#how to talk normally and make aquaintences' Difficult

[tvmblrsillyman]

in regards to last rb, Posts that made me realize i should consider into getting help

[teabooksandsweets]

All Creatures Great and Small

Facts, trivia and corrections of common misconceptions

As you probably know, I love James Herriot’s books and the BBC series All Creatures Great and Small. But reading posts online, from random comments on social media to actual newspaper articles, made me realise that not everything said about the books and especially the series is exactly correct, or at least not complete. And then of course, there’s also the usual questions askwed and answered (not always correctly) over and over again. So this post will address some of these things, simply because I care about it all.

James and Helen, Chris and Carol

The most common untruth spread about the series is that Christopher Timothy, who played James Herriot in the BBC series, left his first wife for an affair with Carol Drinkwater, who played Helen in the first three seasons, and that she was fired from the show because of it.

It was actually quite different. First of all: Carol was never fired! The show was cancelled after three seasons, as the books had finished at that time, and Carol returned for two following feature-lenght specials. It was only when, due to the books’ and the show’s popularity, Alf Wight (the real Herriot) decided to write new stories that the show was revived, and Carol, unhappy with a role that she liked but thought to limited, chose not to return.

As for the affair, that was different as well. There was a lot of bad press, especially for Carol, but Chris Timothy never left his wife for her. In fact, they didn’t even like each other at first: Carol had a mild crush on Robert Hardy, which she never pursued because he was married at the time, and didn’t get along with Christopher Timothy at all. Then, near the end of the first run of the show, they had to wait together in a car for a scene to begin filming, and they started to talk. His married had just ended at that time and he was very distraught, though he was not yet formally divorced, and she had just gone through a painful break up herself. They bonded over that, and got together. Chris was still married at that time, but seperated, and she was never the reason for his divorce. The press painted a different picture, one that is still spread nearly fourty years later, but it’s not true at all.

The Yorkshire farmers

Were all actors. People like to claim otherwise, but it is not true. Many people like to say that the farmers look too authentic to be played by actors, but that isn’t true. The actors were just very good at playing farmers, and not so famous as to be instantly recognised. Many were regional actors, from little theatres and comedy troupes, others were rather familiar, but not too well-known faces from television shows. They were not real farmers, they just did their work and did it well.

What about the vets?

The big question of the arms inside the cows. Did the actors really do the dirty work? Long story short: Yes.

But they didn’t do things on their own! No, no. The BBC hired to veterinarians, one for pets and studio scenes, one for farm animals and outdoor filming. The real vets trained the actors, helped them, and sometimes traded places with them for close ups on their hands. They even found sick animals to be treated for the filming, either by the actors under their guidance, or by themselves, depending on how difficult or serious the respective procedure and ailment were.

Some things, such as stitching wounds and helping with the calfing and lambing (the latter being rather normal for “country bumpkin” Robert Hardy, who was used to a lot of the work he had to do on screen) were done by the actors, including the (in)famous arms in the cows’ backsides. But never anything that could harm the animal! In fact, many animals were saved by the show, as the BBC paid for all treatments on set, which caused the real evts to take the pets of poor clients to the tv sets, even if they were never used for filming, and made the BBC pay the bills.

Fun fact, though: There’s a scene in which Peter Davison literally screams with his arm in a cow’s backside. That’s because his arm was tightly squeezed inside and he was in real pain. But don't worry, he got out alright, and the cow was okay too.

Science and progress

The illnesses and treatments were very accurate. People also like to claim otherwise, but that isn’t true. Many things, of course, are outdated now (and, ironically, many things that were seen outdated back then have become rather common again!) but the medical treatments are absolutely accurate for their time, and so is the portrayal of the scientific progress from the 30s to the 50s.

There are, of course, very individual cases, and unconventional treatments, but that happens if you base things on real life and memory, rather than textbooks. Those special cases are either things that really happened and worked a bit different than usual, or things that are very similar to real happenings (like real cases “blended” to make one fictional one, etc.) and not, in fact, pure invention. The books are, after all, written by a real vet, based on his own memory, and the show adopted all these cases very accurately.

Fact and fiction

Alf Wight still chose to make things up for his stories. Many details are changed from real life, such as changing Helen’s background very much from Joan’s and putting aquaintances from different decades into one setting. He also kept things from his perspective—things he didn’t know about his friends, were things he didn’t know, at least at that time, and that is how things stay.

Now the writers and actors of the show dug a bit deeper, and talked to Joan (Helen), the Sinclairs (the Farnons) and other people who play necessary parts. They added details that could give more depths to the stories, but also respected specific wishes for privacy, especially coming from Donald Sinclair.

Which brings me to:

What happened to Caroline?

Siegfried marries Caroline in the first Christmas special, but she is only mentioned (and sometimes briefly seen) in later episodes. Many people wonder if that means that their marriage ended or wasn’t good, but it’s very much different.

Caroline is based on Donald Sinclair’s real wife Audrey, whom he loved incredibly much. They had two children, which are also sometimes mentioned but never shown in the series. That is because Donald valued his privacy very much and wanted to protect his family from public attention.

Alf Wight first met Donald Sinclair as a young “bachelor” (actually widower, but he also kept that to himself) with many flings with pretty young women, and that’s how Siegfried was portrayed at first. But it couldn’t be kept like that always—it would have been silly for a middle-aged Robert Hardy to always invent visits to his mother to cover up various dates, and a character based on Donald, whose world revolved around his wife, could only be a bachelor in the very first few years of his acquaintance with Herriot. Donald Sinclair was unhappy with being shown dating various women, which he did before he married Audrey, even after three seasons, and he also didn’t want Audrey to be used for the show.

So it was decided that Siegfried were to have a wife, and children, and be very happily married in the later (initially unplanned) seasons, and that there were not to appear in television storylines. They lived off-screen, in their own big mansion, while Siegfried was working in Skeldale House. A woman-who-could-be-Caroline was sometimes seen when a partner was needed, and that’s it.

Donald’s first wife was never mentioned, also out of respect to his privacy, but Siegfried was portrayed to have a severe fear of loss and separation, and to cling very strongly to all his loved ones, as well as to have strong depressive and maniac episodes, which is said to be accurate to Donald Sinclair’s personality. This portrayal was, however, done very subtly.

Character and actor

Alf Wight said to Christopher Timothy that he was the Herriot that he wrote about. They got along very well, and Chris Timothy was considered the perfect actor for the part by him.

Donald Sinclair was, true to Siegfried’s character, always unhappy with the way he was portrayed, and the better and more accurate the portrayal got, the more dissatisfied got he. Robert Hardy was, according to people who knew Donald, absolutely perfect at playing him, and Donald himself was of a very different opinion. But he liked Robert very much, they became very close friends, and Robert actually worked as assistant in his surgery and sometimes their families lived together for filming and holiday periods. Both Alf Wight and Robert Hardy insisted that they “toned him down” while writing/playing him, even people who didn’t know him thought him “too much”.

Brian Sinclair was very happy about the way he was portrayed, and about the books and the show in general, and very relaxed about it all. He also really liked Peter Davison.

Joan was very critical of Carol Drinkwater at first, and thought she made her look like a tart, but warmed up to her later and talked well of her performance in retrospect.

The second girl to play Rosie Herriot, Alison Lewis, was friends with Rosie’s real-life daughter Emma. Rosie didn’t expect her to play the part, and was very surprised to see herself played by her daughter’s friend on tv!

