#how that fits into him refusing to leave the ship in me2 leading to their death and at the end of that game.

[quietwingsinthesky]

out of all the crew, romances and all, my favorite relationship is still shepard and joker, and probably always will be. the interactions with him in mass effect 3 are some of the best in the entire game.

[nothisis-ridiculous]

Duplicity

An AU where Kaidan joins Cerberus for the events of ME2.

Chapter Two- A New Home

                                                 ~~~

Mary sat silently in the rattling shuttle. For the second time in a short few days. Eyes transfixed on the floor despondently; she had just spoken to the Illusive man for the first time. The Commander was not taking it well. Her jaw clenched then softened only to clamp back down harder. She had managed to barely look at him, only huffing when Jacob announced that he could not come on this trip to Freedom's Progress. If she had the choice, he would be grounded in an instant.

Miranda watched the two carefully but didn't say a word. Reading well enough that Mary was not in the mood for chatter- she also had nothing worth saying to Kaidan, so the cab was silent.

"We should be there shortly, Shepard. The Illusive Man put us under your command, do you have any orders?" Miranda finally spoke to break the silence.

Mary looked up, "Look for any survivors, then we investigate."

"Understood, Commander. With luck, we'll find something that was missed at the other colonies."  

Kaidan nodded when Mary's look swept over him earning him a crinkle of her nose. She was a little too eager to hop out of the shuttle, and start heading through the settlement. The first set of buildings were eerily quiet, with all the plates and beds left like everyone had just gotten up and abandoned them without another thought. After the first set of blast doors, that changed. The security mechs in the settlement programmed to kill anything on sight. The FENRIS and LOKI mechs proved to be little of a threat, even with Shepard's aim being just a little of kilter.

Shepard ended the wave in a snarl, Miranda looked at her curiously.

Before Shepard made some snarky retort under cover of the next building, they found themselves in a standoff with the most unlikely of aliens. Quarians.

"Stop right there!" A male sounding Quarian issued, guns aimed in return at the trio.

"Prazza! You said you'd let me handle this!" fought the Quarian with the most sense of the group, and a voice he knew well.

Tali's voice lightened as she caught a better look at the visitors, not expecting to see two familiar faces, "Wait...Shepard? Kaidan?"

"I'm not taking any chances with Cerberus operatives!" argued Prazza, refusing to take down his rifle moving to push passed Tali.

"Put those weapons down!" Tali commanded.

They complied.

"Shepard? Is that...you're alive?"

Mary fidgeted with her arm brace, offering a gentle smile to Tali. It looked like she wanted to go in for a hug, but stopped just short of doing so. Kaidan wished she had; Tali was the first friendly face not in Cerberus she had yet to encounter.

"Kaidan, I never thought I'd see you again, after..." But Tali cut off the sentence as Shepard's face molded into confusion.

Mary decided to spare the details, "Cerberus rebuilt me, Tali. In return, they asked me to investigate these attacks on human colonies."

Miranda interjected herself into the conversation at Prazza started to get rowdy again. Kaidan let his mind wander to how he could explain himself to Shepard once the questions came. She wasn't unprofessional enough to ask during a mission, but it would surely come later. It gave him time to prepare for her questioning. He half listened to the conversation, picking up on the essentials. Find Veetor, and see what happened. Easy.

It was time to move again, and Kaidan felt more comfortable that way.

Tali reached out to him, tugging on his arm gently- the bright shine of her eyes scoured his face, "Kaidan, did you know? Why did you keep this from us?"

He frowned, "It's complicated."

Tali huffed, "I never thought you would join Cerberus. But I'm glad you can keep her safe. If that is you in there."

Kaidan's lips smiled solemnly, "I won't lose her again," a few words to set Tali at ease. He swept his head toward the two women leaving him behind in a farewell.

                                                      ~~~

Freedom's Progress had given Mary proof that her help was needed in resolving the Collector issue. Kaidan at first thought the connection to the Reapers was a stretch at best- but he had believed other things on testimony alone. Believing that the Collectors had something to do with the Reapers made sense in a way, why else would they be collecting humans in the tens of thousands? If it wasn't Reapers, the Collectors still needed to be stopped. Who was better to send in than Commander Shepard, two parts brave, and one part insane.

