#how should I call heidi x kenny?

[mikokiara]

SOUTH PARK FANDOM WAKE THE FUCK UP AND HEAR ME OUT, KYLE X KENNY X HEIDI HEAR ME OUT

[fuqnia]

Midnight Sparks

kenny mccormick x butters stotch

(❁´◡`❁) | [A/N] hii, this is my seventh oneshot that's apart of my ficmas! this is also on ao3. ❤️❄️🎄

(❁´◡`❁) | Warning(s) : slurs used by cartman & drinking

(❁´◡`❁) | Synopsis : Butters nervously kisses Kenny at the stroke of midnight, setting the stage for a sweet and flustered New Year’s confession.

The muffled sound of music and voices spilled through the door of Craig’s house, warm and lively against the snowy backdrop of South Park. Butters stood on the porch, shifting nervously from one foot to the other as his breath puffed out in shaky clouds.

He glanced at his phone for what felt like the hundredth time. 9:48 PM. Okay, Butters, you’ve got just over two hours before midnight. You can do this! Just walk in there and... and tell Kenny how you feel! It’s not like it’s—oh, gee—what if he laughs at me? What if everyone laughs at me? Oh, hamburgers...

The door suddenly flew open, jolting Butters out of his spiraling thoughts. A gust of warm air, mixed with the faint smell of beer and potato chips, hit him as Clyde stumbled out, laughing loudly.

“Dude, you’re just standing here?” Clyde slurred, squinting at him. “You trying to freeze your nuts off or what?”

“Oh! Uh—no, no, I was just, um, gettin’ ready to come inside!” Butters stammered, his cheeks burning as he hurried past Clyde and into the house.

The living room was a chaotic blur of faces and noise. Stan and Kyle were arguing near the speakers, something about who got to control the playlist. Cartman lounged on the couch with a plate of chips balanced precariously on his stomach, shouting something at Jimmy about “real comedy.” Wendy and Heidi stood by the snack table, talking quietly while Bebe, Nichole, and Red laughed over whatever gossip was being shared. Craig and Tweek were off in their usual corner, with Tweek gesturing wildly about something as Craig nodded with his usual deadpan expression.

And then there was Kenny.

He was leaning against the kitchen counter, holding a beer in one hand, his orange hoodie slightly unzipped to reveal a worn band tee underneath. His messy blonde hair caught the glow of the string lights someone had half-heartedly draped around the room, and his sharp blue eyes had a lazy, amused gleam.

“Oh, gee...” Butters muttered under his breath, gripping the edges of his coat as if it might keep him grounded.

Before he could think about backing out, Kenny’s gaze flicked toward him. His grin widened immediately, and he lifted his beer in a mock toast.

“Butters!” Kenny called out, his voice cutting over the noise. “Finally! I thought maybe you’d chickened out and stayed home like the good little choir boy you are.”

Butters froze, his face heating up as several heads turned toward him. “W-Well, no, I—I was just, um, takin’ my time, is all!”

Kenny snickered, taking a slow sip of his beer as he looked him over. “Right. Probably had to say a prayer or two before showing up to this den of sin, huh?”

“Oh, no! I—uh, I don’t think it’s a den of sin at all!” Butters stammered, his hands twisting nervously. “It’s real nice in here! Lots of snacks and... and...”

“Dude, relax,” Kenny said, waving him over with his free hand. “I’m just fuckin’ with you. Get your ass over here.”

Butters shuffled toward him, his heart pounding in his chest. Kenny leaned against the counter, grinning in that way that always left Butters feeling like he was two steps behind.

“You want a drink?” Kenny asked, tilting his head toward the collection of bottles and cans on the counter. “We’ve got beer, wine coolers, probably some random-ass whiskey Clyde smuggled in. You want one of those fruity shits? Tastes like melted candy. You’d like that, babe, right?”

“Oh! N-No, thank you! I don’t think I should be drinkin’—what with the laws and all,” Butters replied quickly, his voice cracking slightly.

Kenny let out a sharp laugh, shaking his head. “Laws? Christ, you’re adorable. Alright, suit yourself, choir boy. You do you.”

As Butters fidgeted nervously, Heidi leaned over to grab a drink from the counter. Kenny flashed her a quick grin. “Hey, babe. You finding everything alright?”

Heidi rolled her eyes but smiled. “I’m good, Kenny. Thanks for asking.”

Kenny winked at her before turning back to Butters. “See? Everybody’s happy. Except you. What’s up with that, babe? You’re acting like you just got sentenced to death row or some shit.”

“Oh, n-nothin’! Nothin’ at all! Just, uh, real excited for the party! Yep, I just love New Year’s parties!” Butters said quickly, his hands waving in an awkward attempt to sell the lie.

Kenny raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying it, but he didn’t push. Instead, he leaned back and took another sip of his beer, the amusement in his eyes softening slightly. “Alright, if you say so. But you better loosen up before midnight, dude. It’s New Year’s. Live a little.”

Butters swallowed hard, his gaze darting toward the clock on the wall. 10:02 PM. Midnight was coming fast, and he still hadn’t figured out what the hell he was going to do.

I’ve got less than two hours. Oh, gosh. Oh, boy. I’m gonna screw this up, ain’t I?

The party was in full swing now, the once-casual chatter evolving into a steady hum of chaos. Someone—probably Clyde—had cranked the music louder, and the sound of poorly harmonized singing echoed from the corner where Wendy, Bebe, and Heidi were shouting lyrics into a crackling karaoke mic. Cartman was sprawled out on the couch, eating chips straight from the bag while yelling at Jimmy about what real comedy looked like.

Butters hovered awkwardly near the edge of the living room, clutching a plastic cup filled with soda he hadn’t touched. He kept his gaze darting toward the kitchen, where Kenny was leaning casually against the counter, laughing at something Red had just said.

Red twirled a strand of her hair around her finger, leaning slightly toward Kenny with a conspiratorial grin. “I’m just saying,” she said loudly over the music, “Clyde definitely pukes before midnight. It’s, like, his New Year’s tradition.”

Stan snorted, taking a sip of his drink. “Yeah, and then he swears he’s fine and spends the rest of the night stumbling into furniture.”

