nick drake, sophie, elliott smith, autechre, harry nilsson, burial ... i really could go on forever. i think a lot of people try to hide their true influences but i feel there is something sexy about putting it all out there and referencing them as would an author, filmmaker, painter etc. my "sound" these days seems to be quite amorphous, it really is shifting from minute to minute. i would like to think it would sound like some amalgamation of the artists i listed earlier but it's hard for me to tell. 

LG: How long was the process of making and producing your most recent album, Trust? How do you feel now that it’s out? Are you planning on releasing any new music soon?

MM: the process was looooong, like really long. i didn't release any music "seriously" for 3 or 4 years ! trust came out of a sudden, brief moment of clarity and surrender, as cheesy as that sounds. i was able to overcome a lot of the blockages i face in my creative process and just assemble this thing, and it just fell together ! i had all of these bits and pieces and sketches and ideas that never fully developed into anything, so i decided to compile them into one continuous piece of music. i was really into this idea of sonic miniatures or vignettes, short and sweet but with a depth that's only barely touched upon before moving on to the next. it was so incredibly therapeutic and wonderful to put it out into the world, so much support from friends and peers all around me. for now i'm still incubating but am hoping to see new music taking form this year :)

LG: As an artist, how have you been affected by COVID-19? You mentioned you had a handful of shows cancelled-- what has your experience been/what are your thoughts towards live streaming?

MM: like many artists in the community, i had a good handful of shows, contracted work, etc. canceled as a result of the virus. i am lucky enough to be in a position currently where i did not have to take a significant financial hit due to this (i work a day job at a record store & cafe) but i know many artists who now are struggling to make rent and stay safe through this pandemic. i think live streaming is a beautiful and special way for artists to connect with fans, especially in a time like this ! but there are so many aspects to a real, alive, performance that just can't exist in that digital space. for example, making friends and connections, selling merch, interacting face to face with fans, etc. though there is something beautiful about people from around the world being able to tune in to a livestream and make song requests, leave a nice comment, confess their love lol

LG: Apart from August, have you been involved in any other creative projects recently?

MM: recently i have been moving into more sound design work ! i was recording and mixing sounds for a play that was to run in june i believe, which just today was postponed until next year. that was my first *official* sound design job, i was really looking forward to it :(

LG: How have you been personally affected by COVID? What has your quarantine experience been like so far? 

MM: aside from being out of work, and not being able to connect with friends, i feel very privileged as i am with my family, in my home. i have had a lot of time to do things that normally i am barely able to squeeze into my day like journaling, going for walks, extensive music writing sessions, playing video games. i think a lot of us are facing serious anxiety and depression right now, so i am really prioritizing my mental health, and making sure my friends and family are well. also, this new animal crossing game really could not have come at a better time, i don't know where i would be right now without it to be honest. 

LG: What music have you been listening to recently? What has been your go-to quarantine album/song?

MM: in any times of crisis, confusion, sadness, happiness, really in any time at all i always turn to the same album: arthur russell's 'world of echo'. to me it is the perfect record, i aspire to make music that makes me feel the way that album does. it is a great listen if you need some time to reflect, or need something reflected back at you ! another favorite right now is bo en, he's done some incredible video game soundtracks (i'm playing through one right now called 'pikuniku', soooo sweet) and just has the most brilliant ideas. ooo and alice coltrane !!! special music only right now.

LG: Were there any spring shows that you were particularly looking forward to that got cancelled?

MM: i have been waiting to see arca in seattle since i was a sophomore in high school, and she announced a tour only a few weeks before all of this went down ! hopefully there will be a rescheduled date that i will be able to attend ... fingers crossed

LG: How do you think the Seattle/greater Seattle area music scene is going to shift post-COVID?

MM: i think coming out of this time we will see an enormous influx of events as we all recognize how special and necessary these sorts of things are. i know i will be so grateful to be able to run around and dance and meet up with friends, all of that good stuff. i am hoping that we will not forget these times though and can sustain that excitement, we really will need it moving forward. there will be many more bumps in the road and we need to be prepared (as a community) to address them together !!!

