#how someone can /make/ me feel loved and seen and unashamed

[eoin-mcgonigal]

my friend just asked me to explain why i love sas rogue heroes + go into detail about my paddyeoin love....... anyway, peace and love on planet earth

[earthlybeam]

Your writing always brings me such joy. Would you be able to do Marriage & Parenthood with Glorfindel?

Thank you so much and I hope everything is well with you 💕

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and encouraging words. 🥺✨They truly mean a lot and are deeply appreciated. ❤️‍🔥🫶✨

Glorfindel version below.

☀️𝓖𝓵𝓸𝓻𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓵

𖤓 Glorfindel, as a spouse, would be a partner defined by warmth, devotion, and boundless affection. Unlike the reserved Gil-galad, Glorfindel is expressive and unashamed of his feelings, wearing his heart on his sleeve in all aspects of your relationship. His love would shine like the sun, warm and radiant, and his presence would fill every corner of your life with joy and light. To Glorfindel, love is not just a quiet partnership but a celebration of life shared with someone he treasures above all else.

✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦ ꕤ ၄၃ ꕤ ✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦

Glorfindel As a Spouse

Glorfindel would be a spouse who embraces love with his entire being. For him, being in love means constantly expressing it—through words, actions, and even the smallest gestures. He would be the type to greet you each day with a kiss to your forehead, a soft touch to your hand, and a smile that could melt away any worries. His affection is unreserved and constant; he would never let you doubt how much you mean to him.

Glorfindel would place you at the center of his life. Whether he is busy with his duties as a leader, warrior, or emissary, his first thought is always of you—how you are, if you’re comfortable, and how he can make your day brighter. He would never hesitate to drop everything if you needed him, no matter how pressing his responsibilities. His love is not just steady; it is dynamic and overflowing. He is deeply attuned to your needs and emotions, always able to sense when something is wrong, even if you don’t speak it aloud. Glorfindel would gently coax you to open up, sitting beside you with his warm golden aura, holding your hands as he listens. He thrives on connection, and being able to share your burdens or your joys with him would be one of the most fulfilling aspects of his life. While Glorfindel is naturally affectionate, his protective instincts as a warrior and leader would also define his role as your spouse. He would face any danger with unwavering resolve if it meant keeping you safe, often going above and beyond to ensure you are shielded from harm or worry. He would be quick to reassure you during troubled times with his calm voice and steadfast presence. His courage on the battlefield extends to his courage in love—he is not afraid to show his vulnerability, admit his fears, or share his dreams with you.

In private moments, Glorfindel is a playful and lighthearted spouse. He thrives on bringing laughter into your life, teasing you gently or pulling you into spontaneous dances when the mood strikes. You would often find yourself surprised by his small but thoughtful gestures—flowers left on your bedside table, a favorite meal prepared after a long day, or a quiet picnic under the stars where he serenades you with a soft song from his youth.

Glorfindel’s love is generous and unselfish. He would prioritize your happiness and well-being above his own, often going out of his way to ensure you feel cherished. He is the kind of spouse who remembers every detail about you: your favorite flower, the way you like your tea, or the songs that make you smile. To him, love is found in the details, and he takes great pride in ensuring you always feel seen and valued. Though Glorfindel’s joy and energy are boundless, there are also moments of quiet intimacy that reveal his depth. He treasures the simple, peaceful moments of sitting together by the fire, holding you close in his arms, and speaking of dreams and stories from ages long past. These moments are where he feels most at home—where he can truly let his guard down and simply be with you.

Glorfindel as a spouse is unwaveringly loyal and devoted. He is a man who loves deeply and with all his heart, and he would never let the fire of his affection for you grow dim. His love would be the kind that lifts you up, fills your life with light, and surrounds you with an unshakable sense of belonging. With him, you would always feel safe, cherished, and adored—whether in the golden halls of Imladris or under the stars of Middle-earth. For Glorfindel, loving you would be the greatest adventure of all. It would be the melody that drives his life, the light that guides him through the ages, and the joy that gives him purpose. And in your presence, his golden spirit would shine brighter than ever.

✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦ ꕤ ၄၃ ꕤ ✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦

Glorfindel As a Parent

Glorfindel would be the epitome of a loving, warm, and endlessly supportive parent. His golden spirit, overflowing with kindness and joy, would shine even brighter in the presence of his children. To him, fatherhood would be one of the greatest gifts life could offer, and he would embrace it with all the enthusiasm and care of someone who treasures every moment of it. With his sunshine-like energy and deep capacity for love, Glorfindel would be the kind of parent whose very presence feels like home—a constant source of comfort, protection, and light.

Glorfindel’s parenting would be centered on creating a warm and loving environment where his children feel safe, cherished, and free to grow into their unique selves. He would shower them with affection, whether through big, joyful hugs or playful laughter that fills the house. Every day would bring a new adventure with him as a father—be it exploring the forests of Middle-earth, listening to his whimsical tales of ancient times, or simply sitting by the fire as he teaches them songs from the days of Gondolin. Glorfindel would have an uncanny ability to turn even the most mundane moments into something magical, his golden aura imbuing every interaction with a sense of wonder. As a parent, Glorfindel’s protective instincts would rival even his legendary valor in battle. Though his love is gentle and nurturing, he would be an unyielding shield between his children and the dangers of the world. If a threat ever came near them, he would rise with all the power and courage of the warrior who faced Balrogs, ensuring that no harm would come to his beloved little ones. However, his protectiveness would never stifle their independence—he would encourage his children to explore the world, but always with the knowledge that he is there to catch them if they stumble.

Glorfindel would be a patient and attentive parent, always attuned to his children’s emotions and needs. He would be the first to notice when something is troubling them and would gently draw them out with his soothing voice and warm presence. “You can tell me anything,” he would say, his eyes full of understanding and compassion. Whether they are sharing their dreams, fears, or triumphs, Glorfindel would listen with his whole heart, making them feel valued and understood. Teaching would come naturally to him, though his lessons would never feel like burdens. Instead, they would be shared through stories, songs, and hands-on experiences. He would teach his children the importance of kindness and courage, of standing up for what is right and helping those in need. Through his actions, he would show them what it means to be strong yet gentle, brave yet compassionate. Whether it’s guiding them in swordplay, helping them learn the beauty of Middle-earth’s lore, or simply encouraging them to follow their passions, Glorfindel’s approach to parenting would be one of balance—providing guidance while allowing his children to find their own path.

Glorfindel’s playful side would make him the kind of parent who knows how to bring endless joy into his children’s lives. He would chase them through golden fields, lift them high into the air to see the tops of trees, and let them ride on his shoulders as they laugh together in the sunshine. He would indulge their curiosity, answering every question with patience and delight, even if it means staying up late to talk about the stars. And when their little hearts grow weary, he would scoop them up in his arms, humming soft melodies as they drift into dreams. But Glorfindel’s love would also shine in the quiet moments. He would be the father who stays up late to comfort them after a bad dream, who leaves little surprises to make them smile, and who always knows when a simple touch or a reassuring word is needed. His love would be unconditional and ever-present, a constant source of strength that his children could rely on no matter what.

In times of struggle, Glorfindel would remind his children of their own strength. “You are braver than you know,” he would say, his golden hair catching the light as he smiles at them with pride. “But no matter how hard the road may seem, you will never walk it alone.” He would never let them feel as though they must carry their burdens by themselves, for his love is a partnership, a bond that never falters. Glorfindel’s children would grow up knowing they are deeply and unshakably loved. They would carry his warmth with them wherever they go, a light in their hearts that guides them even in the darkest times. And in return, they would see him as not just their father but their protector, their teacher, and their greatest source of comfort and joy. To Glorfindel, fatherhood would not simply be a duty—it would be a source of endless joy and fulfillment. His golden energy would infuse every moment with love, laughter, and light, and his children would carry that radiance with them throughout their lives, forever warmed by the sunshine of their father’s boundless affection.

✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦ ꕤ ၄၃ ꕤ ✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦

Challenges as a Parent

As a parent, Glorfindel’s radiant, golden personality would make him naturally attuned to his children’s needs, but even the brightest light can cast shadows. His greatest challenge would be learning to temper his boundless enthusiasm and protective instincts with the patience to let his children learn and grow on their own. Glorfindel, who has faced the darkest terrors of Arda, would struggle with the idea of his children facing any danger, no matter how small. His love and fierce protectiveness, while born from the purest place in his heart, could sometimes manifest as overprotection. He might find it difficult to watch them stumble or fail, his first instinct always being to shield them from harm or heartache.

Though Glorfindel would encourage curiosity and exploration, he might be overly cautious when his children express an adventurous streak—especially if it echoes his own boldness. If they showed a desire to take risks or venture into the unknown, he would grapple with the fear of losing them to the same forces of darkness he once faced. “I know the world can be harsh,” he might say, his voice tinged with both pride and worry. “And I would face it all again if it meant keeping you safe.” Over time, however, Glorfindel’s deep wisdom and love would help him realize that part of being a good parent is allowing his children to find their own strength, even if it means letting them take risks.

Another challenge for Glorfindel might be balancing his sunny, playful nature with the need for discipline. His instinct would be to offer warmth and encouragement, but there could be moments when he struggles to set boundaries or enforce rules, especially if his children give him those wide, pleading eyes. “How can I say no to that face?” he might mutter with a laugh, only to realize later that he must guide them firmly when needed. As he grows into his role as a father, Glorfindel would learn to balance his natural warmth with the wisdom and structure his children need to flourish.

Tender Moments For all his challenges, Glorfindel’s love as a parent would shine brightest in the tender moments he shares with his children. Whether it’s comforting them after a bad dream, carrying them on his shoulders to see the sunset, or simply holding them close as they share their hopes and fears, Glorfindel’s presence would be a constant source of reassurance. He would be the kind of father who makes time for his children, no matter how busy his life might be. “There is nothing more important to me than you,” he would say, his eyes glowing with sincerity.

When they are young, Glorfindel would indulge his children with all the joy and playfulness they could imagine. He would tell them stories of his time in Gondolin, of bravery and triumph, but always with a touch of humor to keep them smiling. He would turn the lessons of the past into fantastical adventures, sparking their imagination and teaching them the values of courage, kindness, and resilience. On rainy days, he might create games to keep them entertained, filling their home with laughter and the warmth of his presence. As his children grow, Glorfindel would adapt his approach, becoming not just a playful parent but a wise and steady guide. He would take them out to the golden fields of Middle-earth, teaching them the ways of the sword or the beauty of the land, always emphasizing the balance between strength and compassion. “A warrior’s heart is not just strong,” he would tell them, “but gentle enough to protect what truly matters.” Whether teaching them practical skills or simply listening to their dreams, Glorfindel would be a patient and encouraging teacher, always striving to help them become the best versions of themselves.