“Or falling down the stairs,” Kenny added with a smirk. “Dude’s a fucking liability after three drinks.”

The three of them laughed, Kenny’s sharp blue eyes crinkling at the corners. He tilted his head back slightly as he took a sip from his beer, his hair catching the glow of the string lights draped around the room.

Butters swallowed hard, his stomach flipping. Kenny always seemed so at ease, like he belonged wherever he went. His messy charm and easy smile felt effortless, and it only made Butters feel more awkward. How am I supposed to tell him anything when he’s... just like that? What if I ruin everything?

“Butters, what the hell are you doing over here?” Cartman’s loud, nasally voice snapped him out of his spiraling thoughts.

“Oh! Uh, n-nothin’!” Butters stammered, clutching his cup tighter.

Cartman squinted at him, crumbs falling from his mouth as he gestured with the chip bag. “You look like you’re about to shit yourself. What, did your parents ground you for thinking impure thoughts again?”

Butters’ face turned scarlet. “N-No! I’m fine, really! Just havin’ a good time at the party!”

“Sure, you are,” Cartman said with a smirk. He shoved another handful of chips into his mouth before waving him off. “Whatever. Just try not to have a breakdown before midnight, dude. It’s embarrassing.”

Butters let out a shaky breath as Cartman waddled back to the couch, his attention already shifting to yelling at Kyle about something.

Butters shuffled toward the kitchen, his heart pounding louder with every step. Kenny noticed him immediately, his face lighting up with that signature grin that always made Butters’ knees feel wobbly.

“There you are, babe,” Kenny said, leaning against the counter. “Thought you might’ve bailed on me.”

“Oh, n-no! I was just, uh, minglin’!” Butters said, his voice cracking slightly.

Kenny chuckled, setting his beer down as he straightened up. He reached out and ruffled Butters’ hair, his touch light but enough to send a shockwave of nerves through Butters’ whole body. “Relax, dude. You’re twitching like Tweek on espresso. What’s got you so worked up?”

“Nothin’! I’m fine! Totally fine!” Butters squeaked, tugging at the hem of his coat nervously.

Kenny stepped closer, his grin turning sly. “You sure about that, babe? You look like you’re about two seconds from combusting. You hiding something?”

Butters’ heart was practically in his throat. Kenny was right there, close enough that Butters could smell the faint hint of whatever cheap cologne Kenny had thrown on. His blue eyes were sharp and full of amusement, his grin just the slightest bit crooked.

“I’m not hidin’ anything!” Butters yelped, his voice cracking again. “I-I’m just tryin’ to have a nice time, that’s all!”

Before Kenny could press further, Stan interrupted. “Hey, Kenny, you’re up for karaoke!”

Kenny groaned, rolling his eyes. “Aw, come on, dude, I’m not drunk enough for that shit!”

“You totally are,” Stan replied, smirking as he grabbed a fresh beer from the counter.

“You’re full of shit,” Kenny shot back, but he grabbed his beer anyway, finishing it in a single long swig before flashing Butters a quick grin. “Don’t go running off, babe. I’m keeping an eye on you.”

Butters stood frozen as Kenny sauntered into the living room, greeted by a round of cheers from the group. Clyde handed him the mic with a theatrical bow, and Kenny wasted no time launching into a hilariously off-key rendition of some 80s power ballad.

The room erupted with laughter as Kenny threw his arm around Clyde for an impromptu duet, hamming it up with exaggerated gestures. Butters couldn’t help smiling a little, his chest feeling both tight and strangely warm as he watched Kenny soak in the spotlight.

He’s so... just so him. What if he doesn’t feel the same? What if I mess this up?

The laughter in the room faded as Butters’ nerves started taking over again. He glanced at the clock on the wall. 11:17 PM.

The living room buzzed with energy as the countdown drew closer. The group had packed themselves into the space, the air filled with laughter, clinking drinks, and shouts over the TV. The New Year’s Eve broadcast ticked closer to midnight, the clock on the screen flashing just under one minute to go.

Clyde and Bebe were sprawled on the couch, Clyde’s arm draped lazily over Bebe’s shoulders as she laughed at one of his slurred jokes. Wendy and Stan were nestled together under a shared blanket on the floor, Stan leaning over to whisper something into Wendy’s ear that earned him a playful swat.

Cartman stood front and center, gripping a bottle of sparkling cider like it was a trophy. “This—this right here—is the most important part of the night!” he bellowed, wobbling slightly on his feet. “And none of you poor, dumb bastards better screw it up for me.”

“You’re just gonna open the bottle, Cartman,” Kyle said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s not exactly rocket science.”

“You shut the hell up, Kyle!” Cartman snapped, fumbling with the bottle cap. “You wouldn’t know anything about tradition, Moses Boy !”

Nearby, Tolkien and Nichole were seated together in an armchair, Tolkien’s arm resting comfortably around her shoulders as they watched the chaos with amused smiles. At the snack table, Heidi and Red were chatting between bites of chips, laughing at something they’d spotted in one of their selfies.

On the loveseat, Tweek was muttering nervously about “loose streamers being a choking hazard” while Craig gave him a calming pat on the knee, muttering something back that seemed to help.

Butters hovered nervously by the couch, clutching his cup of soda so tightly it was a wonder it hadn’t cracked. His gaze kept darting toward Kenny, who was leaning casually against the wall by himself, his beer dangling loosely in one hand.

Butters’ stomach churned as Kenny’s gaze flicked toward him. His smirk widened as he pushed off the wall and made his way over, his movements easy and unhurried.

“Hey, Butters,” Kenny said, stopping just close enough to make Butters’ breath hitch. “You still look like you’re waiting for the executioner. What’s up with that?”

“Oh! N-Nothin’! I’m fine!” Butters squeaked, his voice cracking.

Kenny tilted his head, his grin turning a little sharper. “Uh-huh. You’ve been twitchier than Tweek all night. You sure you’re not hiding something?”

“I-I’m just, um, excited for the countdown!” Butters stammered, tugging at the hem of his coat as his cheeks burned.