LG: In this era of social distancing, how do you think artists can support each other during these weird and difficult times? How do you think social media is facilitating and/or inhibiting connection within Seattle’s creative community?

MM: luckily thanks to the internet there are SO many ways to support our artist friends, if anybody is unsure of how to do so please reach out to me or any other artist, they will be so happy you asked ! whenever i can i try to purchase merch, support on websites like bandcamp where money goes (for the most part) directly to artists, and promote + support bipoc, trans, & queer artists. it never hurts to reach out, connection is so important to sustain any way possible right now. i think social media can be dangerous as far as connection goes, but right now i am seeing a lot of openness and offering of resources as we all wake up every day into the reality that there is this crazy virus taking over !!!!!! the internet and technology are completely shifting the direction of art and community, in some good ways and in some bad ways. we need to remember that social media is a tool and a resource firstly, and also that the people who designed these apps we use purposefully made them addicting, mostly through analyzing our own data and habits ! my hope is that as our brains gradually begin to adjust to these new devices and systems, we can let go of some of the isolation and anxiety that they bring up in us.

-Lola Gil

[leelee10898]

A closer look: Alicia & Maxwell

This is from the cgw universe(Cordonians gone wild) a collaborative effort by @ao719 @speedyoperarascalparty @cocomaxley @riseandshinelittleblossom and myself. Catch up on our other crazy adventures here

We asked, you picked. Here is a closer look at Alicia and Maxwells friendship.

Alicia stood in front of the massive Christmas tree in the foyer of the Palace surrounded by their friends. This was the first Christmas with the new king and Queen and with that came new traditions. Since deciding to stay in Cordonia, Anitah thought it would be a good idea for Alicia to get involved in a charity. Although no title, the buzz about the woman who did the unthinkable, and got the playboy prince to commit drew a lot of attention.  Alicia chose helpful hearts, an organization that helped families who struggled financially. Speaking to Anitah and liam she got permission to use the grand entryway tree as an angel tree. Liam and anitah hosted a Charity ball in honor of the organization and as also have each family in attendance chose a child from the tree, and provide presents.

“This was a huge success love.” She grinned as she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her.  “I know, it's so great we have raised a lot of money. Did you pick a child from the tree?” she turned facing him. “I did. I almost had to fight lord Davis for one, he picked 6.” “Well, I'm glad people are embracing this. There will be a lot of happy children on Christmas morning.” Leo placed a soft kiss on her lips. “Speaking of Christmas gifts. You still have not given me any ideas my prince.”

Leo shook his head “That's because I've got all I need in my arms. As long as you're mine, that's all I need.” “Leo, im serious.” He smirked as he walked over to speak with Regina.

“This is so awesome Alicia.  I am excited to buy presents for these kids.” Maxwell grinned holding a handful of papers. “Maxwell, how many families did you pick?” Maxwell pursed his lips “ahhh 8.” He silently counted the slips in his hand. “Yup, 8.”

“Maxwell, that is just. Please don't ever change ok.” She pulled him into a hug. “Oh, thank you Alicia. I won't, don't worry.” She sank down into a nearby chair, letting out a sigh. “Whats wrong?” he asked. “It's just, Its Leo.” she sighed. “leo? What's wrong with Leo? I thought you guys were doing really good.” He sat, concerned. “Oh, we are. It's just. It's Christmas, our first Christmas together.  It's Also six months since we made things official. He is so amazing, and I just want to get him something really nice.” Maxwell grinned “oh. Your six monthaversary? That's awesome. Hey, how about if we go shopping together. We can shop for the kids, and i can help you find the perfect present for leo.” Alicia perked up “really Max? You would help me?” “Of course, Leo is my best bud.” “Oh thank you so much Maxwell, I can't wait.” She threw her arms around him squeezing him tight.  “It's going to be so much fun. It will also give us some time to get to know each other more.”

A few days later. The tinted SUV pulled up in front of the Ramsford estate. A ginning Maxwell came running out. “oooh I can't wait.” he squealed making Alicia giggle. “So I have narrowed it down to a few ideas. Do you think you could store a puppy for me until Christmas? Bertrand wont let me bring any more animals into the house.” He pouted. “oh, ah. I think they are looking for um, presents that are not alive.  Maybe a stuffed dog instead?” Maxwell made an o shape with his mouth “Good call. Ok then a huge stuffed dog then.” Alicia shook her head and smiled.