Glorfindel’s affection would be shown in countless little gestures: a flower left on their pillow to brighten their day, a cloak wrapped around them when they’re cold, or a soft kiss on the forehead as they drift off to sleep. In moments of sadness or doubt, he would sit with them, holding their hands and reminding them of their worth. “You are more precious to me than all the stars,” he would say, his voice soft but full of conviction. And though he would never push, Glorfindel would always remind his children that they are capable of greatness. Whether they seek to be warriors, scholars, or something else entirely, he would cheer them on with unwavering pride. “Whatever path you choose,” he would say, his golden hair shining in the sunlight, “know that I will always walk beside you.” In moments of quiet, when the world seems still, Glorfindel might take his children to a peaceful glade or a starlit hill, sharing the beauty of Arda with them. These moments would be his way of teaching them not just about the world, but about the joy and wonder it holds. He would hum lullabies as they rest against him, his voice carrying the peace of ages past, and remind them that no matter where they go, his love will always follow.

Enduring Love To his children, Glorfindel would be a beacon of light—a father whose warmth, kindness, and endless love shape their lives in profound ways. His challenges as a parent would only deepen his commitment, teaching him to grow alongside his children and to love them not just as they are, but as they strive to become. Glorfindel’s legacy as a father would not lie in grand declarations or material gifts, but in the quiet, enduring love that shines in every moment he shares with his family. His children would carry his light with them, knowing that no matter how far they wander, they will always have a home in their father’s heart—a golden, unshakable love that never fades.

[quicktosimp]

I Must Please You

Kinktober Day 13

Tsu’tey/Human!Reader

Warnings: In Public, Cunniligous, Fingering, Size Kink, Minor Strength Kink

Thank you @pandoraslxna for all your hard work 💖

Dividers by @plutism

Being mated to Tsu’tey is a dream. You will never find a man more devoted to you than him. It’s like his one goal in life is to take care of his mate. He knows your favorite food without you telling him, and he always brings you extra. He knows your moods; no matter what, he knows how to read you and how to fix the situation. He knows how to please you, every corner and crevice, how to make you scream. Tsu’tey knows how to care for you like it’s the only reason he was born. This leads us to where we are now.

“Tsu’tey! Love, please!” I moan, unashamed, into the open air.

“Quiet, ma Yawne, someone will hear you.” He smugly scolds.

Today, Tsu’tey is training, and I came to watch. Seeing his muscles move under his skin, he barely breaks a sweat while sparing with all of his students. He quickly works through the line of students, never once losing.

Watching him move like that would get anyone hot and bothered. Yet I sat there, nearly drooling over Tsu’tey, unable to take my eyes off him. Bulging muscles and throwing the occasional student, my panties have been soaked for over an hour.

I watched as he sniffed the air, a confused look on his face before he turned to me. His eyes went wide for a moment before going dark.

“All of you, take a break! I expect you back by the next hour!” He snapped at the group of students who rushed to obey his commands.

Tsu’tey stocks over to me, his pupils wide, “Ma Yawne, I can smell you from the other side of the ring. What has caused your arousal?” He asks, kneeling to my height.

A blush overtakes my face, not realizing that I would be caught so quickly, “I didn't know that I smelt that much.” I brush off, unable to meet his eyes.

“It is not something that others would smell,” His eyes are fond, “I can smell each shift in your scent. I know your arousal better than my own.” Tsu’tey admits, gabbing my hands. He takes them and places his nose next to my wrist. Even as a human, the wrists secrete pheromones, “Now tell me, Yawne, why do you smell as if we have been entwined together?”

“It is nothing. Let’s discuss this once we are back at our kelku.” I stand to leave, not thinking that it would put my cunt next to his face.

A deep growl escapes his chest, “Yawne, I can smell that you are wet. If I were to take off your tewng, I know you would be soaked.” His nose brushes against my clothed cunt.

“Tsu’tey! You can’t do that here! Anyone could see!” I whispered harshly, scandalized, my eyes roaming the area, fear of being seen.

“Ba, no one would dare to disobey my orders.” Tsu’tey dismisses the thought, “Besides, all they would see is a man pleasuring his Muntxate. There is no shame in that.” His head stayed between my thighs.

I balk at the idea, “You don’t do that in public. It’s something that you do in the privacy of your home.” I rationalize.

“But it is private. It is just us. No one will return soon.” Tsu’tey assured, becoming confused.

“I-I, I don’t know,” my resolve fading.

“I wish to take care of you, tìyawn,” Tsu’tey rubs his face on my stomach.

I stood there for a moment, thinking, “You promise no one will see us?” I ask.

A beautiful smile caresses his face, “I will make sure no one sees you, tìyawn,” Tsu’tey holds my face in his hands and kisses me. His plush lips overtake mine in a sweet embrace.

I moan softly at his actions, being held so firmly but sweetly. I wrap my arms around Tsu’tey’s neck, my hands tangling onto his braids. A soft lick to my bottom lip and I open eagerly. Tsu’tey’s long, thick tongue enters my mouth, not leaving any space untouched. I attempt to play with his tongue with my own, but there’s no room for me to move my own. I trail my hands over the sides of his face, feeling his ears move as I thumb at his scared ear. Tsu’tey’s tail flicks around, wrapping around my waist.

Our lips part, our saliva mixing between us, shining in the bright sky, “You’re perfect for me, Yawne.” Tsu’tey eyes were filled with devotion as his hands trailed down to my tweng. “May I?” He asks.

I look around, still nervous of doing such an act in public. I nod my head in acceptance. His fingers easily untie the straps to my tweng, dropping it to the ground, my slick dripping into the floor. Now, I’ve exposed my bottom half to the open training area. I gasp softly, unsure what I think of this.

Tsu’tey lay a kiss on my navel, sucking a mark onto the soft flesh, “Look at me, Yawne, do not take your eye off of me.”

I obey and stare into Tsu’tey’s green eyes, which are full of love. His hands grasp my thighs, kneading the supple flesh. I watch as Tsu’tey sticks his tongue out obscenely, slowly moving toward my pussy. His lips wrap around my entire cunt, sucking it into his mouth. My knees wobble from the sensation. I would have fallen to the floor if it weren't for Tsu’tey’s hold on my thighs. The warmth of his mouth encouraged the flames inside my core. I could feel my blood flowing to my pussy with each suck, pulling on my folds and clit. I close my eyes, relaxing from the pleasure before I feel two fingers tap at my thigh. I open my eyes to look at Tsu’tey, only to find his boring into mine. I keep hold of his gaze, and he rewards me by flicking his tongue on my clit.

“Tsu’tey!” I gasp, rolling my hips into his mouth.

I can feel the vibrations from his laugh on my cunts, bringing me more pleasure before his mouth leaves my pussy.

I whine in protest, confused as to why he would stop.

“Mawey Yawne. I am going to make this better.” He chuckled at my plight.

Tsu’tey picked me up by my thighs, “Babe!” I shout in surprise.

Tsu’tey laughs due to my reaction; it’s why he always does this. He leans me against a tree so my cunt is level with his mouth as he spreads my thighs wide.

Tsu’tey’s eyes roam my body, taking in the sight, “This will be much better for us.” with that, his mouth is on my cunt, eating it with fervor. My toes curled at the sensation, with loud groans spilling out.

“Oh fuck! Tsu’tey!” I shout into the arena.

Tsu’tey laughed into my cunt, amused by my reaction. His tongue started to play, wiggling around, trying to fit it into my hole. His large tongue is thicker than three of my fingers and longer than my hand. I can feel as he tries to bully it into my cunt.

“Too big! You’re not gonna fit!” I no longer care about my volume.

Tsu’tey doesn’t respond to my concern; instead, he shifts me, my knees now next to my shoulders, and his thrusting becomes more persistent, and his tongue forces itself inside.

“Tey! Big! Good! Fuck!” I chant.

Tsu’tey’s tongue becomes more erratic, thrusting and wiggling inside, making room for more of his tongue. The stretch of his tongue was immense, the burn feeling so good. My cunt was throbbing from the pleasure, clit twitching with each suck. I look into his eyes and see smugness and something I can’t place with his tongue bulling my pussy.

Teeth.

Tsu’tey’s top teeth scrape against my clit, grinding the sharp teeth into my clit, bringing a stabbing painful pleasure.

“Tsu’tey! Love, please!” I moan, unashamed, into the open air.

“Quiet, ma Yawne, someone will hear you.” He smugly scolds me before diving back down to my cunt. Eating it like it was his last meal.

Tongue thrusting back in like it was never gone, teeth grinding and nipping where they could, the sucking pulling on everything. My back scratching at the rough bark of the tree. Everything was too much; the pleasure was building too fast.

“Tey, gonna cum!” I wail, my core tight and ready to unleash.

Tsu’tey sped up the best he could. His thumbs trailed to my nipples, slipping under my chest covering, rolling my nipples.

“Tey! Tey! Tey!” I chant his name into the forest, Cumming! I’m cumming!” I scream.

Cum gushes from my cunt, and I can feel him swallow all of it, but he doesn’t stop there. Tsu’tey keeps going, licking and sucking for more, even after I am noting more than a twitching mess.

“Baby, I’m done, you made me cum already.” I weakly protest.

Tsu’tey slowly pulled away after giving one last suck, almost regretful to leave.

“Do you feel better, tìyawn? Have I stated you properly?” Tsu’tey asked genuinely.

I smile down at him, bewildered that he thinks I wasn’t properly sated when his face is covered in my cum, “Yes, love, I feel amazing,” He lowers me down and cradles me to his chest.

“Good. It would be dishonorable if I did not take care of your needs.” He says, as he gently maneuvers my tweng back on me. I kiss his soundly in thanks, tasting myself on his lips.

The training party came back soon after, with a large number of men and women, followed by Jake and Neytiri; Jake was heading to Tsu’tey and Neytiri to me.

“Brother! Why did you send them away? It is unlike you.” Jake asks in concern.

“It is nothing. I just gave them a small break. Nothing to worry about.” Tsu’tey dismissed.

Neytiri whispered in my ear with a wolfish grin, “So, how was having your mate in the training area? Jake and I did it last week.”