“Excited, huh?” Kenny took a sip of his beer, his sharp blue eyes glinting with amusement. “Better figure out who you’re kissing at midnight, man. Don’t wanna miss out on tradition.”

Butters’ heart practically stopped. “O-Oh, g-gosh, I—I don’t—”

“Relax, dude, I’m just messing with you,” Kenny said, laughing softly as he gave Butters’ hair a quick, playful ruffle. “But seriously, it’s almost time. Don’t freeze up on me.”

The countdown on the screen hit the 30-second mark, and the group shifted closer to the TV, their voices rising with excitement.

Couples began pairing off: Clyde leaned down to kiss Bebe, earning a round of applause when she giggled and kissed him back. Nichole turned to Tolkien with a smile before they shared a quiet, sweet kiss. Stan leaned in under the blanket to kiss Wendy, who tugged him closer with a playful grin. Craig pressed a kiss to Tweek’s forehead, murmuring something that finally made Tweek smile.

Butters barely noticed any of it. His heart pounded so loudly he could hardly hear anything else. Kenny was still standing right there, looking completely calm as he finished the last of his beer.

“Ten!”

Kenny glanced down at him, raising an eyebrow. “You good there, man?”

“Nine!”

Butters’ hands were shaking, his breath coming in short, uneven bursts.

“Eight!”

What if he doesn’t feel the same? What if he laughs at me?

“Seven!”

Kenny’s smirk softened slightly, his sharp eyes flicking toward the screen and back to Butters.

“Six!”

But... what if he does?

“Five!”

Butters took a shaky breath, his stomach twisting painfully.

“Four!”

It’s now or never.

“Three!”

Before he could lose his nerve, Butters surged forward, grabbing Kenny’s hoodie and standing on his tiptoes as he pressed his lips to Kenny’s.

“Two! One!”

The room erupted in cheers, the New Year officially arriving, but Butters barely heard it.

Kenny froze for a moment, clearly caught off guard. Then, slowly, his hands came up to rest on Butters’ shoulders, and he kissed back. The kiss was soft, warm, and steady, with just enough of Kenny’s sharp edge to make Butters’ heart race even more.

When they finally broke apart, Butters’ face was burning, his breath coming in short, nervous bursts. Kenny blinked at him, his smirk quirking back into place, though his eyes were still softer than usual.

The room was still buzzing with noise after the countdown. Streamers littered the floor, and drunken laughter rang out as couples lingered in their post-midnight kisses. Clyde, still holding Bebe, pumped his fist in the air. “Hell yeah! Best New Year’s ever!”

Butters, meanwhile, felt like he was standing in the middle of a spotlight. His face was burning as he risked a glance at Kenny, who looked just as effortlessly relaxed as ever, his usual smirk tugging at his lips.

Before Butters could say anything—or flee—Cartman’s voice cut through the noise like nails on a chalkboard.

“Wait. Wait a goddamn second!” Cartman bellowed, pointing a greasy chip-stained finger at Butters and Kenny. “Did I just see Butters make out with Kenny ?!”

The room fell into stunned silence for a beat before erupting into laughter and disbelief.

“No way!” Clyde hollered, nearly spilling his drink.

“Did that actually happen?” Red asked, her eyes wide as she glanced between them.

“Yeah, I think it happened,” Tolkien said, smirking. “New Year’s starting off wild.”

Cartman doubled over, wheezing with laughter. “Oh my god! Butters, I didn’t know you swung that way! This is fucking gold! I mean, Kenny, sure—he’ll stick his tongue down anything’s throat—but you ? What is this, some faggy rom-com?”

Butters’ face turned an impossible shade of red as he waved his hands frantically. “I-I, um—it’s not—I wasn’t tryin’ to—oh, hamburgers!”

“Dude,” Cartman continued, gasping for air, “is this, like, your big gay awakening or some shit? Are you gonna go full rainbow now? Parade floats and glitter everywhere?!”

“Shut up, Cartman,” Kyle groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’re literally the worst.”

Craig, who was sitting quietly on the loveseat with Tweek, finally chimed in, his tone flat and utterly deadpan. “Cartman, shut up. You’re just mad Butters is getting railed before you are.”

The room went completely silent for half a second before erupting into chaotic laughter.

“WHAT THE FUCK, CRAIG?!” Cartman screeched, his face beet red as Tweek nearly choked beside him, his hands flying to cover his mouth in shock.

Craig shrugged, casually sipping from his cup. “I mean, am I wrong?”

“YES, YOU’RE WRONG, YOU FUCKING PSYCHO!” Cartman barked, flailing his arms as his voice cracked.

Craig didn’t even blink, his expression calm. “You’re putting off a lot of virgin energy right now. Just saying.”

Kenny burst into laughter, shaking his head as he slung an arm around Butters’ shoulders, making him jump slightly. “Alright, alright, assholes, that’s enough,” Kenny said lazily. “I’m gonna steal this guy for a minute. Don’t miss me too much.”

Butters barely had time to process what was happening before Kenny guided him out of the living room and onto the porch. The cold night air hit them like a slap, the snowy streets of South Park quiet save for the distant sound of fireworks and the muffled chaos still coming from inside the house.

Kenny let go of Butters’ shoulders and leaned casually against the porch railing, taking a deep breath of the icy air. “Man, Cartman’s never gonna shut up about that,” he said, chuckling. “That guy’s a walking pile of garbage.”

Butters shuffled nervously, fidgeting with the hem of his coat. “I-I didn’t mean to cause such a scene... I just—oh, gee, I don’t know what I was thinkin’!”

Kenny turned to him, his sharp blue eyes softening as a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Hey,” he said, his voice more relaxed, “don’t sweat it. Honestly? I thought it was kinda cute.”

Butters blinked up at him, his cheeks still pink. “Y-You did?”

“Yeah, dude,” Kenny said with a shrug. “And it’s not like you could’ve ruined my night or anything. You’ve always been... I dunno, stupidly nice to me. Like, way nicer than I probably deserve.”

Butters tilted his head, clearly confused. “W-What do you mean by that?”