Marjorie Warner, the inspiration for Mrs Pumphrey, was one of the first people to recognise herself on the page while reading the books, and was very happy about the way she was portrayed. It is, as far as I am informed, unknown whether she liked the tv series, but she was still alive when the first seasons were made.

As for the actors

It was Robert Hardy who made much of it all possible. His fame allowed the BBC to cast the relatively unknown Christopher Timothy in the lead role, which they first wanted to cast a famous actor for, and it was him who insisted on making Tristan a larger character, because he greatly enjoyed Peter Davison and set his mind on making the young man a star. He also threatened to leave the show if it were filmed anywhere but Yorkshire, and he also forced the BBC to treat the actors and animals better, and insisted on the necessary safety around the animals. After Chris Timothy’s accident, he insisted that he shouldn’t be re-cast and took up some of the work he couldn’t to, and made Peter and Carol do the same. That aside, he edited, revised and changed some of the scripts, and wrote some of his own scenes. When some younger writers messed up Siegfried in the later episodes, he largely took over himself.

Robert Hardy and Peter Davison actually grew extremely fond of each other. Robert insisted that Peter looked exactly like one of his brothers at that age, and he loved the way Peter tried to impersonate his mannerisms to make them feel more like a family.

Christie the whippet was Robert Hardy’s real dog, the other dogs belonged to producers and other crew members. Some sources claim that all dogs were his, but that isn’t true. SIegfried’s horses were usually actor-horses but he sometimes rode his own on screen.

Mary Hignett was the balancing force between the actors. Everyone loved and admired her, and whenever there was a bad mood between the others, she quickly got them all calm again, just as Mrs Hall used to do. Her sudden death shortly after the (original) end of the show was a great shock to all of them, and Mrs Hall died with her. She was greatly loved by everyone.

Margaretta Scott was also very respected and beloved. She always insisted on carrying the various dogs who played Tricki-Woo on set, and she would only have her make up done by the chief make up artist.

Robert Hardy’s was usually called Tim, as his real first name was Timothy, which he was also occassionally called, and which caused some confusion on the set.

Christopher Timothy had a car crash at the end of the filming of the first season, in which he broke his legs, which is the reason he walked on a stick and had a very stiff walk for some time.

Robert Hardy’s daughter Emma has a very serious riding accident before the filming of the first season, in which she was badly injured, and which made her father rather sensitive to the horse-related safety on set, and insist that everything must be done right and no risks taken. She fully recovered, and actually played the small part of Rosemary Brocklehurst in the series, thirteen years later.

Lynda Bellingham was pregnant during the filming of season five, which is the reason for the slipped disc storyline. Andrea Gibb, who played Deirdre, was also pregnant at that time, but her part was smaller and was simply away for some episodes, and wore some covering clothes.

[bloxdstained]

&.  inbar lavi : female : she/her : free by maria mena  —  It seems talia levy has been seen walking around Volterra. the 32/38# -year-old vampire has been in the city for over a year. Whispers in volterra says they’re part of the london coven. doesn’t paint covered hands, free spirited suggestions, the smell of lilacs remind you of them?   ⸢  penned by sirius : 29 : gmt+1 : pronouns: she/her

history ; 

talia came to England as a ten year old, sent to her aunt with her brother as their parents wanted a better life for them. 

moving from Cairo to the english country side of York was a huge adjustment though the time that the siblings spent there was fairly quiet and filled with scenic and idyllic nature. 

when her brother had just turned sixteen, talia thirteen at the time, their aunt died suddenly of a heart attack. the siblings scrambled, but ran rather than be caught up in social services. 

both worked very hard, talia’s brother making sure she could continue her education when they found places to settle down, but until he was nineteen and able to get a job, they moved around a lot. 

when her brother did land a steady job working construction, they settled down for longer at a time, but since the construction industry was a bit fickle in smaller towns, they kept spending times in large cities. 

talia was a very talented artist and used what money she could gather to buy charcoals, paint and canvases to express her art, which she would sell when she could. 

this was how she met her mate Bentley as he bought one of her pictures. they hung out a little after that, but were mere aquaintances until tragedy struck. at the time she and her brother lived in Barcelona, Spain. 

one night, talia woke to the sound of furniture breaking, rushing into the living room. there she found her brother being attacked. or that was what it looked like at first glance. he was being drained by a vampire. 

the creature saw talia and flashed its teeth at her, demon red eyes shining at her in the dark. but a neighbour had heard the commotion and called the police, which the vampire heard coming, so it fled. 

for a while after that, talia’s life spun out of control. she had just gotten her license as a professional tattoo artist, but her job prospects saw no light in the wake of her brothers death. 

she felt like she was going crazy as no one would believe something inhuman had killed her only family. which caused her to drink and try drugs. 

luckily for talia, bentley realized just how badly off she was after a drunken confession of it all and did his best to help her get back on her feet, back to normal. even if talia didn’t know what normal looked like anymore. 

though with his help she did manage to start looking forward and seeking help instead of spiraling too much further down. she went to grief counseling and AA, and the two of them grew closer. 

they remained close and at some point talia realized they were all but dating, no longer just friends. at that point she didn’t mind, despite being a little apprehensive due to a serious of toxic and bad relationships with men in her past. 

bentley proved to her that not all men are assholes, and that love was worth the risk. not to mention that he gave her life color and purpose again after such a monumental loss. 

had it not been for him, talia wouldn’t know where she would have ended up and she still finds herself thanking god and fate, all that is that he came into her life when he did. 

while the revelation that he was a vampire came as a small shock, she was too in love with him to allow it to break them apart, and relieved to hear that he felt the same way. 

while it took her some years, she came to the decision to ask him to turn her six years ago, ready to spend eternity with him and try to conquer vampirism. 

at first it was a real challenge, the bloodlust so strong coupled with her intense fear of killing anyone. but with time, and her mates help, she got better at it. 

now she only feeds when she really has to, unable to make a sport or game out of taking blood for sustenance. 

she joined her mates coven mostly because he asked her to consider it, as she’s fairly skeptical of other vampires still and unsure who to trust. 

she also came to volterra because Bentley wanted to. the mere thought of the original vampires scares her shitless, but he is the only one she’s expressed this too, not wanting to seem weak or easy to intimidate. 

talia works as a tattoo artist and owner of her own studio in volterra. she also sells her paintings to the galleries in town and frequently visits, loving to be surrounded by art. 

personality ; 

talia is someone who thinks of herself as a good person, and genuinely likes to give everyone she meets a chance. she’s open, kind and curious. 

her kindness and openness is also tied to her religion as a sunni muslim. she believes that allah loves all, and that to be a good person you have to see everyone you meet as equal and as people worth knowing. also growing up in a very set culture made her oh so curious about other cultures and she loves meeting new people with perspectives that differs from hers. 

because she is so open, she often ends up being a little naive, which can at times endanger her or put her in difficult situations. 

with vampires she is naturally skeptical, though this isn’t apparent until she knows for sure that they are indeed undead. until thats proven she is her talkative, curious and easygoing self. 

while she isn’t too fond of drinking or smoking to excess, she’s started to do so more with her mate whom she feels safe to do so with. the smoking more of a habit now that her lungs can’t be affected. 

talia has a free spirit, and isn’t fond of being constricted by the laws, views or common thoughts of society. its lead her to be quite adventurous, even more so as its something she and Bentley share. 

fun facts ; 

used to be a very good cook and even made bentley sick when cooking for him

was the type to hook up a lot without strings and considers her bedroom skills fairly decent. also loves to banter with people, even if its just for fun. 

has a few tattoos herself in very specific places 

can’t sing to save her life but is the type to walk around humming or sing in the shower 

used to have a very messy and scrappy wardrobe because she couldn’t afford clothes, but have since begun dressing pretty clean and modern. aka dress to impress. 

loves to paint abstract as well as realistic 

adores her mates cats and have suggested they get a female one too

drinks red wine but also vodka and rum, sometimes whiskey and bourbon. 

