#how can I forget something so basic as signing in at the desk and then sit there like a fucking IDIOT waiting expectantly like a stupid

[velveteenprayers]

II HANDS TO HEAVEN

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Pairing: Percy Jackson x Gn!Aphrodite!Reader

Warnings: Angst, mentions of killing and death , reader has one eye

Word Count: 932

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“You know what, I think they are closed.”

And even though Percy says nothing, you still quickly rush out, “Don’t make fun, it's rude to make fun.” 

It was a burning mid-July day, and you were kneeling in defeat, desperately trying to see into the store’s dark window for any sign of life. Percy had a sinking suspicion since he picked you up that your frequently talked about store was closed, it already being late afternoon, but chose to indulge you. His trust in you frequently seems to land him in these types of situations more and more recently, but he simply doesn’t have the heart to deny you.

(Even when your UFOs turn out to be aeroplanes, when your angel numbers are nothing more than machine-generated coincidences, he will believe you. His failing lighthouse in a storm. His worst habit to indulge in. Loyal to death, prophecies warn, and aren’t you the embodiment of the worst of him?)

You sit on the burning pavement underneath a violet and orange sky in a lingering silence, absentmindedly observing passing cars and street signs. You like it like this, when he’s with you, but not near you, not close enough to scare you off, but close enough to chase off lingering thoughts, close enough for you to forget yourself. It was your orientation day at your new school.

“I hated it. The mouldy air, the too small desks. Caged in by concrete. Everyone kept crowding around me, saying, “You’re so pretty,” “You’re so pretty,” At some point it felt more like a taunt than a compliment. I felt sick. I wanted to go home.” 

You let out a deep, solemn sigh, and bury your face in your arms.

“And yet-”

You’re always doing this, building cathedrals out of your pain, sculpting this tired, cruel world into something beautiful. You are your mother’s child, to a fault. You've basically lived your whole life at camp, a fact you’d constantly bring up in any disagreement. By this point he had your head tilt and self-satisfied smile during your monologue burned into his memory. He’s glad he’s with you now, to refresh your features. They were fading a bit. 

“Do you ever think that we’re getting too old to be demi-gods?” you ask innocently.

You turn your good eye to him, half of your face still hiding. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

But he does, and he knows that you know he does. He can feel it in the ever-evasive feeling of dread. Demi-gods either die young or live forever. Soon he’ll learn which one is better. 

Another one of your depressing sighs breaks the silence. (When did you grow so cold?)

“Maybe it’s better if I die tomorrow, so I never have to go to school, and strangers will stop seeing eternity in my eye.”

“Would you even have a life worth living?”

You look at him. Yes, yes, yes. Percy looks away.

Unrelentingly, refusing to let go, you continue, “I missed you.”

Percy’s heart lurches a bit, though he exteriorally remains unchanged.

“I never left.”

You shrug, and that’s all you seem to do these days. Shrug and sigh and go quiet. He hates it. And he hates you. Hates you. Hates you and how you used to smile. Hates how your easy wit has all but disappeared. His nails cut into his palm, making him bleed.

“I haven’t seen you since school started. I was beginning to think you were avoiding me.” You try to keep your voice even. He senses the undertone. He knows you’re hurt. Hurt that everytime you rang up, you were met with a “He’s not home.” That all your calls to his apartment went to voicemail.

You lost an eye and a sister for him, he doesn’t think he’ll ever make it up to you. He still remembers how you made him swear on everything that Luke Castellan would be killed. For your sister, for your sister, for your sister, for your sister. You knew before anyone that she wasn’t an innocent. You once told him that you think only the innocent should be avenged. He doesn’t know what you believe now, and neither do you, he thinks.

He hates you.

But not as much as he hates himself.

“Percy.” 

You call out for him as if you’re underneath the sea. You reach for his hand. He’s never seen anyone who could cut through everything, effortlessly as the wind, quite like you did. He doesn’t want to be in this limbo with you, stuck in this never-ending sunset. He doesn’t want to ask anymore of you, though he needs more than this self-sacrificial, masquerading relationship. But he can’t ask you to love him, not like you loved the world and had it ruin you.

He’s seen time and time again how he’s ruined you. 

But you called him first when you left early, and he doesn’t want it to be anyone else. He can barely make out your figure in the navy blue shadows. But he knows you’re looking at him with your unpatched eye. He doesn’t have to look to know. Heroes aren’t meant to last. You call out for him again, and his mind runs to catch up to you,

“Let’s go home, Percy. It’s getting dark.” You rise, picking up your forgotten schoolbag, and he follows you. The sea-worn ship to your failing lighthouse. You lay your head on his shoulder as the streetlights turn on.

“You know what? I kinda like math.” “Weirdo.” “Don’t make fun Perseus. It’s rude to make fun.”

[envythemouse]

Best amnesiac Hannibal fics

Emergency Contact by mouemouth

Summary: Takes place somewhere in S2 but the timeline is fluid and has been altered to suit my purposes. Basically Hannibal has amnesia and forgets he's a cannibal and falls in love with Will at first sight, again.

Envy’s notes: The code to Hannibal’s phone is the day he met Will and that’s so romantic I just can’t-

“What- what about that church in Italy?”

“The Norman Chapel? Unlikely.” Hannibal laced his fingers together and looked up at Will who had come to hover over his shoulder while he sat at the desk attempting to unlock his phone. He likes Will being close like this. Hannibal smiles, “Please, Will,” he tries again, “What was the date when we first met?”

Will bit his lip nervously, did he really want to hinge his only chance at procuring hard evidence against the Chesapeake Ripper on an amnesiac’s guess? Only one way to find out.

Will sighed heavily, “April 4th.”

I shouldn't feel lonely when you're gone by Angelic_Disaster

Summary: The heart monitor connected to Hannibal makes a sudden, unrhythmical beep the moment Will enters through the door.

"You must forgive me for my bluntness, but are we in a romantic relationship?" Hannibal asks and Will isn't exactly sure how to answer that. He can't technically say no, but honestly, bloody courtship may be a more proper name for it.

While Hannibal suffers from a case of amnesia, Will puts a stop to the honey-trap plan to take care of him.

Envy’s notes: This is the first thing Hannibal says to Will when seeing him and it got me hooked. Why is Hannibal so romantic when he’s got amnesia? Why can’t he be like this all the time??

“Your aftershave is atrocious.”

And Will, because he already has given up on grasping a single scrap of normalcy in his fucked up life, laughs. 

“It’s not–” Will chuckles, covering his smile with his hand, breathing, trying to center himself. “It’s not the first time you tell me that.” 

“For as terrible as your aftershave is,” Dr. Lecter pauses. His breathing is heavier than usual and he lowers his gaze to the floor for a second, taking the time to recover before locking his eyes with Will’s again. “I find it impossibly endearing.” 

Also, Will buys Hannibal expensive food and takes it to the hospital and then Hannibal shares the food with him because he gets the feeling Will won’t eat otherwise. How sweet is that?

Empty slot by dancey94

Summary: What if Hannibal forgot he was a cannibalistic serial killer?

Envy’s notes: Takes place early in the series, before Hannibal kills Tobias. Hannibal tells Will he has encephalitis (it takes Hannibal losing his memory to be a decent friend, I guess XD).

Lecter looks at the man and his nostrils sense a sweet feverish scent. He knows he smelt it before. And it’s a bad sign, a symptom of…

“Encephalitis” Hannibal murmurs.

“You need to see a doctor, a neurologist. Your brain is inflamed”

“How do you…?” Will massages his temples “Do you remember all this or…?”

Can you imagine what Bedelia is thinking here? Loses his memory and still, all he can talk about is Will Graham.

“Have I ever mentioned Will Graham to you?” he asks nevertheless; he’s too curious to resist.

She smiles in a way he knows he has. Can he simply ask what he’s told her about the man?

“How would you…describe my feelings about him?”

You may be a sinner, but your innocence is mine by multifandom_fanfic_writer

Summary: “Hello,” Will said. He wanted to say something else, something to convey his relief at Hannibal being alive, being okay, but he didn’t know what to say.

“Hello,” Hannibal responded. His eyes were bright. “You are very beautiful.”

Envy’s notes: Hannibal assumes Will is his husband and is absolutely smitten.

“Are you my husband?”

Will chocked on thin air. “What makes you say that?”

Hannibal hummed. “You’ve brought me food,” the doctor said, “from a medium to high-quality restaurant, if my sense of smell is accurate. This implies you know me well enough to know of my dislikes, and care enough to go through the effort of obtaining it for me. Your scent is familiar – you were here, before. You are an attractive man–”

[amberjazmyn]

home sweet home 🫶💔

pairing : pierre gasly x gasly!fem reader & f1 grid x platonic!fem reader

summary : delilah gasly had been stationed in america for the last seven years as a training paramedic. she is also pierre's younger sister and hasn't seen him during those seven years. the last time she had seen her brother was just after pierre had made his f1 debut. since then, it had been seven years since pierre had been in f1 and so many things that delilah had missed had happened. so, with the help of the rest of the f1 grid, she surprised her older brother. 

warnings : dodgy french to english translations, sweet reunions between siblings, swearing, happy crying

a/n : a couple of flashbacks will be in this and written in italics like always, even though it's happy, it'll be written in lowercase and i'm gonna apologise once again for the influx of depressing one-shots so i hope this makes you forgive me! 

present time | pierre's pov

chilling in the alpine garage before media day was always the thing that i did during each grand prix week when i first started in f1 and it was something i even did now, in my seventh year on the grid. except for the occasional run-in from one of the engineers, it was quite quiet which led me to find an old message between me and my younger sister. i tilted my head in confusion but, i sat in my chair properly, my feet off of the desk, and read the message from delilah.

delilah

hey, pierre. i know we haven't spoken in ages, since i left being the "ages" but, i just wanted to text you to let you know i love you, i miss and i am so proud of you.

it makes me so excited that you have finally made it into formula one and i only wish that i could be there to see you continue to smash it! i know you and the rest of the team will smash it out of the park! love you!

hey delilah, i miss you too and i love you too. and thank you, i'm also excited to have finally made it into formula one, only charles needs to enter next! see you soon, whenever that is! 

i really am sorry that i can't be there to see any of the races. and i'm sure charles will make his debut soon, pierre. and congrats again and biggest hugs to you! okay, i need to go but, we can talk later. i love you pierre and stay safe. bisous. 

read

i felt my eyes water as i reread these messages. especially when i noticed that these dates dated back to around, 2017ish when i had first made my debut into formula one and i remembered i'm no longer the rookie like i was back then. my heart broke as i realised i didn't even respond to delilah's last message she sent me back in 2017, i only read it and never responded. even though it was a very short conversation, it was still a nice conversation to have with my sister as i hadn't talked to her at that point in a couple of years. and that reason is that delilah, basically the day after i had signed the contract and got given the call i was making my debut into formula one, she was over in america as a training paramedic, travelling through all the states to teach families and young kids about the importance of first aid. and the day i got the call about my f1 debut was the last time me, the family and our friends had seen her before she jet-setted off. 

"you alright, pierre?" i suddenly look up to notice charles, had snuck his way into the alpine garage and joined me, resting himself against the table as i smiled at him, nodding my head

"yeah, i'm alright char, just...thinking..." i trailed off as i placed my phone down, forgetting to turn it off as charles catches a glimpse of what i was looking at

"...delilah te manque, n'est-ce pas?" charles softly responded, switching to french as we both caught eye contact as i nodded my head you miss delilah don't you?

"ouais, je le fais. i don't even know how i came past that conversation, i must have been absentmindedly scrolling through the messages...wow, seven years ago we had that conversation..." i trail off, looking back down at the date we had that small conversation, realising ultimately that it was almost eight years ago, not seven yeah, i do

"...eh bien, as-tu essayé de l'appeler?" charles sincerely questions as i sit up properly again as i tilt my head - have i? well, have you tried calling her?

"je... je ne pense pas avoir..." i space out for a second until i bring myself back into reality as charles places a soft touch on my shoulder i...i don't think i have

"...bien well, when was the last time you tried calling her?" charles asked, pulling himself back to his original position as i relax my shoulders down as i think properly

"i think the last time i tried calling her was a week after the f1 debut was announced when she had been gone for maybe a little close to a week at that point..." i was shocked at myself as those words came out my mouth, charles giving me a comforting smile

"...well, do you maybe want to try calling her then? i'm sure it won't hurt to try," charles whispered in english, giving me a small smile as he then climbed off the table leaving me to call her. however, it kind of scared me to call delilah

"i guess so..." i mumbled as charles gave me one last smile before it was just me left in my dressing room again

well, here i go. i decided that i'd try to call delilah for the first time in seven-ish years. it gave me anxiety hearing the phone call ring as for all i knew, maybe she forgot about me due to how much of a workaholic she was when it came to her job as a paramedic. maybe that's why she never came home when she had the chance to... because she was too focused on her job she forgot about me. i mean, it sounds plausible i guess.

"hé, c'est delilah..." hey, it's delilah

"...delilah me manque--" delilah i miss--

"--désolé that i couldn't be there to pick up the phone and talk to you. i'm most likely either in the office studying, out watching pierre race or i am purposefully ignoring you. please leave a message and i'll get to you as soon as i possibly can. love you so much to whoever has rung me and i'm sorry once again for not picking up. okay, au revoir!" sorry & bye-bye

my heart broke as i heard her voicemail. she still hadn't updated it from the day she first made it, at the airport before she was about to leave for america after my f1 debut call back in 2017. i remember holding in my giggles as she made it. as soon as the recording stopped, i burst out into laughter and caused the entire airport to stare at us. delilah also finding the funny in the situation. i was then interrupted by the sudden beep meant for my message.