They pulled up to the mall and walked in. “So what do you think Leo would like?” Alicia asked Maxwell, who's eyes immediately found the toy store. “A motorcycle.” He grinned.  “He has 5. And I don't have motorcycle money.” she chuckled. “Well, i'm sure we will find something. Can't we, um.” Maxwells eyes kept darting towards the toy store. “Lets go.” she motioned towards the store. “ok, one little girl wants a Tiffany doll. But they are sold out everywhere.” Maxwell pouted. “well it doesn't hurt to look or ask.” Alicia walked up to a sale associate “Excuse me miss, I know this may be a long shot but do you happen to have any Tiffany dolls in stock?” The cashier sighed “we haven't been able to keep them in stock, but, we did just get a shipment in. Can you check back in about 2 hours? They are unloading the truck as we speak.” Alicia nodded and they left.

They headed into a leather store “Do you think Leo would like a new Leather Jacket? He always wears the same brown one.” Alicia asked. “Maybe, but what about these?” Maxwell held up a pair of leather riding gloves.  “Oh those are nice, they even customize them. I could have LJR put on them. ” Alicia admired the gloves. “Done, i'll handle the forms, you go look and see if anything else catches your eye.” Maxwell waved her off.

The next store they went into was a novelty store. Maxwell held up a blow up doll “Maybe he would like one of these, this one looks like you. He could snuggle it whenever you arent home. Or is it a pool float?” Alicia's eyes went wide. “Ahh max, i um, that's not. You know what, were just gonna put that back.” He shrugged walking away. As Alicia browsed she noticed Maxwell pulling out his phone, smiling at the screen and then shoving it back into his pocket. Maxwell put a few things into her basket, insisting Leo would love them. They checked out, and again Maxwell was on his phone Texting.

They walked around the mall stopping at a few kiosk in the center. “Leo is lucky to have you, he seems like the perfect guy.” Maxwell grinned. “He is great. But he has flaws too Max. We all do.” “Maverick? No way, I don't believe it. Like what then.”

Alicia shook her head “Trust me, he does. Like hes a stress farter.” Maxwell stopped immediately “A what?” “He farts, when He's stressed out. The only thing that helps it is Sex.” Maxwell's eyes went wide. “No way!” “I swear to god. He has such a high sex drive as it is, why do you think we have so much sex?” Alicia giggled. “I just thought you two couldn't keep your hands off each other.”He shrugged. “Well we can't but, that's one of the reasons. God please don't tell anyone,  he would kill me.” maxwell held up his hand “Beaumont promise.”

“so why do you call him Maverick?” they continued walking. “Oh um. When we were younger Leo and Bertrand were really into top gun. They let Liam and i watch it with them once. And Maverick was so cool with his leather Jacket and aviators. Just like Leo. So that's what I started calling him.”

“wait a minute,  are you saying Leo wore a leather jacket even back then?” Maxwell shook his head “Yup. Leo was the definition of cool. Everyone wanted to be him, and all the girls wanted him. And even with the attention and popularity he always made time for me. He was like the cool older brother Bertrand never was.” “Awe Max. That is so sweet, and so cheesy. Now I know why Leo has such a big head.” she laughed. Maxwell pulled out his phone again, typing and smiling before putting it back.

They sat down to get some lunch in the food court. “This is great. Bertrand never lets me eat food court food. I love cheese burgers and fries.” He said with a smile. “Maxwell, who have you been texting?” She eyed him as he typed again. “Oh um. Well.” he rubbed the back of his neck. “You remember Drakes cousin Stephanie?” Alicia nodded “The cute little redhead that you couldn't take your eyes off of all night?” she grinned. “Yeah, well we um, we have been talking for a while.” he took a huge bite out of his burger. “oh, that is so cute Maxwell. So, you like her?” she pushed. “Yeah, she's  great. But she's in Texas, and well i'm here.” He frowned. “Do you think she likes you too?” maxwell contemplated her words for a minute “yeah.. i think so. But, like I Said, the distance thing.” Alicia flashed him a smirk “if its love, it'll find a way.” Maxwell grinned “You know, you can tell you and Leo are together.”

