#how to be megnificent
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WIP Tag Game
Tagged by @apocraphelion who is lovingly writing a dead dove. We like its writing anyway. Thank you!
Rules: Share 100 words or so of a WIP, and then add an extra line
(we're not tagging anyone, because we don't generally tag people and don't know where to start, but feel free to tag us as having tagged you, if you want to play)
--- from the latest paragraphs of How to be Megnificent, written by @girldragongizzard ---
“Now. When I call your name – your new name – I’d like you to come forward with your identification ready, and answer my questions. And when you and I are done, you may either be seated, or you may leave. If I award you your name, I will hand you your stamped court order, which you should take to the clerk’s office for the next step of the process. And the public list of name changes will be displayed in the hallway tomorrow morning. You won’t need to check that, because you’ll already have the paperwork you need verifying your new identity.”
She pauses to look around the room to see if everyone was listening.
“If you have further questions, the clerk can help you with them. Now, I’m going to go about this alphabetically by last name,” she says. “Can Corin Ascalia please come forward.”
Corin is one of the people who came in after me, and they are dressed almost as queerly as Chapman usually dresses.
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Table of Contents
This is my story, which is titled the same as my url, girldragongizzard.
There are two sequels planned and they'll be listed here too eventually, but here's a handy table of contents for you!
Content Notice: police action and light gore
book 1: Meghanology
How I wanted it to go
Mild complications
Adversary
A cause for alarm
Cop Out
Holes
Mine
Not mine
Breakfast sans bed
The weird of Chapman
Conversation stopper
War Councils
Poink's name
Wormfail
Draconinity
Finding my voice
It heal
Sutures
One dragon's diplomacy
What a day that was + the Epilogue
You might find this book to be a smoother and more enjoyable read, complete with bookmarking abilities, over on ScribbleHub where it has also been published.
Book 2: How to be Megnificent
A Megnificent camping trip
Ethical human contact
Joel
Home again
The bird and the dragon
Artists of the future
Ptarmigan's folly
Influencers
Character growth
Living the dream
Teasing out the data
Name me Dragon
I am here
Performance hangover
Pushing limits
Courting a nightmare
Queen of Fire and Starlight
How I stopped worrying and learned to love the shoe
Twisted Nerve
The ScribbleHub link for How to be Megnificent.
Book 3: I contain Megnitudes
A battle without honor or humanity
My people
The question of lunch
Drinking the meta like it's beer
Dragon strike
Acid reign
Fuzzy feelings
The disaster
The places I fear
Catalyst
Bankruptcy
Nightmare
Terror
Preparation
Trust me
First Megnitude
Second Megnitude
Third Megnitude
All the little Megnitudes
A measurement of the future
The Scribblehub link for I contain Megnitudes.
the Epilogues: Megnetic snapshots
The dog days of Winter
Valentine's Day
The Fenverse
Mating Season 0.2a
The Artist of Being a Dragon
Molly
Egg
Appendix A
the Mythology of girldragongizzard
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When and how did you find Legendborn?
(idk why it won’t let me send from my side log but this is megnificent-reads :))
Hi moot! I found legendborn by my mom (i think in 2021 or maybe 2020) coming home with the book and just "i think you'd like this" lol. I only found out it was a booktok book (im not rlly on booktok) when i read bloodmarked in 2023 and looked it up n stuff
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'What an emperor can do, I can do' - with this motto started the building of the palace next to Fertőd. Nikolaus ‘the Magnificent’ Esterházy became the leader of the entailed property in 1762 and began the construction of the today’s palace with the assistance of Jakoby, Hefele and Mödlhammer; Austrian masters. The prince father’s hunting lodge - where the present palace stabds - was in neglected condition. Water had flooded the surroundings creating a boggy and swampy area full of insects; a place where fever could have been a permanent guest. Construction began on his command: canals were dug, dams were constructed and by investing nearly 11 million golden forints, the realization of a prince’s dream, the new Palace of Eszterháza in its full luxury was completed in 1766. Eszterhazy castle, called also the Hungarian Versailles, is a megnificent baroque-rococo building. The palace was a labour of love for the Prince, who felt really attracted to Eszterháza. At the beginning of the construction he intended it to be a summer residence but later spent most of the year here. The prince not only loved luxury but also held his ground as a tough soldier; first as colonel, later general of the Imperial Army, then owner of the 33rd infantry regiment. From 1764 to 1787, being the captain of the Hungarian Noble Guards, he maintained an almost permanent relationship with Queen Maria Theresa. The year 1773 was prominent in the history of the Palace as Nikolaus (the Magnificent) Esterházy could serve as a host for Maria Theresa, Queen of Hungary. When Maria Theresa visited Nikolaus Esterházy in his palace in Eszterháza, the prince gave her a royal welcome. He extended the palace with an enormous hall where the celebration would be held but this wing of the building had burned down a short time before the queen’s arrival. The prince then immediately decided to have a small mansion built for Her Majesty in the park, in which garden entertainment took place. After a night like this, Maria Theresa asked the prince how much this wonderful little mansion had cost. - Eighty thousand forints. - 'O, das ist für einen Fürsten Esterhazy eine Bagatelle!’ (Oh! This is a fillip for an Esterházy Prince!) In a bat of an eye, the word "Bagatelle" was glaring above the gate of the mansion. This has been the name of the luxurious building since then. Royal size of the palace had to come with a royal court. It was only natural that Nikolaus ‘the Magnificent’ also tried to follow the Versailles example set by the Sun King regarding luxury of the courts. He did not save costs. His household cost an average of 40,000 forints a year, which made up only a small proportion of his revenues of 1,800,000 forints a year. Abundant fee was rewarded for the actors, painters and musicians of the court, first and foremost to the nearly world famous conductor of the Esterházy-orchestra, Joseph Haydn amongst them. Haydn wrote the famous Farewell Symphony in 1772 in the castle. The nobility of Vienna all headed for Eszterháza to hear his music. Maria Theresa used to say: "If I want to hear a good opera performance, I’ll go to Eszterháza.’
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The Question on Many Marketers’ Minds: Should My Brand Start a Facebook Group?
Despite its recent bubble of controversy, marketers still view Facebook as the prime destination for social media marketing. The newly released Sprout Social Index 2018 reaffirms this, with 97% of social marketers saying they use the platform. However, while almost everyone is incorporating Facebook into their strategies, not so many express confidence that it’s making the desired impact. Last month’s 2018 Social Media Marketing Industry Report showed only 49% reporting a belief that their Facebook marketing is effective. With algorithmic changes deprioritizing publisher content on Facebook feeds, and thus suppressing organic reach for brands, marketers are feeling the crunch. As I wrote here recently, “Facebook’s gargantuan active user base is impossible to ignore. We just need to get creative in finding ways to connect with people there.” One creative solution that marketers are increasingly turning to is Facebook groups. Are they worth your time and effort? Let’s explore.
Why are Facebook Groups Gaining Steam?
Much like influencer marketing, Facebook groups present an opportunity to regain diminished reach by embracing the platform’s heightened focus on user-generated content. According to the Sprout Social Index, social marketers point to increasing community engagement as their No. 2 biggest goal, right behind boosting brand awareness. Facebook groups are very much in line with this objective. They are mini-communities, where members are empowered to speak up and (in many cases) can engage directly with company reps, in addition to one another. Although groups have long been available as a feature on Facebook, the brand-driven “Facebook Groups for Pages” were just rolled out last year. You can find a helpful primer on setting one up here, via Social Media Examiner. What differentiates a Facebook page from a Facebook group, you might ask? AdWeek frames it as such:
“Pages (are) for pushing key marketing messages and product information, as well as an outlet for customer support. Groups is a dedicated space for more in-depth, meaningful conversations and relationships between a brand and its fans.”
Another attractive element of Facebook groups is the added analytical depth through Group Insights, which provides information about trends and usage patterns in your membership. With growing emphases on engagement, authenticity, and community-building, it’s easy to see the appeal of Facebook groups as a marketing asset. And some are tapping into it very well. One notable example is Peloton, the cycling fitness company whose closed members group boasts an extremely active ecosystem of more than 92,000 members. But not everyone is finding traction on this front. [bctt tweet=”With growing emphases on engagement, authenticity, & community-building, it’s easy to see the appeal of #FacebookGroups as a #marketing asset. And some are tapping into it very well. But not everyone is finding traction. – @NickNelsonMN” username=”toprank”]
What’s Holding Back Brands on Facebook Groups?
Although the potential benefits are clear, the path to achieving them is a bit murky. For every success case like Peloton (which had the advantage of a three-year head start thanks to a preexisting member-driven community), there seem to be several examples of companies spinning their wheels in frustration. While Peloton has hit its stride with groups, another popular fitness brand is searching for a second wind. As Digiday explained in May regarding Fitbit’s exploration of the tactic:
“The company created 12 different groups geared toward major cities like San Francisco, Los Angeles and New York. Each group has around 200 members, but that’s a far cry from the 2.4 million followers of Fitbit’s Facebook page. Fitbit’s group for fitness-focused San Francisco had only 11 posts in the past 30 days.”