*beep*

i jolted as i then spoke up, giving my message to delilah. my voice shaky and a little bit teary as i sniffled.

"...salut...delilah, it's been a while since we last spoke. around seven years to be exact but um, i...i just wanted to ring in to check on you considering it's been seven years or so since you've been in america and since we've talked. and...i was just wondering how you're going. i hope you're staying safe and, please come home soon, i love you and i miss  you loads. okay, umm, please call me back when you're able to listen to this, okay, au revoir." 

i gulped as i ended the call, placing my phone back down on the table that charles was sitting on earlier. i then moved out of my seat and rested against the wall, sliding down it as i felt as though i was going to start crying. thankful my door was closed and locked so no one, even the engineers, could come in.

five minutes later | charles' pov

since leaving pierre to attempt in ringing delilah, his younger sister who has been a training paramedic in america for the last seven or so years, i was slightly worried about leaving him alone. especially considering it's been those seven years since they last communicated and we were hours, if not minutes away from the media interviews in prep for the grand prix.

i was walking back down the way a little back to the ferrari garage when i heard what sounded like soft cries. it piqued my interest as the alpine garage and pierre's room was always on a diagonal from mine. i softly walked back in the direction of the apline garage and softly knocked on the door. before hearing a click, letting me know the door was just unlocked as i walked in, closing the door behind me straight away. 

he was resting against the wall, no longer sitting near his desk and my heart broke, "...pierre, qu'est-ce qui ne va pas?" i softly questioned, sliding down the wall next to mark as he slowly looked over towards me pierre, what's wrong?

"elle...elle n'a pas répondu, c'était juste sa messagerie vocale," pierre whispered as my heart shattered for him she...she didn't answer, it was just her voicemail

"oh, pierre, i am so sorry. did you try again?" i asked in english as i brought his fragile but taller frame into my smaller one as i felt his head shake against my shoulders

"no," he mumbled against my shoulder as i bit my lip, not knowing what else to do

"pourquoi pas?" i simply respond as pierre sniffles why not?

"hearing her voicemail from seven years ago makes me miss her even more...since that's the last time i heard her speak so i don't even know if she still sounds like that..." he trails off as i nod my head - yeah, i get the same feeling when i miss my own mum and i try to ring her and it goes to voicemail, making me not want to try again even though i know her voice wouldn't have changed that much

"that's fair. have you gotten in contact with her superintendent to make sure she's okay?" i questioned as i remembered that as a grid, we had talked about it, all wanting to stay in the loop about delilah

"yeah but, they...they haven't really been giving me any updates recently so i don't even know what's going on at their end right now," he mumbles as i nod my head

"that's not fun but i'm sure delilah isn't ignoring you on purpose. just, be as positive as you can and just know that one day, delilah will have to come home since she wasn't even meant to be in america and with this job for this long anyway," i smirk as pierre gives me a little smirk back which makes me happy, we all hated to see pierre upset

i then decided to give him a hug before leaving him on his own, knowing he needed it this time and now, i knew he'd be okay.

seven years ago | pierre's pov

i had never hated anything more than what was happening right now, and last night, i had just gotten the amazing news that i was making my formula 1 debut. right now, my younger sister delilah was getting ready for her new job as a training paramedic somewhere in america. i say "somewhere" because i completely zoned out as soon as it was mentioned that delilah was being sent away in the first place. i just had the impression that she'd be sent to england or somewhere else in europe. i didn't want to hear about the fact that she'd be across a whole damn ocean, six or so hours away. and i'd rather not be told that she's that far away from me if anything was to go wrong, i can't just be there in an hour or two. 

"...allez pierre, dis au revoir à ta sœur car elle sera partie pendant quelques années avant que tu puisses lui parler à nouveau. ne sois pas de mauvaise humeur, s'il te plaît," dad kindly spoke in french as i rolled my eyes, i sluggishly moved off the airport seat, uncrossed my arms and slowly walked over to delilah who was waiting with her arms open for a hug - to which she knew i could never say no to come on pierre, say goodbye to your sister as she'll be gone for a couple of years before you can speak to her again. don't be moody, please

"bien, mais ne me blâme pas quand je te crie dessus tous les deux jours de ne pas me permettre d'être à une heure de delilah juste au cas où elle se blesserait parce que ce ne serait pas de ma faute!" i growl out in french, half of it mumbled by delilah's tight squeeze as i rested in her hug, mum and dad shaking their heads at me in unapproving ways fine, but don't blame me when i yell at you every other day for not allowing me to be an hour away from delilah just in case she gets injured because it won't be my fault!

"oh please, pierre, that's never going to happen, buddy! i won't let it happen!" delilah whispers in english as dad, mum, our brothers and the f1 grid that had shown up had left the two of us alone

"and how in god's name are you so sure of that delilah celine-josephine gasly, huh?" i respond in english, with a full-on passive-aggressive attitude as she rolls her eyes, squeezing me tighter as she tries to prove her point

"i'm so sure of that pierre jean-jacques gasly because i was trained exceptionally well and there is no way in hell or god's name that i'm leaving you on your own! nah-uh, not until i surprise you at one of your f1 media days, whether that's when you change teams or what then i'm leaving you, even then, i'll always be here for you, okay?" delilah roughhoused me, in the airport yes, as she tried to convince me, leaving me to roll my eyes this time

"nah-uh, i'm still not letting you leave, nope! nope, nope, nope, NOPE!" i growl as i squeeze delilah even tighter than before as she softly chuckles, scuffing my hair up, to which i had no care about really

"i hate to burst your imaginative bubble pierre but, i'm still leaving. i have to otherwise i could be fined a lot of money for not going..." delilah trails off as she tries to remove herself from my grip, to which i refuse and hug her tighter

"...i.don't.care! i'd rather have to help pay for your fines for not leaving to work in america as a stupid paramedic than be told that you got injured or died in a fucking school shooting over the phone whilst i'm potentially in a different country at a grand prix or racing and then having to cry and grieve over you two months later when they finally bring your body home!"  i growl, still mad that mum and dad even allowed delilah to consider her choosing this weird training paramedic job in america, delilah sighs loudly as she brings her arms back around my torso, hugging me even tighter

"i'm sorry pierre but, i do care. and, whilst i also don't want you guys to get a call saying i died or got injured in america and wait two months for my fancy-schmancy funeral, i'm willing to do this job in america if it means i'm teaching life-saving skills. i don't want to argue with you, i know you don't either so, be reasonable and let me leave," delilah says in a matter-of-fact way as i roll my eyes again, a small whine leaving my mouth as if i was about to have a full-on tantrum, to which, i most likely was, in a public airport with my future f1 teammates behind me and the rest of my family

"why are you so proud of this job? i'd rather you be with me travelling for formula 1!" i whine, smacking my head on delilah's shoulder as she chuckles

"i'm proud because i've always been proud of everything i do and that includes my job as a training paramedic in america. and you know i'd love to go to all of the grand prixs with you but, i can't so, it looks as though you're just going to have to survive with me being away in a different country to you," delilah said with a smile as we both simultaneously squeezed each other, causing us to both squeal and giggle

"well, if i have to let you leave then, when will i talk to you next?" i question, pulling back out of the hug as delilah grabs ahold of my hand

"umm, i think i have a couple of days where i have off that i can ring and communicate with those i didn't get to farewell but, yeah, i think that's the next time i can talk to you," delilah smiles which makes me smile, making me feel slightly better

"okay, nice. when will i be able to see you again? like, when will you be able to come home?" i then ask as i entertain myself by fiddling around with delilah's fingers which were intertwined with mine

"it...it'll be soon i'm sure pierre," delilah smiles, pulling me into another quick hug before grabbing my hand again as i nod my head sadly

"how soon is soon?" i ask with a shake in my voice, looking up at the clock knowing her flight was about to be called to board soon

"pierre soon will be as soon as i am able to leave. i promise, now, i really need to leave, my plane's about to board!" delilah said as i pouted and my eyes grew sad as i huffed loudly

"ok, but promise me you'll come home safely, please?" i whimper my voice breaking as delilah smiles softly

"i promise pierre, but, i gotta go," she whispers as she gives me one last hug before giving her last hugs to everyone else

okay, maybe what i said before was mean, i am awfully proud of delilah that she chose this as her job. it was wrong of me to say that i'm mad at mum and dad for allowing her to consider and then choose it eventually. i then saw my soon to be f1 grid mates, daniel, lewis, sebastian, carlos as well as charles, who was not yet making his f1 debut, give their final hugs and farewells to delilah. watching that whilst it broke my heart, also made it feel warm that even though i'd be competing against these guys every grand prix, i could still trust them with my personal life since this was how they were treating me saying goodbye to my younger sister and i'd do the same for them. even though i was farewelling one major thing in my life and starting a new one, my younger sister and formula 1, i knew that i would eventually be okay again. 

we then watched on as delilah and her fellow training paramedics boarded the plane. we waved, cheered, and hollered, making the biggest scene of all time as she then vanished into the plane where it became silent again.

"...et bien, maintenant elle est partie pierre," dad came up from behind me, wrapping his arm around my back, i huffed and rolled my eyes well, now she's gone pierre

"merci de me l'avoir rappelé papa, ce n'est pas comme si je ne regardais pas cela se produire," i huff as dad pulls me down to sit on the airport floor with him - knowing something was wrong thanks for reminding me dad, it isn't like i wasn't watching it happen

"d'accord pierre, qu'est-ce qui ne va pas ? tu as été comme ça toute la journée, pourquoi ne peux-tu pas être fier de ta petite sœur comme elle est fière de toi pour avoir atteint la formule 1 ?" dad muttered kindly as my lips started to tremble okay pierre, what's wrong? you've been like this all day, why can't you be proud of your younger sister like she's proud of you for reaching formula one?

"je suis fier de son père, c'est juste--" i am proud of her dad it's just--

"--c'est difficile de la voir partir après avoir réalisé votre rêve de formule 1?" he interrupts as i nod my head, a small whimper coming out of my mouth, dad's face softens, noticing the tears welling in my eyes and pulls me into his lap, his knees bracing my head it's hard to see her go after you've just been given your formula one dream?

"mhm," i mumble as i feel the tears pool in my eyes as dad softly ruffles his fingers through my hair

"oh, pierre, ça va fils," dad whispers as i feel a tear stream down my cheek onto dad's knee as i attempt to wipe it away whilst laying awkwardly on the airport floor halfway on my dad's lap oh, pierre, it's okay son

"non ce n'est pas," i whimper, covering my mouth with my arm that rested across dad's lap so my whimpering would be quieter no, it's not

"bien, je vais reformuler ma réponse *pierre softly chuckles* it will be okay pierre, delilah will be okay. she's going to come home and she'll message and call us when she's able to, okay? you've got nothing else to worry about other than what you're going to do now that you are debuting with formula one, okay? i know you and delilah always envisioned on being with each other when you joined f1 but, now that's not possible, but use that grief of your sister being so far away as your fuel to have you push, okay? you'll be perfect pierre!" dad smiled as he continued combing his fingers through my hair which was starting to really calm me down fine, i'll rephrase my answer

"thanks, dad," i mumble with a small smile on my lips as i look up to see him also smiling

"no worries pierre, i get how you're feeling. trust me, i wasn't too rapt about delilah being a training paramedic in america either but, i made her promise me she would come home and, she promised. i'm holding on to that promise so if she breaks it, i'll never forget it and i would've wished i made her come home when i had the power to, but, right now, i've made peace with her decision and, i'm proud of her," dad was always so wise and inspirational and it made me giggle

"that's a fair deal. anyway, how are charles and arthur taking this? charles especially since he adores delilah," i ponder as i just realise, i've only really interacted with my immediate family, not with my soon-to-be teammates and the leclercs 

"that's a good question, pierre, last i saw of charles and arthur, arthur was trying to calm charles down as he wasn't taking the thought of delilah leaving well either," dad said, shrugging his shoulders as i awkwardly nodded my head that still rested on his lap

"aw, i hope they're both okay," i mumble softly, feeling the exact same way as charles and arthur

"i'm sure they are. but maybe they just need their best friend to comfort them and make them feel a little better," dad coaxes me to get up as i giggle softly

"okay, fine, i'll go find them!" i giggle as i lift my head up off dad's lap, giving him a hug as i then walk over to charles and arthur, noticing just how upset charles and arthur were 

present time | pierre's pov

after maybe about five minutes of just thinking and allowing myself to go back to that day seven odd years ago, i could smile again. after being so upset that i wasn't just losing one thing in my life, delilah, but gaining something new at the same time, it didn't make me so upset anymore because i was still with formula one but with a new team, alpine. even though delilah hadn't come home yet and i still miss her all the time, i remembered that she's just working hard all the time to give out life-saving first aid skills and at some stage, she'll come home.