[jovialyouthmusic]

Two’s Company - Changes

A Royal Romance Polyamorous AU Fanfic

Lucy and Brad get to know each other all over again

Word Count  3697

A/N Definitely  NS*W No under 18s

5 Re-aquaintance

It was Drake who came in quietly, seeing her sitting by the mirror with red eyes. He went straight to her and wrapped her in his arms, and she laid her head on his chest

‘Lucy, I’m so sorry. I missed you so much but Brad…’

‘I know, it’s all a mess’ Lucy said, her voice breaking

‘Can you forgive me for what we – what I did?’ He drew back away from her, sitting on his haunches and gazing into her eyes. She looked down at her hands

‘I have to forgive you or we can’t move forward’ she said ‘I know you didn’t mean it with malice, you were in a difficult situation. I started it all with asking you to kiss each other - though I think something would have happened eventually. I was just the catalyst’

‘I still love you, Lucy’ he said ‘I can’t imagine us without you’

‘And Brad? How is he now he’s met me again?’ Drake took her hand and squeezed it.

‘Lucy, he may have feelings for me, but he’s falling in love with you all over again – I can see it in his eyes’ he smiled ‘He’s smitten, just like the time we met in New York’ Lucy laughed softly

‘Well that’s something.’ she said

‘How are you feeling?’ Drake asked ‘I hope Savvy gave you some good advice’

‘Sick every morning’ she replied ‘and yes, she told me to have ginger ale and dry crackers by the bed first thing. She says I’ll be extra emotional too but I can’t tell with what’s been going on.’  she looked at him again ‘Do you think Brad’s ready to hear about it? I can’t bear not telling him, even if he… you know, if his memory’s still not there’ Drake sighed

‘Perhaps. Tell you what, I’ll go and send him up, you can talk alone and I’ll wait. Call me in when you’re ready, and we’ll see if we think he can handle the news’

‘Yes that sounds good – but Drake…’ she caught at his hand as he started to get up ‘Give me another hug first’ She needed the comfort of touch, of his warmth and familiarity after their enforced separation. He turned back to her and they embraced, holding each other tight for a minute or two before he patted her on the back and left.

It was only a few moments later when Brad appeared, putting his head around the door cautiously, and entering, straightening himself up into his ‘regal’ pose, the one he used to impress people and pulling his clothes straight and wrinkle free. He smiled at her brightly

‘Lucy’ he started, as if her name was unfamiliar ‘My Queen’ he beamed as he came closer, his eyes fixed on her, taking her in from head to toe. ‘I can hardly believe it’ He knelt in front of her and looked up into her eyes ‘I hope my proposal was spectacular’

‘It was in front of the Statue of Liberty’ she replied ‘I took you there when we first met’ He looked sad

‘I hope to remember it, and soon.’ He took her hand as Drake had ‘Lucy, you are beautiful and if Drake loves you I’m sure you have all the qualities that attract my love too. I’m so sorry to be the one to make you sad. If I could go back and tell myself not to drive that time, I surely would’ Lucy nodded and blinked back the tears. She had cried enough.

‘You said you remembered the feel of me’ she said quietly

‘Yes, when you held me, it felt familiar, just like…’ he paused ‘I’m sorry, but just like being with Drake, it felt right – your softness, your scent, your shape.’

‘Well that’s a start’ she said ‘Perhaps we can build on that’ Brad lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it.

‘Indeed, but we should take things slowly’ Lucy’s heart broke a little, remembering how gentle he was in bed and missing his touch.

‘Call Drake in’ she said ‘I need to see both of you’ Brad got up and went to the door, motioning his friend in.

‘So how are we going forward?’ he asked as he and Brad sat side by side on the edge of the bed facing their wife. Lucy sighed

‘It’s difficult, but I’ve missed you both so much, I was hoping at least for us to start sharing a bed again, if Brad’s comfortable with it’

‘I think perhaps I could manage that – after all I shared with – I mean, I felt lonely on my own so company would be appreciated’ Lucy locked eyes with Drake and briefly stroked her belly. He softly nodded and she took a deep breath.

‘In that case, there’s something else you need to know.’ He looked at her expectantly ‘Brad, I’m pregnant – you’re going to be a father’ Brad’s eyes opened in shock and he leaned back a little as if he was off balance. His hand flew to his mouth

‘I – I’m what?’ he croaked ‘A father – we - when? Did you tell me already and I’d forgotten?’

‘No Brad, I found out just before you drove over, you didn't know. We were going to tell you when you arrived at Valtoria – but of course you never did’ Brad buried his face in his hands and sobbed. Drake put his hand on his back as he shook. It was a while before he could speak.

‘Oh God Lucy – how can you forgive me? You had that – that wonderful news and I ruined it all.’ Lucy went to him, kneeling in front of him as he had before.

‘It’s okay Brad, it was just bad luck. What happened, happened, and we can’t change it. What matters is that you’re alive and with us and you know now.’  Brad still shook with sobs for a little longer, then became quiet for a little while, all the time Drake resting his hand on his back and Lucy sitting waiting for him to calm down. Then something different happened – he started to laugh – just a gentle laugh, and then he spoke again

‘I’m going to be a father – we’re going to be a family. Lucy, I’ve always wanted a family – not just for Cordonia, for myself – for my partner. To create life – it’s such a privilege, such a blessing and a miracle.’ He smiled through his tears ‘I don’t know if I’ll ever get back my memories, but we’ll make new ones – all three of us – and eventually four and maybe more. I’m so happy’ He knelt on the ground with Lucy and threw his arms around her, hugging her tight, then motioned Drake to join them.

‘You’re part of all this too Drake, you’re married to Lucy too’ Drake smiled to see Brad so happy, and joined in the embrace until Lucy complained she was getting squashed. Brad stood and helped her up.

‘What does it feel like?’ he asked ‘Are you well? Can we do anything to help?’ Lucy laughed

‘I get sick in the mornings, so you’ll probably not be so happy we’re sharing a bed. It’s early days, I’m told I’ll be more emotional than usual, so I apologise in advance if I get cranky’ Brad looked at her belly and reached out.

‘May – may I touch you?’ he said

‘Of course Brad, there’s nothing to feel just yet, the baby’s very small, only just developing. I won’t show any signs for a few months yet.’

‘I know – but you’re growing a while person inside you – my son or daughter – the future King or Queen’ he said in awe. Softly, reverently he put his hand on her belly ‘In there’ he said quietly. He turned to Drake

‘What sort of arrangement have we made for children?’ he said ‘It doesn’t seem fair of you don’t have a chance to be a father too’ Drake put his hand on his friend’s shoulder.

‘We thought of that already, it’s all written down. First two children are yours, then it’s my turn if all goes well.’ Brad grinned

‘The heir and the spare’ he said with a laugh. Lucy cleared her throat

‘Boys, another side effect of being pregnant that sometimes – but not always – happens is an increase in libido.’  Drake raised his eyebrows, but Brad frowned slightly

‘But surely it can’t be good for the baby – having sex when you’re pregnant’ Lucy rolled her eyes and crossed her arms dramatically

‘I thought at least one of you wold think that, so I asked the doctor, who gave me a leaflet about myths in pregnancy – and that is almost top of the list. It’s totally safe, and carrying on having sex is actually beneficial for the mother.’ Brad looked sceptical

‘Sounds good to me’ said Drake, and Lucy felt things changing to something approaching normal. However, Brad looked bashful.

