#how perfect is it that this lyric from stay gold perfectly captures my feelings about him

[tchallasbabymama]

Don’t Judge Me

Chapter 2 of my Untitled (for now) Song Series. Here’s the link to Chapter 1 if you haven’t read it. 

Word count: 5348

CW: smut

The next morning, Ashanti woke up in a sweat about thirty minutes earlier than usual. She had dreamed of the mystery man again, only this time he wasn’t such a mystery anymore even though his face was still a blur. She’d recognize his gait anywhere and his warm cocoa butter scent filled her nose. She had been dreaming about the king, and this time they went further than a kiss.

She peeled off the big T-shirt she slept in and fanned herself to cool down, but then she noticed a stickiness between her legs...

“I can't believe I had a whole ass wet dream about the king.” She whispered to herself as her mind drifted back to what she was experiencing just minutes ago. It only came to her in flashes, but she could still feel his big hands all over her body and his tongue making its way down to her center before swirling around her still throbbing pussy. She felt her pussy stretch as he entered her from behind and his balls slapping against her clit. She felt his hand squeezing the sides of her throat, and just as they came together she woke up.

The memory made her pussy throb even more as more wetness dripped out of her. She couldn't help but to trace her nipples with her left hand and trail her right hand down her body, taking the same path Dream T’Challa took down to her aching pearl. Her fingers stroked her clit and she let out a moan, still thankful for the soundproof walls.

His voice played in her head.

Say my name.

“Mmm, T’Challa…”

Do you like when I fuck you like this?

“Ewe kumkani wam”

Oooh, you like it rough, don't you? Nasty girl...

“Mmm just for you, baby.”

That’s not my name. What’s my fucking name?

“Kumkani”

Uh-huh, there you go kitten. Turn over…

Look at me.

That’s right, cum on my dick just like that. Cum for your Kumkani.

Mmm, I’m not pulling out. I’m staying right here and filling you up. Oh, you like that? Good. I want you overflowing with me. Can you do that for me baby? Can I cum in this pussy?

“Cum in your pussy Kumkani.”

Ashanti’s legs began to shake and the tingling in her lower abdomen began to overwhelm her senses. Her body tensed up then she released all over her fingers with a loud jagged moan. She came down from her high while slowly playing in the pool of wetness that had collected between her lips.

She loved starting her day with an orgasm, and she hoped that maybe it would end with one too if her date went well enough.

Ashanti peeled herself from her bed and got up to get her day started. She went for her usual morning run, ate breakfast with her roommates, then went to open the store just like any other workday. The only difference being she was getting progressively more nervous about her date with the king as time went on. It was a slow day in the Bazaar, so she closed her shop down around 4 and went to visit her parents before the dinner rush.

She walked into the restaurant and saw her mom sitting at a table rolling flatware, so she silently sat down beside her and proceeded to roll with her. Five minutes passed before Ashanti gave a sigh and looked like she had something to say that she couldn’t quite get out. Bisa knew something was seriously bothering her, but she also knew her child would eventually tell her.

“So I have a date tonight.”

A crash was heard from the kitchen as her dad emerged seemingly out of nowhere.

“With who?!”

“I can’t tell you…”

Chidi and Bisa looked at each other in confusion.

“What do you mean you can't tell us? You tell us everything!”

“More than we need to know, most times…”

“Chidi, hush. Honey, who is this person?”

“Mama, Baba...if I tell you then you have to promise to keep this between us.” “Of course baby”, they said in unison. Ashanti took a deep breath.

“I have a date with King T’Challa…”

They stared at her in disbelief. Chidi looked like he had seen a ghost and Bisa’s excitement grew by the second.

“Oh my Bast! Baby, how did you...of course he’d be an idiot not to, but how...he's the king!”

“I don't like it…” Chidi grumbled as Bisa hit his arm.

“Baba! Why?”

“He just seems so...slick.”

“Chidi, hush. I’m happy for you honey, but what’s the problem? You’ve been moping around here this whole time.” Bisa held Ashanti’s cheek in one hand and moved the braids out of her face with the other.

“I’m scared, Mama. He’s sweet and intelligent and the finest man Bast ever created...I just don’t know. He’s royalty for Bast’s sake! What could we possibly have in common?”

“You never know until you talk to him, honey.”

“Your mama’s right. Get out of your head, kiddo, it’ll be fine. But if he tries anything, I’m not above treason.”

Ashanti laughed at her father, knowing he was only half joking.

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that, Baba…” Ashanti started before sighing and standing up. “Alright, I should start getting ready if I’m going to do this thing. Wish me luck!”

She kissed both of her parents on the forehead and grabbed her things to head home, but not before swiping a snack from the kitchen. On her way back to her house her nerves started to grow again, but once she arrived Binta and Kwame helped talk her out of it.

“Sis, breathe. First and foremost, you need to be alive for the date. Second there’s nothing to worry about! He already likes you after just meeting you twice, you got this!”

“It’s not just that…”

“What is it?” Binta asked with real concern written all over her face.

“I...srt of had a wet dream about him last night…”  

Both twins were in shock.

“About the King?!”

“Ooooh you’re in for it Miss Thang.”

“What do you mean?”

“Did it feel real?”

“Yes, but-”

“Then someone’s gonna get their back blown out by our kumkani!”

Ashanti looked away and she felt her cheeks and ears heat up while Binta and Kwame screamed in celebration of their best friend’s new dick supplier.

“He’s going to knock the dust off that thing, thank Bast. Girl you must tell us about that strength of the Black Panther mess, because I just know that man is packing a weapon.”

“I wonder if you can fuck him with the suit on,” Bisa thought out loud.

“He had a big dick in my dream...and that suit idea isn't half bad, I’ll hold onto that for later.” Ashanti winked at her roommates.

Kwame looked at the time.

“Ok enough chit-chat, go get ready. Prince Charming will be here soon.”

“You mean King Charming?”

“No, it’s from some European story. They actually do have a few things that aren’t half bad.”

“ Ooookay. Well I’m gonna go shower the day off.”

“Need help picking your outfit?” Binta asked with a hopeful tone in her voice. She loved a good at-home fashion show.

”I have it narrowed down to two, so I could definitely use a second and third opinion. Now let me go shower!”

Ashanti stepped under the water and her music began to play. Her nerves washed down the drain and a feeling of euphoria came over her as violins blared through her speakers followed by the sweet sounds of an acoustic guitar. Her heart swelled, and her cheeks hurt from smiling so big.

Come, let me kiss you right there Wake you up like sunrise On the backs of your thighs I'm gonna pray you this prayer That I keep in my mind As a lovely reminder

Janelle Monae somehow perfectly captured the warm and fuzzy and nervous feelings that come with falling in love. “Don’t Judge Me” had quickly become one of her American favorites, but until recently she had forgotten that feeling. It had been four years since her last first date, and one year of being single. Her ex broke her heart into a million little pieces, and she was still struggling to put herself back together again. Ashanti had just gotten to the point where she felt she could ever love again when T’Challa breezed into her shop. His timing had been perfect, almost divine.

Even though you tell me you love me I'm afraid that you just love my disguise Taste my fears and light your candle to my raging fire Of broken desire

The lyrics spoke to her nervousness to open herself up to someone new, especially someone with so much power in his hands already. What could she do if he ended up being abusive like-

She cut herself off and turned off the water, stepping out of the shower and letting herself air dry while finishing her skincare routine. Ashanti covered herself in shea butter and spritzed on the new perfume Binta got her for her birthday last month. Then she started on her makeup, deciding to keep it light. She swiped on a tinted moisturizer, added some highlight to her cheeks, and filled in her brows before swiping some mango-flavored red-ish lip stain over her plump lips.

Ashanti switched out her round septum ring for a triangular one she just made last night out of boredom. The point of the ring landed above her cupid’s bow like a giant flashing sign that reads “Put lips here!”

She parted her braids on the left side and two-strand twisted the front section before pinning it back and pulling the rest of her hair in a bun at the back of her head. She took a deep breath and threw on outfit choice number one. Binta and Kwame were already situated in the living room with a bottle of wine ready for the show.

She wore tapered, high waisted kente pants with a black lace bustier top and a layered pearl necklace.

“Ok this is outfit number one.” Ashanti turned around so they could get the full view. She could see them both trying their best to hold their tongues. “Please hold all comments until the end.”

“But girl that-”

“Aht! Not. Yet.”

Ashanti did one last twirl before Naomi Campbell walking back to her room. Binta and Kwame looked at each other and said a whole mouthful with just their eyes.

When she walked into the living area she had slid into a leather skirt and a billowy white off the shoulder top. She had topped it off with a gold choker of her own design. Ashanti did a little twirl before allowing her roommates to give their feedback.

“One at a time. Kwame?”

“Ok so, first off, where is he taking you?”

“I have no idea, he just said be ready at 7.”

“Ok then I’d go with outfit one, but with this choker. The pearls hide your titties, and girl that bustier calls for them to be front and center”

“Seconded. And you should wear those cute beaded sandals you got the other day at the Bazaar. Normally I’d say heels, but since you don't know what the date is it’s better to be safe and wear flats. You know how you are, and that is inappropriate first date behavior. You keep your shoes where?”

“On my feet.” Ashanti grumbled. She loved wearing heels, but her feet didn’t. Almost every time she wore them she ended up carrying them in her hand while walking around barefoot for some relief. This annoyed Binta to no end.

“Thank you. Now go put on the full outfit!”

“Be right back”

Ashanti made her way back to her room and changed into the same pants and bustier from earlier. She slid on the beaded sandals Binta suggested and checked out her neon purple pedicure before standing up and smoothing her clothes down in the mirror. Just as she reached for her doorknob the doorbell rang.

“6:50, he’s early.”

She heard the door open downstairs and damn near tripped over her feet to run downstairs to keep her roommates embarrassing her. She didn’t make it in time.

“Good evening, I am supposed to be taking Ashanti out for the night. Is she in?” Kwame and Binta saluted the king and stammered over their words.

“S-she just uh-”

“She’s u-upstairs, kumkani wam.”

“‘Please, call me T’Challa. Hopefully we will be seeing more of each other.” he said, sending a wink their way before he saw Ashanti enter the room from the corner of his eye.

______________

T’Challa was startled awake by the sound of his alarm. Normally he wakes up on his own and the alarm is just an extra precaution, but occasionally it comes in handy. This was one of those times thanks to a tantalizing dream he didn’t want to leave.

He was sure the woman in his dream was Ashanti, despite the fact that he couldn’t make out her face clearly. She had the same sway in her wide hips, and he recognized the delicately rough hands that found their way up and down his body. He could taste her on his lips and his dick still stood at attention for her. T’Challa looked at the clock and determined he had enough time to take care of himself, but just as he got up to get the shea butter a knock at his door ruined the mood. The king growled in frustration.

“Ay nigga, you late!” N’Jadaka called through the door.

“I am aware, cousin. I will be there shortly.”

N’Jadaka made his way down to the dining area while T’Challa quickly got ready for his day that was already starting out on a frustrating note. He finally made it down to breakfast just as the food was being served.

The royal family ate and discussed the day ahead.

“Someone’s got a date with that cute shopgirl today…” Shuri teased her big brother and he cut his eyes at N’Jadaka.

“You told her?!”

“He told us both dear, you know Daka can’t hold water. So tell us about her. She is in Ada’s old storefront, yes?”

T’Challa sighed and removed his napkin from his lap, placing it on the table and leaning back in his chair.

“Yes mama, she bought Ada’s and the shop next to it.”

“What does she sell?”

He figured now was as good a time as any, so he called Ayo on his beads.

“Ayo, please bring the black bag from my office with “Taj’s” on the side”

“Ewe kumkani wam, right away.”

T’Challa looked back towards his family, each one with their eyes glued to him.

“She is an artist,” he started. “She has turned it into a multi-purpose artistic space, but the shop is still operational. It’s called Taj’s now after her grandfather-”

“Yeah ok, tell us about her, ubhuti.”

Ayo came in with the requested bag and handed it to her king.

“Thank you, you are dismissed Ayo,” he said before turning back to his family. T’Challa reached into the bag and pulled out two boxes before handing them to his mother and sister.