"...pierre, we're next for the press conference," charles calls out, popping his head into my room in the alpine garage as i giggle

"thanks char, be there shortly," i giggle as charles also giggles, hesitating to move out of the way

giggling, i ask him to move, "oh mon dieu, bouge, charles ! je ne peux pas quitter mon garage avec toi là!" i chuckle as charles smiles, apologies and leaves quickly leaving me slightly confused oh my god, move, charles! i can't leave my garage with you standing right there!

twenty-ish minutes ago | delilah's pov

trying to hold in my laughter was the hardest thing ever, especially watching charles forget to leave after telling pierre that it was five minutes to stage for their press conference for media day. little did pierre know, after seven and a bit years, i was finally retiring from my job as a training paramedic and decided to relocate back home to france. with my transfer back to the french ambulance service, and some good-looking time off, i'd be able to go on the road with pierre during the rest of the season and be there right through to the world championship at the end of the season. 

i had snuck into the conference room in monaco pretty quickly, out of my uniform completely and just waiting for the right moment to surprise pierre. whether that's just before he goes on for the press conference or whilst he's in the middle of the press conference. 

charles, max, lando, daniel and esteban hugged me tightly. as the other drivers joining pierre for the press conference as we waited for the right time but had a quiet conversation as we all waited for pierre to leave the alpine garage to make it to the press conference.

after asking and catching up with the guys who me and pierre grew up with and watched form into the amazing formula one racers they were now and how they'd all been, inlcuding pierre, we then mentioned how we think he was going to react to me finally being home. 

"...honestly, i genuinely think pierre's going to freak when he sees you, delilah..." charles smiles, his arms crossed over as max rolls his eyes before jumping in

"...he's not just going to freak, charles, he's going to cry when he sees you, delilah!" max says dramatically as we all giggle, especially when charles' annoyed face makes an appearance

"and as i was going to say before max interrupted me, he is absolutely going to lose his head when he sees you, he is absolutely going to cry. i mean, seven years, like, no sir, i couldn't even do that, especially without contact, nah-uh, nope*giggles*," charles huffed as we all giggled as we all agreed

"yeah, i couldn't do this job again, especially in a different country for seven years without breaks," i mutter with a shake of my head as we all have another group hug

present day | charles' pov

max, lando, daniel, esteban, pierre and myself were now on the couch at the monaco grand prix for the press conference and getting ready to surprise the absolute crap out of pierre. delilah, his younger sister as we all know, just came back from a seven-year paramedic job in america. the first time she's been home and seen pierre since she left back in 2017 and, he has got no clue whatsoever and is absolutely clueless about it. 

we were laughing, answering questions and quite honestly, having a really fun press conference for once since they were usually so boring when i watched carefully for the moment that delilah would make her apperance for the surprise. i suddenly received the all-clear from the moderator of the press conference so i then gave the signal to delilah and, she ever-so sneakily just slid right on the couch next to pierre. 

pierre had just finished answering a question when he lowered his microphone to then mindlessly begin zoning out again until another person had a question for him. that was until he turned his head as though it was slow motion and his eyes widened as delilah giggled, her smile wide. 

watching the way pierre slowly realised what was going on was priceless as the grip on his microphone was gone. the microphone sent to the floor, "delilah? what the fuck are you doing here?" pierre was in so much shock that it was as though he was in a different universe completely 

"did you forget the promise we made to each other seven years ago?" delilah giggled as the crowd along with me and the others erupted into cheers as we watch the siblings pull each other in for a hug

"oh my god, you...you're home!" pierre whispers shakily, his body leaning into his sister as they didn't move from the couch as tears fill his eyes 

"home sweet home, pierre!" she whispered back as me, max, lando, esteban and daniel watched on as the siblings reunited after seven long years

"that promise was from seven fucking years ago!" pierre cried out as he smacked her which made everyone tearfully laugh now that almost everyone was in tears at this point

"still didn't break it, pierre! i'm here, am i not? now, get back to work, you and the guys have a press conference to finish!" delilah giggled as pierre rolled his eyes, reluctantly moving from the hug to let daniel, lando, max, esteban and me give her hugs again awkwardly on the couch even though we were the planners of the surprise

"so, for those who are not aware, this is delilah, pierre's younger sister and she has been away in america for the last seven years as a training paramedic. where in which she has been basically going around from state to state teaching and training underfunded and young kids very important and life-saving first aid skills. she left the day after pierre got the call that he would be making his formula one debut all the way back in 2017. she has now returned so, the guys on this couch decided that after some words on the grapevine that she was coming home that this surprise would be planned for pierre," i explained to the press conference, pierre smiling 

the crowd of interviwers and photographers cooed as pierre went to speak again, "awe, thanks for the surprise guys! very sweet of you, thank you!" pierre smiles, leaning into me to thank me as he then hugs his sister again

"no problem, if we could, we'd do it all over again," delilah called out making all of us laugh

delilah had then left the press conference so we could finish it even though pierre was very against it at first, we managed to convince him. then, at the end of the press conference, i watched as the brother and sister spent more time together, it was the sweetest thing and that wasn't me just saying that. i would genuinely do this surprise all over again just to see that shocked look on pierre's face when he realised it was delilah that had surprised him.

but, the best part of overhearing that conversation was pierre's reaction when delilah told him she'd be joining us for the rest of the season.

fin

this was loads of fun to rewrite and it's my first pierre gasly one-shot too! so, hopefully it was good enough lol. but, anyway, i've never been the biggest fan of this ending but it's fine, i won't like every ending to every one-shot i publish and that's okay. also, i'm back from my surgery and i'm finally starting to feel better and glad to live without pain again! turns out i had a cyst near my left ovary but not in which is not normal as it's usually in the ovary as well as the smallest bit of endometriosis on the right side so in three weeks i'll be getting the full results of the surgery so hopefully the medical mystery will finally be solved! 

©⠀amberjazmyn's original work. do not translate or steal any of my fics. 2024

[wonsohl]

hii do you think you cld write abt gunwook ? maybe smth like popular!gunwook and shy!reader in a school setting

also, i rlly enjoyed ur yujin imagines! they're so adorable

omg! ofcc , recently gunwook has been biasing me lately after kcon 😭😭! thank you for the compliment abt my yujin imaginess <3 ! tbh i didn't know how succesful it would bee

young love 🫂 - p.gw

PAIRINGS: popular!gw + shy!freader

it was winter. your favourite time of the year - not just because it was the season of your birthday but because you loved christmas and the traditions of the mistletoe at school.

your school recently (by recently you mean 4 years ago) started this thing were they would leave mistletoes around school.

at first it was very controversial but they made it rule that you don't have to partake in the tradition if you didn't want to.

most people didn't because half of the boys in your school were ugly and smelt like canned fish.

however if they did wanna kiss someone, it would've been the f9.

f9? basically the most handsome, jaw-dropping, extravagant, elegant, heart-beating boys ever to be seen.

you had the 3seniorz - aka : sung hanbin & zhanghao from class one with kim jiwoong in class two

then you had the musicianz - aka : seok matthew & kim taerae from class one

and then finally the coocooz - aka : shen ricky, kim gyuvin , han yujin and your beloved park gunwook.

pretty much every sane girl in your school had a crush on them because who wouldnt?

the f9s pretty much run the school, if they ask someone to do something they would.

one time ricky asked a girl a year above him to buy him something from the school store, she bought the whole store for him.

another time taerae asked a girl to get his guitar from the music room, she got his guitar with the rest of the music room on her back.

so you could tell that these boys had every girl wrapped around their fingers ,

including you.

but no one knew of course.

you barely talked in lesson and never raised your hand and on top of that you sat the middle row in lessons and would always leave a sticky note on the teacher's desk ever day to remind her that you were in so she didn't need to call out your name.

and thats how you lived for pretty much all 3 years of highschool until today.

you made your way to your homeroom with your headphones in and got a sticky note from your bag to put it on the teacher's desk and plotted your bag on your chair.

whilst returning to your chair, you realised that someone must of forgotten their cleaning duty yesterday and forgot to clean your desk.

their was pen marks everywhere and gum under the table.

you sighed heavily, but too heavily so no one else knew your dissapointment. you were about to go to the toilet to get some tissue when your phone started ringing.

it was inhee your bestfriend

'Y/N!!' said inhee through her phone speaker ruining your eardrums forgetting that you were on speaker everyone in your class looks at you.

you smile back awkwardly and dash out the class room.

'omg inhee! you dont need to shout my name at 8:03 am in the morningg" you said complaing about your friends behaviour

'oh im sorry miss l/n but apprently seola from our class got a mistletoe with ricky! '

' WHAT?? damm she's so lucky! '

' I KNOW RIGHTT THAT'S WHAT I WAS SAYINGG ' says inhee and then for the next five minutes of your call inhee was complaining about how it should've been her instead of seola.

'ME AND RICKY HAVE FIRE AND WATER SIGNS WE ARE LITCH SOULMATES'

'okok i get your pointt~. it's not that deep its only a kiss he probably doesn't feel anything for her anyway.

'after all he is a player but that doesn't mean anything! i have been waiting for my first kiss to be ricky just to be knocked off by son seola who is a complete copy of me :>'

'inhee its just a one time thing, you can make a move to him on the last day of school or something'

'ONE TIME THING?'

she said again, at this point you thought she was intentionally trying to publicly embarrass you infront of everyone as well as make you deaf.

'inhee enough with this yelling over a boy! its not even past 9 am yett'

'well this boy is my lifeline, soulmate, couple, future hubby, fiance he is like my everything! he means the whole world to me just like gunwook means to you silly!'

gunwook. gun wook . park gunwook.

you loved his name.

you loved they way he talked .

you love his visuals.

most of all you loved his smile.

'yeah but gunwook is different - first of all he is not rich and spoilt , second of all he is classprezz and is not a player'

' okay but imagine if you got a mistletoe with him! like that would be so cute!'

'with who? gunwook' you scoff at her words.

'gunwook is way out of my league, i would never get mistletoe with him and that's how i like it and i wanna keep it that way for th-'

your phone fell out of your hand skidding across the marble floor of your school hallway.

you pick your self up and run to get it but another hand it there before you.

you look up to see gunwook.

'oh my god' you thought.

eugh this was so cliche for this to happen.

but even through those thoughts, you and him still kept eye contact

'ay gunwook did you get the homework for-

OMG YOU GOT A MISTLETOEE'

you look behind gunwook's broad shoulders to see his friend gyuvin running towards him whilst pointing up towards the ceiling.

and follow his fingers to see the mistletoe right above your head with you and gunwook

'BRO YOU GOTTA GIVE HER A KISS - A RICKY COME HERE GUNWOOK GOT A MISTLETOE'

'GUNWOOK HAS TO GIVE HER A KISSY WISSY OOOO~'

you look back to gunwook eyes as he meets you with an awkward smile after he elbowed gyuvin in his ribcage.

'you don't have to kiss me! it's j-just a tradition' you say excusing yourself slowly.

then all of a sudden gunwook holds you by your shoulder and mouths sorry before pulling you in for a kiss.

your lips clash onto eachother as you close your eyes not knowing how to react and slowly losen up to his touch.

those seconds then feel like minutes which feel like hours the kiss breaks up and you suddenly realise where you are.

you look around to see a whole entire crowd has formed around you two with phones everywhere.

you obviously freak out and gunwook being the man he is he drags you through the crowd and brings you too your class.

'thank you' you say smiling back with a bow

he laughs abit which make you feel embarrassed but he reassures you.

'it's ok, you looked so cute when you tried leave because i knew you liked me' he says giggling with his dimples showing.

your cheeks instantly flush and laugh back.

the bell rings meaning you have to go back to your seat and gunwook looks at his watch.

'ill get going now but if you want i can take you out for some ice cream later'

you nod back with a smile going back to your seat whilst inhee runs through your homeroom door slamming it against the wall.

'y/n. tell. me. everything.'

[dreamingcloudie]

Imagine akademiya! Dottore tutoring child! reader, who forgets almost everything he says. so he teaches you for atleast 3 hours and he asks you one question, you didn't remember anything cause you we're thinking of what's his favorite food- 💀 (i'm currently craving for platonic dottore) -💐

❛❛ Troublesome Kiddo ❜❜

✎ ❛❛ Kid, pay attention to me, will you? ❜❜

Pairing(s): Akademiya!Dottore & Child!GN!Reader (PLATONIC)

Genre/Format: Crackfic (Drabble)

Warning(s): Use of Dottore's (speculated) real name

wc: 534

Notes: Hello 💐 Anon! This is so cute omg. I could imagine Akadamiya Dottore being so done with kiddo (Y/n) LMAO. I wasn't sure if this is a request or not but I couldn't resist to write a little something for it, as soon as i read this a bunch of ideas just came out of no where 💀 I'm sorry if it's short!

⚠️ Also I'm sorry for those who are still waiting for me to finish the 100+ followers event prompts. I'll get to them as best as I can 😭

Zandik—as one of the top students in the Akademiya, his achievements were widely spread in Sumeru. Wherever he went, whether it be on the bustling streets or at a store, people would often praise him for his enviable intelligence.

However, despite his genius of a mind, was someone who unironically struggled with mora. With how many assignments were piled up on his desk and the hunger to conduct experiments, he didn’t have the time to really find a suitable job.

So who was he to refuse when one of the citizens ran up to him and asked him to tutor her child? He was about to deny but was cut off when the person said she was willing to pay him a ransom. Taking a glance at the child beside the pleading mother, they looked no older than probably ten years old.

How hard was it going to be to teach a kid basic math? And he was getting paid too! It was a win-win situation for him, only an idiot would refuse!

Now that he had agreed to help, he was beginning to contemplate if he had made the right decision as he sat next to the kid—(Y/n), who never seemed to run out of energy.

“Alright, so—”

“Mister, what is that blue glowy thing on your ear?” (Y/n) asked.

Zandik sighed for probably the fifteenth time today when he got cut off.

“That’s a—”

“Oh! I know! This is where you keep your, um, blueberry juice so you can drink it wherever you want!”

He was too tired to explain, honestly. So he decided to just go with what (Y/n) said.

“Yes, yes, you’re right. Now—”

“Or maybe you’re secretly a wizard and that’s your magic potion!”