The problem is that around 200 million groups exist on Facebook, making it difficult to gain visibility, especially for new creations. To assist with this, CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced earlier this year the integration of a Groups tab intended to “make groups a more central part of the Facebook experience.” “In addition to the new tab,” TechCrunch notes, “the company is launching a new Groups plugin that admins and developers can add to their websites and emails that solicits people to join their Facebook group.” Some marketers have understandably been reluctant to dive into this functionality over concerns that Facebook will change gears and renew its focus six months from now, but I believe it’s safe to say — based on the social network’s clear commitment to elevating active participation and “meaningful communities” — that groups are going to be a mainstay feature going forward.
Should My Company Start a Facebook Group?
In assessing whether a Facebook group is worth launching for your B2B or B2C business, we recommend asking yourself these questions: #1 – Are community conversations relating to my product or service useful? If community is core to your offering, then Facebook groups are most likely going to be a fit. But you don’t want to force it. The most resonant groups bring users together over a shared passion where they can transfer knowledge, stories, and ideas. For instance, the highly popular Instant Pot Facebook group has become a destination for owners of the electric cooker to troubleshoot and post their own recipes. “You’re only going to get those super-users and superfans,” says Meg McDougall, Social Media Strategist at TopRank Marketing. “If you have that audience, it’s a great opportunity. But you’re not going to build it out of nowhere.” [bctt tweet=”When it comes to #Facebook groups, you’re only going to get super-users & superfans. If you have that audience, it’s a great opportunity. But you’re not going to build it out of nowhere. – @megnificent #SocialMediaMarketing” username=”toprank”] #2 – Do we have the bandwidth to run a group and grow it? Don’t underestimate the commitment that running an active Facebook group can require. In order to get going, and especially to sustain, groups need attention and administration. You may want to have a content producer or community manager specifically designated for this task. Also, be ready to have employees promote your group in various ways, such as mentioning it in content and including it in email signatures. #3 – Is it truly going to be a value-oriented interaction hub, or simply another vehicle for brand promotion? “If your brand starts a Facebook group, think of yourself as a facilitator rather than a marketer or blogger,” suggests Emily Gaudette in her post at Contently. “You’ll lose the group if you only promote your own work.” This is pretty much a cardinal rule of content marketing in general, but especially important in these kinds of community-fueled endeavors. Oftentimes, the brand play should be very subtle, and customers will hopefully start associating your product or service with the topic because it’s where they go to talk about it and find good info.
The Bottom Line on Facebook Groups for Marketers
Without question, Facebook groups are more worthy of our attention than they were a year ago at this time. Dwindling organic reach for company pages on the platform, along with a strong commitment from corporate leadership to grow the feature, make this an intriguing frontier. But as things stand, these spaces are really more about fostering and evolving engagement within your customer base as opposed to rapidly growing that base. And given the time and effort required to get it right, some brands might not find the payoff worthwhile. In other words, don’t give in to groupthink. “Look at what your end goal is for social,” McDougall urges. “If it’s reaching a ton of people, expanding your audience, and getting impressions, groups probably aren’t the best route. If it’s targeted interactions and deeper engagement, they can be really helpful.” For more guidance on social media marketing that meets your objectives in a fast-changing environment, check out some of our recent write-ups on the subject:
From Messenger Bots to the Growth of ‘Gram, Social Media Examiner’s Annual Report Reveals Trends to Watch
Social Media Marketing Benchmarks: What Works & Where to Focus
How to Survive the Social Media Midlife Crisis
What Are Hashtags Really For? #Confused #Blessed #NoFilter
7 Examples of Brands Mastering Twitter for Social Customer Care
The post The Question on Many Marketers’ Minds: Should My Brand Start a Facebook Group? appeared first on Online Marketing Blog – TopRank®.
http://www.toprankblog.com/
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The Question on Many Marketers’ Minds: Should My Brand Start a Facebook Group?
Despite its recent bubble of controversy, marketers still view Facebook as the prime destination for social media marketing. The newly released Sprout Social Index 2018 reaffirms this, with 97% of social marketers saying they use the platform. However, while almost everyone is incorporating Facebook into their strategies, not so many express confidence that it’s making the desired impact. Last month’s 2018 Social Media Marketing Industry Report showed only 49% reporting a belief that their Facebook marketing is effective. With algorithmic changes deprioritizing publisher content on Facebook feeds, and thus suppressing organic reach for brands, marketers are feeling the crunch. As I wrote here recently, “Facebook’s gargantuan active user base is impossible to ignore. We just need to get creative in finding ways to connect with people there.” One creative solution that marketers are increasingly turning to is Facebook groups. Are they worth your time and effort? Let’s explore.
Why are Facebook Groups Gaining Steam?