“Damn, nothing for me?” N’Jadaka feigned offense.

“Not this time, umzala. Mama, sister, I hope you like them. They were custom made by Ashanti.”

Ramonda and Shuri opened their gifts and were stunned speechless. Shuri immediately took off her current necklace and replaced it with her brother’s gift. Ramonda stared at it, still speechless.

“Thank you, brother, I love it! Ashanti is very good at what she does.”

“You are more than welcome. Mama, do you like it?”

“Like it? It's too beautiful for me to even touch. This is amazing, unyana wam, thank you.”

“Good job, T.” N’Jadaka raised his glass of mango juice to his cousin.

“Well, as you can see she is very talented. I went to visit Ada the other day, but wanted to see what became of her shop first. When I saw her, I-...she took my breath away. She has this warm energy that just pulls you in and wraps its arms around you...”

“You sound sprung, as the Americans say.”

“Mmmhm he sure is Auntie, nose wide open and everything.”

T’Challa wanted to roll his eyes, but they were right. It took everything in him to not start grinning like a fool.

The royals parted ways after breakfast and went to tend to their duties. T’Challa and N’Jadaka didn’t have time for a walk today since there was a council meeting immediately after breakfast. It turned out to be the most boring council meeting T’Challa had ever presided over. What’s worse than land disputes? DIscussing treaties and embargoes with other countries. Half the council wanted Wakanda to keep its resources, citing how the rest of Africa was stripped of its riches by Europeans. They felt there was nothing positive the outside world had to offer Wakanda. The other half of the council argued that Wakanda was too strong a nation to be controlled by western powers, and therefore should join in trade and keep the upper hand.

“My king?”

T’Challa had zoned out for the past five minutes until N’Jadaka elbowed his side, pulling him out of his daydream.

“Huh?”

“My king, we were asking where you stood on the matter.”

N’Jadaka looked at his cousin knowingly, trying to conceal a smirk.

“I will need more time to think on it. Let us revisit this matter in a week, is there anything else on today’s agenda?” He asked his cousin.

“Nope, we’re done.”

“Thank Bast,” T’Challa whispered under his breath. “Meeting adjourned. I will see you all next week.”

As the council members left the room one by one, N’Jadaka stared at his cousin with his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised.

“Only one of us can zone out at a time and I had some good daydreams planned for today, so what’s up with you?”

T’Challa sighed.

“I can’t get her off my mind…”

“Wide. Open.” N’Jadaka cackled as he left his cousin sitting in the throne room, still thinking about Ashanti.

T’Challa had a full agenda for the day and decided to get started. Why bother daydreaming when in just a few hours he would be in her presence.

First, he went to visit the river tribe. It was the dry season, but thankfully the river still flowed with enough water to last them until the rainy season kicked back into gear. Then, he visited his sister’s lab and the mining tribe.

“Brother! You must look at this!”

Shuri barely gave him a chance to get in the lab before she was dragging him left and right showing him her new creations. The visit lasted longer than T’Challa expected, but time always flew when he was with his usisi.

The king made his way back to his quarters to start preparing for the night. He had decided on a nighttime picnic by a private lake for their first date so they could talk and get to know each other better.

Hopping into the full bathtub that already awaited him in his quarters thanks to the palace staff, T’Challa relaxed into the water and felt most of his stress slip away. To get the rest of the stress out, he reached for the pre-roll that was placed beside the tub with a note from the royal grower.

“Snow Goddess OG -Amare”

“Snow goddess, huh? Probably Jabari…” T’Challa lit the blunt and relaxed even more into the water, letting the weed take him to another plane.

T’Challa’s body felt tingly and he couldn't keep the smile off his face. He fought a giggle as he rose from his bath and caught sight of his chubby half-erect dick hanging down his thigh in the mirror.

“She’s not even here and we don't have time. Sorry, man, I’ll get you later, I promise..or maybe she will? Either way, just be patient.”

“Shit, what was in that?” T’Challa laughed at himself for talking to his dick.

He had already gotten lined up earlier that day, and he admired the barber’s job well done while he moisturized his curls then the rest of his body. The king spritzed on a new cologne and made sure to spread some to his pulse points. He filed his nails then relocated to his closet to put together an outfit for the night.

Even though T’Challa was a relatively young king he always seemed beyond his years when he stepped into his Black Panther and kingly duties. However, outside of when he needs to be professional, T’Challa was like any other Wakandan in their late twenties. Instead of the traditional formal attire he wore when performing his duties, he dressed more modern and relaxed in informal settings. When T’Challa and Ashanti met he had been wearing a simple black shirt and jeans with his black combat boots and his Black Panther claw necklace on display. The second time they saw each other he had on an intricately embroidered black tunic over matching pants and black sandals. This time he wanted to look nice, but still relaxed. He needed to find a happy medium.

T’Challa stood naked in his closet for about 15 minutes before it finally came to him.

________________

‘How is this man so fine?’ Ashanti thought to herself as she took in the sight before her. There stood the king, in her entryway, looking like a whole damn meal. Her eyes travelled up and down his lean, muscular frame just as his eyes did the same to her. He wore a short sleeved black button up with kente trim which was unbuttoned just enough for her to see his claw necklace resting in an almost unnoticeable bit of chest hair. He had on some simple dark wash jeans and his favorite pair of boots donned his feet. The icing on the cake was the silver hoop earring in his right lobe. Ashanti just about passed out, and that was before she even registered that they matched.

T’Challa couldn’t keep his jaw up to save his life. He already knew how gorgeous she was, but she had somehow gotten even more beautiful in 24 hours.

“Oh my Bast, how adorable?!” Kwame broke her from her daze.

Ashanti quickly grabbed her bag and hugged her roommates before pulling T’Challa out of the house.

“Sorry for rushing you, but they were absolutely going to do something embarrassing if we stayed any longer.” Ashanti reached to push her hair behind her ear, forgetting she had already pulled it back. “You uh- you look pretty alright today.”

T’Challa laughed and she nearly melted at the  sound.

“Wow, I was going for ‘just ok’, but I have to say I like that you said I’m pretty.”

Ashanti playfully rolled her eyes and he placed his hand at the small of her back to lead her to his car.

“So where are you taking me?”

“It is a surprise.”

“Ok well, one thing you'll learn about me is I hate surprises.”

“You’ll survive without knowing for 15 more minutes, I promise Miss Ashanti.”

Something about the way he said her name made her go quiet. She wanted to hear it more often.

“I guess...so tell me about your day to distract me.”

T’Challa leaned back into his seat and let autopilot do the work.

“It was a normal day for the most part. Breakfast with my family followed by a tragically boring meeting with the council. Then I had to go visit the river and mining tribes. Lastly, I stopped by my sister’s lab for a while to see what she’s up to since she’s always tinkering around with something or creating amazing new inventions. I had to check in and see what’s new.”

“That sounds fun! The last part, not the other stuff.”

The king chuckled and reached for her hand.

“It was, but truthfully I was very distracted all day thinking of you.”

Ashanti’s voice caught in her throat.

Is he serious?

“Were you now…?”

“Yes, you seem to have made quite the impression on my subconscious.”

Ashanti tried to play it cool, but her guilty-looking face gave her away.

“What is it?”

“I may or may not have been thinking of you all day too.”

The two of them looked at each other and smiled. T’Challa’s eyes had just trailed down to her lips when the car announced their arrival. The king got out first and came around to open Ashanti’s door. He held out his hand and led her down a wooded path that was lit with tiny lights among the trees. The walk was short, and when they arrived at their destination Ashanti couldn’t believe her eyes.

Twinkling lights reflected off of a lake she had never seen. She turned to take in her surroundings and noticed the large border tribe blanket laid out on the ground and a covered basket overflowing with food. Ashanti was happy she wore flats.

“So I wasn’t sure what type of food you like, but I figured that since you were listening to music from outside Wakanda, you might enjoy foods from outside as well. I narrowed it down to one area though my first idea was to have food from all over, but thankfully my cousin talked me out of that one...”

T’Challa kept rambling as he began removing dishes from the basket and every last one made Ashanti’s stomach growl. She was starting to regret the bustier.

He pulled out jerk chicken, plantain, callaloo, and rice and peas. Next he pulled out some ackee and saltfish.

“This is usually for breakfast, but it’s my favorite meal of the day so I eat it whenever”

“Anyone who thinks breakfast isn't the best meal of the day deserves to be thrown off a cliff-”

She looked at the king.

“Too soon?” She asked sheepishly, hoping she didn't offend him.

“No, do not worry, it is fine. We have a better relationship now,” T’Challa chuckled. “And for the final touch, we have rum cake. I cheated and made it with Wakandan rum, but who is going to check me?”

Ashanti busted out laughing.

“Yes you hang around your American cousin a lot it seems, but more importantly you said you ‘made it’? Like you baked that cake? You, the king?”

“Yes. I love to cook, I just don’t have much time for it. I made all of this here for us to enjoy tonight.”

Ashanti had never had a man cook for her before, and certainly not on a first date. She hoped it was good because her poker face was shit and she didn’t want to have to hurt the king’s feelings. “Shall we?” T’Challa gestured towards the food and they both dug in.

Dinner was torture for T’Challa. Not only was she loving his food, but the noises she made while she enjoyed it made his dick harden. They made conversation and got to know each other better, scooting closer and closer to each other every time they had to shift to reach another item of food. They spoke about everything, finally landing on music. They tapped their kimoyo beads together, creating a playlist of both of their favorite songs for them to listen to as they continued to eat and talk.

“Oh my Bast, T’Challa this is so good. Where did you learn to cook like this? I assumed you had staff to do it for you.”

“We do, but when I was young I loved being with them in the kitchen so much they taught me how to cook.”

“This really is amazing, and I’m not just saying this because you're the king. I’ve never had someone cook for me like this, thank you.”

“Anything for you, Ashanti.”

He looked into her eyes and she blushed.

“So where exactly are we?”

“At a private lake near the palace. I come here often to relax and unwind, you should see it during the day.”

“You’ll have to bring me back, then.”

“That I will.”

“So, since this is a private lake it’s just us?”

“Well there are Dora Milaje out near the car, but yes it is just us.”

“And no crocodiles or hippos or anything like that…?”

T’Challa laughed.

“Do you really think I’d have you by predator-infested waters? You are safe here. Plus I am the Black Panther, you are safe wherever we go.”

“I like that…” Ashanti got lost in his lips, but got nervous and went back to her original thought. She knew how to shake herself out of her nerves. “So, since we’re alone and you're the only predator out here, let's go for a swim!”

“I will send the Dora for a change of clothes-”

“No need.”

T’Challa looked up and saw Ashanti in all her naked glory. She looked like Bast herself with her soft tummy and long thick legs. Her breasts bounced as she moved and her ass sat at the perfect height for him to grab onto. He tried to quiet the growl in his chest, but failed miserably.

“See something you like?”

T’Challa stripped faster than he ever had before and now it was her time to stand in awe. His rippling muscles almost made her heart stop, but it was the monster between his legs that turned her into a puddle.

“See something you like?”

Ashanti bit her lip and stared at him before turning around.

“Maybe if you can catch me,” she shouted before running into the lake.

Ashanti was a much better swimmer than T’Challa had assumed and he actually had to put in effort to catch up with her, but once he snagged her he immediately planted a kiss on her lips. He felt her body go slack as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, deeply.

Janelle Monae’s voice carried across the lake and into their ears as T’Challa kept them afloat while his tongue explored her mouth. Ashanti gripped his hair and wrapped her legs around his waist. They pulled apart and looked into each other's eyes before laughing.

“Let's go somewhere I don't have to work so hard to keep us from drowning, eh?”

“Where do you have in mind?” Ashanti asked him while peppering his jawline with kisses.