Sigh.

“Alright, kid. How about we take a break and then you listen to me, okay?”

Then (Y/n) nodded happily which was a huge relief because they were still on the first chapter of the kiddo’s textbook.

Zandik soon came back with a plate of snacks for the ankle-biter and continued on with their tutoring session.

For the whole time while he was explaining how multiplication works, (Y/n) sat in silence as they munched on a chocolate chip cookie. While they remained quiet, he took that as a sign they were listening to him with how their eyes were staring at the textbook intently.

(Y/n) did try their best to listen, really. They were able to do that until ten minutes in, their mind wandered off to a land of singing Aranaras and floating food…

Food…

I wonder what's Mr. Zanny's favorite food. They thought to themselves.

Dangos… Potato Boat… Rose Custard—

“Okay, now that I’ve explained the method on how to solve this. I’ll ask you a question,” Zandik said. Breaking (Y/n) out of their daydream.

“So, what’s five times two?”

“Five times two? Two… Oh! That reminds me. Mommy gave me two apples for breakfast today! They are my favorite food!”

They continued, “What’s your favorite food, Mr. Zanny? You have blueberry juice with you so maybe… blueberry cupcakes? Or maybe even—”

This kid… Zandik thought as he grunted in defeat, drowning out (Y/n)’s ramblings.

Oh he didn’t get paid enough for this.

[christinesficrecs]

Hi!! Do you have any fic recs where derek is completely head over heels for stiles from the very beginning?? Like completely in love and smitten ♡ it can be AUs or teen wolf universe ♡

Well, I might know a few. ❤️

Derek's Epic Love Story by arrowofcarnations | 11.5K | Explicit

Derek Hale is good at getting what he wants. Unfortunately, what he wants now is Stiles Stilinski, who doesn't exactly seem to be in the mood for his shit.

Scrubbing Bubbles by MargaretKire | 46K | Explicit

Stiles thought it would be easy doing janitorial work for an office. At first, it really was. The job only took a few hours in the evenings and it helped pay for rent and college. Sure, Hale Industries took up an entire floor in one of the downtown financial buildings, but the place was new and easy to care for. He didn’t even have to spend much time cleaning the huge corner office, because the trash was nearly always empty and the office itself was spotless, like no one used it.

It was basically the perfect college job. At least, until the boss started staying late.

Sidequest by bleep0bleep | 11.4K

Agent Derek Hale has been working up the courage to ask his partner Stiles out on a date (finally!) when he heads out on a solo mission—without Derek. Eager to provide support, Derek arrives in Beacon Hills, only there is no mission, and Stiles' dad thinks Derek is Stiles' boyfriend. Well. It could be worse.

If being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as hell. by DropsOfAddiction | 14.3K | Explicit

Derek tries and fails to shut his gaping mouth as Stiles arrives at his desk, heartbeat rabbiting a little faster than usual.

Stiles grabs a file out of his desk, muttering something about forgetting to mail it yesterday and needing to get it down to filing by Monday. Derek’s barely paying attention, unable to concentrate with the scent of him right under his nose.

He leans over Derek to grab an empty envelope from their shared stationary tray and Derek knows he’s absolutely fucked when he sees how his trousers are moulded to his perfect ass.

“So.... how do I look?” Stiles asks casually as he stands back up, as if his very presence hasn’t just given Derek a very sudden and uncomfortable boner.

He looks like he should be on the cover of GQ.

You’d Be So Good To Come Home To by SylvieW | 5K

In Stiles’ final year of college, Derek decides to rebuild the Hale house. He keeps asking for Stiles’ opinion on the house plans. Stiles doesn't realize that Derek is building the house with a mate in mind.

Put Out the Fire (but not the one in my heart) by omelet | 2.8K

Derek thinks this is getting a little out of hand. Because honestly, he never would have guessed that he would one day come to own a firemen-themed calendar.

I Intend to be Independently Blue by Loz | 21.7K | Mature

Stiles is the worst thing that could have happened to Derek. He hasn't been wolfing out at inopportune moments since his teens, but only because he has a system in place. And this is where Stiles comes into play. Because he's been messing with this system, and doesn't even know. Also, there's a wendigo.

sing me a song, piano man by bleep0bleep | 2.2K

Derek’s worked at McCall’s for three years, just about as long Stiles has been the pianist, and not once has Stiles ever sung a song about him.

Queer Your Coffee by alisvolatpropiis | 3K

Derek's just over the city line when he sees a sign for an independent drive-thru place, Full Spectrum Brew. There are three cars in line when he turns in, which annoys him but gives him hope. Not that he really trusts the people of Beacon Hills to have much taste when it comes to coffee (god, he is a snob), but the shop’s popularity does seem to bode well. The line of cars moves way more slowly than he’d like, each customer in front of him seeming to take way too long to order, and then lingering when they get their coffee. He’s irritable from lack of sleep and an even more detrimental lack of caffeine, anxious to get out of the car. Finally it’s his turn and he slowly rolls up to the window, turning the radio down.

For a second, he thinks he must have fallen asleep while he was waiting, because what he sees when he looks in the window surely must be a dream.

Stunning brown eyes like glowing honey and sweet little nose, slightly upturned; a shapely pink mouth, bottom-lip pierced by a thin black hoop that he's worrying with the tip of his tongue as he smiles a gorgeous hello.

He's the most beautiful man Derek's ever seen.

And he’s shirtless.

Mating Habits of the Domesticated North American Werewolf by lielabell | 35.4K | Mature

Derek doesn’t do pining. He doesn’t. So when it becomes clear that Stiles is much more interested in having Derek as a new best friend than a boyfriend, he puts on his big boy pants and makes it fucking work. He becomes the best goddamn friend a spastic teenager could ever hope to have.

The Love You Save (May Be Your Own) by Nokomis 17.5K

Everyone falls magically in love with Stiles. Well, except for Derek, who is suspiciously immune.

Wet T-Shirts For Charity by LadyDrace | 2.4K

Derek takes his car to a charity car wash. He didn't realize the wash came with a side of sexual frustration and pining.

How Derek Got His Groove Back by WhoNatural | 4.3K | Explicit

Cora kicks him under the table. “Do you have the hots for the baby lawyer?” she hisses urgently, and Derek blinks at her, feeling his face heat.

“Don’t be ridiculous. He’s young enough to be my--”

“Younger brother,” she cuts in, and shakes her head. “Age difference excuses do not fly with me. Are you gonna ask him out? Derek, you need to do something about that.”

“About what?” he says, frowning, watching as Stiles sits down at a table with a group of older, lawyer-types.

“The fact that you’re both about one drink away from sex in some janitor’s closet.”

[fortheloveofwonderland]

Darkness Declares Glory | Chapter 9 | S.R

Previous Chapter

A/N - this fic deals with some very dark themes such as drug use, self-harm and suicidal ideation. Please proceed with caution and Minors DNI. There is a reader insert but it is very Spencer-centric.

Chapter Summary - George offers Spencer some words of advice as they grow closer. A familiar face from his past surfaces but things don’t go as Spencer anticipated.

Pairing - Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - dark angst | smut | eventual happy ending.

Warnings - Spencer’s wrongly directed anger, suicidal thoughts, past drug addiction, flirty nurse, aggression, threatening behaviour, mentions of bisexual Spencer, tears, suicidal ideation, Garcia’s flashback, vomit.

WC - 4.9k

Chapter 9 - Don't You Dare Forget the Sun

He had a long time to think about Maggie’s words as he was left alone for the rest of the day. His only interaction came in the form of an orderly bringing his lunch and then later dinner. 

He wasn’t sure if it was in protest or just not being hungry, but Spencer didn’t eat a thing. Instead he slowly pulled apart his food and made a game out of throwing it at the wall. He enjoyed the mess it made. 

Once the sun had gone down he slipped out of bed and hopped to the desk before opening his journal. He stared at the next blank page for some time, but when he did start writing, the words flowed. 

I’ll never forgive her for this. I’ll never be able to look at her the same. It’s her fault I’m here, she made the call, she got the judge to sign the preventive confinement order. 

I hate her for doing this to me. I hate all of them for doing this to me. It’s doing more harm than good, I can feel it…I can feel it slowly destroying me. 

If I can’t get my hands on those drugs I will find a way to kill myself. I’ll think of something…I’ll formulate a plan one way or another. It’s drugs or death. 

If she’s gotten her hands on this it’s because I couldn’t get the drugs and I’m already dead. And I hope she knows this is all her fucking fault. I hope she takes the guilt to her own grave.

In putting me in here, she basically signed my death warrant. So I hope for as long as she lives, she hates herself for what she’s done. I hope it’s her that has to explain to Henry and Michael and little Hank why Uncle Spencer isn’t around anymore. 

I hope it’s her that has to tell my mom what happened to me, explain all the grisly details of how they found me with my throat slashed or hanging from the rafters from a noose I made out of bed sheets. 

I hope the team falls apart. I hope every single one of them carry my death on their shoulders for the rest of their days. 

I hope if you’re reading this, you know you’re the one that really killed me, Emily Prentiss. 

***  

His night was spent mostly staring at the same ceiling, unable to give over to sleep. He was already awake the next morning when he heard the trolleys being wheeled down the corridors and the nurses skirting from room to room.

He knew it was George who entered his room without tearing his eyes away from the ceiling. He had a distinctive smelling aftershave and it wafted straight to Spencer’s nose. 

“I hear I should be thankful I wasn’t on the morning shift yesterday.” He spoke as he wheeled the trolley towards Spencer’s bed. 

“News of my breakdown travels fast.” He sighed, looking at George now. 

“You scared the crap out of poor Linda.” George picked up the medicine cup and a cup of water before handing them to Spencer. 

“It wasn’t intentional. I just…you wouldn’t get it.” He necked the pills and downed some water. 

“Try me.” George narrowed his eyes on him. 

Spencer heaved a sigh and pulled his hands up the sleeves of his sweater. 

“Unless you’ve been where I am, you wouldn’t understand.” 

George looked around the room momentarily as though he expected someone to be lurking in the shadows. When he looked back at Spencer his eyes were a little sad. 

“I have been where you are.” 

“What?” Spencer frowned.

“I mean not in that exact bed at this exact facility. But I was…I guess I am a drug addict.” He shrugged. 

“I’m confused.” Spencer’s frown deepened.

“I’ve been sober for thirteen years. I was just a kid when I started taking drugs. My boyfriend at the time was older than me and a huge junkie. I started using recreationally to seem cool around his friends. Then it got out of hand. By the time we broke up he left me with a broken heart and a pretty bad cocaine addiction.” 

Spencer’s eyes widened as he consumed George’s words. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t think of anything to say. So George continued. 

“I voluntarily checked myself into a facility. Getting clean was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. But I did do it. I got clean and I went to nursing school and now I dedicate my life to helping those like me.” He offered Spencer a sympathetic smile.

“It isn’t triggering? Working here and being around addicts?” 

“Quite the opposite actually. I find it cathartic.”

“I don’t know that I can do this, George. I don’t think I can get clean. I was sober for over ten years and I was so quick to give it up. I can have a good day but then in an instant it’s like I’m back at square one all over again.” Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. 

“Healing isn’t linear, Spencer.” George sighed a little. “Sometimes you have to take two steps forward and one step back on the road to recovery. Sometimes it’s two steps forward and five back. You’ll have good days, great days even. But you’ll also have the worst days of your life. But I can tell you with absolute certainty that it is worth it in the end. 

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to say without a shadow of a doubt that I won’t ever touch drugs again. Nothing in this life is certain. But I can say for a fact that I don’t want to do drugs today. And I probably won’t tomorrow or next week or even next month. The thing with addiction is you just have to take each day as it comes, as you know. But you can’t expect to just get better overnight.” 

“You should be a therapist.” Spencer found himself smiling. 

“I can’t deal with listening to people whine about their problems.” George laughed. 

The sound was infectious enough to make Spencer laugh too, for the first time in a really long time. 

“Fair enough.” Spencer nodded, feeling lighter than he had done since he woke up in this place. 

“I should uh…” George pointed over his shoulder to the door. “You have got to stop monopolising my time, Doctor. Just because you’re cute, doesn’t mean you can have me all to yourself.”

Spencer’s cheeks instantly flushed pink and buried himself further down in his sheet to try and hide his embarrassment. He watched George leave, sending Spencer a wink before he closed and locked the door behind him. 

And goddamn if it weren’t for you constantly on his mind, he might have let himself fall for the dreamy nurse. 

***

He was brought his breakfast by an orderly but he just moved the food around his plate with the plastic fork without eating any. 

When the door opened again he assumed it would be the same orderly collecting his tray and was surprised when Doctor Delaney strolled in the room. 

“How are you feeling?” He didn’t seem amused, he was frustrated if anything. 

“Not great.” Spencer admitted. 

“You terrified nurse Linda.” Delaney folded his arms not trying to hide his annoyance. 

“So I’ve heard.” Spencer rolled his eyes. 

“You’re going to go and take a shower and then it’s time for group therapy.” 

“Pass.” Spencer folded his arms to mirror him. 

“Excuse me?” Delaney raised an eyebrow at him. 

“I said pass. I don’t want to get up. I don’t want to shower and I don’t want to go to group therapy. So I’m not.” 

“You can’t spend all day in your room.”

“I did yesterday.” Spencer shrugged. 

“Because you couldn’t be trusted around other people after your outburst.” 

“Maybe I still can’t be.” Spencer unfolded his arms, picked up the plastic fork and stabbed it hard into a piece of bacon. “Do you want to take that risk?” 