“Why do you say that?” “Because you just gave me the same smirk he gives.” Alicia's hand slapped her forehead shit.

It was finally time to head back to the toy store. They walked in finding the same clerk they spoke to earlier. “Oh thank god, I was able to hold one, but they didn't last a minute.” she held up the box. Suddenly a woman came from out of nowhere snatching the doll from the clerks hands. “Thanks.” she grinned beginning to walk away. “HEY.” Maxwell hollerd, the woman rolled her eyes. “No the fuck she didn't. Maxwell, wait here.” Alicia took off towards the woman. “Excuse me.” She called out trying to get the woman's attention “EXCUSE ME.” the woman turned around. “That doll is my friends.” the woman rolled her eyes again. “Well, i'm the one who has it, so looks like its mine.” she smirked. “Yes because you snatched it out of the the clerks hands, now I'd like the back please.”

“You snooze you lose, im keeping it.” The woman turned around to leave,  Alicia grabbed her arm “Maybe you didn't hear me the first time, give me the doll back.”

“I heard you, I'm not giving it to you. Get your hand off me you trashy bitch.” Alicia's eyes went wide. “Oh no you didn't. I tried to be nice, I tried to do this the civil way but..” Alicia started taking off her earrings. “Look here bitch, you got 2 options. 1, you give me the doll back and be on your way. Or 2, I whoop your fucking ass and take the doll back. Your choice.” she jumped shaking her head and arms. “Think fast, because where i'm from we don't give much time to think”

The woman stammered “I'll call security.”

“Go ahead, I promise you nothing will happen to me. But I'll still enjoy beating your ass.”

“wait a minute, you're. You're that American, the one Prince Leo is dating.”

“You know, you can never really be sure. Tick tock lady.”

“You're crazy. Here, take it.” She tossed the doll at Alicia and hurried out of the store.

Alicia returned to Maxwell and handed him the doll. “That was, awesome Tiger Lily.”

“Tiger lily?”

“Yeah, I like flowers. Your feisty so, its fitting.”

Alicia shrugged her shoulders “Sounds good to me. Now let's get these presents for the kids.”

Maxwell and Alicia made their way back to the leather store to pick up the gloves. Alicia ran to get them smoothies while maxwell ran in to get the gloves. He approached Alicia a large grin on his face. “they turn out good?” she asked taking a seat on the bench. Maxwell nodded his head “Yup, take a look.” He opened the box, Alicia's eyes went wide, she spilt her drink out and coughed.  “Ma. Maxwell. Why. Why do they say Big Daddy on them? I told you to put Leos initials.” she wiped her mouth. “I thought this would be nicer, I heard you call him that a few times.” her face reddened at the realization Maxwell had definitely heard them having sex a time or two. “Oh god. Um thanks Maxwell, im ah, sure Leos going to get a kick out of these.”

After dropping Maxwell off Alicia returned to the Palace. She entered her and Leos Quarters and attempted to hide his presents. She left the bags for the adopt a family on the bed. “Hey baby, how was shopping with Max today?”  “Oh it was, eventful, but fun.” She stuffed the last bag into the closet. “This all the stuff for the kids.” Leo began looking in the bags. “Ah yup, I just need to take it with me tomorrow.”

“What's this?” Leo picked up a box that was under one of the bags. “The leather shop?” he started to open the box “no leo don't.” She dove for the box but it was to late.  “Oh, leather riding gloves these are Ni-” He stopped mid sentence, that sly smirk spread across his face. “Big daddy?” Alicia's face reddened “I told Maxwell to have them put your initials, but um, he thought my nickname for you was a nice touch.” “But that's not your nickname for, oooooh.” the realization set in Leo started to chuckle “Apparently we are um, a bit loud when we have sex.” Alicia giggled.