But don't judge me I know I got issues But they drown when I kiss you Don't judge me Baptize me with ocean Recognize my devotion The water's perfectly good Let's reintroduce ourselves From a free point of view If I'm gon' sin, it's with you Tattoo your love on my heart Let the rumors be true. Even though you tell me you love me I'm afraid that you just love my disguise Taste my fears and light your candle to my raging fire The dirty desire But don't judge me I know I got issues But they drown when I kiss you Don't, don't judge me Baptize me with ocean Recognize my devotion What if I, what if, what if I touched you right there? Even though you say that you love me Is it me or do you love my disguise? If I missed you, would you think I was lonely If I say what's on my mind? Even though you say that you love me Is it me or do you love my disguise? If I kissed you, would you think I was lonely If I let you inside? Come, let me kiss you right there What if I kissed you right there? Would you tremble inside, or just call it a night? What if I gave you a show? You could touch if you like Right there If I kissed you would you think I was lonely? If I... It feels so good

Come, let me kiss you right there

Just say that you love me (just tell me you love me)

Next up:

Chapter 3

[wordsaboutmusic-fall2020]

Love and Longing--A Mitski Playlist

After what felt like an endless summer of sweltering heat and being trapped indoors because of COVID-19, the long-awaited relief of fall is finally here, which means there has never been a better time than the present to take a long walk through the park and listen to the perfect playlist while sunlight patterns the ground and leaves of red and gold flutter in the breeze. If you’re lucky (which I was yesterday) you might see a deer.

But which artist best facilitates the dreamy, pleasant, peaceful atmosphere that is characteristic of the ideal early- to mid-October stroll? For an answer, one must look no further than the beautiful and talented Mitsuki Miyawaki—more commonly known by her performing name, Mitski—an artist whose feminist energy and lyrics about love, longing, and disillusionment create a unique mix of hope and melancholy, determination and uncertainty, empowerment and helplessness in the listener. 

Among the most substantial of Mitski criticisms is that she only writes about boys (or, specifically, about having her heart broken), but that didn’t stop Taylor Swift from becoming an icon and I don’t see why the same logic shouldn’t apply here. Also, Mistki brings new, far more interesting themes to the table, such as the challenges of being Asian-American in a white-dominated music industry, as well as feelings of self-consciousness and inferiority she has experienced throughout her life as a result of her sub-ideal physical appearance. Myself and many others who fail to measure up to society’s sky-high expectations of what women are supposed to look like love and respect Mitski for addressing these types of issues in a world where very few artists do so.  

1.      Real Men (Lush) 

In this song, Mitski addresses the need some women feel to impress the men around them, and how they tie their own inherent worth to a man’s approval. “Though honestly, sir, all I wanna do is get naked in front of you/So you can look me up and down and tell me ‘well done, girl, you’re looking good.’” This song not only talks about the toxicity of society’s expectations for men--always stay strong, never show emotion, always take charge--it also shows how women can wind up feeling like they only have value as long as a man says that they do. 

2.      Happy (Puberty 2, 2016)

“Happy came to visit me/He brought cookies on the way/I poured him tea and he told me/It’ll all be okay...” So begins what is possibly the best Mitski song to date, of course featuring the theme of disappointment in love front and center. The speaker ties everything to her significant other--her heart, her happiness, her reason for living--so when that person leaves her, she feels like she has nothing left of herself. I love this song because it makes me feel like I’m not the only one for whom happiness can never stay. It only comes to visit, and is just as soon gone--like a butterfly on the breeze. 

Side note: the video is very much worth a watch--but only if you’re not squeamish at the sight of blood. I watched it with a friend once and she screamed at the end. All in all--one of the best songs of the decade!

3.      Abbey

What should I do with my life? What am I meant to be? Who am I? What do I want? These are questions I pose to myself again and again throughout high school and even nowadays in college, and I know I’m not the only one. The feeling that you don’t know who you are or what you want, but that you have a void in your soul that needs to be filled--a deep, all-consuming desire to LIVE--is captured perfectly in Abbey. “I am hungry/I have been hungry/I was born hungry/What do I need?”

I think in the twenty-first century especially it can be overwhelming to have the ability to choose whatever you want to be. Liberating, but overwhelming, and at times even crushing, as this song so clearly expresses. Mitski’s voice is so emotional, there is no way not to sympathize even if you can’t relate. 

4.      Your Best American Girl (Puberty 2)

Mitski wrote this song about someone she was in love with, but couldn’t be with because they were “from two different worlds.” The lyrics “Don’t wait for me/I can’t go/Your mother wouldn’t approve of how my mother raised me/But I do, I think I do” make me think of my own non-white mother, who was strict with who I was allowed to spend time with, when, and where. One of the biggest reasons I love Mitski more than any other pop artist today is because I feel I can relate to her more because of her upbringing. She wasn’t privileged, and a lot of her songs--such as Dreaming Costs Money, My Dear--show that pursuing a career in music was a huge risk for her. I can feel her fear that things wouldn’t work out, and I can sympathize with a lot of what she has been to. 

This song means a lot to me.

5. Nobody (Be the Cowboy)

I usually play this song to annoy my mom, because the word “Nobody” is repeated in a get-stuck-in-your-head refrain no less than forty times. According to the artist herself in this interview, “the chorus ‘Nobody’ was literally me in a semi-fugue state on my hands and knees on the floor just crying and just repeating the word ‘nobody.’ And then I was just like, ‘I don’t know. Let me use this pain and exploit it for my money.’

Which is something I strive to do at all times. Mitski is truly an inspiration. 

[vanilla-blessing]

qb anime of the year list 2018

Anime of the Year 2018 - the year of girls going to aquariums together

I’ve seen at least one person who claimed that 2018 was the best year for anime in recent memory and I’m inclined to agree. A large majority of my top ten list is shows that I would consider perfect and even shows that blew away what I thought was possible in the medium. It was a revolutionary year and makes a strong argument that anime wasn’t a mistake after all. - qb

#1

Hugtto! Precure blew away my expectations every week for close to a year. I don’t exactly know what to say about it here, since this isn’t the last time I’ll talk about it for sure. It doesn’t even end in 2018, but it was such a huge part of my 2018 in anime that it would be inaccurate to not include it. The only way I can think to explain Hugtto! Precure is to talk about the Netflix She-ra reboot. She-ra’s a pretty basic modern Dreamworks cartoon, with some interesting ideas thrown in and likable characters, but mostly held back by what they could realistically allot for production. Because of this limitation, She-ra goes hard on a single perfect episode (if you’ve seen it, you know which one) that stands out in a big way and shows the full potential of what they set out to make. Usually, Precure is lucky to get a handful of these stand-out episodes in a season, and most of the time just gets by, due to being an annual series that can never, ever take a break. Normally, the first few episodes of a Precure season can be counted on to be strong, but the realities of anime production being hella tough inevitably catch up.

Hugtto! Precure started with an incredible opening arc, then never let off the gas pedal. Nearly every episode of Hugtto is a stand-out, never-before-seen, innovative tour-de-force. The combination of production miracles that resulted in Hugtto has been talked about by me on this blog before, (http://vanilla-blessing.tumblr.com/post/176000267859/hana-is-getting-unstable-a-pink-precure) but the length of time that Hugtto stayed in the paint, going extremely hard every single week with few exceptions, was just absurd. Every season of Precure has one or two peaks, sometimes a good season gets lucky and has even more, the best seasons bat a solid average, but are still expected to be held back by reality. Coming out of the fifteenth season of Precure with a majority of the best episodes in the entire franchise isn’t something that I can wrap my head around, but it definitely happened, mostly in 2018. It’s simultaneously a love letter to the franchise’s past, present, and future made by the biggest Precure fans on the planet, and it’s unquestionably the best season. Hugtto threw what we all knew was true and had accepted about Precure clear out the window, retroactively made older seasons better, watered my crops, brought world peace, ect.

Oh yeah and boys can be cures now. 

#2

I’m definitely not done with Revue Starlight and this won’t be the last time I talk about it. Revue Starlight essentially carried the Summer 2018 anime season on its back. Starlight absolutely dominated my anime watching schedule; my week was seriously just waiting for and watching different translations and releases with every other show being almost incidental, far less important than waiting for the song lyrics to get translated for an episode I had seen three times already. I won’t get into everything here, since I’ve already talked about it on this blog after all (http://vanilla-blessing.tumblr.com/post/179023723689/subtext-is-for-cowards-revue-starlight), but I need to reiterate that it was such a commanding, unique, stylized experience and didn’t drop a single episode in its entire absurdly high-level production. The only reasonable explanation for this is devil magic, and hell, it was worth it. Revue Starlight is probably in my top 5 anime of all time and I wouldn’t get this list out if I said everything I wanted to say about it. It’s great. Watch it twenty times. 

#3

Pop Teen Epic, or Hoshiiro Girldrop, was the most wildcard that has ever been in seasonal anime, and could have been absolutely anything. What none of us predicted was just how much of anything this show would be, encompassing an unprecedented range of artists, voice acting talent, and whatever AC-bu are, each giving their very individual takes on a self-described shitpost comic strip, sometimes covering the exact same material two or three times, with no regard for any sort of cohesion or structure.

Nothing about this idea should have been funded, nothing in Pop Team Epic has any reason to work, and as a straight adaptation probably wouldn’t have worked. PTE spun gold from trash through the raw effort of artists doing their own thing, which captures the original spirit that made the formerly-cancelled comic popular in a way that’s much too intelligent for haters to understand. Also it got a dub, which is the most ridiculously bad idea i’ve heard in my life, and it owns that it happened.

#4

Spider-man into the Spider-verse is legit the best comic book movie ever made. It’s a fun, expressive twist on the most tired superhero origin story of all time, and showcases some of the most sssssssssstyle and raw, real emotion I’ve ever seen in animation. Its particular selection of influences is brilliant and poignant, rising far above the simple fanservice you’ve come to expect from Spider-man. The unrelenting individualistic spirit of this movie will stick with you the longest in the soundtrack, bravely incorporating a side of pop music that you don’t usually get to see in big-budget productions, pulling soundcloud rappers out of their grody (i’m told) dens into the spotlight with equal importance alongside the heroic score. Spider-verse is all about establishing your own unique flavor, and it manages to overwrite every other entry in this cursed franchise with its bold taste.

#5

It doesn’t make sense to me how amazing Aggretsuko’s dub is. The impeccable timing of each line, the perfect integration with the comedy, and the optimal length of the episodes are all far beyond what I expected from a Netflix show. It not only converted the original series of shorts that I already had on my top 10 the first year into a godlike longer series I didn’t know I wanted, but went to the effort to bring real metal singers in for the karaoke. Honestly just repeat everything I said in my 2016 list and multiply it by five. I hope they make more. They’re making more.

#6

I was pretty slow to pick up anime in the Winter 2018 season, but I never missed Hakumei and Mikochi, maybe because it was like, the only simulcast on my favorite online anime streaming subscription service HiDiVE. The subs weren’t great, and it certainly wasn’t all that popular, but it was just the relaxing show I needed. Hakumei and Mikochi brought me back to my favorite non-racist parts of the Redwall series of books: friendly animals, delicious foods, alcohol, and rustic songs. I was ready to put it on my list for simply being a cute healing foodie anime, but to my surprise, it had much more in store within its tiny world: stark confrontations with mortality, a shy riverside necromancer, the inexplicable remake of The Raid: Redemption in miniature, fashion trends, frogs, carpenter weasels, carpenter skeletons, ghost celebrations, a country beetle with lofty dreams. The list of memorable people, places, and things contained in the gnomish roommates’ tiny world goes on and on.

Masaomi Ando’s directing went completely along with the storybook aesthetic, maybe even to an overall detriment, which is exactly the kind of reckless commitment to style I love to see. The distinctive paneling, constantly gorgeous backgrounds, and deliberate pacing perfectly captured the imaginative stories I loved to read as a kid, but with more alcohol, and more sophisticated themes under the surface. Even something anime rarely get right, endings, were perfectly capstoned every week with a short digest that explored more of the history, legends, and very personal lore of their small, unique world. At its core, Hakumei and Mikochi is the calming story of tiny roommates you think it is, but it’s also so much more. They have day jobs and get drunk and remodel their house after it explodes that one time. They gamble dangerously to escape a blizzard, help a photographer give herself a little credit, and rescue their neighbor from a fancy grave of her own making. By the end of the show Hakumei practically built half a town. The collective stories from their everyday adventures build into something tremendous, and it all wraps up on the most perfect ending sequence I could have hoped for, which calls back to every story thus far as a new verse of the show’s central duet is sung. In any reasonable AnimeOTY Hakumei and Mikochi would be my top anime of 2018, but this year, the competition was unreasonable. This show will just have to settle for being the best regular anime of the year.