Delaney exhaled loudly through his nose.

“You’re a lot calmer than you were yesterday. I think it would prevalent to all involved that you-“

“Here’s the deal.” Spencer cut him off by shoving his tray of food on the floor, the sound clattering around the small room. “You make me leave this bed today and I will not be held accountable for my actions. I will strangle you with my bare hands just to get hold of a key to the medicine cabinet so I can get high. Does that sound calm to you?” 

Delaney narrowed his eyes before scoffing and shaking his head. 

“You’re only ruining your own life, Spencer. If you don’t want help then that’s fine by me. But if you threaten me or any of my staff again, I will turn you over to the cops.” Delaney spat at him, knowing it wasn’t at all professional and then fled the room before he said something he might regret. 

As he locked the door behind him he heard Spencer screaming at the top of his lungs. Some people were beyond help. Maybe Spencer was one of them. 

***

Spencer’s combination of medications made him inconceivably tired and he found himself sleeping through most of the day. He wasn’t sure if he was happy or not that it had been dreamless. 

A part of him wanted to see your face even if only in his dreams. But now you were starting to fade from his memory it scared him every time he saw you. 

This was the longest he’d been sober in years. He thought if anything his memories would be clearer once his mind was less foggy but it seemed to be having the opposite effect. He couldn’t lose you from his memories. He would break entirely if he lost all his recollections of you. He had to convince someone to call you. He had to see you no matter the cost. 

He snaked his arms up the sleeves of his sweater under the sheet and wrapped them around himself. He rolled his head to the side on the pillow and was startled by a pair of icy blue eyes staring back at him.

“Who’s Y/N?” George smiled at him from where was sitting in the chair at the desk. 

Spencer pulled his arms out from under the sheet and rubbed his eyes. 

“What are you doing here? Where’s your scrubs?” He croaked.

“I got off shift a little while ago, thought I’d come check on you.” George shrugged. 

“You’ve been watching me sleep? You do realise that’s incredibly creepy don’t you?” 

“Who’s Y/N?” He avoided the question. “You were mumbling the name in your sleep.” 

“Something you wouldn’t know if you weren’t watching me sleep.” Spencer scoffed. “She’s my ex-girlfriend.” 

“Ah.” George pulled a face. “I always crush on the straight guys.” 

“Should you be telling me that?” Spencer couldn’t help but chuckle. 

“Probably not but I don’t think you’ll tell anyone.” George smiled at him and it was a very nice smile. 

“And I’m not necessarily…straight. I’m…something.” Spencer shook his head. 

“You’ve slept with men?” George smirked, raising an eyebrow at him. 

“Seems like an inappropriate question coming from my nurse, but…yes. I have been with men and women.” Spencer laughed again. 

“So there’s hope for me yet?” George teased. 

“I mean if this emaciated, drug addict look is your thing…?” Spencer rolled his eyes.

“I told you, my ex was a junkie. Guess I have a type.” George’s eyes sparkled playfully. 

“Is it weird if I say I’m kind of flattered?” Spencer frowned. “I did not expect someone to find me attractive like this.” 

“Well, I do.” George shrugged. “Which is kind of why I’m here.” 

Spencer’s eyes widened and he hugged himself tighter. 

“I uh…I don’t think we should…”

“Not that.” George laughed, standing up from the chair. “You think I’ve come here to get into your pants while you're trying to recover from a drug addiction? Please, I have morals.” 

“Oh.” Spencer frowned again. “What did you mean then?” 

George came to his bedside and smiled softly at him. 

“I came to tell you that because I am attracted to you, I have requested a floor change. I’m not going to be giving out meds on this floor anymore. I think it’s for the best.” 

“Oh.” Spencer pouted. “That’s…that’s a shame.” 

“I can’t fall for another addict.” George took a step back. 

“Fair enough.” Spencer nodded. “Thank you for being honest with me.” 

“You’re welcome.” George shrugged. “I should be getting off. I have two very hungry cats at home and if I’m late there will be hell to pay.” 

“Ok.” Spencer didn’t know what else to say. 

George backed towards the door and he reached it and opened it with one hand behind his back. He kept his eyes on Spencer and smiled wistfully. 

“I hope you beat this Doctor Reid. I really hope you do.” He stepped out into the corridor. 

“Me too.” Spencer admitted out loud. 

He watched George close the door and lock it behind him. 

He really meant it. Spencer really did want to beat this. He fought it so hard because it was easier being a drug addict than actually dealing with his trauma. But he did want to get better. He wanted to get clean and he wanted to be ok again. It wasn’t going to be easy, he knew that. But he had a new found determination that he was going to get better. 

When another orderly brought him his dinner a little while later he asked to see a doctor. He wasn’t even a little surprised it wasn’t Delaney that came to his room. 

He convinced the doctor to help him into his chair and wheel him to the right place. Thankfully he met little opposition from the new doctor who’s name he forgot, and he was taken to his destination. 

Once inside the room with the door closed behind him, Spencer broke out into fits of sobs. He sobbed into his hands, loudly whining and whimpering as he got it out of his system. His whole body wracked with the weight of it all. His small frame shuddered from his sobs that he seemed to have been holding in for a lifetime. 

He cried so much his eyes were sore and his nose was completely blocked. His sleeves were drenched with tears and snot but he didn’t seem to notice, let alone care. He cried for several long minutes before he forced himself to stop. There would be time for tears later. 

He wiped his eyes on his sleeves before looking up. His bottom lip quivered as he looked her in the eye and squeaked, “I want to get better. And I want you to help me.” 

Maggie smiled softly at him, nodding her head. 

“Of course, Spencer. Of course I’ll help you.” 

***

Three days passed and Spencer went about his new routine with surprisingly little resistance. That’s not to say he was thriving, not yet at least. But he hoped he’d get there. 

Group therapy was by far his least favourite activity of the day. He was still reluctant to open up to Cedric and the group and when he did speak he usually kept it unemotional, facts rather than feelings. 

His sessions with Maggie were much more preferable although still difficult. They’d started as she suggested in his childhood and discussed his fathers leaving and his mothers illness at great lengths. They moved on to his life as a child prodigy and to Spencer’s surprise they’d started unpacking a lot from that time. 

Spencer had never really dwelled much on the pressure being so intelligent had put on his shoulders. Even when he joined the BAU, he was mostly just a prize for Gideon to show off, his walking talking know-it-all. He’d never realised how much that had affected his mental well-being, or how much of an intense burden it was to be so smart at such a young age. 

She’d made him see that because of his intelligence he’d been more aware of all the bad in his life. Most ten years old wouldn’t have been so impressed upon by their fathers abandonment. But because Spencer was smarter than the average ten year old he’d been more conscious of what was happening. The same could be said for his mothers illness. 

In their session today they’d started to unpack the stresses and strains of a twenty two year old genius joining the FBI. 

Therapy exhausted Spencer mentally. PT exhausted him physically. But he could now take tentative steps with the aid of crutches, even if it had pained him tremendously to do so. Nick advised using the wheelchair where he could but said as long as he was careful he was happy for Spencer to try using the crutches to get about. 

He still craved drugs and he knew that wasn’t going to change any time soon and his medication was yet to make an impact. But he was trying. It was going to be an uphill battle but he was really trying. 

It was Tuesday which meant it was visitation day. It was a sunny afternoon and his new doctor, who he’d learnt was called Doctor Sanderson, suggested having his visitor meet him in the courtyard. 

Spencer used his crutches to get from his room to the garden area and found his guest at a bench next to some rose bushes. When he saw the back of her head he picked up his speed, almost tripping on the crutches in his excitement. 

“Garcia!” He called her name as he approached and she turned to face him.

The minute she laid eyes on him she started crying instantly. 

“Boy wonder!” She screeched, jumping up and almost tackling him in a hug. “Oh my gosh I missed you so very, very much!” 

“I missed you too.” He couldn’t hug her back as he was gripping his crutches but he nuzzled his face in her neck so she knew he was trying. 

She pulled back and looked him up and down, her face contorting into an expression of sadness. 

“Oh Spencer, look at you.”

“I know.” He nodded. “It’s not ideal.” 

“Come, sit down.” She motioned him to the bench and he hobbled behind her on his crutches before falling to the bench rather unceremoniously.

Garcia plastered her practiced smile back on and reached next to her, producing a Tupperware pot full of cookies. 

“For me?” Spencer’s eyes lit up slightly. 

“As long as you don’t mind sharing.” Garcia popped the lid and let Spencer help himself to one of the chocolate chip discs of heaven.

He took a large bite and hummed around a mouthful.

“Holy crap this is the best thing I’ve eaten in…a long time.” 

“Good huh?” Garcia took a bite of her own. “I made them with Henry and Michael. Michael said to make sure you know he sprinkled it with extra love.” 

Spencer’s eyes immediately glistened with tears. 

“Tell him I can taste it.” He sniffed. 

“Also they drew you pictures. They couldn’t wait until JJ came to see you for you to have them.” She picked up the stack of childrens drawings and handed them to Spencer while he finished the cookie and helped himself to another. 

“These will certainly brighten up my room.” He smiled a little sadly. “Thank them for me.” 

“Oh I most certainly will.” She smiled at him but it faltered. “How are you?” 

“I honestly don’t know. It's hard, being here, being sober. It’s hard to open up when I’ve spent so much of my life shutting down. It’s a struggle every day. But I do want to get better.” Spencer gave her a tight lipped smile. 

“You had me worried sick.” She nibbled on her cookie. “I thought you were going to die.” 

Spencer sighed and chewed on his lip. 

“I wanted to die. I know that’s not what you want to hear but if being in this place is teaching me anything it’s that I need to be honest. And the truth is I wanted to die.” 

Garcia pouted her bright pink lip and put the half eaten cookie back in the container. She turned her body towards Spencer and gently placed her hand on his shoulder. 

“Do you still feel that way?” Her voice cracked a little.

“Honestly, sometimes. I think it’s going to be a while until I don’t feel that way.” 

“Oh Spencer.” She squeezed his shoulder. “I should have done more to help you.” 

“Don’t say that, Penelope. I pushed you away, I haven’t seen any of you in so long you couldn’t have known…” he trailed off when Garcia’s expression changed. “What is it?”

“I saw you…seven, maybe eight months ago.” A tear rolled from her eye under the thick rim of her purple glasses.

“You did?” Spencer frowned. 

“Yes.” She sniffed dramatically. “I was on my way home from work and this new Thai place had opened down the street and I thought boy genius loves Thai food, I wonder if he’d like some. So I brought some food over.”

“And I was high.” Spencer filled in the blanks. 

“You were a mess…”

She tottered up the stairs on her too high heels, balancing take out containers in her arms with a smile on her face. It had been so long since she’d last seen Spencer and she couldn’t wait to see the look on the good doctor's face when she showed up with his favourite cuisine. 

But when she reached the top of the stairs, she immediately dropped every single one of the containers on the floor. 

“Spencer!” She shrieked, running as fast as her heels would carry her to his door. 

Spencer was slumped on the floor, his back to his apartment door, head bowed and eyes closed. There was a puddle of vomit next to him on the floor. 

“Spencer! Oh my god Spencer! Are you breathing? Please tell me you’re breathing!” She fell to her knees, gripping his jaw to pull his head back and pressing her fingers on her other hand to the pulse point on his neck. 

She breathed a sigh of relief when she felt his pulse, albeit a thready one.

“Spencer! Boy wonder! Can you hear me?” Grabbing him by the shoulders she gave him a firm shake. 

His body was limp like a rag doll for a moment and then suddenly he stiffened and his eyes shot open.

“Huh?” He blinked a few times trying to focus. 

“Spence, it’s me, Penelope. Can you hear me?” 

“Y-yes.” He nodded. “What are you doing here? Where are we?” 

“Outside your apartment G-Man. What are you doing here?” She helped him to his feet and he wobbled a little before leaning against the wall for support.

She saw the cogs turning in his head for a moment before he nodded to himself.

“I locked myself out. I lost my keys.” 

Garcia looked around but it didn’t take her long to see his set of keys dangling from the lock in the door.

“Those keys?” She frowned, pointing at them. 

Spencer rubbed his eyes with his palms and blinked again before smiling dumbly. 

“My keys!” He cheered. “What would I do without you Garcia?” 

He pushed himself away from the wall but stumbled and Garcia quickly steadied him. 

“Let’s get you inside.” With one hand she balanced Spencer and unlocked the door with the other. 

“What happened? Spence? Where have you…”

“Y/N?”

“Sorry?” Garcia snapped out of her story and looked at Spencer who was staring off across the courtyard. 

“I thought I saw…” he shook his head and looked back at her. “Sorry, carry on.” 

Garcia narrowed her eyes on him briefly before exhaling and continuing with her story. 

“What happened? Spence? Where have you been?” She aided in getting him inside and couldn’t hold back her gasp at the state of the apartment. 

Spencer didn’t even seem to notice, or he was just used to it, and manoeuvred the obstacles of destruction towards the couch. 

“Hmm? Oh just out.” He shrugged, collapsing on the beat up leather. 

“Are those…bullet holes?” She gasped again at the obliterated end of the couch. 

“Hmm.” Spencer hummed, swinging his legs up and laying down. 

“Spencer, what’s happened here? I’m really worried about…”

“Y/N?” 

Garcia trailed off again to see Spencer once more looking out across the courtyard. 

“I…I’m sure that’s…” he frowned, grabbing his crutches and pushing himself up with them. “I’ll be right back.”

“Spencer, where are you-“

“I’ll be two minutes.” He called over his shoulder but he was already hobbling away on his crutches. 