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

howdy :]

this is like, super mega awkward for me but i just wanted to express this for once without hiding behind anon or being completely invisible in the background lol but i just wanted to tell you that i LOVE your writing.

im sorry for never writing comments or sending kudos :(, i guess i just cant bring myself to ever do it but i want you to know that all your fanfics go straight to bookmark the second that i get your notifications because i ADORE the way you write. youre one of the few tumblr blogs i follow that i actually leave notifications on for (which says a lot i think bc i follow like, 700 tumblrs LOL), but its bc i seriously love you and your content

when i say i love ur content, i dont just mean fanfics btw. i love when its your relatable reblogs, little blurbs that you post, those cute rambly posts you make, or when its your doodles bc i love how you draw (i actually have the tedependent stoner couch little doodles saved on my phone bc i thought they were so adorable!!!). youre one of the few tumblr blogs where when i get the notification, i immediately open it up- even if its just a repost or a sentence.

i always wanted to tell you this and bc im probs never going to talk again and go back to be a silent follower, i want to tell you now- reading one of your fanfics got me to watch the entirety of ted lasso. it appeared ONCE in a tag that i was looking through and i had seen a few ted lasso fanfics before but yours was the one that got me to watch ted lasso. i adore the way you write trent; you give him such a soft and gentle soul, and your version of trent and the canon version of trent are inseparable to me because i adore the tenderness and fragility you brought onto for a character that didnt show up much at all. you took a character that i saw for maybe an hour straight and made him into someone sweet and tender, loving and gentle and afraid like all of us and i think thats what always makes me come back. i dont think i'll ever be as big of a fan as you are but i want you to know that the main reason i even watched that show was to understand your fanfics better because i loved you and your writing style and the excitement you had for this character.

also, idk how to word this properly but i love how you post regardless of how many likes or reblogs you get gives me the courage to like idk, accept myself more? the idea of being unashamed in your interest in something makes me want to come out of my shell more bc if you can do it, i can do it yk? i have so many favorite characters that i want to talk about but i dont bc im afraid of looking cringe but when i see YOU do it, i dont see it as cringey at all and that makes me feel better.

this is getting really super long but realistically speaking, im probs never going to talk ever ever again but i want you to know that when you see my user in your likes and reblogs, think of it as a little kiss/thumbs up from me!!! i really hope to never see the day you stop writing but if you do switch fandoms, who knows? maybe i'll follow after you again and i'll get to watch something new :P

ik youve reblogged a few stuff about how we should engage with our ao3 writers more and write comments (i think?) and even though im too shy to write comments on all your fanfics, i hope you can remember this message and my user and know that you always have a number one fan in your corner! i may not talk a lot but i still adore everything you do and im right here with you. im not a like, one and done kind of reader and youre not a one-trick pony. youre not being redundant or boring or bad at writing and if you have a little voice shaming you for anything you write, i want you to know i think that voice is stupid and its wrong. youre exceptionally talented and im so grateful i stumbled onto one of your fics!!!

anyways, this is just a really, REALLY long thank you note honestly. thank you for being alive. thank you for writing. thank you for being silly, funny, interesting, and unabashedly you. thank you for your doodles, reblogs, blurbs. than k you for being so creative and talented. honestly, just wanted to thank you for existing because itd really bother me if you didnt know how much you do matter. even if youre just a notification on my phone, i hope this made your day just a little better bc just seeing your user makes ME feel a little better on a bad day

wishing you the best, always. <3

p.s. sorry if any of this sounds creepy lol, ive been overthinking this for a while :( - also apparently i DID send like three very VERY brief asks to you before (one being on july 21, 2024, the other as an anon in like February this year and a rose emoji) but ik it was really short

P.P.S. in case you DONT believe me on how much i love your writing, i actually reread so many of your fanfics so many times that they literally show up on my browser if i type archive LMAO

I DONT REALLY HAVE A RESPONSE FOR THIS OTHER THAN SQUEEING AND HANDFLAPPING BUT THANK YOU I REALLY REALLY APPRECIATE IT <33333333333333333

[followerofmercy]

Fanfic 20 questions! I was gonna say 'fuck it I love talking about myself even if nobody tagged me' and then realized @hua-fei-hua already did like. Two weeks ago. Whoops aldsjf I don't check my mentions. ANYWAY THANKS HOMIE

1. How many fics do you have on AO3?

Currently 119. Should be 120 in a week or two

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

361,556 published. We can add another 60k that is written but unpublished for Monoceros Novae, 9k miscellaneous Hearthling notes, 24k unpublished honkai notes and another 50k in my general notes document.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Actively rn, only Genshin and Honkai. I'll write for other stuff when I feel like it.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Missing Person - Hollow Knight, genfic, little ghost and Quirrel - 1500 kudos (this is why small fandoms are the best alsdfj)

I Need to Leave Him Before He Leaves Me - Genshin, Alhaitham/Kaveh - 987 kudos (helped a lot of people think about their autism with this one lmao)

Homeward Bound - Hollow Knight, genfic, little ghost and Quirrel - 757 kudos (Idk why this one blew up. Wasn't that great but I appreciate the attention. Probably people sorting by kudos)

How 4.1 Should've Gone - Genshin, Aether/Lyney kicking Wriothesley's ass - 656 kudos (First and only time rewriting canon. Surprised at how well received it was)

Abusing the World Tree - Genshin, Lumine/Scaramouche - 643 kudos (Yk I used to really hate this fic and I still do, but not as much as I used to. I still think the entire premise is Horror instead of cute, but I think I did good with the prompt. )

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always. I literally only write fanfic in order to connect with people alsdfj why the fuck wouldn't I take an opportunity to yap. I judge my success as a writer by how I make my readers feel/helping them realize something about themselves/etc and the communication is really fulfilling

I mean sometimes I don't reply if it's literally just like, a heart emoji, which I still appreciate but I don't have a lot to go off of there

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably the one where Steven Universe walks off a cliff on accident while he's sad and can't control his fall speed anymore and dies. I was much younger when I wrote it asldfkj.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

That I'm proud of? No clue. Probably another Steven Universe one where Steven and Connie went to prom.

I will say that A Bard Walks in and Hugs the Bartender is my favorite 'happy' ending fic because of a comment I got on it. It's a story about forgetting details about deceased loved ones and the guilt that comes with that and then comfort that that's a natural part of the process, and someone let me know that they felt so seen. They said the forgetting is a part of grieving that doesn't get addressed enough and it was so nice to see it in writing and I'm like. Pack it up boys we've officially won writing! My writing has fundamentally changed a real life person. I have achieved what I consider success.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Very rarely and usually unintentionally. Had a dude call Arlecchino a 'psychotic bitch' in a comment where they were genuinely trying to praise my writing, but on a fic intended to show her doing her best and I'm like. I don't really have the energy to debate why that was rude and I'm blocking you. Bro if you see this tumblr post and you didn't intend to, like, shit on the entire premise and everything I love about that character, hmu in DMs and we can talk asldfkj. Otherwise please find other authors to read

Otherwise I think I'm secure enough in my interests and unabashedly unashamed of anything Problematique I write that bullies decide to choose better targets?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes and I've given up writing normal sex. I'm not good at it. I have a weird kind of medical kink where I think the word penis is sexier than cock and, yk, most people would disagree. I'm both better at writing gore and horror that achieves the same kind of intimacy with a slight sexual bend, and I get more fulfillment out of it. Anatomy of a Blade remains one of my proudest works.

Also I prefer writing it as a character study. I love finding jackoff material but I can't write it for shit. Pour one out for the authors doing what I can't asldkjf

10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've ever written?

Nah. The setting is usually so important to my interpretation of a character that I just Can't put them somewhere else. Same with AUs. I'd rather write an original story at that point. I will fantasize about it occasionally tho.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yesn't? I've had a few lines ripped, especially for rarepairs, but I had such an unfortunate thing happen recently asdlkjf. This new author so excitedly asked me if they could use one of my fics for inspiration and I'm like "omg of course!!! I'm so flattered!" because I was! and then when they finished writing it and told me about it I was so excited to read it!!!

and then I did

I'm sitting here like "...Who's gonna tell them that this is actually plagiarism without embarrassing them and completely crushing their motivation to write ever again" asldfkjasdf;l

like OBVIOUSLY they were not trying to steal, because why the fuck would they announce it to me. But also I don't want them to be served a cease and desist later down the line so we had to have a little talk and it's all good now. I'm really excited to see what they write next!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Supposedly! I've had several people ask me if they could and then just. Never followed up aldk;fskj. It's a shame because I'm absolutely fascinated by linguistics and would love to pick their brains about what translation choices they made and why.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Sorta? Ray did one chapter as an epilogue to one of mine, and I think I've worked with Sen a few times on shorter pieces. Otherwise I'm a bit of a selfish writer and a control freak adsljf

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Constantly changing. I'm currently on a Bootheng and Zhongxiao kick, tho once I watch more of Madoka Magica I'm probably gonna lose my mind over Homura/Madoka. Also Adora/Catra as I watch more Shera.

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Literally too many to list. See question 1 and the 50k words worth of notes

I have so many ideas that I really need to pick and choose what I work on because there literally just isn't enough time in the world - unless I start doing cocaine or something, but even then I think I'd still have the same problem. Join my discord server if you're an adult and wanna hear me whine about it asdlfkj

16. What are your writing strengths?

Fitting body language and other scene description with dialogue. I don't see images in my head and I think in motion a lot, so I think I do a really good job of keeping a scene rolling while people are talking without having to bring everything to a screeching halt to describe, idk, the color of the carpet on the stairs.

Also emotional damage

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Probably longer works? I lose drive to work on anything over 6k words pretty easily and I also struggle with pacing. I'm insisting on finishing Monoceros Novae so it can be my first novel because everyone's first novel sucks ass. I'm getting it out of the way so my original works will hopefully go better asldkfj

Oh. Also what people look like. Fuck you you get a pronoun and maybe a hair color. If Martha Wells can do it with Murderbot, so can I lmao.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Just for the love of God don't put it in italics unless you're making a point that the person using the other language doesn't use it naturally. I'd like to highlight the poem Kupu Rere Ke by Alice Te Punga Somerville for my feelings on it alsdkjf.

Also gonna copy stardustdiving's answer and say that it's great for multilingual characters and places it makes sense, but I personally think it's a little annoying when it's just a shippy pet name to be cute without, like, some kind of basis for it. Notably Childe calling Zhongli Xiansheng. It's fine if he would say that BUT HE WOULDN'T. He'd call him Mr., Sir or Motherfucker Ratbastard Whyaren'tyoudeadyet

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Undertale! Surprised at how well a lot of the fics have held up over the years.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Changes a lot as I develop as a writer. I'm really proud of Frustrations of the Hunt and this is the vibe I want my original writing to have.

I'm also really proud of my one and only FMAB fic about Alphonse getting pants. It's more serious than it sounds.

I actually have a collection of my works that I'm really proud of too!

