#how did I manage to go travelling/doing whatever I’ve been doing in the uk for 5 months?

[fxnfiction]

right now i like to consider reading fanfiction my full time job

[kxowledge]

Congrats on your PhD acceptance!!! Was this the uni you wanted to do your PhD in, or is it a 'safe' choice?

It’s both the place I wanted the most and the one where I thought I had the highest chances of succeeding. I don’t think there’s such thing as a “safe” option when it comes to PhD programs and there is no point in applying to schools that you aren’t fully convinced about, but this uni for me did feel “safe” in the sense that this was one of the programs I knew the most about how it would be.

Last summer when I narrowed down the schools I wanted to apply to, I came up with 10 names, all places I would have been thrilled to attend – submitting a good application is so time-consuming that it’s not worth spending time over something I felt lukewarm about. No university was perfect, but none had drawbacks I couldn’t live with. As I was very sick in the fall (and still not feeling 100%), I knew I needed to focus my energy and not apply to all 10 this round. So, I decided to apply just to this university, with the fallback plan to apply to the 9 others next autumn if I didn’t get in.

The reason why was twofold. Firstly, there’s timing – I had been building a good relationship with several people in the department and the supervisor I wanted was hiring this year and this year only. I had momentum I needed to capitalize on, whereas for the other schools which cycle I’d apply wouldn’t matter much.  Secondly, I thought that this was the program I would prefer over all others except one, given the choice. Two main reasons for this:

My supervisor!! I have concrete evidence that my supervisor will be a good one. She’s an expert when it comes to my specific methodology, which is super important to me, and she know so much about the topics I’m interested in – and she was the one introducing me to some of these in the first place. She’s very supportive and gives great feedback that actually pushes me further. She has a good network of other scholars. These are all things that will contribute to my success, more so than the name of the school. There are obviously great supervisors at other schools too, but here I know for sure

The money. In the context of the other universities I was considering (i.e. in Europe/UK), this is where I’m going to get paid the most. As I said, I would have also managed with a lower salary, but, trust me, knowing I’m going to get paid this much is a relief - living on £20k/€23k/$25k circa is too restrictive no matter the location. Not only I will not have to worry about money ever for the next four years, but I will also be able to put enough money aside to buy a house, because we're not talking about a 2-3k more, we're talking about almost double of what I would have gotten in other places. Because of the money and the benefits, I don’t have to feel like I’m putting my life on hold until the end of the PhD, but rather I can afford to do anything I want, be it travel or build a family or join the expensive pottery studio or whatever.

The drawback: this university is not well ranked worldwide. What will get my CV checked out for AP positions will not be the name of the institution, but rather my work, which is a lot of pressure because getting something under review at a top journal is no easy feat. At the end of the day, I would try to do my best and I would have high standards in any case, so at least I’m in an environment that will support me & if I struggle getting a job post-graduation I will have a safety net to fall back to.

The only place that would have been better / I would have chosen over this uni would have been INSEAD, but my chances of success with them were way lower (I’ve been told by them that my quant GRE score would already screen me out, even though I don’t even want to do quant research), so I don't mind too much not having applied.

[liam-93-productions]

This weekend it’s the UK’s biggest event on the entertainment calendar, with the 74th EE British Academy of Film and Television Awards taking place at the Albert Hall with guests and nominees attending virtually for the first time, thanks to Covid-19. And while the awards promise to be as exciting as possible in these unprecedented times, on Sunday night we will also be treated to another exciting world-first in the form of Liam Payne being beamed into houses up and down the country while performing for the opening of the ceremony.

Yup, if you’ve ever fancied the former One Direction crooner serenading you at the end of your bed, on Sunday you can make your dreams a reality – or augmented reality – as Liam has joined forces with the EE network to create a 3D avatar hologram of himself that can be beamed through the app ‘The Round’ (available on any mobile device) as he performs at the Albert Hall. Super fans can also get to experience the avatar in their homes, or on-the-go, ahead of the performance, if they tune in via the app at 6.45pm, 15 minutes before the hologram joins real Liam on stage to perform.

GLAMOUR caught up with Liam to discuss this sci-fi sounding excitement as well as hear how the past year has treated him. In a wide-ranging chat with the ever-charming Liam, we covered all things from the struggles of lockdown and coping with his mental health to his former bandmates, burgeoning acting career, new music (...).

Is the fact that you're performing at the BAFTAs a sign that your acting career is on the rise?

I've done a lot of auditions, a lot of tapes. The thing about acting somebody told me, it’s very much like: are you right for the part and is the part right for you? I think it takes a lot of talent, luck and judgment going into acting to actually get into a job. I mean, hat's off to anybody who does it because it's a long process. I seem to get through to like the final five or final three people for every role and then not quite get it. Which is frustrating but, you know, that’s how it goes. I've had a fair few auditions and I was lucky enough to get into the final five again for one audition that I got to meet Steven Spielberg [a couple of years ago] on my 25th birthday which was quite amazing. But it's been fairly slow through the pandemic obviously.

And what about music? Have you been writing anything, or even been in the studio?

I'm going to the studio later on today actually, to record something for the first time in a while. Which is quite weird to be traveling back into London to go into work. I've been doing some stuff from home as well, which has been quite interesting. Zoom sessions don't really work out all that well, it's very difficult. I'm sure a lot of musicians will agree. So, it's been kind of hard to work properly during this half of the pandemic. The other first half of the pandemic, I just did these live shows, which was really amazing to play live and do them online, which was kind of strange... It's been difficult in terms of the creative process for me.

The past year has been challenging for absolutely everyone, no matter their circumstances. How has it affected you on a personal and a professional level?

In the first half of it, I was so busy that I didn't really notice it as much, except for having to do a lot of stuff myself without crew and learning to do hair and makeup was kind of a weird experience. But then this second half, I stopped working and I had a full, proper month off [and that was] really hard. And it was all a bit dark for me for a little bit and I'm sure many people experienced it. Just not being able to go anywhere, not be able to do anything. It really, really hit home. And I just found myself sat in the same place day in, day out. And I was like, okay, I really do not know what to do with myself.

You’ve bravely spoken about struggling with your mental health in the past, and you say now that you did go into a bit of a dark place recently, how have you coped with that?

I think it's an ongoing experience. For me, learning to relax has always been quite a hard thing to do because I feel like if I'm not moving forward, then I must be going backwards. And I think that's something that I've always struggled with. So, in a way it's kind of a blessing in disguise, as this has all kind of taught me to relax a little bit more. And to not be so worried about that, like the world is not going to fall over if I don't do something today. So, it's been nice in that respect. But I think for a lot of people it's difficult, and I definitely took for granted how much I miss my family. I'm used to being away from home, I'm used to being abroad and not seeing very much of them. But I'd always see them at a show or at something once a year. And then now that that's all been taken away, it's been a lot to not see my family and realise how much they actually ground me.

So, what have you found helpful or supportive during the past year? Have you turned to anything to get you through these dark times?

Friends that are there for you... [talking to] one of my managers that I'm quite close with. I think a lot of guys struggle to talk about what the hell is going on a lot of the time. And for me and him, actually we're quite heart on our sleeves sort of people, so we talk a lot about different things. But I think if I didn't have that, someone to share that with, I think I would have struggled a hell of a lot more.

Like a mental health mate?

I mean, we literally talk about everything. We're probably too honest with each other! But I think it's important that everybody has that person. I'll be honest, at the start of this, drinking definitely became a lot more of a thing because there just didn't seem to be any boundaries. I wouldn't say I drank too much, I'd say I drank too often. Just through the boredom, I guess. A lot of people were going through that though I think - there was so many funny, great memes about it I saw friends of mine put up. But it can be quite dark at times. I think the only thing that's really helped me through that is just learning to work out again and learning to put boundaries in for myself in terms of what food I'm eating. As a pop star, I think you're always quite weight conscious. My job has always been about having to work out, doing underwear modelling and all that sort of thing, it makes you quite body conscious at times. It was nice to be able to just sit and eat pizza and chocolate, I really enjoyed that. But getting myself back into the habit of working out and then having a cheat day put in place, so that there was more boundaries in line, I think has definitely helped me.

I'm quite fortunate that I don't put a stack of weight on, although I have gone up rather a lot in size over this time. But I think it was more about routine for me than anything. And I always say, having a small victory before you get into bed at night time. Or life just gets depressing. Whether that small victory is making sure you've spoken to a family member, you've worked out, or whether you did learn to do something today, just something small. There's one task that you literally can't be arsed with, you should get done just on the day, so that you feel good about yourself when you get into bed.

That's so important. So, do you almost have a checklist before you go to bed?

I think as long as I make the gym and I've done that bit and I've taken care of my needs, just cooked some nice food. That's mainly it for me, really. And then I feel good about it. (...)

(...)

Moving on to social media, you've obviously got such a massively positive fan base, but how do you cope with the negative side of social media and the impact that can have on your mental health?

I struggled with it for a long time. I argued with people. I was aggressive on their points trying to fight my own side. And I think for some people you are talking to a brick wall, you will not win and there's no point trying. And also, the more you talk about it, the worse it gets. So, I just shut up and put up a lot of the time. I think it's the Queen that says, "never complain or never explain." And that's something I think myself I do live by because it's just like, with some people it gets worse having the argument and trying to explain yourself. But all of it, it's like five minutes of your life for somebody who doesn't know you, it's just a bit pointless.

You have so much intense public scrutiny on you all the time, how do you navigate keeping something back for yourself, and how have you managed to maintain that sense of privacy over the years?

I think this has been one of my biggest struggles this whole time. Because, I'm very much a heart on the sleeve sort of person. I didn't actually realize this for a long time, but I often give a little bit too much away…But it's definitely a difficult one to flick the two people apart. So that you're on stage, you're a certain type of person, and at home you're a certain type of person. That's always something I've really struggled with.

And you've been famous since the age of 16. How did you manage growing up in that sort of public glare?

Never did! [laughs] My friend was [recently] talking about how he’s got a teenage son that he was really struggling with at the moment. And I was thinking, "oh my God, imagine how much people would have struggled having five teenagers, rowdy boys in a band. It must've been terrible, there's no getting through to them!" And for a while, it probably was. I think we all go through that awkward teen phase where you're finding yourself. And most of us, we get to get away with it. And they're funny family photos for later on; here was your emo phase or whatever you went through! And for us, we never got away with being awkward or annoying at points. It was kind of out there for everyone to see; the awful haircuts and we’re talking terrible clothes, it was all out there.

What has your career taught you about the idea of success and the idea of failure?

I think it's taught me lots about how you would measure success. I came from a family that weren't very well off. We didn't have a lot. My dad was in debt actually when I started. So, success for me always meant a monetary thing to start off with. But then as I got older, I realized I don't really buy all that much. I don't really spend a hell of a lot of money. So, it can't be about a money sort of thing. And it's more now become more about happiness and experiences. And the one thing I always say about my job, no matter what, and everybody gets annoyed at their job sometimes, it is what it is. But for me, at least I get to put a smile on someone's face.

Yes, you do! And what has it taught you about failure?

That's a really good question. It’s taught me I think that perseverance will always prevail in that sense. Because it doesn't always go exactly to plan. We were really lucky when we came up, we absolutely skyrocketed. And then, it's been hard to follow that ever since. But you know, measuring a failure as well. What is a failure? And people will look at this and, for us sometimes getting a 100,000,000 streams isn't quite what we aim for, but it's still 100,000,000 streams….you have to kind of get a hold of yourself. Everything is about perspective at the end of the day, isn't it? That was something I struggled with for a long time, because of how well it went [for the band.]

So you had such high expectations for everything?

Yeah. And it's like, time to give that a break really. And Louis from my band has always been quite great to sit with me and talk with me about stuff. And if I'm feeling a certain way. We've been quite good with each other, actually in that respect and helping each other out, which has been nice.

And finally, if you could sit down with the Liam who was starting out in One Direction in 2010, what advice would you have for him?

I think just have more fun and relax a little bit. I think I was a very serious child, one of those man-childs, I was a man in a child's body pretty early on. And I think I would have avoided that stage, to be honest with you. To enter One Direction as that difficult, because it just meant that I got completely a different job to everybody else.

You were the grown up one?

That was it. And it was boring. I should have just larked around and thrown plates out the window and stuff!

More rock and roll?

Well, I mean at the start, and then later on a bit less rock and roll [laughing.]

Well, thank you so much, Liam. And we look forward to seeing your performance on Sunday at the BAFTAs.

I'll see you wherever you want me in your house, I guess.

Liam Payne is performing an exclusive EE BAFTA AR real-time music performance, ahead of his 5G-powered opening show at the 2021 EE BAFTA Film Awards. Download ‘The Round’ app to enjoy the live AR experience through your mobile phone, wherever you are, this Sunday 11th April 2021 at 18:45pm BST.

[imagine-loki]

What About Trust, Chapter 1

TITLE: What About Trust CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 1 AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki owns a bookshop on Midgard. He had to do something there to try and avoid getting any attention. But he’s not fond of having customers, is rather grumpy and guarded. But then he meets a bright, bubbly and trusting young woman who doesn’t recognise him. To his dismay, he finds himself becoming rather fond of the mortal.  RATING: M NOTES/WARNINGS: Fluff ahoy in this fic! Lots of fluff.

Cleo was just strolling along the streets in the Northern Quarter of Manchester. It was her favourite place to be and since she had a day off, she was going to make the most of it.

As she worked in an independent record shop on Oxford street, she knew the importance of supporting small local businesses instead of the larger ones. And there was plenty of quirky shops in the area, including other record shops.

But suddenly the heavens decided to open and started dumping a load of rain on top of her.

‘Shit, shit, shit!’ She had forgotten to take an umbrella. And her jacket wasn’t exactly waterproof either.

She pulled her jacket up over her head in an attempt to try and at least keep her hair from getting utterly soaked and she sprinted along the street. Then she ducked into a small doorway that had a small overhang, enough to save her from the sudden downpour anyway.

Sighing, she looked round to see what she was outside of. Her eyebrows shot upwards when she saw it was a bookshop. It didn’t look very brightly lit inside, but there was a very small sign that said open.

Unable to resist looking around a bookshop, she pushed the door open and stepped inside. There was a small bell above the door that announced her arrival. But the shop was empty, aside from books.

‘Oh wow.’ She gasped as she looked around, it was quite a small place but the owner had managed to stack hundreds and hundreds of books in, with really tall shelves on every wall and a few aisles on front of her.

There was a beautiful wooden spiral staircase just off the centre of the shop, leading to an upper floor that came out halfway, where she saw even more books.

A lit fireplace was to the left of her, in a space amongst the book shelves. It kept the place cosy and was one of the few light sources in the shop. As well as a large lamp to her right.

Cleo breathed in deeply, revelling in the book smell that surrounded her.

How she had never noticed this place before was beyond her. Considering she frequented the area all the time, pretty much every week. But she decided she was certainly going to make up for lost time now.

‘Hello?’ She called out, wondering if there was even anyone here manning the place.

There was no response. But she didn’t notice the green eyes watching her from the back corner, hidden in the shadows.

Not caring much, she started to the right and looked at some of the book titles. She felt giddy when she realised this was no normal bookshop, these were rare books. Some were foreign, a language she didn’t even recognise. But some of the books were decorated in beautiful and intricate patterns, capturing her attention.

She pulled a few books out from the shelves and went to the fireplace, where it was warmest. There was a lone green arm chair on front of it, she took a seat with the books on her lap and she started looking through the first one.

It was a William Shakespeare play that was said to have been lost many years ago, she couldn’t actually believe it was in her hands as she carefully turned the pages.

‘What are you doing?’ Came a rather cold voice from beside her.

She jumped, having not heard anyone approach. When she looked round, her eyes widened when she saw a really tall man… A really tall and rather handsome man, at that. With long black hair, nice cheekbones. He was wearing a dark green shirt and leather trousers with boots. He didn’t look like an ordinary book shop owner, but who was she to judge?

He had his arms folded across his chest and didn’t look overly pleased at her presence.

‘Oh, sorry. I did shout when I came in but no one answered… I’m reading, that’s not illegal, is it?’ She smirked up at him.

‘No, it is not.’ He drawled. ‘But this is not a library.’

‘I can see that. It’s way better than a library.’

Loki had no idea why this mortal was in his shop, reading a book and sitting on his chair. Sure, it was a book shop, but barely anyone ever came in. Never mind stayed for this long.

‘Are you going to buy that book or just put your grubby hands all over it?’ He grumbled.

Cleo narrowed her eyes at him. ‘You’re not very friendly for a shop owner. No, I am not going to be buying it, I suspect this would be well out of my price range. Do you not like to share with a fellow book lover? I was going to leave some money on my way out, I know it can be difficult for small businesses to keep afloat.’

Loki was a little surprised at her answer. And the fact she was still there, sitting on his chair. Normally when a mortal came in and stayed to look through his books, they soon scarpered when he made his presence known. Either because they recognised him, or were just put off by his coldness towards them.

‘Fine. Whatever. Just… don’t rip any of my books.’ He huffed and walked away again, leaving her to it.

Cleo was rather confused at what the hell had just happened.

‘Wait.’ She carefully placed the books down on the small coffee table on front of her and rushed after him to the back of the shop. ‘What’s your name? I’m guessing you are the owner?’

Loki rolled his eyes before turning around to face her. ‘I am… My name is Luke.’

‘Nice to meet you, Luke. I’m Cleo.’ She put her hand out towards him. He eyed her suspiciously for a moment, then shook her hand when he decided she didn’t seem much of a threat.

‘I’ve never seen your shop before, it’s quite hidden. But it’s incredible. I can actually see why you wouldn’t want it to get too busy, it would ruin the atmosphere. But it’s quite the wee gem.’ She said as she looked around, still taking it all in.

‘Thank you… You’re not from here, are you?’ He quirked an eyebrow up.

‘Nope. I’m from Inverness, but I’ve lived here for the past eight months. Much more exciting than back home.’ She smiled.

Loki nodded once. ‘Well, I shall leave you to your reading… If there areany books you’re interested in buying, let me know.’

Cleo’s face brightened. ‘I will, thanks.’

She watched as Loki disappeared through a door at the very back of the shop, it said staff only on it. She shrugged the encounter off and went back to the few books she had taken out to look at. After flicking through them, she carefully placed them back in their place and went upstairs to look some more.

As she carefully pulled a book out from its shelf, she nearly jumped out of her skin when Loki suddenly spoke next to her.

‘Are you still here?’

She held the book she had in her hands close to her chest in fright, her heart was racing but soon calmed down when she realised it was just the owner.

‘Jesus Christ. Do you always sneak up on your customers?’

‘Are you always so jumpy?’ Loki countered, raising an eyebrow. A ghost of a smirk on his lips.

Cleo rolled her eyes and looked down at the book in her hands. ‘How did you even get hold of most these? They’re so rare and expensive.’

‘You could say I’ve travelled a lot.’ Loki said as he started walking down the aisle, she followed him, curious.

‘Really? That’s cool. I’ve never been out of the UK before. But I would love to visit some countries like Iceland, Finland and Norway, for the culture and history. Those places fascinate me.’ Cleo rambled a bit.

Loki suddenly turned on his heels, going back right past her. Cleo was a little stunned but turned and followed him again.

‘How long have you had the shop?’ She asked as Loki stopped and started skimming through the shelves, looking for something.

‘A year.’ He said simply as his long fingers tapped gently along the spines of the books on the upper shelf.

‘I can’t believe I’ve only just found it. I’ve been living in the city for the last eight months, I’m around this area every week.’ She said as Loki plucked a book out, he briefly turned his back to her so she didn’t see the slight shimmer of green that surrounded the book before he quickly turned around to face her, holding the book out towards her.

‘What’s this?’ She asked, tucking the other book under her arm.

‘Nordic tales. Since you seem interested in the Nordic countries, perhaps you might find that of interest.’ Loki hummed.

Cleo’s eyes widened as she looked at the book. She looked up at Loki in disbelief. ‘I’ve been looking for an English edition of this for… years! I didn’t think one existed. I thought I was going to have to give in and google translate every single word.’

Loki scoffed. ‘Google translate is not reliable at all, believe me.’ He turned on his heels again and started heading back towards the stairs.

Cleo was too busy looking at the blurb of the book, by the time she looked up Loki was back downstairs. She hurried after him, putting the other book back in its rightful place first.

As she was rushing down the stairs, she held the Nordic Tales book out. ‘How much is this? Please, God. Let it be within my budget!’ She said as she rushed over to him by the fireplace.

Loki folded his arms over his chest and sighed, narrowing his eyes at her for a moment. Then he smiled, just a little bit. ‘Call it a gift, for a fellow book lover.’

Cleo’s mouth opened wide in shock. ‘What? Seriously? But the originals are like at least fifty quid anyway. This English version must be worth a shit load more than’  

‘Do you want the book or not?’ Loki interrupted.

She nodded sheepishly. ‘I do…’

‘Well then, like I said. Consider it a gift. Before I change my mind and decide to charge you triple what it’s actually worth.’

Cleo grinned and slipped the book safely into her handbag. ‘Maybe I did get you wrong, you’re an alright shop owner.’

Loki chuckled. ‘What is it they say? Don’t judge a book by its cover.’

‘Never a truer word spoken.’ Cleo agreed. ‘Well, it was really nice meeting you. Thank you so much for the book, I really appreciate it. I’ll be back before you know it, I want to read that Shakespeare play through properly.’ She said as she started to head towards the door.

‘I look forward to your return.’ Loki said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Cleo turned back to face him and grinned widely. ‘Ohh, I bet you do.’ She laughed.

As Cleo left the shop, Loki shook his head. But he smiled.

‘What a curious mortal.’

[sour--disposition]

Across The Miles

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harry lewis x fem!reader

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please check my masterlist to see if my requests are open

(gif from the amazing @sdmngifs​)

You stepped off the plane and were met with the dreary skies that seemed to always plague England. Simon had told you he and JJ would meet you outside of the baggage claim to help you with your bags and take you home.

As soon as you’d wrestled your cases off of the conveyer belt, you walked towards the big exit sign, looking very much like you’d just stepped off of a long haul flight. Donned in sweats and a Sidemen Clothing hoodie with a travel pillow hung around your neck, you weren’t going to be winning any fashion awards any time soon.

“Y/N!”, JJ and Simon called from the other side of the large arrivals hall. You grinned, waving manically at them as you walked over as quick as you could. You dropped you hand luggage down next to your cases and flung your arms around both of them.

“I’ve missed you guys!”, you smiled up at them once they’d released you. “I can’t thank you enough for giving me this opportunity. And letting me live with you guys? I mean... there isn’t enough words to thank you!”, you gushed.

You’d met Simon, JJ and the rest of the Sidemen at the 2017 Upload event and had stayed in touch with them ever since. You’d been planning on moving in together for quite a while, but finding a time when the three of you were free enough to facilitate moving an entire human and her belongings across the Atlantic Ocean was harder than first imagined, but the minute that the three of you had decent schedules, flights were booked, you’d handed your notice in for your apartment in New York and started packing up your things.

By the time you’d been moved into the spare room, your room, it was nearing 5pm. “We were thinking about grabbing dinner with the rest of the guys? They’ve all missed you and I know Freya and Talia are dying to see you”, Simon said from the door frame.

“Yeah, sounds good”, you smiled from where you sat on the floor, surrounded by your clothes as you tried to organise them.

“You don’t have to do it all in one go. Why don’t you grab a shower and get changed and then you can have another go at this once were back from dinner?”, Simon suggested, the exhaustion from the day beginning to become clear on your face. You nodded, putting down whatever it was you were trying and failing to fold and took yourself off for a shower.

Of course, the guys took you to Nando’s. With there only being a handful of the restaurants in America, and none in New York, you made a point of going whenever you were in the UK. “Are you excited to see Harry?”, Simon poked at you from the drivers seat, glancing back at you in the rearview mirror.

“Wait, what!?”, JJ exclaimed from the passenger seat, struggling to turn around and face you in his seat. “What’s this then?”, he pestered, reaching out to shove against your knee.

“It’s nothing”, you said pointedly, glaring at Simon.

“Oi, so Simon knows and I don’t? Bit unfair”, JJ sassed, pulling a face at you.

“Simon knows nothing”, you told JJ. “He’s getting ideas in his head that I haven’t said anything about”, you said, eyeing Simon again.

“So, was I just supposed to ignore one of my best friends’ names popping up, literally non-stop, on one of my other best friend’s phone?”, Simon quipped, raising an eyebrow. “I’m just saying what I see, is all”, he shrugged.

“Okay, sue me, I’ve stayed in touch with Harry. Have you guys forgotten that I’ve literally just moved into the same city as all of you and your friends?”, you snipped.

Simon grumbled in defeat, all whilst JJ’s eyes followed the back and forth between the two of you. He sat there with a massive grin on his face, and you just knew that he wasn’t going to leave this alone over dinner.

When you walked into the restaurant, you were greeted by a round of hugs from all the guys, being given the eye by Simon and JJ when you looped your arms around Harry’s frame. You were hugged by Talia and Freya as well, when the guys finally let you go.