It was frustrating not to be able to move faster as he tried to hurry after the familiar back of a head he’d seen wandering the institute's grounds. He followed the path he saw you take behind the building into a more secluded part of the gardens. 

He found you sitting in the grass with your back to him, legs crossed and your head buried in a book. His heart raced partly from the exertion of getting here but mostly from excitement. You were here. You were right in front of him. You’d found him. 

“Y/N?” He called your name as he approached and you spun round to face him, wide eyed.

For the first time in a long time your features weren’t blurred. You looked exactly as he remembered you, maybe a little skinnier and with the addition of dark circles under your eyes. 

“Y/N!” He choked, feeling his tears gathering. “Oh my gosh, you came! Y/N I can’t believe you’re here!”

You jumped up from the grass and clutched your book tightly to your chest. You kept your eyes firmly on him, your back was up instantly. 

“Y/N, say something.” Spencer smiled shakily at you and when he got too close you took a few steps back. 

“This is my reading spot. My private reading spot.” You spoke quietly. 

“Maybe it can be our reading spot?”

“No. No.” You shook your heading, taking another step backwards. “I like to be alone.” 

“Y/N, what’s going on?” 

You clutched your book tighter against your chest as though it was a shield. You took another step backwards and swallowed hard. 

“Look, I just want to be left alone ok?” Your eyes held a hint of fear to them. 

Spencer’s eyebrows knitted heavily as he profiled your expression as you looked at him. He didn’t see a hint of recognition. It was like you had no idea who he was. 

“I…we…” he stumbled on his words. 

“Look I was on a lot of drugs ok? So if we slept together or something I’m sorry but I don’t remember a lot of stuff.” Your eyes shifted about, not able to look at one thing for too long. 

“Drugs? You weren’t on drugs.” Spencer shook his head. 

“Why do you think I’m here?” You shrugged. 

“You’re not…I thought you were here to…see me?”

“Why would I be here to see you?”

“Because we...” He trailed off, his head spinning. Was he asleep? Was this just another of his vivid dreams? 

“Please leave me alone” you whispered, hugging your book even tighter. 

What the fuck was going on? 

“Y/N, I…”

“Spencer?” Garcia’s voice came from behind him and he looked over his shoulder to see her toddling his way, heels sinking into the grass. “Spencer, what are you doing?” 

“I…I was just…” he turned back to face you only to find you gone, vanished as if into thin air. 

What the fuck is happening to me? 

“You need to sit down, come on.” Garcia waved him over. 

He looked between her and the now empty space. Was he completely losing it? 

“Spencer, come on.” 

He sighed heavily and turned himself around and hobbled towards Garcia. He kept his thoughts at bay until they were seated back on the bench. 

“Garcia, I need to talk to you about Y/N.” 

Much like Emily, Luke and Rossi, her facial expression changed to one Spencer just couldn’t read. 

“Uh…” she fiddled with her hands in her lap and wouldn’t make eye contact with him. “Emily said we aren’t supposed to talk to you about that.” 

“What? Why?” Spencer frowned. 

“I just can't, ok? I promised Em.” 

“Penelope, tell me what’s going on.” Spencer spoke sternly and Garcia still didn’t look at him as she pushed herself up from the bench. 

“I should go. Take such good care of yourself boy wonder.”

“Garcia!” He pulled himself up too. “Tell me what’s going on! Please!”

“I can’t.” She turned back to him and he saw the tears in her eyes. “Just trust me ok? Please, just trust me.”

“I need someone to explain to me why nobody will talk about her. What am I missing here, Penelope?”

He looked so sad and confused and it broke Garcia’s heart. 

“Sometimes the truth doesn’t set us free.” She sniffed and suddenly she was hurrying away as fast as her heels would carry her. 

Spencer watched her go, in complete uncertainty. Something was going on. Something bigger than he could comprehend. He was missing something and he was sure it was something big. 

The team was keeping something from him. Something pertaining to you and he had no idea what. 

But he had to find out. 

Next Chapter

Taglist

@andiebeaword @measure-in-pain @takeyourleap-of-faith @dirtytissuebox @smurphyse @ssa-uglywhore27 @reidselle @reidsbookclub @tiredmilky @thatsonezesty13 @1mechanicalalligator @elle-28

[opinated-user]

Latest stream: Lily’s already gonna make plans for Puppet V6. Why? Because she’s disappointed in how V5 looks. (Throwing Mikaila under the bus again. I’m surprised she hasn’t blamed Mikaila for her grey hairs.)

For one, she wants V6 to have full lip sync (much like how a certain other person did for V4). Crack the whip as you want, Lilith, but I don't think the wife has the chops to do it. You keep rushing her to the point where she cut corners on basic anatomy. How is she supposed to do full lip sync if you’re not going to give her the time to do so?

For another, she’s going back to realism—as in, she wants V6 to look like her again, as close to her as possible while still engaging in brownface, and including Dollar Store Native American trinkets.

Mikaila… I think this is your sign to say, “no.”

well, considering how about everyone said that the puppet was an obvious downgrade it was only a matter of time. i'm just fascinated because it hasn't been not even a full year with this one. we all know already how the creation of the latest puppet turned out: rushed, pressured and LO actually demanding MO to forget about anatomy because that's part of the art community gaslighting her or something. unless this time she actually gives MO more than enough time to sort herself out (since she's the one with a daily job) and do it right, it'll just end up another mess that she'll keep changing until she finally caves in and commission another artist... which she probably don't want to do because any other artist would charge a lot of money for something like full lip synching. hopefully the fact that LO wants this one to be sitting at her desk (that she bought with the money she scammed from her audience, i guess) will mean that all MO has to concentrate about is the face and be a easier (unpaid) job for her. i do appreciate that at least she finally admits that the necklace she took from her grandfather was a cheap trinket and not "a family heirloom"... it doesn't make it any less weird, racist and gross that she used it as her only accessory while stripping for YT but I'll take what I can get. of course that immediately gets eliminated when she mentions wanting to include that trinket into the new puppet because i can't even imagine why, unless she just wants to keep selling her brownface fantasy regardless even if she has to use a culturally appropriated necklace for it. her white audience won't notice anyway and that's what matters in the end for her, so at least she can still appear "exotic" enough for them. on another note, it bothers me slightly that she insist that vtubing's only appeal is that is for people who want to look like anime girls. 1. there's nothing wrong with that. there are people on the internet that want to look like anthropomorphic birds. neither is bad. again with the unnecessary anime bashing. 2. what's the difference regarding her own avatars? it has been pointed out before, but the current avatar she has, it's the one with the most anime looking influence out of all of them, down to the appearing on the screen on the classic sorry for coming late to class pose that anime schoolgirls use all the time. the next avatar will have the same issue as long LO insist on that pose, on the weird proportions or big bug eyes. an anime girl is meant to be attractive/cute usually. she obviously very much cares about her avatar being perceived as attractive. the only real difference is that one comes from Japan and the other doesn't. 3. this is a personal pet peeve, but the idea that vtubers can't be too expressive is just... wrong. it depends entirely on the modelers and the vtuber themselves how they arrange it. for what she talks about sounds like her friend sketchy went for a cheaper version, which is completely understandable because they can get expensive if you hire someone who knows what they're doing, but that is not the whole of what vtubing is. futhermore, it's rich for LO to say something is not expressive enough when her own avatar has only three expressions: bored, disgust and smug smile. how is that any better?

lastly vtubing would actually be easier to animated that a 2d image because it's all about face tracking motion and prefixed expressions with a single command. why does she think that a lot of vtubing is live content or that vtubers get to make so much content so quickly?

the whole suddenly and out of nowhere blaming Lizzy for her grey hairs and she should be able to sue... that was just petty.

[cocogrrrl]

rendezvous

Chapter 6: Poorly Disguised Exposition

captain yates and kyle share a conversation.

wc: 1050 no cws check the series masterlist here! previous chapter

an: i changed quite a couple detail from last chapter whoops guys so check out the last chapter again 😧 sorry 4 the shorter chapters, the next one's definitely gonna be a lot longer ! I'm almost done w the next chap :P

He took the offer.

It’s only been three days. He hasn’t gotten any major clues yet, but none of the tasks he’s been given weren't been crimes yet. They typically ranged from wearing his hair up at work to pouring himself a drink. He’d send photos of him doing them and would receive small hints like timeframes, small connections, et cetera. It wasn’t much, but every detail helped.

He felt like this was cheating, though. He’s always lived by the code that a good detective does their work independently and definitely separately from the doer of the crime. It seems that he was a bad detective then.

Kenny and Kevin had no idea of this. Even if they were people he knew he could trust, he was in a messy place. More voices could just fuel the chaos even further.

“So, how’s it going, Broflovski?” Captain Yates greeted, giving two pats on the back.

Currently, Kyle’s nose was glued onto his desk. “It’s been going well. I just need more evidence on YN. I’m sure it’s her.”

“Yeah?”

“Positive.” He sighed, looking over all the evidence again.

“You think you can give me a rundown on the case details again?”

“How come, sir?” Kyle asked confused. I mean, his captain is the one managing him. Wouldn’t he have a scope of the cases his people deal with?

“Oh, well, fuck me. I can’t be forgetful now, can’t I?” He spat with a roll of the eye.

“Sir, this is a string of murders. I don’t think this is something you can just,” he paused, a hint of judgment in the gaze he gave his higher-up. “Brush something off like that…”

“I’m sorry then.” He hissed, tone heavy in sarcasm.

He only hummed in reply, not wanting to give in submission to his boss. “Here’s the rundown of the case anyway, captain.” Well, he didn’t want to directly submit to his boss. He said, handing him the files.

“Basically,” Kyle breathed. “The string of murders around the South Park area have all been connected by, primarily, one detail: written letters on the sites. I’m not exactly sure how all these people are connected yet, unfortunately.”

“Yeah, yeah. What about the letters, though?”

“The letters, uh,” he scrambled through the bagged papers. “They were signed with the name ‘Annabel Lee.’ I assume that this isn’t the name of the person, seeing how we have zero records of anyone with that name that lives here. I believe it’s someone who likes poetry, though?”

“The fuck does poetry have to do with murder?”

“Well, you see, Edgar Allan Poe has this poem called ‘Annabel Lee,’ and it’s about love and all that other crappy destiny sad stuff. The letters at the crime scene were love letters.” This connection had come from the anonymous texter. How wonderful. His own sense of shame hung over him as he said this fact.

“Psh, whoever wrote that must be a pussy.” He said, swigging his coffee around like it had a lid on (it didn’t). ”I don’t think that the gang leader you’re catching is that big of a loser, kid.”

“I know, I know, but I got some information from a friend that she recently came back from a real bad heartbreak.” Once more, information from the texter.

A captious look from the captain struck Kyle. “So, she’s killing people because they remind her of her ex or something?”

“Well, it sounds stupid if you put it like that, but look!” He nervously spoke up. “All the people here have connections with her and her gang one way or another. I still have to collect a copy of her handwriting to have it compared. I'm sure it's her.s.”

For some stupid reason, his certainty slowly dissipated from his spine. He felt like he was withering. He’s extremely sure of himself and of what little information, don’t get him wrong, but his confidence seemed to falter whenever challenged. At least, now, though.

Despite the tough skin he seems to showcase, Kyle is a fragile man at his core. Any sort of judgment he’s faced with, he immediately starts to spiral and rethink every single decision he’s ever made. Assurance is not assured for him.

“Huh.” He nodded. The nod provided a strange feeling of gratification for him. It felt like a ‘Good job!’ sticker for Kyle. It eased all the worries that came a split second ago instantly.

Slowly regaining his confidence, he continued. “Yeah. If I’m correct, she met up with them at least 5 days prior to their deaths. Knowing how she’s our biggest threat to lower crime rates here, it might be no wonder why people have been dying left and right.”

“So from loan shark to murderer, she's only causing more crime here, huh?”

“Yes. I am a hundred percent certain. I just need the evidence.”

“Well, you go do that, kiddo.” He said, concluding their conversation as he headed back to his office.

A breath Kyle didn’t even realize he was holding was let out. He put the files back in their place and quickly found himself slumped over his desk. He didn’t know why, but that conversation felt like it took his everything just to sludge through it.

Could it have been because he hated being around Captain Yates? That his very presence next to Kyle makes him want to shrivel up and evaporate? Possibly, but unlikely.

In truth, it’s probably because of Kyle’s delicate self, but that’s something he’s not gonna touch on for now. It’s too heavy for a time when other people need him more than he could possibly need himself.

A noise swept him off of his thoughts, though. It was a notification from YN. Actually, it was quite a few messages from YN.

Speaking of which, he hadn’t really talked to you since that previous night. I mean, sure, you two messaged each other back and forth every couple of hours, but you haven’t had a full proper conversation since. He should probably ask you out soon.

April 3, 11:21 AM

yn hi brad!! the girls and i are going out tonight and i was wondering if you wanted to continue where we left off??

Huh. Seems like she did the job for him then.

next chapter.

[the-darkness-does-not-bargain]

(sorry so sorry but have to yell at you a bit about the dragon age au. this is just me spitballing so feel free to ignore lol.)