Let's tag @resplendent-chungus. Do it bitch /affectionate

[lizzardwitch]

Sending you a show ask: Power Rangers Jungle Fury & Beast Morphers. For aesthetic reasons~

Yeah I knew this one was coming LOL

Gonna start with Jungle Fury obviously because I have SO much to say

Favorite male character: RJ would be an obvious choice for so many reasons, so even though he's my second favorite character I'll have to pass on him to highlight Master Swoop. Amazing design, ESPECIALLY with the bat theme (< incredibly biased I love bats), and manages to make fans look fucking cool. Was probably the only master of the three old guys to not be a fucking dickhead towards his student and actually consistently gives Theo good advice. No wonder he was RJ's favorite master. I wish more people would talk about him he's so unique and hot (I am unashamed to admit that)

Favorite female character: Fran no doubt it's so obvious from my blog lol (She's literally me. I am her. None of you know her like I do. I can write essays about this bitch all day)

My OTP: Fran/RJ is the primary reason I'm still obsessed with Jungle Fury lmao (my orange/purple team parents oh how I mourn what could've been). Thought they were gonna get together when I first watched it and I still wish they did. Camille/Jarrod is a close second though (now THERE'S a canon ship in this season done correctly). There's also Fran/Camille, god the amount of bonding we could've had between two girls wanting to feel loved by their bosses ourghdhfsdlkf

My NOTP: No amount of mutual interest in books will ever make me like Fran and Dominic. I'm not sorry about this btw, a ship being canon doesn't make me any less angry that someone, much less my favorite character, with so much potential to do more just gets turned into Mrs. Hargan for the next 13 episodes. Dom, do the world a favor and stay away from the nerdy brunettes thanks. Also any het ship with Casey is a red flag that is the gayest Red Ranger I've seen in my entire life next to Jayden

My other ships: I do enjoy the primary color cat polycule, as I'm equally inclined to ship Theo with either Lily or Casey (Theo/Lily gets the distinction of being one of the only canon couples in this franchise that didn't bore me). Despite my exasperation with Dominic, I do enjoy shipping him with RJ (or a polycule where he and Fran are strictly platonic but both dating RJ). Jarrod/Casey is also a contender but post-canon specifically, and there's even a bit of Whiger/Casey if you squint...there's also the numerous WLW Fran ships that I have (Fran/Lily, Fran/Maryl, Fran/Camille, even Fran/Kendall LMAO). RJ/Merrick is also a delight if you don't let those wolves kiss rn

My Least Favorite Character: For a category of Ranger that is universally seen as pretty cool (Sixth Ranger), Dominic severely underserved and ended up making a good chunk of JF's second half damn near unwatchable, ESPECIALLY with that bullshit situationship he and Fran were up to. He alone knocked my overall ranking of JF's characters down from 9 to 7.5. (Nikolai is cool, though. We LIKE Nikolai here)

My Favorite Episode: Friends Don't Fade Away was honestly almost perfect. It was the Fran/RJ episode, the RJ Ranger debut episode, the closest thing we have to a Fran episode, only minus was the annoying MOTW, and Casey suggesting Lily take care of RJ, which wouldn't be shocking to interpret as lowkey sexist. (Also no Fran/RJ kiss dnfsdnfsdkl). Definitely the episode I've rewatched the most, on my top 10 favorite PR episodes list.

Who I Would Date Off The Show: Fran would be an obvious #1 but so would RJ. It helps that my boyfriend acts almost exactly like him. Would also date Master Swoop. And Camille. And-

Now for Beast Morphers (this is going to be severely underwhelming I'm warning you in advance)

Favorite Male Character: Nate Silva is about as close to Dr. K as you can get, plus I have an affinity for the shy nerds. Cruise is also dear to me (I love you Kelson Henderson <33).

Favorite Female Character: Was REALLYYYY tempted to put Dr. K down since she made a cameo but I decided not to. Anyways Roxy my dear girl oh how I adore you (I love me a reformed villainess). Betty actually didn't piss me off either I found her hijinks to be adorable

My OTP: Blaze/Roxy would probably be it, since I don't really have OTPs from this season LMAOO but they're the only ship where I'm like "Yeah, they should've kissed."

My NOTP: Woah, woah, look what we have here? A ship that became canon when it's not only trash but a better one was right fucking there?? No wonder you requested JF and BM lmao (FUCK Ravi/Roxy bro I'm so tired of comphet in this franchise, especially that episode where Ravi got severely angry with Roxy and given his gorilla powers which holds pretty terrifying implications that I hope don't go any further.) Also Nate/Zoey was like the DEFINITION of comphet lmao this season's romances were so fucking mid.

My other ships: Again, not much to say in this department LOL, although I do feel more inclined to ship Betty/Devon now, orange/red is an intriguing combo here....

My Least Favorite Character: Ngl rarely anyone in this cast stood out to me but I guess Ravi. Again, not a fan of the anger thing.

My Favorite Episode: The crossovers carried. Seeing some of the Dino Charge crew was a delight but seeing DR FUCKING K HAD ME SO HYPED LET'S GOOOOO. Also the musical episode because it was directed by my queen Olivia Tennet <33

Who I Would Date Off The Show: Commander Shaw kinda bad lowkey I love me a commanding older woman

[honey-from-hell]

Red, White, & Royal Blue Movie Rant

Spoilers. All the spoilers. You've been warned.

I'm going to be talking pretty negatively about the movie, and if you don't want that, please, please scroll. I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade. I know how important this movie is to a lot of people and the last thing I want is to upset anyone with my opinions. I just need to get my thoughts down. I'm a list autistic (yes, ha, like Alex).

My ramblings about this are not in any way meant to take away the importance of this movie. It is sacred in a way to a lot of people, the same way Harry Potter was when it came out (fuck JKR). It makes people feel seen despite how good or bad it is and that is important. This is my opinion on this piece of media as just a movie, as a thing. NOT as a concept that is good and needed and unashamed. I really hope this is the beginning of more feel-good queer movies. As a queer person, as an American in a time of trans-bills who is dating a trans person, this movie is powerful. But like, also bad. And I have opinions on it. 

So, I didn't like the movie. The mixture of the promos, the R rating, and the 90% it had on Rotten Tomatoes before it came out definitely got my hopes up. And I love the book. But in the end, I don't like the movie. I wasn't expecting something worthy of awards and critical acclaim, but I was expecting something more.

I think the reason I can say I didn't like the movie and not something more along the lines of, "I enjoyed it despite its problems," is because of how many issues I have with it. If it was just pacing, or just the cheesiness, or just an actor I think I would have liked it. But I pretty constantly went, "Oh, I don't like that." And the issues just kept stacking.

Going into it, I knew the main differences from the book were the lack of June and the fact Ellen and Oscar weren't divorced. And I think those two huge elements that play a part in Alex's character are really apparent in the movie. I thought Alex was kind of flat. I thought a lot of the characters were kind of flat. And this one is going to piss a lot of people off, but I didn't like Nicholas Galitzine's acting at all. I think the moment the movie went from enjoyably bad to bad bad for me is the last third where it's from Henry's perspective. The scene where he started browsing the books in the red room like that was particularly awkward and stilted. A lot of his scenes felt like that, like he was acting for a play or something. It wasn’t realistic. Since he’s a main character, it really did affect my opinion of the movie as a whole. 

Amy and Zarah were amazing. And Stephen Fry as the King did a great job. Taylor Zakhar Perez’s acting was on point, most of the time. I think some of my favorite scenes were Alex interacting with his mom, Zarah, Amy, and Nora at the beginning of the movie. Also, I fucking loved Nora. I wish she had been in the movie more, and also explicitly bisexual. And Pez. I just really wanted Nora/June/Pez, but I digress, not having that is not what made the movie unenjoyable for me.

I tried not to compare it to the book as a way to determine how good or bad it was. Like, when I heard June wasn't a character, I didn't immediately go, "Well, that means it going to be bad." But one of the great things about the book is the way all the characters interact with each other, not just Alex and Henry. We get to see what kind of relationship Alex and June have with their mom as their mom and as the president. We get to see the White House Trio be goofy but genius young adults figuring themselves out. Those were the moments that flesh the characters out and make you care about them. And there just really wasn’t very much of that in the movie.

The R rating made me happy, for one, because Alex says “fuck” so much in the books. His potty mouth is commented on. It is part of his character. It’s such an easy way to portray this very genuine and good character as someone who is still brash and a bit of an asshole. I had also hoped that the rating would help it feel like the book (says the person desperately trying not to compare it to the book). It is supposed to be sexy and fun on top of being unapologetically queer. But on the flip side, that was such a PG-13 movie and I have a feeling whoever decides the rating of movies was being homophobic. Because a gay sex scene is more “inappropriate” than a straight one. I also associate a level of maturity with R-rated movies, not because of more mature content but because the people consuming the movie and the movie itself should appeal to a more mature audience. If that makes sense. But it felt like a Hallmark and Disney’s ever so slightly more raunchy lovechild. 

The pacing immediately took me out of the movie. It was like watching a movie on 2x speed. I totally get why so many people thought it should be a mini-series or something. And I know they couldn't fit all 400 pages into a movie, but there have been adaptations before that do a solid job. I don't think RWRB did. I feel like Alex’s character development was flat and a bit magical—unnatural and unearned. Like, Henry apologizes and suddenly they are BFFs.

AND THE EMAILS. That’s what the whole ending conflict and it felt very much forgotten. We got the text messages and stuff, but when it came to the emails, it was just voiceovers. I think, like in the book where Alex thinks about private email servers (which is like my favorite joke in the book, it’s so layered in so many ways), there needed to be the equivalent of that in the movie before to bring attention to it. But this catalyst just kind of gets overlooked until it’s relevant.

And motherfucking Miguel Ramos. He felt like just a juvenile addition by being into Alex and being big bad because he’s into Alex. It was kind of icky in a way the book avoided. In the book, it was about politics, and while icky, they didn’t use a queer character to achieve the big conflict. His character, and really the whole progression, reminded me a lot of fanfiction written by a new writer. Like, the concept is good but the execution is what holds it back. 

Okay, so, I for sure have more things I disliked than things I liked, but I did appreciate the humor. It was the one part that 100% felt like the book. It was stupid and inappropriate, but witty and compelling. The direct quotes had me fangirling. Zarah, Amy, and Nora. Just ugh. I’m gay. Shaan? I also miss his sweet ass. 

I didn’t expect this movie to be perfect but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. I’ll try watching it again when I’m not in hyperfixation mode. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

EDIT: Also, Alex confirmed their relationship in the speech BEFORE the talk with the king. Like, Sir King Stephen Fry, it's already out there, man. The speech was supposed to take place after their talk with Philip and the King.

[icannotreadcursive]

Fannish Fest February, day 1: My First Fandom

Prompt from @thepromptfoundry

I really have two first fandoms, that I initially got into right around the same time, and I don’t think it’s worth digging into the calendar month by month to confirm which preceded the other.

One was Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Cats. My local PBS station ran every filmed version available of a bunch of ALW musicals one day, and I liked Joseph, wasn’t really into Jesus Christ Superstar, but Cats just tickled my little child brain something special.

I learned the whole show, front to back, including a fair bit of the choreography. I didn’t write it down because I couldn’t really write at the time, but I was making up fic—not that I knew to call it that.

I still love the show with my whole heart, have been in a production, it’ll always be dear to me, but I was obsessed as a kid.

The other was Harry Potter.

My mom started reading the series first, cuz she was unwell and couldn’t do a lot more than read. Then, she read the first two books to me.

Then we started getting me the audiobooks read by Jim Dale, and I really ought to find a fan mail address for him and send a thank you letter because that man taught me how to read.

I’m dyslexic and learning to read was a struggle for me, but long before I was diagnosed I learned to read by reading along over and over to the first few Harry Potter books. And, come to think of it, I’m not sure but I think my mom’s original copies must have been British editions because I picked up some British terminology and spellings that I’m pretty sure the original American releases localized.

As the series went on, I grew up with it, and was introduced to the concept of fannish community through it. My first written fanfic and my first published fanfic were for HP—that first published one is no longer up, and thinking back on it I cringe, but there’s also a fondness there for my unabashed unashamed enthusiasm and the real fun I had with that obvious self insert OC.

I learned media analysis and began honing my own story instincts, sitting down with my mom with those fan theory and prediction books that used to come out between HP book releases. We’d talk through the theories in those books, discuss their merits, how likely we thought they were based on the narrative trajectory so far. There’s a few things I called years before they were revealed, and in a couple cases, before me or my mom had seen anyone else in the fandom speculate about them.