Much like influencer marketing, Facebook groups present an opportunity to regain diminished reach by embracing the platform’s heightened focus on user-generated content. According to the Sprout Social Index, social marketers point to increasing community engagement as their No. 2 biggest goal, right behind boosting brand awareness. Facebook groups are very much in line with this objective. They are mini-communities, where members are empowered to speak up and (in many cases) can engage directly with company reps, in addition to one another. Although groups have long been available as a feature on Facebook, the brand-driven “Facebook Groups for Pages” were just rolled out last year. You can find a helpful primer on setting one up here, via Social Media Examiner. What differentiates a Facebook page from a Facebook group, you might ask? AdWeek frames it as such:
“Pages (are) for pushing key marketing messages and product information, as well as an outlet for customer support. Groups is a dedicated space for more in-depth, meaningful conversations and relationships between a brand and its fans.”
Another attractive element of Facebook groups is the added analytical depth through Group Insights, which provides information about trends and usage patterns in your membership. With growing emphases on engagement, authenticity, and community-building, it’s easy to see the appeal of Facebook groups as a marketing asset. And some are tapping into it very well. One notable example is Peloton, the cycling fitness company whose closed members group boasts an extremely active ecosystem of more than 92,000 members. But not everyone is finding traction on this front. [bctt tweet="With growing emphases on engagement, authenticity, & community-building, it’s easy to see the appeal of #FacebookGroups as a #marketing asset. And some are tapping into it very well. But not everyone is finding traction. - @NickNelsonMN" username="toprank"]
What’s Holding Back Brands on Facebook Groups?
Although the potential benefits are clear, the path to achieving them is a bit murky. For every success case like Peloton (which had the advantage of a three-year head start thanks to a preexisting member-driven community), there seem to be several examples of companies spinning their wheels in frustration. While Peloton has hit its stride with groups, another popular fitness brand is searching for a second wind. As Digiday explained in May regarding Fitbit’s exploration of the tactic:
"The company created 12 different groups geared toward major cities like San Francisco, Los Angeles and New York. Each group has around 200 members, but that’s a far cry from the 2.4 million followers of Fitbit’s Facebook page. Fitbit’s group for fitness-focused San Francisco had only 11 posts in the past 30 days."
The problem is that around 200 million groups exist on Facebook, making it difficult to gain visibility, especially for new creations. To assist with this, CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced earlier this year the integration of a Groups tab intended to “make groups a more central part of the Facebook experience.” “In addition to the new tab,” TechCrunch notes, “the company is launching a new Groups plugin that admins and developers can add to their websites and emails that solicits people to join their Facebook group.” Some marketers have understandably been reluctant to dive into this functionality over concerns that Facebook will change gears and renew its focus six months from now, but I believe it’s safe to say — based on the social network’s clear commitment to elevating active participation and “meaningful communities” — that groups are going to be a mainstay feature going forward.
Should My Company Start a Facebook Group?
In assessing whether a Facebook group is worth launching for your B2B or B2C business, we recommend asking yourself these questions: #1 - Are community conversations relating to my product or service useful? If community is core to your offering, then Facebook groups are most likely going to be a fit. But you don’t want to force it. The most resonant groups bring users together over a shared passion where they can transfer knowledge, stories, and ideas. For instance, the highly popular Instant Pot Facebook group has become a destination for owners of the electric cooker to troubleshoot and post their own recipes. “You’re only going to get those super-users and superfans,” says Meg McDougall, Social Media Strategist at TopRank Marketing. “If you have that audience, it’s a great opportunity. But you’re not going to build it out of nowhere.” [bctt tweet="When it comes to #Facebook groups, you're only going to get super-users & superfans. If you have that audience, it's a great opportunity. But you're not going to build it out of nowhere. - @megnificent #SocialMediaMarketing" username="toprank"] #2 - Do we have the bandwidth to run a group and grow it? Don’t underestimate the commitment that running an active Facebook group can require. In order to get going, and especially to sustain, groups need attention and administration. You may want to have a content producer or community manager specifically designated for this task. Also, be ready to have employees promote your group in various ways, such as mentioning it in content and including it in email signatures. #3 - Is it truly going to be a value-oriented interaction hub, or simply another vehicle for brand promotion? “If your brand starts a Facebook group, think of yourself as a facilitator rather than a marketer or blogger,” suggests Emily Gaudette in her post at Contently. “You’ll lose the group if you only promote your own work.” This is pretty much a cardinal rule of content marketing in general, but especially important in these kinds of community-fueled endeavors. Oftentimes, the brand play should be very subtle, and customers will hopefully start associating your product or service with the topic because it’s where they go to talk about it and find good info.