‘I – if I can’t remember ever having sex with you…’ he began ‘That – makes things a little awkward’ Drake scoffed

‘Oh I’m sure you’ll get back into the swing of things’ he said ‘Why don’t we just – take our clothes off and go to bed, and see what happens. If that’s okay with you, Luce…’

‘I – I’m not really sure’ he began, but Lucy was already hatching a plan. Despite all the emotional upset and Brad suggesting that they take things slowly she was ready to get back to normal with her husbands. It had been days since she’d had sex, and now Brad had met her again, she wanted to coax him into fulfilling his obligations.

‘Now then my King’ Lucy said, knowing that was a term that Brad liked her to use in the bedroom ‘You can live out a fantasy some men never get to – being seduced by a woman you don’t know’ He swallowed.

‘I – uh I suppose so. Can you – I mean we can try…’ Lucy looked back at Drake

‘Shall we show him, Duke Walker?’ she said, and he gave her a sly smile

‘If you say so, Duchess’ he replied, and took her by the shoulders and planted his lips firmly on hers for a passionate kiss. Brad’s eyes grew wide as he sat on the edge of the bed watching them. They parted, and Drake spun her round so she was facing Brad but still leaning into him. He took hold of the zipper at the back of Lucy’s summer dress and pulled it down so that it loosened and fell away from her curves. Her eyes rolled up and her eyelids fluttered as he nuzzled into her neck and pushed the dress off her shoulders to fall to the floor. She locked eyes with Brad as she stood in front of him in her underwear. He swallowed as Drake’s hand snaked around over her belly and down inside her panties. Her breath caught as Brad watched.

Lucy was beautiful, and watching his long time friend pleasuring her made him stiffen. She pressed herself back against him and turned her head to kiss him as his hand delved deeper, and Brad could almost feel for himself the soft warm wetness that Drake dove into. She turned her head toward him, eyes black with desire. Drake locked eyes with him too and he was unsure who to look back at, flicking his gaze from one to the other.

‘We know you’re thicker than most, and Lucy needs a little preparation’ he said ‘Are you okay with me doing this for you?’ Dry mouthed, Brad nodded, and Lucy writhed as Drake’s fingers moved under the thin fabric.

‘Do you want me, my King?’ she asked, her voice husky, and he tried to find his voice, forgetting that he had suggested they take things slow.

‘Yes, my Queen’ he croaked. She started to pull away from Drake, who took his fingers to his mouth to suck them, all the time looking at Brad. Lucy climbed onto the bed, knees either side of his thighs and started to unfasten his shirt buttons. He was sure that he would not have managed to stop his own hands from trembling had he tried to do it himself. She smelled of vanilla and roses with a hint of spice and if he closed his eyes, beautiful though she was, it felt familiar. She helped him take off his shirt and went to unbuckle his belt. He put his hands gently on hers

‘Slowly my Queen’ he murmured ‘I know you need this, but it feels like my first time with you’ She nodded

‘I have no problem taking my time your Majesty’ she replied ‘Just tell me what you want’ He looked back at her longingly

‘I want to see you naked’

‘Of course, anything you like’ She stood in front of him and Drake came up behind her to unfasten her bra, letting the straps slip off her shoulders as Brad stood to take off his trousers. She held the cups against her chest until he faced her, then let the garment drop to the floor, making eye contact and watching his gaze track down. His corners of his mouth twitched and he locked eyes with her before leaning down to take his briefs off. Drake mirrored his movement, hooking his fingers into Lucy’s panties and drawing them down as Brad dropped his. Brad stood in front of her, appraising, catching his breath at the sight of his newly discovered wife. He too stood naked and they looked each other up and down quietly before he stepped forward and drew her into his arms. She shivered at the touch of his bare skin, moulding her contours to his. Drake stood back, watching but allowing them time with each other, stripping down to his boxers unnoticed.

Brad closed his eyes and all became familiar. He remembered how she felt and he knew what she liked – how she loved to be touched softly with fingertips, palms, skin sliding over skin and how she would shiver and say his name softly. He could remember the look on Drake’s face as he made love to their wife and how he would reach across and touch Lucy as Brad penetrated her or simply watch them before taking his turn. He realised she was shaking, and tears wet his shoulder. He held her and softly crooned, comforting her. He still had no other memory of her - nothing visual, and couldn’t recall meeting her or any interaction beyond the physical.

After a while she grew quiet and drew back, gazing at him, her eyes damp, before pressing her soft lips to his, parting her teeth so his tongue could explore and twist with hers, and he felt the need in her as her body pressed to his. He responded easily, quickly growing hard against her belly, and her hand snaked down between them to curl around him. He groaned and felt her nipples harden against his chest. He pulled away a little so he could sit on the edge of the bed, her hand slipping away, and she stood looking down at him. He took her hand and pulled her down to sit on his lap and they went back to kissing, hands exploring each other.

Drake watched as Brad took hold of Lucy’s shoulders and guided her to lay down on the bed beside him, following her, laying her on her back and caressing her body – her belly, her breast, her cheek, then stroking down along her side to her hip. His kisses went along her jaw, down her neck, lower over her chest, pausing for a while to run his tongue around her areola so her nipple crinkled and hardened and she moaned softly.

Drake left him to explore, watching still and hardening as Brad parted her thighs gently, moving down the bed so he could kiss her belly, and along her inner thighs. He ached to join them, but Brad needed to rediscover her as he had done with Drake – more so as they had been together for some months before Drake had been invited to join them.

Lucy rested her hand on Brad’s head as he delved into her folds with his tongue, exploring her folds and crevices. There was a place in his memory that mapped out her secret places and he noticed a change – she felt ripe, softer and more fragrant and he realised that must be the hormones raging through her, nourishing the life that flourished inside her – the life he had contributed to. It was intoxicating but he felt cautious, afraid of violating the sanctity of that little bundle of cells.

He decided to worship her body like it was a temple, and redoubled his efforts to make her writhe under his tongue, fingers digging into his scalp. He found the hard little button easily, circling it with his tongue and sucking on it, hearing her cry out his name. His palms rested under her buttocks, kneading a little and supporting her, damping out the worst of her writhing body. With a great shout and with her back arching she fell apart, her thighs clamping around his ears then falling limply apart and she lay spent and twitching with the intensity of her orgasm. Brad crawled up the bed to hold her in his arms and she nestled into him, quiet tears flowing again. Drake got onto the bed behind her and held her too.

‘I missed you so much Brad’ she said ‘I know you’re not totally with us yet, but this – this is another beginning.’ She felt so safe and secure between them both after their enforced separation.

‘I – I  hope I can find my way back. Whatever happens, I’ll be here to support you and cherish our child’ Brad promised. He couldn’t say he loved her because he didn’t truly know her any more, but it was enough for the moment. She reached out to stroke his cheek.

‘Let me make love to you’ she said ‘Perhaps it will trigger something’ He smiled back

‘If I close my eyes I can remember how you feel, how to please you’ he said. ‘I’m willing to give your method a try though’ he grinned. Drake cleared his throat

‘Hey you two, I’m here too you know? I’ll leave you to it if you want me to’ Lucy turned to him

‘Drake, I’m so sorry’ she said ‘you know I missed you too…’

‘But Brad gets first dibs’ he said, kissing her cheek ‘It’s okay, you need time alone, I’ll go and find out what cook’s got for dinner and I’ll see you later. I can send food in to you if you like’ Lucy reached out and kissed him back

‘It’s fine, we’ll either call for it when we’re ready, or come down later. You’re welcome to join us later’ Drake nodded and got up to pick up his clothes and left the King and Queen together. Lucy turned back to Brad, who was sitting up on the edge of the bed now.