#7

Bloom Into You is an incredible adaptation of an apparently yuri romance manga that raises the bar for anime adaptations in general. I don’t know when, but somewhere along the line I stopped expecting that serious capital R Romance anime would have a distinctive style, and gave up to the notion that there was no demand anymore and a stylized, seinen/josei romance would just never get made. Well that was 2016 and then Scum’s Wish happened which this blog has covered extensively.(http://vanilla-blessing.tumblr.com/post/168842023559/how-lerche-adapted-an-average-trashy-romcom-into, http://vanilla-blessing.tumblr.com/post/168789506264/scums-wish-and-our-messy-uncomfortable) To me Bloom Into You feels similar in concept, as a difficult romantic situation with no easy answers or completely happy people. The main perspective character, Yuu, is among my favorite romantic leads in any series; she doesn’t get romantic feelings, although she wants to, and despite being easily motivated, is kind of dispassionate. Her relationship that she was pushed into with Touko might as well be out of mutual convenience, since Touko doesn’t want to fall in love with someone who would love her back, and Yuu doesn’t think she can.

Yuu filters the developments of the series as they grow closer through a very different perspective compared to more emotional leads of usual romance stories, methodically breaking down and considering where she’s at, observing where others are at, before taking an action that makes sense to her. Her growth through the series takes a very different direction than the common dramatic formula; instead of running headfirst into misunderstandings to overcome romantic challenges, she’s compelled to take a step back and position herself in a way that allows her to understand and confront her girlfriend’s issues. The changes that she experiences herself during this process are extremely gradual, but are no less significant to her. Although the dramatic weight of the series is obviously all about Touko, the central thesis of Bloom Into You is to explore Yuu’s complex feelings, and ask to what degree our actions are dictated by our emotions. It’s a heavy topic to be sure, but what makes this anime adaptation special in particular is how the directing and production pull it off, to maybe an even stronger degree than the original material.

Bloom Into You’s most striking and noticeable feature is the incredible conservation of small movements that connect expressions naturally. Minute changes in characters’ faces are vital to observe the almost imperceptible changes in Yuu over the course of the series, and every aspect of the direction is in service of highlighting these subtle moments. In addition, repeated cinematic themes are reinforced over the show’s run, such as the use of light to impart a blinding realization, flower language to inform deeper personalities, even using a literal (not literal) cinema. Symbols such as trains, masks, and mirrors are used constantly and consistently to reinforce the show’s themes, which should be immediately obvious from the opening animation. I’m still kind of stunned that Bloom Into You’s ending theme is such a banger and managed to use an oscillating sine curve in a metaphorical way. These details might be lost without the brilliant layouts, intentionally resembling a stage, which always push the minute differences front and center. As an anime adaptation, Bloom Into You adds so much value in such a subdued, conservative way that it puts uninspired adaptations to shame.

#8 

Thunderbolt Fantasy 2 rounded out the year with a good old new-fashioned Japanese-speaking Chinese-Wuxia Taiwanese puppet show. The novelty of this wild series, like, existing at all, is still incredible to me, but I was really wowed by the new characters and the direction the series went in after the already high standards of the first season. Following the outrageous action and fights of the previous season, I did not expect that season 2’s introductory goon would 1. Live past the first episode 2. So quickly become my favorite swordfighter and 3. Have inarguably the most complete character arc of the entire show thus far. The Princess of Cruelty’s struggle against her inner and outer demons in a unreasonably stacked, desperate situation developed her into easily the most compelling character of the season, and the rest of the cast including a corrupt police officer with extremely disconcerting and bad puppet teeth, a ventriloquist rock-lutist, and a nihilist monk each bring their own unique flavors to the table. The table that they throw the puppets in the air from to make the show. All of the new elements of Thunderbolt Fantasy 2 improved an already strong formula even more, and revealed an emotional depth to the series that I’m excited to see developed further. Some people might not call this anime, but those people haven’t seen Thunderbolt Fantasy for longer than 2 seconds. It’s so anime.

#9

I blasted all available seasons of Star vs the Forces of Evil early in 2018, and it was basically my first foray into straight-up American cartoon magical girl, despite watching all the Japanese ones, which was probably an oversight on my part. That’s because Star Versus is really good, and provided a flavor of magical girl I had been missing out on. I could talk about the excellent sparkle witch aesthetic of the show, fluid animation, and hilarious comedy, but I’d rather spend this blogspace posting Star Butterfly faces. 

#10

A Place Further Than the Universe, or YoriMoi, or my preferred moniker That Antartica Anime, wasn’t on my radar until well after it had finished airing, but it stuck with me for most of the year. Although it’s definitely melodramatic at times, it utilizes this tendency in exactly the right way to enhance the individual characters’ emotional arcs. Even though I was personally sort of taken out of it for many of the girls’ personal trials, :penguin emoji: is obviously thoughtfully written and carefully constructed, and especially knows how to orchestrate an immense emotional reaction with pitch-perfect timing. If there’s one particular aspect this anime has absolute mastery over, it’s hitting that perfect note and cue to create a memorable narrative climax. And for all my bellyaching about not fully relating to some of the characters, Miyake is definitively the #1 qb-relatable character of the year.

Here’s the rest of my list. Don’t @ me about it because if its not on my top ten then it doesnt really count anymore i dont make the rules thats just how it is

11. Yuru Camp

12. Hisone and Masotan

13. Asagao to Kase-san

14. Devilman Crybaby

15. After the Rain

16. Planet With

- friend of the show @queuebae on twitter 

That’s why the 2018 anime of the year award goes to Kaiju Girls 2.

[tonguetiedmag]

music: weekly roundup (our favorite song submissions of the week)

Kelsy Karter - God Knows I've Tried

Everybody makes mistakes at some point in life, and it seems Kelsy Karter recognizes her own and takes ownership of them on this track. She begins to sing about the mistakes she has made but follows it with the lyric "Baby I've been bad but God knows I've tried to be good." Just when you think you've been captivated by her distinct and passionate voice, the tone of the song switches and becomes more upbeat- completely capturing the listener all over again. Overall, the track as a whole feels like it was very intricately written and produced, and we think it paid off.

Ben Laver feat. Vian Izak - Save My Heart

The somber piano and violin chords are enough to set the melancholy mood of the song, however, the soul-reaching lyrics are what keeps the listener captivated. The track is about how the artist is feeling all of these emotions so intensely he could "feel them when” he “breathes”. The heartbreak and emotion felt through every lyric sung is so powerful that you can feel what the artist is feeling at that exact moment, something most artists struggle with but Ben Laver captures perfectly. This track was so well crafted from the lyrics all the way down to the melody and we think it's a song that should definitely be on everyone's "heartbroken" playlist.

Rymo - Shangri-La

Rymo has truly outdone himself with Shangri-La. The smooth voice of the artist mixed with the calming guitar chords makes the track feel dreamy in the best way possible. Its got a little bit of a 'the 1975' vibe to it, making the track easy to groove to. The catchy lyrics and the groovy beat is sure to convince the listener. This track is a must listen to.

Tim Riehm - Hey There, Liquor

Don't let the upbeat and happy tone of this song fool you- this track isn't all that hopeful. The lyrics talk about how the artist is heartbroken because his-now ex-girlfriend left him, so he turns to liquor and "fills it up until she never meant a thing." The smooth guitar mixed with the passionate lyrics makes this track ready to be your new favorite heartbreak song.

Leland Blue - Coastline

Songs like "Coastline" are the reason the indie genre is constantly alive and thriving. The track progresses from a smooth and simple beat to an upbeat and passionate one. The lyrics seem to talk about two stories; one about a heartbreak that completely destroyed someone so much that they've "got to find a new start" and another about a man who's unhappy with the direction his life is heading. The common ground between these stories is that they both go to the one place they "know everything's alright": the coastline. Combine the well-crafted lyrics with the passionate beat and you've got yourself a number one hit.

Coyle Girelli - Love Kills

If the word "heartbreak" could be turned into a song, it would be this one. The beat of this track almost feels like you're dancing with the love of your life to a romantic song while your greatest memories play in the background- however, that simply is not the case with this track. The song tells the story of how the artist fell in love with someone, but things didn't work out and it left him heartbroken, as he expresses through the lyric "you cut your heart out of mine...love kills, every time." Combine those heartfelt lyrics with the nostalgic beat and you have a new addition to your soundtrack of the week.

Harlequin Gold - Youth 

As humans, we all grow up eventually. For some of us, the process is easy while others struggle with adjusting to the new lifestyle. The song talks about the transition from being young to growing up (and how difficult it can be), hence the lyrics "flipping through the pages, mourning my own youth" and "dreaming about the days I was young enough to choose my youth." The soft vocals accompanied by the well-crafted beat are enough to convince the listener that this track is a must listen to.

The Dylan Hartigan Project - Happy Ever After

“Happy Ever After” by The Dylan Hartigan Project is the perfect song to send to the person you love the most to let them know how you feel about them. The lyrics are about a girl who is the singer’s “happy ever after" and throughout the song, he describes the little moments he has with her. The gentle guitar chords give the track a calming feeling, making it all the more meaningful and sentimental. The lovey-dovey lyrics and the soothing vocal delivery makes this track a worthy listen.

d.c.R Pollock - Cold Tub

The lyrics of this one seem to talk about a man who stumbles upon a magazine and recognizes the model on the cover, someone he seems to have established an emotional connection to. He recalls the times she tried to make something of herself in the industry before looking at the magazine and saying "well, she got her dream." The strain in his voice is so powerful and painful that the listener can't help but feel what he's feeling too. The emotion felt throughout the song and the meaning behind it is what made this track earn its spot on our "must listen" list.

Perlo - Front Lights

This ethereal track is definitely one everyone should hear at least once. The calming guitar and the beautiful harmonies are what truly captivate the listener's attention and leave them wanting more. As cliche as this is, it feels like you're sitting on the train looking out the window on a rainy day in deep thought. The soothing voices accompanied by the gentle guitar chords makes this track.

Charlene Soraia - Where's My Tribe

Charlene Soraia has brought the indie genre to a new level with this song. The track is about "feeling separate from the world and continuously chasing this impossible dream of feeling like I belong," as Charlene said herself. The guitar chords seem to only make the song more sentimental and personal, giving it a more authentic vibe. If smooth vocals and sentimental beats are your thing, this song is a must.

Jack Ellis- Temptation

Jack Ellis is truly changing the game with the track “Temptation”. The mysterious vibe captivates the listener, however, the haunting vocals are what makes them stay. The meaning behind the song seems to be how "we fall in temptation" and sometimes, by making the wrong choices, we fall short and run out of luck. If deep meanings accompanied by a dark beat is your thing, this is our weekly reccomendation for you.

Tim Freitag - By Your Side

“By Your Side” by Tim Freitag sounds like modern pop music mixed with a little bit of an 80's vibe to it and it's the best combination we’ve heard in a while. The lyrics seem to talk about how the artist has fallen for someone who doesn't reciprocate the same feelings, hence the lyric "a distant silhouette, careless and resigned, tell me you'll be always by my side." Not only are the lyrics thought out but so is the beat. It's one of those beats that know exactly how to persuade your body to dance (and we definitely are not complaining).

Listen to all the tracks from this roundup on our playlist!

Article by: Evelyn Hernandez

[famedexclusivearchive]

Exclusive interview with Jynx on her mini-album “Witching Hour  ( 3:00 AM )”

Now respected seniors of the idol industry, Aria debuted in 2011 as Gold Star Media’s second girl group and have become well-known since with hits like “NoNoNo”, “LUV”, and “Ah-choo”. At the beginning of the month, main vocal Jynx became the first member to make a solo debut with her mini-album “Witching Hour ( 3:00AM )”. Here at Exclusive, we got to have the first interview with Jynx about the release of her solo mini-album. Read what she had to say below!