That process, starting from when I was quite young, undoubtedly contributed to molding my brain into the story machine it is now and pointed me to my career and my calling as a writer.

I went from younger than the main cast, to their age, to older than them. Now I’m closer in age to Remus and Sirius. And, not entirely unlike them, I’ve had this dear part of my growing up cut off and the associations with it tainted by a betrayal from someone I respected and trusted.

That may sound overdramatic, and yeah yeah “it’s just a book,” but the sense of betrayal and loss is real.

There’s a line that I wrote in a fic a while back, where Remus is talking about finding a happy memory to cast a patronus, and the fact that all the memories he has for that are painful now, they’re bittersweet at best, because of the loss and betrayal that have come since. But regardless of all of that, they will always have been happy moments when he lived them, and that’s what he has to remember.

That’s kinda how I feel about the Harry Potter fandom now. It will always have been what it was to me, and no one can take that away.

[closedshop]

we don't talk much but i really love it when i see u on my dash ^_^ the way u speak is so light and whimsical and airy idk its so pleasant to read and i think smtimes i wanna embody that too. i'm not super into enstars anymore but i like reading your analyses and stuff theyre super interesting!!!

Ah, thank you〜! We probably don’t talk much because of my shyness as much as it is a dual effort but to exist under the same sky is so nice. Funnily enough, I have had so, so, so many people comment on the way I speak and the weird stuff I say (my boyfriend & Noelle have said I just “say things” sometimes & the church seems to think my thought processes in general are unreasonable LOL but I think it’s in a cute way at least. I hope?) on various separate occasions and the way it’s worded always fascinates me since it’s always a little bit different. I don’t mind & kind of even like it, I’m used to being observed and commented on.

I once made a tweet about it stating “My friends & lover tend to be witnesses to my, quote, shakespearean demeanour｡｡｡my form of speech has been commented on by others, referred to as "whimsical", even. My boyfriend frequently likes to point out how weird I am too, lovingly I presume.” I have screenshots of a few instances saved though there have been very many. Why? It simply amuses me! Being perceived appears to have it’s perks.

But, enough of that! I am so touched you’d say that I’m pleasant to read｡｡｡I’m someone who thinks a little too deeply about everything in the world, not just the things he likes, but I am prone to being pretentious in that regard (and very much proud, I shall say! Despite my occasional, negative form of self consciousness at the fact.) I’ve been forcing my mutuals to learn about the things I like this way for years like second-hand smoke and since ansta is my big interest now that I’m older even more so hahaha ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡ I think I’ve never shut up in the past four years about anything, though, especially as I learn to become less unashamed about the things I love. It’s okay if you don’t ansuta as hard as I do anymore, after all, our feelings for things can be so fleeting, I’m happy to have your company as is.

I don’t like to call them analysis directly, typically, because I don’t like to seem too full of myself or try-hard or fake-deep, but when other people do so it makes me happy in a way, to know my observations are appreciated and seen as interesting and even novel at times (I get so excited or otherwise feel a lot when others point out things I haven’t noticed, so to think I can make others feel the same—!), or at least just nice to read about in the way I put them. I’ve had cases where I have a belief but someone is able to put it into words so well and even add to it and it’s like… wow… kyah. But anyway, it used to be an insecurity, as someone who fears coming off like this:

Speaking of, I’ve kept them mostly to twitter nowadays whether in small or big doses (partly due to my compulsions that kept me away from blogging for a bit, that was a really sad time 🥲) since the exposure of my mind to the masses has become addictive to me, but I’m so happy you’re here and still enjoy them. I’ve even had crazy long letter exchanges in the form of long screenshots of thoughts back and forth with likeminded people and it’s like, omg. It’s probably not healthy to be that hooked so I’ve been trying to reel myself back into the tumblr sphere where it is more for my own sake than anything, but it’s so fun to engage in discussions about anything ever, really!

My friends tell me things like saying I’m well spoken and other nice things I have forgotten yet definitely internalized and it brings a kind of euphoria I can’t explain because it’s something I can’t Help I love that everything in the world means so much to me and I love art and everything in the universe basically except for the things I hate and that hurt me badly and sometimes the things I truly love wound me and that’s fine too. I try my best to convey my feelings because honestly, I don’t necessarily even think in words. It’s more vague abstract feelings and concepts that I have to try to string together 🥹 so to do so successfully makes me happy. SORRY FOR RAMBLING ON SO MUCH ABOUT, well, myself! I don’t mean to be self-absorbed, but aren’t we all living inside our heads? That’s where our brain is.

I think the most important part is to be yourself unapologetically｡｡｡being light and whimsical to mee is fun and comes naturally ♪ sometimes I wish I was just like the sun, and hope I won’t burn anyone. I don’t play these things up or anything. It’s an earnest portrayal, despite the more grotesque aspects I keep hidden. Anyone can embody what they would like to and become their best/most preferred self, if they try, I’m sure! Though it is hard to be so malleable. I want to be truer to myself and better every day｡｡｡there’s also the aspect of, as my best friend Kris said, a few minutes ago, the way the self wills itself to be. I’ve worked hard to shape myself and be comfortable with it, and I’m happy to be loved for it. Thank you to anyone who read.

[thexbox]

I thought I made all this because when I find cool stuff, I like to share it with others. Now I'm thinking it was my own form of therapy to process and transmute deep wounds without any support. It allowed me to engage in a two-way conversation with myself.

It's funny that talking to yourself is seen as crazy but it actually is a practice of reflection that maintains sanity. Its like Journaling.

I've thought about having a private blog, but I don't think it would be the same. Part of it is owning the journey and releasing the fear of being seen. I always think if someone can relate or enjoys the music, then it's worth it to be an open book. It's a practice in vulnerability and letting go of self judgements. A private blog wouldn't push me in those ways.

《 you need to go respond to messages now. That is going to push you more than this ever will.》

《 Ok but I really dont want to. I really want to hide under the covers longer. 》

《I know. Will you ever be ready though? Like a bandaid.》

*Hits snooze*

I've been so cringe in the past and of course I regret things from time to time. That's just life. I suppose it's easier to hide from my mistakes if I never have to talk about them.

Whats better? Laughing at myself for being a fucking freakshow. Hey it entertains.

Accepting those mistakes and not letting them define me is how I have found greater inner peace with myself. It's a process and I'm working on it as I write this. It's why I'm writing it.

It's a practice of self-love to defend your own heart as you would for a friend. Being unashamed of my flaws, failures, and madness because I deserve to give myself a break. I've been through a lot these past couple of years, and I've done a lot of work on my heart to find strength and self compassion in some really difficult circumstances.

Self compassion is not something I grew up with. It's something I learned much later in life through a lot of therapy. Retraining the mind to notice when I'm being hard on myself and redirect to another voice, one that is more conscious, more understanding and forgiving.

I find these days my anxieties dont come from analyzing my mistakes, but more from fears or dis-ease about the future.

《Aaaand here we are. Time to put your big girl panties on and message people back》

It's weird that it's such a mental block for me. I've never been comfortable on Facebook. Apparently avoidance just makes anxiety worse though.

Update: I cried the whole time reading your messages. You guys are so sweet. It's really nice.

Demons aren't so bad if you sit with them and give them space. Turning a blind eye to them and letting them run the show is when they get ya. I definitely worked that up to something big when it was really quite small.

Life goes on. Forever. Consciousness never ends. My soul chose this life with all its major struggles and points of loneliness and despair because I wanted to heal my heart above all. I think so I can heal other people too.

It's why I share.

This track helped me so so much. Whenever I felt utterly alone and unappreciated late at night, I'd listen to it and feel loved again.

Hive mind.

That is the dark side of the spoon under the Easter chick

[waynes-multiverse]

I don't know what to say other than I loved this fucking part even more! 😭🥹🩵🩷

And dear God, teenage Dean surely needed his own goddamn warning! Here's the amount of times I wanted to spray him with water 😂👇

The whole situation bites. Sucks. He should be out there helping find whatever killed his mom, but they say they know better. That he needs an education. And if he doesn’t play house with Sam and Bobby? Then he loses the car, and he’s not losing the car.

Of course they got him with the threat of the car. For adult Dean this was already horror, but for a teenage boy? The horror! Extinction-level dread! 😆

The "Nobody puts Baby in a crusher" line also had me dead 🤣

The dweebs, Sammy’s crowd

God, his descriptions of the high school kids are glorious 😂 The judgment and disdain is unreal. But poor Dean, I feel bad he never got to fit in and be the high school jock with all the cheerleader arm candy he was truly born to be with that face and charm 😝 (But on the other hand, that surely made his heart a little bigger and kinder 💚)

Still, he can’t. John threw the last ‘64 he rented in the trash.

Whyyyyyy?????

Her name tag says her first name’s Beverly, but they just met and it’s too soon for a first-name basis, and a grin tugs at Dean’s mouth. “Whatever you want it to be, sweetheart,” he says. He can’t help himself. Not when a group of pretty cheerleaders stand right behind him, giggling and shaking their pom-poms. It’s a crime they’re allowed to wear such short skirts to school, but at least them being up close makes his day somewhat better. 

Yes, my point above exactly 😆

And just like you nailed kid!Dean's personality, you're also nailing the unashamed cockiness of teen!Dean's and the vulnerability underneath both. This whole story is so wonderful, Beth! 😭

His nose tingles under the weight of it, but it means little.

Hmmm, his nose tingled, you say? I wonder why... 🤓

It’s like she’s never seen a dude in a leather jacket before. Never seen a car as cool as his.

God, you're an idiot 😆🙈 Can Bobby smack him over the head, please?

And I can't believe this whole thing went on for a week lmao

He wants to roll his eyes, and he almost does, but he knows doing so will stop him from getting any further with this girl, and he’s worked so hard to get her here.

Seriously, someone smack this boy... I can't with him 😂 I hope reader blows some sense back into that horny brain lmfao

Not him. Nope. The music they all listen to is trash, and he is not going to surround himself with it on a Friday night just to get some action. His hand’ll do just fine with the memories of her tit.

DEAN!!! MY GOD 🤣🤣🤣

“Did John give ya a curfew I should know about?” his ‘uncle’ says across from him. Bottle of beer in his hand.

Oh, so we have graduated to the defiant air quotes around "uncle", huh? I love the development of this compared to kid!Dean. Such a nice and clever touch! 🤓

Algebra ain’t going to help him gank no ghost.

Bless him. At least he pretty lol

How the hell does he know that? Unless…Sammy. That’s the last time he picks him up from school. Kid can ride his bike, rain or shine.

I can't quote this whole goddamn fic, but his inner monologue has me just rolling and grinning throughout with these little things 😂🩵

And I love that he dug out the old bike again! It's nostalgia within the nostalgia 😍

Huh. It’s been a while. He wonders what happened to you? Did you skip town? Do you go to school with him now, and he just hasn’t run into you yet?  Maybe you’re at the party? One of Melinda’s friends, though you would’ve said something if he knew them, and none of their names match yours.