‘My King, you were selfless enough to please me, now let me please you’ She moved to kneel in front of him and pushed his knees gently apart so she could get closer to him. She kissed the base of his hard shaft and continued up to the tip, soft butterfly kisses that made him even harder. She pulled his foreskin gently back and ran her tongue around the head and into the slit to take up the precious drop of moisture there. He leaned back on his hands to support himself and dropped his head back with a groan. Her lips closed around the head and her tongue stroked and circled and lapped as she slowly took him deeper, teeth scraping slightly at his girth. Her warm mouth moistened his length and she let him go, rising to her feet and placing her knees either side of his thighs to straddle him. He put his hands to her hips, gently resting them, thumbs spread wide as she guided him to her entrance. Slowly, centimetre by centimetre she lowered herself, stretching and accommodating him as he groaned with pleasure.

He gazed up at her, her nipples hard and pressing against his chest, dark hair tickling his shoulders, eyes black with lust as she took him in to the hilt. She settled and tightened around him, and he leaned forward to kiss her breastbone, trailing his tongue to her collarbone. She shivered and rose up a little, letting him slip out a little, then together they started to move. He guided her with his hands on her hips and she would stop every now and again to press hard against him, pubic bone to clitoris, sighing and moaning with pleasure. The sounds she made were familiar and he knew how close she was – but equally she knew him and he soon lost any bearings he had as she took him closer and closer to the edge, and it was he who made more noise.

She played his body like an instrument, playing an erotic symphony that started to creep toward a crescendo. He shook and trembled, trying to hold back, fighting the inevitable, unwilling to give her the last scrap of control, but it was no use. It started to build deep down inside him until he erupted, filling her, shooting his seed hard and abundantly like a volcano releasing the built up pressure. What he had felt with Drake was nothing compared to this – Lucy was his equal, his soulmate, and as she came with him it was difficult to work out where each of them began and ended for a few glorious heady seconds.

Then he was boneless, melting, his body giving in and collapsing, falling back onto the mattress and slipping out of her sheath. She too slid to the side to lie beside him and it was a few moments before she reached for tissues for the initial cleanup. Then she nestled into his side, and it felt like he was home at last.

@drakewalkerrosenberg @debramcg1106 @fluffy-marshmallow-heart@goirishsunshine @gardeningourmet @livingthroughchoices @mrs-nazario@mind-reader1 @ooo-barff-ooo @silviasutton1989   @missevabean@mrsdrakewalkerblog @cora-nova @missameliep @tanelle83 @endlessly-searching-for-you @jlouise88 @drakenazario @tabithacarlisle@furiousherringoperatortoad @notoriouscs @classylady1234@wickedgypsymoon @carabeth @choices-fangirl @indiana-jr @indiacater@noey718-blog @katedrakeohd @bobasheebaby @annekebbphotography@kennaxval @sirbeepsalot @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria @aworldoffandoms@iplaydrake @drakesensworld @drakewalkerisreal@samcpossum @melodyofgraves @khakie4 @museofbooks @be-still-my-aching-heart@fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @hopefulmoonobject @emceesynonymroll@dcbbw @cgd03 @simsvetements @mrsdrakewalkerblog @ladyangel70 @crookedslimecreatorpasta @cora-nova @akrenich @stopforamoment @burnsoslow @pedudley

[cre-art-lve]

Gaslighting. An internal dialogue.

(an attempted call to a friend after a confusing run in with an old old aquaintance)

“please leave your message for-”

-- beep --

I wonder how I would even phrase it. This happens all the time. Why does it help to rant this way? It's the same story over and over again. Why does it help? Does it really help? Am I putting something off? Am I really in the right here? Am I in the wrong? Are we all wrong and all right?

I wish the world wasn't defined in black and white… but it seems to be the basis of human language. Black and White. Good and evil. Right and wrong. Who created that? And why?Was it God himself? By the creation of land and Earth and heaven and hell, did mankind simply interpret that as the simplest definition of life and direction?I'm sure God didn't mean to overcomplicate things… maybe that was mankind themselves. We tend to do that.

Morally ambiguous…

Honestly though, I think some of it stems from a lifetime of no explanations and holding it all in. A lifetime of never explaining and always forgetting the root cause and the only thing you remember in the end is that you're upset or have been wronged but you don't know where to start. How do you even explain a lifetime to someone? Would they even understand if they lived vastly different lives from you? So it's like… it's hard. It's tiresome and difficult to explain… to talk… to fight…

In the end, what's even there to fight for? Do you even remember?If you had a time machine, would you even know where and when to go to point out where it started?

With this machine, would you even be able to stop it all? If it's a lifetime of wrongs, would you even be able to right them all and achieve your end goal?Or would they all just pile up again…?

-- beep --

No one there.

Also, if she had picked up, would I have been able to ask all these questions? I doubt she would have been able to give me an answer.What would you do? It's hard not to dwell on these things. But how do you not? How do you not dwell on the pain of a lifetime?

I wish there were a spell like in Eragon where it would force the evil king to just… understand the pain and feelings he had caused.

In a way I wonder if it would be a good thing if we all could feel that. What would we become? Would we just tread carefully? Become like the elves in that series? Immortal so they cannot fight. Powerful so they cannot be petty.

As a mortal race of limited lifespan, it would be detrimental to be able to understand that much. We wouldn't get anywhere as a whole.

In fact, the less you care about the pain you cause other people, the more you can accomplish it seems. Why is that? Or perhaps the term accomplishment is a term humans have added their mortal definitions to? The endless futile journey for immortality where we don't really want to live forever… we just want to be an outstanding memory.

Perhaps because we spend so much time looking back, we want to make sure future generations have to look back at these people we once were before we returned to dust.

-- beep --

“please leave your message for-”

…

“please leave your message for-”

...

“please leave your message for-”

…………..

What was I upset about again? I'm sure it was deeper than what caused me to be upset in the first place. Am I happy you didn't pick up? In a way I am. Less emotional baggage for you to carry for now.

This brain is scattered.

I'm upset but I don't know where to start. When it started. Why does that matter so much to me? That philosophy that the present is the only thing that exists and that the past is non-existent… is quite terrifying to me. Cus it's like saying I have no reason to be upset because it never happened. But if it never happened, then why do these bad feelings linger behind? What am I upset about? Oh nothing? Then why is this feeling still there? Surely something caused it.

…

The lady tells me… she tells me there's no reason to be upset. There never was. Me being upset is simply wrong. It doesn't make sense.

The pendulum of this endless cycle swings in front of my eyes again. It's hypnotizing. Almost calming to seep back into this gaslighting routine. What was I upset about? If I can't point to it, is it even real?...nothing. I can't point to any one thing.

So, the lady says, it doesn't make sense right?

NO!!

Then explain.

….I can't. You wouldn't understand.

Say it to me in a way I can.

No you don't understand… that's simply impossible. You would never understand. Not with that mindset… the cemented mindset that all my words are lies....How do you live in such a paradox lady? Do you simply believe every person is potentially lying to you? That's not unreasonable. Not unless you have proof of the truth. Is this how you live? In this hell?