You’re the first member of Aria to release a solo album. Is this something you’ve been wanting to do for a while?

“Yes. I was given the chance to debut as a member of Aria and receive a lot of love from fans. But I also wanted to show everyone Jynx. My musical color is very different from Aria. A lot of people only see the bubbly cute side of us and while it’s an image I can pull off, I don’t think it’s my color. If Ariais pink and bright..Jynx is grey and stormy. I wanted to wait until I was completely sure of myself to come out. I found a way to convey my color so I was excited to show it to my fans and the public.”

How would you describe the concept of your mini-album?

“When I created Witching Hour; 3:00 AM, I didn’t have a set mood. But when I listened to the album all the way through…I’d say it’s very moody. Aside from Wherever Together the songs don’t have a bright and fun feel. It’s a very moody album with a somber undertone. I wanted this to be an album that tells a story and I think I managed to do that. I want people people to think of my album as a book they read into the late hours and you can’t put down.”

What was your songwriting and production process for the songs you wrote and/or produced?

“Funny enough the songs I created had been started between two to four am. I’d wake up with the inspiration and I had to get it out. They were all random ideas of lyrics I’d written or beats that I worked on. As it came closer to really working on the album, I started to find the common theme. It was a long process in which I chose some songs and then cut them. A song could make it to the demo phase and then be cut again. I have a studio at home so I’d stay up for days, just trying to perfect it. Once I liked it, I’d send it to our in-house producers and get feedback. Based on what they told me, I’d go back and work on it. It was hard work and I lost a lot of sleep but I don’t regret one bit of it.”

What was it like working with Dax, Taeyong, Tora, and Max?

“Each experience was different but similar in some way. When we finished I Wander, the rap section was still empty but I wasn’t sure who I wanted. So I talked to my manager and he found Dax. He really made sure to write lyrics that matched with the song so I was thankful. When working on Read Me, for the rap part I thought of Max right away. He listened to the song and agreed to help me right away. Once again, he took my music seriously so I was extremely thankful. For Iron Girl, I wanted a female rapper and Tora has a lot of talent. She did her best with the lyrics and came to me if she needed help. Each time I gave her advice, she followed it so it was easy to see she put in effort. When it comes to Taeyong, I’d like to say..something like fate? I happened to visiting BC and I heard him working on the instrumental..I knew right away I wanted the song and the two of connected quickly. He understood the mood of the lyrics and we matched perfectly. I’m really lucky I visited BC that day.”

What was it like filming in Germany? Was this location in particular important to the concept of your songs and/or album?

“There is a woman in my life who is like my grandmother. When I was young before I start training to become an idol I had the chance to visit Germany with her. While we were thinking of the album..I thought of the feelings I felt as a child. I think Germany is important in to the concept of the album because of the thought process of why I wanted to film there. The woman I mentioned is originally from Germany and she is family to me. I wanted that family to be apart of my music somehow so I called her up and asked about the sights and locations and the meaning. After we talked about, I knew I wanted to film there and I asked the company. Once we arrived, I knew it would be a perfect. The sighs, the sounds..the entire mood captured I Wander so perfectly that I knew it was the perfect place to film.”

Did you have any major inspirations for this album?

“The biggest inspiration for the album is me. When I started the process for the album, I knew right away that for my debut album I wanted to tell my story. Each song is focused around a point in time in my life. It’s an album that’s completely personal to my thoughts and feelings. With the album..I wanted to tell a story and I think I managed to achieve that. My inspiration had been my life up until this point.”

What do you hope people take away from listening to this album?

“When people this listen to this album, I would like for a few things to happen. First, I want people to be able to learn about me for the album. When you think of idols, people mainly think about the glitz and the glamour and they don’t take the music as serious, especially when you have a group like Aria who’s concepts a bit more cute. I want everyone to see that I have a lot of deep thoughts and that I’ve had my fair share of struggles.

Do you have any other comments you’d like to make to your fans?

"Firstly, I want to thank melodies for being with Aria for so long. Without melodies Aria wouldn’t be the group it is today. I also want to thank melodies for supporting me in my road to solo debut. I know that It might seem like I have a hard time communicating with you because I’m seen as such an awkward person. I want you be able to understand me a bit more through his album. Without you all I wouldn’t even have this chance so thank you and thank you again for supporting me. I promise that I’ll never stop working hard to show the the greatest side of me.”

[medevac]

Nerina Pallot - Stay Lucky

Now, if you know me, or have at least had the ‘pleasure’ (a loose term reader[s]) to have had a conversation with me about music, religion, the economy, politics, memes or well… anything really I’ll probably have managed to shoe-horn in my penchant for a certain Jersey-born singer-songwriter. You may also know that isn’t my first musing about Nerina’s latest body of work I’ve released into the ether (see an extensive & exhaustive list ranking 2014’s Year of the EPs here). There is definitely a 3/4 written piece about the last LP The Sound And The Fury as well, which I never finished or uploaded; however the worry when writing anything about one of your musical heroes is the knowledge that they might just see (or at least tl;dr skim) & feel a sense of agony that their vision and artistry hasn’t been appreciated as intended, which is probably most likely due to my inane way of rambling & probably not articulating what I really want to say very well at all. Or that it just comes across a little bit sycophantic, like that video where Bradley Cooper (before he was famous) is in a studio audience blowing smoke up Sean Penn’s arse.

I digress and I will try to remain relatively concise in regard to what I want to share about Stay Lucky, Nerina’s 6th studio album. The tl;dr version of this is ‘OH MY WORD, WHAT AN ALBUM, BUY IT NOW’, but humour me for now and allow me to expand upon that a little;

The album opens with Juno, the original working title for the LP and a towering behemoth of an opener. Classic Nerina songwriting, however with a grand musical soundscape, reminding me of something that could be found on Kate Bush’s Ariel (albeit with a little more pop-sensibility & a lot more melody, Kate I love you, but I’m correct on this one) - “The prettiest bird in all of the world’s at my window” is repeated through the bridge before a soaring glide into the abyss around 2:35, followed by some stunning interpolation as the track draws to a close. The fluttering recalls the noise I think a bird’s wings would make if tied to musical instruments, anyway Juno is the one™ for me, but let’s not let that fool you into thinking the rest of Stay Lucky isn’t worth every loving crafted second of the 46:43 the records’ running time. The first time I heard Man Didn’t Walk On The Moon was its debut on Radio 2 while at my parents’ house, my mum relayed how catchy she thought it was and gosh wasn’t she right? Perfectly coquettish delivery of the lyrics throughout, and the line “I’ve got a cartoon heart & a SodaStream, baby look at us we’re a young love’s dream” has has never made me want to enjoy sparkling water & kiss boys more. Line up, line up, I’m going to Amazon Prime one first thing in the morning.

Bring Him Fire for me is a cross between I Saw The Light (from the Little Bull - EP [and one of my all time favourite Nerina songs fact fans]) & Spirit Walks (from 2015′s The Sound And The Fury) albeit with additional, though not superfluous strings throughout, which let’s be honest is a combination for excellence. The more I think about it, the more I think how perfect Come Into My Room would be playing over a soft-focus montage of characters having sex in a Love Actually sequel, with a cut away just as Nerina coo’s “cummmmm” at *ahem* climax of the song. The title track remains as stunningly beautiful as the first 150 times I played it - “And the greatest trick of life, is thinking that we’ll never die, darling don’t ask me why, it only makes me cry” still gives me a lump in my throat if I think about it too much.

I could say a lot more (and if we’re honest, you’ve probably not even got this far, so would it really matter if I kept shooting off on tangents?) but that saxophone outro is the highlight on Better, Fleur East who? Take me to a café in Paris, and I’m almost convinced that The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter needs be played on repeat for the rest of eternity there, go on, any café, I don’t mind, it’d be nice to have a holiday wouldn’t it? I’m not entirely sure if there’s another song that sums up the fatigue of waiting for someone to come along who may not even exist as well as this does, and as an aside, for weeks I’ve been paraphrasing “curse the languid afternoon” when I’m really bored in the office at work & someone thought I was verbose & intelligent, so thanks for that Nerina - I really can always count on you.

All Gold is a latter album highlight, it starts out a simple piano affair, before a phenomenal string arrangement accompanies what may be some of Nerina’s best vocals of her career. That’s a grand claim, I know, but they really are that good. The production on Stay Lucky is remarkably good throughout, however particularly strong on All Gold. I’m a stickler for a middle-eight as well, and this is the strongest offering on the album - the flourish of strings at 2:39 before “I’ve just got this feeling….” and the introduction of brass as Nerina & Rod Thomas (AKA Bright Light Bright Light) repeat the title gives me chills, I may have even done a little tiny cry the first time I heard it, but let’s keep that between us, okay? Okay.

Come Back To Bed for me captures the vibe of the Christmas Tabernacle shows, though I don’t think it’s ever been played there - but there’s something woozy about it all - like on Christmas Day when you’ve drunk a little too much egg nog & eaten a few too many mince pies, but a sexier, less-festive version of that. Notable mention to “If you’re sorry for what you said then honey…” *guitar plays the melody of the title* too, that’s a moment.. Closing the album is Bird “I’m so weary of keeping up” feels very fitting with everything that’s happened in the last couple of years, what a weird bloody place the world is at the moment. That detuned MonoPoly action for the middle-eight is sublime, prior to a necessary key change and subsequent chorus exclaiming “I’m living my life like its golden, golden” as the music, or bird in this case, flies away into the distance. As a keen ornithologist (honestly, look in my parents’ shed at the amount of bird books I have) I’m really appreciative that metaphorical bookends of the album of the year (there, I said it) compliment each other with similar imagery.

It’s hard to capture or articulate an emotion but I think Stay Lucky is the closest to describing the feeling of what falling in love is like without realising it, with that classic Pallot-melancholy I relate so well to sitting underneath it all. The album is an incredible addition to a back catalogue that your faves could only wish for - Nerina herself claims she isn’t Kate Bush & this isn’t an album the world was waiting for (which is ridiculous to be frank), however it’s the album I was waiting for & I couldn’t be more thankful. For everything x

[imaginedilestrade]

An Saol Idir Linn

‘An Saol Iidr Linn Playlist’

A/N: This chapter is a bit longer but riddled with some dramaaaaa and so much fluff…seriously it’s so sweet I had to go to the dentist��😅😁

—————————— Chapter 13 ——————

You both arrived back at the inn, grabbing a quick bite to eat before heading upstairs. You showered first and changed before stepping out of the bathroom and finding Greg lying on the bed, peacefully sleeping. You couldn’t help but smile as you leaned over him and gently shook him to wake him up.

“Greg…” You softly spoke and his hand moved to grab onto yours, your heart would have skipped a beat if it could.

“I’m up,” he groggily whispered and opened his eyes with a smile seeing your face “I’m up.”

Greg went in to shower and came out of the bathroom a little while later. He had to take a step back seeing you sitting perched on a chair with the sun shining off you as it set, it looked like you were glowing…as if you were an angel.

“Beautiful isn’t it?” You asked, sensing Greg’s presence but you didn’t turn around to look at him, instead your eyes remained firmly on the sky that was beginning to darken in front of you.

“Y-Yeah,” he nervously croaked out as his eyes glued themselves to you. He grabbed his phone and took a picture of you before you turned and let out a small gasp seeing him standing in nothing but a towel.

Your eyes deceived you, that sunset wasn’t as beautiful as the person standing right in front of you. Greg didn’t even see you blatantly staring at him as he grabbed a top and bottoms and went back into the bathroom.

When he changed, you and Greg made your way downstairs, noticing a three of the local men having a pint and quietly chatting to Dot and Niall.

“Oh hello! Did you two have a good day today?” She asked and you and Greg both responded with a nod and a ginormous smile “Would you folks like the radio on? We don’t listen to it much we aren’t as 'hip’ as you kids!”

You and Greg both let out a laugh and said yes, Dot put on the radio before pouring you both out a drink. Your ears picked up a tune that you were utterly smitten with “I love this song,” you muttered to Greg as 'Perfect’ by Ed Sheeran began to play. He looked up to you from his pint that Niall had just poured and before he could comprehend what he was saying he had already asked you to dance and you said yes.