The Bottom Line on Facebook Groups for Marketers
Without question, Facebook groups are more worthy of our attention than they were a year ago at this time. Dwindling organic reach for company pages on the platform, along with a strong commitment from corporate leadership to grow the feature, make this an intriguing frontier. But as things stand, these spaces are really more about fostering and evolving engagement within your customer base as opposed to rapidly growing that base. And given the time and effort required to get it right, some brands might not find the payoff worthwhile. In other words, don’t give in to groupthink. “Look at what your end goal is for social,” McDougall urges. “If it’s reaching a ton of people, expanding your audience, and getting impressions, groups probably aren’t the best route. If it’s targeted interactions and deeper engagement, they can be really helpful.” For more guidance on social media marketing that meets your objectives in a fast-changing environment, check out some of our recent write-ups on the subject:
From Messenger Bots to the Growth of ‘Gram, Social Media Examiner’s Annual Report Reveals Trends to Watch
Social Media Marketing Benchmarks: What Works & Where to Focus
How to Survive the Social Media Midlife Crisis
What Are Hashtags Really For? #Confused #Blessed #NoFilter
7 Examples of Brands Mastering Twitter for Social Customer Care
The post The Question on Many Marketers’ Minds: Should My Brand Start a Facebook Group? appeared first on Online Marketing Blog - TopRank®.
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A non-spoilery sneak peak at dragon descriptions from @girldragongizzard's second book, How to be Megnificent (to be released online fairly soon):
Brenna would be the one accompanied by a light skinned man in a straw hat, graying brown beard, and blond ponytail. Also partners, like Astraia and Caleb, only older and married with kids. Brenna looks like a really big wolf, like the Gmork from the Neverending Story, only with antlers, huge chicken feet, and her fur seems to be downy feathers. Her tail has spikes hidden in the fluff. Many scholars wouldn’t dare call her a dragon, but I know better.
These are all of the type of dragon that’s older than the word itself. The ones that got called dragons by the speakers of the word after their facts. I’m more of a classic renaissance dragon. Or one from modern fantasy. I feel almost fake here. Out of place.
And Tannis, I’m certain, is the one with the head of an eagle, the upper torso of a woman attached to where the neck would go on the body of a bear with bat wings, and a tail that looks like an octopus arm. She also has a human with her. A woman with dark skin and locs, dressed in neon pink and blue athletic gear.
Which leaves Wentin. A dragon with a “W” name that I didn’t give it. I know its pronouns because it had given them and its name on the server. Username eat_you, I’m pretty certain it’s the dragon I had nicknamed Theremin, because it can sound exactly like one. Spooky as shit if it’s the only thing making noise in the middle of the night.
Wentin is without a human and looks like a dire lion with a head that’s just a mix of all sorts of things. Its snout is as long, broad, and bulbous as that of a deinosuchus, but with lips and covered with that lion-like fur. Its eyes are forward facing and lidded, as expressive as any mammal’s, with enough cranium behind them to hold a sizeable brain. But its ears are a classic spiny finned dragon’s ears. And it has a dark brown mane of quills.
Wentin is big. Phenomenally big in comparison to the rest of us. And as I land it grins to show off its shark teeth, then opens its mouth to say, in a whiny, creaky voice, obviously using a syrinx way more expertly than I can, “Hello, Queen Meghan. Welcome to my territory. It is so good to see you in person.”
There’s no way that Wentin could fit in a building or a house. A garage, maybe, if there was no hoard in it. And I’ve no clue what it’s been eating.
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Chapter 1: A Megnificent camping trip
I’m thinking of a title for a book I’m going to write someday. Hey, maybe you’re reading it right now!
If you are, please know that that title is supposed to be ironic and sarcastically self deprecating.
Because, instead of magnificent, I’m Megnificent. And that totally changes the meaning of the word, and this is totally the most teenager thing I’ve thought to myself in decades.
I’m utterly Megnificent, and I’m stuck in the mountains, and I don’t have survival skills.
I’m watching the tiny speck of a helicopter recede over what I assume is the western horizon. From the birdsong I’ve heard, I’m guessing it’s morning, and the sun is behind me. But also, I just know. I can feel North and South as if they are slopes in the fabric of spacetime, and I feel like I have a sense of which is which.
And that helicopter, which I hope to one day destroy, almost certainly brought me here.
The sky that it’s flying through is mostly clear, except for a sickly brown haze, and a column of billowing smoke coming from the south side of a mountain the vehicle is flying past, off near the horizon. One of the Summer's forest fires.