A hell of lies and constant paranoia… and you think this is normal? The world you create… and you have every ability to create any world for yourself with this mindset….. and ...and you choose this? A world of constant dissatisfaction. Good job lady. You'll never be happy. Oh but..  it seems that was never your goal in the first place. Your goal in the end… is to just be right then huh.

Congratulations

Well done.

You didn't win, but I'll let you think that.Because I'm tired. And as you walk away triumphant because I became confused and exhausted, you walk away with an imaginary trophy. One you'll use time and time again against me. And who knows, one day I may come to believe it's real too. But all in all, you're just giving me more and more reason to hate you. To become upset. Oh why am I upset you ask? Point it out you tell me. But of course, I can't. Because this imaginary trophy you used against me that you have convinced me is real is… imaginary. You say so yourself.

“That never happened”

Oh. Okay.

“please leave your message for-”

…

And now all that's left for me is fear and a hatred for your words. Is this what you wanted? Ah no of course not…. How could I think or say such a thing you say.

You just wanted to win.

Hate is a strong word.

But in this context, it fits.

[pan1418]

Interconnected

A few weeks ago I attended a music festival on the Big Island of Hawaii. The festival was called Thrive. It brought together artists, musicians, farmers, and workshops to show by example how a community can thrive together within the interconnectedness of our creative spirit. As I was walking through the cool grass one evening I happened to stop and look down at my feet. There I found that someone had dropped what is called a medicine bag. This is a native American tradition where one weaves a small pouch out of soft leather and places within it items that are to assist them on their journey. When I got home I opened the medicine bag and removed it's contents. There were shells, feathers, sage, a guitar pick, a $20 bill, and several small crystals. One of these crystals was a oblong quartz crystal that had been polished to smooth edges. Normally crystals grow with flat edges and come to a sharp point. I reassembled the pouch and decided to wear it back to the festival the following day and see if anyone recognizes it as their own. My intention was to return it to it's owner if possible but if no one approached me to claim it then I would recieve it as a blessing for my own journey. No one did come to claim it. I decided I would slowly disseminate the objects in the medicine bag as offerings to give to people or place on alters as I felt inspired. After giving a a few of these pieces away and also being given a couple of more pieces to add to it, I packed it in my backpack and off to India we go!

One of the great ways to meet people in India is during the rickshaw rides. Because they often pack 6 people in the little transport vehicle at once you may be squished right up against others that have journeyed from other places. On one of these rides I bet a man from the Czech Republic named Lukas. He was very friendly right off the bat and I felt a kind of kinship with him. We exchanged contact info and a couple of days later we met for dinner at a balcony cafe overlooking the Ganga. We talked for a couple of hours and became very well aquainted. It turns out that the inspiration for Lukas's trip to India was that he received a vision one day of an Indian man appearing to him behind his closed eyes. Because I had also felt drawn to India because of a dream vision this was very auspicious to say the least. It turns out that we are very similar in age and our birthdays are 4 days apart. We shared very similar stories and challenges that we have both faced in our lives. It felt like a special connection to meet someone else from halfway around the world that I could relate to in such an intimate way.

My journey here in India has taken a turn. Last week I was busy exploring the city, attending Satsangs, and bhajans (musical gatherings where everyone sings spiritual mantras together). This week I have been more inspired to venture outside the city in search of waterfalls and caves. My first excursion led me

along a moderate hiking trail that followed a small river. It was glorious to become emersed in the peace and quiet of nature after being inundated with the constant movement of other people, motor bikes, and the blaring sound of honking horns. As I explored the terrain along the river I heard a waterfall off to my right, but the trail was to continue, so assumed that I had not yet reached my destination. Suddenly the trail departed the river and began a rather steep ascent of flowing switchbacks that scaled the side of the valley walls. I kicked it into overdrive and began to climb, all the while feeling as though I may have overshot the waterfall I was looking for. I had flashbacks to some of my treks when I began my journey on the Big Island almost 5 years ago. There is something in me that does enjoy the focus and heart pumping meditation of continual ascent.

After going up and up for almost two miles I reached a point where the trail came to a juncture and there was a small cement reservoir that held slowly flowing spring water. There was also another small shrine of what is called a Linga Shrine. The Linga represents the primordial male creative essence. This one was made with an oblong smooth river stone. The stone is standing upright in a cement circle with an opening at one end. The circular base is called the Yoni or primordial feminine essence. This configuration of a Linga stone standing in the center of the Yoni is probably the most ancient and abundant kind of naturally manfactured shrines in all of India. It is meant to convey an ultimate Truth about the nature of reality long before there was the written word with it's more sophisticated communication of ideas. I made an offering at the shrine and layied down to rest my strained muscles.

After checking in with the map I found that I did indeed pass the target waterfall. I descended the switchbacks rapidly and found my way back to the river. Grateful to have completed the most strenuous climbing I stripped off all my clothes and bathed in the cool pool at the base of the waterfall. It was nothing short of ecstatic to feel the mountain water cascading over my body. After a short meditation on a large river rock bathed in sunlight, I packed up my things and began the journey back to my Hotel.

I was looking for a cheaper hotel to continue my stay. As synchronicity unfolds, Lukas made mention that a room in the hotel where he was staying had an opening at just about half the price I was currently paying. When I ventured uphill to this location I found that the rooms had been freshly renovated and were stunningly beautiful.

The following day I made plans with Lukas to go on another adventure. I gave him the choice of venturing to find another waterfall, a mountain temple, or holy caves. He picked the holy caves. This destination was the farthest one away from town and we were deciding how to get there. We talked with a taxi driver but he was charging more than we wanted to pay, so we opted for hitchhiking. At first we were picked up quickly and I thought we would make short work of the nearly 10 miles to our destination. But the first ride was did not get us that far and before we knew it we were back on foot. It was more difficult to get another ride and we probably hiked 6 or 7 miles before being picked up again.

Vashista caves is a place where a Swami (enlightened master) lived in the 11th century. He was sent to the caves as penance for some wrongdoing. He lived alone in these caves for nearly 40 years and found his path to enlightenment. There he became a teacher for others and there was an Ashram (spiritual living center) erected in his name that is still populated to this day. I ventured into one of the small caves and sat quietly experiencing the unique energy of this place. I felt inspired to take the small rounded quartz crystal from the medicine bag and leave it as an offering in the cave. As I was about to move deeper into the cave and set the crystal on the alter, another woman moved inside the very small cave and postured herself for meditation. I was not able to access the alter. I decided I would sit and meditate quietly and wait until I could make my offering.

When I entered into this meditation I was overtaken by simplicity and peace. I instantly became very focused and joyful. As I relished in this smooth energy I felt the spirit of the presence of the Swami who had lived there so many years ago. He showed me about the essence of Karma. I've always loosley understood the concept of Karma however I was not convinced that the All Loving Universe would seek to punish those for the misdeeds while living within the veil of ignorance. He explained that when we choose to incarnate into experiences that lust for worldly power, such as rulers like Kings, emperors, slave Masters, or dark wizards, we may still be holding energetic patterns that might be triggered again in the current incarnation under the guise of well meaning intention. We see this often in politics or in the corporate world where those intentions of serving the public or engineering profit by providing a service become distorted and lead those away from the spiritual path. It is also how any chemical reaction works. One of the laws of physics states that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Simply put, when we live in a way that harms another we find that in time, we ourselves will experience the the other side of this equation. Penance is designed to isolate the person with these inclinations as to purify the intention and understanding of what is truly being desired by the Soul. Given time to unravel and balance these energies within, can allow for one to return to the pursuit of truth and Divine joy. I could feel that there is a part of me that is undergoing a similar process. As hard as it may be for me to believe that I have had lifetimes of great ignorance and misuse of power, I can accept that the path of leaning is riddled with many avenues that must be explored and experienced to be thoughly understood.