“It’s so good to finally see you again in person”, Freya beamed. “Discord and twitch just don’t do it after being friends for this long”, she pouted, eliciting a laugh from both you and Talia.

The group sat down at the table, smaller groups of people all chattering amongst themselves. “How was your flight?”, Harry asked from the opposite side of the table.

“It wasn’t too bad, I’m kinda used to it now, I guess? I mean, 8 hours is 8 hours so it was pretty dull, but I managed to get a few movies in”, you smiled.

“Oh yeah?”, he asked. “What did you watch? Am I gonna be disappointed?”, he asked you with a laugh.

“Of course you’ll be disappointed, you don’t like watching films”, you laughed happily. “I finally started chipping away at my Disney plus watchlist, so I watched Up and both of the Incredibles films”, you told him.

You kept chatting with Harry, along with Ethan, who was next to Harry, and Vik, who was next to you, until your food came. Once people had plates in front of them, chatter died down significantly, only the occasional comment here and there made itself known.

-

“He likes you too, you know”, Simon commented as he drove the three of you home. You’d been bundled into the backseat, wrapped up in JJ’s jacket as you were practically falling asleep on Vik’s shoulder.

“No, he doesn’t, Simon”, you denied sleepily, eyes drifting closed as you rested your head against the cold glass of the window.

“And how do you know that? He doesn’t even know that you like him, so how could he have turned you down?”, Simon asked.

“Because he’s Harry. I’m just some small timer from New York that you guys seemed to adopt after Upload”, you told him. “Look. I’ll get over it, I just need you to stop bringing it up so that I can actually forget about it and ignore the mushy feelings”.

As soon as Simon pulled the car to a stop, you climbed out and started making your way to the lift. You leaned heavily against the wall of the lift as it hurtled the three of you up to your floor. “Thanks for the coat, Jide”, you smiled tiredly, hanging the jacket up on a hook by the door. “I love you and all that, but I’m off to bed. My eyes are melting”, you groaned, waving your hand roughly in the direction of your room. Simon and JJ only laughed at you, wishing you a good night as you trudged down the hallway.

What you’d quite easily admitted in your half awake state wasn’t mentioned again, much to your relief. You got on with filming you ‘I’ve moved house!?’ videos and ‘Guess who I live with?’ clickbait titles. You started streaming more with the the girls, since you were finally in their timezone, and even dropped into the occasional Among Us stream with whoever was playing that night.

You settled into life in London well. You were surrounded by your friends and you doing what you loved with the people you loved. You’d felt more at home in the short months you’d lived in London than you ever had in New York. There was only one problem, though...

The Harry situation hadn’t resolved itself.

Which is why, when Simon came and asked you if you’d be in a video where he sets you up on a blind date, you couldn’t see a reason to turn it down. Worst case scenario, the date went horribly and Simon got a funny video of it. It wasn’t like you’d ever had to see the guy again.

You sat in front of the camera with Simon. “So, before I can send you on this blind date, I need to know what to look for”, he said.

“Erm - someone who’s funny, easy to get along with, can take a joke. Someone who won’t be intimidated or annoyed about me having quite a few male friends, someone who’s supportive of my career...”, you listed, trailing off when you realised who that described to a tee.

“And what do I need to avoid?”, Simon asked. If he had noticed any similarities of your description to Harry, he chose to keep his mouth shut about it.

“Someone thats going to be ashamed of me and my career or is going to want me to take my attention away from Youtube and Twitch. It’s one of the most important things in my life and I love what I do for a living and I’m so lucky that I get to do this for a living, so avoid someone that’s going to try and come between me and that, I guess”, you told Simon.

You knew that you weren’t going to find the love of your life doing this. It was more than likely going to be another single youtuber that Simon had roped into his video with the promise of a great video title and some decent content. But it would be nice to get dressed up nice and have an evening away from editing software or your stream deck.

Simon had told you where to go and when, he’d also told you to dress “all nice like”. He’d set the date up at a cocktail bar that you’d been wanting to visit since you’d moved to London. You only agreed to it once you confirmed that the expenses would be on him because top shelf liquor was on the bottom shelf in this place.

You picked out a dark green satin dress and paired it with some strappy silver heels. You took advantage of the opportunity and filmed yourself getting ready so that if things didn’t go too horrifically, you could post a ‘get ready for my blind date with me’.

Sitting down and chatting to the camera as you got ready took longer than you’d expected. You were rushing around, stressing about your Uber not being there quick enough to get you to the bar in time.

“I’ll drop you off”, JJ offered, already heading over to pick his keys up. “And that way, if he’s a weirdo, you don’t have to worry about waiting for another car to come get you”.

You climbed into the Porsche, thanking JJ for what might have been the fiftieth time since leaving the apartment. “You can stop saying thank you, Y/N. I offered”, he chuckled as he drove out of the parking garage. “You look lovely tonight, whoever Simon’s got you set up with is lucky”, he told you, sending you a genuine smile.

“Thank you, Jide”, you smiled. The rest of the car journey was shrouded in a comfortable silence, disrupted only by the radio. “I think it’s just around this corner”, you said, pointing out of the front window.

JJ pulled up by the bar and came around to help you out of the car, causing you to laugh. “You don’t have to escort me in, J”, you told him lightly. “Why are you acting like an over-protective dad?”, you whispered to him in a giggle.

“Just trust me”, he told you, rolling his eyes softly.

You kept your arm looped through JJ’s as he walked you down the pavement. As you neared the entrance to the bar, you saw a figure standing outside, looking around nervously. That must be him.

“Harry?”, you asked. You turned to JJ, “I think there’s been a mistake. I’m supposed to be on a blind date”.

“Surprise, I think”, Harry said awkwardly, scratching his arm.

“Look after her, Harry”, JJ told him sternly. JJ dropped a kiss to the side of your forehead. “Call me or Simon if either of you need anything, yeah?”, he said before he turned and walked back to his car, leaving you and Harry alone.

“I promise I’ll say something, I think I’m just still trying to process what’s going on”, you laughed awkwardly, fiddling with the strap of your clutch in your hands.

“I can maybe clear things up over a drink? Simon’s paying”, Harry said lightly, reaching his hand out to you. You smiled and nodded, letting him take your hand in his and guide you into the bar.

Once you’d got your drinks, Harry lead you to the terrace garden out the back. It was decorated with flowers and muted fairy lights, making for quite the romantic atmosphere. Harry pulled the tall chair out for you and held his hand out to help you up before walking to the other side of the table and sitting opposite you.

“I - uh. Basically, I asked Simon’s advice on how to ask you out and he said that whenever he brought me up around you, you shut him down. So he came up with this idea. I totally get it if you want JJ to come back and pick you up after this drink, I just couldn’t not try... at least once”, Harry said, sounding dejected as he finished.

You put your hand over Harry’s that rested on the table. “I won’t be calling JJ, Harry. I’m over the moon to be here”, you told him with a smile. “I only kept shutting Simon down because he’s been trying to interfere since the day I landed in London. I was convinced that you wouldn’t like me so I just tried to... I don’t know... get over it, I guess”, you told him. You could feel the blush creeping up your cheeks as you spoke, hoping it wasn’t too obvious.

“Why wouldn’t I?”, Harry asked quietly, rubbing his fingers over the back of your hand absentmindedly as he did.

“Are you kidding? You’re part of one of the biggest youtube groups, have a successful youtube channel, you’ve been someone for so long. And I’m just... what? A newbie who got adopted by the big boys in London. I never thought you could”, you said, voice dropping to a whisper.

“Y/N, you’re amazing”, Harry boasted. “You’re an amazing streamer and your youtube content is quality. Okay so I’ve been uploading longer? And? It doesn’t mean anything, Y/N. And believe it or not, I like the you I see off camera, you know”, Harry said shyly.

“I guess I owe Simon an apology then”, you smiled at Harry, who took your hand in his.

[wizkiddx]

...surprise

um okay so here I am trying angst again. this is kind of intended to be open ended bcos might have a part two at some point. im also lazy and has a few time jumps. also if someone could pls explain if you just get pics for the top of these off internet or credit on like gifs or something that’d be appreciated.

Summary: Tom comes home and everything is most definitely not the way he left, nor is it healthy

Warnings: please read with caution esp relationship with food / weightloss, but just generally a person in a bad bad head space, lots of self blame - then next parts will carry different warnings too

************************

Tom had been away for months. Months and months away from his girlfriend, separated entirely by his filming locations in Europe and America; while you were busy slowly and steadily climbing the ranks of your law firm. Being an intense period for the pair, you hadn’t managed to see each other in 2 and a half months.  Of course, both go you were used to this - 3 years deep into a relationship between an actor and a wanna-be lawyer- this was the name of the game.

But honestly? You both just kept falling deeper and deeper, making the separation harder to deal with - rather than getting used to it as one might hope.

That's why Tom felt such an incredibly overwhelming wave of relief as he dumped his bags just outside his front door. Even though he was exhausted from the travelling, just the mere act of finally phishing out his housekeys brought a massive grin to his face - caused particularly by the sight of his tacky little keyring from a Moroccan market that you’d bought him. That had been your first holiday. There’s that old saying that before you move in with someone go on holiday first - Tom understood it to mean you supposedly see all the bad and ugly stuff people can hide from each other, a prewiring before committing to living in the same space. However that holiday all he’d learned was incredible you are to him. To his dying day, Tom will never forget the moment he looked over to his left when the two of you were on this night time stargaze in the depth of the Moroccan desert. Y/n had never seen stars like it, the skies so incredibly clear and lit up with an array of magical blues and purples and whites on its sark background. The sight, for no unexplainable reason, had you completely opening up to Tom about things she’d never told a single soul. And in that moment he’d had this sort of realisation. Not about how much he loved her - because that is just the cliche thing everyone says… and also just wasn’t true.

In that moment he’d rather realised the potential. The sort of ‘I’m not there yet but I know you could become the centre of my universe’. The sort of ‘I’m not ready to say this yet, but I want to spend my life with you’. The sort of ‘at some point in my life I’m not sure my heart will be able to beat without yours’.

He still hadn’t quite got to explicitly saying all that yet, by asking you for the ultimate commitment. But he planned to now he was coming back to you.

Even with the chill of the early evening winter air, Tom was almost ecstatic as he unlocked the door and let himself in. He hadn’t told you that he was coming home, you thought he had another two weeks on the job, but Tom was a bit of an old romantic - he loved seeing your eyes fill with wonder as he surprised you in whatever way. Sometimes it was as simple as a note on the fridge, or a small bouquet from behind his back or as fancy as a surprise holiday.

However, this time, though it was only 6 in the evening, all the lights of their house were off making Tom raise an eyebrow as he quietly slipped off his shoes - not wanting to scare Y/n just in case.

Tom had sworn when he’d been on the phone with you the previous day, you didn’t have any plans tonight but perhaps maybe a spontaneous pub trip and been offered with work colleagues. The house felt a little cold as he padded through it, poking his head into every room just to check Y/n wasn’t there. His last port of call was the bedroom.

By this point, Tom was pretty resigned on the fact you were out and he’d maybe cook a meal for when you got back or hide about the house or something. But instead, when he poked his head around this door, he sighed in delight at the sight of a still mound under the plush white sheets. For a brief moment, Tom paused, before tiptoeing steadily round to her bedside. The light was still off but the hallway light illuminated the room enough so he could make out your soft features and the messy ball of hair that had been haphazardly thrown in a bun. Furthermore, he could also notice in the light the packet of painkillers and migraine tablets lying opened on the bedside - which made him freeze. Y/n didn’t get migraines often at all, but when she did Tom knew just how bad they could be. That explained the fact you were spark out at six o’clock, making Tom give a sympathetic smile. He crept back out the room with a little spring in his step, deciding that since he had had a long day travelling he'd grab a snack and join you. Unfortunately though, when he enthusiastically yanked the fridge open the sight was a rather depressing one. He didn’t really know what he was craving but the fridge contents were of almost no use to anyone. The place was bloody baron, apart from a tub of butter and of course his special beers that Y/n would never dare touch. With a small huff though, Tom resigned himself to some bread and butter, before getting ready for bed.

It was probably an hour later when Tom was carefully crawling under the duvet to settle in beside Y/n after the disappointing snack and maybe a solitary ‘welcome home beer’ - it would be rude not to. God was he excited to just have his girlfriend in his arms again though. So, Tom naturally reached over and powerfully yet gently pulled you back towards him - making your back flush with his as you mumbled something incoherent. Chuckling slightly at your apparent annoyance of being disturbed, Tom pressed a kiss to her temple before settling down momentarily.

But something wasn’t quite right, making Tom shuffle about a bit - ever adjusting huis grasp on your waist as he attempted to get comfy. With the migraine medications forcing you into a deep deep sleep you barely stirred and that just made the unease increase for Tom. Because you didn’t feel right. This didn’t feel right. Ever so slowly Tom started to peel back the duvet from your body from his now sitting upright position. Typically, Y/n was wearing one of his hoodies, however more concerningly it seemed to pool and collect around your frame more than normal.

Now, Y/n was never the most petite person in the world - by no means overweight, instead of beautiful curves and muscle. To Tom now though, it was as if someone had literally shrunk you - like a picture on a word document you needed to make narrower to fit the margins. Even in the dim light of the bedroom he know realised you looked pale. Honestly, Tom didn’t know how long he just sat there staring at you, until you sighed a little and pulled the duvet back up to just under your chin.

He didn’t know what to think or do. All he knew was you didn’t look well and that you hadn’t said a thing to him. Feeling so very uncomfortable within himself, Tom climbed out the bed and simultaneously grabbed his phone. He knew he had to call someone, to check that you hadn’t been ill - but then who to call? Someone that wouldn’t judge or instantly worry- your mum was completely off the cards. Also, he hadn’t even given you the chance to explain yet, so really he knew there was only a couple of options who were close enough to him too.

“Hey what’s up?” “Um nothing much, back in the UK though so-“ “Oh shit really! Kept that one quite bro” “Yeh well came back to surprise Y/n” “Oh you're soooo whipped” “Fuck off Haz, have you um… have you seen her recently anyway?” “You're asking me if I’ve seen your girl while you’ve been away?” “I’m being serious. You’re pretty much brother and sister and I’m -I’m a bit worried.” “What? You know she wouldn’t cheat especially with me” Haz’s tone turned less serious, using a goofy accent “ I know too much.” Haz still attempted to lighten the mood, this conversation very unexpected and making him grow more and more concerned himself. “Haz quit it. I’m worried she’s been ill. I’ve come in and she’s asleep with a migraine but there’s no food in the fridge and she’s skinny as hell.” “Fuck er sorry I didn’t realise. But um no she’s been cancelling on us for the past like two weeks cos like…I don’t know said she was just snowed under at the firm so” “But before then?” “No yeh she was fine. Went to the pub a couple times and she always drove so didn’t drink but nothing weird - think she wanted to keep a clear head. What are you thinking?” “I don’t know to be honest mate. She seemed fine on the phone but I swear to god she looks half the size  of what she was when I left.” “Just talk to her in the morning? She probably is just stressed if work has been mad busy.” Tom hummed in agreement, half trying to convince himself too. “Yeh yeh, sorry for bothering you.” “Oh shut up mate - I’ll see you both at your parents for the roast tomorrow? Sams got some new recipe I think, he’s been wittering on about it for days.” “Yeh we’ll be there, see you then mate.” 

After signing off to Haz, Tom placed his phone on the little table on the upstairs hallway and sighed. He knew he was being over-protective but he couldn’t help it. Y/n was always the one to care for him, in fact to care for everybody int he room and then some.

He’d get to the bottom of whatever this was tomorrow, and so the rest of the evening Tom spent rather unhappily get ready before bed yet again before climbing back in next to you.

///////////////////////////

Tom woke before you, a combination of jet lag and the worry in the pit of his stomach meaning he stirred awake first. Instinctively he pulled you closer and nuzzled his nose into the side of your neck as he slowly began to wake up properly - shrugging off the grogginess. Tom was still really excited for you to realise he was back, predicting you  to excitedly hug him ever so tight and then spend the morning between the sheets. He knew you found the distance tough, especially when all your closest friends were coupled off, it meant you just didn’t have ‘your person’. It was almost as if you were single again and instead of pining over an ex, hopelessly and completely in love with someone across the globe. But that just made your time together even more invaluable and precious.

So even with his slight unease at your slimmer silhouette, Tom didn't have any control over the loopy grin that came to his face as you started to stir and mumble something incoherent, all the while (and subconsciously) inching closer towards him. By the slight fluttering under your eyelid, Tom knew you were waking up and so took the moment to tuck your frizzy bed hair behind your ear. Sighing contently Y/n’s eyes fluttered completely open and Tom met your gaze with the most gently of smiles.

However, he then watched moment by moment as your expression morphed for one of peacefulness and content, through confusion, and ending at pure terror. He had barely thought of asking you why, before you yelped, throwing yourself up into a sitting position and backing as far away on the bed as you could from Tom. “TOM... I-you can’t be here! YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!” “Y/n hey what’s wrong-“ “GET OUT! G-GET THE FUCK OUT! YOU CAN’T BE HERE” you  yanked the bedsheets to completely cover your huddled up body, as if trying to protect yourself. At this point, tears were streaming down your face and what truly terrified Tom was the expression of horror in your eyes. He threw his hands in the air and unsteadily stumbled to his feet. “O-okay I’m-“ “GET OUT!!! YOU CAN'T SEE ME GET OUT!” Completely bemused and shocked, Tom just nodded jerkily -already halfway out the door and accidentally slamming it in haste.

He had absolutely zero clue what that was about. But what he knew for a fact? He’d never ever seen you like that… you looked so completely terrified… of him? Tom couldn’t for the life of him work out what the hell was going on, as he paced from the shut door to the hallway wall and back again, running his hand through his hair throughout. He could hear you sobbing and whisper yelling - presumably at yourself. It felt as though his heart was being torn out, seeing you that upset and it appearing as his fault? He was acting on pure instinct and adrenalin because your pain hurt him too. He had no control of the physiological response in his body, making his hands shake and breathing increase in speed as it inversely got shallower too.

And so he took a short inhalation, biting his bottom lip as he knocked on the door. “Y/n?….” He got no response after waiting a couple of seconds so tried again - because he could hear you trying to stifle your sobs. After another two failed attempts he opted for a different approach. “Y/n… I’m worried about you… look, I know your upset right now but I need you to let me know your okay… or I’ll have to come in and…and I don’t want to spook you” “Don’t come in.” It was a sharp reply, with a voice that was cracked and clearly trying to keep It together. “Okay… I-I’m sorry if my surprise of coming home was a dumb idea…I-I’ve missed you.” Tom tried speaking softly, as he knelt down and sat with this back against the wall while nervously fiddling with his watch strap that he’d forgot to take off last night. Again he waited for a response but got nothing, again having to warn you he needed to know you were okay. He heard movements from the other side of the door, making him turn his head to the left, pressing his ear on the cool gloss paint. “I-I’m sorry” You barely were whispering, but Tom could sense you were now sitting in a position mirroring his “You don’t meed to apologise love” Returning her tone, Tom sighed at the end - trying to get his brain to process what was going on.

Y/n wasn’t one to overreact and Tom could count on one hand the number of serious fights they’d had in the three year romance. And even then, he was the one to raise his voice - when she argued it was more reasoned, slow and controlled. Actually it was one of the things that in those moments infuriated him even more - you were just so level headed and sensible. Scratch that, sensible purely in this context - everywhere else you were just as loopy as him. So this situation felt so very alien. He didn’t know how to help you and he bloody hated feeling useless.

After a few moments, you replied to apologise once again, for shouting specifically,  and Tom nodded - not that you could see. But that was one of the things Y/n had taught him, sometimes you just have accept things - no matter the context. Accept he wasn’t actually a superhero and couldn’t do everything, accept that sometimes he could be a dick and out of line or accept an apology.

“Can you.. can you try and tell me why your upset? I want to help.” He was trying to be gentle, non-confrontational. But he knew something was so wrong. He needed to know so he could try and help out. “I…”Y/n began, but quickly trailed off, as if trying to formulate the words properly. “I’ve just been ill and” again another pause “and I haven’t been looking after myself very well. I just planned to be umm- to be better when you got back.”

It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t really the truth either, at least not the whole truth. But it wasn’t a lie.

“I’m not sure I understand why your so worried about what I think though?” Tom inquired, as he started to fiddle with the door handle in his left hand - as if easing the idea of coming into his girlfriend without scaring you. In reply, you sighed again trying to put the words together without explicitly spelling it out to him. “I don’t- I thought you’d just be disappointed or-or think I’m reliant on you. I’m not and I can handle myself I just…. I don’t know.” “I love you, you idiot.”Tom chuckled at that, while standing up. “Can I come in now please? I promise I’m not disappointed just want to help you feel better.”

The door opened and no sooner could Tom take a step forward than Y/n ran into his chest, wrapping herself tightly around him in apology. He knew that he didn’t have the full story but really didn’t want to push her, more preferring to just love her. So that’s what they spent the rest of the morning doing, in their pyjamas and watching TV. Quite obviously, she wasn’t really making a lot of conversation, Tom filled some gaps with talking about filming - to which she’d hum in agreement or chuckle along. But for the most part Y/n was concentrating on something else.

The all-consuming guilt. That was what was eating away at her.

part 2?

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Hi. Maybe you don’t give your reasoning, but if you do, why don’t you think L is F’s father? I dk if it’s one thing/event? Is it how it was presented? Is presented? Do you think it’s serving a purpose? Was serving a purpose? A lot of people do explain it with B not being the mom so that excludes L more easily. Like I said, I dk if you discuss these things, but I’m of course interested in your thoughts if you do. Thank you!

I don't know if I've ever answered this in full anon, so I'll do it now (but under a read more - this is quite long and very close to my boundaries in terms of talking about this).

I came into the fandom at the beginning of 2015, so the first thing that's affecting my understanding of what's going on was the two month break in the OTRA tour. After their Dubai gig (and some family time in Dubai), Louis went back to the UK and played in a football match and then did some writing and rolled some joints in endearing ways in photos that were sent to the Sun. Then after being seen either out or in the studio every day, until late April, he went MIA for just under a week. There were sitings of him in LA (one was someone in fandom who said their friend had seen him and Harry, but another was a complete random on twitter). Then he was papped at the airport, carrying the psychopath test on 3 May 2015. It seemed like he'd got there earlier and this was a very public arrival.

The other airport pap pics that seemed really significant was 2 June 2015, where Louis was papped at LAX. 1D had been in rehearsals for their next leg, which started on 5 June in Cardiff. He then took photos with the Chimpanzee from the Steal My Girl video and flew back like 36 hours later. They ended up adding songs from 4 in the European leg, but not straight away.

This (and a bunch of other stories I was telling about Harry and Louis being happy together, which included snoppy/Basquiat shirts, Barcelona coin braclets, the AIMH tweet on a flag, and a whole bunch of other stuff that I've now forgotten) was the context that I experienced the People article of July 2015.

I feel like all the weirdness around that is pretty well covered. The close connections with 1D's team. The way they never seemed to own the story. I found it weird and stressful, but I never really thought that it might be true and that was mainly because of the timing.

They announced that Briana was 11 weeks pregnant, which meant she would have conceived 9 weeks ago (pregnancy is counted from someone's last period, rather than conception). That seemed to me totally bizzarre, particularly as paternity could only have been confirmed for 2-3 weeks at the time of conception (here's a post I wrote about that in February 2016).

I actually think it's even more unlikely that the People magazine at 11 weeks would have happened if Louis had knocked someone up now than I did at the time. First because we now know that the end was in site at this point. 1D's management and label would just have had to keep the secret until the end of the year and then it wasn't their problem. That seems to me to be a huge extra motivation for all involved to keep it quiet. Second, we've seen how effectively Louis' personal life can be kept quiet, when they want to.

There are two things I want to bring out about the timing. First the person who owned Eli the chimpanzee knew Brett and when Louis went to LA in early July, he took a photo with Austin Clark. Obviously looking back that becomes the trip where Louis was going to talk to Briana about being pregnant. And if it was, it's so fucking bizzarre that it would be so widely publicised.

The second is those two airport pap trips are one of the many reasons I don't think this whole thing was planned in advance, and why I think this wouldn't have happened if Briana hadn't got pregnant. Louis arriving in LA so late gave them very little options in terms of the story. I think Briana was further along when they announced, but they couldn't say that, because then Louis wouldn't have been there for conception. But if they were going to do it they needed to do it then, to avoid running into the roll out for MITAM (why did they feel the need to do it - that's a whole different question). In addition if having Louis prettend to be a father was planned months in advance, then they wouldn't have had to cut into rehearsals aLnd delayed performing new songs. I don't think what happened is consistent with some fans theories of something that was meticulously planned months in advance.

So that was my position all the way through the pregnancy. I never took the possibility that there wouldn't be a denial seriously, mostly because it was so incredible to me that a boyband member's unintended pregnancy would be announced at 11 weeks.

