#how did morena and tara ever tell him no

[galedekarios]

ngl klaus from the circus of the last days is the realest character in bg3:

bc i turned around with the flycam and got hit with this:

me too, klaus. me too.

[pastrydragon]

The BG3 Beef I wanna see shitpost

While I do love the idea of Tav/Astarion/Karlach/whoever getting more unique mean dialogue with Ulder Ravengard, especially when he has the audacity to take up space in your camp like that instead of someone cooler like Barcus or that one bullied hyena, I want very specific flavor text that you'd only get in the epilogue party if you pick a specific ending even more.

I think if you romance Wyll as Gale or Gale as Wyll and then you don't go to Avernus, I think it would be totally galaxy brain to have dialogue in the epilogue that reveals Ulder Ravengard and Morena Dekarios fucking DESPISE one another. Because they absolutely would.

We never get to meet Morena in game but you can tell from what Gale and Tara say about her and Gale's... Galeness that she is at least a part time passenger on the "Fuck you my child is fine" train. Her sweet little boy? Commit evil deeds? Never! There has obviously been a mistake. I mean she indulged that "Gale Of Waterdeep" nonsense and when Gale summoned a full on Tressym after being explicitly denied a kitten as a child, she just let him keep her. No repercussions.

And then her sweet boy brings home another sweet boy who is probably EXACTLY what she pictured Gale's partner should be like.(Because Wyll is the damn blueprint for "Guy you could bring home to mom") Wyll is ridiculously sweet to Gale, he's the perfect gentleman, he's very open to the idea of giving Morena the grandchildren she's been nagging Gale about in the very near future. Pinch her, she must be dreaming!

I cannot imagine her reacting to Wyll's backstory with any amount of empathy towards Ulder, obviously that man is a cruel psychopath to throw poor Wyll out like that after "a tiny misunderstanding" and Wyll is just too good of a son not to see it. Which is partially true, Wyll is definitely still in some kind of denial stage over what his father did but that's not the point of the post.

Then there's Ulder who probably thinks Gale is... Fine. He's not someone he ever would have pictured for Wyll. Gale is a babbling oddball, he has chronic foot-in-mouth disease and has only ever met the pointy end of a sword. But he can't say anything because Gale saved him, his son, and Bulder's gate, and a small army of tieflings, and apparently a bunch of mushroom people and blah blah more reasons he can never have the moral high ground blah. He's undeniably stuck with this fucking wizard, and his nightmare of a mother.

Morena firmly believes that since the Ravengard manor is technically Wyll's now, then it's also Gale's and thus is now hers as well. When I say she would walk through the doors like she owned the place I mean it very literally. Where did Ulder's old helmet display go? "They were rusty and it was ruining the wooden shelves, besides these enchanted swords go better with the new drapes we had to get, I don't know how you didn't notice how moth eaten they were getting." Everyday he wakes up and something about his own damn home has been changed to make it look more like a wizard tower. She doesn't even live here most of the time!

And it doesn't stop there, not at all. No this women has to make sure his son doesn't live there full time either. Every holiday and birthday she has to send Gale a letter about how much she misses him and you should visit so you can take a break from all that(Very important!) work and how she already has the venison just for Wyll.

And every time he's forced to interact with this harpy she looks at him with a sweet smile on her face, honey in her voice and the burning hatred of a thousand suns in her eyes then somehow managed to insult him five times in one sentence without ever explicitly insulting him. This women is a devil from Avernus sent to punish him for his sins and she's even won over the grandkids. Obviously that women is a manipulative psychopath for using her control over Gale to manipulate his son. Which, yeah Gale not being able to say no to his mom has contributed greatly to this and if Wyll knew what healthy boundaries looked like he probably wouldn't have put up with it but he doesn't so here we are.

Let these two be the Tom and Jerry style B plot to BG4 is what I'm saying.

[bitchysouljellyfish]

Reassurance

Monk Tav is doubting herself. Good thing Tara is there to set her straight.

Border by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more

Strange how life works.

One day, you're out on a mission for your temple, quarterstaff resting comfortably in your hand as you trek through the streets of Baldur’s Gate looking for an inn to rest your head for the night before setting off bright and early in search of new and bright eyed recruits to send to the Order of the Yellow Rose to begin their training.

And then you’re abducted by a mindflayer ship, have a tadpole inserted into your skull, escape said nautiloid by crashing it, meet the craziest bunch of strangers you'd ever meet in your life, fight countless monsters, fall in love with the man you pulled out of a stone, subsequently save the world and now you're in Waterdeep, resting comfortably on a chaise in front of a roasting fire as the beginnings of winter makes its way through the Sword Coast with a tressym relaxing while you both wait for your fiancé to come back from shopping.