Kenny leaned back slightly, running a hand through his messy blonde hair as he let out a dry laugh. “I mean, c’mon. Most people just see me as, like, the town’s broke-ass cockroach, right? The guy who’ll say or do whatever just for shits and giggles. But you? You’ve always treated me like... a person, I guess. Like I’m worth something. It’s weird.”

“But—Kenny, of course you’re worth somethin’!” Butters said earnestly, his voice cracking a little. “I never thought otherwise!”

“Yeah, I know,” Kenny said, shaking his head with a soft chuckle. “That’s my point. You’re just... you. Sweet as hell, always giving people the benefit of the doubt, even when they’re assholes. And trust me, I’m a certified asshole.”

Butters’ breath hitched as his heart thudded in his chest. “You’re not an asshole to me...”

Kenny raised an eyebrow, his grin sharpening slightly. “Dude, I’ve literally stolen fries off your plate and laughed about it.”

“Well, I didn’t mind!” Butters squeaked, his face turning crimson. “I-I thought it was kinda funny!”

Kenny laughed, the sound low and warm as he reached out to tilt Butters’ chin up, forcing their eyes to meet. “See what I mean? You’re ridiculously nice. It’s why I’ve kinda had a thing for you for a while. I just didn’t know if you’d ever notice.”

Butters’ eyes widened, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. “Y-You’ve had a thing for me?! Oh, gosh, I—I didn’t know what to think! I thought you were too cool for someone like me!”

“Cool?” Kenny snorted, rolling his eyes. “Dude, I spent most of tonight shotgunning beers and trying not to trip over Cartman’s fat ass. I’m not exactly winning any awards over here.”

“But... you’re always so confident...” Butters mumbled, glancing down at his shoes.

Kenny shrugged again, his grin softening. “Confidence is easy. You just fake it until it feels real. But you? You don’t fake anything, and that’s what I like about you.”

Butters’ breath caught, his face burning even hotter. “I-I don’t know what to say...”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Kenny said, his voice quieter now. He stepped closer, his sharp eyes holding Butters’ gaze. “Just... let me do this.”

Kenny leaned in slowly, giving Butters a moment to pull away if he wanted to. Butters didn’t move—he barely even breathed—as Kenny closed the distance, their lips meeting in a soft, deliberate kiss.

The cold air melted away as warmth spread through Butters’ chest, the kiss sending sparks up his spine. It wasn’t rushed or impulsive like the first one—it was steady, full of quiet affection and unspoken promises.

When they finally pulled apart, Kenny rested his forehead against Butters’, a crooked grin tugging at his lips. “Not bad, huh?”

Butters let out a nervous laugh, his cheeks still pink. “N-Not bad at all...”

Kenny straightened up, brushing a light dusting of snow off his hoodie. “C’mon, let’s head back inside before Cartman starts spreading some weird-ass conspiracy theories about us.”

Butters nodded, a shy smile breaking across his face as he followed Kenny back inside. The warmth of the house hit them immediately, and though the teasing stares and grins of their friends waited for them, Butters felt a little less nervous with Kenny walking by his side.

For once, he wasn’t worried about the spotlight.

[southparktegreity]

✩ study buddies

[ kenny mccormick x reader ]

synopsis : you'd never really met kenny mccormick, not until you two both got partnered with each other for a project. you seemed to catch his eye after that.

gender : neutral cws : none word count : 2,424 requested : yess !! off tumblr a friend requested it :))

NOTICE : all characters are aged 19/20's! this takes place in college !

You were never the type to go out of your way to talk to people. Some people dubbed you the most introverted introvert they'd met, though that's only if they got to meet you. Generally speaking, you had avoided nearly everyone at your school - and previous schools before this one.

However, here you were, sitting next to Kenny McCormick. Somehow you managed to get partnered with one of four people you had wanted to avoid. You were never too fond of 'Stan's team' as most people called them. They were loud and brash, and drew all kinds of attention. There was Stanley Marsh himself, the drunken wallflower. Kyle Broflovski, one of the few straight A students with quite the temperament. Eric Cartman, who had fucked you over more times than you could count, and then finally - Kenny McCormick. You didn't really know much about Kenny, aside from the few rumors about his perverted nature. Though, rumors were just rumors, and you couldn't be bothered to believe them.

Kenny was looking at you, you could feel that. His gaze snapped you out of your thoughts. You just weren't sure what to say or do, staring down at the assignment paper - examining it as if it was the most important thing in the world. Kenny slowly looked over your shoulder, as he sat next to you. He was looking down at your intense gaze - as if you were avoiding looking at him.

"I don't bite, you know." Kenny spoke with a charming smile, one that would woo anyone with a beating heart. Including you. You could feel your face subtly heat up under embarrassment, realizing you should've said something sooner. All you could muster up was an apologetic look on your face, before leaning back in your chair and setting your homework down.

Kenny clearly took note of this, though feeling unsure as to why you weren’t too keen on talking. He didn’t know you very well. In fact, he’d bargain to say he’d never even really heard of you. At least not from his main friends. He knew you talked to his good friend, Butters occasionally and sometimes Heidi but other than that, who were you? Kenny felt himself slipping away into his thoughts, as you continued to work on whatever the assignment was.

Your mind wandered to Kenny as you looked down at your paper, beginning to read the instructions aloud. You couldn't help but peek over your paper to see if he was even listening, to which you found his eyes wandering around the classroom.

"Are you okay?" You mustered up the courage to say, after long consideration. "We can work on this another time, if you're busy - or just aren't feeling it."

"Uh -" Kenny looked back at you as you snapped him out of whatever he was thinking about. "Yeah, yeah actually. We should go to a park or something." He spoke gently towards you.

"No need. Let's just go over to my house. I can order pizza or something. My parents should be out for the rest of the night anyways." You softly smiled as you got up, starting to move away as you picked up your stuff. "Just be over there around five, okay?"

"Sweet! That's perfect, I'll see you then!" Kenny smiled at you, his grin evident in his eyes. When you turn away, he mumbles a silent prayer - thank god he didn't have to bring you over to his house. What a nightmare that would've been.

Meanwhile throughout the school day, Kenny decided to ask around about you. He decided to skip out on asking his friends, knowing exactly how that would turn out (especially with Cartman there). So that left him with Cartman's ex, or his own best friend. One of which would probably give him the most straightforward answer.