I was really shocked when the birth took place, and shocked again when the birth certificate was released (I still remember where I was when that news came out). The messiness of it all and the ways it was possible to still believe that Louis wasn't the father despite what was happening is reasonably well covered. I doubted a lot and was on an emotional roller coaster that year. The one thing I held on to was that the story was that Louis hadn't had a paternity test. That just obviously wasn't true and I found it really interesting that they were telling it.

But I was super anxious that Louis might be the father all through that year, and spent a lot of time trying to make sense of it all. Until December 2016, when it became clear why nothing made any sense. And I was reminded of how much I don't know. But in addition to all that existential stuff, I also realised that Briana and Freddie had come to the UK in December 2015 to be seen by the fandom and not to see Jay (this is clear from their travel details).

And that was what settled my anxiety and uncertainty, and made me relaxed in my belief that Louis wasn't Freddie's father. If Jay wanted to see her grandchild, then I was convinced that Louis would and could have organised that. And everything we knew about Jay suggested that she would have wanted to see her grandchild.

Now I'm not here to argue that logic - I probably was more certain about that than was justified. I don't know Jay - and obviously a lot was going down that year. In general, I think that things are probably far messier than I could possibly imagine, and that makes certainty a little absurd.

But for me that meant that I was no longer keyed up and anxious, and was sort of calm in my belief that Louis wasn't the father. As time has passed, and options have been cut off, I've also become more accepting of the idea that I might be wrong and Louis might be Freddie's father. I don't think he is, but whatever is actually going on doesn't stress me out anymore.

[thanksjro]

Dark Cybertron Chapter 6: This Sure is a Comic I’m Reading.

The Dinobots are chilling out by the standing Titan, because Slag went and got his ass kicked by the super death wave a few issues back.

Excuse me, Slug.

There’s real-world context for this change- you see, in England, the word “slag” is often used as a derogatory term. Specifically, it’s either used as a stand in for “prostitute” or “whore”, or in more of a generalized “I greatly dislike this person” sort of way. It’s typically aimed at women, which is likely why Arcee said something to him as opposed to anyone else.

This little exchange is interesting, since Dark Cybertron Chapter 6 was published in 2014. Our boy Slug here first showed up in the original cartoon, back in the 80s, and was in the Marvel UK comics, where they didn’t change his name. A good portion of the IDW creative team, including 50% of the writers for this event storyline, are also from the UK. Seems like someone finally got sick of calling a whole-ass robot dinosaur a slut.

Not that there’s anything wrong with enjoying casual sex, or being a sex worker, but slapping labels on other people without their input is sort of a shitty thing to do, especially when you’re doing it in a franchise typically aimed at younger audiences, and with a surprisingly large following in the UK, where that term is used.

Anyway, while this conversation was happening, the Titan moved, and when it did, it kicked up a shit-ton of dust. Astrotrain, who is laying off to the side with his legs and an arm off, offers Swoop his binoculars. When asked why the hell he has binoculars- which doesn’t seem so strange to me, given that they’re standard military equipment in a lot of places- he tries to explain that he’s got shit eyes, and didn’t want Megatron to know about them. This would be an interesting glimpse into the inner workings of the Decepticons and how they view disability, if Swoop actually gave a damn.

But he doesn’t.

So it’s not.

Swoop sees with his special eyes that the guys who went down into the Crystal City have escaped, and are currently trying to outrun the Titan, and also the title of this issue.

Watch out, that typography’s gonna fuckin’ get you!

The Dinobots start firing on the Titan, which does fuck-all, and Prowl yells at them to head for Iacon, since that’s where the Titan’s going. Bumblebee, Skywarp, and Megatron are revealed to be MIA. Bummer.

Over on that weird water planet the Lost Light landed on a few issues back, the Rod Pod gang have puttered into Metroplex’s eye socket, and are currently making a Fantastic Voyage. Getaway asks where the hell Metroplex’s eyeball got to, but nobody has an answer for him, least of all Metroplex. Strange happenings on this weird water planet.

Ratchet gives everyone the skinny on Titan physiology theory- thank god he came along on the trip so I could at least get a little lore to feed my brain through this slog.

So, Metroplex’s spark could actually be out right now. Even though the lights are still on, that doesn’t mean anyone’s actually home, because the power of his spark needs time to actually travel through the body, and it needs a lot more time than the average robot, because he’s just so goddamned big. Humans also need time for their animating force… or, uh, blood to travel through the body. This is why we have a pulse. If it was instantaneous, we wouldn’t, but we’d probably also explode, because our squishy little bodies wouldn’t be able to handle that shit.

The gang starts scanning for life signs, even though they’re not even sure if they’ll be able to pick anything up. Brainstorm theorizes that the water could be causing degradation to Metroplex’s body. Getaway is still stuck on the Rod Pod existing. He’s having a moment. He’s been having a moment, really, ever since he saw the damn thing.

The results from the life-scan come in, and it looks like Metroplex might actually be okay, because there’s a blip for everyone in the Rod Pod, plus one! Hooray!

Nobody tell them about the hanger-on who’s basically glued himself to the ass of the Pod. We’ll let them have this little win, if only for a moment.

Ratchet suggests they head for the brain to check things out. Brainstorm reads back the report on the water sample he took, holding his data pad as precariously as he possibly can as he does. There’s admium flakes in the water. Nobody knows what this means, so they try to call Swerve, who is a metallurgist, for his professional opinion. The call goes to voicemail. Pity, that.

The fellas show up at the cranium, and there’s a small issue; Metroplex’s brain isn’t there. It wasn’t yanked out, either- it’s clean as a whistle in there, all things considered. Next stop- the spark. Hopefully they can get there before all the lights go out, because it’s beginning to look rather grim for ol’ Plexy.

Back on Cybertron, Starscream is asking about the fatality rate of the death wave, which is a bit funny to read now that I’ve typed it out. Tankor- who is our tie-in issue character today- decides he’s going to start some shit with Starscream, even as people are evaporating around him in the medical center he’s volunteered to assist at. Starscream takes the verbal stripping down with a straight face, because at this point, it’s just par for the course for him. Being head honcho of a whole planet kinda sucks, as he’s quickly finding out.

Flatline, who is also here, makes a crack at Starscream’s expense, and Starscream decides that that’s going to be the straw that breaks his camel’s back, as he starts getting dangerously sarcastic with the guy. Too bad this isn’t the time for that, however, because the Titan just showed up at the city limits.

Wow, Titan really said “fuck those two guys on the left in particular.”

Over in the Dead Universe, it turns out that the massive fiery laser blast from last issue DIDN’T kill everyone, and doesn’t actually seem like it was ever intended to. I suppose it was some sort of transport beam that Nova Prime used for his entrance, like the dramatic bitch he is. That’s neat, I guess.

Hardhead’s pretty upset by Nightbeat’s betrayal, not that Nightbeat really cares- being brainwashed tends to have that effect. Hardhead starts slamming his skull against the containment cube, living up to his name and also making himself look like a fool. Cyclonus is beginning to regret agreeing to this trip. Orion Pax punches the wall and starts yelling at Nightbeat for being a traitor, pretty much breaking his hand in the process. Rodimus tries to get him to chill out, and gets a knuckle sandwich for his troubles.

Also, this whole thing is a ruse. Orion managed to crack the cube, and he’s gonna try to get them out, but he can only do it if Nightbeat doesn’t realize what’s going on. Once Rodimus is let in on the plan, he tries to butter up ol’ Ikea Johnson, who notices the very mysterious something that’s on Rodimus’ palm. The thing that’s NOT his forcefield generator, that we don’t get to know about just yet.

Seeing the mysterious something makes Nightbeat fall to his knees, clutching his head in pain. At least, that’s what Orion says happened. I don’t know what happened or why, or why Orion would fucking know what happened or why. Or even, really, if it was Orion making the claim in the first place.

Not even any feet to try to connect to characters. I’m just guessing on previous panels.

“Dark Cybertron” makes me so, so tired.

Anyway, Nova Prime tells everyone to get on their knees, lest he shoot them with his big honkin’ back turrets.

Back inside Metroplex, the fellas have exited the Rod Pod and are on the hunt for Metroplex’s spark. Someone’s gone and drawn arrows pointing in the direction of the spark chamber, though who exactly is a mystery. Lots of mystery going on this issue. The boys decide to see where the graffiti takes them, leaving the Rod Pod to whatever fate might befall it while they’re gone.

Nobody likes the Rod Pod very much.

Also, that hanger-on from earlier is still there. This’ll turn out great, surely!

We get treated to a double-page spread of Escher proportions, as the gang tries to traverse the inner workings of Metroplex, until they hit an arrow that seemingly hits a dead end. When they brute force their way through the ceiling, it’s bad news bears; they’re right back where they started. Whirl, our most volatile friend, takes out his frustration on the Rod Pod, only for more bad news to reveal itself: the Pod’s been rigged to explode by the hanger-on!

And that’s a series wrap on the Rod Pod Squad! Let’s give ‘em a hand, folks!

Back in the Dead Universe, Nova Prime is busy deadnaming Orion, and generally just being an asshole. He notices Cyclonus off in the corner, and starts being an asshole at him too, because that’s how Nova interacts with the world. It’s all he knows.

It’s at this point that Cyclonus gives Hardhead the signal, and Hardhead bashes through the crack in the cube. Too bad it reseals itself directly behind him. Hardhead goes to punch Nova Prime, and gets his hand crushed into pulp for his troubles. Then he dies, because that was his forcefield hand.

And that’s a series wrap on Hardhead!

Nova Prime informs everyone that he’ll be taking them to visit a pal of his.

You know, this reveal would be a hell of a lot more poignant if I could FUCKING TELL WHO THE SHIT THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE.

[crowdedimagines]

Falling - Harry Styles

*obviously inspired by Falling, which i am OBSESSED with! *italics are from the past, a lot of this story will be from the past. *also, see if you catch some mini easter eggs to other songs from fine line (this wasn’t intentional, but for the timeline to work he never dated camille)

There’s no point in stopping the tears as they slowly stream down my face. As soon as I saw the tracklist to Harry’s new album I had a feeling this one would bring on the waterworks. Now that the album is officially released, I can hear what he’s been working on the past few months.

Falling.

A simple word with so much meaning behind it. It’s hard to fight off the memories of our relationship.

“-and this is the lovely, Y/n.” A friend introduces me to a small group of her friends at the party. She managed to drag me away from a conversation I was having to ‘meet some friends’. I smile and wave to all of the new faces, they go around and give me their names in return.

“Harry.” The last one speaks up, he raises his glass in a wave.

Our eyes pull together like magnets. I’m thankful for the darker lighting that is hiding the blush that creeps over my cheeks.

We all quickly dive into a conversation, everyone present being easy enough to talk to. They’re all lovely and fun people.

“I’m gonna go get another drink.” I announce as I get up from my spot.

“I’ll come with, mine seems to be empty too.” Harry grins and follows me back to the bar.

We both order our drinks and wait for them to be made. It takes a while, seeing how busy it is with all of the people here, but neither Harry or I mind. We immediately jump into a new conversation ranging from music, acting, and travel.

“You’ve never been to the UK?” Harry asks, utterly shocked.

“No.” I shake my head, laughing at his appalled reaction.

“How is that even possible? You’ve never had to film over there or anything?”

“I’ve been to Italy and France, but never your neck of the woods I suppose.” I let out a laugh.

He takes a sip of his drink, neither of us have made an effort to move back to the group since receiving them. I can see my friend giving two thumbs up over Harry’s shoulder. I’m sure this was some plan of hers to try and get us to hit it off.

“Well, you tell me when you’re free and we’ll go.” He smiles, “I’ll be your tour guide.”

God, I would love to take him up on that offer.

“Aren’t you going to be awfully busy with your first solo tour?”

“Ahh, you keep up with me then?” He smirks, I’m sure he’s enjoying that little ego boost.

“Pretty hard not to.” I roll my eyes, as if the pop star was so under the radar. “I can hardly leave my apartment in New York without coming across a billboard with your face plastered on it.”

“Well I’m sorry about that, love.”

“Don’t be, it’s a nice face to look at.”

It’s my turn now to smirk and notice Harry slightly thrown off.

“Tour doesn’t start for a month, pick a date before that and we’ll go.”

“You’re putting an awful lot of faith into someone you just met a half an hour ago.”

“I have faith in you, Y/n.”

“And why should I have faith in you?” I tease, “For all I know you could be a very creepy man.”

“Hey!” He laughs, “Haven’t you ever heard of treating people with kindness?”

The first time Harry and I ever met. That first night even, I knew that he was going to mean so much. I was proven correct a few weeks later when we actually did go to London together.

“Home sweet home.”

Harry opens the door wide enough so both of us and our luggage can fit. He’s invited me to stay at his flat, claiming it’s nicer than any hotel anyway. It’s also an obvious excuse for us to spend more time together just the two of us.

“It’s awfully gloomy here, strike one for London.” I joke.

“Hey! It’s late, you can’t judge it yet! Plus we just got off of a ten hour flight, you’re not in the right headspace.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I roll my eyes.

Harry and I have managed to grow so close in the short amount of time we’ve known each other. We met up several more times to somewhat plan the trip, Harry helped me pack claiming he would know what I would need better than I would.

We both laughed until we were crying, trying on the various clothes from my closet. Many random gems, things I’m almost positive Harry wants to steal.

We still haven’t defined what we are. Friends is the easiest way of putting it, but it doesn’t feel quite right. We flirt constantly and were touchy with each other, but we’ve never acted on anything.

“Alright, let’s find you a room.”

Harry takes my suitcase with him as he leads me into the rest of his house. We go up to the second floor and he opens the door to a large room. It’s decorated in simple white with hints of yellow.

“Cute.” I grin looking around the room.

“Y’like it?” He almost seems nervous. Giddy like an unsure child.

“It’s perfect, thank you.”

For the first time there’s an awkward pause. Just a few seconds of what to do, it’s really late and by the sounds of it we have plans for an early morning.

“Well, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, H.”

Harry leaves me to my room and goes to his own, which is conveniently across the hall.  

He wasn’t lying, the next day we are up bright and early. Too early, I might add.

“Y/n.” He taunts my name on the other side of the door.

“Too early.” I grumble, my face still half smashed into a pillow. I don’t even flinch hearing the door open.

“C’mon, Y/n. If you get up now we can go out for breakfast and go to the farmers market.” I feel the bed dip as he settles on the bed.

“Why can’t I sleep in and we just eat here?” I finally turn to face where’s he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, he has an amused look on his face.

“Because I’ve been in Los Angeles for the past two months. There’s quite literally no food here.”

I let out a groan and drop my head back down.

“I’m amazed with how cute you still look while so angry and having just woken up.”

“You’re such a kiss ass.” I grumble.

“Only for you.” He lightly smacks my ass before walking back out. “Let’s go, Y/Ln.”

I get up and look out the large window to see that it’s raining, but it looks like the sun is trying to come out. I settle on a comfortable outfit, tucking my hair back into a low bun. I wash my face and throw on a pair of sunnies.

“Ready?”

I nod and we take off. We walk to a diner that Harry loves going too, he claims that he gets cravings for it when he’s back in the states. I have to say, after eating there, I understand his hype.

Once were no longer hungry, we take off for the farmer’s market.

It’s cute to say the least. We pick up some organic veggies to cook with for dinner and we find some cheese and fresh bread.

“H, look!” I cross over from the tent we had been in to the one across the street.

“They’re beautiful!” I trail my fingers across all of the different bundles of flowers.

“I almost lost you.” Harry says after catching up.

“Look at how pretty they are!” I pick up a bundle of sunflowers.

“How much?” Harry asks before handing over more than enough for them.

“Gotcha!” Harry smiles looking down at his phone. I’m sure he’s taken yet another candid picture.

“For someone who doesn’t post on social media, you take an awful lot of pictures.” I bump his shoulder as we continue walking.

“Yeah, still like to have the memories.”

Harry and I spent two more days in London exploring more of the city before we decided to take a road trip to Holmes Chapel to see where Harry grew up. It was a long drive, but it was worth it to see Harry light up.

“That’s the bakery I used to work in.” He points out the car window.

“Don’t you want to stop?” I ask, watching him drive right by it.

“No, it’s kind of become a fan beacon now.” Harry explains.

We continue to drive through the town as he points out more spots from when he grew up. Or we sit in a comfortable silence just looking out at the scenery. I don’t notice we’ve arrived somewhere until Harry puts the car in park.

“Where are we?” I ask, looking at the house in front of us. It’s grown dark out, but the house looks warm and inviting.

“My mum’s house.” He quickly gets out of the car before I can ask a question.

“Harry!” I roll my eyes, following him to the door.

“What?” He grins looking over his shoulder. He knocks and it doesn’t take long for an answer to follow.

“Harry!” She pulls him in for a hug, the woman I can only assume is his mother.

They talk softly to each other and I feel as if I’m invading a very private moment.

“You’ve brought someone home?” She shouts with an excited voice. Without a pause, she pulls me in for an equally tight hug. She knocks the air out of my lungs, but I let out a laugh.

“In all these years, Harry’s never brought a girl home!”

“Mum!” Harry groans, a pink color taking over.

“Come in come in! I’m just finishing up supper.”

She disappears further into the house, once Harry and I step in, I can feel the warmth of the home and smell whatever she’s cooking.

“You brought me home to meet your mom!” I tease, turning to smack Harry lightly on the chest.

“No, she would just be upset if I was here and didn’t see here before leaving for a world tour.”

Bullshit.

“Harry, you’ve never brought a girl home before.” I smirk.

“Alright alright, I really like you. As if it wasn’t obvious enough before.” Harry admits, he successfully knocks the smile clear off my face.

“Are you going to say anything?” He asks, suddenly twisting the right on his fingers around out of nerves.

“I like you too.” I smile, “Duh.”

“Thank god.” He sighs, pulling me in for a hug.

“Alright, supper is- oh! You’re having a moment, I’ll go.” Anne rushes back to the kitchen. It would take a blind man to miss the smile and happy dance at seeing us like this.  

“She’s a sweetheart.” I pull back so I can look up

“Yeah, we’re a pretty charming family.”

“I can see that.”

After that it was bliss, Harry and I finally got together. Just in time for him to leave on tour. But we made it work, thankfully. Either I would fly out to whatever city he was in, or when he had extended breaks he would come see me on set. Any time we weren’t performing, we were facetiming. Or when the time differences didn’t work, we would leave each other long voicemails, just longing to hear the other’s voice.

By the time he finished his tour, and I finished my movie, we finally got to date like a normal couple and see each other regularly.

“Coming, coming!” I yell, rushing to my door to see who’s in a huge rush that causes them to knock repeatedly.

“I said-” Before I get a chance to yell when I swing the door open my jaw drops at the sight.  

“Hi, love.” He grins, a bundle of sunflowers in his hands.

“What are you doing here?” I peck his lips with mine and pull him in for a long hug, “You had things to finish up! I wasn’t supposed to get you home for another week!”

“I’m sorry, love, but I lied. I always knew I could sneak away.”

“That’s kind of evil.” I laugh pulling away, but still holding onto him.

“Which is why I have these.” He hands my the flowers.

“Thank you.” I grin, he follows me into my kitchen and watches as I put them in water.

“So, how does it feel to be all finished?” I ask.

“Good, it was really rewarding, but really exhausting. I’ve just been waiting to come home to you to be perfectly honest.”

“Well, here I am.” I smile, I take a seat on his lap. It’s good to have him here.

Beachwood Cafe. The coffee here doesn’t taste as good when it’s not filled with our laughter and deep conversations. It seems bitter without the games.This was our spot in Los Angeles. Early in our relationship we had stumbled upon the place and it became ours. The baristas growing accustomed to our orders and our stardom.

“You’re absolutely mad if you think that’s a word.” Harry says, his voice getting louder and gaining the attention of people around us. As if we weren’t already doing that. The cafe is always busy, but today it seemed like there were lots of people here.

“Have you ever played Scrabble? Of course this is a word!” I argue. Part of why we like the cafe is the bookshelf filled with board games. Every time we come Harry and I pick a new one we’ve never played together before. Today we settled on Scrabble even though it led to us bickering.

“I don’t like playing with a cheater.” He can’t even get away with it without smiling, but we continue the teasing fight for the fun of it. Banter is always entertaining.

“A cheater?” My voice raising as well, “Look it up!”

We both breakout in laughter over how stupid it is to be arguing about.

Still blissfully aware in our honeymoon phase which lasted way longer than any other relationship either of us have been in. If only I had known then how much worse the arguing would get.

“Harry, what’s happened to you?” I ask, tears freely falling to the floor. The tears being caused more by anger than hurt at this point.

“What do you mean?” His words slurred.

“You’re drunk again, of course.” I roll my eyes, leaving him on the bathroom floor to deal with himself.

“You’ve made a fool of me Harry!” I shout, letting my temper get the best of me, “Do you know how embarrassing you were tonight? Tonight was a big deal for me, I’ve never been the lead actress. You now what this premiere meant to me.”

“Love, I-” Harry follows me out of the bathroom into our bedroom. My attitude and hurt seems to have sobered him up a bit, though he is still far from dry.

“You got hammered before the movie could even start!” I huff, “You were loud and obnoxiously shouting about nonsense! Not to mention the fact that you flirted with nearly every person at the bar.”

“Y/n, it’s fine we-”

“No, it’s far from fine. I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately, since when have you felt most comfortable with a drink in your hand? Or a stranger on your arm? This isn’t new for you anymore, you’ve been acting like this for months.”

The silence coming from him proves I’m right.

“If it’s been months, why haven’t you said anything before now. We’ve been dating for nearly two years now, we live together. I would think you’re comfortable enough to tell me you think I’m a drunk.” Harry sasses back.

“I’ve tried! You just get rude or you don’t even remember it in the morning.” I push my hair back out of my face, “The only difference it, tonight was my breaking point.”

I walk to my closet and grab a bag and start shoving essentials in it.

“No, Y/n, wait.” Harry follows me, he takes the bag from my hand and starts pulling things back out.

“Harry stop!” My voice rising louder than it ever has in this house, “Enough. I’m done. We are finished.”

Harry suddenly drops the bag and stumbles back out of the closet. I manage to repack the bad come out to see Harry sitting on the edge of the bed, staring blankly at his shoes.

“I’ll send someone to get the rest of my stuff. You can buy out my half of the lease.”

After that night, I never looked back.

The song ends and I turn off my phone and set it down. I wipe away any remnants at eyes, the tears long dried. Before I can spend any more time thinking about him or the way things used to be, I get dressed for the day. Harry was right about one thing.

I’ll never need him again.

[gdwessel]

Rumors About Ospreay + Unrest In The NJPW Locker Room; Government Adds Okinawa to State Of Emergency, Another Extension Possible; Quick Review of DSOTR Collision In Korea; Shota Umino News!; Ren Narita on Dark Elevation; Satoshi Kojima In Impact Next Week

Strap in because this is going to be a long one.

There are rumors and reports coming out now (mostly from one source, the Voices of Wrestling website, from behind a Patreon paywall) that Will Ospreay's injury may not be what it seems, and there is growing discontent to the point of "mutiny" among the non-Japanese wrestlers regarding the state of emergency, the last-minute decision to resume touring when some were already travelling out of Japan, and the constant need for quarantining when coming back into Japan. Unfortunately this is as much as I can say, because this is behind a paywall, so until it gets made for public consumption I’m kinda limited in what I can say.

I can totally buy that all is not well within NJPW, especially after the COVID-19 bubble has burst. I've already discussed the creative malaise happening in the company right now. That there seems to be backstage dissent shows possible signs of trouble ahead for the promotion, and this golden period that we've been accustomed to is well and truly over. (I mean, it already was once lockdown happened, but they did the best they could, in my honest opinion, including a Pretty Good if not great WK15. Right now, creatively, we are below 2nd-half 2018 levels of poor.) But NJPW has weathered these storms before, although not with a global pandemic looming over everything. I am willing to give them the benefit of the doubt that Ospreay is indeed injured, because a) they haven't exactly been shy about wrestlers being injured and needing to vacate titles before b) if Ospreay is legit injured, he is far more likely to receive treatment as a citizen of the UK from the (somehow still alive if not totally hobbled by Brexit) NHS, as opposed to Japan's healthcare system which is far more like the US model. Some wrestlers are swearing up and down he is injured, from the rumors. Ospreay certainly hasn’t said anything in his own words, beyond RTing NJPW’s announcement of his injury and vacating the title, and posting a pic of himself kissing the belt. RevPro kinda sorta said something but were also pretty vague. But for an injury suffered on 5/4/2021, this pic posted on 5/18 does not look like someone who just had such a severe neck injury they need to fly back to the UK (mind you, it COULD have been taken much earlier than that). Indeed, Ospreay’s still-active Twitter is more focused on Hana Kimura at the moment*. All this said, professional wrestling by it’s very nature has a baked-in amount of bullshit as part of it, so that this injury might be phony is always a distinct possibility.