As I gave thanks for this interaction, I began preparing myself to move out of the meditative posture. I looked to see that the woman was still in front of the alter and I would not be able to make my offering. But then I glanced down into the fine sand along the banks of the Ganga and saw that someone had build a small circular design using the beautiful purple rocks of the river. I felt guided to leave my offering there instead. I walked down to the natural symbol that had been constructed and placed my crystal in the center. I burrowed it down slightly in the sand so it would point upward. Lukas and I gathered again and began the trek back. Surprisingly we got two rides very quickly and did not have to walk back to town.

When we returned to our Hotel we decided to set up a meditation/healing session for Lukas. In this session Lukas began a practice of meditative breathwork while I focused on the energy of his body. Toward the end of the session I felt a spiritual presence. He was Hanuman or one of the ancient Indian dieties who assists mankind in their evolutionary process. I did not think too much about it because I had never really connected with his energy before. The session ended and we went to dinner.

The following day I was waking with the intention of finding a new hotel to stay. The room I was in was already booked for that evening. When I checked my messages I saw that my friend Tyler had sent me a message. He is the one who appeared in my dream and gave me the directions to find the Indian restaurant which led to my initial inspiration to travel to India. I chatted with him briefly as he had been to Rishikesh before. I happened to ask him where he stayed when he was here and he gave me the name of the Holiday Hotel. I checked the map and it was only a brief 5 minute walk away. When I arrived at the hotel, they had just had someone check out and needed some time to prepare the room. I left the majority of my belongings and ventured off to a cafe and bakery which I was told about two days prior.

As I was sitting in the cafe enjoying a couple of delicious pastries, the cafe had filled up and a newly entering patron was guided by the waiter to one of the empty seats at my table. I graciously invited her to sit and we began a conversation. We quickly connected on spiritual matters and she told me that she had been studying a short book series written by someone who was channeling (receiving spiritual communication) teachings from Hanuman! I couldn't believe it! After several hours of exciting and inspiring sharing of our own paths, we exchanged contact info and went our separate ways. Later in the day she sat down and took over 75 pictures of every page in one of the books with the teachings from Hanuman and sent them to me. When I returned and checked into my hotel I sat and read the entire book straight through.

The information contained within the book talks about how the Soul chooses to experience the life of each character we know of as human beings. Just like the characters in a book, each human has its own thoughts and feelings that are a part of the story. When you watch a movie it is easy to become identified with the characters. You can see what they see and feel what they feel. During the duration of the movie you are so entranced by the sequence of events that it is as if the real world around you does not exist. When the movie is over you get up return to your life. This is how the Soul is experiencing physical life. Except it is INSIDE the character and not just watching from the 3rd person perspective. It goes on to say that not only does the one story line that you are aware of exist, but also all other potential stories that could be, exist simultaniously. Just like if you were to turn right at the stop sign and go to the grocery store, you would have that experience. but if you had turned left at the stop sign and gone to the movie theater, your experience would have been different. In Hanuman's teaching, both series of events exist at the same time.

The Soul's job is to navigate between parallel realities and choose to follow the story that it wishes to. It might be as simple as saying if you don't like the story you are living, you can easily shift into a different story in the blink of an eye, because both are equally real. Now this is further complicated by the fact that most people get stuck, so to speak, in following just one story, and have forgotten that the Soul has the ability to shift to a different one. They do not believe the Soul can make that kind of a shift to a story more of their liking, and they will continue down the same road as if they have no choice at all. The mind of each human character, not remembering that they are actually a Soul, hijacks the Soul's inherent freedom to shift to another reality. And therefore goes on making all it's decisions from the limited view that the character has of it's own life. This can lead to blaming others for their own misfortune and feeling generally dissatisfied with the very nature of reality. This is the state we find the majority of the world. Lost in the illusion of the story itself. Not realizing that they are just playing the role of a character. In truth you are not the character. Each of us is a vast unfathomable spiritual Light simply watching a movie from the inside of the characters. The Soul is Free to choose any of the possible realities, out of limitless choices, that are available to each character. Anything we would wish to experience is already written.

It goes on to say that the mechanism for shifting between one reality and another is what he calls the Linga codes. This is similar to what we know of as computer binary language. In our movies we use CGI (computer generated imagery) to create realistic looking scenes. Computer programmers use only two symbols, the 1 and the 0, to type in lines of coding that the computer recognizes as a language. The computer then takes these lines of coding and translates them into full color cinemagraphic imagery. The Linga codes do the same thing with parallel realities. If you enter a curtain line of coding, you will tell the universe in this language which cinemagraphic reality you wish to experience, and then it appears around you just as a computer movie scene responds to binary language. This is what the Linga and Yoni symbols represent. This was the ancient knowledge that was carved into thousands of pieces of stone to remind us of the Ultimate Truth and the great reality of the Soul. We knew we would most likely lose ourselves in the character when we got here. We knew we would struggle through the dark days of ignorance and one day return to our rightful home as co creators of our own universe.

Fortunately we have plenty of help. Those that we call Angels, guides, ascended masters, and even extra terrestrials are there to help us remember our true nature, the light and power of the Soul. Now has come the time of the great awakening. This is what we are remembering. This is why there is so much interest in spirituality these days. It is also why we are experiencing so much chaos and confusion. We will continue to play out the same story of separation, divide and conquer, or weilding power over others until we wake up to the truth. The world will not change until we change and align our conscious awareness with this Divine right for the Soul to move into any reality that it chooses. We can know our own power and divinity, learn to utilize these codes, and shift into heaven on Earth. We are destined to do so. But each soul has its own journey. We cannot worry about who can understand and apply this or not. We can only do it for ourselves and then show our fellow humans what it looks like and what it feels like to be reunited as the Soul. It is the ultimate experience. There is longing for nothing because it all appears around us as if by magic.

It is one thing to say that I understand that everything in life is interconnected. I can only understand it with the mind of my character. To feel it in every cell, the unshakable truth of my authentic divinity, is an experience of interconnectedness that goes beyond the mind. When we look into nature we see how everything thrives naturally as it cooperates and harmonizes with everything else. It exists in complete and eternal fulfillment of itself. This is not just an act of God that can take care of everything. It is the unfathomable nature of God that lives as the very fabric of existence. It is we who live as the Soul in the garden of Eden, interconnected into all of nature, AS nature itself.

It is only the mind of the human character lost in ingnorance and forgetfullness that is separate from nature and believing it lives in a world that it cannot change. Hoping that maybe one day it can overcome the great suffering being inflicted on so many. Today is that day. It is all right here. It is not out of reach. It is only veiled in the subtle energy that many people are not quite sensitive enough to see yet.

Now is the time. Calm the restless mind and feel the support we have from those teachers that are here to assist our awakening.

As I was reflecting on my experiences from the past few days and seeing all the events that unfolded to lead me in wake of this realization, I remembered the crystal. The rounded quartz crystal from the medicine bag that I placed in the center of the stone circle. I realized that I had unwittingly created a Linga Shrine myself. The upstanding oblong smooth Linga crystal that I slightly buried at the center of the round stone design in the sand was my unconscious action of the embodiment of this wisdom. Again to know the interconnectedness is the beginning, understanding is the next step, and full becoming the interconnectedness is the destiny of every human being.