The mountain I’m on is basically a big grassy dome surrounded by taller, pointier mountains. I’m on the western slope of it, and I’m looking out over a valley full of grasses and flowers. And I don’t see any wildlife around me except for the bugs that are flying around everywhere. The bugs aren’t very thick, though. Not like how I remember them the last time I went camping in a place like this, way back in high school. The birds I heard must be laying low or around the curve of the mountain and out of sight.
They’re especially laying low after I shouted my challenging cry at that helicopter in rage.
And now I’m alone.
And I’m hungry.
The only experience I have with this kind of situation is a survival unit I had in third grade, three camping trips up into the Pasayten Wilderness with my extended family when I wasn’t much older, and two episodes of Man v.s. Wild that I watched ten years ago.
And all of that was geared toward educating and accommodating human beings. Not a dragon.
I’m a dragon.
A city dragon.
I don’t do this sort of thing.
I need to get back home.
The advice I got in third grade was find shelter as close to where you got lost as possible, find water, stay put, and make yourself as visible as possible. But the advice I got from TV was to find water, find food, and keep moving toward civilization. But those two bits of contradictory advice were given to a human child and an audience of human adults, and humans are endurance hunters, evolved to out endure their prey.
Also, humans can’t fly.
I am, I’m guessing, an ambush predator that flies. I digest my food slowly, and I need to rest right after eating to get it started well. I need to conserve my energy for short bursts that I use, mostly, to catch seagulls to eat and to scare away other dragons. Though, I’ve decided to work on preventing the need for that second one, and there are no seagulls out here.
And the last thing I ate was three pounds of minced chuck on Monday night. It digested fast and gave me a lot of energy, and didn’t result in me puking up a ball of indigestible material I couldn’t recognize.
And now I’m hungry again, and I think I need to find something to eat and then fly west.
I can’t afford to exert myself much while hungry, and no one is going to be looking for me.
On the other hand, I have this fucking tracker threaded through a damn hole in my left horn, and so I’m being watched. So, if I do follow that helicopter, whoever did this will turn around and intercept me.
On the gripping hand? I don’t have a gripping hand and that’s a weird reference most people aren’t going to get.
In my mouth, then – the third consideration that I’m really focused on – most mountains within a day’s car drive of where I live are all generally to the East, and that helicopter is going to land somewhere where there is fuel. I don’t know its range and I don’t know mine. But I can guess that my home is westward, and that following the helicopter will get me closer. However, in this day and age, if I’m still in Washington State, I can’t be more than a day or two of flight away from a restaurant or convenience store or gas station that I might be able to see from the air. I think.
Considering the lack of snow, I’m probably not in Alaska or Canada, I’m guessing. And the area looks vaguely familiar.
I think that I might actually be back in the Pasayten Wilderness.
If they wanted to rehome me but keep me in a climate that is close to what I’m used to so as not to kill me, but in a wilderness area away from people, staying at the same latitude makes a certain amount of sense. So they probably just took me directly east.
Ridiculous.
There is so much that is ridiculous about this.
To review. On the one claw, I need to eat and get back home. On the other, they’re tracking me. In my mouth, though, I’m pretty sure I know just where they dropped me and how to find food I can eat.
It’s mid morning, and to get food I need to fly, and I’m on a mountain. What a great place to start!
I’m way more down on myself than I sound like, I’m sure. I’m leaving out my worst thoughts because I’m actively ignoring them. Partly because I know those kinds of thoughts can be deadly out here. Partly because I’m a fucking dragon, and while I might be domesticated or something like that, I know I can hunt. I’ve done it.
And largely because those assholes drilled a hole through my horn without my consent, and I’m more angry at them than at myself.
I’m still Megnificent, though, for all that means.
Let’s take off and maybe change the meaning of that word a little.
—
I’m flying higher than I’ve ever been and I’m having a crisis.
Below me is the mountain I woke up on. I’ve discovered that it is sort of a crescent ridge, with a shallow slope on the west and south sides of it, and three deep depressions in the middle northeast of it, each with some water at the bottom. One pool of which is large enough I’m going to call it a lake instead of a pond. It’s the southernmost one.
And flying around that lake on the east side of the ridge I woke up on, in the morning sun, is a freaking bald eagle.
I’m pretty sure it’s looking for fish in the lake.
I’m higher than it and it has not noticed me. I’ve been up here for a while, nice and quiet, riding thermals, and it took off from a roost and started circling that lake, looking delicious to my instincts.
But it’s a bald eagle.
Last time I checked, I’m a citizen of the United States and I am not allowed, by law, to eat that.
I think.
I am so hungry, but I really shouldn’t eat the bald eagle.
—
Once I’m soaring, flying around feels a lot like resting, to be honest. It’s almost like my wing-joints can lock into place, and the effort to keep them extended is minimal. And the summer sun keeps me alert and ready to dive at any prey I deem worthy of eating.