It is very strange how life works.

Tav never would've expected this was how her life would've turned out. She expected to spend the rest of her days in service to the temple, becoming a Grand Master and then training the next warriors of the Era before dying of whatever the gods deemed fit for her. But now? Now she was envisioning a future far from violence and grueling training, replaced with wedding bells, a dress her future mother in law wanted to help her find, and even considering tiny feet with even tinier tails and little nubs for horns.

That was in a not so distant future, however. First, Tav would have to deal with present problems. Mainly gaining the favor of the tressym before her and getting out of her own head.

Tara was like a second mother in law. Don’t mistake her, Tav adored the tressym and she was fairly certain she liked her as well, but there wasn’t much the two had in common. Tav wanted to know everything about Gale's life, and the ones most important to him, but having small talk?

She’d rather spend 12 hours in the Hashi with the grandmasters. It was awkward and so mind numbingly boring! There had to be a better way to get to know Tara better, and by extension, Morena. Nobody wants a daughter in law they know nothing about. Thankfully, sitting by the balcony with a book on her lap about the latest experiments of the thunder wave spell and its effects on the body, she finally had her chance.

Gale was out, getting… something he wouldn’t tell her, but Tara had stayed behind, napping and cozily roasting her feet by the fire to combat the first chills of Waterdeep until a flurry of wings interrupted her sleep. Almost immediately Tara perked up and got into position to pounce on the unsuspecting pigeon. Her wings positioned tight against her body while her rear end wiggled.

Tav had to cover her mouth to stifle the giggles as her own tail flicked back and forth with glee against the couch. That caught Tara’s attention as well, unfortunately, the wide open pupils narrowed into tiny slits again.

“Oh, please forgive me Tara. I don’t mean to laugh,” she says, curling her tail around her feet. “Its just- I love the look on your face when you get so determined like that.”

“Not to worry, Tav.” Tara left the pigeon alone and hopped onto the arm of the chair she was sitting on. “You probably got me at just the right time. I did promise Mr. Dekarios to leave some of the pigeon population alone, but he said nothing about watching the little devils.”

“Gale was probably just worried about any messages being lost.” She says and sets the book to the side. “Are you hungry, Tara? I could cook something for you! Despite what Gale and the others have said about my cooking, I have perfected some dishes.”

“Don’t trouble yourself, my dear.” A tiny paw pats the back of her hand, almost motherly. “Not hungry, just a bit bored I’m afraid. Mr. Dekarios said he would bring something back for the both of us and now it has me sitting on pins and needles.” Tara’s ears perked up before laying flat against her head. “Oh dear, I’ve said too much.”

“No, No, Its ok!” It was nice to hear Gale was planning something. “I promise, I won’t tell a soul you said something, but if you’re bored why don’t we do something together? We could play lanceboard, or um let’s see…”

A soft chuckle came from the winged feline before her, stretching herself out as she climbed onto Tav’s lap. “why are you so nervous my dear? It is just old Tara, we’re all part of the same family. Or will be once you and Mr. Dekarios settle on a wedding date.”

Tav sighed and leaned back against the cushions, hovering her hand over Tara’s soft fur before being granted permission to pet. “but you aren’t just Tara. You’re Gale’s oldest and most dearest friend, practically a second mother to him. I’m just- forgive me it’s silly of me.”

“Its not silly if it’s causing you this much turmoil. Come now,” she hopped off her lap and pulled at Tav’s tail with a quickly conjured Mage Hand-well Paw- to lead her. “Come have some tea. I know Gale bought some of that delicious jasmine tea just for you that I myself have been dying to try.”

Tav fumbled with her fingers as she followed the tressym, feeling more and more like a bumbling fool than a respected monk of the Order of the Yellow Rose. She could beat down goblins, minotaurs, mindlfayers, hell she defeated the Elder Brain and lived to tell the tale!

But Gale wasn’t a problem she could just train and fight away. He wasn’t a problem at all, mind you, but he meant everything to her. Her first true love, the man she saved the world with and the one who encouraged her every step of the way and looked at her with such love she had no idea what to do with it. Tav wanted to make sure she was just as good as he thought she was, the person that he told his family about. Tav wasn’t sure if she could handle them being disappointed in who she really was.

She felt so weak for being like this, but at the same time hated doubting her feelings. For all the good the monks did for her, regulating emotions was not one of the skills taught. Gale had been blissfully patient, waiting while she literally punched her feelings out and comforted her with bandages around her knuckles and a healing potion to amend the damages she’d done to herself.