I don't know why, but I teared up a little. My heart keeps warning me of something, and it may be the feeling that reader got a little hurt when she watched him fool around with all these cheerleaders during the week. I bet she had a different vision of the sweet boy she once knew 🥲

You blink. Those eyes. Those brows.  “You’re—” “Hi Dean,” you say with a thin smile, and then, as if his recognition fuels you, that confident tone he’s just remembered, the one that once took his juice box, has you adding, “Took you long enough.”

Aaaaah that ending!!! I need to know what happens next! Don't do this to me!

And God, my heart hurts for reader somehow, and I might be waaayyyy overshooting here and she's actually completely fine and amused about it. But I have a feeling Dean not recognizing her instantly like she recognized him and having his head up short skirts instead might have hurt a little 😭 As in "clearly you didn't find me attractive enough to notice" and I wanna hug her and tell her it's hormones and boys are fucking lame and stupid at this age. Oh the pain I will suffer till Part 3... *sighs dramatically with an eye roll like a teenager and drags her feet back to her room, slamming the door shut*

IF YOU LEAVE

Chapter 2: Left of Center

Series Masterlist || Main Masterlist

Dean Winchester x Reader

In the spring of 1988, Dean meets the girl of his dreams. He just doesn't know it yet. 3.5k words

Tags: Dean as a teenager (he’s a bit of a dirtbag), Bobby trying to parent, language, flirting, 80s & 90s pop culture references

Mood-board by @chevroletdean for #chevroletdean’s 500 😘

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March, 1997

Being back at Bobby’s is exactly as Dean remembers it. Either the Sioux Falls house is stuck in some time loop or the objects and dust littered throughout the rooms are stuck with glue or something else. Anything’s plausible.

Even the liquor bottles and trash don’t appear to have moved over the last nine years, though he knows that’s not true. He was here two weeks ago when John arranged all this. He saw both men drink from the bottle of Jack still on the kitchen table as they discussed his life and future.

The whole situation bites. Sucks. He should be out there helping find whatever killed his mom, but they say they know better. That he needs an education. And if he doesn’t play house with Sam and Bobby? Then he loses the car, and he’s not losing the car.

It’s extortion. The threat, insulting. Nobody puts Baby in a crusher. 

Besides, John already handed over the keys on his birthday. She’s been in his name ever since. That’s two whole months, give or take, and there’s just gotta be some hoodoo superstition against giving someone something, then taking it back, right?

He pulls her into the carpark, furthest as he can away from all the Civics and Bugs taking up the asphalt. Shifts her into P. Cuts the engine, and that’s when he first hears the trills, grunts and hoots from his soon-to-be peers. 

Just great. This place is a zoo. No wait, zoo animals are better behaved. Hell, he’d prefer a haunted, crazy-house 

There’s the jocks with their green and gold sports-team jackets. The cheerleaders, matching them, but with hot, perky tits, and gloss, not so bad. The dweebs, Sammy’s crowd, and the loner kids paving their own way at the back of the pack, heads down in books and Game Boys. They make the stoners look alive, and, no; you know what, they might actually be alright. He’d rather be playing a bit of Zelda right about now, too. 

Still, he can’t. John threw the last ‘64 he rented in the trash. Luckily, they skipped that town soon after and he didn’t have to pay for the late fees. Like he would’ve. 

With a heavy sigh, his fingers grip the lip of his backpack, dragging it out of the car with him, flinging the weight of his text-books over his shoulder, pulling the muscle.

“Dude, that your ride?” someone asks, but he ignores them, and elbows tucked in at his side, pushes through the horde or hormones and sweat to the office, well away from whoever that was.

It’s best to just get this over with.

“Name?” the admin assistant, Mrs Heady, asks down her rectangle glasses. 

Her name tag says her first name’s Beverly, but they just met and it’s too soon for a first-name basis, and a grin tugs at Dean’s mouth. “Whatever you want it to be, sweetheart,” he says.

He can’t help himself. Not when a group of pretty cheerleaders stand right behind him, giggling and shaking their pom-poms. It’s a crime they’re allowed to wear such short skirts to school, but at least them being up close makes his day somewhat better. 

Luckily, this time, he’s learned something from John. How to conceal his…gun, because the girls giggle louder and it goes straight there.

He turns around and winks at the blonde closest to him. 

She blushes. Turns in turn to her friends and shakes with laughter. Lips glossy and pursed and eyes fixed on him as she whispers something to the girl with the ringlets. He wags his brows at her.

“Hi,” he mouths, but the third girl pushes them to the corner next to some trophies covered in dust, and—

“Son. I need your name.” Mrs Heady snaps him out of his trance with a poke from something he only feels on instinct from his jacket, shifting ‘round his ribs. 

His reflexes are too sharp, though, and now more eyes are on him and the way he holds the ruler she had hidden behind her desk in his hands. Vice-like grip, looking like a prayer over the self defence it’s meant to be.

“Winchester,” he gives, and lets go of the damned thing to hold his arms by his sides. He shrinks into his jacket. Shoulders droop, chin dips. “Dean.” He clears his throat. 

More giggles in the background retrieve his smirk. 

“Dean,” she says, then repeats, again, and again as she flicks through her files only to find his name on top in the end, anyway. “Here we are. Mrs Truman’s homeroom. B - twelve. You’ve got music up first.”

She hands him a timetable. He glances over it. Math, biology, English. Just great. Two months of this. 

He scrunches the paper and shoves it into his backpack so he can round up the ladies. “So,” he takes a couple of steps closer and loops his arm over the girl with the ringlets’ shoulders. “Care to show a guy around the school?”

Dean’s cheek still rings where cheerleader two slapped him. He nurses it in his left hand as he opens the door with his right, stepping into his homeroom with a little more apprehension than he cares to admit. 

It’s musky here. As dusty as the trophies in the office, only full of more kids, all staring at him as he walks over to the teacher, also looking him up and down. 

Okay, it’s not so different. He definitely shrinks a few more inches, and gives himself a once over, checking he’s still wearing his clothes. 

He is. So is the same blonde cheerleader sitting in the front row. Her smile, much sweeter than it was before. Her lashes batting against freckle dusted cheeks as quick as she had to have been to beat him here.

“You must be Winchester,” Mrs Truman says, and Dean brings his attention back to her with a click of his jaw. 

“Yeah.” 

“Transferred from Colorado?”

“That’s what it says.” He wrote it yesterday morning after a sharp smack from Bobby’s hand to his shoulder.  

He knows he deserved it. Sammy was only asking about John, who pissed off the second he dropped them off, leaving him to deal with the paperwork. Both of theirs.

Just as Mrs Heady had done, Truman sees him through her glasses, only she’s looking further up on account of the height difference, even without a desk. Her greying curls shake as she points to the back of the class. “Take your seat Dean.”

He winks at blondie and proceeds down the canyon of desks and the backpacks at their owners’ feet to the sole remaining seat. It creaks as he slings his weight into it. Groans as he stretches his legs out. His sneaker taps the chair in front. Peachy. 

Most eyes revert to the blackboard at the front, but one girl’s gaze lingers longer than the rest. Her brows furrowed in concentration before he raises his at her. 

It’s not flirtatious. More of a ‘what’re you looking at,’ kind of vibe, and really, what is she looking at? He’s got nothing on his face, though he wipes it just to make sure. Palm covering the smirk from her attention, scratching over the stubble on his chin that’s already regrown. His nose tingles under the weight of it, but it means little. 

She would too if she had an audience, yet her stares continue throughout the day like she has none. Done when she thinks he’s not watching. 

He is. He’s just better at hiding it.

She does it during music. Third and fourth period, too. He’d say she’s following him, but of course, she has a schedule of her own. She has to. It’s just a small high school. Doesn’t make it any less constricting. 

His nose tingles constantly. The grape jelly at lunch lingers in his gut along with his gun from the cheerleaders, and still she stares every so often with that same crinkle of her brows. It’s like she’s never seen a dude in a leather jacket before. Never seen a car as cool as his. 

As the week rolls on, though, she blends into the crowd. At least, he doesn’t notice her stares any longer, too busy with his own on cheerleader two. 

Her name is Melinda. Her ringlets, natural. Rack is too. Dean cops a feel when she helps him catch up on his biology between fifth and sixth in the janitor’s closet on the second Wednesday. He pays her back with a hickey on her right shoulder. 

“Mark’s having a party Friday,” she whispers into his ear. Hand grips his arm when he swirls his tongue to soothe the reddened skin.

“Good for him.” His fingers squeeze her, storing away the feel of the muscle bouncing back for future use. 

She scoffs and nudges him off. Said something, too, but Dean’s fixed on the way her lip shines under what little light the bulb overhead is giving. He leans closer in and pulls the bottom one between his own to taste more cherry. Feels the warmth bubble in his gut.

“Dean.” She smacks him this time. It would pinch, but the leather of his jacket softens the blow.

“What?”

“I’m asking if you wanna go with me. It could be fun.”

He wants to roll his eyes, and he almost does, but he knows doing so will stop him from getting any further with this girl, and he’s worked so hard to get her here. Listening to her talk about Leo and some song about Barbies. He forced himself to tune in to the local radio station and all he learned was that some guy, with a voice that sounded like a chain smoker, wanted Barbie to party.

Not him. Nope. The music they all listen to is trash, and he is not going to surround himself with it on a Friday night just to get some action. His hand’ll do just fine with the memories of her tit.

“Or we could hang out. Just me and you.” His lips nip at her again. “Brady Point.”

“Braden,” she says with a whine. and that click girls do when they’re trying to be angry. It’s cute. 

“Yeah.” He swoops back in. 

“But my friends will be there.” 

And this is going nowhere.

Her eyes are as still as the rest of her, holding him as if she’d physically reached in and grabbed them. Neither blinks, but Dean tries to convince her he’s more interesting than a party at Marks. 

Turns out he’s not, and he’s left to his own devices Friday night, lounging ‘round Bobby’s, cleaning his colt.

“Did John give ya a curfew I should know about?” his ‘uncle’ says across from him. Bottle of beer in his hand. 

Just as he did in the janitor’s closet with Melinda, Dean doesn’t blink when he looks back at him. He places the barrel down, reaches for the oil and busies his hands once again. 

It’s not like he wants to be here. He’d still rather be out on the road with John, even though he threatened to take the car. At least he’d be doing something useful with his time. Algebra ain’t going to help him gank no ghost. Don’t get him started on music theory or the essay due Tuesday morning.

“What’s got your panties in a twist?” Bobby takes a swig and stands with a loud scrape of his chair over the floor. The floorboards continue to protest as he pads his way to the fridge for another. The creak of the door and the rattle of glass is obvious enough, but what Dean doesn’t expect is to be handed one, too, when he returns. 

“Even Sam’s out with the friends he made.” Bobby glares at him over the bottle, twists the cap and flings it on the table. 

Dean does the same. 

He’s mid sip when Bobby sits back down and asks, “Weren’t you seeing that cheerleader? Melissa?” 

The cold brew goes down the wrong pipe, and his fist whacks the top of his sternum. The thump drowned out by his splutter and wheeze. How the hell does he know that? Unless…Sammy. That’s the last time he picks him up from school. Kid can ride his bike, rain or shine.

