#how many onomatopoeias for crying can i insert into a post before it becomes incomprehensible

[hikennosabo]

trimax vol 14 random thoughts (ch 5-8)

okay enough stalling... let's get this done... HOO BOY

chapter 5:

i love how vash is drawn in these panels... and vash waking up from hearing meryl's words... WAAHHHHH...

GET UP COWARD (<- lyric from my chemical romance's 2022 single 'the foundations of decay' which i may or may not be considering for a vash playlist)

oh, i LOVE this image of knives covering his face...

hmhmhm... the way knives addresses the other plants is... gentle, almost?

"sorrow and grief," huh... over the humans trying to communicate with them? those are the kinds of emotions this scenario is bringing out? there is something there but... i don't quite know what it is...

uwahhh... i do love this image...

"we were united in hatred" -> "i feel a murmur of fear"... hmmm. sounds like knives himself, who buried his fear underneath hatred... am i connecting any dots???

but fear in communicating with humans... fear because communication is scary in general? fear because of the abuse humans have put plants through? fear of uncertainty of what this communication will result in?

the tiniest merylmilly u can imagine...

they ask if it's safe, but it's not like vash cares if it's safe, he's been prepared to die for several volumes now, so... he's probably thinking "if i die i die," lol. (<- in pain)

this is a cute expression...

"don't touch me," he says...

knives trying to incorporate himself with the fused plants - now it's HIS turn to go "if i die i die" i guess LJSDKLFDS... both him and vash risking it all for their ideals. they really are brothers...

vash's "grant me that ticket"... it doesn't directly address god, but it feels like a prayer nonetheless.

chapter 6:

wah... meryl's strength gives vash strength... wahhh... is this the first time they've... well, "talked about it" isn't the right phrase, but is this the first time vash understands what meryl was going through that time when she flinched away from him?

"what matters is that you communicate. that you understand the person next to you is breathing and existing." ugh, fuck, i can feel myself getting weepy again.

the people getting good AND bad memories from the plants.. good! good! they said a few volumes ago that most(?) of the population has gathered in this city, so this really is everyone?! individual normal people couldn't do much about plant abuse, but now that EVERYONE understands, things can change! they can acknowledge what's happened, and they can change, and move forward!!

and vash being the bridge, the point of commonality between humans and plants... uaaghgh it's so interesting because for a long time vash's reputation among the humans was one of destruction. but in this moment everyone understands who he really is and what he wants. ueueeueueue....

also. this pattern of receiving traumatic memories via feathers, and to come out the other side not with fear and hatred but with increased compassion and understanding... sounds like what happened between vash and meryl, doesn't it?

"i've never made a promise like this before, but today i'd like to try" UAAGHGHHG.G U AHGHGHGHG.

haha. hey. why does it look like he's been crying. i'm going to throw up.

i don't know if the rest of this post will be comprehensible.

chapter 7:

what do i even say here.

hey remember the chapter title "king of loneliness." i'm gonna go eat rocks now.

even now, he's stubbornly clinging to his ideals, thinking he's in too deep, that he's gone too far to turn back...

oh, this is getting to me, the way it's worded. "caught up in something too big" and the panel of them as kids. they were just kids when this all started. this was too big for them. knives was a kid, a traumatized, scared kid who made a very bad, very destructive decision, and he has lived his life up until this point digging his heels in, growing more and more twisted, more controlling and violent, trying to justify his own actions to himself because how do you carry something like that.

"kill me, vash, there's nowhere else for me to go." literally two chapters ago vash said "where am i going? what's there left to see?" i'm fucking eating rocks.

"even though we were apart for so long, we were still brothers. but i was the one who broke away..." knives looks so pained when he thinks this. now, after all this, he's finally feeling regret, or letting himself feel regret. in the last possible moment.