Gale made her feel like a teenager with their first crush, fumbling over themselves trying to get the feelings out while Gale just… did it. He did it with such ease it made the monk jealous and made her cheeks frightfully warm while all she could do was silence his praises with a kiss that hopefully took his breath away. It was rather ridiculous , as they were to be married some time soon.

Tara showed her where Gale had kept the tea and waited patiently while it brewed, loafing on the table.

“Now, tell Tara what's on your mind. I can guarantee that this conversation stays just between the two of us. “

Tav smiled and poured them each a cup. “Thank you for this. I just…” She chewed on her lip. “I cant help but feel out of my element. Domesticity, peace, tranquility. The monks spoke about it all the time, but it's so different than actually living it. I'm not complaining, don’t misunderstand me, Waterdeep is amazing and I love Gale with my entire being, but…”

“You feel as if you're waiting for the ball to drop.” Tara finished for her. “so to speak?”

Tav sighed and drummed her nails against the tea cup. “Yes. I feel as if Gale will one day realize he wants a real wife, one who can cook without burning a dish, who had a normal upbringing, one who doesn't… doesn't have nightmares about battles long past and can go out for a walk without constantly looking over her shoulder. I’m afraid I’ll be alone again, and I'm not sure I can handle that heart break.”

Tara ignored her cup of tea and trotted over to her side. “My dear, if you think that Gale would ever do such a thing I'm afraid you don't know him at all.”

“Huh?”

Tara put a paw on her hand, “You truly haven't seen the way that man looks at you when you don't notice or what he has done to make you comfortable here. And I don't mean that to sound cruel, I'm sure Gale hid it from you on purpose. Look over there, under the spice rack. That is a cookbook filled with recipes for warriors to keep their energy and maintain their physique. In his desk, he has a book on learning Infernal because he knows you mutter to yourself as you plan your next training session, and he wants to speak to you in your mother tongue. My, when we were out shopping the other day, he stopped a tiefling couple to ask about tail language so he could better understand your emotions.”

As Tara continued, Tav’s face kept getting warmer, her tail beat against the floor with her growing joy and her heart beat ever faster. How had she not noticed any of this? She prides herself on her perception, but all of this slipped past her detection?

“That isn't to say you don't put in the same effort. I've seen the way you clean up his potions, reading your own books on magic and the Weave to understand his passion better. I've also seen the look of complete and utter joy you have on your face when he goes on about his lectures. You don't patronize him, you don't roll your eyes, you pay attention as if you were one of his students. Yes, you two met and went through incredible circumstances, but that means you two have seen each other at your worst and still live each other with everything you have. My dear, Mrs. Dekarios absolutely adores you because you make him so happy! Believe me when I say you have nothing to worry about.”

Tara gasped when two hands went under her front limbs and she was brought into a tight hug with the subtle dampness that was beginning to grow on her fur. She nudged her head against Tav’s chin to comfort her. “Oh no, did I say something wrong? It wasn’t my intention to-“

“No, you said everything right.” Tav sniffed to try and avoid getting about and tears in her fur. “I cant believe- I didn't realize, but thank you, Tara, for everything.” The tiefling set her back down gently, wiping her face as she did. “I… I love him so much, so much so that I didn’t think it was possible to love someone this much. And to have that confirmation makes it all the sweeter. You’re a wonderful friend Tara, and I’m so thankful to be apart of your family.”

Tara rubbed against her face and purred loudly. “I feel the same, Tav. You saved my little love, and I will be forever grateful to you.”

“I’m home!” Gale’s voice echoed through the tower, unintentionally interrupting the tender moment.

Tav didn’t waste any time, pressing a gentle kiss to Tara’s forehead before rushing down the steps to welcome her love home. Tara stayed at the table and started drinking her tea, her purrs getting louder as she heard the subtle noises of a smothering of kisses and gentle admonishes from her family.

“My love, I’m happy to see you too- dearest I’m holding gifts-give me a mome-“

A crash, followed by mirthful laughter from both parties made a chuckle flow from Tara as well.

Yes, she thought, this was a love that would be told about for ages.

[saintsandsorcery]

Promise - Gale x f!Tav

Work has been a lot recently, but I finally got around to writing again :)

Summary: Alternate Ending in which Gale used the Orb durning the final battle. Hurt/No comfort

Pairing: Gale x f!Tav

Tw: death, grief

Ao3

Ever since Morena had given her the keys to the tower – she had no right to inspect her sons life so closely, she had said – and so Cider was left alone in the place he once called home. Their home.

it had felt safe and right when he promised her a future, now she was without that hope, without him.

The sheets carried his scent – it was the first thing she noticed.

Back when she had fist arrived at the tower she’d rushed through the rooms, pretending to be blind to the familiar writing on the parchments strewn around, the warm colours Gale had loved, the collection of dead flowers on the windowsill.