He looks up at Bobby, still waiting for him to be done. His beady eyes under his cap and the specks of grey in his beard continue to point at him. 

“What do you want me to say?” Dean dares before another mouthful. Slower this time. Letting the bubbles slide down his throat, keeping his mouth and hands occupied. 

“Nothing. Not my place to give ya advice, either.” He sighs, and Dean just knows there’s a ‘but,’ coming. “You got the chance to have a normal life for a minute. Why not enjoy it?” Bobby leans into the table. There’s a split second of grouch as his face changes and his jaw tightens, humbling his pride. “I hear that Sutton kid’s throwing a party.”

And Dean chokes again. Fucking Sam. He scowls. “You want me to go get drunk with a bunch of other kids? That what you’re saying?” 

“You telling me you’re straight-laced now? Only difference between them kids and me is they’ve got smaller prostates, and don’t need to whiz every—”

“Okay. Fine,” Dean says and gulps some more beer down. Thunks it on the table with finality and stands. He pulls his jacket on and steps over to pick up Baby’s keys from where he left them. 

But, “The hell you’re driving,” stops him in his tracks and he’s heading out the door, keyless and without another word, raising his collar up to protect his neck from the night air. The screen door slams behind him.

Now what? He doesn’t even know where the party is, let alone how he’s going to bust it to this guy’s house without his car. School’s a ten-minute drive from here, and chances are, Mark’s place is further still, and there’s no way he’s walking that far. 

He digs his boots in the dirt. Smushes the grass tufts, scattering the powder, blackened by the sky, and looks around. Cars, whole ones, shells of them, and stars as far as the eye can see surround him. But also under the shed, poking out behind the pole closest to him, the rim of a thin tire catches his eye. 

It’s the same place they used to keep their bike, not Sam’s new one - he stole that - but the one Bobby fixed up all those years ago. 

Of course, he’s grown, but the thing looks tiny. Creaks under his hands when he tugs it out. The bars are rusty and he can feel the coarse, flaky metal against his fingertips. Even the rubber handles have disintegrated. 

Out of its confines, he lifts his leg over and straddles the middle bar. Wheels it back and forth under him. He places his ass on the seat, and, yeah, there’s no way he can ride this thing like this, but if he stands, it’s possible. 

Shaky.

Rickety.

Yet before he knows it, he’s peddling down the path just the same. Gravel flicks up against his jeans, but it’s freeing. That wind in his hair. Breeze on his cheeks. The way his jacket swings behind him like a cape as he leans over the handlebars. The same ones Sammy used to ride on. 

Laughter. Fun. Bat signals. Ninja turtles. His mind goes back to a time when he shared it all with you that one spring. What was he, nine?

Huh. It’s been a while. He wonders what happened to you? Did you skip town? Do you go to school with him now, and he just hasn’t run into you yet? 

Maybe you’re at the party? One of Melinda’s friends, though you would’ve said something if he knew them, and none of their names match yours. Not even the middle name Mary, like your mom. You sure were long winded. Could blow the biggest bubbles in your shakes. 

God, he’s a dweeb. His nostalgia, pulling at his heart strings, buzzing his nose, and steering the bike to the old arcade ‘cause why not. 

Whirs. Dings. Whistles. Like Bobby’s, it hasn’t changed one bit. The jingles made by synthesisers are as familiar as Baby’s rumble. The soundtrack trying to overcome it all hasn’t let up its 80s tunes either, and Dean strides through the tinted doors to the riff of Kenny Loggins’ Danger Zone. He’s pumped.

Nope. Nothing’s changed, alright. 

There’s a musk to the place that he’s never been able to put his finger on, but one that’s popped up throughout his life. It’s a taste. A burn in his nostrils from dust and mould, sweaty palms, and old money that’s spent most of its life being jammed into the pockets of little boys.

Speaking of, he reaches deep into his and pulls out his leather wallet. Flips it open. Stops the just-in-case condom he keeps in there from falling out. He’s prepared, and he’s got plenty of dollar bills ready to change over.

He smooths one out, chuckles at the joke he’s made about rubbing that something else instead, and feeds the edge into the slot. Only has him grinning more. The thrill and rattle of money coming out is alright, too, and the closest to the feel of Vegas he’s gonna get without a fake ID and a broken razor.

Coin laden, he heads for Donkey Kong, the first thing he recognises - if only the sucker knew he wasn’t the main attraction any more. He bites his tongue with his newest coin-slot joke, is relieved for a moment that these things don’t spit out white tickets, and hits start.

It’s like riding the bicycle. All floods back. He even gets to the second level on the first go, but then Mario drops the hammer on himself and then is hit by a barrel. Totally not his fault. Totally, he tries again.

It mightn’t be as advanced as modern, 3D Mario or Zelda, but there’s an addiction for sure. He plays another, and a few more than he’s willing to admit before moving on to the next one. Has a go at all his favourites. Loses to some punk-ass junior on Time Crisis. 

“Real guns don’t work like that,” he spits over Bon Jovi’s ‘Shot Through the Heart’, and heads to the snack bar. Another piece of nostalgia, Red Vines, call his name.

By now it’s getting close to nine. Not late for a guy with no curfew, but late enough that the younger kids are calling it quits, and sweet, zero lines. 

He steps up to the counter, pulls out his wallet again and looks straight into the eyes of the girl with the goofy hat. She’s not wearing it now, though. Hair pulled up off her face and neck. He just recognises the furrowed brow, and his raise in unison. 

Great. “Hey,” he says. Mutters, more like. 

He avoids her stare and concentrates on the candy before him, picking up two packets of the red licorice and a box of Milk Duds. “Can I get a root beer, too?” He smiles out of politeness, but it’s reserved, and lacks its usual charm. He straightens when she continues to stare and startles as much as she does when she realises.

“Ah, sure.” She turns on the soundtrack’s newest changeover, a slow synthetic drumbeat that’s as almost familiar as the way her hairline pulls at her neck below her pink blouse. 

It can’t be. It’s too coincidental. He finds that bike only to think of the girl he once knew, and there she is, just like that? All this talk of hoodoo, but it is the same town, the same arcade?

Nah. Coincidence. That’s all this is. Pure coincidence. These thoughts and memories about the girl he once knew messing with his brain more and more…until she turns around again and he really looks at her. At you.

He looks at you. 

And if this all hasn’t wigged him out already, the guy, swooning over the stereo says something about always being friends someday.

His finger points in your direction and it’s not just for telling you what else he wants to buy. 

You blink. Those eyes. Those brows. 

“You’re—”

“Hi Dean,” you say with a thin smile, and then, as if his recognition fuels you, that confident tone he’s just remembered, the one that once took his juice box, has you adding, “Took you long enough.”

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Am I running with that one random line Dean made about Zelda, somewhere in the show? You bet I am ✌️

I know I put five chapters down in the Masterlist, but I ended this chapter earlier than intended because it seemed like a better spot than I’d planned, so there might be another yet, time will tell.

Did you know a Dean in high school? Did you date someone like him? I had way too much fun writing him as a horny teenager 😂 let’s see how they get along now 😘

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6. It’s having so much to prove that’s gotten me here. I’ve got to act confident and be confident, it’s got to be part of an idea. I’ve got to think about functioning the way I think about living in all other ways- with the faith I have in those arenas, about my ability to do normal things in a way that says “let me show you about the good that exists in the world and cares about you personally because you’re worth it/deserve it, if not because I like you, in which case, let me show you how I’ll give you everything I’ve ever got forever for free with nothing except kindness asked in return, if that”. And I’ve got to do it alone in the house with myself, all my life. I behave that way around people with the faith someone will notice, will be heartwarmed in a genuine way, will believe me about that being who I actually am with no tricks attached. At home, I’m gonna have to pretend like the universe is watching, that the universe and all its inhabitants are one, or something like that. I’m going to have to wrangle myself into a belief held with some kind of forced genuineness that the universe will see me functioning and think to itself “now that’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen, impressive and worth rewarding at some point in this person’s life”. When of course it doesn’t and won’t. When nobody cares about the struggle and only want to clap for images of beauty and understood things that fit their unquestioned ready-held templates for both. Maybe it’s one of those things where I have to tell people what you believe and can’t wait or coax them into eventual belief. To do the idea-version of going to their house, ringing their doorbell, and presenting them with a complete science fair fold out poster presentation board explaining simple obvious things one tiny tiny piece at a time, as small of pieces as I can get things into, and make them not only look right and science-article-backed, but feel right, according to what kinds of things tend to feel right to whoever they are I’m on the front porch of the house/apartment of. To do this without being asked or invited and even after being gently warned off. I think. To show them: look, my “putting it into practice” needs practice in terms of not looking rough-draft-like or cheap or easy, but my method is solid, my underlying ideas are absolutely there, they’re all there. I’m gonna have to have “look, your way sucks, my way is better” type of confidence. The way I have in other arenas of my life. My way is the anti-waste, nerdiness-loving, proud (or at least unashamed, and unstoppable in being one even if I was ashamed) intellectual (academic, primary resources hoarder, passionate idea-hoarder, idea memorizer, idea stress-tester (stress-tested out of respect for their creators and not disrespect towards them), idea lover), value in the free or almost free, gold from the worst plant-root-resistant, mineral-less, dry, powdery, unsaveable waste dirt you find anywhere at all, or in the badlands of South Dakota, or in the dirt bike track meet sites, or on cursed land. That is, material anywhere, being worth gold. In the right hands. My way is the built to last and built to not harm the planet way. The non-brand-name, dumpster diving, Craigslist free section plus an old pickup truck equaling almost everything I need, gardening food and tea and medicine and herbs in small apartments, way. DIY, shopped locally, real-artist-bought art directly from the artists, wearing shoes and clothes until I can’t anymore, way. Why is that the best way? I just know it is, I lack the confidence I need to live as a functional adult that way though. That way looks so dysfunctional and holier-than-thou and “for show”, even. Or compensating for emotional problems with do-gooder-living. Or like I’m a weak person, in body and spirit, generic in my weakness and limpness. This is a consumerist shallow setting I will always live inside of, period, and I must work with it to communicate with it. I have to trust that people will see past the ethos and differences in living styles and see me instead. To see…

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12/19/2023 DAB Chronological Transcription part 3

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Daily Audio Bible That's home base and check it out if you have not. take a look around. check out the website and download the free app. If you would like to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, we thank you so much for each and every partnership that furthers the work of this Mission. if you're giving by mail DAB PO Box 1996, Spring Hill TN, 37174. Utilizing the app, up at the top right hand corner of your device. and lastly look for the give icon on the website. you can still be a part of the Christmas vinyl initiative that advances the technology as we improve what we already have so that it is as simple and user friendly for every person using that app. $25 per album there are five to choose from and you can order any increment that you would like and you can do so while supplies last. If you need prayer, if you'd like to pray for someone that's previously called in, there are several different ways for you to do so 800-583-2164. or utilizing that mobile device again hit the red circle button up at the top right hand corner of your mobile device. That's going to do it for me today, I'm Jill, we’ll turn the page together tomorrow as we wind our way forward into this week of Christmas Advent arrival and waiting anticipation of the hope of all hopes Emmanuel, God With Us, Jesus. I'm Jill, until tomorrow, love one another. 

