#how the hell am i going to wake up at 4 in the fuckign morning for a beach bonfire next week i will be up playing totk!

[amiharana]

momentarily forgot i have a life outside of totk i went to sleep at 9a playing and woke up at 1:30p but i have personal obligations and events to attend still 😭

[lucatorahaven]

vampire au post

4 skype convos haphazardly mixed in from very different times

[29/11/2014 4:27:51 AM] Probably Not Assorted Cheeses: Vampire au

Lucas the incompetent vampire who eats mostly animals

Duster was the one who bit him, only bc duster was literally starving n lucas came at a bad time

idk if duster should be born a vampire or not but Wes is one too and together they taught lucas how to survive.

however eventually they had to leave, they offered for lucas to join them but lucas can’t leave his family behind, the kid’s too sentimental :’(

so together they staged his death (which im too lazy to try n think of)

claus knew bout the vampire thing tho, lucas couldn’t live alone like that. He also ended up biting Boney in an accident so hey vampire dog.

claus grew up and eventually had his own family. Lucas could only really watch from afar but then the kids got his age and it was hard to see him and keep the gig up. He visited his parents funeral anonymously and afterwards him and claus stood there just

“sup” “how’re the kids” “twice your age and with kids of their own” “heh, i always thought you would be the one with kids yano?” 

it was very bittersweet, it felt like they’ve never been apart 

“it never stops feeling strange without you” "I know” 

lucas thinks of that conversation a lot

he started off the "younger uncle" then the "weird neighbourhood kid that visits grandpa claus" and inevitably the "weird kid from nowhere who goes to the cemetary every other month to put flowers on graves older than appears to be"

SO without attachments lucas traveled with boney, hoping that they find duster along the way.

eventually lucas comes back to tazmilly but it’s been a couple hundred years now and it’s completely different so he doesn’t recognize it

n lucas one day is caught outside with no shelter, it’s almost morning so he runs into osohe (which is way outta town so he assumed it was abandoned)

vampires can’t enter homes without being invited in because apparently homes are holy land but osohe is fuckn haunted so that doesn’t apply (adding on to the abandoned theory)

that’s how kumatora and him meet, she finds him exploring osohe all “wtf the fuck who are YOU...this me house”

So she gets an awkward lie explanation from lucas 

n she eventually catches on lucas is a vampire n is just DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE I NEVER MET A VAMPIRE BEFORE FUCKN SWEET

lucas is just UM.;;; IS IT OK IF I STAY

"oh dude it's cool!! but u gotta tell me bout yourself bc i never met a vampire before ok?? i live iN THE PERFECT GOTHIC HOME BUT THERE’S NONE!! but here you are and i’m JACKED i gotta go to work tho so brb but afterwards u gotta tell me about yourself ok CYA"

lucas is still processing everything by the time she leaves, but he’s grateful and figures a conversation is the least he can do to repay her

in this au kumatora’s into cryptology bc her house is FULL of books and it’s a common subject (also the fact her castle is filled with ghosts and there are zombies just across the moat, it’s a p convenient hobby)

when she comes back she’s super excited because he’s still there 

lucas is kinda reserved but he still answers questions bc it’s POLITE

she asks bout p much everything?? “HEY do you need that” “y-yes” “is this true?” “not that i know of” “ok experiment time” “uH;;” “wait am i keeping you up?? it’s still daytime” “no it’s okay” 

after exhausting lucas of all his Vampire Facts kuma invites lucas to live at osohe castle, it’s big enough anyways

lucas is wary af bc he doesn't wanna accidentally get close to someone who 1. has a life span and 2. is technically food

but lucas ends up sticking around anyways, boney really likes it and he lowkey enjoys her company

so they keep chillin n lucas tells her how he hunts animals n how he only takes a bit of blood so they don't die and 

IDK I GO BY THE THEORY THAT VAMPIRES HAVE VENOM bc otherwise their entire food source becomes COMPETITION n they can bite but not?? TURN THEM INTO ANYTHIng so controlled blood flow for feeding purposes

also vampires only need to eat once or twice a month? they die around 6+ months without eating from starvation. It all depends on how quickly the blood cells in their body die basically.