She almost gave herself pause to look at the art hung up on the wall, images of Gale choosing them in a crowded market, hanging them up later that evening, flooded her mind. It didn’t matter anymore now, did it?

She didn’t stop until she reached the bedroom, maybe the blankets gave her halt.

The bed wasn’t made. A single pillow lay beside the bedside table, another left by the window in a streak of light – undoubtedly for Tara.

The blanket – soft, light, possibly satin – curled at the foot of the bed.

It felt all to familiar.

In another life she would have sat by that window, the blanket wrapped around her shoulders, Tara beside her. Maybe her husband – as much as she tried to avoid it, the title seemed to be tied to Gale – would have joined her. Her husband.

But now she knew there was nothing left.

Cider reached for one of the pillows, marvelling at the fine patterns decorating it. Somehow she felt she was destroying something sacred, more holy than any temple.

It wasn’t right, she thought as she breathed in his scent, still lingering within the fabric.

The world came crashing down around them, she had reached for him, hoping, praying, that he wasn’t doing what she thought she was seeing.

When mere moments ago he was counterspelling the avalanche on magic raining down on their team, now he stood motionless.

Cider gasped as a streak of lighting arced down from above, and found herself screaming as her hand clasped over the freshly opened wound in her side, the enemy withdrawing from her reach. Blades and fire and storm and –

“Gale!”

The violet glimmer swirling around him, the spectral knife hovering above his hands. He cradled it almost, this omen of death. She wondered how he could have, but then again, it was Gale, perfectly gentle Gale.

She had yelled at him, that fury and love for him colliding as he simply looked at her. She loved him, hated him. But Gale had promised to keep her safe, always, even if it meant death.

He was perfection, even in that moment.

It had taken her another month to finally muster the courage to unpack his belongings. Each item broke her heart, several books adorned with his annotations. A flower she had gifted him pressed between the pages. All of it hurt, sure and true.

The letter damn near broke her. She could tell by the smeared ink letters that his hands had been shaking as he wrote. There was nothing but love and fear in those lines, hints of hope where he promised her that her life would be full of wonder and happiness – not that she completely believed him.I hope that you will remember me, but you will not miss me forever, the words tinged with desperation. It was the first time she could recall Gale lying to her.

There were imprints of the previous pages, words faintly visible as marks on the paper. Each began with: My dearest. He must have started this letter a hundred times over.

The worst part was the ring.

Cider had uncovered the little box containing it bundled up in one of his shirts. Silver, a wreath of vines artfully carved int on the metal, their names in the smallest, swirling letters across the leaves.

She had slipped it onto her finger, running her thumb over the pattern.

It wasn’t over, this wasn’t over. She kissed the ring and closed her eyes, waiting for sleep to drown out the memory.

[merilaurecus]

Another story to add to this one:

It was months into Gale's research. I watched him work tirelessly to take me back to Earth. I kept composed or at least tried to, but Tara and Morena knew what's up. They kept doing their best to keep me occupied, I also tried my best not to think about it and oftentimes ended up on long walks in the City of Splendours. It was amazing, but I kept remembering cities from my world. They were flashing in my mind when I saw or sensed something familiar. Took me a while to snap back. Or few drinks at the Yawning Portal. I became quite popular there, almost like a bard, I had whole ton of stories from my world, but I always had to explain or simplify things for the audience. Nobody knew what a car or train is, and when they heard what mosh pit is I could hear gears running hot in some heads. But hey, I always had a free drink and guaranteed entertainment and more patrons coming in. I also developed a habit of praying to Tymora when I saw someone getting down into the Undermountain. Learned few basic prayers from her cleric and hoped to see their faces again, emerging victorious and rich. It became one of my favourite places, most likely because of my concert-attending habit which led me to places similar to this back home.

After a long time I accepted there's no way home. It did sting, but I knew this is my life now. Waterdeep became my home, Tara was already my gossip dealer and Morena was the sweetest woman I ever met. My stomach twisted in knots when I knew what that means when it comes to Gale. This man had my heart in his grasp yet he didn't seem to notice its weight in his palm.

How do I even tell him? I kept thinking about that for long hours. I knew we were close but none of us ever said a thing about it out loud. When it was cold we'd share a bed but it was never about anything romantic, although I felt his tight grip and didn't protest. It was lovely.

When he conjured entire sky and breathtaking scenery back in the Shadow-Cursed Lands I saw it as a gesture of a greater affection but I was pushing my own feelings and thoughts away. Believing I'll see home again, knowing I'll probably not see him.

Oh, foolish me.

