#how multilingual songs have become! how much that says about an artist trying to express themselves and their identities!

[usertoxicyaoi]

ughhhh if only discovering new music could be classed as a professional hobby 😔.

[mentalamusings]

i dont know why i feel so compelled to write this

its been on my head since thursday night

its just was triggered by my sense of not wanting to switch off youtube. i had a want to keep on playing all those nct videos.

i feel like they have become my emotional support at a time when i am doing quite badly and they became a great inspiration

Whilst I was jobless for 2 weeks, I found them on an mbti video which speaks about songs that each type vibes with

and the songs were bangers

it felt like every song from their pop songs were so lit

i couldnt stop listening all day.

i draw and listen to it, i eat and listen to it.

everything was just so wooooaaaahhh

And I kinda fell off the kpop train for sometime just because kpop industry is always being exposed for being evil, mistreatment and whatnot.

Its only because I really wanted to learn how to dance that I watched blackpink for a bit in March 2020 and now because of great music that I stayed with NCT.

I also really like the idea of NCT because I watched those crack videos where they just vibe and make jokes when they walk around town and how they feel so uncensored. The multilingual bit about them makes me very happy too because I stopped learning mandarin for sometime now and its just amazing to know that they too struggle to speak it but they still wanted to speak it.

So, i basically fell into the rabbit hole and felt quite happy to be there. They cheer me up during lunch and after work after I get shouted at for everything that i do wrong in the office. I watch their amazing talents in dance just to see if its even remotely possible that i could do their dances too.

but obviously, there will always being kpop tea videos that get recommended alongside all the happy ones and that reminded me so much of mistreatment of the members. also, how they get hated for doing controversial things like cultural appropriation or get sasaeng fans that stalk them.

so it shattered a bit of who they are. not that they were angels. but the idea that they were just artists that were able express themselves and their talents in all ways and forms uninhibited by the opinions and the media.

in a way i still really look up to them for it, especially the ones that get put in the SM dungeon or get super overworked. just because they show great resilience in their life. For people who are around the same age as I am and to endure hardship of a crazy schedule, being trained for work at teenage age and the opinions of the media and the mistreatment of a company. they are so resilient. and sometimes when i read fans comments on the videos which expresses what the members wants to do if they werent an idol makes me so sad because they have normal hopes and dreams too but they 'sacrificed' it for a life of dancing and singing on stage.

I put quote unquote sacrificed just because outside of vlive, i have no clue what they do.

i grew up at a young age in a foreign country, in a boarding school and even though i look like i gave everything up for education. i still had pockets of time to return home to see my family.

i think its during this period of time that i experienced that made me think that my life is not as far fetched as being a kpop idol lifestyle. i just studied extended periods of time rather than perform arts for extended periods of time.

what i sort of want to get to ultimately is just that this life of education only and nothing else can seem so toxic that it is unbearable. because it can cause me to wonder if i am able to be someone else in this lifetime. can i ever be able to cook, can i ever be able to enjoy dancing, can i ever be able to just go out and be a normal child and watch tv without guilt. ( i know others were able to balance this lifestyle in the same school as me but because of the money that was poured into my education, i sort of condemned myself into studying all the time and look down upon entertainment. no one else thought me how to think and how to feel.)

And i don't think what i am feeling is something other people have never felt.

people who thought something is their calling and they try their best to pursue it and but it never ever becomes rewarding unless they try to convince themselves every morning to love it no matter the hardship.

And when it goes wrong, there is no one who could really understand what happened. And we try to mask it with some other side hobby, or just go out and leave the dream behind for a bit until we can emotionally capable of taking it back up again. and during this period of isolation from our dream, people question what stupid thing we have done to ourselves. we think ourselves equally crazy but we cant help it but to numb the pain.

so i dont know what is going on within the walls of SM and such talented kpop idols such as nct.

i just want to say that i personally came to know Jesus through such bitter experiences just to be able to come to terms with so much unfairness in the world. And till today i still go through such bouts of anger, frustration and numbness but i dont have to feel helpless and useless in such times.

now i know why i wanted to write this haha

[alexazbofficial]

[ARTICLE] AleXa - Heart and Seoul

With influences as varying as Janet Jackson and K-Pop artists, South Korea-based (and former Tulsa resident) AleXa found herself drawn to performing as not only a dancer but a singer too.