A few days later Alicia, Anitah and Genevieve met up for lunch. Pam had plans extra appointments, so she said she would see them later at her house. “How was shopping with Maxwell?” Genevieve asked. “oh it was good,  lots of fun.” Alicia picked up a breadstick. “oh she had fun alright. She almost got into a rumble with some lady over a doll.” Anitah giggled. “A fight? Oh I wish I was there.” Gen grinned. “It was for the children.” she tossed the breadstick at Anitah. “Maxwell is a really sweet,  kind and caring guy. Anitah you know first hand how above and beyond he goes for his friends.” Anitah nodded in agreement. “I learned that our Maxwell has a crush. And I have an idea.” The girls both grinned and scooted forward. “Ok, how about…."

Read what the squad did for Maxwell HERE

Tags: @greyeyedsmile14 @mind-reader1  @hopefulmoonobject @alicars @bella-ca @blznbaby @blackwidow2721 @simsvetements @furiousherringoperatortoad @choicesfannatalie @crookedslimecreatorpasta @coldcollectornight08 @museofbooks @syltti78 @itsstillnotwhatyouthink @gardeningourmet

@annekebbphotography @carabeth @moneyfordiamonds @give-me-ernest-sinclaire @3pawandme @indiacater @ooo-barff-ooo @ownworldresident @tornbetween2loves @perfectprofessorherokid @stopforamoment @editboutique @wannabemc2 @zaffrenotes @enmchoices @lauradowning29 @lodberg @smalltalk88 @gibbles82 @heatherfilliez @nikkis1983 @sweetest-marbear @classylady1234 @daniv2278 @jared2612 @liamxs-world @notoriouscs @blubutterflyy @captain-kingliamsqueen @drakesensworld

[existentialstatesofmind]

Moving In

Clare: shuddered when Drew got to the part about the ferret bringing him and Audra a mouse as a gift. “It’s great that they can sense whether or not the filthy thing is diseased. I’m not sure if cats can make that distinction? But ew. I would die if any pet came to me with a rodent in it’s mouth. If we ever get one, I hope it can sense that too and just kindly take it outside to dispose of. Did I tell you that I’ve never actually had a pet? Mom wouldn’t let us have one even though no one in my family has animal dander allergies or anything. I thought about getting a cat or a dog when I got my own house but I decided it wouldn’t be fair because I was at work all day and it would be alone most of the time.” Clare watched Drew describe the squirrels up in the attic. She chuckled picturing him banging on the walls and jumping on the roof. She shook her head. “Okay I guess there’s nothing to worry about. If the squirrels don’t bother us, there’s no reason to disturb their winter home. I’m just relieved nothing else is up there! But I still want to take a look around the attic sometime.” Clare smiled at her boyfriend. “Uh-huh. You were holding out on me on purpose. Don’t worry, I’ll only come for visits in your man cave. After all it’s not like I want to hang out down there and play video games. I would hope not. That’s kind of how living together works.” Once the lingering kiss came to an end, Clare added. “Besides I plan on turning one of the empty rooms on this floor into an office/library for me. That’s only fair right? You can come visit me too whenever you want.” She was sure this would feel like their home in no time and not just Drew’s. “Fuck.” Clare whispered groaning a little as she looked at the picture of Drew with facial hair. “You look hot, baby. I knew it.” She giggled. “There is no look you can’t pull off. How come you don’t look scruffy at all?” She smirked at Drew. “Good because I want a copy of this with just you.” Clare wasn’t jealous of the girl in the photo though. Allison was pretty but it wasn’t like Drew was going to go looking for her. She kissed Drew lovingly again. “You’ll still be handsome when we’re old, Mr. Clause. I’d love to give kids something to believe in. It’ll work to some degree whether or not they really believe you’re really Santa. They can at least count on us to show them a couple can stay happily married.” Clare giggled. “Once we actually are husband and wife that is.” She looked at Drew. “I just thought you’d need more time to focus on the restaurant. I knew it was running smoothly but you’ve been so busy. You were the one who said it would be best to wait two or three years before we started trying.” Clare reminded him. “I agreed because I’m not emotionally prepared right now.” She explained. “Even if you can take of us and a baby financially, I still have to feel like I’m contributing. My job isn’t secure enough and I can’t be worried about it or anything else when I’m pregnant. Stress is bad for the baby. However, it‘s not like we are getting married tomorrow. I probably will be ready by then. I do want to have a baby with you. That‘s why I was asking. I was hoping you were okay with it happening a little sooner. Leaving it up to fate is more than fine with me. I‘ll stop taking the pill after we get married.” Clare had paid attention when Drew pointed out the safe and she was glad he was putting up money just in case. But she didn’t ask any questions about it. Clare would rather put it out of her mind for now because it reminded her of robbers. “You’re right. I do. My boss thinks I’m overworked because I didn’t tell him what was going on. All he knows is I’m falling asleep at my desk and handing in the wrong articles.” Clare stated with a frown. “I was never asked to work late. I’m the one who puts the pressure on myself. I’ve been trying to convince my boss to give me my own column. I was determined to prove to my family that I could live in that house by myself and make it on my own. Instead of confiding in you sooner, I waited until all this pressure has built up inside me and I’m about to explore. All because I don’t want to be a failure.” Clare reached for Drew’s offered hand and got to her feet. “Okay Drew, I’m ready to go down there.” She leaned up to peck his lips. “I love you. Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.”