It was a late sunset, almost night-time. Gale was already in our shared room preparing for the evening. And I was preparing too, for something else. It was time.

Before he noticed me coming near him, I spoke:

- Gale - Astarion could have taught me some sneak techniques I wasn't getting rid of.

- Oh! I didn't hear you coming. I was just about to tell you - I put a finger on his lips.

- Gale. I know there's no way back and it hurts me to see how much effort you put in that. I appreciate that strongly, but I think it's about time we give up - I looked into his brown, puppy-ish eyes.

- W... we? But I... I almost got it. Or so I think, few last times also were like that - he looked down in shame, like a kicked puppy.

- Yes. We - I took his hand in mine and I knew there's no going back from here.

I led him to the balcony. The same one we shared over the months. Sun was already set, the night was creeping in, the waves sang their songs quietly. A perfect time, a perfect place, a perfect man.

- When we spoke in Shadow-Cursed Lands, not long before raiding Moonrise... I already had feelings for you. But I pushed them back into my mind because I was afraid I will lose you when I get back home. A defence mechanism. But now... Now there is no way back. And I must say that - I looked directly into his eyes, he looked both scared and confused - I love you.

For few seconds I wasn't sure if he will run away or tell me he doesn't share the feeling.

- I... I didn't know any of that. But truth be told, sometimes you struck me as more secretive than Shadowheart, and you always kept your distance. Now that I know why, I can say that freely... I do love you too - a faint smile suppressed by pure shock showed on his face.

He knew what to do, but needed my lead. I could feel it.

I gently put my forehead against his, closing my eyes. I could feel streaks of his hair brushing against my skin, his hand under my chin, and then finally - his lips on mine. For two people presumably out of practice it was one of the best kisses ever. Passionate, full of love, but gentle. Just like the man before me.

- Thank you for everything Gale, but I think you aren't getting rid of me - jokes after a serious situation were my way of life.

- And I'm very glad I'm not... Oh gods, my mother will be so happy! Not to mention the Dekarios clan...

Seeing the shock on my face and realisation how far he has gone with thoughts and plans he put his hands up in surrendering gesture.

- Apologies. I admit, I've gone a bit far into the future, but... this is probably the best moment of my life - the wizard took a deep breath - and to think I was ready to give this... up. For a damned godhood!

- Took a bit to talk you out of that, yes. I'm forever grateful you didn't go that way. And don't think about that. It's in the past. There's a whole future for us. And yes. I will marry you - I laughed and kissed his cheek.

I was pretty sure his cheeks were more red than a tomato right now.

But I was set.

And so was he.

- And now we're sure you won't die alone, Mr. Dekarios! - our favourite eavesdropper had to be here.

- Yes, Tara, it looks like that - his voice sported a tone of calmness, joy and love.

And so did my heart.

[wheretheharekissesthefox]

The hand that feeds is the hand that's loved

Chapter 1: Snack-A-Doodle

Astarion's an aspiring lawyer, who's running from his past and suffers from a long list of food allergies. Gale's a former culinary prodigy, who's going through a nasty divorce and suffers from cooking fatigue. They meet in the snack aisle.

Trigger Waring (18+): Alternate Universe: Modern Setting, No Magic, No Vampire, No Wizard, Lawyer Astarion, Cook Gale, Astarion Has Food Allergies, Gale Is Depressed, Astarion Everything Is A Transaction Ancunin, Tara Is Not A Cat, Morena Dekarios Supremacy, Old Women Yuri, Elminster Is The Weird Uncle, Mystra Is Faerûn's Gordon Ramsay But A Proper Bitch, Cazador Is A Piece Of Shit, Cheesy Food Puns, Unnecessary Cooking And Food Details, This Is Basically A Culinary Show, Author Constantly Thinks About Food, Food As A Love Language, POV Astarion, POV Gale, Angst, Emotional Rollercoaster, Feelings, Overthinking, PTSD, Dissociation, Past Domestic Abuse, Past Non-Con/Rape, Attempted Murder, Satanic Cult, Slow Burn (but not too slow), Eventual Smut, Unsafe Sex, Unhealthy Coping Mechanism, Anal Sex, Blow Job/Fellatio, Fingering, Hand Job, Rimming

Read on AO3

The GlutMart was as uncomfortable as ever. Its linoleum covered floor was squeaky and sticky, the fluorescent lights hurt the eyes, and the weird ambience music sounded like straight out of a bad mushroom trip.