What do Tulsa and Seoul, South Korea have in common? Both have been home to up-and-coming K-pop sensation, AleXa, whose multilingual, digital single “Bomb” debuted Oct. 21, 2019, and went to No. 7 on Billboard’s world digital song sales chart. AleXa may be living in Seoul right now dropping singles, but she’s a Tulsa girl at heart too.

For those who may not be familiar, K-Pop (Korean pop) is a genre of music that originated in South Korea but has roots in a variety of musical styles, including pop, electronica, dance, jazz, hip-hop, and more. It’s a catchy style, and listening to AleXa sing makes it clear why her “Bomb” has done so well. The song is hooky, with a driving beat that makes for an energetic dance track.

AleXa is a lifelong dancer, a skill she gained while growing up right here in Tulsa. “I had a fun childhood,” AleXa says, recalling how she spent time with friends at iconic Tulsa places and events like the state fair, Bell’s Amusement Park, Incredible Pizza, Celebration Station, Chuck E. Cheese, and the Tulsa Zoo. She also remembers makeovers at Ladida and fun times working at the Lush store at Woodland Hills Mall. “If I weren’t an artist, I’d say I would probably have tried to be working in the Lush kitchen, making the products by hand.”

But become a performer she did. “My mother so graciously enrolled me in Miss Shelly’s School of Dance as soon as I could walk, and for that, I am forever grateful,” AleXa says. She studied every genre of dance she could — ballet, hip-hop, jazz, tap, and lyrical.

“Dance is the purest form of expression, to me,” she says. “Without having that experience as a child, the opportunity to express myself through dance at such a young age, I would never be where I am today. Nowadays, when I get to perform for people, dancing lets me step outside of myself, for however long the choreography may be, and display a different side of myself. Dancing gives me a kind of freedom that can’t be replicated.”

With her influences as varying as Janet Jackson, David Bowie, and K-Pop artists Hyuna and SHINee, AleXa found herself drawn to performing as not only a dancer but a singer too. And she was strongly attracted to K-Pop — both in sound and in visual style.

“I have always been an avid fan of musical theater,” AleXa says. “The dramatics and grandeur of K-Pop are like a mini-musical packed into a four-minute song and music video. I think that’s one of the key factors that grabbed my attention. I can say that what drew me into K-pop was the visuals. The colorful flashiness of the music video sets and artists’ clothing, the makeup and styling, the fun dance beats, and crazy vocals; discovering K-Pop was such an eye-opening experience.”

For AleXa, though, the performance of K-pop wasn’t the only reason she was drawn to it, because she also saw in the performers people who shared some of her ethnic background. “Growing up a Korean-Russian mix in Tulsa, I did not know many other Asian Americans,” she says. “Seeing these K-Pop artists that I could familiarize myself with gave me a sense of belonging. I was a proud K-Pop fan.”

Fandom led her to take part in the Rising Legends contest in 2016-17, produced by the online K-Pop news website Soompi. The international talent search contest drew participants from more than 300 countries, showing off their skills in rap, singing, and dancing. The online audience voted for different contestants.

“I remember rehearsing my entry choreographies at home, or in the vocal practice rooms in the hallways of my college,” says AleXa. “I wanted to win so badly.” She won the dance category in 2016, and then won both the dance competition and the most overall votes in 2017. That allowed her to fly out to Seoul to have an in-person audition, as well as film a small web-reality show. “To this day, I am still grateful to everyone who shared and supported me through those two years of competitions,” she says.

Her successes, talent, and work ethic all drew the attention of Zanybros (a South Korean video production company), and soon, she was signed to a recording deal with the ZB Label. It’s hard work, she says, but exhilarating. “The fun thing about Korea is that every day is a new day,” she says. “My schedule differs from day to day. Some days I am in the dance studio for 17 hours; other days, I am shooting a music video for 48 hours. Some days I do radio DJing for an hour; other days, I can sleep in for a bit. Every day is something different.”

Though she misses the open-wide spaciousness of Tulsa, there are some things her hometown and her current home, Seoul, have in common. “I’d say that one of the similarities that Seoul shares with my hometown is good food. So much good food,” she says. “When you go to Tulsa and try things like Elmer’s BBQ, that gives you a genuine taste of Tulsa. Upon coming here and trying one of many Korean restaurants, you get a true taste of Seoul food.”

Though she loves the all-night pace of Seoul and her work as an artist, Tulsa still has a special place in AleXa’s heart. “Tulsa is a place where dreams are made,” she says. “I am grateful to all the people back home who kept me on track toward my dream. If you have a dream, you can achieve it. As cheesy as that sounds, with hard work and passion, you can see it through.”