It is utterly believable there is conflict between wrestlers and management, and communication is piss-poor at best. It is also believable that NJPW and Bushiroad are only taking their cues from a government Hell-bent on holding an Olympics an overwhelming majority of those polled are against, and who are treating the extended state of emergency as a vague suggestion rather than as a, you know, state of emergency. Pretending everything is hunky dory hasn't worked so far, so not sure why NJPW, nor the Japanese government, think eventually it will. (And NOAH is on my shit list right now too.) On that note, the government has now officially added Okinawa to the state of emergency. There is also talk that it will be extended further, as a government subcommittee member is quoted in the article as saying “it is difficult to think” that it will be lifted on 5/31/2021. Among that talk is word that Tokyo particularly will be under a stricter lockdown if this goes on. On a piece of actual GOOD news, it has been announced that the government has approved both the Moderna and AstraZeneca versions of the vaccine, so perhaps the vaccination rates will start to go up at last.

* - The anniversary of Hana Kimura’s tragic death is tomorrow (5/23/2021). I still sometimes struggle with the idea she is gone. Tonight at 10:30pm EDT (which is 5/23/2021 12:30pm in JST), FITE TV will be showing a live Hana Kimura tribute show put on by her mother, Kiyoko Kimura. Have a look in if you can

I was able to watch the Vice Dark Side Of The Ring episode on Collision in Korea, the two-night joint NJPW & WCW show from May Day Stadium in Pyongyang, North Korea, on 4/28 & 4/29/1995, as it aired Thursday. It will hit YouTube here pretty soon. I am working on a podcast project about this documentary, and the (WCW version of the**) show itself, with the good lads at the Days Of Thunder podcast, so I won't talk too much here, but I will say a few things about it:

I did appreciate the detail here, as well as being able to get an interview with Antonio Inoki for this, especially as he was the principal driver of this show happening. I did also like that they took time to detail Inoki's mentor, and the "father of puroresu," Rikidozan, who himself was a North Korean national by birth. I did not appreciate the mythical pathos they added to the death of Rikidozan, which by all accounts was a random street fight with yakuza over a perceived insult (stepping on Rikidozan's shoe). I also felt they could have done a better job explaining the situation between Japan and North Korea at the time. When the event was first proposed to the NJPW roster, Scott Norton recounts Masahiro Chono telling Norton that "they want us dead," but it took until introducing former CNN foreign correspondent Mike Chinoy nearly halfway through the documentary to (briefly) explain the brutal colonialism that Japan wreaked on North Korea in the first part of the 20th century.

Also, as salacious as DSOTR can get, I am very surprised one of the most famous rumors/stories about this show did not get discussed, the internet wrestling legend that Kensuke Sasaki and Akira Hokuto were, erm, Quite Vocal when they were together, which of course did eventually lead to their marriage four months later which continues to this very day. But that was also part of another critique I had, which is, they mainly focused on the WCW part of the events, when this was an NJPW promoted show. The way it was told on DSOTR, the only Japanese wrestlers there were Antonio Inoki, Shinya Hashimoto, Akira Hokuto and Bull Nakano. I'd love to hear more from the NJPW side of things, besides how proud Inoki was of this political stunt that did not get him re-elected to the Diet anyway.

Overall, I do recommend watching this when and how you can, because it is absolutely bonkers. I will definitely keep you posted on when the podcast project for this drops. ** - I've tried looking for the NJPW version and have failed so far. NJPWWorld only has two matches from this, Antonio Inoki v. Ric Flair, and Akira Hokuto v. Bull Nakano. The WCW version is not officially released, even on WWE Network, so yeah search the internet to see it.

We finally have an update on Shooter! That is, Shota Umino. Earlier in the week, RevPro's official Twitter had a tweet saying This Summer, showing Umino in not only his white/pink Tanahashi-esque tights, but holding his Death Riders jacket from Jon Moxley, that Shota retweeted, making this his first tweet since September 2019. Two days later, a hype video appeared with footage of Shooter, including performing Death Rider. Now a Sports Illustrated article is claiming that Shooter was supposed to have reunited with Mox on the NJPW Strong episode that had Mox & Chris Dickinson face Yuji Nagata & Ren Narita, but Umino had an unspecified injury preventing that. (They further say that Mox v. Nagata’s IWGP US title match was originally set for Strong but Tony Khan convinced NJPW to hold it on AEW Dynamite.) Umino's last match listed on Cagematch was on 3/14/2020 in ATTACK! Wrestling in Cardiff, Wales, on the winning side of a 6-man tag match with Kyle Fletcher & Kid Lykos II defeating Shigehiro Irie, Chief Deupty Dunne & Los Federales Santos, Jr. It's great to have him back wrestling again, and I hope we get that reunion with Moxley soon enough too.

As an update to an item from an earlier post, it appears that the Ren Narita v. Royce Isaacs match that was teased but then not aired on AEW Dark this past Tuesday will actually be on AEW Dark: Elevation this coming Monday instead. Also part of that will be approximately 35 other matches (I only slightly kid), one of those being Rocky Romero v. JD Drake. This usually drops on YouTube at 7pm EDT / 6pm CDT Mondays.

This past Thursday on Impact, a video package showed that Satoshi Kojima would be appearing on next week's episode. This will be Kojima's first time ever wrestling in Impact under any name, as the last time NJPW and TNA were working together, Kojima was still away in All Japan Pro Wrestling. No word as to what he will be doing or whom he will be wrestling.

Also on Impact, Juice Robinson & David Finlay Jr. successfully defended the Impact World Tag Team titles against Ace Austin & Madman Fulton... before getting blindsided by two members of the Violent By Design unit (in this case, ECW veteran Rhino and former AJPW Triple Crown champion + cancer beater Joe Doering) with whatever Impact's version of a Anytime Anywhere Challenge is, and took the belts from FinJuice. They claimed FinJuice were going back to Japan, but, erm, who knows if that's the case or if it was for a time period when Wrestle Grand Slam was still a thing that was happening.

Also also, it seems Don Callis is no longer in any executive capacity at Impact. This is a little significant as it seems it was Callis who opened the negotiations back up for Impact to work with NJPW. Of course, lately he's spent more time as an on-screen heel manager for Kenny Omega, the Good Brothers and now the Young Bucks on both AEW and Impact programming. We'll see how much longer Kenny Omega's belt collector shtick goes on for with Callis no longer part of creative or management.

And that is actually it for now! Yipes!

[knovesstorytelling]

Murray Mysteries Transcript S1E14

Episode 14. Dear Lucy

Written by May Toudic

Mina: Welcome to Murray Mysteries.

[Theme music plays.]

[A phone rings.]

Voicemail: You have one new message.

[A beep.]

Mina: Hey Lucy! I’m sorry I’ve been pretty much unreachable lately. Things have been so busy I haven’t even been able to catch up on my own podcast. Although I’m not sure it’s even really mine anymore. It’s ours, that is if you haven’t managed to turn it into The Lucy Show by now. Let Dr. Seward get a word in once in a while, will you? 

Mina: Again. I’m really sorry I haven’t stayed in touch, although you aren’t answering your phone, so who’s fault is it really. Think of that before you make fun of me for leaving a voicemail. You’re probably fabulously busy as always, so I thought I’d upload this little update so you can listen to it whenever you have time. So much has happened, it’s uh...it’s actually hard to know where to start.

Mina: Okay. We got back to the UK a couple of weeks ago, after Jonathon’s doctor said he was well enough to travel. Jon’s boss, Mr. Hawkins, picked us up at the airport and insisted we stay with him for a while, which is kind of weird, but I think he just felt guilty for sending Jonathon on that trip. 

Mina: He’s a really nice man. We’ve been exchanging emails since I started getting worried about Jon and he said he felt responsible for all this. I would love to extend his hospitality until we both got our bearings again. I just, I get the sense he’s just really lonely and happy to have us around. He’s always fussing over Jonathon and asking if we need anything. 

Mina: We never do, of course, because it feels like this place already seems to have everything anyone could possibly want. If you ever think about having a snack, there’s a housekeeper, yes there’s a housekeeper, will appear with a tray of like, pastries, or like cheese platter or something. And this house, you should see it. Lucy, it is insane. It looks like a museum. I’m scared to touch anything but I want to touch everything!

Mina: And every single item has a story. Turns out Jonathon was right, you can travel a lot as a solicitor. Mr. Hawkins has been everywhere and he loves to talk about it. I don’t think he’s been asked about his life and he like, he lights up anytime I ask a question. It’s kind of adorable.

Mina: Obviously I wanted to visit you since, since I got back, I really miss you. I really miss your face. And your voice. I even miss your teasing. That’s saying something. But between Jonathon’s recovery and Mr. Hawkins clearly needing the company, I didn’t feel like I’d get away. Besides, I know you’re probably surrounded by your adoring friends and lover. You’ve likely forgotten about me already.

Mina: Jon’s been getting better. He started walking again, though Mr. Hawkins won’t let him go back to the office. They’ve been working from home a few days a week and Jon’s in the running to make partner. Which, as I understand it, is pretty much like the biggest promotion you can get. He’s worried some of his colleagues might see it as nepotism, but I like to remind him he literally laid down his life for the company. He deserves the damn job.

Mina: He still gets nightmares about it. You know, whatever it is. Every once in a while he wakes up shaking in the middle of the night and I have to talk him down until he remembers where he is. It’s really scary.

Mina: What is it with everyone I love and refusing to sleep through the night like normal people. Speaking of, I hope you’re doing better with the whole sleepwalking thing or at least that Art is around to stop you falling off of cliffs. You know, I wouldn’t have to worry if you’d just answer your phone. Answer your phone, Lucy.

Mina: Jonathan said to give you his best, but I think that’s pretty weak coming from the junior partner of the most important firm of Hawkin and Harker. So, I’m sending you his love. And mine. Lots and lots of it. See you soon, and don’t fall off any cliffs.

[A beep. Jane sighs.]

Jane: We need to tell her.

Van Hellsing: We will. Soon. 

Jane: Soon, when? She’s dying.

Art: Jane’s right. Mina should be here. 

Van Hellsing: Trust me. It’s better for Miss Murray to stay out of this. The less people are involved, the better.

Quincey: Do you ever know what she’s talking about?

Jane: On... occasion.

Art: God. I wish there were something I could do. Anything. I would die instead of her if I could, I just… Why her?

Van Hellsing: That is a more complicated question than you can imagine. But the simple answer is because she was chosen. And once someone’s chosen, there’s nothing any of us can do. You gave her love in her last, hardest moments. And that did more for her than sacrificing your life ever could.

Art: Thank you. I wish I believed that.

Van Hellsing: She’d tell you the same if she could.

Art: I don’t know, she doesn’t even look like herself. She’s so pale and—

Quincey: Yeah, do her teeth look longer to you?

Jane: Probably a trick of the light.

Quincey: How—

[Sheets rustle.]

Lucy: Art?

Art: I’m here. See? Right here.

Lucy: Come closer.

Van Hellsing: Don’t! I’m sorry. I know you want to say goodbye. But we have to be careful.

Art: Of what? Is she s—

Van Hellsing: Not herself. Not anymore.

Jane: Professor…

Quincy: Come on Art, let’s get some air.

Art: What? No, I have to—

Quincey: She’s gone. There’s nothing more you can do.

[Art sobs.]

Art: Lucy.

Quincey: Come on.

[They leave.]

Jane: That’s— that’s it? It’s over?

Van Hellsing: Not quite I’m afraid. This is just the beginning.

[Credits music begins]

Credits: Murray Mysteries is a Knoves Storytelling production. This episode was written and produced by May Toudic and featured Drew Victorie as Mina Murray, Bebhinn Tankard as Dr. Jane Seward, Rebecca Krause as Professor Van Hellsing, Lucy Willis as Art Holmwood, Tom Magennis as Quincey Morris, and Megan John as Lucy Westenra. Original music by Sophie K. If you like our work, and would like to support us, you can sign for our Patreon at Pateron.com/KnovesStorytelling or follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr. Thank you for listening.

[purplesurveys]

1195

survey by n0b0dysp3rf3ct

—:: Who ::—

... was the last person you saw face to face? I passed by my brother last night when I had to go to the kitchen to fill up my tumbler.

... was the last person you texted or messaged online? Angela; I was just asking her for the difference among A4/A5/A6 since I’m now planning to buy a binder and sleeves for my rapidly increasing collection of photocards and postcards. It really frustrates me that A4 is the biggest one and A6 the smallest :((((

... was the last person who asked you for a favour? Kata, my manager. She filed a half-day leave last Friday to get herself and her family vaccinated in her town, so she had sent me over a very long to-do list of deliverables that she asked me to fulfill while she was out. Eventually she ended up filing a whole-day leave since she felt feverish after being under the sun all day, and also possibly from side effects of the vaccine, so I ended up carrying the entire workload for the day. I like Kata and she’s a very easy person and superior to work with, so I honestly couldn’t complain about it.

... was the last person you lent something to? Ooh, I don’t remember. I don’t really lend people things.

... was the last person who told you a secret/confided in you? Andi was just sharing to me their worries about taking the LAE (scheduled for today) and how they’ll be okay if they don’t pass.

... is the tallest person you know? Jo is like 5′7″ and we all look like beans when standing next to her. One of my uncles is also very tall; around 5′10″ or 5′11″ if I’m not mistaken.

... the shortest person you know? I think Aya? That’s just a smart guess, though; I haven’t seen most of my friends in more than a year.

... your oldest (in years) friend? Mik is turning 28 this year. Sometimes I forget just how much older he is than me since we vibe really well together during the rare times we did get to hang out. I’m still bummed we never got that smoke break we wanted to have.

... is the oldest (in length of time) friend? Angela.

... is your youngest friend? Hannah was born in 2000. Peter was born in 2001 but we aren’t that close yet.

... is your newest friend? I haven’t made any new friends recently. Stan Twitter is lonelier than I thought it would be; everyone is already friends with everyone so it’s hard to break that space. Not to mention everyone is also grossly younger than I am – I keep seeing profiles with ‘2004′ on their bio :/ I should start making an effort to look for older ARMYs lol, I definitely feel like I’d have more fun that way.

... is your closest relative? My eldest cousin on my mom’s side, my Kuya.

... was your favourite teacher? My music teacher from high school. I neeeeeever liked music as a subject and it was never a priority of mine, but she always kept our classes something for me to look forward with her advice and the way she was always able to make lessons interesting.

... was your least favourite teacher? Those who made it clear they didn’t like me, even though I didn’t do anything to deserve such hostility.

... did you spend the most time with when growing up? My siblings and cousins since we all lived together at one point.

... knows you the best? My two best friends.

... always beats you in games or sports? Andi would probably be able to beat me in any game. They just let me win because they know I can be a sore loser.

... who is the most creative of the people you know? My family is pretty artistic and I have a lot of talented relatives - my sister and my cousin Maggie paint and draw; my mom can make any kind of craft she wants, with her hnds; and one of my grand-aunts regularly does paintings. I think all of them are amazingly creative in their own way.

... is the funniest person you know? Probably Andi. Hans makes me crack up too.

... is the most organised that you know? My mom.

... that you know has travelled the most? My dad. Both our fridge doors are filled from top to bottom with magnets from places he’s travelled in due to his line of work. He’s toned down quite a bit in the last few years and has taken to staying within Asia, but back then his traveling history was super expansive – Germany, Jamaica, Italy, Belize, Aruba, Italy, France, Monaco, Denmark, Norway, the UK, US, Estonia, Portugal, etc.

... has always been there for you? Angela never left my side.

... has given you the most personal gift? I can’t possibly pick, my friends are pretty good at giving me gifts...like Andi getting me a Petals For Armor CD and a Punk shirt that hasn’t been produced in a while, and Angela giving me a personalized Friends mug because she knows I like my coffee and she knows I like Friends.

... has an annoying laugh? I don’t think anyone I know has an annoying laugh.

... never forgets a birthday? That would be me.

... do you live with? My parents, my two siblings, and our two dogs.

...,do you have the most in common with? I’m not so sure about this one, actually. I share bits of my personality with a lot of people - like me and Jo liking BTS, me and Andi liking wrestling, Blanch and I having similar personalities, me and Laurice being super meticulous when it comes to our work, etc. - but I haven’t met anyone who’s virtually a duplicate of mine when it comes to my traits and interests.

...is the sportiest person you know? I’m also not sure. Most people I know are into watching a bunch of sports, but none of them actually play.

...was your last missed call? It was an unknown number that I kept ignoring because THEY WOULDN’T TEXT WHO THEY WERE. If you have enough load credits to call me multiple times, then surely you can text me and introduce yourself first, and maybe then I can pick up the phone.

...did you last open your door for? My sister knocked last Friday because someone wanted to talk to me via landline. It was weird since no one calls via the phone anymore, but I have a gut feeling it was that ^ same person who had been trying to call me through my phone but never texted me. Eventually I learned it was one of the bloggers I’m talking to for work who just wanted to ask a few questions about our ongoing engagement.

... has your heart? Kim Taehyung. Expect the same answer for this type of question moving forward.

... has your respect? I gotta hand it to Tina for consistently doing well in her studies and excelling in every subject while doing photo and video editing for two orgs, working on her thesis, and being a board member in our mutual org, all while living alone. She does so well I wish I can tell her to give herself the occasional break to avoid burnout.

...do you share a special song with? I don’t think I have that with anyone.

...do you miss right now? Literally allllllll my friends.

...last made you angry? It’s been a while since I’ve directed my anger towards another person. When I get pissed off these days it’s usually over a situation that goes awry or out of my control.

...did you last buy a gift for? So this was not technically meant to be a gift, but what happened was I accidentally secured two orders of the same poster set, which was a part of this new BTS photobook coming out later this month, from two different shops. One of the shops merely posted an ‘interest check’ for the poster set so I signed up for it thinking it was harmless, but when they got back to me they already attached an invoice :/ I ended up having to pay for it just so things won’t get complicated between myself and the shop anymore; and I told Angela she can just keep the extra set I bought and that she can consider it a gift.

...did you celebrate your last birthday with? My family and technically my workmates since I didn’t file a leave that day. I also had food delivered to their house so I guess that can count as my ‘celebration’ with them.

...have you gone to a concert with? I went with Angela for my first Paramore show.

...can make you laugh? Anyone can tbh. It’s not very hard to make me laugh.

...has taught you how to do something? Nina taught me how to embroider and do basic needle/thread skills back when I was still getting into the hobby.

...has lost something of yours? I am almost certain my ex never kept the handwritten letters I used to write her. She never seemed to remember or bring up the things I wrote.

...has broke your heart? Gabie but I’m over it.

...has stood you up? Hasn’t happened to me before.

:: What ::

Is your favourite colour? Pastel pink.

Can you do that most your friends can’t? Type fast, apparently.

Is your birthday? April 21.

Colour eyes do you have? Dark brown/black.

Form of transport do you take to work/school? I work from home. But under normal circumstances I would drive my car.

Music do you like to listen to in the car? I connect my Spotify to the car’s Bluetooth and listen to whatever artist or playlist I’m into at the moment. The music I put on could also depend on my current mood for the day.

Languages can you speak? Filipino and English. I’ve also been able to pick up looooots of Korean phrases and expressions because of the amount of content I watch. I’m nowhere near fluent, of course, but I’m increasingly able to pick up what people say based off a few Korean words I’ll hear in a sentence.

Was the last thing you drank? Continued from idk. I finished off my glass of water from dinner.

Was the last thing you ate? My mom made pasta.

Time did you wake up this morning? Depends on how late I slept the night before and how tired I was, but it usually ranges between 5:45–7:30 AM.

Colour are your bedroom walls? They’re white.

Drink do you usually order when eating out? I never order drinks unless I’m at La Creperie, in which case I always get their San Gines hot chocolate; for everywhere else that isn’t a bar, I just get water.

Food can you cook well? ...I can’t cook.

Animals have you had for a pet? Dogs, rabbit, lovebirds, goldfish, and technically a cat but she was mostly Nina’s.

Are your initials? RC.

Kind of activities do you like to do on the weekends? I’m still kind of stuck at home during the weekends :/ so I can’t do much, but I’m not complaining since I actually prefer staying in these days. Anyway, most recently I’ve taken to catching up on BTS content I’ve missed over the last 8 years, so I like watching shows they’ve done like Bon Voyage, Run BTS, etc.

Movie do you know line by line? Two for the Road, TITANIC, and probably most of White Chicks.

Band(s) have you seen in concert? Paramore, One Direction, a bunch of local bands.

Do you buy/get to treat yourself? It’s usually food - I like giving myself a feast every Friday night - but I’m putting that in the backseat for now as I’ve realigned my money to be spent on BTS merch. My big purchases are saved for the albums for now, but every now and then I’ll see a postcard or photocard I like and buy them. Once I complete the albums I’ll be moving on to the concert DVDs, then the special packages, then probably BT21 plushies. Needless to say I have a longggggg way to go haha.

Colours your phone cover? I have a clear case.

Part of the world would you love to visit? Another continent would be nice.

Question do you dislike being asked? Even though I know people mean well, I don’t like being asked “How are you?” but tbh it’s more of a me thing because I just never really know what to say.

Subject were you good at in school? History.

Careers do your parents have? They both work in the hospitality industry.

Brand of clothing do you buy most often? For clothes clothes I’m not really loyal to a particular brand; I buy from different brands and shops all the time. But for shoes, I like sticking to Nikes.

Chocolate bar is your favourite? Not a big fan of chocolate bars. I love Reese’s Cups, though.

TV show have you watched every series of? Friends, Perfect Strangers, Breaking Bad.

Radio station do you listen to the most? It’s a little hard to tell at this point considering I haven’t driven regularly in over a year. But back when I used to do it, I usually flipped among 93.1, 99.5, and 87.5.

Podcasts are you subscribed to? I’m not the biggest fan of podcasts. Find them a tad bit boring.

Is your favourite dessert? Macarons or cheesecake.

Can’t you do that most around you seem to? Ride a bike.

Are 5 qualities you value in a friend? Loyalty, thoughtfulness, honest, sensitive to my needs and those of others, and intelligent.

Are 5 qualities you value in a partner? ^ Pretty much the same thing.

Size pizza do you usually order? Family size usually.

Cuisine do you like to order or cook? I’ve been getting Japanese so many times recently. I rarely go outside sushi.

Colour(s) dominate your wardrobe? Black and white, and colors that were in at one point like mustard yellow and pastel pink.

Toothpaste brand do you use? Colgate.

Sounds can you hear right now? My insanely loud aircon.

Is the weather like today? Like hell. I believe we’re reaching a heat index of over 50ºC every day now, so...that’s fun. It gets absolutely difficult to work in the afternoon when the temperature is at its most brutal, and its times like this I wish I got to work in the office so that there’s aircon and I could at least work comfortably :/

Are your plans for tomorrow? Just work and have tons of meetings, the usual.

:: Where ::

Do you keep your phone when not using it? I keep my phone near me even when I’m not using it since I could always get an important notification.

Were you born? Manila.

Do you go to unwind? Most days it would be the rooftop, but under normal circumstances I like staying at a coffee shop somewhere to escape life and my responsibilities for a short while.

Is your best friend right now? I believe they’re both at home since they have no reason to be out anyway.

Can you go nearby to have a good time? Personally, I would just go to the Starbucks near our village lol. If I’m feeling a bit more adventurous I’d head to Katip, which is prrrretty close by but not quite.

Is the nearest restaurant? We have a McDonald’s literally right beside the village. Then besides that is a Shakey’s, and right across that is a Burger King, then the aforementioned neaby Starbucks. Just makes me realize how urbanized my town has gotten in the last few years.

Is the nearest beach? If I had to guess, the nearest beaches would be in Batangas which is 2-3 hours away, but it really depends on how fast you can drive lol. I’m not too good with long car rides so in both times I’ve driven there I had always taken 4 hours.

Did you meet your closest friend? I met Angela in grade school, and I met Andi at a local rally in my university.

Did you go for your last vacation? Tagaytay, though it was a staycation more than anything else.

Is the nearest mall or superstore? It’s like a 3-minute drive away from the village.

Did you last get an injury? I have loadsssssss of new scratches and gashes all around my wrists from playing with Cooper.

Is the most extravagant place you’ve stayed at? It’s a toss-up between Aids’ or Gian’s house. Gian would probably win since I never actually got to go inside Aids’ place, and his was the first house I’ve been to that was able to literally take my breath away. OH and Shaun’s house was pretty fucking swanky as well.

Do most the local kids play? I would have no idea since I’m neither a kid nor a parent.

Have you been with your family? This is a very vague question lol...what do you mean where have we been? We’ve been to different towns around the country and several countries together, if that’s what you’ve been asking.

Did you spend Christmas last year? We visited a couple of relatives, and we also spent it at home.

Did your parents grow up? My mom grew up within Metro Manila; my dad in a city a little outside of it.

Did you buy the shoes you’re wearing? I’m barefoot at the moment and always am at home.

Would you like to go right now if you could? If life had still been normal I would probably be having after-work drinks at a bar near the office.