His hands tightened around the cool metal poles that divided the windows, staring out with little interest in the stars in the distance. Usually, it was a place of solace, but he had found little of that in the two past years. He never felt that he fully would accept his decision to join Cerberus. Sure it had resulted in Mary being brought back, but at what point were his moral compromised? His Father had refused to speak with him at all, while his Mother's emails grew shorter and less frequent. The few friends he made within the organization felt hollow, like cover so he could fit in with the rest of the pack.

"So, uh, I heard you got punched by the Commander," the familiar voices that kept popping up was starting to become eerie, "do you think she'll snap me in half?"

Kaidan's eyes regarded the man slowly, the slow burn starting in the mess of tension that made up his shoulders, "She'll probably tear one of the arms from your socket and beat you with it."

Joker lit up, waving his hands out before him, "Wow, I didn't see that one coming from you, Alenko. You don't even sound like you are joking, and it is scary."

He chuckled softly, looking back out the window.

"It's been a while, huh?" Joker added after just a second of prolonged silence.

"Two years?" Kaidan added slowly.

Joker sighed heavily, leaning on the railing. The silence waned on longer, both men fighting to see who could quiet longer. There was much between them that neither wished to say. Aboard the Normandy, they had got along but had never bonded. Now with the events over Alchera between them, it was hard to find the words.

"Joker is there-"

"I get it you're-"

Both spoke at the same moment, Kaidan's slow speak controlling the annoyed connotation behind his words. Joker more exasperated than anything else.  Kaidan conceded to let him speak first with a gesture of his hand.

"About Alchera, I'm sorry- I was," Joker paused for breath and words.

"Disobeying a direct order from your superior officer?" Kaidan fished out the words for him, finding the anger dissipating as they were spoken. It wasn't truly Joker's fault; it was the ship who attacked them.

"Look, don't you think I have relived that enough myself?" Joker responded harshly, "It sucks being the reason why your Commander died. I got canned, and every time one of you looks at me I know they think that I am the one who took Shepard from them. I think about it every single day."

Kaidan found a smile betraying him; it wasn't that Joker's words had any amusing merit- but that for once he spoke without a jovial attitude. His words were real and raw. Painful.

"It wasn't your fault," Kaidan voiced his earlier thoughts, "it was hard for all of us. We all have regrets about that day."

"Well, I hope the Commander is as forgiving as you are," Joker forced a chuckle, "I haven't broken a bone in a while, damn Cerberus for turning me soft."

Kaidan offered a gentle chuckle, "maybe I'd lay off the jokes until you find cover."

"Right," Joker pushed from the ledge, "wish me luck! Off to go and make the Commander's day!"

He watched the man hobble away with a shake of his head, returning to his view. It wouldn't take long for both of them to return; he wondered how much Joker had begged the Illusive Man to let him make a dramatic entrance at the end of the briefing. Or how Mary would take such a reunion. Likely with much less fuss than she had created with him. For all of her huff, Mary could be surprisingly gentle.

Joker with Mary following behind had returned in one piece, and the two seemed to be getting along. She managed to smile at him, directing her attention to the dark hanger. Joker turned briefly to motion him over.

"Alenko, you'll want to see this too."

Kaidan approached cautiously, watching Mary's brow furrow at his proximity. Her patience would last as Joker's bubbling enthusiasm infected them both. The lights flickered on slowly, revealing piece by piece the surprise Joker had for them.

"It's good to be home, huh, Commander?"

Her smile broke through the face worn for Kaidan, "I guess we'll have to giver her a name," her voice catching to control the jubilation beneath the surface, "and I suppose a different coat of paint is out of the question?

Joker snorted, "Way to ruin the moment, Commander."

Mary shrugged. Only speaking what they all thought.

"When can we board her?"

Joker gave a sly smile, "Let me lead the way."

                                           ~~~

Mary approached the vessel with awe, stopping her tracks just a step away from being on board. Neither of the men at her side dared enter the ship before her. So they waited patiently as the Commander thought silently, eyes welling up quite privately as she contemplated her first steps aboard her new home.

New, with just enough of the old to feel comfortable.

Would the old ship forgive her?

With a firm swallow, she took the last step forward, pressing her lips to her palm as she did so. Running the palm of her same hand across the lip of the door as she crossed over the threshold.

"I've missed you, Normandy."