Kenny found himself looking around for Butters, only to find you talking to him right in front of his locker. His heart nearly stopped as he hid behind the nearest wall, listening in to your conversation with him. Kenny knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but he couldn't help himself! He had known nothing about you, wouldn't you do the same?

"Heya, y/n! Whatcha doin' later? Wanna come over?" Kenny heard Butters say. He had no idea you two were close enough to hang out. That got his mind wandering, and he felt a pinch in his heart.

"Oh... I wish we could hang out but I invited Kenny over to work on some school work."

"What? Really? I didn't know you guys were friends! Oh hamburgers, I woulda gotten you both to hang out sooner!" Butters spoke with a giggle and a smile - as he always did.

"I don't know if I'd call us friends..." You shrugged, placing a hand behind your neck. "...He's just coming over to finish up our project - not that we even really started."

"Oh I getcha." Butters looked down, then back at you. "I'll see ya around y/n, I gotta get to class!" You waved your goodbyes to each other. You turned the corner only to find a certain blonde, bumping into him and dropping your stuff.

"Oh - shit! I'm so sorry.." You immediately bend down and start grabbing your stuff, quickly before picking up a book with someone else's hand touching yours. You looked over at Kenny, his face flushing a little as you both stood there holding the book and each others hands. Your stomach started feeling funny, doing backflips on itself. You quickly put your book back in your pile, out of pure embarrassment, then standing up to look down at Kenny.

"Sorry." Is all you could muster up before walking away. Little did you know, you forgot three little papers on the ground, leaving Kenny to pick them up for you. He smiled down, looking at them. He couldn't help but admire the little doodles you put on the page, little swirls or silly characters. He sighed bashfully, holding onto the papers on his chest and walked off gleefully. Completely forgetting to talk to Butters entirely.

Kenny found himself paying more attention to you, he could never quite catch up with who you were with or spending time with each hour. It was a new group each period, but you never seemed to stay with them for very long. He wondered what it would be like to have so many friends. He's only really hung around his little group of four, and Butters of course.

He couldn't help but watch as you spoke to Wendy about who knows what. He couldn't help but watch your eyes light up as you spoke about something with her. He couldn't help as his mind wandered, were you talking about a boy? Someone other than him? A friend of yours? A friend of his?? Butters?? He felt that same tinge he felt earlier, that same jealous feeling sneaking around him like a snake.

His mood was now sullied, as he looked down at his desk - putting his head down on it. Wondering to himself how he'd never given you the time of day sooner.

Meanwhile, you were talking to Wendy about a certain orange parka wearing boy. You were asking her questions about Kenny, trying to figure out if he was sweet and interested or if he was similar to a certain chubby trouble maker in his group.

"So... Wendy. I wanted to ask you a bit about Kenny.. Is he um -" Your face flushed a little before speaking up. "You know is he like the people he hangs out with?" You fidgeted with your hands.

"Why are you asking me this? I thought you two didn't really talk?" Wendy looked at you a little confused, putting a hand on her hip.

"Oh! Um... we got paired together for a project, and I just - you know... want to make sure he's a good dude and all." You fumbled over your words, giving Wendy a hint as to what you were really getting at.

"Well, I've only hung out with Stan's friends a couple times... usually without Cartman there." Wendy looked up, putting her hand on her chin and thought for a moment. "Kenny's pretty quiet, he's got a similar sense of humor to Cartman but I don't think he's even nearly as bad as him. Though, he does have a reputation with women. I think it's all fake though, probably one of the girls spreading rumors about him." She shrugged.

"Reputation?" You looked at Wendy with curious eyes. You thought back to what you told him earlier, 'nobodies home' and hoped to yourself he didn't take it the wrong way.

"You know, a lot of people say he sleeps around. Like I said though, I think that's probably just rumors people made up - wouldn't be surprised if it was Cartman or one of the girls." She sighed. "I'm sure he's nice though." Wendy smiled at you, a genuine one. "You two would make a cute couple." She said gently nudging your shoulder as you both looked over at Kenny with his head on his desk.

"You really think? Wait -" You looked back at Wendy, asking her somewhat confused as to how she knew where you were going with all of this.

"Mhm." She nodded her head, looking back at you while putting a hand on your shoulder. "Nothing gets by me!" You both laughed together, chatting a little more. Your eyes couldn't help themselves and kept glancing over at a certain boy.

You had just finished up cleaning your room, preparing some space around your desk area for the both of you to work. Soon after you had heard the doorbell ring, which prompted you to run down the stairs, but not before taking one last look in the mirror to make sure you looked good.

You swiftly opened the door, looking at Kenny up and down before opening the door a little more to let him in.

“Hey.” He looked at you, awkwardly stumbling into the door.

"Hey, Kenny." You smiled at him, a little nervous. "We can go up to my room? You know to study." You spoke, pointing to the direction of your room.

"That's what I'm here for right?" Awkwardness hung through the air, you both looking back at each other unsure as to why the tension was building.

You nodded, leading him off to your room. You made sure to leave some space around for him to sit at your desk.

"We should get to reading the textbook right? Since it's part of the assignment?"

Kenny nodded as he sat down, flipping through random pages in his backpack, lord knows he'd never organize any of it. While Kenny was searching for his stuff, you decided to get right into reading, hoping the tension in the room would cease and you both could relax a little.

Kenny hung onto every word you spoke, for once in his life he felt like he was understanding the passages in the textbook. He couldn’t help but think to himself how beautiful you were, even while speaking about something mundane and uninteresting. Somehow you were able to grab hid attention, with the topic and otherwise. Maybe it was the glimmer in your eyes when you spoke, or the way you’d fumble over your words whenever you looked up at him. Kenny watched you work as if it was the last time he’d see you. That was, until you broke his trance.

You had stood up, and started to stretch. Your joints making that sweet classic noise as you started to stretch. Your arms in the air, bending over each other. Kenny watched, for a moment and thinking about how flexible you must be. He shook his head ridding himself of the thought, thinking it’s probably better he doesn’t make a joke about that (just yet). His mind wandered back to what it had earlier, the tinge in his heart when he thought of you with someone else. He needed to act now and fast.