If I go too high, there’s a wind that blows me eastward, which I do not want. So, every time I start getting buffeted by that, I drop and head a little further West. But I’m mostly circling right now looking for food and thinking.
I’ve allowed myself to do this into the midafternoon, hoping to catch better thermals and also to maybe find some wild food I can eat to sustain me. But, it’s looking like I’m going to have to get some water soon instead.
I can backtrack a little to my mountain and the lake there.
Or, I’ve gotten high enough I caught glimpses through the western mountains of a huge, long lake running north and south, with the south end right at the base of the mountain that's on fire. And I’m guessing that’s Ross Lake, and there might be people camping there.
I mean, there might be people camping anywhere around here. It’s early September and not a bad time for it if you don’t have kids. But Ross Lake is more dense with campsites, and has roads going to it.
If course, that fire makes it less likely.
On the northwest side of the burning mountain, there’ll be Ross dam, and campsites on the roads, and higher likelihood of finding a tool that can be used to get this tracking tag off of me. If I’m remembering and guessing correctly. If the rangers let anyone camp there right now.
And I think I can make that by the end of the day.
The fire looks like it’s spreading south, not north, and there's the whole bulk of the mountain between it and the lake.
It's worth a shot
I’m starting to think, based on my flying time and circling, that I maybe could have made it all the way back home if I’d started out that direction first thing.
But I think I want this tracker off before I do that.
—
It’s getting near dusk when I make it to the southern tip of the big long lake, and there’s a dam, and a couple campsites with lights in them. A fire and a camper, I think.
And my eye catches a large, squat looking bird flying between trees below me.
Without thinking or planning, I drop.
It’s not a bald eagle.
The startled and anguished cry of a great horned owl followed by the furious flapping of dragon trying to avoid an abrupt landing must be an odd thing to human ears. I cannot imagine a time in my life before my metamorphosis that I’ve heard anything like it.
The owl’s neck is broken an instant after I slam into it mid air, and I’m not going to bother to describe my process of eating it, because you don’t need to know how awful it is. There are plenty of nature documentaries out there with video footage of crocodiles, alligators, and birds eating other birds, and that’s close enough.
I’m saving my memories of the sensations of it for when I need to appall and horrify someone I don’t like much.
And I’m really hoping there aren’t any three or four year olds camping with mommy and daddy around to have heard or even seen me do that.
I expect that in the half dark of dusk in the wooded mountains, that that would be beyond nightmare inducing.
—
I’m sorry, let’s review.
I was born in 1974, and nothing seemed to fit me. I didn’t like who or what I was, and I was confused about life until at nine years old I saw a movie about cartoon dragons and realized that I must be a dragon stuck in the body of a human boy. Only, I wasn’t a boy, either.
And up until a week and a half ago, I thought that that was my lot in life, regardless of what happened. I didn’t grow out of it. I just buckled down and tried to learn everything I could about dragons while attempting to survive in the ways of my local humans.
And that took its toll, and I was never really able to work, and I ended up on SSI with a couple of disabilities, chronic fatigue and C-PTSD. And then I managed to land a HUD sponsored living situation in the Magnolia Apartments in my home town of Fairport, Washington.
Which is where I was when I awoke on the morning of Saturday, August 24, to find my body mysteriously transformed into the visage of my dreams. Literally. Every detail of it has been familiar to me, if somehow also new, because it matches who and what I am.
And the people I knew, acquaintances who I’d hoped to one day call friends, all bafflingly recognized me even more easily and accepted me into their lives.
It was quite lovely, if bewildering, for three days, until, after my Tuesday counseling appointment, I was attacked in my own apartment, through the wall, by Joel.
Joel is a dragon who I was calling Whitman for a while, because he makes a sound that I’d describe as a “yawp”. And he looks like a cross between a vampire bat, a hippo, and a velociraptor, with the mouth of the hippo, the ears and wings of the bat, and the tail of the raptor. He’s actually a sympathetic guy, but it took us a while to iron that out.
We’re still not on friendly terms.
But, in fighting Joel, I found my challenge cry, which I then started using in the morning like a bird. And the other dragons of Fairport, one or two in each neighborhood surrounding me, answered back!
And that’s how I found out that I wasn’t remotely alone in my metamorphosis.
Somewhere in there, I met and befriended a delightful autistic enby named Chapman with a special interest in dragons and a surprising secret. Chapman almost immediately teamed up with my lovely neighbor, Rhoda, to support me in navigating my new social life as a city dragon amongst other city dragons.