Gale pushed the shopping cart along. He knew he looked exactly like the mess he felt; greasy hair in a messy bun, beard unkempt, dressed in the same shirt and sweatpants he'd worn for the past three days. Over the past five months, he'd let himself go, but, for the first time in a long time, he didn't care what people thought about his appearance. He'd fallen from grace anyway. Gale sighed again, staring at the snack section. His wife – well, ex-wife to be precise – had always berated him whenever he'd opened a bag of chips, reminding him of the empty calories and that he had an image to uphold. Gale snorted at the thought. Gale Dekarios, the culinary prodigy of Faerûn. Gale Dekarios, the youngest chef at WEAVE, the fancy, luxurious restaurant chain owned by none other than his mentor, boss, and wife (ex-wife) Mystra Weave. A promising, aspiring star cook indeed – until his folly had fucked up everything. With another sigh, Gale rubbed his chest, wincing as he felt the still tender scars beneath his shirt. He'd been so stupid. So cocky. He hated himself.

"Oh, bloody hell! You fuckers, how dare you? I'll sue your arses!" cursed another customer, slamming down the bag of wasabi-flavoured pea snacks he'd been holding. When Gale turned, his breath caught in his throat. The other man was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen. All sharp angles, long limbs, silver curls, and grey eyes. That angry stare was fixed on him now.

"Are you done gloating?" the stranger snapped at him.

"Apologies. I wasn't gloating though, merely wondering what those poor, rather delicate chips did to deserve your wrath," Gale replied truthfully. For some reason, the other man seemed taken aback, blinking at him wordlessly. Gale waited patiently for an answer.

"Well, if you must know, darling, they changed the ingredients of my favourite snack. Now, it contains milk powder and I can't it them anymore." The man sighed, running a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. "Another thing gone from my dwindling list of foods that won't kill me."

That caught the cook's attention.

"You have food allergies?"

"Mhm. An entire cornucopia full, actually."

The stranger had clearly tried to crack a joke, shooting a small, bitter smile in Gale's direction. The latter's heart sped up in excitement.

"I can cook! I mean, I know a fair bit about allergies and can work around them." Oh, God, he was babbling. Gale's cheeks burned with embarrassment, but he couldn't shut up. "If you tell me your allergies, I could come up with some meal ideas for you."

"Is that so?" The stranger raised an eyebrow, more amused than annoyed by Gale's definite breach of privacy. "Well..." He leaned closer, conspiratorially. "You'd be my first."

Gale shuddered as the other man's hot breath caressed the shell of his ear, and his senses were filled with the smell of bergamot, rosemary, and brandy. Lovely combination. As a reduced sauce, it would go well with a steak, lamb chop, or braised chicken...

"You're rather cute, you know?" the stranger purred, gently tucking a loose, greasy strand of hair behind Gale's ear. "You don't seem like a crazy, satanic murderer."

"I'm certainly not! I'm a chef," Gale blurted out, and immediately felt the desire to slap himself across the face. That damnable mouth of his! Why couldn't he just shut up like normal people? God, hopefully, the stranger didn't recognised him from the Mycoid Kitchen Show, the other TV appearances, or the many newspaper articles. Gale prayed that the new beard helped conceal his identity.

"Really? So, why does a grand chef like you do his shopping in such an undignified place?" the stranger asked.

"I'm unemployed and broke."

Smooth, Dekarios. Very smooth.

"And a honest man, it seems," chuckled the stranger, and Gale sighed.

"Yeah, well... What am I to do when my ex-wife's hell-bent on destroying my life during the divorce?"

"She sounds like a nasty piece of shit."

"She - she is. I guess."

They stood there in uncomfortable silence for a moment. Then, the stranger pulled a business card from his wallet and held it out towards Gale.

"Here. If you'd like to return your ex-wife's favour regarding destroying your life, I'd volunteer to help. After all, it's my specialty."

"Th-thank you," stammered Gale, accepting the business card with clammy fingers.

"You're welcome, darling," grinned the stranger. "I live for petty drama." With an elegant little twirl, he turned around. "Don't be shy, darling, and call me."

Gale stared as the most beautiful man in Faerûn sauntered away. In disbelief, he looked down at the business card.

Astarion Ancunín, Lawyer at ‘11 Attorneys LLP’.

Licking his dry lips, Gale stowed it away safely for later. Maybe, it wasn't a bad idea to call, he thought. At least, he'd see the other man again.

Gale Dekarios: What do you think?

Wyll Ravengard: I say go for it! I told you you need a better lawyer. Wulbren Bongle's nice and all, but he seems to have no backbone. The cheapest isn't always the best option.

Gale Dekarios: I'm aware, but I'm worried about the payment. Astarion seems so posh, I fear hiring him will be more expensive than I can afford.

Wyll Ravengard: Haven't Rena & Tara offered to help you out financially?

Gale Dekarios: Of course, they have, but I can't ask my mothers for money! They already do so much for me! I don't want to burden them even more and worry them unnecessarily.