...or so he thinks. vash has a clear shot, the opportunity to kill knives, and knives wants vash to kill him, he expects it - but vash protects him instead. with his last bullet. despite knives's blade going through his torso. despite everything. despite EVERYTHING!!!!! vash has EVERY REASON to hate knives, to KILL knives, and he STILL chooses not to!!!! i'm not okay i'm crying again

in 98, rem tells vash "take care of knives"... this is pretty much the same thing... i don't want to say this is necessarily another thing nightow took from 98 because of course this is what she said, what else would she have said at that time?

the beginning of the chapter had vash struggling to remember what rem said, but the preceding pages imply it's knives remembering her words... or maybe they both are...

this is fucking getting to me, fuck, i'm crying again!!! fuck!!!!

also, oh, chronica IS still alive... honestly i was (and still am) so caught up in the twins that that information just immediately left my brain the first time around LMAO...

i am so. fucking. unwell. about knives's expressions in this scene. he's feeling so many things at once. i just... the fact that vash protects knives and picks him up to haul him away... he ISN'T leaving knives on his own, even in the end, even after everything that's happened... and knives is just. what IS he feeling? shock, disbelief, regret... love, can i say love?? love for his brother?? the love between them that never went away, despite everything?? i am gonna fucking throw up

i don't know where to put this in the post because it occurred to me while i was proofreading, but knives stabbed vash, felt shock and regret, and then acted to save him... which sounds awfully similar to what happened between rem and vash, huh?

this, with knives's hair turning black... new hair, new outlook, right?

will you drive me back, can you take me home... (<- lyrics from gerard way's 'brother' from his 2014 solo album 'hesitant alien')

oh, the fact that they sprouted wings like this in the stampede s1 finale is gonna make it hit SOOOO MUCH HARDER once THIS scene gets adapted. this is such a beautiful spread, a beautiful moment... i'm gonna cry again...

LIVIO!!!! TO THE RESCUE!!!! also... that's not a double fang, whose gun is that?

WOLFWOOD!!!!! WWWAHHHHGHGHGHH!!!!! the "turn around and he's gone" scene is SUCH a cliche but FUCK!!!!!! IT'S GETTING TO ME!!!!!!

chapter 8:

i feel so normal i feel so normal (affirmations) (lying)

i can't. i can't type. i'm crying too much. this is love. it's just love.

his last act, knowing that it will kill him, is an act of love. love for his brother. so vash can eat. so the doctor and his kid can eat. and as time goes on it'll grow bigger and be able to feed more people. food as a love language. i'm crying and sobbing.

knives understands he has no place in this world, especially after everything he's done, and the world needs vash more than him... that vash can't live in the world as long as they're together... he doesn't even tell vash himself that he intended to disappear... it's his choice, he walks his path with pride... but i'd like to believe they were able to spend some time together before this. just being brothers. TALKING. eating together. sleeping next to each other. hugging?? apologizing?? knives finally being a good brother after so long and taking care of vash?? making up for lost time. i'd like to imagine it. let me imagine it.

i've been thinking this for a while but i actually do think that vash would forgive knives if knives expressed regret and asked for forgiveness. because vash is jesus and all, and that's how sin and forgiveness work in christianity, if you believe and repent you will be forgiven, etc... i don't know if vash would forgive knives right away - he is very, very human after all - but i definitely think he could. and maybe he did. maybe they had that talk.

phew. okay, i'm finished crying now, and BOY was it a big cry. not any easier the second time around. anyway.

does he really need a wig? if he doesn't spike up his hair, that would be effective by itself, since it's one of his identifiers according to the earth forces...

DOES THIS CONFIRM THAT VASH CAN'T GROW A BEARD WITHOUT EFFORT? like since his plant powers are completely drained he can no longer grow a beard???

AHHHH... VASH'S BIG SMILE!!!!! and everyone's wearing their old clothes, and with a bunch of guys comically chasing vash around, yeah, this is really all for callback's sake... we've come so far, and full circle.

meryl's lecture to him is so typically meryl LOL... he DID NOT keep his promise LMAO

the fucking jojo sound effects are cracking me up HDSFKSFJDFS

also everyone who complained about stampede """changing""" meryl into a reporter owes me $100 right fucking now. that was a complaint i saw SO MUCH. i thought it was a bit strange myself, but i figured orange had a reason, and now i know. those complainers know NOTHING!!! NOTHING!!!!!!

meryl frantically reading from her script and milly's big smile... cute... also WHAT DO YOU MEAN WARDROBE MALFUNCTIONS LMAO?? are they planning on stripping him?? vash the stampede nip slip???

AAHHHHH LIVIO GREW HIS HAIR OUT AGAIN!!!!! and he's at wolfwood's grave... oh fuck i said i was done crying GODDAMMIT!!!!

okay. okay i'm done for real now. man. man. what do i say. what can i say.

"the same song of humanity still sang." and what a beautiful song it is.

i don't really know how to conclude this post... just. wow. what a journey this was. i don't think i've ever cried this much over a manga, lol... i... had a really good time!