Drew: listened to Clare mention pets and looked at her. "We can get a pet if you want. Any kind you want, just not cats simply because they can't determine if a rat has a disease and the last thing we need is our cat bringing a diseased rodent into the house especially if we have it when we have our baby." he stated and kissed her head. He knew that they were still going to wait for them to start working on their family, but not as long. "I wasn't really holding out on you, I mean I you weren't exactly living here and when you were over I just wanted to hold and cuddle you. Now that you're living here, you'll be here a lot more and at times here when I'm not so it's only fair if you know what's in all the rooms I know about and where they are." he assured and smiled at her when she mentioned a room of her own. "If you want, I can knock down a wall or you can have two rooms one office and one library. After all I have my man cave and it's pretty huge, you should have a pretty big room yourself or two." he agreed. "Though when we have a kid, he or she is getting their own playroom." he added. A soft chuckle fell from Drew's lips at Clare's reaction to seeing him with a lot of facial hair. "I think there are a few looks I can't pull off." he assured and thought to a few looks he's tried off in the past. "I don't look good with long hair, a friend put a wig on me of long black hair, it was thin like mine and trust me it didn't look good. As for not looking scruffy, I don't have an answer to that." he stated honestly and kissed her chastely. "It's yours, I'll get a friend to crop her out in Photoshop." he assured and listened to her calling him Mr. Clause as well as talking about them being married. "I can't wait. Though when I'm old, I might need Viagra." he smiled at her and listened to her mention his previous estimate about reproducing. "I thought it'd take me months for my restaurant to be up, but Jazz advertised it and I got a lot of people which was why I was busy plus the guy that Jazz sent whipped my guys into shape and I had my general manager hire someone and they did a great job at it. Not only that, but he called and asked if he can fire someone for trying to shop lift. I gave him permission and he's been doing great. No complaints, no missing money, no nothing." he stated. "It probably helped that my general manager was the general manager at a different restaurant that closed down. He knew what he was doing, but we had to teach him the menu and about my restaurant." he shrugged and listened to her mention not being stable enough for a baby. "We can still wait. I mean we do have time to have a baby." he assured and kissed her head. "I don't know when we're getting married and whenever that happens, we'll stop using protection and leave everything else to fate." he smiled and kissed her lovingly. "I love you and nothing's going to change that. I'm ready to have a baby when you are." he smiled at her and listened to her mention work, he didn't know that she was so stressed especially since she didn't seem stressed around him. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were that stressed. I would've cuddled with you more, spent more time relaxing and giving you massages to make you feel better." he cooed and licked his lips. "You should tell your boss everything that's been going on, from getting robbed to moving in. And you're not a failure." he stated. "Or told me how stressed you've been." he added and wrapped his arm around her waist as she got up. He hugged her when she thanked him feeling she'd need one and kissed her head. "That's what I'm here for." he assured and smiled down at her only to lead her to his man cave. When they got down there, Drew pulled Clare in close and kissed her for a few minutes, then lead her over to the couch and held her. "Do you want to christen this room or just relax and christen it another time?" he asked curiously.