Wyll Ravengard: Gale, mate, they're your mums, they always worry. Just swallow your pride and ask them, tell them about that beautiful stranger you met in the snack aisle ;)

Gale Dekarios: Very funny, Wyll.

Wyll Ravengard: I'm a born comedian.

Gale Dekarios: XD

Gale Dekarios: I guess you'll be home tomorrow too?

Wyll Ravengard: Of course! I'll never pass up Rena's cooking and Tara's home-brewed wine. Plus, there's no better place than home, am I right?

Gale Dekarios: Truer words have never been spoken. Will Karlach join too?

Wyll Ravengard: No, she has to work at the club. Bouncers are especially busy on Friday nights, you know?

Gale Dekarios: Right. Sorry I asked. See you tomorrow <3

Wyll Ravengard: Yup. See you <3

Gale's childhood home was located at the edge of town, right next to the forest. The little red brick house was covered in climbing roses and vine tendrils, the garden lush with herbs, vegetables, berries, and fruit trees. A little patch of heaven on earth. Gale couldn't help but smile when he walked across the front yard and rang the doorbell. It was immediately opened by a tall woman with a wild mane of orange, brown, black, and grey hair and sharp, amber eyes.

"Gale!" she chirped, pulling him into a passionate hug. "Hello, little love!"

"Hello, Tara," muttered the addressed and buried his face in her knitted cardigan. She smelled like patchouli and orange.

"How are you? Ugh, what a stupid question. Oh, you look awful! So tired and sad and that beard, ugh! Come in, little love, we missed you. Let us take care of you."

"Thanks. I missed you too," mumbled Gale, suddenly scarily close to tears. He truly had missed his mothers. A sudden wave of shame crashed over him. After returning from the hospital, he'd made himself scarce and barely spoken to his family. Instead, he'd wallowed in self-pity and lived off instant cup noodles and ice cream. It was equally a blessing and a curse that both his mothers were forces of nature and had bullied their ways into Gale's self-inflicted solitude to talk some sense into him and bring him home-cooked meals. He felt like he hadn't appreciated it enough.

"Gale!" Morena – a short, curvy, greyed woman, with a shocking resemblance to her son – speed-walked over from the kitchen to throw herself around his neck. She smelled of lavender and water lilies. "Oh, I missed you, my dear."

"I missed you too, mum," whispered Gale, kissing her cheek. She smiled at him, gently scratching his beard.

"Come on, the risotto's almost done."

With a nod, Gale followed her, crossing the living room.

"Hello, my boy!"

Gale's head whipped around at the sound of the familiar, raspy voice. His uncle, Elminster, was dressed in nothing but a dark red silk robe and plush black slippers in the shape of cat heads. His long, grey hair and beard were braided and decorated with little star-shaped silver beads that jingled with every movement. Now, the seventy-year-old got up from the ugly, orange wing chair to pull his nephew into a crushing hug. The all-too-familiar smell of cheese and the herbal odour of antirheumatic ointment hit his nose.

"It's good to see you," he exclaimed, patting Gale's back.

"Likewise," wheezed Gale, wincing at the intensity of the hug.

Elminster Aumar was an unusual man, well-known for his eccentric, but homely cooking. Before its bankruptcy, his fast food chain Elminster's Tower had been famous in North Faerûn and praised for its surprisingly high-quality menu. His rosemary French fries, double-crispy, air-fried chicken drumsticks, and mulled apple juice had been legendary. Unfortunately, the extra costs of said food quality had led to the ruin, forcing Elminster to sell his beloved restaurants to – you guessed it – rising VIP chef Mystra Weave. In his financial despair – and thanks to Mystra's charm – Elminster had made the biggest mistake of his life: he'd sold the rights to his recipes to her. Now, neither he nor anyone else was allowed to cook and/or sell his creations anymore without being sued into oblivion. Elminster had realised his mistake too late and was still beating himself up over the fact that he'd given the rights to Mystra instead of his nephew. The follies of desperate men... Gale was too familiar with it now, and didn't hold a grudge against his uncle anymore.

Lost in thought, Gale set the table while Morena was stirring the asparagus risotto one last time, and Elminster sneakily tried to steal some of it. Morena hissed at her older brother like scolding a pet and whacked his fingers with the wooden spoon.

"Ouch! Feisty witch!" Chuckling, Elminster massaged his rheumatic hand.

"Let our witch cook, El. You can show off your wizardry next time," teased Tara as she handed him the preheated plates.

"Alright, alright," huffed the man, still visibly amused.