You kicked off your slippers you were wearing and he placed an arm around your waist with his hand on your lower back as the other held your own hand while you placed your free one on his shoulder. Greg tightened his grip slightly and pulled you close to him, leaving no space between the two of you as your chests pressed together. If you weren’t already breathing, all the air in your body would have evaporated being held like this. Greg let out a shaky breath as he slowly began to sway you around the dark mahogany flooring. His eyes bore deep into yours, it was like looking into them for the first time again. You remembered that feeling of being pulled into a transcendence by the brown, hues of gold and tinges of grey and green that were his eyes.

The feeling from earlier came back. The feeling that felt like you were the only two that existed. How is he doing that? Greg noticed the look of slightly confusion sweeping over your face before it left as soon as it arrived.

He blinked and gulped hearing the lyrics 'Now I know I have met an angel in person, and she looks perfect, I don’t deserve this, You look perfect tonight.’

He began to slow down and he tucked a strand of invisible hair behind your ear. There wasn’t anything there, he just wanted to brush his fingertips against your freezing skin and remember this moment for the rest of his life.

The song ended and you and Greg drifted apart slightly before a loud slam from one of the men hitting his hand off the bar captured everyone’s attention.

“Jack!” Dot gently smacked his arm, irritated that he ruined a perfectly good moment.

“Argh! He can’t just dance like that with a woman who looks like that and not kiss her at the end of it!” He yelled and you and Greg could both feel your faces flush.

“Oh no-we…aren’t very big on affection…” You stuttered out and it was only then you realised how close to Greg you were. You couldn’t move away however, your legs were stuck in the one place.

“He has a point yanno,” Niall chipped in.

Dot tried to hide her growing smile “I’m afraid they do my dears!”

“Kiss her, kiss her!” Jack slapped his hand off the bar again, creating a steady tempo as everyone else, including Jack, kept saying 'kiss her’.

You waved it off with a nervous laugh but Greg had other ideas and wrapped an arm around your waist and pressed a kiss to your cheek “There you go!” You sent them a smile as your cheeks burned even more.

“That’s not a proper kiss!” Jack complained.

“Well that’s the best you’re all get-” your eyes widened with shock as you felt Greg’s mouth unexpectedly pressed against your own. Your body went numb with shock and excitement, your thoughts were fuzzy, as if your mind could only produce radio static, everything else in the world aside from Greg and his lips on yours was unimportant.

He pulled away as the five in the bar cheered and you looked at him blankly as your lips started to tingle. “Now that’s what you call a proper kiss!” Jack made the two of you flinch slightly and you tuned to face the five with small, embarrassed smiles on your faces.

“Uh…I think,” you pointed to the stairs before wiping the excess saliva from your lips “I’m going to get some rest,” you told everyone and wished them a goodnight. You couldn’t have stayed down there any longer. You could feel the tension crushing your body standing next to Greg.

You stumbled up to the room and shut the door behind you, crashing your back against the door, letting out a deep sigh.

You saw the phone on the bedside table and rushed over to it, dialling Molly as quick as you could, feeling a bit like a teenager with gossip.

“Hello?” A voice on the other side answered.

“Molly, it’s me!” You whispered into the receiver and sat on the bed.

“Oh Y/N!” She sounded pleasantly surprised “How’s Ireland?”

“It’s amazing but something just happened…”

“What?”

You squeezed your eyes shut and let out a defeated sigh “Greg’s just kissed me but-”

“He did what?!” Molly screamed so loud you had to pull away the phone from your ear incase she burst your eardrum.

“No you don’t understand he did it because the people downstairs were pushing us to because we danced and it sort of just took me by surprise,” you rambled on “I just had to tell you but…it was just for show…” You admitted with a deflating heart.

“Oh,” she muttered out and let out a slightly disappointed huff “How do you feel about that?”

You mulled over her words and nervously but your fingers before admitting to her “Petrified…I can’t be with him Molly, you know that.” You got quieter with each word you spoke out. This all felt completely one sided, you were starting to develop all these feelings for Greg. Ones that shouldn’t exist between the two of you. The kiss, as fake as it was, just made those feelings worse, they were beginning to spiral out of control.

“I know,” she softly agreed “I’ll let you go just not but when you get back we’ll have a proper discussion about this, night Y/N, take care.”

“Thanks Molly, see you soon.” You put down the phone with a soft click and placed your elbows on your thighs, your head in your hands, defeatedly.

The door opening made you jump and Greg was quick to apologise before holding up your slippers in front of his face “You forgot these…”

He handed them over to you and you took them, uttering out a thanks. Greg let out a sigh and sat beside you on the bed, making it dip a little “I’m sorry for kissing you…” His soft spoken words were giving you goosebumps.

“It’s alright,” you reassured “I know they wouldn’t have stopped if you didn’t. Good acting though,” you nervously laughed and Greg chuckled.

“Thanks,” he stood up and sent you a thin lipped smile “I’m going to finish off my pint then I’ll be up.”

You nodded and sent him a tight smile “Alright, I’m going to toss on my pyjamas and relax until you do come back up.” You watched as he left and quickly changed into your pyjamas before plopping yourself back down on the bed. It was cooler than you expected and shifted yourself under the covers where it was wonderfully warm. The heat and the sheer coziness was enough to put you to sleep.

Greg walked into the room about half an hour later and saw you there, peacefully sleeping away on one side of the double bed. Instead of waking you he changed and climbed in beside you, facing his back to yours.

He let out a shaky breath before glancing over his shoulder to look at you as the moonlight hit off your skin. It was breathtaking.

He turned himself around and froze in place when you did the same. But nothing prepared Greg for what you were about to do. You subconsciously drifted closer to him, so close that you wrapped an arm around his waist and a leg around his leg before burying your face into his chest.

With a smile on his face, Greg’s arms slowly began to wrap around you, as if it was a natural response, holding you in a gentle embrace until he fell asleep.

——————— Tags: (Let me know if you’d like to be tagged/Untagged)

@adorablebadger @musingsofophelia @damnitman-jamlocked-inthetardis @daydreamer0307 @emeliethetimelady @princesspeach212 @imayjustbejamesmoriarty @holmes-maev @rikkachloechan @lock-sherlock @katie27hp @wcsteland @itsintothegreatbeyondstuff @daynaan @elenangzie @theyre-my-divsion

[dylanreviewsthings]

Immortal Reviews' Top 50 Songs Of 2017

2017 is coming to a close, and it's that time of year where we all look back and reflect on the past. We are all different people than we were at the start, for better or for worse. By the same token, music is different than it was at the start of the year. We've watched music change and morph with the times from beginning to the end, and perhaps there's a beauty how specific moments are chronicled in the sound.

From the urgent release of Lorde's 'Green Light' to the heartbreaking tragedy of Linkin Park's 'One More Light,' we have grown and changed with the music throughout the year. This is Immortal Reviews' Top 50 Songs of 2017. Let us know what your favorite songs of the year are in the comments or on our social media!

Click on the links to read our full reviews of the songs/albums in which the songs are found on.

50. Evanescence - 'Imperfection'

Six years after their last record, Evanescence returned with beautiful orchestral reimaginations of previous tracks, as well as some new numbers such as the anthemic and haunting 'Imperfection.'

49. Blackbear - 'anxiety'

Blackbear's Cybersex was laced with many pictures of the state of relationships and interactions, and the wonderfully innocent yet worrysome 'anxiety' tied it all together. 

48. Meadowlark - 'Paraffin'

While 'Paraffin' was Meadowlark's breakout single last year, it certainly held up it's message. The sweet, melodic indie pop track is infectious in every way, keeping its meaning at its core to tie in with its sweetness.

47. Björk - 'Losss'

Chaotic yet enchanting in the perfect way only Björk knows how to create, 'Losss' was the culmination of the soulful, industrial dream she explored in Utopia.

46. Foo Fighters - 'The Line'

Concrete & Gold was a big change in pace for Foo Fighters, who sought after a more upfront and grandiose production on this record. At the heart of the band's more driven sound is 'The Line,' an anthem that's truly one for the record books. 

45. Death From Above - 'Freeze Me'

Death From Above had an interesting year, breaking out from a lot of barriers. Finally able to drop the "1979" label after previous legal drama and breaking through the radio barriers with 'Freeze Me' as their new anthem, the duo's more alternative sound really took them to a new level, without dropping their signature anger and groove.

44. Sam Smith - 'HIM'

Sam Smith made his long-awaited comeback this year, and not without tragedy. 'HIM' battles the struggle of being gay, facing expectations, and trying not to disappoint. It's a hard track to swallow for anyone who's ever been in love, let alone someone who is part of the LGBTQ community. It's a powerful one in the name of love

43. XXXTentacion - 'Save Me'

Many events in the music world of 2017 led to a bigger - and needed - discussion of mental health, a theme that is largely discussed in XXXTentacion's 17. 'Save Me' is a raw track with an inside look on being depressed, and perhaps it should serve as another insight into the big discussion of mental health. 

We do not condone nor endorse the actions of XXXTentacion, we merely are commenting on the message behind the music. 

42. The Chainsmokers & Coldplay - 'Something Just Like This'

When you pair Coldplay's anthemic presence with The Chainsmokers' ability to make pop bangers, and you get a beautifully personal track where Chris Martin begs for someone to hit that right connection again. Regardless of what you feel about either band, this track is a wonderful anthem that's bound to hit home somewhere for you, whether it be from the childlike curiosity of wanting to be the best or the idea of searching for that right feeling once more.

41. Vince Staples - 'BagBak'

2017 ushered in a new era of hip-hop with the trap scene, and a lot of music was lost in the need to make useless hype. Vince Staples made sure he didn't follow that trend, 'BagBak' taking the best of this new era of hip-hop and making an incredible anthemic track where the beat and delivery are both just as powerful as the other.

40. Bonobo - 'Second Sun'

Atmosphere in music is and art, and few artists harness it like Bonobo can. 'Second Sun' is the sound of being lost on a foreign planet, wandering aimlessly in awe of the deserts in front of you. You get a lot out of this track, including a sense of insignificance in this wide universe. It's good to get that beautiful knock of reality once in awhile, though.

39. Nadia Reid - 'Te Aro'

Sometimes, emptiness is just as important as layers. Nadia Reid captured the mysterious nature of her home country, New Zealand, in Preservation, 'Te Aro' wonderfully tying together her wonderful storytelling lyrics and minimalist production into one unforgettable track.

38. Sufjan Stevens, Nico Muhly, Bryce Dessner, & James McAlister - 'Jupiter'

Imagine bringing together four of music's smartest minds, and then putting them to work on a concept album involving space. Well, that happened. Sufjan Stevens, Nico Muhly, The National's Bryce Dessner, and James McAlister release Planetarium this year, employing the vast and mysterious nature of space to create a truly beautiful adventure of an album, and 'Jupiter' beautifully captures the essence of it all.

37. Son Lux - 'Dangerous'

Son Lux is no stranger to drama, and 'Dangerous' is a testament to that. The dark synths and frantic production helps 'Dangerous' find its way into a horror setting, yet the drama is still inherently sensual and romanticized all the same.

36. Soen - 'Opal'

Soen's Lykaia took an in-depth look at the most visceral emotions we feel within ourselves, and 'Opal' brought out some of the angriest of those thoughts. Combine powerful passages of intense sonic moments and searching, internal lyrics and the brilliance of Soen really shines thorugh in 'Opal.'

35. SOHN - 'Rennen'

SOHN is the master of atmosphere, and the title track of his new album, 'Rennen,' was all the proof needed for that. The tragic lyrics and vocal layers above the somber piano help make 'Rennen' a dark and heartwrenching track that won't leave your mind any time soon.

34. Zola Blood - 'The Only Thing'

Nothing is more thrilling than dark pop music. Zola Blood's Infinite Games took that sound and morphed it into a brilliant collection of mystifying and dark tracks, 'The Only Thing' being the core of the sound. Sensual at heart yet haunting on its outside, it's an enchanting track from start to finish.