Ava as the Herald of Andraste. galaxy brain take. i mean, i love the idea that Ava is a rebel mage and not impressed by the idea of being used as a political pawn by an organisation sharing the name of the OG templars. she would make such a good Anders-like character - where she could be YES either a knight-enchanter or a spirit healer (the spirit healer vibes are sublime. bonded to a spirit? visit them in the fade? is it a spirit of freedom or compassion or ???). & she tried to escape the circle a bunch of times in the past. & then yeah is murdered by Frances (a Templar?) so she comes back enraged at the templars and therefore just deeply distrustful of loyalist mage Beatrice and Seeker Lilith (who has powers specifically designed (like Cas does) to set the lyrium in her blood aflame).

but yeah with Ava being part spirit/part human maybe she did an Anders and become lowkey an abomination, but not as personality-altering bc her spirit isn’t justice it was freedom or compassion and imo they would NOT want to alter personality in any way. & then she could still learn the Knight-Enchanter discipline and YUP bea teaches her -

bea: ‘today we’ll be forging your hilt’ 

ava: *passes out from the effort of not making THAT joke*

Mama S for sure sounds like she’d be somewhere in the middle of Cas and Leliana (maybe more Lil because ruthless?). she should definitely have loads of ravens & be maybe an ex-Bard or something. (ex-spy MS all the way!)

YES YES a million times yes for Lil being a Seeker. it fits like a glass slipper. the seekers being scary even to templars, being given over as children to the Order? gorgeous. & when the seekers fall all that weight dropping onto lilith, who has to decide where/how to lead them.

Beatrice as a lighning mage (perhaps possibly with knight-enchanter spec? i mean blood mage is out and shapeshifting is NOT a circle-approved spec either) I love the idea of ava and beatrice bickering endlessly over mage rights. Ava trying to get her to read Anders’ manifesto

Bea: “you know this is a banned text, don’t you?”

Ava: “that’s what makes it good bea”

and she does totally read it & Thinks About Things in a very Bea way. has kind of a Viv outlook, but maybe comes to see like Viv (should) that she’s speaking as one of the lucky ones. and Ava is one of the unlucky ones, abused by the Templars who were supposed to ‘protect’ her. so Bea gains perspective and realises that the Circles are deeply flawed. but is also in the camp of "magic is dangerous like fire is dangerous; anyone who forgets this fact gets burned."

Cam with Sera’s abilities? sign me up so fast. she would totally pen a very serious recommendation to the inquisition quartermaster about the need to source jars and jar and jars of bees. Mary using a crossbow like varric’s is amazing - i like the idea of her being Varric-like, but I also think Mary would be less centrist than him, and def. not pro-Chantry specifically, but with a more Isabella kind of attitude where it’s like ‘not my business. i want a big hat etc etc.’ i’m making eye contact with Mary as Hawke and walking away so fast. ALSO!! Shannon as the HoF - i am in love with this idea.

oh god did she die to defeat the archdemon? is that why mary is sort of adrift? or is it similar to if lil and the warden are in love but the HoF is ‘off doing stuff’ and they both have their separate missions? Jillian as leader of the rebels fits amazing, especially with In Hushed Whispers (& yeah if Ava sides with the mages (lol prolly) that is just the BEST mission for character development. meeting alternate future bea and lilith and mary and cam. devastating to me personally.) yep Vincent basically Samson. bleh. 

oh man. can you imagine how annoying Solas would find Ava? she would TOTALLY do the ‘jumping from the top of the rookery down onto his desk’ thing three times a day. but he would still paint her mosaics and be frankly fascinated by the spirit/human girl who walks in the Fade and in Thedas. would try to talk to her and end up smashing his head against his desk. every time ava opens her mouth small text shows up like 'Solas Greatly Disapproves'. oh yes we should have Viv. bea would look up to her for sure. and iron bull and ava??? in the same room??? chaos. glorious chaos. 

oh yeah, ava being ressurrected would have very post-Haven reactions from people. like, our hero cannot die etc. and ava would hate being venerated by the people who vilified her for her magic, and tossed her in the Circle (god could she have been in Aeonar? that would be such a parallel for the orphanage aka. The Bad Place.)(mage!Andraste all the way) & hearing herself being named not only their saviour but named after their martyr. very “i already died for them once. i won’t do it again.” & yeah she picks all the ‘yuck’ dialogue options when people try to call her Herald/ Andraste’s chosen. & there’s huge tension with Bea who earnestly believes that Ava is what they say, and Ava just wants this girl to touch her without it feeling like she’s touching something holy (in a bad sense of the world ‘holy’). but yeah Bea teaching ava cool magic and ava being kinda casual about the idea of blood magic & also REALLY wants to learn shapeshifting when she meets morrigan. lmao i’m already laughing at Ava in the Winter Palace. Bea with all her titles getting redder and redder in the face and ava laughing until the crier calls her “Herald of Andraste”. 

anyway sorry for going insane over this but it is a very very cool au and your ideas are all brilliant! : D

Please do continue to yell at me, I loved every second of this!

Ava absolutely could have been stuck in Aeonar, or honestly maybe even the Circle Tower if, perhaps, Shannon chose to side with the templars (😬😬😬) and the Circle later reformed under much harsher control. Francis could be an old Templar who always hated mages and took any excuse at all to treat them badly. And if Ava was still disabled in some way and less able to defend herself? Even worse.

The more I think about it, the more think Ava connected with a Spirit of Hope. Hope is one of Ava's most consistent traits, and I 100% believe a Hope Spirit would be drawn to her as she passes through the Fade. Maybe it's this spirit that leads her to where the Breach is about to be created, or maybe she gets there on her own and the Spirit just happens to be there, who can say? Plus, the case can be made that Hope translates best to Ava's abilities. Hope can keep you going through tough obstacles (phasing, levitating), help you withstand hardship (healing), and repel doubt (blasts, force fields, which would be like Barrier spells but better). That's my thought at least.

But regardless, yes, Ava wants jack shit to do with Templars or Templar-adjacent parties and she low-key thinks that mages like Bea are traitors to their own kind (she gets over this eventually when she and Bea learn to meet in the middle). In Hushed Whispers is absolutely peak Character Development time for Ava. That's probably when she really starts to feel committed to stopping the Breach and leading the Inquisition. Up until that point, she's probably just going along so she isn't killed by the Anchor.

I didn't consider her becoming a shapeshifter but omg she would learn if she ever got the opportunity. Cue her first successful attempt and she turns into a Mabari, and word spreads so fast that it becomes the running joke of the Inquisition that the Herald is literally a human puppy. Mary coins a dozen new nicknames like Houndraste etc.

Mama S was absolutely a Bard before she joined the Chantry. Maybe she even filled Lel's role in Shannon's party and met Divine Justinia in a similar way too. She will almost certainly become the new Divine once everything is settled, aligning closest with Cassandra's approach. Cam definitely has Sera's mischievous spirit even though she is very devoted to the Chantry, and she and Ava cause a terror of pranks in Skyhold.

Mary as Hawke?? Or Champion of Kirkwall in general??? You may be onto something! I don't know if Shannon is still alive or not, but they're definitely separated right now, and Mary is Not HappyTM about it. If she is Hawke, then she would have known Anders, and maybe she recognizes some of him in Ava, but notes that Ava and Hope are much different together than Anders and Justice. She still offers advice and also tempers some of Ava's ideas about Anders, who I imagine has been lionized by the rebel mages.

Solas would have no idea what to do with Ava. He feels like she's the person who should most understand his motives and his point of view (at least for a human), given how familiar she is with oppression and suffering and how caught she is between reality and the Fade. But she consistently denies and defies his ideas and insists through her words and actions that the world has value and deserves to continue. Maybe he even develops a level of respect and admiration for her, but of course not enough to dissuade him from his plan.

Vivienne and Bea have definitely met before, be it in court or in the Circle, and yes Bea looks up to her a lot. Viv sees Bea's potential and encourages her to foster her political skills. Like Solas, she doesn't really know what to do with Ava. They clash hard over mage rights and are probably never fully comfortable with each other, but Ava definitely helps her during her personal quest and doesn't give a fake heart because she's not an asshole. They're not friends but by the end they ARE allies.

And listen, that conversation where Iron Bull tries to convince Sera to let him throw her at enemies?? Totally happens with Bull and Ava, and Ava AGREES with him. They do it once while fighting Venatori and Bea has full-on heart palpitations!

In fact, party composition time: Bea is a constant, of course, but the others switch out with a decent amount of regularity. Mary is commonly included, as is Bull. Lilith shows up less frequently but she does join in, particularly for any missions that involve fighting the Red Templars. Is Blackwall here? Or is one of the other male characters here? Maybe by some stroke of luck or previous action by Jillian, Michael is still strong enough to fight the taint and join the Inquisition. That would be fun, he doesn't have to be jam just yet.

Jillian and Mama S start having some, ahem, Tension between them probably shortly after settling in Skyhold. No one wants to say anything, and Mary punches Ava every time she starts to say something, but the entire Inquisition can feel it.

Who are the advisors? Mama S, obviously, but who else? You could keep Cullen and Josie but idk... We don’t have a spot for Dora yet do maybe she's Cullen in this scenario.

Ava would think Morrigan is so cool and Bea would be jealous! But then Morrigan would just scoff and say something to the effect of "I spent long enough having one drooling mutt follow me around, you can keep yours."

The entire Inquisition can also feel the impending gay disaster that is Avatrice, and there are several poorly concealed betting pools in Skyhold for when they'll finally get their shit together. Cue members of the party and also some randos giving unsolicited relationship advice to both parties, ranging from "buy her flowers and chocolates from Val Royeaux" to "show up naked to her room with a mug of beer and a strap-on". Neither end of the spectrum is appreciated.

[blood-and-pizza]

Did I forget to mention that Helpy is a character at Fazbear Estate? I did, didn't I? I feel bad for forgetting about Helpy.

So, Helpy is an actual animatronic at the Estate. He's very small, small enough to stand on a desk without taking up much space, but just as advanced as the other animatronics. His role is to take care of paying bills and signing paperwork concerning the estate itself. He is basically a pint-sized Office Bear... complete with a full-sized office.

Actually, the office in question - located in the mansion where the animatronics live - technically belongs to Michael Afton. He can be found there whenever he drops by the estate to check on everyone. But when Michael isn't around, Helpy is there, typing on the computer, organizing files, etc. He's quite the busy little guy!

When he's not working, Helpy likes hanging out with pretty much everyone at the Estate. Everyone loves Helpy! He's sort of the Estate's mascot by now.

However, I must warn you: Helpy has been known to be something of a flirt, using his cuteness to get closer to people before putting the moves on them. He has no gender preference, nor does he care if you're animatronic or human. If you're cute, and you're nice to him, he likes you.

... Okay, there is ONE person at the Estate who doesn't like Helpy very much: Bon Bon. Thing is, Funtime Freddy gets along very well with Helpy. He likes how smart the little guy is, and how he looks like a tiny version of him! Bon Bon gets super-jealous whenever Funfred spends time with Helpy; HE'S supposed to be Funfred's little buddy! Not Helpy!

Things get worse for Bon Bon when Helpy starts dating his sister, Bonnet...

[lyranova]

Hi Lyra, dear! Would you mind terribly if I asked for two characters? 🤦‍♀️ 😊 and 🍁 for Ezio, and 💐 and 💌 for Alistair please (because I love them 🥰). Thank you so much!

Agwjsj of course I don’t mind, you can ask for as many OC’s as you’d like 😁! I hope you enjoy these Acacia dear 🥰!

Ezio:

🤦‍♀️ - Something that continues to embarrass them to this day

Oof poor Ezio, like Alistar I have a feeling there’s a lot that embarrasses him 😆! But I think one thing that really embarrasses him is when he was first showing signs of magic.

One time, when he was a child, he opened a portal to see if he could do like his dad and go from one room or area to another. The first few times he tried it he was successful, but when he tried to take Finral with him things went a little haywire.

He made it through the portal just fine, Finral on the other hand…wasn’t with him.

Ezio began to panic, thinking his father was trapped somewhere in between time and space, or worse that he was dead or seriously injured.

As Ezio ran to his mother crying, saying that he had just killed his dad, suddenly Finral appeared pale faced and covered in dust.

Finral explained that Ezio’s mind must’ve wandered to the kitchen for a moment because Finral ended up in the pantry, while Ezio ended up in the common area.

So basically; because Ezio got hungry he lost his passenger mid-travel 😂! Josslyn and the other Bulls never let him forget it!

😊 - Something that always makes them smile

Hm, Josslyn makes him smile quite a bit as does his cousins and his siblings that pop in from other universes and so does his friends in the Black Bulls 😁! But I think what makes him smile the most is seeing how his parents are still best friends even while being married, he enjoys watching them work as a team no matter what, and loves how they’re there for each other no matter what. So i think seeing how his parents relationship hadn’t changed much makes him smile.

I also think seeing how his father and uncles relationship has slowly mended and become better over the years makes him proud and always brings a smile to his face 😁!

🍁 - Their favourite season and why?

Hm, I personally think Ezio’s favorite season is Fall 🤔, or like the time between Summer and Fall? As far as why I think it’s because of all the end of season festivals and it begins to be cooler during the day and night, and I think he enjoys seeing the leaves begin to change and fall. It signals the end of an era, and also the beginning of a new one 🥰!

Alistar:

💐 - Their favorite plant/flower

Hm, I think it’s a Spider Lily! It means “Death” but also means “Rebirth” which in a way Alistar goes through in COTF and I think he also went through it as a kid, he let the old and lonely him “die” and was reborn as someone who opened up to others and became friends with people from all over the place.

💌 - How would they react to a love letter?

Alistar would be confused at first, but once he read the letter he would probably get all shy and blushy about it. Especially if it was an anonymous love letter, he would be curious as to who it was and why they would send it to him of all people. If it didn’t have his name on the envelope and in the actual letter he would be convinced someone gave it to him on accident.