Community Prayer Line

Hi everyone it's Christy in Kentucky I wanted to pray for some of our Brothers and Sisters in Christ. father we love you we praise you and Lord we are lifting up a long list of Brothers and Sisters in Christ, that dawn has brought to us Lord that either have just started their journey and have accepted you as Lord and Savior or there's been seeds planted, Lord we pray that people will come behind them Father, water the seeds that have been planted. and for those who have not quite made that commitment. Lord Jesus, we pray for them Lord that they will open their hearts to hear the gospel, and to know how much you love them and for them to receive you as Lord and savior. Father, we pray for Emmy Lord and Illinois. Father, we thank you so much and that her baby is okay. Lord thank you for touching and healing this child, and now father we are asking that you touch and heal this marriage. Father, we also pray for unashamed Mom as she has received this diagnosis of cancer. Lord you are our healer father you are our Miracle working God, and so father, in these days as she waits for the results of this biopsy, I pray that you will hold her close father, let her feel your presence Lord Jesus. and we ask that you heal her father completely. restore her back to perfect health we pray. and we love you so much and we thank you Father for having the ability to come and to sit at your feet. We praise you In Jesus name, amen. All right everyone I love you guys Merry Christmas have a beautiful blessed day and I am thrilled with Victoria Soldier again, wherever she's been in her absence you have been there with her and well we've missed her. Lord, you have been there to keep her company and get her through whatever life has had going on. Lord, I also thank you for our newest member spoken in the vine in Indiana. Lord let us scooch over around this campfire and make room for him. Will show yourself true to him and that his desire will always be for you and to have it become where it just is all of you that he's not just more but all of you that you desires. and Lord I Thank you for this platform I think you for the relationships that it has forged and created and friendships and families and I thank you for the following of Brian and Jill and China and Zeke and the rest of the group. I've seen behind the scenes family and Lily just ask is we go forward and they bring us this beta version that you be in it Lord. that you work all things out so that it is a smooth transition. and Lord we just look forward to and even better can't fire experience Lord. I Thank you. I praise you as you are with each and every person as we go through this crazy insane weeks it's coming. help us stay focused on you. 

hey my precious DABC fam, this is Kingdom seeker Daniel. lady Jill I am taking my work cap off as I speak in salute to you as I'm sitting here waiting for this truck to vacate this dock, so I can move my truck in. I just finished listening to you pray on the 18th and my goodness thank you for just letting the Holy Spirit lead you even in the words that you prayed about not forgetting the darkness that God has rescued us from. and as I'm just sitting here pondering that thought oh my goodness I'm so grateful. Hallelujah bless your Holy Name Jesus. I'm so grateful for the darkness that he rescued me from, oh my Lord, and so I just wanted to offer a word of encouragement to the mom who didn't leave a name but a little while back you called in about moving away to Colorado and feeling guilty because you're moving away from your son who's battling homosexuality, and let me just first say you don't need to feel guilty for moving where God is leading you but finally, please know your father is at work and your son's life and heart despite of what it looks like. I'm a living witness. He can rescue him, you be encouraged mom. 

[fishsticksloser]

Random Ghost HC

Warnings: fluff, he's also a military man who has killed people so...

A/N: I haven't played the game since I was 12 and want to get back into it, but I'm a broke bitch so please bear with me this is purely based off what I've seen. If you don't have anything nice to say, go away. If you have some of your own hc, please share I love reading them :) I'm not "making" him a softy, your likes and dislikes don't make you less manly.

Massive softy. He's like one of those super bulky, scary dudes who will do absolutely anything to see their s/o smile... That's just him

Even without the gear on, he's thicc with more C's than I want to put. He's very sturdy, strong (he's carrying at least 50lbs of equipment, but he's probably actually carrying 150lbs), and wide... Look at his shoulders.

Dog dude. Loves the "dangerous" breeds: German Shepherds, Pitbulls, Cane Corsos, ect. Will literally do anything for them.

Is actually younger than everyone thinks... (141 is about 30-40, except Price and Shepard of course, Gaz is at least 22) War and trauma can affect people in many ways.

Can recount how he got all of his scars and is unashamed of them, just nervous if people see them.

Likes to be alone, either reading or listening to music. Sometimes you can catch him bobbing his head to whatever's playing.

He keeps his room really clean, he claims it's because he's a man, but clean room = clear mind.

True emo, loves "old" emo music, but also enjoys alternative, rock, and Metallica (specifically Metallica)

Goes hiking/on a run when he's upset, it helps him clear his head.

He doesn't like yelling, at or from others. He thinks it's not how arguments or anything should be handled. He's yelled at his team on occasion because the messed up or something, but most of the he'll walk away and cool down.

Pretty big on communication. He's not good with staying how he feels, but he tries his best.

Big on showing he cares (acts of service and quality time). Comes home from a mission to his s/I and will wash dishes, cook, laundry, ect while he's home.

Isn't a fan of PDA, but will have his hands on you when you're alone. Almost always touching you; arms around your waist while cooking, spooning in bed, ect

Smacks your ass every chance he gets. It becomes a game, you have to constantly look over your shoulder to make sure your ass isn't unguarded.

I saw someone say that he's a little weird (they used him eating a lemon as an example but lemons are delicious so...) I think he's a fan of something considered childish whether it's Pokemon, Magic, ect. He loves it, but keeps it hidden.

Calls his s/o "darling," "baby," "love" also if you're married and take his last name, "Mr/Mrs. Riley" he loves the sound of it

Gamer. Another way for him to relax, prefers games like Stardew or Animal Crossing. Calming games. Competitive though... Will beat you at Mario Kart

So gentle. Touching you like your some sort of antique vase, except your ass-smaking game. Gentle with everything that has to do with you (sex kissing, dancing)

Don't tell anyone, but he's a huge romantic. Loves those moments where he can dance in the kitchen with you while you wait for dinner, making you a huge dinner dressing up even though your staying home, he always brings home flowers and your favorite snacks/drinks after a mission.

Doesn't like getting drunk. He doesn't like the feeling he gets or how he acts when he's drunk, but he doesn't mind drinking.

Loud noises are a no go, so no concerts. He already deals with loud noises during missions the last thing he wants is more, it stresses him out.

If you call him your husband (whether you're married or not) he's on the floor, he loves it. He also loves being called "babe," "baby," "honey"

[juice-vesicle]

Implication only dawned me after I typed this out. I think it’s good to be a sliver pathetic, though. (Better pathos than apathos? I don’t mean in an obsequious sense. Everyone is pathetic. But to embrace this facet of self. Maybe we’re moving toward the late 16th century definition.) The world sings to you this way. You won’t find anybody closer to the earth than a worm.

It’s vast and nutritious down here. I’m hermaphroditic. There’s buddies. I’m not afraid of the asphalt or whatever made it. I am complex enough to love the rain on my skin, and I can’t drown. Some people like me very much. What more could you want?

You may get impaled. Fish may suck on you. You will be draped over the top of a stick and swung through the air. But you will also be in a compost, feasting, and someone will be listening for your popping with a smile on their face (which would be beautiful if you knew what a face or a smile was—but they understand your joy through your sound, and you understand their joy through their rich alimentary offerings). What I mean is, I believe that thinning your pride is essential to thinning the barrier between yourself and the world, to unify with an ecosystem, to stop feeling like a stranger in your own skin. You need to bring the feeling with you of standing in the forest and looking up at trees older than yourself. That awe, profound enough to stop walking and speak to the world around you. This is a message to myself. But the word for world is…

Whether to be proudly pathetic, or to erase the notion from your mind, both ask that you unashame of the space you take up. I’m not being serious about being pathetic, but about being serious about being pathetic. I think actually being pathetic prerequisites a sort of desperate shame about your own existence (which is the same as embarrassment and fear of social judgement or failure. Most people have it, some just handle it more elegantly). But I think many of us are ashamed of shame itself, pathetithetic if you will, and I don’t know how else you’d learn than by just going for it. Fear of being pathetic is the same as being pathetic because you are pre-bending the knee to some invisible superior force, the weight of the fictional judgement of all of humanity maybe. I guess it’s about looking for what you think will make your life your own.

En passant: If you’ve never learned the mechanics of worm mating and then seen the act in situ I recommend looking into it. They’re among the most romantic animals

Mammals can only with their intricate minds dream to be free Of their obstructive bones And awarded a mucosal epidermis. Hydrophilic surface area capable of complete unifying contact Imagine your entire body as a tongue You’d be eating dirt too And you’d know what it was like to briefly share skin with your lover This is love our gnarled vertebrate bodies can never know

Disco elysium seems to have had an inverse effect on me to what I’m seeing from others; whilst playing the game I did not feel pathetic occupying HDB’s shoes, but post-disco I do think “I’m HDB’in right now” every time I’m doing some pathetic shit

[mynonclicheblog]

If you have ever thought about watching Lockwood & Co. on Netflix, even in passing, please do so! Right now! This is your sign, it's the perfect time!

I apologize for being the asshole who cross-tags, I swear it's not normally me. But hear me out, I mean this with my chest: if you're someone who enjoys the YA genre whatsoever - especially when it comes to ~a group of young people~ banding together to ~fight off supernatural threats~ - then Lockwood & Co is perfect for you! (see I'm doing you a favor, just trust me😂)

It's about ✨the unique characters, the found family, the mysteries, the worldbuilding, the slowburn, the vintage/modern aesthetic, the soundtrack, the cluttered kitchen coziness, the cinematography, the attention to detail, the layers and nuanced storytelling!!!✨ It's literally the most captivating YA-led show I've ever seen, and I'm a big fan of Stranger Things and Shadow & Bone.

It's the character work in Lockwood & Co that makes it stand out from the rest. The main trio fills the hole in my heart. They're so unique and flawed and SHAPED, and the way they interact/work together is like crack for your soul. It's ridiculous how addicting their dynamic is.

Let's see what Twitter has to say...

This show heavily features themes of finding a family and a reason to live & die because of the home you've found with each other. I promise that you will fall in love with these precious, broken kids as quickly as I did.

Brief character descriptions under the cut, cause you're already this far, so why not?

This is Lucy Carlyle! She is wildly talented, takes no shit, and has suffered a lot in her past but holds so, so much capacity for loving others. She is sassy, practical, empathetic, and grounding.

This is Anthony Lockwood, aka tumblr babygirl who uses a facade of confident swagger to mask the well of pain he harbors underneath. He is charismatic, ambitious, reckless, and soft hearted.

And this is George Karim. He is the MOST precious bean who is a brilliant researcher, though struggles sometimes with feeling out-of-step. He is sarcastic, excitable, unashamed, and dedicated.

At the end of the day - all I can say is sorry for the brief invasion into your tag, but also THANK YOU for your consideration in reading this, and thanks in advance for checking out Lockwood & Co 😉💖✨ I cannot emphasize enough how much you won't regret it!