ALSO when they bite you it doesn’t hurt bc their saliva numbs it so (sneaky bites) but it still feels weird as shit

bUT YA SO LUCAS N KUMATORA CHAt a whole bunch...you know that “accidentally get close” thing i mentioned? it happened

(it was kinda hard to avoid when the first companion you have that’s not your dog is informed on vampires and vampire goods, that was convenient)

so they keep hangin out and kumatora unlocks his Tragic Backstory

n sometimes kumatora helps him feed? like they go out together finding animals n storing blood

n lucas is fascinated with how technology has advanced bc he doesn't really?? go into towns anymore but he fuckn LOVES it

n they play video games n general COOL FUNTIMES

kumatora let’s lucas borrow her labtop to occupy himself and he looks for other vampires or hints of them

(this is under the assumption that osohe can get electricity in a modern au while still being ignored / abandoned)

n when kumatora goes to work he cleans up the castle n tries to show how much hE REALLY APPRECIATES HEr

n lIKE i also go by the logic that vampires do not do the stereotypical “turn into ashes at sunlight” it is a slow progression that takes up to 12 hours until absolutely turned to a crisp 

so basically if he covers himself and wears a shit ton of sunscreen he can chill in the middle of the day for like...a hour or two

and bc kumatora's WORTH IT he visits her at work n she's all LucAS WHAT ARe yO U DoING??   

lookin like a modern goth kid......has a huge red burn on his cheek..

he blames it on how pale/blonde he is “my brother is ginger you know”

kuma gets super worried n he's all bruh it cool i have like..2 more hours until i need to go to a hospital   

n kumas jsuT I GET OFF IN 4 HOURS GO HOME

kumatora invites him to movie nights with her friends n shit

people start calling lucas kumatora's goth boyfriend “never call him that when he's around or i'll murder you”

theyre all rather cool with lucas and find his speech kinda funny?

"wow look at those teeny boppers" "GET A LOAD OF THIS GUY GOD I LOVE IT" “???????????????" kumas friends ask for lucas more all WHAT SCHOOL DOES HE GO TO WHERE DOES HE LIVE "oh he's......foreign B)"

eventually it comes up how lucas doesn’t really want to be a vampire anymore and kumatoras just “dude i can help you find a cure” bc maybe her hobby is a bit Excessive but live your dreams

but ya lucas is just?? constantly wants to visit kumatora n loves her night shifts!! visits all the time they go on hikes a lot n jusT? GETS SO FUCKIGN ATTACHED IT SCARES HIM CONSTANTLY

they sometimes fall asleep on the couch together n when he's all "wow shes so cute.." he realizes how fucking Deep he’s in this and he’s FUCKED

he tries to distance himself but he Can’t Fucking Do It (just like w/ his fam)

whenever he tries to push her away she looks so upset it kills him 

N HE'S IN SUCH A STRUGGLE BC HE'S JUST

SO HAPPY TO BE AROUND HER??????

N LIKE WHEN THEY CUDDLE N STUFF HE'S JUST SO OVERWHELMED BC oh my god heartbeats!! oh my god she's gonna die before me

n lucas really fucking feels the severity of how FUCKED he is when its her birthday n hes just

yes she's gonna age and he's gonna outlive her n they could never realistically be happy even if by some offhand chance she even RETURNS the feelings

N HE HAS TO HIDE HIS CRYING N STUFF BUT KUMATORA HAS  A 6TH FUCKN SENSE FOR DISTRESSED LUCAS SO SHE'S ALL bruh :( whats up

so he opens up to her about his feelings and anxiety and she hugs him through it, it’s kind of a shitty way to confess 

“idk if i can forgive you for deciding that i’m gonna die before you” “are you threatening murder” “that and no way death’s gonna get me, i’m pretty stubborn”

a lil while passes

“you know... i’m okay with becoming a vampire” lucas refuses bc dude.. you can’t even comprehend the weight of immortality.. what if she regrets it 

“to hell if i make my closest friend suffer because of a life span” “hah i guess that’s the same for me”

they drop the vampire topic for the time being and move on to other ones such as... mutual feelings :^)

they’re both romantically inclined i mean... lucas spent 300+ years being a hermit and kumatora had other things to do

so they take it slow, it’s p much the same as before except.. hey...now when i think “man i wanna hold their hand” i CAN

it'd also be really sad and/or cute if the ghosts in the castle some of them were lucas's family which might be why boney likes it so much but also imagine them kissin on the couch "kuma ghosts r there" "EH THEYRE JUst ghosts" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) claus looks into the camera "after so long... finally my little brother gets some action :')"

but idk if that’s a thing bc it feels kinda weird i feel like kissin n shit wouldn't b very often bc as much as they both loVE IT 