Do you miss the most from your childhood? I’m not sure how to answer this with where.

Is the best restaurant you know? I’m still searching for it.

Will you never go again as it was so bad? It’s not that it was bad, but I’d probably never dine at 8Cuts again because their burgers are not worth the hype and are very overpriced for their size.

:: When ::

...was your last vacation? My family’s last legit vacation was in August 2019; but we did have a quick escape to Tagaytay in January of this year.

...did you graduate? I officially ‘graduated’ from college in August, if you could even call it that.

...did you decide what career you wanted? Somewhere between my 2nd and 3rd year of college. That was when I decided I hated journalism and preferred PR, but since PR is under journalism’s umbrella there was no need for me to shift courses.

...did you have your first kiss? Continued. Like WHEN when or how old was I when? In any case, it was in January 2015 and I ws 16.

...did you learn how to swim? Idk, pretty early on. My parents liked taking us to water parks when we were younger, so we had a lot of exposure. I’m not sure if there was ever a time where something just clicked and I learned how to swim; I believe it had just come naturally.

...did you have your first relationship? By the end of 2014.

...did you meet your best friend? I met both of them in school, but at different points.

...do you feel the most at peace? Probably when I’m able to stay at the rooftop all alone.

...do you usually fall asleep? I’ve readjusted my body clock now (I used to want to be in bed by 9 or 10 PM, lmao) and I stay up until anywhere between 12-2 AM on weekdays.

...do you usually wake up? Ranges between 6-7:30 AM.

...did you last watch a movie? September.

...did you last go to a party? Around Februaryish, 2020.

...did you last cry? I can’t really recall. The last moment I can remember was crying over Life Goes On sometime last month, when I heard it for the first time. I’m just not sure if that’s accurate or when exactly in April that happened.

...did you laugh really hard? I always have a good laugh at least once a day.

...did you buy something pricey last? Idk what you would count as pricey but I bought the new BTS photobook set when it dropped back in April. Cost me around ₱3750. I wasn’t able to buy from the first press (it sold out in like 7 minutes lol) which included an exclusive poster set, so I had to look for a local shop that was already offering the poster set separately, and ended up shelling out another ₱2200 for it...which means all in all I spent around ₱5950 for it or roughly $125.

...did you have an argument last? Earlier this evening but I don’t want to get into it as it made me cry from sadness and frustration for the first time in months.

...did you last have a sick day? May last year.

...did you last recieve a hug? I have no idea. February, I think? when I hung out with my friends.

...when is your best friend’s birthday? July 22 or September 15, depends on which best friend.

...did you learn how to drive? I started getting lessons when I was 17, but I didn’t start feeling comfortable with it until I turned 18.

...did you last receive a surprise? Around a couple of weeks ago when my dad came home with Jollibee for us.

:: How ::

Many pets do you have? Two.

Many houses have you lived in? Three that I can remember, but I know my parents moved around a bit when I was a newborn.

Often do you shower? Every morning before my shift. I hate feeling sweaty and icky when I report for work.

Well can you cook? I can’t at all.

Many close friends do you have? I have two people I count as my absolute best friends, but I have a handful of close friends as well.

Many Brothers or sisters do you have? One of each.

Often do you go swimming? I don’t swim much at all, really...I haven’t done it since 2019, so that should say enough. As relaxing as it is, I feel like the clean-up afterwards can be such a challenge lol. Like if you swim in a pool you have to rigorously wash the chlorine off of you; and if you swim in the sea you have to also be thorough about making sure you’ve removed all the sand from your body.

Many times have you texted today? I don’t think I texted today but I did spend my whole day on chat platforms.

Do you like your toast (colour, topping)? I don’t have super particular preferences; I just like mine on the burnt side.

Do you like your tea and/or coffee? My coffee has to be sweet for me to enjoy it. I can take black coffee/Americano; I’ll just wince a lot with every sip. No tea for me thanks.

Do you like to celebrate your birthdays? With a lot of food.

Are you feeling today? A little frustrated because of an argument incident this evening. But I’m shaking it off and just focusing on the release of Butter tomorrow. My first BTS comeback!!!

Serious are you about your career goals? Very.

Many rooms are in your house? In total, 9.

Many bedrooms in your house? 4.

Did you do in your school exams? I was never consistent. I slacked off a looooooot in grade school; couldn’t give less of a shit about my classes then. I got a bit more hardworking in high school, but I still was a bit lax and I allowed myself to not put a lot of effort in subjects I didn’t care a lot for and that I know I would never have to use in real life, like chemistry or accounting, so there were exams I really excelled in and others that I would fail. It was only in college I started taking my studies incredibly seriously and I believe that showed in the grades I eventually got.

Close do you live to your parents? They’re like, five steps away.

Close do you live to your siblings? My sister’s literally in the room next to mine.

Sensitive to criticism are you? I know it’s something that can never be avoided, so I’m always open to hearing them, especially if it’s meant to help me. It doesn’t mean I enjoy it as it is being given.

Motivated to make changes are you? Depends on my mood and mindset. 

Creative are you (1-10): -0.5.

Hard working are you (1-10): Probably a 22 if I really put my head into a task.

Sporty are you (1-10): I dunno, maybe a 6? I do like playing table tennis, but I’m pretty meh at any other sport.

Musical are you (1-10): 0.

Do you prefer your eggs? Runny yolk; scrambled; or a really packed omelette.

Often do you go out to eat? Before the pandemic, I liked eating out 2-3 times a week.

Would your best friend describe you? Not sure, I never tried asking them this. I hope it’s all nice things, though.

Can someone cheer you up if you’re sad? Send me photos of V. Hahahaha

Often do you meet up with your friends? ...What do you think? D:

Important is religion to you? It is not a part of my life whatsoever.

Old were you when you first stayed overnight from home? 15 or 16, I can’t really remember.

Old were you when you got your first pet? I was maybe 6.

Tech savvy are you? I know enough to survive my own, but I obviously can’t hack into other computers or things like that.

Do you show you appreciate those you care for? Buying them food.

Often do you cut your hair? I only take a trip to the salon once a year.

Often do you paint your nails? Never.

Many countries have you visited? Six.

Boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? Just one.

:: Why ::

... did you choose your username? Because it was straightforward.

... did you take this survey? I like surveys made in categories, and this seemed interesting and varied enough.

... did you choose the career you did? I found that I enjoyed it MILES more than journalism.

...did you last leave the house? I had to go to a local LBC for a work errand.

...did you last give up on something? She wasn’t worth the effort anymore. She hadn’t been for a while, but it took me forever to realize.

...did you search the last thing you searched? I wanted to sing along to the song but it was in Japanese, so I had to look up its lyrics.

...would you give up on someone completely? Oof, I guess you can refer to one of the previous questions. ^

:: If...::

You could live in any country which would you choose? Canada.

You could choose any animal as a pet which one? I’m perfectly content with dogs.

You could be famous for something what would you like? Being known for a funny tweet would probably be enough lol. I have no desire to be famous.

You are sad, how do you combat it? I don’t really get sad anymore these days, so I can’t super remember the go-to tactics I depend on...I guess I like listening to sad songs and allowing myself to wallow in the sadness, because I know I have to accept and process my feelings first before I can be able to calm down.  

You can drive when did you learn? I learned shortly before I started college, when I was 18, because no one was going to be able to take me to university when the school year started.

You could have any job what would it be? Idk, I like the one I have now.

You could go anywhere for a vacation where would you go? Somewhere with a completely different feel and atmosphere, like Norway, Sweden, Finland...that part of Europe, basically.

You could eat anything right now what would it be? Samgak gimbap :/

You wrote a book what genre/topic would it be? It would be a book of essays or maybe a memoir.

You had a theme song what would it be? Idk I don’t really think about this.

You could meet any band/singer in person which one? Billie Eilish seems awesome and easy and fun to talk to.

You could act in any movie which would it be? No thanks.

You get married what venue would you like? Hotel.

If you have kids do you have names picked out? I have one name picked out for a girl but that’s it.

Could describe your dream home what would it be like? Brutalist and minimalist, with large windows, cove lights, and a lot of white space.

You could go back in time what would you change? Break up with Gab earlier.

Could use 3 words to describe your childhood which ones? Could’ve been better.

Could get the answer to any question which question would you choose? When I would die and how, just so I can have peace of mind.

You could have an endless supply of something what would it be? Money, because of course.

Meet anyone who no longer lives who’d you choose? My great-grandfather, mom’s side.

:: Can ::

... you ride a bike? No, never learned.

... you ski? I’ve never even seen snow, so no.

... you bake a cake? I can try but it will probably be very clumsily made as I don’t bake.

... you sing well? I wouldn’t say that. I like singing when I’m alone, but it doesn’t mean I’m any good.

... you do your own taxes? I’ve never tried haha so I guess not.

... you remain calm in a crisis? Depends on how serious it is.

... you do first aid? Let’s just say I wouldn’t volunteer if it comes down to it because I feel like I’d commit one fatal mistake that would make the situation graver. 

... remember your best friend’s family members’ names? Both of their families, yes.

... you fire a gun? I’ve never tried so I doubt it.

... your parents drive? Yep.

...your best friend dance well? They’re not ‘dancers’ per se but sure, they can bust out a move or two.

...you make people laugh easily? Not everyone, but sure.

...stand up for yourself? That’s what I’m trying to learn these days.

...you do a martial art? No.

:: Would ::

You like to learn a new language? That’s always a welcome opportunity.

Save the life of a stray animal? Absolutely.

Know what to do if there was a hurricane? We have several ones come in the country every year so yeah, I can definitely say we’ve long been well-prepared for them.

Try a new cuisine? I do this as often as I can.

Risk your life for anyone? Yes.

You like to get back in touch with someone? No, I’m good now.

You drive in the middle of the night to get a stuck friend? Ina heartbeat.

You Know how to perform CPR? In relation to the first aid question, I wouldn’t volunteer myself in case I make a wrong move.

You likely win in a game of chess? I don’t even know how it works, so no.

You stop talking for a day for $100? Easily.

[niall-is-my-dream]

Something Beautiful - Part Five

So I'm not 100% happy with this but here it is anyway.

Sorry I've been such a shit with updating this, lockdown has meant no time for myself. Let me know what you think!

catch up below

https://niall-is-my-dream.tumblr.com/post/615170836129808384/something-beautiful-masterlist

2815 words

Summer had passed in a blur of pure contentment. However Niall was in L.A. again and you were missing him. Since he began writing his second album, he had been bouncing between London and L.A. All the main writing had happened for it but he still needed to do a lot of work. He had been trying to do as much of it in London so that he could see family and friends more frequently especially over the summer, but it wasn't always possible.

Work at the publishing company had been busy and you'd had a lot of deadlines to adhere to. This was what was keeping you busy and stopping you from thinking about Niall too much. You hated the fact that you felt a little lost without him. You had spent a lot of time together in London and in that time you'd met his family and he yours, you'd had dinners together, late afternoon walks with Monty. And it was on one of those walks that you had been spotted together for the first time.

It had happened quite unexpectedly on a cool August evening, Niall had been walking around Wandsworth Common with you and Monty. Because of the heat you'd taken Monty out in the evening when it was cooler and still light. You'd been trying to avoid the lake in case Monty chased the ducks again, when a couple of girls aged around eighteen approached him. He had spotted them early on as soon as you had crossed over the bridge, it was like he had a weird ability to sense when he was being watched by someone, you guessed it came with experience.

The first you realised it was when they were right in front of you, although it did explain why Niall had distanced himself from you. You hadn't given it a second thought when he had moved his arm from around your shoulders. But it was because he knew someone was watching him and it was his way of protecting you from whoever that person was.

They eyed you up as they approached him, Monty came running over and dropped his ball at Niall's feet as if taking ownership of him. You loved the fact that Monty even as a young pup could show his protective side. The girls cooed over Monty as well as Niall and you found yourself being incredibly jealous.

Niall was such a sweetheart to the girls, they asked for a photo each and took interest in how his album was coming along. After initially scoping you out they paid no attention to you and you were thankful for it.

It was later that evening that Niall saw the initial speculation about who you were. Twitter had erupted with "who is the girl with the cute dog?" That phrase was fine by you, it could've been worse. There wasn't really any bad comments from what you could both see.

But the girls had managed to catch a sneaky picture of Niall with his arm around your shoulders. One where he was pulling you close to him and kissing your temple. It definitely looked a bit more than just friends apparently to his army of fans.

Luckily you didn't have your own Twitter or even Facebook. You did have an Instagram account but that was private and Niall didn't follow you anyway. Hopefully you could remain anonymous for as long as possible.

And now with Niall being back in L.A. the speculation about who you were was dying down. Niall had been monitoring it via Tara his PA, she was his eyes and ears when it came to gossip about him. She would make sure that if he was being talked about somewhere online then she was in the loop about it.

The beginning of September remained warm and you'd got the patio doors of your flat open to the garden. Monty was chilling out of the grass with a toy, your music blaring through your old record player. You were in the kitchen area prepping some dinner when a FaceTime call from Niall came through.

Upon hearing Nialls voice, Monty came bounding into the kitchen and jumped up at you.

"Woah Monty, wait your turn!" You said smiling.

Monty was circling your legs and wanting to be a part of whatever was going on, you knew he had heard Niall and was obviously missing him.

"Monty!" Niall called and Monty let out a little bark.

You slowly turned the phone around to face Monty, he nudged his face at the screen as Niall talked to him.

"You being good for your Mum?" He asked him.

You laughed a little at his conversation and at Monty who was staring at Niall with fascination.

"Right Monty, it's my turn. You go chill in your bed. Go on." You said and Monty wandered off to his bed that was by the end of the sofa. He sat in it but didn't take his eyes off you or your phone.

"I swear he loves you more than me." You muttered.

"He only loves me because I give him lots of treats."

"I'm aware!" You replied. "He's due his check up next week at the Vets so they will weigh him. He better not be piling on the pounds Horan!"

"Sorry." Niall replied laughing.

It was then that you saw he was sprawled out in bed, the crisp white sheets barely covering his torso.

"Did you just wake up?" You said seeing the clock said 6:45pm meaning it was 10:45am in L.A.

"Yeah, was at the studio till late. Just trying to decide what to do today, need to go to the gym at some point."

"I've only just finished work so am grabbing some dinner before I take Monty for a walk. It's been warm again today."

"Work busy?"

"Mmm have finally finished the edit that I've been working on for like three weeks. More assignments coming my way tomorrow."

"Any chance you could take some holiday or maybe work from a different location?"

"Possibly why?"

"I know I said I was probably coming back next week but I've got some interviews and stuff booked in now and they want to bring the single release forward by two weeks."

"That's amazing that they want to bring it forward and have got so much promo booked in for you. But won't that mean you'll be busy, why are talking about holiday time?"

"Because I wondered if you wanted to come over here for a bit?"

He wanted you to stay at his place in L.A?

Your mind was running a million miles an hour at how this would work. Would your boss allow you holiday or to work in a different time zone? Did you have any UK meetings booked in soon? What would you do with Monty?

"Niall...." You said carefully.

"I'm sorry I know it's a big ask. I just don't want to be apart anymore, I'll be here for at least another month."

"I would love to come and stay with you but.... "

"But?" He said looking slightly heartbroken.

"I can't leave Monty here, I have no one to have him for that amount of time. I can't ask Charlotte and Luke, they have a lot on with the wedding and everything."

"Alex, I meant Monty to."

You looked at him then as the realisation of what he was saying set in.

"I can't put him in a hold on the plane, I'm sorry." You said reluctantly. You knew animals were well cared for on flights but you couldn't even bare to think about leaving him alone like that in a strange place. He might have been two years old but he was still your baby.

"You won't need to. Tara is coming out in 10 days time and I can arrange a private plane for you, her and Monty. Rules aren't the same on a private chartered flight, he can sit with you for the entire time. Just need to get a letter from the Vets to confirm he's had all relevant vaccinations and is in good health."

"He could?"

"Yeah, look I know it's incredibly selfish of me to ask you to travel like that. I know your work and stuff is important to you.... I just miss you both so much. Can you have a think about it for a day or two and let me know?"

"It's so expensive to hire a plane...."

"Its not that bad."

"Small change for you hey?!" You smirked.

"Shut up, you make me sound like a right flash bastard." He smirked back.

There was silence for a moment while you took in the view in front of you, a topless Niall lying in bed. You missed him like crazy and you were sure you were due some holiday. You'd worked the last three months non stop. Would Monty be ok on the plane? He would probably love it and when he saw Niall straight after and he would know why he had taken the journey.

"Email me the details and I'll speak to my boss."

And that was how you found yourself sitting on a private plane with Niall's Assistant Tara and Monty on the way to L.A.

You hadn't had to organise anything for the journey apart from Monty's documents from the vets. Your boss has been so pleased with your work that she had said yes to some holiday straight away. Agreeing to take a week off work two weeks via L.A. And then have another week off before you returned home. She hasn't asked why you were going to L.A, and you hadn't disclosed it. Keeping this private was what you'd agreed to when Niall and you had decided to make things official, and you were fine with that. 

*****

The sunrise across Hollywood was beautiful, you could see why Niall chose to split some of his time here and London. Since arriving in L.A. a week ago you'd begun taking Monty out in the mornings.

You and Niall had dragged your bums out of bed early to avoid walking Monty later in the heat of the day. Monty needed walking early today not only because of the weather but because Niall had planned a bbq at his with some of his friends for you to meet. This was a big deal to you, as you really wanted them to like and accept you.

So here you were watching the sunrise with Monty sitting at your feet and Nialls arms wrapped around you. His face snuggled into your neck and the tender kisses he was giving you were giving you all sorts of feels. You didn't think anything to swipe that smile off your face, that was until Niall tensed behind you.

"You ok?" You whispered gently.

"Mmmm, just feel like we are being watched." He replied as he lowered his arms, he had been right the last time he had felt like that.

You turned to face him as he casually looked around the area where you had chosen to stop.

"For fucks sake." He mumbled.

Turning himself back to you, his body was flush with yours but his arms didn't wrap themselves back around you.

"Is someone watching us then?" You asked quietly.

"Yep, bloke with a fucking massive camera sitting in his car across the road. What the fuck is he doing out this bloody early?"

"Don't worry about it." You said reaching to stroke his arm to calm him. You may not be able to see his face but his body against yours was still tense.

"Come on, let's head home." He said as he turned and took your hand in his.

"Should we be holding hands?" You whispered.

"I feel like he's been watching us long enough, no point hiding it now." Niall replied sounding deflated.

You walked back to Niall's making small talk, but you could tell that the photographer seeing you both had rattled him. He had mentioned about wanting to keep things private, you had no intention on posting photos of him on your social media which actually only consisted of Instagram. And even then you really only posted pictures of your trips away and of Monty being cute. You couldn't imagine any of his fans remotely finding that interesting or using it to find a reason to hate you. Monty was cute.

Back in the safety of Niall's house, he let Monty off his lead and he scurried off towards the other end of the house where Mully's room was.

"Off to sleep at the end of Uncle Mully's bed again I see?!" Niall commented as Monty went out of sight.

"I know I feel slightly offended that he prefers Mully and you to me at the moment."

"What can I say Man is a dog's best friend!" He smirked back.

"Yeah whatever!" You smirked back.

"Well since we are all alone now, how about we go shower and I make you feel good?" He said as he pulled you close to his body. You loved it when he snuggled into your neck, his breath sending chills down your body.

"Do we have time?" You said, aware that his friends were coming over in a few hours and you both still needed to go to the supermarket and get some things sorted.

"We always have time for nakedness love." He whispered before whisking you upstairs.

*********

Monty was passed out at your feet while you chopped some salad for lunch, seems he did love his Mum still. He might have been an outgoing and lively dog, but he did get shy around lots of new people all at once. You were joined in the kitchen by Courtney who was a friend of Niall's, she was really sweet and had asked about your job and stuff. She got married a few months ago and so you talked about that and Charlotte and Luke's wedding that was happening in the next few month's.

"Hey Monty, what's up with you boy?" Niall asked as he came in from the terrace into the kitchen and crouched beside you.

"Think he's a little tired from messing around earlier with Mully in the garden and probably a bit shy from all the new people. No offense Courtney!" You replied.

"None taken." She said smiling genuinely.

"You want to come and sit in the shade with your Da?" Niall asked him and you paused, looking across at Courtney who's eyes were wide like yours. "I'll take him outside." Niall said to you. "I'm in the shade by the BBQ getting it warmed up."

You nodded a reply and carried on chopping the tomatoes, knowing that Courtney was going to say something as soon as Niall was out of earshot.

Niall reached down and beckoned Monty to follow him which he did and he walked happily with Niall back out onto the terrace.

"So....." Courtney said looking at you with a massive smile on your face.

"Sooo?!" You replied.

"You two are the sweetest! Did he really just refer to himself as Monty's Dad?! I love that! I have never seen him this happy." She said and she gave your arm a tender squeeze.

"He's never said it before, he always calls him his boy and stuff." You replied blushing.

"I tell you my heart right now is racing at how much I love this!"

"Do you think it's moving too fast? We've only known each other since January."

"Have you met each other's parents?"

"Yes."

"Has he told you he loves you?"

"Yes." You replied trusting her with the information you were giving her.

"Have you talked about moving in together?"

"No."

"I think you're fine. I knew after about four months of dating Sam that I was going to marry him. Everything is just exciting but comfortable and relaxed at the same time."

"Yeah that's exactly it." You said, amazed that she had read your situation so easily.

"Niall and I have spoken about you a bit while he's been here. Nothing personal! " She added quickly when she saw a look of horror on your face. "Just that he thinks things are so easy with you, in a good way. You seem to know when you both need your own time but also that when you're together it's fun, exciting and you're so normal it's refreshing. Honestly his last girlfriend was hard work!"

You laughed then.

"Thanks for saying that, I really hope everyone likes me today."

"I think everyone already does, we've never seen him this happy. Thank You for giving him back his spark."

You felt choked up at her words, the enormity of your relationship and how much he meant to you was really hitting home. And what made you feel the shivers right down to your toes was that you weren't scared of it.

Tag list

@ihearthemcallingforyou​

@mariamorris913​

[nervousladytraveler]

The Distance Between Us

A quickie, inspired by social distancing fanfic prompts courtesy of @jomiddlemarch   This chapter contains: bleach, handshake, home, song, toilet paper, quarantine (soap, social, & kindness implied). 

A/N: Covid-19 related, so if that’s too raw for you, I get it, scroll on by. Also “Do It Clean” is by Echo And The Bunnymen ℗ 1980 Warner Music UK Ltd. 

Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjbTCI8o0X4

Chapter One: Deep Clean

Ross Poldark turned the key in the lock then tossed his case inside ahead of him. He was exhausted. Tired of working fourteen plus hour days, tired of international flights longer than that, and most recently he’d grown tired of worrying about the uncertain state of the world around him. But whatever dangers he’d been exposed to over the past week, he currently showed no signs of illness, and most importantly he was home. Now he could self isolate, pour himself a nice single malt, and just be alone.

He stepped into the hallway of his flat but whatever comfort he might have derived from being in his own space was immediately deflated. The place reeked of citrus and bleach, sharp and cloying smells that tingled in his nose and caught in his throat. The windows in this high rise block only opened a few inches but surely the cleaning woman could have still managed that or thought to air the place out some other way? A fan maybe?

Of course she wouldn’t. Ross hadn’t much faith in Prudie, the woman who’d been cleaning his flat for over a year, and had grown accustomed to her shoddy work. The truth was he felt somewhat sorry for her. On the first day she arrived she spilled her life story--she worked long hours at crap pay to support an alcoholic husband. Ross suspected if he gave her a poor rating with the service who sent her, she might get sacked, so instead he said nothing. To his chagrin they interpreted that to mean he was satisfied and sent her regularly from that point on. But it mattered little. Ross lived alone and was generally a tidy person so there wasn't much she really had to do week to week. In fact he was somewhat surprised she managed to be as thorough as she had today. Then again he had put in a special order with the service for a deep clean.

“And she’s left the lights on too,” he grumbled. He moved further into the flat and saw they were blazing in all the rooms. That’s when he heard it.

“I've been here, there, everywhere

Here there nowhere

Iszy bitzy witzy itzy everywhere

I've been here and I've been there…”

A voice, high and sweet was coming from another room. Mostly on key, with only a little wobble on the harmony, that was immediately followed by a giggle then spirited humming.

Ross followed the song to the small but well-appointed galley kitchen down the hall. That’s when he saw her.

A woman, most certainly not Prudie, was down on her knees, wiping the sparkling tile floor, her backside facing Ross as he stood in the doorway. He felt a tinge of shame that his initial thought was that whoever she was, she had a rather attractive bum, noticeable through the jeans she wore. She had a tangle of red hair twisted back into a loose knot but a few soft curls had escaped and moved when she did. She had earbuds in which is why she hadn't heard him creep up on her but must have sensed she was no longer alone and turned her head with a start.