33. All Time Low - 'Drugs & Candy'

All Time Low are the masters of anthems, and 'Drugs & Candy' is one of the finer moments. With nothing but sweet memories and sweeter melodies to back its wonderful atmosphere, 'Drugs & Candy' stands at the center of everything that made Last Young Renegade so fun and powerful.

32. Nothing But Thieves - 'Live Like Animals'

Nothing But Thieves returned with a vengeance this year, their new record Broken Machines taking their sound a step further. 'Live Like Animals' has a much more forward and aggressive drive than a lot of their discography, though with the big choruses and the electronic punches to pair, you won't have to think twice about whether or not that was the right path for them to travel (the answer is yes, it was).

31. Brockhampton - 'Summer'

Brockhampton are a collective of production geniuses, and tha idea is spearheaded by 'Summer.' Hip-hop's boy band created a trilogy of brilliant albums with the three-part Saturation this year, and 'Summer' ended the band's second part of the trilogy. Soulful and pretty in every way, the song is an uplifting and dreamy testament to love and the future.

30. Lorde - 'Green Light'

Lorde was another artist who had to live up to an iconic debut this year, and she blew it out of the park. Lead single 'Green Light' shows maturity in a graceful way, a dark and haunting intro changing into a big pop anthem that channels all sorts of energies. It's a song about overcoming your own anxieties put into the perspective of one night, and there's no one who could've done this better than Lorde (and, of course, the brilliant mind of Jack Antonoff).

29. The Chainsmokers - 'Young'

Say what you will about The Chainsmokers, but its unquestionable that they know how to write some truly catchy songs. Take one of their songs that aren't overplayed ad nauseam and you can find some real gems, like 'Young.' It's another song about millennial love, but there's something familiar in the song's premise: "It's hard when you're young." It's all about the thrill and uncertainty of being in love when you're young, and with beautiful orchestras and wonderful builds to promise, this is a song that shows what the duo are capable of. Perhaps it's better that this one stays a hidden gem, though; we don't want what's good being overplayed to death, too.

28. Halsey - 'Sorry'

Halsey's modern telling of Romeo & Juliet came with a lot of different and interesting messages, but the one that came off the strongest was in 'Sorry.' Take the song out of the context of the record and you have a heartwrenching apology to anyone you've ever loved. It's a track that's hard to swallow for anyone who's ever felt heartbreak before, and it perfectly captures the emotions you feel in the wake of one, or fears the future of one: "So I'm sorry to my unknown lover / Sorry that I can't believe that anybody ever really / Starts to fall in love with me."

27. Incubus - 'Nimble Bastard'

Incubus returned to their anthemic roots this year in 8, with 'Nimble Bastard' holding the helm of it all for them. A badass, taunting intro and giant choruses to follow suit with, Incubus really came back with guns blazing. Everything about 'Nimble Bastard' just screams epic, and it's certainly an awesome ride from start to finish.

26. Mastodon - 'Steambreather'

Mastodon is no stranger to intensity. 'Steambreather' is the sonic representation of an angry demon, stomping impatiently during the choruses before charging and exploding in the massive choruses that anthemically chant, "I wonder who I am... I'm afraid of myself." Every note is like a punch to the face and not a second is wasted to channel every aspect of the nature of anger, every moment of the song brilliant capturing the inner workings of an enraged mind. The ending is just pure madness.

25. Frank Carter & The Rattlesnakes - 'Snake Eyes'

The ferocity of rock wasn't captured so perfectly by any other band than Frank Carter & The Rattlesnakes this year. 'Snake Eyes' has it all, with thrilling drums, giant riffs, and cavernous vocals to make this alternative anthem not only immense, but also visceral and carnivorous in its nature.

24. David Bowie - 'Killing A Little Time'

Though we lost David Bowie last year, he is long from being forgotten. The posthumous EP, No Plan, was full of interesting outtakes from the Blackstar sessions, one gem being the dark, gritty, and rocking 'Killing A Little Time.' Perfectly capturing the gritty, knowing aspects of Blackstar and injecting some of his own ghastly theatrical presence into it, David Bowie made sure his influence wasn't ready to die out any time soon. 

23. Brockhampton - 'Team'

Brockhampton isn't the only outfit to make the list twice, but 'Team' is perhaps all the reason you need to see why. The beautiful first part has wonderfully heartbreaking crooning above chill guitars, before the grittier second half comes in seamlessly to bring the conclusion of the Saturation trio to a powerful end. Brockhampton's brilliance is captured in one angelic final track, and definitely serves as a standard for what should be expected of hip-hop.

22. Royal Blood - 'Lights Out'

2017 was undoubtedly the year of important sophomore releases, yet there was not band quite like Royal Blood who so surely blew out all the expectations. Without dropping any of their charm or niche, the band returned with the powerful, upfront, and driven 'Lights Out,' complete with simply giant choruses, enormous low end, and loads of swagger to back one of music's biggest follow ups.

21. Frances - 'Don't Worry About Me'

The feeling of stepping out into the world for the first time is both exhilarating and scary, and also serves as the subject of Frances' Things I've Never Said. 'Don't Worry About Me' is the opening track of the record, capturing those initial insecurities everyone feels when stepping out into the world, and the insecurities the ones who love you feel all the same. It's a track about reassurance, and something to connect to whether or not you're yet to step out into the world or if you've done it a long time ago. It's important to remember where it all started, and 'Don't Worry About Me' promises that even though it's scary, everything will work out in the end; an important sentiment to remember.

20. Sorority Noise - 'First Letter From St. Sean'

Sorority Noise's sense of tragedy was what made You're Not As _____ As You Think so impactful. At the center of it all is 'First Letter From St. Sean,' a dejected, somber track that has traces of optimism in its sound but screams out in pain. The ominous lyrics chant "I am not alive, I didn't mean to leave you when I died / I was too scared you might be the one to leave / There's so much more to life than the flick of a knife / I am alive 'cause I'm alive inside of this," a clear cry for help but lost under apparent hope that it takes some digging to find that answer.

19. Linkin Park - 'Crawling' (Live)

Linkin Park was amidst one of their best tours in years before Chester Bennington tragically committed suicide this year. With the world holding them up, the band refuesd to let his spirit die and be forgotten. From an incredible memorial show to countless fan-created memorials, Linkin Park and their community made sure his spirit was alive in our hearts. Linkin Park only hit Europe on their One More Light European Tour this summer, and they wanted to share, at least in part, how magically those shows were. The piano version of 'Crawling' the band performed is perhaps one of the most beautiful moments on One More Light Live, stripping down one of the band's classics to reveal the song's more personal tragic nature, millions of fans singing along with Chester the lyrics that meant so much to every one of them. The track doesn't only highlight the incredible voice of Bennington, but just how important the songs they made were to an innumerable number of fans.

18. 10 Years - 'Ghosts'

When you make a jamming track, an element of intensity is important. 10 Years does it perfectly with 'Ghosts,' an explosive track with giant vocals, giant riffs, and everything that excites and thrills you is part of this song. The alternative presence makes this song a staple for any rock radio, and is bound to get you ready to rock and take on anything ahead.

17. Mount Eerie - 'Swims'

There's an unforgiving sense of reality in Mount Eerie's A Crow Looked At Me, an album all about losing the most important person to you to the demon that is cancer. 'Swims' is the saddest, realest moment on the record, where Phil Elverum recounts watching his wife die in his arms. The pain is evident in every note he plays, the lyrics making the story even harder to swallow; the track's title derives from the innocence of a question his daughter asked him: "Today our daughter asked me if mama swims. I told her, 'Yes, she does, and that's probably all she does now.'"  

16. Starset - 'Back To The Earth'

Nothing's quite as epic as a space epic, and that's the entire premise of Starset's sound. Vessels was the follow up to their giant debut, and it certainly lived up to expectations. 'Back To The Earth' is urgent, grand, and beautiful, sounding like a war being fought in space or the sound of returning home after a long journey into the great unknown. It's almost tragic, but the orchestras in the final, giant explosion of ending help it achieve that triumphant feel.

15. Peter Silberman - 'Maya'

Imagine a perfect sunset where the sun is setting over the sea, the sky violet, scarlet, and blue all at once. Imagine being along on a paradise island, by yourself with nothing but the ambience of the ocean and the warmth of the final rays of sunlight washing over you. That's the atmosphere 'Maya' creates, it's lo-fi sound so familiar and nostalgic yet captured in such a perfect atmosphere that it seems almost too sweet to be real. Not even the sweetest dreams could emulate the perfect sound of this track.

14. Kendrick Lamar - 'DNA.'

Kendrick Lamar is the unquestioned king of hip-hop, and for good reason. There's urgency in his music, often along with comments about the state of society. 'DNA.' is not only delivered in an epic fashion, but delivers a scathing picture of the stigmas that still exist against hip-hop and the daunting state of racism. Take that with an epic beat and unstoppable flow, and it's clear to see why Kendrick owns hip-hop. 

13. Coldplay - 'A L I E N S'

Coldplay isn't the first band you think of when thinking of artists who make bold statements about society in their music, but they are certainly capable of it. 'A L I E N S' is a beautiful, atmospheric track about the refugee crisis taking over the world right now in the midst of tragedies taking place in the Middle East right now. It's from a refugee's perspective, in their search for a new home in unfamiliar lands once their previous home is gone. It's a very complex track performance wise and an even more powerful track meaning-wise, proving to be one of Coldplay's most unique tracks.

12. Ed Sheeran - 'Supermarket Flowers'

Ed Sheeran's Divide came out at the start of the year, before tragedy struck the industry, yet that didn't stop anyone from releasing heartbreaking tracks about loss. 'Supermarket Flowers' ended his record, a beautiful, piano-driven goodbye to his grandmother. Sheeran gets incredibly intimate about the moments he shared with her and sends her off in an angelic and heartbreaking way. 'Supermarket Flowers' is sure to hit you hard if you've ever lost someone important to you. The song beautifully ends with one final, bittersweet sentiment: "You got to see the person I have become / Spread your wings and I know / That when God took you back / He said, "Hallelujah, you're home."

11. Justin Bieber & BloodPop - 'Friends'

'Friends' wasn't the first jaunt between Justin Bieber and BloodPop; the two previously collaborated on the mega-hit 'Sorry,' so it's a no-brainer that the duo are capable of huge things. 'Friends' is a sweet song about love, Bieber asking almost tragically, "and if it ends, can we be friends?" The song wasn't an enormous hit, but perhaps that's for the best. 'Friends' is a beautiful capturing of that emotion of wanting someone to still be a part of your life, and paired with BloodPop's masterful production, it's a song that has earned a reputation as a hidden pop gem.

10. Paramore - 'Fake Happy'

Paramore's big return came with a surprising new face. Stripped from their angstier past, Paramore's After Laughter explored that inescapable emotion that the good moments are fleeting. There's always that moment after laughing where you realize that moment is no longer there, and perhaps never will be again. The inward searching record revolves around the themes of 'Fake Happy,' where Hayley Williams so honestly cries out, "Oh please, don't ask me how I've been, don't make me play pretend... I bet everyone here is fake happy too."

9. Julien Baker - 'Appointments'

Julien Baker is a tortured soul, and she wore her heart on her sleeve in this year's Turn Out The Lights. A heartbreaking album dealing with every tragedy one can face while walking through life, from heartbreak to addiction to loss, it's perhaps most wonderfully summed up in 'Appointments.' There's little words can do to describe the quiet beauty of the song, though you can perhaps get a full sense of all the tragedy of the song from the sobering lines: "How I disappoint you / Suggest that I talk to somebody again / That knows how to help me get better / And 'til then I should just try not to miss any more appointments." 

8. Gorillaz - 'Saturnz Barz'

Gorillaz had a lot to say upon their big comeback, but nothing stood out as grandly as 'Saturnz Barz.' Employing the Jamaican emcee Popcaan to add an element to the song that few songs can claim, Gorillaz explore space with dark melodies and borderline-schizophrenic sounds to back their psychedelic dream.