But despite their help, it became a serious mess really quick. Probably because I kept screwing up and making a bloody, violent, and extremely loud nuisance of myself and my neighboring dragons.
I was trying to do things right. I was following my intuition, or instincts, and aiming for a draconic diplomacy. But that doesn’t go over very well with a hundred thousand neighboring humans.
And even though I seemed to have made inroads and plans with Mayor Lynn Chisholm, who’s daughter turned out to be a dragon, too, I also got the attention of the richest land owner in the county, Daniel Säure. And it’s old Dan who is the one that I’m sure owns that surplus Coast Guard helicopter, and the company that runs it.
The last time I encountered the police on poor terms, just after interviewing the mayor, they were armed with tranquilizer darts and working with that chopper, which has Wildlife Management markings on it. A company called Equisetum Wildlife.
And it was they who tranqued me in my sleep and flew me out here, I’m sure of it.
And I’m pretty sure that drilling a fucking hole through my horn is not best practices when it comes to tagging wild animals.
For one, I’m not a wild animal. I’m a domesticated dragon with a social security number and a disability case file. I live in a symbiotic relationship with humans and many of them treat me like one of their own. I even use AAC (Augmentative and Alternative Communication) on a tablet to talk to them. I drink coffee that I buy with my money.
But also, that weakens the horn, and I use that horn. It increases the chance that it will break, right through that hole, and I’ll lose the tracker then. Though that’s not how I want it to go.
I like my horns.
I’m pretty sure they put it there because they didn’t know what else to do, though. I can get to any part of my body with my teeth, except for the back of my head. And I can get to the back of my head with two sets of claws (my foreclaws and my wing claws). They improvised, and I hate it.
So that probably gives you an idea of why I’m in the mood I’m in while I’m swallowing that owl whole.
Did I ever mention that I can breath and even make noise while I’ve got something halfway swallowed?
I don’t think I did.
Well, I can.
I don’t bother with the sounds, because it comes out muffled and unimpressive. But it’s really handy to be able to breathe that way.
Probably not a good idea to try to breath fire, though. Fire doesn’t come out my nose, ever. It’s always a mouth thing for me.
This seems like an oversite in evolutionary design, but no one’s actually overseeing draconic evolution that we know of. Except maybe us dragons ourselves.
And that's yet another thing.
Chapman’s secret, which I’ve promised not to tell anyone, is that sie awoke and went through hir own kind of invisible metamorphosis years before us dragons did. And, along with anyone like hir, sie can perform something that sie calls hir “art”. Which is basically magic, as far as I’m concerned. And I can sense it whenever sie does it near enough to me.
And one of the things that Chapman’s art revealed is that I’m parthenogenetic. I can harvest and store DNA from a variety of donor vertebrates, usually from their spermatozoa but maybe even from their ovum if I can get them safely, and then mix and match without a single mate of my own bioform if I don’t want one. And in that process, I can bear a clutch of eggs full of baby egg producing dragons of various and varying chimerical traits.
And that’s presumably why every dragon is so wildly different.
Out there, somewhere, is probably a dragon who can breathe fire, or something, through their nose. But it’s not me.
Fortunately, no one interrupts my meal.
—
Owl and a couple small river rocks in my crop, I approach the camper. It’s most likely to have the tools I want, and its lights are still on.
To make sure I’m not startling its occupants, I’m occasionally saying the most soothing words I know, of the thirteen I’ve learned to imitate with my syrinx. I don’t have my tablet, so communication is going to be a bear.
“Meg,” my name. And then, “Okay,” and “Peace.” And I repeat those in alternating patterns as I near the vehicle.
In immediate retrospect I probably should have just exclaimed, “Shit,” which I learned in the voice of a young man named Caleb. It might have garnered more sympathy, instead of sounding unbelievably creepy.
Have you ever seen that Farside comic with the deer dressed up as a hunter and saying, “Howdy! The vacuum bag is hot today! Howdy!”? Yeah. That.
The door of the camper slams open and I find myself staring down the double barrels of a gun right into the eyes of a grizzled man who suddenly finds he can’t move a muscle, not even his trigger finger, because he’s locked eyes with a dragon.
And then I say, “Shit.”
“Harold?” I hear from inside the camper. “Are you OK? What is it?”
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New book starts tomorrow at 6:30 am Pacific Time
Join me in my morning song as I pump the world full of words about dragons!
How to be Megnificent is my sequel to my first book, now titled Meghanology, and it begins right where the first one left off. With me stranded in the mountains!
And it will be published right here on my blog.
Also available to read on ScribbleHub
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Out of context quote from chapter 7 of @girldragongizzard's sequel book, How to be Megnificent:
I’ve decided I’m not putting up with any more vague bullshit from Artists.
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