“Oh!” she said loudly, then promptly lost her balance and fell, the beautiful bum now planted on the wet floor. She yanked an ear bud out and stared up at Ross with wide, scared eyes. He noticed they were the same sparkling blue as the bottle of Windolene she was still holding.

“Sorry to startle you,” he said at once and stepped forward to offer her a hand, then stopped himself. He didn't want to sully her impressive work with his dirty shoes--and he had to get it through his thick skull that hand shaking was absolutely a thing of the past. “I’m Ross Poldark. I live here. I assume the service sent you?” he added, eyeing the red pinny she wore over a long sleeved black t shirt.

“Oh, Mister Poldark,” she said quickly and got to her feet. “So sorry, sir. We weren’t expectin’ you until Tuesday,” she said apologetically. “But I’m almost done and I can be out of here shortly…”

“No worries,” he tried to reassure her. “I had to cut my travels short because of the…”

“Yes, of course. Flights are all mostly cancelled I heard. You’re lucky you made it home at all,” she said, apparently no longer terrified he was an intruder. He was glad to see her smile, and curiously felt a warmth wash over him, a light relief that he hadn’t felt in days.

“You’re not Prudie,” he said.

“No, sir, I’m not. She was feelin’ poorly so she was told to stay home,” she explained.

“Prudie’s sick?” he asked, concerned.

“No more than a sniffle. Nothin’ to be worried about, I’m sure.” Now she was reassuring him. “I’m Demelza,” she added.

Ross recognised her accent the more she spoke. It had been a long time since he’d heard such rich Cornish tones, and he felt a homesickness he hadn’t experienced in years.

“Well, I’m sorry to have interrupted your work, Demelza,” he said and managed a smile.  “I’m going to unpack and then take a hot shower. That is, if I won’t be in your way?”

“Oh, no sir!” she said brightly. ”I’ve already cleaned the bathroom. Deep clean, just as you requested. And you needn’t fret about running out of loo rolls, Mister Poldark--you’ve got plenty,” she winked playfully.

“Please, call me Ross,” he said. “Being called ‘sir’ just makes me feel old.”

“No one likes to feel old.”

She’d replied with such a knowing sigh that made Ross curious of her own age. It was hard to gauge. The shapeless pinny would make anyone appear frumpy, though her pretty face--completely free of any makeup--looked young. Perhaps she was a student who also did cleaning to get by. But she’d been listening to Echo and the Bunnymen, which suggested she might be older than he’d initially thought.

“Well it was nice to meet you, Ross. Welcome home.” She smiled again and Ross wondered how he might diplomatically arrange to have her as his regular cleaning woman, instead of Prudie.

----

Still knackered but nevertheless relaxed, Ross walked into the dim living room dressed only in a towel. He regretted leaving wet footprints on the polished floors but at least his bare feet were clean. He was finally alone and ready to bask in the solitude he’d been craving for days. The solitude that was necessary given his potential exposure over the past week. How many conference rooms and airports had he been in since last Thursday?

As much as he had enjoyed his brief encounter with the new cleaner, he regretted that he’d had any contact with her under these circumstances. But there was most likely nothing to worry about. She’d been wearing marigolds and he’d kept at least six feet away from her.  Still, perhaps he should reach out to let her know the risks all the same. Would the cleaning service even give him her number? Most likely not but they could pass on a message.

He’d been around countless airport security agents as well, and then there was the taxi driver--so why did Demelza feel different to him? Was it that they were nameless or that he’d met her in his own home?

He poured the whisky he’d also been craving but before he took a sip, heard his mobile buzz.

Damn! This is getting very real, very fast, he thought when he saw the message that had scrolled across his screen. He took a drink, only now it wasn’t a sip but a hearty slug meant to offer some courage.

Then the doorbell rang, shattering the silence. It was unexpected and unwanted. He didn’t relish the idea of having to dress or see anyone. Well, whomever was calling would not be invited in. He was unwavering on that score.

Ross pushed the button on the video intercom system and was surprised, and also a little pleased to see just who had rung.

“Demelza!” he said and threw open the door without hesitation. So much for his resolution.

“I’m sorry, Mister Poldark..erm, Ross, so sorry!” She was near tears. He stepped aside to allow her in, carefully maintaining his distance.

“What is it? Are you hurt?” he asked, wishing he could touch her arm or even hold her hand to offer consolation. She was clearly distressed.

“The Underground. And the buses,” she began breathlessly. “All public transport has been shut down, and I...I don't have any way to get home. I was gonna start walkin’ but it’s so far, it would take hours. And then the streets were so empty and I just felt really...unsafe. I didn't know what else to do, where else to go...” Her voice wobbled and her eyes were wet.

“No, no. It was the right thing to do. Come in, please,” he said, then suddenly grew aware that he was wearing just the towel. That didn't seem to faze her though, she’d been so rattled, caught off guard by how suddenly things had shifted. And he had other news to share with her, another turn of the screw.

“Demelza, you are welcome to stay here. Well, I mean you have to stay here. There’s just been a declaration. We’ve all just been asked to stay home. Required in fact. All of us are..”

“Like under house arrest?” she cried.

“Quarantined.”

“Oh,” she said, still reeling from the shock.

“There’s only one bedroom--and only the one bed--but you can have the sofa,” he offered. “I need to be honest with you. I’ve just come from the States--the west coast--and so as a precaution I’ll need to keep away from you.”

She said nothing but bit her lip as she puzzled out her next move.

“But then again, you of all people know the flat is clean,” he tried laughing.

“Well, then,” she said finally. “I’d better go wash my hands.”

------

[rhinoswriting]

A Life On The Road - Part 2 (A Luke Hemmings FanFic)

Overview: Elizabeth and Calum have been best friends since they were 15/14 respectively. Elizabeth is from and lives in the UK, but her family lived in Sydney for a brief 2 year period which is how the two met.

With Calum’s band, 5SOS, embarking on their biggest and most ambitious world tour to date, he has invited Elizabeth along to work as a photographer/content creator for their social media. This is in the hopes that travelling with them and getting to explore so many new cities will help Elizabeth achieve her dream of becoming a full-time travel writer.

Elizabeth is acquainted with the rest of 5SOS but doesn’t know them tremendously well. Obviously that changes as they are all forced to be in one another’s company for the duration of the tour. As the tour progresses and new friendships blossom, Elizabeth feels the connection between her and Luke grow more and more.

A/N: Picking up where I left off in Part 1 and getting into the main story now. So if you weren’t a fan of Part 1 because it lacked 5SOS, you’ll be glad to know they’re all now entering the main narrative.

Part 1

*******************************************************************

I woke up when the train was 15 minutes outside of Edinburgh and tried to gather my bearings as quickly as I could. The coffee, bagel and nap had all definitely helped make me feel a bit more human. But I was a bit groggy from the 3 hours nap so rummaged in my bag for the almond biscuits I had purchased in Sheffield. I ate the two biscuits in the hope that the sugar would perk me up by the time I met up with everyone at the station.

So it turns out that Edinburgh station is fucking huge. I absolutely hate being late, so the stress of trying to find my way through the station was very anxiety inducing. Eventually I decided to just follow the crowd and call Cal to find out where everybody was. He picked up after a few rings and gave me directions to the right exit as well as a description of the tour bus.

Look for the black and bronze bus. I thought to myself as I scanned the row of coaches, vans and buses. Once I had spotted it I began to make my way over. As I did so I was suddenly hit by a truck-load of anxiety. What if I don’t get on with the others? What if no publications pick up the pieces I write? Will I even be in a place long enough to write about it? Oh God, was this all a mistake?!

I forced myself to walk on and did my best to ignore all the intrusive thoughts firing around my mind. As I got closer to the bus I spotted someone in a bucket hat talking to a blonde man and an older man with a very round beer belly. The bucket hat instantly made me feel calmer and I rushed over, dragging my suitcase behind me over the uneven pavement.

“CAL!” I yelled as I grew closer to him.

The three men paused their conversation and turned in the direction of my voice. Calum broke out into a stupid, big grin and rushed towards me to close the distance quicker. My right hand let go of my suitcase as I opened my arms and threw them around Calum.

“I’ve missed you! I’m so excited for this! Thank you again for inviting me!” I said gleefully while still embracing him.

“I’ve missed you too, you melon! This tour is going to be so fun with you on it.” Calum responded, squeezing me tighter before letting go and standing in front of me, “Come pick your bunk then!”

Before hopping on to the bus to pick my bunk I said hi to Michael and Tom (the older man who was the driver) and swapped pleasantries. 

I knew the bus was going to be impressive and blow my mind a little, but even that didn’t prepare me for just how fancy the interior was. The first section was the lounge area. One side had a leather sofa with some overhead cabinets and the other had a small dinner style booth coming off the end of a counter top with a sink, microwave and kettle. Through the thin, fabric curtain lead to the bunks. There were 6 in total, with three stacked on top of each other on both sides. I opted for the top left bunk and ‘claimed’ it by throwing my rucksack and camera bag onto the mattress. I then followed Cal through to the last section of the bus which was another lounge area. It had a U shaped sofa with a mini-bar at each end and a TV with games console already set-up.

“Shiiiiit, I could get used to this.” I said doing a slow spin to take in all of the second lounge area.

“COFFEE BETCHES!” Was suddenly yelled down from the other end of the bus.

“I put in your usual order with the boys, come grab it.” Cal said, immediately making his way towards his bandmates and awaiting beverage. 

I followed closely behind. When I got into the front lounge area the guys, driver, manager and a two of the roadies were either grabbing their coffee cups or sat down already taking swigs from the take-away cups.

“Hey! Elizabeth! It’s good to see you again!” Luke said enthusiastically when he noticed my presence behind Cal.

“Excited to come on the road with us?” Ashton added, “Oh, uh, here’s your coffee.”

“Hey guys, it’s been a minute! And yeah I’m really looking forward to it!” I beamed at them as Ashton handed over my second cappuccino of the day. 

Then their manager, Lou, quickly took control of the room, sharing the necessary details of tonight’s press event as well as a brief on tomorrow’s press, soundcheck and show in Glasgow. He sent the roadies back to their bus after this and then turned his focus more specifically on me. He gave me a brief of what images and content they were after, checked I had my laptop with me to edit videos and then gave me the login detail to the band’s socials. Once he was assured I had everything and knew what I was doing, as opposed to being the band’s freeloader, he bid us a safe journey to Glasgow and went to get in his hire car so he could drive ahead to the venue.

After grabbing headphones and or gaming devices the four men settled into the front lounge before Tom pulled the bus out of its parking spot and headed for Glasgow. Ashton and Michael were on the sofa, Calum and Luke were sat on one of the booth’s benches, while I stretched my legs out across the other, my head against the window.

“Ahhhh, it is so nice to be travelling and have leg room.” I said as I settled into the faux leather.

“You’re 5 foot 2; you are not allowed to complain about leg room.” Cal teased.

My response was simply to flip him off while gulping down some more of my cappuccino. Both Calum and Luke seemed amused by the gesture.

“So, have you got any story ideas in mind for any of the stops?” Cal asked.

“Not really. I’m probably not very well prepared. But I don’t want to go to a city with too many assumptions in case they’re off. But if you guys have suggestions I’m down to hear them.”

“You’ll be spoilt for choice in Berlin. The history, the art, the nightlife.” Luke said after a moment of thought, while counting off his suggested story angles on his fingers. I noticed he made a point of emphasising ‘nightlife’, so I already had a feeling Berlin was going to be a really fun stop.

“Paris will be good for art and galleries too.” Calum added, “Oslo has a tonne of rooftops bars you could review.”

“I’d be more than happy to do a bar crawl if it’ll help you write an article!” Luke enthusiastically offered.

“I know I can’t exactly demand anything. But I demand a rooftop bar crawl in Oslo.” I stated as I began to mirror Luke’s enthusiasm for the idea.

Our conversation had clearly grabbed Ashton’s attention. After a few more suggestions were thrown out, Ashton looked up from his phone and said, 

“If you join us in Japan after Europe you should write about the fashion over there. I’ll be personally offended if you don’t.”

Not one to be left out, Michael then pulled an earphone free to get caught up on the conversation he’d been missing while engrossed on his Switch. Once he was up to speed he threw his first idea into the ring, 

“Milan has some insane architecture. If you get to explore it, definitely go for an architecture story.”

By the time we reached Glasgow the guys had thought of so many solid angles and ideas that I had 15 of the best ones stored within my Notes App.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a week I was pretty well adjusted to my new temporary lifestyle with Cal and the guys. The daylight hours spent on the bus in transit were usually pretty chill. A lot of the time the guys spent napping, playing video-games, on the phone to family or stuffing their faces with junk. As well as hanging out with them and competing in Smash Bros tournaments, I used a lot of this time to work on some of my article ideas and edit together a video diary of the tour.

When the guys were doing press during the day, I used those free hours as my opportunity for solo exploration of whatever city we were in. But I always made it back for soundcheck and the beginning of the backstage hang out pre-drinking, in order to get shots and clips for the band’s socials. Then when it was time for them to take the stage I’d switch between side of stage, in front of the barrier and back of house in order to cover all angles.

After the encore I’d head back to the bus to shower and change while Cal and the guys met fans outside. Once they all clambered back onto the bus at varying stages of exhaustion we’d just hang and have a few more drinks before one by one peeling away from the group and heading to our bunks. Other than when they had a free day to explore a city with me, these post-show hours were proving to be my favourite times with them all on tour. And tonight in Liverpool was no exception. 

I looked up from my laptop as the bus door opened and saw Michael enter, with his stage towel still draped over both shoulders.

“Ayyyoo! You were on fire tonight, Mike!” I congratulated him as he collapsed onto the sofa.

“Thanks, E,” He responded in a voice that matched the exhaustion exuding from his posture more than it did the grin on his face.

“I got some great footage of you during Jet Black Heart tonight. You want another drink?” I asked as I got up from the booth to refill my own cup.

“I’ll take a beer if there’s any left in the mini-fridge.” 

As I handed him a cool bottle, Cal and Ashton got on the bus both in stitches over something one of them had said.

“How great was tonight?! We fucking rocked it!” Ashton exclaimed as soon as he saw Michael and I.

“Best night of the tour so far! Joint with London!” I excitedly responded as Ashton pulled me into a hug, “What a way to end the UK portion of the tour!”

Ignoring my freshly poured drink and Michael’s bottle that was only missing a few sips, Ashton decided to kick off the post-show celebrations by concocting cocktails for us all. He was pouring the bright blue mixture into glasses when Luke got back on the bus and completed the group. His entrance once again prompted us to shout about how great the show had been, while Ashton handed out our drinks.

After the first cocktail went down, Ashton was immediately preparing seconds and someone was blaring our carefully curated ‘Rock Party Playlist’ through my Bluetooth speaker. So needless to say it wasn’t long before the dancing began.

At some point Michael managed to sneak off to his bunk. Cal was the next to head to bed after wishing us a good night and gracefully turning down our pleas that he stayed and partied on.

So for a while it was just me, Ashton and Luke dancing about the front lounge and opting for shots over cocktails. It was at some point during this stage of the night that the infamous video of the three of us belting out the lyrics to Rock n’ Roll All Nite by KISS was uploaded to Ashton’s IG story and introduced my face to their fan base.

Then, just before he reached blackout drunk, Aston took himself off to his bunk, making it a party of two.

“Last ones standing!” Luke declared as he held his shot glass high into the air.

“Last ones standing!” I echoed as I clinked my shot glass with his and promptly downed the liquid.

A few songs after this the playlist ended. Instead of finding a new one or repeating it, we both embraced the quiet that washed over the tour bus. Neither of us quite ready for bed, we sat at opposite ends of the couch with our knees pulled into our chests so we could face one another and started chatting.

“You’re doing a great job by the way,” Luke told me, “Lou, would never praise you to your face, but I know even he’s impressed. You’re doing a really good job, even though it’s not the main reason you’re here and I want you to know that. And I’m glad you’re here. I don’t know you as well as Cal does, but I want us to be genuine friends too.”

“That’s incredibly sweet of you. And thank you for thinking I’m doing a good job here.” I responded as the compliments added a darker hue to my already flushed cheeks, “Also we are genuine friends, Luke. Cal and I being best friends doesn’t negate the fact that you and I have a friendship.”

“I know. I know. I guess what I meant is I want us to be better friends. I want to get to know you as you, not as I know you now.”

“And how do you know me now?” I asked a little defensively.

“I know you as Cal’s British best friend from high school Science and History the last two years we were there. I know you as Elizabeth, the girl who comes to at least our London show with Cal’s sister when we tour the UK. I know you through Calum. What I’m trying to say is I want to know you myself. More than just the surface level stuff and the stories Calum tells us of your good times.”

I guess he has a point. I guess until this tour I’ve only really know him, Ash and Michael through the stories Cal has told me and from hanging out in the same packed backstage dressing rooms at all their previous London shows with MK.

“More than the surface level stuff you say? Well then go ahead and ask me something you want to know. Let’s build a better friendship tonight.” I smiled

[my-brothers-corrupted]

My Brothers, Corrupted

Chapter 2 : Section 7 : Runaways

The outburst of Blue’s power, too strong to be hidden beneath Anti’s careful, means they are no longer secure in their hiding place at the height of the mountain, and Anti no longer cares about making sure his curse is safe before using it. Dapper is breaking down, Red and Blue are on the chopping block for the choice they made, and Anti is struggling desperately to maintain control as he takes his puppets and flees to the north.

Trigger warnings for some of the most severe abuse yet, including manipulation, abuse between brothers, and abuse of a character having a psychotic episode.  I’m telling you right now, this chapter bites. Please be careful.

Find Chapter One here.

Find Chapter Two here.

 Section Seven of Chapter Two: Runaways

Anonymous asked: Trick, Dok, Genesis, anyone? Are you guys okay?

When the signal comes back, your camera seems to be vibrating.

Thud thud thudding rapidly as colors and lights fly by. Mounted on the ledge of a car window, pointing back in towards the other side.

Trick is the only one who looks up at the faint beeping, his eyes wide. He glances towards the front of the car and gives you no answer, stroking his twin’s hair. Dok is sitting on the floor at his feet with the weighted blanket over his shoulders, his forehead pressed against Trick’s thigh so you can’t see his face. Dapper sits beside Trick, his knees drawn up to his chest, his big, teary eyes fixed on the floor. He’s holding his fluffy white bear to his chest, and, from his crooked nose all the way back to his right ear, there is one huge bruise, bright purple and deep black.

They’re traveling somewhere.

Above the driver’s seat, you can see the plastic antlers of Blue’s Christmas gift mask.

Anonymous asked: Just let her go, Chase. She’s got a family just like you do. It’ll alright, love.

Trick turns his face away from you, holding Doktor closer against his thigh. Dapper stares over at you, his mouth in a deep frown and tears slinking down his cheeks. Eventually he shifts, snuffling, and lets you see the golden hilt of that beautiful knife, returned to him now and cleaned of Genesis’s blood.

The car pulls over and stops.

“Okay,” says a flat voice from the front. “Wait here. I’ll get gas.”

Anti’s car door opens and shuts. Nobody moves.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Where's Red and Blue, guys?

“Front,” mumbles Trick.

Red turns back to you just for a second. His body shakes and no one has bandaged his cuts. He wears that black muzzle on his face - you can tell what it is beneath a thick scarf. He is handcuffed to the car door. You can recognize, by now, the way that guilt looks on him, and you can recognize, by instinct, the look of a man haunted.

Anonymous asked: Still wearing our boy, Anti?

Blue’s palms are a vivid red, not the flaking skin he had before, but burned. They must be painful. Anti sets them to the handle of the filthy gas nozzle and starts loading up the clean little car - stolen more likely than rented, but it hardly matters now.

“I can’t trust him right now,” he says, his voice dark. He seems to take none of his usual joy in it and his eyes are fixed blankly on the nozzle. “But I… I will… I’ll… fix it. Too much power for him.”

He sighs deep and runs his hand through Blue’s hair, singed black on one side. “Mmh… need to put the others back, too. Should I focus on Red or Dap, do you think? None of the medicine seems to be working on my little one, which makes him harder to reign in… but Red was so far off the fucking rails last night… maybe Red, maybe Red…”

Anonymous asked: personally bro I think you should focus on why it is that your whole schtick keeps tanking cuz I think there's some fundamental imbalances here that need to be addressed that you're refusing to acknowledge. or something.

Anti chews on his lip, staring at the gas nozzle.

“Should I… I just… I didn’t expect five to be so much harder than four!”

He pulls at his hair, distressed. “I thought I had taught Red better than that. Maybe I should just go back to four and keep a closer eye on all of them. Maybe I should just kill Trick and be done with it, reset them all and just… I think I could manage that, right? I used to manage Red and Trick and Dok and Dapper so well, they were just sad, and I wanted Blue to change that… but Dok would be a good twin to Dap, wouldn’t he? And Red and Blue would still be able to guard like Trick does. Maybe I should just give up on having the full set like I always wanted. Ship Trick’s body back to Jack and make him cry. I hate… I know he did this just to make it harder for me!”

Anti breaths in and then shakes his head at himself, pulling the nozzle out of the car. “No, no, no. Once I cull Blue’s power off I won’t have to be so worried about hiding them all the time and I can put all five of them back in their neat little lines. I can still do this. I just need to keep them away from the magical orders. If the Lapwings couldn’t protect Marvin from me, the Ravens won’t be able to help them either. I just need to do what I came to this country to do and then we can go again, and no one will take my pets from me.”

Anonymous asked: You read one book and suddenly you're able to take on who-knows-how-many magicians? You barely handled blue back in Norway and he hardly know what he was doing. What are you going to do against people that are actually trained?

Anti growls at you. “You are underestimating, first of all, what a goddamn little powerhouse this stupid brat is. Hardly knew what he was doing? He was one of the most accomplished magicians in the UK, you dumb fucks. Anyway, he would have been easy to kill - it’s just that I didn’t want my new pet dead.”

He snarls down at the gas nozzle and shoves it back into the tower. The electric little screen reading “S/.116.030″ glitches and the number disappears.

“These little thieves who are trying to take what belongs to me have no such guarantee. I will slaughter anyone who comes near them.”

nikkilbook asked: Yes, because literally the only possibly reason Jack could have created them all was exclusively to annoy you. No other reason. Not like they’re people, have been people, always will be people, and people don’t exist for only reason and especially not just out of spite. No, it’s definitely just to annoy you.

“He made that stupid little Jameson just to save him! That stupid doctor because he could feel me growing and knew he would need a healer! Jackie to protect him, Marvin to hide him, Chase to laugh while he cried! You’ll forgive me if I don’t believe him to be a selfless man - you’ll recall, after all, that I was only ever created to fucking entertain you!”

Anonymous asked: you're ignoring that there's actually six of you. you can't even handle yourself, bro. it IS an option to just like. let the boys do whatever they want. love is a stronger bond than fear, you saw that firsthand last night my dude.

“But then they’d go!” Anti clutches his burned hands into fists so hard he makes welts burst, and blood and clear puss come running down his wrists. “And they can’t! They can’t go! They’re mine, I’m owed them! They belong to me now! Better than being with Jack! Better than being with Jack!”

Anonymous asked: ok I would like your logic on why they were sad and if it doesn't include somewhere the phrase "being held against their will by a volatile puppetmaster and stripped of essential human freedoms" i'd kindly ask you to reword yourself

“Maybe they deserve to be sad sometimes,” Anti snarls, gritting his teeth. “Maybe they deserve everything I’ve ever done to them.”

Anonymous asked: bruhhhh if they loved you enough they'd never go. that's the reason we can't get Blue to up and skedaddle. he loves his brothers way more than he fears you.

“But they don’t love me,” says Anti. “And no one does without my control. So there’s no point to you trying to convince me. I know what I am. I only pretend not to be a monster around them, you know. I don’t try to tell myself any different. I never have. Not since I was little.”

bupine asked: what is it that you came to this country to do, anti? we never did find that out. is it something you're gonna be cryptic about or can you tell us?

“You never asked,” he says. And then: “There are parts of the world that are more magical than others. And I have a spell to cast.”

immabethehero asked: Hey Anti, here's a wild idea. let them run around for like a week with no chains and then they'll be happy.

“Haha! Oh, fuck, are you joking? They’d fall apart and never come back to me. Bet you a thousand sols at least one of them would die. Most of them would come running back to me. Hey, have you guys ever read Life of Pi?”

He glances at you like he expects an answer, but doesn’t actually check for one.

“He talks about, like… people like to go ‘oh, the poor animals in the zoo, all locked away!’ But the animals in the zoo aren’t actually unhappy. They’re glad they’re in the zoo. They’ve got space and food and routine. And if you shoved a family of people out of their house and you went ‘go, be free!’ they wouldn’t actually be free and they wouldn’t want to leave. They’d want to go back into the house. They’d want to go back into the house aggressively. They’d force you to let them go back into the house.”