“I’ve something for you.” Kenny opened up his bag, taking out the notes you had left when you dropped your stuff. “You left this.. when you bumped into me.” Kenny smiled, feeling a little awkward.

“Thank you Kenny.” You met his gaze, just for a split second before turning away and setting them on the table.

“Um.. I figure, while I’m here… I might as well ask…” He took a deep breath in, looking down at the papers you both had been working on earlier. “Do you like Butters?” His eyes met yours, desperate for you to say no, not that you’d ever know that.

“Pff - what kind of question is that?” You couldn’t help but let out a giggle. “We’re in college now! Remember? This isn’t elementary school!” You nudged his arm, your touch lingering a little bit longer than usual.

“So.. I take it that’s a no?” He perked up, his confidence rising a little more than it had been before.

“Yes, I don’t like Butters.” You giggled, leaning closer to Kenny. “But… there is someone I’ve had my eye on all morning.” You nervously put a hand back on the table, sitting back down to regain and steady yourself.

“Mm, and who might that be?” Kenny questioned, raising an eyebrow at you - almost teasingly.

“I dunno, why? Are you getting jealous?” You teased right back to him, the air playful and your hearts beating faster.

“So what if I am? You gonna do something about it?” Kenny looked back at you, glancing at your lips before looking back at your eyes.

“Mm.. maybe, maybe not. We’ll see where the night takes us.”

“Oohh.. you’re such a tease.” Kenny flushed, looking over and away from you. His face looking off to the side.

This prompted you to place a hand on his cheek turning him to look at you. He looked back at you, then your lips, then at you, signaling for you to make a move. Then you quickly placing a gentle kiss on kiss lips, reaching your other hand up and on his other cheek. Meanwhile, his hands found themselves placed against your waist, holding you gently as to not ruin the moment. Unfortunately, you both were soon running out of air - leading you to let go of him, looking back at his blue eyes.

“How’s that for being a tease?”

[stupidjewkyle]

request from @im-just-star-dust

cartman x reader

my friend, eric- part 1

TW: abusive parents (mostly verbal abusive, no physical abuse) please don’t read before and after the ‘*’ mark if this is triggering to you. thank you :)

NOTE: this is set in 7th grade, they are all 12 and 13

y/n pov:

my whole life, i’ve been quiet. every school i went to, i was known as “the quiet kid.” growing up, i never had many friends. i mean, how could you even make friends without talking to them. and even if i made a friend, it wouldn’t last long cause of how much i move. my parents work in...a strange business. drug dealers. they’re always scared of getting caught, so we move once every 4-6 months. i hate my life. i hate my parents. i hate not being able to speak up about anything. i never get to have a say in anything that happens in my life. for example, today my parents decided to move again. since we have quite a bit of extra money to use, i asked to move to hawaii, or a nice place like that. they laughed and then handed me a paper with the moving information. 467 cliff drive, south park, CO, USA ‘you have to be fucking kidding me.’ i mumbled. “what’s wrong with south park?” my dad said. “it’s not a very known town, so we would be safe there. we could probably stay there for at least a year and a half.” “now you could finally make friends!” my mom said smiling. i rolled my eyes.

*

“you know what? if you’re gonna be a bitch about it, just go to your room and start packing. i don’t wanna hear anymore shit from you. got it?” my dad said, pulling me by my hair.

i wanted to say something so bad. but i was scared. i turned around and started walking upstairs.

*

1 week later

we were finally here. south park wasn’t as bad as i thought it was gonna be.

i haven’t left my house since we got here. all

the kids in my neighborhood are always outside, i cant risk them seeing me. i don’t want to meet them. i’m too scared to talk. they might think i’m weird. i just can’t risk anything. plus, school starts tomorrow. i don’t want anything to be anymore awkward than it is for me on the first day.

cartman pov:

i woke up early like normal. i got dressed, like normal. i talked to my stupid bitch mom, like normal. i walked to the bus stop, like normal.

“god why is everything so fucking boring all of a sudden?? has it always been like this??” i said while standing next to kyle and kenny.

kyle glanced at cartman. “yes, it’s always been like this fatass. i don’t see a problem with it though. it’s nice to have a routine-“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP KYLE. JESUS CHRIST YOURE MAKING IT WORSE.” cartman yelled at kyle.

“you know what? i’m leaving. there’s better and less stupid things to do than school.”

i started walking away from the bus stop. stupid fucking kyle always ruining my day.

i started walking to token’s house.

on the way there, i saw a girl walking down the street. she had y/h/c hair that went down to her elbows (sorry if your hair isn’t that length LMAO). it caught my attention. she was wearing baggy jeans, an oversized tye-dye t-shirt, and a pink un-zipped jacket on top. she looked so pretty and bothered while she walked.

“woah.” i said out loud.

“dude can u move? i need to get to school.” token said standing behind me.

“cant you see i’m busy token? just walk around me.”

“i would if you weren’t so fat!”

y/n pov:

shit! i think those two boys saw me. i need to get to class fast before they say anything to me!

after what felt like hours, i finally got to my class room. i walked up to the teacher and she assigned me to a desk. “go sit next to stan, he’ll tell you about the school.” i nodded my head.

“oh hi you must be the new girl.” stan said, holding his hand out for me to shake. i blushed and didn’t put my hand out. he looked confused. “okay then... meet me after 5th period and i’ll show you around.” he said sitting back down.

cartman pov:

time skip, lunch time

i sat down at my usual table with kenny, kyle, stan, butters, craig, jimmy, and scott malkinson.

“holy shit guys, did you see the new girl?” i said excitedly.

“oh yeah i did. i think her name is y/n? i’m not sure. she’s pretty hot tho.” kyle said taking a bite of his sandwich.

“fuck off kyle, she’s mine!” i yelled.

“woah calm down fatass. she’s not yours. she doesn’t even know who you are.” kyle replied.

“and i’m about to change that...” i said grinning.

y/n pov:

i sat down outside, alone. it’s only the first day, and i already made it weird. why couldn’t i just shake his hand? he’s probably telling everyone i’m an awkward, germaphobe who doesn’t talk.

i sighed and put my face in my arms.