IT'S NOT THAT GREAT FOR A VAMPIRE

YANO.... HEARTS R BEATING... NECK IS RIGHT THERE (lucas still adores it tho)

so back to the topic of Mortality

kuma gets attacked in an alley on the way home from work

n lucas finds her bc they were gonna meet up but he smelt the blood and when he does find her he just goes FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK n didn't know how to save her 

also thinking rationally is hard when OH LOOK AT ALL THAT BLOOD AHhaHA

SO HE BITES HER

he carries her body home n he spends the whole waiting process between DEAD and VAMPIRE crying just "hoyl shti please work please work" “what did i fucking dooooo” “what if i was earlier” “what if i was too late” so many anxieties

kuma wakes up and lucas transistions from panic to HAPPY PANIC OH THANK GOD

she’s really out of it bc of the process and he’s crying apologies “it’s okay you saved me” but he’s still crying, they cuddle for comfort

"hey atleast we did it NOW when i'm a hot sexy 19 yr old and not a wrinkly old lady” “kuma” “i’m tryna make light of the conversation”

so now that kumatora’s a vampire she only works night shifts until she eventually quits. They moved to a new town / whatever so it was easy to avoid having to meet someone in the daytime. facebook helped keep in touch with her friends while still letting the friendship die out.

it took kumatora a bit to get used to being a vampire. she threw up a lot at first and she didn’t like having to drink blood but she did eventually get used to it

idk if they find a cure bc idk what the cure would BE but they eventually find other vampires :^) they continued lucas’s search for duster and probably found him tbh

[cupcakeshakesnake]

Watching SU for the first time: Season 4 ep 11~15 (part 2)

This post reacts to Season 4 episodes 113~15 (Gem Heist/The Zoo/That Will Be All).

I feel like my brain’s got a blue screen of death... jfc

Gem Heist

-*’I have a bad feeling about this’ intensifies*

-THERE’S A FUCKIGN RED EYE

-WTF?? AMETHYSTS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THAT BIG??

-NO WONDER JASPER CALLED AMETHYST A RUNT, BUT SERIOUSL, I LIKE SHORT AMETHYST BETTER, THIS IS SO UNCOMFORTABLE

-How the hell are they not able to see through the window from outside

-WHY DOES THE AMETHYST SOUND LIKE JASPER

-who the fuck is that cat ear haired dudette and why won’t she stop punching people

-This is so uncomfortable

-Sapphires must be pretty high-ranking in Homeworld society

-I never liked the homeworld society and I don’t like it now. Fucking hierarchy and bullshit.

-Are those jail cells

-i still haven’t gotten over that hair

-Please hold it together Ruby

-That does bring up the question, do gems speak English or is there some TARDIS translation circuit shit going on in there, like the CG’s can communicate with humans because they’ve been on Earth and there linguistics immediately adapted to their environment, but the gems in the zoo have never been exposed to Earth surroundings and therefore cannot understand the language of a native?

-I only just realized the zoo ship looks like those diamonds people put on rings.

-Oh and hold it together Amethyst...

-FUCKING RUBY

-HOLD IT TOGETHER RUBY

-Maybe it only opens for diamonds?

-I W A S R E A L L Y E N J O Y I N G T H E T O U R

-The gem at the back of Holly’s head makes her look like she has a permanent drop of cartoon sweat

-”NO RUNNING IN MY LOBBY”

-*shouts “WE DO NOT RUN OR SHOUT IN THESE HALLWAYS”* sounds legit.

-”Assimilation bay”? Assimilation:  the act or process of assimilating, or of absorbing information,experiences, etc. Assimilate:  to take in and incorporate as one's own; absorb ...Uh oh.

-HEY PERIDOT I FOUND YOUR FINGERS

-Reminds me of that one time I took an MRI scan. It was really loud and sounded uncannily like hardstyle music. Scanning with sick beats.

-STEVEN DON’T GIVE IN TO THE HUMILIATION

-But seriously what’s with the undressing that’s disturbing

-and there’s a giant eye watching

-Me too Steven, me too. Loincloths are one of the worst human inventions to ever exist. And now you look like some farmboy from medieval Japan.

-HE’S NOT OLD ENOUGH FOR FUCKING EAR TAGS

-Welcome to space Hawaii.