He shrugs. “My boys belong in the house. Being let out wouldn’t be real freedom. Especially seeing as most of them would be caught and put in jail for life! Red and Dapper certainly, probably Dok too, maybe Trick if they could convict him. No, no, better off with me. The outside world is a scary place without master to look after you. I guarantee - I fucking promise - soon enough, they’d miss me.”

Anonymous asked: I’m sorry, but you don’t get the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it’s time for you to move on to better things, y’know? Find some other...hobby or whatever. They’ll never stop breaking out of what ever the hell you’ve put them under, and soon they’ll be too strong for you to ever get them back under. They are so much more than puppets and once you realize that it’ll be far too late for you.

“I didn’t ask you for the benefit of the doubt and I don’t care what you think. And if you’re so convinced that they’ll never stop? They’ll never give up, they’ll never stop trying to be free?”

He turns to you with black eyes.

“I swear I will match every second of their determination, and bring them back under my control. Every. Single. Time. If I have to struggle for the rest of my fucking life. So be it. So be it.”

bupine asked: anti, my dude, look at urself. ur stressed the fuck out and the boys are scared and hurt and remembering again. you can't take care of all of this urself, u just fucking can't. u can't keep wiping their memories and torturing and gaslighting and burning urself out. i know ur not gonna listen to this at all and ur probably just gonna give some sarcastic response but fucking hell u know u can't keep doing this. something has to change here, and that something is u, i'm gonna be honest.

“I’ll do this as many times as I have to!” he screams.

It’s a good thing this gas station lot is mostly empty. He’s starting to look stressed.

“I’ll do whatever I have to! As long as I have to! Forever! I’m not letting anyone go! They’re mine! They’re mine! They’re mine!”

Anonymous asked: That doesn’t sound like a way to live

“Better than the alternative!” screams Anti. “Better than being - I’m not going back to - I’m not letting them go!”

immabethehero asked: You're stressed, Anti. It really shows

“Thank you for your stunning analysis, PsyD,” he snarls.

Anonymous asked: whatever you say, pal. just trying to make your life easier.

Anti growls and turns away from you. “None of you understand anything.”

dancing-anon asked: So, Anti, what's the deal with you and Sean? Why do you hate him?

“Don’t say that fucking name. We’re not talking about this. All of you be quiet.”

musical-in-theory asked: Anti you are a textbook control freak who’s just now learning that they have so very little control. Poor little thing, your strings are becoming quite frayed...

“Bit the strings off myself,” he mumbles. “No connections left to him now.”

Anonymous asked: Dapper this is not your fault, please do not blame yourself, love.

Dapper looks up at you, weakly clutching his bear to his chest, and tries to nod. Trick reaches over to rub his shoulder, but Dapper draws away, hiding his face in his bear.

dancing-anon asked: Okay now I just wanna know more about Anti and Sean-

Anti laughs hysterically. “I know you do! Everyone did! Because that’s all I ever was! A storyline! Yes, I know, you want to know all about me, don’t you? Want to see me a hundred times over! I’m a fun toy to play with, aren’t I? A fun video to rewatch? Oh, do you still shiver when he draws the little toy knife to his throat? Did JJJJ scare you? And when you finally saw me with the others, all of us lined up just the way Jack wanted, in his little costumes and accents and special effects, didn’t it just make your month! Leave me the fuck alone. I’m not a goddamn prop.”

Anonymous asked: “Gotta love how you don't even try to be better. 'Oh, poor me, made to be a monster' well fucking change that, then. If you hate your Jack so much because of what he made you, then stop doing exactly what he made you to do. And you want to be loved by these five who you admit to hating so much? I don't even know where to begin with that. You’re so obsessed with every ounce of control, that you can't even settle for being as in control as you clearly already are. That's sad." - I!A

“There’s no changing anything now. There never was any changing anything. I just realized late.”

Anonymous asked: Why are you so afraid of being on your own?

“I’m not afraid,” hisses Anti.

Glitches warp the gas station tower screen.

“I’m not afraid.”

immabethehero asked: Are you still in Mexico, drama queen?

“I’ve never been in fucking Mexico! Why did you think Mexico? Because they speak Spanish here?”

Anonymous asked: dapper, are you all right? any symptoms hurting you too much? i know what it's like... some of the stuff you're dealing with... and i'm sorry medication hasn't been helping you. you're doing a great job hanging in there

“I can’t tell what’s going on,” moans Dapper, barely taking his hands off his bear to sign to you. “N-nobody looks right, and everyone’s acting weird, and my face hurts, and I’m scared, I’m scared, I don’t know what’s happening, I want to go home.”

“He’s having bad delusions,” mumbles Trick, still just stroking Dok’s hair, for hours, for hours. His twin stopped responding some time ago.

immabethehero asked: YOU'RE IN SPAIN

“NO, I’M NOT. HOW MANY SPANISH-SPEAKING COUNTRIES DO YOU THINK THERE ARE?”

Anonymous asked: Columbia, Brazil, Ecuador, Peru?

“Don’t care to tell you,” Anti simpers, looking a little calmer now. He knows and you don’t.

Anonymous asked: Brazil. Got it.

“Oh, haha, are you pleased with yourself? No. I let you see plenty of hints so you figure it out.”

immabethehero asked: Puerto Rico?

“Leave me alone.”

Anonymous asked: I figured it was Brazil, smartass. Ever heard of confirmation?

“It’s not Brazil. Ever heard of being wrong?”

Anonymous asked: It’s Ecuador.

“I told you, I’m done talking.”

Anonymous asked: My mistake, Ecuador, right? They speak Portuguese in Brazil, pardon.

“They do speak Portuguese in Brazil, yes. A lot of you are Americans, huh? We’re done talking about this. I’ll ignore the rest of you, do you understand?”

Anonymous asked: Well damn, you certainly wanted to be far away from Jack then, huh?

Anti chuckles. “We’ve been all over. Dap and I were in Japan for a while. Just wanted to see what it was like. I love it there, actually. If I could stay somewhere, it would probably be Japan.”

Anonymous asked: Maybe the medicine is working too well, Dap...

“No,” says Trick, looking a little grumpy at this. “You saw him when the medicine was working. You were with us in Norway. He got a little confused, sometimes, but for the most part he was able to function just fine. It’s when he doesn’t have his medicine right that things get to be hard for him.”

Dap stares over at Trick, a little hope coming back to him. “It’s just medicine problems, C-love? It’s just confusion? Will I remember once we fix it?”

“Yeah, sweetie, yeah.” Trick reaches over to stroke his hair, and this time, Dap allows it. “I’m sure you’re just confused, honey. We’re trying really hard to make it work, okay?”

Anonymous asked: Hey Red, just want you to know you did the right thing. Don't lose faith.

Red doesn’t turn back to you.

But you see him shaking his head, just a little, his shoulders heaving.

immabethehero asked: Trick, is Doc okay?

“Um…”

Trick glances down at Dok, running his fingers through his hair.

“I… he… there’s just a lot going on right now. Once we’re safe, everything will be a-okay, a-okay. Anti’s taking us somewhere safe! To make up for fucking Red and Blue…”

nikkilbook asked: Red, I know this is probably cold comfort, but I think you made the right decision in helping Blue up the mountain. You did a good job, you were a good brother. I’m really proud of you. And I think Blue is, too.

Red slams his head back against the car headrest, panting. Trick lets out a grim laugh, looking shaken.

“Blue’s not anything, right now.”

nikkilbook asked: If you’re not a prop, stop acting like it. A prop is defined exclusively by its purpose within a scene, how it’s used and who uses it. A good actor can give the illusion that it’s always existed, but ultimately it is defined from curtain to curtain. A person is defined by a hundred thousand billion things, their relationships and interactions and wants and desires and flaws and struggles and emotions. All you’ve ever shown us is that you are doing these things to thumb your nose at him, prop.

“This is me being more than a prop. When was the last time you saw a scenic armchair kidnap five characters and drag them away from the storywriter?”

bupine asked: we know you're not a prop, anti. we just want you to leave the boys alone, which we know you won't do cause you're quite frankly just a stubborn, attention seeking asshole. like yeah we know you've got abandonment issues but fuck stop making that everyone else's problem fdhfghjhdg

“Yep, sounds about right,” he taunts you.

bupine asked: so what were the boys like before you had them, anti? tell us about that

Anti pauses, staring out at the sky.

“I remember… the fear in Jameson’s eyes, but also the determination, stabbing at my hands when I tried to take him away. And he was scared to swear but when he saw things he would hiss and spit at them until the paranoia made him break down, cause there was also something fearless to him.”

Anti opens his mouth and then pauses, maybe regretting his sentimentalizing.

“I don’t know. Jackie was loud and he hunted me well, I’ll give him that much. Marvin was this cocky, powerful thing, always flashing with jewelry - I always liked the way he shone. Henrik was tireless, Chase was a survivor. They had become, like I had, their own people.”

nikkilbook asked: Dap, I don’t think we ever asked, sorry—who are the ghosts? I remember seeing you having a puppet show with one, about Bro Average, but no one ever explained what was going on? And you don’t have to explain this if you don’t want to, but... who’s the red man?

Dapper sits back in his chair, a slightly glazed look coming over his eyes.

“Oh, I can see so many ghosts. Sometimes they’re scary but sometimes they’re nice. Look!” 

He points over at Doktor. Trick nervously holds his twin against him.

“It’s H-healing! His hair’s all green and he’s in Jack’s silly doctor costume. He keeps making jokes about fake surgeries and he’s so loud! He’ll bring me medicine if I get sick, but he’s still a ghost, he just doesn’t know it.”

Anonymous asked: Ah yes this again, because Jack is actually capable of love and you wanna daddy to love you, too, right?

Anti stares into the distance.

“Well, I guess that’s the other thing I remember,” he says. “That they all really loved each other. Always kind of… fucking hated that. And they’d all be smiling…”

Blue’s lips curl up into a sneer.

Anonymous asked: Ruined five perfectly good people, is what you did. Look at them, they've got anxiety.

“Glad we agree they’re ruined. Okay, let’s wrap this up, idiots, we gotta keep moving and I hope you know I’m not talking to you in the car.”

musical-in-theory asked: Why the fuck do you think that they deserve any of this???

“Please,” snaps Anti. “Assholes. Stupid - with their fucking house all together and all their goddamn ranting about ‘oh, we’re all brothers, we’re all family!’ Here’s what I think of your brotherhood - I can cut you into pairs and make you obsess over each other. Annoying fuckers. And Jack always looking at them with his goddamn - and they look - they look fucking just like him, and not in a way like I look like him, no matter how much I look like him, because they’re - they’re - they’re like him and - ”

Anti cuts himself off, turning away from you, panting.

Anonymous asked: Please see sense, Anti. Something about your methods has to change. It's not Blue's power or Dap's medicine that's the real problem. They will always rebel if your first instinct is to muzzle and collar and torture them.

“I’ll squash every rebellion, then.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Anti, who are you to decide what they deserve and what they don't? Even if they are your brothers, you should all be included and loved equally

“Okay, Mother Theresa, thanks for your words of wisdom. What about me makes you think I give a damn, and how do I correct that perception?”

Anonymous asked: Hes a scaredycat aw

“Shut the fuck up!” screams Anti. “Shut the fuck up!”

bupine asked: did you used to believe you weren't a monster?

“No, of course I did! I - you think you can look like a thing like me and not - you think - as if I wasn’t born with blood all over my hands, like - I know what I am! Why does the past matter?”

Anonymous asked: Why are you so hell-bent on keeping them?

“They’re mine, they’re mine, they’re mine!” screams Anti, shrieking like a seagull and glitching like a virus. “If I can’t have Jack I’ll take every fucking part of him! They belong to me, he owes them to me, he can’t them, he’s mine! I’m the master, I am, I am! Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up!”

the-weirdest-fan asked: Do you ever regret making them your puppets, Anti? I know you probably dont feel bad for them, but do you miss the collection process? Surely that was pretty fun, right? Are you ever tempted to just say the hell with it, and kill them?

“I always used to dream about killing them,” says Anti, in a voice shaking with fervor, his eyes too wide. Blood is welling up against his shirt. “Sometimes I just want to see them all stop breathing. I could d-drive all six of us off a cliff and that would be it, that would be it, that would be it. Miss collection, miss collection, no, no, no, I like having them with me. Everything was so much safer once I had my little boy. Everything was promised, everything is okay when my little boy is working right. I just have to put him back together and cast my spell and go and everything is fine, everything is fine, everything is fine…”

Anonymous asked: You must be really scared then, Anti, being away from your own master and all.

Anti freezes stiff, his face turned away from you.

The wind brushes through his hair and the sun glows down on him. Blue’s deer mask fills up with light, and for just a second, Anti stands in it, and you see the light dusting of freckles along Blue’s arms, and the burned hairs of his beard, and the strong, proud curve of that back.

Eventually Anti turns around again and limps towards the car like he’s been punched in the stomach, taking you with him. His trembling hands turn the camera off, and you are plunged back into darkness as you lose your connection to the car.

Anonymous asked: I know a lot has happened and were in a real transitional mess once again...but I have to know: How is Noodle the cat?

Your sound comes back before your video.

A car door slams shut and then another opens, and someone gives a small gasp. There is a fumbling bumping noise as the camera is pressed into someone’s hands.

“So I can keep an eye on you all.” Anti’s voice is simmering water. There is a small click and Trick’s face appears above you, looking pale and scared. “I’m going to go get you something to eat. Keep your brothers in line.”

The door shuts and Anti is gone.

For a long moment, the car is silent.

Trick puts you back up on the ledge of the window so you can see everyone, smiling weakly. Dok is sitting beside him now, with Dapper on the floor instead. Red, in the passenger’s seat, might be asleep, and you can hear him breathing steady and deep.

“Noodle,” says Trick, trying to keep his voice light. “Is great! He’s the best boy in the world and I’ve got him right here.”

He reaches down to scoop the little cat up, presenting him to you with a shaking grin. Noodle mewls softly and paws at his hands, and suddenly Trick, without knowing why, is on the verge of tears.

“Yeah, you’re a good boy, huh?” he whispers, kissing his cat’s head. “You’re my good boy. Everything’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

Anonymous asked: They're in Peru. (or were, depending on when we reconnect). What are your thoughts on the Nazca Lines?

“Oh, uh,” Trick pauses, laughing nervously. “I didn’t know where we were. I, uh. Don’t know what those are. I’m sorry. I didn’t leave the house much… in fact, I haven’t in… weeks… well, not farther than the mountainside. I haven’t seen the city since we got off the plane. So, not much sight-seeing, you know? Those sound cool, though, whatever they are.”

“Carvings in the desert,” mumbles Dok, his head resting against the cool glass of the car window. “Far south of us.”

Relief washes down Trick’s face and he turns to grab his shoulder, beaming at him. “Hey, buddy, you with me again?”

Dok breathes slowly in. He seems to be making an effort to turn his head back towards Trick, to open his mouth and answer him, but eventually he just takes a shuddering breath and sinks down onto Trick’s shoulder, burying his face against him.

Trick squishes him into a hug, pressing their heads close together.

 “We’re okay. We’re okay. Everything’s going to be okay. I got you, don’t I? So everything’s going to be just fine.”

Anonymous asked: They’ll come, Marvin, just wait. It’s gonna be okay. Take it slow.

Dapper stares up at you, distress beginning to fill up his face again. You hear Trick give a deep sigh.

“Who’s coming? Where are we, where are we going? Why is nobody acting like themselves? I don’t want the bad men to come. There are people coming to get us and hurt us and eat us.”

“Dap! Nobody’s going to eat us!”

“Where’s Marvin? What is he waiting for? I want Marvin, I want Marvin!”

“Dapper, please, all you’ve been doing for hours is crying! Can you cut it out for two minutes, please!”

“We’re going somewhere bad! We’re going somewhere bad! Everything is shaking with power and it gets worse the closer we are. Too much magic, too much magic. I want Marvin. I’m hungry.”

“Anti went to get food, Dap.”

“Anti?”

Dapper falls quiet, rocking himself on the floor of the car.

Trick sighs and turns back to you. “And that’s something to thank God for, let me tell you. I was starting to get worried we were just going to keep driving and driving.”

“Blue’s not here to take care of us,” whispers Dok. “So he almost forgot we needed to eat.”

Trick sobers, staring down at the floor.

“They’re coming to get us,” Dapper complains, his eyes closed and his head pushed against the back of Red’s seat. “Scared, scared, scared. Ghosts! Ghosts! My stomach hurts, I hate this new medicine, I want my brain to work again!”

Trick runs his hand down his face, tugs Dok closer to his shoulder, and checks again on Red’s heartbeat, beginning to feel more than a little overwhelmed. Noodle sits purring on his lap.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: How long have you guys been on the road?

“Hours, I guess,” sighs Trick, staring out his window. “Clock on the car is digital, so it just keeps glitching. Sun’s high now. We left in the dead of night. We stopped for a bathroom like, twice, but that’s all. I hope Anti gets us something good. Pizza or hamburgers - or - fried chicken or something so fatty and American it just about kills me on the spot.” His face is lit up. “Dok, what would you go for if you could have anything in the world right now?”

Dok lets out a short sigh, trying to think. “Mh… bacon sandwich…”

Laughter bubbles out of Trick like a fountain. “Bacon sandwich?”

“Bacon sandwich,” whispers Dok, grinning frailly up at him. His eyes may as well be lit from the inside, and heated, too, with warmth like that. “Toasty bacon sandwich… with… tomato.”

“Oh, here he comes!”

Anti returns to the car and pulls open Trick’s door. “Look edible, pup?”

Trick startles. “Oh - me?”

“Yeah? Aren’t you hungry?”

He can’t remember the last time Anti called him puppy! A burst of schadenfreude joy lights up in Trick’s chest and he resists the urge to give Dapper a smirk, instead reaching eagerly out to accept the brown take-out bag from Anti’s hands. Inside, sandwiches gleam brighter than silver inside of crinkling aluminum foil.

“Fuck, you got so many,” gasps Trick. “And - mashed potatoes too, and green beans!”

“I need to make sure you all get a good meal. Things might be… rough for a while. We might have to fight soon, Trick.”

Trick looks up, afraid. “Those people… they’re really going to catch up with us. Aren’t they, master?”

Anti sighs. For a second, he doesn’t look angry, or cruel, or biting - he just looks sad.

“Yeah, Tricks, I think so.”

“Anti?” asks Dok. “Can we get out of the car for a while?”

“Yeah, come on. Get Dap and Red out too. Stretch and sit down and eat. I think we need to… talk about some things before anything happens.”

A cold light gleams in his eyes again. “And maybe I need to reinforce a couple old lessons.”

bupine asked: shit, anti, can you not leave them alone for two minutes?

Anti seats himself at a little park table as his boys gather themselves together and start helping each other out of the car - well, mostly Trick, though Dok keeps turning around to check that Dapper is close at hand. Noodle paces around a tree on a little cat leash fashioned lovingly, carefully, out of cheap string.

Anti hums, feeling a breeze brush over Blue’s hair. He holds himself strangely, slumped over the table but not allowing his chest to touch the wood. He keeps shifting his hands and readjusting the mask on his pale face.

“Look,” he says. “What would be the point of any of this if I left them alone? If they sat here happily on this bench eating their green beans and giving Dapper little kisses on the cheek til his boo-boos are gone? If I let Blue go and him and Red got to cuddle for a while and feed each other roast beef? Please.”

Anti shifts, massaging at his chest, a little winded.

“Besides, then none of them would learn their lesson. The way Red, Blue, and Dapper acted last night is the most unacceptable thing I’ve seen since the night Jackie tried to run away with Dapper. No, he has to learn his lesson again, like he did now. And let’s stop lying to each other - you’re going to love every aching second of it.”

He smirks and adjusts the camera so you can see the expanse of the little rest stop lawn, some privacy provided between him and the convenience store where he bought the sandwiches by a few thin but determined trees.

“In fact,” he says. “Seeing as you were a part of what happened last night, I think you should be a part of this too, don’t you think?

“Red and Dapper need to be punished, and it has to happen before those fucking magicians catch up with us. Blue will get what he deserves when we get where we’re going. But we have a couple options and I think we should be entertained by it, don’t you? So you can pick.

“I can hypnotize one of them and spar with the other - you choose which of each, it doesn’t matter to me. Or I can make them both spar with each other, and the winner can beat the other one into a goddamn pulp.”

Anti leans back, Blue’s eyes glittering black in his stolen face.

“Decide. We both know you want to. You can do it without even telling us who you are… are you already thinking about it? Wouldn’t it be fun to see Dap hypnotized? Or Red? To spare one of them the pain of a real punishment, and let him sink back into my power again? Or wouldn’t you like to find out which one of them would win in a real fight? Come on. Don’t pretend. Decide.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: How about none of the above? Let them be who they are, Anti.

“Boring,” sings Anti. “You can be more creative than that, can’t you? I’ll let you have some time to decide, but I expect an answer.”

He sits back as his boys approach, Trick chattering to Dok about everything and nothing, re-invigorated by affection and food. He sits himself right down next to Anti - a bold move - and starts pulling out food for his brothers. Dok sits wearily down beside him, pulling open his sandwich with tentative eyes, like he expects something to jump out and sting him. Dapper stares down at his sandwich, unenthused.

Red, for his part, is still standing by the car, looking panicked and ill, afraid of what Anti is planning for him - and he knows it must be something. Trick did not help him to the table and Dok and Dapper are not well enough to care for anyone right now.

“Um, Anti,” begins Dok softly.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

Dok’s mouth opens and closes again. He’s looking at Blue’s thin frame. After a moment he shakes his head and sits back again, glancing nervously over at you for help as Anti picks boredly at the wood of the table, not even glancing at the food and water.

bupine asked: anti, is your chest hurt? also, when did red and dapper try to run away, was that is norway? unrelated to both of these questions but how about no one fights! i feel like the trauma of last night is punishment enough, but i know you won't agree

“Oh, no,” says Anti. He reaches over and rubs at Dapper’s back, pulling on his overgrown curls. Dapper doesn’t seem to know how to react. “That was back in… yeah, we were still near home then. I brought Dapper to lure the hero in. He came almost right away. I broke him in pretty well, but after about a month he had a moment of weakness and he took Dap and ran. My poor little boy was too sick to even protest, just followed after the hero.”

His voice stiffens as he rereads your question. “Blue’s chest is… it’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

Doktor sinks down on the other side of the table, picking nervously at his bread.

Anonymous asked: dok is something wrong? are you worried about something?

Dok glances over at you and touches his stomach, looking back at Blue.

Anonymous asked: Hey Anti, it might be a good idea to let Blue eat. He’s probably starving after all that energy he used. He’ll get sick if he doesn’t. Anonymous asked: Anti, you should eat something. Blue’s body is starving like this. Bupine asked: anti, you need to eat too. For blue, obviously. He’s human too man. Anonymous said: anti, you’re going to seriously hurt blue if you don’t eat and drink. If you want to have an easier time managing them, you might want to prevent him from becoming severely ill

“Oh.” Anti blinks and sits up, scowling. “I forgot about that. I’ll eat later. Hate that fucking… swallowing and the way the stomach moves… and if I’m being honest, Blue doesn’t fit very well. He kind of - ”

Anti flinches suddenly, eyes wide, and his hands clench together.

“Stings,” he hisses, waving them through the air. “But maybe that’s the… burns…”

“Anti,” whispers Dok.

“What, darling?”

When Dok doesn’t answer right away, Anti looks up at him.

His face is bloodlessly pale and his hands folded gently in his lap. Downcast eyebrows and a pinched, sorrowful mouth make him look about as pathetic as Anti has ever seen him.

Usually Anti would laugh at him for begging, or pet and flatter him and enjoy the moment of weakness, but suddenly he doesn’t think that Dok is begging or acting at all. Not like Dapper learned to do when he was small. Dok has never done that. Dok is too straight-forward. Dok is a rod and always has been.

“I would like you please to eat,” he says softly. “Please.”

Blue’s mouth falls slightly open as he stares at him.

Then he shuts it again with a deep sigh, trying to banish old memories of a spit-fire doctor with a scalpel in his hand and Chase under his arm, yelling and refusing to be hypnotized, kicking when he was taken out of his cell…

“You never cause me any trouble, do you, Dok?”

Dok’s mouth smiles, but it never reaches his eyes.

“Try not to, master.”

Anti stares at him. Memorizes his face, in all the ways it is different from the others - the streaks of grey in his hair, the imprints of the carefully clean glasses, the way he holds himself, still proud after all these years…

“When we get where we’re going,” he says. “You’re going to watch over your little brothers and keep them hidden. You’re going to be tough and not break down and stop talking again. You’re going to keep Dapper safe and away from the fighting. Okay?”

“Yes, Anti,” whispers Dok. “Whatever you ask.”

Anti nods shortly, a small blush on his cheek, no longer able to meet Doktor’s eyes.

“Good boy,” he says shortly, and reaches for a sandwich.

Anonymous asked: Hey Dap, why don’t you take the camera over to Red and see if we can get him to come to the table to eat, yeah?