“uh hi. your the new girl right?” a boy said looking down at me, his hands behind his back.

something about him made me feel..safe.

“um yeah... i’m y/n...” i said quietly.

“y/n... i like that name, it’s pretty. i’m eric, but most people call me cartman.” the boy said, sitting down next to me.

“well nice to meet you eric.” i didn’t know what else to say. i wanted to keep talking to him but i had nothing else to say.

“um... are you friends with stan?” i said, hoping we could continue talking.

cartman pov:

goddammit. she likes stan. great.

“oh yeah we’re friends. he uh has a girlfriend though in case you were wondering. i’m sorry.” i said.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?! WHY AM I BEING TO NICE TO HER?! WHY AM I BLUSHING AND SMILING?? AND WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH THAT SHE LIKES STAN??

i didn’t realize what had happened to me until it was too late. i had a crush. this isn’t gonna end well. i swore i would never like anyone again after the whole heidi thing happened. i should just leave and call her a bitch and ignore my feelings. yeah! that’s a great idea!

i stood up.

“well, i have to get ready for class. it was really nice spending lunch with you. maybe we can hang out after school on friday?” i said.

“yea sure! i’d love to.” she said smiling.

GODDAMMIT WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY?!

to be continued...

[tabloidtoc]

National Enquirer, November 16

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Jeffrey Epstein’s madam Ghislaine Maxwell’s nights with Prince Andrew and teen Virginia Roberts Giuffre

Page 2: Brad Pitt kicked married galpal Nicole Poturalski to the curb after getting flak from his ex Angelina Jolie -- Brad’s relationship with Nicole hit the skids after Brad decided he needed to shore up his image during his ongoing custody battle with Angie and his focus right now is to get his dad image back on track and give Angie no more ammo to fling back at him

Page 3: Tiger Woods’ romance with Erica Herman has gone off course over legal troubles and wedding pressure and bickering over where to live and Tiger is so fed up he’s considering ditching his nagging girlfriend in Florida and moving back to his native California -- Erica’s been pressuring him to put a ring on it ever since she moved into his Jupiter Island mansion and that’s something he just won’t do and she’s already taken over his household buying new furniture and remodeling the master bath and building a new closet and hiring a gourmet chef -- California is looking better and better to Tiger who only moved to Florida to play on its tough Bermuda grass which helped improve his swing but now Tiger’s ex Elin lives in Florida with their two kids 

Page 4: Miranda Lambert is scoffing at ex Blake Shelton’s newly announced engagement to Gwen Stefani and she’s convinced Blake’s third walk down the aisle has failure written all over it because she thinks Blake’s bad to the bone and this marriage will wind up being a total disaster and after the hell Blake put her through Miranda can’t imagine his life with Gwen would be any different, lifelong bachelor Simon Cowell has had a change of heart since his horrific August accident and he’s finally ready to tie the knot with baby mama Lauren Silverman -- after spinal surgery to repair his broken back the entertainment mogul feels lucky to be alive and walking and the one constant in his difficult rehab after surgery has been Lauren and he wants to pay her back with a ring 

Page 5: Train-wreck Wendy Williams’ wacky behavior has TV producers scrambling behind the scenes to find her replacement after her unhinged performance on a recent episode of her talk show where she slurred her words and rambled incoherently -- there had been a hope a chatfest helmed by Nick Cannon could be a safety net should the daytime diva who spent a stint in a sober living house last year not be able to continue hosting but plans for that were pushed back after the comic made anti-Semitic rants in a podcast -- they also tried Jerry O’Connell when Wendy was out for three weeks last year but he tanked with viewers -- Wendy’s a mess and it remains to be seen how long producers will be able to put up with her problems before they decide to pull the plug 

Page 6: Grey’s Anatomy star Ellen Pompeo hinted that she may be making her final rounds -- Ellen who has starred on the show since 2005 and makes $20 million a year admitted she’s considering slipping out of her scrubs after the current season 17 but her departure could spell the end of the beloved series and show creator Shonda Rhimes has said it’s unlikely the show could continue without her but Ellen has also expressed her desire to spend more time with her husband and their three children

Page 7: Mariah Carey’s brother Morgan blasted her memoir as filled with lies and distortions and he’s considering legal action -- the book called Morgan and sister Alison her ex-brother and ex-sister and Mariah wrote Morgan had a long history of violence and when she was six he slammed their mother into a wall -- Mariah also wrote her siblings and mother were heartless in terms of dealing with her as a human being and once she got famous they started treating her like an ATM with a wig on but Morgan is fighting back and looking to hire a lawyer

Page 8: Reese Witherspoon’s marriage to Jim Toth is in the muck after the stunning collapse of his new business venture and tensions are mounting in the Hollywood power couple’s already troubled union now that the streaming service Quibi crumbled after less than six months leaving content acquisition president Jim out of work while Reese’s star continues to rise and there’s a real balance of power that’s been building up and that’s put a serious strain on the relationship -- living in quarantine added to the stress between them as Reese has been holed up with her two kids with ex Ryan Phillippe Ava and Deacon and her son Tennessee with Jim at the family’s ranch in Malibu

Page 9: Dementia patient Kenny Rogers cut his three adult children out of his $250 million will and now sources fear the late country legend could have been tricked into signing the document -- Kenny left everything to his 16-year-old twins sons with fifth wife Wanda and the will also stated it was his intent to specifically exclude his daughter Carole with his first wife and son Kenny Jr. with third wife and son Christopher with fourth wife and their issue as beneficiaries of his estate -- Kenny Sr. would never disown his own children according to the source especially since the singer’s son Kenny Jr. is incorrectly referred to Kenny Rogers III throughout the will -- the wording is not like Kenny Sr. and something is not right and his older kids are thinking about contesting the will 

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Kate McKinnon shot a Saturday Night live skit in NYC, Sophia Bush hit the road in L.A. with her co-pilot pup Maggie, pregnant Jinger Duggar Vuolo in Venice with daughter Felicity, Heidi Klum walking the streets in her native Germany, Snoop Dogg saluted young rappers as he accepted BET’s I Am Hip Hop award 