-”Your weird appearance, your strange jewels... I know what you are. YOU’RE HIPPIES!"

-the fuck

-did that episode seriously just cut off there

-I will now put my voice, specifically trained in the ways of the Whovians to scream the name of Moffat, to an unconventional use, to scream...

-REBECCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!1!!!!11!!

-*insert JonTron saying “What, What the fuck”*

The Zoo

-SKIP THE THEME SONG

-’TIS A PRETENTIOUS FACADE OF RAINBOWS AND FLOWERS PLANTED TO DISGUISE THE INFERNO THAT IS CURRENTLY TAKING PLACE

-Space Hawaii... with Minecraft grass.

-”Gareg”

-That name sounds kinda Star Wars-y

-And now I have conflicting feelings about the zoos we have on Earth, I mean, is that what animals think of zoos, but only way worse? No grass, no trees, just concrete and spectators? (I mean, some zoos are really nicely set up but others are not so good.)

-Annnnd introducing people from all over the world. KIDNAPPED humans.

-Now imagine Steven freeing all those humans and bringing them to Earth and Peedee just waking up and going to work one morning to find 20+ people in loincloths chanting “The buts, the bits”

-What the fuck, glowing earpieces

-For a moment I thought it was gonna say some 1984 shit “WAR IS PEACE. FREEDOM IS SLAVERY. IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH.”

-Well that still sounds like brainwashing to me

-MINECRAFT FRUIT

-MINECRAFT QUILT GRASS

-Reminds of the scene in Kungfu Panda 3 where all the pandas roll downhill.

-HOW THE FUCK IS THAT VOICE WATCHING

-SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING THEY’RE DOING

-I BET IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THAT SPACE EYE

-IT REMINDS ME OF THE CYBERMEN EARPODS FROM DOCTOR WHO SERIES 2

-*WHAT THE FUCK INTENSIFIES*

-”What if I don’t want to smell the flowers?” Then you will be EXTERMINATED.

-But seriously, this is really unsettling.

-By “refreshing bath” you mean sitting dramatically in a fountain with all your clothes on

-Without even wetting your hair

-CANNONBAAAAAAALL

-”Raised in captivity”

-That sun is really bugging me for some rea-WHAT THE FUCK

-I kid you not, I legitimately yelled “WHAT THE FUCK” when it started eclipsing

-I thought it was gonna turn into a giant eye or something holy shit

-Now it just reminds me of the night light in Bo’s room on Spirited Away

-How the fuck do they all get tired at the same time and how do they not get tired or bored of the same routine (from what I gather) every day. There is something seriously wrong with this. Or it’s just because they were indeed raised in captivity and i’m just overreacting.

-”I sure am tired from doing a whole lot of nothing”

-”It’s the door!”

 -I mean there were literally like three banana leaves covering it

-That’s creepy

-you sure Greg, Steven has superhuman stregth, he can punch an arcade robot out of its stall...

-Maybe they just assume everyone’s asleep at night and don’t care what happens

-The WHAT?

-This is ominous

-U12, F3... they’re fucking numbered

-Wait but why do gems use human alphabets

-”choosened”  Much grammar. Such wow.

-Wait is this some sort of breeding ritual  Is this how those humans were born in the first place

-what the fuck

-THE FUCK

-what the fuck

-fucking fuck

-what the FUCK

-GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN, THE DOOR IS OPEN

-Amethysts working emotional support.

-So do they understand zoo humans but not Greg/Steven, or does it work differently?

-uh oh

-shit

That Will Be All

-*bad feeling intensifies even more*

-*Han Solo voice* I’ve got a baaad feeling about this.

-Well at least they’re out of the enclosure

-Are those Jaspers

-in... boxes??

-Are soldier gems usually kept in cat towers?? How do they even get up there?

-NOOO AMETHYST

-THANK FUCKING GOODNESS you had me scared there for a moment

-Like, thank fucking goodness. I’d really hate it if Amethyst went through even more shit than she already did.

-SKINNY JASPER

-LOL WUT

-what the fuck

-*in that screaming voice when you turn a corner in a horror game only to find the same monster that’s been hunting you down for the last twenty minutes patiently waiting for you* THEY’RE STILL THERE

-those cat tower holes are supposed to look like Kindergarten holes.. so that’s what they do?? Just stand in there??

THEY WERE EAVESDROPPING

-Except Ruby. She was prepared to punch someone.