“Who’s Red?” whimpers Dap, curling in on himself. “Why is everyone acting so wrong? Why does Marvin burn like that? He is radiating black and blue. That’s not the right kind of light. That’s how you get burned. Bad magic. Good magic. Doesn’t it sting? Why is everyone acting so wrong?”

nikkilbook asked: Red? How’re you feeling, buddy? You weren’t doing so great the last time I talked to you, but then it looked like you at least got some sleep. Will Anti let you eat, or no? At the very least, you should go sit with Noodle. I bet playing with a little kitty will help.

Red is shaky and white. He glances over at you on the car window, his face contorted with pain. After a moment, you see his hands reach up to touch the muzzle on his face - and then fall again - and then rise again - he crumples back against the car door, panting through his nose and clutching at his hair.

“Hungry,” he signs. “But bad. Punishment. Afraid.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Dap? How much of the truth are you remembering?

“I can’t tell what’s real,” wheezes Dapper with shaking hands, growing more and more upset, though a hand on his shoulder from Dok helps to calm him a little. “I can see a thousand pasts. I can’t see a single future. I want to go home but don’t remember where it is.”

“Dapper,” warns Anti softly, his eyes flickering up to him. Be cautious.

immabethehero asked: Dapper, Anti'll be furious if he hears you call Marvin by his real name. The others too. Marvin is Blue. That's who Anti is possessing right now. Jackie is Red. Chase is Trick. Henrik is Doktor. Use those names and don't let Anti know about this! He might do something awful!

Dapper rubs at his teary face, distressed. “No, none of them are my brothers! They’re all Anti! I can feel him! I can see ghosts! I can see their ghosts! Anti killed my brothers!”

nikkilbook asked: Red’s the name Glitchy McGee gave J-happy.

“Happy, happy,” whisper Dapper’s hands. “Joy.”

He breathes in and out deeply. You can almost see him forcing himself to calm down, staring over at Red by the car, his eyes wide. After a moment, he rises to his feet and heads towards Red.

Anti allows it, chewing on his sandwich. Trick and Dok exchange anxious looks, but they’re splitting a cup of mashed potatoes as quickly as they can, like they’re afraid the food will disappear.

“Here, here,” signs Dap, approaching. “It’s okay, Joy.”

Red’s eyes are like a horse caught in a barn fire. He throws his head, his hands reaching up, scared to unclasp the muzzle.

It’s like Blue said. You can always untie the rope, or tear out the stake, or unclasp the mask, but you never know what might come afterwards.

Dapper reaches gently up and undoes the clasp, pulling it away from Red’s face. It has dug dark purple bruises into his face and his mouth is white without enough blood moving through it, but it doesn’t seem to matter. His eyes are fixed on Dapper.

“Come on.” Dapper reaches out a hand. Red takes it and lets himself be pulled carefully towards the table and the food.

immabethehero asked: Dapper. Anti's brainwashed all your brothers. They're not dead. Just brainwashed.

“Oh, please, stop playing with him,” sighs Anti, rolling his eyes. “You can’t make sense to him when he’s all fucking crazy like this. Just leave him alone. I bet I can make him play baby again if I fuss over him for a little while, or wake up Carver if I shove him around a little. He’s fine. He just has… days. It’s a confused day, that’s all.”

Anonymous asked: maybe some other kinds of medication could help dap, not just with his hallucinations, but also with his paranoia? maybe anxiety medication could help?

“Haven’t had time to try anything like that,” mumbles Dok, rubbing at his face. Oh, his bones are so tired. “Barely got him off the Risperdal - he had to have it all out of his system before I could start him on anything new. And then the last one I tried made him really sick and moody and weepy, so I’m just getting him off that one too so we can try something else. Maybe some combinations would be a good idea. I’m afraid nothing is ever going to work as well as the Haldol did. But sometimes our bodies get too used to medicines and we just have to work around it now. Soon as we settle down safe again, I’ll find something that works, I promise.”

Anonymous asked: Thank you, Dap.

He gives you a big, nervous smile, his face twitching.

immabethehero asked: Why do you have so many nicknames for Dapper? Are they his own egos? (No pun intended i swear)

Anti blinks, assessing his youngest from the other side of the table.

“Mostly it was just me being fond of him. Pet names and what not. Carver is a compliment, it means he’s like me. But as I began to spend time with him and saw the ways his mental state could change from day to day, I did notice a difference, and at some point, I started to think of the more violent days as Carver’s, and the sweeter ones as Dapper’s. And, when he’s very, very quiet, and very deep in his own head, and can’t even get his limbs to move, and his magic is beyond his control, that is Monochroma. But I haven’t seen Monochroma since his snap. No, though, he doesn’t have alters or anything like that. It’s just me organizing his moods.”

nikkilbook asked: Anti said something about having you and Dapper fight. He wasn’t sure if he was going to possess one of you or just have you fight until one of you’s beat into the ground. We’re trying to make him change his mind, but... I don’t know if we’ll be able to. I’m sorry. Be safe, okay? And please, go see if they’ll let you eat. No sense letting yourself starve. Abirbable and pixie-in-trebleland sent similar asks and were added.

Red’s face contorts for a second at the first message, but he’s too hungry to focus on it. He reaches anxiously out for a sandwich and Dok presses it into his hand.

Red sinks away from the table and begins scarfing it down, his eyes flickering all around, waiting for the attack he knows is coming. He can’t get himself to calm down and even the brightness of the afternoon seems painful when he’s this overwhelmed. He feels a little more comfortable with Dapper at his side, at least.

He scoots in front of his little brother, relieved to have him behind him.

Anonymous asked: Dok don’t stress out, you’re all doing your best and that’s all that matters, alright? You’re taking care of Dapper and everyone else very well.

“Yeah!” Trick beams at his twin and presses a bottle of water into his hand. “Everything’s okay, Dok-Dok, see?”

Dok smiles wearily at both of you, his eyes ringed in dark circles.

“Guess for now I can just eat, huh?”

“Exactly,” soothes Trick, squeezing his hand. “Exactly. We’re okay. Anti’s got everything under control. Right, Anti?”

“Course, baby.”

Trick glows with affection, simpering at Anti, who giggles just to see that dopey, over-enthused smile. He reaches out to put his hand on Trick’s, massaging his palm, and Trick about melts.

“Listen, love,” says Anti. “I need to talk to you for a second.”

“Oh, yes, Anti, okay.”

“Red and Blue can’t be trusted right now. You know that.”

“Yes, Anti. They’re the ones that caused this. We’d be safe if they hadn’t done that.”

“There’s my good boy. You have been listening, huh? I’m worried the magicians maybe even got into their heads.”

Trick’s eyes are wide. “Really?”

“Yes. So you can’t listen to anyone but me now, right? Me and Dok. Those magicians might try and get in your head too. They might promise you things. Hell, even these fuckers in the camera might promise you things.”

Trick shoots you an irritable look.

“But I need to be able to finish this project with Blue. While I’m doing that, I can’t be interrupted. Do you understand?”

“Oh, yes. And you can’t trust Red to watch your back.”

“Exactly. Dok isn’t a fighter and Dapper isn’t well right now. That means you, Trick - you have to protect them while I do what I need to do.”

Trick has puffed up like a lion, his back straight. “Of course. I’ll keep them both safe. I won’t listen to anyone who tells me to go or to let anything bad happen. Anti, I’ll be really, really good.”

Anti smiles warmly at him and Trick’s cheeks rush with blood.

“You keep Dapper and Doktor safe from the magicians when they come,” he says. “And you and your twin can have anything you want in the next place we stay. Okay?”

“Yes, Anti. Yes.”

“Promise me.”

“I swear, Anti. I swear.”

“Good boy.”

nikkilbook asked: You had a scarf, right? To hide the muzzle? Try pulling that over your head to filter out some of the light.

Red likes that. All he wants to sense right now is the taste of his food and Dapper’s library book smell. He lies down in the grass and tugs his scarf over his eyes, breathing out a sigh of relief and running his hands over the patchy yellow grass.

abirbable asked: This may sound weird, but maybe try some breathing exercises, Red. That always calms me down. Or even listening to someone else’s pulse (as long as it’s steady).

Red breathes in.

Breathes out.

Breathes in -

Oh, shaky on that one.

Breathes out.

Trying not to cry.

“Want Blue,” he whispers.

spicydanhowell asked: trick you fucking bootlicker istg

Doktor barks out a laugh and immediately covers his mouth with his hands. Trick blushes bright red, a sudden terror in his eyes. Doktor looks guilty the second their eyes meet across the table.

“Sorry!” He tells him hastily, reaching out to pat Trick’s hand. “Wasn’t agreeing! Just surprised me.”

His twin draws away, trying to swallow.

Then Anti giggles too.

Trying to breathe, Trick chokes out something about checking on his cat and hurries over to Noodle before he can start crying, turning his back to the table and sitting quickly down with him in his lap. He pets rapidly at Noodle’s head, hugging him to his chest.

“You’re such a good boy,” he croaks, kissing his cat. “You’re good, you’re good, you’re good. You’re just trying to be good, it’s okay, I love you.”

Anonymous asked: hey dap, i know how scared and alone you must feel right now. we’re going to play a quick little game, okay? I want you to name five little things you can see around you, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. can you do that for me?

Dapper claps his hands together, a slightly over-bright light in his eyes, beginning to get his manic, confused enthusiasm back as his mood shifts again.

“I see - a deer covered in flowers. A pretty golden cat. I see bruises down this face and burns hiding on that one. I see my mustache!”

He pouts out his lips to bring it into his eyesight and grins at you. The smile is a little crooked.

“I can touch… warm grass. Black sweatshirt. Clean white dress shirt, except that my nose bled all over it. Bruise on my face. Stings. Stings. Master kicked me.”

The smile is very crooked.

“I can hear him breathing a little too fast next to me. I can hear him crying over by the trees. I can hear the wind.”

“I smell… forest magic. Black magic. Not a good combination, you see. We’re getting closer and closer and closer to a place very powerful. This, I think, is bad.”

He nods sagely and pops a bit of sandwich into his mouth.

“And I can taste roast beef! That was fun!”

Abirbable asked: I have a great idea for a third option! How about a fuckiNG V I B E C H E C K to the face?! Spicydanhowell asked: I don’t want to see them hypnotized. Ughhfbdshgdfn. Anonymous asked: Seriously? We can’t do that to them, Anti. Anonymous asked: uhhhhhhhh no. Anonymous asked: You know you can’t force down reality forever, right? They’re still the same people deep down, no matter how many spells you cast or minds you destroy. I get that maybe all you want is to be loved, but training your brothers to be your hound dogs that fight for scraps isn’t really the way to truly achieve that. Leave them be.

“You five,” says Anti, pointing at the camera. “Are the boring ones.”

He gets to his feet. Dok looks up at him, surprised, finishing off his second sandwich.

“Are we going, Anti?”

“In a moment. But first, why don’t we play a game, huh, Dok-Dok?”

immabethehero asked: WHo needs Anti's love, Trick? You've got the love of Dok and Red and Blue and Dap, and us! We're annoying as fuck but we don't constantly abuse you and take our daddy issues out on you

“I don’t want to talk,” whispers Trick, hiding his face in Noodle’s fur. He meows, valiantly licking at Trick’s fingers.

Anonymous asked: why don't you fight one of them, glitch bitch?

“Now we’re talking,” grins Anti, his eyes filling up with a wild light.

Anonymous asked: I really don’t like the sound of that.

“Check that. You six are the boring ones.”

Anonymous asked: Dap, do you know where you guys are headed?

“Some place much too powerful,” mumble Dapper’s hands, beginning to get a little sloppy with his signing. “A place for bad spells and bad people.”

“Dap, Red,” calls Anti. “Get up, boys.”

Anonymous asked: Would you fight with Marvin on though?

“Oh, of course, my darlings. That’s half the fun of it. Especially if you pick my dear Red.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Iiiii think Dap should be hypno'ed and Red to spar with? He has some pent up anger.

“Ahh,” breathes Anti, smiling wide. “Thank you, my friend. I knew someone would decide. I quite like that idea.”

Anonymous asked: Are you sure? I think seeing Carver would be interesting.

“Oh? Seeing Carver fight? We have an objection in the court. What would you all prefer? I’m quite impartial.”

spicydanhowell asked: NO DO NOT HYPNOTIZE DAP

“Oh, you don’t want your darling boy anymore confused than he already is, hm? I could do Red instead… or pit the two of them against each other…”

abirbable asked: One day you’re gonna break one or more of them beyond repair, Anti. You have NO idea what being a human is like nor the emotional trauma you’re continually causing them.

“Oh, please. You should have seen the time Doktor forgot the difference between a scalpel and a band-aid. Screaming for three days straight. Babbling in German no matter how much Trick tried to calm him down. But eventually he came back to himself. Eventually they all come back to themselves. I’ll handle it.”

Anonymous asked: Would this be Marvin’s punishment then? Getting beat to a pulp by his brothers?

“Oh, no. I have something much more important in mind. Blue will need his strength tonight. I expect we’ll be there in a few hours.”

nikkilbook asked: Carver versus you. Red’s punishment would be not being able to prevent either of his brothers from being hurt or hurting each other. Give what he risked today and why he risked it, seems like that would cut pretty deep.

“Intriguing. I like the way you think. But I can’t just let him be. He needs to be under my control one way or another - physical punishment or hypnotism.”

Anonymous asked: And one day they won’t be fixable and then you’ll be yelling at us like the whinny bitch you are. You made your bed, have fun sleeping in it.

“I will, thanks - wait a second, whinny? I think that’s a horse noise.”

spicydanhowell asked: just.... them against each other.... i know they won't kill each other..... Bupine asked: if I really, really had to choose? Pit them against each other, no hypnotism. Fair fight. Anonymous asked: Red v. Dapper? That’d be a very emotional fight.

“Ah, and now we’ve had all three options proposed! I knew you’d all make choices when it came down to it. How will we decide…?”

Interesting! I’ll make posts for each option and then compare the notes on them soon. Whichever has the most notes, I’ll write - and then, when that’s done, we’ll be at the final scene of the chapter tomorrow. Thanks, guys. Wasn’t sure you’d play along… but hey! I had to try out something new! Audience participation and all that.

Post 1: Dapper and Red should fight each other.

Post 2: Dapper should be hypnotized and Anti should fight Red.

Post 3: Red should be hypnotized and Anti should fight Dapper.

nikkilbook asked: Dap, could you do me a favor? Without touching J-happy’s skin, could you squish him as tight as you can? Like, put a bunch of pressure on his shoulders. He hasn’t had that in a while, and he’s having a really hard time right now.

Dapper and Red watch as Anti discusses with one of the cameras.

He holds in his hand a large silver knife, swinging it around with shining eyes as he demands and manipulates, searching for a decision to be made - but about what, they don’t know.

Dapper blinks over at you and then looks up at Red, seeing his big brother shaking hard, his face drawn and guilty and resigned. He has not been bandaged or cared for since last night and there is still blood on his face, deep bruises from the muzzle, and scoring cuts from the plants with which his twin’s power consumed him.

He looks so overwhelmed he could shatter. Red is an Atlas and always has been.

Dapper tugs gently on his sleeve, smiling up at him, and Red turns wearily towards him, softening a little for the look on his face. Dapper holds out his arms cautiously, beckoning for Red to let himself be held.

Red wipes at his face and sniffles. Nobody’s supposed to see him in pain. Nobody’s supposed to see him needing comfort. Least of all his youngest brother, clever, wild little Dapper. Well, not so little, really - standing beside him now, Red can see that Dapper is exactly his height.

Oh, he’s so tired.

He puts his head down on Dapper’s shoulder.

Dapper wraps his arms around him and squishes him tight, tight, tight, just like you wanted to, a string of soothing, soft, meaningless clicks chirping from his mouth, the warmest reassurance in the world.

“Okay,” says Anti, turning towards them. “Are you two ready?”

Dapper and Red should fight each other.

“Do you remember,” begins Anti, pacing towards them. “When you two used to spar all the time?”

Dapper and Red look at each other.

“I guess you probably don’t, do you, Red? And maybe Dapper, you’re a little confused.”

“No,” Dapper interrupts. “No, I remember.”

His hands are clenched into fists.

“Oh, good. Well, I love it when you do. We haven’t in a long time because first Red was rather badly off, and there was Blue to deal with, and then Dapper! You got stabbed! Wasn’t that silly! So you were on bed rest. But now - well, look at the two of you, standing tall.”

Red wipes at the blood on his cheeks, trembling. Dapper frowns and it makes his broken nose hurt.

“It’s really good practice for you both, seeing as you’re my strongest fighters and all that. My right-hand soldier, my Red, fighting like a guardian, refusing to be moved, refusing to let anything get past him, waiting for the right moment to get a good strike in. And the sly little pet that sleeps beneath my throne… my violent, dirty, sudden little fighter, Dapper who never seems to feel any pain. Of course when I let him use his powers he always crushes you into pulp, Red - he can see your every move coming. But that won’t work now… Dapper’s having a little trouble getting it up.”

Dapper’s face rushes with blush and he stares down at his feet.

“You wouldn’t cast when I told you to, would you, Dapper?”

He doesn’t have an answer.

“Why?”

“Please, master, I’m so - I don’t know what you’re talking about, I can’t - there was just fire, and I couldn’t - I don’t - I can’t find the right past and I - ”

“Shut up, shut up,” snarls Anti, annoyed. “I don’t want fucking excuses.”

He creeps forward, stepping right into Dapper’s space. For a moment, he stares at him.

“Dapper,” he murmurs, leaning down, so Blue’s mouth brushes by his ear. “Reverse this. Reverse all this and go back to before Blue gave himself up on the mountainside, and I will stop all of this, and you won’t be punished.”

Watery eyes stare up at Anti from above an open, desperate mouth. “Reverse?” stammer Dapper’s hands. “B-but I don’t… I don’t know what Blue giving himself up means?”

“Before the fire last night, Dap! Before Blue and Red snuck off up the mountainside to cast spells!”

Dapper shakes his head, choking.

“Change it back!” screams Anti, grabbing his wrists. “Change it back, I don’t care how much energy it takes! I know you’ve turned back a whole day before. I know you can! Change it back and you won’t get hurt, do you understand me? Why won’t you listen to me? Why did you suddenly disobey? Are you so out of your fucking mind that you can’t - ”

“Anti!”

A hand is suddenly clutching at Anti’s shoulder and he turns, panting, to see Red grabbing at his shirt. Pain spikes across the untreated burns that coat Blue’s chest, leaving Anti wheezing, sparks in his vision. Something is stinging throughout his whole body, like he’s gotten the wrong blood transfusion, and his hands are beginning to ache horribly, though he does not know why.

“Please,” cries Red. “Look at him. You’re going to make him snap again!”

There is a faint silver light in Dapper’s eyes and panic in his face. Anti turns to him, fear rising on the back of his neck.

“He’s lost track of the timeline. You’ve seen him do this before. If you push him past that, if you push him to reverse anyway, he won’t be able to go back safely and time will start to tear around us. Everything will blur together and we could all get lost or hurt or killed.”

“How do you know this?” whispers Anti.

For all that he’s angry at Red, the memory of Jameson’s snap is enough to halt him in his tracks.

“You were reset after that. You shouldn’t remember.”

“I don’t,” says Red faintly. “That was Blue’s speculation. He always wanted to know what you meant by a snap. He was sure it was more than a psychotic episode, or you wouldn’t talk about it the way that you do. Judging by your reaction… he was right.”

Anti turns to sneer at him, making Blue’s face ugly, and Red’s heart twists. “Fine,” he spits. “Your little baby doesn’t have to turn anything back since he can’t keep his head on straight. But you still have to have your practice for the day, my darlings.”

“Anti,” whispers Red. “Please. I don’t think you even want to do this, do you?”

“I want things to go back to the way they were!” screams Anti, backing away from him. “Just yesterday, we were so close to safety, Red! But you and Blue fucking ruined it, and Dapper refuses to fix your mistake! So, yes, I do want to see you two beating each other into the ground, like the wild, stupid animals you are. You’ll be broken in again as many times as it takes, and tonight, when I call upon you, you will fight for me.”

“I’m tired of beating my brothers around!” screams Red. “Look how scared he is, how scared he is of me! I’m done slapping them and yelling at them and grabbing them when they do something wrong! I’m - ”

“Oh, don’t fucking start,” snarls Anti. “Your stupid act.”

“No! This isn’t who I want to be anymore! I don’t want to do this!”

Anti’s voice raises in volume and pitch. “If you won’t fight the little brat, I will, and I promise you, I won’t stop til he can’t breathe through the blood in his face.”

“Please, just punish me, it’s not his fault!”

Anti stalks towards Dapper, raising the knife.

“No!” Red steps in front of him. Anti stares up at him. The hatred in his eyes - in Blue’s eyes - is so powerful Red could faint, and suddenly, all his courage is gone, and he is afraid.

“You’ll do it, then?” asks Anti coolly.

Red can feel Dapper shivering behind him.

“I’ll do it. I’ll do it.”

Over by the bench, Trick and Dok are standing so close to each other they could be Siamese, clutching Noodle between them. For a second, they look at each other, and see in the other’s eyes a question silently asked: should we do something?

But the other only answers, what can we do? What have we ever been able to do?

And they do not act.

Anti shoves Dapper towards Red and they regard each other uncertainly. In his impatience, Anti ends up striking Dapper three times on his own before Red is spurred into action, and begins to drive his little brother back, striking with sudden, harsh blows and following no matter how much Dapper tried to back away, confused and terrified. It’s a boring, aching sort of fight, and Dapper is upset and Red is hurting himself worse than he’s hurting Dapper, and then, after one badly-planned blow that ends up smashing hard against Dapper’s already blackened nose -

Dapper changes.

Red’s eyes widen as his little brother’s posture shifts entirely, his shoulders drawing back and his feet planting themselves steady on the earth, lifting him up on the pads of his feet. Suddenly Dapper’s befuddled distress looks more like a wild sort of fury.

He bares his teeth like a dog and begins forward, a hiss falling out of his mouth.

“There’s my Carver,” purrs Anti, sitting back on the park table, popping green beans into his mouth. “There’s my ferocious little pet.”

“Dapper,” calls Red, gently. “Dap, it’s okay. We’re just sparring, bud. It’s just me. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Hit,” snarl Carver’s hands. “Hit me. Slap. Red man. Bad.”

“Dapper - Dapper - ”

“I want my brother!” screams Carver. “I want my brother! But you are not him! You are not him! Jackie would never hit me! Anti has killed him! Anti has killed him, and you are the monster that remains!”

Carver tears forward like a jungle cat, teeth flashing.

From then on, Anti is laughing the whole fight long.

  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

You can hear him sobbing it from the front of the car. Blood is flowing from his nose and he is curled in on himself, crying.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I won’t do it again, I’ll never do it again, I’ll never disobey you again!”

Anti flickers through radio channels, humming.

“I was bad, I was bad, I was bad! I’m sorry!”

“Holy shit!” laughs Anti. “Are they playing this? Why? Haha, in Peru? That’s hilarious.”

‘Take Me Home, Country Roads’ blares out of the radio speaker. Anti sits back, drumming Blue’s fingers against the wheel and humming.

Behind him, Doktor and Trick are no longer sitting one on the ground and one on the seat of the car, but both curled into a single chair, hiding in each other’s arms. Noodle sits on the ground beneath them, gone silent, staring at Carver, who writhes in the other chair, screaming without sound.

He and Red are hand-cuffed together, Red’s arm reaching back from the front of the car, and Dapper’s reaching forward. Carver’s had his other hand tied down to the armrest too since he wouldn’t stop trying to lash out at himself or the twins.

“Now, Red,” purrs Anti. “You’re going to watch over Dapper really well once we get to the equator, right?”

“Yes, Anti, yes, Anti, yes, Anti, I am, I am, I am.”

Carver hisses and kicks at the seat in front of him, sobbing. He drags his hand up to draw a finger across his throat, and no one knows if he’s calling for Anti or making threats.

“You’re going to keep your little brother very safe?”

“Yes, Anti, won’t let anything happen to him, won’t go with the magicians, won’t listen to anyone but you, yes, yes, yes.”

“Dap, would you tire yourself out already back there? Goddamn. Country roads, take my home, to the place, I belong!” Anti bursts into giggles and the glitches on the radio laugh with him.

“Tomorrow all will be well,” he purrs, speaking to someone no one else can see. “Tomorrow, my darling, I will strip the magic out of your traitorous little chest in one of the most powerful places in the world, just to be sure nothing remains inside of you, and put it into my own instead. Your power will hide beneath mine and you will never be able to betray me again.”

He can hear something inside his head screaming out, just like it was while Red and Dapper fought, watching his brothers bite and strike and beat each other, until at last, Red surrendered.

“West Virginia,” sings Anti. “Mountain mama! Take me home, country roads.”

I’m going to fucking kill you one day, shouts Marvin, inside his own head. I’m going to fucking kill you for what you’ve done to my family.

Anti bursts into laughter and turns the radio up.

 End Section Seven of Chapter Two.

Find the final section here.