The three of them obviously had the time of their lives. Gale envied them a bit. How these 60+ seniors had kept their eccentric sparks and childlike joy was a mystery to him. He already felt drained and tired at thirty-five. His mothers would probably blame it on Mystra - and they were probably right. She had taken so much from him without giving him anything in return except heartbreak and grief.

Thankfully, Wyll chose exactly this moment to let himself in with his spare key and greet everyone in his jovial way. The son of politician Ulder Ravengard was a childhood friend of Gale's. He and his mother, Francesca, had moved in next door after the divorce, and the boys had become fast friends. In their teens, they'd fooled around with each other, exploring their queerness together, but they'd realised that their relationship worked better when it was platonic instead of romantic, so, that was that. When Wyll's mother had died of breast cancer when he'd been eighteen, Morena and Tara had basically adopted him, and he'd lived with them until moving in with his girlfriend, Karlach, a few years ago.

"It's good to see you," Wyll smiled as he hugged Gale.

They sat down at the cosy, round wooden table and dined while making light conversation. Gale had missed this: the cosiness, the care, the love.

"Did Gale tell you already about the attractive lawyer he met at the grocery store?" Wyll smirked, knowing full well that Gale hadn't. The brunet glared at him across the table. Wyll had the audacity to wink.

"Now, that's a story worth telling," proclaimed Tara, leaning forward nosily. Gale wriggled about on his chair.

"We accidentally ran into each other in the snack aisle at GlutMart, and we started a conversation because of his food allergies. I let slip about the divorce and he offered his help. I'm still not sure about it though."

"Do you have his contacts?" Morena asked and Gale nodded.

"Yes. He works for 11 Attorneys LLP."

Elminster whistled impressed.

"Isn't that Jaheira Harper's law firm?" he chimed in. "That woman's a legend. I still regret not asking her for help back when – Ah, you know."

Gale nodded.

"Sounds properly posh. Maybe, that's exactly what you need," Wyll remarked, helpful as ever. "Expensive though…"

Morena and Tara immediately got the point.

"You know we'll help you out, right, dear?" Morena told Gale. "We'll help you through this mess, and if that lawyer can make Mystra sweat, then, I gladly pay him extra."

"Exactly." Tara's eyes glinted. "I want to see that snake burn in purgatory. Nobody treats my little love like dirt!"

With an affirmative hum, Morena patted her partner's hand.

"I - Would you really not mind?" asked Gale, abashed. "I don't want to be a burden. You already did so much for me."

"Oh, stop it! You’re not a burden, you're our son!" his mother interrupted him briskly. "What else is family for, hm?"

Gale sighed a breath of relief and he felt much lighter than before.

"Thank you," he muttered. "I already owe you so much, mum. Thank you for not giving up on me despite my many, many failures. I know I'm a disappointment."

"Stop it!" hissed Morena, riled up.

"None of that," tut-tutted Tara.

"Don't be so harsh on yourself, my boy," said Elminster.

And Gale burst into tears. Everyone cooed at him, covering him in kisses and wrapping him into loving hugs until he could stop crying. Then, Morena vanished into the kitchen and presented them with her infamous strawberry shortcake. After two thick slices, Gale finally felt like himself again. With a satisfied sigh, he leaned back in the chair, unzipping his trousers to give his full belly some room.

"I missed home-cooked meals."

Oops! Inner voice, Dekarios, inner voice.

"Gale..." Tara squinted at him.

Oh-oh. Abort, abort!

"When was the last time you actually cooked?"

Gale squirmed under her stern look.

"The night of the accident."

"Selûne, have mercy on me!" sighed his quasi mother, pinching the bridge of her nose. "That backstabber better never cross my path again, or I'll commit a felony."

"Now, now, no irrational actions, deary," Morena told her, patting her wife's shoulder. "If you commit a murder, at least let me be your partner in crime."

That had Tara snorting in amusement, and she turned to give Morena a quick kiss.

"You're still as crazy as ever, love."

"Runs in the family," replied Morena cheekily and booped Tara's nose. Gale couldn't help but smile. They were so in love – for twenty-five years now. Gale wished for a love like this in his life. But, until then, he had to settle for the love of his family.

They spent all night chatting and drinking until they fell into bed at three in the morning. Tipsy, Gale crashed onto the guest bed, spooning up on Wyll, who complained drunkenly about Gale's excessive body heat, but didn't move an inch. Giggling, the brunet fumbled for his phone and typed out a message before passing out.

Hello Astarion, it's Gale from the snack aisle at GlutMart. I thought about your offer and I came to the conclusion that your help's exactly what I need. You're like a beautiful guardian angel. Please help me not lose all the rights to my culinary creations to my wife. I'm so tired of being her punching bag. Call me any time. Sincerely, Gale Dekarios