#how do i function

[atticollateral]

listening to Ghost again and im.

You have never stood this close, to where you want to be You have always waded in the shallows Between me and the deep blue sea You'd never want me to appear You'd never want it to be over You never wanted to reach out to the edge of time

my jaw is on the floor. we're skipping a few lines but-

While you sleep in earthly delight Still your soul will suffer this plight Like your father in hell What you've sold you can not unsell

punching my pillow. gnawing at the bars of my enclosure.

[ambiguousfrog]

what am i supposed to do now that ao3 is down

[dustyvent]

The way I have to force myself to cry to remind myself I still can

To somehow feel human again

[driver270]

Me: OK, I've set a timer for TWO hours to tell me to stop my button-mashing for the evening.

Me THREE Hours Later: Just one more side quest...

[armynoonas]

Tae en Weverse

🐻 scars/wounds of honour

[kittenkes]

I just finished reading Iron Flame and OH GODS WHAT HAPPENED TO XADEN

[facelessesper]

Sleep? What is that?

What stage of bad health is it when you realize you can't do things that involve thinking after being up for only 12 hours?

Because if I get up at 9am, and try to do something at 9pm, I quickly become delirious and progressively more insane.

Humans are supposed to healthily be up for 16 hours at a time nigh indefinitely, not fall apart 12 hours in. Sure there's the thing about not making important decisions an hour or two before bed, but I apparently can't handle making informed or even rational decisions if its been 12 hours since I got up.

[the-forestry-system]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[dopplerdora]

So is it normal to want a capable woman (not sure why woman, I may have other problems) to pet my head and control all the complex stuff in my life that confuses me? Like not in a sexyal way just... being taken care of? Like in in my late dang 20s and my brain constantly feels like it doesn't work and I need sombody to either direct me or complement the amount of effort I need to put in to function.

[fictionadventurer]

How did Treasure Planet manage to come up with the greatest aesthetic in all human history? Victorian elegance plus space-age flair, with just enough dirt and grime and wear and tear to make it feel real? A combination of traditional and computer animation that perfectly embodies the movie's blend of old and futuristic? How does it get any better than that?

[inkskinned]

even 2 years ago people still said autism with a whisper. it was also how people sometimes whisper lesbian, like they're afraid of uttering a slur. autistic was either an insult or it was something terrible, a horrible burden only select people endure. "select people" were usually 9 year old boys and skinny white men.

they are not hispanic young adults with a dog and a life and friends. i can make (sustained, calculated, painful) eye contact. with certain people, i don't even have to count how many seconds i am holding their vision - i can just look at them. i can wear clothes that bother me, i will just have a worse day than usual. i might cry about any changes to my schedule - but change is scary! this is normal!

when i was 16 it was OCD. i mean that was the thing everyone said. i totally have ocd. they would arrange 6 colors of gel pen in rainbow order (no worry for indigo feeling left out) and they'd be "so ocd" about it.

if you struggle with intrusive thoughts, be careful at this next paragraph, but. at 16 i developed a compulsion that involved self-harm. my ocd was convinced i was simply forgetting that i'd hurt someone terribly - a thought that persisted for no clear or delineated reason.

at some point i will probably write about how the idea of "morally pure thoughts" was hell for me and others with ocd, but this was the odd dichotomy for many of us: they liked our "aesthetic", but were genuinely repulsed by our lived experience. "intrusive thoughts" now means "cutting your hair in the sink" instead of talking yourself down from believing horrible things. "so ocd" is a label without any true understanding.

it's something i've talked about before - in multiplicity - but i firmly believe in the veracity and necessity of self-diagnosis. i think it saves lives and it saves tragedies from occurring. as someone raised in a house that wasn't safe, self-diagnosis was, for many years, the only viable option. 15 and honestly googling: am i depressed or are there demons affecting my behavior.

but it is not genuine self-diagnosis anymore, most of the time. it is a strange, blanched version of that whispered word autism. now certain traits are constantly seen as "autistic" - any passing intense interest. any flubbed social interaction. people say it while laughing - a touch of the 'tism.

and i like the acceptance! i do. i like that people are talking about it. i like that if i self-identify, more people speak up and say me too, bitch. but there is something-else quietly happening, the way it happened to OCD. the quirky, "fun" parts have been washed and sanitized and removed of all suffering. now it is just something that makes you "a little bit silly."

it took me 27 years on this planet before i learned to make friends. something about me just seems incredibly odd, i guess, some kind of radiation monitoring. someone once (in a way that was almost friendly) told me i am doing the right things, but in a way that's off-putting. i have scoured myself raw attempting to be charming.

someone on tiktok does a deep dive into their particular passion. the top comment says "what kind of autism is this lol". like we are a breed of animal. like it has no influence on our experience. like our life is a fresh breeze, an open meadow.

more often for me, life was a drowning.

[pigin-is-so-rad]

The Watchers’ Favourites

[umblrspectrum]

part 4 of a lot funnier in my head than on paper

[choccy-milky]

sometimes you gotta lure your overly-studious ravenclaw gf into spending time with you 🥰 📚 ( from 'Every Teardrop is a Waterfall' by Kat_12739 on ao3, GO READ IT!!! the first story is about seb falling sick and still pushing himself/not admitting he's sick until he ends up in the hospital, the second story is about the birth of seb and clora's daughter and seb's reaction to clora almost dying in childbirth, and the third is about dealing with a fussy newborn lewis😭🥹THEY'RE SO GOOD AND SWEET AND SOMEWHAT SAD (not to mention beautifully written) so go check it out!!💖💖 )

[solardrake]

Delivering mail to the furthest corners of the server ✉✈

[juniemunie]

[Abandoned by the Lightners, his heart became cracked with hatred.]

Hitting a lil' too close to home?