[subpopmountainbabe]

With alot of recent talk about female empowerment, I am going to address an elephant in the room for women like myself, who have sometimes found it difficult to get close to other women for no reason other than the fact that I have often fallen victim to the toxic jealousy of fellow females. I know there are plenty of wonderful, genuine, uplifting women out there, but when you have lost things from jobs to friends, tips, & social media accounts at the hands of jealous women, it can certainly leave you questioning who is genuinely happy for your achievements, or there for you overall on a pure level. Just like any emotional scars, enduring something negative repeatedly can certainly skew your perceptions of the world and the people in it. To this day, I am still healing from wounds inflicted upon me by other women...while it still continues to happen for no reason other than the fact that I exist. If there is one thing jealous women are terrified of, it is others knowing or finding out that they are jealous of you because that entails swallowing their pride or admitting they aren't perfect. This just makes it harder to find your voice when you fall victim to these types of people. These aren't only the strangers giving you the stink eye from across the room, either. Sometimes these women pose as close friends, while simultaneously pulling the wool over your eyes by trying to sabatoge you, or poisoning the well behind your back. They often know what to tell people also, in order to make their lies sound more believable by manipulating people's observations, while leaving out important unseen ones.

It is frustrating when you sense, or (at times) downright know someone is jealous of you, but you don't know how to tell other people about it without coming off as cocky or full of yourself. Everyone preaches self esteem, until you actually refer to yourself as being pretty, or intelligent, which as I said can further complicate things. Yet, the damage is real, when experienced in excess, so I will be the voice for the other women who know what it feels like to constantly be outcasted for being pretty, intelligent, successful, or for any other reasons jealousy commonly occurs. It matters because of the emotional damage it can create (especially long term) as it repeatedly occurs in different settings throughout ones life. Being an intelligent, witty, or attractive female does not mean you deserve what others have put you through, whether subtely insulting you with backhanded "compliments" in social settings, or trying to get others against you with pathological lies. In order to truly empower other women, we must also hold those who have created hostile environments for other women, accountable. I'm not talking about women who just don't like someone for logical, or justifiable reasons (hint: a dislike for someone doesn't always equate to jealousy) but with the absence of truth or logic, it often does. To be clear, I am specifically talking about jealous people who ACT on their feelings in cruel ways that can inflict emotional harm or distress onto someone else. Everyone feels jealous sometimes. It's a normal human emotion when kept in check. If you are creating situations for someone else like the ones I'm about to mention below, (which are all real life examples I have endured over the years), then you need to do some introspection and figure out the root cause of your hatred. If you know people who are like this, then you need to stand up to them and hold them accountable even if they're your friends or family. This is also for people who tend to be gullible and don't know the signs. The only way to truly empower one another as females, is to first address the senseless hostility that some exude towards others for simply existing. These are all real life things that have happened to me, that were no doubt acts of jealousy: I will no longer remain silent while people take their issues out on me or other women alike. Having issues is not an excuse to screw over other people. We all have issues, and we have all felt pain. In fact, even pretty or intelligent women sometimes feel insecure, believe it or not. At the end of the day we are all people, and are deserving of kindness when we have shown kindness ourselves.

Anyhow, these are the things I am talking about that I am still healing & trying to learn from. I am going to type in 3rd person because I know I'm not the only one these things have happened to.

1. When a group of females lies to the boss to sabatoge your job, even after you've repeatedly helped them do theirs when they asked you to. Groups of females like this are the most toxic types, because it's harder to disprove to others when trying to defend yourself from their malicious intent...even though you know exactly what they're doing.

2. The "friend" who acts nice to your face, or will pretend to be happy for any achievements you've made, but will lie on pathological levels to other friends or aquaintances when you're not around so that other people won't like you, or at least not too much, therefore preventing others from getting too close to you. This is a form of 'poisoning the well'.

3. Having to rebuild social media platforms from scratch several times due to false & wrongful reporting. Unfortunately, Facebook has a broken appeals system. I could easily disprove their lies, but it was to no avail.

4. *A hint for guys*. Ever notice how that woman (or women) you liked before you met someone else, never seemed to reciprocate your feelings? Or perhaps they just didn't seem to give much of a damn at all. That was, until you publicly posted about your new relationship. Suddenly they seem to "care" about you. They went from never caring about your posts, to suddenly commenting on everything. Or maybe they are suddenly making an effort to call you. Don't for one second think they suddenly realized your value as a person. What's really going on is that they see you've moved on from crushing on them, and that you are no longer inflating their ego because you found somebody better, who actually loves you. For some people, losing that attention is like losing oxygen. It is especially evident when the girl who loves you is also intelligent, funny, or attractive. This has happened to me at the beginnings of every new relationship I have ever been in. Thankfully my husband saw through the girl who tried doing this to him at the beginning of ours, but you'd be surprised by how many guys play dumb. *Hint for women*: If this has happened to you, and your guy defends miss egotistical, your guy knows what he is doing. He knows she isn't just "trying to be nice". She is blatantly disrespecting your monogamous relationship, and he is entertaining her to keep her around as plan B or C, and you should take that as a clear red flag to leave him because there should be no plan B's or C's if he is committed to you. Im not talking about his female friends, who cared about him before you two were together.

5. Having someone constantly challenging you, even after being articulate and logical. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about someone who challenges you out of sheer curiosity or because they genuinely disagree. I'm talking about the person that constantly disagrees just to disagree because it's something you said. This is just their way of being competitive and trying to one up you. A good indicator of this is when they don't do it when it's just the two of you, but constantly do it when others are present.

6. This one is probably the most relatable for alot of women, and also really needs to STOP. If your man checks me out, it's not my fault. If your man tries to make a move, and I reject it, it's not my fault. If your man calls me hott, it's not my fault. Now, I'm obviously not talking about women who entertain his poor behavior or engage in it...because screw homewreckers. I am talking about the ones who haven't done anything wrong whatsoever. As women, we need to stop hating women because some end up with shitty, disrespectful men. Yes, I know that men are sometimes a huge root cause of creating the animosity that women feel towards other women...but if the woman has done nothing wrong except exist, then you need to re-direct your feelings towards your men, and not the women, who more often than not, have no interest in your man.

7. When you work(ed) as a waitress and have/had women glaring at you even though you've made an obvious choice to give her more attention than the man in order to ease her mind and assure her you aren't interested in her spouses stares or flirtatious gestures...but it doesn't ease her mind and she hates you, and you begin to hear her talk crap about you, or trying to jip you on a fair tip instead of holding her man accountable for the insensitive behavior that clearly upsets her. I'm sorry your man made you feel this way, but it's not my fault. If you can't see that I put in a significant amount of effort to make your experience as comfortable and enjoyable as possible, then you are quite frankly, in the wrong. I have been the woman with a disrespectful husband in the past (not my current husband, but my ex-husband to be clear) and I do empathize with women who unknowingly end up with womanizers to an extent, but for me, the extent of that line is drawn when you take it out on someone who did nothing wrong to you. I know there are waitresses that lack empathy and who do cross the line of what most consider to be a respectful presence, but that was certainly was never me because I have been on both ends of this spectrum.

While I could go on with real life examples all day long, I tried to only post the ones that others will likely relate to for now. I hope that this post has made some people question their own behavior, judgement pertaining to gossip or rumors, and that it will inspire women to start being kinder to one another. If you got this far, this is likely something that has affected you personally. That, or you have been the jealous woman for whatever reason. I hope that either way, this inspires people to change for the better, or to create an environment in which the victims of this form of emotional abuse can heal from.