7. Imagine Dragons - 'Believer'

Imagine Dragons know how to deliver empowering anthems, and 'Believer' may be one of their most powerful tracks to do so yet. The driven percussion and guttural synths support Dan Reynolds' giant vocals and uplifting lyrics, the choruses immense in every aspect of the word. Every chorus gets grander, and every word makes the song's message more powerful. Imagine Dragons are all you'll need to find the power to believe in what you want to accomplish.

6. Brand New - '451'

The art of groove is slowly being lost in alternative rock, yet the perfectionist mind of Brand New's Jesse Lacey managed to bring it back wonderfully in '451.' The bluesy verses lead into truly explosive choruses. Layers upon layers of percussion, guitars, and vocals build the expansive atmosphere of '451,' making it impossible to not get lost in the song's massive sound. The final chorus gets even higher, one final explosion of passion coming out with massive flair.

We do not endorse nor condone the actions of Jesse Lacey, we merely comment on the nature of the music.

5. Arcane Roots - 'Curtains'

Few bands can be so technical yet incredible anthemic like Arcane Roots are. Fully embracing electronica in Melancholia Hymns, 'Curtains' was the first taste of new music from them, and to say it was dramatic is an understatement. The theatrical swells of the synths and Andrew Groves' almost mechanical lyrics eerily overlie the darkness below leads into an epic, crushing breakdown that brings the song out on a massive note. This level of grandiose is only something Arcane Roots are capable of.

4. Thirty Seconds To Mars - 'Walk On Water'

Thirty Seconds To Mars is a band that knows how to take things to the next level. That being said, it's no surprise that the lead single to the band's upcoming album, 'Walk On Water,' is one of the biggest tracks of the year. With confident chanting, a glorious gospel, giant synths, and huge vocals from Jared Leto, 'Walk On Water' is the anthem for any success story. It's the soundtrack of overcoming the highest mountains and rising to the largest occasions.

3. PVRIS - 'What's Wrong'

All We Know Of Heaven, All We Need Of Hell was another album that came out at an important time for me. Major heartbreak is a dangerous thing, and PVRIS beautifully captured the essence of that. 'What's Wrong' was both one of the most impactful songs that I connected with, and at the some time one of the more powerful tracks on the record. It comes with a powerful, yet simple message: it's okay to not be okay. As Lynn Gunn so wonderfully claims in the chorus, "I don't need a metaphor for you to know I'm miserable." It's angry yet anthemic build perfectly pairs with the emotions the song discusses, leading to an all encompassing track that captures everything about that specific emotion, a quality in which only PVRIS are the masters of.

2. Linkin Park - 'One More Light'

To say the loss of Chester Bennington was a tragedy for the music industry is an understatement. On July 20, the world lost a hero. A hero who brought life and hope back into millions upon millions of souls. One More Light was an album about battling depression and the effects it has on relationships and humanity, but unfortunately the world understood that too late. 'One More Light' has become the song of goodbyes this year. It's hard hearing Chester sing, and perhaps it'll never get easier to listen to this song. All the same, there's a reassuring nature in the chorus' heartbreaking lyrics: "Who cares if one more light goes out? Well I do." If we've learned anything about ourselves this year, it's that that sentiment will always reign true, no matter who you are. Chester lives on in our hearts, and his soul will never die.

1.  Linkin Park - 'Sorry For Now'

Linkin Park is on this list three times for a good reason - there's no band with the vision that they have. Regardless of what you think of them, this band has defined everything great about music: evolution. 'Sorry For Now' is a song that means a lot to me personally, and was one of the songs that helped me through the darkest month of my life. After Chester's passing, I couldn't listen to the band's music for weeks, but when I finally came back to this one, I remembered there was still a future ahead of me. Heartbreak, loss, and confidence is interlaced into the beautiful anthemic synths and harmonies of 'Sorry For Now,' showcasing Mike Shinoda's ability to turn anything to gold, show the chemistry that made Linkin Park so impactful, and most of all, why they are and always will be one of the most important bands to ever exist. And to tie that all together, why they'll always be one of my favorite bands.

Want to hear all these songs? Check out our official Spotify Playlist: 

You can check out how we ranked all of our favorite songs of 2017 on the full comprehensive list here. Stay tuned for our Best New Artists and Album Of The Year lists!

[saintsimonanu]

Favorites Tracks of 2016

2016 was weirdly both a year of tremendous loss in music. Thankfully, 2016 also gave us a ton of great new music from artists new and old, including some who left us before the year was done. Here are my favorite 55 songs of the year.

55-26 in Alphabetical Order:

Aminé - Caroline

Anohni - Why Did You Separate Me from the Earth

Ariana Grande - Into You

Aurora - Conqueror

Big Thief - Real Love

Cass McCombs - Opposite House

Chelsea Lankes - Bullet

CuckooLander - Beating Myself Up

David Bowie - I Can't Give Everything Away

Day Wave - Stuck

Diiv - Under the Sun

D.R.A.M., Lil Yachty - Broccoli

Drake feat. Wizkid, Kyla - One Dance

Explosions in the Sky - Logic of a Dream

Francis and the Lights feat. Bon Iver - Friends

Frankie Cosmos - Fool

Hamilton Leithauser + Rostam - In a Black Out

James Vincent McMorrow - Rising Water

Jenny Hval - Conceptual Romance

Joan As Policewoman - Broke Me in Two

Kamaiyah - How Does It Feel 

Kanye West feat. Kendrick Lamar - No More Parties in LA 

KAYTRANADA feat. SYD - YOU'RE THE ONE 

LP - Strange

LVL UP - Hidden Driver

Martha - Goldman's Detective Agency

Overcoats - Nighttime Hunger

Pinegrove - Old Friends

Sampha - Timmy's Prayer

Sofi Tukker - Drinkee - Soft Animals

25. Mitski - Your Best American Girl

Every minority/immigrant who grew up in the U.S. can probably relate to this song.

24. The Tallest Man on Earth - Rivers

My favorite Tallest Man on Earth song in years.

23. Hamilton Leithauser + Rostam - In a Black Out

Leithauser's old-timey croon is great, but this track is all about Rostam's splendid arrangement. 

22. Margaret Glaspy - Somebody to Anybody

Glaspy's strikes an independent pose throughout Emotions and Math, chipping away at the cliche about damsel in distress, female singer-songwriters. On "Somebody to Anybody" though, she momentarily lets her guard down, letting vulnerability creep in. The tender song helps balance an album that is otherwise full of self-assured rock n' roll.

21. Anderson Paak - The Season | Carry Me

In some ways two songs in one, this track is the centerpiece of Malibu, my favorite rap album of 2016.

20. Blood Orange - Best to You

The standout from an album that has many gems. Dev Hynes can do no wrong.

19. Gallant, Sufjan Stevens - Blue Bucket of Gold

By far the most moving vocal performance from 2016. Gives me chills every time.

18. Lucy Dacus - Dream State

Dacus sings the most devastating line of 2016 with a certainty and nonchalance that makes the song (and the album) utterly heartbreaking. And yet, her delivery invites zero pity.

17. Angel Olsen - Shut Up Kiss Me

All spunk and attitude, this single announced Angel Olsen's energetic and surprising return.

16. Maggie Rogers - Alaska

The best thing Pharrell did in 2016 was witness Maggie Rogers getting discovered.

15. Rihanna feat. Drake - Work

Earlier in the year this song was definitely in my top 5. I wonder if hearing "work work work work work"10 million times through the year wore me out a bit?

14. Leonard Cohen - You Want It Darker

Facing death with a determined humility, Leonard Cohen's voice is all gravel and grace. This is probably my favorite vocal performance of the year!

13. Kevin Morby - Beautiful Strangers

Kevin Morby's Dylan-esque ode to the victims of gun violence and police brutality was the political song of the year for me. Simple and emotive and lacking any hints of preachiness or hate.

12. Chance the Rapper feat. Lil Wayne & 2 Chainz - No Problems

How can you not love Chance? Charming and modest else where on the album, here he is all wit and swagger in a block party atmosphere.

11. The Avalanches - Because I'm Me

A bolt of pure joy. The lyrics aren't much to write home about but those horns will put a smile on your face and make all your troubles float away.

10. Whitney - No Matter Where We Go

The sunniest track from the sunniest album of the year. This album is what my ideal summer sounds like. In this song, Whitney have captured the feeling of a perfect summer road trip.

9. Bon Iver - 33 "GOD"

Bon Iver's return confounded everyone. I still have no clue what's he's going on about on this song, but it is nothing short of marvelous. What ever Justin Vernon is preaching, this song will make you believe.

8. Beyonce - Formation

On a different day, this could have easily been my song of the year. She was probably there already, but with "Formation" Beyonce cemented her reign as the baddest queen of our culture. She didn't just gift us an explosive, feminist, black pride anthem when exactly that was needed in American society and politics. In less than three and a half minutes, she also unleashed an entire lexicography that dominated pop culture in 2016.

7. Car Seat Headrest - Vincent

If rock and roll is dead, Will Toledo didn't get the memo. This epic rocker is about three different rock songs in one, melded together to pack a punch.

6. Mothers - Too Small For Eyes

This song is the music equivalent of the film "Manchester By The Sea." As in, it is unbearably sad. Like the movie, it is also deeply moving.

5. Kevin Morby - Dorothy

The loss of so many musical giants this year saddened people around the world, but it also reminded us how much their work, and music in general, means to us. Kevin Morby's warm and beautiful "Dorothy" (his guitar) seeks to do the same by celebrating the power of music, making it a perfect fit for 2016.

4. Radiohead - Daydreaming

I love it when Radiohead makes unabashedly beautiful songs. This is partly because they also have a tendency to sneak really heavy, bittersweet messages into these songs. "Daydreaming" is the prefect example. It's a gorgeous piano ballad that saunters over spare strings arranged by Johnny Greenwood, only to arrive finally at a more kaleidoscopic and eerie end. Plenty has been written about the song and the brilliant video by Paul Thomas Anderson, so I'll spare you any more talk other than to say that this song is about life itself.

3. Frank Ocean - Ivy

Blonde is hard to penetrate, Ocean making sure to keep his emotional distance most of the time. Not only does he utilize auto-tune liberally, he employs a range of different voices and perspectives, making it hard for an overall feeling to cohere. Ocean remains cool and aloof through out. You leave the album with a sense of something fleeting. "Ivy" is the exception. The song is tinged with nostalgia, and it's one of the few moments in the album when Ocean uses autotune to emphasize emotion rather than hide it. Still, the song didn't stick out too far above the others on the album until I saw the film "Moonlight." Different works of art can sometimes meld together in our minds in interesting ways. If you've seen "Mooonlight" and know some of Ocean's biography, a few biographic tidbits and storylines match up. For me, the song encapsulates the swirling emotions of that movie perfectly. The ecstatic nostalgia, the profound longing. You can hear all of those tamped down feelings toppling onto themselves in waves at the end of the track when Ocean finally lets out a scream.

2. How To Dress Well - Salt Song

I usually roll my eyes at the surfeit of self love talk that's become a part of our culture. I find that, too often, people use such narratives to avoid confronting their own feelings and demons. Tom Krell doesn't fall into that trap in this glorious, epic pop song about conflicted emotions and doubt. Finding love and happiness ain't easy but he wants to find his way through. The urgency and sincerity in his voice and the absolute stunner of an ending to this song will make you believe you can too. Besides, "if happiness were safe" or guaranteed, music wouldn't be half as vital.

1. Solange - Cranes in the Sky

2016 is going to stay with us for a while. It will be hard to get out of our psyches, even harder to dismiss. It was a rough year in many ways. After the election I kept picturing a montage of Hillary Clinton set to "Cranes in the Sky" in my head. She would engage in mundane chores, go for walks in the woods, spend time with family to get her mind off things. But none of it would work. She couldn't lessen the pain or dispel the thoughts about what could have been. While Hillary's was an extreme case, it felt like 2016 was that kind of year for a lot of people. We lost Bowie, Prince, and so many other icons of music. We lost one of the bravest and most entertaining athletes in history, as well as the spunkiest princess in all the galaxies. It will be hard to get over it all. But that's okay, because we've got music to help us through. Starting with this sublime song from Solange.

You can stream all but two on Spotify.