-Who bubbled all these gems that look nothing like the one in my belly?

-”Oh no I’m crying, the enemy is near”

-WHAT THE FUCK

-Good to see YD lost some of that neck

-And apparently her trench coat/skirt thingy too

-*LOUD WALKING NOISES*

-Like seriously the diamonds are fucking HUGE ASS FUCKING GIGANTIC WTF

-Well, so much for the guy who theorized that Yellow Diamond is not huge and that Yellow Pearl is just tiny.

-I’m surprised that the pearls didn’t get accidentally squished already

THAT FUCKING SMUG ASS FACE

I cOulDn;T heLP MYSELFF

-AND NOW I’M CACKLING LIKE MAD

-I WAS CACKLING ALL THE WAY WHILE I WAS PHOTOSHOPPING THIS AND I AM SO GLAD I WAS ALONE AT HOME

-(Except for my dog. maybe he thinks I’m crazy now/)

-Anyway, back to the episode.

-destroy the WHAT NOW?

-Wait, did Homeworld bubble all the Rose Quartzes because of the one that defected?

-”Pearl, do something. Sing for her.”  Yellow Pearl: “someBODY-”

-Yellow Pearl: “NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN”

-Yellow Pearl: “What is love, baby don’t hurt me, baby don’t hurt me no more”

-Yellow Pearl: “Turn down for WHAT”

-Yellow Pearl: “bobok bok  bok bok  bokbok bok bokbok  bobok bok  bok bok bokbok YEE”

-Yellow Pearl: “And I said HEYYEYAAEYAAAEYAEYAA “

-Yellow Pearl: “ROUND AND ROUND LET THE CITY TURN, PARTY IN THE HILLS WE CAN PARTY IN THE BURBS”

-Yellow Pearl: “SIE SIND DAS ESSEN UND WIR SIND DIE JAGER”

-Yellow Pearl: “wE, ARE THE CRYSTAL GEMS”

-Now I want a compilation of Yellow Pearl singing ridiculous things

-maybe I will make them myself.. but I only have Windows Movie Maker

-Shh, Steven, don’t sing along.

-HOLY FUCK IT’S THE SONG

-Makes sense that YD’s voice actor is a musical actress.

-AWW THEY’RE ON HER HANDS

-why do those pearls have such squeaky voices

-it’s certainly something different to see the main antagonist’s feelings being shown, and having her own song that isn’t about conquering and being evil, instead they’re shown to have feelings and caring about their friends and lost ones.  I like that.  Steven Universe makes it hard to really hate any character, because none of them are one-dimensional, they all have their own stories and personalities, there’s more sides to them than their first impressions.

-(I’m silently kinda thinking it would have been even more better if it was a duet but hey what we already got is great in itself)

-fucking holly agate

-dictionary agate

-Ruby is discomforted

-AND I GET WHY. THEIR PLAN’S ABOUT TO BE BLOWN

-o shit o shit o shit o shit o shit o shit o shit oshit

-DAMN BLUE DIAMOND WENT FROM GLOOMY TO EDGY SASS IN 0.1 SECONDS FLAT

-And Yellow Diamond just standing there like ‘wtf is going on’

-PHEWWWW

-I hope we get to see more of them in the future, it’ll be an interesting story arc. I’m curious as to what their positions and roles will be in the upcoming episodes.

H A HA H A

K we buds now? cool

-And to think I thought they were gonna be like purple Jaspers

I’m going ‘shit shit shit shit shit’ but at the same time I’m laughing so hard I can hear my ribs cracking

-*SILENCE*

omfg

-wtf she uses a whip too

-GARNEEEEEEET

-SHOWDOWN

-THAT COLLECTIVE FUCKING “OOOOOHHHHHH”

-DAMN PEARL THAT’s SAVAGE

-DAAAAYUMMMM

“U GOT BURNED M8″

Are all diamond ships arms? What is it with gems and arms anyway?

-It’s strangely aesthetic, though.

-Also, SHIP COLORS CORRESPOND TO GEM COLOR.  Does this mean that Peridot was the leader of the mission after all, since her ship was green like her?

-Phew, safe return to Earth.

-smol cinnamon roll and his dad are safe.

-OR ARE THEY *OMINOUS END CREDITS MUSIC*

-OKAY

-So... that happened.

-IT FUCKING BROKE ME and now I’ll go watch the rest of Doctor Who series 9 to get even more broken