He’d probably put it somewhere in his desk until he tried to figure out who sent it, but either way I think he’d be very flattered and shy about it 😆!

[andhumanslovedstories]

Okay so they thought the emergency department might get slammed later in the night so they put me, someone who is ED trained a little, in the role of house resource in case they needed to suddenly drag me to the ED. Which means my job is to go around to each floor and be like “hey I’m here do you need help?” and the floors were like “I mean nothing I can think of right now,” and I go “cool well call me if anything comes up” and they say “for sure” and never call me. So I was responsible for no patients and no one needed anything from me and the ED was doing fine. I’m basically just doing rounds every couple hours to make sure everyone is continuing to not need me so I can get back to reading.

I go up to neuro and find them (again. quiet night) dressing up a container of cleaning wipes in a baby onesie someone must have lost. They shoved wash clothes in the limbs to give it structure. Someone says “oh if only it had a little hat.” And me, person who is doing nothing and also knows we have a maternity flood, is like “I mean. I can get a hat.”

So I go to the maternity floor which is on the other side of the hospital, and it’s a locked unit which means I have to go in through the front desk where someone asks me what’s up. And I’m like hmmmm. I didn’t think of what to say. And in retrospect, I probably could have just asked for a hat. They got a lot of lil baby hats. Instead, the conversation went like this

Maternity nurse: how can I help you?

Me: need a hat. For a baby. His head is cold.

Maternity nurse who is staring at me with frankly more confusion than I think she needs to be expressing: a…baby?

Me: yup. real human baby.

Maternity nurse: how old is the baby?

Me, apparently deciding to “yes and”: one month. He’s a visitor’s baby. He is small.

Maternity nurse: our hats aren’t going to fit him.

Me:

Me:

Me:

Maternity nurse: but I can give you a hat if you want to try?

Me: neurology is doing an art project and I promised them a baby hat please give me a baby hat

The maternity nurse agrees and takes me back with her to a room full of actual babies that I am ROBBING with my entirely unnecessary lies. And I’m like great, forget you ever saw me, and go back to neuro. And I’m so psyched to show them the hat.

But I get to the floor and there five nurses standing around a room with a comfort care sign on the door, which means a patient who is no longer receiving curative treatments and is now on hospice. And again. There’s just a whole group of nursing standing outside the room of just such a patient. I’m like “oh my god now is not the time to dramatically reveal the baby hat, someone just DIED,” but then the door to the room opens and a cloud of tobacco smokes rolls out as the charge nurse emerges. Because presumably the comfort care patient was like “what are they possibly going to do about it” and smoked a cigarette, which you super can’t do in the hospital, and then got rid of the still burning butt by flicking it out of his bed and into the nearby sink where it started melting a bedpan someone left there.

(I think one of the reasons that this event was so baffling to all of us is that people smoke in the hospital all the time, it’s just fentanyl and meth. So we’re all like “just a cigarette? Like a normal cigarette? Nothing added? Do we need to…do something???” Meanwhile there’s a second theoretical discussion going on about well, the guy is dying. Maybe we can take him to like a special room to smoke? Like clearly we’ve identified an important part of palliative care for him. Surely we’ve got like one abandoned smoker’s lounge left over from the 80s.)

Anyway I presented my baby hat, we dressed the child who now had a homemade hospital ID band, and then gave it the confiscated lighter and cigarettes. Behold the spirit of the new year, technically the first baby delivered at our hospital in the year 2024:

His name is Tommy and we all got holiday pay

I’m the house resource nurse but no one needs any additional nursing help so I’m embarking on a really stupid fetch quest, wish me luck

[your-regina]

Maybe hell is all I'll ever know

Hi there, it's been a week since I wrote the last page. You see, in times of turbulence things can change vastly from one day to another. As you may remember, one day I was hiding at my friend's house, the next day I was already home, then I was making plans to leave and suddenly I'm being bombarded with several reasons to stay.

Have you heard of the three signs rule? It basically says that whenever you're doing something you should only let up to 3 inconveniences stop you before taking the hint from the universe and giving up.

I personally believe everyone would fall into a loophole of not doing anything if they stuck that strongly to such a rule, but once you hear it it's certainly a bit hard ignore it.

Should we count the inconveniences that have gotten in my way?

I first brought this up to my aunt on march 29th, and it's currently april 6th and I'm still here for a few reasons.

First of all, I've always been quite shy, and asking someone to stay at their precious home is, quite frankly, something that makes me too anxious to say it as quickly as I should have.

Secondly, as soon as I told my aunt what the psychologist asked me to say, it was quite clear to me that she wasn't very happy to have me there, even if she said it was ok. She said herself, just some days ago, that "a dead body and a guest can only last three days before stinking". I don't forget things too easily and I have a very strong intuition, so I know when people are having issues with me right off the bat. I think my aunt is still mourning the loss of her spouse, and moreover she's enjoying the house all to herself. I try to reassure her that I won't stay forever and it's just more of a transition period more than anything, but I'm not sure what she's thinking. Maybe she's too nice to tell me that I can't stay, but I'm going to take this shaky 'yes' for the time being.

Anyway, the third thing that is making me hesitate is how annoying my mother is getting, just crying all day about this decision as if I wasn't talking about leaving this year for the past 4 years of my life. I guess she expected me to somehow forget my entire life's purpose. In any case, I'm just trying to get enough money to move out and finally start living the life I want, so I can't live on my own right now. But I certainly plan on doing so one day, hopefully sooner than later.

My mom says I had a psychotic break because I abused my meds too much, but I think there has to be something else to it, nothing is ever that simple, is it? I've thought that maybe I wasn't ready to feel life on my skin, too tender to handle it still. You know? I'm starting to feel a bit sleepy for the first time in days. I don't think I've slept for longer than 6 hours these days.

Still, tomorrow I'll go make some of my last purchases. I had hoped to turn this into a safe haven but nothing around me will ever feel safe. Is it really that hard to own something?

It seems to me that I always have to lose some part of me in exchange for the freedom I long for so much. I'm currently living in the dogs' room. Their space is so much bigger than mine too. The room doesn't have a door and the place I was given to sleep is a hammock which bumps into the corner of a desk every now and then. The place my aunt originally gave me was an extremely hard cot with no sheets to make it even the littlest bit more bearable. Maybe this is a soft but clear way of telling me to piss off. If I go, I'll just take a weight off her shoulders. I have something new and cute. I'll stay home and do what I'm told. Stop fighting back, it's all useless, there's no way out.

Maybe I'll just stay here forever, maybe I can make good money off the store if I handle it better. Maybe.

There's no peace in this world, no such thing as freedom or justice. It's all a dream, nothing is where it should be.

The earth is evil. We don't need to grieve for it. Nobody will miss it.

My eyelids feel cold

3 Clonazepam

3 Pregabalin

1 Risperidone

It hurts so much to admit it, but maybe I can only escape temporarily like this. Let me take care of the things that hurt me the most. I'll make a dream out of that place, I'll make it shine like the moon so I can go out with a bang, I'll bring heaven with me when I leave.

[jstarr86]

HEARTBREAKS DAUGHTER

A/N: This story is already posted over on my WattPad account so you can read this and the continuation over there. Side note if you know how to make a page for this story so I can link each chapter to it please dm me because I know basically nothing for this and am unsure how to do it so if you kno how to add all chapters to one page plz hit ya girl up I’m struggle bussin

Jayla Hickenbottom

Ring Name Jayla Michaels

DoB 8/5/86

Ch. 1

You don't have to do this, you know that right?" I looked up at my godfather smiling

"Yes I know, and I want to."

"You shouldn't have to you should be still on a court."

"Paul, honey leave her alone. I am sure she knows what she is doing." I smiled looking across the desk at Stephanie as she handed me a pen.

"Yeah, listen to your wife, besides basketball didn't work out or did you forget the knee."

"I didn't for-"

"Good, I know you are looking out for me but I will be ok, I promise." I said signing the contract. "Besides we all knew this was in the cards at some point."

"That we did, congratulations." Steph said as she handed me a copy of my contract. "We'll figure something out here soon for you."

"Thank you." I said hugging them both before running out the door. I made my way to costume and to see a lady I had known for what seemed like my whole life. Ms Sandra was a seamstress for the company and a lady I had known most of my life. I ran hopping up on her table causing her to jump and shriek making me laugh.

"Child! Don't you do that again, do you hear me! Scaring the hell out of me, what's wrong with you." she said chuckling at me. I held up the contract smiling at her as she tapped my leg softly.

"Bout time, congratulations." She said hugging me.

"Excuse me." We pulled apart and I looked up at the guy who had walked up to us. My breathe stopping as I got a good look at him. Dear lord he was gorgeous.

"Hello Joseph, how are you today?"

"I'm good Ms. Sandra how are you?"

"Good, here is your vest I just finished, good as new."

"Thank you."

"Later Ms. Sandra." I said standing up.

"Ok honey be easy and I'll start something for you."

"Thank you." I said smiling at both of them before I walked off. I needed to go tell one of my best friends the good news. As I got to the women's locker room I walked in and tapped my friend on her shoulder. As Trin turned she screamed hugging me as I held up my contract. I had met her in Florida years ago when she first signed. I met her working at the performance center and we had instantly clicked.

"Oh my god, I'm so glad to see you."

"Ugh, they'll hire anybody." I sucked my teeth as I pulled away from Trin and turned looking at Nattie. We had never gotten along I guess because of the screw job back in the day involving her uncle and my dad.

"Got an issue?" I challenged looking at her. I was not about to take shit from any person in this company, backstage politics be damned.

"Yeah I do, you shouldn't be here."

"Why's that?"

"Your only here because of your family." I snorted in laughter.

"And you're not, if you weren't part of the Hart family you wouldn't be shit." I said getting back her in face. I was damn near 5'10 so I had to look down and I sure as shit wasn't intimidated by her because I knew I could kick her ass in a ring out of it; didn't matter. I blocked her swing and hit back before I knew it not only were the ladies in the room separating us but so were some of the producers and personel including Paul.

"What the hell is going on!" Steph yelled as I glared at Natalya.

"She swung on me so I beat her ass, apparently she can't get out of the 90's and wants to fight me on some shit neither of us had a damn thing to do with."

"Ok both of you calm your asses down now, I have another incident like this and you're both suspended. Nat you know better. Jayla your first match will be tonight you two are facing each other; and you better keep it professional." As everyone left I jerked away from Trin and stomped back to Ms. Sandra.

"I'm done little lady."

"Thank you." I said looking at my gear. It was black and white and had a broken heart on it that looked like the kind always on my dad's old gear.

I had just hit a double rotation moonsault when the lights went out

and Kane's music came on. I saw Nat get out of the ring but I felt someone grab me. I looked at Kane as he hoisted me up in the air as I kicked my legs trying to wiggle out of his grasp.

"Sierra, Hotel, Indigo, Echo, Lima, Delta, Shield." I heard from the speakers before I was slammed to the mat, the air flowing out of my lungs.

That shit had hurt more than I thought. Then again I knew Glen kind of worked like Eddie did, stiff. I rolled out of the way to the corner as Kane was beat down and out of the ring. I felt an arm helping me up and as I looked up I met the gorgeous eyes of the guy I had seen earlier with Sandra; only now his hair was down and wet, didn't change the fact he was fucking beautiful. I was a little light headed and he steadied me before helping me out of the ring and lifting me into his arms. His hand on my bare back sending fire through my body. He carried me all the way to the trainers.

"You ok?" I looked to the trainer who had walked up to me.

"Little dizzy." I noticed the guy leave and felt a little sad. After getting checked out I was given some headache pills and sent on my way as I got in the hall I bumped into H.

"You good?"

"Fine, took that bump a little rough just a headache."

"Steph and I need to talk to you next week."

"K."

[cjgladback]

My goals are usually very specific to me, whether spaces and communities to put more effort toward or branches of the artistic skill tree in this game called life. But one goal I had going into 2022 and have been chipping at since is:

Get loud again (and regain elocution); be heard projecting across a noisy space; maybe practice singing and accents if that helps

Once upon a time I was a dramatic middle schooler, successfully heard and understood by the audiences of my plays. But after high school, college, and living at home again, trying to tamp down my volume in basically every situation, I struggle to be louder than an average conversation tone. I've had difficulty being heard over colleagues in a call center (granted the white noise and mics may have been tuned to work with male voices and my final desk setup had the boomingest dude three feet behind my back with our cubicle walls making essentially a racquetball court for his sound waves). And more frustrating and potentially dangerous, I couldn't get the attention of my belay partner in a crowded climbing gym if he looked away while I was on the wall.

While my desire to communicate in loud situations would pile on the reasons to learn sign language (ASL where I live), those situations highlighted how I do also need to get back my voice. My strategies haven't made a big difference yet, other than maybe lessening the amount I would otherwise be muttering worse now, but because it matters to me I am still putting in some effort even when the year I made the choice to do so is long past.

So. Feel free to steal this resolution (and tell me what works for you so I can cheat off ya) or take the advice: Figure out something you want to do and steps to take toward it.

Is there someone you admire who does things you think you can't right now? Distill them down to something you can. Like if an acquaintance talks about parties you wish you could throw, resolve to have a set number of events this year you invite at least three people to (make it low-commitment and fun with just two people at first, like just a lunch out, so it doesn't break your confidence if multiple people forget, etc).

Is there a skill you were building up once that you want to make the time for again? (Spreadsheet formulas you can research or crafts you still have the tools for.)

Or like this goal was for me, is there something that has frustrated you that you could take some steps toward improving?

Anyone have any fun new year's resolution ideas/challenges for me