Page 11: Unwitting Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler once dabbled in the secret sex cult NXIVM -- the organization masqueraded as a self-help group but in 2017 it was exposed as a pyramid scheme for founder Keith Raniere who forced high-ranking female recruits to become his sex slaves -- in 2010 Jen and Gerry who were dating at the time wound up at one of the introductory seminars but they were turned off by the level of commitment expected and never returned -- they thought it was just a networking opportunity and had no idea what they were getting themselves into, cash-crunched Gwyneth Paltrow is facing hard times like everyone else and is looking to change her free-spending ways -- the belt-tightening caused by the coronavirus pandemic has even hit her lifestyle empire Goop causing her to shut down the London branch and make hard choices for the future -- Gwyneth may be worth $100 million but she and husband Brad Falchuk spend money like it’s going out of style on private jets they use on a whim and they own a fleet of fancy cars and pay steep salaries for staff who are at their beck and call 24/7 and it’s all draining their bank accounts -- they’re looking at making cuts across the board from personal trainers and chefs and drivers to the masseurs and beauticians who come to their house several times a week -- plus the couple believe it’s a bad look for them to be living so high on the hog when the rest of the world is suffering during the pandemic

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- Angelina Jolie spent years developing her own version of the Hollywood classic Cleopatra and now she’s livid that Gal Gadot has stolen the Egyptian queen -- Angie’s dream was to play Cleopatra the role that made Elizabeth Taylor an icon and it was to be the part that won Angie an Academy Award for Best Actress and now that’s over thanks to Gal who will be playing the Queen of the Nile instead, after ABC scrapped plans to honor Regis Philbin with a prime-time tribute Jimmy Kimmel insisted on honoring Regis on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, MSNBC talking head Rachel Maddow is fleeing New York for her Massachusetts farm after hanging a $2.3 million price tag on her NYC pad but Rachel didn’t want potential buyers looking through all the personal stuff at her apartment so all the personal pictures and books and clothing and everything else was shipped out and replaced with staged furniture, Ariel Winter and her dog (picture) 

Page 13: Ailing Joni Mitchell opened up about how she’s still struggling to get back to her old self five years after a debilitating brain bleed -- after Joni was found unresponsive in her Bel-Air home in 2015 she said she was forced to relearn everyday tasks because the aneurysm took away her speech and her ability to walk and although she’s showing slow improvement she hasn’t been writing or playing the guitar or the piano, Randy Travis is defying all the odds as he plans the greatest comeback in country music history as he is making amazing progress after suffering a massive 2013 stroke that most believed would end his career forever and he was given just 1% chance of survival and even after he pulled through doctors believed he would be bedridden and unable to speak -- instead his grueling rehab efforts have miraculously put him on the road to realizing his dream of returning to the spotlight -- some of his motivation is financial; last year he sold his Nashville home and released his memoir which was fueled by his need to pay medical expenses after years of not being able to perform

Page 14: Hollywood Hookups -- Channing Tatum and Jessie J have split again, Cole Sprouse and Reina Silva dating, Kate Beckinsale and Goody Grace split 

Page 15: Ariana Grande is raising eyebrows with her raunchy new record Positions -- the former squeaky-clean Nickelodeon star who has been dating real estate agent Dalton Gomez spouted off X-rated odes to an unnamed lover on the LP, six months after sidelining her marriage to former quarterback Jay Cutler Kristin Cavallari admitted there are good days and bad days but insisted it’s been nice to be able to focus on herself and figure out who she is now and what she ultimately wants out of life, hotel heiress Kathy Hilton is joining The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills as a friend of the main cast which includes her half-sister Kyle Richards

Page 16: Crime 

Page 17: On Drew Barrymore’s talk show a psychic guest channeled the spirit of one of the host’s former in-laws but the man in question is very much alive -- medium Anna Raimondi told Drew she sensed the aura of a judge causing Drew to burst into tears and named David a relative of her ex-husband Will Kopelman claiming he’d passed but Judge David Kopelman is alive and still going strong -- Will slammed Anna was a submental hack and said he was surprised that Drew chose to give oxygen to someone like that

Page 18: American Life 

Page 20: Cover Story -- Prince Andrew is desperate to quash explosive testimony by his pedophile pal Jeffrey Epstein’s accused madam Ghislaine Maxwell but the socialite’s second secret deposition is torpedoing his return from royal exile -- after Ghislaine danced around details of her relationship with the disgraced Duke of York in testimony released a few weeks ago Andrew is sweating bullets about her second grilling under oath which contains details of their intimate friendship and nights with Epstein’s teen sex slave Virginia Roberts Giuffre 

Page 22: Don McLean viciously slammed ex-wife Patrisha Shnier as the worst person her ever knew but in their ongoing war of words she maintains he was abusive to her -- Don is still bitter over a 2016 domestic incident at their home in Maine that landed him behind bars and led to divorce after 30 years of marriage

Page 26: Matthew McConaughey confessed he nearly turned his back on Tinseltown to be a wildlife guide like late Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin -- he made a splash in a string of blockbuster rom-coms in the ‘90s and ‘00s but he was eager to move on to meatier movies and even passed on a $14.5 million paycheck in 2010 to seek more substantial roles and the struggle left him considering other careers such as a wildlife guide, Jamie Foxx has been crushed by the death of his beloved sister DeOndra Dixon who was born with Down syndrome

Page 28: Good Catch -- Bachelor stars who are still up for grabs -- Jon Hamm, Owen Wilson, Drew Carey

Page 29: Benicio Del Toro, Ryan Seacrest, Matthew Perry, some stars seem to say I do at the drop of the hat -- Larry King, Jerry Lee Lewis, Billy Bob Thornton 

Page 32: Olivia Munn was caught on camera flashing what looked like engagement bling on her left ring finger as she exited a gym following a morning workout in Los Angeles but she reportedly broke up with boyfriend Tucker Roberts last year leaving fans wondering who bought the stunning sparkler 

Page 36: Health Watch 

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Michelle Pfeiffer 

Page 45: Spot the Differences -- Allison Janney on Mom 

Page 47: Odd List